Book Recommendations

84918 results

Güler Orgun

Güler Orgun
Istanbul
Turkey
Interviewer: Anet Pase
Date of the interview: May 2005

Güler Orgun is a small woman of 70, with small light brown eyes, short white hair, more Balkan in type than Turkish. She always has a smiling face. She looks like a gentle grandmother who always has a story to tell. She always wears a sort of loose checkered shirt on top of a high-collared T-shirt, slacks and flat-heeled shoes. She lives in the Cengelköy district on the Asian coast of the Bosphorus. She drives her own car. As she puts it, she likes to look for a different occupation, a different excitement every five years. She speaks English and French well, and Ladino and Spanish fairly well. In short, she is someone interesting, whom I always enjoy meeting and chatting with. Only after meeting with her and talking for some time, could I perceive the person beneath that soft appearance. Güler Orgun has a strong personality. She could decide to settle in Polonezköy, while living in Istanbul and being engaged in commerce. She was then able to end a lucrative business in Polonezköy and undertake something completely different. Güler Orgun now works at Shalom 1, in the publication of the monthly supplement El Amaneser 2. She also takes a course in Modern Spanish for the Sephardic Jews at the Cervantes Institute of Istanbul.

Family background
Growing up 
During the war
Post war
Glossary

Family background

The house my mother's family lived in was situated in Sirkeci, on the European side of Istanbul. My mother's paternal grandmother lived with them. She was called appropriately 'La Senyora' [Ladino for 'the Lady'], as she was the real mistress of the household. However, I never got to know her real name. Beside my grandfather, La Senyora had also a son called Haim, who went to America and whom, therefore, those of my generation did not know.

My mother's maternal grandmother, Miryam Levi, nee Yafe, also lived with them. I believe she was born in 1847. We called her Nonika - the diminutive of nona, or grandmother. I remember her very well since I was six years old when she died. She was a tiny, dainty lady with white and wavy hair, and she always wore a 'tülbent' [muslin scarf] tied at the back of her head. Slim and small, she probably weighed no more than 45 kilograms. She must have shrunk in size with age, as many elderly people do. She always wore black.

Nonika died in 1943, probably at age 96. My mother thought that she was a real philosopher in all fields. Like many people in our society, she had a proverb or saying for every situation. Both Nonika and my maternal grandmother, who were born in Istanbul, knew French, but always spoke Ladino 3 at home.

Nonika had only one child, my maternal grandmother. When I was born, they had already moved to the neighborhood known as Bankalar [a district on the European side of Istanbul with an important Jewish population]. We, the children of my generation, never knew the house in Sirkeci. The women's days were spent doing housework. As far as I can remember, my family members then didn't go out very much, although they visited their neighbors quite a lot. The whole building was occupied by Jewish families. It was called Rashel Han and located on Bankalar Caddesi. The neighbors were indeed like close relatives. They included the Benaroyas. They went to each other's apartments with no notice at all, all the time.

My grandparents had not been able to pay their 'Varlik Vergisi' [Wealth Tax] 4 and most of their furniture, therefore, had to be confiscated. I am not sure whether I was just told about it or just remember it faintly, because I was barely five or six at the time, but I'm quite certain I saw the furniture being taken away by horse carriage, down Bankalar Street.

When the government enforcers came, only a room where Nonika happened to be in at that moment, had the door closed. When they tried to go in, they were told, 'That is a toilet and there is an old lady in there, let us not disturb her.' So they didn't go in. That is how the furniture of that one room wasn't taken away. Nonika said afterwards, 'Had I known the outcome in advance, I'd have stuffed more furniture in there.' But they had come without warning.

After that, very little furniture remained in the apartment - a few chairs, a wooden table, etc. That is why Nonika slept in an ingeniously improvised bed on chairs, as follows: She had six chairs, which she placed three by three, facing each other, and placed a plank on them and a small mattress on top. During the day, they put away the bedding and used the chairs to sit on. My cousin Meri tells me that Nonika loved her and frequently allowed her to sleep on her chair-bed together with her. Nonika had books in Ladino, written in Rashi 5 letters and read Meri stories from those books. Meri remembers this vividly.

We were lots of great-grandchildren. She had a brazier in her room. She gathered us around it, and burned cloves to exorcise us, literally. She murmured some things in the process. We sat with crossed legs around the brazier, while she exorcised us by turning her hand holding the cloves over our heads, to protect us from the evil eye. I remember her distinctly - her and those pleasant scents.

I found out recently, from family documents, that my father's father, Izak David Nassi was born in Istanbul in 1855. I believe the family moved to Romania from Istanbul, as they had cousins here, maybe children of cousins. There was a Mayir Araf and an Eskenazi family whom we used to see often. The Eskenazi family's mother was Rashel Eskenazi. She had two sons, Jak and Marsel, and two daughters, Viktorya and Suzan. Another relative of theirs, Beki Eskenazi, was married to a Yaesh. Their niece was an opera singer in Istanbul, a mezzo soprano, named Süzi Leal.

My grandfather got married in Constanza probably in 1894 and had children there. In Constanza, he worked in a bank called Marmarosh Bank, as a wheat expert, but applying his expertise to the insurance side of banking. Wheat is merchandise that is transported in bulk in big cargo ships. He could evaluate how many tons a shipment weighed just by looking at the wheat hold. Thus the bank could insure the goods. The skill strikes me as utterly extraordinary in retrospect. Later, when we looked at the documents he left us, we realized that he held the title of Doctor. I guess he was a Doctor of agriculture.

Constanza is a city on the Black Sea. My father's family used to live in a house built on steep rocks by the water. The house had a garden, nevertheless. When the family members went to bed, they fell asleep listening to the waves hitting the rocks. This was at the beginning of the 1900s. At that time, they had a horse carriage with a coachman. Their economic situation was quite good - living in a house with a garden, employing a coachman... This implies that working for the insurance department of a bank in those days paid well.

In Constanza, the family used to dress in uncovered [unveiled] fashion. In the only picture we have of my grandfather, he wears the modern clothes of a bank employee of that period, that is to say, a jacket, shirt, etc.

My father's father, my father and his sister used to speak Romanian among themselves. My father's mother, Neama Nassi, had passed away at a young age. They moved to Istanbul two or three years after her death, around 1920. My grandfather had been appointed to the Istanbul branch of the Marmarosh Bank for which he had been working.

Upon their arrival from Romania, the three of them - my aunt Viktorya, my father Henri, and their father Izak Nassi - settled in Altinci Daire [another district on the European side of Istanbul with an important Jewish population]. Afterwards, they moved to a rented apartment in the Findikli neighborhood [a district on the European side of Istanbul, on the shore of the Marmara Sea].

My grandfather worked for two years, but by that time, the Marmarosh Bank was not doing well. The management started to liquidate slowly, dismissing many of their employees. As the first to be dismissed were the elderly, Grandfather's turn came early. He did not work thereafter; he stayed at home and died in 1936 of cirrhosis of the liver.

My father always mentioned his father with respect. It was my mother who talked more about the character or other aspects of her father-in-law. She always mentioned him with love.

A silver pocket watch was passed on to us from my grandfather. My father used to take it out once a month, take it apart with care, clean it with some type of fuel and put it back in his safe. We also had another heirloom, a chiming clock, which hung on our wall. They had brought it from Romania. It was encased in carved wood, with a pendulum, and had been given to my grandparents as a wedding gift. I am lucky and proud to have both the pocket-watch and the chiming clock, which I shall cherish forever.

My father's mother was Neama Nassi. I know little about her other than her name and that she passed away in 1917, when my father was 14. According to my aunt Viktorya, she was in ill health nearly all of her life. This is why she is remembered mostly sitting in an armchair, with covers on her legs. We have a quilted baby cover she made herself - a cradle cover. The embroidery on it is unbelievably fine, with silver and colored threads. Although she was in poor health, she prepared that cover for a baby Viktorya might have one day. Unfortunately, she died in Romania at a relatively young age.

My mother's father was from Canakkale [a city on the Anatolian shore of the Dardanelles, with an important Jewish community at the time]. His name was Mose Benezra Finanser, and he must have been born, by my estimation, in 1865.

He came to Istanbul to work as a very young man. At first, I believe he owned a street stand, selling towels in the business district of Mahmutpasha [an important retail shopping district on the European side of Istanbul]. Then he married my grandmother, Ester Levi, who was only fourteen years old. They lived in a house in Sirkeci and had nine children together.

Later, my grandfather became an independent salesman of textiles; he sold textiles to shops and derived an income by getting a commission from the owner of the goods of the factory. Many of my uncles did the same or a similar job - one of them owned a wholesale textile shop himself - with the result that the textile business became the equivalent of a family profession or occupation.

At the purchasing power of that time, an earning of a golden lira by my grandfather in a given week, was enough to delight my grandmother who would say, 'This week we are fine, we'll have plenty of food to eat.' Despite their modest income, my mother told me they had a fine, merry life. In fact, she remembered those days with nostalgia. On special occasions like holidays, they would fill baskets with varied foods, hire a boat and go on picnics to the historic Kagithane [a recreation area, formerly a summer residence of the Ottoman Court], on the coast of the Golden Horn. Incidentally, the free day of the week then may have been Friday, instead of Sunday, and besides Saturday for religious Jewish folk. One year, I think they went to Beykoz on the Anatolian side for the duration of the summer.

In Sirkeci, they occupied a house with a big living room, all 16 of them. The 16 included: my grandfather's mother whom they called 'La Senyora,' my mother's grandmother, who was affectionately called 'Nonika,' my grandmother and grandfather, the nine children, plus some uncles and aunts, too, as I am sure of the number 16.

Remarkably, the only person working among those 16 people was my grandfather who, as noted, derived an income by selling textiles, on commission, to shop-owners for resale.

In the house's large living room, the family gathered around a big table, surrounded by couches with lots of cushions on them. Most evenings, after dinner, they told stories and sang songs, with special attention to the children, who dropped off to sleep, starting with the youngest, on the cushioned couches. As each child fell asleep, my grandfather would carry him or her to the upper floor in his arms, and place him or her on his bed. The children were not ordered to go to bed; they were allowed to stay right there, with the grown-ups, until they fell asleep.

My mother had a recollection about her father's military service. As my mother was born in 1900, she was 14 years old when my grandfather went to war at the outbreak of World War I 6. He was a fair man, blond, with blue eyes and pink cheeks. My mother remembered, 'One day, a certain time after he left, there was a knock on the door.' My mother answered it and saw a dark, almost black, thin man she didn't recognize. She ran to her mother saying, 'There is a soldier at the door.' It seems that my grandfather had 'dried out' while he was away and turned into someone emaciated and dark.

Incidentally, in normal times he would drink a small glass of raki 7 every evening, just one. So, when that was not possible, he lost his joy and good spirits. 'When he came back,' my mother remembered, 'he started to drink his raki again and soon regained his former weight and fair and pink- cheeked appearance.'

Although I had heard quite a bit about the house in Sirkeci from my mother, I was to learn something new concerning it years later. My uncle Izak had lost his sight due to diabetes and was about to go to Israel. We went to see him off and say good-bye properly. He gathered us around him, my children and all and Uncle Izak said, 'I remember something strange: when I was very small, we used to live in a house in Sirkeci. Another family occupied the upper floor, but we lived as if we belonged to a single household. We would go up an open flight of stairs several times a day. In the hall above, that family had at all times a big cushion, reserved for their grandfather - a blind and very old man. After feeding him in the mornings, they would place him on that cushion for the remainder of the day. A favorite pastime for us, children, was to go up and sit on that cushion with the old man, and listen to him talk to us. I never imagined that the day would come when I myself would become a blind grandfather.'

Thus, I learned that they shared that house with another family which had a blind grandfather. As time went by, the then children grew up, got married and some of them left home and that house. However, my eldest uncle Nisim never left; he always lived with my grandfather.

When the Surname Law 8 came into effect, my grandfather's family changed their surname from Benezra to Finanser, even though apparently they didn't have to. At that time, some of the registry officials accepted to register the existing surname, whereas others claimed that a new surname had to be adopted. This is why many people modified their names slightly, registering them as Tamfranko, Barmizrahi, Öztoledo, etc.

Growing up 

When my cousins and I were born, the family had already moved to Bankalar Caddesi. I remember the residence vividly. It was in an apartment building called Rashel Han. It had four rooms and a big hall where they ate, a kitchen, an alaturca bathroom, and a small toilet. Many people lived together in the apartment. There were ceramic-tile stoves almost in every room. In the rooms which didn't have a stove, they had a brazier.

As one entered the apartment, on the right-hand side, stood a big cupboard reaching the ceiling, where they kept their mattresses and beddings during the day. At night, they would spread them out. They could not have separate bedrooms for everyone, because they were so many.

On holidays, like the Anniversary of the Republic, one could observe from the windows the trams decorated with paper flags passing through Bankalar Caddesi. My grandfather sat cross-legged on cushions on the wooden sofa facing the street, smoked the 'narghile' [water-pipe], looking out of the window, and fondled his 'tespih' or beads on a string.

By the time I start remembering those days, my grandfather was no longer working, but he would unfailingly go to see each one of his children on a different day of the week. For example, he came to us on Tuesdays, always walking up Bankalar Caddesi, regardless of the distance. We lived in Taksim [a district on the European side of Istanbul] then, which wasn't near. We knew he would be coming on Tuesdays; so, on those days my mother cooked dry beans and pilav, his favorites, for him. On Fridays, he went to see Alber, and another child on other days, always walking and always wearing a regular suit and a tie - his uniform on those occasions.

'Sari Madam,' now a two-level road in Shishane [a district on the European side of Istanbul, at the corner of the Bankalar street], was an open-air garden/café then. My grandfather had a story about it. After he retired, and when the weather was nice, he used to go to Sari Madam to play backgammon passionately. Those familiar with the game know that backgammon is a game that often generates heated argument and even quarrel...

As grandfather's eyesight began deteriorating with age, his backgammon partners started to cheat by lying about the numbers on the dice he threw, and he started to lose. Never one to give up, he hired a young student whom he paid to sit beside him and read his dice, and he started winning again! This must have been the first and possibly the only occasion in the world when a 'dice reader' was employed... successfully, I might add, in this case.

During his lifetime, my grandfather gathered all of his children and their families in his home for the religious feasts. On a typical Passover seder, we were thirty to thirty-five people around the table. He used to read the Haggadah himself and performed all the rituals meticulously. At the conclusion of the seder, we each took turns kissing his hand. This, too, was part of the ritual. He sat at the head of the table and paid great attention to those traditions up until he passed away. When he died, that tradition died with him.

Throughout his life, Grandfather's children were very respectful, very affectionate towards him. His death and its aftermath made it clear to everyone - and certainly to me - that he, and primarily he, had been the one who had kept the family together. After his death, the various family members went their own ways. After him, there were no more festive gatherings or anything remotely like that. Some of the uncles tried to organize small reunions for a year or two, but they soon realized that it didn't work. The magic had gone with the beloved magician that he was - at least for his grandchildren like me. My grandfather died in Istanbul, in the Bankalar home, in 1952, at approximately 87 years of age.

My maternal grandmother, Ester Benezra Finanser, nee Levi, was born in Istanbul. She was 14 years old when she married Moshe Benezra. They had children immediately, twins, who didn't survive. A year later, my eldest uncle was born. My grandmother was 15 then. They had eight more children in the following years - seven boys and two girls in all - quite an achievement for my grandmother who was her parents' only child. This prompted my mother to say about her mother, 'I don't remember a time when she wasn't pregnant!' My mother was the third child, but the eldest girl.

I was told that when she was pregnant and there was no one in the room, Grandmother used to scrape the whitewash off the walls and eat it, probably to satisfy her need for calcium. Often, people would ask her which of her nine children was her favorite. She would reply, 'For me, each one of them is an only child.'

When my grandfather did his military service during World War I, my grandmother supported the members of the household - which were numerous - by sewing cloth sacks for an exporter of hazelnuts. The exporter supplied the rolls of cloth and my grandmother, with the help of the children, did the cutting up and the sewing. Grandmother knew how to sew other things very well, too, but she had enough of sewing clothes for all her children, and once told my mother, 'Don't ever learn how to sew, because if you do, you'll spend your whole life sewing.'

While they led a modest, family-centered life, they knew a certain Benbasat family, to whom they were very close. Every Thursday, my grandmother packed her children and went to spend the day with Madame Benbasat, her best friend! I believe the Benbasats lived in Sirkeci, too, in a mansion-like house, with many floors, and a large kitchen down a few steps from the street level. There, a number of servants and cooks worked seemingly endlessly. The kitchen's door was never closed, to allow them to serve food to the poor who happened to pass by.

Some of the children were probably already married when the core family moved from Sirkeci to Bankalar. They were by then a much smaller group. In the Bankalar home, there were Nonika, my grandmother Ester, my elder uncle's wife Sara, and my aunt Rashel, who was mentally disadvantaged, but could do physical work - a total of four women in one house, with no need for hired help, which they couldn't afford anyway.

They used to prepare all the traditional Sephardic dishes. I don't know if they followed the kashrut rules. Since the name of a Jewish butcher called Dalva in Shishhane was often mentioned, I suppose they bought kosher meat from him, although I am not sure if they kept a kosher house in all respects.

In the week of Chanukkah, in my grandmother's house, they used to hang a chanukkiyah on the wall. It was metallic, but I don't remember if it was made out of silver. They put oil in it. My grandmother made cotton-wrapped wicks for the occasion. Each night, the entire family gathered standing around the chanukkiyah and recited the appropriate prayer, after which they lit a wick, an additional one every night, until the seventh, when the feast was over. After the prayer and the lighting, they sat, sang songs, and told jokes. Every Friday night, too, my grandmother placed cotton wicks in a special glass, lit them and said a prayer. Once when asked why, she said it was 'for our dead.'

My grandmother stayed home most of the time. The rest of us used to go to see her. She was a tall, slender, darkish, graceful woman. She liked to wear dark clothes, brown or black house dresses, high-necked. When I knew her, her hair had already turned white. She wore her hair in a knot on the back of her head.

She owned a gold chain we called 'kolana.' Later, when she got older, that is to say, when she felt that her end was near, she broke the 'kolana' into pieces and gave a piece to each of her granddaughters, which we cherish as a reminder of her.

My grandmother's death was unusual in its speed and simplicity. One day, my aunt and my grandmother were alone at home for a few hours. Grandmother was sitting on a chair, looking out of the window. At one point she said, 'Rashel, will you fetch me a glass of water; I am thirsty.' By the time Rashel went to the kitchen and came back with the water, Grandmother had gotten up from her chair, lay down on the sofa and died. We always said, 'What a nice way to die. One minute, she was looking out of the window, a few minutes later, she was gone.'

My uncle Nisim, her eldest son, had died earlier. His death had affected her deeply and caused her to age, to become a really old woman, suddenly. It is said that the loss of a child is the worst thing for a mother. Grandmother was 83 when she died in 1968.

My grandfather had a brother called Haim. My generation didn't know or ever see him. Yet when my mother was still a child, he used to live with them. In 1907, he married Ermoza Zara. She was an aunt of the Zaras who had a shop in Galatasaray [in the center of Beyoglu (Pera), a district on the European side of Istanbul]. I heard that Haim Benezra went to America at the beginning of the 20th century, and that people wondered if husband and wife would separate as a result. However, after a while the wife joined him in America. We never heard of them again.

My father, Henri Nassi, was born in Constanza, Romania, in 1903. His family lived in a beautiful place in a farm-like setting - an independent, detached house built on steep rocks overlooking the sea. They had chicken that roamed in the garden and laid their eggs anywhere. My father, who was the youngest sibling, loved to search for the eggs, before he started going to school, and was delighted when he found some.

My father was very blond, with nearly white hair. My aunt loved her youngest brother; she used to say, 'He was like a small chick. When we wanted to call him for dinner time, we called: 'Dinner is ready, piu piu piu piu piuuu, Rikutsule!' [the Romanian diminutive for the name Henri].'

This was at the beginning of the 1900s. The family had a horse-carriage and a coachman who used to take the children to school. My father's greatest joy was to sit beside the coachman, especially when he was allowed to hold the reins and the whip.

Their mother-tongue was Romanian. My father knew a little Greek, but just picked up by ear. He came to Istanbul permanently when he was 17, but he never spoke to me about what he did in Romania until then. He was a realist; he lived in the present and thought mostly of tomorrow, never of yesterday. For him, memories were not relevant...

But this changed one special day in 1990, when my daughter was about to go to Scotland for her master's degree and doctorate. Before leaving, we went to see Grandfather and Grandmother one last time, in their home. He took my daughter aside, led her to a small room next to the living room and told her recollections of his childhood in Romania - something he had never done with anyone before, including me. I heard him tell my daughter that he used to sweep floors in a factory, worked at a printer's shop, and did other odd jobs in the summers or in the evenings after school.

My father was born and raised Jewish; I am certain, for example, that he had his bar mitzvah. He had the necessary instruction for it, which I'm sure he always remembered because he had a very good memory. However, a few years after coming to Turkey, and before getting married, he changed both his name and his religion in order to acquire Turkish citizenship. He adopted Islam on paper and the name Avni Tuncer.

When he and his father came to Istanbul, my father started working as an assistant accountant at the Marmarosh Bank, where his father was working. Both worked there for about two years, until 1922. Thanks to his gifts, such as his superior intelligence and very good memory, Father rose quickly to a good position in the bank's accounting department. But at that time, the Marmarosh Bank's financial situation and prospects started to deteriorate, forcing it to downsize, liquidate and dismiss many people, offering them an indemnity. Significantly, for our story, however, employees who resigned did not qualify for an indemnity. As they dismissed the older employees first, my grandfather's dismissal was impending.

The year was 1922, the end of Turkey's War of Independence 9, and the eve of the Republic. Father had already decided to go into commerce on his own. He felt strongly that he did not want to spend the rest of his life as a bank clerk. Besides, the bank was closing down anyway. But since father and son had both been on a fixed salary, they had not accumulated anything remotely resembling a capital.

Before my grandfather's dismissal was due, Father went to the bank's director and said, 'I would like to ask for a favor. You like me and you promoted me. I want to go into commerce on my own, and I need your help. You have been dismissing employees. Could you let me go by dismissing me, so that I can get an indemnity, which I can then use as capital, to start my own business?' At first, the director balked, asking my father not to leave, because the bank appreciated his work.

Later, Father would remember that day as 'the day I committed the greatest faux pas of my life. I told the director, 'Should I stay and remain an employee for the rest of my life?' I didn't realize that the director himself was an employee! It really was a disgraceful thing to say to the kind man. How could I do this! But the man was really mature. He didn't say anything in anger. He just repeated, 'Don't leave, stay,' etc.' But my father said, 'No, I've made up my mind, I'll go into business.' 'In that case,' said the director, 'I'll pretend I dismissed you and pay you the indemnity, but on one condition: You'll take your father along. If you both leave together, I'll give you two indemnities.' My father accepted.

So, with the three months' salary for both of them as capital, he launched his own business formally, with the proper legal registration and all. He was entirely on his own, which he liked. He rented office space in a historic building called Cermanya Han, in Sirkeci, on the corner opposite the establishment Atabek. Cermanya Han, which still exists, is a building with a round tower, which belonged to the Deutsche Orient Bank then, but is owned by the Yapi ve Kredi Bank at present. Father had two rooms on the sixth floor.

One of the first things Father did was to obtain or consult the commercial directories and yearbooks of various countries, which contain information on the manufacturing industries and companies, their products, addresses, etc. He also got himself a typewriter, and started sending 'offers of service' to those addresses.

My father had a talent for languages; he knew French, and he had also picked up some German. He contacted, among others, manufacturers of aluminum kitchenware, glassware, and injectors. There was no manufacturing to speak of in Turkey at the time; practically everything was imported. He wrote, 'I am a young man. I am applying to be your representative in Turkey.'

My father succeeded in obtaining lots of representation rights for a range of goods like thermometers, caps for carbonated-drink bottles, clasps for gloves, etc. He went to the wholesalers of such goods and got orders from them, which he, in turn, passed on to the factories abroad. After the goods arrived and the client paid the factory, the latter paid my father a commission, something like 5 percent, for his services.

Father was then twenty years of age and still a bachelor. The first years of being on his own were hard times, but he managed to support the family.

He got the representation rights of a very important essential oils producer in Switzerland, namely, Chuit, Naef et Cie., which later became Firmenich. This was a business owned by such a prominent family that, when Eisenhower visited Switzerland, he stayed at their mansion.

My father was hard-working, almost a workaholic, and was absorbed with the business day and night - just like I now think of El Amaneser day and night - and succeeded in controlling 80 percent of the market in essential oils. They called him 'Avni Bey, the Essence King.' When he earned this royal title, he hired a secretary and expanded the business. The secretary was a nice young woman called Viki Abuizak. She became like one of the family.

Incidentally, it is possible that Father took a Turkish name earlier because he thought it would help him when starting a business. I should note, however, that all his friends were members of the Jewish community; he never had any non-Jewish friends, ever.

Already while working at the Marmarosh Bank's accounting department, he was a member of the Jewish Amicale society, or club 10. On weekends, young people in pairs, a boy and a girl, used to visit the homes of members of the community, with money-boxes, and collected donations for the society. He thus took part in the social life of the community. Then he volunteered to do the accounting - a skill he had developed at the bank - for the community-run Or-ahayim Hospital 11 for no pay.

As the years went by, he was more and more busy with his commission work and could not spare time any more to work pro bono for the Or-ahayim Hospital. At that time, a young woman volunteered for the hospital job: my mother! They met as he was transferring the accounts to her. She fell in love with him immediately.

My father was not very tall, 1.74 meters, but largely built; he weighed 80 kilos. His hair, which was originally blond, progressively became light brown. He had brown eyes. He liked to dress elegantly, and had ties of all colors. My mother, Ema Benezra Finanser, was three years older than him. She was 'mignonne,' slim, 48 kilos, 1.58 meters, had bright blue eyes and light brown hair - all in all, a dainty lady.

After a few weeks, during which Mother took over the Hospital's accounting, my father was out of sight. About six months later, my mother was walking in Beyoglu - her family used to live in Bankalar caddesi - when upon reaching the Galatasaray Post Office, it started to rain torrentially. She took refuge under the eaves of a building, trying to figure out how best to cross the street.

Just then, she saw and immediately recognized my father holding a black umbrella and saying, 'Would you allow me to escort you across the street?' She promptly accepted. He opened his umbrella, gave her his arm, and they crossed the street arm in arm under the umbrella. Then my father said, 'How will you walk home? Please, let me accompany you there'... which he did.

That is the moment when it all happened. They made a date to meet again and started to see each other. This was in 1931 or 1932. In the months that followed, whenever he fetched or took her home, he would go up to her apartment and meet my grandparents, who liked him. In time, however, they started to attract people's attention, which gave way to gossip in the community. People said, 'Avni Bey is seeing a girl, but she is much too young for him.' Although my mother was three years older than my father, she was so petite and dainty that people thought she was much younger than him. My mother enjoyed relating this with a laugh.

Mother was in love with my father and probably so was he with her. He in particular was a serious person. They reportedly said such old-fashioned things to each other -always in French, their common language - that they made me laugh. For instance, my father said - we used to speak French, so I'll say it in French, because the thought and the words are so quaint: 'Je l'avais compromise: je devais lui promettre mariage." [French for: 'I had compromised her honor, so I had to promise marriage.']

But marriage was not possible. At least not yet, because he had an unmarried sister. At that time, according to tradition, as long as there were unmarried sisters at home, a man could not marry. That is why he said, 'I cannot get married until my sister does. If you accept this fact, we can live together and plan a life together, but marriage will have to wait until my sister herself gets married.'

My mother readily accepted, being so in love. My father then said to my grandmother, 'I want to ask your permission on a serious matter. Ema is my wife in the name of God, and in whose presence I gave her my word. But I cannot marry her because my sister is not yet married. However, please rest assured that I will fulfill all the obligations of a husband to her and never desert her. Please, allow her to live with me.'

Since my father had gone in and out of their house for some time, they had come to know, love and appreciate him for the serious and correct person he was. So, they trusted that he would keep his promise and granted him the permission he asked for. My mother moved to his family's home occupied also by her father-in-law and sister-in-law, and they all lived together for quite a long time, without their being married. I never heard of something so modern, especially so indicative of my grandparents' open-mindedness, in the 1930s!

This was a courageous decision, indeed. The interesting part is that the whole community, that is to say, my mother's father, a simple man who had come from Canakkale, her mother, the local Jewish community, all those who gossiped if they saw two people going out together, everybody accepted the situation. Nobody censured their living together without being married, and nobody turned their backs on them.

Their broad social life continued as before. It is noteworthy that their friendly relations with people of their own social level continued unaffectedly. Nobody seemed to care, maybe because they really considered themselves and lived like married people in every way, but just could not make it official, because of the sister's situation.

When after five years, my aunt got married, I believe - though no one ever admitted it openly - that it was just to end this untenable situation, as my mother had become pregnant with me. Also, they were not getting any younger. My mother was already 37 when she gave birth to me. So, in 1936, they had a double wedding - my father's and his sister's. I was born in 1937.

Five months after I was born, they moved to Talimhane in Taksim [a district on the European side of Istanbul]. My grandfather had already died by then. When I was maybe two, we started going to Büyükada [a summer resort on one of the islands in the Marmara Sea] for the summers. After summering in various rented houses until I reached five, we bought a house in Büyükada. We used to go to picnics there, with baskets filled with food; the grown- ups used to play cards or backgammon under the pine trees. My father also played a game called 'bezigue' at home.

My father proceeded with his business. He traveled to Europe two or three times a year; acquired more representation rights; and often went to Switzerland to visit that essential oils factory, which was still central to his business. Sales representatives came here from the Swiss factory as well; on those occasions, they visited the clients together.

My father also dealt in hardware, injectors, hot water bottles, hernia belts, etc. He imported all kinds of goods that are sold in pharmacies, other than medicines. The business was booming. He now occupied four rooms on the 6th floor of Cermanya Han. He employed an office boy and two or three qualified staff. When at work, he always wore a suit with a shirt and a tie.

In 1942, the Government imposed the so-called Wealth Tax. The Turkish name my father had acquired earlier helped him weather the infamous tax. Non- Muslims were heavily taxed, but Avni Tuncer, who had a capital of 30,000 liras, was assessed that amount. He was thus able to pay the tax and avoid being punished or fined. He struck bottom, yes, but his possessions were not confiscated. They took away from my grandmother's house, beds, cupboards, etc. but nothing from us.

On the other hand, the Anavi family I knew well did not fare as well, to say the least. They were in the paint business. Their assets, including real estate, were evaluated at 3 million liras at the time. They were taxed 1 million liras, which was not so bad, except for the sad fact that all goods and real estate had to be sold almost immediately. With everyone selling and liquidating their assets at the same time, prices plummeted. The Anavis' possessions worth 3 million liras brought just 700,000 liras, which they paid, but still owed 300,000 liras.

So, in order to force him to pay this debt, but more to punish him, Father Anavi was sent to Askale [labor camp in Eastern Turkey] to work in stone quarries, with the ridiculous daily pay of 125 kurus. How could anyone pay 300,000 liras with a daily pay of 125 kurus! But after several months, the ordeal ended when the tax was rescinded, and the Anavis did not lose their father, which was not true of all those who sent their loved ones to Askale.

Shortly after the Wealth Tax debacle, my father was drafted for the 20 Classes 12 by the Armed Forces, together with my uncles. He served for eight months in a place called Dumlupinar, planting trees. He never had anything bad to say about the treatment he received during his military service.

During the war

When World War II started, my father had a commission of 5000 franks owed him by the Swiss factory. He sent them a cable saying, 'Don't send me my commission. Don't even write me about it. Just keep it. I'll let you know when I want it.' They complied. In 1945, when the war was over, he wrote them, 'You can send it to me now.'

With that money as capital, he started his business anew, literally from zero. He was nevertheless, step by step, successful. He still had the factory representations - he had lost none of them. He started working on commission again. He had also started to import the essential oils for himself, as an importer. The customers placed their orders with him; he imported the goods on his own; and distributed, or resold them. He earned, in the process, both the commission and the profit from the import transaction.

In 1945, when my father started working again, I was eight. By 1947 or 1948, a couple of years after the war, business was doing so well that they could afford to send me to the English High School for Girls of Istanbul, which was an expensive school, and they could buy a house in Büyükada.

Father bought a car, too, a pre-war 1938 blue Nash. It was like a tank. He was the first member of the family to own a car. He hired a Greek chauffeur, to give him driving lessons. When Father was at work, the chauffeur worked the car as a taxi. At that time, the license plates for private cars and taxis were not different. In two to three months, Father learned how to drive. He used to take people for drives to the Bosphorus, to places like Tarabya [district on the shore of the European side of the Bosphorus], or on picnics to Circir [recreation area and famous drinking water source on European side of Istanbul]. We were very proud to own a car, as nobody we knew did.

The fruits of my father's hard work included then also a rowing boat, on which he installed sails after one year. He and I often went sailing together. Father learned to ride a bicycle at age 48. After that, we went touring around the island on our bicycles. We were friends, my father and I. We did all those things, including swimming, together. He taught swimming to my cousin Meri and myself by throwing us into the sea and saying, 'You'll learn to swim by splashing about.' And we did.

When we were in the city, not the island, we used to go to the cinema with the neighbors every Saturday afternoon, and had dinner somewhere afterwards. Despite his sweetness with me, Father had a hard disposition. I remember one of those post-cinema dinners with mixed feelings. When Father's order - fish with mayonnaise, I remember - arrived late, after everyone else was served, despite assurances that it was ready, Father was so upset that he dumped the plate down the waiter's head and left the restaurant in anger.

When their finances improved, my mother and father made a list of the things they wanted to do or acquire. As my father was very methodical, their wishes were prioritized: first, a house on the island, which they bought; next, a car, which they also got; and then, a trip to Europe and a diamond ring.

Post war

When the turn had come for the trip to Europe, my father could not get away from his business. He proposed to send my mother, anyway, but as she did not want to go alone, he sent her with his sister on a cruise to Italy, Nice and Marseilles. The year was 1950. The two of us, my father and I, remained behind and had a lot of fun together, as we were such good friends. He took me to eat delicacies like tripe and döner kebab, and taught me how to enjoy life. We had a splendid time, the memory of which lingers.

Then, before my mother was back from her trip, he was seized by a serious illness: meningitis. On her return, my mother found him in hospital. Meningitis is an illness with the dismal recovery rate of one in a million. If kids struck by it survive, they do so with severe brain damage; grownups simply do not survive... Then, all his friends told him, 'Avni Bey, if working all those years was worthwhile at all, it is for a day like this. Go to France.' My mother and father agreed, and they went to France. He was admitted to a hospital there, had brain surgery but came out of it in a coma. Every evening, the doctors told my mother, like a refrain: 'It is a hopeless case. Be prepared to lose him, because you probably won't find him when you return in the morning.'

He remained in a coma for 15 days straight and had to have a second brain operation. He still lay in a coma, surviving on serums, etc. On the third day after the second surgery, while still in a coma, my mother observed a faint movement on his lips. She put her ear to his mouth and heard him whisper, 'Je ne vais pas mourir, je ne peux pas mourir: J'ai une fille a marier.' [French for: 'I shall not die, I cannot die: I have a daughter to marry off.'] This shows how much he loved me, as well as his strong attachment to life.

After that, slowly, very very slowly, one eye, one lip, one finger a day, he started to recover. It took him three years to achieve a partial recovery, re-learning first sitting and then moving, first by wheel-chair and then on crutches. They stayed there for a full year, which I spent with my Tantika.

At that point, my mother came back, and my father was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in Switzerland. He remained there for about the next two years, moving about on crutches. He returned to Turkey when he was able to graduate to a walking stick and after an absence of nearly three years. He had a capital of 300,000 liras when he got ill; not a penny had remained by the time he was back.

For the third time in his life, Father had to start a business from scratch, with the added difficulty that he had lost his hearing with the meningitis. The ossicles were damaged - a condition that cannot be corrected with a hearing-aid because sounds are heard in such a distorted manner and with such interference as to cause a terrible headache. As he was very intelligent, he could communicate by guessing what people were trying to say. However, the kind of business he was in necessitated visiting customers, showing samples, and actually doing a 'selling' job.

Before Father had gone to France for treatment, the son of a cousin, Jak Eskenazi, was working for him. Jak was a very dynamic and hard-working young man, and had mastered the job. My father left him in charge, and was able to keep his representations. But he lost eventually and seriously. When my father came back, the same Jak Eskenazi, who also turned out to be clever, went to the essential oils factory in Switzerland and told them, 'Avni Bey is back, but he lost his hearing, and he is old and invalid. Take away his agency and give it to me.' And that is what happened, and this, in essence, is how my father lost the Swiss agency.

This was a terrible blow to him, because he thought of Jak as a son. He did not get over this for the rest of his life. To survive, he hired another person to continue with the other, insignificant agencies - dealing in goods like kitchenware, pots and pans, etc. - by sharing the commission fifty-fifty with him. That man followed up the contacts with the clients.

Understandably, my father's social activities practically ended after meningitis struck him at age 49, he spent three years in hospitals, and lost his hearing after that.

The year was now 1958. In the meantime, I had gotten married and divorced, and come back to live and work with my father. When we imported goods, the cases of merchandise went from Customs straight to the client's store. They would telephone and say, for instance, 'I'll pay on 20th June,' and my father would note on a small agenda, 'The firm Voreopulos-Behar will pay 3000 liras on 20th June.' I would say, 'Shouldn't we establish a contract, an IOU?' He would answer, 'Of course not. That man is a businessman in Tahtakale. If he says 20th June, there is no need for an IOU.' And come 20th June, the money would arrive at our office. Those were different times, when paying on time was a matter of honor, and a phone call sufficed.

After Taksim, we lived in a rented apartment in Shishli [district on European side of Istanbul] for a few years. In 1964, my father bought an apartment in Yeshilyurt [suburb on the European side of Istanbul, close to the airport]. It was the first time we owned our own home, not counting the small house on the island. Apartment buildings in Yeshilyurt are surrounded by gardens on four sides. Our apartment was in a three-story building, with seven dwellings. We bought an apartment away from the center of town for my sake.

After one year, I got married and moved to my husband's house, while my parents remained in Yeshilyurt. They were quite happy there. My father used to commute to his office in Sirkeci by train, which was easy for him in his condition.

Father was an authoritarian person; so, when I decided to marry a Muslim Turk, I faced the difficulty of introducing my future husband to him first, before telling my mother. I told my future husband to come to our office in Cermanya Han. Shortly before he appeared, I told my father, 'There is someone I am seeing. He wants to marry me. I invited him to come and meet you.' My father simply said, 'OK.'

Then Günel arrived; I introduced him; he sat down. There was a brief silence, after which my father said, 'I am going to ask you something.' Günel said, 'Go ahead.' My father asked, 'Do you like white [feta] cheese?' Günel was surprised and replied, 'I like it a lot.' 'Well, then,' said my father, 'I give you the girl.' My father liked to joke.

I worked with my father for nine years. By then, we represented an important Dutch factory which produced raw materials for the enamel industry, called Ferro Enamels. I worked until I became pregnant with my second child. I left in 1968, and my husband took over. He worked with my father for ten years, and the business really developed during this time, maybe owing to Günel's enterprising approach or to the business climate, or both... Yet by 1978, both of us had had enough of business life and decided to quit. We so informed the Dutch factory, and they designated another representative.

My father loved life so much, but his life was so limited after the young age of 52! Yet I never heard him complain. He had such a great personality! Only at the very end, in the last six or seven years of his life, when he could hardly see any more, due to cataracts in his eyes, and when, after a lifetime of reading, he could not even read the paper, he told me, 'You cannot imagine how bored I am, not being able to read anything.' That was the only complaint I heard from him in all his life.

After my mother passed away [in 1997], my father continued to live in Yeshilyurt. But one year before his death, his apartment was to be given to a builder, to be demolished and rebuilt. We could not take him with us, because our apartment in Cengelköy [district on the Asian shore of the Bosphorus] was too small, and my father's physically constrained lifestyle would not fit ours. He was not in a position to live by himself, either; so, he had a caretaker and a cleaning lady.

We rented two adjacent rooms for him in an old people's home on the road to Kayisdagi [district on the Asian side of Istanbul], moved his own furniture there, and arranged one of the rooms as a sitting-room with a sofa where his caretaker or I slept alternately. We furnished the second room as a bedroom for him, with his own TV set, etc. It was like a two-room suite. He lived there for seven months, until his death in 1999, at 96.

My mother's name was Neama, the name of her great aunt, but they called her Ema. Her surname was Benezra at birth but it was changed to Finanser, with the introduction of the Surname Law.

Mother was born in 1900. Birth dates were not known for sure in those times, because births were not promptly registered. My mother 'chose' the 14th of July as her birthday - the date of the French Revolution, which she loved. She had it registered and even celebrated it on occasion.

Mother attended the Alliance 13 school in her youth, reaching it from Sirkeci, where they lived, by crossing the Galata Bridge daily on foot and walking all the way to the School in Tünel. She was always the top or the second best pupil of her class. She wore to school the dresses my grandmother sewed for her, either light blue - like the color of her eyes - or white in color.

Mother had eight siblings. As she was the third child, she saw her mother pregnant most of the time and helped raise many of her siblings. She took so much care of her brother Eli, who was 18 years younger, that she loved him more like a son than a brother. She would tell me, 'He is not your uncle, he is your brother.' As I was an only child, this is how I came to have an uncle/brother.

In my mother's youth, her family had close relations with a family called Benbasat. When Mother finished the Alliance school, she started working for the wholesale drug supply company named Sisa-Benbasat, as an assistant accountant. She worked there up until she got married, and she liked to boast about knowing the place and price of some 3000 products the company sold. My mother was an all-around conscientious worker who enjoyed her work.

During World War I, when her father was drafted - possibly at the same time as a couple of his sons - Mother was the only member of the family with an outside income, which enabled the family to survive, other than the contribution of those hazelnut bags that my grandmother used to sew.

My mother carried a great responsibility, indeed, because she had to work not only to support the whole family, but also to pay all the school fees, given the importance they attached to education. She used to worry about what would happen to them if something were to prevent her from working.

The worry was to prove justified, in her eyes - at least initially. One day, she fell seriously ill and lay unconscious for five whole weeks, with a high fever. When she regained consciousness, her first thought was fear of what may have happened to the family. Then she heard people singing, children running up and down the stairs four steps at a time, on their way to play, foods being cooked and life going on. 'Right then,' said my mother, 'I realized that nobody is indispensable and that the whole burden of life is not just on one person's shoulder.' She made this her life's philosophy.

My mother liked to tell whoever would listen about her childhood in Sirkeci. With hindsight, I am so sorry we used to interrupt her. We said, 'Mummy, it's enough; you've already told us about it a hundred times.' We didn't take any notes of those gems. How I regret this now!

My mother was a member of the Amicale Society. Later, she applied to do the accounting for the Or-ahayim Hospital, a function which my father had been performing. She met my father as he transferred the books to her. My mother fell immediately in love with him, and courtship - in the form of going out together - followed.

As I mentioned earlier, tradition constrained my father from marrying, because he had an unmarried elder sister at home. Nevertheless, with my grandparents' explicit permission, my mother moved to my father's house, and they lived there as husband and wife for five years, at the end of which my aunt decided to get married - so that my father could at last get married, too - and they had a double wedding. I strongly suspect the double event was somewhat precipitated by my mother's pregnancy with me.

When my mother moved to my father's house in Findikli, my grandfather Izak Nassi and my aunt Viktorya lived there, too. My aunt used to do all the housework. When my mother joined the family, the two women started sharing the housework. They used to do the laundry by hand, then climb up to the terrace on the roof to hang it out to dry. All this manual work was difficult for my mother, who had always worked as an accountant and was not accustomed to do such housework.

Every evening, when the men came home from work, the four of them used to go to a pastry shop in Beyoglu to treat themselves to cakes. The cost came to 25 kurush. My mother would say, 'The daily wage of a cleaning woman was 25 kurush. Yet I could never convince them to give up eating those cakes in Beyoglu twice a week, and engage a cleaning lady with that money.' It is about this matter that they first fell out with my aunt.

Mother got married late, at age 36. Before getting married, she converted to Islam, together with my father. According to what she told me, they needed to go to the Mufti together to get the necessary permission. The Mufti asked them why they chose to convert to Islam. They candidly said that it was in order to get Turkish citizenship for my father, who was Romanian. The Mufti signed the necessary permission promptly without giving them a sermon or making the least difficulty. My mother was very impressed with that Mufti's maturity.

I was born in 1937, when my mother was 37. When I was five months old, my parents moved to an apartment in the Tas Apt. in Talimhane. It was a very nice apartment. It had two bedrooms, a small room for the maid or nanny, an L-shaped living-room where stood my piano, an entry hallway, a kitchen, a full bathroom, a small half-bathroom, and a closet. It had central heating and a bathtub in the bathroom, though not the built-in [encased] kind, but an enameled, self-standing one on four feet. Hot water was available just twice a week. Later, 10-15 years later, in the postwar years, we installed a gas heater.

We owned a radio, a record-player and hundreds of records. We also had a number of books at home, although we mostly borrowed books from the French Cultural Center Library at the French Consulate in Taksim. Thus, we had the possibility of reading a great number of books, which was important for Mother and I, who normally devoured a book in the span of two days.

My mother had a foot-operated sewing machine. To use it, she had to attend a sewing and machine-embroidering course at the Singer Sewing Machine shop, because her own mother had not taught her how to sew.

I don't remember Atatürk's 14 death because I was just a year old, but my parents went to the funeral and said they had never seen such a large crowd all in tears.

My parents hired an Armenian lady as a nanny for me. Her story is particularly interesting. Her husband had died during the Armenian Massacre. She fled to Istanbul from her village Keskin Maden near Ankara, with her two children of two to three years of age and worked as a servant at the Armenian Orphanage. Her children grew up there. Then she entered our service, renting a small apartment in Tarlabasi. She managed to take care of her children there and at the same time to work in various capacities in our house.

She formally lived with us, but she got up at four every morning; went to her children's apartment, which was at five minutes' distance; she made them breakfast, and prepared them for school. By the time we got up at seven, she was already back, to take care of us. I can truly say that she raised me. My mother was bed-ridden for two years with rheumatism. That lady did all the housework, cooked for the family and took care of me.

She also raised her two children, both of whom grew to become doctors. Her name was Nuritsa, and her sons, the doctors, were Jan and Minas Apkaryan. She worked for us until I was 13. Then, after they became doctors, her sons took her with them and did not let her work any more. The whole thing makes a touching story with a happy ending, I think.

As I grew up, my mother had also hired the younger sister of my Uncle Jak's wife, to act as a 'mademoiselle' [governess] for me. Vivi was 16 or 17 then. She stayed with us, and took me out for a stroll or to the park. I suppose she needed the income, and my mother took her in to help out. At one point, Vivi got married and left.

I should also note that when I was four, Madame Claire Kamhi, my Uncle Izak's mother-in-law, started giving me piano lessons at home. Then there was a Mademoiselle Nanasoff, a young White Russian woman, who also came home to give me ballet lessons. As the above shows, when I was a child, my mother made me do all those bourgeois things!

My mother treated me very well. However, as I had a nanny and a 'mademoiselle,' she didn't care for me physically and in a detailed manner. She mostly told me stories, fables and tales from the Bible. She did not feed or dress me; others did that generally.

We did not have special Friday, that is, Sabbath eve dinners. I did not have any formal religious training. The nearest thing to it occurred when my mother took me in her bed, where we sat, while she told me stories from the Bible: Moses leaving Egypt, Jacob's quarrels with his brothers, etc. She was such a great story teller; she made all those stories come to life, though more like sweet, semi-educational fiction than religious training.

We did our shopping at the corner grocery store. There were a green-grocer and a butcher, both in the neighborhood, in Talimhane. There were also a small dairy shop that sold products and eggs; and two grocery stores, the Nea Agora and the Taksim Pazari. We did not go to the open market; we didn't need to. An itinerant, street vendor used to pass by, with a horse carrying two large baskets overflowing with fresh vegetables and shout, 'Zarzavatciiii' ['vegetable man' in Turkish], and we bought what we needed from him thus: we lowered a basket tied at the end of a rope; he weighed the goods and put them in the basket, which we then pulled up.

A yoghurt vendor also passed by almost daily, with two flat containers of yoghurt from Silivri, balanced on a long stick resting on his shoulder. It was a kind of thick, solid yoghurt, which had to be cut with a spatula and placed on a dish. On winter nights, a sahlep vendor passed. All the vendors we dealt with were Muslims; the only Jewish shop owner in the neighborhood was a merchant of 'tuhafiye' [haberdashery].

Most of our neighbors were Jewish. They had close relations with my mother. They visited each other to have coffee. We, my nuclear family, spoke French at home and read the Journal d'Orient 15. My parents' common language was French, because my father, who had come from Romania, did not know Ladino when they met. My mother spoke Ladino with the neighbors.

My mother's favorite pastime activity was to play cards - a game called 'kumkam'- with the neighbors. They had set 'days' for it. They also got dressed up to do window-shopping in Beyoglu. Mother had a brooch and 'chevaliere' ring she always wore. She was always well groomed, with make- up and manicured hands. We had a Greek lady in our building, who came to our apartment for a day's work and sewed very elegant clothes.

My mother's brothers rarely came to visit us with their families. Mother, on the other hand, was very attached to them and called them often. They came to see her, but mostly by themselves.

My mother used to apply 'ventosa' [suction] cups to our back, to fight colds. The treatment worked as follows. You burned a piece of cotton dipped in alcohol and placed it in the ventosa cup, or 'cupping glass,' which sucked out the oxygen and produced a vacuum. Then and quickly, very quickly, you applied the cups to the bare back with a 'plop-like' sound, pulling the surface flesh in. She stuck five or ten of those to our back. These were kept on for a few minutes. The effect was hurtful and pleasurable, ticklish, at the same time. Then, they wrapped a piece of cotton around the end of a pencil, dipped it in iodine and drew horizontal and vertical lines two to three centimeters apart on our backs. As part of what I can call the 'ceremony,' mother also prepared infusions of linden tea or chamomile. We had hot water bottles as well.

In the summer, we went to Büyükada, where we rented a house. My mother took care of the move. The moving firm was called Emanetci Sultana but, in fact, we never saw Sultana herself, if she ever existed. A man called Leon came home, packed our stuff, transported it to the island and delivered it there. He wrapped everything in big 'harars' [large sacks made of haircloth]. Refrigerator, beds, everything traveled to the island in summer, and traveled back to town in fall.

Later, when we bought our own house, we acquired two or two sets of everything - one for each residence. Almost as a rule, everything we left in town during the summer, furniture and all was covered with bed sheets to protect them from dust.

When I turned five, my parents bought a small house in Büyükada. We spent three months a year there, coinciding with the schools' summer vacations. The house had initially three rooms; later on they added a room in part of the garden. In those years, there was no running water on the island. We had a cistern that stored rain-water, and a water-tank which we filled using a hand-pump. The house had a big, curved terrace and a small garden. A gardener came once a week to take care of the garden.

When we lived in Büyükada, we, the women, went to the Turkish Bath for Women every week. Like the rest of the children and womenfolk, in the evenings, we went to the quay, the boat landing, to meet my father returning from work by boat. Sometimes my mother would sit in an outdoor cafe by the sea and watch, with binoculars, my father and I go sailing.

After I reached school age, I attended the Aydin Okul elementary school in Taksim. We had a neighbor, Berta Rutli, who was a graduate of the English High School for Girls 16, and had a daughter, Nadya, of about my age. On her strong suggestion, my mother enrolled me in that high school when I was still in second grade. In those days, admission was through early enrolment, or registration, not through testing. Early on - as early as when I was in second grade - my mother knew in her heart that English would be an important language to learn. That's why and how I entered the English High School and learned English.

We did not eat out too often, but I remember going to Rejans, a White Russian Restaurant in Ayazpasa, to Fisher, Abdullah Efendi's and a place, I believe, called Piknik, which was a simpler, informal restaurant. In the summer, we went to a fish restaurant called Selekt on the Iskele quay by the sea, in Büyükada.

The year now was 1950. I was 13 and had started high school. My mother and aunt had gone on a trip. My father and his sister's husband were no longer on speaking terms, due to differences they had had in business. When my mother returned from her trip, she found my father in hospital with meningitis. Shortly thereafter, they went to Paris for treatment. I remained in Istanbul with my aunt for more than a year - the two of us, with my mother being far away, and no father!

When my father got ill, my mother sold the summer house in Büyükada, because they needed all the cash they could get. While they were abroad, I got engaged to Ceki Karasu. They knew nothing of it until they returned. But as both families were suitable and the people mutually acceptable, there was no objection. The result was that I got married at 17, at the Neve Shalom Synagogue 17. My parents had to sign for me because I was a minor. Three and a half years later, when I got divorced, they gave me again their full support. They were aged between 55 and 60 at the time.

I have always worked. When I was married and lived in Ankara, I worked as a secretary. In 1958, when I returned to my father's house after my divorce, one day I told my mother that I wanted to start working again. When she reported it to my father, he said, 'I need a secretary myself. Instead of working somewhere else, let her come and work for me.' That's when I started to work for my father.

We lived in that apartment in Talimhane [part of the district of Taksim, on the European side of Istanbul] until I was 23. In 1960, we left that apartment after 23 years and rented an apartment in Sisli. At that time, my mother said, 'Instead of paying two rents, let Viktorya move in with us.' And so she did. In 1964, for the first time in their lives, they bought their own apartment - in Yesilyurt, for my sake - because I had voiced the opinion that it was better to live away from the city. After about a year, I got married and left, while they remained in Yesilyurt.

In 1965, when I decided to get married to a Turk, I introduced him first to my father. Later, after I had gotten married, my mother told me one day that, when my father had heard I was going to marry a Turk, he had asked her how they ought to react, how they should take it. And my mother said then, 'We have no other alternative but to accept, because if the young ones have their minds set on something, they go ahead and do it anyway and if we oppose them, we'd be the losers. If you don't want to lose your daughter, you better say nothing.' And that is what they did, or didn't do!

The respective families did not socialize, although they paid each other a visit of courtesy. My husband Günel's mother had died when he was 14. He had been raised by his aunt. She invited us one day and we took my mother there. And the aunt came once to Yesilyurt to visit my parents.

When they lived in Yesilyurt, at first, they employed village girls as live- in maids. With time, they had help only once a week, then once in a fortnight.

In 1964, when they moved to Yesilyurt, my mother made a large circle of friends from the Jewish Community. For many years, they got together in each other's houses to play 'kumkam,' the card game I mentioned earlier. I still call them to inquire about how they are.

My mother was a lively, cheerful person, who enjoyed life. She loved telling jokes. One day, when my children were between eight and ten years of age, she called them to her side and said, 'You are old enough now; I can tell you adult jokes from now on.' My children remember her with a great deal of affection. They say, 'Who else has a grandmother who told her ten-year-old grandchildren adult no-no jokes?'

My mother also liked to have some fun on her own. When I started to go horseback riding as a sport, she started to attend the horse races at Veliefendi [racetrack of Istanbul] and do a bit of betting.

In 1995, when my parents got really old, I moved in with them. At that time, of my mother's eight siblings, only Eli, the youngest brother, was still alive. He used to visit his elder sister at least once a month. On such a visit, he said it was time to think about how they wanted to be buried. My uncle wished them to return to Judaism. For this reason, he went to the Chief Rabbinate, to inquire about what this entailed. He learned that they had to apply to the Mufti and get written permission. But they were already 95 years old and did not leave the house any more.

After thinking about it for a week, my mother told me that they had discussed the matter with my father and that, as they had a Muslim son-in- law and Muslim grandchildren, and as these were the ones who would continue the family, and while they would always remain attached to their past, with love and respect, they had decided to be buried as Muslims.

My mother lived all her life exclusively in Istanbul. She died in Yesilyurt on 16th May 1997, one Friday evening at 8 o'clock. She was exactly 97 years old. Early on Saturday morning, we applied to the Municipality of Bakirköy and got permission to bury her in the Altinsehir Cemetery, during the noon 'namaz.' The imam who conducted the service, probably understood that we were Jews in reality, because he said, looking us in the eyes: 'We now invoke all our prophets, from Moses to Muhammed.' This touched me so much that I still remember it with tears in my eyes and recall that very mature imam with gratitude.

Now let me tell you about my aunt Viktorya, my father's elder sister. Viktorya was born in 1895, in Constanza, a port city by the Black Sea. My aunt, Tante Viktorya, was very close to us. I called her Tantika. Women enjoy speaking and tend to share a lot; and so did my aunt. She spoke frequently about their house, whereas my father did not.

Viktorya was educated up to the secondary level. Interestingly, she attended a Greek school in Constanza. She knew Greek very well. Since her mother was ill most of the time, my aunt did housework from a very young age on, and was very good at it. She also knew how to sew very well. I have in my possession an old foot-operated Singer sewing machine which she had brought all the way from Romania to Turkey. It must be 100 years old, but is still in good working condition.

In 1917, when my father was 14 years old, their mother died. My aunt was 22 then. Being the only woman of the family, she had to take care of her father and three brothers, which meant keeping the house, cooking and acting as a mother to them. Of course, it is possible that they had help in the house, considering that they employed a coachman - you don't have a coachman and not afford a maid - but I don't remember any mention of helpers.

When they came to Istanbul in the 1920s, Tantika was a young girl. She loved people and established good relations with the neighbors in no time. She learned a great deal from the friends she made, yet she had some skills others didn't have and knew some things from Romania that people here did not know, like preparing chicken with dried apricots. Here's the recipe:

Put to soak 300 grams dried apricots for about an hour. Sauté pieces of chicken in a pan, in sunflower or olive oil until slightly brown. Add half a cup boiling water, salt and pepper, cover and simmer until juice is almost completely reduced. Transfer chicken to another dish. Place drained apricots in bottom of pan, add cooked pieces of chicken, cover with boiling water and simmer until only a small amount of sauce remains.

This is a typically Romanian dish. Viktorya knew and prepared Sephardic dishes Romanian style. When introducing me to certain recipes, she pointed to the differences between Istanbul and Romanian cooking. For example, she said that they never added bread crumbs to the meat when preparing meatballs, and that she had learned to do that in Istanbul.

She did all the housework herself. I know for certain that they did not employ any help in Istanbul. As I noted, she knew how to sew very well. She sewed all my clothes until I was seven or eight years old... She cooked and did the washing all by hand.

Viktorya was rather heavily built and had light brown hair. She was not particularly pretty, but walked keeping her body upright and with a self- confident allure which reflected her strong personality. She was of medium height. She valued cleanliness and orderliness, which were reflected in the way she kept herself - no hair out of place, so-to-speak. She liked to dress well, chic but on the formal side, suits in the winter, sun dresses or prints in the summer. She always wore jewelry: pins, earrings, rings. All in all, she was a doer, hard on herself. She never spent an idle moment. When she had nothing to do, she found something to sew.

My aunt was deeply sorry that her brother had to stay engaged for five years because she wasn't married. I believe this caused her to marry somebody who, under normal circumstances, would not have been her first choice, nor apparently vice versa. The groom's decision was facilitated by the lure of a small dowry and participation in my father's business. It is very likely, that Israel Levi married Tantika for the little amount of money and the job. Tantika was about 40 then, her husband a little younger.

It was not a successful marriage, to say the least. Nor did it lead to a fruitful business relationship with my father. After a few years, my father and he had a fight and separated, and were not on speaking terms. This was terrible for Tantika, who loved her brother dearly. For a long time, during the day, she would come to see us 'secretly.'

After about 15 years, the said Israel Levi found a pretty Greek woman and left my aunt, who went on living in her apartment. My father supported her. Later, we heard that he was paralyzed. I used to tease my aunt by telling her that it was a good thing she had divorced, because she would have had to care for a paralyzed man now!

When I was a child, my aunt did not live with us literally, but in practice she did, because she lived just one street away, and not having any children of her own, she came to us daily, right after sending her husband off to work and making her bed. She stayed with us practically till dinner time.

As she didn't do the shopping herself, she used to cook whatever was available, always imaginatively, always with pleasure. She loved being useful: she either did the housework or she sewed - mostly for others.

She was a most obliging person. If anything needed to be done in the house, she felt she had to do it. She worked incessantly. She was a truly good person. She lived in Lamartin Caddesi in Taksim and had a neighbor, who had to work during the day, despite having a boy of three or four. Tantika took care of that boy until he started school. She took him with her, gave him his lunch, put him to nap, and when he woke up, she dressed up and took him for a walk from Taksim to Galatasaray. All this without any pay, just to help a neighbor.

She took care of me, too - this way and much more. She was like a second mother to me.

She also loved going out a little every day. She went strolling in Pera, looking at the shop windows. Or she and my mother went to play cards, with friends. In those days, the women of our community used to meet in the afternoons to play card games like 'kumkam.' As they lived in the same neighborhood, my mother and Tantika had the same friends.

Then, in 1960, we had to leave the apartment where we had lived for 23 years, because the landlord's daughter had gotten married and needed it. Until then, we had been paying a rather low rent. When we were forced to move, our rent went up significantly. Then, as I noted before, my mother said, 'Since Viktorya comes to us everyday and only goes to her own apartment to sleep, we may as well all live together, rather than go on paying two rents.'

This appeared quite logical for economical reasons, but led to unforeseen friction between the now two ladies of the house. Viktorya was accustomed to being mistress of her own house. My mother liked to linger in bed in the mornings and got up at 10, do her housework whenever she felt like it, or just leave it for the next day. Therefore, when Viktorya got up at 8 and finished all the work, my mother got cross and said, 'I was going to do all that after I got up at 10!'

When this friction arose, my mother found that she had had enough of being together day and night with her sister-in-law and go to play cards together as well. My aunt got offended and stopped going out together. For a while, she had some friends and relatives apart from my mother. But she soon stopped seeing them and started to sit at home, seemingly unhappy, more and more.

All the hardships Tantika had suffered in her life were reflected - one might say - in her appearance, which was rather tragic. Through much of her life, she had been sad and somewhat gloomy, as opposed to my mother who had a cheerful disposition. Viktorya suffered from high blood pressure and chronic gastritis, and had to take all kinds of pills.

When I got married and had my own two children, Tantika preferred to come and stay with us and take care of them, and to help me out, which I needed because I was working. She was like a grandmother to them, came over on Monday mornings and went home on Friday evenings. She did this willingly and generously because that's the kind of person she was.

Then she got older. When my children grew up and started to go to university, I invited her over and fetched her on occasion, not to work but to spend a week with us from time to time.

All this time, she continued to live in my parents' house. In 1977, she suffered a slight paralysis, then recovered and lived another two years. Two years later, she had a relapse but did not recover this time. She was admitted to the Or-ahayim Hospital, where she passed away after three months, in the year 1979, at the age of 84.

My father's elder brother, David Nassi, who was three years younger than Viktorya, was born in 1898 and raised in Romania. The only thing I know about him is this: when he was 17, he volunteered to fight in World War I. He served in the Romanian army and fought from 1915 till 1918. When the war ended, he came home. Three months later, when he turned 20, he was called to do his military service. He tried to explain that he had served in the war as a volunteer for three years, but was told that volunteering was one thing, military service another. He got so infuriated that he ran away, deserting home, family, country, everything. They never heard of him again.

One day, 10-15 years ago, my telephone rang. Somebody speaking Spanish - almost as little as me then - said, 'I am Moshe Nassi.' I got terribly excited: it was my uncle David's son calling! He and his wife had come from Israel and were staying at a hotel in Aksaray. I immediately went to fetch them and took them to see my father. Their meeting was very emotional. My father told his newly-found nephew all the things he did not know about our family. He didn't even know that our grandfather's name was Izak, nor that he himself was named after a younger brother of his father, who had died at a young age. We gave him photographs.

Moshe, on his part, told us what had happened to David after he left Romania. David crossed to Bulgaria, where he started to work on a farm and married Blanca, the daughter of a Jewish family who also worked there. They had a boy and a girl, whom they named Moshe and Nehama. They emigrated to Palestine before World War II. My cousin Moshe is exactly my age, his sister Nehama seven years younger.

When Moshe turned ten, his father died. Their mother raised the children. As they lost their father at a very young age, they did not know much about his family background. I don't know how he found out that we were in Istanbul; apparently, he got our name and address from the Chief Rabbinate.

A year after Moshe's visit, his sister Nehama also came and met my father. That encounter was as, if not more, emotional as the earlier one with her brother. Nehama was only three when she lost her father. When she saw my father, therefore, she clasped both his hands and held them for the duration of the meeting. Now, we keep in touch with them by telephone and e- mail.

My father's second brother, Moiz Nassi, born in 1900, worked in the same bank as his father, as 'cash collector.' Every Friday evening, he would go to the various villages where the Marmarosh Bank had branches, by horse- carriage driven by a coachman, collect the cash, bring it to the main branch, and lock it in the main safe. On a winter day, when passing through a forest, his party was attacked and robbed by brigands, who killed the horse and the coachman, and left Moiz for dead. He remained lying in the snow for three days. When they finally found him, he had pneumonia and died three months later. He was about 18.

My eldest uncle, Nisim Finanser, born circa 1896, was in the wholesale textile business on commission, in Sirkeci, like his father. He was married to Sara Baruh and had two sons. He died in 1958 of a brain hemorrhage. His elder son Moris moved to Israel and died there. His younger son Alper is exactly my age. He still lives in Istanbul. Both Moris and Alper attended the St. Benoit French School.

Pepo Finanser was also in the same business. He was married to Rashel Tovi. They had a daughter, Esterika. They lived in Istanbul but emigrated to Israel towards the end of their lives. Pepo died there in 1971, as did his wife shortly after. Their daughter still lives in Israel.

Alber Finanser opened a wholesale textile shop in Asirefendi caddesi. He had a partner called Katalan. Alber's first wife died when she was only 23. They had a daughter, Meri, who lives in the USA currently. Alber got married again - to Estrea from Kadiköy. They had a daughter, too, Ayten. They lived in Yazici sokak, two or three buildings away from the famous Dogan Apt., which used to be called Botton Han then. They did their shopping from the window, with a basket tied to a rope.

Concerning the laundry, Meri told me that all the neighbors gathered on the roof terrace [taraca], lit up fires in the open, on which they heated water in enormous cauldrons, and did their washing all together. They then hung the washing to dry on ropes that were extended from each other's windows on opposite sides of the street, from one end to the other. I witnessed the laundry hanging in the streets thus all the time. Lots of photographs of this exist and attest to it, too.

Meri and Ayten attended the Ste. Pulchérie French School. After a long and successful career of 40 years as a dress-maker - she had an atelier in a part of her house, with 5 Mexican girls helping with the sewing. She made haute-couture 'sur commande' clothes for fashionable ladies who came to her house for the fittings - Meri went to university at the age of 69, got her BA in French, then went on and obtained her master's degree from Wake Forest University in North Carolina.

Alber Finanser lived in Istanbul, but moved to the US, to live with his daughter Meri, after his wife died. He died there in 1988.

My uncle Alber had many books written in Rashi letters, which were passed on to him from his father's household. Before going to America, he donated them to the Chief Rabbinate. I hope they kept them well.

Leon Finanser was a customs agent. He adopted the name Cemil Finanser. He was married to Süzan from Edirne. They didn't have any children. They moved to Israel in the 1970s. There, Leon adopted the name Ari Finanser. He died there in 1989. As far as I know, his wife Süzan still lives in Israel.

Rashel Finanser had typhus at the age of two and a half. The terrible disease, with its very high fever, caused brain damage. She did not develop well mentally due to that, but was able to learn housework, which she did very well. She worked at home every day until noon and went to the Sari Madam Tea Garden in the afternoons. All the women of the neighborhood who frequented that garden were very fond of her. She was a good, simple person. Maybe because of that, she was our favorite aunt, when we were children, because she liked to play with us.

Aunt Rashel lived with my grandmother, until my grandmother's death in 1962. Then she went to live with her younger brother Jak. Grandmother had made my mother responsible for Rashel's welfare after her own death. So, my mother arranged for all the brothers to contribute to her upkeep. Rashel was of great help at Jak's house, as she knew how to do housework, including cooking, ironing ... everything. She continued going to have tea at Sari Madam in the afternoons. But Jak died relatively young, of cancer.

After that, still on my mother's initiative and with her organizational skills, all the brothers contributed to pay for her to stay at the Old People's Home at the La Paix French Hospital. She was already quite ill with diabetes. She lived for about two years at the La Paix and died there of diabetes, in 1976.

Izak Finanser had a wholesale drug supply company, buying drugs from the various producers and distributing them to the pharmacies. He attended the St. Benoit French School. He married Naile Kamhi and had a daughter named Aysel, who attended the Ste. Pulchérie French School. Towards the end of his life, he lost his eyesight due to diabetes. His daughter Aysel, who lived in Israel, came to Istanbul in 1984 and took him there. Izak died there in 1986.

I don't know what Jak Finanser did for a living. He was married to Öjeni and had two sons, Moris and Viktor. Jak died in Istanbul in 1974. His wife and sons still live here.

The youngest brother Eli Finanser also attended the St. Benoit French School. He had a wholesale business of pharmacy equipment. He was married to Vilma Bubic and had two daughters, Etel and Rozi, both of whom attended the Ste. Pulchérie French School. Rozi then went on to the St. Michel Lycée and the Academy of Fine Arts, where she studied Textile Designing. Eli died in Istanbul in 1997. His wife and daughters still live here.

Most of my uncles' children are businessmen.

My mother's brothers went to the synagogue most Saturdays as well as on religious holidays.

I was born in Istanbul on 23rd February 1937. I am an only child. My mother was 37 years old when she gave birth to me. When I was five months old, we moved to the Tas apt. at No. 33/1 in Taksim, Talimhane, Sehit Muhtar caddesi. I remember this well because we lived there till I was 23.

When mother suffered from a severe case of rheumatism, my parents hired an Armenian nanny called Nuritsa for me. She always used to tell me two stories when she put me to bed; one was 'Tas Bebek' [The Stone Doll] and the other 'Asik Garip' [The Wandering Minstrel]. Unfortunately, I never heard the ending of these stories because she was so tired that she fell asleep before me. Apart from a nanny, I had a 'mademoiselle' who took me out to the park. I also took piano and ballet lessons then, thus fulfilling all bourgeois requirements.

When I was about two years old, we started going to Büyükada to spend the summers. There, in the evenings, we used to meet my father at the 'débarcadaire' [quay]. We hired a rowing boat and my parents swam.

When World War II started, I was barely three. What impressed me most then and has stuck in my memory, were the dark blue spring-roller blinds - we called them 'stors' - on the windows, which we had to pull down in the evenings in order to block out the lights. This was part of everyone's routine called 'black-out.' I still have those 'stors' which I keep in case they come in useful some day, because they were made of a very strong tarpaulin-like material.

Of course, basic foods like bread and sugar were rationed, but - thanks to my parents' care - I was not affected by that.

I never attended kindergarten, which made me feel deprived and was a source of frustration, because all my friends did.

The year 1942 saw the imposition of the 'Varlik Vergisi' [Wealth Tax]. My father's situation was affected less by the tax than by the war itself, but improved on the whole after the war. After several years of being a seasonal renter in Büyükada, he bought a house there, as well as a boat. After using it as a rowing boat for a year, he installed sails on it and took me sailing with him. We learned to ride a bicycle together, my father and I. He was 45 then, and I was eleven. We toured the island on our bikes, sailed and swam together.

During the summer, in Büyükada, my mother and I went to the women's Turkish Bath. It was a small hamam. There was a central place where everyone washed together, and three small, private cubicles on one side. Skinny women wearing bath-wraps made of thin cotton cloth, from the waist down, called 'peshtamal,' used to massage and scrub us, literally, with rough mitts that felt like steel wool.

We used to go to my grandparents' house every holiday without fail. My grandfather was very particular about that. We were a crowd of 35 people around the Pesach table. He read the Haggadah himself and performed all the Seder rituals.

In my parents' house, there was no observance of religious or traditional customs. We went to the synagogue only for weddings or funerals.

When I was a child, my father's elder sister Viktorya, who I called Tantika, did not live with us, but she came to our house every day and stayed until just before dinner time. She took great care of me and was like a second mother.

I attended the Taksim Aydin Okulu elementary school and the English High School for Girls.

My father was an authoritarian person but always indulgent with me. He was very fond of me; he talked with me and was concerned about me. I trusted him implicitly. Once, while in elementary school, I was having difficulties with my 'Yurttaslik Bilgisi' [Citizenship course] homework. I asked for his help. He sat with me for a couple of hours and explained it to me. He did it so well that I always got 'Pek Iyi' [a 'Very Good' mark] on that subject after that day.

Most of our neighbors were Jewish. Relations were very close. They all visited each other for coffee, coming to us frequently. They spoke Ladino among themselves. I consider French my mother tongue, because that was what we spoke at home.

I never spoke Ladino myself. My cousin Meri tells me that when our grandmother spoke to me in Ladino, I answered in French, being so stubborn. And they thought I did not know or understand it!!! But I did understand everything. One day, I must have been around eight, during a neighbors' gathering, they told a somewhat spicy story, and I burst out laughing. Then they realized that I understood - and that put an end to it: they stopped telling spicy stories in my presence!

When I was eleven, we traveled to Izmir by train. Trains were very chic then, with sleepers known as 'Wagon-lit' and 'Wagon-Restaurant.' The trip lasted a whole day. My father was in the essential oils business. He had agents in Izmir, namely, two partners who were called Sadi and Krespin. We were invited to Krespin's house where I stayed for a month. They had a boy of my age, Daviko. This David had kites that he put together himself, with long tails made of newspapers. For the first time in my life, I flew kites in the fields, whirled tops, ran and played in the streets with other children, got tired, sweaty and flushed, in short, I learned how to be a child in Izmir. As an only child, I had been a quiet child at home, with my books. That is why Izmir has had and will always have a very special meaning for me.

At eleven, after finishing elementary school, I started attending the English High School. It was for girls only at that time. It was situated between Galatasaray and Tünel, in Beyoglu [Pera]. It still exists, but as the Beyoglu Anadolu Lisesi for boys and girls. I used to go back and forth by tramway. Those days, I received one lira per week from my parents as pocket money, which I tried to save by sometimes walking - or running - to school, because the tram cost 3 kurus, and I used that saved money to buy books.

In high school, all subjects were taught in English - sciences and math, literature, language, grammar and all. In the afternoons, Turkish Language and Literature, Grammar, History and Geography were taught in Turkish. The pupils were Turkish, Greek, Armenian, and Jewish. Foreign nationals could attend the elementary school and did. Among these, there were English, Italian and Greek nationals. The elementary school was for foreign nationals only, but when they reached high school, they joined in the 6th grade, with the Turkish nationals who came from the prep classes where they had learned English.

The subjects taught in English had foreign teachers, and those taught in Turkish had, understandably, Turkish teachers. There were no Jewish teachers. Most of the teachers were English and came from England under two to three-year contracts. Only in the preparatory classes, there were two woman teachers who seemed to have been there forever. My colleague Karen Gerson Sarhon, who is 20 years younger than I, learned English from the same teacher as I, 20 years later.

My friends and I used to visit each other in our homes after school hours. Of course, normally one has only two or three close friends.

On weekends, I went out with my cousins, especially with my uncle Alber's daughter Ayten who was my age, and her friends, because I was not an outgoing person and did not make friends easily when left to myself. Ayten went to Ste. Pulchérie French High School and had lots of friends from her class. I joined them and we went to the cinema at 4:30 on Saturday afternoons. We ate Profiterol chocolate cakes at the Inci patisserie. Hot dogs had just started to be popular then. We went to a place called Mandra in Tünel to eat hot dogs, and to drink 'tursu suyu' [pickle veggies' water] at a place in Sishane. In Beyoglu, across from the Saray Muhallebici, there was a place called Atlantik, which had started selling hot toast sandwiches with cheese.

We had books at home, but we borrowed many more from the French Cultural Center Library at the French Consulate in Taksim. In this way, my mother and I could read a great number of books, about a book every couple of days. Reading was my hobby; in contrast, playing the piano was a chore. I remember reading in bed, at night, with a small lamp, under the cover, till three or four in the morning.

When I became aware of what had been done to the Jews in Europe, I could not believe how such a thing was possible. Later, from books, I learned that similar treatment had occurred all along the centuries. For instance, in a book called 'The Last of the Just' [by André Schwarz-Bart (1928-2006), French author of Polish-Jewish origins]. I read in detail all the horrible things that had been done to Jews through one to two thousand years in different parts of the world. Then I realized that the mass killing was not new, just that it had gotten worse and worse as time went by.

After World War II, when there was a wave of Zionism, there emerged several secret societies in Istanbul. I joined one of them called Betar 18, together with some friends. We used to meet secretly, once or twice a week, in the houses of some of the members, about 10-15 young people. They taught us Zionism and a few words of Hebrew.

After attending a few times, a close friend and I thought, 'They tell us to go to Palestine. Why don't they go themselves?' This got on our nerves and we stopped going. Among all those people, I know only one who actually went to Palestine. But, of course, they say that about 35,000 people went when Israel was founded 19.

In 1950, when my father got ill and went to Paris with my mother, to be operated on, I remained a whole year with Tantika at the age of 13.

