Travel

Rafael Genis

Rafael Genis
Telsiai
Lithuania
Interviewer: Zhanna Litinskaya
Date of interview: April 2006

I came to the small town of Telsiai [about 250 km east of Vilnius] on Sunday to meet with the chairman of the local Jewish community. The town is located in the central part of Lithuania and it looks like most Lithuanian towns: car park, super market, the downtown and lanes stretching up to the hills. In about 20 minutes I found Mr. Genis's house, which looked much better than the adjacent one: a beautiful, white brick building with a peculiar entrance and stairs. It looked neither like the old houses, nor like the modern cottages. The owner met me downstairs. He was a big elderly man with reddish hair and light eyes: to be more exact he had only one eye, as he lost the other one. Rafael Genis showed me to the second floor, where most rooms were. He was short of breath when coming upstairs. He had recently had a heart operation. He can hardly talk as every word seems to be an effort for him. Therefore I didn't insist on a detailed story. After the interview Rafael introduced me to his wife, who was waiting for us in a spacious kitchen on the first floor.

My family background
Growing up
Our religious life
My apprenticeship
During the war
Post-war
Married life
Glossary

My family background

My grandfather was born in the 1860s in the small town of Rietavas [about 250 km east of Vilnius] of Telsiai province in Lithuania. I vividly remember my paternal grandfather. His name was Bentsion Genis. When I was a child, Bentsion was a widower, and my grandmother, whose name I don't know, died long before I was born. Grandfather was a butcher and owned his own butcher's shop. During my childhood, he wasn't working anymore and was living with his four single daughters. Bentsion was an elderly man. He was sick for a long time and then kept to bed. I loved Grandpa and often felt sorry for him. I often called on him as our house was close by. Grandpa was rather well-off. There was a bakery and his daughters' store in his large house. The entire second floor was leased. Apart from the house, Grandfather owned 12 hectares of land. In summer he hired Lithuanians, who mowed the grass.

Once in the summer of 1933 I ran up to Grandpa. He was panting and asked me to raise him up. I raised his pillow and suddenly he grunted and then calmed down. He practically died in my arms. I was ten, but still I was a rather grown-up boy. At any rate, I wasn't frightened and called for the adults right away. Grandpa was buried in accordance with the Jewish rites. I was present at his funeral and remember it very well. Grandpa was lying on the floor with his feet to the door and Jews were sitting around him and praying. Then they covered him with a shroud with what looked like overalls covering his feet, put him on a large sheet and carried him across the whole town to the cemetery. Wide boards were placed by the sides of the pit. Grandpa was put in the grave in that sheet. Right before he was put in his grave, they placed small branches between his fingers, which allegedly should help him get up on Doomsday when the dead rise up from their graves. They put pieces of clay on his eyes, when he had already been placed in the tomb. Then they covered him with a large board and put earth on top of it. There was mourning - shivah - for seven days.

Bentsion had a lot of kids. The sons, except for my father, left for America, when they were young. One of them was Zalman, but I don't remember the name of the other one. Father's brothers got married and had children in the USA, but I don't know their names. In prewar times, when Grandpa was still alive, my uncles sent us money and clothes from the USA. Probably they sent secondhand clothing, which was of a good quality and in good condition. They stopped writing to us after Grandpa's death, and we don't know what happened to them.

Father's elder sister Chaya Riva, born a year or two before him, lived in the house of Grandpa Bentsion along with her sisters. Chaya Riva baked bread and pretzels. Most work was done on Sunday, when Lithuanians came to the market from the villages. They stopped by in Grandpa's yard and left their horses and carts there. Whether their trade was successful or not, the peasants went to the church and then came over to Grandpa's for a cup of tea. There was a large old copper samovar, and big chunks of sugar in a bowl with tongs. Lithuanians slowly sipped their tea with white bread and pastries. Chaya Riva had special bread: it was white and light.

Another sister, Channa, born after Chaya Riva, owned a tiny store. She sold sweets, groceries, chocolate and herring. Channa gave a discount to Lithuanians - she didn't sell ten herrings for a lita - which was a common price - but 11. That is why she had many customers. I remember that the peasants came in the store with canisters, where they put the pickled herring juice. Channa also sold the bread, which wasn't gone during the market days. Father's sisters Chaya Riva and Channa remained single. Both of them perished at the very beginning of the Fascist occupation. They were shot along with other Jews of Rietavas in Telsiai.

The younger sisters - Ella and Golda - got help from the older ones. They took care of house chores, looked after their father and stepped in for the elder sisters in the bakery shop. When Bentsion died, Ella and Golda left for America, where their elder brothers were living and they hoped that they would settle down there, as here they were considered spinsters. Indeed, both of them got married in the USA and settled in New York.

Ella married a well-heeled widower, whose name I can't recall. She raised two kids: her husband's son from his first marriage and their son. Her son died at the age of 21 during an appendicitis operation and after her husband's death, Ella lived with her stepson for several years. She moved out, when he got married. She had enough money, and all the house work was done by the maids. All those years Ella was close with Golda.

Golda married an American Jew called Bromberg, her relative, and bore a child, whom she named Bentsion after Grandfather. I saw both of my aunts in 1989 during perestroika 1, when after a long separation I had a chance to visit them in the USA. My aunts wrote that they wanted to see their nephew, who was the only one to survive the war, and I managed to go see Ella and Golda. The two sisters were still friends - Ella helped out her poorer sister and they started every morning with talking to each other over the phone.

My aunts remained religious till the end of their days. They didn't do anything on Sabbath, celebrated Jewish holidays, went to the synagogue on holidays, observed the kashrut, fasted on Yom Kippur and donated to charity in a local synagogue. Ella died in 1998 in the USA. Golda happened to see Israel. She went there with her son's family and died in the Promised Land in 2002.

During that trip to the USA that I mentioned before I wanted to see the wives of my father's brothers - Zalman and the second one, whose name I cannot recall. The old matrons weren't willing even to see me and turned me down.

My father, Yankle Genis, was born in 1888. He only finished cheder and a Jewish elementary school, but he was literate. He knew how to read, speak and write Yiddish, Russian and Lithuanian. Before I was born, Father served in the army. He was a lancer. He was drafted for prequalification. Since his childhood my father helped Grandpa and also became a butcher. There was a butcher's at our place. Father made kosher meat for Jews; he removed all tendons and vessels. Rich Jews ordered meat and he sent me to them to deliver it. Father cut the meat and sold the rest of it to the Lithuanians, including sausages.

I didn't know my maternal grandmother. She died long before I was born. However, I knew my maternal grandfather very well. His name was Nakhman Maoerer. He was a tailor. He knew how to make and remake men's, women's and children's garments. In the summer Nakhman lived in the small town of Gargzdai, not far from Klaipeda. Grandpa had a large plantation there. He planted cucumbers. Nakhman liked working on the land, being out in the fresh air, so he stayed in Gargzdai until it got cold. In the fall, usually in late September, Grandpa moved to Rietavas and stayed with us until the spring.

Grandpa was religious: he had a broad and thick beard and wore a kippah. He didn't idle in Rietavas. He would make, remake and mend clothes all winter long. Nakhman was an expert in leather, and peasants brought him the leather, from which he made coats and jackets. Grandpa worked in a separate room, where a Singer sewing machine was placed, as well as presses and a flap table. Grandpa also slept in that room. Very often rich Lithuanians picked him up and took him to their place, where he would work for several days, making clothes for the whole family. In such a case, he took his Singer sewing machine in his hands and just gave its stand to the customers to carry. During this period of time he also fixed our clothes: for my mother, father, me and other kids. Our relatives from the USA often sent him parcels and money. He shared their contents with us, while he was staying at our place.

Grandpa Nakhman lived until the outbreak of the Great Patriotic War 2 and would have still lived longer as he was very robust, which wasn't common for people of his age. He was shot in Telsiai in the summer of 1941 along with many other family members.

As I said before, Grandpa grew cucumbers in the town of Gargzdai. My mother's elder sister Golda also lived there with her large family. Golda's husband, Liber Rupel, sold the cucumbers harvested by Grandfather. He put the cucumbers in the horsed cart and went across Klaipeda crying out: 'cucumbers, cucumbers!' He also took the whole cart to Rietavas, where he purchased strawberries and other berries and took them to Gargzdai and Klaipeda. There were times, when he brought small smoked fish from Klaipeda. In general, he had a trading business.

Golda was also very entrepreneurial. She had her own horses and came to the markets with a big cart and loaded it with all kinds of goods. Golda went from town to town, supplying goods to her customers. Golda and Liber had many children. Before the war, their elder daughter Entle worked as a nurse in Telsiai. When the war broke out, she joined the Russians and was a nurse in the lines. After the war she married a Russian officer and lived with him in the town of Pavlovsk, Rostov oblast [today Russia]. My cousin had a tragic death a couple of years ago. The details of her death are still unknown. What is not clear is why somebody would want to kill a lonely, sick and poor woman. Golda's other children: sons Abba and Meishe and daughter Aza - I don't remember the rest - were shot in Gargzdai in the first days of occupation.