I met my first husband at a birthday party. I was 15. The party was five to ten minutes away from our apartment in Taksim, but when I left, he accompanied me home. Then we started seeing each other, meeting in Taksim and chatting. His name was Ceki Karasu. I was in the 8th grade.

That summer, Tantika and I went to Büyükada. Although his family did not normally go to Büyükada, Ceki insisted and they did that year. We continued seeing each other on the island. One day, we were strolling in the street when we saw someone Ceki knew. He said, 'Let me introduce you my fiancée.' He had not proposed, formally or otherwise, before then, but through his act of introducing me as his fiancée, we became engaged - almost out of the blue.

Being away in Paris, my parents became aware of all this only upon their return. But as the families were suitable, there was no objection; and all was well. I got married at 17, with my parents' authorization, which I needed because of my age.

We got married at the Neve Shalom Synagogue. As my parents had converted to Islam before they got married, I was born Muslim. In order to get married at the Neve Shalom, I had to go through the process of becoming Jewish. For this, I needed to get the Mufti's permission. He asked me why I wanted to change my religion. I said that it was in order to get married. He then asked, 'Have you thought it over carefully?' I said, 'Yes,' and he signed the permit.

On the other hand, in a ceremony prepared by the Chief Rabbinate, I had to undress and get completely immersed three times in a bath [mikveh] in the presence of several women, and repeat certain words in Hebrew, which I did not understand. I gather that, coming from a family who was originally Jewish, still registered with the Community and paying Kizba 20, I did not need to take any lessons about my 'new' religion. Afterwards - after my Jewish identity was officially noted in my revised identity card - I could get married at the Neve Shalom.

Then Ceki went to do his military service in Ankara and I went with him. We stayed there for one and a half years, then returned to Istanbul.

I had left school in the middle of the 8th grade in order to get married. Later I came to regret this. While Ceki was doing his military service in Ankara, I started studying in order to take the secondary school graduation exams by working at home, without attending any classes, which was allowed. When we were back in Istanbul, I took the exams at the Galatasaray Lycée and passed.

I remember the events of 6th -7th September 21 because I had to take an exam on that day. We were in Caddebostan, so we did not hear or notice anything. When later in the morning I went to Beyoglu, I was quite shocked to see the streets covered in broken glass, torn furs and destroyed goods. We had to step on all that to be able to walk. By that time, the disturbances had ended, but all the shop windows were broken and the entire street of Beyoglu was covered, to a depth of 30-40 centimeters, with destroyed goods. I can't remember if the exam did take place or not that day.

Ceki tried to work in my father's office for a while, but they did not get along well. He found an interpreting job in Ankara; so we went back and lived there for another two years.

Strangely enough, the only anti-Semitic incident that happened to me in all my life occurred in Turkey but not through Turks. During my first marriage, while I was living in Ankara, I was looking for a secretarial job. At that time, many international petroleum companies were establishing operations in Turkey to search for oil, and I applied to all of them.

That anti-Semitic incident I mentioned before happened at the British Petroleum Oil Company. They gave me a form to fill, which asked for my religion. None of the other applications had asked for that. I wrote 'Jewish,' upon which they called me for an interview and said bluntly and unapologetically whatsoever, 'We cannot employ you because you are Jewish.' I was shocked and asked, 'So what?' They replied that they were careful not to employ people from different ethnic groups. And I said, 'I was born and raised in this country, and this is the first time in my life that I am told that there is something I cannot do because my religion is different.' They said, 'Sorry, this is our company's policy' and I didn't get the job, although I was fully qualified. I got a job, nevertheless, at the Tidewater Oil Co., which was an American company belonging to Paul Getty.

Later, my first husband decided to go to the US to study and stay there. I helped him actively to apply to numerous universities, but when he got accepted, I did not wish to go with him and decided to separate. He left, and I stayed in Turkey. We had been married for three and a half years, without having children. I got married at 17 and divorced at 21.

This was not a particularly courageous thing to do, for it was fairly common to divorce. But in my case, it was an uncharacteristically courageous act, because Ceki had been a manipulative person, guiding me in every aspect of life. In time, I rebelled against this, being perhaps somewhat harsh because he refused to let me go. At that stage, my character, which was on the timid, docile and introverted side, had to change, and it did.

Then I returned to Istanbul, lived with my family and worked with my father, went horseback riding, traveled, had a wider and expanding social entourage, or circle of acquaintances and friends.

My parents were very supportive, although they probably were a bit sorry and would have wanted the marriage to have succeeded. But I could not bring myself to go to America with someone I did not love, leaving my family, and living under suppression. My close family consisted of three elderly people: my parents, who were already nearing their sixties, and the older Tantika. They would have had nobody had I left them, which I just could not do.

In fact, after I started working for my father, the last company I had worked for in Ankara, had a meeting at the Istanbul Hilton Hotel, and asked me to do some secretarial work for it. Then and there, one of the persons for whom I acted as secretary, someone from Italy, offered me a job in Italy at a salary sufficient to live decently there: 250 dollars per month, which was attractive and consistent with prevailing salaries in the West.

I thought about it a lot, but did not take the job. Maybe if I had, my whole life would have been altered, but I could not abandon my people here. Eventually, they all died practically in my arms, which makes my decision, in retrospect, appropriate.

When I started to work for my father in 1958, I learned the business. After a year, Mr. Grünstayn, who had acted as our sales person, that is, took the orders, left us and I started to visit the customers myself. By that time, we had obtained the agency of the Ferro Enamels Company of Holland, which produced raw materials, installations, machinery and equipment for the enameling and ceramic industries. I went to Holland to learn the business.

In those years, 1958-1959 maybe, I was the only woman who drove herself to factories to sell raw materials and machinery. I was extremely well received. Even in Holland, when we visited factories and foundries, they were surprised to see me, because even there, there were no women in this line of work, and it surprised them all that the first woman to do this should come from Turkey.

After my divorce, I went to the Istanbul Atli Spor Kulübü [Istanbul Horseback Riding Club] with a friend from elementary school, Rozi Arditti. Thereafter, between my two marriages, from the age of 21 to 28, I went horseback riding and on vacations frequently with friends.

In 1964, my family had already moved to Yesilyurt.

I met my second husband in 1965 through a friend, Sehnaz Akinci, at the horse-riding club. She lived on the same floor, in the same apartment, as a lady called Mina Urgan. I met her for the first time when I went to Sehnaz's apartment. Mina Urgan had had a beloved classmate at the American College, Saffet Orgun, who had passed away, and had a son, Günel Orgun. He was a young man of about my age, who had been married and divorced after three years. Mina thought that we should be compatible, and that being both divorcees, we could have some good time together. So, she introduced us. Günel had a motorboat. Mina asked my friend Sehnaz and me to a boat ride on a Sunday. We went and that is how we met.

At that time, Günel was on the verge of buying a farm by the sea in Datca [a town in southwest Turkey], together with four friends. The farm was called Mersincik and was situated at 18 kilometers from Bodrum, on the opposite shore, and could only be reached from there by sea. It was a dream- like place of 5000 dönüms [approx. 1250 acres]. Some 500 dönüms of it was flatland by the sea; the rest consisted of hills covered with trees that reached 800 meters. There were 1500 tangerine, orange and grapefruit trees, and a flock of 150 goats. The hills were full of olive trees of the variety grown for their oil.

Everyone dreams of owning a farm at some time or another, but the fact that Günel was about to realize that dream was one of the things that impressed me the most about him. Our mutual love of classical music also drew us to each other. We got married three months after we met, in 1965, and have been together for 42 years.

Mina Urgan, who had brought us together, was a retired professor of English Literature at the University of Istanbul. She later became famous with her best-selling book 'Bir Dinozor'un Anilari' [Memoirs of a Dinosaur] and its sequel, 'Bir Dinozor'un Gezileri' [Travels of a Dinosaur], where she mentions us, our family and our children.

We got married at the Üsküdar Registry Office. Günel is a graduate of Robert College 22. He had lots of friends from school, Turkish, Jewish, Greek, Armenians, etc., reflecting the diversity of RC's student body. His family was very Westernized. He teases me to this day by saying that my family is far more 'a la turca' than his. After all, my grandfather was from Canakkale, used to smoke the 'narghile' sitting cross-legged on the sofa, on top of cushions, played with worry beads, etc. In comparison, Günel's relatives were the avant-garde of the day, having been to Europe, studied at the Galatasaray Lycée, in short, much more Western than my relatives.

Shortly after we got married in 1965, Günel and I drove to Bodrum in my car. On the old highway, going from Milas to Bodrum, there was a very steep and curved road, winding through the pine forests, with a precipice on one side and a mountain on the other. That road was called 'Avram Yokusu' [Avram's Slope]. It must have been named after Avram Galante [Jewish historian who was also one of the first members of parliament after the Turkish Republic was founded], who was born in Bodrum. That road is no longer used, because there is a new highway going to Bodrum by the coast. A real pity.

From Bodrum, we crossed to Mersincik by boat and spent our honeymoon there. We had 2500 olive trees - of the eating-olives variety - planted. We did this by hiring 45 workers from the surrounding villages. They worked on daily wages and slept in caves that were around the farm. The wives of the 'kahya' and the workers cooked food in big cauldrons and baked bread in the oven situated in the garden. In 1965, Datca was a largely undeveloped place. As a result of the work we provided, a traveling open-air cinema came there, for the first time, because they got informed that our 45 workers had earned some money. Nothing like that had ever happened in the surrounding villages at that time.

When we got back, we rented a house on the Bosphorus, on the Asian coast. In those years it was cheaper to live in a 'Yali' [sea-side villa] than in an apartment in town. Günel worked in an automotive company called Tatko. He was in charge of the spare parts department.

Then we had two children: my son Orhan, born in 1966, and my daughter Gün, born in 1968. I worked in my father's office. My aunt Viktorya, who was like a grandmother to them, came to stay with us on Monday mornings and went back on Friday evenings. This continued until my son turned two. I stopped working when my daughter was about to be born, because Tantika had become too old to take care of two small children.

One day, my husband and I had a serious talk and considered the two alternatives open to us: either we moved near my parents' home in Yesilyurt and left the children with them when I went to work, or he quit his job and went to work with my father. We chose the latter because my father had a good business; we also reasoned that we could not leave him alone, as he could not hear well, could not drive, could not talk with the clients on the phone and that, in short, the business would collapse if we left.

I remember the particulars well: Günel used to earn 4000 liras per month, plus a bonus, at Tatko. He came to work with my father for 2500 liras per month. He worked there for about ten years, and the business prospered, thanks to his ability, regardless of how much the market situation may have contributed to it.

By the year 1971, we had saved up enough money to buy an apartment. But we had always lived in nice houses by the sea, with gardens, and could not envisage being squeezed in a town apartment. We looked at the choices a little away from the city in order to afford a house with a garden. We were lucky to buy a farm in Polonezköy [a village 15 km north of Istanbul, on the Asian side, founded by refugees of Polish origin, after the Crimean War] 23 for the price of an apartment in town.

We then started a poultry farm. Our intention was to stop working in business, as soon as the farm would support us because, by that time, Günel had had enough of city life in general and business life, in particular. The children, who were two and four when we moved to Polonezköy, later attended the village elementary school, which consisted of a single room where all 5 grades were taught by a single teacher. We had a very good life there. We owned cows, a few sheep, ducks, cats and dogs, and some 6000 chicken. Four families worked for us. We made a living by selling eggs.

There we lived a life completely different and removed from Jewish culture. We lived after all in a Catholic village populated by people of Polish origin. But my children have always been aware of my being Jewish, from what I told them and from visiting my parents' home frequently. They went to synagogue with me for weddings. After attending the wedding of one of my cousins, my daughter who was four, was so impressed that she said she wanted to become a bride when she grew up, thinking that it was a profession. Also, I usually cooked, and still do, Sephardic dishes like gratinated spinach and squash. As for circumcision, my son was circumcised at the age of eight, by a medical specialist.

We lived all year long in Polonezköy, summer and winter, for ten years. After elementary school, my children attended for one year a secondary school called Kültür Lisesi. I stayed with them in Yesilyurt, at my parents', and Günel stayed in Polonezköy, where I went with the children to spend the weekends. At the end of that year, the Kültür Lisesi was closed down. Then, the children went to boarding school, at the Esenis Lisesi, for three years.

However, we would have had to move to town, when the time came to attend university. So, we decided to get an apartment in town and bought one in Cengelköy, before they finished the lycée. Eventually they both succeeded in being accepted to the Bogazici University [24 ]. It's then that we sold the chickens, and stopped the poultry farming.

We always spoke Turkish at home, but I spoke French with Tantika, and hearing the language almost daily no doubt helped the children a lot. Proof is that while at the university, they took French courses at the French Cultural Center, and were able to speak it after just two months.

During the four years when the children were in university, we drove to the Aegean and Mediterranean coasts, the four of us, during the semester holidays.

While I managed the poultry farm in Polonezköy, my husband commuted daily by car to the office in Sirkeci. In 1978, he decided to quit commerce for good and informed the Ferro Enamels factory in Holland of his decision. They appointed a new representative, who was the technical manager of one of our customers. We offered to help him by transferring all our know-how and introducing him to all our customers. In fact, my husband worked with him for several months. Business turned out to be quite good the first year and the new rep earned a lot of money.

However, by the end of the year 1978 or 1979, Turkey was in a severe economic crisis, as a result of which imports stopped completely. Turkey had to reschedule its heavy external debt, accepting to repay it in installments in ten years. This affected us, too, since we had a commission due to us which we could not receive until the end of these ten years.

On the whole, though, our decision to stop the business when we did was quite fortuitous, as we would have been out of work at the end of one year. People who knew us thought that it was all pre-planned - that we had foreseen the situation and stopped in time. The truth is that is was just a matter of pure luck.

We had a similarly positive experience at a later date. In 1981, we sold our 6000 chickens and moved to town to prepare for our children's university studies. We had to do that because there were no dormitories available for people who were residents of Istanbul. So, we liquidated our poultry farm and bought an apartment in Cengelköy. Within a year after that, the poultry business collapsed, and people in it went bankrupt. In one case, the entrepreneur concerned - the Jewish owner of the Yupi poultry farm in Izmir - committed suicide. As things turned out, we stopped the poultry business just in time, again by pure chance.

My husband was 42 years old when he retired. His hobby was skin-diving and spear-fishing. When we moved to Cengelköy, he also started line-fishing with a friend who was a professional fisherman. They went out fishing by boat in the Bosphorus, the Marmara and Black Seas. Günel didn't engage in it for profit; he gave his friend all his catch but had a splendid time, which is what drove him to this activity. This he did for about four or five years.

After moving to Cengelköy, I, on the other hand, took a five-week course in hand-weaving rugs and kilims. After acquiring the necessary skill and familiarity with the business, I bought some looms and started a cottage industry, together with a friend, Belkis Balpinar, who was a graduate in Textile Designing from the Academy of Fine Arts. We worked together for eight years, Belkis doing the designing and I supervising the weaving. Our workers consisted of housewives from Malatya, who lived in a district called Kavacik.

We bought the raw wool [fleece] from Konya and had it carded and spun by hand. Then we dyed it ourselves by boiling it in big cauldrons on open fires in the garden. We produced many valuable kilims in this manner, only one of each design. I took care of the production end on my account, that is, Belkis paid for the preparation of the yarn and I, who owned the looms and employed the workers, produced the final product - the kilims themselves.

According to this arrangement, known as 'sur façon,' I financed the whole process of manufacturing and charged so much per square meter. In turn, Belkis, who paid me by the square meter produced, sold the kilims in exhibitions she organized in places like New York, Washington, San Francisco, London, Milan, and even Tokyo. She still does this; I, on the other hand, had to stop when my parents became too old and I had to move in with them.

The truth is that I never earned anything from the weaving business, because I felt that the workers were not paid enough, and kept raising their wages. I had, nevertheless, a wonderful time during those eight years, thanks to all those beautiful exhibitions, and meeting all those interesting collectors.

In 1988, my son Orhan graduated from the Mechanical Engineering Department of the Bogazici University and went to the University of California at Berkeley for his master's degree. When he was about to start on his doctorate, he changed subjects and studied Linguistics instead.

In 1993, he married Sharon Inkelas, a linguist like himself, and they had two sons, Jem in 1995, and Eli in 1998. Unfortunately they were divorced, though amicably, in 2006. The boys live with their mother, but my son takes them a couple of days a week, when they spend some time together.

In 1989, my daughter Gün graduated from the English Language and Literature Department of the Bogazici University. She went for her master's degree to the University of Edinburgh, and then for her doctor's degree to the University of Glasgow. In 1994, she married Stewart Carruth, a housing expert. They had a son, Jamie, in 2000, and a daughter, Lisha, in 2003.

After closing the business and the poultry farm, we rented out our office space and have been living off the income. We also have our retirement salaries. We still have the property in Polonezköy and spend eight months of the year there and only the four winter months in Cengelköy.

Every year, we visit our children in the USA and Scotland; they, in turn, often come to visit us in Turkey. Sometimes we all get together at my daughter's home in Scotland.

Jem and Eli, our American grandchildren, go to an elementary school which teaches half day in English and half day in Spanish. In 2002, I saw an ad of the Cervantes Institute about a course of Modern Spanish for Sephardi, and I immediately enrolled in it. Thanks to that decision, I can now speak Spanish with my grandchildren.

That course had another interesting outcome: It helped me remember the Ladino language I had heard and understood, but never spoke as a child. In that course, we started to prepare a dictionary in Ladino-Spanish-English- Turkish, which, in time, Antonio Ruiz Tinoco, who is a Professor of Spanish in Japan, installed on the Internet.

One day, I visited the offices of the Shalom periodical in order to buy a book in Ladino called 'En Tierras Ajenas Yo Me Vo Murir.' Gila Erbes, who was in charge of the bookstore, proposed that I should write a piece in Ladino. I wrote a couple of pieces in my free time, and thus met Karen Gerson Sarhon there. Karen was at that time organizing the Ottoman-Turkish Sephardic Culture Research Center. She asked me to talk about our Internet Dictionary at the opening reunion. This was the beginning of a deep friendship and fruitful collaboration.

Now, since 2004, we are publishing El Amaneser, which is a monthly supplement in Ladino of the Shalom Newspaper. Karen is the editor-in-chief of the publication, and I am the co-editor and coordinator. We receive by electronic mail articles from the whole world, largely from people who have not forgotten the language, and we publish them. Those people who see their pieces published become incredibly emotional and happy.

I am very pleased to be doing such a sentimental job at this stage of my life. My mother loved the Judeo-Spanish language very much. Although we always spoke French at home, she went back to speaking Ladino in the last two years of her life. And I feel that, with this activity, I do something that would have pleased her a lot.

Glossary

1 Shalom

Istanbul Jewish weekly, founded by Avram Leyon in 1948. During Leyon's ownership, the paper was entirely in Ladino. Upon the death of its founder in 1985, the newspaper passed into the hands of the Jewish community owned company Gozlem Gazetecilik. It then started to be published in Turkish with one or two pages in Ladino. It is presently distributed to 4,000 subscribers.

2 El Amaneser

Istanbul Jewish monthly supplement to the Shalom newspaper. Founded as part of the activities of the Ottoman-Turkish Sephardic Culture Research Center in March 2005, it is published wholly in Ladino with subscribers and writers from all over the world. It is presently distributed to all Shalom subscribers plus an additional 250 who have subscribed only to El Amaneser.

3 Ladino

Also known as Judeo-Spanish, it is the spoken and written Hispanic language of Jews of Spanish and Portuguese origin. Ladino did not become a specifically Jewish language until after the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492 (and Portugal in 1495) - it was merely the language of their province. It is also known as Judezmo, Dzhudezmo, or Spaniolit. When the Jews were expelled from Spain and Portugal they were cut off from the further development of the language, but they continued to speak it in the communities and countries to which they emigrated. Ladino therefore reflects the grammar and vocabulary of 15th-century Spanish. In Amsterdam, England and Italy, those Jews who continued to speak 'Ladino' were in constant contact with Spain and therefore they basically continued to speak the Castilian Spanish of the time. Ladino was nowhere near as diverse as the various forms of Yiddish, but there were still two different dialects, which corresponded to the different origins of the speakers: 'Oriental' Ladino was spoken in Turkey and Rhodes and reflected Castilian Spanish, whereas 'Western' Ladino was spoken in Greece, Macedonia, Bosnia, Serbia and Romania, and preserved the characteristics of northern Spanish and Portuguese. The vocabulary of Ladino includes hundreds of archaic Spanish words, and also includes many words from different languages: mainly from Hebrew, Arabic, Turkish, Greek, French, and to a lesser extent from Italian. In the Ladino spoken in Israel, several words have been borrowed from Yiddish. For most of its lifetime, Ladino was written in the Hebrew alphabet, in Rashi script, or in Solitreo. It was only in the late 19th century that Ladino was ever written using the Latin alphabet. At various times Ladino has been spoken in North Africa, Egypt, Greece, Turkey, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria, Romania, France, Israel, and, to a lesser extent, in the United States and Latin America.

4 Wealth Tax

Introduced in December 1942 by the Grand National Assembly in a desperate effort to resolve depressed economic conditions caused by wartime mobilization measures against a possible German influx to Turkey via the occupied Greece. It was administered in such a way to bear most heavily on urban merchants, many of who were Christians and Jews. Those who lacked the financial liquidity had to sell everything or declare bankruptcy and even work on government projects in order to pay their debts, in the process losing most or all of their properties. Those unable to pay were subjected to deportation to labor camps until their obligations were paid off.

5 Rashi alphabet

A Hebrew alphabet traditionally used for Rashi (Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac, 1040-1105) commentaries of the Bible and the Talmud, it is also the traditional alphabet of Judeo-Spanish. The Judeo-Spanish alphabet also used certain characters to denote the Spanish sounds that are alien to the Hebrew phonetics. Judeo-Spanish religious as well as secular texts were written in Rashi letters up until the introduction of the Latin alphabet, first by Alliance Israelite Universelle after 1860.

6 The Ottoman Empire in World War I

The Ottoman Empire entered the war on the side of the Central Powers in October 1914, as they were the ones fighting the traditional Ottoman enemy: the Russian Empire. During the winter of 1914-15 the Ottomans launched an ill prepared campaign in the Caucasus against Russia with the hope to be able to turn the local Turkish- speaking Russian subjects (Azerbaijan) to their sides. Instead, the Russian counter-offensive drove the Ottomans back behind the borders and Russia occupied North Eastern Anatolia. In the spring of 1915 the Entente was to occupy the straits (Bosphorus and Dardanelles) and ensure the passage of supply to the Russian Black Sea ports. British troops landed in Galippoli (Dardanelles) but were not able to expand their beachheads against the army of Mustafa Kemal Pasha (later Kemal Ataturk); they evacuated in February 1916. Although the Ottomans were able to resist the British in Mesopotamia (Iraq) in 1915, they finally took Baghdad in 1917 and drove the Ottomans out of the entire province. Although the Russians made further advance in Eastern Anatolia they left the war after the October Revolution and according to the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk (March 1918) the Ottomans were able to regain Eastern Anatolia. Due to the Arab Revolt supported by the British as well as the direct British military intervention the Ottomans lost both Palestine and Syria; Mustafa Kemal was able only to withdraw his forces intact to Anatolia. Sultan Mohammed VI (1818-22) was forced to sign an armistice with the Entente (October 1918) and as a result British and French battle ships reached the port of Istanbul. The Sultan finally signed the Peace Treaty in Sevres in August 1920, according to which the Arab and Kurdish provinces and Armenia were lost as well as the whole of European Turkey with Istanbul, and the Aegean littoral was to be given to Greece.

7 Raki

Anise liquor, popular in many places in the Balkans, Anatolia and the Middle East. It is principally the same as Greek Ouzo, Bulgarian Mastika or Arabic Arak.

8 Surname Law

Passed on 21st June 1934, in the early years of the Turkish Republic, requiring every citizen to acquire a surname. Up to then the Muslims, contrary to the Jews and Christians, were mostly called by their father's name beside their own.

9 Turkish War of Independence (1919-1922)

After the Ottoman capitulation to the Entente, Mustafa Kemal Pasha (later Kemal Ataturk) organized the Turkish Nationalist Party (1919) and set up a new government in Ankara to rival Sultan Mohammed VI, who had been forced to sign the treaty of Sevres (August 1920). He was able to regain much of the lost provinces; stopped the advancing Greek troops only 8 km from Ankara and was able to finally expel them from Anatolia (August 1922). He gained important victories in diplomacy too: he managed to have both the French and the Italian withdrawn from Anatolia by October 1921 and Soviet Russia recognize the country and establish the Russian-Turkish boundary. Signing a British-proposed armistice in Thrace he managed to have the Greeks withdrawn beyond the Meric (Maritsa) River and accepted a continuous Entente presence in the straits and Istanbul. In November 1922 the Grand National Assembly abolished the Sultanate (retained the Caliphate though) by which act the Ottoman Empire 'de jure' ceased to exist. Sultan Mohammed VI fled to Malta and his cousin, Abdulmejid, was named the Caliph. Turkey was the only defeated country able to negotiate with the Entente as equal and influence the terms of the peace treaty. At the Lausanne conference (November 1922- July 1923) the Entente recognized the present day borders of Turkey, including the areas acquired through warfare after the signing of the Treaty in Sevres.

10 Amical

Jewish youth club, formerly located on the first floor at the back of the Sisli Beth Israel Synagogue in Istanbul, and frequented by university students, who took part in social and cultural activities like theater performances, conferences and dance parties.

11 Or Ahayim Hospital

Istanbul Jewish hospital, established in 1898 with the decree of Sultan Abdulhamit II and the help of idealistic doctors and philanthropists. As a result of various fundraising activities the initially small clinic was expanded in 1900. Today, the hospital is still operating, serving both Jewish and non-Jewish patients with the latest technologies and qualified staff.

12 The 20 military classes

In May 1941 non-Muslims aged 26-45 were called to military service. Some of them had just come back from their military service but were told to report for duty again. Great chaos occurred, as the Turkish officials took men from the streets and from their jobs and sent them to military camps. They were used in road building for a year and disbanded in July 1942.

13 Alliance Israelite Universelle

An international Jewish organization based in France. It was founded in Paris in 1860 by Adolphe Gremieux, as a response to the Damascus Affair, with the goal to protect human rights of Jews as citizens of the countries where they live. The organization was created to combine the ideals of self defense and self sufficiency through education and professional development among Jews around the world. In addition, the organization operated a number of Jewish day schools and has done a lot to standardize the Ladino language. The Alliance schools were organized in network with their Central Committee in Paris. The teaching body was usually the alumni trained in France. The schools emphasized modern sciences and history in their curriculum; nevertheless Hebrew and religion were also taught. The Alliance Israelite Universelle ideology consisted in teaching the local language to Jews so they could be integrated to their country's culture. This was part of the modernization of the Jews. Most Ottoman Jews, however, did not take up the Turkish language (because it was optional), and as a result a new generation of Ottoman Jews grew up that was more familiar with France and the West than with the surrounding society. In the Balkans the first school was opened in Greece (Volos) in 1865, then in the Ottoman Empire in Adrianople in 1867, Shumla (Shumen) in 1870 and in Istanbul, Smyrna (Izmir), and Salonika in 1870s. In 1870, Carl Netter of the AIU received a tract of land from the Ottoman Empire as a gift and started an agricultural school, Mikveh Israel, the first modern Jewish agricultural settlement in the Land of Israel. The modernist Jewish elite and intelligentsia of the late 19th-century Ottoman Empire was known for having graduated from Alliance schools; they were closely attached to the Young Turk circles, and after 1908 three of them (Carasso, Farraggi, and Masliah) were members of the new Ottoman Chamber of Deputies.

14 Ataturk, Mustafa Kemal (1881-1938)

Great Turkish statesman, the founder of modern Turkey. Mustafa Kemal was born in Salonika; he adapted the name Ataturk (father of the Turks) when he introduced surnames in Turkey. He joined the liberal Young Turk movement, aiming at turning the Ottoman Empire into a modern Turkish nation state and also participated in the Young Turk Revolt (1908). He fought in the Second Balkan War (1913) and World War I. After the Ottoman capitulation to the Entente, Mustafa Kemal Pasha organized the Turkish Nationalist Party (1919) and set up a new government in Ankara to rival Sultan Mohammed VI, who had been forced to sign the treaty of Sevres (1920), according to which Turkey would loose the Arab and Kurdish provinces, Armenia, and the whole of European Turkey with Istanbul and the Aegean littoral to Greece. He was able to regain much of the lost provinces and expelled the Greeks from Anatolia. He abolished the Sultanate and attained international recognition for the Turkish Republic at the Lausanne Treaty (1923). Under his presidency Turkey became a constitutional state (1924), universal male suffrage was introduced, state and church were divided and he also introduced the Latin script.

15 Journal d'Orient

The main newspaper of the French-speaking Sephardi Jews in Turkey, it was published between 1917 and 1971 by Albert Karasu, his wife Angele Loreley and Jean de Peyrat idi. It consisted of four pages of daily news. The paper ceased publication on 25th August 1971, when Albert Karasu retired.

16 English High School for Girls

It was established by Lady Redcliffe, the wife of the British Ambassador, in 1849 on Bursa Street, Beyoglu, Istanbul. In 1979 Great Britain stopped subsidizing the school and the Turkish government took it over; it was renamed English Secondary. In 1980 new classes were introduced and it was renamed again and called Beyoglu Anatolian High School.

17 Neve Shalom Synagogue

Situated near the Galata Tower, it is the largest synagogue of Istanbul. Although the present building was erected only in 1952, a synagogue bearing the same name had been standing there as early as the 15th century.

18 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right- wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

19 Creation of the State of Israel

From 1917 Palestine was a British mandate. Also in 1917 the Balfour Declaration was published, which supported the idea of the creation of a Jewish homeland in Palestine. Throughout the interwar period, Jews were migrating to Palestine, which caused the conflict with the local Arabs to escalate. On the other hand, British restrictions on immigration sparked increasing opposition to the mandate powers. Immediately after World War II there were increasing numbers of terrorist attacks designed to force Britain to recognize the right of the Jews to their own state. These aspirations provoked the hostile reaction of the Palestinian Arabs and the Arab states. In February 1947 the British foreign minister Ernest Bevin ceded the Palestinian mandate to the UN, which took the decision to divide Palestine into a Jewish section and an Arab section and to create an independent Jewish state. On 14th May 1948 David Ben Gurion proclaimed the creation of the State of Israel. It was recognized immediately by the US and the USSR. On the following day the armies of Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Iraq, Syria and Lebanon attacked Israel, starting a war that continued, with intermissions, until the beginning of 1949 and ended in a truce.

20 Kizba

(Hebrew for 'taxation') Turkish Jewish community organization, which collects annual taxes from community members.

21 Events of 6th-7th September 1955

Pogrom against the ethnic Greeks in Istanbul. It broke out after the rumor that Ataturk's house in Salonika (Greece) was being bombarded. As most of the Greek houses and businesses had been registered by the authorities earlier it was easy to carry out the pogrom. The Greek (and other non-Muslim communities) were hit severely: 3 people were killed, 30 were wounded, also 1004 houses, 4348 shops, 27 pharmacies and laboratories, 21 factories, 110 restaurants and cafes, 73 churches, 26 schools, 5 sports clubs and 2 cemeteries were destroyed; 200 Greek women were raped. A great wave of immigration occurred after these events and Istanbul was cleansed of its Greek population.

22 Robert College

The oldest and most prestigious English language school in Istanbul since the mid-19th century, providing education to the elite of Turkey as well as other countries in the region. Robert College was born in 1863 in the village of Bebek by the Bosphorus, when Christopher Robert approached Cyrus Hamlin with his desires and found a receptive audience. Hamlin, an American schoolmaster, had been running a school, a bakery and a laundry in Bebek at the time. Robert was a wealthy American industrialist desiring to establish in Turkey a modern university along American lines with instruction in English. These two men, an educator and a philanthropist, successfully collaborated to found Robert College. Until 1971, it included two campuses: the actual Robert College exclusively for boys and the American College for Girls. In 1971, the American College for Girls and the Robert College boys' school united and co-education started under the name of Robert College at the previous American College for Girls campus. At the same time the Turkish government took over the boys' campus, which became Bogazici University (Bosphorus University). Robert College and today's Bogazici University were and still are the best schools in Turkey. Through the years, these schools have had graduates occupying top positions in Turkey's business, political, academic and art sectors.

23 Crimean war

1853-1956, in many respects the first modern war in History. The Russian Empire with aspirations concerning the Balkans occupied the Ottoman principalities of Moldova and Walachia in July 1853. The great powers fearing from a Russian advance in the region and wanting to preserve the European equilibrium sided with the Ottoman Empire in the conflict: Great Britain and France declared war on Russia in March 1854. Although the Habsburg Empire remained neutral its threats to enter the war forced the Russians to evacuate the two Ottoman principalities and they were occupied by the Austrians. In September 1854 allied troops landed on the Crimea in order to capture Sevastopol, the major Russian Black Sea port. The Russians defended the city heroically for 11 months under the command of V. Kornilov and P. Nakhimov. Allied commanders were Lord Raglan for the British and Marshal Saint-Arnaud, succeeded later by Marshal Canrobert, for the French. Military operations, which were marked on both sides by great stubbornness, gallantry, and disregard for casualties, remained localized. Famous episodes were the battles of Balaklava and Inkerman (1854) and the allied capture (1855) of Malakhov and Redan, which preceded the fall of Sevastopol. The accession (1855) of Tsar Alexander II and the capture of Sevastopol led to peace negotiations that resulted in the Treaty of Paris (February 1856). The Crimean war stopped Russian aspirations towards the Balkans and the Straits for another 22 years and rescued the position of the Ottoman Empire as a great power. It also resulted in spoiling the previously very good Habsburg-Russian relation.

24 Bogazici University

Successor of Robert College, the old and prestigious American school, founded in Istanbul in 1863. With the consent of the administration of Robert College it was founded jointly with the Turkish state in 1971. Since then the university has expanded both physically and academically and today it is growing in popularity.

Ruth Goetzova

Ruth Goetzova
Prague
Czech Republic
Interviewer: Pavla Neuner
Date of interview: October 2004

Mrs. Goetzova lives in one of Prague's housing estates in a smaller apartment that she likes very much. Our interview took place in a comfortable living room. Mrs. Goetzova's life history is very interesting and her telling of it was very engaging. Mrs. Goetzova comes across as a fragile, but very energetic and cheerful person.

My family background
Growing up
My school years
During the war
Terezin
Auschwitz
Liberation
Post-war
Married life
Glossary

My family background

My grandfather on my mother's side was named Jindrich Krauskopf and was born in the year 1872 in Otice, near Klatovy. I don't know what level of education he achieved, but I know for certain that he didn't go to university. He lived with my grandmother in Prague, in the beginning on Vodickova Street. In those days they began from zero, they sewed caps and jackets and other things for newborns and gradually worked their way up, until my grandfather opened a cap and hat factory in Vysehrad in Prague. [Editor's note: Vysehrad is a historical quarter of Prague, part of the Prague 2 municipality. Vysehrad lies on a marked area of heights on the right bank of the Vltava River.] The company had an English name, ERKA CAP. ERKA was a trademark that came from the initials of grandfather's son Rudolf Krauskopf. The factory sewed on a large scale; we had many sales representatives that traveled throughout the whole country. The factory itself had around 200 employees.

I remember that we even had the honor to sew caps for President Masaryk 1. In March, for his birthday, we sent three so-called Masaryk caps in white, dark blue and black to the Castle. The caps were sent in a special box covered in gold paper with three drawers, one for each cap. [Editor's note: The Prague Castle was from the end of the 9th century the center of Czech statehood, the seat of Czech princes and kings, twice the seat of Germano-Roman emperors, the seat of presidents of the CSR, CSSR, CSFR and CR. The Castle was founded as the fortress of the Premyslids, probably in the 80s of the 9th century by Prince Borivoj.].

The shipping department was in the factory courtyard, while production was on the first and second floors, which were large, long halls, with two rows of machines. In the center were troughs where the seamstresses put their finished products. I remember that while they were working, the seamstresses had their feet on pedals that looked like footrests. The women lived mostly outside of Prague and commuted to work. The workshops had huge iron stoves, which had to be stoked on winter mornings. I recall how my grandfather insisted that when the women arrived at work, each of them had two hot bricks wrapped in cloth on their pedal. More than twenty years ago it happened to me that some woman stopped me on the street and said, 'You're a Krauskopf? You know, I'll never forget your grandfather, because he was the best boss that I ever had in my life.'

I think that my grandfather tended towards the Social Democrats, but I don't know if he was a member of some political party. He had a big hobby, which was his car, a Skoda Tatra 2. I recall that he had some special hood put on it. He would get up at seven in the morning and go to work. At eight thirty he would eat a soft-boiled egg and a biscuit with butter for breakfast. It was exactly on the half hour, and particularly soft-boiled as he liked to have it. At twelve he ate lunch and returned to the factory. He spent the whole day there, dressed in a work cloak and hat. At six was supper, for which he always changed into a suit, even though the two of us ate alone. In the evening he then read the papers or some book, listened to the radio and rested. My grandfather was a man with whom I knew that every Thursday this would be for dinner, and every Saturday that. Everything simply had to be exact and on time, otherwise it would annoy him terribly.

Grandpa had two brothers, Simon and Ludvik. In the spring my grandfather and I would always go visit them in Klatovy. They had their own families, but I don't know any more about them, just that they didn't survive the war [World War II].

My grandmother on my mother's side was named Anna, née Glucksmannova. I think that she was born sometime in the 1870s, in Horni Litvinov. I don't know anything about her family or possible siblings. I don't think that she had any sort of higher education. She was a Czech Jew; at home they made a point of speaking Czech.

Grandma ran the household. Although she used to go shopping at the market, she had a driver in livery for it. I don't know what sort of family she came from, but she was probably used to that. Once a week one of the seamstresses from the factory would come over and organize her wardrobe, do the laundry, ironing and sewing. Everyone in the factory liked my grandmother, as the kindly boss's wife. On her name day, St. Anna, the workers had a day off, a band was hired and there was a dance in the factory courtyard. My grandmother met with her friends, who were all of Jewish origin, in a coffee-house, which I recollect with horror, as my nanny used to take me there sometimes, and I then had to curtsy to each of the ladies and kiss their hand. Then I got something sweet and the nanny took me home again.

My grandmother was unfortunately ill; she had problems with her thyroid gland, which I've inherited from her. She died in Prague in 1932, when I was a little girl. She's buried in the Jewish cemetery.

My father was a German Jew named Georg Goetz. He lived in Chemnitz, Germany. He used to raise racehorses and also did harness racing. I don't know much about him. His parents were both Jews, but I didn't know them at all. I don't know what sort of education my father had, or if he was religious. I have the impression that my parents met at some spa, where my mother used to accompany her mother.

After their wedding my mother moved to Chemnitz, where I was born and lived during my first four years. I remember being told that we had lived in some sort of villa, which was near a farmstead where my father raised his horses. Supposedly I was constantly under the supervision of a nanny and teacher, but once it happened that I found myself alone in the farm courtyard. They told me how I started running and fell into a cesspool of liquid horse manure. They pulled me out and put me in the tub, where they first rinsed me still dressed.

My parents' marriage didn't last long, and they divorced after four years. After that my mother returned with me to Prague, but my father didn't want to let my mother keep me. In the end they had to go to court, which decided that I would live with my grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side.

My father then remarried, but had no other children, so I remained his little girl. I liked him. Though Dad didn't come to Prague to visit me, my grandfather used to take me to the German border, where I saw my father several times. He died in 1934 in Chemnitz.

My mother was named Hilda, born Krauskopfova, in the year 1900 in Prague. She was a housewife. I don't know what sort of education she had. About a year after we returned to Prague from Germany, she married for a second time, a Czech Jew named Ota Las, who came from Serlovice near Tabor. He was born in 1898. They were married at the Old Town Hall in Prague, and didn't have a Jewish wedding. My stepfather and I got along very well; he treated me wonderfully. In 1930 my mother had a daughter, Vera, whom she loved very much.

Although my mother and I lived in the same building, we didn't see much of each other. I was with my grandfather, and my mother had started a new family. Our relationship was very unusual, and was far from a warm and cozy mother-daughter relationship. Later I always took care of her when it was necessary, because in the end she was my mother, but I don't remember her ever giving me a hug or kiss.

My stepfather had a brother, Robert, who had a Jewish wife. Both died [in the Holocaust].

My mother had a sister, Erna, and a brother, Rudolf. Erna was two years younger, was childless but married, her husband was named Oskar Kolb. Oskar was a Jew and worked as the director of a distillery. Aunt Erna was a housewife. Each Sunday my grandfather and I would pick up my Uncle Oskar and go to the cemetery to visit my grandmother, and on the way back we would have a mid-morning snack at my aunt's and would then continue on home for dinner. I remember that Aunt Erna had a dog. I don't think that Erna and Oskar were particularly religious, but for sure they at least went to synagogue for the high holidays. Oskar died before the transports; Erna was transported to Terezin 3 in the fall of 1942, and that same year further on, to the concentration camp Maly Trostinec 4, where she was shot.

Aunt Erna also used to have my grandfather's former cook, Baruska, who I liked very much. After the war Baruska used to visit me and each time she would bring me some family item of my aunt's. It was humorous that she would bring it to me as a gift, but even so I was ever so grateful for it, because in this way I got to my things. I worked a lot, and Baruska always said that my grandmother must be turning over in her grave, when she sees how I slave away, and offered to come and help me out. After the war, Uncle Rudolf took her in, he was alone, so she took care of him, and he then made sure she was taken care of in her old age.

Uncle Rudolf was born in 1898 in Prague. His wife was Jewish, Aunt Lilly, born Rubinova in 1905. They had two sons, Pavel and Jiri. Jiri was born in 1926 and Pavel nine years later. Jiri and Pavel were like brothers to me, and my aunt meant more to me than my own mother. I loved her very much. They were my main family. Uncle Rudolf used to say: 'Every normal person marries a woman and has as many children with her as he himself wants. Instead of two children I have three, and instead of one woman two.' And then he would explain it: 'When we buy something for my children, Ruth has to get the same. And when my wife is having something sewn for her, the same has to be sewn for Ruth as well.'

I remember how my aunt and I once came to our tailor, and my aunt saw this beige 'koverkot,' a suit fabric. And she said: 'Mr. Beran, what beautiful fabric you have here.' And the tailor Beran answered: 'But madam, that's your husband's, he's having a suit made from it.' My aunt asked him to make suits for the two of us from it. And Mr. Beran answered: 'But that's for a suit and your husband is supposed to come in a week for a fitting.' To this my aunt said: 'Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it. And would it be enough for two suits?' And he says: 'Well, two suits could be made from it, yes.' - 'So make us two suits, and old Rudolf will just buy himself something else.'

Rudolf and his family lived in Prague. At first they lived with us in our house, but then they moved into a beautiful, large apartment, which was also in Vysehrad. They belonged to the wealthier part of society. Later Rudolf took over the factory from my grandfather, and proved to be very good at it. Rudolf would tell how Grandpa first sent him to some associate, who also owned a factory, so he could get himself some work experience. When Rudolf arrived for his first day of work, he was wearing a fancy suit and a hat. He came, introduced himself, and asked what it was that he was supposed to do. And the person told him: 'Well, in the first place, take those clothes off, put on some coveralls, and then you're going to go sweep the courtyard.'

Aunt Lilly came from a very rich family. Her father, Max Rubin, had a large carpet and linoleum store. They owned a corner building with an arcade on today's I.P. Pavlova Square in Prague. My aunt had a brother, Franta, who was born in 1898. When my aunt was getting married, she got a million crowns as her dowry from her father. Apparently both fathers were arguing about it, my grandfather was telling Lilly's father that he doesn't need his money, that he has his own and doesn't have to wait for some dowry, that Rudolf was marrying Lilly for love, and not for money. Lilly's father, on the other hand, was threatening that he won't allow the wedding if they don't take the dowry. There simply wasn't any sort of financial need [in those families].

I remember us going shopping, because Lilly wanted to buy a belt to go with her dress. A different one caught her eye, one which, however, didn't go with anything she already had, so she simply just ordered shoes and a handbag.

My aunt loved dogs and had Borzois. When they still lived in Vysehrad, all of a sudden, counting puppies, she had nine or ten. Of course she also employed a person to take care of the dogs. When she and Rudolf moved into their own place only one dog was left.

Aunt Lilly was unfortunately not healthy; she had cancer of the esophagus. As time progressed she wasn't able to eat any more, and I used to care for her and feed her. Unfortunately she also had skin cancer, which itched terribly. From 1941 we couldn't even have a nurse for her any more, who would have wanted to go work for Jews? She couldn't swallow anything any more, and in this state they transported her away to Terezin.

Growing up

My childhood was beautiful and carefree. I lived with my grandfather, who took excellent care of me. We lived in the Vysehrad neighborhood of Prague; it's a beautiful place that I like to visit to this day. When you walk around Vysehrad, you can see out over all of Prague.

We lived right by the factory. It was a three-story residential apartment house with a garden. My grandfather had a five-room house on the first floor, and my mother and her family lived on the second floor. When Uncle Rudolf moved away with his family, my grandfather and I moved to the second floor into a smaller, three-room apartment, where the two of us each had his own room. I lived alone with my grandfather, because my grandmother died at the beginning of the 1930s.

The apartment also had a common dining room, and of course a hall and bathroom. We had electricity and running water, which was heated by a 'karma' [gas flow-heater]. I also recall there being a beautiful cast-iron 'American Heating' stove with mica windows. We had parquet floors, and some of the rooms were wallpapered. The original five-room apartment had an entrance from one of the rooms into the garden, which ended above the factory courtyard. The garden fence was covered with wild grapevine; there were flowerbeds, and at the end of the garden stood a beautiful gazebo.

On Friday everyone would meet at our place for supper. The whole family would be there, my mother, her husband, Lilly and Rudolf, and Erna with her husband. I don't think that we cooked kosher. I recall that we often had shoulet [chulent], but I didn't like it. We celebrated Jewish holidays, Chanukkah not very often, but Passover regularly. We had Passover supper; I recall hard-boiled eggs, matzot and vegetables. Grandfather was an expert at the Passover ritual. I fasted for the New Year, but as I was a child, for only a half day. And then I was once leaving the synagogue and saw my stepfather and my Uncle Rudolf, leaving a local butcher's with their mouths full.

My grandfather was likely a quite religious person. I remember that once at Christmas I wanted a tree, and he told me that he wouldn't have that in the apartment. But later I had that tree in the room that was used in the summer to enter to the garden, but wasn't used in the winter, and my grandfather made like he didn't know about it. With my grandfather, Christmas simply wasn't celebrated. But it was at Aunt Lilly's place. I've never since seen so many presents as at her place during Christmas. The room would be so full that there was no place to stand. There were presents for everyone, including the staff.

My grandfather was as precise as a Swiss watch, and he lived his life with the same precision. Every Sunday we would go visit my grandmother's grave with Uncle Oskar, and would return before noon. On the way back we would stop at the 'U Mysaka' pastry shop on Vodickova Street. Grandpa would wait for me in the car while I went inside and politely greeted Mrs. Mysakova, who sat behind the till. She would turn to the sales clerk, and tell her to wrap me a slice of cake, then a cream puff with whipped cream and caramel, which was what I liked most, and then something for the cook. Every Sunday it was the same piece of cake.

At twelve noon I had to be sitting down at lunch, and at one o'clock we would be leaving on the train to Lounovice by Jevany, which is a smaller village about 20 kilometers from Prague. It's a place that I love to this day. From the time I was in first grade I used to spend my summer vacation there, and spent my beautiful childhood and youth there.

In Lounovice we had a floor permanently rented out in a villa from the Hora family, a little ways away from a fishpond. Beside us was a farmstead belonging to the Zverina family, who baked bread for our entire family. Today I like it, but in those days I couldn't stand it. It was black and hard even when it was fresh. Winter or summer, we would leave Lounovice at four thirty. Grandpa would honk the horn, and I had to be at the car within five minutes. No exceptions were possible, even if I would have liked to stay by the pond or somewhere else.

At six o'clock I was home for supper. When I was at Sokol 5 sometime during the week, I wasn't able to make it home for six for supper. This was permitted, because Sokol was an important thing for my grandfather. He wanted to be left in peace to listen to the radio, so I didn't bother him and had my supper in the kitchen with the cook, which were my favorite days. I always asked for and got some soft white bread or soft buns, and some store-bought mayonnaise salad. I loved it immensely, because otherwise I wasn't allowed to eat it.

I was born in Germany, so I had German nationality, but in those days no one worried about that. Grandfather always said: 'In the end she'll get married anyways, so why should we do anything about it?' My mother tongue was Czech, because my mother was Czech. My nanny and governess were as well, but I was able to speak both languages. My mother sometimes spoke German with me, when my stepfather wasn't around, because he didn't know any German.

My school years

I began attending a normal Czech public school in Vysehrad. I was the only Jewess there, because there were only two Jewish families in Vysehrad. We were one, and then there was some family by the name of Reich, who had a textile shop on the corner down on Vratislavova Street. They had two sons. None of them survived the Holocaust.

I attended Sokol from when I was little. As a child I attended ballet for some time, but mainly because I was very fond of those ballet slippers. Otherwise I'm a completely non-athletic type, but I did and still do like swimming. At first my nanny took me on walks, even when I was already in public school. I was around ten when I went out by myself for the first time. I was outside with some older girlfriend, and in Vysehrad, at the rotunda of St. Jiri [George], I broke my leg. My friend had to then drag me home.

Some sort of clerical dignitary lived in Vysehrad, and in the evening he telephoned my grandfather, asking what had happened to me, that he saw me in the afternoon being carried on the back of some girl. And my grandfather started yelling into the phone at him, like at a little boy: 'Aren't you ashamed of yourself, you saw it and you allowed some girl to carry her, couldn't you have called me so that I could have driven her home, she's got her leg in a cast.' He yelled at him and was completely red in the face.

Nevertheless, my grandfather decided that you could still go to school with your leg in a cast. So in the morning the chauffeur would drive me to school, carry me up into the classroom and sit me down at my desk. In those days there were no walking casts. When school was finished, he would carry me down to the car again and drive me home. Everyone thought that I was spoiled, but on the other hand, when the other children had broken legs, they didn't have to go to school and stayed at home. I couldn't walk, but I had to go to school. That's simply the way my grandfather was, he couldn't stand any sort of slacking off.

Before I started attending school, my governess would take me for French lessons to this one old French woman. We also studied French in high school; our teacher was this incredibly sweet lady. I spoke fluently, but my grammar wasn't very good. And my teacher insisted that I had to learn it, while I insisted that I spoke French the best out of the whole class, so we had a conflict. And she said that if I didn't learn that grammar, she'd fail me. And I contradicted her, that she couldn't do that. And so we argued back and forth, until in 'sekunda' [the 2nd of 8 years], in a quarter where there wasn't a report card given, but an evaluation, she gave me a 4 [5 being the lowest]. And so at home they almost lynched me; I had to do extra studies to make up for it. Today I unfortunately can't speak it at all.

I attended a high school on Slezska Street. Because of the anti-Jewish laws 6 I had to leave in 'kvarta' [4th year]. Through some people we knew I got into a private commerce school, where I spent one year. With this my studies ended, because upon my return from prison camp I had other worries, and so I simply never graduated. My life's goal had been to study medicine, and devote myself to children's medicine, but due to wartime and post-war circumstances this never happened.

During the war

Before the Germans came, I never felt any anti-Semitism. We never had any problems in our Vysehrad neighborhood. Our whole family was well liked there. For long years we had shopped at the corner grocer's, and when shopping was limited for Jews by restrictive rules 7, the grocer's wife herself used to bring food to our home. People were nice to us.

Of course, memories of anti-Jewish measures are unpleasant. It's as if a person all at once stopped being a person. I wasn't allowed to go to school, to Sokol, I was forbidden from seeing my friends in public, and there were people who really were afraid to talk to you, but I never experienced someone calling me names in the street.

I personally had a lot of friends that tried to help me. Across the street from us in a rented apartment lived some boys that were attending the UMPRUM [Academy of Arts, Architecture and Design in Prague]. They became my friends. Once I met them on the riverfront in front of the UMPRUM building, I was wearing a suit and a raincoat with a Star of David sewed onto it. They had some sort of gallery exhibition, and invited me to come have a look at it. I refused, because I didn't want them to get into trouble.

Suddenly a well-known painter, Professor Zrzavy 8 walked up to us, and said: 'Hey kids, what's going on?' And my friends said to him: 'Mr. Professor, this is our girlfriend, and we'd really like for her to come and see our exhibition.' And he said - So why doesn't she go? Then he looked at me and said: 'Young lady, permit me to take your cloak' - and offered me his arm.

He then led me off to the exhibition. I went there with him, and I'll never forget it, it was one of the nicest experiences in my life. It would have never occurred to me that a person of his name and stature would put himself at risk for some Jewish girl that he'd never met before. After the war my friends even tried to contact me through the radio, and when we did meet, it was a joyful reunion.

At home we talked about emigration, but only talked, because my grandfather said: 'Why should I leave here, after all I haven't done anything to anybody, I was born here and I'll die here. Uncle Rudolf said: 'You can't expect that I'll leave Brezany behind... For he and Lilly had a beautiful villa in Brezany near Prague that they had bought in a devastated state and had entirely renovated it. We used to go there mainly in the summer, and it was a beautiful place.

They had added a balcony, and a shelter in the smaller front yard. There was a terrace where they used to dine and a wine cellar. From a magnificent dining room you exited to a large back yard. In Brezany they had electricity as well as running water. The villa had two very valuable rooms. The first was the so-called Golden Ludwig salon, decorated with hand- embroidered Gobelin tapestry, but it was more just for show. Then there was a gorgeous dark dining room, which did get used. The table, chair and desk legs were these carved columns, each with a lion's head that had a bronze ring in its moth. There was also a beautiful golden bedroom with shiny furniture with mother-of-pearl ornamental inlays.

When the Germans confiscated the factory soon after the occupation, we had to move out of our building. My stepfather and mother then lived in a tiny apartment in Prague's Kacerov neighborhood. It was just a room and a kitchen. My mother was always in bed; she was a hypochondriac, and when something didn't feel right, she would right away go and lie in bed. I used to help them out. When we weren't allowed to ride the streetcars any more, it was a long way to have to walk, from Vysehrad to Kacerov. So I sometimes slept there, and sometimes at home. My grandfather stayed in Vysehrad in a small apartment.

Terezin

In August of 1942 I was transported, together with my mother and sister, to Terezin. My grandfather wasn't transported until a half-year later, but I didn't know about it at all, and never met up with him there. When I found out from the Terezin memorial book in the 1990s that he had also been in Terezin, it was a cruel blow to me. [Editor's note: Terezin memorial book, Miroslav Karny and coll., published by the Terezin Initiative - Melantrich, Prague, 1995. This memorial book contains the names of those that became victims of the deportation transports, in which the German occupiers dragged away from the Czech lands men, women and children that fell under the so-called Nuremberg Laws.]

My stepfather, Uncle Rudolf and Aunt Lilly's brother stayed in Prague for the time being. Mr. Beran, who was a Czech and had a fur factory, employed them as workers, by which he protected them from the transports. They were recognized as 'wirtschaftlich wichtig' - economically important. Mr. Beran cooperated with the Germans, for the sake of appearances, and began producing fur boot insoles for the soldiers at the front.

In Terezin I lived in barracks block L-200 with my mother and sister Vera. There were about ten of us to a room. We slept on straw mattresses that were laid next to each other in rows. Because of a lack of space, as one of the youngest I had to put my mattress in the middle at night, so I had feet on both sides, which was a pretty horrible way to sleep. In the morning we had to hunt for fleas and bedbugs. In the summer, when I really wanted to have a decent sleep, I carried my mattress outside into the courtyard, where there was some sort of shed, crawled up on the roof and made my bed there. Later I found out that the shed served as storage for corpses before they were taken away and disposed of.

At first I worked in the Hamburg barracks. I did office work, with a card catalogue for tickets for bread. I was lucky to have that work, and to have the person who led it. He took it matter-of-factly, that one simply had to work. One day though, he told me that I had been transferred to boot insole manufacture. None other than Mr. Beran had started this up in Terezin, as I soon found out. In a wooden building, fur remainders were sewed together and glued to boot insoles. Then they were sent to the Russian front.

One day two SS soldiers arrived with one civilian, who was none other than Mr. Beran. He had ostensibly come to have a look at how people were working, he was looking about discreetly, and then he picked me out, as if by chance, that I was going to be responsible for it for him. He had brought a large container with him, which the SS soldiers were carrying, and said to me that it was glue and that I was to take care of it. He stressed that it was valuable, and that I had to be sparing with it and guard it, that I was responsible for it. I was petrified with fear, because I suspected that it was some sort of scam. Then he said that I should put it away somewhere so it wouldn't be out in the open for everyone to see. When we were then leaving work later that day, I peeked into it and it was full of food, which in fact the SS soldiers had brought me. There was a lot of it, and my mother, who also worked there with me, and I had to inconspicuously carry it off bit by bit. It was utterly fantastic.

Then Mr. Beran perhaps got a bit of a swelled head; I'm not sure what exactly happened, but once the sent the 'Winterhilfe' [winter relief] to the Italian front instead of the Eastern front. The Germans started to investigate, and not only did they put Mr. Beran in prison, but also those three Jews of ours. All of them went to Terezin, but didn't go to the ghetto, but to the Small Fortress 9. Our Jews were then sent directly to Auschwitz, but didn't get into the family camp 10 like us, but to a normal prison camp, which helped them and in the end all three survived.

In the confusion that ensued during the occupation of Auschwitz, my uncle Rudolf somehow got away and went over to Svoboda's army 11, with which he then returned home. After the war we found out that Mr. Beran's wife had tried to save her husband. They were very rich, and she didn't want him to stay in jail. So she bribed one SS soldier, whom she gave a million crowns, to get her husband out of the Fortress. That SS soldier took the money, led Mr. Beran out of the prison, and on the way to Prague shot him.

In the meantime, my much-loved aunt Lilly and Pavel came to Terezin. Some sort of mistake had happened at that time, because their older son Jiri got a transport summons much earlier, and went to Terezin completely alone. Jiri was included with some other Krauskopfs from Prague, and from his departure to the transport no one ever saw him again. Aunt Lilly had already suffered from cancer before the transport, and died of her illness in the Terezin hospital. Her younger son Pavel was then put on an orphan transport, and went from Terezin directly to the Auschwitz gas chambers. No one was ever able to find out what happened to Jiri. Uncle Rudolf searched for him even after the war, but didn't find anyone who knew him or had met him, who could confirm or refute that he had been killed in Auschwitz.

In Terezin I met Ota Himmelreich, who was quite a bit older than I. Ota was a smart young man from Prerov. We fell in love, and for sure would have gotten married after the war. He had a job outside of the ghetto walls, and therefore could stay in Terezin and so also save his family, that is either his parents or wife. His parents wished us well and liked me a lot. They said, 'We're not important any more, simply have the rabbi marry you, and you'll stay here together.' It was a horrible decision to make, whom to sentence. In the end he voluntarily put his own name in for our transport to Auschwitz, and left his parents in Terezin. Neither he nor his parents survived, which is something I'll never be able to get over.

Once, this was already some time after the war, I ran into a friend of his, who told me that Ota had died in Bergen-Belsen right before they liberated us. I was in absolute shock, that he had been so close and I hadn't known it. His friend told me that Ota had thought of me continuously, and if he had known that I was close by, he maybe would have survived those few last days.

Auschwitz

My mother, sister and I were transported to Auschwitz in December of 1943, and were put into the family camp. Each one of us was put into a different block, though. At first I carried rocks, it was typical work, so that people would be hungry. One day we carried a rock off somewhere, and the next day we carried it back. Then we worked directly in the block, where we sat on stools and manufactured rifle slings out of some coarse plastic. Although we had to work there all day, we had the advantage that we sat under a roof. I don't think that my mother worked anywhere. My sister lived in a little girls' block.

I had an unusual experience in Auschwitz, connected to a German prisoner named Willy, a former sailor, who was in jail for murder. He delivered bread to the camps, and somehow he found out that we were in the family camp. And one day this Willy called us over, and when we came we found that he had brought my stepfather, who was with the others in the main camp, and left us to talk to him for about a quarter of an hour. That was something unexpected, and from that time onwards my mother absolutely believed that we would survive. While still in Terezin she had had her cards read by a fortune teller, who had predicted that she would leave Terezin in the winter, that it would be snowing, that she'd go to a different country, to a different camp, where she would meet her husband and that we would all return home.

For me the hardest times began when the September transport went to the gas chambers, in March 1944. Then some transports arrived, from Hungary I think. The crematoriums couldn't keep up, so they burned people in piles soaked with gasoline. I'll always be able to see those horrible, huge greasy ashes that sometimes flew all the way to our camp. It was the most horrible feeling that I can remember. And throughout it all, my mother kept repeating: 'I'll return, I'll survive, I'll return.'

My mother was young, a bit over forty, but of course looked horrible. I didn't believe in survival, and now I was terrified that after the September transport, we were next. Which at that time we all thought. And then the selection came. I belonged in it both by age and appearance, because in Auschwitz I had more or less sat and made straps, so I wasn't so ruined. While working, we talked about food all day, so maybe I even got some sustenance from that. It's interesting that the time we passed along the most recipes to each other was in Auschwitz.

Only I was selected, neither my mother nor sister was of the right age. And at that moment another extraordinary thing happened. In the girls' block, where my sister lived, who at that time was a skinny thirteen-year-old little girl, also lived one girl, who was older and incredibly beautiful, and her surname was very similar to my sister's. The block leader at the time was some Polish woman, who had taken a great liking to my sister. And when the SS soldier came to do the selection, he was looking the girls over; he put the pretty one's card separately and then kept on picking out other girls. The block leader tried something, and took my sister's card and also put it on that pile. When the SS soldier was leaving, he said - what's this card? And she said: 'Mr. Hauptsturmführer [equivalent of captain], that's the girl that you picked' - and he took it. And so my sister got onto the transport.

Then we found out from a girl who was also with her mother in the family camp, that from the people that had been selected, two or three women had in the meantime died. We got up the courage to go to the camp typist, that we had heard about the deaths of the selected women, and whether he wouldn't put our mothers' names in their place. He was an older man, neither a Czech nor a German, and he did it. When we were leaving the camp, they were reading out numbers, and one of them belonged to my mother.

But that wasn't the end of it. Before departure they gathered us in another prison camp, the women's camp, where the selection continued anew. I passed through normally, and as if it were yesterday, I can see my sister and mother, as they are going naked to the selection. A skinny child and my mother with skin hanging loose, because before Terezin she had weighed about 80 kg, and had lost a lot of weight. They stood there along with Hanka Heitlerova, who was a friend of my sister's, a year or two older than her. She was from the September transport, and was saved by the fact that during that March of 1944, she had been sick. Then she came to my sister's block and they became friends.

When I saw them there like that, I said to myself that this couldn't end well. I don't know who was making the selection, if it was Mengele himself, but when their turn came, the SS soldier was at that moment lighting a cigarette. And so that Hanka began to run around him, to the front of the line, and my mother and sister ran after her. He was lighting a cigarette, and some three Jewesses weren't worth his while to interrupt that. So a complete coincidence gave them the chance to get out of Auschwitz and save their lives.

Then we left via the transport to a suburb of Hamburg named Dessauer Ufer, where we lived in this silo. It was practically right by the sea. There were metal stairs leading up to the room that we were in, and the SS soldiers would remove them so that we couldn't get out. The first night we were there, an air raid came, and we were in complete shock from it. We began to pound on the door and make all sorts of noise, and when we broke open the door, we couldn't go any further.

The SS soldiers would wake us up every day by walking around with a cane, and shouted at us and pounded the bunks and us. Early in the morning they would take us to work on a steamboat. At first we worked in some sort of factory where they made asphalt. It was all bombed out, and there were layers of asphalt everywhere. We had to work early in the morning, because later it was too warm and the asphalt got runny. We had to throw the asphalt into these steel drums. It was endless work, because it would run out again and again.

Then they drove us off to Neugraben or Neuengamme. We were there during the winter, at first we would walk to the town to cart away debris, clean bricks, basically cleanup detail. It was terribly cold; we had wooden shoes on our feet and worked without gloves. It was horrible, the SS had a basket of coal over which they warmed themselves, and we toiled. Then we worked in a sand pit, digging and loading sand. Then we went to another prison camp, and there we worked in a brick factory. The brick factory stood under a bridge that was bombed, but luckily no one was seriously injured.

When this camp was destroyed, they took us by train to Bergen-Belsen 12. You can't imagine anything worse. We were in barracks without bunks. As we arrived, we had to sit down and draw our knees up to our chins. Then another row arrived, and another, and in the end we were all sitting there, squeezed up against one another. We were locked in, sitting there, and about two or three times a day they would lead us out by stages to the latrine. It was horrible. Outside there were corpses lying around, people would walk and never get there. It was in the spring of 1945. I don't know how long we were there, the days seemed endless.

We got food once a day, soup, to be precise. It was in this steel trashcan, which was carried on iron poles. Five of us could go, four would carry the trashcan, and the fifth was there in case one fell. And we could take as much of the soup as we could carry. It was for the entire building. Every morning the dead would be carried out, so then we didn't sit any more, after a time we could even lie down.

The Germans already knew that the front was approaching, so they gradually disappeared. Then Hungarians were guarding us, and if someone left the building, they would start shooting. We didn't even know that the Germans were gone, we were completely decimated. But people that had a little more strength left in them, they went and looted the supply stores, and it cost almost all of them their lives, because they ate a can of pork or something, and their bodies couldn't handle it.

Liberation

The English liberated us on 15th April 1945. Their behavior toward us was excellent; they worked miracles. They brought in running water, so we could finally bathe, began to distribute biscuits and food that we could eat. It was a horrible experience for them; they had come to a prison camp that was littered with corpses. Germans that hadn't managed to escape, or had been captured somewhere, had to clean it up. In a short time, before the war had ended yet, they emptied a small town named Celle, and moved us there. There also the captured Germans had to clean up.

I lived to see the end of the war there, but in bad shape, because around the 9th of May I got spotted fever [typhus]. My mother and Vera got it, too. Again, it was nevertheless luck that we didn't get it until after the war's end, when they were able to take care of us. Spotted fever is accompanied by high fever and terrible headaches. I recall having the feeling that there were two buses driving around in my head, having frequent collisions. When I regained consciousness, I saw a member of the SS standing above me, but he was a prisoner. The English health workers were taking care of us, but in addition captured Germans were also helping out. But I simply saw an SS soldier standing above me, and fainted again. My mother and sister also had spotted fever, my mother lost her hearing for a time, but luckily they took excellent care of us and spoiled us, and in July we were among the last to return home.

The English took us all the way to Pilsen, but that was as far as they were allowed to go. When we were crossing the Czechoslovak border, the train stopped, we got off, knelt on the ground and sang the national anthem, and they stood at attention and saluted. In Pilsen we got off the train, received some clothing and food parcels and said goodbye to them.

We were handed over to some young men from the Revolutionary Guard, who greeted us with soup. We declined it, because we wanted to get to Prague as quickly as possible. Then an open freight train used for transporting cement arrived. And those boys told us to get on it, that they would take us to Prague. We answered - yes, but we've only got the clothes on our backs, we can't get into that dirty wagon, what if it rains during the night. And they said - so clean it up. We had been spoiled by the English, so we asked them - don't you have some Germans around to clean it up? And they looked at us as if we were crazy. In the end we swept it out and got some paper and cardboard. And during the night they transported us in those open rail cars to Prague.

We arrived at the Smichov train station, and after three years we were experiencing this kind of reverential feeling. I was sitting at the back, leaning up against the wagon, and on the way I had fallen asleep, and after we arrived in Prague I cried for about a half hour, because a man from the Revolutionary Guard had boarded the wagon, tapped me on the shoulder and said: 'Hey you, you're comin' over from the Yanks, you got cigarettes?' It was a horrible feeling. It was four months after most people had returned, the greetings had already taken place, and we were only interesting as a potential source of American cigarettes.

I knew from one fellow prisoner, who was from Pilsen and had returned earlier, because she hadn't gotten typhus, that my stepfather had survived and that he had an apartment in Prague on Plavecka Street, a short distance from Vysehrad. When we arrived in Prague, they told us that we had to wait in quarantine. I refused, and remembered that we had some acquaintances in Smichov. We walked to their place, and luckily they were at home. I left my mother and sister with them, got some money for the streetcar from them, and went to Plavecka Street. I found my stepfather there, and he returned for my mother and sister. Then they went to the doctor, because my mother was in a bad way. The doctor asked my mother: 'Granny, how old are you?' And she answered that she was 45. And he said: 'Granny, you're confused.' She looked horrible. When she and my sister returned, I had already had a bath, it was the first thing I had done. We undressed our mother and put her in the tub, and then we stood there and wept, because we were afraid to even lift her, we thought that she would fall apart on us.

When they heard of our return, some friends came to see us and brought us food and clothing. But I also experienced ugly situations, when people with whom we had hidden some things before the war suddenly didn't know anything about it. Once I went to see some friends with whom we had left some feather duvets and suchlike, and they told me: 'Well, you know, times were hard and we were hungry, and we had to sell it all.' To this I said: 'Well, you know, I don't know what hunger is, we had an abundance of everything.'

The apartment that my father had been issued had initially been completely furnished. Just like we had had to leave our apartments and leave everything behind, so the Germans had had to leave this apartment. But when our father moved in two days later, there wasn't anything left except for bare furniture and a mangled stamp collection. Someone had in the meantime stolen everything. I don't know how my father came by money in the beginning, but gradually we got food stamps and clothing vouchers. Before the war I actually hadn't lived with my mother's family, but I had no one else left. In prison camp I had taken care of my mother and sister, and so I took this responsibility upon myself again as a matter of course.

Post-war

Soon I began to have problems related to my citizenship. Although I had attended Czech schools, I had no documents to prove it, I had no report cards. I made the rounds to my public school, high school and Sokol and everywhere asked for confirmation that I had always been a Czech. I didn't even have a birth certificate, and couldn't get a duplicate because I was born in Germany.

I recall being at the police station on Krakovska Street, there was this pleasant older man sitting there, who said: 'What am I supposed to do with you? I don't have your birth records.' I showed him copies of my school report cards and said: 'Here's my report card, so I must have been born.' In the end it was necessary to make a solemn declaration, which made me laugh, because I had to declare that I had been born. Then I got a birth certificate. But I still had German citizenship. It took quite a long time, I had to run around to all possible and impossible government offices, and I even had to hire a lawyer.

Citizenship was given out at a government office on Parizska Street in Prague. I was dealing with some young man there, who over and over wanted additional documents. When I brought yet another document, he always said: 'That's good, but in addition I need this from you.' I had been going there for perhaps three months, and still he wanted something new. I was desperate and disgusted by it all. I said to myself that that person must mortally hate me, that he must be some sort of anti-Semite. Then I came there once again, and he said: 'All right, that's finally all, but please, if you don't take care of this, then you won't get your citizenship' - and stuck a piece of paper into my hands. I left, and when I was out on the street looked at the paper. There it said: 'Tonight at 8pm in front of the Vysehrad high school.

I had serious misgivings, so I asked my cousin Viktor to secretly watch and to intervene if something happened. Victor's father Zikmund was my stepfather's brother. In the evening I arrived in front of the school, that civil servant was standing there with a gorgeous bouquet in his hand and said: 'Don't be angry with me.' To this I said that he must have lost his mind. And he said: 'I know that I've lost my mind, I'm a nut, but do you remember me? I attended the Vysehrad high school.' I told him that I had attended a different school, and he answered that but at that time I had been going out with this one young man from the Vysehrad high school and that I had been with him at some party. Then he said that I had been dancing with my boyfriend, but that I had refused to dance with him, so he had wanted to get back at me. That I had had that citizenship issued for two months already, and then he didn't know how to delay it any longer, that they were upset with him at work and that they had almost fired him, and that he had told them that he would force me to go out on a date with him. So that's how I got my Czechoslovak citizenship then.

My stepfather was ill, my sister was a feeble fifteen-year-old girl, and my mother was also quite badly off. We had nothing. I had to take care of the household and didn't have the possibility of continuing my studies. In 1946 our father opened a small clothing workshop. It was in the name of one tailor who worked for us, and on his business permit. It did fairly well. I helped with the paperwork, and at home I cooked and cleaned and took care of the household. We had a couple of seamstresses and one cutter and that tailor man, and that was how we made a living.

My sister didn't want to stay here after the war. She was seeing a young man, who had relatives in Israel, was a fervent Zionist and wanted to move there. My sister married him and they left in 1948. She worked as a stewardess on some international steamship. There she met her second husband, and together they decided to stay in America. She lives there, in Los Angeles, and has four children. For some time we wrote each other, but I have to admit that we don't have a lot in common and don't keep in touch. I never even considered emigrating. For one I had my mother and stepfather here to take care of, but even so I wouldn't have left. I love Prague and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

In 1948 13 our business was nationalized and became a Clothing Cooperative. I started working there as a secretary, and eventually became an accountant. My stepfather also worked there, as well as my Uncle Rudolf, who even eventually became the director. They then threw him out because of his bourgeois roots. Uncle Rudolf returned to Czechoslovakia at the end of the war with Svoboda's army, and thanks to this got his villa in Brezany back. On the weekends he would invite people over and I would help him and be the lady of the house. Rudolf remarried soon after the war, but the marriage didn't last long. At the beginning of the war the Germans had confiscated the villa in Brezany, but they didn't let it become dilapidated, they even installed central heating. But otherwise they carried off what they could. Right after the war my uncle was given an apartment on Jungmannova Street in Prague and after a few years even got back into his former apartment building in Vysehrad, when a free apartment came up there.

My father had diabetes and then also got tuberculosis, and in 1951 he died. He's buried in the Jewish cemetery in Prague. My mother had a very small pension, so I got her work in a document warehouse, where the manager was this one decent older man. But then the cadre officer called me in and said that it wasn't possible for both of us to work there, that my mother had to leave. To this I told him that my mother wouldn't leave, because she had never worked before, while I could manage to find another job. He told me that he wanted me to be the one to stay. Then he said: 'Don't tell me that you don't have anything to live from.' I answered him: 'Look here, we returned from the prison camp, so you certainly know that we didn't have any time to make money. If you think that all we need in life is a bare bed, a table and chairs, then we would have something to sell after all. But you have to promise me that on the first of every month you'll buy something from me. We can't live on my mother's pension.' In the end my mother stayed there, and I found another job.

I lived on Plavecka Street with my mother and one girlfriend of mine, who had returned from the concentration camp alone and had no one. It was a double bachelor apartment with a large terrace. Once, in the 1950s, someone rang at the door. I peeked out and there was some lady standing there. I said good day to her and asked her what she would like. 'I'm here to look at the apartment,' she said. And I said: 'And what do you want to see in our apartment? She said: 'Well, you see, I'm moving in here; I'm going to be exchanging apartments with you.'

She had likely taken a liking to our apartment, and at the housing office they had approved the exchange. No one was interested in the fact that we had come from a prison camp and that we were three single women living there. It had never occurred to me that I would be leaving that apartment; it was close to my much-loved Vysehrad. At that time I blurted out without thinking that there was going to be no moving, because we already had it exchanged. Which wasn't true, but I managed to organize it within a couple of days, and we moved to I.P. Pavlova Square, to Sokolska Street. It was a nice building, almost in the city center. My mother died in 1963 in Prague, where she's buried in the Jewish cemetery.

For a while during the 1950s I worked in one textile cooperative where I didn't like it very much. But I was lucky, that at the time I was considering changing jobs, I met my former cadre officer of that cooperative. When he found out that I was looking for work, he asked me whether I wouldn't want to work for the Igra cooperative. Igra manufactured toys and later musical instruments as well. I told him that I had the stigma of a merchant, and he told me that they had thrown him out of his previous position because they had qualified him as a merchant as well. He said that he had used to stand in a passageway, put a plank on two sawhorses, put fruit and vegetables on them, which he then sold. That he was now a cadre official at Igra, and that I should come by the next day, that they were looking for an accountant.

So I went there the next day and they hired me. I worked there at first as an accountant, and later as the manager of the accounting department. The first few days no one talked to me, because it had gotten around that I had been recommended by the cadre official. Once we all got to know each other, work became my second home. This cooperative was also interesting in that if someone was a good worker, he could do well there even despite having blemishes on his cadre assessment. I remember that for some time I sat in our office together with Mrs. Hejdankova, who was a former professor and the wife of Dr. Hejdanek, the spokesman of Charta 77 14.

I wasn't a member of the Communist Party 15, despite the fact that I was in a management position. Of course, they tried to convince me to join the Party, but I always managed to wriggle out of it somehow. One of our cadre officers lived outside of Prague, and once there was some sort of fair there, and he invited a few people out. When we got there, I got out and he came over to me and said: 'I kiss your hand.' I was completely flabbergasted, but from that time on we got along well. For all those years Igra was ruled by a spirit of collective friendship. When I started there, there were about 120 employees, and when I left many years later, it was one of the largest cooperatives in Prague, which had about 1500 employees.