My mother, Feiga Taube Maoerer, was born in Gargzdai in 1898. She finished elementary school and was literate like my dad. She read, wrote, and sang well. Mother was a very cheerful lady. During my childhood it wasn't common to ask one's parents about their past. So, I don't know how they met. Most likely they were introduced by shadkhanim, who married off practically all Jews. My mother got married when she was very young.

Growing up

In 1916 the first-born, my elder brother Dovid, came into the world. Liber was born two years later, Isroel - in 1920 and in 1922 - Abram. On 21st June 1923 I was born. Mother was expecting a difficult parturition, so she left for Klaipeda to give birth there. Thus, I came into the world in Klaipeda and my birth certificate in Lithuanian and German was issued there. I was named Rafael. Another sibling was born in our family. In 1927 a long awaited girl, Tsilya, was born. Everybody adored the baby. The elder ones carried her in their arms and played with her like with a doll. When she grew up, all of us pampered her. We, the elder kids, were made to work about the house and in the garden, and Tsilya was our little princess. Then [in 1929] a boy, Ichil Berko, was born after Tsilya.

Our house was on the central street called Kvedarnos. That street name has been kept. Our town was Jewish. More than a half of the three-thousand strong population were Jews. It is hard to remember everybody, but I still can recall some last names. Gorol sold hardware, tiles, rolled iron; Katz dealt in textile. There were three restaurants in our town, owned by the Jews Lurie and Rodinkovich and a Lithuanian, Eliosius. Every Friday, Lithuanian workers went out partying. There was also a Jewish intelligentsia. Jacques was considered to be the best doctor. We bought the medicine in Friedman's pharmacy. There was one synagogue in our town. It was attended by Jews every day, especially on Jewish holidays and Sabbath.

After their wedding my parents settled in the house, given by Grandpa Bentsion to my father. It was located on the same street, next to the house of Grandpa Bentsion. It was an old wooden house: very long and solid. When the babies were born, Father built another house on the same plot of land. It was a large two-storied house. Father leased the old house to a tinsmith. He had his workshop in the house and his family was also living there. We moved to the new place. There was a bakery on the first floor. It was the same as in Grandpa's place.

Like Father's sisters, my mother baked bread, pretzels and there was a wonderful aroma of freshly baked bread in our house. On market days - Wednesday and Sunday - there were large carts of Lithuanian peasants in our yard. They had tea with pretzels sitting at our long table in the yard. When it was cold, they were in our big kitchen on the first floor of our house. Mother was no competitor to Father's sisters Chaya Riva and Golda. On the market day the town was flooded by peasants, who were hungry and thirsty. Both Mother's and Father's sisters had their own regular clientele.

We had Father's butcher's shop on the first floor of our house. The animal was slaughtered and then taken to my father. He took it, then cut the carcass into pieces and got it ready for sale. At first, he had an assistant. When we grew up, we started helping him. There was about one hectare of our land by our house and we helped our parents to work on it. We grew herbs, onions, carrots, potatoes, cucumbers and tomatoes to have enough for our family. However, a significant part of the land was leased out by my father. We also had cattle - a cow and a horse. Father loved horses - he fed and cleaned his favorite himself. Thus, we had our own milk, curds, sour cream and butter.

Our house was big, but we mostly used four rooms on the second floor. Apart from the bakery and the butcher's shop there was a kitchen on the first floor. The only electric bulb was in the kitchen. There was not enough electricity for the town in the prewar times. When it got dark, candles were lit in other rooms.

There was a large flap table in the center of the kitchen. The whole family - ten people - got together there for breakfasts and lunches. Mother made a rule for everyone to have meals together at a certain time. If someone skipped lunch, they didn't get anything. Mother didn't have time to serve meals separately to us, therefore during the meals all of us got together. We had simple food, but it was nutritious and plentiful. There was meat at home, though we mostly ate the parts that couldn't be sold - like heads and legs. Mother often cooked meat in jelly. There was a large platter with potatoes in the center of the table and each of us could take as much as we wanted. Mother made soup for lunch - it was either potato or vegetable soup or borscht and lots of the freshest and tastiest bread. In general we were full all the time. The kashrut was observed at home. We never ate pork or mixed dairy and meat food; we had separate dishes starting from pots and pans and down to the cutting boards.

Sabbath was mandatory in our house. Mother baked challot and made very tasty dishes. We also had chicken on Sabbath. Whether it was bought from someone or taken from our husbandry, it was taken to a shochet in the synagogue. When I grew up, it was my duty to take hens to the shochet. I brought it home, and the others plucked it and threw the feathers in the stove. Mother only used goose down and feathers for pillows. I remember she always plucked goose feathers. When we asked for her permission to go outside, she gave us a task to get one glass of down and after that we were free to go.

My mother cooked chulent for Sabbath. Meat, potatoes, carrots, beans and at times plums were put in a large pot and placed in a hot oven. On Saturday my parents went to the synagogue. When we grew up, we went with them. Father bought a seat there. His tallit and prayer book were kept there in a small cabinet beside his seat. My father knew many prayers in Hebrew. Upon our return from the synagogue, we sat at the table and our housekeeper - a Lithuanian lady - took the chulent from the stove with the help of a large oven fork. Before we started eating, Father said a prayer. I still remember the feeling of that festivity and ceremoniousness during Sabbath in my parents' house.

A Lithuanian housekeeper helped my mother with everything. She looked after us when we were babies and did all the house chores. Mother did all the cooking. She didn't have time for everything. First of all, she had the bakery, a large husbandry and a large family. Besides, she was the only woman in the family. Besides, Mother was an excellent cook. She was always invited to supervise the cooking process during wedding feasts. She didn't cook herself; she only tasted the stuff and managed the hired cooks and waiters. It wasn't often though, only when rich Jews were wed.

Our religious life

Usually on Saturday, after the synagogue, we went for a walk in a park. I loved singing. When I grew up, I joined a children's choir organized in the synagogue by photographer Poser, a passionate lover of singing. On Saturday after the service and lunch we had our rehearsals or just sang in the synagogue.

We celebrated all Jewish holidays at home, though for me they looked the same as Sabbath. Of course, each holiday had its traditions and attributes. On Rosh Hashanah there were a lot of deserts on the table and shofars were played. I started fasting on Yom Kippur since an early age. I've been doing that all my life, except for the time on the front.

I remember Sukkot. Father made a tabernacle in the yard and covered it with pine branches. My brothers and I picked up chestnuts and tied them in pairs. Father made figures in the shape of a star etc. We had meals in the sukkah during this holiday.

I loved Simchat Torah. Everyone got a Torah at the synagogue - some people got bigger ones, others got smaller ones and we all went around the synagogue singing and dancing. Then the rabbi read a prayer for everybody.

On Chanukkah Mother baked potato latkes, we played with a spinning top and of course were agog to get Chanukkah gelt. We had a very beautiful silver chanukkiah on the window sill. Every night Mother lit a candle, adding another one with each day.

On Purim Mother baked triangular pies with poppy seeds called hamantashen. Usually she made 30 of those and all of us knew that we would get three each. We didn't take shelakhmones, as we had a very large family. Mother could barely manage cooking for us, not to mention the presents.

I loved Pesach most of all, the preparation in particular. Almost right after Purim the housekeeper started cleaning, turning the house upside down. We took the carpets, bed linen and mats outside and shook them out. We put beautiful curtains on the windows, festive tablecloth, polished the furniture and the floors. A large hamper with matzah was brought from the synagogue. Kosher Pascal dishes were taken from the loft. These were nice gilded, silver and porcelain dishes, which were used only for Pesach. The other utensils - pots and pans - were koshered in our yard. We got the presents on the eve of the holiday. My parents were practical people, and gave us the things that we really needed - new boots and clothes.

Then seder started. Father reclined on the pillows at the head of the table and carried out the seder. Mother was sitting by him and Grandfather Nakhman beside him. The youngest child asked the questions - first it was me, and then it was Abram. I still remember those four questions. Some of the kids found the afikoman and got a present for that. Then Father put a goblet with wine, opened the door and called Elijah, the prophet, in different ways. I didn't believe in his existence, but I liked the process of the holiday. Even now I don't know who drank the glass of wine which was meant for the prophet Elijah. I think Father did it.

Apart from the holidays, I remember numerous bar mitzvahs: first my brothers', then mine. The shammash taught us how to read prayers and put tefillin on the right way. We were supposed to read the prayer ceremoniously at the synagogue on the bar mitzvah day. There was a celebration at home afterwards: as usual there was a lot of food, meat dishes, a whole bunch of cookies and deserts. Usually, only members of our family and my aunts were present at the feast.

I went to school at the age of seven. The school was combined with cheder in our town. It was located near a large synagogue. We were taught prayers and compulsory subjects. I didn't enjoy studying at the school because our teachers were very strict. We were taught by two men - Balek and Shreder - who were focused on discipline and at times used a metal ruler. I was a good student, especially in Math.

I went there for four years and then got transferred to the town Lithuanian lyceum. Both Lithuanians and Jews went there and we were very friendly. I don't remember a single case when I'd be hurt by someone. There were Lithuanians among my friends, who came over to our place. They were good to me. I was one of the top students at the lyceum and was often praised. The monthly tuition fee was ten litas. The full course was eight years and I wanted to finish it, but after my second year Mother said that it was enough paying for me as it was the time for me to start working and bring in some wages for the family. We were well-off and the family could afford my tuition, but nobody wanted to argue with Mom.

By that time my elder brothers were working, having finished Jewish school. First, they helped Father and then they started learning some craft. Only the eldest, Dovid, wasn't working. He was eager to become a rabbi and went to a yeshivah in Telsiai.

Mother wanted me to follow in my grandfather's footsteps and become a tailor. I already had some skills as Grandpa was gradually teaching me some things. He gave me some easy jobs to do: stitch on a sewing machine and do some other minor work. I didn't like sewing. I was always attracted by the mechanics. There was a locksmith workshop in our town. It was owned by the Lithuanian Shilenis. He did all things needed in the household. Sometimes, he also made car parts, and parts of different gadgets. Shilenis was odd, but still he was a liberal man. His wife was very religious and went to the church. He was not just an atheist, but a bellicose atheist. On market days, when Lithuanians came to town, they went to church. At times he would get on somebody's cart and hold ardent speeches, preaching the non- existence of God, and saying other blasphemous things. There were cases when he was beaten.

My apprenticeship

Father arranged my apprenticeship with him. They made an agreement that I would work for him for free for one year, whether I learn something or not. I turned out to be very skillful and in a month I was able to do rather complex locksmith jobs. In three months I told Shilenis that I would not work for free any more. Then he gave me 60 litas. When I took money home and gave it to my mom, first she cried out that I stole it. Then I took her to Shilenis and had him confirm that he gave that money to me. She was very happy and kissed me. Since that time I received 60 litas per month and gave it all to my mom.

I worked with Shilenis for three years. I became a good locksmith and I was also particularly good with engines. There were cases when customers didn't go to Shilenis, but directly to me. The master bore no grudge and valued me as a worker. Along with him we got a task to fix a dynamo machine which was used at the power station and we coped with that. I made money and felt confident. There were both Jews and Lithuanians in my company. We went to the park, to each other's place, to the cinema - a small wooden building, to the dancing party which we were looking forward to every Sunday. There was a football field on the square and we often played football.

My elder brother was a member of Betar 3 and enrolled me there. I didn't attend the meetings of Betar, where the methods of foundation of the Jewish state were discussed. Our Grandpa made brown shirts for me and my brother. I became a member of Maccabi 4, we often arranged all kinds of sports game and contests. We still celebrated Jewish holidays and Sabbath at home and we did it not to hurt our parents. On holidays I went to the synagogue with my father though I didn't believe in God at that time.

At times I helped my master with anti-religious propaganda. I think he was an underground Communist or a Communists sympathizer. At times he gave me flyers to disseminate. There were times when we tied red fabric to stones and flung them at electric wires, there was a blackout and the fabric was torn into pieces. The next morning the whole town was strewn with small red flags. I did it unquestioningly just satisfying my master's request and fortunately I wasn't caught, otherwise I would have been arrested like many other underground Communists.

In 1940, only Tsilya and Ichil Berko, who were studying at school, and I stayed with our parents. Abram, my brother, died from some contagious disease in 1939. Dovid kept on studying at the yeshivah. Liber was a clock mender. He married a girl called Ida from Radviliskis and lived there. Isroel was apprenticed by Liber and also moved to Radviliskis and lived with Liber's family.

In the late June of 1940 the Soviets came to the Baltics 5. My parents took it calmly and didn't discuss this issue with us. A Russian officer was housed in one of our rooms, but our store was not taken form us. At first, our lives practically didn't change. Our town wasn't affected by repressions and arrests 6 and deportation 7. Nevertheless, life was getting worse. Many products vanished from the stores. People only bought primary goods because of high prices. I was thinking of how I could help my family.

At that time the military unit, located 23 kilometers away from Rietavas, had a vacant position of a mechanic. I went there and was hired right away. My salary was 450 litas per month. I rented a room not far from the military unit. I went home to Rietavas only over the weekend. I gave almost all my salary to Mother. Here I started studying Russian and soon I could speak with my pals fairly fluently. I was a mature and materially independent young guy. I even had a Lithuanian girlfriend, whom I indented to marry in the future.

During the war

My birthday was on 21st June 1941. It was Saturday and my pals from the military unit wanted me to celebrate it with them, so I didn't go home. My pals and the head of the cart fleet Shalin celebrated with me. We drank a bottle of vodka and went dancing to the club. We stayed there until midnight. I went home and fell asleep straight away. At 6am I was awoken by Shalin: 'Get up, the war has started!' I should say that I wasn't surprised. We understood in the military unit that the war was inevitable. There was talk about it. We said that we wouldn't give up a single piece of our land. Shalin sent me over to the garage and ordered us to dismantle the cars for the Fascists not to take them. There were a lot of them and it took us a long time. We dug a huge pit and covered the cars with timber waste as the saw mill was nearby. By that time the town, where the military unit was located, was almost vacated. Some people ran away, others were hiding.

There was one truck in our unit. I drove it - I had recently learnt to drive. I drove three members of the party, the commanders. I remembered one of them: Vaikus. In general, I was lucky to be able to drive and was ordered to take the Communists. There was no gas and I could not fill the car up. We went to the district town Telsiai. I was worried about my relatives, but I had neither a chance nor time to go to Rietavas. People weren't permitted to go there any more. Rietavas was closer to the border and the Germans had already occupied my town, besides my passengers were getting nervous and made me hurry. We arrived in Telsiai. I saw a large truck by the building of the district administration, where the leaders of the district, party members were sitting. My passengers joined them. I didn't think long and also jumped in the truck and we headed off.

We were going towards the Russian border. We were stopped by Lithuanians in Mazeikiai [town in North-West Lithuania, close to the Latvian border]. They had already taken the German side and they were not willing to let us through. Our activists had weapons, they shot a couple of times and the Lithuanians ran away. There was a covering force of Russian Army soldiers 8. They didn't let any single civilian car, a cart or a pedestrian pass. There were a lot of people. At that time a low-flying German plane started firing at people a couple of times. Many weren't moving. Our car was crushed. The passengers scattered. My sandals were torn so I went barefoot. My feet still remember the hot July asphalt. At that time a military column was passing the border, and I got under the tarpaulin of one of their trucks and went with them. We reached Pskov [town in Western Russia, close to the Latvian border]. I was afraid that they would find me, so I jumped off the truck and sat on the curb.

It was the first time I was in a Russian town. It was so dirty! It seemed to me that I happened to be in a cesspool after clean Lithuanian towns. I walked around the town and reached the train station. There was a car with evacuees. I got on the train and it left shortly. It was a locomotive train packed with people. There were mostly women, children and elderly people. I had neither drink nor food. I remember that I was starving. If someone started eating I stood by them with hungry eyes. At times they gave me a spud or a rusk.

Thus, we traveled for two or three days. We reached Gorky oblast and got off at the station Bogoyavleniye [about 700 km from Moscow]. There were carts there and we were taken to a kolkhoz 9. At first I was assigned to a tractor brigade. There I got milk and bread. It was my first meal. There was no place for me to live, so I went around the village looking for shelter. I was housed by a smith, Mikheyev. He lived with a daughter who had recently given birth to a baby. His brother-in-law was in the lines and the smith decided that I would help them about the house. I was still barefoot and Mikheyev gave me straw shoes.

Now I had some shelter, but I had to look for a job. The smith had no job for me. I went from house to house in the village, went to the rural administration, to the canteen. Finally I was hired by the bakery. I was supposed to bake bread, cut it in pieces, dry and place it in paper bags. Those rusks were sent to the front. I had some experience as I had worked in Mom's bakery. I started working and I was given bread. I even brought some flour to the smith and his daughter. I also brought them some defective bread every day. I lived and worked here until 8th March 1942.

On 8th March I got a notification from the military enlistment office and went there right away. I was drafted into the army in the Moscow region. I still cannot understand why I wasn't assigned to the 16th Lithuanian division 10, which was also being formed in Balakhna, and where many Lithuanians were being drafted no matter if they were Jewish or not. Maybe it would have been easier for me to be among our people. I felt a stranger here, not because of being a Jew, it wasn't a matter of nationality: there was no anti-Semitism. I was just a stranger: my Russian was broken and my mentality was different.

I and hundreds of unseasoned recruits were thrown in the battle. We even had never held a weapon in our hands. I don't remember anything about the battle, but the whistle of the bullets. After the battle I was all shaken, I had malaria. I was put in a separate room in the unit, given quinine and sent to the hospital.