As far as society was concerned, the 1950s were not a nice time. I was quite frightened by the Slansky trial 16. When I returned from the prison camp, I said to myself, now everything's going to be all right. But there were three good years, and then it all went to pot again. And then to top it all off, those trials came, and I said to myself, what's still waiting for me, hadn't that concentration camp been enough? I had an unpleasant feeling, because in those days anyone could have decided that he didn't for some reason like me, and denounced me. But luckily nothing happened. I didn't even have any property, for me to be in someone's way.

I've always loved children, as a girl I had wanted to become a children's doctor. When I returned from the prison camp, doctors told me that I shouldn't count on being able to get pregnant. I was very disappointed by this and so I was in no hurry to get married. Then I met one divorced man, who was taking care of a six-year-old girl named Miluska. So I said to myself, that if I couldn't have my own child, why couldn't I at least raise someone else's. I got married in 1955, and the following year I got pregnant and had a son, Rene.

Married life

My husband at that time was born in 1918 in Prague, was a Czech and was named Jiri Setina. We met through our work. He worked for a company named Lab Instruments, where they had begun manufacturing a gas chromatograph. He and one of his colleagues learned to use it, and then when their company began to sell it, they would travel around to teach people how to use it. His business card said: 'Expert in gas chromatography.' So he traveled all over the world and was almost never at home. We divorced in 1972; he had found a younger woman of Russian origin. He died fifteen years ago.

In 1968 17 Miluska immigrated to Vienna and then to America, where she lives to this day. I have two grandsons there. I've visited Miluska several times, but now she mostly comes here to visit me. We have a beautiful relationship. I went to visit her for the first time in the 1970s, but in those days it wasn't that simple. I remember that the police summoned my husband and questioned him as to why I wanted to go to America if I wasn't her mother.

After high school, Rene wanted to go study classical guitar at the conservatory. But he had a bourgeois origin plus an emigrant sister, which was a big problem in those days, so they didn't accept him at the conservatory. A few months later we were supposed to go to Russia, where my husband was supposed to be working. He arranged studies at a music school for Rene. We were to leave during summer vacation in August, but at the beginning of the month we went to see the director of Laboratory Instruments, who told us that we couldn't all leave. My husband was needed there, and could go home every half year, but they wouldn't let him take his family there due to the daughter in America. I said: 'But Mr. Director, I don't have only a daughter, but a son as well. He's just finished his primary education, vacation is ending, and he's been accepted at the conservatory in Moscow.' And he said: 'Yes, well, Mrs. Goetzova, I've been thinking about it, don't worry about it, we'll take care of him, I promise.

He then called me at the end of the month, my husband was already in Russia, and said: 'Well, I haven't been able to arrange anything yet, so for now he'll start as an apprentice electrician. Nothing can be done, he's got to be somewhere, and so far I haven't found anything else.' And so instead of the conservatory Rene started as an apprentice; he had no other choice and he also stayed there and completed his apprenticeship.

Once his master called me and told me that Rene was working without any interest. I asked him if Rene comes to work late, or works poorly, and he answered that in this respect he has no problem with him, but it's just that he can see his absolute lack of interest. So I explained it to him, and said that I respected my son for going there at all, but that one can't expect interest from him, because if there was one thing he hadn't wanted from life, it was to learn to be an electrician.

He didn't get to his guitar until the army, where he had it fairly good, because as a soldier he toured as a soloist and played concerts. There were lots of army ensembles, but they didn't have a solo guitarist. He was trained and served with the Signal Corps, which was unusual, when he had been labeled as [politically] unreliable. Before his service had definitively ended, he went to one firm to apply for a job. They welcomed him, that they're anxious to get trained experts from the army. They gave him a questionnaire to fill out, but when they found out that he had a sister in America, they refused to take him on. He had a friend who in the end helped him, and Rene went to work as a communications worker for the fire department.

Thanks to this he then studied at a technical college in Frydek-Mistek, the only one in the entire republic specializing in fire safety. Until the revolution in 1989 18 he worked as a technician at Orion and other factories, after the revolution he worked as the head fire safety technician at Motol Hospital, which is fairly responsible work. After our entry into the European Union he got a call from the school in Frydek- Mistek, with an offer to be a fire safety and security auditor. That he's apparently one of a very few experts who has the proper education and experience. Today he's this public auditor, he's got more work than he can handle, but it interests him and he enjoys it.

Rene is happily married and has a daughter. His wife is an economist. When Rene was born, his father wanted to have him registered with the Jewish Community. But I refused. I said to myself, that if he will at some time feel himself to be Jewish, let him register himself, and that I don't want to decide for him. I didn't bring him up in a Jewish way very much. In our family my grandfather was the last person that observed Jewish traditions in at least some fashion. Although my son is interested in my past, he himself doesn't feel Jewish. We celebrate a normal Czech Christmas, during this time we get together at my son's along with his wife's parents.

After the war I was used to going to synagogue for the high holidays and mainly for prayers for the dead. I was also a member of the Jewish Community in Prague. Through my marriage I came by a six-year-old child that hadn't the faintest clue that there are Jews and that they celebrate some Jewish holidays. Miluska knew Christmas and Easter. My husband didn't know much about Judaism either. No one forced me into or away from anything, but we celebrated traditional Czech holidays. I had Jewish and non-Jewish friends, but I never really distinguished between the two. I valued the extent of this or that friendship, but not the person's origin.

We didn't have a cottage or house in the country. After the war I was on vacation with my husband in one of my favorite places, Lounovice, a couple of times, but he didn't like it there. When I worked for the Igra cooperative, I became fond of Slapy. The coop bought a company house there, in an isolated place near Zivohost. You go towards the water down a hill, and behind you there is a forest. We used to go on vacations there. On the weekends we would take the children on trips or for a walk. The weekends were completely devoted to the children. After the company fell apart I was disconsolate that I wouldn't have the opportunity to go to Slapy any more, but it was bought by an individual who told me that I could come and stay whenever and for however long I wanted, that I was an honored guest. And so my vacations consist of first going to a spa, and then straight to Slapy. My son and the owner became friends, and so he has the task of watching over me.

My husband and I lived in a large apartment in Prague's neighborhood of Karlin. I had four rooms, a hall and kitchen. After our divorce my ex- husband remarried and brought his new wife into our place, at that time I was leaving to go see Miluska in America. I told him to exchange that large apartment for two small ones, that I'd be fine with anything small that would have a washroom and a kitchenette; the important thing would be that I'd be there by myself. We argued back and forth across the ocean, because he on the other hand was saying that he put tons of work into renovating that apartment, and that the only way he'd leave it would be on his back, feet first. We didn't come to any agreement, so we all stayed in the original apartment, including our son.

Our son got married and moved out, my ex-husband soon died, and I stayed there with his second wife. She was very polite and courteous towards me, but we certainly didn't become friends. My son then found an apartment for me through his father-in-law, and I live in it to this day. It isn't large, but is mine and I like it here very much.

I've never had some sort of relationship with Israel. I've never been there and didn't even want to. The fact that it's next to Palestine never gave me a good feeling and I've always had the impression that it's not going to end well. I've never had that desire to move there, like for example my sister's first husband. I never understood Zionism or Orthodox Jews. I can't say that I'm not interested in what's going on over there, but I've always felt sorry for people that left for Israel so that they could finally have peace.

I stayed past retirement age in the Igra cooperative, I didn't want to retire, but I finally left in 1990. Then I worked in the audit commission of the Terezin Initiative 19. I welcomed the year 1989 with great joy. I was never a member of any political party, and never will be. My political sympathies lie on the right. After the revolution life changed for us all, and I think that for the better. My financial situation also improved after the revolution, as in addition to my pension I started getting money from the Claims Conference. It's not some sort of riches, but they're regular payments that almost pay for my apartment.

Glossary

1 Masaryk, Tomas Garrigue (1850-1937)

Czechoslovak political leader and philosopher and chief founder of the First Czechoslovak Republic. He founded the Czech People's Party in 1900, which strove for Czech independence within the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, for the protection of minorities and the unity of Czechs and Slovaks. After the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy in 1918, Masaryk became the first president of Czechoslovakia. He was reelected in 1920, 1927, and 1934. Among the first acts of his government was an extensive land reform. He steered a moderate course on such sensitive issues as the status of minorities, especially the Slovaks and Germans, and the relations between the church and the state. Masaryk resigned in 1935 and Edvard Benes, his former foreign minister, succeeded him.

2 Skoda Company

Car factory, the foundations of which were laid in 1895 by the mechanics V. Laurin and V. Klement with the production of Slavia bicycles. Just before the end of the 19th century they began manufacturing motor cycles and, in 1905, they started manufacturing automobiles. The name Skoda was introduced in 1925. Having survived economic difficulties, the company made a name for itself on the international market even within the constraints of the Socialist economy. In 1991 Skoda became a joint stock company in association with Volkswagen.

3 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. The Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement,' used it to camouflage the extermination of European Jews. Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities. At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a café, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

4 Maly Trostinets

Village in eastern Belarus located near Minsk, camp and site of mass murder of Jews. About 200,000 people were murdered in the Trostinets area. During 1942, Jews from Germany, the Netherlands, Poland, Austria, and the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia were brought by train to be killed in Maly Trostinets. Most of the victims were lined up in front of large pits and shot. The prisoners in the camp were forced to sort through the victims' possessions and maintain the camp. They occasionally underwent selections. This happened more frequently during 1943. In the fall of 1943 the Nazis began to destroy all evidence of mass murder by burning bodies. As the Soviet army approached in June 1944, the Germans killed most of the remaining prisoners. On 30th June the Germans completely destroyed the camp. When the Soviets arrived on 3rd July, they found a few Jews who had escaped.

5 Sokol

One of the best-known Czech sports organizations. It was founded in 1862 as the first physical educational organization in the Austro- Hungarian Monarchy. Besides regular training of all age groups, units organized sports competitions, colorful gymnastics rallies, cultural events including drama, literature and music, excursions and youth camps. Although its main goal had always been the promotion of national health and sports, Sokol also played a key role in the national resistance to the Austro- Hungarian Empire, the Nazi occupation and the communist regime. Sokol flourished between the two World Wars; its membership grew to over a million. Important statesmen, including the first two presidents of interwar Czechoslovakia, Tomas Garrigue Masaryk and Edvard Benes, were members of Sokol. Sokol was banned three times: during World War I, during the Nazi occupation and finally by the communists after 1948, but branches of the organization continued to exist abroad. Sokol was restored in 1990.

6 Exclusion of Jews from schools in the Protectorate

The Ministry of Education of the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia sent round a ministerial decree in 1940, which stated that from school year 1940/41 Jewish pupils were not allowed to visit Czech public and private schools and those who were already in school should be excluded. After 1942 Jews were not allowed to visit Jewish schools or courses organized by the Jewish communities either.

7 Anti-Jewish laws in the Protectorate of Bohemia-Moravia

In March 1939, there lived in the Protectorate 92,199 inhabitants classified according to the so-called Nuremberg Laws as Jews. On 21st June 1939, Konstantin von Neurath, the Reich Protector, passed the so-called Edict Regarding Jewish Property, which put restrictions on Jewish property. On 24th April 1940, a government edict was passed which eliminated Jews from economic activity. Similarly like previous legal changes it was based on the Nuremburg Law definitions and limited the legal standing of Jews. According to the law, Jews couldn't perform any functions (honorary or paid) in the courts or public service and couldn't participate at all in politics, be members of Jewish organizations and other organizations of social, cultural and economic nature. They were completely barred from performing any independent occupation, couldn't work as lawyers, doctors, veterinarians, notaries, defense attorneys and so on. Jewish residents could participate in public life only in the realm of religious Jewish organizations. Jews were forbidden to enter certain streets, squares, parks and other public places. From September 1939 they were forbidden from being outside their home after 8pm. Beginning in November 1939 they couldn't leave, even temporarily, their place of residence without special permission. Residents of Jewish extraction were barred from visiting theaters and cinemas, restaurants and cafés, swimming pools, libraries and other entertainment and sports centers. On public transport they were limited to standing room in the last car, in trains they weren't allowed to use dining or sleeping cars and could ride only in the lowest class, again only in the last car. They weren't allowed entry into waiting rooms and other station facilities. The Nazis limited shopping hours for Jews to twice two hours and later only two hours per day. They confiscated radio equipment and limited their choice of groceries. Jews weren't allowed to keep animals at home. Jewish children were prevented from visiting German, and, from August 1940, also Czech public and private schools. In March 1941 even so-called re-education courses organized by the Jewish Religious Community were forbidden, and from June 1942 also education in Jewish schools. To eliminate Jews from society it was important that they be easily identifiable. Beginning in March 1940, citizenship cards of Jews were marked by the letter 'J' (for Jude - Jew). From 1st September 1941 Jews older than six could only go out in public if they wore a yellow six-pointed star with 'Jude' written on it on their clothing.

8 Zrzavy, Jan (1890 - 1977)

Czech painter, graphic artist, illustrator and stage designer; important member of the Czech artistic avant-garde beginning at the start of the 20th century. Studied at the Academy of Arts, Architecture and Design in Prague. Founding member of the Sursum group, member of the Manes Artists' Association, Tvrdosijne (Hardheads), Artistic Discussion, Hollar Union of Czech Graphic Artists. In the 1920s he traveled to Italy, Belgium, and lived in France. His first creative period (Valley of Tears, Nokturno, Still-life with Lilies of the Valley, Suffering) is characterized by the connection of Czech Art Nouveau symbolism and Expressionism with Cubistic elements. Influenced by B. Kubista, J. Vachal, inspired by the Italian Renaissance, especially Raphael and Leonardo. After World War I, his works led to the formal harmonization of images and a typically vague lyrical and softly dreamlike shape (Melancholy, Girlfriend). In his second creative period (from the 1920s onward) he devoted himself mainly to landscapes (Camaret, San Marco at Night, San Marco in the Day, Ostrava Slag Heaps), in which he created a painterly metaphor of melding with natural forces of harmony, peace and timelessness. From the middle of the 1930s onwards he left behind the poetic palette of pastels for more vibrant colors. During World War II fate and lyricism appear in his landscapes (Via Appia), alongside themes of death but also hope (Venetian Still-life). His entire oeuvre is typified by adherence to one motive (especially the motive of Cleopatra). Zrzavy was also an important illustrator (K. H. Macha, May, K. J. Erben, Bouquet) and stage designer (A. Dvorak, Armida).

9 Small Fortress (Mala pevnost) in Theresienstadt

An infamous prison, used by two totalitarian regimes: Nazi Germany and communist Czechoslovakia. It was built in the 18th century as a part of a fortification system and almost from the beginning it was used as a prison. In 1940 the Gestapo took it over and kept mostly political prisoners there: members of various resistance movements. Approximately 32,000 detainees were kept in Small Fortress during the Nazi occupation. Communist Czechoslovakia continued using it as a political prison; after 1945 German civilians were confined there before they were expelled from the country.

10 Family camp in Auschwitz

The Auschwitz complex consisted of three main camps, of which Auschwitz II, or Birkenau, comprised a camp for families. On 8th September 1943, 5,000 Jews were transported to Birkenau from the Terezin (Theresienstadt) ghetto and put up in a special section. Women, men and children lived in separate barracks but were allowed to move freely on this site. The family camp for the Czech Jews was part of the Nazi propaganda for the outside world. Prisoners were not organized into work-commandos; they were allowed to receive packages and were encouraged to write letters. Despite this special treatment more than 1,000 people died in the family camp during its six months of existence. On 9th March 1944, all those still alive in the camp were gassed.

11 Army of General Svoboda

During World War II General Ludvik Svoboda (1895-1979) commanded Czechoslovak troops under Soviet military leadership, which took part in liberating Eastern Slovakia. After the war Svoboda became minister of defense (1945-1950) and then President of Czechoslovakia (1968-1975).

12 Bergen-Belsen

Concentration camp located in northern Germany. Bergen- Belsen was established in April 1943 as a detention camp for prisoners who were to be exchanged with Germans imprisoned in Allied countries. Bergen- Belsen was liberated by the British army on 15th April, 1945. The soldiers were shocked at what they found, including 60,000 prisoners in the camp, many on the brink of death, and thousands of unburied bodies lying about. (Source: Rozett R. - Spector S.: Encyclopedia of the Holocaust, Facts on File, G.G. The Jerusalem Publishing House Ltd. 2000, pg. 139 -141)

13 February 1948

Communist take-over in Czechoslovakia. The 'people's democracy' became one of the Soviet satellites in Eastern Europe. The state apparatus was centralized under the leadership of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). In the economy private ownership was banned and submitted to central planning. The state took control of the educational system, too. Political opposition and dissident elements were persecuted.

14 Charter 77

A manifesto published under the title Charter 77 in January 1977 demanded the Czechoslovak government to live up to its own laws in regard to human, political, civic and cultural rights in Czechoslovakia. The document first appeared as a manifesto in a West German newspaper and was signed by more than 200 Czechoslovak citizens representing various occupations, political viewpoints, and religions. By the mid-1980s it had been signed by 1,200 people. Within Czechoslovakia it was circulated in samizdat form. The government's retaliation against the signers included dismissal from work, denial of educational opportunities for their children, forced exile, loss of citizenship, detention, and imprisonment. The repression of the Charter 77 continued in the 1980s, but the dissidents refused to capitulate and continued to issue reports on the government's violations of human rights.

15 Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC)

, Founded in 1921 following a split from the Social Democratic Party, it was banned under the Nazi occupation. It was only after Soviet Russia entered World War II that the Party developed resistance activity in the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia; because of this, it gained a certain degree of popularity with the general public after 1945. After the communist coup in 1948, the Party had sole power in Czechoslovakia for over 40 years. The 1950s were marked by party purges and a war against the 'enemy within'. A rift in the Party led to a relaxing of control during the Prague Spring starting in 1967, which came to an end with the occupation of Czechoslovakia by Soviet and allied troops in 1968 and was followed by a period of normalization. The communist rule came to an end after the Velvet Revolution of November 1989.

16 Slansky Trial

In the years 1948-1949 the Czechoslovak government together with the Soviet Union strongly supported the idea of the founding of a new state, Israel. Despite all efforts, Stalin's politics never found fertile ground in Israel; therefore the Arab states became objects of his interest. In the first place the Communists had to allay suspicions that they had supplied the Jewish state with arms. The Soviet leadership announced that arms shipments to Israel had been arranged by Zionists in Czechoslovakia. The times required that every Jew in Czechoslovakia be automatically considered a Zionist and cosmopolitan. In 1951 on the basis of a show trial, 14 defendants (eleven of them were Jews) with Rudolf Slansky, First Secretary of the Communist Party at the head were convicted. Eleven of the accused got the death penalty; three were sentenced to life imprisonment. The executions were carried out on 3rd December 1952. The Communist Party later finally admitted its mistakes in carrying out the trial and all those sentenced were socially and legally rehabilitated in 1963.

17 Prague Spring

A period of democratic reforms in Czechoslovakia, from January to August 1968. Reformatory politicians were secretly elected to leading functions of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC). Josef Smrkovsky became president of the National Assembly, and Oldrich Cernik became the Prime Minister. Connected with the reformist efforts was also an important figure on the Czechoslovak political scene, Alexander Dubcek, General Secretary of the KSC Central Committee (UV KSC). In April 1968 the UV KSC adopted the party's Action Program, which was meant to show the new path to socialism. It promised fundamental economic and political reforms. On 21st March 1968, at a meeting of representatives of the USSR, Hungary, Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany and Czechoslovakia in Dresden, Germany, the Czechoslovaks were notified that the course of events in their country was not to the liking of the remaining conference participants, and that they should implement appropriate measures. In July 1968 a meeting in Warsaw took place, where the reformist efforts in Czechoslovakia were designated as "counter-revolutionary." The invasion of the USSR and Warsaw Pact armed forces on the night of 20th August 1968, and the signing of the so-called Moscow Protocol ended the process of democratization, and the Normalization period began.

18 Velvet Revolution

Also known as November Events, this term is used for the period between 17th November and 29th December 1989, which resulted in the downfall of the Czechoslovak communist regime. A non-violent political revolution in Czechoslovakia that meant the transition from Communist dictatorship to democracy. The Velvet Revolution began with a police attack against Prague students on 17th November 1989. That same month the citizen's democratic movement Civic Forum (OF) in Czech and Public Against Violence (VPN) in Slovakia were formed. On 10th December a government of National Reconciliation was established, which started to realize democratic reforms. On 29th December Vaclav Havel was elected president. In June 1990 the first democratic elections since 1948 took place.

19 Terezin Initiative Foundation (Nadace Terezinska iniciativa)

Founded in 1993 by the International Association of Former Prisoners of the Terezin/Theresienstadt Ghetto, it is a special institute devoted to the scientific research on the history of Terezin and of the 'Final Solution of the Jewish Question' in the Czech lands. At the end of 1998 it was renamed to Terezin Initiative Institute (Institut Terezinske iniciativy).

Ruth Goetzová

Ruth Goetzova
Praha
Česká Republika
Rozhovor pořídila: Pavla Neuner
Období vzniku rozhovoru: říjen 2004

Paní Goetzová žije na jednom z pražských sídlišť v menším bytě, který má velmi ráda. Náš rozhovor probíhal v pohodlném obývacím pokoji. Životní historie paní Goetzové je velice zajímavá a její vyprávění bylo velmi poutavé. Paní Goetzová působí jako křehká, avšak hodně energická a veselá  osoba.  

Rodina
Dětství
Za války
Po válce
Glosář

Rodina

Můj dědeček z matčiny strany  se jmenoval  Jindřich Krauskopf a narodil se v roce 1872 v Oticích u Klatova. Nevím jakého vzdělání dosáhl, ale určitě nestudoval univerzitu. Bydleli s babičkou v Praze, nejdříve ve Vodičkově ulici. Tehdy začali od píky, šili čepičky a kabátky a  další věci pro novorozeňata a postupně se vypracovávali, až si děda otevřel na Vyšehradě 1 v Praze továrnu na výrobu pokrývek hlavy. Firma se jmenovala anglicky ERKA CAP. ERKA byla značka pocházející z iniciál dědova syna Rudolfa Krauskopfa. V továrně se šilo ve velkém, měli jsme mnoho obchodních zástupců, kteří se pohybovali po celé republice. V samotné továrně pracovalo okolo 200 zaměstnanců. Pamatuju si, že jsme dokonce měli tu čest a šili jsme čepice pro prezidenta Masaryka. V březnu, na jeho narozeniny, jsme posílali tři tzv. masaryčky v barvě bílé, tmavomodré a černé  na Hrad 2. Čepice se posílaly ve speciální krabici polepené zlatým papírem se třemi šuplíky na každou zvlášť. 

U dvora továrny byla expedice, v prvním a druhém patře dílny, což byly dlouhé velké sály, kde v dvojřadech stály stroje. Uprostřed byly žlaby, kam šičky dávaly vytvořené výrobky. Pamatuju si, že šičky měly při práci nohy na šlapadlech, které vypadaly jako trnože. Ženy většinou bydleli mimo Prahu a do práce dojížděli. V dílnách byla obrovská železná kamna, ve kterých se v zimě muselo ráno zatopit. Vzpomínám si, jak dědeček trval na tom, že když ty ženy přijdou do práce, aby měla každá na svém šlapadle dvě horké cihly zabalené do látky. Stalo se mi před více jak dvaceti lety, že mě na ulici zastavila nějaká paní a říká - vy jste od Krauskopfů? Víte na Vašeho dědečka nikdy nezapomenu, poněvadž to byl ten nejlepší šéf, kterého jsem kdy v životě měla.

Myslím si, že děda tíhnul k sociální demokracii, ale nevím, zda byl členem nějaké politické strany. Měl velkého koníčka, kterým bylo jeho auto Škoda Tatra 3.  Pamatuju si, že si na ní nechal dát nějakou speciální kapotu. Ráno vstával v sedm hodin a šel do továrny. V půl deváté snídal vajíčko na měkko a jeden suchar s máslem. Bylo to přesně v půl a speciálně tak naměkko, jak on to jedl. Ve dvanáct se naobědval a vrátil se do továrny. Strávil tam celý den oblečený do pracovního pláště a čepice. V šest byla večeře, na kterou se vždy převlékl do obleku, ačkoli jsme spolu večeřeli sami.  Večer si pak četl noviny nebo  nějakou knihu, poslouchal rádio a odpočíval. Můj dědeček byl pán, u kterého jsem věděla, že každý čtvrtek bude k obědu tohle a každou sobotu támhleto. Prostě všechno muselo být přesně a načas, jinak ho to strašně rozčilovalo.

Dědeček měl dva bratry,  Šimona a Ludvíka.  Na jaře jsme vždycky s dědou za nimi jezdívali do Klatov. Měli své vlastní rodiny, ale víc o nich nevím, jen to, že válku nepřežili.

Babička z matčiny strany se jmenovala Anna, dívčím jménem Glücksmannová. Myslím, že se narodila někdy v sedmdesátých letech 19. století v Horním Litvínově. O jejích případných sourozencích nebo rodině nic nevím. Myslím, že žádné vyšší vzdělání neměla. Byla česká Židovka, doma se mluvilo zásadně česky.

Babička organizovala domácnost. Jezdila sice nakupovat do tržnice, ale měla na to šoféra v livreji. Nevím, z jaké rodiny pocházela, ale asi na to byla zvyklá. Jedna švadlena z továrny za ní vždycky jednou týdně chodila a dávala do pořádku její garderobu, prala, žehlila a zašívala. V továrně byla babička velmi oblíbená jako hodná paní šéfová. Když měla svátek, tak se na sv. Annu nepracovalo, najala se hudba a na dvoře továrny se tancovalo. Se svými kamarádkami, které byly všechny židovského původu, se babička scházela v kavárně, na což vzpomínám s hrůzou, jelikož mě tam vychovatelka někdy vodila a já jsem pak musela každé té paní říct rukulíbám a políbit jí ruku. Potom jsem dostala kousek něčeho sladkého a vychovatelka mě zase odvedla domů. 

Babička byla bohužel nemocná, měla problémy se štítnou žlázou, které jsem po ní podědila. Zemřela v Praze v  roce 1932, když jsem byla malá holka. Je pochovaná na židovském hřbitově.

Můj tatínek byl německý Žid jménem Georg Goetz. Žil v Chemnitz v Německu. Věnoval se chovu závodních koní a sám závodil na sulkách, což jsou dvoukolové vozíky.  Moc toho o něm nevím.  Jeho rodiče byli oba Židi, ale já jsem je vůbec neznala. Nevím, jaké měl tatínek vzdělání či zda byl pobožný. Mám dojem, že se rodiče poznali v nějakých lázních, kam doprovázela moje maminka svoji maminku. Po svatbě se maminka přestěhovala do Chemnitz, kde jsem se narodila a žila první čtyři roky. Pamatuji si z vyprávění, že jsme bydleli  v jakési vile, která se nacházela poblíž statku, kde otec choval své koně. Byla jsem prý pořád pod dohledem chůvy a vychovatelky, ale stalo se, že jsem se sama ocitla na dvoře statku. Vyprávěli mi, že jsem se rozběhla a spadla do žumpy s koňskou močůvkou. Pak mě prý vytáhli a šoupli do vany, kde mě nejdřív oplachovali i s tím ošacením. Manželství mých rodičů netrvalo dlouho, po čtyřech letech se rozvedli. Poté mne maminka vzala zpět do Prahy, ale můj otec mě nechtěl matce nechat. Nakonec muselo dojít k soudu a ten rozhodl, že budu žít  u babičky a dědy z matčiny strany.

Táta se pak  podruhé oženil, ale další děti neměl, takže jsem zůstala jeho holčička. Měla jsem ho ráda. Táta za mnou do Prahy sice nejezdil, ale děda mě bral na německé hranice, kde jsem tatínka několikrát viděla. Zemřel v roce 1934 v Chemnitz.

Maminka se jmenovala Hilda, rozená Krauskopfová v roce 1900 v Praze. Byla ženou v domácnosti. Jaké měla vzdělání, nevím. Asi rok poté, co jsme se vrátili do Prahy z Německa se maminka podruhé provdala za českého Žida Otu Laše, který pocházel z Šerlovic u Tábora. Byl ročník 1898. Brali se na Staroměstské radnici v Praze, židovskou svatbu neměli. S nevlastním otcem jsme si dobře rozuměli, choval se ke mně skvěle. Mamince se v roce 1930 narodila dcera Věra, kterou velmi milovala. Ačkoli jsme s maminkou bydleli v jednom domě, moc jsme se neviděly. Já jsem byla u dědečka a maminka si založila novou rodinu. Náš vztah byl velmi zvláštní a do hřejivého vztahu matky s dcerou měl daleko. Vždycky jsem se o ní později postarala, když bylo třeba, protože nakonec to byla moje maminka, ale  nepamatuji se, že by mě třeba někdy objala nebo políbila.

Můj nevlastní otec měl bratra Roberta, který měl za manželku Židovku. Oba zahynuli.
  
Maminka měla sestru Ernu a bratra Rudolfa. Erna byla o dva roky mladší, byla bezdětná, ale vdaná, její manžel se jmenoval Oskar Kolb. Oskar byl Žid a pracoval jako ředitel podniku na výrobu lihovin. Teta Erna byla v domácnosti. Každou neděli jsme s dědou vyzvedli strýčka Oskara a jeli na hřbitov za babičkou a cestou zpátky jsme si u tety dali svačinu a pak jsme pokračovali domů na oběd. Pamatuju si, že teta Erna měla psa. Nemyslím, že byla Erna s Oskarem nějak pobožní, ale určitě chodili do synagogy alespoň na velké svátky. Oskar zemřel ještě před transporty, Erna byla transportována do Terezína na podzim roku 1942 a v ten samý rok pak dále do koncentračního tábora Malý Trostinec v Polsku, kde byla zastřelena.

U tety Erny byla také původně dědova kuchařka Baruška, kterou jsem měla moc ráda. Po válce mě Baruška chodila navštěvovat a pokaždé mi přinesla nějakou rodinnou věc od tety. Legrační bylo, že mi to dávala jako dárek, ale i tak jsem za to byla strašně vděčná, protože jsem se touhle cestou dostala ke svým věcem. Hodně jsem  pracovala a Baruška vždycky říkala, že se moje babička musí v hrobě obracet, když vidí, jak se dřu, a nabízela se mi, že mi bude chodit pomáhat. Po válce si vzal Barušku k sobě strýc Rudolf, byl sám, tak se o něj starala a on jí potom zajistil stáří.

Strýc Rudolf se narodil v roce 1898 v Praze. Jeho žena byla Židovka, teta Lilly, rozená Rubínová v roce 1905. Měli spolu dva syny, Pavla a Jiřího. Jiří byl rozený v roce 1926 a Pavel o devět let později. Jiří s Pavlem byli jako moji bratři a teta pro mne znamenala víc než moje vlastní máma. Moc jsem ji milovala. Oni byli moje hlavní rodina. Strýc Rudolf říkal – Každý normální člověk si vezme ženu a má s ní dětí, kolik sám chce. Já mám místo dvou dětí tři a místo jedné ženy dvě. A pak to vysvětloval – Když se něco kupuje mým dětem, tak to samé musí dostat i Ruth. A když si něco nechá šít moje žena, tak to samé se musí nechat ušít i pro Ruth. Pamatuju si, jak jsme s tetou přišly k našemu krejčímu a teta tam viděla béžový koverkot, látku na kostýmy. A ona říkala – pane Beran, vy tu máte krásnou látku. A krejčí Beran povídá – ale milostpaní, to je vašeho manžela, to tady má na oblek. Teta ho požádala, aby z toho pro nás dvě udělal kostým. A pan Beran odpověděl – ale to je na oblek a váš manžel má přijít za týden na zkoušku. Na to mu teta řekla - o to se nestarejte, to já zařídím. A bylo by to na dvě saka? A on povídá - no, dvě saka by z toho byly, no. - Tak nám udělejte dvě saka, on si koupí Rudolf něco jiného.

Rudolf s rodinou žil v Praze. Nejdříve bydleli s námi v domě, avšak pak se přestěhovali do krásného velkého bytu, který byl ale také na Vyšehradě. Patřili k majetné vrstvě. Rudolf později po  dědečkovi vedl továrnu a byl moc šikovný. Rudolf vyprávěl, jak ho dědeček nejdříve poslal k jakémusi známému, který také vlastnil továrnu, aby si tam odbyl takové pracovní kolečko. Když Rudolf dorazil první den, měl na sobě fajnové oblečení i s kloboukem. Přišel, pozdravil a představil se a ptal se, co má tedy dělat. A ten člověk mu říká – no, v první řadě se z tohohle svlíkni, oblíkni si nějaký montérky a půjdeš zametat dvůr.

Teta Lilly pocházela z velice bohaté rodiny. Její otec, Max Rubín, měl velký obchod s koberci a linoleem. Patřil jim rohový dům s podloubím na dnešním náměstí I.P.Pavlova v Praze. Teta  měla bratra Frantu, který byl rozený v roce 1898. Když se teta vdávala, dostala od otce věnem milion korun. Oba otcové se prý kvůli tomu dohadovali, můj dědeček říkal otci Lilly, že jeho peníze nepotřebuje, že má svoje peníze a nemusí čekat na nějaké věno, že si Rudolf bere Lilly z lásky a ne kvůli penězům. Lillyn otec zase vyhrožoval, že svatbu nedovolí, když si nevezmou věno.  Prostě po stránce finanční neexistovala jakákoliv nouze. Vzpomínám si, jak jsme šli do obchodu, protože Lilly si chtěla koupit pásek k šatům. Zalíbil se jí tam ale jiný, který se jí však k ničemu nehodil, tak si k němu rovnou objednala boty i kabelku. Teta milovala psy a chovala i barzoje. Když ještě bydleli na Vyšehradě, měla jich najednou i se štěňaty devět nebo deset. K nim samozřejmě zaměstnávala člověka, který se o psy staral. Když se s Rudolfem přestěhovali do vlastního, měla už jen jednoho.

Teta Lilly byla bohužel nemocná, měla rakovinu jícnu. Později už vůbec nemohla jíst a já jsem jí ošetřovala a krmila. Měla bohužel i rakovinu kůže, strašně ji to svědilo. Od roku 1941 už jsme si ani nemohli vzít ošetřovatelku, kdo by chtěl jít sloužit k Židům. Nemohla už vůbec nic pozřít a takhle nemocnou ji v roce 1942 odtransportovali do Terezína.

Dětství

Moje dětství bylo krásné a bezstarostné. Žila jsem s dědečkem, který o mě skvěle pečoval. Bydleli jsme v Praze na Vyšehradě, je to krásné místo, kam chodím ráda ještě dnes. Když člověk obchází Vyšehrad, vidí na celou Prahu.

Bydleli jsme v domě přímo u továrny. Byl to tří patrový činžovní dům se zahradou. My s dědou jsme měli v prvním poschodí pětipokojový byt a máma se svojí rodinou bydleli v druhém patře. Když se odstěhoval Rudolf s rodinou, přesunuli jsme se s dědou do druhého patra do menšího třípokojového bytu, kde jsem měla samostatný pokoj já i děda. Žila jsem už jen s dědečkem, protože babička na začátku 30.let zemřela. V bytě jsme měli dále  společnou jídelnu a samozřejmě předsíň a koupelnu. Měli jsme elektřinu i tekoucí vodu, která se ohřívala karmou. Pamatuju si také na krásná lesklá americká kamna s okýnky ze slídy. Na zemi byly parkety. V některých pokojích byly na stěnách tapety. V tom původním pětipokojovém bytě vedl z jednoho pokoje vchod na zahradu, která končila nad dvorem od továrny. Tam se na plotě pnulo divoké víno, v záhoncích rostly květiny a na konci stál krásný altánek.

V pátek se pravidelně všichni scházeli u nás na večeři. Byli jsme tam celá rodina, přišla máma, její manžel, Lilly s Rudolfem a Erna s manželem. Myslím, že košer se nevařilo. Pamatuju se, že se u nás často vařil šoulet, ale já jsem ho neměla ráda. Židovské svátky jsme slavili, Chanuku sice tolik ne, ale pesach pravidelně. Měli jsme pesachovou večeři, pamatuju si na vajíčka natvrdo, macesy a zeleninu. Dědeček pesachový rituál skvěle ovládal. Na Nový rok jsem se postila, ale jako dítě jenom půl dne. A pak jsem jednou odcházela ze synagogy a viděla svého nevlastního otce a strýce Rudolfa, jak kráčejí s plnou pusou od blízkého řezníka.

Dědeček byl asi docela pobožný člověk. Vzpomínám si, že jsem jednou o Vánocích chtěla stromeček a on řekl, že to mu do bytu nepůjde. Jenže já jsem ten stromeček pak měla v pokoji, kterým se v létě chodilo na zahrádku, ale v zimě se nepoužíval, a dědeček dělal, že o tom neví. Vánoce se prostě u dědy neslavily. Zato se slavily u tety Lilly. Tam bylo vždycky tolik dárků, že jsem to od té doby už neviděla. Byl toho plný pokoj, že se až nedalo kam šlápnout. Našly se tam dárky pro každého včetně personálu.

Dědeček byl přesný jako hodinky a stejně přesně dodržoval svoje zvyky. Každou neděli jsme šli se strýcem Oskarem na hrob babičky a vraceli jsme se před polednem. Cestou jsme se stavěli ve Vodičkově ulici v cukrárně u Myšáka. Dědeček na mě čekal v autě, já jsem tam vešla a řekla rukulíbám paní Myšákové, která seděla v pokladně. A ona se obrátila na prodavačku, aby mi zabalila nějaký řez s něčím, pak nějaký krém se šlehačkou a karamelem, který jsem měla moc ráda já, a pak něco pro kuchařku. Každou neděli to byl stejný moučník. Ve dvanáct hodin jsem musela sedět u oběda a v jednu hodinu jsme odjížděli do Louňovic u Jevan, což je menší obec asi 20 kilometrů od Prahy. Je to dodnes moje zamilované místo. Jezdila jsem tam od první třídy na letní prázdniny a strávila tam svoje krásné dětství a mládí. 

Měli jsme v Louňovicích ve vile u  Horů trvale pronajaté jedno patro, kousek od rybníka. Vedle měli statek Zvěřinovi, kteří pekli pro celou naši rodinu chleba. Dnes ho mám ráda, ale tehdy jsem ho nesnášela. Byl černý a tvrdý už i jako čerstvý. Ať zima nebo léto, v půl páté se z Louňovic odjíždělo. Dědeček zatroubil a já jsem musela být u auta do pěti minut. Neexistovaly výjimky, i když bych bývala ráda zůstala ještě v rybníce nebo jinde. V šest hodin jsme byli doma na večeři. Když jsem byla v průběhu týdne zrovna v Sokole 4, nestíhala jsem to na šestou domů na večeři. To jsem měla povolené, protože Sokol byl pro dědečka důležitý. Dědeček chtěl mít klid a poslouchat rádio, tak jsem ho nerušila a večeřela v kuchyni s kuchařkou, to byly moje oblíbené dny. Vždycky jsem si vyžádala nějaký bílý měkký chléb nebo měkké žemle a nějaký koupený majonézový salát. To jsem strašně milovala, protože jsem to jinak nesměla jíst.

Narodila jsem se v Německu, takže jsem měla národnost německou, ale tehdy z toho nikdo neměl těžkou hlavu. Dědeček vždycky říkal – stejně se ta holka vdá, tak co bychom s tím dělali. Jako rodný jazyk jsem měla češtinu, protože máma byla Češka. Moje chůva a vychovatelka rovněž, ale zvládala jsem mluvit oběma jazyky. Matka na mě někdy mluvila německy, když u toho nebyl nevlastní otec, protože ten německy neuměl. Začal jsem chodit do normální obecné české školy na Vyšehradě. Židovka jsem tam byla jediná, protože na Vyšehradě jsme byli jen dvě židovské rodiny. My a ještě nějací Reichovi. Ti provozovali ve Vratislavově ulici dole na rohu obchod s textilem. Měli dva syny. Nikdo z nich holocaust nepřežil.

Do Sokola jsem chodila odmalička. Jeden čas jsem jako dítě  chodila do baletu, ale spíš kvůli tomu, že se mi moc líbily ty baletní střevíce. Jinak jsem úplně nesportovní typ, ale měla jsem a mám ráda plavání. Na procházky mě nejdříve vodila vychovatelka, a to ještě i v obecné škole. Když jsem šla poprvé ven sama, bylo mi kolem deseti let. Byla jsem venku s nějakou starší kamarádkou a na Vyšehradě, na schodech u rotundy sv. Jiří jsem si zlomila nohu. Kamarádka mě pak vláčela domů. Na Vyšehradě bydlel jakýsi církevní hodnostář a večer telefonoval dědečkovi, co se mi jako stalo, že mě odpoledne viděl, jak mě nesla nějaká dívka.  A dědeček na něj začal do telefonu řvát jako na malého kluka - to se nestydíte, vy jste to viděl, a vy jste dopustil, aby ji nesla nějaká holka, to jste nemohl zavolat, abych pro ni poslal auto, abych to dítě dovezl domů, ona má nohu v sádře. Řval na něj a byl úplně rudý v obličeji. Nicméně dědeček usoudil, že s nohou v sádře se člověk klidně může zúčastnit vyučování. Tudíž mě ráno šofér odvezl do školy a odnesl mě nahoru do třídy a posadil mě do lavice. Tehdy chodící sádra nebyla. A když byl konec vyučování, tak mě zase snesl dolů do auta a odvezl domů. Všichni si o mě mysleli, že jsem byla rozmazlená, ale na druhou stranu, když měli ostatní děti zlomené nohy, do školy nemusely a ležely doma. Já jsem sice chodit nemohla, ale do školy jsem musela. To byl prostě můj dědeček, který nesnesl žádné ulejvání. 

Než jsem začala chodit do školy, vodila mě vychovatelka na hodiny francouzštiny k jedné staré Francouzce. Francouzštinu jsme měli i na gymnáziu, učila nás strašně milá paní profesorka. Jenže já jsem sice uměla mluvit plynně, ale gramatiku jsem moc neovládala. A profesorka trvala na tom, že se jí musím naučit. Já jsem zase trvala na tom, že francouzsky umím nejlíp z celé třídy, tak jsme se dostaly do sporu. A ona říkala, že když se nenaučím tu gramatiku, nechá mě propadnout. A já jsem oponovala, že tohle nemůže. A tak jsme se handrkovaly nějakou dobu, až mi v sekundě v kvartálu, kdy se nedávalo vysvědčení, ale psalo se ohodnocení, napsala čtyřku. A doma mě pak málem lynčovali, takže jsem se to musela doučit. Dnes už ale bohužel nic neumím. 

Navštěvovala jsem gymnázium ve Slezské ulici. Kvůli protižidovským zákonům 5 jsem musela odejít v kvartě. Dostala jsem se přes nějaké známé do soukromé obchodní školy, kde jsem strávila jeden rok. Tím pro mne studia skončily, protože po návratu z lágru jsem měla jiné starosti a maturitu jsem si prostě nedodělala. Mým životním cílem bylo studovat medicínu a věnovat se dětskému lékařství, z toho ale vzhledem k válečným a poválečným okolnostem sešlo.

Před příchodem Němců jsem nikdy žádný antisemitismus necítila. Neměli jsme na Vyšehradě žádné problémy. Celá naše rodina tam byla oblíbená. Dlouhá léta jsme nakupovali u hokyně na roku ulice a v době, kdy už nákupy Židů byly omezovány restriktivními pravidly 6, tak nám ta hokyně sama nosila jídlo až domů. Lidi se k nám chovali hezky. Vzpomínky na protižidovská opatření jsou samozřejmě nepříjemné. Člověk jakoby najednou přestal být člověkem. Nesměla jsem chodit do školy, do Sokola, nesměla jsem se veřejně stýkat se svými přáteli a našli se lidé, kteří se skutečně báli s člověkem promluvit, ale nikdy jsem nezažila, že by mi na ulici někdo nadával. Já osobně jsem měla dost přátel, kteří se mi snažili pomáhat. Naproti našemu domu bydleli v podnájmu kluci, kteří chodili na Vysokou školu umělecko-průmyslovou, tedy na UMPRUM. Stali se z nich moji přátelé. Jednou jsem se nimi potkala na nábřeží Vltavy před budovou UMPRUM, měla jsem na sobě kostým a baloňák s přišitou Davidovou hvězdou. Oni měli nějakou výstavu a zvali mě, abych se šla podívat. Já jsem odmítala, protože jsem je nechtěla dostat do maléru. Pak najednou přišel známý malíř, profesor Zrzavý 7 a říkal - Mládeži, co se tady dohadujete? A kamarádi mu odpověděli – Pane profesore, to je naše kamarádka a my bychom strašně chtěli, aby se šla podívat na naši výstavu. A on říkal – Tak proč nejde? Pak se na mě podíval a povídá – Mladá dámo, dovolíte, já bych Vám vzal ten pláštík – a nabídl mi rámě. Vzal mě pod paží a odvedl mě na výstavu. A já jsem s ním šla a nikdy na to nezapomenu, je to jeden z mých nejhezčích životních zážitků. Nikdy by mě nenapadlo, že člověk jeho jména bude riskovat pro nějakou Židovku, kterou viděl poprvé v životě. Moji kamarádi mě pak dokonce po válce hledali přes rozhlas, tak to pak bylo radostné setkání.

O emigraci se doma hovořilo, ale jenom hovořilo, protože dědeček říkal - proč já bych odtud chodil, já jsem nikomu nic neudělal, já jsem se tady narodil a já tady umřu. Strýc Rudolf zase říkal - já přece tady nenechám ty Břežany... Měli totiž s Lilly v Břežanech u Prahy krásnou vilu, kterou koupily ve zdevastovaném stavu a celou ji zrekonstruovali. Jezdilo se tam hlavně v létě a bylo tam nádherně. Nechali přistavit balkon a přístřešek na menší přední zahradě. Tam byla terasa, kde se jedlo a vinný sklípek. Z honosné jídelny v domě se vcházelo na velkou zadní zahradu. V Břežanech byla zavedená elektrika i tekoucí voda. Byly tam dva velmi cenné pokoje. Jednak tzv. ludvíkovský zlatý salonek, vyzdobený ručně vyšívanými gobelíny, ale to byl pokoj spíš na parádu. Pak tam byla nádherná tmavá jídelna, která se ale používala. Nohy od stolu, židlí a sekretáře byly takové vyřezávané sloupy zakončené pokaždé lví hlavou, která měla v tlamě bronzový kruh. Pak tam také byla krásná zlatá ložnice s leštěným nábytkem, na němž byly perletí vykládané ornamenty.

Když Němci brzy po okupaci zabrali továrnu, museli jsme se vystěhovat z domu. Můj nevlastní otec s mámou pak bydleli v malinkém bytě v Praze na Kačerově. Byl to jen pokoj a kuchyň. Máma pořád ležela, ona byla hypochondr a když se jí něco nezdálo, tak hned ulehla. Já jsem jim pak pomáhala. Když už jsme nesměli jezdit tramvajemi, tak to bylo z Vyšehradu na Kačerov pěšky hrozně daleko. Tak jsem někdy spala tam a někdy doma. Dědeček zůstal na Vyšehradě v malém bytě.

Za války

V srpnu 1942 jsem byla spolu s matkou a sestrou odtransportována do Terezína 8. Dědeček byl transportovaný až půl roku po nás, ale já jsem o tom vůbec nevěděla ani jsem se tam s ním nesetkala. Když jsem v devadesátých letech z Terezínské pamětní knihy zjistila, že byl rovněž v Terezíně, bylo to pro mne hrozně kruté. [Terezínská pamětní kniha, Miroslav Kárný a kol., vydala  Terezínská iniciativa - Melantrich, Praha 1995. V této pamětní knize jsou zaznamenána jména těch, kteří se stali oběťmi deportačních transportů, jimiž německá okupační moc z českých zemí odvlekla muže, ženy a děti spadající pod tzv. norimberské zákony.] Můj nevlastní otec, strýc Rudolf a bratr tety Lilly zatím zůstali v Praze. Pan Beran, který byl Čech a měl výrobnu kožešin je zaměstnal jako dělníky, čímž je chránil před deportací. Byli uznáni jako Wirtschaftlich wichtig – hospodářsky důležití. Pan Beran naoko spolupracoval s Němci a začal pro německé vojáky na frontě vyrábět kožešinové vložky do bot.

V Terezíně jsem bydlela v kasárnách na bloku L-200 se svou matkou a sestrou Věrou. Bylo nás asi deset na pokoji. Spali jsme na matracích ze slámy naskládaných v řadách vedle sebe. Kvůli nedostatku místa jsem si jako jedna z nejmladších  musela na noc dávat slamník doprostřed, takže jsem měla z obou stran nohy, což bylo dost hrozné spaní. Ráno jsme museli chytat blechy a štěnice. Když jsem se chtěla skutečně vyspat, nosila jsem si v létě slamník na dvůr, kde byla jakási kůlna, na jejíž střechu jsem vylezla a ustlala si tam. Později jsem zjistila, že kůlna sloužila jako úložiště mrtvol před jejich odvozem a likvidací.

Pracovala jsem nejdříve v Hamburských kasárnách. Dělala jsem tam kancelářskou práci v kartotéce, jednalo se o lístky na chleba. Měla jsem štěstí na práci i na člověka, který to tam vedl. Bral to tak, že prostě pracovat se musí. Jednoho dne mi ale řekl, že jsem byla přeřazena do výroby vložek do bot. Tu v Terezíně otevřel právě pan Beran, jak jsem brzy zjistila. V dřevěném baráku se sešívaly zbytky kožešin a nalepovaly se na vložky do bot. Pak se to posílalo na ruskou frontu.

Jednoho dne tam přišli dva esesáci a jeden civil, což byl právě pan Beran. Údajně se přijel podívat, jak tady lidi pracují, nenápadně se rozhlížel a pak si jako náhodou vybral mě s tím, že mu za to budu zodpovídat. Přivezl s sebou velkou nádobu, kterou nesli ti esesáci a říkal mi, že je to lepidlo, o které se teď budu starat. Zdůrazňoval, že je vzácné a že s ním musím šetřit a hlídat ho, že mu za něj ručím. Byla jsem úplně hrůzou bez sebe, tušila jsem, že je to nějaká levárna. Potom řekl, abych to někam uložila, aby to tam nestálo tak na očích. Když jsme potom odcházeli z práce, tak jsem se do toho kouknula a ono to bylo plné proviantu, který mi vlastně přinesli esesáci. Bylo toho hodně a museli jsme to s matkou, která tam rovněž pracovala po částech nenápadně odnosit. Bylo to úplně fantastické.

Pak tomu panu Beranovi asi nějak narostl hřebínek, nevím, co se vlastně stalo, ale jednou poslali tu winterhilfe [pomoc v zimě] místo na východní na frontu italskou. Němci to začali vyšetřovat a nejenže zavřeli pana Berana, ale s ním i ty naše tři Židy. Všichni šli do Terezína, ale nedostali se do ghetta, nýbrž na  Malou pevnost 9. Naši Židé byli potom posláni přímo do Osvětimi, ale nedostali se do rodinného tábora 10 jako my, ale do tábora, kde byli zavření normální vězni, což jim pomohlo a všichni tři nakonec přežili. Ve zmatku při obsazování Osvětimi se strýc Rudolf dostal nějak pryč a přešel ke Svobodově armádě, se kterou se pak vrátil domů. Po válce jsme zjistili, že manželka pana Berana, se snažila svého muže zachránit. Oni byli velmi bohatí a ona ho nechtěla nechat ve vězení. Tak podplatila jednoho esesáka, kterému dala milion korun, aby jejího muže z Pevnosti dostal. Ten esesák si peníze vzal, pana Berana z lágru vyvedl a cestou do Prahy ho zastřelil.

Mezitím se do Terezína dostala moje milovaná teta Lilly spolu s  Pavlem. Tenkrát se stal nějaký omyl, protože starší syn Jiří dostal povolávací rozkaz do transportu daleko dříve a do Terezína tak šel úplně sám. Jiří byl přiřazen k nějakým jiným pražským Krauskopfům a od jeho odchodu do transportu ho už nikdy nikdo neviděl. Teta Lilly trpěla rakovinou ještě před transportem a zemřela v terezínské nemocnici na následky své nemoci. Její mladší syn Pavel byl potom zařazen do transportu sirotků a šel z Terezína rovnou do osvětimských plynových komor. Osud Jiřího se nikdy nepodařilo zjistit. Strýc Rudolf po něm pátral i po válce, ale nenašel nikoho, kdo ho znal nebo se s ním potkal, kdo by mohl potvrdit nebo vyvrátit, že byl zabit v Osvětimi.

V Terezíně jsem se seznámila s Otou Himmelreichem, který byl o dost starší než já. Ota byl chytrý mladý muž původem z Přerova. Byla to veliká láska a bývali bychom se určitě po válce vzali. Měl práci mimo zdi ghetta a tudíž mohl zůstat v Terezíně a zachránit tak i svoji rodinu, tedy buď rodiče nebo ženu. Jeho rodiče nám přáli a mě měli moc rádi. Říkali – na nás už nezáleží, prostě se necháte oddat rabínem a zůstanete tady. Bylo to strašné uvažování o tom, koho odsoudit. Nakonec to dopadlo tak, že se do našeho transportu do Osvětimi přihlásil sám dobrovolně a rodiče nechal v Terezíně. On ani jeho rodiče nepřežili, s čímž se nebudu nikdy schopná vyrovnat. Jednou, to už od války utekl nějaký ten čas, jsem se potkala s jeho kamarádem, od něhož jsem se dozvěděla, že Ota zemřel v Bergen-Belsenu těsně předtím, než nás osvobodili. Byla jsem v naprostém šoku, že byl tak blízko a já jsem to nevěděla. Jeho kamarád říkal, že na mě Ota nepřetržitě myslel a že kdyby býval věděl, že jsem nablízku, tak by snad ještě těch pár dnů vydržel.

Matka, sestra a já jsme byly transportovány do Osvětimi v prosinci 1943 a přišli jsme do rodinného tábora. Umístěny jsme ale byly každá na jiném bloku. Nejdřív jsem nosila kameny, to byla taková běžná práce, aby lidi dostali hlad. Jeden den jsme kámen odnesli někam a druhý den jsme ho vraceli zpátky. Potom jsme pracovaly přímo v bloku, kde jsme seděly na židličkách a z nějaké drsné umělé hmoty jsme vyráběly řemeny na pušky. Pracovaly jsme tam sice celý den, ale měly jsme výhodu, že se sedělo pod střechou. Máma, myslím, nikde nepracovala. Sestra bydlela v bloku mladých děvčat. Neobvyklý zážitek z Osvětimi se mi pojí k německému vězni jménem Willy, byl to bývalý námořník, vězněný za vraždu. Rozvážel po táborech chleba a nějak se dozvěděl, že jsme v rodinném táboře. A jednoho dne si nás tenhle Willy zavolal a když jsme přišly, zjistily jsme, že přivedl mého nevlastního otce, který byl s ostatními v hlavním táboře, a nechal nás s ním asi čtvrt hodiny mluvit. To bylo něco nečekaného a moje matka od té doby absolutně věřila tomu, že přežijeme. Ještě v Terezíně totiž byla u kartářky, která jí předpověděla, že odjede z Terezína v zimě, bude padat sníh, odjede do jiné země, do jiného tábora, kde se setká se svým manželem a všichni se vrátíme domů.

Pro mě nastalo nejtěžší období, když šel zářijový transport v březnu 1944 do plynu. Potom přijely nějaké transporty, myslím, že z Maďarska. Krematoria nestačila, tak se tam pálily lidi na hromadách politých benzínem. Už vždycky budu vidět ty strašně velké mastné saze, které někdy dolétly až k nám do tábora. Byl to ten nejstrašnější pocit, na který se pamatuju. A do toho všeho moje matka opakovala – já se vrátím, já to přežiju, já se vrátím. Moje matka byla mladá, bylo jí něco přes čtyřicet let, ovšem vypadala příšerně. Já jsem přežití nevěřila a teď jsem měla tu hrůzu, že po zářijovém transportu jsme na řadě my. To jsme si ostatně tou dobou mysleli všichni. A pak přišla selekce. Já jsem tam věkem i vzhledem patřila, protože jsem v Osvětimi víceméně seděla a dělala popruhy, tak jsem nebyla tak zničená. My jsme si u té práce celý den povídaly o jídle, tak možná, že jsem se z toho i zasytila. Je zajímavé, že nejvíc receptů jsme si napovídaly v Osvětimi.

Do selekce jsem se vešla jen já, matka ani sestra věkem neodpovídaly. A v tu chvíli se stala další mimořádná věc. V dívčím bloku, kde žila moje sestra, což tehdy byla třináctiletá hubená holčička, bydlela i jedna dívka, která byla starší a nesmírně krásná a jejíž příjmení bylo velmi podobné příjmení mé sestry. Bloková tam tehdy byla jedna Polka, která si mou sestru velmi oblíbila. A když přišel esesák na selekci, prohlížel si dívky a kartičku té hezké dal stranou a pak ještě vybral další děvčata. Ta bloková zkusila jednu věc a sice vzala kartičku mé sestry a položila ji taky na tu hromádku. A když ten esesák odcházel, tak říkal – Co je tohle za kartu? A ona odpověděla – Pane hauptsturmführere, to je ta dívka, jak jste ji vybral – a on ji sebral. A tím pádem se moje sestra dostala do transportu.

Potom jsme se od dívky, která byla také se svojí maminkou v rodinném táboře, dozvěděly, že z lidí, kteří byli vybráni selekcí, dvě nebo tři ženy mezitím zemřely. Sebraly jsme odvahu a šly za lágrovým písařem, že jsme slyšely o úmrtí žen vybraných při selekci a jestli by tam nenapsal naše maminky. Byl to starší pán, nebyl ani Čech ani Němec, a udělal to. Když jsme odcházely z lágru, četli čísla a jedno z nich patřilo mámě.

To ale ještě neznamenalo konec. Před odjezdem jsme byly shromážděné v dalším lágru, v ženském táboře, a tam pokračovala selekce znovu. Já jsem prošla normálně a jako by to bylo dnes, vidím sestru a matku, jak jdou nahé k selekci. Hubené dítě a moje matka s visací kůží, protože před Terezínem měla asi 80 kg a strašně zhubla. Stály tam s Hankou Heitlerovou, která byla o rok či dva starší sestřina kamarádka. Byla ze zářijového transportu a zachránila se tím, že byla v tom březnu 1944 zrovna na marodce. Pak přišla do bloku k sestře a tam se spřátelily. Když jsem je tam tak viděla, říkala jsem si, že tohle nemůže dobře dopadnout. Nevím, kdo tu selekci dělal, jestli to byl sám Mengele, ale když ony byly na řadě, zapaloval si ten esesák zrovna cigaretu. A ta Hanka začala kolem něj utíkat dopředu a matka se sestrou běžely za ní. On si zapaloval cigaretu a nějaké tři Židovky mu nestály za to, aby to zapalování přerušil. Taková absolutní náhoda jim dala šanci dostat se z Osvětimi a zachránit si život.

Potom jsme odjely transportem do předměstí Hamburku jménem Dessauer Ufer, kde jsme bydleli v takovém silu. Bylo to prakticky na moři. K místnosti, kde jsme byly umístěny, vedly kovové schody, které esesáci dávali pryč a my jsme pak nemohly ven. Hned tu první noc přišel nálet a my jsme z toho byly v naprostém šoku. Začaly jsme mlátit do dveří a dělat strašný rámus a když jsme ty dveře vyrazily, nemohly jsme dál. Esesáci nás každý den budili tak, že chodili s holí a řvali a mlátili do kavalce a do nás. Do práce nás vozili časně zrána parníkem. Nejdřív jsme pracovaly v nějaké továrně, kde se vyráběl asfalt. Bylo to všechno vybombardované a ležely tam vrstvy asfaltu. Musely jsme pracovat brzo ráno, protože pak už bylo teplo a ten asfalt tekl. Byly tam kovové sudy, do kterých jsme ten asfalt musely házet. Práce to byla nekonečná, protože se to pořád znovu a znovu rozlévalo. Pak nás odvezly do Neugraben nebo Neuengamme. Tam jsme byly v zimě, nejdřív jsme chodily do města odklízet trosky, oklepávat cihly, prostě uklízet. Byla strašlivá zima, měly jsme na nohou dřeváky a pracovaly jsme bez rukavic. Bylo to strašné, esesáci měli koš s uhlím, nad kterým se hřáli a my jsme makaly. Pak jsme pracovaly v pískovém lomu, kopaly jsme a nakládaly písek. Potom jsme šly do dalšího lágru a tam jsme pracovaly v cihelně. Cihelna stála pod mostem, který byl bombardován, ale nikomu se naštěstí nic vážného nestalo.

Když byl tenhle lágr rozbitý, odvezli nás vlakem do Bergen-Belsenu. Nic horšího si nelze představit. Byly jsme v baráku bez kavalců. Jak jsme tam přišly za sebou, tak jsme si musely sednout a dát kolena k bradě. Pak šla další řada a další a nakonec jsme tam všichni takhle namačkaní seděli. Byly jsme tam zamčené, seděly jsme a asi dvakrát nebo třikrát denně nás vyvedly po částech na latrínu. Bylo to hrozné. Venku ležely mrtvoly, někdo šel a už nedošel. To bylo na jaře 1945. Nevím, jak dlouho jsme tam byly, den se zdál nekonečný. Jídlo jsme dostávaly jednou denně, a sice polívku. Byla to taková kovová popelnice, která se nesla na kovových tyčích. Smělo nás jít pět, čtyři nesly popelnici a pátá tam byla asi proto, kdyby jedna padla. A vzít jsme si mohly tolik, kolik jsme té polévky unesly. Bylo to pro celý barák. Každý den ráno se vynášeli mrtví, takže pak už jsme neseděli, po čase jsme mohli i ležet. Němci už věděli, že se fronta blíží, tak postupně mizeli. Potom nás hlídali Maďaři a když někdo vylezl z baráku ven, tak stříleli. My jsme ani nevěděly, že už jsou Němci pryč, byly jsme úplně zničené. Ale lidi, kteří byli víc při síle, tak tam šly rabovat sklady a to je téměř všechny stálo život, protože třeba snědli vepřovou konzervu a jejich tělo to nevydrželo.

Osvobodili nás Angličané 15.dubna 1945. Chovali se úplně fantasticky, dělali zázraky. Zavedly tam vodu, takže jsme se mohly konečně umýt, začali rozvážet suchary a jídlo, které jsme mohli jíst. Pro ně to byl strašný zážitek, přišli do lágru, který byl posetý mrtvolami. Němci, kteří nestačili utéct, nebo které pochytali, to museli odklízet. Za krátký čas, ještě před koncem války, vyklidili městečko Celle a tam nás nastěhovali. A i tam museli zajatí Němci uklízet. Tam jsem se dožila konce války, nicméně ve špatném stavu, protože jsem asi 9. května dostala skvrnitý tyfus. Dostala ho i matka a Věra. Zase to bylo štěstí v neštěstí, že jsme ho dostali až po konci války, kdy už se o nás postarali. Skvrnitý tyfus provází vysoké horečky a strašné bolesti hlavy. Pamatuju si, že jsem měla pocit, že mi v hlavě jezdí dva autobusy, které se každou chvíli srazí. Když jsem se probrala z bezvědomí, tak jsem nad sebou viděla stát esesáka, byl v uniformě, ale byl to zajatec. Staral se o nás sice anglický zdravotnický personál, ale zajatí Němci ještě vypomáhali. Já jsem ale prostě nad sebou viděla esesáka a omdlela jsem. Skvrnitý tyfus dostala i matka a sestra, matka na chvíli přestala slyšet a sestra vidět, ale naštěstí se o nás skvěle postarali a rozmazlovali nás a v červenci jsme se jako jedny z posledních vracely domů. Angličani nás odvezli až do Plzně, ale dál nesměli. Když jsme přejížděli československé hranice, tak vlak zastavil, my jsme vystoupily, klečely jsme na zemi a zpívaly hymnu a oni stáli v pozoru a salutovali. V Plzni jsme vystoupily z vlaku, dostaly jsme nějaké oblečení a potravinové balíčky a rozloučili jsme se.

Po válce

Převzali nás nějací hoši z revoluční gardy a na přivítanou nám nabídli polévku. Polívku jsme odmítly, protože jsme se chtěly co nejdříve dostat do Prahy. Pak přijel otevřený nákladní vlak, ve kterém se vozil cement. A ti hoši nám říkali, ať si do něj vlezeme, že nás odvezou do Prahy. My jsme odpověděly – no jo, ale my máme jen to, co máme na sobě, nemůžeme vlézt do toho špinavého vagónu, co když bude v noci pršet. A oni řekli – tak si to ukliďte. My jsme byly zhýčkané od Angličanů, tak jsme se jich ptaly – to tu nemáte nějaké Němce, aby nám to uklidili? A oni na nás koukali jak na blázny. Nakonec jsme si to vymetly a vyprosily si nějaké papíry a kartony. A v noci nás v těch otevřených vagonech vezli do Prahy.

Přijely jsme na Smíchovské nádraží a po třech letech jsme zažívaly takový posvátný pocit. Já jsem seděla vzadu opřená o vagon a cestou jsem usnula a po příjezdu do Prahy jsem brečela asi půl hodiny, protože do toho vagonu vlezl na nádraží muž z Revoluční gardy, poklepal mi na rameno a říkal – hele, ty jedeš od Amerikánů, máš cigára? To byl strašný pocit. Bylo to čtyři měsíce poté, co se většina lidí vrátila, vítání už proběhlo a my jsme byly zajímavé jenom možností získat americké cigarety. Věděla jsem od jedné spoluvězenkyně, která pocházela z Plzně a vrátila se dřív, protože nechytila tyfus, že se můj nevlastní otec zachránil a že má byt v Praze v Plavecké ulici, kousek od Vyšehradu. Když jsme přijely do Prahy, řekli nám, že musíme počkat a jít do karantény. Já jsem to odmítla a vzpomněla jsem si, že jsme měli nějaké známé na Smíchově. Došly jsme k nim pěšky a oni naštěstí byli doma. Nechala jsem u nich matku a sestru, dostala jsem od nich peníze na tramvaj a jela do Plavecké ulice. Našla jsem tam otce a on se pak vrátil pro matku se sestrou. Potom šly k lékaři, protože matka na tom nebyla moc dobře. Matky se doktor ptal – babičko, kolik je vám let? A ona odpověděla, že pětačtyřicet. A on říkal – ale babičko, to se pletete. Vypadala strašně. Když se se sestrou vrátily, tak už jsem byla vykoupaná, byla to první věc, kterou jsem udělala. Svlékly jsme matku a daly ji do vany a pak jsme nad ní brečely, protože jsme se jí bály i zvednout, myslely jsme, že se nám rozpadne.

Někteří známí za námi přišli, když se doslechli o našem návratu a donesli nám jídlo a oblečení. Zažila jsem ale i ošklivé situace, kdy lidi, ke kterým jsme před válkou dali něco schovat, tak o tom najednou nevěděli. Jednou jsem šla k jedněm známým, u kterých byly schované peřiny a takové ty věci do výbavy a ti mi řekli – to víte, byla to těžká doba, taky jsme měli hlad a museli jsme to všechno prodat. Na tom jsem říkala – to víte, já neznám co je hlad, my jsme měli nadbytek všeho. Byt, který dostal otec přidělený, byl původně úplně zařízený. Tak, jak jsme my museli opustit naše byty a zanechat tam všechno, tak tenhle byt opustili Němci. Když se tam ale otec asi za dva dny stěhoval, tak tam nezbylo nic než holý nábytek a rozšlapaná sbírka známek. Mezitím byt někdo vykradl. Nevím, jak otec ze začátku sháněl peníze, postupně jsme dostali potravinové lístky a šatenky. S rodinou mé matky jsem vlastně před válkou nežila, ale nikoho jiného jsem už neměla. V lágru jsem se o matku a sestru starala a tak jsem tu odpovědnost za ně vzala i teď se samozřejmostí na sebe.

Brzy mi nastaly problémy s občanstvím. Ačkoli jsem chodila do českých škol, neměla jsem na to doklady, neměla jsem vysvědčení. Obíhala jsem obecnou školu, gymnázium i Sokol a všude jsem žádala, aby mi dali potvrzení, že jsem byla vždycky Češka. Neměla jsem ani rodný list a nemohla jsem získat duplikát, protože jsem rozená v Německu. Vzpomínám si, jak jsem byla na policii v Krakovské ulici, seděl tam takový starší příjemný pan a říkal – Co s vámi jen dělat? Nemám na vaše narození doklady. Já jsem mu ukazovala opisy vysvědčení ze školy a říkala – tady máte vysvědčení ze školy, takže jsem se musela narodit. Nakonec bylo potřeba udělat místopřísežné prohlášení, čemuž jsem se moc smála, protože jsem musela prohlásit, že jsem se narodila. Pak jsem dostala rodný list. Ale pořád jsem měla německé občanství. Trvalo to dost dlouho, lítala jsem po všech možných i nemožných úřadech, musela jsem najmout i právníka.

Občanství se vydávalo na úřadě, který sídlil v Praze v Pařížské ulici. Tam se mnou jednal jakýsi mladý muž a pořád ode mne chtěl nové a nové doklady. Když jsem donesla další doklad, tak vždycky říkal – to je dobře, ale ještě od vás potřebuju tohle. Chodila jsem tam snad tři měsíce a on pořád chtěl něco nového. Už jsem z toho byla zoufalá a znechucená. Říkala jsem si, že mne ten člověk musí k smrti nenávidět, že je to snad nějaký antisemita. Pak jsem tam zase jednou přišla a on říkal – dobře, tak to je už všechno, ale prosím vás, když neseženete ještě tohle, tak to občanství nebude – a strčil mi do ruky papír. Já jsem odešla a na ulici jsem se na ten papír podívala. Stálo tam – dnes večer v 8 hodin před Vyšehradskou reálkou. Já jsem z toho měla dost obavy, tak jsem požádala svého bratrance Viktora, aby nás sledoval a zasáhnul, kdyby se mělo něco dít. Viktorův otec Zikmund byl bratr mého nevlastního otce. Přišla jsem večer před školu, stál tam ten úředník s překrásnou kytkou v ruce a říkal – nezlobte se na mě. Já na to, že se snad zbláznil. A on povídá – já vím, že jsem se zbláznil, jsem cvok, ale pamatujete si na mě? Já jsem chodil do Vyšehradské reálky. Já jsem mu řekla, že jsem navštěvovala jinou školu a on odpověděl, že jsem ale v té době chodila s jedním mládencem z Vyšehradské reálky a byla jsem s ním na nějakém jejich večírku. Pak říkal, že jsem s tím svým mládencem tancovala, ale jeho samotného jsem odmítla, tak mi to chtěl vrátit. Prý mám to občanství vyřízené už dva měsíce a že už nevěděl, jak to víc protahovat, že už se na něj v úřadě zlobí a málem ho vyhodili a že tam řekl, že mě donutí jít s ním na rande. Tak jsem tedy získala československé státní občanství.

Můj nevlastní otec byl nemocný, sestra byla zesláblá patnáctiletá holka a matka na tom byla taky dost bídně. Nic jsme neměli. Musela jsem se starat o domácnost a neměla jsem možnost pokračovat dál ve studiích. Otec si v roce 1946 otevřel malou výrobnu konfekce. Bylo to na jméno jednoho krejčího, který pro nás pracoval a na jeho živnostenský list. Šlo to docela dobře. Já jsem mu pomáhala s administrativou a doma jsem vařila a uklízela a starala se o domácnost. Měli jsme pár švadlen a jednu střihačku a toho pana krejčího a tím jsme si vydělávali na živobytí.

Sestra tady po válce nechtěla zůstat. Chodila s mládencem, který měl v Izraeli příbuzné, byl zapálený sionista a chtěl tam odjet. Sestra si ho vzala a odjeli v roce 1948. V Izraeli pracovala jako stevardka na nějakém mezinárodním parníku. Tam se seznámila se svým druhým manželem, s kterým se rozhodli zůstat v Americe. Žije tam v Los Angeles a má čtyři děti. Nějakou dobu jsme si psali, ale jinak musím přiznat, že spolu nemáme příliš společného a nestýkáme se. Já jsem na emigraci ani nepomýšlela. Jednak jsem tu měla na starosti matku a nevlastního otce, ale i tak bych nikam neodešla. Miluju Prahu a nechtěla bych žít jinde.

V roce 1948 11 nám byl podnik znárodněn a stal se z něj Družstevní oděvní dům. Nastoupila jsem tam jako sekretářka a po čase jsem se stala účetní. Pracoval tam i můj nevlastní otec a i můj strýc Rudolf, který se dokonce po nějakém čase stal ředitelem. Pak ho pro buržoazní původ vyhodili. Strýc  Rudolf se vrátil na konci války zpět do Československa se Svobodovou armádou a díky tomu dostal zpět svou vilu v Břežanech. O víkendech tam zval společnost a já jsem mu pak pomáhala a dělala paní domu. Rudolf se sice brzy po válce znovu oženil, ale manželství dlouho nevydrželo. Vilu v Břežanech Němci na začátku války zkonfiskovali, ale nenechali ji zchátrat, dokonce tam bylo zavedené ústřední topení. Avšak jinak odnesli co mohli. Hned po válce dostal strýc přidělený byt v Jungmannově ulici v Praze a dokonce se po několika letech dostal do svého bývalého domu na Vyšehradě, když se tam uvolnil byt.

Můj otec trpěl cukrovkou a pak se přidala i tuberkulóza a v roce 1951 zemřel. Je pohřben na židovském hřbitově v Praze. Matka měla velmi malý důchod, tak jsem jí obstarala práci ve skladu tiskopisů, kde byl vedoucím jeden starší slušný pán. Jenže si mě potom zavolal kádrovák a říkal, že není možné, abychom tam pracovaly obě dvě, že matka musí odejít. Já jsem mu na to řekla, že moje matka neodejde, protože ona nikdy předtím nepracovala a já si dokážu najít jinou práci. On mi řekl, že by chtěl abych tam zůstala já. Pak povídal – neříkejte mi, že nemáte z čeho žít. Na to jsem mu odpověděla – podívejte se, my jsme se vrátily z lágru, jak jistě dobře víte, a neměly jsme čas vydělat si nějaké peníze. Jestli myslíte, že nám stačí k životu jenom ta holá postel, stůl a židle, tak bychom přeci jenom měly co k prodeji. Ale musíte mi slíbit, že každého prvního si ode mne něco koupíte. Z důchodu mé matky být živy nemůžeme. Nakonec tam matka zůstala a já jsem si našla jiné zaměstnání. 

Bydlela jsem v Plavecké ulici s matkou a jednou svou kamarádkou, která se vrátila z koncentráku sama a nikoho neměla. Byla to dvougarsoniéra s velkou terasou. Jednou, v padesátých let, zvonil někdo u dveří. Vykoukla jsem a stála tam jakási paní. Pozdravila jsem jí a zeptala se, co potřebuje. Jdu si prohlédnout byt – řekla. A já jsem říkala - a co chcete vidět na našem bytě? Ona povídá - no já se sem totiž stěhuju, budu to s vámi měnit. Nás byt se jí asi zalíbil a na byťáku jí tu výměnu odsouhlasili. Nikoho nezajímalo, že jsme přišli z lágru a žijeme tam tři samotné ženské. Mně v životě nenapadlo, že z toho bytu půjdu někdy pryč, byl kousek od mého zamilovaného Vyšehradu. V tu chvíli jsem ze sebe bez přemýšlení vyhrkla, že stěhování nebude, protože mi už to máme vyměněné. Což nebyla pravda, ale do pár dnů se mi to podařilo skutečně zorganizovat a přestěhovali jsme se na náměstí I.P.Pavlova do Sokolské ulice. Byl to hezký dům, téměř v centru města. Matka zemřela v roce 1963 v Praze, kde je pohřbená na židovském hřbitově.

V padesátých letech jsem chvíli pracovala v jednom textilním družstvu, kde se mi moc nelíbilo. Měla jsem ale štěstí, že ve chvíli, kdy už jsem pomýšlela na změnu zaměstnání, potkala jsem bývalého kádrováka tohoto družstva. Když se dozvěděl, že hledám práci, ptal se mě, jestli nechci nastoupit do družstva Igra. V Igře se vyráběly hračky a potom také hudební nástroje. Já jsem mu říkala, že mám škraloup živnostníka a on mi vyprávěl, že ho z předchozího působiště vyhodili, protože ho kvalifikovali taky jako živnostníka. Říkal, že kdysi stával v průjezdu, na dvě kozy postavil prkna a na ně vystavil ovoce a zeleninu, které prodával. Prý teď dělá kádrováka v Igře a že mám druhý den přijít, že shánějí účetní. Tak jsem druhý den dorazila a oni mě přijali. Pracovala jsem tam pak nejdřív jako účetní a později jako šéfová účtárny. První dny tam se mnou nikdo nepromluvil, protože se okamžitě rozkřiklo, že mě tam doporučil kádrovák. Když jsme se poznali, stal se z práce můj druhý domov. Tohle družstvo bylo rovněž zajímavé tím, že když byl někdo pracovně na úrovni, tak se tam mohl uplatnit i přes kádrový škraloup. Pamatuju se, že jsem v kanceláři nějakou dobu seděla s paní Hejdánkovou, která byla bývalá profesorka a žena doktora Hejdánka, mluvčího Charty 77 12.