Then there was an unpleasant incident, which ended up having no consequence. Soldiers from Russia often asked me how I was living in capitalist Lithuania and I honestly and straightforwardly told them that we had a good living - we had a lot of food, abundance in goods and no oppression. I was called to the party organization several times and accused of anti-Soviet propaganda. I tried to explain that I didn't concoct anything. I was arrested and kept in custody for 14 days along with other 'anti-Soviets' - the wardens of the liberated villages etc. We were put in a guarded cart. They gave us no arms and no explanations. Finally, they either clarified things, or didn't have time for that, or my proletarian origin worked, I was released all of a sudden and sent to the regiment. I will never forget those two weeks of fear and consternation.

I was sent to the 8th reserve regiment of the First Baltic Front in the vicinity of Orel [today Russia, 360 km south-west of Moscow]. The Lithuanian division was dislocated there, and I took part in battles for the liberation of that region. Now it is hard for me to remember the names and dates of the battles. I was as if in a stupor during that noise and cold. After several battles I was sent to the Moscow sergeant school. I was there for several months and it was a fabulous respite.

When I finished the sergeant school I went in the reserve regiment of the tank army of the First Ukrainian Front. We covered almost all of Ukraine, having liberated Sumy, Poltava and the Chernigov oblast. Once in Poltava [today central Ukraine] I was in a dugout, and it was hit by a bomb. I was covered with earth. Fortunately, they found me and sent me to hospital. I had a bad concussion. After the hospital I happened to be in the 9th Tank- Destroyer division, which reached Kiev.

There were all kinds of things at war: both tragic and usual. There were even anecdotes. Once in Ukraine, where the occupiers were Italians, we found a deserted truck with cans. We loaded ourselves with those cans, putting them in our pockets. I even put some of them in my pants and tied them up at the bottom. We could hardly reach our unit. When we opened them, there were tiny paws. It turned out that those were frogs. We could not eat them.

There were a lot of tragic and sad things of course. Every day some of our pals didn't come back from the battle. So many of them were lost! We couldn't even bury them, just leave the cadavers on the battle field and move on. We saw boys dying. Even now I can't get how we were able to survive. We hadn't washed ourselves for months, didn't change our clothes, slept in wet dirty clothes, were frozen to death, but still we fought. Though, I should say that we were fed quite well at the time when there were problems with nutrition.

Knowing the Fascists' attitude towards the Jews, and reading the military press, I understood that Lithuanian Jews, including my relatives, were exterminated. When we were liberating towns and villages in Ukraine, the local people told us about executions of Jews in ghettos and camps, about the atrocity of the Fascists. I saw horrible pits, the places where Jews perished and understood even more that I remained alone. My task was revenge. I went in every battle to take revenge and exterminate as many Fascists as possible. In summer 1943 I undermined four enemy tanks and every burning tank was a monument for my kin.

I reached Kiev with the army of Marshall Rybalko [Marshall Pavel Semyonovich Rybalko (1892-1948) commanded the Third Tank Guards Army, which liberated parts of Eastern Europe from Nazi occupation in WWII] and took part in the liberation of this city. At night on 6th November we crossed the Dniepr on boats. There was a gun crew with us and they put boards one in front of the other and placed two anti-tank weapons on each of the boards. The German artillery fired on the boats from the high right bank. They hit our boat and I swam to the right bank. I was drifted away 500 meters as the current of the Dniepr was strong. I was in Kiev. There was a barge by the dock. I reached it and then I remember only a flash of the blasted shell. I can't remember anything else.

I came around in a Tambov [today Russia] hospital. I had a concussion and an eye injury. There were fragments of shell in my eye. They said they would operate after the war, when they would have more time. They suggested removing my eye, but I refused. I had the fragment in my eye for 26 years, and only then I had it operated. I was moved to a hospital in Saratov [today Russia] from Tambov.

I was discharged in early January 1944 with the so-called 'white card': I could not be in the lines any more. I had to get recouped somehow. I had to find a lodging and a job. I was recommended to be a military trainer at the vocational school. I went to Lipetsk [today Russia], an industrial town, where there were a lot of schools. I was hired by one of the vocational schools right away. I rented a room. I worked hard. All I had to wear was a military uniform. Lithuania was still occupied, and I didn't care where I should live. I did well at work. I had military awards: two Great Patriotic War Orders 11 and others. Later I was offered to run the local timber enterprise.

Post-war

The war was over and I was still wearing my military jacket. I didn't have money to buy civilian clothes. Besides, I wasn't willing to take it off. Now, Lithuania was free and I was eager to go home, but they wouldn't dismiss me. I said that I wanted to go to my motherland to help restore towns and villages, but they told me that a Soviet person had his motherland all over the USSR.

In 1947 I was on a business trip in Moscow and saw a sign on a building downtown - it was the representative office of the Lithuanian SSR in the USSR. I went in and was stopped by the guard. I started asking him to let me in for me to see an authorized representative. The guy was compassionate. He asked me to take my military coat off. I told my story to Bachunas, the authorized representative. He made a couple of telephone calls and gave me a document for my management in Lipetsk. When I arrived, I was dismissed right away.

My trip to Lithuania took four days and I had to change trains twice. I didn't care if it was a locomotive train or not, all that mattered was that it should go to Lithuania. Thus I reached Siauliai and from there I took the shuttle to Telsiai and walked to Rietavas.

I couldn't recognize my town, as all buildings were burnt down, including our house. A Lithuanian lady had used the foundation of our house to build her own there. I went in. We had a long conversation. She told me about the execution of local Jews, about the deaths of my kin. As it turned out my parents and Grandpa Nakhman were denounced by the neighbors. They were those Lithuanian guys, who were my friends, who came to our house. All my kin, Grandpa Nakhman, Father, Liber with his family and Isroel, were shot in the first days of the occupation of Telsiai.

On the day when the war broke out, my brother Liber and his wife Ida with their baby daughter - about two months old - came to see my parents. The lady said that she noticed the tail of the column, where Liber and Ida with the stroller, were walking. The Fascists took the stroller away and it was rolling on the curb. My brother darted after the stroller and the German shot him right away, then they shot the baby.

There were about 14 places out of town where Jews were executed. I don't know exactly where my kin perished. Father's sisters Chaya Riva and Channa also perished. And my brother Dovid, who was studying at Telsiai yeshivah, was shot in Rainai along with 300 rabbis. My mother and sister Tsilya lived a bit longer. One lady, who crept out from the pile of corpses told me about it later. They were in the ghetto in Telsiai. Lithuanians often went there to hire people. One of them wanted to take Tsilya and save her that way, but my sister clung on to my mother and didn't agree to part with her. Then a furious Fascist shot both Tsilya and my mother.

I couldn't stay in the house built on the foundation of our old nest where we had been so happy. The Lithuanian was worried that I would turn her out, but I wasn't going to do that. I went down to the cellar and found apple and other jam, which my mother had made. It was still good. I showed it to the lady, told her to eat it and left.

I couldn't stay in Rietavas and left for Telsiai. Here I met my master Shilenis, who also told me many things. He worked for the regional Ispolkom 12, and helped me very much. I was given an apartment - with a large room and a kitchen. I was ready to accept any job. First, I was asked if I knew how to make sausage. They brought me a cow and I made the sausage myself. I was given money and went to Klaipeda. I bought a sausage-making machine.

My boss, a Jew called Germanis wasn't a decent man and misappropriated almost all the sausage. I didn't want to work with him and be liable for larceny. I left him and soon I became the director of an industrial enterprise. It didn't exist for a long time. Then I was in charge of a logistics department in a car fleet. I changed those jobs within a year and in 1948 I started working in the road department of the Ispolkom as an engineer of asphalting the road Telsiai-Plunge.

In 1948 I entered a college in Kaunas. Upon graduation I entered the Kaunas Polytechnic Institute. Both educations were extra-mural. Having experience in construction, I started working as an engineer at a commodity base in Telsiai and worked there until my retirement.

At that time all the leading positions required either Communist Party or Komsomol 13 membership. I couldn't join the Komsomol in the army as my relatives were living in the USA. When I became an engineer of the commodity base, one of the inspectors at the Ispolkom said that my title envisaged that I should be a member of the Communist Party. I applied for party membership.

A Lithuanian, Vaytrikele, who was sitting at one desk with my sister Tsilya, was the inspector at the party committee. She asked me if I kept in touch with my relatives in the USA 14. I said that I did and mentioned that I had recently got a letter from them. My case wasn't discussed for a long time, they turned me down and I made no further attempts.

Nevertheless, my colleagues always had a very good attitude towards me. I had excellent organizational skills and they valued me. I never noticed anti-Semitisms in all those years, neither at work nor beyond it. In 1953 when Stalin died, I was only happy for that, I knew what he was worth since I had been put in the cart with the peoples' enemies 15 during the war. I understood how much trouble that person had brought.

When I came back from the war, I found a Lithuanian girlfriend, who I had been dating before the war. It turned out that during the occupation she had relationships with men and even gave birth to a daughter. I didn't want to see her, although she was offering to leave everything for me. I had been lonely for many years.

Married life

In 1953 I met my fate. At that time I was working in the road department and we were building the road Klaipeda-Kaunas. I was in the town of Linkuva rather often as we had a machinery site there. Once I was driving in a car and saw a girl walking along the road. She asked for a lift. Her house was about five kilometers from Linkuva. I gave her a lift and went to work. When I was driving back I saw her standing there again. The lady said that she worked as a maid in Linkuva. Then I saw her again, and even drove her home. This is how we met. I liked her instantly and I came to meet her parents. They liked me at once though they were Lithuanians and I was a Jew. They didn't even think of my nationality. I took the young lady to Telsiai and we had our marriage registered. We have been together since then.

My wife is Lithuanian. Her name is Constantia, maiden name Beryute. She was born in 1932 in Linkuva. She came from a simple farmers' family. They worked hard for a living. Constantia was an only child. She only finished elementary school before the war, then there were no opportunities for studies. She found a low profile job to help out her parents.

In 1953 we had our marriage registered in Telsiai and started our life in a poky apartment. It was always neat and cozy. At times in the morning when the breakfast was being cooked in the kitchen, I woke up and thought that there hadn't been a war and soon my mother would come in and wake me up. It was the first time over those 13 years when I didn't feel lonely and it was a wonderful feeling to know that you were needed.

We had a good life. There was an air of trust and understanding. There were no conflicts. On the weekend our friends came for a cup of tea. We talked about life. We celebrated mostly birthdays and the New Year. During the Soviet time there were no religious traditions in our life.

I got a plot of land in downtown Telsiai, designed my house and managed the construction project. A big and cozy house was built in the course of several years and when it was finished the whole family moved there. We made the furniture, windows, doors and curtains ourselves. It was good that I grew up in a family where I was taught everything by my kin. It was the time of high deficit. I am still living in that house with my wife.

In 1954 our son was born. We gave him a Lithuanian name -Petras. My wife didn't work as she had a lot to do about the house. Our son demanded a lot of attention, but I wasn't a good help here as I was almost blind. We had a big husbandry. We had chickens, a cow, a big garden, where Constantia grew all the necessary vegetables for the family. She made such a beautiful flower bed in front of the house! All the neighbors came to see it and asked for young plants.

My son did well at school. Since childhood he wanted to be in construction and he built anything he could - from sand, stones and branches. When he finished school, he entered a construction college and finished it. Petras was never involved in social work. Although, of course, he was a pioneer 16 like all kids of that time. Nevertheless, he wasn't going to join the Komsomol, fearing that he would be refused because of his relatives in the USA, the way it happened with me. In general, all of us were apolitical. The town was small, no events affected it. Everybody minded their own business and cared about the life of their family.

Petras served in the Soviet Army and worked in construction. Even though he has a Lithuanian name, he identifies himself as a Jew, respects Jewish history and traditions and celebrates Jewish holidays. Mostly, it is my wife Constantia who influenced him. She is Catholic, but she is not religious and she doesn't go to church. Nevertheless, she treats Jews with deep respect. She learnt how to cook Jewish dishes. For 20 years, whenever I had some free time, I told her and my son about Jewry, Jewish traditions and holidays. So Petras and Constantia are also interested in them. Now we always celebrate Jewish holidays together, though I'm not a religious person and don't go to the synagogue - by the way, there is no synagogue in our town - I just respect Jewish traditions and history and observe the holidays as a tribute to commemorate my kin.

Petras married a Lithuanian called Stepha. They have two daughters: the elder, Margarita, was born in 1980 and the younger one, Sima, was born in 1985. In the early 1990s, when Lithuania became independent 17 business started booming. My son also became a businessman, he became a car dealer. He bought the cars, fixed and resold them. He borrowed a lot of money and couldn't pay it back on time. The debt was huge and he had to find a way to pay it back. I got in touch with my relative who was living in the USA and asked him to assist in getting a visa for Petras. He was a very rich man, he owned a whole block of houses. He helped my son leave and found a job for him. It was seven years ago. Since that time Petras has worked in the USA. He paid off his debts, so we hope that he will come back soon. My granddaughters are in America as well. The elder, Margarita, graduated from the university and got a bachelor's degree. She found a job in the USA that fits her qualification. Sima got a green-card and also left for America. She found a job as a housekeeper. We are looking forward to their return.

Even though I was almost blind, I worked for many years. I retired in the early 1990s. Though since 1945 I have been getting a pension for the disabled, it is miserable. All those years my wife and I had been going to the places where Jews were executed to commemorate them. I thought of how to mark those places and put the monuments there. Besides, I couldn't feel indifferent towards those Jews, who survived the war, and now are scraping through. I decided to found a Jewish community in Telsiai and went to Vilnius to see the chairman of the United Jewish community of Lithuania, Alperavichus. He supported me. The community was founded in 1993 with me as a chairman.

According to the law on restitution we were given back the former premises of the prewar Jewish community. I sold that house and used the money to help poor Jews. Actually, the community is based in my house. I am the bookkeeper. I distribute the sponsors' aid coming from the Joint 18. We celebrate Sabbath and Jewish holidays. I fulfilled my task: I put the monuments to the perished Jews on the places of their execution. I mostly used my savings for that as well as the money from the sponsors, collected by the relatives of the perished.

My Constantia is the best helper in all community activities. On Sabbath and on holidays she cooks a treat for the whole community and the Jews join us in celebration. We chat and recollect family stories. We celebrate holidays according to the tradition. I feel under the weather lately and I have to look for a successor as I understand that I have heart trouble and had an operation recently. I hope that my successor will be Petras, who will come back to Lithuania and help me.

Glossary

1 Perestroika (Russian for restructuring)

Soviet economic and social policy of the late 1980s, associated with the name of Soviet politician Mikhail Gorbachev. The term designated the attempts to transform the stagnant, inefficient command economy of the Soviet Union into a decentralized, market-oriented economy. Industrial managers and local government and party officials were granted greater autonomy, and open elections were introduced in an attempt to democratize the Communist Party organization. By 1991, perestroika was declining and was soon eclipsed by the dissolution of the USSR.

2 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

3 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right-wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

4 Maccabi World Union

International Jewish sports organization whose origins go back to the end of the 19th century. A growing number of young Eastern European Jews involved in Zionism felt that one essential prerequisite of the establishment of a national home in Palestine was the improvement of the physical condition and training of ghetto youth. In order to achieve this, gymnastics clubs were founded in many Eastern and Central European countries, which later came to be called Maccabi. The movement soon spread to more countries in Europe and to Palestine. The World Maccabi Union was formed in 1921. In less than two decades its membership was estimated at 200,000 with branches located in most countries of Europe and in Palestine, Australia, South America, South Africa, etc.

5 Occupation of the Baltic Republics (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania)

Although the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact regarded only Latvia and Estonia as parts of the Soviet sphere of influence in Eastern Europe, according to a supplementary protocol (signed in 28th September 1939) most of Lithuania was also transferred under the Soviets. The three states were forced to sign the 'Pact of Defense and Mutual Assistance' with the USSR allowing it to station troops in their territories. In June 1940 Moscow issued an ultimatum demanding the change of governments and the occupation of the Baltic Republics. The three states were incorporated into the Soviet Union as the Estonian, Latvian and Lithuanian Soviet Socialist Republics.

6 Great Terror (1934-1938)

During the Great Terror, or Great Purges, which included the notorious show trials of Stalin's former Bolshevik opponents in 1936-1938 and reached its peak in 1937 and 1938, millions of innocent Soviet citizens were sent off to labor camps or killed in prison. The major targets of the Great Terror were communists. Over half of the people who were arrested were members of the party at the time of their arrest. The armed forces, the Communist Party, and the government in general were purged of all allegedly dissident persons; the victims were generally sentenced to death or to long terms of hard labor. Much of the purge was carried out in secret, and only a few cases were tried in public 'show trials'. By the time the terror subsided in 1939, Stalin had managed to bring both the Party and the public to a state of complete submission to his rule. Soviet society was so atomized and the people so fearful of reprisals that mass arrests were no longer necessary. Stalin ruled as absolute dictator of the Soviet Union until his death in March 1953.