Já jsem nebyla členkou Komunistické strany 13 i přes to, že jsem zastávala vedoucí funkci. Samozřejmě, že mě přemlouvali, abych do Strany vstoupila, ale já jsem se z toho vždy nějak vyvlékla. Jeden z našich kádrováků bydlel za Prahou a jednou se tam pořádala jakási pouť a on pár lidí pozval. Když jsme tam přijeli, vystoupila jsem a on ke mně přišel a řekl mi – rukulíbám. Byla jsem z toho úplně vedle, ale od té doby jsme spolu vycházeli dobře. V Igře celé ty roky panoval kolektivní přátelský duch. Když jsem tam nastoupila, pracovalo tam asi sto dvacet zaměstnanců a když jsem odtamtud po mnoha letech odcházela, bylo to jedno z největších pražských družstev, které mělo asi patnáct set zaměstnanců.

Padesátá léta nebyly co se týče společnosti hezká doba. Ze Slánského 14 procesů jsem byla dost vyděšená. Když jsem se vrátila z lágru, říkala jsem si,že teď už bude všechno dobré.  Ale ono to bylo dobré tři roky a pak to šlo znova do háje. A do toho ještě přišly ty procesy a já jsem si tak říkala, co mě ještě čeká, copak ten koncentrák nestačí. Měla jsem nepříjemný pocit, protože v té době si mohl kdokoliv vzpomenout, že mu vadím a udat mě. Ale nic se naštěstí nestalo. Ani jsem neměla žádný majetek, abych mohla někomu překážet.

Odjakživa jsem milovala děti, jako mladá dívka jsem se chtěla stát dětskou lékařkou. Když jsem se vrátila z lágru, doktoři mi řekli, abych nepočítala s tím, že bych mohla otěhotnět. Byla jsem z toho velice špatná a ani jsem se nehrnula do vdávání. Pak jsem poznala jednoho rozvedeného pána, který měl ve své péči šestiletou holčičku jménem Miluška. Tak jsem si říkala, že když nebudu mít vlastní dítě, proč bych nemohla alespoň vychovat jiné. Vdávala jsem se v roce 1955 a hned rok nato jsem otěhotněla a narodil se mi syn René.

Můj tehdejší manžel se narodil v roce 1918 v Praze, byl Čech a jmenoval se Jiří Šetina. Poznali jsme se přes zaměstnání. Pracoval v podniku s názvem Laboratorní přístroje, kde se začal vyrábět plynový chromatograf. On a ještě jeden jeho kolega se s tím přístrojem naučili pracovat a když to pak jejich podnik prodával, jezdili učit lidi, jak s tím pracovat. Na vizitce měl napsáno expert na plynovou chromatografii. Takže jezdil po světě a skoro pořád nebyl doma. V roce 1972 jsme se rozváděli, našel si mladší ženu původem z Ruska. Zemřel před patnácti lety.

Miluška v roce 1968 15 emigrovala do Vídně a pak do Ameriky, kde dodnes žije. Mám tam dva vnuky. Milušku jsem několikrát navštívila, ale teď už ona jezdí spíš sem za mnou. Máme spolu krásný vztah. Poprvé jsem za ní byla někdy v sedmdesátých letech, tenkrát to ale nebylo tak jednoduché. Pamatuju si, že si mého tehdejšího manžela volali na policii a ptali se ho, proč chci jet do Ameriky já, když nejsem její matka.

René chtěl jít  po střední škole na konzervatoř studovat klasickou kytaru. Měl ale buržoazní původ a rovněž sestru emigrantku, což tenkrát byl velký problém, a na konzervatoř ho tak nevzali. O pár měsíců později jsme se měli stěhovat do Ruska, kde měl můj muž pracovat. Renému tam vyjednal studia na hudební škole. Měli jsme odjíždět o prázdninách v srpnu, ale začátkem měsíce jsme se dostavili k řediteli Laboratorních přístrojů, který nám sdělil, že všichni odjet nemůžeme. Manžel je tam prý nutně potřeba a může jezdit každého půl roku domů, ale rodinu tam nakonec kvůli dceři v Americe vzít nemůže. Já jsem říkala – ale pane řediteli, já nemám jenom dceru, ale i syna. Ten teď skončil základní školu, končí mu prázdniny a je zapsaný na konzervatoři v Moskvě. A on říkal – no jo, paní Goetzová, já jsem o tom uvažoval, no nebojte se, my se vám o něj postaráme, slibuju.

Volal mi pak na konci měsíce, muž už byl v Rusku, a říkal – no, tak ono mi zatím nic nevyšlo, tak prozatímně nastoupí jako učeň elektromechaniky. Nedá se nic dělat, někde být musí a já jsem zatím nic jiného nesehnal. A tak René nastoupil místo na konzervatoř jako učeň, žádnou jinou možnost neměl a tak tam i zůstal a vyučil se elektromechanikem. Jednou si mě zavolal jeho mistr a povídal mi, že René pracuje nějak tak bez zájmu. Já jsem se ho ptala, jestli René chodí pozdě nebo fláká práci a on odpověděl, že v tomhle ohledu s ním nemá problém, jen že je na něm vidět absolutní nezájem. Tak jsem mu to vysvětlila a řekla jsem, že si svého syna vážím za to, že tam vůbec chodí, ale že zájem se od něj nedá očekávat, protože chtěl v životě všechno možné, jenom ne učit se elektromechanikem.

Ke své kytaře se dostal až na vojně, kde se měl docela dobře, protože jako voják jezdil jako sólista a koncertoval. Armádních souborů bylo dost, ale neměli sólového kytaristu. Byl vyškolen a sloužil u spojařů, což bylo zvláštní, když měl nálepku nespolehlivý. Než mu vojna definitivně skončila, šel se ucházet do jednoho podniku o zaměstnání. A oni ho vítali s tím, že se těší až dostanou z vojny vyškolené odborníky. Dali mu vyplnit dotazník, ale když zjistili, že má sestru v Americe, odmítli ho přijmout. Měl známého, který mu nakonec pomohl, a René šel pracovat jako spojař k hasičům. Potom díky tomu vystudoval odbornou školu ve Frýdku-Místku, jedinou v celé republice zaměřenou na požární problematiku. Do revoluce v roce 1989 16 dělal technika v Orionce a dalších továrnách, po revoluci pracoval jako vedoucí požární technik v Motolské nemocnici, což je poměrně zodpovědná práce. Po našem vstupu do Evropské unie mu volali ze školy ve Frýdku-Místku a nabízeli mu, zda by měl zájem dělat auditora na požární a bezpečnostní ochranu. Že je prý jeden z mála odborníků, který k tomu má příslušné vzdělání a praxi. Dnes je tedy tímto veřejným auditorem, práce má nad hlavu, ale zajímá ho to a baví. 

René žije ve spokojeném manželství a má dceru. Jeho manželka je ekonomka. Když se René narodil, jeho otec ho chtěl nechat  zapsat do židovské obce. Já jsem to ale odmítla. Říkala jsem si, že jestliže se jednou bude cítit Židem, nechá se tam zapsat sám a že to za něj nechci rozhodovat. Já jsem ho moc židovsky nevychovávala. U nás v rodině byl můj dědeček poslední člověk, který alespoň nějakým způsobem židovské tradice dodržoval. Můj syn se sice o mou minulost zajímá, ale sám se jako Žid necítí. Slavíme normálně české Vánoce, to se scházíme u syna i s rodiči jeho manželky.

Po válce jsem byla zvyklá chodit do synagogy na velké svátky a hlavně na modlitbu za mrtvé. Byla jsem i členkou Židovské obce v Praze. Při svatbě jsem vyvdala šestileté dítě, které nemělo nejmenší šajn o tom, že existují nějací Židé a že se slaví nějaké židovské svátky. Miluška znala Vánoce a Velikonoce. Můj muž o židovství také mnoho nevěděl. Nikdo mi nic nezakazoval ani nepřikazoval, ale slavili jsme tradiční české svátky. Měla jsem židovské i nežidovské přátele, ale nikdy jsem to příliš nerozlišovala. Hodnotila jsem míru toho kterého přátelství, ale nikdy původ člověka.

Neměli jsme chatu ani chalupu. Po válce jsem byla s manželem ve svých oblíbených Louňovicích asi dvakrát na dovolené, ale mému manželovi se tam nelíbilo. Když jsem pracovala v družstvu Igra, oblíbila jsem si Slapy. Družstvo tam koupilo podnikovou chalupu, která stojí zcela o samotě poblíž Živohoště. K vodě se jde z kopce a za zády je les. Tam jsme jezdili na dovolenou. O víkendech jsme brali děti na výlety nebo jsme šli na procházku. Víkendy jsme plně věnovali dětem. Po rozpadu podniku jsem byla zoufalá, že už nebudu mít možnost jezdit na Slapy, ale koupil to tam jeden soukromník a řekl mi, že můžu kdykoliv přijet na jak dlouho budu potřebovat, že jsem vítaný host. A moje prázdniny vypadají tak, že nejdřív jedu do lázní a pak rovnou na Slapy. Můj syn se s majitelem spřátelil a tak má za úkol na mne dohlížet.

S manželem jsem bydlela ve velkém bytě v Praze v Karlíně. Měl čtyři pokoje, halu a kuchyň. Po našem rozvodu se můj bývalý muž znovu oženil a svou novou ženu přivedl do našeho bytu, já jsem tou dobou odjížděla za Miluškou do Ameriky. Říkala jsem mu, aby ten velký byt vyměnil za dva malé, že mi stačí cokoliv malého, kde bude koupelna a kuchyňský kout, jen abych tam byla sama. Handrkovali jsme se přes oceán, protože on zase říkal, že se v tom bytě při jeho renovaci strašně nadřel a že z toho bytu odejde pouze nohama napřed. Nijak to tenkrát nedopadlo, zůstali jsme všichni i se synem v původním bytě. Syn se oženil a odešel, můj bývalý muž brzy zemřel, a já tam zůstala s jeho druhou manželkou. Chovala se ke mně velmi zdvořile a slušně, ale žádné kamarádky se z nás rozhodně nestaly. Syn pak přes svého tchána sehnal byt, ve kterém dnes žiji. Není velký, ale je můj a mám to tu velmi ráda.

K Izraeli jsem nikdy neměla žádný vztah. Nikdy jsem tam nebyla a ani jsem tam nechtěla jet. Sousedství s Palestinou na mne nepůsobilo dobře a měla jsem vždycky dojem, že to nevezme dobrý konec. Nikdy jsem neměla takovou tu touhu tam odejít, jako třeba první manžel mé sestry. Nechápala jsem sionismus ani ortodoxní Židy. Nemůžu říci, že bych se nezajímala o tamní dění, ale já jsem spíše litovala lidi, kteří do Izraele odjeli, aby měli konečně klid.

V družstvu Igra jsem přesluhovala, nechtělo se mi do důchodu, ale definitivně jsem odešla v roce 1990. Pracovala jsem pak v revizní komisi Terezínské iniciativy. Rok 1989 jsem nadšeně uvítala. Nikdy jsem nebyla členkou žádné politické strany a už ani nebudu. Moje politické sympatie má pravice.  Po revoluci se nám všem nějak změnil život a myslím, že k lepšímu. Moje ekonomická situace se po revoluci také vylepšila, jelikož jsem k důchodu začala dostávat i peníze z Claims Conference. Není to sice žádné bohatství, ale jsou to pravidelné platby, které mi téměř zaplatí bydlení.

Glosář:

1 Vyšehrad

je historická část Prahy, součást městského obvodu Praha 2. V roce 1991 bylo na Vyšehradě hlášeno k trvalému pobytu  2 052 obyvatel. Vyšehrad leží na výrazné vyvýšenině nad pravým břehem Vltavy. Podle pověstí byl Vyšehrad sídlem kněžny Libuše a prvních přemyslovských knížat; přemyslovské hradiště ve skutečnosti doloženo až z 2. poloviny 10. stol. Po roce 972 byla na Vyšehradě založena Boleslavem II. mincovna. V roce 1003 se za polské okupace Čech na Vyšehradě udržela česká posádka. Od roku 1070 sídlo knížete (od roku 1085 krále) Vratislava II., který nechal vybudovat kamenné hradby s knížecím palácem a založil vyšehradskou kapitulu (probošt kapituly tradičně zastával místo kancléře Království českého). Vyšehrad byl hlavním knížecím sídlem až do konce vlády knížete Soběslava I. v roce 1040. Symbolický význam Vyšehradu jako prvního centra české státnosti zdůraznil Karel IV., který zároveň rozpoznal jeho strategický význam a postavil zde nový královský palác a mohutné opevnění. V letech 1419 – 20 se na Vyšehradě po prohrané bitvě na Vítkově udržela posádka císaře Zikmunda Lucemburského, která byla poražena až 1. 11. 1420 v bitvě pod Vyšehradem při druhém Zikmundově tažení proti Pražanům. Po vítězné bitvě zrušili Pražané kostely i opevnění vůči Praze a Vyšehrad byl opuštěn. V druhé polovině 15. stol. zažil Vyšehrad nové osídlení, avšak po roce 1654 byl Vyšehrad v souvislosti s výstavbou nového barokního opevnění Prahy přestavěn na největší pražskou pevnost. V letech 1741 – 42 byla pevnost okupována Francouzi a v roce 1744 Prusy, v roce 1866 byla zrušena. Od 19. stol. se Vyšehrad stal symbolem slavné české minulosti, inspirujícím české umělce (K. H. Mácha, M. Aleš, B. Smetana aj.). V roce 1860 bylo na bývalém farním hřbitově založeno pohřebiště významných osobností českého národa; dominantou hřbitova je hrobka Slavín z roku 1889. V areálu Vyšehradu jsou zachovány základy baziliky sv. Vavřince z 2. poloviny 11. stol., rotunda sv. Martina z téže doby, kapitulní chrám sv. Petra a Pavla (založen v 2. polovině 11. stol., přestavěn goticky v 13. stol., barokně v 18. stol., regotizován J. Mockerem koncem 19. stol.). Areál je obehnán barokními hradbami s pozůstatky gotického opevnění. Vyšehrad se stal Národní kulturní památkou.

2 Pražský hrad

byl od konce 9. stol. centrum české státnosti, sídlo českých knížat a králů, dvakrát sídlo římskoněmeckých císařů, sídlo prezidentů ČSR, ČSSR, ČSFR a ČR. Hrad byl založen jako přemyslovské hradiště asi v 80. letech 9. stol. knížetem Bořivojem, který sem přesídlil z Levého Hradce a v roce 885 zde založil druhý křesťanský chrám v Čechách, zasvěcený Panně Marii. V roce 920 založil kníže Vratislav další pražský kostel, baziliku sv. Jiří (otonský sloh, přestavěna a rozšířena v románském slohu, gotické a barokní úpravy), při níž byl asi v roce 973 založen první klášter v Čechách, obsazený členkami benediktinského řádu. Před rokem 929 založena knížetem Václavem románská rotunda sv. Víta; sv. Václav byl v rotundě pohřben a kostel se stal kultovním centrem celé země. V roce 973 založeno při kostele sv. Víta biskupství a sv. Vít se stal biskupským chrámem. Po roce 1041 (za Břetislava I.) byl Pražský hrad obehnán zčásti již zděnou hradbou. V letech 1070 – 1140 sídlila některá knížata na Vyšehradě, avšak Pražský hrad nepřestal být hlavním centrem státu. Po roce 1135 za knížete Soběslava I. proběhla rozsáhlá přestavba, při které byl vystavěn kamenný palác. V roce 1085 za krále Vratislava II. dokončena románská přestavba rotundy sv. Víta na baziliku. V druhé polovině 13. stol. za Přemysla II. Otakara byl Pražský hrad rozšířen o západní a východní předpolí a obehnán novými hradbami, které navázaly na opevnění právě založené Malé Strany. Proběhlo rozšíření královského paláce. V letech 1306 – 44 zaznamenáváme úpadek. V roce 1344, zejména z iniciativy tehdy ještě kralevice Karla (Karel IV.), byly položeny v souvislosti s povýšením pražského biskupství na arcibiskupství základy gotické katedrály sv. Víta (architekti Matyáš z Arrasu a P. Parléř) a v následujících letech byl Pražský hrad přestavěn v rozsáhlou a honosnou císařskou rezidenci. Stavební aktivitu přerušily husitské války, po nichž panovníci sídlili do roku 1484 na Starém Městě. Od roku 1484 za Vladislava a Ludvíka Jagellonského proběhla pozdně gotická přestavba hradu vedená B. Riedem (mohutné pozdně gotické opevnění s dělovými baštami Daliborkou a Prašnou věží, nové palácové, tzv. Ludvíkovo křídlo, mohutný trůnní Vladislavský sál, jezdecké schody aj.). V roce 1541 byl Pražský hrad poškozen mohutným požárem, poté za Ferdinanda I. Habsburského proběhla renesanční přestavba obytných prostor, ale i okolí Pražského hradu (založení renesanční zahrady s Královským letohrádkem). Za Rudolfa II. zaznamenal Hrad velký rozkvět; Pražský hrad se podruhé stal centrem císařství. Založena obrazárna, postaven nový palác se Španělským sálem, nové konírny a další budovy. Po roce 1620 další úpadek Pražského hradu; jeho význam vzrostl až za Marie Terezie v druhé polovině 18. stol., kdy architekt N. Pacassi přestavěl hrad ve střídmém pozdně barokním stylu zhruba do současné podoby. Od 17. stol. v areálu Pražského hradu tzv. parazitní zástavba provizorních přístřeší, jejímž pozůstatkem je dnešní Zlatá ulička. V druhé polovině 19. stol. dostavba chrámu sv. Víta (slavnostně otevřen 1929). Po roce 1918 proběhla úprava Pražského hradu na sídlo prezidenta republiky (architekt J. Plečnik). Pražský hrad je Národní kulturní památkou.

3 Škoda (podnik)

podnik vyrábějící auta. Koncem 19. století zahájil výrobu motocyklů, 1905 začaly vyrábět auta. Od roku 1925 je používáno jméno Škoda. I přes omezení socialistického státu Škoda pronikla na mezinárodní trhy.  

4 Sokol

jedna z nejznámějších českých organizací, která byla založen v roce 1862 jako první tělovýchovná organizace v rakousko-uherské monarchii. Největší rozkvět zažila mezi světovými válkami, kdy počet jejích členů přesáhl 1 milion. Sokol sehrál klíčovou roli při národním odporu vůči Rakousko-Uhersku, nacistické okupaci a komunistickému režimu, i když byl právě během první světové války, za nacistické okupace a komunisty po roce 1948 zakázán. Obnoven byl v roce 1990.

5 Vyloučení Židů z protektorátních škol

ministerstvo školství v Protektorátu Čechy a Morava vydalo v roce 1940 dekret, který zakazoval židovským dětem od školního roku 1940/41 nastoupit do českých veřejných či soukromých škol a ti, kteří již chodili do školy, byli z ní vyloučeni. Po roce 1942 bylo židovským dětem zakázáno navštěvovat i židovské školy a kurzy organizované židovskou komunitou.

6 Protižidovské zákony v Protektorátu Čechy a Morava

po německé okupace Čech a Moravy byla postupně zaváděna protižidovská legislativa. Židé nesměli chodit na veřejná místa, tj. parky, divadla, kina, koupaliště atd. Byli vyloučeni ze všech profesních asociací a nemohli být veřejnosti sloužící osoby. Nesměli navštěvovat německé a české školy, později jim byly zakázány i soukromé hodiny. Židé nesměli opouštět svá obydlí po 20. hodině. Mohli nakupovat jen mezi 15. - 17. hodinou. Mohli cestovat jen v oddělených částech prostředků veřejné dopravy. Byly jim zkonfiskovány telefony a rádia. Bez povolení se nesměli přestěhovat. Od roku 1941 museli nosit žlutou hvězdu. 

7   Zrzavý Jan

  český malíř, grafik, ilustrátor a scénograf; významný představitel české výtvarné avantgardy nastupující začátkem 20. stol. Studoval na Uměleckoprůmyslové škole v Praze. Zakládající člen skupiny Sursum, člen Spolku výtvarných umělců Mánes, Tvrdošíjných, Umělecké besedy, Sdružení českých umělců grafiků Hollar. Ve 20. letech podnikal cesty do Itálie, Belgie, pobýval ve Francii. První etapa tvorby (Údolí smutku, Nokturno, Zátiší s konvalinkami, Utrpení) je charakteristická spojením českého secesního symbolismu a expresionismu s prvky kubismu. Ovlivněn B. Kubištou, J. Váchalem, inspirován italskou renesancí, zejména Raffaelem a Leonardem. Po 1. světové válce jeho tvorba vyústila ve formální harmonizaci obrazu a typický abstrahující lyrický a snově měkký tvar (Melancholie, Přítelkyně). V druhé etapě tvorby (od 20. let 20. stol.) se věnoval převážně krajinomalbě (Camaret, San Marco v noci, San Marco ve dne, Ostravské haldy), v níž vytvořil malířskou metaforu pocitu splynutí s přírodními silami harmonie, klidu, trvání. Od poloviny 30. let opouštěl pastelově poetický kolorit ve prospěch sytější barvy. Za 2. světové války se v jeho krajinách objevovala osudovost a baladičnost (Via Appia), vedle motivu smrti však i naděje (Benátské zátiší). Pro celou tvorbu bylo příznačné setrvávání u jednoho motivu (zejména motiv Kleopatry). zrzavý byl rovněž významným ilustrátorem (K. H. Mácha Máj, K. J. Erben Kytice) a scénografem (A. Dvořák Armida).

8 Terezín

malé pevnostní město, které bylo v době existence Protektorátu Čechy a Morava přeměněno v ghetto, řízené SS (Schutzstaffel, Ochranný oddíl). Židé byli z Terezína transportováni do různých vyhlazovacích táborů. Čeští četníci byli využíváni k hlídání ghetta. Židé však s jejich pomocí mohli udržovat kontakty s okolním světem. Navzdory zákazu vzdělávání se v ghettu konala pravidelná výuka. V roce 1943 se rozšířily zprávy o tom, co se děje v nacistických koncentračních táborech, a proto se Němci rozhodli Terezín přetvořit na vzorové židovské osídlení s fiktivními obchody, školou, bankou atd. Do Terezína pozvali na kontrolu komisi Mezinárodního červeného kříže.

10 V září 1943 bylo z terezínského ghetta do Osvětimi-Birkenau ve dvou transportech deportováno 5 tisíc vězňů, kterým se narozdíl od dřívějších transportů dostalo nebývalých "privilegií"

při příjezdu neprocházeli obvyklou selekcí a nedošlo také k rozdělení rodin do různých sekcí tábora - proto "rodinný" tábor. K "privilegiím" patřilo i to, že terezínští vězňové nebyli při příjezdu podrobeni ponižujícímu rituálu vyholení hlavy a že děti směly přes den pobývat na dětském bloku. V prosinci 1943 a v květnu 1944 pak v několika velkých transportech z Terezína přijelo dalších 12 500 vězňů, kteří byli umístěni v rodinném táboře. Zatímco první transporty byly výhradně složeny z vězňů, kteří do Terezína  přišli z českých zemí, v pozdějších transportech pocházela zhruba polovina deportovaných z Německa, Rakouska či Nizozemí. V rodinném táboře, označovaném v Birkenau jako sekce BIIb, vězňové živořili na úzkém zabláceném pruhu obklopeném plotem nabitým elektřinou, trpěli hladem, zimou, vyčerpáním, nemocemi a špatnými hygienickými podmínkami. Úmrtnost zde ostatně nebyla o nic menší než jinde v Osvětimi. Děti směly přes den pobývat na dětském bloku, kde se s vychovateli vedenými charismatickým Fredy Hirschem věnovaly improvizované výuce a hrám. Nebývalá "privilegia", jichž se vězňům rodinného tábora dostalo, byla pro členy osvětimského odbojového hnutí naprostou záhadou. Po nějaké době se jim však podařilo odhalit, že na osobních dokumentech vězňů stojí zkratka "SB" a doba 6 měsíců. "SB" - "Sonderbehandlung", česky "zvláštní zacházení" - znamenalo v nacistickém žargonu krycí označení pro popravu bez rozsudku, v Osvětimi zpravidla smrt v plynových komorách. Přesně po šesti měsících pobytu bylo všem dosud žijícím vězňům, kteří byli do Osvětimi deportováni v září 1943, oznámeno, že budou přemístěni do "pracovního tábora Heydebreck". Místo do tohoto fiktivního lágru však náklaďáky s vězni zamířily směrem k osvětimským plynovým komorám, kde byli v noci z 8. na 9. března 1944 bez selekce zavražděni. Podle několika svědectví zpívali před smrtí v osvětimských plynových komorách jako znak vzdoru československou hymnu, hatikvu (židovskou hymnu) a internacionálu. Členové osvětimské odbojové organizace varovali Fredyho Hirsche a další vězně rodinného tábora před jejich hrozícím zavražděním a vyzývali je k povstání - na přípravu a organizaci ozbrojeného odporu však nezbývalo dost času. Fredy Hirsch, od něhož se očekávalo vedení povstání, pak zemřel na předávkování prášky na uklidnění - pravděpodobně spáchal sebevraždu. Zbylí vězňové rodinného tábora žili od této chvíle ve stálých obavách, že je po šesti měsících čeká stejný osud. Počátkem července 1944 se tyto obavy potvrdily: narozdíl od března však vězňové procházeli selekcí a část z nich byla předtím poslána na práci do jiných koncentračních táborů. Šťastnou náhodou se podařilo přesvědčit Mengeleho, aby provedl selekci chlapců z dětského bloku - části z nich se nakonec podařilo dožít osvobození. V rodinném táboře zbylo zhruba 6-7 tisíc vězňů, kteří byli mezi 10. a 12. červencem 1944 během dvou nocí zavražděni. Ze 17 500 vězňů rodinného tábora přežilo pouhých 1294. Dodnes není zcela zřejmé, proč organizátoři "konečného řešení" rodinný tábor i s jeho na osvětimské poměry neobvyklými "privilegii" vytvořili - jen aby jej po několika měsících zase zlikvidovali. Zřejmé je pouze to, že tato podivuhodná akce souvisela s nacistickými snahami maskovat genocidu Židů před vnějším světem a s návštěvou komise Mezinárodního výboru Červeného kříže v Terezíně, pro niž terezínské velitelství SS nařídilo ghetto speciálně zkrášlit. Delegátovi Červeného kříže pak terezínská komandantura SS předváděla "Potěmkinovu vesnici", která měla jen málo společného s krutou terezínskou realitou. Vězňům rodinného tábora bylo několik dní před jejich zavražděním nařízeno napsat svým terezínským příbuzným postdatované korespondenční lístky z "pracovního tábora" Birkenau. Terezínští vězňové tak měli před návštěvou komisaře Červeného kříže získat falešnou představu, že jejich rodiče, děti či sourozenci v Birkenau jsou v pořádku a především naživu. Někteří historici se též domnívají, že rodinný tábor měl sloužit pro podobnou zmanipulovanou návštěvu Mezinárodního výboru Červeného kříže - tentokrát v Osvětimi. Likvidace rodinného tábora 8. března a 10.-12. července 1944 představuje největší hromadné vraždy československých občanů v době druhé světové války.

11 Únor 1948

komunistické převzetí moci v Československu, které se pak stalo jedním ze sovětských satelitů ve východní Evropě. Státní aparát byl centralizovaný pod vedením Komunistické strany Československa (KSČ). Soukromé vlastnictví v hospodářství bylo zakázáno a vše bylo podřízeno centrálnímu plánování. Politická opozice a disent byli pronásledováni.

12 Charta 77

manifest vydaný v lednu 1977 pod názvem Charta 77, který požadoval po československé vládě naplňování jejích zákonů v oblasti lidských, politických, občanských a kulturních práv v Československu. Tento dokument se poprvé objevil v západoněmeckých novinách a byl podepsaný 200 Čechoslováky reprezentující různá zaměstnání, politickorientaci a náboženství. Do poloviny 80. let byla podepsána přibližně 1 200 lidmi. Vládní postihy proti těmto lidem zahrnovaly propuštění ze zaměstnání, znemožnění jejich dětem studovat, nucený exil, ztráta občanství, zatčení.    

13 Komunistické strana Československa

byla založena roku 1921 v důsledku roztržky v sociálně demokratické straně. Po vstupu Sovětského svazu do druhé světové války komunistická strana zahájila v protektorátu odbojové akce a díky tomu získala u veřejnosti jistou popularitu po roce 1945. Po komunistickém převratu v roce 1948 vládla komunistická strana v Československu čtyřicet let. V 50. letech ve straně probíhaly čistky a boj proti “nepříteli uvnitř”. Neshody uvnitř strany vedly k dočasnému uvolnění v podobě tzv. Pražského jara v roce 1967, které však bylo ukončeno okupací Československa sovětskými a spřátelenými vojsky Varšavské smlouvy. Poté následovalo období normalizace. Vláda komunistického režimu byla ukončena Sametovou revolucí v listopadu 1989.

14 Slánského proces

V letech 1948-49 československá vláda spolu se Sovětským svazem podporovala myšlenku založení státu Izrael. Později se však Stalinův zájem obrátil na arabské státy a komunisté museli vyvrátit podezření, že podporovali Izrael dodávkami zbraní. Sovětské vedení oznámilo, že dodávky zbraní do Izraele byly akcí sionistů v Československu. Každý Žid v Československu byl automaticky považován za sionistu. Roku 1952 na základě vykonstruovaného procesu bylo 14 obžalovaných (z toho 11 byli Židé) spolu s Rudolfem Slánským, prvním tajemníkem komunistické strany, bylo uznáno vinnými. Poprava se konala 3. prosince 1952. Později komunistická strana připustila chyby při procesu a odsouzení byli rehabilitováni společensky i legálně v roce 1963.

15 Pražské jaro

období demokratických reforem v Československu, od ledna do srpna 1968. Reformní politici byli tajně zvoleni do vedoucích funkcí KSČ: Josef Smrkovský se stal předsedou národního shromáždění a Oldřich Černík předsedou vlády. Významnou osobou reforem byl Alexandr Dubček, generální tajemník ústředního výboru komunistické strany Československa (ÚV KSČ). V květnu 1968 ÚV KSČ přijal akční program, který vymezil novou cestu k socialismu a sliboval ekonomické a politické reformy. 21. března 1968 na setkání zástupců SSSR, Maďarska, Polska, Bulharska, NDR a Československa v Drážďanech bylo Československo upozorněno, že jeho směřování je nežádoucí. V noci 20. srpna 1968 sovětská vojska spolu s vojsky Varšavské smlouvy podnikly invazi do Československa. Následně byl podepsán Moskevský protokol, který ukončil demokratizační proces a byl zahájen normalizační proces.

16 Sametová revoluce

známá též pod pojmem  “listopadové události” označující období mezi 17. listopadem a 29. prosincem 1989, které vyvrcholily v pád komunistického režimu. V listopadu vznikla hnutí Občanské fórum a Veřejnost proti násilí. 10. prosince byla vytvořena vláda Národního usmíření, která zahájila demokratické reformy. 29. prosince byl zvolen prezidentem Václav Havel. V červnu 1990 se konaly první demokratické volby od roku 1948.

Bella Zeldovich

Bella Zeldovich
Odessa
Ukraine
Interviewer: Alexandr Tonkonogiy
Date of interview: December 2002

Bella Zeldovich is a nice gray-haired, elderly woman. She was willing to give this interview, but she preferred to talk about others rather than herself. Bella keeps her house clean and cozy. She lives with her daughter, who is married and does all the necessary housework. The apartment is furnished with furniture bought in the 1980s. There are many tiny things such as vases and statuettes in the house.

My family backgrownd

Growing up

During the war

After the war

Glossary

My family backgrownd

My grandfather on my father's side, Solomon Zeldovich was born in Vilno [today Vilnius, Lithuania] in 1860. All I know about my grandfather is what my father told me. My grandfather's parents passed away when he was small and he was raised at the municipal children's home in Vilno. In the late 1860s some childless relatives of his took him to Nikolaev where they lived. They must have been wealthy people since they could afford to give him a good education. My father said that my grandfather finished a grammar school and studied at Novorossiysk University [after 1919 Odessa University].

My grandfather supplied timber to the shipbuilding yard in Nikolaev. He owned a big storage facility and five residential buildings in the center of Nikolaev where he also leased apartments. My grandfather's family lived in one of these houses near the timber storage facility. They were religious. They followed the kashrut and my grandfather went to the synagogue on holidays. He had a beard and moustache and wore clothing typical for merchants. My father told me that there were Jewish self- defense 1 units during the 1905 pogroms 2 in some streets in Nikolaev and those neighborhoods didn't suffer that much. In my grandfather's neighborhood there was also a self-defense unit and their Russian neighbors also helped them. My grandfather's property didn't suffer from pogroms.

My grandfather died of a heart attack in Nikolaev in 1915 at the age of 55. He was buried in the Jewish cemetery in Nikolaev. After the Revolution of 1917 3, when the synagogue didn't operate for some time, my grandmother Leya Zeldovich, nee Lichtenzon, leased one of their houses to the Jewish community to serve as a prayer house for Jews.

My grandmother was born in Nikolaev in 1864. She came from a religious family and was religious, too. She always lit candles on the Eve of Sabbath. She wore a wig that she only took off before she went to bed. When I came to her room in the evening I didn't recognize her and always asked my parents, 'Who's this old woman sitting in our room?'. They explained to me that it was my grandmother who had taken off her wig. My grandparents got married in 1879 when my grandfather studied at university. They were very young when they got married. No doubt, they had a traditional wedding. My grandmother's oldest daughter was born in 1880 when she was 16.

My grandmother was a housewife. From the time I remember her she could hardly walk and her condition got worse with age. In 1930 she moved to her older daughter in Odessa. Since she was paralyzed she needed special care and my parents couldn't afford to pay for a nurse. My grandmother died of a heart attack in Odessa in 1930 at the age of 66. She was buried in Odessa. My grandfather Solomon and grandmother Leya had seven children: Rosa, Elizabeth, Boris, Leo, my father Samuel, Aron and Manya. All of them except for Boris were born in Nikolaev. The family was wealthy and all children got a good education.

My father's older sister Rosa was born in 1880. She finished grammar school and medical school. She worked as a medical nurse. She was married. Her husband's name was Natan and he was a Jew. Rosa had two children: Munia and Nyuma. They were much older than I. I don't remember if Rosa's family observed Jewish traditions. Rosa and her family moved to Odessa in the late 1920s. Rosa's husband and children perished at the front during the Great Patriotic War 4. Rosa perished in the ghetto in Odessa in 1941.

Elizabeth was born in 1882. She finished grammar school and the Medical Faculty of Novorossiysk University. In Nikolaev Elizabeth met a Jewish man from Lodz, Poland. She and her husband moved to Lodz before the Revolution of 1917. She worked as a doctor there. She had a daughter called Ella. My parents corresponded with Elizabeth. When World War II began in 1939, Elizabeth's family moved to Belgium. When Germans occupied Belgium in 1940 they wanted to move to England by boat. The ship was bombed by German planes. Elizabeth and her family perished. My parents only got to know about their death after the Great Patriotic War.

My father's older brother Boris was born in 1884 in Saint-Petersburg, where my grandparents lived temporarily during some business. He finished a grammar school in Nikolaev and then an art school in Saint-Petersburg. Boris was an artist, a painter. He was married and had two children: Lilia and Rafael. He died in Saint-Petersburg in 1910. I have no information about his wife and daughter. His son Rafael was a painter, too. He died in Leningrad in 1992.

My father's second brother Leo was born in 1886. After finishing grammar school in Nikolaev he graduated from the Shipbuilding Institute in Saint- Petersburg. He worked as an engineer at the shipbuilding yard in Nikolaev. Leo was married, but had no children. He died in Leningrad in 1930. I have no information about his wife.

My father's third brother Aron was born in Nikolaev in 1890. Aron finished secondary school and a technical college in Moscow. During World War I he served in the tsarist army and was in captivity in Austria. He told his family that Germans treated him well when he was in captivity. He returned to Russia in 1918. Aron got married in 1921. His wife's name was Sarah. They had a son called Lyoma. In the 1930s Aron and his family moved to Odessa where he was superintendent in a shop of the garment factory. During the Great Patriotic War Sarah and Lyoma were in evacuation in Tashkent. After the war Aron continued to work as a shop superintendent at the garment factory. He died in Odessa in 1957. His wife and son moved to Australia in the early 1970s, and, after a few years, further on to the US. His wife died in the 1980s, and his son works as a doctor in America.

My father's younger sister Manya was born in 1892. She finished a grammar school. She was married. Her husband's name was Semyon. Manya moved to Odessa in the 1930s. After the war she moved to Moscow with her family. She was a housewife and had a daughter called Ella. Manya died in Moscow in 1976. I have no information about her husband. Her daughter Ella lives in Israel and works as a doctor.

My father, Samuel Zeldovich, was born in Nikolaev on 20th September 1888. He finished a grammar school in Nikolaev and then a commercial college in Vienna. In 1914 my grandfather sent my father to Palestine to get familiar with our historical Motherland. At that time World War I began and all young people subject to recruitment were ordered to return to Russia. So my father returned to Russia. He was recruited to the tsarist army in which he served until the end of World War I. He returned to Nikolaev in the early 1920s.

My mother's father, Avrum Chernenko, was born in the village of Zultz [since 1945 Veseloye], Nikolaev region, in 1864. It was a German colony 5, although there was a German, Russian, Ukrainian and Jewish population in this village. I don't know what my grandfather Avrum did for a living. His family wasn't wealthy. They rented a house in the village. My grandfather was deeply religious. He went to the synagogue several times a week and prayed at home regularly with his tallit and tefillin on. He wore a beard and a kippah at home. He was a very handsome and tall man, and very intelligent.

During the Civil War 6, when pogroms began, a nice German family helped my grandfather's family to move to Nikolaev. Later, some Germans visited us in Nikolaev and then in Odessa. I don't know who arranged the pogroms, but my parents said that they took away everything they could lay their hands on. White Guards 7 came and there was a pogrom and when the power switched to red troops [Reds] 8 there were also pogroms and it was difficult to make a difference between these gangs 9. In Nikolaev my grandfather's family rented an apartment and my grandfather worked as assistant in some shop. In 1932 he moved to Odessa and lived with my parents. My grandfather refused to evacuate during the Great Patriotic War and perished in 1941. He didn't believe that Germans would do any harm to Jews. He was shot in the village of Dalnik 10 at the age of 77.

My grandmother on my mother's side, Ella Chernenko, was born in Zultz in 1865. I don't know her maiden name. She was educated at home; her father taught her to read and write in Yiddish and to pray in Hebrew. She was a housewife. My grandparents got married in 1883. My grandmother died of a stroke in Nikolaev in 1927 or 1928, at the age of about 62. I was very young back then and don't remember her at all. My parents told me that she was buried in accordance with Jewish traditions. Kaddish was recited at the funeral and my grandfather kept sitting on the floor for seven days after her funeral. My maternal grandparents had four children: Isaac, Israel, Clara and my mother Sarah.

My mother's older brother Isaac was born in 1884. He studied at cheder in Zultz and finished the commercial school in Nikolaev. I don't know what he did for a living in Nikolaev after he finished school. In the 1930s he moved to Odessa where he worked as a shop assistant in a haberdashery store. He got married to a woman called Bella and they had a son called Leonid. At the beginning of the Great Patriotic War Isaac said, 'You may leave if you feel like it, but we shall stay here. I don't believe that Germans will do us any harm. It must be propaganda'. Isaac and his son Leonid were shot in Dalnik, like my grandfather, in 1941. Isaac's son Leonid was only 11 years old.

My mother's brother Israel was born in 1888. Like his older brother he finished the commercial college in Nikolaev. Israel was married; his wife's name was Rachel. They didn't have any children. In 1932 he moved to Odessa where he worked in the same store as his brother Isaac. He was a shop assistant. During the Great Patriotic War Israel and his wife stayed in Odessa. When Germans occupied Odessa they arrested him immediately. I don't know how he perished. His wife was hiding in a Russian family. I don't know whether they were their friends or neighbors. In 1943 somebody reported on her and she perished, too.

My mother's older sister Clara was born in Zultz in 1890. In the 1930s she moved to Odessa with her family. Clara was a housewife. She was married and had a daughter named Katherine. Katherine was finishing her 1st year of studies at the Chemical Faculty of Odessa University when the Great Patriotic War began. Clara and her daughter evacuated to Aktyubinsk [Kazakhstan]. Katherine went to study at Moscow Medical Institute which had evacuated to Tashkent. Upon graduation she moved to Leningrad. She got married there in 1946. Her husband was Russian. He was sentenced to imprisonment in 1949 and was at the wood-logging site in Omskaya region, Siberia. Katherine followed her husband with her baby. They returned to Leningrad after four years. Katherine died in Leningrad in the 1960s. Clara had returned to Odessa where she died in 1947. I don't know what happened to her husband.

My mother was the youngest in the family. She was born in Zultz in 1902. I don't know where she studied. My grandfather taught her Jewish traditions and prayers. Grandmother Ella taught her housekeeping and cooking. She made traditional Jewish food: gefilte fish, chicken and strudels. My mother lived with her parents in Nikolaev before she got married. She helped her mother about the house.

My parents never told me how they met. I guess they met when my mother's family moved to Nikolaev. They got married in 1924 and only had a civil ceremony. They lived in my grandmother's house, which had a number of rooms. They also had housemaids. I don't know what my father did for a living. He might have been a businessman. My grandmother had a room of her own, and my parents had a few rooms for themselves. I had my own children's room. We had meals in the big dining room. The house was nicely furnished. My grandmother had a woman who took care of her. There was also a housemaid.

Growing up

I was born on 13th September 1925. My brother Leonid was born in Nikolaev on 1st September 1932.

My mother was a housewife. My father and mother came from religious families. They went to the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and fasted on Yom Kippur. I remember a general clean-up of the house before Pesach and the removal of chametz from the house. Fancy dishes were put on the table. There was matzah and other traditional food: gefilte fish, chicken broth, maror (horseradish), charoset and kosher wine. Grandfather Avrum visited us on Pesach. He conducted the seder. I, and, later my brother Leonid, asked our father the traditional four questions [the mah nishtanah]. Our grandfather hid afikoman in the room and we had to find it.

I can't remember any anti-Semitism in Nikolaev. I remember our Russian neighbors, who were as wealthy as Grandfather Solomon. They treated us very well.

In November 1932 our house and belongings were confiscated. It was the end of the NEP 11. My parents, Grandfather Avrum, my little brother and I moved to Odessa to escape the persecutions of the authorities. We lived in a communal apartment 12 in Paster Street in the central, rich neighborhood of Odessa. We occupied two rooms: 23 and 16 square meters. There was another room with other tenants. We had a common kitchen, running water and a toilet in the apartment. There was a stove to heat the apartment with either wood or coal.

My father was a superintendent at a haberdashery shop. My mother was a housewife. My father spoke Russian and sometimes Yiddish to my mother. He also had a good knowledge of German since he had studied in Vienna. My mother spoke Russian, German and Yiddish. I understand Yiddish because I heard my mother and father speak it.

There was a Jewish theater in Odessa before the war. My mother and I often went to watch performances there. As far as I remember, there were plays by Sholem Aleichem 13 on the schedule. My mother and I really liked the performances of the Jewish actress Lia Bugova. [Famous Jewish actress in Odessa, after World War II she performed at the Russian theater in Odessa.] My father never went to the theater.

In Odessa we continued to celebrate Sabbath, Pesach and other Jewish holidays. My grandfather Avrum said a prayer on the Eve of Sabbath. My mother lit the candles. Grandfather Avrum blessed the children. He and my mother tried to observe Sabbath, but my father couldn't have a rest on Saturday because he had to work. My grandfather also conducted the seder on Pesach. Our relatives and friends visited us - there were usually about 20 guests. Our gatherings were very ceremonious. We usually bought matzah at the synagogue or at Jewish bakeries. We had traditional Jewish food on Pesach: fish, matzah and other delicacies. My grandfather and my parents went to the synagogue in Peresyp 14 near our house on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. When my grandfather was still alive our family fasted on Yom Kippur. After he died only my mother observed the fasting. She always took chickens to the shochet to have them slaughtered there.

In 1933 I went to a Russian school. We studied chemistry, physics, mathematics, Russian and Ukrainian. I know German, Russian and Ukrainian. The majority of our teachers were Jews. I was fond of mathematics. I had Russian and Jewish friends at school. I became a Komsomol 15 member at school. I also attended dancing classes and had piano lessons at a music school. My brother Leonid went to the same school.

1933 was the period of a terrible famine in Ukraine 16. My family didn't starve. The husband of my father's sister Manya worked at the windmill in Peresyp. He received flour for his work and shared it with us. We baked bread and ate it.

1937 was the year when arrests began in Odessa and all over the country [during the so-called Great Terror] 17. People were arrested at night. There was a hospital and a medical institute across the street from our house, and many doctors and professors lived in our house. Many of our neighbors were arrested at night and their families had to move into the basement of the house. Our family didn't suffer from arrests.

My younger sister Lubov was born on 3rd April 1939. In the same year World War II began. We had discussions on this subject in our family and were very concerned about the situation. [Editor's note: All the information Bella's family had was from Soviet papers.] My father's sister Elizabeth lived in Poland and we didn't hear from her.

During the war

On 22nd June 1941 the Great Patriotic War began. It came as a surprise to us. We were afraid, of course. When the war began my father was 57. Regardless of his age he volunteered to the army and went as far as Berlin. My father was a very patient and reserved man. He never complained about the hardships of the war. When asked about that time he usually answered, 'It was a hard time for all of us, so, what can I say - thank God it's all over'.

Odessa had been bombed since July 1941, but the stores and the market were open. Many of our relatives didn't plan to evacuate from Odessa. My mother

hesitated for a long time and only decided to go when our neighbors brought her all the necessary evacuation permits and insisted that she took us, children, out of the house. These neighbors may have known how Germans treated Jews.

We left Odessa at the end of August or beginning of September 1941 I can't remember the exact date. We went by train and our trip was hard and long. My sister Lubov was two and my brother Leonid was nine years old. We had a small package of food and when we ran out of it my mother bought some or got some in exchange for clothes. It took us two weeks to get to the town of Mineralnyye Vody, Stavropol region, [1,100 km from Odessa]. From there we got to Georgievskaya station, near Mineralnyye Vody. After three months, when the frontline moved closer to the collective farm 18 where we worked, they evacuated us by tractors with trailers to the Caspian Sea. There we boarded a boat in November 1941. We crossed the Caspian Sea and got to Aktyubinsk, Kazakhstan, [2,000 km from Odessa]. We changed trains to get to Aktyubinsk and the trip took us about two and a half months. Whenever the train stopped at a station my mother asked our fellow travelers to get us some food or water since she didn't want to leave us alone. People were helping us. In Aktyubinsk we went to my mother's sister Clara, who had evacuated three months before. We stayed with her for some time until we rented a room from a Kazakh woman in the same house, where my mother's sister lived. There were two rooms and a kitchen in that apartment.

I worked during the day and went to a secondary school in the evenings. Many of our teachers were Jews. I finished school with a gold medal in 1943. I went to work at a military plant, in evacuation from Moscow that manufactured bombs. I had friends at this plant. One of my friends was a local girl called Aisha. We went for walks and to the local club for dance parties. I still correspond with her.

My mother stayed at home to take care of my sister and my brother Leonid, who was in the 3rd grade back then. We were in evacuation for almost three and a half years. We weren't used to the severe climate in Kazakhstan: minus 40 degrees in winter, and extremely hot in summer. Local people helped people who were in evacuation and supported them as much as they could. We never faced any anti-Semitism. We didn't observe any Jewish traditions though. We corresponded with my father all the time.

We returned to Odessa in April 1945, two weeks before the war was over. On 9th May [Victory Day] 19 we heard about the victory on the radio. Everybody was overwhelmed with joy. My father returned home - he was an old man and subject to immediate demobilization. We couldn't move into our apartment. The house had partly been ruined during the war and some family had repaired it and moved in. There was no way to get it back. Later we received a two-bedroom apartment with a kitchen in the same house where we had lived before the war.

My father was superintendent in the shop of a haberdashery factory. My mother was a housewife. My brother Leonid studied in the 7th grade. My sister Lubov was the youngest in our family and everyone's darling. In 1946 she also started school and my brother and I took turns to take her to school in order to help my mother.

A coupon system was introduced after the war. There were things to buy at the black market after the war, but the prices were too high - 200 rubles per loaf of bread while the average salary was 400 rubles. Nobody could afford to buy things there. The standard rate of bread per coupons was 400 grams for a child and 800 grams for an adult.

After the war

After the Great Patriotic War the synagogue in Peresyp opened. On Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah my mother and father went to the synagogue. It was possible to hear Yiddish in Odessa in those days. Jews were gradually returning from evacuation. In my opinion Jews weren't treated very well in Odessa after the war. Maybe the reason was that when Jews wanted to move into their old apartments, Russian families that occupied them were ordered to move out.

I got a job as an assistant accountant at the Financial College. In the evening I attended classes at the evening department of the Credit and Economy Faculty of Lomonosov Institute. Since I had finished school with a gold medal in Aktyubinsk I was admitted without exams. There were no restrictions for Jews to enter higher educational institutions. There were many Jewish students and Jewish lecturers at the institute - I don't remember the exact number. We didn't pay any attention to issues of nationality at that time. I had Russian and Jewish friends and didn't face any anti-Semitism.

Upon graduation in 1949 I got a job assignment 20 in Yerevan, the capital of Armenia. I worked as a credit inspector in the main bank of Armenia for three years. It was a good job and a good location. There were only Jews that had been in evacuation in Armenia and there were no synagogues. I didn't observe any traditions while I lived in Armenia - it was a very difficult post-war time. I was glad to have survived the war. I had gotten the job assignment in Armenia along with a friend of mine and we rented a room in a communal apartment together. There were no comforts in the apartment. It was heated with wood or coal. In 1949 the campaign against cosmopolitans 21 began. The Jewish and Armenian population was worried and concerned about the situation. After I completed the term of my job assignment I returned to Odessa.

In 1948 Israel was established. I was very enthusiastic about it, just like all other Jews. After such a horrific war, in which so many Jews had been exterminated, our people were happy to have a home country. However, the situation in Israel is rather severe and still our people are being killed. I've never thought of moving to Israel since the issue of moving to another country never interested me.

During the postwar period there were no restrictions for Jews to enter higher educational institutions as long as they were clever enough to pass their entrance exams. Those that finished school with a gold medal were admitted without entrance exams. My brother Leonid entered Odessa Polytechnic Institute and my sister Lubov entered Odessa Pedagogical Institute. All my cousins have a higher education, too. Difficulties for Jews that wanted to enter higher educational institutions began in the 1960s. [Editor's note: Iin reality, beginning from the early 1950s, admission of Jews was significantly restricted from the early 1950s and this limitation was authorized by the highest authorities as an expression of state anti-Semitism.] It was also difficult for Jews to get a job - Russians or Ukrainians were given priority. I believe it was a state policy; people of other nationalities had nothing to do with this segregation.

My brother Leonid finished school in 1948 and entered the Mechanical Faculty at Odessa Polytechnic Institute. He graduated in 1953 and worked as a mechanical engineer. In 1955 Leonid married Svetlana, a Jewish woman. They have a daughter called Marina. My brother has always had more Jewish friends. After he got married my brother and his family lived in a three- bedroom apartment. Leonid left for America three years ago. He lives in New York. He doesn't work any more - he's already 70 years old. His wife Svetlana looks after elderly people. His daughter Marina works as an economist in Odessa. She goes to the synagogue on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah.

My sister Lubov finished school in 1955 and graduated from the Physics/Mathematic Faculty of Odessa Pedagogical Institute in 1960. She worked as a teacher at a secondary school. She got married in 1964. Her husband's name was Efim Yarmunik. He was a Jew. He was production manager at the Centrolit Factory. She has two sons; Igor and Sasha [Alexandr]. Igor graduated from the Agricultural Institute and got married. His wife's family moved to America, and Igor and his wife also decided to move there. My sister followed her older son. She left for America in 1990. Her husband died on his way to buy plane tickets, three months before their departure. He died at the age of 53. Lubov lives in New York now. She looks after elderly people. Igor and Sasha work as programmers.

I got married in 1951. My husband, Esay Germer, is Jewish. He was my schoolmate and we were neighbors. He was born in 1923. Esay was an only child. His father, Abram Germer, was arrested in 1937. He was sentenced to a term in the camps in Arkhangelsk. After Abram returned from exile he was murdered at the entrance to his house. We never found out who did it. Esay's mother was a housewife. She perished in the ghetto in Odessa during the Great Patriotic War.

In 1940 Esay entered a military school and in 1941 he went to the front. He finished the war in Berlin. After the war Esay served in Germany and we corresponded. In 1951 he came on leave to Odessa and we got married. We registered our marriage at a civil registration office.

After we got married Esay got an officer assignment to serve in Saratov where we lived for three years. I was an economist at the radio plant. We rented a room on the 3rd floor of a communal apartment. Our co-tenants were the family of my husband's colleague. We had central heating, water and a toilet in this apartment. We also had a common kitchen. There weren't many Jews in Saratov at that time. We mostly socialized with my husband's colleagues. They were military and there were hardly any Jews among them. There was a beautiful synagogue in Saratov, but I only went to look at it.

The Doctors' Plot 22 began in 1952. My daughter Katia was born on 26th January 1953. My doctor was a Jewish woman. She was very worried about the situation. There were rumors that Stalin wanted to deport Jews to the North and the Far East [Birobidzhan] 23. Thank God Stalin died and this didn't happen. When Stalin died in 1953 I and my family, along with many other people, were in grief and thought that there could be no life or justice without Stalin.

In 1953 my husband demobilized from the Soviet army with the rank of major. We didn't have any relatives or close friends in Saratov. Our family was in Odessa. Since our daughter Katia was only four months old I couldn't go to work. So we moved to Odessa. We lived with my parents, brother and sister. My sister Lubov was in the 8th grade and my brother Leonid was a student at an institute. We didn't have enough space in our two-bedroom apartment, but we got along well. My mother helped me with the baby and Lubov also enjoyed spending time with Katia.

My husband went to work as a polisher at the Poligraphmash Plant and went to study at the Evening Department of Odessa Polytechnic Institute. Upon graduation he worked at the Special Design Bureau of the plant. He was a mechanic engineer. He worked at the plant for many years. Esay was very valued at the plant. There were representatives of many nationalities at the plant but he never faced any anti-Semitism there. My husband wasn't a party member. He went to the synagogue on Yom Kippur. His relatives perished in Odessa during the war and he left a note with their names at the synagogue so that prayers would be said for them. We didn't observe other traditions.

In 1954 I went to work at the Mechanic Plant in Kvorostina Street. I worked as an economist at this plant until 1996. I worked in the area of Moldavanka [poor Jewish neighborhood on the outskirts of Odessa]. There were Russian families there, too, and they understood and spoke Yiddish. Ever so often, when two people talked in Yiddish, it was difficult to say who was Russian and who was Jewish. Once I asked my colleagues at the plant, 'Why do you all call this guy Mosha when he doesn't even look the least bit like a Jew?' They replied, 'He lives in Moldavanka. His neighbors are Jews and they call everybody in a Jewish manner'.

I worked 42 years at this plant. I had many friends there and still keep in touch with them. I was supposed to retire in 1980, but the management of the plant offered me to stay at work a little longer. I worked there for another 16 years. We were not poor; but we had neither dacha, nor car. However, my husband and I traveled a lot all over the USSR, visited the Caucasus, Latvia, Estonia and Uzbekistan.

Katia began school in 1960. She was successful with her studies. She was fond of mathematics and English. I associate the 1960s with my daughter's childhood and her teens. Katia had quite a few Jewish and Russian friends. They often came to visit her at home. Every year we arranged birthday parties for her at home. I liked watching her and her friends grow up and fall in love for the first time. Katia spent her vacations at a pioneer camp at the seashore. We traveled to the Crimea with the whole family several times. Katia finished school with a silver medal and entered the Faculty of Economics of Lomonosov Technological Institute. She had problems being admitted to the institute, which, I believe, was due to her nationality. She had to take entrance exams, although she had a silver medal. But she passed them and entered the institute. Upon graduation Katia worked as an economist at a design institute.

She got married in 1977. Her husband, Dmitriy Gershengorn, is a Jew. He graduated from the Mechanical Faculty of Lomonosov Technological Institute. He worked as a designer at a design institute. In the 1980s, during perestroika, this institute was closed and Dmitriy went to work as a foreman at a heating agency. My daughter works as an economist/accountant with a private company. My daughter's son Sergey was born in 1978. My husband and I became grandparents. I spent all my time with our little grandson. He was a great joy for me. I didn't quite notice how Sergey grew up and finished school. He is 24 now. Sergey graduated from the Mechanical Faculty of Odessa University. He works as a programmer at a bank. He doesn't go to the synagogue.

In 1975 my father died of a heart attack. My mother died in 1988. She had a brain tumor. They were both buried according to the Jewish tradition near the entrance to the Jewish cemetery. My husband died of rectum cancer in 1987. He was also buried in the Jewish cemetery.

Many of my acquaintances and relatives have recently left Odessa. The people that were leaving were treated with sympathy by others. Everybody understood that people had a right to live where they preferred to live. Only my niece remained in Odessa. I think it's a very brave decision of people to move to another country. I remember I couldn't wait to come back to Odessa when I had to stay a few years in Yerevan. Odessa is like a Promised Land to me.

At the end of the 1980s Jewish life revived in Odessa. The synagogue in Osipov Street was opened and the building of the main synagogue in Yevreyskaya Street was returned to the Jewish community . There are two Jewish schools, kindergartens, the charity center Gemilut Hesed and an Israeli cultural center in town. We receive Jewish newspapers and watch Jewish programs on television - all in Russian. There is a kosher store in the yard of the synagogue in Richelievskaya Street, and a slaughterhouse in Stolbovaya Street that supplies kosher meat to Jewish organizations and kosher stores.

I've lived with my daughter's family since my husband's death. I have many friends of different nationalities. I've been friends with some of them for 52 years already. My daughter and her husband go to the synagogue very seldom, but we have matzah on holidays and my daughter and I cook traditional Jewish food that our grandmothers used to make: gefilte fish, chicken and other delicious things. I buy matzah at the synagogue in Osipov Street. I hope that my grandson will go to the synagogue on holidays and remember us.

Glossary

1 Jewish self-defense movement

In Russia Jews organized self-defense groups to protect the Jewish population and Jewish property from the rioting mobs in pogroms, which often occurred in compliance with the authorities and, at times, even at their instigation. During the pogroms of 1881-82 self-defense was organized spontaneously in different places. Following pogroms at the beginning of the 20th century, collective defense units were set up in the cities and towns of Belarus and Ukraine, which raised money and bought arms. The nucleus of the self-defense movement came from the Jewish labor parties and their military units, and it had a widespread following among the rest of the people. Organized defense groups are known to have existed in 42 cities.

2 Pogroms in Ukraine

In the 1920s there were many anti-Semitic gangs in Ukraine. They killed Jews and burnt their houses, they robbed their houses, raped women and killed children.

3 Russian Revolution of 1917

Revolution in which the tsarist regime was overthrown in the Russian Empire and, under Lenin, was replaced by the Bolshevik rule. The two phases of the Revolution were: February Revolution, which came about due to food and fuel shortages during WWI, and during which the tsar abdicated and a provisional government took over. The second phase took place in the form of a coup led by Lenin in October/November (October Revolution) and saw the seizure of power by the Bolsheviks.

4 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

5 German colonists

Ancestors of German peasants, who were invited by Empress Catherine II in the 18th century to settle in Russia.

6 Civil War (1918-1920)

The Civil War between the Reds (the Bolsheviks) and the Whites (the anti-Bolsheviks), which broke out in early 1918, ravaged Russia until 1920. The Whites represented all shades of anti- communist groups - Russian army units from World War I, led by anti- Bolshevik officers, by anti-Bolshevik volunteers and some Mensheviks and Social Revolutionaries. Several of their leaders favored setting up a military dictatorship, but few were outspoken tsarists. Atrocities were committed throughout the Civil War by both sides. The Civil War ended with Bolshevik military victory, thanks to the lack of cooperation among the various White commanders and to the reorganization of the Red forces after Trotsky became commissar for war. It was won, however, only at the price of immense sacrifice; by 1920 Russia was ruined and devastated. In 1920 industrial production was reduced to 14% and agriculture to 50% as compared to 1913.

7 White Guards

A counter-revolutionary gang led by General Denikin, famous for their brigandry and anti-Semitic acts all over Russia; legends were told of their cruelty. Few survived their pogroms.

8 Reds

Red (Soviet) Army supporting the Soviet authorities.

9 Gangs

During the Russian Civil War there were all kinds of gangs in the Ukraine. Their members came from all the classes of former Russia, but most of them were peasants. Their leaders used political slogans to dress their criminal acts. These gangs were anti-Soviet and anti-Semitic. They killed Jews and burnt their houses, they robbed their houses, raped women and killed children.

10 Dalnik

Village 20 km from Odessa, the site of mass executions of Jews during the war.

11 NEP

The so-called New Economic Policy of the Soviet authorities was launched by Lenin in 1921. It meant that private business was allowed on a small scale in order to save the country ruined by the Revolution of 1917 and the Russian Civil War. They allowed priority development of private capital and entrepreneurship. The NEP was gradually abandoned in the 1920s with the introduction of the planned economy.

12 Communal apartment

The Soviet power wanted to improve housing conditions by requisitioning 'excess' living space of wealthy families after the Revolution of 1917. Apartments were shared by several families with each family occupying one room and sharing the kitchen, toilet and bathroom with other tenants. Because of the chronic shortage of dwelling space in towns shared apartments continued to exist for decades. Despite state programs for the construction of more houses and the liquidation of shared apartments, which began in the 1960s, shared apartments still exist today.

13 Sholem Aleichem (pen name of Shalom Rabinovich (1859-1916)

Yiddish author and humorist, a prolific writer of novels, stories, feuilletons, critical reviews, and poem in Yiddish, Hebrew and Russian. He also contributed regularly to Yiddish dailies and weeklies. In his writings he described the life of Jews in Russia, creating a gallery of bright characters. His creative work is an alloy of humor and lyricism, accurate psychological and details of everyday life. He founded a literary Yiddish annual called Di Yidishe Folksbibliotek (The Popular Jewish Library), with which he wanted to raise the despised Yiddish literature from its mean status and at the same time to fight authors of trash literature, who dragged Yiddish literature to the lowest popular level. The first volume was a turning point in the history of modern Yiddish literature. Sholem Aleichem died in New York in 1916. His popularity increased beyond the Yiddish-speaking public after his death. Some of his writings have been translated into most European languages and his plays and dramatic versions of his stories have been performed in many countries. The dramatic version of Tevye the Dairyman became an international hit as a musical (Fiddler on the Roof) in the 1960s.

14 Peresyp

An industrial neighborhood in the outskirts of Odessa.

15 Komsomol

Communist youth political organization created in 1918. The task of the Komsomol was to spread of the ideas of communism and involve the worker and peasant youth in building the Soviet Union. The Komsomol also aimed at giving a communist upbringing by involving the worker youth in the political struggle, supplemented by theoretical education. The Komsomol was more popular than the Communist Party because with its aim of education people could accept uninitiated young proletarians, whereas party members had to have at least a minimal political qualification.

16 Famine in Ukraine

In 1920 a deliberate famine was introduced in the Ukraine causing the death of millions of people. It was arranged in order to suppress those protesting peasants who did not want to join the collective farms. There was another dreadful deliberate famine in 1930-1934 in the Ukraine. The authorities took away the last food products from the peasants. People were dying in the streets, whole villages became deserted. The authorities arranged this specifically to suppress the rebellious peasants who did not want to accept Soviet power and join collective farms.

17 Great Terror (1934-1938)

During the Great Terror, or Great Purges, which included the notorious show trials of Stalin's former Bolshevik opponents in 1936-1938 and reached its peak in 1937 and 1938, millions of innocent Soviet citizens were sent off to labor camps or killed in prison. The major targets of the Great Terror were communists. Over half of the people who were arrested were members of the party at the time of their arrest. The armed forces, the Communist Party, and the government in general were purged of all allegedly dissident persons; the victims were generally sentenced to death or to long terms of hard labor. Much of the purge was carried out in secret, and only a few cases were tried in public 'show trials'. By the time the terror subsided in 1939, Stalin had managed to bring both the Party and the public to a state of complete submission to his rule. Soviet society was so atomized and the people so fearful of reprisals that mass arrests were no longer necessary. Stalin ruled as absolute dictator of the Soviet Union until his death in March 1953.

18 Collective farm (in Russian kolkhoz)

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

19 Victory Day in Russia

National holiday to commemorate the defeat of Nazi Germany and the end of World War II and honor the Soviets who died in the war.

20 Mandatory job assignment in the USSR

Graduates of higher educational institutions had to complete a mandatory 2-year job assignment issued by the institution from which they graduated. After finishing this assignment young people were allowed to get employment at their discretion in any town or organization.

21 Campaign against 'cosmopolitans'

The campaign against 'cosmopolitans', i.e. Jews, was initiated in articles in the central organs of the Communist Party in 1949. The campaign was directed primarily at the Jewish intelligentsia and it was the first public attack on Soviet Jews as Jews. 'Cosmopolitans' writers were accused of hating the Russian people, of supporting Zionism, etc. Many Yiddish writers as well as the leaders of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee were arrested in November 1948 on charges that they maintained ties with Zionism and with American 'imperialism'. They were executed secretly in 1952. The anti-Semitic Doctors' Plot was launched in January 1953. A wave of anti-Semitism spread through the USSR. Jews were removed from their positions, and rumors of an imminent mass deportation of Jews to the eastern part of the USSR began to spread. Stalin's death in March 1953 put an end to the campaign against 'cosmopolitans'.

22 Doctors' Plot

The Doctors' Plot was an alleged conspiracy of a group of Moscow doctors to murder leading government and party officials. In January 1953, the Soviet press reported that nine doctors, six of whom were Jewish, had been arrested and confessed their guilt. As Stalin died in March 1953, the trial never took place. The official paper of the Party, the Pravda, later announced that the charges against the doctors were false and their confessions obtained by torture. This case was one of the worst anti-Semitic incidents during Stalin's reign. In his secret speech at the Twentieth Party Congress in 1956 Khrushchev stated that Stalin wanted to use the Plot to purge the top Soviet leadership.

23 Birobidzhan

Formed in 1928 to give Soviet Jews a home territory and to increase settlement along the vulnerable borders of the Soviet Far East, the area was raised to the status of an autonomous region in 1934. Influenced by an effective propaganda campaign, and starvation in the east, 41,000 Soviet Jews relocated to the area between the late 1920s and early 1930s. But, by 1938 28,000 of them had fled the regions harsh conditions, There were Jewish schools and synagogues up until the 1940s, when there was a resurgence of religious repression after World War II. The Soviet government wanted the forced deportation of all Jews to Birobidzhan to be completed by the middle of the 1950s. But in 1953 Stalin died and the deportation was cancelled. Despite some remaining Yiddish influences - including a Yiddish newspaper - Jewish cultural activity in the region has declined enormously since Stalin's anti-cosmopolitanism campaigns and since the liberalization of Jewish emigration in the 1970s. Jews now make up less than 2% of the region's population.

Centropa eBook: Ilona Seifert

My grandfather, Bernáat Riemer was born in Obuda. He studied bakery as an apprentice and then became a baker's journeyman. He worked diligently, and later bought the bakery where he had worked. Next to the bakery there was a shop where different kinds of breads, baker's wares, and all kinds of other foodstuffs were sold. They made challah too. Besides this, grandfather had a soda-water workshop.

To download this eBook, click below. 

Centropa eBook: Lily Arouch

"Lily Arouch, 77, has beautiful light blue eyes and wears glasses. She lives in a big apartment in the suburbs of Athens. Since September 2005 she shares her apartment with her granddaughter Yvon, who has moved from Thessalonica to Athens due to her studies. In the same apartment block lives her older daughter's family. Around her apartment are pictures of her family, her daughters, her grandchildren and her husband as well as her sisters' families. In the living room there is an impressive library, where one mostly sees history books. The apartment is always full of little treats for guests or the family and it always has a delicious cooking odor. Being her granddaughter myself and listening to her stories gave me a completely new perspective on the past of my family and life in Thessalonica."

To download this eBook, click below. 

Centropa eBook: Rachel Randvee

"Rachel Randvee is not tall; she is an elegantly dressed lady with a lovely, open face. She is very friendly and hospitable and likes talking to people. She lives in a big apartment with her son's family and her daughter. Although she is not in perfect health, Rachel assumes all the domestic responsibilities - she goes grocery shopping, cooks for the entire family, and cleans the apartment. She is ever so optimistic and that makes it very pleasant to talk to her."

To download this eBook in English, click below. 

Maria Baicher

Maria Baicher 
Moscow 
Russia 
Interviewer: Svetlana Bogdanova 
Date of interview: July 2003 

Maria Baicher is a nice blue-eyed, vivid and ready to smile, plainly but tastefully dressed lady.

Since her husband Yuzef Kirtzer's death in 1998, she has lived alone in a three-bedroom apartment in the center of Moscow near the governmental office. It's a spacious and cozy apartment.

There is a big library and the walls are decorated with pictures and sculptures that her husband, who was an artist, and his friends made.

There are a few antique pieces of furniture that her grandmother left her and there is also furniture of the 1970s in the apartment.

She moved into this apartment in 1978 and since then, the apartment hasn't been renovated. Maria is thinking of renovations, but she is horrified at the amount of money needed.

She is quite well-off as she also has another apartment that she leases. It enables her to travel abroad, go to the cinema or first nights at theaters. On weekends she visits her son's family and helps them to look after their children.

  • Family background

My paternal great-grandfather, Aaron Baicher, was born in 1799. He was a cantonist 1. Being an orphan, at the age of 13, he was taken to the tsarist army. He served for 25 years, and then obtained a permit to reside in Moscow. I don't know where he came from. I think that after his service was over he received a starting capital.

My great-grandfather took to business and was quite fortunate. He became a wood and construction materials dealer. He owned several wood storage facilities and a big house nearby. He was doing so well that during the Russian-Turkish War 2, my great-grandfather provided horses to the tsarist army.

He got married early. According to the family legend, my great-grandfather had over 40 children. He was married twice. In his first marriage, he had 17 children. This marriage ended tragically. Near Moscow, bandits attacked the family and killed my great-grandfather's wife and 15 children.

Only two children survived. He remarried my great-grandmother Hana, who I think was born in 1842. In this marriage, my great-grandfather had 26 children, and there were two children from his first marriage. People called them 'the Baichers that were almost slaughtered.' I saw one girl whom I met once at my grandmother's house in the 1930s.

Her surname, after her husband, was Poplavskaya. Unfortunately, I don't remember her first name. The family lived in a big house and the sons were growing up and lived to enjoy life. They used to take girls to restaurants. However, they only ate kosher food.

My great-grandfather and his family were religious Jews. He didn't give his children a higher education. He involved his sons in his business and they followed into his footsteps. He died in 1905 at the age of 106. After having a row with his wife he went to sleep in a summer hut where he caught a cold and died. He was buried in the Jewish section of Dragomilovskoye cemetery.

I saw my great-grandmother Hana only once in my life, in early 1941. She lived in the family of my great-grandfather's daughter from the first marriage - Poplavskaya. I remember her very well. She was 99. She was thin, gray-haired and rather tiny. She was already bedridden and passed away two months later, and was buried beside my great- grandfather's grave.

Unfortunately, I don't know the names of all of Aaron Baicher's children. Many of them died young, and many others were scattered around the world. The political situation in the country in the years following the [Russian] Revolution of 1917 3 dictated people to cut off their relationships to avoid doing any harm to their relatives [see Keep in touch with relatives abroad] 4.

My grandfather Yuli, whose Jewish name was Yudel, was born in 1874. His brother Daniel Baicher [1883-1938] had a daughter and a son. Aaron's third child was Lev Baicher. I never saw him in my grandmother's house, but when he died in 1961 his daughters invited all Baicher relatives to the funeral. Lev had two daughters, Lubov Zamyslova and Tatiana Yureneva, and a son named Esai Baicher. They had children, grandchildren and great- grandchildren. They live in Moscow. I also remember Aunt Pasha Baicher. She didn't have a family of her own and often visited us at home. She was lonely and kind, and loved my father.

Then came Arisha Baicher, Alexandra Baicher and Mendel Baicher. Mendel Baicher's older son Yuli perished at the front during the Great Patriotic War 5. Lisa Baicher - her descendants live in Moscow. Rina Baicher who was called Risha in the family, had no family of her own. I didn't know Grigori Baicher, but I knew his son Aaron very well.

He was born in 1920. Him, his wife Tatiana and their grandchildren Lyova and Ania moved to America in 1990. I also knew Aunt Minush - which was her Jewish name. Her other name was Mina Baicher. Her last name was Maltsena after her husband.

She had a son named Aaron who perished during the Great Patriotic War and a daughter, Ania Artamonova. I went to Aunt Minush's funeral in 1978. She was 88 and the youngest. She was buried in the Vostriakovskoye town cemetery, in the Jewish section, and no rituals were observed.

All members of the Baicher family who died before 1944, including my great- grandfather and grandfather, were buried in the Jewish section of Dragomilovskoye cemetery. There was a big and beautiful gravestone on my grandfather's grave. In the 1940s, during the construction of Kutuzovskiy Prospect, which became one of the central thoroughfares in Moscow, Dragomilovskoye cemetery was in the way and it was liquidated. We managed to move the grave and gravestone to the Jewish section of Vostriakovskoye cemetery where members of the Baicher family were buried afterward.

My grandfather, Yuli Baicher, was my great-grandfather's son from his second marriage. He was a big man of pleasant appearance, very kind and tolerant. My grandmother and grandfather met in the house of my great- grandfather's daughter from his first marriage, Poplavskaya. My grandfather was visiting them and my grandmother came from Smolensk [370 km from Moscow] to visit her acquaintances, and that's when they met. Then it was time for my grandmother to go back home to Smolensk. My grandfather went to take her to the railway station, but he went with her as far as Smolensk and in 1901 they got married. Their wedding took place at Krasnoye station. It is believed that their wedding was halfway between Moscow and Smolensk. I still have an invitation to the wedding.

My grandmother's father had passed away and so her mother signed the card. Grandfather also had his mother sign the invitation. They had a Jewish wedding with a rabbi and a chuppah. My grandmother's name was Ida and her Jewish name was Edlia, nee Fliamenbaum.

After she married grandfather she adopted his last name of Baicher. I don't know anything about her father. All I know from her documents is that her patronymic was Tanchunovna Chunovna. I don't know her maiden name. My great-grandmother's name was Reveka Fliamenbaum.

My grandmother was strict with the children. Since my father was not an obedient boy, he was often punished and the only person who forgave and sympathized with him was my grandfather.

My grandfather was a wood dealer like his father. He was very successful and provided well for his family. He had a wood storage in the center of Moscow. His family rented an apartment nearby. He was shot with a point-black firing rifle in his home in 1922. Some men wearing sailor uniforms came to his home and demanded money.

There was no money and they killed him before his younger son, my father's eyes. I knew a woman whose mother and my aunt were friends in their youth. She told me, 'I've heard this story about how they killed your grandfather.' His younger son, my father, was traumatized. He screamed and couldn't calm down for a long time since it all happened before his eyes.

My grandmother remarried. She married Nathan Tisee, a Jewish man, and moved into his apartment. Her second husband perished in NKVD 6 imprisonment. My grandmother lived in his apartment. She was a beautiful woman who liked life and was a good housewife. She liked having guests and was very religious. She went to the synagogue regularly and had a seat of her own there. She observed all Jewish holidays and fasted. My parents and I visited her.

I particularly remember Pesach. All relatives and their children got together in her home. There was traditional food on the table. There were no fridges, but they had a shed in the yard where they stored ice. She kept jellied meat and all other dishes that she cooked for holidays according to all rules, kneydlakh for broth and matzah. She made matzah for the holiday herself. She also bought matzah at the synagogue and ground it to have flour for her bakeries. She had special crockery for the holidays and it wasn't supposed to be used on other days.

My grandmother observed Sabbath. She didn't teach me the traditions. My mother was Russian, but my grandmother raised me to love Jewish holidays and delicious food, though she didn't really realize that I would remember and cherish this way of life. I liked it that my grandmother could sew well. She chose styles, embroidered and knitted, and I learned to do that too.

I went for walks along Moscow boulevards with her and to the cinema and when I became a student she liked to take me to the theater. My grandmother and mother often went to the Mikhoels 7 Theater.

My grandmother had housemaids before the war. She didn't receive a pension since she had never worked. Her older son supported her as he was the wealthiest of her children. My grandmother hated the Soviet power and Stalin. Her first husband was killed in 1922 and her second husband was arrested in 1937 [during the so-called Great Terror] 8 and perished.

My grandmother openly expressed her opinions to me. I was just a child and when I returned home from her place, I told my parents what I had heard from her. My parents grew pale and talked to my grandmother seriously asking her to not discuss such subjects with me.

My grandmother Ida and grandfather Yuli had three children. Their older son Michael was born in 1902. Their second child was a girl. She was born in 1903. Her name is Frieda, and her Jewish name Freida. She shall turn 100 this year. My father was the youngest. He was born in 1906.

Michael Baicher was a very smart and determined man. He completed grammar school. Being a Jew, he had to win a competition to be admitted. He had to write a three-page dictation without a single mistake and he did it. He fit in the [five percent] quota 9 for Jewish students in Russian grammar schools. Later Uncle Michael entered a Mining College. Since he didn't come from a proletarian family [he was considered to belong to the deprives] 10, he was periodically expelled from the Academy, but then he was readmitted again.

My aunt told me that Grandmother asked him, 'Michael, how come they expel and then readmit you again?' and he replied, 'Mama, don't you understand? Those Komsomol 11 members stand up for me. Who would they seek help from in class?'

My uncle was chief engineer of Electropech' trust. He worked a lot. He constructed metallurgical plants in Russia and abroad. He was a laureate of the Lenin Award 12 and was a talented and bright person. Uncle Michael had no children. He died in 1974. He was buried in the Jewish section of Vostriakovskoye cemetery.

Aunt Frieda Baicher - Goldina in marriage - also studied in grammar school. Since grandmother and the director of the grammar school were friends, she was admitted without exams. She failed to finish grammar school due to the revolution that took place in 1917. My aunt was inclined to humanitarian subjects and she painted well. She took painting classes, but the revolution ruined it all. For some time she worked in the All- Union Society of Cultural Ties with Foreign Countries. She was responsible for organizational work.

My aunt knew French. She studied it in grammar school. She also had a good taste. Later she went to work as deputy manager of the fish industry pavilion at the agricultural exhibition. She managed its decoration. She invited the best designers to work there and the pavilion had a great design. I once visited there and remember that they gave me a huge artificial fish.

My aunt's husband, Matvey Goldin, was an engineer in the aviation industry. They had a son named Yuli Goldin, who was born in 1941. He is a wonderful person. He became a doctor and in 1978, he emigrated to the US with his family. He is very successful there.

My father, Arkadi Baicher, whose Jewish name is Aaron, went to work as a stoker at the railroad to support his family after his father died tragically. He became assistant locomotive operator and then an operator. He was the only breadwinner in the family. His brother studied in college and his sister and mother didn't work. He was a hardworking man. He felt responsible for the family and was its support.

When he came of age, he always made all the difficult decisions for the family. He was a vivid and naughty boy and grandmother often punished him. He was a very strong man. I remember that he carried a wardrobe alone when we were moving once. My father joined the Komsomol when working at the railroad. He never joined the Party.

Many years later, when my father was married and had a family of his own, he finished evening classes of the Railroad College with my mother's blessing and support.

My mother was Russian. My maternal grandfather Matvey Dolgov came from a Christian family of Old Believers 13. He was born in 1858 in Klintsy, Bryansk region [475 km from Moscow]. I tracked down eleven generations in Old Believers' church books and found that the first Old Believer arrived in Bryansk region.

He was born in 1684. My great-grandfather and great- grandmother had 20 children. My grandfather was the youngest. He served 20 years in the tsarist army. He took part in the liberation of Bulgaria from the Tatar yoke, and was wounded near Plevna town and released from the army. After the army, my grandfather started business in Moscow. He bought cattle, supplied it to slaughterhouses, and sold meat. My grandfather's marriage with my grandmother Anna Boni was prearranged by matchmakers. Regretfully, he died of tuberculosis in 1905. He was buried in Dragomilovskoye cemetery in Moscow.

My grandmother's father, Antoine Boni, was French. He escaped to Russia during the French Revolution with his son from his first marriage, and he had his savings. He never learned Russian. My grandmother's mother came from the Russian family Prokhorov. It was a renowned family of merchants. They owned textile factories.

After Antoine got married, he built a factory manufacturing albumin for fabric painting. It was a small factory, but it supplied its product to all textile factories in Moscow. There were five children in the family: two sons and three daughters. My grandmother was the youngest. They had different lives.

Maria Boni, one of the sisters, lost her son during World War I. Another sister, Elizaveta Boni, married a German man and must have left the country before World War I. The family lost track of her. The son, Vladimir Boni, inherited the factory. He died in 1916. His children were small when the revolution took place in 1917. The state expropriated the factory, and the children had to hide away. There is no information about what happened to them. Sophia Boni, another sister of my grandmother, had a big family. It seems there were about 14 children. From what I know, Sophia's husband, and all daughters-in-law and sons-in-law were Russian. We became friends with this family.

My grandmother was born in 1868. She completed grammar school. When she got married, she became a housewife in a big family. My grandmother was Christian, but she rarely went to church. She died in 1935 and was buried in Dragomilovskoye cemetery. My grandmother and grandfather had six children.

My mother's older sister, Evgenia Zotova, was born in 1894. Her Russian husband, Alexei Zotov, had a higher military education. He served in the tsarist army and after the revolution he joined the Red Army. They had a son named Michael Zotov. Aunt Evgenia died in 1974.

My mother's brother Nikolay, born in 1904, died of typhoid in the 1920s. There was another son named Dmitri. I remember my uncle Dmitri very well. He graduated from Plekhanov College in Moscow and was a good specialist in chemical treatment of water. He took part in the Great Patriotic War, returned home and died of cancer in 1957.

My grandparents' younger son Vladimir, born in 1906, had an unpleasant character. He drank a lot and had affairs. He left and the family had no information about what happened to him afterward. In 1896 my grandmother's son Sergei was born, but he died in infancy.

My mother was very talented and she performed in the school theatrical club. She completed grammar school in 1916 and received a gold medal [highest award given to graduates of secondary educational institutions in Russia and the USSR]. After the revolution of 1917, my mother entered Moscow State University. However, she didn't study there for long. She had to support her family and it became too difficult for her to combine work and studies. My mother graduated from a theatrical studio and worked as an actress in this studio. Soon this studio merged with the Meyerhold 14 studio. There were different schools of acting. Her former teacher was 'tsar and God' for her, but she didn't understand Meyerhold's teaching. She had an argument with the producer of this studio and left the stage.

She went to work at the Ogonyok editorial office. She was the secretary of its chief editor, Koltsov 15. My mother worked there for a few years and was a good employee. She specialized in photo reviews. Being a smart and enterprising person, she established a bureau selling extra photographs to other editorial offices.

Then she went to work at the photo office of TASS [Telegraph Agency of the Soviet Union] where she worked for the rest of her life. The fact that my mother met such people as V. Meyerhold and M. Koltsov, whom authorities accused of treason and executed, and also her work in TASS, taught her to be very cautious and avoid discussions of political subjects at home or with her friends. She knew about the arrests in the country and tried to protect her dear ones. She wasn't a member of the Communist Party.

My mother lived in a civil marriage before she met my father, but it fell apart. In 1930, she went to a recreation center on vacation. She wasn't in one of her best moods. She was sitting alone reading a book. My father was coming to this recreation center from the railway station. He was a young, handsome and big man. And so they met.

My father kept visiting her after their vacation in the recreation center. My mother had other admirers. However, my father became number one and they got married. My mother was eight years older than my father, but she didn't look it. She was slim and interesting and always dressed well.

My parents' families had no objections against this marriage. My father was a naughty member of the family and my grandmother was glad that he had settled down. My mother's relatives rejected any national prejudices or religious narrow-mindedness. My parents had a small wedding party. My father lived in a room in a communal apartment 16. My mother also lived with her mother in a room in a communal apartment.

  • Growing up

When my parents got married they exchanged their two rooms for one bigger room in a former elderly people's home that the tsarist government built for merchants' widows. It was a five-storied house. It was a big room with a lot of light and high ceiling where they lived. They had a sink in their room. There was no bathroom in the apartment - families went to a public bathroom to wash. There were two toilets with four cabins on each floor. There was an elevator at the front door entrance.

On the ground floor there was a public Laundromat which was very convenient. On the first floor there was a common kitchen. There were stoves in the kitchen. Housewives prepared everything for cooking in their rooms and then did the cooking in the kitchen. Stoves were stoked with fuel oil all day long. In the evening, a boiler was turned on and tenants stood in lines for boiling water. There was a dry steam drier and washbasins for washing and rinsing. There was also another drier in the attic. I was born in this house in 1932 and grew up there.

When my mother was expecting a baby, she told my father that if it was going to be a boy she was against circumcision. My father replied, 'All right, and if it's a girl we won't baptize her.' So, I wasn't baptized. My parents loved each other dearly regardless of their differences: in age, nationality and intellect.

Family was everything for my father, and my mother found support and a faithful companion in him. The brightest memories of my childhood are associated with the time when my parents took me to a dacha 17 in summer. They rented a dacha out of town and took me there, every summer.

I didn't go to a kindergarten. I had a baby sitter who was a Russian girl from a village named Marfusha. She lived with us until the end of her life. My mother sent her to school. She completed secondary school. I have very good memories of her, as she always took care of me.

She evacuated with us and thanks to her skills and wit, we survived through the first days. Here is what my days in my childhood were like. I never went into the yard alone. I had friends who were our neighbors and they used to come to play with dolls, as I had many in our room. Sometimes my nanny and I went shopping. In the evening, when she had to go to school, she took me to the adjoining street where my mother's brother's family lived or to my grandmother.

My parents worked a lot and my father studied in the evening classes of the College of Railroad Transport Engineers. However, they always celebrated family holidays and birthdays. My mother and father's relatives joined us for these celebrations. My father's brother, Michael, often went on business trips and was an infrequent guest in our house. We often visited my paternal grandmother since she loved guests.

My mother worked near Grandmother's home and often went to see her. She usually had lunch there. My mother and her mother-in-law got along very well and there were no misunderstandings between them. My mother grew up in the family with no national prejudices. She did what their family had failed to do: she made my father study. My grandmother respected her very much.

The events of 1937 [Great Terror] had an effect on our family. My grandmother's second husband was arrested and never returned from the camps. We knew that something was going on, but there was no information about it. My parents were afraid of talking and I was too young to understand the situation.

  • During the war

I remember the first day of the war very well. On 22nd June 1941 my parents and I went out of town to look for a dacha for rent. We went to the railway station by tram when my parents heard somebody saying that the war had begun. It was around 11am.

We returned home, turned on the radio and listened to the speech by Molotov 18. I understood that the war had begun and that it was very serious and that there was a lot to happen. Before this we had a feeling that something might happen. We lived in a quiet district, but on the first days of the war there were activities going on.

People barricaded windows on ground floors with bags of sand. Some workers began to excavate a pond in the schoolyard across the street from our house. It was to be a firewater reservoir. Instructors explained to tenants about air raids and where to hide in case of emergency.

We closed the windows and glued newspaper sheets on glass to prevent splinters from falling. Children helped adults with whatever they could do. There were rooms with tenants in the basement where we could come with our chairs in case of an emergency alarm. We also made a black-out with black curtains on the windows. I remember the first training alarm.

When we came outside to go to the basement I sensed some smell in the street, something different, a disturbing smell. We went into the basement with this sense of alarm. I put some of my clothing either upside down or forgot to put it on, something like that.

On 10th July, my nanny, grandmother and I, evacuated to Ufa [1,300 km from Moscow]. We evacuated with the aviation plant where my father's sister's husband, Matvey Goldin, was working. My nanny didn't want to leave Moscow, but my mother worked and couldn't leave her job since TASS was staying.

My grandmother had liver problems and hypertension and so my mother couldn't let me go with grandmother. It took my mother quite some effort to convince my nanny to go with us. When we were approaching Ufa our train was delayed. It turned out that there were too many old people and children in our car. They couldn't work at the plant. They sorted out all passengers and those who could work went to Ufa and the rest of us were taken 25 kilometers south.

It was a small station and we actually got off in a field. There was a steppe, sun and heat. Then there came horse-drawn wagons from a village on the bank of the Belaya River. It was a Tatar village named Starye Kieshki. We were accommodated in huts.

A Tatar hut is a big room with a stove and plank beds with mattresses, pillows and blankets. The owners of the hut where we lodged didn't speak Russian. They knew a few words sufficient enough to agree about payment for the milk they provided. They just didn't understand that there were Jews among the newcomers. We stayed one night in this hut. There were many bugs and I remember that my grandmother stayed awake picking those bugs off me.

On the following morning my grandmother, who wasn't that old, put lipstick on her lips - she was coquettish - and went to look around. She discovered some buildings in the schoolyard that formerly served as classrooms. It was summer and the school was closed. She talked to the director and obtained permission for us to move into a classroom. We slept on laboratory desks. When school started in fall we continued living there. In the evening we put the desks together to sleep on them and in the morning before classes we put them in place and put our things into a closet.

My grandmother had some money, and my nanny went to work in the kolkhoz 19. We were very poor. Nanny came from a village and was very hard- working. Her earnings and our small vegetable garden - which was in the field and received from the kolkhoz - saved us from hunger. My nanny and grandmother grew vegetables.

My grandmother was not a gardener. They both planted onions which grew only in Marfusha's part of the garden. My grandmother got angry, 'you cheated me, and I did something wrong!' It turned out she planted her onions with their roots upward. The onions grew all right in the long run. We bought potatoes and milk from a store in the village.

When there was a delivery of vodka, enterprising villagers stood in line to buy vodka that they could exchange for fish from 16-year-old boys. My grandmother also had some cereals, but they didn't last long. Anyway, my grandmother tried to observe the kashrut. She didn't eat pork. Tatars don't eat pork either, they eat lamb. There was no synagogue.

I'm not sure, but I don't think my grandmother could observe Sabbath considering the hardships in our lives. I became very sad on the first day of fall when the school opened its doors for schoolchildren. I was eager to go to school, but in this village everything was in the Tatar language. I made friends with the children of the director of the school. They were two girls, almost the same age as I. I began to understand some Tatar. I wanted to go to school, but they didn't admit me.

My mother arrived in fall 1941. She evacuated to Kuibyshev [920 km from Moscow] with her TASS agency. She wrote letters to me and sent them to Starye Kieshki from there. She missed me a lot and worried about me, but later she obtained permission from her director to go to work as a TASS correspondent in Bashkiria. She didn't receive a salary and father sent us his certificate [issued to officers in the army for their families to receive money allowances].

We exchanged clothes for food. My mother talked to the director of our school in the village and he agreed to admit me. I was supposed to go to the first grade, but they admitted me to the second grade. I could count well. They didn't force me to speak the Tatar language. I just spoke what I could. I studied there until I became unwell and had to stay home. Next year I went to the same grade. In 1943 I managed to get to the third grade and studied there for some time.

In 1942, my nanny drowned. It was a hot summer and we went to swim in the river. There was still high water in the Belaya River and we found a pit filled with water. The water was very cold and Marfusha had an infarction.

She died that very moment. There was quite a story with her funeral. There was a Muslim cemetery and they didn't allow burying Christians there. They even discussed it at the kolkhoz council. They finally allowed us to bury her near the fence. Of course, her death was a terrible shock and catastrophe for us.

Later in the same year my father's sister Frieda and her son Yuli came to visit us. Her husband Matvey Goldin worked at a plant in Ufa. He lived in a hostel and wasn't allowed to accommodate her and their son in his room. My father at that time was finishing military school in Orenburg [1,400 km from Moscow].

Once he got leave, he came to visit us. After he left, my mother became awfully concerned since at that time military actions were approaching Stalingrad [920 km from Moscow] and my father might have needed to go there.

Some time later we began to receive children's books from my father. We didn't have the slightest idea what it could be until one day I opened a book and saw 'I am in MPR' written in the book. We understood that he was in the Mongolian People's Republic. There was training in his school.

They were to cover 40 kilometers of the Orenburg steppe in full marching order and my father got sunstroke. He was taken to hospital. It so happened that other cadets of his school were taken to Stalingrad, and my father was sent to the construction of a railroad in Mongolia since he had railroad education. He served there until 1944.

In November 1942 my uncle received a room in Ufa and my aunt, her son and my grandmother went to live with him. My mother and I lived with a Tatar family in their pise-walled hut near the school. They gave us a small room which had a separate entrance.

There was an outside toilet. We fetched water from a well in the yard, but this dwelling was still better than living in school. It was warm and we didn't have to leave it for a day like we did when lodging at the school. My mother and I were starving. My mother fell ill with tuberculosis.

My father's allowances were not enough. We grew potatoes and then had to pick them. My mother was too weak and at some point she sat on the ground and began to cry. She had lost over 30 kilos in weight since she fell ill. When my maternal grandmother saw her in Moscow after we returned home she said, 'You look like you've come from Majdanek 20. Skin and bones.'

There was a Russian family from Rybinsk living next door. It was a woman and two children. The woman's name was Evdokia Ivanovna. Her husband worked at the aviation plant that was evacuated to Ufa. He lived in a hostel and she couldn't live with him. This woman was very poor. She could hardly support her two boys. She left her children with us when she went to visit her husband in Ufa. My mother invited Evdokia Ivanovna to live with us. We got along well and had a quiet life. At that time my grandmother was still staying with her daughter Frieda in Ufa.

In the summer of 1943 my mother received an invitation letter from the TASS agency in Moscow. We had to get to the railway station somehow. Evdokia Ivanovna went with us leaving her boys with another woman. There was a huge crowd at the railway station. All trains that passed by the station were overcrowded.

We stayed at the railway station for three days. My mother took me to a children's room to sleep at night, and she and Evdokia Ivanovna had to watch their line to get tickets. We finally got onto a train. My mother had to be in Moscow on time and we hardly managed. We arrived home at 5 in the morning.

My mother's sister Zhenia lived a few blocks away from us. To get there I had to cross two big streets. As soon as we came home my mother sent me to her sister and left for work. I was afraid of going there alone. When my aunt opened her door she gasped: it was only 7 o'clock in the morning; they had just got up when I showed up. We were so happy to be back in Moscow and find out that everything was fine with our home.

My mother began to make arrangements for me to go to school. I had studied in a Tatar school, but teachers in Moscow didn't care and refused to admit me to the third grade. I began to cry and the teacher softened a little and said, 'all right, girl, it's going to be the second grade.' I said, 'No, I don't want to go to the second grade!' I was so concerned about being the oldest in my class.

She said, 'All right, we admit you to the third grade on condition that based on the results of the first quarters [an academic year in USSR consists of four quarters and after each quarter students get their quarter marks] we shall decide whether you stay or go to the second grade.'

I didn't argue this time. However, I fell ill with angina. We were thin and exhausted and there were no vitamins. I returned to school one week before the end of the first quarter. I remember very well that we had a test in mathematics. I received an excellent mark for it and the issue of my staying in the third grade was closed.

I liked mathematics and wanted to become a teacher of mathematics. I only had one '4' mark in the Russian language and all '5' marks for the rest of the subjects. Well, there were few things where I didn't excel. I was a fatty and never went in for sports, but I liked dancing and always attended dancing classes.

I had many friends at school, in our house and in my mother's sister's family. My neighbors had two daughters of my age. We became friends before the evacuation. I joined the Komsomol at school. I was eager to become a Komsomol member. I lied to the commission when they asked me how old I was. The admission age was 14 and I said that I was, though I was under 14 at that time. I didn't take an active part in the Komsomol activities, but I believed in communist ideas, so strong was propaganda at the time.

By the end of the war construction of the Moscow metro began. My father, when he was young, worked at the construction of one of the first metro stations, and he was demobilized and employed by a metro company. In April 1944, we received a telegram saying: 'Meet me.' My mother thought he was going to another front and when we met him in Moscow she asked, 'Where?' and he replied, 'To Moscow.' We were so happy!

  • Post-war

My father became a boiler engineer in the metro construction department. In 1947, when the struggle against rootless cosmopolitans [see campaign against cosmopolitans] 21 began he was fired. He looked for a job in Moscow for eight months. He understood that this was a national segregation campaign, but there was nothing that could be done.

Besides his national origin, my father had another 'deficiency.' He didn't have a proletarian origin. I remember one funny incident. My father wrote in his application form that his father was a wagon driver. I was horrified and asked him, 'Do you mean to say that my grandmother's husband was a wagon driver?' and he replied, 'You just keep your mouth shut.

' Shortly afterward I understood why my father wrote that his father was a driver. In this country drivers' children had a much easier life than educated people. We had a difficult life. My mother was the only breadwinner. Eight months later my father got a job in a boiler inspection company.

I didn't face any anti-Semitism at school. We had many Jewish teachers. I faced this later in my life. I finished school with a silver medal. I wanted to become a teacher of mathematics, but I had to face reality. I submitted my documents to Moscow University and went for the entrance interview 22.

They talked with me for over two hours. The temperature was 37 degrees, it was hot and I was wearing a woolen suit since this was the best outfit I had. I was almost dying of the heat. Then I got to know that I wasn't admitted. Everything in life became very gloomy.

Well, I pulled myself together and submitted my documents to the Mechanical Mathematic College. They rejected me. In the Bauman Higher Technical College they told me that admission was completed, although entrance exams hadn't started yet. They said there was only the Coal Mine Faculty left and I said I didn't mind studying at this faculty. They looked at me in amazement. I put them in a difficult position.

As a result, they rejected me there as well. My friend who was aware of my problems advised me to go to the Irrigation and Drainage College - now it's called Water Engineering College. I went there with my mother. The document submittal deadline was three days later. I showed the admission commission my school certificate and my silver medal and they admitted me.

When I became a student I understood that there were specific young people studying in our college. It was shortly before Stalin approved the nature transformation plan in 1951. It included drainage of swamp areas and irrigation of arid regions. Our college increased admission and cancelled any admission quotas. Our students were Jewish graduates with gold medals that failed to enter any other Moscow college.

It was a golden admission of talented young people. Many years later my fellow student once replied to my question of what made him choose this college, 'I knew that this was the only college that I could enter. I am a Jew and my father had been arrested.'

Our student life was delightful regardless of the hard practical and topographical trainings. I didn't like field work and heat. I remember how hard it was in Novgorod region: swamps, mosquitoes, heavy rubber boots and heavy equipment. I was afraid of swamps. I even felt like quitting this college, but my mother forbade me to do this. I managed to stay to the end of that training.

Our second training in Latvia was much easier and nicer. It was like a resort there. We went to swim and lay in the sun. Our local managers sent us to do work that wasn't too hard. We also had nice practical training that was full of fun. It was difficult, but enjoyable. However tired we got we danced and had fun until 2 o'clock in the morning. It was fabulous.

All graduates became good specialists and always recalled their teachers with gratitude. We were so close that we still get together every five years. Our former co-students arrive from all over the country and from abroad when they can.

We went to parades on Soviet holidays. It wasn't openly mandatory, but the public was aware of attendance of parades. Besides, we were young and there was music, dances and songs. It was a lot of fun. There were foreign students among us. One of them was Romanian. He once said it was his third year in Moscow, but he hadn't seen Stalin once. I told him he should walk with me, because even if Stalin wasn't on the stand during a parade he sure would make an appearance when I was walking across the Red Square. And it did happen. Stalin presented himself when we came to the Red Square. I shall never forget how delighted this Romanian student was. He said, 'I will write home today. I've seen Stalin!' I wasn't as excited as he.

I remember the Doctors' Plot 23 well. My uncle Matvey Goldin, Aunt Frieda's husband, had a sister. Her husband, Frumkin, was a professor of medicine. He was a renowned urologist and worked in the Botkin hospital. He wasn't arrested only because he had an infarction and was having treatment at his hospital. When officers came for him, the doctor on duty told them that in his condition, Professor Frumkin wouldn't manage the journey.

A friend of mine studied at the Medical College. This friend was Russian and seemed to be anti-Semitic to an extent. We once discussed a recent arrest of great doctors. He said to me, 'You know, there are almost no lecturers left' - meaning that Jewish lecturers were the best and when there was none of them left the remaining lecturers couldn't compete with them in professional skills. We didn't discuss those subjects at home. My mother taught me to say nothing about politics much too well. There is another story that I remember.

My co-student brought an issue of the Pravda newspaper [lit. Truth, a popular daily newspaper with multimillion circulation, the central organ of the Communist Party] to college, where an article about 'murderers in white robes' was published. I read it and said, 'How horrible!' She looked at me as if I were an idiot and whispered, 'Do you believe it?' I was horrified to hear that Pravda was not trustworthy.

Then Stalin died in 1953. My grandmother didn't like him and she didn't make a secret of it. I cannot say that I liked him that much, but intense propaganda imposed love of him onto people. When Stalin died we had a meeting in our college. Many girls were crying, but I didn't feel like crying. I understood that this was an epoch-making event.

After classes we were planning to go to the Kolonnyi Hall where the casket with his body was. Nobody forced us to go there, but we walked to the place. We walked together trying to find the end of line to his casket, but then we lost each other in the crowd. All of a sudden there was a jam and I got scared. I got out of the crowd and returned home.

Aunt Frieda Goldina lived near the Kolonnyi Hall where the casket with Stalin was. She told me later that she said to herself, 'I shall not calm down until I see him in the casket.' She went there across backdoors and roofs until she got to an entrance where she was allowed to go in. Our family began to discuss political subjects a long time after Stalin died.

I finished college and was waiting for my [mandatory] job assignment 24. I wanted to work in Rosgiprovodkhoz: irrigation and drainage system design institute doing work in Russia. I had practical training in this institute. They offered me a job in its Minsk affiliate. I didn't want to lose my permission for a residence permit 25 in Moscow. Then I got another offer to go to Tuva expedition of Rosgiprovodkhoz to the town of Kyzyl [3720 km from Moscow]. It was just a business trip and I signed for this job assignment. My co-student went there with me. It was a long trip. We learned many new things that we didn't know living in Moscow.

Once on a train we met a German [colonist] 26 family, deported to Siberia by Stalin during World War II. Only in 1956, they were allowed to visit their ancestors' graves in Engels [880 km from Moscow]. They told us how they were suppressed for many years and I thought it was terrible that people weren't allowed to visit their ancestors' graves.

We did design work. The climate was severe. Winter lasted five months and temperatures dropped to minus 60 degrees ?elsius. It was freezing outside. I was the only one in the town who didn't wear woolen boots. It was a strange climate. You go outside and find yourself in a thick fog and you feel like you're walking in milk without seeing the road.

Cars drive with their lights and horns on. The town is surrounded by the Sayan Mountain range. I had never seen more beautiful nature before. It turned out that except me and my co-student, all other employees were either convicts or members of their family. They were people with interesting and complicated life stories though they were nice people.

A year later I was assigned to work in Moscow. I went to work in Rosgiprovodkhoz. I worked successfully there for one-and-a-half or two months when I was fired all of a sudden. The children of higher officials had graduated from colleges and needed jobs. Besides, my last name was added to the list of unreliable employees - Jews.

I was fired regardless of the mandatory three-year term of postgraduate assignment. I couldn't find a job for a long time. I went to many companies and they all refused to hire me. It was all because of my surname and Semitic appearance. A long while later I got a job at the Giprostesneft' Institute designing potable and industrial water supply for the oil industry.

I worked there for 33 years until I retired. I went on interesting business trips and had an interesting and multifarious job. I liked my work. From engineer I was promoted to project chief engineer. I was the leader of a group and worked independently, but I never went on trips abroad.

I lived in one room with my parents until 1964. I turned 30 and wanted to live separately. I got an opportunity to buy a one-bedroom cooperative apartment. In 1968, I finished a two-year course in English at the College of Foreign Languages. I wasn't a member of the Party. This fact and my Jewish identity didn't allow me to get a job anywhere abroad. The secretary of our party unit didn't approve a letter of recommendation for me for traveling abroad. He was an anti-Semite. Everybody at work knew I was a Jew. I didn't consider changing my surname. My father was a Jew and it would have hurt him if I had changed my name. Besides, I didn't want to deny my Jewish identity. My husband Yuzef Kirtzer was also a Jew.

My colleague introduced me to my future husband. He was her distant relative. She gave him my telephone number. He called me, we met and liked each other. He then proposed to me. We got married in 1965; there was no wedding party. We just went for a walk and when we were going past a registry office we dropped in and registered our marriage. We started our family life in my apartment.

My husband was born in Dnepropetrovsk [800 km from Moscow] in Ukraine. He finished lower secondary school and entered an art school. He was good at drawing. His family was of moderate wealth. They lived in a small two- bedroom apartment in the center of the city. My husband's father, Michael Kirtzer, worked in a cultural center. He was a cheerful and joyful man. He had a big sense of humor and everybody liked him. He was hardworking and reliable. His mother, Mariasa Kirtzer, sewed at home. She had a difficult and tragic life. At the beginning of the century she witnessed a Jewish pogrom in Ukraine 27.

A Ukrainian family gave shelter to her, but she could hear how people were killed behind the wall. It affected her psyche and never passed. They also had a younger daughter named Sonia. She was three years younger than my husband. She was good at music and had a good voice, but regretfully, her family couldn't afford to give her education and her gift had no further development. She took part in amateur concerts where she sang. Later, she worked as a medical statistics operator in a children's polyclinic.

When the Great Patriotic War began my husband was mobilized to the army. He was a 2nd-year student at that time. He went to a military infantry school in Vladikavkaz. Then he was commanding officer of an infantry platoon near Stalingrad and chief of battalion headquarters at the southwestern front.

He was severely wounded in his head near Dnepropetrovsk. He lost an eye and was taken to hospital. After he was released from hospital, he went to serve in a district military registry office in Novosibirsk [2,800 km from Moscow, in the north of Russia]. He was demobilized in January 1946.

At that time, his family was living in Moscow. His father received a room in a barrack and his family got together in his room. They didn't have much money, but they decided to support their son and help him get a higher education.

Yuzef graduated from the Leningrad Industrial-Art High School very successfully. After finishing his college he did contractual jobs as it was difficult to find a permanent job. Then he went to work as a teacher of an art subject in the Theatrical Art School. He worked in this school until he retired in 1990.

Then he worked at the department of art of the Moscow Pedagogical College. At that time his textbook in drawing for secondary and special educational institutions was published. It's still very popular. Besides, he did creative work for students' performances. He was a talented and extraordinary man and he had such a difficult life. He lost his eye, but he got education and became a specialist. It required courage and strong will. He was very sociable and had many friends.

Before we got married he came to visit my family, but he didn't invite me to his home. He was ashamed of his poor household. After we got married he liked to have guests. We had an open house and there were always guests. My co-students came and he invited artists and students. We had guests on holidays and particularly many guests on Victory Day 28. We always celebrated holidays, but Victory Day was a holy day.

My husband participated in the veterans' movement. They had meetings on 9th May, Victory Day. I went to these meetings with him. I still attend these meetings, though many veterans and my husband are gone. The children of the veterans and I go to the meetings.

My husband's attitude to Jewish subjects was one of love and great interest. He was interested in the Jewish culture and history, but he wasn't religious and we didn't observe Jewish traditions at home. He couldn't stand anti-Semites and could even give a physical response to their demonstrations. But still, he was a man of the Russian culture.

Many of his relatives moved to Israel. We corresponded with them. He never considered emigration as he valued his profession and his place in this profession. Once we talked about departure. My cousin brother, Yuri Goldin, emigrated to America in the 1970s and spoke to us about moving there with him. My husband said he would have no objections if I decided to go there, but that he would stay.

Our son was born on 8th March 1966. Of course, it was a big joy. My husband was delighted: A son! We named him Michael after his grandfather, my husband's father, who didn't live to the day. My mother helped me a lot. She came to stay with my son every day when I went to work. He was raised at home in his first years of life and then he went to a kindergarten.

In 1968 we moved to another apartment. We exchanged my husband's and my apartment for a two-bedroom apartment near my parents' apartment, and my mother could come to stay with our son. My son was a terrible pupil at school. He didn't like school and received only '3' marks.

He left school after finishing the eighth grade. He entered a medical school. I remember all my suffering at parents' meetings at school where they always reprimanded my son for poor results, and I told my husband that it was his turn to attend parents' meetings at the medical school since I had fulfilled my duty at school meetings. It happened so that he couldn't make it for a meeting when our son was a 2nd-year student and I had to go. I was shocked when my son's teacher spoke praises of my son.

She said he had logical thinking, medical biological thinking and he had talents and that he would make it to medical college. My son was a devoted student. When they had practical training, working in an ambulance, all other students finished at 6pm and I called the ambulance at 2 in the morning and they told me that my son went on calls. He was ready to work there round the clock.

After graduating from this school he went to work at the ambulance. Then he went to serve in the army. He served in a construction battalion. It was difficult there. They did hard work and didn't get sufficient food. As a result, my son got into hospital. I went there to talk to the doctor, and he told me that he was surprised that my son was in the army at all.

In his military identity card it was written that he was only fit for military service during wartime. We involved my husband's acquaintances and managed to arrange for my son's transfer to a different unit. He served in a medical unit there and had an opportunity to learn.

After he returned from the army he resumed his work at the ambulance. My son is a very active person. He went to where emergencies happened: earthquakes in Georgia, Iran, and to the locations where blood-shedding conflicts occurred. There was an initiative group formed in the government of Russia and he had a doctor's position there.

In 1993, my son married a Russian girl. His wife, Anastasia Levashova, graduated from two colleges: the Mining College, where she got the profession of systems analyst, and Law College. She works for a private company. They have two daughters: Anastasia, born in 1999, and Evdokia, born in 2001. They live nearby. My son finished evening classes of the medical college in 1995. He is a children's doctor. Then he finished residency, and now he works at the Kommersant commercial house as a family doctor.

We didn't raise our son in the spirit of Jewish traditions as we didn't observe any. My son became interested in the history of the Jewish people in his teens. He had many Jewish friends at school. They went to the synagogue on Jewish holidays. Periodically, he talked of moving to Israel or America, but then he thought otherwise when in the 1990s perestroika 29 began and he decided that life would be interesting here. My son identifies himself as a Jew, though he doesn't observe traditions or holidays.

My father worked a lot in various boiler inspection companies. He dealt in fuel saving issues and frequently went on business trips. He was a strong, healthy man. Once in 1976, he felt ill and was taken to hospital. The doctor said that his condition was too severe.

In 1974, my father's brother Michael died. He was three years older than my father. My father said then that he would die three years later. It did happen. In 1977 he died at home of an infarction. He had turned 71. My father told us to cremate him when he died. He was big and heavy and it would be hard to carry the casket. He always cared about us and tried to save us from troubles.

His sister and her husband and our relatives came to the funeral. We buried him in Kalitnikovskoye cemetery where my mother's relatives were buried. It was a town cemetery, and we didn't observe any Jewish customs at the funeral. My mother was old and had hearing problems, but it took some time before she agreed to move in with us.

In 1978, we exchanged our two apartments for this one. She died of an infarction in 1984. My son was working in the ambulance. He made artificial respiration, but it didn't work. We buried her in Kalitnikovskoye cemetery near my father's grave.

I retired in 1992. I always wanted to be a teacher. I decided to implement this after I retired and went to work as a teacher of geography at a school. I received a very low salary since I didn't have previous experience, but I liked this job. I had training and studied at the Teachers' Advanced Training College.

I worked at school from 1993 till 1999. After six years of work I understood that it was good that I hadn't become a teacher. There are many negative things in our educational system. There is a lot of tension at school, suppression of free development of personality - I didn't like it. I also taught the history and geography of Moscow. I like Moscow very much. I studied its history. It is also the history of my family.

On Saturdays I went on city tours with the schoolchildren and their parents. I remember one episode. I showed my pupils a school in the center of Moscow. There is a monument for the boys who perished during World War II in front of this school.

My pupils were surprised to see so many Jewish names engraved on the monument. They asked, 'Were Jews at the front as well?' - There were rumors spread in Moscow in the first years after the war that there were no Jews at the front. I believe they were spread by relevant authorities. I think that one of the biggest accomplishments of my pedagogical activities was the extraction of anti-Semitic ideas from my pupils' heads.

Our family was very enthusiastic about perestroika that began when Gorbachev 30 came to power. His personality inspired hope. He had a university degree and was a relatively young man. In 1986, my father's sister Frieda told me that she became weak in her knees after she heard on the radio that it was allowed to meet with relatives from abroad.

Her only son Yuli had emigrated to America in 1978. A year later she visited her son. What impressed me at the beginning of perestroika was that we could watch the films that we could never believe we would ever be allowed to see.

The first shock for me was the film by Abuladze titled Repentance [film by renowned Soviet producer Tenghiz Abuladze (1924-1994); the first film in cinematography that denounced the cult of Stalin.] We often went to unforgettable meetings in the House of Actors. There was an interesting meeting with a writer whose last name was Klimov.

He was arrested before the war and rehabilitated right after Stalin died. He said, 'I get an impression that the same people arrested, interrogated, put to court and rehabilitated us.'

My husband's Jewish friends Ilia Lempert and David Silis, talented sculptors, opened their personal exhibition in Moscow for the first time. At the opening ceremony, a wonderful children's book writer, Yuriy Koval, said, 'Would it ever have occurred to us that they would allow the display of works rejected by the party press?'

Broadcasting of meetings of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR made a great impression on us. We had never seen anything like that. Every word of Academician Sakharov 31 inspired hopes and his sudden death was a terrible shock. The loss of this man who we believed was the conscience of the nation was irreplaceable.

There were other events, for example in the institute where I worked. We used to be given standard scopes of work and maximum three percent over this scope was allowed to be completed. Now we have no restrictions. We worked a lot hoping to receive more money for our work. However, nobody intended to pay us money.

The Prime Minister issued an order limiting the amount of salaries that enabled directors of enterprises to use this money to their discretion. As a result, our director became a co-founder of a bank. Then they began to sell the assets of our institute. They sold a logistics base of the research department. Our managers were building dachas and buying cars. They began to fire employees. I was one of the first to be forced to quit due to my independent thinking.

I also spent three days in August 1991 near the White House during the Putsch [see 1991 Moscow coup d'etat] 32. I missed work since I believed it to be my duty to protect young Russian democracy. The radio announced gratitude to all participants of this event and there was an order to pay for these three days as working days, but my management didn't approve of it.

By this time my husband got diabetes. He always took care of his health, but diabetes weakened him and his first infarction became the last one. This happened at home. He fell ill at night. We should have called our son, but my husband didn't allow me to. In the morning I called my son, he made a cardiogram that showed an infarction.

My son helped his father get into a good hospital. He was taken to reanimation. He died a day later. When he died, we began to think how we should bury him. He used to tell me that he wanted to be buried, but his father and mother were cremated and their cinerary urns were in the crematorium. I was thinking of burying him in Kalitnikovskoye cemetery near the graves of my parents. My husband's sister didn't agree to bury my husband in this Christian cemetery.

She recommended that we bury Yuzef near grandmother and Uncle Michael's graves in the Jewish section of Vostriakovskoye cemetery. We buried him there and his friends made a beautiful gravestone. No Jewish traditions were observed.

I am a pensioner now. The pension that I receive is about 70 USD. It would not be enough for a decent living. I have another source of income. There were two sisters living in the next-door apartment. They didn't have any close relatives. When they grew older and became ill I attended to them and they left their apartment to me. I lease it and have some additional money from the rent.

Not based on halakhah, but based on my senses, I identify myself as Jew, although my mother is Russian and I am a person of the Russian culture. Thus, my father, his mother, my grandmother, my husband and son, my dear ones are Jews and I am with them. Besides, due to my Jewish looks I had to face many bitter moments in my life. The system pushed me into the embrace of the Jewish people and I lived through humiliation and suppression with them.

  • Glossary:

1 Cantonist

The cantonists were Jewish children who were conscripted to military institutions in tsarist Russia with the intention that the conditions in which they were placed would force them to adopt Christianity. Enlistment for the cantonist institutions was most rigorously enforced in the first half of the 19th century.

It was abolished in 1856 under Alexander II. Compulsory military service for Jews was introduced in 1827. Jews between the age of 12 and 25 could be drafted and those under 18 were placed in the cantonist units. The Jewish communal authorities were obliged to furnish a certain quota of army recruits.

The high quota that was demanded, the severe service conditions, and the knowledge that the conscript would not observe Jewish religious laws and would be cut off from his family, made those liable for conscription try to evade it.. Thus, the communal leaders filled the quota from children of the poorest homes.

2 Russian-Turkish War

the war between Russia and Turkey in 1877-1878. The Russian army won a victory near Plevna town and liberated Bulgaria from the Turkish yoke.

3 Russian Revolution of 1917

Revolution in which the tsarist regime was overthrown in the Russian Empire and, under Lenin, was replaced by the Bolshevik rule. The two phases of the Revolution were: February Revolution, which came about due to food and fuel shortages during WWI, and during which the tsar abdicated and a provisional government took over. The second phase took place in the form of a coup led by Lenin in October/November (October Revolution) and saw the seizure of power by the Bolsheviks.

4 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death

5 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

6 NKVD

People's Committee of Internal Affairs; it took over from the GPU, the state security agency, in 1934.

7 Mikhoels, Solomon (1890-1948) (real name Vovsi)

Great Soviet actor, producer, pedagogue. He worked in the Moscow State Jewish Theater (and was its art director from 1929). He directed philosophical, vivid and monumental works. Mikhoels was murdered by order of the State Security Ministry

8 Great Terror (1934-1938)

During the Great Terror, or Great Purges, which included the notorious show trials of Stalin's former Bolshevik opponents in 1936-1938 and reached its peak in 1937 and 1938, millions of innocent Soviet citizens were sent off to labor camps or killed in prison.

The major targets of the Great Terror were communists. Over half of the people who were arrested were members of the party at the time of their arrest. The armed forces, the Communist Party, and the government in general were purged of all allegedly dissident persons; the victims were generally sentenced to death or to long terms of hard labor. Much of the purge was carried out in secret, and only a few cases were tried in public 'show trials'.

By the time the terror subsided in 1939, Stalin had managed to bring both the party and the public to a state of complete submission to his rule. Soviet society was so atomized and the people so fearful of reprisals that mass arrests were no longer necessary. Stalin ruled as absolute dictator of the Soviet Union until his death in March 1953

9 Five percent quota

In tsarist Russia the number of Jews in higher educational institutions could not exceed 5% of the total number of students

10 Deprives

After the revolution of 1917 people that had at least minor private property (owned small stores or shops) or small businesses were deprived of their property and were commonly called 'deprivees' [derived from Russian 'deprive'].

Between 1917 middle of 1930s this part of population was deprived of civil rights and their children were not allowed to study in higher educational institutions. Communists declared themselves to protect the interests of the oppressed working class and peasants and only representatives of these classes enjoyed all civil rights.

11 Komsomol

Communist youth political organization created in 1918. The task of the Komsomol was to spread of the ideas of communism and involve the worker and peasant youth in building the Soviet Union. The Komsomol also aimed at giving a communist upbringing by involving the worker youth in the political struggle, supplemented by theoretical education.

The Komsomol was more popular than the Communist Party because with its aim of education people could accept uninitiated young proletarians, whereas party members had to have at least a minimal political qualification.

12 Lenin Award

highest award in the USSR for accomplishments in the field of science, engineering, literature, art and architecture. Established in 1925; was awarded before 1991.

13 Old Believers

As their name suggests, all of them rejected the reformed service books, which Patriarch Nikon introduced in the 1650s and preserved pre-Nikonian liturgical practices in as complete a form as canonical regulations permitted. For some Old Believers, the defense of the old liturgy and traditional culture was a matter of primary importance; for all, the old ritual was at least a badge of identification and a unifying slogan.

The Old Believers were united in their hostility toward the Russian state, which supported the Nikonian reforms and persecuted those who, under the banner of the old faith, opposed the new order in the church and the secular administration.

To be sure, the intensity of their hostility and the language and gestures with which they expressed it varied as widely as their social background and their devotional practices. Nevertheless, when the government applied pressure to one section of the movement, all of its adherents instinctively drew together and extended to their beleaguered brethren whatever help they could.

14 Meyerhold, Vsevolod (1874-1940)

Russian theater director. In 1920, he was appointed head of the theater division of the People's Commissariat for Education. In the early communist years, Meyerhold staged many notable productions. Beginning in 1923, Meyerhold had his own troupe in Moscow, and staged innovative productions of both classics and modern works.

By the mid- 1930s, Meyerhold's relentless experimentation was no longer in favor. His theater was harshly criticized and then closed in 1938. Meyerhold himself was arrested in 1939 and shot in prison in 1940.

15 Koltsov Michail (1898-1942?)

Born Friedland, Soviet publicist and public activist. Chief Editor of the popular magazines 'Ogonyok,' 'Krokodil,' 'Za rubezhom' and member of the editorial staff of Pravda, the major Soviet Daily.

From 1936-1938 he participated in the Civil War in Spain as correspondent of Pravda, was political counselor at the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Spain, had direct contacts with Stalin. Arrested in 1938; perished in prison.

16 Communal apartments

The Soviet power wanted to improve housing conditions by requisitioning 'excess' living space of wealthy families after the revolution of 1917. Apartments were shared by several families with each family occupying one room and sharing the kitchen, toilet and bathroom with other tenants.

Because of the chronic shortage of dwelling space in towns shared apartments continued to exist for decades. Despite state programs for the construction of more houses and the liquidation of shared apartments, which began in the 1960s, shared apartments still exist today.

17 Dacha

country house, consisting of small huts and little plots of lands. The Soviet authorities came to the decision to allow this activity to the Soviet people to support themselves. The majority of urban citizens grow vegetables and fruit in their small gardens to make preserves for winter.

18 Molotov, V

P. (1890-1986): Statesman and member of the Communist Party leadership. From 1939, Minister of Foreign Affairs. On June 22, 1941 he announced the German attack on the USSR on the radio. He and Eden also worked out the percentages agreement after the war, about Soviet and western spheres of influence in the new Europe.

19 Kolkhoz

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

20 Majdanek concentration camp

situated five kilometers from the city center of Lublin, Poland, originally established as a labor camp in October 1941. It was officially called Prisoner of War Camp of the Waffen-SS Lublin until 16th February 1943, when the name was changed to Concentration Camp of the Waffen-SS Lublin. Unlike most other Nazi death camps, Majdanek, located in a completely open field, was not hidden from view. About 130,000 Jews were deported there during 1942-43 as part of the 'Final Solution'.

Initially there were two gas chambers housed in a wooden building, which were later replaced by gas chambers in a brick building. The estimated number of deaths is 360,000, including Jews, Soviets POWs and Poles. The camp was liquidated in July 1944, but by the time the Red Army arrived the camp was only partially destroyed.

Although approximately 1,000 inmates were executed on a death march, the Red Army found thousand of prisoners still in the camp, an evidence of the mass murder that had occurred in Majdanek.

21 Campaign against 'cosmopolitans'

The campaign against 'cosmopolitans', i.e. Jews, was initiated in articles in the central organs of the Communist Party in 1949. The campaign was directed primarily at the Jewish intelligentsia and it was the first public attack on Soviet Jews as Jews. 'Cosmopolitans' writers were accused of hating the Russian people, of supporting Zionism, etc. Many Yiddish writers as well as the leaders of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee were arrested in November 1948 on charges that they maintained ties with Zionism and with American 'imperialism'. They were executed secretly in 1952. The anti-Semitic Doctors' Plot was launched in January 1953. A wave of anti-Semitism spread through the USSR. Jews were removed from their positions, and rumors of an imminent mass deportation of Jews to the eastern part of the USSR began to spread. Stalin's death in March 1953 put an end to the campaign against 'cosmopolitans'.

22 Entrance interview

graduates of secondary schools awarded silver or gold medals (cf: graduates with honors in the U.S.) were released from standard oral or written entrance exams to the university and could be admitted on the basis of a semi-formal interview with the admission committee. This system exists in state universities in Russia and most of the successor states up to this day.

23 Doctors' Plot

The Doctors' Plot was an alleged conspiracy of a group of Moscow doctors to murder leading government and party officials. In January 1953, the Soviet press reported that nine doctors, six of whom were Jewish, had been arrested and confessed their guilt.

As Stalin died in March 1953, the trial never took place. The official paper of the party, the Pravda, later announced that the charges against the doctors were false and their confessions obtained by torture. This case was one of the worst anti-Semitic incidents during Stalin's reign. In his secret speech at the Twentieth Party Congress in 1956 Khrushchev stated that Stalin wanted to use the Plot to purge the top Soviet leadership.

24 Mandatory job assignment in the USSR

Graduates of higher educational institutions had to complete a mandatory 2-year job assignment issued by the institution from which they graduated. After finishing this assignment young people were allowed to get employment at their discretion in any town or organization.

25 Residence permit

The Soviet authorities restricted freedom of travel within the USSR through the residence permit and kept everybody's whereabouts under control. Every individual in the USSR needed residential registration; this was a stamp in the passport giving the permanent address of the individual. It was impossible to find a job, or even to travel within the country, without such a stamp. In order to register at somebody else's apartment one had to be a close relative and if each resident of the apartment had at least 8 square meters to themselves.

26 German colonists/colony

Ancestors of German peasants, who were invited by Empress Catherine II in the 18th century to settle in Russia.

27 Pogroms in Ukraine

In the 1920s there were many anti-Semitic gangs in Ukraine. They killed Jews and burnt their houses, they robbed their houses, raped women and killed children.

28 Victory Day in Russia (9th May)

National holiday to commemorate the defeat of Nazi Germany and the end of World War II and honor the Soviets who died in the war.

29 Perestroika (Russian for restructuring)

Soviet economic and social policy of the late 1980s, associated with the name of Soviet politician Mikhail Gorbachev. The term designated the attempts to transform the stagnant, inefficient command economy of the Soviet Union into a decentralized, market-oriented economy.

Industrial managers and local government and party officials were granted greater autonomy, and open elections were introduced in an attempt to democratize the Communist Party organization. By 1991, perestroika was declining and was soon eclipsed by the dissolution of the USSR.

30 Gorbachev, Mikhail (1931-)

Soviet political leader. Gorbachev joined the Communist Party in 1952 and gradually moved up in the party hierarchy. In 1970 he was elected to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, where he remained until 1990. In 1980 he joined the politburo, and in 1985 he was appointed general secretary of the party. In 1986 he embarked on a comprehensive program of political, economic, and social liberalization under the slogans of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring).

The government released political prisoners, allowed increased emigration, attacked corruption, and encouraged the critical reexamination of Soviet history. The Congress of People's Deputies, founded in 1989, voted to end the Communist Party's control over the government and elected Gorbachev executive president. Gorbachev dissolved the Communist Party and granted the Baltic states independence. Following the establishment of the Commonwealth of Independent States in 1991, he resigned as president. Since 1992, Gorbachev has headed international organizations.

31 Sakharov, Andrey (1921-1989) was a Soviet physicist who became, in the words of the Nobel Peace Committee, a spokesman for the conscience of mankind

Physicist, academician of the AS USSR since 1953, father of the Soviet Union hydrogen bomb, three times hero of socialist labor.

In early 1960s and early 1970s he was the leader of fighters for human rights. He was an outspoken advocate of human rights, civil liberties, and reform in the Soviet Union. Winner of the 1975 Nobel Prize in Peace. Because of his political activities, he was exiled to Gorkiy in 1980. Sakharov was permitted to return to Moscow in December 1986. Elected to the new Congress of People's Deputies in April 1989, he remained a leading spokesman for human rights and political and economic reform until his death on December 14, 1989.

32 1991 Moscow coup d'etat

Starting spontaniously on the streets of Moscow, its leaders went public on 19th August. TASS (Soviet Telegraphical Agency) made an announcement that Gorbachev had been relieved of his duties for health reasons. His powers were assumed by Vice President Gennady Yanayev. A State Committee on the State of Emergency (GKChP) was established, led by eight officials, including KGB head Vladimir Kryuchkov, Soviet Prime Minister Valentin Pavlov, and Defense Minister Dmitry Yazov.

Seizing on President Mikhail Gorbachev's summer absence from the capital, eight of the Soviet leader's most trusted ministers attempted to take control of the government. Within three days, the poorly planned coup collapsed and Gorbachev returned to the Kremlin. But an era had abruptly ended. The Soviet Union, which the coup plotters had desperately tried to save, was dead.

Centropa eBook: Kurt Kotouc

Kurt Kotouc lives in a small apartment in Prague, in a pleasant neighborhood close to the city centre. Mr Kotouc is a very elegant and friendly gentleman who comes across as being calm and well-read. We did the interview in a room where one wall was covered in books; the focus of many of the volumes was visual art.

To download this eBook, click below.

Bányai Jánosné

Életrajz

Bányai Jánosné egy régi, VI. kerületi bérház egyik emeleti, utcára néző lakásában él. Pár évvel ezelőtt súlyos agyvérzése volt, ezért bizonyos eseményekre, évszámokra, dátumokra nem tudott pontosan visszaemlékezni, illetve összekeveredtek az emlékek. Ennek ellenére rengeteg történetet, emléket idézett fel még gyerekkoráról, felmenőiről. Manapság az egészségi állapota miatt már csak ritkán tud kimozdulni lakásából, de a családja – fia, lánya és unokája mellette van – segíti őt.

Ükapám anyai ágon Herskovits Mózes, ő Erdélyben élt. Reich Lotti volt az ükanyám, ő 1827-ben született, Orgoványban talán. De ezt kivéve az egész család Erdélyben, szanaszét szórva: Szigeten [Máramarossziget], Palotamezőn [Palotamező nevű helységnevet az 1910-es népszámlálás már nem tartalmazott. – A szerk.], Kolozsváron, Csengeren. [A felsoroltak közül Csenger sohasem tartozott Romániához. Nagyközség, Szatmár vm. (ma Szabolcs-Szatmár-Bereg megye); 1910-ben 3300 lakos, a járási szolgabírói hivatal székhelye, csendőrőrs, gőzmalom, dohánybeváltó hivatal, takarékpénztár, posta- és távíróhivatal. – A szerk.] Az ükapám kereskedő volt, földbirtokos, és elszegényedett, mert valakiért jót állt, valami váltópapírt írt alá valaki helyett, és minden földje elúszott. Aztán a gyerekek cseperedtek, lett neki négy gyereke. Bikszádon éltek, Bikszád volt a fészek. [Bikszád –  kisközség, Szatmár vm.; 1910-ben 1700 román és magyar lakos; fürdője volt 160 vendégszobával; négy gyógyforrás ivókúrára; Trianon után Romániához került. – A szerk.]

A nagyanyám apja híres rabbi volt, jómódban éltek Csengeren. Ott is volt – azt hiszem – hat gyerek: négy lány és két fiú. De az őseim közül többen is Bikszádon születtek, és magyar zsidók voltak. Nagyon műveltek voltak. Ez az az ág, ahol a lányok is tanultak.

Nagyanyáim testvére volt Stern Sámuel, aki itt lakott a Damjanich utcában. Az volt anyám nagybátyja, aztán volt Mózes, Erdélyben. Volt még Érsekújváron [Érsekújvár – város, Nyitra vm., 1910-ben 16 300 lakos, Trianon után Csehszlovákiához került, ma Szlovákia – A szerk.] egy gazdag földesúr, Stern Hermann. Volt több földesúr is az ősök között, volt egy dédapa földesúr, és volt egy nagybácsi földesúr, anyámnak a nagybátyja. Azt hiszem, nem volt neki családja, gyereke, de nagyon gazdag földesúr volt.

Stern Sámuel megúszta a háborút, ő tanító volt, a felesége tanítónő, volt neki egy fia, az jogász-ügyvéd. Nagyon aranyos népek voltak. Úgy hívták a fiát, hogy dr. Sömjén Pál. Egy nagyon aranyos, bűbájos ember volt, nagyon szerettük. Nagyon jó volt mindig elmenni ide a Damjanich utcába a gyerekekkel. Végre egy olyan hely, ahol tárt karokkal fogadták az embert. Nagyon gyakran találkoztunk, szoros kapcsolat volt köztünk. Mára kihalt a család. A lánya is meghalt 46 éves korában. Utoljára halt meg a Pali felesége, Annus. Annus devecseri lány volt, annak is megölték a szüleit, orvos volt az apja.

Stern Sámuel egyik testvére, Mózes, nem tudom, mivel foglalkozott. Csak azt tudom, hogy volt egy nagyon szép, Olga nevű lánya. A családom minden ágában van egy Olga. Nem tudom, mivel foglalkozott a lány, sose láttam, csak hallottam az egyik unokatestvéremtől, és mutatta is a képet róla. Tudom, hogy Erdélyben lakott, talán Kolozsváron. Szét volt szóródva egész Erdélyben a család.

A Herskovitsok nem voltak se gazdagok, se szegények, de ha mégis szegények voltak, nem mutatták. Ha foltozott volt a ruha, az ki volt mosva és ki volt vasalva, azt látta mindenki, hogy milyen rendezett emberek. Ha szegény valaki, nem jelenti azt, hogy el kell hanyagolnia magát.

Anyai nagyapám Herskovits Jakab volt. Akkortájt halt meg, amikor a legkisebb lánya, az egyik nagynéném született, 1895-ben. Lehetett olyan 35 éves. A szíve vitte el. Ő kocsmáros volt. A nagypapáról annyit tudtam, hogy egyszer egy évben, amikor az évforduló volt [lásd: jahrzeit], gyertyát gyújtottunk. Többet nem tudtam meg róla.

Anyai nagymamám nagyon okos asszony volt. Gazdagok voltak. Ő háziasszony volt, háztartásbeli. Akkoriban a jómódú emberek nem dolgoztatták az asszonyaikat. Arról nem beszéltek, hogy mi történt, amikor meghalt a nagypapa. Nyilván szétosztották a vagyont a gyerekek között. Anyai nagymamámat, szegényt, 83 éves korában elvitték Auschwitzba.

Anyukám Herskovits Eszter. Született Bikszádon 1894-ben. Anyukámnak nem volt iskolai végzettsége. A nagymama egyedül maradt a sok gyerekkel, és az utolsó gyerekének születésekor megvakult. Fiaiból kántortanító lett. Herskovits Sámuel Vecsésen élt később, [Vecsés: nagyközség Pest-Pilis-Solt-Kiskun vm.-ben, 1910-ben 7400 lakossal. – A szerk.]. Herskovits Dezső Dombóváron, neki volt tíz gyereke.

Sámuel volt a legidősebb testvér. Vecsésen lakott, volt családja, öt gyereke. Volt neki egy Halmos Laci nevű fia, magyarosította a nevét, aki bankigazgató volt az Értékforgalmi Bankban. Behívták munkaszolgálatra és meghalt.

Anyukám következő testvére, a Dezső, az első világháborúban katona volt. Volt tíz gyereke. Amikor meghalt a felesége, ott maradt a tíz gyerekkel. Elosztotta a rokonok közt a gyerekeket. Egyébként nem tudott volna dolgozni. Ez a tíz gyerek megszokta az önállóságot. Sokan feljöttek Pestre, és itt Pesten sokan életben maradtak. Aki nem Pestre jött, az meghalt munkaszolgálatban. Két gyereke bujkált, Klári Pesterzsébeten, Olga pedig Budapesten. Olgának mind a két gyereke meghalt a háborúban, az egyik éhen halt, a másik súlyos betegség következtében. A háború után szült két újabb gyerekeket, és 1957-ben kivándoroltak Izraelbe. A fiát a 21. születésnapján, a háborúban  ölték meg Izraelben, hősi halott lett. Klárinak egy ruhaüzlete volt a Belvárosban, de ő olyan családon kívülinek érezte magát.

Dezső Jenő nevű fia is bujkált valahol. A háború után jól ment neki, megmaradt az üzlete itt Pesten, egy nőiruha-üzlet, abból éltek. Volt két gyereke. A 12 éves fiával kocsin mentek valahova, összeütköztek egy teherautóval, és a fiát a fő ütőerén találta az ütés. Azonnal meghalt. Maradt egy kislánya is Jenőnek, nem sokáig bírta elviselni fia halálát, nemsokára meghalt ő is.

Dezső bácsi egyik fia, Pali valahogy mint munkaszolgálatos, megúszta a háborút. Aztán kivándorolt New Yorkba. Szívbetegség következtében halt meg.

Dezső bácsi fia volt Miksa is, és neki született egy nagyon szép  fia. Jött ide hozzám, hogy írjam meg a testvéreimnek – mert ők már akkor Amerikában voltak –, hogy segítsék ki, mert neki nincs senkije Amerikában. Az apa kórházba került rákkal, és abban az időben mindig kérdezte, hogy mikor megy már a fia. Kaptam egy levelet az öcsémtől, hogy intézik, és hamarosan mehet. De olyasmit is írt benne, hogy nem lehet elintézni egyik napról a másikra. Itt intézzünk el mindent, ő meg fogja oldani, hogy mielőbb mehessen a fiú. Bementem Miksához a kórházba, műtét után volt, és tudtam, hogy áttétes, nem tudják megmenteni. Felolvastam neki, hogy a fia mehet Amerikába, mindent elintéztek, minden a legnagyobb rendben van. Ezt hazudtam, kegyes hazugság volt. Szegény, nagyon szerettem az unokatestvéremet. Jancsi ma New Yorkban él.
Anyukám többi testvéréről nem tudok túl sokat, volt a Hanna, Sára és a Fáni néni, mind Auschwitzban haltak meg, a legfiatalabb, Erzsi élte csak túl

Apukám családja inkább széthúzó volt, mint összetartó. A szűk családdal sem nagyon tartották a kapcsolatot. Amennyire összetartó volt a Herskovits család, annyira széthúzó volt a Mermelstein család.

Az apai nagypapámat Mermelstein Manónak hívták, az 1930-as években halt meg. Egyszer voltam náluk, Tiszaújlakon laktak laktak. Volt két kis házuk, az egyikben lakott a lánya, Zseni, a másikban nagypapám. Zseninek már családja volt, három kislánya, Manci, Etus és Ella. A férje utazó ügynök volt. Zseni fiatalon meghalt tüdőbajban, talán nyolc éves volt akkor a legidősebb gyerek. Zseni férjét ismertem, az járta Kárpátalját. Ott maradt egyedül a gyerekekkel. Utazó volt, sok zsidó házalt mindenfélével. Manci még él. Apám oldaláról annyit tudok, amennyit Manci mesélt nekem.

A nagypapám fésűs mester volt, ő gyártotta a fésűket és árulta is. Ebből el tudta tartani a családot. Járták a városokat, a vásárokat, nagyobb városokban árultak: Munkácson, Ungváron, Beregszászon, Nagyszőlősön. [Ungvár – város, Ung vm., 1910-ben 16 900 lakos, Trianon után Csehszlovákiához került, 1938 és 1944 között ismét Magyarország, 1945 és 1991 között Szovjetunió, 1991 óta Ukrajna; Nagyszőlős (Nagyszöllős) – nagyközség, Ugocsa vm. székhelye volt, 1910-ben 7800 lakossal (a lakosok 41%-a tartozott az izraelita felekezethez). Trianon után Csehszlovákiához került, 1938 és 1944 között ismét Magyarország, 1945 és 1991 között Szovjetunió, 1991 óta Ukrajna – A szerk.], Utazgattak a nagyanyámmal együtt. Ott is volt egy csomó gyerek. Volt a Márton, – ő volt az apám. Volt a Zseni, az Olga, Hermann, Dóra és Libi. Zseniről már beszéltem. Libi elpusztult Auschwitzban, nyolcéves lányával együtt. Olga még a háború előtt kiment Palesztinába, van egy lánya és egy fiúunokája, akik Amerikában élnek. Dórát, aki itt lakott Pesten, deportálták, de életben maradt. A férjét meg az ötéves kislányát bevitték a pesti gettóba [lásd budapesti gettó]. A férje ott éhen halt, a kislány életben maradt. Egyik, addig bujkáló unokatestvére hozta ki a gettóból, mikor felszabadultak. Elvitte, leáztatta róla a ruhát, mert rühes volt, kiütéses volt meg minden. És nála volt egy pár hónapig, míg megjött az anyja. Életben maradt az anyja. Nagyon okos kislány volt. Mikor az apja már nagyon gyenge volt, osztották a szelet kenyereket, a kislány odaadta a saját kenyerét az apjának.

Az apai nagymamámat 83 éves korában elvitték Auschwitzba. Talán jobb annak, aki korábban meghalt…

Apukám, Mermelstein Márton 1897-ben született Tiszaújlakon [Tiszaújlak – nagyközség, Ugocsa vm.; 1910-ben 3500 lakos; Trianon után Csehszlovákiához került – A szerk.].

A nagypapa, Manó nem volt vallásos. De a papám vallásos volt, egyedül a családban. Volt öt testvére, de csak ő volt vallásos, tanult, mindig tanult. Nem is szerették a testvérei, mert mindig tanult. A testvéreinek dolgozniuk kellett, apámnak pedig tanulnia.

81 éves vagyok. Énnekem van zsidó nevem. Az a nevem, hogy Bráhá, áldás. Bányai Jánosné, Mermelstein Olga. Születtem 1923. május 10-én Bikszádon, Szatmár megyében. Csecsemő koromban elköltöztünk Kárpátaljára, Husztra. [A Máramaros vm.-ben lévő Huszt nagyközségnek mintegy 10 ezer lakosa volt 1910-ben; a lakosok 23%-a tartozott az izraelita hitfelekezethez. A község etnikailag erősen megosztott volt: a lakosság fele (51%) rutén nemzetiségű, 34%-a magyar és 15%-a német származású volt. Trianon után Csehszlovákiához került (1920-ban 12 000 lakosa volt), az első bécsi döntést követően Magyarországhoz került (1938–1945). Az 1941-es népszámlálás adatai szerint Huszton – ekkor már városi státusza volt – 6023 fő volt a zsidó vallásúak száma, a város népességének 28,5%-a. A város 1945 és 1991 között a Szovjetunióhoz tartozott, 1991 óta pedig Ukrajnához tartozik. – A szerk.]

Nagyon szép kisváros volt, elég sok zsidó lakott ott, kevesen jöttek vissza a háború után. Ott valahogy elvegyültek az emberek, nem számított akkor, hogy ki a zsidó, ki nem. Jól megvoltunk a keresztényekkel is, barátkoztunk, bejártak hozzánk, mi is jártunk hozzájuk, együtt babáztunk. Nem volt ott az égvilágon semmi gond abból, hogy zsidók vagyunk. Ott sok ruszin élt, nagyon rendesek voltak, jóban voltak velünk, de anyukámnak hiányzott a magyar nyelv. A jiddist megtanultuk mindannyian. Mi valahogy külön voltunk a nagycsaládtól. Majdnem mindenkitől. Szüleim távoli unokatestvérek voltak. Apám vallásosabb volt, mint anyám. Anyám már modernebbül gondolkodott abban az időben. Ez volt a baj, de nem voltak veszekedések. Néha-néha összekaptak, azt mondta apám, azért van, mert nem volt elég vallásos az anyám.

A szüleim vásározók voltak. Egyszer egy héten volt nagyvásár – kisváros volt Huszt, akkoriban 25 ezer lakosú. Ott kiraktak egy asztalt, tele volt mindenfélével, és jöttek és vették a cukorkát, meg mit tudom én, még miket árultak, ami éppen volt. Aztán édesapám abbahagyta, és utazó ügynök lett. Rolómintákkal járta a cseh városokat, azokkal kereskedett. És abból meg tudtunk élni. Minden héten 50 koronát és 50 fillért küldött. (Az  50 fillért portóra.). Nem sokat volt otthon apám, mindig utazott. 14 éves koromban láttam utoljára. Mindig úton volt.

Az utolsó 15 évében többnyire egy helyen élt, Prágában, egy híres rabbinál dolgozott. Hogy pontosan mit csinált, azt nem tudom. Csak azt tudom, hogy ott élt, az volt az állandó címe. Nem voltunk soha nála. Nem voltunk annyira jómódúak, hogy utazni tudjunk. Én csak azért utaztam, és azért ismertem meg már a háború alatt az erdélyi rokonságomat, mert meg kellett szerezni a magyar állampolgárságomat [lásd: Külföldieket Ellenőrző Országos Központi Hatóság].

Éltek rokonaim Szinérváralján, Remetemezőn, Bikszádon, Somkútpatakán, Szatmárnémetiben, Kolozsváron. Ez egy nagy család volt. [Az összes említett helység Romániához került Trianon után. Kolozsvár kivételével mindegyik Szatmár vm.-ben volt, Szinérváralja nagyközség, Remetemező és Somkútpataka kisközség volt. Szatmárnémeti városnak 1910-ben már közel 35 ezer lakosa volt. Vallásfelekezetek szerint a lakosok a következőképpen oszlottak meg: 20-20% volt a római, ill. görög katolikusok aránya, 38% a reformátusoké és 21% az izraelitáké. A város a trianoni döntést követően Romániához került. 1925-ben már 45 000-en lakták. Az 1941-es népszámlálás adatai szerint lakosságának 24,9%-a, 12 960 fő volt izraelita vallású. – A szerk.] 

Az anyukám mindig kötényben járt otthon, és a kötényben mindig volt aprópénz. Ha jött a koldus, mindig adott. Voltak ,,saját” koldusaink [lásd: snorrer]. Biztos, hogy több pénzük volt, mint nekünk. Mégis adott, segített, és erre tanított minket is. Én is olyan voltam. Segíteni, segíteni, és nem bántam meg. Sok barátom volt. Nagyon szerettek, én is szerettem őket. Nem volt különbség, hogy zsidó vagy keresztény.

Magyar állampolgárok voltunk egészen 1918-ig, mindig magyarnak éreztük magunkat. Szerettem nagyon Erdélyt is. Anyám annyit mesélt róla, jó volt hallgatni. Nagy volt a család, és mindenkinek volt valami története.

Mermelstein Jakab a bátyám. És hatvan éve már Jack. 1921-ben született Somkúton, Szatmár megyében. [Somkútpataka – kisközség, Szatmár vármegye, 1910-ben 1200 román lakossal, Trianon után Romániához került. – A szerk.]  Akkor éppen ott éltek a szüleink. Elég sokat vándoroltak.

Az öcsém, Mermelstein Ignác 1926-ban született Huszton. Mind a hármunknak, nekem és a két testvéremnek magyar és jiddis az anyanyelvünk, és természetesen ruszinul is tudtunk. Erdélyben magyarul beszéltünk. Huszton kevesen beszéltek magyarul, ezért meg kellett tanulni a ruszin nyelvet is. Ruszin iskolába jártunk mind a hárman. [Ruszinok: Galíciában és Kárpátalján, valamint Bukovinában élő, ukrán nyelvjárást beszélő keleti szláv népcsoport elnevezése. – A szerk.]

Én tudtam magyarul is, tanultam egy kicsit németül, a jiddis és a német nagyon hasonlít. Jó néhány nyelvvel elboldogultam, és még tovább fejlesztettem az angollal. Muszáj volt megtanulni angolul egy kicsit, mert ha mentem az öcsémékhez Amerikába, akkor csak angolul kellett beszélnem az ottani rokonságukkal . Azt mondták, hogy elég jól beszélek, de most már semmit nem tudok angolul.

A testvéreim zsidó iskolába  is jártak. A zsidó iskola fél napig tartott, vagy délelőtt, vagy délután. Kötelező volt a mi családunkban, apukám ragaszkodott hozzá [Alighanem a héderről van szó. – A szerk.]. A felmenőim között voltak kántorok, tanítók. Ott volt Huszton a zsidó iskola is, oda járt a két fiú. Apám is tanult, és azt akarta, hogy tanuljanak a fiúk is héberül. Megtanultak imádkozni. Én is tudok imádkozni.

A bátyám elemi iskolát végzett, akkor az volt divatban. Nagyon tehetséges volt. Zsidó gyerek létére, a folyosón kinn voltak a rajzai, olyan tehetséges volt. És nagyon ügyes volt, sok mindenhez értett. 15 éves korában átvette varrónő anyámtól a munkát. Sose tanult varrni, gyönyörűen megvarrta a nadrágokat, férfinadrágokat. És aztán 15 éves korában ő lett a családfenntartó. Tiszteltük és szerettük, mert olyan szorgalmas volt. Látta, hogy anyám kínlódik a három gyerekkel. Nagyon messze laktunk a várostól, hat kilométerre. Gyalog kellett menni, és cipelni a ruhákat, meg hozni a kiszabott munkát, és akkor a bátyám átvállalta. Sokat kínlódott anyám, de nem panaszkodott soha.

A bátyám szabó lett. De egy életművész is. A semmiből is tudott valamit csinálni. Grillázst készített gyerekkorában, becsomagolta és árulta. Volt zsebpénze, és anyámnak is jutott belőle. Mikor már nagyobb lett, akkor fűzött gyöngyöt csinált, meg színes óraláncot. Mindig kitalált valamit. Nagyon tehetséges volt.

Apukám vallásos volt. A neológ [lásd: neológ hitközségek] és az ortodox [lásd: ortodox hitközségek] között valahol középen volt. Minden nap ment fürdőbe [lásd: mikve] és templomba, és csak azután pakolta ki az árut. Nagyon kényes volt a tisztaságra. Kalap nélkül nem ment ki az utcára [lásd: kápedli]. Rendes kabát, rendes ing [Azaz nem viselt a haszidokra jellemző öltözéket; lásd: kaftán; haszid öltözék. – A szerk.], és kis szakálla volt.

Mi, többiek nem nagyon voltunk templomba járók. Anyám egyszer-kétszer egy évben, a nagyünnepeken elment. A fiúk is mentek, a lányoknak nem kellett templomba járniuk. Viszont kellett hittant tanulni. Meg hébert is. Elemi iskolában végig tanultunk hittant.

Gyerekkori ünnepekre emlékszem. Szegények voltunk, de péntekenként mindig megtartottuk a szokásos ünnepi vacsorát. Pénteken rendesen kellett főzni. Kalácsot, friss kenyeret, húslevest csináltunk [lásd: szombat; bárhesz]. Ez volt a szokás, ezt mindig megtartottuk. Anyukám úgy átérezte, nem dolgozott szombaton, nem melegített szombaton, olyanokat főzött, amiket nem kellett melegíteni [lásd: szombati munkavégzés tilalma]. Gyerekkoromban aszalt szilvát főztünk meg aszalt almát, és minden héten kellett lennie kalácsnak. Alig tudtuk kivárni az időt, hogy minél előbb ehessünk kalácsot. Itt az én háztartásomban már nem lehetett. A férjem, Bányai János dunántúli, nagykanizsai volt, a szülei is megtartották a szombatot.

Szombaton a fiúk elmentek a templomba, anyám pedig elment a szomszédba kicsit beszélgetni. Engem is elvitt. Később egyik barátnőmhöz mentem, és mikor jöttek haza a fiúk, akkor volt az ebéd. A zsidó családoknál a sólet volt a fő ebéd szombat délben. De mi nem szerettük a sóletet. Anyám ritkán csinált. Salátát viszont csinált, tarhonyát marhahússal vagy csirkehússal, húslevest minden mennyiségben. Almakompótot csinált, gyújtott gyertyát [lásd: gyertyagyújtás], és ha apám otthon volt, imádkozott hozzá. Ez olyan meghitt, békés volt. Egész más, ha a családfő otthon van.

Van egy olyan szokás a szédernél [lásd: Pészah], hogy akkor nem szabad kenyeret enni. Előtte mindent el kell takarítani, és mindent a világon el kell mozdítani [lásd: homecolás]. Kitakarítani gyönyörűen, és edényeket cserélni. Mi ezt megcsináltuk, ez jó elfoglaltság volt, kicsit más, mint a mindennapok. Egyszer szédereste jutalmul apám nekem adott egy darab maceszt, hogy dugjam el [lásd: afikómen]. Azért jár valami ajándék. Eldugni eldugtam, de arra már nem emlékszem, hogy mit kaptam. De nagyon büszke voltam, hogy én dughattam el a darab maceszt. Azt meg kellett őrizni jó ideig.

Aztán voltak a nagyünnepek, a hosszú ünnepek [lásd: nagyünnepek], akkor anyám is elment a templomba. Fehér ruhába öltöztek az asszonyok. Volt a Purim, aztán volt a hosszúnap [lásd: Jom Kipur], volt a Szukot, a sátoros ünnep, ezeket mind betartottuk, és anyám akkor mindig elment a templomba. Aztán tartották a gyásznapot a halottakért, gyújtottak gyertyát vagy kis lámpát, anyám számon tartotta, nehogy véletlenül elfelejtsen megemlékezni a szeretteiről.

Sokszor voltam beteg. Nem voltam komoly beteg, egy kis megfázás, egy kis láz, ez, az, elég volt ahhoz, hogy ne érezzem jól magam. Mivel egyetlen lány voltam, nekem kellett takarítani meg az öcsémre vigyázni. Mikor beteg voltam, akkor meg a testvéreim takarítottak. Huszton földes szobában laktunk. Minden héten nagytakarítást kellett csinálnom. Anyám vitte a aa megvarrt ruhákat, visszafelé bevásárolt, és hozta a főznivalót. A házat minden évben ki kellett meszelni kívül-belül. Minden héten föl kellett tapasztani. Anyám mániákusan tiszta volt. Nekem kellett mosni is, ilyen heti mosást kellett megcsinálni. A nagymosáshoz jött a Mariska, anyám egyik ismerőse, és ő csinálta.

Anyám dolgozott, és amikor elment otthonról a városba, nekem kellett vigyázni az öcsémre. Nagyon nagy teher volt az nekem. A bátyám iskolában volt, én voltam az öcsémmel együtt. Nagyon veszélyes hely volt a házunk környéke, a ház előtt volt egy kanális. És az ment egész a Tiszáig. Nagyon kellett vigyázni, hogy ne essenek bele a gyerekek. Gyerekkorom azzal telt el, hogy az öcsémre vigyáztam. Utáltam az öcsémet, mert le voltam kötve, én meg nagyon szerettem játszani. Most a testvéreimmel legjobb barátok vagyunk.