7 Deportations from the Baltics (1940-1953)

After the Soviet Union occupied the three Baltic states (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania) in June 1940 as a part of establishing the Soviet system, mass deportation of the local population began. The victims of these were mainly but not exclusively those unwanted by the regime: the local bourgeoisie and the previously politically active strata. Deportations to remote parts of the Soviet Union continued up until the death of Stalin. The first major wave of deportation took place between 11th and 14th June 1941, when 36,000, mostly politically active people were deported. Deportations were reintroduced after the Soviet Army recaptured the three countries from Nazi Germany in 1944. Partisan fights against the Soviet occupiers were going on all up to 1956, when the last squad was eliminated. Between June 1948 and January 1950, in accordance with a Decree of the Presidium of the Supreme Council of the USSR under the pretext of 'grossly dodged from labor activity in the agricultural field and led anti-social and parasitic mode of life' from Latvia 52,541, from Lithuania 118,599 and from Estonai 32,450 people were deported. The total number of deportees from the three republics amounted to 203,590. Among them were entire Lithuanian families of different social strata (peasants, workers, intelligentsia), everybody who was able to reject or deemed capable to reject the regime. Most of the exiled died in the foreign land. Besides, about 100,000 people were killed in action and in fusillade for being members of partisan squads and some other 100,000 were sentenced to 25 years in camps.

8 Soviet Army

The armed forces of the Soviet Union, originally called Red Army and renamed Soviet Army in February 1946. After the Bolsheviks came to power, in November 1917, they commenced to organize the squads of worker's army, called Red Guards, where workers and peasants were recruited on voluntary bases. The commanders were either selected from among the former tsarist officers and soldiers or appointed directly by the Military and Revolutionary Committee of the Communist Party. In early 1918 the Bolshevik government issued a decree on the establishment of the Workers' and Peasants' Red Army and mandatory drafting was introduced for men between 18 and 40. In 1918 the total number of draftees was 100 thousand officers and 1.2 million soldiers. Military schools and academies training the officers were restored. In 1925 the law on compulsory military service was adopted and annual drafting was established. The term of service was established as follows: for the Red Guards- 2 years, for junior officers of aviation and fleet- 3 years, for medium and senior officers- 25 years. People of exploiter classes (former noblemen, merchants, officers of the tsarist army, priest, factory owner, etc. and their children) as well as kulaks (rich peasants) and cossacks were not drafted in the army. The law as of 1939 cancelled restriction on drafting of men belonging to certain classes, students were not drafted but went through military training in their educational institutions. On 22nd June 1941 the Great Patriotic War was unleashed and the drafting in the army became exclusively compulsory. First, in June-July 1941 general and complete mobilization of men was carried out as well as partial mobilization of women. Then annual drafting of men, who turned 18, was commenced. When WWII was over, the Red Army amounted to over 11 million people and the demobilization process commenced. By the beginning of 1948 the Soviet Army had been downsized to 2 million 874 thousand people. The youth of drafting age were sent to the restoration works in mines, heavy industrial enterprises, and construction sites. In 1949 a new law on general military duty was adopted, according to which service term in ground troops and aviation was 3 years and in the navy - 4 years. Young people with secondary education, both civilian and military, with the age range of 17-23 were admitted in military schools for officers. In 1968 the term of the army service was contracted to 2 years in ground troops and in the navy to 3 years. That system of army recruitment has remained without considerable changes until the breakup of the Soviet Army (1991-93).

9 Collective farm (in Russian kolkhoz)

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

10 16th Lithuanian division

It was formed according to a Soviet resolution on 18th December 1941 and consisted of residents of the annexed former Lithuanian Republic. The Lithuanian division consisted of 10.000 people (34,2 percent of whom were Jewish), it was well equipped and was completed by 7th July 1942. In 1943 it took part in the Kursk battle, fought in Belarus and was a part of the Kalinin front. All together it liberated over 600 towns and villages and took 12.000 German soldiers as captives. In summer 1944 it took part in the liberation of Vilnius joining the 3rd Belarusian Front, fought in the Kurland and exterminated the besieged German troops in Memel (Klaipeda). After the victory its headquarters were relocated in Vilnius, in 1945-46 most veterans were demobilized but some officers stayed in the Soviet Army.

11 Order of the Great Patriotic War

1st Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for skillful command of their units in action. 2nd Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for lesser personal valor in action.

12 Ispolkom

After the tsar's abdication (March, 1917), power passed to a Provisional Government appointed by a temporary committee of the Duma, which proposed to share power to some extent with councils of workers and soldiers known as 'soviets'. Following a brief and chaotic period of fairly democratic procedures, a mixed body of socialist intellectuals known as the Ispolkom secured the right to 'represent' the soviets. The democratic credentials of the soviets were highly imperfect to begin with: peasants - the overwhelming majority of the Russian population - had virtually no say, and soldiers were grossly over-represented. The Ispolkom's assumption of power turned this highly imperfect democracy into an intellectuals' oligarchy.

13 Komsomol

Communist youth political organization created in 1918. The task of the Komsomol was to spread of the ideas of communism and involve the worker and peasant youth in building the Soviet Union. The Komsomol also aimed at giving a communist upbringing by involving the worker youth in the political struggle, supplemented by theoretical education. The Komsomol was more popular than the Communist Party because with its aim of education people could accept uninitiated young proletarians, whereas party members had to have at least a minimal political qualification.

14 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death.

15 Enemy of the people

Soviet official term; euphemism used for real or assumed political opposition.

16 All-Union pioneer organization

A communist organization for teenagers between 10 and 15 years old (cf: boy-/ girlscouts in the US). The organization aimed at educating the young generation in accordance with the communist ideals, preparing pioneers to become members of the Komsomol and later the Communist Party. In the Soviet Union, all teenagers were pioneers.

17 Reestablishment of the Lithuanian Republic

On 11th March 1990 the Lithuanian State Assembly declared Lithuania an independent republic. The Soviet leadership in Moscow refused to acknowledge the independence of Lithuania and initiated an economic blockade on the country. At the referendum held in February 1991, over 90 percent of the participants (turn out was 84 percent) voted for independence. The western world finally recognized Lithuanian independence and so did the USSR on 6th September 1991. On 17th September 1991 Lithuania joined the United Nations.

18 Joint (American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee)

The Joint was formed in 1914 with the fusion of three American Jewish committees of assistance, which were alarmed by the suffering of Jews during World War I. In late 1944, the Joint entered Europe's liberated areas and organized a massive relief operation. It provided food for Jewish survivors all over Europe, it supplied clothing, books and school supplies for children. It supported cultural amenities and brought religious supplies for the Jewish communities. The Joint also operated DP camps, in which it organized retraining programs to help people learn trades that would enable them to earn a living, while its cultural and religious activities helped re- establish Jewish life. The Joint was also closely involved in helping Jews to emigrate from Europe and from Muslim countries. The Joint was expelled from East Central Europe for decades during the Cold War and it has only come back to many of these countries after the fall of communism. Today the Joint provides social welfare programs for elderly Holocaust survivors and encourages Jewish renewal and communal development.

Leon Solowiejczyk

Leon Solowiejczyk
Lodz
Poland
Interviewer: Marek Czekalski, Judyta Hajduk
Date of interview: September 2005

Mr. Leon Solowiejczyk is 82 years old. He comes from the eastern part of prewar Poland, the area of the city of Vilnius (today Lithuania), from a relatively well-to-do small town family of orthodox Jews. We talked in his apartment, which he hardly ever leaves. He suffers from serious asthma, which made our conversation difficult. He tires easily and uses an oxygen tank. Mr. Solowiejczyk is a warm and cordial man. He told his story willingly, without reservations and our meetings seemed to please him considerably.

I was born on 25th March 1923 in a small town called Dzisna [the town of Dzisna is located on the river Dzisna, a tributary of Dzwina], in the Vilnius district. I knew my grandparents from my father's side better, because we lived together. They were born in the times of Tsar Nicolaus I [Nicolaus I Romanov (1796-1855)]. The grandparents spoke Yiddish at home and Russian when there was company.

My grandfather from Father's side - Mojzesz Solowiejczyk -came from a town called Glebokie [near Vilnius, today Lithuania, a city located on the junction of the route from Polock to Vilnius, on the Wielkie Lake]. He had five brothers. They were: Izaak, Bauman, Abram... I don't remember the names of the other two. Those three were fishermen; they had their own lakes, equipment. They were quite well off.

Just before the war [World War I] Grandpa married, he was an older man by then. The family was large, so he separated from his brothers. He got some money from them and he dealt with fishing as well, he leased some lakes, fished, sold the fish and that's how my grandparents made money. When World War I broke out my grandfather was in the Russian army. During the war of 1920 1 the Polish-Russian border was set on the Dzwina [River]. Grandpa remained on the Polish side, with his children, Father, Mother. The remaining ones [Abraham, Izaak, Bauman, Jankiel] were on the Russian side. Grandpa's brothers owned two lakes and were well-to-do. They had no problems making ends meet; they traded horses on the Polish side from time to time too.

Grandpa Mojzesz was a religious man. He dressed like a Hasid 2; he wore a cloak, a beard. In 1924 he gave Torah scrolls to the synagogue together with a few other people. Such a scroll cost a lot. It was a big thing. It was as if there was a wedding - people danced, congratulated one another. Grandpa went to the synagogue to pray as long as he lived. He also took us, the grandchildren, to all the ceremonies. I remember I was four years old then. My younger brother, Misza, when they were reciting the Kaddish for the dead - he had this sweet voice like a bell - when they reached 'Amen,' he'd pronounce it 'Aaaaaaamen.' And later, on a Friday, after Grandpa sold all the fish at the market, he would give us 20 groszy each, but he gave him 50, because he could say 'Amen' the loudest.

Grandma [Father's mother] was called Miriam, nee Dworman. She came from Dzisna. They met through a matchmaker. Grandpa was a tall, handsome man, while Grandma was short, a bit of a hunchback. They said if she's a hunchback, she must be rich. Grandma was very wise; she could read and write, she could pray too. She was very pious. She knew all the commandments. When she saw a young couple walking too closely to each other, she'd tap them on the shoulder and tell it to them, so they wouldn't forget themselves. She also made sure that no woman went to the mikveh before her period. It was a public bathhouse. Before the wedding the bride had to go to the mikveh and get a certificate that she had been there.

Grandma made sure that all rituals were observed. I remember that there was a 'kruzhka' [Russian: a vase or small pot] with water in the house and you had to wash your hands early in the morning. The 'kruzhka' could be made of clay or iron. There were different ones. It was this ritual pot, with two handles. I mean when a woman got up and she hadn't washed her hands yet, she'd take hold of one handle of the pot and pour water on the dirty hand. That washing was called 'negl waser.' 'Negl' means nail, that is, the idea was that you had to wash off all the dirt. And later, because one hand was still dirty, you'd hold the clean handle with the clean hand and pour water over the dirty hand. Yes, those were rituals. You also had to wash your eyes. When I was a child I had to recite these prayers. In the morning. When you're still in bed, you say this prayer called 'Ani' and you have to wash your hands in order to say it. So Grandma made sure we did all this, because she was pious.

She was also a good housewife. Preserves were fried in the yard from spring to fall - there was this custom. All the housewives would gather in the evening. There was this large table, a samovar, a tray. All of them would bring their preserves, they tried each one. They chose who made the best one. Grandma also dried all kinds of herbs on the stove, for medicines. Also blackberries, raspberries, so it would be available if a child fell ill. She died in 1938.

Grandma had one brother. His name was Dawid. He was older than she was, he was a musician, a choirmaster, I mean a conductor. In Jewish that's 'klezmer.' There were more of them in our town, they were his students. He was self-taught, very talented. He even made his own violin. He had his own band. It was called 'Chaim Dowid der Klezmer.' He played in the town, at weddings, wherever they invited him and also when there was some national holiday, some celebration in the park [outdoor], he was always invited there. They treated him with respect. He was good at it.

My grandparents had two sons and one daughter. The older one was Abraham, the younger one - some 20 years younger - that was my father, Szlome, he was born in 1890, in Dzisna and the daughter, Chaja, was born between the sons. Abram was a horse trader. He had a family - a wife, son and daughter. They died in the ghetto in Dzisna 3, only the son saved himself, because he had run away to Russia. He died in 1990 in Oszmiana [in the Vilnius district]. Father's sister, Chaja, was older than him. Her husband, Mordechaj Szuszkowicz, was a merchant. They had five children, four daughters: Ester, Chana, Cypa, Margola and one son - Sioma. Only Ester survived the war, because she had left for Palestine before the war broke out. The rest were murdered in the ghetto in Dzisna.

Grandpa died before World War II when I was four years old. He died of a hernia, there was no surgeon, he couldn't be saved. I remember how, after his death, everything, stools, were turned upside down, water was poured out of buckets. All pictures, all mirrors were taken down or turned to face the wall. And they all sat there. The closest family members were there: the children, wife, brothers. There had to be someone there to help. They couldn't greet anyone; they couldn't go out on the street for a week, so they wouldn't meet anyone. It was a ritual. All these were signs of mourning. For a year they would all say prayers at home, three times a day. We would gather for prayers. There had to be ten people, to form a minyan. There's even a saying among Jews: ten rabbis don't make a minyan, but ten scoundrels do. So there had to be ten people, so we'd always be looking for the 10th one. When I came and said that we needed a 10th one, no one would ever refuse.

My grandparents from Mother's side were from the country. They lived somewhere in the countryside when they were young, but I don't know exactly where. Later, when Grandma got married, they were in the city. They had some land, they had some mills. Grandpa's name was Mendel Szenkman, he bought and sold cattle and was in agriculture too. That's how it was that every squire had his Jew, whom he used. Grandpa Mendel was younger than the other one, Mojzesz. He had two brothers - Jankiel and Gotlieb. They died even before the war. Grandpa died in 1942, in the ghetto, in Dzisna. He died alone.

Grandma, his wife, her name was Sara, nee Judin; she was really from the country [that is, born in the countryside]. She was the same age as Grandpa; she mostly took care of the house. She also died in the ghetto. The grandparents from Mother's side were also a Hasidic family, but not as pious as Father's parents. Because, for example, when Father was coming back home on Friday evening and he was late, he wouldn't drive into town in a horse-drawn wagon, because it would have been shameful. He'd leave the horse in the nearest village. It was the same on Friday evening, a Jew wouldn't go to bathe in the mikveh, because the rabbi could come and check on him. My mother's parents also spoke Jewish [Yiddish] at home.

My mother, Chaja Pesia, nee Szenkman, was born in 1900 in Dzisna. She had two brothers: Icchak and Abraham and two sisters: they were Choda and Roza. Mother was the oldest one; Icchak was some two or three years younger. He was a cattle trader; he had a wife, children. He also died in the ghetto with his family. Then there was Choda, she was married to Matys Rusin, they had two children. They also died in the ghetto. Just like Mother's second sister, Roza, with the husband and child. The youngest one was Abraham; he had a wife and three children. He survived, because he had escaped to Russia. After the war he was in Lodz for a while and then went to Israel.

They all went to school, they could read and write. So could my parents. My father, this was still in tsarist times, he had what they called 'gorodkoye uchylyshche' [Russian: municipal school], I think it was an elementary education. I'm sure Mother must have had at least four grades of school too.

My parents met on their own, without a matchmaker, in Dzisna, it was a local love affair, they were neighbors. They got married in 1922. They had three sons. I was the oldest one. Then there was Izrael. He died in 1945 near Kielce, on the front, in the Russian army. The youngest one was Mojzesz - named after Grandpa. He's now living in Vilnius.

My parents were more or less religious. They celebrated all the holidays, all the rituals, Sabbath. Lard and other things like that - that was out of the question. The house was kept kosher - there was a spoon for meat, a spoon for milk, a milk pan, a meat pan, all that was observed.

Mother was always at home, she was very resourceful; she had to take care of things on her own, because Father was never there, always on the road. The entire family was very close. I was the oldest one, I sometimes scolded my brothers. The middle brother, he was often naughty, so I'd hit him. For example when he once took another boy's bike. The boy was the landowner's son, who came to visit us.

When Father came back home, he had to tell Mother about everything, he had to report it all. When Father was about to come home from work - and Mother didn't know exactly when he'd be back, in the morning or in the evening - she'd get everything ready, keep the stove hot, so there'd be hot food for Father when he arrived. Father was a very calm man. I take after him in being calm and responsible. He was very traditional, he didn't drink, didn't play cards. But when there was some celebration, they'd all gather around him, because he could sing, he knew Yiddish and Russian songs. He slapped me once on the face and I remember this until today. And he was right. Well, how old could I have been? Five years, I don't think I was even six yet.

This was at my Aunt Choda's wedding, she was Mother's sister. Father was at this wedding. Father knew all the Jewish rituals, all those songs; he was also very funny and entertained all those wedding guests. I always liked sitting next to Daddy and he'd take me with him, as the oldest son. And according to the Jewish ritual, the guests from the groom's side feel more like guests and need to be tended to. Father felt he was from the bride's side, so he had a task there at that wedding. He sang to those guests, entertained them. And I don't know why this happened, maybe he had a lot to do, but he didn't take me with him to the table. I felt so sorry for myself I didn't want to sit at the table at all. I was waiting for Daddy to come and get me. Well, those aunts, it was a large family, started telling me: 'Come here, here...' If they hadn't said anything, then I would have just sat down in some corner, but they must have known that I was feeling sorry for myself. And because of that, I was fed up with them taking care of me like that, so I went away.

This wedding was at my grandmother Sara's house, where the bride was living, so I went home. There was no one there. It was locked up, everyone was at the wedding. And Mommy must have asked Father to go and get me: 'Go and bring him. He went home. Everything's locked up there, nobody's home.' I heard Daddy calling, I thought: 'Well, if Daddy's calling for me, I have to go.' And when I approached him, he didn't say a word, but slapped me on the face and turned back. He didn't hit me at any other time, he'd always hug me. He turned back and went to that wedding. And it was horrible for me. No one had ever hit me before, why now? And I cried and didn't go back to my house. I understood I had to go with him. And I went to that wedding crying. I sat where they told me to sit. That was only once. I still remember this, because it's such a special memory.