Apámnak én voltam a kedvence. Nem sokat látott engem, de egyetlen lánya voltam. Annyi szeretet áradt felém. A fiúkkal szigorúan bánt,  mert azt akarta, hogy ők is tanuljanak. De a fiúkat nem nagyon érdekelte a vallás, bár jártak zsidó iskolába.

Apám mindig küldött valami csecsebecsét, ruhára valót, gyöngyöt, bizsut, néha narancsot, szóval mindig küldött csomagot. Meg küldte haza az 55 koronát és 50 fillért.
Nagyon szerettem játszani. Voltak barátnőim. Nagyon szerettem babázni, meg építeni, sárból építettünk házat, bútort meg mindent. Meg anyámtól kértem  kis rongydarabkákat, azt vittem, és jól eljátszottunk a parasztgyerekekkel. Akkor a gyerekek maguknak varrtak babát. És aki ügyes volt, az a barátnőjének is varrt egy babát. Meg bútort csináltunk meg babaszobát.

Én nagyon szépen kézimunkáztam. Egyszer nem mertem hazamenni, mert ötöst kaptam kézimunkából. Akkoriban az egyes volt a legjobb osztályzat. Sírva mondtam el, hogy ötöst kaptam kézimunkából. Anyukám megfürdetett, lefektetett, nem volt semmi. Nem tudtam, hogy nem az én hibám, hogy azért kaptam, mert nem adott pénzt kézimunkára. De ezután mindig volt kézimunkám.

Sokat estem gyerekkoromban. Köves utcán kellett járni, és akkor divat volt a harisnya. A harisnyám mindig kiszakadt, mikor iskolába jártam. Hazamentem, megint elestem, anyám későn jött haza, árult napközben, este meg kimosta, megfoltozta [Talán inkább: megstoppolta, azaz sajátos öltésekkel, többszálú cérnával, ún. stoppolófonallal „befoltozta” az akkoriban viselt, pamutból készült ún. flórharisnyán a lyukat. – A szerk.] a harisnyát, másnap újra felvettem. Később én is foltoztam. Amikor megfoltoztam, anyám, aki egyébként nem gyakranosztotta a dicséretet, megdicsért, ,,jól van kislányom", és erre nagyon büszke voltam. Az embernek szegényen is jó lehet, ha úgy rendezkedik be. Nem is kívántam mást, megvolt mindenünk, a szüleink igyekeztek rendesen öltöztetni, iskolába járatni minket.

Arra emlékszem még ebből az időből, hogy egyszer elment anyám látogatóba a rokonaihoz Erdélybe, és hozott egy zsák süteményt. Akkoriban élt az anyja is, a nagynéném is. Anyukám mesélte, hogy örültek neki. A zsák sütemény még olcsó volt abban az időben, az 1930-as években.

Ott Kárpátalján nem volt senkink, hontalanok voltunk. Apai nagypapámékhoz nem nagyon jártunk, mert nem volt pénz utazgatni. Egyszer voltunk ott hárman, gyerekek egy esküvőn, és az nagyon jó volt, mert volt egy nagy kert. És volt egy kemence, és én mint vendég ott aludtam a kemence tetején. Ez nagyon érdekes volt. Akkor kaptam ruhát, az is ritka dolog volt, ruhát kapni. És én nagyon boldog voltam. Nagynéném, Libi esküvője volt. Ő is Auschwitzban végezte. Munkácson laktak [Munkács: Bereg vm.-ben fekvő város, melynek 1850-ben még csak 6000, 1910-ben már 17 300 lakosa volt. A várost a Galícia felé irányuló kereskedelem – fa, marha, gabona, bor, sör, ásványvizek, gyümölcs – lendítette fel. 1910-ben Munkács lakosainak 44%-a tartozott az izraelita hitfelekezethez, ez volt a legnépesebb vallási felekezet a városban. Munkács a trianoni békeszerződés értelmében 1919-ben Csehszlovákiához került (lakosainak száma 1921-ben 21 000, 1930-ban 26 000 fő volt), majd 1938-ban, az első bécsi döntés után átmenetileg ismét Magyarországhoz. Lakosainak száma ekkor már 30 000 fő körül mozgott. 1945-ben a Szovjetunióhoz csatolták (Ukrán Szovjet Szocialista Köztársaság), 1991 óta pedig Ukrajnához tartozik. – A szerk.], onnan vitték el. Rendes esküvő volt [lásd: házasság, esküvői szertartás], szép fehér ruha volt rajta. Mikor ment ki a kapun a templomból, akkor konfettit dobáltak. Annyira tetszett, voltam olyan öt-hat éves. Jó kaják voltak akkor, szóval jól buliztam. De anyám mindig mondta: viselkedni kell! Hát viselkedni kellett, nem szabadott rendetlenkedni.

Én mindig szerettem dolgozni, és mindig volt munkám. Mindent elvállaltam. Az első munkám az 14 éves koromban volt, mikor az elemit elvégeztem. Amikor végeztem, elmentem egy családhoz két ikergyerekre vigyázni. Az anyjuk tüdőbajos volt. Olyan 11 évesek voltak, én voltam 14. Vigyázni kellett rájuk, olyan volt, mint mikor a nagy testvér vigyáz a kisebbre. Ott adtak enni, adtak tiszta ruhát, nem volt semmi gond velem. Takarítani nem kellett, mert én is gyerek voltam. Bár akkor már takarítottam otthon, korán kezdtem, keveset játszottam, sokat kellett otthon dolgozni.

Aztán mikor már nagyobb voltam, a Fő utcán kezdtem el dolgozni egy kalaposboltban, elsőrendű helyen. Nagyon meg voltak velem elégedve. Olyan boldog voltam. Ez egy jó hely volt. És így összeszedve a filléreket, mentem ipariskolába tanulni. Kalaposságot tanultam. Kérdezte anyám, mi akarsz lenni? Varrónő akarsz lenni vagy masamód? Mondom, masamód, az olyan jól hangzott akkor. Női kalapos. Bár varrónőnek is biztos jó lettem volna. Mert az alapja már megvolt. Otthon láttam.

Én tudtam a magyarul, mert anyám magyar anyanyelvű volt, de nem tudtam írni, csak úgy megtanultam anyámtól beszélni. Aztán beírattak ruszin iskolába, és ott elvégeztem nyolc osztályt ruszinul. Később az ipariskolában már tanultuk a magyart. Magyarul kellett iskolába járni, magyarul kellett tanulni, és akkor megtanultam a magyart. Jól mentek a dolgok, nem volt semmi bajom. Akkor ha volt munka, akkor nem volt semmi baj.

Hála istennek, nem voltak konfliktusaink Huszton. Mert nekünk mindegy volt, hogy zsidó vagy nem zsidó. Olyan szerencsések voltunk, anyám mindenkivel jóban volt. Jöttek, tessék megvarrni a nadrágot. A térdénél kiszakította a gyerek a nadrágot, tessék már megcsinálni. Péntek este mindig volt kalács nálunk. És akkor kaptak a gyerekek egy karéj kalácsot. Anyám meg megcsinálta a nadrágot a gyerekeknek, és hát nem is fizettek. És ez így ment.

Nem éreztem azt, hogy minket valaki idegen bántana, senki, soha. Soha senki nem mondta énrám, hogy „büdös zsidó”. Szegény anyám, de sokat segített ilyen apróságokat. Parasztoknak, szegényeknek.

Az volt nehéz, hogy mi magyarok voltunk. Voltak ott asszonyok, rendes asszonyok, keresztények, akik szerettek volna anyámmal beszélgetni, de nem tudtak magyarul, csak ruszinul. Ruszin volt a többség. Anyukám nem tudott ruszinul. Vagyis nagyon rosszul beszélt ruszinul. Ez volt a nehézség. Egyéb semmi.

Sok zsidó is volt Huszton. A zsidók általában kereskedelemmel foglalkoztak, üzleteltek, az asszonyok többnyire nem dolgoztak. Anyám dolgozott, mert apám beteg volt egy időben, és meg kellett tanulnia varrni, hogy valamiből megéljünk. A gazdagabb zsidók meg olyan furán viselkedtek a szegényekkel.

Huszton volt vagy három Mermelstein család. Hallottam, hogy Munkácson is voltak, meg Beregszászon is voltak. Az egyik kibucban van egy névsor a vészkorszakban megöltekről, és apám neve is benne van. És egy csomó Mermelstein van a listán. Onnan tudom, Munkácson is voltak. Ezek általában gazdagok voltak. Fások, fakereskedők voltak, mindenféle kereskedelemmel foglalkoztak. Akkor földdel foglalkoztak, üzletük volt, fűszerüzletük, csemegeüzletük. És az egyik osztálytársamat is Mermelsteinnek hívták, én szegény voltam, ő gazdag volt. Mikor ipari tanuló voltam, bejött az üzletbe kékrókával a nyakán [A kékróka kékbe játszó színű szürke sarki róka prémjéből készült nyakbavaló, az első világháború után igen drága prémféle volt Európában. – A szerk.] – mert elegáns negyedben volt a kalapos üzlet –, és odaszólt nekem: Jó napot! Nem köszöntem neki vissza. Mért köszön nekem jó napot, amikor nyolc évig együtt jártunk iskolába? De láttam őt, mikor nagyon szerencsétlen volt.

Amikor a magyarok bejöttek hozzánk Husztra [lásd: első bécsi döntés], jött a zsidótörvény [lásd: zsidótörvények Magyarországon]. Anyám nagy magyar volt. Csütörtöki nap volt. Jönnek a magyarok, jönnek a magyarok! – mondta az anyám. Olyan boldog volt, hogy jöttek a magyarok, lesz kivel beszélni. Erdélyben sok magyar volt. Huszton sokkal kevesebb. Megcsinálta a kovászt csütörtök délután, utána elment a városházára fogadni őket. Hát nem sokáig örülhetett.

Jött a sírás, mikor majdnem egyszerre el kellett menni mind a három gyerekének! És jó, hogy elmentünk, mert életben maradtunk. Ha ott maradunk, akkor biztos nem éltük volna túl. Meg munkánk sem volt, nem volt mit enni. Bejöttek a magyarok, kellettek a papírok, hogy magyarok vagyunk. Én elindultam a rokonokhoz, hogy meglegyenek a papírok. Összeszedtem a papírokat. De közben ott voltam pár hetet a rokonoknál. Majd szétszedtek, hogy itt van az Olgica, Esztinek a lánya, engem még soha nem láttak. Pedig én Bikszádon születtem, én is erdélyi vagyok.

Összeszedtem az állampolgárságit, és egy darabig csend volt. 1944-ben a magyar állampolgársággal együtt megölték szinte az egész családot.

Apámat 1941-ben ölték meg, Prágából vitték el, és nem tudtunk róla semmit. Később megtudtuk, hogy Theresienstadtba vitték. Most láttam a múzeumot, voltam Izraelben. Egy kibucban csináltak egy múzeumot, csak azokról akik Theresienstadtban voltak, és ott van az emléktáblája apámnak. Az öcsém találta meg.

És akkor ott maradt anyám három gyerekkel. Igaz, hogy már nagyocskák voltunk [A három testvér 1921-ben, 1923-ban, illetőleg 1926-ban született. – A szerk.]. Az öcsém, Ignác elemista volt, mikor jöttek a zsidótörvények. Kidobták az iskolából, és nem tanulhatott. Én nem dolgozhattam. A bátyámat, Jakabot (későbbi nevén Jacket) meg behívták munkaszolgálatra Kőszegre. Anyám munkáját is elvették, addig egy varrodában volt bedolgozó varrónő. Akinek dolgozott, az is egy zsidó kisvállalkozó volt, volt egy üzlete, de az is megszűnt.

Volt, aki fölakasztotta magát. Volt egy nagyon aranyos fűszeres szomszédunk, az már idős volt, és amikor mondták, hogy viszik az embereket, se szó, se beszéd, fölakasztotta magát. Szabó Zoli bácsinak hívták. Nagyon jó szomszéd volt. Elég sok szegény ember lakott arra, és ő pénz nélkül adta ki az árut, felírta egy kis füzetbe. És azt mondta az illetőnek, hogy fizethet a jövő héten vagy két hét múlva, és megbízott benne. Így tartotta fönn az üzletet. A szegény ember mindig kifizette az adósságot. Ez volt az a bácsi, akinél gyerekkoromban cukorkát vásároltam, és újságpapírba csomagolta a cukorkát.

19 éves voltam, amikor el kellett jönni Husztról. 19 éves koromig egy zsidónál dolgoztam, aki női kalapos volt. Bezárták az üzletet, három segédet elküldött, engem megtartott. A lakásán, egy eldugott kis sötét szobában, félhomályban dolgoztunk neki. Nem tudom pontosan, úgy emlékszem, hogy körülbelül egy évet, de lehet, hogy kevesebb volt. A lényeg az, voltam, hogy dolgozhattam.

Aztán még sokkal nehezebb idők lettek. A bátyám munkaszolgálatban nemhogy nem keresett pénzt, hanem küldeni kellett neki meleg sálat, meleg kesztyűt, meleg ruhafélét. Az öcsém meg semmit nem tudott még.

Erdélyben egyik nagybátyám, Dezső bácsi az anyjánál nyaralt, és ott volt anyám is. Dezső bácsi azt üzente: ,,Olgikám, menj föl Pestre, ott van nekem egy lányom, nagyon ügyes és nagyon szorgalmas, fog neked segíteni állást találni." Akkor jöttem föl Pestre. Az öcsémet, aki 16 éves volt, magammal hoztam. Kivettünk egy hónapos szobát a Dob utcában. Aztán találtunk egy jobbat a Kossuth Lajos utcában, a volt Úttörő Áruház mellett. Az öcsémmel nem bírtam. Mindig fölugrált a mozgó villamosra. Elküldtem Dezső bácsihoz, aki Dombóváron volt kántortanító. És a saját tíz gyereke mellé odafogadta az öcsémet. Ott akkor még lehetett tanulni, nem kérdezték, hogy zsidó vagy keresztény-e az a gyerek. Az öcsémet villanyszerelőnek íratta be a nagybátyám [lásd: ipariskolák]. És aztán munkaügyben jártak egy sváb embernél. Ott előjött, hogy te milyen vallású vagy. Azt mondta az öcsém – nem beszélt jól magyarul, mert mi otthon jiddisül beszéltünk –, hogy zsidó vagyok. És akkor a segéd megrúgta, hogy miért mondta meg, hogy zsidó. Azért nem rúgták ki, mert amúgy szorgalmas gyerek volt, hagyták, hogy dolgozzon. Az öcsém ott tanult villanyszerelést. Akkoriban anyámnak már nem adtak munkát, a bátyám munkaszolgálaton volt.

Dezső bácsi tanácsára fölkerestem lányát, Olgát, azt mondtam neki, hogy „szervusz, én vagyok az Eszti néninek a lánya". Anyám Olgának nagynénje volt. Erre ő: ,,Már hallottam rólad, gyere, Olgicám" – mindig így nevezett – csinálok egy forró fürdőt. De ő nem csak velem volt ilyen, mindenkivel ilyen volt. És amikor kitört a háború, akkor elvitték munkaszolgálatra a férjét az én későbbi férjemmel együtt. Az ő férje meg az én férjem testvérek voltak, és elvettek két unokatestvért, mert mi unokatestvérek vagyunk Olgával.

Mikor megkerestem Olgit, ott lakott a későbbi férjem, az Olgi sógora. Így ismerkedtünk meg. Olyan boldog volt, mikor meglátott engem. Túlzottan tudott szeretni. Annyira szeretett, hogy mindig velem akart lenni, az én hangomat akarta hallani.

1942-ben, amikor feljöttem Pestre, már kalapos voltam. Mint mindenki, kerestem munkát. Volt pár rongyom, azt igyekeztem rendben tartani. Vásárlások nem nagyon voltak. Volt egy spirituszfőzőm, azon főztem magamnak a reggeli teát, meg volt egy telefon. Nem nagyon használtam. Már nem voltam olyan kislány, már 19 éves voltam. Rosszul fizettek, alig tudtam az albérletet fizetni. Nem voltam sokáig az első kalaposboltban, csak rövid ideig. Aztán elhelyezkedtem máshova, a Vámház körútra. Ott nagyon jó dolgom volt. Sokat kellett dolgozni, de jól kerestem. A tulajdonos egy házaspár volt, a férfi zsidó, a nő meg német volt. Addig dolgoztam ott, amíg el nem vittek.

Az öcsém Dezső bácsinál lakott, de ellátta magát. Lassan ők is elszegényedtek. Az a pár év nagyon nehéz volt. Egyszer csak becsukódott az ember előtt minden ajtó. Nem tudott dolgozni, nem tudott kenyeret venni, tejet venni, semmit.

Anyám írt: ha tudsz, menj ki a Telekire, és vegyél a bátyádnak egy nadrágot, és keressél valami lábravalót is neki.  Kimentem a Telekire – az ócskapiacra –, és vettem neki egy nadrágot. Még azt is írta anyám: nehogy baja legyen a testvérednek, mert munkaszolgálatban csak egy levelet szabad kapni, és a többit nem adják át, ezért ha van valami üzennivalód, vagy tudsz valamit küldeni, akkor írjál nekem haza, és én majd továbbítom a testvérednek. Pesten összeszedtem egy kis pénzt. Nagyon szerencsés voltam, mindig volt munkám. 28 pengőt kerestem egy héten. Elintéztem, elküldtem.

Nekem ne küldjél semmit, írta anyám, mert nekem megvan mindenem. Miből van neki mindene? Az állásából kirúgták, mert zsidó volt. Nem tudtam elképzelni, hogy honnan van neki mindene. És még azon a nyáron – 1942-ben volt ez –, az öcsém, Ignác hazautazott, és  kiderült, honnan van  anyámnak. Elment cselédnek.

Az öcsém meglátta, amúgy is érzékeny gyerek volt, és úgy sírt. Mondom, mit kell azon sírni? Örülj, hogy van munkája, és van ennivalója. Aztán túltette magát rajta, de nagyon fájt a szíve. Aztán csak eltűnt anyám is. Elvitték Auschwitzba. Krematóriumba került, onnan tudom, hogy én is Auschwitzban voltam, és ott találkoztam egy osztálytársnőmmel, ő mondta, hogy az ő anyjával együtt látta, tudta, hogy kit merre sorolnak be, besorolták őket a krematóriumba. Ez volt a vége.

Dezső bácsi gyerekei, Miksa, Herskovits Miksa, aztán a Herskovits Jenő, Lali és Jolán följöttek Pestre. Akkor jöttek, mikor már valamit sejtettek. Aki nem jött fel, az meghalt.

Olga, akihez én jöttem, egyedül maradt a gyerekekkel, a férje munkaszolgálatba került. Tíz évvel idősebb volt, mint én, én voltam a kis Olgi. Varrónő volt, nagyon jó varrónő. Rotschild Kláránál [Divattervező, 1934-ben divatszalont nyitott, 1945 után állami alkalmazottként a Clara Szalon művészeti vezetője volt. – A szerk.] tanult. Ha varrt egy ruhát magának, nekem ugyanolyan ruhát varrt. Annyira jóban voltunk, egyforma ruhát is viseltünk. Volt neki két kislánya, az egyik négyéves volt 1944-ben, a másik két éves. Mind a kettő elpusztult. Pesten bujkáltak. Bombatámadás érte azt a házat, ami mellett bujkáltak, és akkor bementek a házba. Ott voltak egy pár órát, aztán elindultak az utcán. Egy keresztény nő megszólította Olgát, mondta, hogy riadó van, miért mászkál az utcán. Befogadta őket. A nő férje nagyon haragudott, hogy befogadta. „Nekünk sincs ennivalónk, mért hozod ide az asszonyt két gyerekkel? Nem tud a gyerekeknek enni adni!" - mondta. Nem is tudott, és éhen halt a lány. A Gabi. A másik gyerek, Zsuzsa kórházban halt meg, valami betegsége volt.

A háború után elköltöztek a férjével Mezőhegyesre, ott volt főkönyvelő a férfi, de 1956-ban kirúgták az állásából. Fogták magukat, és kimentek Izraelbe. A háború után született két gyerekük, sikerültek voltak, ügyesek, tanultak. Az egyik hat éves volt, a másik tizenegy éves, amikor kimentek Izraelbe. A fiú a 21. születésnapján hősi halált halt. Olga volt a kibuc nagyasszonya, mindig sokan voltak nála, mert nagyon szerették, és dolgozott élete végéig. Nem tudott otthon maradni. Az Olgi ott Izraelben is varrt. A férje, Sanyi meg narancsüzemben dolgozott szegény kint.

Itt, Pesten később vitték az embereket pár héttel. Összesen talán egy hónap alatt szedték össze a zsidókat és vitték el. [A Budapesten élő zsidók többsége megmenekült. 1944. december 5-ig be kellett költözniük az akkor fölállított gettóba – mintegy 75 ezer embert zsúfoltak itt össze, a gettó január 18-i fölszabadulásáig mintegy 5000 ember halt meg a gettóban; mások bujkáltak, esetleg sikerült bejutniuk valamelyik védett házba, de ez sem volt garancia a megmenekülésre. Budapest fölszabadulásáig több ezer embert hurcoltak el munkaszolgálatra, hajtottak el halálmenetekben Ausztriába, hurcoltak koncentrációs táborokba vagy öltek meg a nyilasok. De olyan méretű, szervezett, koncentrációs táborba deportálásra, mint ami a vidéki zsidósággal történt 1944 májusától, Budapesten már nem volt idő. – A szerk.] Nagyon gyorsan ment. Engem szintén kitettek az állásomból. Jött egy nyilas, és azt mondta, hogy egy negyed órán belül csomagoljam össze a legszükségesebb dolgaimat, és jöjjek vele. Minek, hová? Majd meglátja. Összecsomagoltam, elvitt Csepelre. A csepeli téglagyárban dolgoztam egy darabig. Ott találkoztam egy lánnyal, aki élete végéig nagyon jó barátnőm volt. Mindvégig együtt voltunk. Ő volt dr. Mándy Stefánia, művészettörténész [Mándy Stefánia – költő, művészettörténész, műfordító. – A szerk.]. Stefka már 25 éves volt, művészettörténész lett, már tanított, mielőtt behívták volna munkaszolgálatra, már kész ember volt. És a jó barát életet is tud adni. Nem csak én, egy páran életben maradtunk azért, mert sikerült összeszedni néhány embert magunk köré, akikkel nem csak arról beszéltünk, hogy jaj, de éhes vagyok, de jó lenne egy kis mákos tészta. Mándy Stefánia előadásokat tartott nekünk, sok mindent tudott, amit mi nem. 20 év körüliek voltunk, fiatalkák. És ez volt az, ami megmentette az életünket.

Csepelről Budakalászra vittek minket hajóval. Ott voltunk öt napig a szabad ég alatt. Végig esett az eső. Előbb elvették tőlünk a gyűrűt, az órát. Menyasszony voltam már, a karikagyűrűt, a láncot, mindent elvettek. Ruha csak annyi maradt, ami rajtam volt. Aztán bevittek minket egy szobába. Azt mondták, ha valakinek kell vécére menni, akkor menjen. Sorban elmentünk vécére, és az egyik lány 50 pengőt eldugott a vécében. Akkor összefogtak minket, és bevittek egy másik szobába. Csendőrök, tollas csendőrök jöttek, és elkezdtek minket verni. Csupa lány volt. És csak vertek minket, mert senki nem szólalt meg, nem is volt köztünk az illető, aki elrejtette a pénzt.

Aztán feltettek minket arra a bizonyos Auschwitzba menő vagonra. Öt napig voltunk vonaton. Illemhely nem volt, fekhelyről nem is beszélve. Napokig ott voltunk bezárva, se enni, se innivaló, semmi. Reggel adtak valami löttyöt. Volt, aki egy gyerekkel a kezében megbolondult ott a vagonban, volt, aki meghalt. Aztán megérkeztünk. Ott aztán elkezdődött a szelektálás. Egyik jobbra, másik balra. Akit munkaképesnek találtak, azt munkára vitték. Levágták a hajunkat kopaszra, levették az egy szem ruhát, és adtak valami rongyot. Nekem például egy fekete csipkeruhát adtak, és aztán mikor jöttek a nagy melegek, ráragadt a csipke a nyakamra, a testemre. Tudtam nevetni, hogy ki vagyok csipkézve.

Nagyon szomjasak voltunk. Már rég kiszálltunk a vagonból, már megfürdettek minket, már lenyírták a hajunkat, adtak csipkeruhát, és még mindig nagyon szomjasak voltunk. Egyszer csak hoztak egy vödör vizet, mindenki rámászott arra a vödörre. Nekem is jutott egy korty víz. Én életemben nem fogom elfelejteni, hogy az a víz milyen finom volt, soha! Soha ilyen jóízűen nem ettem, nem ittam, talán ez mentette meg az életemet. A szomjúságba majdnem belehaltam, nem csak én, mások is. Ezt külön büntetésnek éreztük.

Sokat éheztünk, vertek minket. Úgy beverték a fejemet egyszer egy nagy bottal hátulról, a barátnőim csak nézték, hogy éltem túl. Nagyon éhesek voltunk, lehajoltam egy krumplihéjért, és ezért verték be a fejemet. Sorban: elvittek terhes anyákat, nem hozták őket vissza. Gyerekkel kísérleteztek. Négyszer voltam a Mengele előtt. És mind a négyszer életben maradtam. Ott volt a teherautó. Aki nem tetszett neki, akiről úgy látta, hogy nem munkaképes, rögtön felrakták a teherautóra. És a harmadik szelektálásnál már nagyon sovány voltam.

Mindig gyűjtögettem – hiába vertek fejbe – a krumplihéjat. Sáros volt, de ettem. Volt egy kis csomagban félretéve, nagyon féltem a szelektálás előtt, megettem gyorsan. Stefka szegény, az meg mindannyiunk nevében beszélt, amikor osztották az ételt. Egyszer káposztaleves vagy krumplileves volt, de krumpli nem volt benne. És káposzta se. Azt mondja Stefka: nincs benne krumpli! Akkora pofont adtak neki! Nagyon sajnáltuk. Másnap megint sorban álltunk a kis csajkánkkal. Az ételosztó kérdezi: elég a krumpli? Azt mondta a Stefka: elég. Kapta volna tovább a pofont.

Volt olyan, hogy hajnalban kizavartak minket egy szál ruhában. Üvöltöttek és vertek minket. Pocsolyát meregettünk, én egy forgácsdarabbal piszkáltam a megfagyott szemetet, hogy könnyebb legyen fölszedni kézzel. Jött az őr. Akkora pofont adott váratlanul, azt mondja: dobd el azt a forgácsot, szabad kézzel csináld! Eldobtam. Sokan megbolondultak. Volt egytestvérpár is, az egyikük megbolondult. Tehetetlenül nézte a testvére, nem tudott mit tenni. Makói kislányok voltak.

Összejöttünk és hallgattuk Mándy Stefániát. Nagyon tetszett, amiket mondott, és nagyon büszke voltam, hogy közel vagyok hozzá. Nagyon okos volt, már érett ember. Hoffmann Klári meg franciául tanított minket. Úgyhogy volt egy kis kultúra, és az nagyon sokat segített. Nekem olyan idegen volt a francia nyelv. Már tudtam jiddisül, magyarul ruszinul és németül. De a francia nekem valahogy nagyon nehéz volt. Nem jutottam a francia nyelvvel semmire. Úgyhogy nem is nagyon érdeklődtem utána.

Sokszor tervezgettünk. Ki mit enne, ki mit főzne. Az egyik ezt enne, a másik azt enne. Nagyon rossz volt, ha kajáról beszéltünk.

Tizenketten feküdtünk egy priccsen. Ha az egyik meg akart fordulni, akkor mind a tizenkettőnek kellett fordulnia, mint a heringeket, úgy helyeztek el minket. A vécé messze volt, külön volt. Jártunk eleget a vécére, mert nagyon sokat fáztunk éjszaka. Hidegek voltak az éjszakák. Láttam a krematóriumot, a füstöt, és mindig kerestem az anyámat. Nagyon anyásak voltunk, az az igazság. Mindig kerestem az anyámat, a háború után is az utcán, mindig kerestem egy kendős asszonyt.

Aztán elvittek minket munkára Auschwitzból Liebauba [Az alsó-sziléziai kisvárosban, Liebauban /ma Lubowka, Lengyelország/ a gross-roseni koncentrációs tábor egyik altábora működött. – A szerk.]. Pár hónapot voltam Auschwitzban. Jelentkeztünk munkára, és egy gyárba kerültünk. Örültünk, hogy dolgoztunk. Mikor először adtak enni, rendes gulyást kaptunk. És olyan nagy boldogság volt, hogy hónapok óta végre eszünk valamit, hogy azt nem lehet elmondani. Mondtuk egymásnak, Istenem, milyen szerencsések vagyunk, milyen jó lesz itt nekünk. Volt melegvíz, igaz rozsdás volt, de az is valami. Körülbelül egy fél évet ott vészeltünk át. És milyen tetvesek voltunk, és éhesek, és rongyosak! Minél többen voltunk, annál könnyebben bírtuk azt az éhezést és verést és azt a hajtást,  Mindent kibírtunk. Nagyon sokan kidőltek, sokan meghaltak.

Egy fegyverládagyárban dolgoztunk, nehéz fúróval kellett azokat a csatokat vagy mi a fenét fúrni. Olyan nehéz volt, hogy a nyakamon keletkezett egy nagy tályog. Volt ott egy betegszoba, oda beraktak. Mit ad Isten, jött a Mengele oda is utánunk. Na, mondom, megtalált. Biztos voltam benne, hogy elvisz. Nem vitt el. És ez valami olyan isteni csoda. Biztos, hogy Istentől volt, mert ilyen nem fordulhat elő. Hogy valaki ott fekszik betegen, és ott hagyja. Igaz, már közel volt a felszabadulás, de hogy ilyesmi megtörténik? Csak kevés ilyen csoda van.

A felszabadulás nagyon jó volt. Én vettem észre, mondtam, gyorsan, gyorsan gyertek ide! Akkor hányan voltunk abban a teremben? Voltunk vagy harmincan. És akkor mindenki elöl akart lenni. Látták, hogy dobálja a sapkáját egy francia katona. Voltak ott francia hadifoglyok is. Bejött hozzánk. Addigra a németek elszaladtak, nem volt egy sem. Olyan boldogan fogadtuk őket! Azt nem lehet elmondani. Én megálmodtam a felszabadulást. Azt álmodtam, hogy tavasz van, és virágzik az orgona. És Jean, az egyik katona meg még többen szaladgálnak az orgonával vidáman, és mindenkinek osztanak. És ez így volt. Májusban virágzik az orgona. Megálmodtam az igazságot! Azóta már nagyon sokszor gondoltam rá. Ott voltunk még három hétig. Volt mosakodás, ruhát kerestünk, nem volt sehol sem. Ennivalót kerestünk. Ebbe is majdnem belehaltunk. Teleettem magam melasszal. Ilyen sárga cukor, félkész cukor. Az ember csak falta. Ettem, és olyan rosszul voltam. Jaj, de nem csak én, a többiek is.

Aztán már módjával, kevesebbet ettünk. Nem tudnám megmondani, hogy mit ettünk. Akkor már nem figyeltünk annyira az evésre, hanem arra, hogyan szervezzük meg a hazautazásunkat, meg egyáltalán arra, hogy emberi körülmények között aludjunk. Kerestünk egy elhagyott lakást. Találtunk is, egy elhagyott német lakást. Szép, polgári lakás volt, és vászonfüggöny volt az ablakon. Leszedtük a függönyt, Kati, a másik nagyon jó barátnőm,  tudott varrni, én is tudtam. És a függönyökből varrtunk magunknak ruhát. Eldobtuk azokat a rongyokat, amik rajtunk voltak. Jött egy nő, kérdezte, mit csinálunk. Mondtuk, ruhát varrunk. Hogy miért vettük le a függönyt, ha hazajön a gazdája, mit fog szólni. Mondtuk, a felét vettük le, ha fáj neki a függöny, nekünk sokkal jobban fáj a nagy veszteség és a bánat. Fogott egy vázát és földhöz vágta. Mondtuk: Magának a függöny fáj, nekünk meg a hozzátartozóink fájnak meg a mi fiatal életünk. Nézze meg, hogy nézünk ki. Nincs egy ruhánk, semmi. És akkor megdöbbent a nő, és elment. Aztán jött egy orosz autó. Megérkeztek az oroszok, és adtak nekünk enni. Vánszorogtunk. Elkísértek. Így jöttünk haza.

Elkísértük a Stefkát, először őt, ő volt az, aki vezette a csoportot, és ő volt, aki Auschwitzban kapta a pofonokat sokszor helyettünk is. Úgy sajnáltuk őt, úgy kiállt a többiekért. Az édesapját megölték, az édesanyja szerencsére életben maradt. Volt még egy társunk, a Winkler Kati, őt is hazakísértük, a Sütő utcában lakott. Mind a két szülője életben maradt. Itthon voltak a gettóban. A másik Katinak is megölték az apját, a mostohaanyját, édesanyja már a háború előtt meghalt. Megölték az egyik testvérét, és szegény a háború után elvesztette a másik fiútestvérét is, ő betegségben halt meg. És a többieknek is ugyanúgy megölték a hozzátartozóit, a többi is olyan árva volt, mint én.

Időnként találkoztunk a háború után, és ez nagyon jó volt. Évente, és ahogy teltek az évek, sorban elmentek, meghaltak. Korán haltak meg, elég fiatalon. Mi hárman, a Kati, a Stefka meg én sokáig élünk. Stefka is 83 éves volt, mikor meghalt. A Kati fiatalabb, mint én, két évvel, én is már 81 éves vagyok. Sose hittem volna, hogy ennyi szenvedés után megélem a 81 évet.

A háború után itt voltunk Pesten egy albérletben a barátnőimmel. A vőlegényem még nem jött haza. A háború alatt vőlegényem volt, munkaszolgálatos volt, aztán Mauthausenbe került, és nem vették el tőle a képemet. „Mindig reád gondolok, drága szerelmem, és könnyű lesz a legnagyobb szenvedés is. Budapest, 1944. június 28.” Voltak még további szerelmes levelek, csak azokat nem találom. Tőlem elvették anyám utolsó képét, úgy sírtam. Hát, éltünk egyik napról a másikra. Az volt a szerencsém, hogy tudtam alkalmazkodni az emberekhez, és tudtam úgy beszélni, amit akartak hallani.

És a Joint adott ennivalót meg valami ruhát. Kaptam egy kabátot, egy ruhát meg ennivalót. Ki volt írva a névsor, néztem, esetleg nem találok-e valakit. Kerestem a bátyámat meg az öcsémet. Egyszer csak látom – Mermelstein Ignác, Prága. Olyan boldog voltam! Nem tudom, hogy került oda. Gyorsan Pestre jött, és találkoztunk itt a Bethlen téren. Aztán elkezdtük keresni a bátyámat. Vártuk, hogy majd csak hazajön. Szép sorban jött haza, aki kibírta.

Egy nap mentünk a vőlegényemmel, aki akkor már itthon volt, a Dohány utcai zsidó templomnál, és valaki kiabál az utca másik oldaláról: Olga! Az Aréna úti [ma Dózsa György út] iskolában van a Jack (akkor még Jakab)! Hát azt se tudtam örömömben, hogy fussak, hogy meglássam őt minél előbb. Odamentem, Úristen, hogy nézel te ki? – kérdeztem tőle, és elkezdtem sírni. Eltolt magától. Mit sírsz, azt mondja, örülj, hogy élek. Tífuszon estem keresztül. Tudod, hogy hullottak az emberek? Mint a legyek. Legyél boldog, hogy így látsz engem, hogy föl tudtam kelni, és haza tudtam jönni. Mert a többiekre rágyújtották a lágert, és elégették őket.

Az öcsém Theresienstadtban volt. A bátyám Kőszegen, munkaszolgálaton. Aztán Bergen-Belsenben. A család szétszóródott, és ezt el kell viselni. Nem is az volt a legnagyobb szenvedés, hogy nem vagyunk együtt, hanem az, mikor megtudtam, hogy anyámat elégették Auschwitzban. Láttam a krematóriumot, de nem akartam elhinni, hogy embereket és gyerekeket égetnek. Hosszú évekig nem beszéltek gyerekekről. Másfélmillió gyereket elégettek, ártatlan gyerekeket! Meg öregeket, és erről senki nem beszélt. Másfélmillió gyereknek az emléke. Szabad ég alatt, teljesen szabadban, mintha szabad lenne az ég, és csillagok, mind csillagokká változtak a gyerekek. És hosszú évtizedek óta minden nap folyamatosan olvassák a neveket. Én ott voltam a Jad Vasemben. Rettenetes, rettenetes.

Van nekem egy listám. Mártírjaink halálának az 50. évfordulóján csináltam egy feljegyzést a gyerekeimnek és az unokámnak. „Mártírjaink halálának 50. évfordulójára, hogy ne felejtsétek a régi áldozatokat soha!” És akkor itt elkezdtem sorolni, hogy – Herskovits Eszter, 49 éves volt, Huszton élt, Auschwitzban ölték meg. Ő volt az édesanyám. Édesapám, Mermelstein Márton, 44 éves, Prágából vitték el, Theresienstadtban ölték meg 1941-ben. Nagyanyám, Stern Júlia, 83 éves volt, Remetemezőn élt, Erdélyben, Auschwitzban ölték meg. Édesanyám testvérei: heten voltak, hatot öltek meg közülük. Herskovits Sámuelt (65 éves volt) és feleségét (63 éves volt) vitték Auschwitzba, egyik fiát, Lászlót, 43 évesen munkaszolgálatra vitték. Nem tudom, hol halt meg. És volt még egy fia, Ernő, ő Salgótarjánban élt, szintén munkaszolgálatos volt, a feleségét, Elzát Auschwitzba vitték 32 évesen. A gyerekük háromévesen került Auschwitzba. Herskovits Dezsőt (62 éves volt) és feleségét (58 éves volt) Dombóvárról vitték el Auschwitzba. Volt tíz gyerekük, ők Pesten voltak, a tíz gyerekből, hála istennek, csak egy halt egy pusztult el, Károly (26 éves). Őt Dombóvárról behívták munkaszolgálatra. Hanna (58 éves volt), aki Kolozsváron élt, két gyerekével, Fridával (32 éves volt) és Mártonnal (28 éves volt) vitték Auschwitzba. Sárát (56 éves volt) Szinérváraljáról vitték el. Fáni nénit (52 éves volt), a férjét, Sámuel Lajost (52) és két gyereküket, Évát és Józsefet Remetemezőről vitték el. Tehát meghalt anyámnak az összes testvére, kivéve a legkisebbet.

Apám részéről, ez kicsit hiányos: 49 éves Libi nagynéném, apám testvére, Auschwitzban. Lánya, Judit nyolc évesen, Auschwitzban. A férje 57 évesen, Auschwitzban. Még egy kislány, az Olga, kilencévesen, Auschwitzban. Stern Hermann, apám nagybátyja, Theresienstadtban halt meg, Érsekújvárról vitték el.

Férjem, Bányai János halottai vészkorszakban:  apukája, Brand Adolf, 62 évesen, Auschwitzban, édesanyja, Kálmán Judit, 53 évesen, szintén Auschwitzban halt meg. Nagyanyja, Kálmán Zsigmondné, 83 évesen, Auschwitzban. Nagybátyja, Brand Zsigmond, 64 évesen, Auschwitzban. Brand Béla, a férjem unokatestvére munkaszolgálatos volt, nem tudom, hol. Kálmán Béla, anyjának a testvére és felesége 50 évesen, Auschwitzban halt meg. Marika kislányuk tíz évesen, szintén Auschwitzban. Bányai Gabriella, a férjem testvérének az első kislánya, hatéves volt, itt halt meg a bujkálás alatt, és meghalt a kisebbik lányuk, Zsuzsika is. Ide írtam, hogy a fentieket lejegyezte egy Auschwitzból megmenekült, 11506-os számmal megbélyegzett asszony. Ez maradt meg nekem. Rettenetes. Mindőjüket ismertem.

A férjem, Bányai János nagykanizsai, született 1916-ban, 87 évesen halt meg tavaly. Most egy éve. Eredetileg órás volt, aztán elvégezte a közgazdasági egyetemet, aztán elvégzett egy vasipari technikumot, szeretett tanulni, sokat tanult. Végül órás volt mindvégig. Volt műszaki vezető is, de ő annyira szerette az órásságot, hogy lemondott. Órásként is ment nyugdíjba, szegény. Élete vége felé végén megvakult, sokat kínlódott.

Ők eredetileg Brandok voltak. 1929-ben ki akartak vándorolni Amerikába, mert már voltak Amerikában rokonaik. Azt hiszem, ketten vagy hárman voltak Amerikában, és ők is készültek kivándorolni. De valamiért nem sikerült, nem tudom, miért. Akkor magyarosítottak Bányaira. És 1929 óta ők Bányaiak.

A szüleinek volt egy kis fűszerüzlete Nagykanizsán, nagyon jól ment a bolt. A dédit úgy hívták, hogy Markovics Lina. Kálmán Zsigmondné Markovics Lina. Az anyósomat úgy hívták, hogy Kálmán Gizella. Az apósom Brand Adolf volt. A férjemnek volt egy bátyja, Bányai Sándor, a felesége Bányai Sándorné az unokatestvérem, Olga. Apósomat, anyósomat és anyósom anyját is megölték a háborúban.

Az esküvőmön 1945-ben mind vidámak voltunk. Pedig sírni kellett volna az esküvőn. Nem sírtunk, mert valaki mindig direkt csinálta, hogy ne legyen sírás. Úgysem tudunk ellene tenni semmit sem. Egy kölcsönruhában voltam a saját esküvőmön, az unokatestvérem barátnőjétől kaptam. Ő kapott egy sötétkék ruhát – volt egy ilyen segélyszervezet, attól –, és azt kölcsönadta. Zsidó esküvő volt, a Dohány utcai templomban esküdtünk. Nem volt fehér ruha meg fátyol, hanem az a sötétkék kölcsönruha, az is megfelelt. Új cipőt tudtam venni, a cipő az a sajátom volt. Meg aztán a sajátom volt az a pár barát, aki körülöttem volt. Semmi nevetnivaló nem volt akkoriban, de vidámak voltunk, hogy megértük azt is, valaki esküszik közülünk. Ki hitte volna, hogy valaha is hazajövünk. Mindenki csak a halálra gondolt ott, főleg, mikor láttam a krematóriumot füstölni.

Úgyhogy én voltam az első, aki sietett férjhez menni. A férjem mindjárt odaköltözött, ahogy hazajött a munkaszolgálatból. Különben is már előtte menyasszony voltam. Akkor minden jó volt, mert szabadok voltunk. És könnyebb életre számítottunk. Azt hittük, ha Auschwitzból szabadulunk, akkor minden rendben lesz. Az én esküvőmön nem volt rokon. De ott volt az a társaság, akikkel együtt voltam Auschwitzban. És akkor így néztünk ki a háború után három hónappal. Már tudtunk enni, és tudtunk mosolyogni. Tudtunk örülni valaminek. Hogy végre valami jó kezdődik, egy új élet.

Olyan hűséges barátságok csak akkor és ott [Auschwitzban] szövődhettek. Találtam egy képet, ahol rokon nincs, csak deportáltak, barátok, akik Auschwitzban összebarátkoztak. Tartottam a kapcsolatot a lányokkal, akikkel együtt voltam Auschwitzban. Nyolcan voltunk szoros barátságban, és annyira szerettük egymást. Segítettünk egymásnak életben maradni. Azért volt jó. Nem vonultunk félre Auschwitzban, hanem az ember keresett magának valakit, akihez szóljon. A sok rossz, nehézség, szenvedés mellett jó volt, hogy ott voltunk egymásnak, mert tudtunk egy kicsit szólni egymáshoz.

Az egyik lánynak a nagybátyja kórházigazgató volt itt Pesten. Mondta a barátnőm, ha szülni mész, menj az én nagybátyámhoz, nem kell fizetni, levezeti neked a szülést ingyen. Egy évvel a háború után még nagyon nehéz világ volt. Nem tudom, hogy ki tudtam volna-e fizetni, és jólesett, hogy mondta. Mintha családon belül lettem volna.

Az én gyerekeimnek nem volt soha se nagyanyjuk, se nagyapuk. Ha akadt is egy-egy rokon, nagynéni, nagybácsi, unokatestvér, az is előbb-utóbb távol került, mert igyekezett minél messzebb menni a szülőhazájától. A férjemmel egyformán szerencsétlenül jártunk, hogy az egész családunkat kiirtották. Hogy lehet élni 80 évig? És akkor itt a csoda, hogy lehet. Ő is ideges volt, ő is beteg volt, és mégis fölneveltünk két gyereket. Ez olyan isteni csoda. Sokat szenvedtünk nagyon.

Az esküvőm után hamarosan szétszéledtek a testvéreim a világban, és sose látjuk egymást. Hiába maradtunk életben, ugyanúgy nem látom őket, mint akiket megöltek. Sokszor annyira fáj nekem. Nagyon hiányoznak. Háromszor láttam őket összesen a hatvan év alatt. Ez nagyon fájdalmas, és ahogy mi kinézünk, 80 körül már nem is fogjuk látni egymást. Az is jó, hogy néha fölhívnak. Nemrég volt a születésnapom, és fölhívtak mind a ketten. Nagyon jó volt hallani a hangjukat. Így éltem le az életemet, mert a férjem nem akart kivándorolni. A bátyám meg az öcsém elmentek egy üres zsákkal 1945-ben. Én akkor mentem férjhez. Fölkiabáltak: jössz? Mondtam, nem mehetek. Azt mondták: akkor Isten áldjon! Vittek volna engem is, de a férjem nem akart menni. Akkor még itt volt neki az egyetlen testvére. És úgy érezte, ez a hazája. Maradtunk.

A testvéreim viszont úgy érezték, nekik itt semmi keresnivalójuk nincs. Ha egy ország képes a lakosságából nem tudom, hány százezer ártatlan embert meg gyereket kiirtani, akkor nekik itt nincs keresnivalójuk. Kell nekik egy új haza, amely befogadja őket! Nekik is fájt, hogy el kellett menni, itt hagyni a barátokat, és mondom, mi nagyon összetartottunk. Persze vagyon nem volt, azt nem volt nehéz itt hagyni. Ami volt, azt széthordták, nem volt mit siratni. Auschwitzban volt mit siratni.

Elmentek Csehszlovákiába, ott voltak egy darabig. Utána Franciaországba mentek, a bátyám ott maradt öt-hat évig. Megtanult franciául. Utána Kanadába ment, ott ismerkedett meg a feleségével. Ott éltek három évig, míg összeszedtek annyi pénzt, hogy tudjanak utazni. Utána elmentek Kaliforniába, Los Angelesbe, és nagyon szépen összeszedték magukat. Volt, hogy napi húsz órát dolgozott a bátyám.

Az öcsém Izraelbe ment. Szegényt nem fogadták be sehol, mert nem ismerték. Volt ott egy nagynéni, Olga, aki soha nem látta, és nem akarta befogadni. Csak annyit engedett, hogy föltegye a padlásra a holmiját. Ez csak a Mermelstein családban fordulhatott elő. Engem a Herskovitsok olyan szeretettel fogadtak. Pedig nem voltak közeli rokonok.

Az öcsém nagyon szorgalmas volt. Először mint villanyszerelő dolgozott, egyszer baleset is érte. Akkor megírtam neki: pakolj és gyere, ha élni akarsz! Hagyta magát rábeszélni. Hazajött, de csak látogatóba. Később átképezte magát szabónak. Aztán ő is Montrealba ment, és már együtt költözött tovább a bátyámmal Los Angelesbe. Los Angelesben a legelegánsabb negyedben volt neki ruhaüzlete. Egy eladója is volt. Három fia van az egyiknek, a másiknak kettő. És egyik gyerek se lett szabó.

Ez a lakás is. Meg kellett halnia egy öregasszonynak ahhoz, hogy legyen lakásom, mert itt lakott egy öregasszony. A férjemnek egy volt munkaszolgálatos bajtársa mondta, hogy sajnos az édesanyja nem jött vissza. Üres a lakás, eladom nektek a lakást, mondta. Aztán végül egy szoba lett belőle, mert a másik szobában már laktak.

A férjemnek megölték az apját és az anyját. A férjem családja jómódú volt, üzletüket  Nagykanizsán, a kis raktárral együtt kifosztották. Ott maradt üresen a ház és az üzlet is. Mindent elvittek. Aztán 13 ezer forintért eladták a háború után a négyszobás lakást és az üzletet. Egy csendőr is jelentkezett, a szomszéd. Megmentett leglább néhány értéket, emléket a férjeméktől, s oda is adta neki. Így maradt meg a férjemnek egy dupla fedelű aranyóra, egy fülbevaló, egy aranygyűrű, és egy lánc, amit nekem adott. Nagyon megbecsültem, mert az előző láncot a csendőrök elvették tőlem, leszedték a nyakamról.

A férjem megmaradt ékszereiből 35 gramm aranyért vettük ezt a szobát. Csak ezt a szobát, a másik szobában egy társbérlő [Társbérlet – A bérlakás-gazdálkodás egyik sajátos eszköze volt a háború után, amikor (szovjet mintára) egy-egy lakásban – többnyire a háborúban elpusztultak vagy külföldre távozottak, internáltak átlagosnál nagyobb alapterületű lakásairól volt szó – több családot helyeztek el: a konyha és a mellékhelyiségek közös használatban voltak, és egy-egy család kapott kizárólagos használatra egy szobát. (Az is előfordult, hogy az eredeti tulajdonos/főbérlő mellé költöztettek további családo/ka/t egy-egy lakásba azzal az indoklással, hogy az eredeti tulajdonosnak/főbérlőnek „nem jár” akkora lakás, és az sem volt ritka, hogy  maga az eredeti lakó „vett maga mellé” társbérlőket, mielőtt a tanács kiutalta volna idegeneknek a lakás egy részét.) 1960-ban a budapesti összlakosságnak még 7,8%-a, 136 ezer ember lakott társbérletben, 1970-ben már csak 3,9%-a, 73 ezer ember. A társbérletek vagy úgy szűntek meg, hogy az egyik lakó fokozatosan hozzájutott a lakás többi részéhez, vagy a társbérletet leválasztással több önálló lakássá alakították. – A szerk.] lakott. Egy vidéki postás, a konyhában lakott a családjával, amikor idejöttünk, és a legszebb szobában nyulakat tartott. Szépen éldegéltek. Aztán jöttünk mi, és a nyulakat ki kellett telepíteni. Tizenhárom évig éltünk társbérletben.

A háború után elvégeztem egy gyors- és gépírótanfolyamot. Amikor bölcsődében dolgoztam, elvégeztem egy másik tanfolyamot, és gondozónő lettem. Ahol munkát lehetett találni, ott dolgoztam. A bölcsődében bölcsődevezető lettem, mert nagyon szorgalmas voltam. Rettenetesen igyekeztem. Aztán 30 évig dolgoztam a Zrínyi Nyomdában mint papírgazdálkodógazdálkodó. Onnan mentem nyugdíjba.

A férjem nagyon sokat volt beteg a munkaszolgálatban is, meg amikor hazajött, akkor is sokat volt akkoriban kórházban, annyira tönkrement. Nem tudott beletörődni a szülei elvesztésébe, nagyon szerette őket. Nekiállt tanulni. Dolgozott és tanult, ami nagyon megterhelte. Aztán valahogy a vallás miatt nem tudtunk kijönni. Ő ateista akart lenni, én meg zsidó akartam maradni, emiatt elég sokat veszekedtünk. Kifogásolta például, hogy mi jiddisül is beszéltünk. Nem volt szabad. Pedig ő is zsidó volt. Munkaszolgálatos, sokat szenvedett. Nem veszekedtünk, inkább vitatkoztunk. Mert én féltettem a gyereket. Zsuzsi hét évvel idősebb, mint a fiam, Gyuri.

A lányom születése után újra rossz állapotba kerültem. A háború után meghíztam, utána meg állandóan fogytam. És olyan gyenge voltam. Dolgoztam, a család meg a munka, nehéz volt eljutni odáig, ahol most vagyok. A lányommal hét hónapos koráig itthon voltam, aztán muszáj volt elmenni. Beadtam bölcsődébe, és ott kapott egy vérmérgezést. Elvittem az orvoshoz, azt mondtam, ez a gyerek beteg, hányt, nem akar enni, sír. Azt mondta a kolléganőmnek az orvos – jó ismerősöm volt az orvos –, hogy bolond ez az asszony, azt mondja, hogy ez a gyerek beteg. Nézzék meg, milyen gyönyörű. Mondom, lehet, hogy gyönyörű, de ez a gyerek beteg, szeretném kivizsgáltatni. Akkor adott egy beutalót a kórházba. Bevittem, és a gyerek napról napra rosszabbodott, annyira, hogy mindent kihányt, amit adtak neki. Sok gyerek volt ott, és elég sok halt meg akkoriban. A lányom csak nem gyógyult. Azt mondták, óránként kell etetni kiskanállal anyatejjel. Felvágták a lábát itt, a kezét itt, mind a kettőt, és a combján, ahol van egy lyuk, olyan mélyedés. Szóval vérrel próbálták táplálni, mert az anyatej az kijött mindig sugárban. Három hónapig volt a kórházban, míg végre meggyógyult. És hogy gyógyult meg? Aznap már haldoklott. Fennakadt a szeme, mondta az orvos, „Édes fiam, maga is látja”. Én akartam vért adni neki. Az orvos azt mondta,  „Maga?”. Úgy néz ki, mint egy tüdőbajos. Húsz órát bent voltam vele. Nem akartam, hogy idegen vért kapjon. Végül idegen vért kapott. Hét évre rá megszületett a Gyurka.

Zsuzsinak érettségije van meg két év konzervatórium. Meg egy könyvtárostanfolyamot végzett.

1956 őszén Pali, a férjem unokatestvére meg én elvittük a lányainkat balettra. A gyerekek akkor 10-11 évesek lehettek, nagyon jóban voltak. A gyerekek táncoltak, mi meg ott ültünk, és vártunk. Egyszer csak halljuk, hogy nagy lárma van. Szemben volt egy Sztálin szobor, az eltűnt [A Dózsa György úton álló Sztálin szobrot 1956. október 23-án ledöntötték a talapzatáról, majd a Blaha Lujza térre vontatták, és ott szétdarabolták. – A szerk.]. Azt mondja a Pali, hűha, menjünk haza, itt valami nagyon-nagyon fura dolog kezdődik. Fogtuk a gyerekeket, abbahagyták a táncot, és szétoszlottak az emberek, mindenki rohant haza a gyerekével. Aztán később, amikor sorban álltunk kenyérért, akkor hallottam, hogy kiabálják: mi nem félünk, csak a zsidók félnek! Gondoltam, amikor elkezdenek szelektálni, hogy mi magyarok nem félünk, csak a zsidók félnek, az már baj.

Elhatároztam, hogy elmegyünk Kanadába. Akkor a testvéreim már Kanadában éltek. Meg is írtam a testvéreimnek, hogy mennénk, és nagyon rendesek, készségesek voltak. Megírták, hogy intézkednek, és ahogy lehet, csinálnak valamit. Persze nem lehetett olyan gyorsan, mert nem csak mi és az én rokonaim kértük, hanem nagyon sokan mentek ki akkoriban. Nagyon lassan mentek a dolgok. Aztán telefonon beszéltem a testvéreimmel, elmentem a Paliékhoz, és onnan beszéltünk. Az öcsém kérdezte: akarsz jönni? Mondtam, nagyon akarok.

Elintézte, megküldte a pénzt, de nem tudtunk disszidálni se, mert a határnál elfogtak minket. A fiam három éves volt, a hátamon vittem, aludt végig. A határnál fölébredt, és elkezdett bömbölni. Nem tudtunk csenben kiosonni. A férjem testvére is jött a két gyerekével, akik a háború után születtek, ők is visszajöttek. Őket 1957-ben kiengedték, mert a sógorom nem volt katonaköteles. A férjem meg igen. Legalább négyen vagy öten mentek ki a családból, mi nem tudtunk kimenni. És a férjem nem is nagyon akart. De mikor a testvére ment, már ment volna ő is, de akkor már késő volt. Úgyhogy mi lemaradtunk. Pedig mi voltunk a legjobb helyzetben, a pénz a kezünkben volt.

Akkor nagyon magányosak lettünk. Utóbb már nem akartunk illegálisan menni, és kértünk útlevelet. Nem adtak nekünk útlevelet, mert katonaköteles volt a férjem. A testvérét kiengedték, mert sosem volt katona, gyenge volt a szeme. Úgyhogy ő simán kiment a családjával. Bár ne ment volna ki, mert itt életben maradt volna a fia. A nagyfia 21 éves volt, mikor hősi halált halt Izraelben. Aztán elment az apja is utána, nem bírta elviselni a szíve.

Magányosak voltunk, de nagyon jó szomszédjaim és nagyon jó barátaim voltak. Nem csak az auschwitziak, hanem szereztem barátokat. Ha hallok egy jó szót, az nekem elég. De ha undorral néznek az emberre, meg megjegyzéseket tesznek, akkor azt nem viselem.

Volt egy telkem is. A pilisszentlászlói telkem 30 évig megvolt. Az elpusztított szüleim után kaptam egy nagyobb összeget, és a testvéreim is ideadták az ő részüket, és 1969-ben megvettem a telket 12 000 forintért. Egy darab erdő volt, csodálatosan szép hely. Akkor olcsók voltak a telkek, az OTP-n keresztül vettem. Aztán vettem hozzá egy kis faházikót. Szintén 12 000 forintért, és bevezettettem a villanyt, az már sokkal többe került, de nem rögtön, 10–15 év múlva lett villany. Valami 40 000 forint volt összesen, de nagyon spóroltam, mert azt akartam, hogy lakható legyen. Egy helyiségből állt. Aztán ügyesen berendeztem. Famaradékból bútort fabrikáltunk, és volt, amikor négyen voltunk ott. Két ágy volt, ha Zsuzsiék kint voltak, matracon aludtak. Befértünk. Aztán volt, hogy az unokám meg az apja kint aludt sátorban. Szép nyarak voltak. Szerény volt, de nekem jó volt. A zuhanyozó például kint volt a kertben, mert a szobában csak egy lavór fért el. A zuhanyból öntöttünk vizet a lavórba, kitettük a kertbe, és a napocska megmelegítette. Később a vizet is bevezettettük.

Dolgoztam szorgalmasan, és ha kaptam valami külön pénzt, akkor azt nem hoztam haza, hanem vittem a takarékba, hogy majd jó lesz valamire. Így aztán összehoztam ezt a szép kis pilisi telket. Nemrég el kellett adni, mert már nem bírtam kijárni.

A férjem is kijárt a Pilisbe. Elváltunk negyven éve, de zsidó rítus szerint nem váltunk el [lásd: válás], csak hivatalosan. Húsz évig éltünk házasságban. A válásunk után néhány évvel megismerkedett az élettársával, nagyon rendes zsidó asszonnyal, akivel aztán én is összebarátkoztam, ma is gyakran beszélünk telefonon Szegény férjem tavalyelőtt, 88 éves korában meghalt. Nagyon sajnáltam, és nagyon hiányzik. Jó lenne, ha még élne. Az emberi élet véges, sokszor mondom. Nem bánnám, akárhogy is, csak élne.

Zsuzsi 1973-ban férjhez ment, néhány éve elváltak. Ő kertészeti technikumot végzett, de nagyon szereti a zenét, sokáig énekelt különböző kórusokban, konzarvatóriumba is járt.A fiam újságíró. Nyomdaipari szakközépiskolában érettségizett – nyomdászként is dolgozott, méghozzá a Zrínyi Nyomdában, mielőtt újságíró lett – jogi egyetemet végzett. Megnősült, majd elvált. Nagyon jó gyerekek.

Csontritkulásom van, és mindig attól félek, hogyha összetörik valahol, az már nem forr össze. És látom, hogy nincs semmi erőm. Az unokám nagyon erős, mindig fogja a karomat. Nagyon jószívű, nagyon rendes gyerek. Ő a lányom fia, Gábor. 1977-ben született. Ma egyetemre jár.

Gábor 12 éves volt, amikor megmondtam neki, hogy ő zsidó, apja keresztény, anyja zsidó:. Tudod, anyád után zsidó vagy. Én nem vagyok zsidó, mondta, nem vagyok semmi se! És rángatta a vállát. Megsértődött, hogy azt mondtam neki, hogy zsidó. Kiderült, hogy miért tiltakozott annyira. Még kicsi volt, általánosba járt. Zsidóztak a gyerekek. Ő is zsidózott: Zsidó vagy, zsidó vagy! Később elmesélte, hogy azért volt annyira felháborodva. Ezek után elment a gyerek nyaralni, Szarvasra, abba a zsidó társaságba [ifjúsági zsidó tábor]. Az nagyon tetszett neki. Ott sportoltak, úsztak, jó kaja volt, szóval jó volt. Hazajött, mondta, hogy milyen nagyszerűen érezte magát, sokat tanultak, úszkáltak, és azt mondták, hogy jelentkezzen, aki Izraelbe akar menni, megismerni Izraelt. Kérdeztem, te akarsz menni? Nagyon szeretnék menni, de nincs pénzem. Mondom, akkor adok neked pénzt.  Elment, és beleszeretett Izraelbe. Jöttek a levelek. Ez egy csodaország, milyen szép. Minden csodálatos, mindenki kedves, mindenki jó, megtalálta a helyét. Amikor hazajött, kezdett mesélni. Meg kéne tanulni a nyelvet, ki kéne oda újra menni, mert nagyon barátságosak az emberek. Jól van, kisfiam, ha menni akarsz, nézz utána, mondtam. Nem került sokba, úgyhogy elment. Két és fél évig ott volt. Megtanult írni-olvasni héberül. Amikor egy fél éve volt kint, már jöttek a levelek, hogy milyen jó itt, gyertek ti is. Én is mindig Izraelben akartam élni. Úgy gondoltam, megyek én is, megkapom a nyugdíjamat, megleszek. Kimentünk mi is a lányommal, és kivettünk egy lakást.

1998-ig voltam Izraelben az unokámnál, egy fél évet, de már beteg voltam. És nagyon messze volt az orvos, beszélni sem tudtam vele, mert orosz volt. Naponta kellett orvoshoz járni, ő nem értett meg engem, én nem értettem meg őt. Aztán gondoltam, hazajövök gyógyíttatni magamat. Szépen itt maradtam. Sokat voltam kórházban az utolsó tíz évben. Szinte rendszeresen vittek kórházba. Olyan betegségem van, hogy sokszor rosszul vagyok az agyvérzés óta. Aztán a gyerekek is hazajöttek.

A lányom az 58. évében van. Nyugdíjban van. A fiam 50 éves. Mindig mondja, hogy 120 éves koromig éljek. Kérdezem, hány barátodnak vannak még szülei? Egynek se. Na, látod. Én vagyok most már az utolsó, meg a Kati, akivel együtt voltam Auschwitzban. Kati két évvel fiatalabb nálam. De neki azért rossz, mert mind a két testvére meghalt.

A testvéreim a háborúban elhagyták a jóistent, és nem hittek semmiben se. És úgy is nevelték a gyerekeket, és a gyerekeik mégis vallásosak lettek. Van köztük olyan, aki állandóan imádkozik Izraelben. A másik szintén vallásos. New Yorkban lakik, szép gyerekei vannak.

Mostanra sajnos vagy hála istennek, úgy összekeveredtek az emberek, hogy minden további nélkül keveredik a zsidó a kereszténnyel. A lányom is egy keresztény fiúhoz ment hozzá. De soha erről nem beszéltek, hogy te zsidó vagy vagy keresztény. Jól összejöttek, olyannyira, hogy az unokám már a zsidó vallást gyakorolja. Én nagyon örülök neki, hogy valamit megőriz a zsidóságból. Én a hagyományokat megtartom, de amúgy nem nagyon járok sehova sem. De örülök, hogyha tele van a templom, hogy nem felejtik el a vallást.

Péntek este meggyújtom a gyertyát, van egy ilyen gyertyás csillárom, és akkor emlékezem legalább az ősökre, ha már nincsenek itt. Mást nem tudok csinálni. Nem voltam rendes vallásos én sem. Nem tudtam, mi az a vallás. Én hiszek Istenben, de nem vagyok vallásos. Tartom az ünnepeket, a szokásokat, minden olyasmit tartok, amit anyám tartott.

Az igazat megvallva a rendszerváltás engem se meg nem rázott, se nem örvendeztetett meg. Én már beteg voltam, öreg voltam, és azt reméltem, hogy jobb lesz, mint volt, jobb lesz a gyerekeknek, mint volt.

Az a fontos, hogy hagyják az embereket élni, azért születtek, hogy éljenek. Hát hagyják őket élni. És a szegény ember is élni akar. Legyen neki minden napra ennivalója, legyen cipő a lábán. Én tudom, mi az a szegénység. Az én időmben is voltak szegény emberek, akiknek volt sok gyerekük, és volt egy pár cipőjük. Volt 3-4 gyerek, akkor felváltva jártak iskolába. Vettek egy jó nagy cipőt, ami mindenkinek jó, és akkor ma te mész iskolába, holnap te mész iskolába stb. Ez így igaz, mert én köztük éltem. Még nem jöttek helyre a dolgok. Majd ha mindenkinek lesz ennivalója, utána gyűjthetnek az emberek, amennyit csak akarnak, úgysem viszik a sírba magukkal.
 

Heinz Bischitz

Vienna
Austria
Interviewer: Tanja Eckstein
Date of interview: March 2003

Heinz Bischitz lives in a house owned by the Jewish Community in Vienna’s 2nd district.

I had already asked him six months ago to give me an interview, which he rejected after some consideration.

That’s why I was very surprised when I found out from ESRA that he was indeed ready to give me an interview.

Heinz Bischitz is a large, strong man with a full head of hair.

He comes across as very calm and well-balanced – an impression made stronger by his pipe smoking.

  • My Family History

My paternal grandfather was named Moritz Bischitz. He was born in Mattersburg in around 1870 [born on 9 March 1872; Source: DÖW Database] and was a traditional Jew. German was his mother tongue. I assume he was in the Austro-Hungarian Army, but, strangely, no one ever spoke about that.

Grandfather trained as a master carpenter and worked as a patternmaker. He had a handlebar mustache, smoked a long pipe, and I can remember that his carpentry workshop always smelled of glue. I believe my grandfather worked in the workshop alone – I never saw employees. He was a patternmaker, and what he did was almost like artistic carving. He also specialized in molds for the industry – that was precision work.

Grandfather had siblings – two or three brothers and sisters who didn’t survive the war. I might have had contact with them when I was very young, but I can’t remember anything about that. I don’t even know what their names were.

My paternal grandmother was called Caroline Bischitz, née Glaser. She was born in Schottwien, but I don’t know when [born on 10 January 1879; Source DÖW Database]. Schottwien is located between Vienna and Semmering. Grandmother was a fairly large, powerful woman.

She had a sister, Johanna Glaser. Both were killed in Theresienstadt. The sisters and my grandfather Moritz were deported together from Vienna to Theresienstadt on 28 July 1942. Johanna Glaser died in Theresienstadt one month later, on 28 August 1942. Caroline and Mortiz Bischitz were then deported from Thereseinstadt to the death camp Treblinka and murdered there. [Source: DÖW Database].

Grandmother’s brothers were called Mortiz Glaser and Bernhard Glaser. In 1938 they both immigrated to Argentina with their families and never returned to Austria.

Until 1938 my grandparents lived in Teesdorf with their daughter, Martha, and son-in-law, Leo Lichtblau. They lived in a large house. There was a shop in the front and an apartment in the back with a garden and my grandfather’s workshop. It was very dark inside.

In 1938 my grandparents needed to relocate to Vienna where they lived in the 2nd district until they were deported to Theresienstadt and murdered.

My grandparents had two sons and a daughter. My father was called Fritz Bischitz and was born in 1904 in Mattersburg. He was the eldest of his siblings. My father was a traditional Jew. He went to temple on the High Holidays and fasted on Yom Kippur.

My uncle had a Hungarian name; he was called Geza Bischitz. He was born around 1908/1909 and was married to Gisela Tichler. They had a son, Peter, who was born in 1935. My aunt and uncle had a village store in Traisen – that’s in Lower Austria – until 1938.

You could buy everything there, as was common back then. In 1938 they immigrated to England and never came back to Austria. My Uncle Geza and Aunt Gisela had a little shop in London after the war. My Cousin Peter lives in London.

My aunt and uncle have been dead for a while. I am in touch with my cousin. He comes to Vienna fairly often. Two years ago he visited the family’s former maid in St. Pölten and they spoke about old times. She is very old, but could still remember him.

We often visited my grandparents, my Aunt Martha – my father’s sister – and Uncle Leo. We lived in Ober Waltersdorf. Aunt Martha was two villages away in Teesdorf, and Traisen is also fairly close-by. Back then I would take everything apart; I was repairing things, so to speak. That’s why my grandmother always gave me an old alarm clock to “repair” for my birthday. It always made me very happy.

My father and his sisters had always maintained contact, just not during the war. My Cousin Peter had three sons; they all live in England. The eldest is called Keith, the middle one is called Ian, and the youngest is Neil. The cousins and the children of the cousins are still in touch.

Aunt Martha Lichtblau, née Bischitz, was my father’s sister. She was married to Leo Lichtblau. Martha and Leo were both trained tailors. Their daughter, Susi, was born in 1933; sadly she passed away last year. My uncle and Aunt also owned a village store in Teesdorf.

In 1938 they immigrated to England and stayed there after the war. After the war my aunt and uncle owned a drugstore in London. My Cousin Susi had two sons: Rufus and Giles. They live in London, but we don’t have much contact with them.

My maternal grandfather was called Armin Knöpfler. As far as I know, he was born in Budapest in 1870. His mother tongue was Hungarian. He was a merchant by trade. In which branch, I don’t know. It had something to do with textiles, I assume. I suppose he served in the Hungarian part of the Austro-Hungarian army. He must have had brothers and sisters, but I didn’t know any of them. 

I assume my grandmother, Maria Knöpfler, née Fleischer, was born in Budapest – in Hungary in any case. Her mother tongue was Hungarian. She was a religious woman. Grandmother mostly wore a headscarf – my mother thought her mother would have worn a wig. It was probably taken for granted and no one spoke about it. I don’t recall any siblings.

My grandparents were religious, but they didn’t keep a kosher house because they lived with their daughter, Magda, who was married to a Christian. They observed Shabbat and, for as long as they could, lit candles every Friday. My grandfather also went to the synagogue every Shabbat. They synagogue – a great, big synagogue, not a prayer house – was close to the apartment.

I can still remember the Seder evenings with my grandparents very well, and also that they never ended. My grandfather would go through all the prayers  - from A to Z – so the entire Haggadah. Eating would be constantly interrupted in order to keep praying. He did everything as written in the Haggadah – no comma or period would be left out.

I visited my grandfather a few times after the war; he mostly just sat in the kitchen and smoked a long pipe. Both of my grandfathers smoked long pipes, and both of them wore the same mustache. Before the war, Grandfather Knöpfler would visit us every summer in Ober Waltersdorf for a few weeks.

My grandparents survived the Holocaust in Budapest, hidden by their daughter, Magda, and her Christian husband. My grandmother died in 1947 or 48, and my grandfather in 1949 or 50 in Budapest – just a few years after the war. There was already communism in Hungary, and my mother wasn’t allowed to go the funeral; they wouldn’t let her in.

My grandparents had six children. My mother was born Irene Knöpfler in Nitra on 23 January 1906. Nitra is in Slovakia today. When and why the family moved from Nitra to Budapest, I don’t know. My mother was a trained seamstress. She was very consciously Jewish, but she never kept a kosher home, nor did we celebrate Shabbat. On holidays my parents would go to Baden or Vienna.

My mother’s eldest sister was Aunt Ilona Knöpfler. I think she was born in 1898. She never married and always lived with us – therefore I had two mothers. She was in charge of the household, since my mother was always working. We immigrated to Hungary together, then we went to Vienna together, and then to Argentina. She died on 5 June 1967 in Buenos Aires.

My uncle, Manfred Knöpfler, was born in 1901. He was married to a Christian; this unfortunately didn’t help him in the Holocaust – he was deported anyway. He had a son, Georg, who is still living in Budapest.

Aunt Magda Joo, née Knöpfler, was married to Oszkar Joo. He wasn’t Jewish and worked as a chauffeur for the Japanese Embassy during the war. I don’t know where he was working before the war. They had a son, Alexander.

My mother’s youngest sister was always called Nuschi. I don’t know what her actual name was. She was married to Manfred Schlanger. He was a Jew and they had two children: Kathalina and Karoly. Manfred Schlanger was a merchant, but I don’t recall in which industry. They survived the Holocaust in hiding in Budapest.

Anton Knöpfler, my mother’s youngest brother, was born on 12 December 1912. He had a commercial profession. He was a very athletic man. He was deported to a concentration camp and survived with a weight of 32 kilos. After the war he married a Belgium woman and emigrated from Budapest to Belgium a few months after the war. He died relatively young in the 1960s.

My paternal and maternal grandparents got along well and would visit each other for as long as they could. There was always a connection, despite the distance – two lived in Austria, the others in Hungary. My aunts, uncles, and my father all had cars, so they could visit each other often.

My parents were very young when they met. My father and his siblings attended school in Budapest for several years. The story of Mattersburg and of Burgenland is an Austro-Hungarian history. For some time Burgenland was part of Hungary, and then it was part of Austria.

My father grew up bilingual and finished his last two or three years of school in Budapest for some reason. It was probably during this time that he met my mother. My parents were married in 1920 in the synagogue in Budapest. That was the same synagogue where my grandfather went to pray. The street was called Arena utca back then. 

After my parents got married my mother moved in with my father in Ober Waltersdorf. Today Ober Waltersdorf is a town, but back then it was a village. But it did have its own railway station. The next synagogue was in Baden.

We had the only Jewish shop in town. That may be the reason why my parents moved there. Or maybe it was because the village was located near Teesdorf, where my grandparents were living. The salesroom of the shop was about 100 square maters.

There were groceries, fresh produce, and canned goods, wine, beer, soap, and textile dry goods like shirts, underwear, socks, aprons, fabrics and yarns. My father also sold sewing machines; he even had a sewing machine agency. Our relationship with the rest of the people in Ober Waltersdorf was very good until March 1938. I don’t know if we were the only Jewish family in towns. There may have been two or three other Jewish families, but definitely not more.

  • My Childhood

I was born 19 April 1932 in Baden, since there was no hospital in Ober Waltersdorf. On the day of my birth my father planted a walnut tree in our garden. A year ago my son and I went to see the garden, and the walnut tree was still standing in all its glory.

Before my parents had the shop in Ober Waltersdorf they would holiday on Lake Balaton. I think they were in Italy once. Later they would often take day trips to Semmering or the Ray mountains, since the shop was only closed on Sundays. My parents would also go very often to Baden for fun.

There they would go to the theater where they played operettas, and to the Kaffeehaus Withalm on Josephs-Platz to dance and where they’d meet up with my father’s sister and hold family meetings. The Kaffeehaus Withalm is still there today. My parents must have gone to the cinema in Vienna.

My dad had a lot of friends through his athletic activities. They usually met up in a pub, rather than at our house. He played on a soccer team and rode in motorcycle races for Ober Waltersdorf. The motorcycle had a sidecar. We lived across from the soccer field. My father also owned a motorcycle for the shop, but a special one, since he had to buy and deliver goods. We also had a car. I even have the slip from when the Nazi’s confiscated the car.

In 1938, when we had already been driven out of Ober Waltersdorf, our car was “Aryanized,” meaning stolen. It was a very bureaucratic process and we received this letter with a picture of our car that read:

Ober-Waltersdorf, 17. Oct. 1938. Mr. Fritz Bischitz in Vienna 2nd District

I wish to inform you that your compact car was confiscated by the former leader of Sturm 35 (Kral) and brought to Sturm headquarters in Leobersdorf. I am unaware of the vehicle’s present whereabouts.

Leader of Sturm 18/84

They even confiscated the bicycle.

My father was a great amateur photographer. He had a German camera called a Voigtländer. He could have never afforded a Leica. For a while he thought he would be able to make a career out of his passion for photography and he even studied photography on the side for one or two years. Since there was no color photography yet, he learned to color the photos himself. He used tiny brushes to paint the photos with photo paint, which came in small vials: that was an art.

He was a funny and temperamental man and had a distinct sense of humor. I laughed a lot during the first years of my life, since my father was such a funny man. But he also fought a lot, with every one. When he was riled up he would roar – it was no longer shouting. He fought with my mother, with my aunt, with me, with every one.

Once he was done yelling he would calm down. He’d be angry at the whole world for five minutes, and then everything would be okay again. He could get upset over anything that didn’t suit him. He would even get into scuffles sometimes. Even as an older man. He wanted to beat up one of his customers in Argentina who didn’t want to pay.

My mother spoke German with an Austrian accent. She was also very funny. She had a wonderful voice and loved singing Hungarian folk songs and songs from operettas. She liked working in the shop – the household wasn’t really her thing. So Aunt Ilona took care of the household. Aunt Ilona was there from the beginning. When my parents were married, she came along. She was a wonderful cook. The shop was closed in the afternoons and we would all eat together.

We had acquaintances in town that immediately showed up to our house on the day of the Anschluss. Not all of them, but some, took things from us. In 1938 Uncle Oscar came, Aunt Magda’s husband from Budapest – he was Christian – and brought us all to Hungary.

He was able to bring me, for example, using his son’s papers, and the others with forged papers. It happened slowly, over the course of several months. He brought my mother, my father, my Aunt Ilona, and me. He saved us all.

In Budapest we rented a room in the large apartment of a Hungarian-Jewish family in the 13th district – a working class district. We were allowed to share the kitchen and bathroom.

Then I started first grade; I was six years old. It was a normal public school. There were a couple of Jews there, but not that many. At first I had a hard time managing the Hungarian language, but I learned it quickly. My father and his sisters had gone to the school in Budapest for a while and were notorious.

They had an outrageous wit and were known for their high jinx. When I arrived at the school for the first time, I was introduced to the director as a refugee. The director was a dignified old gentleman with striped pants and a white beard, and he asked me, “So, what’s your name?” “Bischitz.” “Bischitz,” he repeated, mulling this over for a while. “Are you somehow related to a Fritz Bischitz?” “Yes, that is my father.” “By God! Now he’s even sending me his son!” So, he could remember the Bischitz kids very well.

My parents found work: my mother as a seamstress and my father, at first, as a truck driver at a leather factory. They earned enough so that we could eat.

My parents worked until 1942 and I was allowed to attend school. I was even a pretty good student. Starting in 1942 there were the Jewish laws. My parents were never interested in politics. I was the only person in the family who liked talking politics, even as a child. When I was nine or ten, I would often secretly listen to Radio London in Hungarian in the evening. I knew that the invasion in Normandy had begun.

There were quite a lot of Jews living in our building. The family we lived with had a daughter who was about two or three years older than me. I played with her a lot. When the Germans invaded in 1944 the house was declared a so-called “Jewish House.”

A large Star of David was painted on the house and many Jews were packed together inside. We could keep living there and didn’t have to relocate to another “Jewish House.” We had two hours in the morning and two in the evening to go shopping. This became dangerous when we had to start wearing the Star of David.

I read and was involved with politics, and an older gentleman from the building taught me to play chess. We played chess together and talked politics. He owned a leatherwear shop that was also located in our building. He survived the Holocaust and lived to a very old age.

  • During the War

At first my father was a soldier in the Hungarian Army, since he had fake papers. Then they found out that he was Jewish and he was sent for labor duty. I think that was 1942. He was sent to Russia. In Russia my father rescued a Torah scroll from a museum. The museum was looted and set on fire. Instead of taking jewels, my father saved the Torah scroll.

He managed to keep it throughout the entire war and afterwards donated it to the synagogue where he and my mother were married. That synagogue no longer exists; the communists converted it into a warehouse. I know the building; I went there and took a look at it. I don’t know what happened to the Torah scroll my father rescued. As the Russians were marching forward, my father was able to return to Hungary.

Before the Budapest ghetto came about following the German invasion in 1944, Jewish women – there were hardly any men left – were deported; even my mother. My Aunt Ilona was slightly crippled and had mobility problems; she wasn’t deported and went with us to the ghetto. She always tried to protect me.

I had become tall, which was a problem, because they almost deported me. They didn’t want to believe that I was just twelve years old. At twelve I looked like I was fifteen. That’s why I always walked stooped over. When we marched into the ghetto they were still taking people from the rows in order to deport them. In the ghetto ten people lived together in one room.

When the Allies began bombing Budapest in 1944 I rejoiced over every bomb. We knew that when we heard the bombs whistling, the danger of being hit was over. I wasn’t afraid. I was still a child, but I grew up during this time. That was a strange feeling.

We had the address of my Aunt Magda and Uncle Oszkar. That’s how I found my father after he returned from Russia, because Uncle and Aunt always knew where we were. We had discussed that we could go to Aunt and Uncle in emergencies and in life-threatening situations. My Uncle got me out of the ghetto when he found out that the ghetto was to be set on fire. He came to the ghetto and brought me a leather jacket with an Arrow Cross armband. I don’t know where he got it from. We marched out of the ghetto together giving the “Heil Hitler” salute.

My uncle then set me up in a monastery with forged papers. After two weeks, on Christmas Eve 1944, the Arrow Cross came into the bedroom at the monastery – there were 20 of us boys there. I knew that I was a Jew, but I didn’t know anything about the other boys, and they didn’t know anything about me.

Jews were hidden in many monasteries. The Arrow Cross came in the middle of the night and said: “Covers off!” And then they went from bed to bed and immediately discovered the circumcised Jews. I was coincidentally in the last row. I am a very calm person, but in this moment I shouted, “As far as I’m concerned you can take all of these Jew pigs with you now, but I want to sleep,” and pulled the covers over my head, turned over, and they moved on.

No one was actually allowed to leave the monastery, but I thought, I need to get out, they’ll be back. There was an old stove in the monastery. I strapped it on, left, put the stove down and went to my Aunt and Uncle’s. Three days later all the Jews were taken from the monastery.

They were led to the Danube, pushed into the water, and shot. I found out about that one month after liberation. An announcement was printed in the newspaper: The parents of a boy who was hidden in the monastery seek contact with someone who can tell them something. They then told me I was the only Jewish child to survive.

My uncle stole stationary from the Japanese Embassy – his workplace – and so was able to forge papers. He brought to a Sweden House, were I saw my father again. For the last two months of the war, my father and I were in one of Wallenberg’s protected Sweden Houses. We starved there and didn’t have else anything to wear. I saw Wallenberg a few times. I remember he always wore a suit and boots. We didn’t know anything about my mother at the time.

There was a kind of resistance movement in our house. They went out into the streets to try to get food and look for Russians. One time two Germans came to the house. They entered, but did not leave. The members of the resistance movement killed them. There was a lot of bombing and shooting.

Then, suddenly, the doors were thrown open and the Russians were there. We joyously welcomed them, of course. They weren’t especially friendly to us, but to us, they were God. I then tore off the yellow star, unfortunately; I could have held on to it.

Afterward my father, Aunt Ilona, and I lived with Aunt Magda and Uncle Oszkar. Uncle Oszkar had saved the lives of around thirty relatives, even distant ones. We submitted a bid to have a tree planted for him on the Avenue of the Righteous at Yad Vashem. Aunt Magda died in Budapest in 1984.

The Red Cross hung lists of survivors throughout the city. I went every day and one day discovered my mother’s name. On the list was written: Irene Bischitz, survivor of the Dachau concentration camp. My mother was in an American hospital in Germany. She only weighed 35 kilos. From the hospital she wrote to Ober Waltersdorf, since we had arranged with her that we’d either meet at our aunt’s in Budapest or in Ober Waltersdorf.

In the meantime my father and I had gone to Vienna with Russian soldiers – at this time there were no borders and you didn’t need any documents – in order to look for my mother. We walked from Vienna to Ober Waltersdorf, to the town hall, and they said, “Yes, Mrs. Bischitz has written. We know where she is and we will officially confirm that Mr. Bischitz and his son have survived.” That’s how my mother learned we were alive. Then we met up in Budapest and left for Vienna together.

My parents didn’t think for a second about going back to Ober Waltersdorf. My father got a bombed-out apartment for us in Vienna, because he promised to fix it up. He opened a textiles shop in the same building. I went to High School on Zirkus-Gasse, in the 2nd district.

I needed to readjust to the German language, but at that age it wasn’t a problem, it only takes one or two months. One problem was the schoolbooks, which were still from the Nazi era. The texts were written in a gothic script that I couldn’t read; that’s something I had to learn.

I assume most of the teachers were Nazis. Of course they never admitted it. Despite that I never had a problem. I immediately told each one I was Jewish. I was pretty tall and fairly strong – and very proud of that. I was a member of Hakoah, was a swimmer and water polo player.

I was even the newspaper sometimes. I was one hundred percent integrated at school, but my only friends were from Hakoah. I never had a Christian friend – perhaps this was because it never came about, or maybe because, subconsciously, I didn’t want any.

  • After the War

We lived in Vienna’s 2nd district until 1951. The district was part of the Russian sector, since the allies had split Vienna into four sectors after the war. Then the Korean War broke out. My parents thought that the next World War was coming and that I’d have to go to the military.

They wanted to leave – namely to a country that didn’t have military service, so not to America or Canada, not to Australia. That’s how they came up with Argentina. In Argentina there was only military service for those born in Argentina. Part of the Glaser family had survived there and they sent us an affidavit.

I didn’t want to leave Vienna. I was 19 years old and had my friends and sports in Vienna. But it would not have occurred to me to rebel or stay there on my own. Well, the prospect of becoming a Russian soldier didn’t appeal to me either.

I would have preferred to go to America; I always liked the American. I learned English in school and saw American films in the cinema. But my parents didn’t want to go to America. A took Spanish lessons a few months before we fled again.

First we took the train to Genoa, and from Genoa we went by ship to Argentina. It was a lovely journey – and an adventure for me. I had never written a journal, but I have one from this trip. Our relatives picked us up from the port in Buenos Aires. They had rented a room for us in a boardinghouse for the time being. 

We didn’t come to Argentina as rich people, but we weren’t poor either. At first there were three of us. Aunt Ilona arrived a few months later because her papers weren’t finished in time. My parents were really afraid of the Korean War. This wasn’t an escape from one day to the next – but once our papers were completed they immediately bought tickets for the ship.

The next day I went to find out if there was a Jewish sports club and immediately joined one. I continued to play water polo, swam, and made friends with the members of the sports club. They were Argentines, some were the sons of emigrants and others had immigrated before the Holocaust.

I began working, since school was out of the question. I would have had to have everything recognized. I had finished my exams at the trade school in Vienna, but in Argentina I would have probably had to study for months and take exams. I didn’t want to do that. My father began working at a textile print shop, and I joined him.

My father had two co-partners, and after a year no co-partners and almost no money. That happens fast in Argentina. Then my parents opened a knitting factory, which developed nicely. We all worked in the knitting factory – even my wife after we were married.

New immigrants arrived to the building we were living in: Czechs, Austrians, and a Hungarian family with their daughter. The daughter went to school with my future wife. That’s how we met. We were engaged for one year, then we had a Jewish wedding in the large synagogue in Buenos Aires.

My wife’s maiden name is Ida Lubowicz. She was born on 27 July 1937 in Lutsk [today Ukraine], which was in Poland back then. Up until the end of the war she lived with her parents in hiding in Poland. Then they immigrated to Italy and then to Argentina in 1951. My wife’s mother tongue is Yiddish.

My wife can’t speak a word of Polish; they only spoke Yiddish at home. She went to school in Italy the first years. She finished her exams in Argentina and then worked with my parents and me in the knitting factory.

My parents-in-law and their children were the only survivors of what was once a very large family. Once, after the war, my wife went to Poland with her mother. They wanted to look for relatives. They didn’t find anyone; they had all been murdered and she  – a 16-year-old girl at the time – was called a “Jewess pig” on the street. 

We had two children. Our son, Roberto Bischitz, was born on 5 November 1959 in Buenos Aires and our daughter, Deborah Weicman, née Bischitz, was born on 19 April 1965. Our children were raised Jewish. Both completed their exams at the Pestalozzi School in Buenos Aires.

That was a bilingual private school for German and Spanish – I’m sure 50 to 60 percent of the students there were Jewish. Our children joined youth groups that met once a week in the synagogue. We went to the synagogue together on holidays. Naturally my son became a Bar Mitzvah when he turned thirteen.

My father-in-law and I got along very well. I met him fifteen years before his death when he was a powerful and very sensible businessman. I loved my in-laws and they loved me – we had a lovely family life. Every Friday my mother-in-law lit candles and went to the synagogue.

Within two years my parents and in-laws all passed away. My father died in 1971, my mother in 1973. My father-in-law had a stroke and was paralyzed for seven years before he died. My mother-in-law died of cancer.

The economic situation in Argentina became progressively worse. In 1984 we relocated to Vienna. I was never too fond of Argentina; I could never get used to the South American mentality: the unpunctuality, the people’s payment morality, the climate. I always thought differently than the Argentines.

Probably I always remained a European. My wife was an enthusiastic Argentine back then. She had her two brothers and their families in Buenos Aries. Today you simply can’t live in Argentina any more, it’s terrible: unemployment, poverty, and there’s a murder every three hours.

So we went to Vienna and lived first in the 7th district. I worked as a sales representative; I had textile agencies from Portugal.

My son was 25 and had married an Argentine Christian in Argentina. Even my daughter-in-law came to Vienna. She worked and my son went to the Technical University for a few years. He wanted to be an engineer, but then discontinued his studies. He is self-employed and teaches rhetoric.

We have a granddaughter, Nastassia. She is my son’s daughter. She lives with her mother in Buenos Aires. Their marriage fell apart and my daughter-in-law went with the child back to Argentina. My son stayed in Vienna and flies back to Argentina as often as he can. Now that Nastassia is older she comes to Vienna once a year and stays for one or two months.

My daughter didn’t like Austria. She worked for some time as a saleswoman at Schöps [a textile chain] on Stephans-Platz. But she is a real second-generation Holocaust victim. She wants nothing to do with Germans and Austrians. She told us, “I am Argentine and lost nothing in Austria.” Then she returned. She worked in Buenos Aires as a trilingual secretary. Unfortunately she is unemployed at the moment.

She is an especially good Jew, but she isn’t religious. As it was with me, it would have been impossible for her to marry a non-Jew. She was, of course, married in the synagogue; that was self-evident for her. My son is different in this regard.

We went to Israel a few times. I am not a Zionist, I was never a Zionist, but I liked it there. I am unconditionally pro-Israel, but my wife and I never thought about living in Israel. We liked it, but we were tourists and knew that we were tourists.

I was often in Hungary for business. For years I was in Budapest once a week. When I see old Hungarians I imagine them in Arrow Cross uniforms. I am not fond of Hungary. Budapest is a beautiful city, but God forbid having to live there!

Until Haider, I had successfully repressed the past – consciously or unconsciously. I don’t watch any films or read any books about concentrations camps. My wife is always watching those kinds of films. Though after Haider the past was somehow opened.

I have no memories of the Austrian Anschluss or the persecution in Austria. I only hate the Hungarians. To me the Hungarians are the Nazis. I like being an Austrian, and you could almost say that I love Vienna. I like being here and don’t have the same problem most people have – even my wife – when they see old people. If they’re wearing beautiful jewels, for example, they always ask themselves: Which dead Jew do those come from? That would happen to me in Hungary.

In Hungary I was always getting into fights at school, because they would call me “Jewish swine.” That wasn’t in Vienna. Only once did I take revenge. On the first day after liberation I beat up the boys that had always tortured me at school. I sought them out, found them, and trounced them.

Later I had a few Jewish customers in my business in Vienna. All the other customers knew that I was Jewish, but I never had a problem. I never made a secret of it. Besides which I probably look Jewish, and the Austrians – I know my countrymen – can somehow smell the Jews.

I know that they’re anti-Semites. I’ve just never felt it myself. I know that they murdered. I know that, relatively speaking, there were more Austrians in the SS than Germans. I know all of that. I also know that Hungarians are worse anti-Semites, and that the Poles and Ukrainians are even worse. I am aware that they are, for sure: unconscious and hidden – and nowadays not so hidden.

I felt really good, felt very at home, after returning to Vienna. I didn’t get too upset over Waldheim. I mean, if this man was UN Secretary General twice in a row, then they had really put him through his paces. I am also still convinced that he wasn’t actually a Nazi, just a liar and an opportunist. He just worked through the past in his own way, namely by repressing it.

I have my problems with Haider. I’m convinced that he’ll never become Federal Chancellor, only I was also convinced that his party, the FPÖ, would never get more than ten percent of the vote, and then they got 25 percent! But I do believe that it’s over now with Haider.

There has and always will be anti-Semitism. I don’t know who said this: Anti-Semitism isn’t a problem with the Jews; it’s a problem with the anti-Semites. Only we have to live with it.

We live in a building from the Jewish Community. Our Jewish life has been more active since we’ve been living here. We receive the Jewish Community newspaper and go to events. Once a month we also go to a meeting with the former Hakoah people in Café Schottenring.

I always say, whoever in Vienna wants a Jewish life with these few Jews, can attend some sort of event every day – not a problem. We don’t live a religiously Jewish life, but rather a social Jewish life. But of course we go to synagogue on the High Holidays.

My wife never really settled into Vienna. Our grandchild is in Argentina and she is very close with her younger brother in Argentina. Of course it hurts her to see the family in Argentina so infrequently. But ever since we founded our own “ghetto,” so to speak, in our building, things are going better for her. But that might also have something to do with the fact that she can no longer feel at home in Argentina. And we’re too old to leave Vienna.

Heinz Bischitz

Heinz Bischitz
Wien
Österreich
Interviewer: Tanja Eckstein 
Datum des Interviews: März 2003 

Heinz Bischitz wohnt in einem Haus der Jüdischen Kultusgemeinde im 2. Bezirk.

Ich hatte ihn schon vor sechs Monaten gebeten, mir ein Interview zu geben, was er aber nach einiger Überlegung ablehnte.

Deshalb war ich sehr überrascht, als ich von ESRA 1 erfuhr, dass er doch bereit sei, mir ein Interview zu geben.

Heinz Bischitz ist ein großer, kräftiger Mann mit vollem Haar. Er wirkt sehr ruhig und ausgeglichen, ein Eindruck, der durch sein Pfeifen rauchen noch verstärkt wird.

Heinz Bischitz ist 2012 gestorben.

  • Meine Familiengeschichte

Mein Großvater väterlicherseits hieß Moritz Bischitz. Er wurde ungefähr 1870 in Mattersburg geboren [geboren am 9.3.1872; Quelle: DÖW Datenbank] und war ein traditioneller Jude. Seine Muttersprache war Deutsch. Ich nehme an, er war in der k.u.k. Armee 2, aber komischerweise hat nie jemand darüber gesprochen.

Der Großvater hatte den Beruf des Tischlermeisters gelernt und arbeitete als Modelltischler. Er hatte einen Zwirbelschnurrbart, rauchte eine lange Pfeife, und ich kann mich erinnern, in seiner Tischlerwerkstatt roch es immer nach Leim.

Ich glaube, mein Großvater arbeitete allein in der Werkstatt - ich sah nie Angestellte. Er war Modelltischler, das war fast künstlerische Schnitzarbeit, die er gemacht hat. Er hatte sich auch spezialisiert auf Gussformen für die Industrie, das war Präzisionsarbeit.

Der Großvater hatte Geschwister, zwei oder drei Brüder und Schwestern, die haben den Krieg nicht überlebt. Zu denen hatte ich vielleicht Kontakt, als ich ganz klein war, aber ich kann mich überhaupt nicht erinnern. Ich weiß auch nicht, wie die hießen.

Meine Großmutter väterlicherseits hieß Caroline Bischitz und war eine geborene Glaser. Sie wurde in Schottwien geboren, aber ich weiß nicht wann [geboren am 10.1.1879; Quelle: DÖW Datenbank]. Schottwien liegt zwischen Wien und dem Semmering.

Die Großmutter war eine ziemlich große kräftige Frau. Sie hatte eine Schwester, Johanna Glaser. Beide kamen in Theresienstadt 3 um. Die Schwestern und mein Großvater Moritz wurden zusammen aus Wien am 28.7.1942 nach Theresienstadt deportiert.

Johanna Glaser starb einen Monat später, am 28.8.1942 in Theresienstadt, Caroline und Moritz Bischitz wurden weiter in das Vernichtungslager Treblinka deportiert und ermordet [Quelle: DÖW Datenbank].

Die Brüder der Großmutter hießen Moritz Glaser und Bernhard Glaser. Beide emigrierten 1938 mit ihren Familien nach Argentinien und kehrten nicht mehr nach Österreich zurück.

Die Großeltern wohnten bis 1938 in Teesdorf bei ihrer Tochter Martha und dem Schwiegersohn Leo Lichtblau. Sie wohnten in einem großen Haus, in dem der Großvater auch seine Werkstätte hatte. Es war ein für österreichische Dörfer typisches einstöckiges Haus. Vorn war das Geschäft, dahinter die Wohnung mit einem Garten und der Werkstatt meines Großvaters. Im Haus war es sehr dunkel.

Meine Großeltern mussten 1938 nach Wien übersiedeln und wohnten dann im 2. Bezirk bis sie nach Theresienstadt deportiert und ermordet wurden.

Die Großeltern hatten zwei Söhne und eine Tochter. Mein Vater hieß Fritz Bischitz und wurde in Mattersburg im Jahre 1904 geboren. Er war der Älteste der Geschwister. Mein Vater war ein traditioneller Jude, zu den hohen Feiertagen ging er in den Tempel, und er fastete zu Jom Kippur 4.

Mein Onkel hatte einen ungarischen Namen, er hieß Geza Bischitz. Er wurde so um 1908/1909 geboren und war mit Gisela Tichler verheiratet. Sie hatten einen Sohn, Peter, der 1935 geboren wurde. Onkel und Tante hatten in Traisen, das ist in Niederösterreich, bis 1938 einen Gemischtwarenladen. Dort gab es alles zu kaufen, wie das damals üblich war.

1938 emigrierten alle zusammen nach England und kamen nicht mehr nach Österreich zurück. Mein Onkel Geza und die Tante Gisela hatten nach dem Krieg in London ein kleines Geschäft. Mein Cousin Peter lebt in London, der Onkel und die Tante sind schon lange tot.

Mit meinem Cousin bin ich in Verbindung. Er kommt relativ oft nach Wien. Vor zwei Jahren hat er in St. Pölten das ehemalige Dienstmädchen der Familie besucht und sie sprachen über die alten Zeiten. Sie ist uralt und hat sich noch an ihn erinnern können.

Wir waren oft bei den Großeltern, meiner Tante Martha, der Schwester meines Vaters und dem Onkel Leo zu Besuch. Wir lebten in Ober Waltersdorf, Tante Martha in Teesdorf, das sind zwei Dörfer weiter, und Traisen ist auch nicht sehr weit entfernt. Ich habe damals alles auseinander genommen, also sozusagen repariert. Deshalb bekam ich zu meinem Geburtstag von meiner Großmutter immer einen alten Wecker zum 'reparieren', das hat mich sehr glücklich gemacht.

Der Kontakt zwischen meinem Vater und seinen Geschwistern war immer da, nur in der Kriegszeit nicht. Mein Cousin Peter hat drei Söhne. Die leben alle in England. Der Älteste heißt Keith, der Mittlere heißt Ian und der Jüngste heißt Neil. Auch zwischen den Cousins und Cousinen und den Kindern der Cousins und Cousinen besteht noch eine Verbindung.

Tante Martha Lichtblau, geborene Bischitz, war die Schwester meines Vaters. Sie war mit Leo Lichtblau verheiratet. Die Martha und der Leo waren beide gelernte Schneider. Ihre Tochter Susi wurde 1933 geboren, sie ist leider vergangenes Jahr gestorben. Mein Onkel und meine Tante besaßen in Teesdorf auch einen Gemischtwarenladen.

Sie emigrierten 1938 nach England und sind nach dem Krieg dort geblieben. Nach dem Krieg hatten meine Tante und mein Onkel in London so eine Art Trafik. Nur verkauften sie auch Schokolade; ein Drugstore war das. Meine Cousine Susi hatte zwei Söhne: Rufus und Giles. Sie leben in London, aber der Kontakt zwischen uns ist nicht sehr groß.

Mein Großvater mütterlicherseits hieß Armin Knöpfler. Soweit ich weiß, wurde er um 1870 in Budapest geboren. Seine Muttersprache war Ungarisch. Von Beruf war er Kaufmann. In welcher Branche weiß ich nicht. Es war irgendetwas mit Textilien, nehme ich an. Ich vermute, dass er irgendwann in der ungarischen k.u.k. Armee gedient hat. Sicher hatte er Brüder und Schwestern, aber gekannt habe ich keine.

Meine Großmutter, Maria Knöpfler, war eine geborene Fleischer. Ich nehme an, sie wurde in Budapest geboren, auf alle Fälle aber in Ungarn. Ihre Muttersprache war ungarisch. Sie war eine religiöse Frau. Die Großmutter trug meistens ein Kopftuch - meine Mutter glaubte, ihre Mutter hätte eine Perücke getragen. Wahrscheinlich war das selbstverständlich und man sprach nicht darüber. An Geschwister der Großmutter kann ich mich nicht erinnern.

Meine Großeltern waren religiös, aber sie führten keinen koscheren Haushalt 5, weil sie zusammen mit ihrer Tochter Magda lebten, die mit einem Christen verheiratet war. Den Schabbat 6 hielten sie, und jeden Freitag wurden Kerzen gezündet, solange das möglich war. Mein Großvater ging auch jeden Schabbat in die Synagoge. Die Synagoge, eine richtige große Synagoge, kein Bethaus, war in der Nähe ihrer Wohnung.

Ich kann mich sehr gut an die Sederabende 7 mit den Großeltern erinnern und auch daran, dass sie nie zu Ende gingen. Der Großvater hat von A bis Z alles durchgebetet, also die ganze Hagadah 8. Da hat man das Essen ständig unterbrochen, dann ist weiter gebetet worden.

Es wurde alles so gemacht, wie es in der Hagadah steht - er hat nicht einmal einen Beistrich oder einen Punkt ausgelassen. Ich habe den Großvater nach dem Krieg einige Male besucht, da saß er meistens in der Küche und rauchte eine lange Pfeife. Beide Großväter rauchten lange Pfeifen, und beide trugen den gleichen Schnurrbart. Der Großvater Knöpfler besuchte uns vor dem Krieg jeden Sommer für einige Wochen in Ober Waltersdorf.

Von Beruf war er Kaufmann, in welcher Branche weiß ich nicht, es war irgendetwas mit Textilien, nehme ich an. Den Holocaust überlebten die Großeltern in Budapest, versteckt von ihrer Tochter Magda und deren christlichen Ehemann. Meine Großmutter starb 1947 oder 1948, mein Großvater 1949 oder 1950, einige Jahre nach dem Krieg, in Budapest. Da war schon Kommunismus in Ungarn, und meine Mutter durfte nicht zum Begräbnis fahren; sie haben sie nicht reingelassen.

Die Großeltern hatten sechs Kinder. Meine Mutter wurde als Irene Knöpfler am 23. Jänner 1906 in Nitra geboren. Nitra ist in der heutigen Slowakei. Warum und wann die Familie von Nitra nach Budapest zog, weiß ich nicht. Meine Mutter war eine gelernte Schneiderin. Sie war sehr bewusst jüdisch, aber sie führte nie einen koscheren Haushalt, und wir feierten auch den Schabbat nicht. An den Feiertagen fuhren meine Eltern nach Baden oder nach Wien.

Die älteste Schwester meiner Mutter war die Tante Ilona Knöpfler. Ich glaube, sie wurde 1898 geboren. Sie heiratete nie und lebte immer mit uns zusammen - dadurch hatte ich zwei Mütter. Sie führte den Haushalt, weil meine Mutter immer arbeitete. Wir emigrierten zusammen nach Ungarn, gingen zusammen nach Wien und zusammen nach Argentinien. Sie starb am 5. Juni 1967 in Buenos Aires.

Der Onkel Manfred Knöpfler wurde 1901 geboren. Er war verheiratet mit einer Christin, leider half ihm das im Holocaust nicht - er wurde trotzdem deportiert. Er hatte einen Sohn Georg, der lebt noch heute in Budapest.

Tante Magda Joo, geborene Knöpfler, war mit Oszkar Joo verheiratet. Er war nicht jüdisch und arbeitete während des Krieges als Chauffeur in der Japanischen Botschaft. Wo er vor dem Krieg gearbeitet hat, weiß ich nicht. Sie hatten einen Sohn Alexander.

Die jüngste Schwester meiner Mutter wurde immer nur Nuschi genannt, ich weiß nicht, wie sie wirklich hieß. Sie war mit Manfred Schlanger verheiratet. Er war Jude, sie hatten zwei Kinder: Kathalina und Karoly. Manfred Schlanger war Kaufmann, aber ich weiß nicht mehr in welcher Branche. Sie überlebten den Holocaust versteckt in Budapest.

Anton Knöpfler, der jüngste Bruder meiner Mutter, wurde am 12. Dezember 1912 geboren. Er hatte einen kaufmännischen Beruf. Er war ein sehr sportlicher Mann. Er wurde in ein KZ deportiert, überlebte mit einem Gewicht von 32 Kilo. Nach dem Krieg heiratete er eine Belgierin und wanderte einige Monate nach dem Krieg aus Budapest nach Belgien aus. Dort starb er relativ jung in den 1960er-Jahren.

Meine Großeltern väterlicherseits und mütterlicherseits verstanden sich gut und so lange es ging, besuchten sie sich gegenseitig. Es war immer, trotz der Entfernung - die einen lebten in Österreich, die anderen in Ungarn - eine Verbindung da. Die Tanten, Onkel und mein Vater hatten alle ein Auto, so konnte man sich oft besuchen.

Meine Eltern waren sehr jung, als sie sich kennen lernten. Einige Jahre haben mein Vater und seine Geschwister in Budapest die Schule besucht. Die Geschichte von Mattersburg und vom Burgenland ist eine österreichisch- ungarische Geschichte.

Das Burgenland gehörte eine Zeit lang zu Ungarn, dann kam es zu Österreich. Mein Vater wuchs zweisprachig auf und absolvierte seine letzten zwei, drei Schuljahre aus irgendwelchen Gründen, in Budapest. In dieser Zeit lernte er wahrscheinlich auch meine Mutter kennen. Meine Eltern heirateten 1930 in Budapest in der Synagoge. Das war dieselbe Synagoge, in die mein Großvater immer zum Beten ging. Damals hieß die Straße Arena utca.

Nachdem meine Eltern geheiratet hatten, zog meine Mutter zu meinem Vater nach Ober Waltersdorf. Ober Waltersdorf ist heute ein Städtchen, damals war es ein Dorf. Aber es gab eine eigene Eisenbahnstation. Die nächste Synagoge war in Baden.

Vor uns war dort kein jüdisches Geschäft. Vielleicht ist das der Grund, weshalb sich meine Eltern dort ansiedelten. Aber vielleicht auch deshalb, weil das Dorf in der Nähe von Teesdorf lag, in dem meine Großeltern lebten. Der Verkaufsraum des Geschäfts bestand aus 100 Quadratmetern.

Es gab Lebensmittel frische Lebensmittel und Lebensmittel in Dosen, Wein, Bier, Seife und Textilkurzwaren - das waren Hemden, Unterhosen, Socken, Schürzen, Stoffe und Garne. Mein Vater hat auch Nähmaschinen verkauft, er hatte sogar eine Nähmaschinenvertretung.

Die Beziehung der Ober Waltersdorfer zu uns war bis zum März 1938 sehr gut. Ich weiß nicht, ob wir die einzigen Juden im Ort waren, vielleicht hat es aber noch zwei, drei jüdische Familien gegeben; mehr waren es aber sicher nicht.

  • Meine Kindheit

Ich wurde am 19. April 1932 in Baden geboren, denn in Ober Waltersdorf gab es kein Spital. An dem Tag meiner Geburt pflanzte mein Vater in unserem Garten einen Nussbaum. Vor einem Jahr fuhr ich mit meinem Sohn an dem Garten vorbei, der Nussbaum steht in voller Pracht.

Bevor meine Eltern das Geschäft in Ober Waltersdorf hatten, haben sie Urlaub am Plattensee gemacht, ich glaube, sie waren auch einmal in Italien. Später haben wir sehr oft gemeinsam Tagesausflüge zum Semmering oder auf die Rax gemacht, denn das Geschäft war nur sonntags geschlossen.

Meine Eltern waren zum Vergnügen auch sehr oft in Baden. Sie gingen dort ins Theater, in dem Operetten gespielt wurden, ins Kaffeehaus Withalm am Josefsplatz zum Tanz, und sie trafen sich oft mit der Schwester meines Vaters und hielten Familiensitzungen ab. Das Kaffeehaus Withalm gibt es noch heute. In Wien gingen meine Eltern bestimmt ins Kino.

Mein Vater hatte durch seine sportlichen Aktivitäten viele Bekannte. Sie trafen sich aber eher im Lokal, als bei uns zu Hause. Er spielte in der Fußballmannschaft und fuhr Motorradrennen, das Motorrad hatte einen Beiwagen, für Ober Waltersdorf. Der Fußballplatz war vis-à-vis von uns.

Für das Geschäft besaß mein Vater auch ein Mottorad, aber ein besonderes, denn er lieferte Ware und musste Ware einkaufen. Wir besaßen auch ein Auto, ich habe sogar noch den Beleg über die Konfiszierung des Autos durch die Nazis:

Im Jahre 1938, als wir bereits aus Ober Waltersdorf vertrieben waren, wurde unser Auto 'arisiert', das heißt gestohlen. Das lief alles sehr bürokratisch ab, wir bekamen diesen Brief mit einem Foto unseres Autos, in dem stand:

Ober-Waltersdorf, 17. Okt. 1938 Herrn Fritz Bischitz in Wien 2., Bezirk

Ich teile Ihnen mit, daß ihr Kleinauto vom ehemaligen Führer des Sturmes 35 (Kral) beschlagnahmt und zum Sitze des Sturmes nach Leobersdorf gebracht wurde. Wo sich das Auto dzt. befindet, ist mir unbekannt.

der Führer des Sturmes 18/84.

Selbst das Fahrrad haben sie konfisziert.

Mein Vater war ein großer Hobbyfotograf. Ich glaube, er hatte eine deutsche Kamera, die Voigtländer hieß. Eine Leica hat er sich sicher nicht leisten können. Eine Zeitlang bildete er sich ein, er könne aus seiner Fotografie- Leidenschaft einen Beruf machen und er studierte sogar ein oder zwei Jahre nebenbei Fotografie. Da es noch keine Farbfotos gab, lernte er, die Fotos zu kolorieren. Mit Fotofarben, die waren in kleinen Fläschchen und mit Pinseln, hat er die Fotos bemalt: das war eine Kunst.

Er war ein lustiger und temperamentvoller Mensch und hatte einen ausgeprägten Humor. Ich habe sehr viel in den ersten Jahren meines Lebens gelacht, weil mein Vater so ein lustiger Mensch war. Aber er stritt auch viel und oft mit jedem, und wenn er sich aufregte, dann brüllte er, das war kein Schreien mehr.

Er stritt mit meiner Mutter, mit meiner Tante, mit mir und mit jedem. Da brüllte er sich aus, dann war er beruhigt. Fünf Minuten lang war er böse mit der ganzen Welt und dann war wieder alles in Ordnung. Er konnte sich über alles aufregen, was ihm nicht passte. Manchmal raufte er auch. Sogar als er schon ein älterer Mann war. Er hatte einen Kunden in Argentinien, der nicht zahlen wollen, den wollte er verprügeln.

Meine Mutter sprach Deutsch mit ungarischem Akzent. Sie war auch sehr lustig, hatte eine wunderbare Stimme und sang gern ungarische Volkslieder und Lieder aus Operetten. Sie arbeitete sehr gern im Geschäft, der Haushalt war nicht so sehr ihre Sache. Tante Ilona hat den Haushalt geführt. Tante Ilona war von Anfang an da. Als meine Eltern heirateten, kam sie mit. Sie kochte wunderbar. Mittags wurde das Geschäft geschlossen und wir aßen alle gemeinsam.

Es gab Bekannte im Ort, die waren am Anschlusstag 9 sofort bei uns. Nicht alle, aber einige holten sich Sachen von uns. 1938 kam der Onkel Oszkar, der Mann der Tante Magda aus Budapest - er war ja Christ - und holte uns alle nach Ungarn.

Mich holte hat er zum Beispiel mit den Papieren seines Sohnes geholt, und die anderen mit gefälschten Papieren. Das passierte langsam, im Laufe von einigen Monaten. Er holte meine Mutter, meinen Vater, meine Tante Ilona und mich. Er hat uns alle gerettet.

In Budapest mieteten wir im 13. Bezirk, das war ein Arbeiterbezirk, ein Zimmer in einer großen Wohnung einer ungarisch-jüdischen Familie. Die Küche und das Bad durften wir mitbenutzen.

Ich kam dann in die erste Klasse, ich war sechs Jahre alt. Das war eine ganz normale staatliche Schule, es gab ein paar Juden, aber nicht allzu viele. Zuerst kam ich mit der ungarischen Sprache nicht richtig zurecht, aber ich lernte die Sprache schnell.

Mein Vater und seine Geschwister gingen ja in Budapest eine Zeitlang in die Schule und waren dort berüchtigt. Sie besaßen einen eher ausgefallenen Witz und waren bekannt für ihre Streiche. Als ich das erste Mal in die Schule kam, wurde ich dem Direktor als Flüchtling vorgestellt.

Der Direktor war ein ehrwürdiger alter Herr mit gestreifter Hose und weißem Bart, und er fragte mich: 'Na, wie heißt du?' ,Bischitz.' Bischitz', wiederholte er und dachte eine Weile nach. 'Bist du irgendwie mit einem Fritz Bischitz verwandt?' 'Ja, das ist mein Vater.' 'Um Gottes Willen, jetzt schickt er mir auch noch seinen Sohn.' Also, an die Bischitz Kinder konnte er sich genau erinnern.

Meine Eltern fanden Arbeit, die Mutter als Schneiderin, der Vater zuerst als Lastwagenchauffeur in einer Lederfabrik, und sie verdienten so viel, dass wir genug zu essen hatten.

Bis 1942 arbeiteten meine Eltern und ich durfte in die Schule gehen. Ich war sogar ein relativ guter Schüler. Ab 1942 gab es die Judengesetze 10. Meine Eltern hatten sich nie für Politik interessiert. Der einzige der Familie, der gern politisierte, schon als Kind, war ich. Als ich neun oder zehn Jahre alt war, hörte ich oft heimlich am Abend Radio London in ungarischer Sprache. Ich wusste, dass die Invasion in der Normandie begonnen hatte.

In unserem Haus wohnten ziemlich viele Juden. Die Familie, bei der wir wohnten, hatte eine Tochter, die war zwei, drei Jahre älter als ich. Ich habe oft mit ihr gespielt. Das Haus wurde, als die Deutschen 1944 einmarschierten, zum so genannten 'jüdischen Haus' deklariert.

Ein großer Judenstern wurde aufs Haus gemalt und viele Juden darin zusammengepfercht. Dadurch konnten wir aber dort wohnen bleiben, wir mussten nicht in ein anderes 'jüdisches Haus' übersiedeln. Wir durften zwei Stunden in der Früh und zwei Stunden am Abend einkaufen gehen, aber als das Tragen des Judensterns Pflicht wurde, war es für uns gefährlich.

Ich las, beschäftigte mich mit Politik, und ein älterer Herr, der auch im Haus lebte, hat mir das Schachspielen beigebracht. Wir spielten gemeinsam Schach und politisierten dabei. Ihm gehörte ein Ledergeschäft, das sich im selben Haus befand. Er überlebte den Holocaust und wurde sehr alt.

  • Während des Krieges

Zuerst wurde mein Vater Soldat der ungarischen Armee, weil er falsche Papiere hatte. Dann kamen sie dahinter, dass er Jude war, und er wurde zum Arbeitsdienst eingezogen, ich glaube, das war 1942. Er wurde nach Russland geschickt.

In Russland rettete mein Vater eine Thorarolle aus einem Museum. Das Museum wurde geplündert und angezündet. Statt sich Juwelen zu nehmen, rettete mein Vater die Thorarolle. Er rettete sie über den ganzen Krieg und schenkte sie danach der Synagoge, in der er meine Mutter geheiratet hatte.

Heute gibt es die Synagoge nicht mehr, die Kommunisten haben sie zu einem Speicher umgebaut. Ich kenne das Gebäude, ich war dort und habe es mir angeschaut. Was mit der Thorarolle geschah, die mein Vater gerettet hatte, weiß ich nicht. Als die Russen dann vormarschierten, schaffte es mein Vater nach Ungarn zurückzukommen.

Bevor das Ghetto 1944 in Budapest nach dem Einmarsch der Deutschen entstand, wurden jüdische Frauen, Männer waren ja fast keine mehr da, deportiert; auch meine Mutter. Meine Tante Ilona war etwas verkrüppelt und gehbehindert, sie wurde nicht deportiert, sie ging mit mir zusammen ins Ghetto.

Sie versuchte immer, mich zu beschützen. Ich war groß gewachsen, das war ein Problem, weil sie mich fast deportiert hätten. Sie wollten nicht glauben, dass ich erst zwölf Jahre alt bin. Ich sah mit meinen zwölf Jahren aus wie Fünfzehn. Darum ging ich dann immer gebückt. Als wir ins Ghetto marschierten, holten sie auch noch Leute aus den Reihen, um sie zu deportieren. Im Ghetto lebten zehn Menschen in einem Zimmer.

Als die Alliierten begannen, Budapest 1944 zu bombardieren, freute ich mich über jede Bombe. Wir wussten, wenn man das Pfeifen der Bomben hörte, war die Gefahr, getroffen zu werden, vorüber. Ich hatte keine Angst. Ich war noch ein Kind, aber in dieser Zeit wurde ich erwachsen, das war ein komisches Gefühl.

Wir hatten die Adresse meiner Tante Magda und des Onkels Oszkar. Dadurch fand mich mein Vater nach seiner Rückkehr aus Russland, weil Onkel und Tante immer wussten, wo wir waren. Es war besprochen, dass man im Notfall und unter Lebensgefahr, zur Tante und zum Onkel gehen konnte.

Mein Onkel holte mich aus dem Ghetto, als er erfuhr, dass das Ghetto angezündet werden sollte. Er kam und brachte eine Lederjacke mit Pfeilkreuzler Armband 11 für mich ins Ghetto, ich weiß nicht, woher er die hatte. Gemeinsam marschierten wir mit einem 'Heil Hitler' aus dem Ghetto.

Mein Onkel brachte mich dann mit gefälschten Papieren in einem Kloster unter. Nach zwei Wochen, am Weihnachtsabend 1944, kamen Pfeilkreuzler in das Schlafzimmer des Klosters, ich glaube, wir waren zwanzig Buben dort. Ich wusste, dass ich Jude bin, aber ich wusste nichts über die anderen Burschen, und die anderen wussten nichts über mich.

In vielen Klöstern waren Juden versteckt. Die Pfeilkreuzler kamen mitten in der Nacht und sagten: 'Alle aufdecken!' Und dann gingen sie von Bett zu Bett, entdeckten sofort die beschnittenen Juden. Ich war zufällig der Letzte in der Reihe. Ich bin ein sehr ruhiger Mensch, aber in diesem Moment brüllte ich: 'Von mir aus nehmt's diese ganzen Saujuden jetzt mit, aber ich will schlafen', zog mir die Decke über den Kopf, drehte mich um, und die gingen wieder.

Eigentlich durfte niemand das Kloster verlassen, aber ich dachte, ich muss da raus, die kommen wieder. Im Kloster stand ein alter Ofen, den schulterte ich, ging hinaus, stellte den Ofen hin und ging zu meiner Tante und meinem Onkel. Drei Tage später wurden alle Juden aus dem Kloster abgeholt.

Sie wurden zur Donau geführt, ins Wasser getrieben und erschossen. Ich erfuhr das einen Monat nach der Befreiung. In der Zeitung stand eine Annonce: die Eltern eines Jungen, der in diesem Kloster versteckt war suchten Verbindung mit jemandem, der ihnen etwas erzählen könnte. Sie haben mir dann erzählt, dass kein jüdisches Kind, außer mir, überlebt hat.

Mein Onkel stahl in der japanischen Botschaft, seiner Arbeitsstelle, Briefpapier und konnte dadurch Papiere fälschen. Er brachte mich in ein Schwedenhaus, in dem ich meinen Vater wiedertraf. Mein Vater und ich waren dann die letzten zwei Monate des Krieges in einem von Wallenbergs 12 geschützten Schwedenhäusern. Da hungerten wir und hatten nichts mehr zum Anziehen. Einige Male sah ich Wallenberg. Immer trug er einen Anzug und Stiefel, daran erinnere ich mich. Über meine Mutter wussten wir zu dem Zeitpunkt nichts.

In unserem Haus gab es eine Art Widerstandsbewegung. Die gingen auf die Strasse, versuchten Lebensmittel zu besorgen und schauten nach den Russen. Ein einziges Mal kamen zwei Deutsche in unser Haus. Die kamen herein, aber gingen nicht mehr hinaus. Die Mitglieder der Widerstandsbewegung brachten sie um. Es wurde sehr viel bombardiert und geschossen.

Dann, auf einmal flog die Tür auf und die Russen waren da. Wir begrüßten sie natürlich sehr freudig. Sie waren nicht besonders freundlich zu uns, aber für uns waren sie der liebe Gott. Leider habe ich dann den gelben Stern zerrissen, den hätte ich mir aufheben können.

Mein Vater, Tante Ilona und ich wohnten danach bei Tante Magda und Onkel Oszkar. Der Onkel Oszkar hat cirka dreißig Verwandten, auch weitläufigen, das Leben gerettet. Wir haben bei Yad Vashem 13 eingereicht, dass in der Straße der Gerechten 14 für ihn ein Baum gepflanzt wird. Tante Magda starb 1984 in Budapest.

Es hingen Listen vom Roten Kreuz mit Überlebenden in der Stadt, da ging ich jeden Tag hin und entdeckte eines Tages den Namen meiner Mutter. Auf der Liste stand: Irene Bischitz, Überlebende KZ Dachau. Meine Mutter war in einem amerikanischen Spital in Deutschland, sie wog nur noch 35 Kilo. Von dort hatte sie schon nach Ober Waltersdorf geschrieben, weil wir mit ihr besprochen hatten, entweder treffen wir uns bei der Tante in Budapest oder in Ober Waltersdorf.

Mein Vater und ich waren in der Zwischenzeit mit russischen Soldaten - zu dieser Zeit gab es keine Grenze und man brauchte keine Dokumente - nach Wien gekommen, um meine Mutter zu suchen. Von Wien gingen wir zu Fuß nach Ober Waltersdorf aufs Gemeindeamt und die sagten: ,Ja, die Frau Bischitz hat geschrieben, wir wissen wo sie ist, wir werden sie offiziell verständigen, dass der Herr Bischitz und sein Sohn überlebt haben.' So hat meine Mutter erfahren, dass wir leben. Wir trafen uns dann in Budapest und gingen gemeinsam nach Wien.

Meine Eltern dachten keine Sekunde daran, nach Ober Waltersdorf zurück zu gehen. In Wien bekam mein Vater für uns eine zerbombte Wohnung, weil er versprach, sie wieder in Ordnung zu bringen. Er eröffnete ein Textilgeschäft im selben Haus.

Ich ging ins Gymnasium in der Zirkusgasse im 2. Bezirk. Ich musste mich auf die deutsche Sprache umstellen, aber in diesem Alter dauert das einen Monat, oder zwei, das war kein Problem. Ein Problem waren die Schulbücher, die noch aus der Nazizeit waren. Die Texte waren in gotischer Schrift, die konnte ich nicht lesen, das musste ich lernen.

Ich nehme an, dass die meisten Lehrer Nazis waren - natürlich gaben sie es nicht zu - trotzdem hatte ich nie ein Problem. Ich sagte sofort jedem, dass ich Jude bin. Ich war ziemlich groß und ziemlich kräftig und sehr stolz darauf. . Ich wurde Mitglied der Hakoah 15, war Schwimmer und Wasserballer. Manchmal stand ich sogar in der Zeitung.

In der Schule war ich hundert Prozent integriert, Freunde hatte ich aber nur innerhalb der Hakoah; ich hatte nie einen christlichen Freund. Wahrscheinlich hat es sich nicht ergeben oder unbewusst wollte ich nicht.

  • Nach dem Krieg

Wir lebten bis 1951 im 2. Wiener Gemeindebezirk. Der 2. Bezirk gehörte zur russischen Zone, denn Wien war nach dem Krieg von den Alliierten in vier Zonen aufgeteilt worden. Dann brach der Koreakrieg 16 aus. Meine Eltern glaubten, jetzt käme der nächste Weltkrieg, und ich würde ich zum Militär müssen.

Sie wollten weg und zwar in ein Land, wo es keinen Militärdienst gab: also nicht nach Amerika, nicht nach Kanada, nicht nach Australien. Und so kamen sie auf Argentinien. In Argentinien gab es nur einen Militärdienst für in Argentinien Geborene. Ein Teil der Familie Glaser hatte dort überlebt, und sie schickten uns ein Affidavit.

Ich ging nicht gern aus Wien weg. Ich war 19 Jahre alt, hatte in Wien meine Freunde und den Sport. Aber dass ich rebelliert hätte oder dass ich allein dageblieben wäre, das wäre mir nicht eingefallen. Gut, die Aussicht, ein russischer Soldat zu werden, gefiel mir auch nicht.

Aber ich wäre lieber nach Amerika gefahren, die Amerikaner waren mir immer sympathisch. In der Schule hatte ich Englisch gelernt und mir im Kino amerikanische Filme angesehen - aber meine Eltern wollten nicht nach Amerika. Einige Monate vor unserer erneuten Flucht nahm ich Spanisch-Unterricht.

Zuerst fuhren wir mit dem Zug nach Genua und von Genua mit dem Schiff nach Argentinien. Es war eine schöne Reise, und es war ein Abenteuer für mich. Ich hatte nie Tagebücher geschrieben, aber von dieser Reise besitze ich ein Tagebuch. Unsere Verwandten holten uns vom Hafen in Buenos Aires ab. Sie hatten für uns fürs erste ein Zimmer in einer Pension gemietet.

Wir kamen nicht als Reiche nach Argentinien, aber wir waren auch nicht arm. Zuerst waren wir zu dritt, Tante Ilona kam erst ein paar Monate später, weil ihre Papiere nicht rechtzeitig fertig geworden waren. Meine Eltern hatten große Angst vor dem Koreakrieg. Das war keine Flucht von heute auf morgen, aber als unsere Papiere fertig waren, kauften sie sofort die Schiffskarten.

Am nächsten Tag erkundigte ich mich, ob es einen jüdischen Sportklub gäbe und trat diesem sofort bei. Ich spielte weiter Wasserball, schwamm und die Mitglieder des Sportklubs wurden meine Bekannten; Argentinier, einige Söhne von Emigranten und einige, die vor dem Holocaust eingewandert waren.

Ich habe begonnen zu arbeiten, denn an Schule war nicht zu denken. Ich hätte alles nostrifizieren müssen. In Wien hatte ich die Matura an der Handelsakademie gemacht, aber ich hätte in Argentinien wahrscheinlich monatelang lernen und Prüfungen ablegen müssen; das wollte ich nicht. Mein Vater beteiligte sich dann an einer Textildruckerei, da arbeitete ich mit.

Mein Vater hatte zwei Kompagnons, und nach einem Jahr hatte er keinen Kompagnon und auch fast kein Geld mehr. Das geht in Argentinien schnell. Dann eröffneten meine Eltern eine Strickerei, die sich gut entwickelte. Wir arbeiteten alle in der Strickerei, auch meine Frau, nachdem wir geheiratet hatten.

In das Haus, in dem wir gewohnt haben, kamen neue Emigranten: Tschechen, Österreicher und eine ungarische Familie mit einer Tochter. Die Tochter ging mit meiner zukünftigen Frau zusammen in die Schule. So haben wir uns kennen gelernt. Wir waren ein Jahr verlobt und dann hatten wir eine jüdische Hochzeit in der großen Synagoge in Buenos Aires.

Der Mädchenname meiner Frau ist Ida Lubowicz. Sie wurde am 27. Juli 1937 in Luzk [heute Ukraine], damals war das Polen, geboren. Bis Kriegsende lebte sie mit ihren Eltern versteckt in Polen. Dann emigrierten sie nach Italien, und 1951 wanderten sie nach Argentinien aus.

Die Muttersprache meiner Frau ist Jiddisch. Meine Frau kann kein Wort Polnisch, sie sprachen nur Jiddisch zu Hause. Die ersten Jahre ging sie in Italien in die Schule. Sie maturierte in Argentinien, dann arbeitete sie mit mir und meinen Eltern in der Strickerei.

Meine Frau hat zwei Brüder: ein Bruder ist älter als sie, der andere ist nach dem Krieg geboren. Meine Schwiegereltern und ihre Kinder waren die einzigen Überlebenden einer ehemals riesengroßen Familie. Meine Frau fuhr einmal nach dem Krieg mit ihrer Mutter nach Polen, sie wollten nach Verwandten suchen. Sie fanden niemanden; alle waren ermordet worden, aber sie wurde, ein damals 16 jähriges Mädchen, auf der Straße als Saujüdin beschimpft.

Wir bekamen zwei Kinder. Unser Sohn Roberto Bischitz wurde am 5. November 1959 in Buenos Aires geboren, und unsere Tochter Deborah Weicman, geborene Bischitz, am 19. April 1965. Unsere Kinder wurden selbstverständlich jüdisch erzogen.

Beide maturierten in Buenos Aires in der Pestalozzi Schule. Das war eine zweisprachige Privatschule für Deutsch und Spanisch - da lernten sicher 50 bis 60 Prozent jüdische Kinder. Unsere Kinder gingen in Jugendgruppen, die sich einmal in der Woche in der Synagoge trafen und zu den Feiertagen gingen wir immer gemeinsam in die Synagoge. Mein Sohn bekam mit dreizehn Jahren natürlich die Bar Mitzwa 17.

Mein Schwiegervater und ich haben uns sehr gut verstanden. Ich habe ihn 15 Jahre vor seinem Tod als kräftigen und sehr gescheiten Geschäftsmann kennen gelernt. Ich liebte meine Schwiegereltern und sie liebten mich - wir hatten ein schönes Familienleben. Meine Schwiegermutter zündete jeden Freitag Kerzen an und ging in die Synagoge.

Innerhalb von zwei Jahren starben meine Eltern und meine Schwiegereltern. Mein Vater starb 1971, meine Mutter 1973. Mein Schwiegervater hatte einen Schlaganfall und war sieben Jahre gelähmt, bevor er starb, meine Schwiegermutter starb an Krebs.

Die wirtschaftliche Lage in Argentinien wurde immer schlimmer. 1984 übersiedelten wir nach Wien. Ich hatte Argentinien nie gern, ich gewöhnte mich nie an die südamerikanische Mentalität: an Unpünktlichkeit, an die Zahlungsmoral der Leute, an das Klima; ich dachte immer anders als die Argentinier.

Wahrscheinlich blieb ich immer ein Europäer. Meine Frau war zu dieser Zeit eine begeisterte Argentinierin. Sie hatte ihre zwei Brüder und deren Familien in Buenos Aires. Heute kann man in Argentinien überhaupt nicht mehr leben, es ist furchtbar: Arbeitslosigkeit, Armut und alle drei Stunden passiert ein Mord.

Wir gingen also nach Wien und wohnten zuerst im 7. Bezirk. In Wien habe ich als Handelsvertreter gearbeitet, ich hatte Textilvertretungen aus Portugal.

Mein Sohn war 25 Jahre alt und hatte in Argentinien eine argentinische Christin geheiratet. Auch die Schwiegertochter kam mit nach Wien. Sie arbeitete und mein Sohn besuchte ein paar Jahre die Technische Universität. Er wollte Ingenieur werden, unterbrach aber dann das Studium. Er ist selbständig und unterrichtet im Fach Rhetorik.

Wir haben eine Enkeltochter, Nastassia, das ist die Tochter meines Sohnes. Sie lebt mit ihrer Mutter in Buenos Aires. Die Ehe ging auseinander, und meine Schwiegertochter ging mit dem Kind nach Argentinien zurück. Mein Sohn blieb in Wien und fliegt so oft er kann nach Argentinien. Jetzt, wo Nastassia größer ist, kommt sie einmal im Jahr nach Wien und bleibt ein, zwei Monate hier.

Meiner Tochter gefiel es in Österreich nicht. Sie arbeitete einige Zeit als Verkäuferin beim Schöps [Textilkette] am Stephansplatz. Aber sie ist ein richtiges Holocaust-Opfer der zweiten Generation; sie will mit Deutschen und mit Österreichern nichts zu tun haben. Sie hat uns gesagt: Ich bin Argentinierin und habe in Österreich nichts verloren. Dann fuhr sie zurück. Sie arbeitete in Buenos Aires als dreisprachige Sekretärin, aber im Moment ist sie leider arbeitslos.

Sie ist eine ganz besonders gute Jüdin, aber sie ist nicht religiös. Genauso wie für mich, wäre es für sie nie in Frage gekommen, keinen Juden zu heiraten. Sie hat natürlich in der Synagoge geheiratet, das war für sie selbstverständlich. Mein Sohn ist diesbezüglich anders.

Wir waren einige Male in Israel. Ich bin kein Zionist, ich war nie Zionist, aber es gefiel mir. Ich bin uneingeschränkt pro-israelisch, aber meine Frau und ich haben nie daran gedacht, in Israel zu leben. Es hat uns gut gefallen, aber wir waren Touristen, und wir haben gewusst, dass wir Touristen sind.

Ich war sehr oft geschäftlich in Ungarn, jahrelang war ich einmal die Woche in Budapest. Wenn ich die alten Ungarn sehe, dann sehe ich sie vor mir in der Pfeilkreuzler Uniform. Ich habe die Ungarn nicht gern, Budapest ist eine schöne Stadt, aber Gott behüte dort leben zu müssen!

Bis zu Haider 18 hatte ich die Vergangenheit verdrängt, das ist mir gelungen, bewusst oder unbewusst. Ich schau mir keine KZ Filme an, ich lese keine Bücher über KZs. Meine Frau schaut sich immer solche Filme an. Nach dem Haider hat sich dann doch irgendwie die Vergangenheit aufgetan.

Ich habe an den Österreich-Anschluss und an die Verfolgung in Österreich keine Erinnerung. Ich hasse nur die Ungarn, für mich sind die Nazis die Ungarn. Ich bin gern Österreicher, man kann fast sagen ich liebe Wien. Ich bin gern hier, ich habe nicht das Problem, das die meisten Leute, auch meine Frau, haben, wenn sie alte Menschen sehen.

Wenn die zum Beispiel schöne Juwelen tragen, fragt sie sich immer: Von welchem toten Juden stammen die? Das würde mir in Ungarn so gehen. Ich habe in der Schule immer nur in Ungarn gerauft, weil sie mich Saujud nannten; das war nicht in Wien. Ein einziges Mal habe ich mich gerächt. Am ersten Tag nach der Befreiung habe ich den Burschen verprügelt, der mich in der Schule immer gequält hatte. Ich habe ihn gesucht, gefunden, und verprügelt.

Ich hatte später in meinem Geschäftsleben in Wien ein paar jüdische Kunden. Alle anderen Kunden wussten, dass ich Jude bin, aber ich hatte nie ein Problem. Ich habe nie ein Geheimnis daraus gemacht. Außerdem schaue ich ja wahrscheinlich jüdisch aus und die Österreicher - ich kenne meine Landsleute - die riechen irgendwie den Juden.

Ich weiß, dass sie Antisemiten sind. Ich habe es nur nie an meiner Person gespürt. Ich weiß, dass sie gemordet haben, ich weiß, dass verhältnismäßig viel mehr Österreicher in der SS waren, als Deutsche. Ich weiß alles genau. Ich weiß auch ganz genau, dass die Ungarn ärgere Antisemiten sind und die Polen und die Ukrainer noch ärgere. Sicher ist mir das bewusst, dass sie es sind: unbewusst und versteckt und heutzutage nicht mehr so versteckt, das weiß ich auch.

Ich habe mich nach meiner Rückkehr nach Wien wirklich gut gefühlt, zu Hause gefühlt. Über den Waldheim 19 hatte ich mich aber nicht sehr aufgeregt. Ich meine: Wenn dieser Mann zweimal hintereinander Generalsekretär der UNO war, dann hatten sie ihn ja wirklich auf Herz und Nieren geprüft. Ich bin auch heute noch überzeugt davon, dass er eigentlich kein Nazi war, er ist nur ein Lügner und ein Opportunist. Der hat die Vergangenheit auf seine Art bewältigt, in dem er sie verdrängt hat.

Mit dem Haider habe ich meine Probleme. Ich bin überzeugt davon, dass er nie Bundeskanzler wird, nur war ich auch überzeugt davon, dass seine Partei, die FPÖ nie mehr als zehn Prozent der Wählerstimmen kriegen würde und dann bekam sie 25 Prozent! Aber jetzt glaube ich, es ist mit Haider vorbei.

Den Antisemitismus gab es immer und wird es immer geben. Ich weiß nicht, wer das gesagt hat: Antisemitismus ist kein Problem der Juden, es ist ein Problem der Antisemiten. Nur müssen wir damit leben.

Wir wohnen in einem Haus der Jüdischen Gemeinde. Seitdem wir hier wohnen, ist unser jüdisches Leben aktiver. Wir bekommen die Gemeindezeitung und gehen zu Veranstaltungen. Wir gehen auch einmal im Monat zum Treffen der alten Hakoaner im Café Schottenring. Ich sage immer:

Wer in Wien mit diesen wenigen Juden ein jüdisches Leben leben will, der kann jeden Tag irgendeine Veranstaltung haben - das ist kein Problem. Wir leben kein religiöses jüdisches Leben, sondern ein gesellschaftlich jüdisches Leben. Zu den hohen Feiertagen gehen wir aber selbstverständlich in die Synagoge.

Meine Frau hat sich eigentlich nie richtig in Wien eingelebt. Wir haben unser Enkelkind in Argentinien, und sie ist sehr eng verbunden mit ihrem jüngeren Bruder in Argentinien. Es tut ihr natürlich weh, dass sie die Familie in Argentinien so selten sieht.

Aber seitdem wir hier in dem Haus sozusagen unser eigenes 'Ghetto' gegründet haben, geht es ihr besser. Es hat aber vielleicht auch damit zu tun, dass sie sich in Argentinien nicht mehr zu Hause fühlen kann. Und aus Wien weggehen, dafür sind wir schon zu alt.

  • Glossar:

1 ESRA: 1994 gegründet, bemüht sich das psychosoziale Zentrum ESRA um die medizinische, therapeutische und sozialarbeiterische Versorgung von Opfern der Shoah und deren Angehörigen sowie um die Beratung und Betreuung von in Wien lebenden Juden; weiters bietet ESRA Integrationshilfen für jüdische Zuwanderer.

2 k.u.k. steht für 'kaiserlich und königlich' und ist die allgemein übliche Bezeichnung für staatliche Einrichtungen der österreichisch- ungarischen Monarchie, z.B.: k.u.k. Armee; k.u.k. Zoll; k.u.k. Hoflieferant...

3 Theresienstadt [Terezin] : Ende des 18. Jahrhunderts gegründete Garnisonsstadt in der heutigen Tschechischen Republik, die während der Zeit des Nationalsozialismus zum Ghetto umfunktioniert wurde. In Theresienstadt waren 140.000 Juden interniert, die meisten aus dem Protektorat Böhmen und Mähren, aber auch aus Mittel- und Westeuropa. Nur etwa 19,000 der Menschen, die in Theresienstadt waren, überlebten.

4 Jom Kippur: der jüdische Versöhnungstag, der wichtigste Festtag im Judentum. Im Mittelpunkt stehen Reue und Versöhnung. Essen, Trinken, Baden, Körperpflege, das Tragen von Leder und sexuelle Beziehungen sind an diesem Tag verboten.

5 Koscher [hebr.: rein, tauglich]: den jüdischen Speisegesetzen entsprechend.

6 Schabbat [hebr.: Ruhepause]: der siebente Wochentag, der von Gott geheiligt ist, erinnert an das Ruhen Gottes am siebenten Tag der Schöpfungswoche. Am Schabbat ist jegliche Arbeit verboten. Er soll dem Gottesfürchtigen dazu dienen, Zeit mit Gott zu verbringen. Der Schabbat beginnt am Freitagabend und endet am Samstagabend.

7 Seder [hebr.: Ordnung]: wird als Kurzbezeichnung für den Sederabend verwendet. Der Sederabend ist der Auftakt des Pessach-Festes. An ihm wird im Kreis der Familie (oder der Gemeinde) des Auszugs aus Ägypten gedacht.

8 Hagadah od.Haggadah od. Haggada [hebr: 'Verkündung/Erzählung']:Büchlein, das am Sederabend beim Festmahl mit der Familie gemeinsam gelesen und gesungen wird. Das Buch beschreibt das Exil in Ägypten und den Auszug in die Freiheit.

9 Anschluss: Der Anschluss Österreichs an das Deutsche Reich. Nach dem Rücktritt von Bundeskanzler Schuschnigg am 11. März 1938 besetzten in ganz Österreich binnen kurzem Nationalsozialisten alle wichtigen Ämter. Am 12. März marschierten deutsche Truppen in Österreich ein. Mit dem am 13. März 1938 verlautbarten 'Verfassungsgesetz über die Wiedervereinigung Österreichs mit dem Deutschen Reich' war der 'Anschluss' de facto vollzogen.

10 Judengesetze: Bezeichnung für Gesetze, deren Ziel die Benachteiligung von Juden ist. Herausragende Bedeutung nehmen dabei die im Dritten Reich erlassenen Nürnberger Gesetze ein.

11 Pfeilkreuzler: 1937 aus der von Ferenc Szalási gegründeten 'Partei des nationalen Willens' hervorgegangene faschistische Bewegung. Nach dem Versuch der Regierung unter Miklós Horthy, einen Separatfrieden mit den Alliierten zu schließen, übernahmen die Pfeilkreuzler im Oktober 1944 die Macht in Ungarn.

Mit ihrer Hilfe wurde von den Deutschen im November 1944 die zweite Deportationswelle durchgeführt. In Terroraktionen ermordeten Pfeilkreuzler bis zur Befreiung durch die sowjetische Armee im Januar 1945 noch mehrere tausend Budapester Juden.

12 Wallenberg, Raoul [1912-?]: 1944 schickte die schwedische Regierung Wallenberg nach Budapest, um Maßnahmen zur Rettung der dortigen Juden anzustreben. Wallenberg verteilte Schutzpässe und organisierte die Unterbringung seiner Schützlinge in über 30 Schutzhäusern.

Die schwedischen Schutzhäuser bildeten zusammen u. a. mit denen Spaniens ein internationales Ghetto, in dem sich etwa 30.000 Menschen befanden. Zusammen mit anderen Diplomaten gelang es Wallenberg, diese Juden vor dem sicheren Tod zu bewahren. Wallenberg wurde 1945 von den Sowjets gefangengenommen und nach Moskau verschleppt. Dort verliert sich seine Spur. Laut Angaben der Sowjetunion ist Wallenberg 1947 in einem Moskauer Gefängnis gestorben.

13 Yad Vashem: Nationale Gedenkstätte in Jerusalem zur Erinnerung an die Verfolgung und Ermordung von Juden durch Nationalsozialisten.

14 Allee der Gerechten: Allee in der Holocaust-Gedenkstätte Yad Vashem, an der Bäume gepflanzt wurden, die an jene nicht-jüdischen Menschen erinnern soll, die Juden während des Naziregimes beigestanden haben.

15 Hakoah [hebr.: Kraft]: 1909 in Wien gegründeter jüdischer Sportverein. Bekannt wurde vor allem die Fußballmannschaft [1925 österreichischer Meister]; der Verein brachte auch Ringer, Schwimmer und Wasserballer hervor, die internationale und olympische Titel errangen. Nach dem Anschluss Österreichs 1938 an das Deutsche Reich wurden die Spielstätten beschlagnahmt und der Verein 1941 verboten.

16 Koreakrieg: Koreakrieg [1950 - 1953]: Krieg zwischen Demokratischen Volksrepublik Korea [Nordkorea] und ihren chinesischen Verbündeten auf der einen Seite und der Republik Korea [Südkorea], die von UNO-Truppen [vor allem US-amerikanischen] unterstützt wurde, auf der anderen Seite.

Er brach am 25. Juni aus, und beide Parteien eroberten wechselseitig beinahe die gesamte koreanische Halbinsel. Letzten Endes führte er wieder zu der Ausgangsposition zurück und zementierte die Teilung Koreas ein. Er endete am 27. Juli 1953 mit der Unterzeichnung eines Waffenstillstandsabkommens, das bis heute in Kraft ist.

17 Bar Mitzwa: [od. Bar Mizwa; aramäisch: Sohn des Gebots], ist die Bezeichnung einerseits für den religionsmündigen jüdischen Jugendlichen, andererseits für den Tag, an dem er diese Religionsmündigkeit erwirbt, und die oft damit verbundene Feier. Bei diesem Ritus wird der Junge in die Gemeinde aufgenommen.

18 Haider, Jörg [geb.1950]: österreichischer Politiker der BZÖ, einer Abspaltung der rechtsextremen FPÖ. Ab 1979 war er Abgeordneter der FPÖ im Nationalrat. 1986 Parteivorsitzender. 1989 - 1991 sowie 2004 bis heute Landeshauptmann von Kärnten.

Haider hat wiederholt fremdenfeindliche, rassistische, antisemitische und das NS-Regime verharmlosende Aussagen getätigt. Im Jahr 2000 war Haider an der Bildung einer Koalitionsregierung zwischen ÖVP und FPÖ maßgeblich beteiligt, was international zu Protesten bis hin zu diplomatischen Sanktionen durch die EU führte.

19 Waldheim, Kurt [geb. 1918]: österreichischer christlich-demokratischer Politiker. 1968 - 1970 Außenminister; 1964 - 1968 und 1970 - 1971 war er Botschafter Österreichs bei den Vereinten Nationen. Als Waldheim-Affäre wird die Aufdeckung der NS-Vergangenheit Waldheims im Zuge des Präsidentschaftswahlkampfes 1986 bezeichnet.

Waldheim konnte die Mitgliedschaft in der SA sowie im NS-Studentenbund nachgewiesen werden. Des Weiteren hat er über seinen Dienst in der Wehrmacht im Zweiten Weltkrieg gelogen. Andere Unterstellungen [Beteiligung an Kriegsverbrechen] erwiesen sich jedoch als haltlos.

Vince Jánosné

Életrajz

Vince Jánosnét városmajori otthonában látogattam meg. Az alig 40 éves ház, ahová lánya, Judit születése után költözött férjével, Jánossal, még mindig rendezett, jó állapotú. Otthonában – néhány éve, férje halála és a közelmúltban Izraelbe alijázott Marci unokája távozása óta Bickó kutyával élnek kettesben. A lakás magán viseli két értelmiségi ember ízlését, sok száz könyv, külföldről hozott, inkább eszmei értéket képviselő tárgyak, rézkarcok, puha párnák, kényelmes bútorok, több, olvasásra, keresztrejtvényfejtésre vagy jóízű beszélgetésre hívogató, meleg fényt árasztó sarok.
 
Anyai dédapám, Hoffmann Manó, aki tíz évvel a születésem előtt halt meg, néptanító volt, állami elemiben, alsó tagozatban tanított vidéken, és amikor nyugdíjba ment, a fiához-menyéhez [Hadinger Ede és felesége] költözött a Thököly út 17-be.  Dédanyámról nem hallottam sokat, ő nagyon mélyen vallásos volt. Nagyszüleimtől, szüleimtől túl sokat nem hallottam róluk. Kóser háztartást vezettek. Dédapám óriási étvágyáról volt híres. Menye, a nagyanyám mindig kínálta, egyen papa! Én? Eszem! Nem, papa, maga nem eszik, hanem fal…

Apai nagyanyám, Hirsch Leonóra 1860-ban született, valahol a Délvidéken, úgy emlékszem, Zentán, sokgyerekes zsidó családból származott, ahol nem tudom, miért, németül beszéltek – nem jiddisül, az irodalmi németet beszélték egymás között. Apai nagyapám, Deutsch Ignác papírügynök volt, egy úton rosszul lett, többet nem látták, meghalt. Feltehetően vidéken lett eltemetve, hogy hol, nem tudom. Nagyanyám szerint nyilván infarktust kapott, hiszen nagyon kövér ember volt, s nem volt jó a szíve. Ez idő tájt apám hat-hét éves lehetett…

Hét gyerekkel maradt özvegyen a nagyanyám, s a legfiatalabb két és féléves volt. Nagyanyám legidősebb fiútestvére jómódú bőrgyáros volt, úgy hívták a bőrgyárát, hogy Hirsch Jakab Színes Bőrgyár, ő segítette őket [Feltehetően a Hirsch A. Jakab Bőrgyárról van szó. A Hirsch család a 19. sz. közepétől bőrkereskedelemmel foglalkozott a Belvárosban. Hirsch Jakab fia, György kezdett bőrgyártásba Újpesten. Kezdetben l0-l2 emberrel és leselejtezett gépekkel gyártottak kesztyű- és díszműbőröket. Igazi gyárnak 1940-től tekinthető a bőrgyár, amikor már a magyarországi kecskebőrök 65%-át dolgozták fel. Saját bőráruházuk volt a Károly körúton. A gyár a második világháborút kisebb sérülésekkel átvészelte, 1948 márciusában a többi újpesti bőrgyárral együtt államosították, neve Díszműbőrgyár lett. – A szerk.]. Nem rendszeresen, az igaz, hanem ha jelezték, hogy rászorulnának. Ő fizette például a lakbérüket, ami akkoriban nem volt kis pénz, több mint száz pengőt tett ki, az akkori álomfizetés, a kétszáz pengő felét.  Nagyanyámék összkomfortosan laktak a Thököly út 38-ban – ma is ugyanúgy néz ki a ház, mint akkor, nyolc egyforma, úgynevezett Beszkárt ház volt –, egy háromszobás lakásban, de nem túl nagy kényelemben, személyzet nélkül, és a nagyanyám mindent maga csinált, még sajtot is, és nem is vezetett kóser háztartást. Végig ott maradtak abban a lakásban, fel sem merült, hogy kisebbe költöznének. Nagyanyám rendkívül művelt nő volt, zeneileg is, pedig soha nem tanult semmilyen hangszeren, könyvtáruk sem volt, kölcsönzött könyveket, így szerzett műveltséget.

Hirsch Jakabék a Honvéd utcában laktak, nagyon szép polgári lakásban, háztartási alkalmazottal. A feleségét Ilkának hívták. Jakab bácsi nagyon kellemetlen természetű, mogorva ember volt. Többször hívott meg bennünket ebédre, de ezek az ebédek csendesen teltek el, szinte szótlanul.

Nagyanyám bölcsen és nagy rezignációval fogadta az özvegységet, egész nap horgolt a Városligetben, a gyerekek meg egymást nevelték. Olyan is volt, hogy a nagyanyám hazajött, és teljes csend volt a lakásban, hét gyerek – négy fiú, három lány – mellett! Ez azt jelentette, hogy a nagyobbak gombfociztak, és a kicsik az ablak közé voltak zárva. És ha a gyerekek azt mondták, hogy: „Mama! Éhesek vagyunk”, akkor a nagymamám azt felelte: „Nyaljatok sót! Attól szomjasak lesztek, vizünk korlátlanul van.” A lányok gyönyörűek voltak, és valamennyien jómódú fiúkhoz, bankfiúkhoz vagy tőzsdésekhez mentek feleségül, ami akkor nagyon sokat jelentett. A fiúk jóképűek voltak, és nem szerelemből nősültek. Mindannyian érdekből házasodtak, egyre gazdagabb nőket vettek feleségül.

Az első fiú, Pali textilszakmát tanult, és háromszor nősült: az első felesége a Miskolczy Márta volt, a családban csak így emlegettük, hogy Pali elvette az Újpesti Tarkánszövőt [A Miskolczy Kendőgyár érdekeltségébe tartozó Újpesti Tarkánszövő és Kikészítőgyár Rt.-ről van szó. – A szerk.], aminek a tulajdonosa Márta apja, Miskolczy Ignác volt. Őt gazdag zsidó gyárosokkal együtt a Rabbiképző épületében verték agyon a nyilasok. Ebből a házasságból két lány született: Judit, aki harminc évesen súlyos depressziója miatt öngyilkos lett, és Mariann, aki ma is él, hetven év felett van, a férjét Szegő Jánosnak hívják, mérnökember, és hűtőgépgyáraik vannak Brazíliában. Ők nagyon jómódúak most is. A második felesége a „Preisz Pékség”, azaz Preisz Annus volt, majd a Techel és Tusák Paplangyár tulajdonosának lányát vette el. Több bérháza is volt, a Szemere utcában és a Benczúr utca 1. is az övé volt, szobalány, szakácsnő, lány a gyerekek mellett. Nagyon elegáns volt a Szemere utcai lakás, ott voltunk sokszor. De mindig éreztetve volt velünk az, hogy mennyivel jobban élnek, mint mi.

Paliék annyira nem voltak vallásosak, hogy karácsonyt tartottak, ahová mindig meg is hívtak engem, és az ajándékok a fa alatt voltak. Elég furcsán éreztem ott magam. Pali katolikus papként bujkált egy kispesti parókián, így menekült meg. Talán 1948-ban mehetett ki Brazíliába, ott cukrászdát nyitottak, és kábé húsz évig ebből éltek. Mariann 1956-ban ment ki az apja után.

Andor, a második fiú Gyöngyösön elvette Kardos Klotildot, a „Kardos Fatelep” tulajának lányát, aki rendkívül csúnya nő volt. Gyermekük nem született. Anyám mesélte, hogy látta őket vőlegény-menyasszonyként, és amikor Klotild odahajolt Andorhoz, hogy megcsókolja, az ellökte magától. Anyám úgy mesélte, ő már akkor érezte, ez nem lesz jó házasság. Mégsem válás vetett véget a házasságuknak, a fasizmus lerendezte, mindketten Auschwitzban pusztultak el.

Miklós elvette anyám unokatestvérét, aki zongoratanárnő volt, Hadinger Ilonát, s később ők hozták össze anyámat apámmal. Miklós munkaszolgálatban halt meg. Miklóséknak egy lányuk született, Klári, aki mindvégig titkolta zsidóságát, és Angliába ment férjhez. Utolsó, harmadik férje a londoni repülőtéren a feltálalandó menüket állította össze, s nem tudta, hogy milyen vallású a felesége. Egyszer voltak látogatni Magyarországon. A feleség nevetve mesélte – erre emlékszem –, hogy nézték otthon a tévét, egy operaénekes adott elő áriákat, és a férj megszólalt: „Nézd, ez a hülye zsidó énekel, ahelyett, hogy dolgozna.” És Klári ezen akkor is csak nevetett. Klárinak az első házasságából született gyermeke, a második férje pedig kereskedelmi hajós volt, ott is éltek, a hajón.

A negyedik fiú az apám volt, Dezső Árpád. Ő magyarosította a nevét kábé tizenhét-tizennyolc éves korában Deutschról Dezsőre. Az okát nem tudom, és a testvérei közül a lányok voltak azok, akik nem magyarosítottak, a fiúk igen.

A három lánytestvér: Jolán, Ilonka és Katica volt. Jolán férje, Vajda Marcell terménytőzsdés volt, egy fiuk született, aki Izraelben élt és dolgozott, a Bank Hapoalimnak volt az igazgatója. Kétszer nősült, a második felesége csodálatos nő volt, aki már ott, Izraelben született, ezredesként szolgált az izraeli hadseregben, majd leszerelt, s ezután a jeruzsálemi polgármesternek lett a titkárnője. Még él, nyolcvan év körüli lehet. Egy közös gyerekük született, és gondolom, néhány unokájuk van most. 1990 körül látogattuk meg őket, nagyon kedvesek voltak velünk.

Ilonka Pesten élt, három-négy éve halt meg, a századik születése napját követő pár héttel. A századik születésnapját nagyon szépen ünnepelték meg, zászlókkal, tükörre helyezett hatalmas tortával. Az ő férje hitközségi vezető volt. A fiuk a tévénél volt vezető állásban. Ilonka néni valamennyire még elment templomba, nyaranta üdült az ortodox hitközségi üdülőben, hiszen elvárták tőle a férje beosztása miatt, de nem volt vallásos.

Jolán és Ilonka a Szent István park 25-ben volt a zsidóüldözéskor (ott halt meg a nagyanyám is), ami védett ház volt. Bár a védett házakba csak menlevéllel lehetett menni, annak akkor nem sok gyakorlati jelentősége volt a zsidók biztonsága szempontjából.

Katica, a harmadik lány – ellentétben a másik kettővel – buta és rosszindulatú volt. Brucker Henrikhez ment feleségül, akinek svájci textilképviselete volt. A férj súlyos cukorbeteg volt, ami Auschwitzban szünetelt, talán az éhezéstől. Nagyon későn érkezett haza onnan, 1945 szeptemberében. Katica hamis papírokkal vészelte át, bujkált a holokauszt alatt, például a nyaralójukban a Rómaifürdőn, erdélyi menekültnek adva ki magát.

Minden gyerek érettségizett, és olyan szakmát tanult, amivel meg lehetett élni. Nem egyházi iskolában tanultak. Például az apám a bőrszakmát, Miklós vegyészetet, Pali textilszakmát, Andorról nem tudok, a lányok mind tudtak varrni is. Egyikük sem élt vallásos életet.

Az anyai dédapa, Hadinger Lipót Tolna megyében, Györkönyben volt sokgyerekes mészáros [Györköny – nagyközség volt Tolna vm.-ben, 1891-ben 2800 főnyi, főleg német lakossal. – A szerk.]. Minden gyerekét tizennégy éves korában önállósította. Ez azt jelentette, hogy például nagyapám, Hadinger Ede, aki csak négy elemit végzett, tizennégy éves korában kapott egy szarvasmarhát, és avval gyalog elindult Budapestre önálló életet élni, majd ő is mészáros lett. Akkoriban a Garay téri piac még nem ilyen formájában létezett, illetve épületrésze nem volt, így ő standon árult. Egyre nagyobb tételekben. És húsz-huszonkét éves korára már fióküzletei voltak: a Szív utcában, a Garay téren, a Cserhát utca sarkán. Több alkalmazottja is volt, segédjei voltak, akik nála szabadultak fel, ő vizsgáztatta le őket. Hitközségi szállító is volt, és nagyon fiatalon, huszonkét éves korában meg is nősült.

Egy Hoffmann Hermin nevű, nagyon szép, nagyon okos, szellemes, elegáns, igényesen öltözködő, vallásos nőt vett feleségül. Herminnek nagy szerepe volt az üzlet fellendülésében, rengeteget segített, dolgozott a férjének. Róla alig tudok valamit, négy évvel a születésem előtt halt meg gyomorrákban. A testvére vagy unokatestvére Stern Samu volt, a hitközség akkori elnöke. Nagyapa is ismerte a vallást, de nem volt bigott vallásos. 

Hadinger Ede, mint mondtam, kóser mészáros volt. De a háztartásuk csak a húsok, felvágottak szempontjából volt kóser. Nagyapám üzlete és lakása két háznyira volt tőlünk, a Garay tér 12-ben. Saját házban. Az első emeleten az egyetlen erkélyes lakás az övé volt. Három szoba volt, az egyikben egy óriási zongora és egy tonettszekrény volt, a középsőben, az ebédlőben egy nagy ebédlőasztal, egy dívány volt, ezen kívül csak a hálószoba volt. A háztartását egy Katica nevű alkalmazott vezette, aki vidékről érkezett, és úgynevezett „szombatos” volt [lásd: szombatosok]. Később derült ki, hogy rendszeresen lopott nagyapámtól.

Nagyapám nagyon jó szakember volt, a Mészáros Ipartestület [Mészárosok és Hentesek Ipartestülete] alelnöke volt tizenvalahány évig. Egyszer elvitt magával a Hűvösvölgybe, ahol átadtak akkor egy Aggok Házát idős mészárosok számára, nagyapám mondott avatóbeszédet, ő szervezte az egészet. Tekintélyes ember volt, mindenkit ismert, és mindenki ismerte a szakmában. Kóser mészáros korától adott arra, hogy templomba járjon: a volt Aréna úti [ma Dózsa György út] templomba nagyobb ünnepekkor, Sábátkor pedig a Thököly útra, egy kisebb imaházba.

A Garay téri üzlet pincéjében – kicsit nagyképűen – az volt kiírva, hogy „szalámigyár”, öt-hat nem zsidó alkalmazottal folyt a húsfeldolgozás és egy mesgiáchhal, Kohn úrral, akit a hitközség küldött oda. Latabárék is nála vásároltak. Ugyanakkor, hitközségi szállítóként kórházakba is vittek húst. Emlékszem, maga az üzlet is szinte a mennyezetig csempézve volt, fehér-bordó díszítéssel, pultok voltak, tőke, ahol a húsokat vágták, azt naponta sikálták például, és a mesgiách, mivel szépen is rajzolt, ő csinálta az ártáblákat, amihez rajzokat is mellékelt, például a párizsihoz az Eiffel-tornyot. Semmilyen fűtés nem volt, télen dermesztő hideg volt, anyám, ha néha kisegíteni ment oda, borzasztóan szenvedett emiatt. Egy idő után elválasztották a helyiséget, mert a kóser vágodának külön kellett működnie, és a csirkéket például Friedmann úr vágta csak le. A pincében, amely világos és tiszta volt, az országban az elsők között üzemelt nagy hűtőkapacitás,  egy óriási szoba végig hűtőnek volt kialakítva, ahol olyan minőségű felvágottakat csinált, hogy például a hagyományos Budapesti Nemzetközi Vásáron kábé 1940-ben, „Hanna Szalámigyár” néven működő pavilonjában sorba álltak az emberek [Az első BNV – ezen a néven – 1925-ben volt, de előzményének tekinthető az 1906-ban először megrendezett Tavaszi Árumintavásár, amely később a Keleti Vásár nevet kapta. – A szerk.]. Az asszony [Hermin] rendkívül szorgalmas volt, öt órakor már az üzletben, a pénztárban ült, télen-nyáron. .

A nagyapámnak, emlékszem, nagy baráti köre volt, minden áldott nap összejöttek a nagypapa lakásában alsózni a barátai: a Mészáros Ipartestület elnöke, a Kollár úr, egy állatorvos, a Bojniczer és egy Jánosi nevű mészáros, aki valami funkciót töltött be a testületnél. Kártyázás közben bort ittak, és engem annyira idegesített az, hogy ugyanazt a mondatot ¬– „Mit mondott a kabai asszony? Igyunk egyet, komámasszony!” – vagy ötvenszer elmondták.

Az anyai nagyapámat azért nem szerettem, mert belém nevelték, hogy „a nagypapát szeretni kell”. Érzelmileg ellenálltam. Nagyapa rendkívül erőszakos ember volt, nem tűrt semmiféle ellentmondást, hiába szerettem volna vele vitatkozni, nem lehetett. Sokat jelentett, hogy ő jómódú ember volt, a család pénzügyi helyzetét mindig ő tette rendbe, mivel apám hol állásban volt, hol nem. Bőrkereskedése volt, és hol tönkrement az üzlete, hol pedig B-listára tették [A B-listázás az állami alkalmazottakat érintette. Nincs utalás arra, hogy Vince Jánosné apja valaha is állami alkalmazott lett volna, úgyhogy ez valószínűleg tévedés. – A szerk.]. Anyagilag tőle [a nagypapától] függött a család. Velem is gavallér ember volt, mégsem szerettem. Sokszor ölébe vett, különféle beceneveket adott nekem és zsebpénzt! Ha bementem az üzletébe, annyi pénzt adott, hogy két-három napig főzhettünk belőle. A házasságuk, egész biztos, hogy nem volt jó, mert a nagyapám egy durva, goromba ember volt, a nagyanyám meg egy finom, szellemes, okos nő volt. Ennyit tudok a nagyanyámról, meghalt még az én születésem előtt, 1922-ben.

Anyám, Hadinger Erzsébet a Váci utcai leánygimnáziumban érettségizett. Nagyon művelt nő volt az anyám. Otthon francia- és némettanárnő foglalkozott vele, mindkét nyelven szépen beszélt is. Görögöt tanult az iskolában, és borzasztó ügyként kezelte, és évekig mesélte is, hogy egyszer megbukott belőle. Volt egy franciatanárnője, aki később nagyon elszegényedett, idős is volt már, őt támogatta anyagilag. Anyám, úgymond, úrilány volt – ezt akkoriban így mondták –, és nem dolgozott, egy úrilány nem dolgozik. Tárlatokra járt, a festményeket nagyon szerette, volt is érzéke a művészetekhez. Rajzolni is tanult, tehát ő azt tette, amit szeretett, aminek örült. A házasságkötése [1922] előtt a Thököly út 17-ben lakott [A nagypapa tehát valamikor 1922 körül vett saját házat a Garay tér 12. szám alatt, és akkor költözött el a Thököly út 17-ből. – A szerk].

Anyámnak egy testvére volt, a Hadinger Gyuri – ő később Hidasra magyarosította a nevét –, aki a Szent István Gimnáziumban érettségizett, és nagyon nagy törésként élte meg kamaszként anyja halálát. Amennyire kedvvel, szívvel végezte nagyapám a szakmát, a mészárosságot, Gyuri, aki szintén kitanulta, sose szerette, csak az apja miatt lett mészáros. Kizárólag a zene érdekelte, a zeneszerzés. Táncdalokat szerzett, több lemeze is megjelent tudomásom szerint. 1947-ben nősült először, de ettől a feleségétől elvált. A második felesége keresztény nő volt. Piroskának hívták, keramikus volt, gyermekük nem született. Tartottuk velük a kapcsolatot. Valamikor az 1990-es évek vége felé halt meg, az értesítőn keresztény temető volt megjelölve, és Jánossal úgy éreztük, mi nem vehetünk részt egy olyan szertartáson, ahol egy hajdani kóser mészárost nem a hagyománynak megfelelően búcsúztatnak.

A szüleimet az apám öccse, a Dezső Miklós hozta össze. Az Andrássy úti Lukács cukrászdában mutatták be őket egymásnak. Terveztek egyházi esküvőt is, de nagyanyám halála miatt, illetve a gyász miatt csak polgári esküvőt tartottak, ami a hetedik kerületi elöljáróságon volt. Körülbelül egy évig albérletben laktak a Dózsa György úton [akkor: Aréna út], mert közben készült a lakásuk: nagyapám vett egy földszintes házat az Alpár utcában [ma: Ida utca], ráhúzatott egy emeletet, és így oldódott meg a lakásgondjuk.

Mi az Alpár utca 4-ben laktunk, és egy sarokház választotta el a két lakást egymástól, de a házmesterlakáson át lehetett vágni, bemenni az ajtójukon, kijönni a konyhájukon, és már a Garay tér 12-ben is voltunk. De a lakás olyan elhanyagolt és koszos volt, hogy amíg átmentünk, visszatartottuk a lélegzetvételt. A házmester – akiről később úgy hallottam, a nyilasokhoz csapódott – mindkét házban dolgozott.  Mindennap találkoztam nagyapámmal, ha bementem az üzletbe, de vasárnaponként nála, nagyapámnál ebédeltünk. Az ebédeket a háztartási alkalmazottja, a Katica szolgálta fel. Nagyapám nagyon kényelmes ember volt, nagyon ritkán járt hozzánk, de elvárta, hogy mi menjünk hozzá. Meg a kóved miatt is. Nagyapám diktátor típusú ember volt, senki nem mert ellentmondani neki. Nagyapa és apám kapcsolata szívélyes volt, de nem volt meghitt. 

Háromszobás lakásban laktunk, nem voltak szomszédaink, a földszinten rendőrőrs volt, miénk volt az emelet. A hálószoba amolyan típusos hálószoba volt. Egyszerű bútorokkal berendezve, drapp, festett bútorokkal. Ágyak, toalett-tükör, éjjeliszekrények és egy dívány keresztben az ágy előtt. Két szekrény is volt, egy akasztós és egy polcos. A gyerekszoba volt az enyém, festve volt a fal, kiskoromban mesejelenetek voltak fölül. Minden este, amikor felkapcsolták a villanyt, jó estét kellett köszönni, ez nem tudom, miért volt így. Nagyon szerényen volt berendezve, sokáig megmaradt például a pólyázóasztalom és a rácsos ágyam. Egy kis vaskályha is volt, ami majd szétrobbant a forróságtól, de csak a környékén volt meleg. Az ebédlő tapétás volt, dohányszínű tapéta volt a falon kék mintával, elég nyomasztó volt számomra. De nagyon elegáns volt. A berendezést egy újpesti műbútorasztalos, Polgár Alajos csinálta, aki minden évben eljött, megnézte és végigsimogatta a bútort, hogy rendesen ápoljuk-e – mint a saját gyermekét –, és a faragásokat kis kefével kitisztogatta. Volt egy zongora, Palik és Fia gyártmányú, azon egy tisztaselyem terítő, egy Gorka váza [Föltehetően Gorka Géza (1894–1971) műve. – A szerk.], amiben szárazvirágcsokor volt. Volt egy nagyobbítható asztal is, óriásira lehetett kinyitni, kék ripszhuzatú hat székkel, komód és kredenc is volt, szép porcelánokkal. A lehetőség megvolt arra, hogy sokan üljük körül az asztalt, de mindig csak az asztal fele volt, fél abrosszal terítve. Egy gyönyörű türkizzöld majolikakályhánk volt, ami nagyon látványos volt, csak éppen nem fűtött rendesen. Úgyhogy az egész családi élet télen mindig a kályha körül zajlott, mindenki rátapadt, egymást lökdöstük, hogy meleghez jussunk. A konyha olyan hideg volt, hogy a szódavíz is megfagyott. A fürdőszobában fűteni kellett az óriási rézkályhát ahhoz, hogy melegvíz folyjon a csapból.

Anyám nem tudott ugyan főzni, de a háztartási alkalmazottat [Őket akkoriban cselédeknek hívták. – A szerk.], Szkuhala Zsófit be tudta tanítani. Szóban elmondta, amit ő a gyakorlatban nem tudott volna megcsinálni. Tőlem pedig már tizenhat éves koromban elvárták, hogy főzzek! Zsófit imádtam. Ő Szerbiából jött, magyarul rosszul beszélt, németül viszont jól. S ha anyám azt akarta, hogy ne értsek valamit, akkor németül beszélt a Zsófival. Tizenegy évig volt nálunk. Nem mi voltunk az első munkahelye, ő akkor harminc-negyven év körül lehetett. Hosszú vörös haja volt, amit kontyban hordott, és én nagyon szerettem fésülgetni a haját, néha megengedte. Nem volt túl kedves, de én nagyon kötődtem hozzá. A konyhából nyíló kis szobában aludt. Nem ültünk vele egy asztalnál, ő a konyhában evett. Ez volt a szokás. Volt cselédkönyve is. Mindenkivel jó kapcsolatban volt, nagyon érzékeny ember volt Zsófi. Ha anyám keresett valamit, és nem talált, rögtön azt gondolta szegény, hogy rajta keresi. Pedig nálunk nem számított, ki mennyit eszik. Zsófi mondogatta ilyenkor: „Ja nem kapom enni, már menem is.” Majd jött egy rendelet, talán 1940-ben, hogy a külföldi állampolgároknak el kell hagyni Magyarországot. Zsófi köszönés nélkül ment el, mert annyira fájt a szíve. Hazautazott, soha többet nem hallottam róla [Az 1940. április 25-én kiadott, 500/1940. számú belügyminiszteri rendelet alapján a hatósági engedély nélkül Magyarországon tartózkodó külföldi állampolgároknak a rendelet megjelenését (illetve érkezésüket) követő 24 órán belül jelentkezniük kellett a rendőrhatóságnál. A külföldiek tartózkodási helyüket a rendőrhatóság engedélye nélkül nem hagyhatták el. Amennyiben nem kaptak engedélyt a további itt-tartózkodásra, a tartózkodási engedély lejártával kötelesek voltak elhagyni az országot. – A szerk.]. Lett utódja, de ahhoz semmilyen érzelem nem fűzött.

Volt egy mosónő, az jött nagymosásra. Az szinte szertartásszámba ment, mert előző nap beáztatták a teknőt a mosókonyhában, aztán lúgot főztek. Még a napi koszt is ehhez igazodott, jó laktatós ételt kellett főzni, általában bablevest és valami tartalmas tésztát. A háztartási alkalmazott volt, aki vasalt, de annak is megvolt a módja, mert előzőleg fleichtolni kellett a ruhákat [azaz belocsolni], és a lepedőket kihuzigálni. Ehhez engem hívtak segítségül. Aztán nedvesen állt egy darabig [szorosan összetekerve], majd faszenes vasalóval ki lett vasalva. A szidolozás [Azaz főleg rézből, esetleg ezüstből készült holmik, kilincsek, küszöbsínek, esetleg ablakpárkányok stb. kifényesítése a Sidol nevű speciális tisztítószerrel. – A szerk.] péntekenként volt – tehát mindennek meg volt a maga ideje.

Apám rendkívül szerényen öltözködött, annyira szerényen, hogy előfordult az is, hogy foltozott ingben járt. Ha a gallér elkopott, akkor a hátából csináltak újabbat. De ő szeretett azzal demonstrálni, hogy nálunk páváskodjanak a nők. A férfiaknak nem kell. Igaz, csináltatott cipőben járt, de az akkor nem számított luxusnak. Az anyámnak nagyon jó ízlése volt, az én ruháimat is ő tervezte, és a Dembinszky utcában varrta meg egy nagyon ügyes varrónő. Házivarrónőnk is volt, rá nem bízott anyám komolyabb szakértelmet igénylő munkát, ő évente jött hozzánk foltozni. Mivel nagyon spórolt anyám, egyre olcsóbb varrónőnél varratott. De akkoriban bármilyen anyagi körülmények között éltek az emberek, javíttatták a ruháikat. Kabátot például egy Jelenfy nevű férfiszabó varrt nekünk az Elemér utcában, de az első kabátomat egy török szabó varrta, a nevére is emlékszem, Szarajlin Bukasinnak hívták.

Végül is nem éltünk rosszul, ha apámnak éppen volt állása, és jól keresett, a szüleim állandóan félretettek pénzt, gyűjtöttek nekem hozományra a Magyar–Olasz Bankban. Annyit, hogy szinte két háromemeletes házat lehetett volna belőle venni. Egész életükben spóroltak. Lakbérre nem volt kiadásunk természetesen, ha csak azt tették volna félre, az is száz pengő feletti összeg lett volna.

Apám szociáldemokrata vezető volt, szemináriumokat tartott. Rendkívül művelt volt, irodalomban, történelemben és ideológiailag is. Igen egyszerű emberek is jártak hozzá az Alpár utcai lakásba: fűtők, szénhordók, többnyire tanulatlan emberek. Bejöttek, köszöntek, én nem voltam olyankor bent a szobában. Volt köztük egy cipész is, Guzli Dávid, akinek apám odaadott később egy koffer holmit, hogy vigyázzon rá. A háború után visszaadott mindent. És elmondta, milyen kellemetlen volt neki a sárgacsillagos holmikat őrizni. Akkor már apám nem élt, amikor visszahozta a bőröndöt. Azt hiszem, apám összekötő volt a kommunista párt és a szociáldemokrata párt között, de ennél pontosabban nem tudom.

Anyámat egyáltalán nem érdekelte a politika. Ő inkább művészekkel, festőkkel jött össze, apámnak külön társasága volt. Közös barátaik nem nagyon voltak, mivel az ízlésviláguk merőben más volt. Néha közösen elmentek egy-egy evezős összejövetelre a Rómaira, a Podolecz-csónakházba. Társasági életet főként rokonokkal éltünk, például sréhen szemben lakott egy orvos nagybátyám: Dr. Sonkoly Ödön, aki korábban a Zsidókórházban, majd a Visegrádi utcai rendelőben volt szülész-nőgyógyász, és nyolcvanegy éves korában nősült először. Vele vagy délelőtt, vagy délután, de minden nap együtt voltunk mi, ketten, anyám és én. Nem kínálgatott bennünket semmivel, nagyokat nevettünk, és járkáltunk a lakásban.

A nagyszüleim még valamennyire vallásosak voltak, de a szüleim már nem. Nem vezettünk kóser háztartást. Sertéshúst természetesen nem ettünk, bár anyám egyfajta sonkát, ami sertéshúsból volt, nagyon szeretett, és a tejes–húsos szétválasztása sem volt tartva [lásd: étkezési törvények]. A nagyünnepeken kívül ritkán jártak templomba. Imaház volt a környékünkön az Aréna úton – ez most Dózsa György út –, közel a Thököly úthoz, a második vagy a harmadik ház lehetett. Legalább egy kilométernyire volt zsinagóga innen, s nagyobb ünnepeken gyalogoltunk. A zsinagóga az volt, ahol most vívóterem van. Jeles ünnepeken olyan helyre mentünk, ahol rabbi volt. Jom Kipurkor a huszonöt órás böjtöt megtartották a szüleim.

A Hanukát nem tartottuk, de otthon trenderliztünk. Tulajdonképpen mindig az evéssel járó és az örömünnepeket tartottuk meg szívesen, mint a széderestét, de azt csak a vacsoráig. Nem olyan nagyon régen tudtam meg, hogy ahogyan akkor csináltuk, az csak a felét jelenti a szédernek. A forgatókönyvet, a Hágádát az apám olvasta fel, hogy mit kell csinálni a nagyapámnak, aki levezette a szédert, és én mondtam gyerekként a má nistánót, nagyon lámpalázasan. Nagyapám testvére, a Cili néni jött el hozzánk Újpestről, ő csinálta meg a szédertálat, hogy minden rajta legyen [A szédertálon a következő rituális ételeknek  kell hagyományosan rajta lenniük: kárpász (ez általában petrezselyem), keserű fű (friss torma vagy saláta), hároszet, egy tálka sós víz, csontos sült hús (lábszár vagy csirkenyak) és fõtt tojás. A kárpász a tavaszt, a termékenységet, a reményt jelenti. A keserű fű a rabszolgaságban sínylődő zsidók keserű sorsát jelképezi. A hároszet a habarcsot jelenti, amellyel a zsidók az egyiptomi építkezéseken dolgoztak. A sós víz a zsidók könnyeit idézi. A tojás, amely a gyász hagyományos jelképe, a Templom lerombolására emlékeztet. Végül a hús azt jelképezi, hogy „kinyújtott karral” szabadította meg az Örökkévaló Izraelt. – A szerk.]. A vacsorát követően már nem folytatódott a felolvasás, de a négy pohár bort azért elfogyasztottuk [Széderkor kötelező négy pohár bort elfogyasztani. Azért ennyit, mert a Tóra négy különböző kifejezést használ Izrael kiszabadítására: „megszabadítalak benneteket”, „megmentelek benneteket”, „megváltalak benneteket” és „népemmé fogadlak titeket”. – A szerk.]. Az ennivaló hagyományos volt: maceszgombócos húsleves, utána csirkesült, marhahús, tarhonya, savanyúság, kompót, macesztorta. És a nyolc nap alatt nem ettünk más, mint amit lehet ilyenkor [lásd: Pészah]. 

A szüleim „kicselezték”, nehogy antiszemita benyomások érhessenek, mert elemibe még nem, de később zsidó iskolába járattak. Elemibe 1932-től az Aréna útra írattak be – ahová zömmel zsidó gyerekek jártak –, ez volt az az iskola, ahova még anyám is járt néhány évig. „Kert-iskola” vagy „Park Iskola” volt a neve. Köhögős, gyakran megbetegedő gyerekek jártak oda. Télen-nyáron oldalt nyitott pavilonokban tanultak a gyerekek a hátsó kertrészben. Ez már beépült azóta. Négy évig jártam oda: volt ott elemi, polgári és ingyenkonyha a szegényeknek. (A gyerekek nem kaptak enni sehol, csak később, a Zsidó Gimnáziumban volt étkezés.) Klári néninek hívták a tanárnőt. Néhány osztálytársamra emlékszem, például Neumann Györgyire ¬– vele a Zsidó Gimnáziumban is együtt jártam – és Goldberger Mártára, Halász Katira. Érdekes volt felnőtt emberként, megváltozott külsővel viszontlátni őket. Én csak zsidó gyerekekkel barátkoztam, anélkül, hogy bárhol, bármi atrocitás ért volna, talán ösztönösen. Iskolai rendezvények alkalmával néha szavalókórus jött előadást tartani, de állami ünnepekre és az ezekkel kapcsolatos programokra ebből az időből nem emlékszem. Talán az volt furcsa, hogy pár gyerek március tizenötödikén úgynevezett magyaros ruhában, a lányok pártában jöttek. A zsidó ünnepekkor nem mentem iskolába, de otthon sem egészen „szabályosan” tartottuk meg az ünnepeket, hiszen utaztunk járművön Sábátkor [lásd: szombati munkavégzés tilalma], otthon nem imádkoztunk ünnepeken sem. Viszont keresztény ünnepekkel soha nem foglalkoztunk, nem volt karácsonyfám sem. Olyan volt például, hogy Mikuláskor kitettem a cipőimet, de anyám szenet meg krumplit tett bele. Ezen nagyot nevettünk, ezt ő viccnek szánta. Húsvétkor meg hozzánk is locsolók jöttek, mert pénzt vártak tőlünk. Adtunk is.

Szabadidőm nem nagyon volt, a szüleim mindent belém akartak nyomni. Némettanárnő járt hozzám, aki mozgásművész is volt, úgyhogy egyúttal tornára is tanított. Egy óra német, egy óra torna hatéves koromtól, ehhez kilenc évesen még hozzájött az angol nyelv is. Később egy igazi, komoly mozgásművész iskolába is jártam, a Szabó József utcába. Ékes Klárának hívták a tanárnőt, és a saját lakásában tanított. Ott volt egy öltözőszoba a tanulóknak. Klára néni előtornázott, mi pedig utánoztuk. Volt évzáró ünnepély, betanított koreográfia, amikor a szülők megnézhették a gyerekeket. Magas volt a tandíj, a szüleim fizették. Később ez a tanárnő építtetett egy saját házat a Stefánia úton – a Thököly úttól a második ház –, ahol már zuhanyozó volt, nagyobb tornaterem, nagyobb öltöző.

Nyaranta az egész család, az egész háztartás lovas stráfkocsival leköltözött nyaralni, házakat béreltünk ki. Olyanokkal mentünk, akikkel Pesten is összejöttünk. Barátokkal, például Altmannékkal, ahol egy fiúgyerek volt. Meg rokonokkal is – például apám húga, Bruckerék a gyerekekkel, az unokabátyámmal, Pistával és az unokanővéremmel, Verával. Vele szinte együtt nőttünk fel, hiszen sréhen szemben laktak, ő is oda járt iskolába, ahová én, és csak kilenc hónap volt kettőnk között. Már Pesten készültek a szülők ezekre a közös nyarakra. Volt egy óriási utazóládánk, akkora, amibe öt ember is belefért volna, és abban vittük az egész háztartást, fazekakat, lábasokat, mindent. Vittük természetesen a háztartási alkalmazottat is. Nagyon szép helyeken jártunk, és nagyon szívesen mentem mindenhová. Családonként, közel egymáshoz béreltek a szülők házakat. Voltunk Mátyásföldön, Gödöllőn, Visegrádon is. Apám például Gödöllőre minden nap lejött, de Visegrádra csak hétvégén, péntek este vagy szombaton. Őt pihentette már maga az utazás is, és ha hajóval érkezett, azt nagyon élvezte. Ha apám lejött, akkor nagyon sokat foglalkozott velünk, gyerekekkel. Erdőbe vitt bennünket kirándulni. Mivel Gödöllőn egy vacak kis strand volt, átvitt minket Öreghegyre, aminek gyönyörű nagy strandja volt. Mentünk a Szent Jakab-tóhoz is. Különböző társasjátékokat játszottunk együtt, barkochbáztunk is. A szülőknek színházasdit adtunk elő az Altmannék kertjében, az unokatestvérem, Brucker Vera volt a kötéltáncos, de a kötél le volt fektetve a földön, és úgy „egyensúlyozott”.

Anyámmal tökéletesen harmonikus volt a kapcsolatom. Olyan volt, hogy azt hittem, nélküle létezni sem tudok majd. A szemünk villanásából értettük a másikat. Teljesen egymásnak éltünk, minden este hozzám bújt az ágyba, és megbeszéltük, ami aznap történt. Állandóan hülyéskedtünk. Anyámnak fergeteges humora volt, rengeteg viccet csináltunk. Amikor skarlátos voltam, és nagyon súlyos betegen feküdtem, hogy felvidítson, felöltözött férfiruhába, zsirárdi kalapba [Vízszintes karimájú, lapos szalmakalap, amely 1900 körül kezdett elterjedni, először férfi-, majd női viseletként. – A szerk.], bottal, férfiingben elkezdett táncolni. Külön gyermekorvosom volt, a mindenkori nyaralóhelyeken is. Nagyon féltettek engem, miután születésem előtt egy testvérem, Péterke mellhártyagyulladásban meghalt. Két és fél évesen úgy halt meg, hogy egy trombitát fogott a kis kezében. És az ő fényképe volt a szüleim ágya fölött, ami engem nagyon nyomasztott.

Amikor az elemi iskolát befejeztem, a Zsidó Gimnáziumba jártam az Abonyi utcába, ami nagyon közel volt, és nagyon nívós iskola volt. Nagyon szigorú és puritán iskola volt, senki nem tudta a másikról, szegény-e vagy gazdag. Ez nem volt téma. Rendkívüli, szinte válogatott jó tanárokkal. Olyan tanáraink voltak, akiknek nem kellett minket pedagógiailag fegyelmezni. Lenyűgözően érdekesen tanítottak. A tantárgyismereten kívül is szuggesztív egyéniségűek voltak. A tanítást csak élvezni lehetett. Az osztályfőnököm doktor Tímár Magda volt, nagyon művelt teremtés, ő a latint tanította nekem. Anyaként vigyázott az osztályra, nem hagyta volna, hogy igazságtalanság érjen bennünket, mindig kiállt értünk.

Volt egy matematikatanár – mellesleg utáltam a tantárgyat –, Péter Rózsának hívták, aki több tanárral együtt a felszabadulás után egyetemi katedrát kapott, és könyvei jelentek meg a matematikaoktatásról. Az ő óráin némán ültünk, nem kellett fegyelmezni bennünket, annyira magával ragadott a lelkesedése. Glaserné Neumann Vilma az irodalmat tanította, ő amolyan széplélek volt, ha valami szomorú dologról magyarázott, el-elsírta magát. Adorjánné Betz Klára [Becz Lászlóné Adorján Klára] angolt tanított, és nagyon jól. Volt egy énektanárunk, a Sziráki Márton, ő közvetlen modorú ember volt, sokat foglalkozott velünk. A rabbinkat, doktor Kandel Sámuelt – őt a gettóban ölték meg – nagyon szerettük, rendkívül sokoldalúan művelt ember volt. Olyan rabbijaink voltak, akik nem gépiesen tanították a hittant, hanem megmagyarázták a Tóra összefüggéseit és a Tóra előírásának a hatását a társadalomra, hogy a tórai törvények hogyan tették jobbá az egészségügyet, az oktatást. Az igazgatótól, doktor Zsoldostól viszont féltünk. Nem bántott senkit, de volt olyan gyerek, akire rákiabált, és az bepisilt [Zsoldos Jenő (1896–1972) – irodalomtörténész, nyelvész, 1920-tól a Pesti Izraelita Hitközség leánygimnáziumának (később Anna Frank Gimnázium) tanára, 1939–1965 között igazgatója. 30 éven át állandó munkatársa volt a „Magyar Nyelvőr”-nek, főleg szótártörténeti dolgozatokat publikált, a reformkor nyelvével és a munkásmozgalom szókincsének kutatásával foglalkozott. – A szerk.].

Háromszor egy héten délután hat óráig voltunk iskolában. Rettenetesen nehéz volt, mert felvettek egy csomó olyan tárgyat, amiről azt hitték, hogy ha például zsidó lányok gyakorlati dolgokat – neveléstan, háztartástan, varrás – tanulnak, akkor majd megállják a helyüket az életben. Sport alig volt, és hétvégeken is jártunk iskolába. Pénteken előbb mehettünk haza, szombaton istentisztelet volt ott, az iskolában, amin kötelező volt a megjelenés – természetesen én is mindig ott voltam –, és vasárnap is volt tanítás. Én ipari tagozaton jártam négy osztályt [lásd: Zsidó Gimnázium], ami azt jelentette, hogy a gimnáziumi anyagokon túl még varrni és főzni is tanultunk. Késő estig voltunk az iskolában. A megterhelés annyira igénybe vett fizikailag, hogy egy alkalommal a dobogón álltam, és összecsuklottam.

Volt háztartástan–neveléstan óra is. Hamvas Anna tanította a háztartástant. Az iskola alagsorában egy gyönyörű, tíz tűzhelyes konyha volt, a fél osztály főzött, a másik fele ezalatt másik tantárgyat tanult, és a végén együtt fogyasztottuk el, ami elkészült. Ugyanis a főztünket meg kellett enni. Volt egy alkalom, olyan tortát csináltunk, aminek a receptúrájában nem volt liszt, csak tojás, cukor és őrölt mandula. És a tanárnő mondta: „És most a masszát tepsibe tesszük.” Néma csönd lett, senkinek nem volt mit tepsibe tenni, megettük menetközben. Kóser sütést-főzést, sőt még diétásat is tanultunk. Frau Kohn, egy német menekült zsidó nő volt a vallási felügyelőnk.

Egyik tantárgyat sem szerettem túlságosan, de kötelességből igyekeztem mindent jól csinálni, a szüleim elvárásának megfelelni. Nem mondták, hogy tanuljak jól, de ez benne volt a levegőben. Nem direkt módon, de én dicsérettel lettem nevelve. Ezért a legkisebb letolástól már borzasztó jelenetet rendeztem, mert nem voltam hozzászokva, hogy büntessen valaki vagy lehordjon. Nem mindig kaptam apró ajándékot, ha jól sikerült egy dolgozat vagy jól feleltem, de emlékszem, még egy sikeres foghúzás után is kaptam valamit.

A gimnáziumban jól éreztem magam, mint mindig, megtaláltam a baráti körömet. Az osztálytársaimmal minden születésnapot megünnepeltünk, Zsúrokat rendeztek a szülők. Anyám például egyszer kitalálta, hogy egyik születésnapomon dirndlizsúr legyen.

Két évvel az érettségi előtt kitelepítették az iskolát a Wesselényi utca 44-be, ott is érettségiztem 1944-ben, sárga csillaggal a mellemen, miközben az ablakok alatt német katonák meneteltek, énekeltek.

Apám a bőrszakmát Hirsch Jakabtól [apai nagymama testvére] tanulta meg, ő segítette hozzá, hogy üzletet nyisson, először az akkori Landau utcában [ma Vasvári Pál utca]. Aztán egyszer nem tudta a bőrt szállító többi nagykereskedőt kifizetni, még az 1930-as években történt ez. Apámat elhagyta a szerencséje, és több alkalommal is tönkrementünk. Apám lelkileg is összeomlott. Akkor ezt úgy hívták, hogy inszolvens lett, csődöt jelentett. Először még valahogyan magához tudott térni, de már nem ment jól, és nem is szerette az egészet. Betörtek hozzá falbontással, és minden áruját elvitték. Ez az István úton volt, ahol először a 6-os szám alatt, majd a 16. szám alatt működött már kiskereskedőként, a Bethlen téri templommal szemben. Egyetlen alkalmazottja volt, Rosner úr. Őt a zsidótörvényekkor [lásd: zsidótörvények Magyarországon] el kellett bocsátania [A 2. és 3. zsidótörvény és a rendeletek egyedül a nem zsidó háztartási alkalmazottak tartását tiltották, illetve azt szabályozták, hogy mekkora méretű műhelyben/üzemben hány zsidót lehet alkalmazni. – A szerk.].

Aztán illegálisan dolgozott az apám, feketén, tanácsadóként, a Magyar Lajos Gépszíjgyárban, ahol a tulajdonostól, aki zsidó volt, a második zsidótörvény miatt elvették a gyárat, és odaadták Havaldának, aki előmunkás volt ott. Nem ő túrta ki a Magyart, hanem kinevezték oda. Ez lett a Havalda Gépszíjüzem a Hajós utcában, az Operaháznál. Voltunk ott vagy tíz éve, emlékeztek apámra. Havaldáék nagyon rendes emberek voltak, egy év alatt gazdagodtak meg, egy szoba-konyhás lakásuk volt a kezdetben, majd a Sváb-hegyen lett villájuk. Eltették a holmijainkat is, és ami megmaradt, azt tulajdonképpen ők őrizték meg. 

Apám rendkívül öntudatos zsidó volt, és ha valahol, valami rosszízű dolgot érzett, tapasztalt, verekedett. Az én apám összeverte azt, aki antiszemita megjegyzést tett. Azért is vitték el. Végül is, amikor [1944.] október tizenötödikén a Horthy-proklamáció volt, egy napra le lehetett venni a sárga csillagot a házról. Az apám levette, odament hozzá egy férfi, és azt mondta: „Te büdös zsidó! Azt hiszed, ez végleges?” Apám leszállt nyugodt léptekkel a létráról, és összepofozta. Harmadnap elvitte egy tizennégy éves nyilas gyerek, akinek azt mondta – mintegy felmentésként –, „Te biztosan nem magadtól jöttél, téged küldtek…”. Nem jött vissza.

Nekünk, zsidó lányoknak és asszonyoknak negyvenöt éves korig be kellett vonulni a zuglói KISOK-pályára. Ez [1944.] október végén volt, apámat, szegényt, október huszadika körül vitte el a nyilas suhanc. Zuhogó esőben, sártengerben ültünk egész nap, majd a Rákos-rendezőn fölültették vonatra a társaság egyik felét, a másik felének azt mondták a rendőrök, hogy jöjjenek holnap, mert ma létszámfelettiek. Úgyhogy hazamentünk a hátizsákkal a Nefelejcs utca 12-be – itt volt egy lakás, ami az anyám unokatestvéréé volt. A Nefelejcs utcai ház csillagos ház volt, de többet nem mentünk [a KISOK-pályára]. Állandóan úton voltunk, állandóan költöztünk. Azért kellett ennyit költözni, mert egyre összébb költöztették a zsidókat. Egy részüket a Dunába lőtték [lásd: zsidók Dunába lövése], egy részüket deportálták, és kevesebb csillagos házra volt szükség.

Tizenegy hónapig egyik helyről a másikra mentünk, egyre kisebb csomagokkal. Laktunk az Alpár utcában, aztán a Nefelejcs utcában, a Pozsonyi úton, ami védett ház volt, onnan elvittek a Teleki téri nyilas házba, onnan eljutottam a svéd védett házba, a Tátra utcába, aztán onnan megint vissza a Pozsonyi útra. Sokszor voltunk étlen-szomjan. Le voltunk fogyva rettenetesen. Hetek elmúltak, amikor ivóvíz sem volt, nem működött a vécé sem, és negyven ember is volt egy lakásban – ez a Pozsonyi út 40-ben volt. Hoztak sebesülteket is, olyat, akinek egy lövés szilánkja átvágta a veséjét. Ő ott vérzett el. A megalvadt vért léptük át a szoba közepén. Kimenni, élelmet szerezni zsidóknak nem lehetett, kijárási tilalom volt. Le voltak zárva a házak, és fegyveresek őrizték. A csillagos és a védett házakat egyaránt, ez 1944 decemberében volt.

Engem egy alkalommal, december elején lehetett, elvittek a nyilasok a Teleki tér 10. szám alá, ahol még vizet sem adtak inni [A Teleki tér 4–10-ben (az egykori Antiszemita Párt egyik gyülekezőhelyének – Teleki tér 8 – szomszédságában) volt nyilasház – gyűjtőház –, ahova 1944 őszén „utcán elfogott, lakásokból kirángatott zsidókat hoztak be… . Egy csoportjukért, ötven-valahány ember, akiket december első napjaiban elhurcoltak a nemzetközi gettóból (Tátra utca 15), Wallenberg emelt szót. Nap mint nap ki tudott innen menteni néhány embert, mindenkit azonban ő sem” – olvasható a „Zsidó Budapest” c. munka 480. oldalán. – A szerk.]. Feküdtem néhány napig egy lakás egyik szobájában, s kiderült, hogy anyám másod-unokatestvérének, doktor Várkonyinak a lakása. Mindennap sorakozót tartottak a nyilasok, és vitték az embereket a Józsefvárosi pályaudvarra deportálni. Ekkor apámat már elvitték, tán nem is élt (az egyik Holokauszt füzetben egy névsorban olvastam néhány éve a nevét [Az interjúalany az 1992-től publikált Holocaust füzetek sorozatra gondol, amelyet a Magyar Auschwitz Alapítvány ad ki. – A szerk.]).

Tíz nap múlva a svédek visszahoztak a nyilas házból. Azt hazudtam, hogy svéd védlevelem van, mert úgy láttam, csak azokat viszik ki, a többieket deportálják, de elvették a nyilasok. Egy magyar tábori csendőr és a svéd követség tisztviselője jött minden nap, és megkérdezte az adataimat. Egy lista volt nála, belelestem, s onnan olvastam ki valakinek – Friedländer Kittynek – az adatait, akiről tudtam, hogy valóban van védlevele. Megígérték, hogy három napon belül értem jönnek. Így is történt.

A Tátra utcába vittek egy védett házba, ahol egy hatalmas anyakönyvben ellenőrizték az adatokat, és kiderült, hogy nem én vagyok Friedländer Kitty, mert nem tudtam „anyám” leánykori nevét. Nagyon elszégyelltem magam a hazugság miatt, és a kijárási tilalom ellenére visszaszöktem anyámhoz. Anyám már olyan állapotban volt, hogy nem tudott felkelni, nem tudott mozdulni. Egy nyilas volt épp akkor a lakásban, aki anyámat akarta elvinni, de amilyen állapotban volt, helyette engem választott. Szegényke elkezdett zokogni: „Most mit csináljak? A gyerekemet már egyszer elvitték, most jött vissza, és most újra?” Rám nézett a nyilas – lehet, hogy nem is az volt, akinek látszott, hiszen sok cionista öltözött be akkoriban egyenruhába, hogy mentse a zsidókat [lásd: haluc fiatalok]. „Maradjon, feküdjön az ágyba”, mondta nekem a nyilas. Így úsztam meg.

[1945.] január közepe táján már percenként változott a ház meg a Pozsonyi út és környéke „tulajdonosa”. Ejtőernyővel jöttek oroszok, akkor azt hittük, vége, a környék tiszta. Kimentünk, s már ismét német katonákat láttunk. Legalább ötször cserélt gazdát felszabadulás előtt a környék. Én azt gondoltam, hogy a szovjet katonák rögtön szeretni fognak bennünket, meg is szólítottam egy őrt a kapuban, és – nem is tudom, hogy jutott eszembe – kértem, táncoljon. Érdekes volt, mert meg is tette. Anyám, amikor ezt elmeséltem neki, azt mondta: „Te, ez az ember percenként teszi kockára az életét, ne tekintsd olyannak, mint akinél táncot rendelhetsz.” Húsz háznyira tudtunk végre vizet szerezni, egy nagy vejdlingben cipeltük.

Március elején találtam egy kétkerekű kocsit, amilyet a zöldségesek használtak, és azon toltam el a Nefelejcs utcába anyámat is és a nagyapámat is. Ez egy gyönyörű, hatszobás lakás volt, s abban a szobában, ahol haldokoltak, gyönyörű mintájú tapéta volt. Szegény anyám, amikor hallucinált, alakokat vélt felfedezni rajta: „Odanézz, ott jön apád, lehet látni!” Nagyapám március 23-án, anyám március 26-án halt meg. Segítséggel eltemettem őket a Kozma utcai temetőben.

A rokonokról szinte semmit nem tudtam, pedig az apai nagymamám három háznyira lakott tőlünk, a Szent István park 24-ben [máshol: 25.], én a Pozsonyi út 40-ben [1944-ben]. Ez egy gyönyörű ház most is, a halljában egy fehérmárvány aktszobor van medencével, melyben békeidőben aranyhalak úsztak. Ott több mint negyven halott volt felslichtolva. A nagynénik, apám testvérei, Jolán és Ilonka a védett házban élték túl a soát. Ők kerestek és találtak meg engem. Hónapokig jártam hozzájuk ebédelni gyalog, mert nem volt még villamos. Ők az Újlipótvárosban laktak, én a hetedik kerületben, a Nefelejcs utcában, és mindennap mentem hozzájuk ebédelni, s az volt a kötelességem, hogy utána hálából ki kellett takarítani a lakást. És ez már automatikusan, magától értetődően ment.

Ebben az időben, úgy 1945 áprilisától volt, hogy minden szerdán egy orosz katona vitt engem másokkal együtt a Gorkij fasor 8-ba, az úgynevezett Wodianer villába közmunkára [A könyvkiadó és könyvkereskedő Wodianer család egyik villája a Liget fasor – ma Városligeti fasor – 45. szám alatt volt. A ház 1907-ben épült. – A szerk.]. Egy összeköpködött lépcsőházat kellett felmosnom. És ahogyan dolgoztam, Mozart zenét hallottam. Abbahagytam, amit épp csináltam, és megkerestem a zene forrását. Egy gyönyörű oszlopcsarnokban ült egy kopasz, szemüveges orosz tiszt, és zongorázott. Odasúgtam neki németül: „Chopint nem tud játszani?” Fel sem nézett, meg sem nézte, ki szól hozzá, és már váltott is. Negyedóra múlva megjelent, és megkérdezte: „Ki volt, aki tőlem Chopint kért?” „Én”, feleltem. „És ki vagy te?” „Egy zsidó lány vagyok, aki teljesen egyedül maradt, de nagyon szereti a zenét.” Odaszólt a legénynek, aki ránk vigyázott: „Ez a lány többet nem takaríthat, nem moshat követ!” Ezután becsomagolt nekem ennivalót, és rendszeresen gondoskodott rólam a későbbiek során is. A tisztiszolgája hozott kenyeret, vajat nekem, s ez tartott nagyjából három hétig.

A nagybátyám, anyám öccse fél év múlva jött haza tetvesen, teljesen lerongyolódva, három év ukrajnai munkaszolgálat után. Mezítláb jött, a cipőjét a partizánok rabolták el. Egy klottnadrágja maradt, abban volt télen a havasokban. Később is, minden reggel, mivel megszokta, az ablakhoz állt, és a tetveket kereste a ruhájában. Vele együtt költöztem később a régi otthonunkba. Visszaigényeltem a régi, Alpár utcai [ma: Ida utca] lakásunkat, amiből egy szobát, a régi ebédlőt használhattam, a nyilas, aki 1944 tavaszán elfoglalta, ott maradt, a holmijaink eltűntek. Szörnyű volt. Például kimostam az ágyneműmet, lelopta a szárítókötélről, ha felkapcsoltam a lámpát, leoltotta. Hemzsegtek a lakásban a poloskák, borzalmas állapotok voltak.

Hogyan kezdtem újra? A semmiből. Semmink nem maradt. Talán csak a bútor. Eszembe sem jutott, hogy kivándoroljak, az volt a természetes, hogy itt éljek. A családból egyetlen unokatestvérem ment ki, még 1938-ban. Voltak persze barátaim, akik ezt az utat választották, különböző helyekre mentek el. Egyedül maradtam. Senkim nem maradt. Se nagyanyám, se nagyapám, se anyám, se apám. És akkor a rokonság elhatározta, hogy valamit kell még tanulnom, hogy el tudjak helyezkedni, hogy ne nekik kelljen eltartani engem. Tizennyolc-tizenkilenc éves koromban gyors- és gépírást tanultam, 1945 márciusában elhelyeztek a Jointnál, a Sas utca 14-ben. Az egy óriási apparátus volt, ahol akkor ötezer ember dolgozott. A Jointnál először kifutó voltam pár hónapig, aztán gyors- és gépíró lettem a jogi osztályon. Az egyik legkitűnőbb ember mellé, dr. Friedmann Endre, a jogi osztály vezetője mellé kerültem, akitől rengeteget tanultam. Ő később kiment Amerikába, és a Nemzetközi Jogászszövetségnek lett az elnöke. Olyan fantasztikus és nagy tudású ember volt. Egészen addig voltam ott, amíg meg nem szűnt a Joint 1949 novemberében. A Joint magyar neve Országos Zsidó Segítő Bizottság volt [Az OZSSB nem a Joint magyar neve volt, hanem a Jointtól és máshonnan érkező segélyek elosztását lebonyolító szervezet. Lásd ott. A Jointot pedig 1953 folyamán utasították ki az országból. – A szerk.]. Minden önéletrajzomba ezt írtam, amikor el akartam helyezkedni, és soha senki nem kérdezte, minek a rövidítése ez.

Az első férjem kollégám volt, Arányi István, a szomszéd szobában dolgozott. A jogi osztályon volt egy iratszekrény, és ahogy magasra akartam feltenni egy aktát, a szobában éppen bent lévő pénzügyi vezető gúnyosan megjegyzést tett arra, hogy milyen szép kombiném van. Ott állt egy kolléga, akit addig nem ismertem, és odaszólt: „Engedje meg, hogy bemutatkozzam! Arányi István vagyok, és most jöttem Sopronbánfalváról (ott vezetett egy otthont, ahol a volt deportáltakat egészségileg és fizikailag följavították, mielőtt Pestre jöttek volna), és legközelebb, ha magasra kell föltenni aktát, ne hagyja, hogy ilyennek ki legyen téve, majd én segítek.” Hívott, menjek vele az operába. Így kerültünk össze.

A férjem Budapesten született 1912-ben. Érettségi után a textilszakmában helyezkedett el, egy nagykereskedőnél, a Radványnál a Wesselényi utcában. Három évig volt Ukrajnában. Szörnyű körülmények között volt munkaszolgálatos. Borzasztó dolgokon ment keresztül, tele volt a feje sebhellyel, olyan helyen volt, ahol a legnagyobb hidegben, mínusz harminc fokban, hajnalban kivezényelték őket. Ott az udvarban és a saját vizeletükben kellett feküdniük addig, amíg bele nem fagynak. Sikerült megszöknie onnan, és aznap érkezett haza, amikor a feleségét Mauthausenbe deportálták. A kétéves gyereke egy vöröskeresztes otthonba került a Rózsadombra, amit a nyilasok kifosztottak. Az anyja mondta, hová vitték a kicsit. A gyereket teljesen felfújódva, apátiában találta az édesapja. Elvitte magával Sopronbánfalvára abba az otthonba, amit vezetett, feljavították. Együtt neveltük a kisfiút, Gábort tizennégy éves koráig. A Joint után az első férjem a Hungarotexnél volt állásban, és a haláláig ott dolgozott. Gábort az apja halála után egy ideig én neveltem. A kinevezett gyám, Radvány Károly, aki a férjem gyermekkori jó barátja volt, ragaszkodott ehhez. De aztán úgy látta, hogy Gábor egy férfit jobban respektálna, és 1956-ban Brazíliába vitte, ahol a nagynénje és anyai nagyanyja élt. Most hatvanhárom éves, könyvkiadással foglalkozik változatlanul Brazíliában, elvált, két felnőtt lánya van, ritkán ír nekem.

Én 1950-ben elhelyezkedtem a Szabványügyi Hivatalban először adminisztrátorként, aztán üzemmérnökként dolgoztam ott. A Könnyűipari Műszaki Főiskolán tettem különbözetit, amihez a ruhaipari végzettségem adott alapot. Műszaki főelőadó voltam, és a konfekciószabványokat csináltam: munkaruhákat például, hogy milyen méretű legyen. Bizottságokban voltam benne, nemzetközi tárgyalásokra jártam, ahol az egységes méretezést tárgyaltuk, ami azóta már régen megoldódott. Felelős beosztásom volt. Harminchárom évet töltöttem ott. Szinte valamennyi vezető zsidó származású volt, kiváló értelmiségi társaság gyűlt össze, és nem volt szakmai féltékenység, mert mindenkinek önálló munkaköre volt.

Többször jelentkeztem a pártba, apámra való tekintettel és saját felfogásomra való tekintettel. Legszívesebben szociáldemokrata lettem volna, de arra akkor nem volt lehetőség. Mindig közölték, hogy polgári származásom miatt nem vettek fel, hiába mondtam, hogy azon én nem tudok változtatni. Volt valami statisztika, aminek meg kellett felelniük, ha munkásszármazású lettem volna, felvettek volna. 1952-ben jelentkeztem először, majd 1955-ben feladtam. Semmilyen ünnepségen való részvételt nem erőltettek ránk, nem volt kötelező kivonulás, az állami ünnepekből annyi volt csak, hogy munkaszüneti nap volt. Ennek ellenére mentünk önként, szívesen, nagyon kollegiális, jó légkörű kollektíva volt. Az 1950-es években egy rövid ideig még DISZ-titkár is voltam. Emlékszem, egy március tizenötödikei ünnepségen kellett beszédet mondanom, s annyira izgultam, hogy előtte való este azt álmodtam, hogy a beszéd minden második oldala elveszett, és én összevissza beszélek.

Olyan remek volt a társaság, hogy a munkaidő után is összejöttünk, uszodába, kirándulni jártunk együtt. A közvetlen felettesem, akivel gyakran voltam külföldön együtt kiküldetésben, egy nagyon kellemes ember volt, és Erika ma is a barátnőm. Vele már öt éve egy szobában dolgoztam, amikor kiderült, hogy ő is a Zsidó Gimnáziumba járt. Szóval baráti társaság alakult ki, a férjek-feleségek is összebarátkoztak. A legjobb barátom, akinek a férje nehézipari államtitkár volt, ő sincsen már, meghalt. Az 1950-es évek első felében igazán lehetett társasági életet élni. Nem volt még televízió, az ember minden estére csinált programot: vagy egy nagy séta, vagy beülés vacsorázni, ami fillérekbe került – olcsóbb volt a vendéglő, mintha otthon ettünk volna. Szívesen jártunk a Moszkva étterembe a Gorkij fasorban [ma Városligeti fasor], ahol zene volt, és táncolni lehetett. Aztán volt a Rózsa utcában egy hely – mi zarándokhelynek hívtuk, mert tele volt előtte az utca magánautókkal –, ahol olyan tartalmas leveseket adtak, hogy azt sem tudtuk, milyen leves, mivel mindenféle zöldség volt benne. 1956-ban ez a társasági élet lanyhult, a televízió hatására majdnem teljesen megszűnt [Magyarországon a rendszeres műsorszolgáltatás 1958-ban indult meg, heti négy nap adásidővel (összesen nem egészen 20 óra). – A szerk.], és sokan elhagyták az országot a barátaim közül.

Egy alkalommal találkoztam antiszemita megnyilvánulással a munkahelyemen, de azt magam megoldottam. A párttitkár azt mondta, hogy „egy társaságban voltam, ahol egy orvos, egy ügyvéd és egy zsidó volt”. Azt feleltem, hogy „miért nem előbb mondtad, akkor abból megéltem volna, nem tudtam, hogy egzisztencia zsidónak lenni”.

Sokat utaztam az 1950–60-as években már, többször voltam a Szovjetunióban, az NDK-ban, de Nyugaton is gyakran, Franciaországban, Angliában. Nyugatra 1964-ben mentem először [lásd: utazás külföldre 1945 után; kék útlevél]. Évente három-négy alkalommal voltam külföldön. Ezek szakmai utak voltak, a szocialista országokat szinte csak én képviseltem abban az időben. Úgy néztek rám, mint egy unikumra. Nagy sikerem volt mint egy szocialista országot képviselő szakembernek. Külföldön csak angolul folyt a tárgyalás, társalgás. Ezek az utazások általában egyhetesek voltak. A Hivatalban külön „útleveles” volt, majdnem mindent ő intézett. Könnyedén kaptam útlevelet, vízumot, bár kikérdeztek, ki marad itthon a családból. De soha semmilyen kéréssel nem fordultak hozzám, vagy ellenszolgáltatást kértek volna. Dehogy! A [Szabványügyi]  Hivatal nevében utaztam, a nevükben szóltam, ha kellett.

1956-ban [lásd: 1956-os forradalom] minden nap bejártunk dolgozni, gyalog, a Lövölde térről az Üllői útra, hiszen közlekedés nem volt, a legnagyobb lövöldözés közepette is. Ennivalót, hideg élelmiszert ott kaptunk. Rengeteg romot meg halottat láttam, borzasztó volt. A Szabványügyi Hivatal előtt feküdt egy szovjet katona, több napig, klórmésszel beszórva. Az oroszok sok halottat szállítottak a tankokon is, rá voltak a holttestek kötözve a tankra. Nem félelem volt bennem, hanem irtózat. És én ezt akkor ellenforradalomnak tekintettem, a megítélése később más lett. Romos lett a város, és nagyon sokan haltak meg. Akkor voltak antiszemita hangok. Fiatal egyetemisták a házban lévő kollégiumból elfoglalták az irodákat azzal a címmel, hogy arra már nem lesz szükség, hiszen ez egy baloldali szervezet, nem tudom, mire érthették ezt a megjegyzést.

A férjem 1956 januárjában halt meg, gyomorfekélyben. Özvegyen maradtam, és mivel nagyon rosszul bírtam az egyedüllétet, elkezdtem válaszolni házassági hirdetésekre. Borzasztó furcsa figurák jelentkeztek, végül találkoztam egy nagyon értelmes, nem zsidó emberrel, akiről attól függetlenül is, hogy állandóan azzal traktált, hány nővel volt dolga, éreztem, hogy nem hozzám való.  Nagy zavarban volt, és azt mondta nekem, ne haragudjak, ő is érzi, hogy mi nem vagyunk összeillők, de van egy barátja, egyetemi évfolyamtársa, akit szívesen bemutat nekem. Ettől féltem kicsit, hátha ő sem lesz zsidó, mert rossz emlékeim voltak már nem zsidókkal kapcsolatosan – a sok megaláztatás, a fasizmus. De miután elmondta, hogy a barátja önkéntes volt az angol hadseregben, Palesztinában, megnyugodtam. Úgyhogy összehozott bennünket. Budán, a Krisztina presszóban találkoztunk először 1958. március tizenötödikén. Kettesben maradva, csak annyit mondott a későbbi férjem, Vince János: „Itt ül az utolsó nő az életemben.” És április negyedikén, kétheti ismeretség után már bejelentkeztünk a házasságkötő terembe.

A második férjem székesfehérvári, 1916-ban született. A Jókai utca 6. szám alatt éltek. Az édesapja alkoholista volt és láncdohányos, a gyerekek dolga volt a cigarettatöltés. Édesanyja paplankészítő volt, ő tartotta el a családot, mert a férjének nem volt munkavállalási engedélye. Ugyanis mivel 1919-ben a székesfehérvári direktórium tagja volt [lásd: Tanácsköztársaság], rendőri felügyelet alatt állt. Rendszeresen kellett jelentkeznie a rendőrségen, és csak feketén dolgozott, besegített egy ottani szabónak. Az egyik szobájukban nem is volt bútor, csak javításra hozott paplan, azon nőttek fel a gyerekek, mert ágyuk sem volt. A férjemnek volt egy testvére, Weinberger György, akit Mauthausenben egy meszesgödörből húztak ki a halottak közül, később Olaszországban élt egy ideig, majd Amerikában telepedett le, ott is halt meg.

A férjem Székesfehérváron érettségizett – ahol csak az elemi volt zsidó, a középiskola már nem –, nagyon szorgalmas és sikeres gyerek volt, országos tanulmányi versenyeket is nyert [1842-ben alakult a zsidó elemi iskola, amely később az innen elszármazó híres orientalistának, Goldziher Ignácnak a nevét vette fel. – A szerk.]. Úgy tartotta fenn magát, mivel a szülei nem vállalták a taníttatását a középiskolában, hogy két-három tanítványt szerzett magának, velük tanult, így nem került a szüleinek pénzbe. A tanításért pénzt kapott, s az is jó volt, hogy külön nem kellett készülnie a tanításra, mert nála gyengébbeket oktatott, és ezekkel a gyerekekkel együtt járt iskolába. Akkoriban négyezer zsidó élt a városban [Ez a szám minden bizonnyal erős felülbecslés, Lásd: Székesfehérvár. – A szerk.], és rendkívül erős kasztrendszer volt. Voltak szegény zsidók, zsidó polgárok és dúsgazdag zsidók is, kevesen, de nem vegyültek egymással. Még a gyerekek sem jöttek össze. Jánost néha meghívták gazdag családok is, mert okos és kedves fiú volt, táncosnak jó volt a zsúrokon. Élt ott egy csodálatos, művelt fiatal rabbi [Feltehetően dr. Hirschler Pálról (1907–1944), a neológ hitközség rabbijáról van szó, aki elpusztult a holokausztban. – A szerk.], egy idősebb is, a nevekre nem emlékszem, és két zsinagóga is működött: egy neológ és egy ortodox. Mindkettőt lebombázták. A férjem a neológ zsinagógába járt imádkozni.

János két évig egy francia biztosítótársaságnál dolgozott, a Foncière-nél [A Foncière Általános Biztosító Intézet 1904-ben alakult Budapesten, első vezérigazgatója Schön Vilmos volt. – A szerk.]. 1938-ban vagy 1939-ben az egyik rabbi azt mondta neki: „Fiam, itt borzasztó dolgok következnek, ha mozogni tudsz, ha teheted, menekülj Magyarországról.” Ekkor ő felutazott Pestre, hogy elintézze a vízumot. Nem emlékszem, milyen követség vagy külképviselet intézte, de nem a cionisták voltak, arra emlékszem. Az épület előtt megszólította egy férfi, és kérdezte tőle, hová akar utazni, majd ingyen a kezébe nyomott egy vízumot, amivel el tudott utazni [Palesztinába] egy olyan hajón, amin ötször annyian voltak, mint ahánynak szabad lett volna. Bulgáriából indultak, de előzőleg pár napot ott töltöttek. Amikor megérkeztek, az angolok hetekre internálták őket [Palesztina ugyanis brit mandátum volt, és az angolok éves bevándorlási kvótát állapítottak meg, amitől még a háború alatt sem voltak hajlandók eltérni. Ezért megpróbáltak minden bevándorlókat szállító hajót elfogni, és az utasokat Ciprusra internálták, ahonnan minden évben csak bizonyos számú embert engedtek legálisan bevándorolni Palesztinába. – A szerk.]. Majd egy közösségbe került, és egy falut, mosávot alapítottak a mostani Rehovot helyén. Mindenkit valamiféle szakmunkára jelöltek ki, Jánost egy jemeni cipészmester mellé tették. Gyakorlott szakember volt, gyönyörűen beszélt ivritül, de semmilyen más nyelvet nem tudott, úgyhogy a férjem kénytelen volt megtanulni. A szakmát nem tanulta meg, de a nyelvet igen, és később akcentus nélkül beszélt.

1940-ben aztán önként jelentkezett az angol hadseregbe, egészen 1946-ig angol katonaként a Zsidó Brigádban harcolt. A zsidó katonáknak nem volt becsületük az angolok előtt, mert nem ittak. Az angol kiképzőtisztek viszont folyamatosan. Egyszer a férjem a szabadnapján Tel-Avivban berúgott, és attól kezdve már tudta a nevét a felettese. 1946-ban a legjobb minősítéssel szerelt le. Akkoriban az volt a szokás, hogy a katonai feljebbvaló írásos véleményt adott. Ő a legjobb referenciát kapta, úgyhogy ezzel angol területen boldogulhatott volna.

Neki honvágya volt, és elhatározta, hogy hazajön. Először Olaszországba ment, ott találkozott az öccsével, akit halottnak hitt, és együtt voltak pár hónapig. Az öccse nem akart Magyarországra jönni, elutazott Amerikába. A férjem abban a reményben, hogy a menyasszonya várja őt, hazajött. A volt menyasszonya nem jött haza a deportálásból, de táviratozott neki Palesztinába: „Gyere haza, mert az első adandó alkalommal jövök én is.” Nem jött. A húga is, János is várta, de nem jött. Aztán ők összemelegedtek, és összeházasodtak. Az első felesége is székesfehérvári volt, akárcsak a férjem. Kilenc évig éltek együtt. Egy fiúgyerek származott abból a házasságból. A házasság megromlott, elváltak.

Három hétig voltunk egy alkalommal Izraelben, látogatóban, nekem nagyon tetszett, csak úgy érzem, nekünk a férjemmel előbb kellett volna találkoznunk, akkor kimentünk volna. Negyven év körül már nem lehet új életet kezdeni olyannak, akinek nem olyan a szakmája, amivel rögtön el tud helyezkedni. A férjem állandóan bánta, hogy hazajött. Imádta Izraelt, minden érdekelte az országgal kapcsolatosan, gyönyörűen beszélt ivritül. Izraelben rengeteg barátunk volt, amikor ott voltunk, mindig máshol laktunk. Például Ramat-Ganban, Jeruzsálemben, Beer Seván – ott egy kerámiaművésznél, Májer Juditnál, ő van egyedül már csak a barátok közül, a többiek mind meghaltak…

János nem volt vallásos, ő baloldali, a zsidó néphez tartozó, úgynevezett cionista zsidó volt. A zsidó ünnepeket nem templomba járással tartottuk meg, hanem ajándékokat vettünk egymásnak, és olyan ennivalókat főztem, ami akkor a hagyomány szerint szokás volt.

A férjem munka mellett – a Művelődésügyi Minisztériumban dolgozott osztályvezetőként vagy tizennyolc évig – elvégezte a közgazdasági egyetemet. Utána a Báthory utcában lévő Művészeti Alap gazdasági igazgatója lett. János köteles volt hivatalból minden jelentősebb kulturális eseményen ott lenni, minden kiállításra meghívták, volt jó pár olyan, amit ő nyitott meg. Ingyenjegyünk volt minden színházba és moziba is. Oda mindig ketten mentünk. Volt baráti társaságunk is, a János volt katonatársa az angol hadseregből, a Laci, szegény, már régen meghalt, és a Radványék, akik hazajöttek Brazíliából, azok nagyon jó barátaink voltak, velük szinte naponta találkoztunk. Ösztönösen, talán nem tudatosan, de kizárólag zsidó emberekkel barátkoztunk. És egymáshoz jártunk látogatóba.

1960-ban megszületett a közös gyermekünk, Judit. Nem volt rendes lakásunk. Az Alpár utcai lakást otthagytam, és még az első férjemmel vettünk egy Király utcai társbérletet, ami akkor nagyon olcsó volt. Közösen laktunk egy lumpenproletár, részeges házaspárral, akiknek a barátai sokszor ott feküdtek részegen az előszobában. Jánossal minden elkövettünk, hogy önálló lakáshoz jussunk. Vele csak két évet laktam a Király utcában, 1960 januárjában hosszú részletre vettünk egy lakást itt, a Csaba utcában, és az inflációval egészen jelentéktelenné vált a fizetnivaló, amiről azt hittük, hogy képtelenek leszünk egy életen át törleszteni.

Judit lányom nem járt zsidó iskolába, abban az időben nem volt sem általános, sem középiskola felekezeti [A Zsidó Gimnázium a felekezeti  iskolák 1948/49-es államosítása után is a Pesti Izraelita Hitközség tulajdonában maradt, és megtartotta felekezeti jellegét. A gimnázium 1952-ben elköltözött az Országos Rabbiképző Intézet épületébe, és 1965-ben felvette az Anna Frank nevet. – A szerk.]. Két házzal feljebb írattuk be általános iskolába és aztán gimnáziumba [Judit egy jó nevű első kerületi gimnáziumban érettségizett. – A szerk.]. Judit már asszonyként, gyerekek mellett végzett egyetemet. Először szociális munkás szakon végzett egy főiskolán, majd szociológiát tanult egyetemen. Ott egyetlen vizsgája volt hátra, amikor meghalt. Sok állása volt, és végül családgondozó lett a nyolcadik kerületben, ahol főleg cigányokkal foglalkozott. Szerette és sajnálta őket, mert utált mindenféle megkülönböztetést. A kliensei nagyon szerették őt, el nem lehet mondani, mennyi apró ajándékkal lepték meg

A zsidóságról, mint mondtam már, pici kora óta rendszeresen hallott, érdekelte is a történelmi, történeti része, és annak ellenére, hogy otthon nem ünnepeltük meg, öntudatos és lelkes zsidó lett, nagylányként péntekenként elment a Rabbiképző zsinagógájába Scheiber professzor [lásd: Scheiber Sándor] istentiszteleteire. Oda gyakran engem is elvitt magával. Ott egy nagyon jó társaság alakult ki, a főrabbi nagyon meghatározó egyéniség volt, a fiatalok imádták, és boldog volt, akinek egy darab szombati kalácsot adott. „Nézd meg a gyönyörű kezét, amivel a kalácsot osztja”, mondta a lányom. Otthon, mint akkor, amikor még csak ketten voltunk Jánossal, nem tartottunk ünnepeket, de sokat meséltünk neki a zsidóságról, a szenvedésekről is. Amikor az apja először ment hivatalosan Nyugatra, 1966 körül Londonba, Judit egy aranymezüzét kért és kapott tőle.

A lányom rendkívül problémás kamasz volt. Többször virrasztottunk ébren vagy mentünk el a rendőrségre, amikor nem jött haza időben. Volt, hogy néhány házzal arrébb volt egy társasággal, de nem jelentkezett. Megkönnyebbültem, amikor elköltözött tőlünk, és örültünk, amikor férjhez ment. A párja nagyon rendes keresztény ember. Szegény férjem nagyon nehezen, csalódásként élte meg azt, hogy nem zsidó emberhez ment feleségül. A vejemnek még az elején mindent elmondunk a zsidóságról, és arról, mit jelentett ez a mi családunkban, hány ember életét jelentette, és milyen megaláztatásokat. Ez nagyon megrázta őt, addig semmit nem tudott erről. A vejem rendkívül ügyes kezű ember, ha faanyag kerül elé, csodákat hoz ki belőle. Ez a szakmája is, asztalosnak tanult érettségi után, de jó pár dologba belefogott ezen kívül is. Volt mentőssegéd és beteghordó is. Két gyermekük született, Marci 1985-ben született, Sára pedig 1992-ben. Nem kaptak különösebben vallásos nevelést otthon, inkább zsidó öntudatra nevelték őket. Nem tartanak semmilyen zsidó ünnepet, de keresztényt sem. Sára rendes állami iskolába jár, Marci végig a Wesselényi utcai Amerikai Alapítványi Iskolába járt, most idén érettségizett.

1983 óta, amióta nyugdíjas vagyok, dolgozom a hitközségnél. Bár nem vagyok templomba járó vagy kóser háztartást vezető ember, de mégis amiatt, hogy dolgoztam a Jointban, gondoltam erre. Nem akartam csak a háztartással foglalkozni, éreztem, még sok energia van bennem, ezért tartottam fontosnak a további munkát. Domán István főrabbit közvetve ismertem, s ő szólt nekem, hogy lenne az újságnál, az „Új Élet”-nél most felvétel, jönnék-e. Nagyon nehezen vettek fel, pedig azt gondoltam, hogy a hitközségnél előny az, ha valaki a Zsidó Gimnáziumban érettségizett. Hetek teltek el, amíg végül felvettek az „Új Élet”-hez. Előfizetéseket, hirdetéseket intéztem, korrektúrát csináltam és imprimatúrát. A lap akkori főszerkesztőjét Kecskemétinek hívták. Nem volt rabbi, újságíró volt. Őt követte Domán István főrabbi, aki rendkívül művelt, tájékozott ember volt. Mivel nem nagyon tudott szervezni, nagyon izgalmas volt, mert sokszor éjfélig ott voltunk a szerkesztőségben. Ugyanaz a munka, ami ma délben befejeződik, akkor éjszakáig tartott. Volt úgy, hogy értem jött a férjem a nyomdába, hogy olyan későn ne járkáljak az utcán. A mostani főszerkesztő szintén rabbi, őt Kardos Péternek hívják. Van érzéke a dolgokhoz, megbízható és szorgalmas. Huszonkét-huszonhárom éve itt dolgozom, a hirdetésekkel, előfizetésekkel foglalkozom.

A rendszerváltás éveiben, de már előzőleg is nekem nagyon furcsa volt a hitközségnél, olyan volt, mintha a háború előtt lennék valahol, olyan kategóriák voltak, amiket én korábban nem is hallottam, hogy „gazdagon ment férjhez”, vagy „nem rendes ember, de gazdag, és ezért szeretni kell”, szóval egy külön világ volt a hitközség. Nekem az volt szokatlan, hogy otthon, nálunk az embereket a tudásuk, a képességük, a produktumuk és nem a bankbetétjük alapján ítélték meg. Maga a rendszerváltás hangulatilag nem volt érezhető. A hitközségnél szerintem kapitalista szemlélet volt korábban is. Azt nézték, kinek van jobb nyugati kocsija, akinek keleti autója volt, azt kinevették. Igaz, élénkebb, pezsgőbb lett az élet, sok irodalmi és zenei rendezvényt tartottak, lehetett válogatni közülük, és ezt az újságon is észre lehetett venni.

A hagyományokhoz, a tradíciókhoz való viszonyom mindig egyforma volt, hiszen zsidó vagyok, annak is vallottam magam mindig, soha nem tagadtam meg a zsidóságomat, büszke is voltam rá, zsidó nevelést kaptam, zsidó iskolába jártam. Bennem semmi nem változott.

Másfél éve veszítettem el az egyetlen lányomat, Juditot – aki látszólag sosem volt beteg, rosszul lett az utcán, kórházba került, és egyetlen hét alatt meghalt, tele volt rákos daganattal – és a férjemet, aki hétévi betegség után ment el. Engem rákos daganattal operáltak, és a műtétem után alig három héttel eltemettem a férjemet is. A nagyobbik unokámmal, Marcival élek [Nem sokkal az után, hogy az interjú készült, Marci kivándorolt Izraelbe a nagyanyja tudta nélkül. – A szerk.]. Sára Gödöllőn él az apjával. Egyikünk sem dolgozta még fel a gyászt. Erőmhöz mérten maximálisan igyekszem ellátni és megadni neki mindazt, ami szükséges. Dolgozom, olyankor elfeledkezem kicsit mindenről, de otthon, a megszokott tárgyak között nagyon nehéz, nagyon fáj. Már nincs türelmem olvasni, de azért a „Népszabadság”-ot naponta átnézem. Néha keresztrejtvényt fejtek, a televízióban a híradókat angolul, németül is megnézem, ezen kívül nem sok műsor köt le.

  • loading ...