We were living in Dzisna with the grandparents from my father's side and when Grandpa died, then with Grandma Meri [Miriam]. Grandpa died earlier and, according to Jewish tradition, parents stay with the youngest son or daughter. And because Father was the youngest, Grandma lived with us. I guess you can look at it differently; it was, after all, her house and she was the host. It was a wooden house, there was a garden and vegetables, fruit in that garden. There were three rooms. And there were also these rooms in the back. The kitchen, the pantry, a hallway. It was a farm, there was a stable, a cow, there was everything, hens, some sheep. The house was near the river.

I remember that in the springtime, there'd be some ice brought in and put in this hole, which would then be covered with straw and that's where meat was stored in the summer. There were these holes in the garden, where potatoes were stored; they were deep, round, some two meters deep. I never saw any potatoes rot there. Other vegetables were stored like that too, turnips, carrots. My parents also had cows. But the main income was from trade. Father had horses; he distributed goods, to restaurants, wine, vodka. Mother helped Father collect the orders; she had contacts with Poles often. She knew how to live well with them. She would always take some tasty food to them on Jewish holidays.

Grandma didn't work, but she had her hands full at home. She had to burn wood in the stove in the mornings. She baked bread each week. Grandma used to say that there were four bakeries on our street, where there were 20 houses in all, and each one baked bread better than the others to sell it. There was this 'dzieza' [Polish: a special bowl for making bread], it was passed from neighbor to neighbor; several neighbors would use the same one to bake bread. Ours was used by four families. It was dark rye bread. Sometimes there'd already be new bread before the old one was eaten. Grandma used to say that if we had to buy bread, we'd go bankrupt. The bread was good and it was cheap, because a pound [pound = 16.5 kg] of rye cost 1.5 zloty. Some 25 kg of bread could be made from this, so a kilo of bread cost 0.25 grosz [1 grosz = 1/100 of 1 zloty].

Dzisna itself was a town close to the border, there were two rivers. In the fall there was always mud. We, the kids, used to walk on these stilts. There were floods in the spring; the largest one was in 1931. On the street you could smell horse manure and so on, because there were horses and cows in every house. There were hills, rivers, lakes, valleys and forests in the area. But mostly it was flat. The area was quite swampy. There was moss, there were swamps, mud. Yes, like it is in Polesie. When someone 'went to the mosses,' there was no point in looking for him. [Editor's note: Mr. Solowiejczyk uses the phrase 'go to the mosses' in the sense of 'take one's life']. Only locals knew how to pass between those mosses, no one else would come back.

Supposedly, during the war partisans would hide in the swamps and when the Germans went looking for them the partisans were sitting in these holes which they had dug for themselves. When they had dug those holes there was water in them, but they took some pine branches and covered the holes with them. They could see those Germans looking for them, but the Germans couldn't see them.

There was no industry in Dzisna, no factories. There was a city hall, a church, eight synagogues, schools, a post office. There was a hospital, stores and restaurants. There was electricity in the town, from this turbine; lights would be turned on after it turned dark. The central area in the town was the market square. There, next to the market square, there was the 'birzha' [Russian: bazaar]. It was something like a bazaar. It was this place higher up, at the intersection of the streets and you could get everything done there. If you didn't have work, you'd go there in the morning, because everything was private, so all those without work went looking there. They'd find out where they could get a job and when there was nothing, if you came before 10am you could get a piece of bread and some cold water: you'd dip it in salt and eat it.

You could also marry your son or daughter off there, buy a horse, a cow, everything... There were these people there, they were called 'maklery' [incorrect Polish: stockbroker] and they could do anything. This 'makler' could marry a daughter off, he'd say: 'Well, this is such a nice girl, rich, she's got this and that...' that's how he'd describe her. He had these glasses, monocles. He'd drive around all the neighboring towns in a horse-drawn cart, he could do anything. You could borrow money from him, buy or lease an orchard, or land from the squire - 20, 30 hectares of land for 10, 15 years.

There were restaurants at the market. Father would often supply wine and vodka to them. They mostly had wine and vodka in those restaurants. You'd often see drunk people. Mostly Belarusians. There were some fights there from time to time, but they were mostly... friendly. And there were some stores. With fish and meat. Usually people would buy on credit in those stores, they'd put your name down in the book. Sometimes for a month. When the first day of the month came, they'd pay back. But I heard that sometimes they wouldn't return the money. But the merchants somehow prospered. There had to be a trusted butcher from whom you'd take meat.

There was this one Sara there, in Russian they called her Sarochka. Her last name was Sorocka. She was the owner of a private butchery. She had this butchery and she sold meat. She was very honest, a very honest woman. And there were all kinds of people in the town. There was this stupid loony man [mentally ill]. He had fits [epilepsy] and came to her store [to ask] for money. And the best customers bought meat from her. Each store owner wanted to make as much as possible, so she'd give this man 20 or 50 groszy, so he'd leave her alone and not scare off the customers. So it was quite a lot just for him going away and not falling down [that is, having an epilepsy fit] in the store.

There were 6 thousand people in Dzisna. Some 60 percent were Jews. Or 50-60 percent. The remaining ones were Poles and Belarusians. The community was strong. There were merchants, tailors, local officials, doctors. The Poles had the better jobs, in the magistrate, in the offices, there weren't many Poles, less than Jews. We always lived in harmony. But we lived separately.

There were only Hasidim in our town. [Mr. Solowiejczyk is simply referring to religious Jews]. They were carpenters and tailors, shoemakers, merchants, those who made the pavement and built houses, normal people. Yes, they were pious, when the time came they went to the synagogue to pray or prayed at home. But they were not loonies, those who walk around in the summer wearing fur caps, with sidelocks, or who only wear socks, they weren't excessively pious. They were normal pious Jews, moderate, reformed. There were eight synagogues. They were normal synagogues, orthodox, Hasidic. Hasidim prayed there. There was no reformed synagogue.

There was this one where, how to put it, the rich ones went and another one where the poorer people went. There were all classes of people in the town. One synagogue on the market square, that's where the butchers went. No one financed these synagogues, only the community, the people would chip in. There were also those immigrant elements, Misnagdim [Hebrew: Misnagdim - opponents of Hasidim], but they got kind of watered down, assimilated to the environment. There are quarrels among them even to this day 4. So much that when you were walking in Glebokie [approx. 70km from Dzisna] and you met some Russian [a person of the Eastern Orthodox faith] and he asked you: 'Is this the moon or is this the sun?', you'd have to answer 'I'm not from around here' if you didn't want to get beaten up.

The Hasidim always had their tzaddik. He was a Lubavitch [a tzaddik of the Lubavitch dynasty, Joseph Isaac Shneerson from Lubavitch (1880-1950), since 1920 the rebbe of the dynasty]. Lubavitch the Hasidic rebbe, that's how it was called then. Lubavitch Hasidim 5. He used to live in Lubavitch [near Smolensk], that's in Belarus.

There was also a Jewish religious community in Dzisna, there was a rabbi. The rabbi had huge rights. The rabbi wrote out birth certificates, baptism and marriage certificates and they were accepted everywhere, in all kinds of offices. There were also rabbinical courts. In our Jewish community such a court is the most important one. The Gypsies [Roma] have that as well, that they acknowledge the civic court, but it's not sufficient for them, they have to have their own courts.

So there was this rabbinical court, they used to call for people to testify, one spoke for the one side, the second one for the other side, the third one was neutral. It was a court of one's peers, I guess you can say that. The Jews would usually not want any case to go outside [of the community]. If someone was stubborn and wanted to go to a regular civic court, so it would be. But this rabbinical court was respected the most.

Let's assume that you and I have some misunderstanding, so I take my so- called juror and you take yours, someone you trust. Like a member of the jury. You could also call the rabbi, but usually it wasn't necessary. Usually they'd settle for some compromise, because there were all kinds of cases there, disputed wills or commercial issues. And everything had to be done, whatever they would say. There was no appeal.

It was called 'dintojra' [Hebrew: Din Torah - religious court]. But those 'dintojras' were different than in the city. What was dintojra there, was the rule of the Torah here. If one side didn't agree [to carrying out the verdict], they were doomed in that community. If he didn't do what the court told him to do, if he didn't submit to the verdict, no one would trade with him, no one would shake his hand, no one would want to talk to him. It was different in a [civic] court, but in the community it was sacred.

In a Jewish community, the rich members were also important, not just the rabbi. There was this Bimbat, a wealthy man. He came from a poor family, but became rich selling forests. There were also some doctors, members of the intelligentsia in the community, they had their own banks and trade unions, all of them Jewish. The chairman of the bank was the community leader. There were some butchers, three rabbis, there was one appointed by the government and there were schoolteachers. Candidates would take part in the local magistrate elections. There were parties - the Bundists 6, the Zionists 7, the Hashomer Hatzair 8, leftist, rightist... There were Chalucinim [HaHalutz] 9, they were mostly young people who wanted to go to Israel. The strongest party was the Bytarym [Betar] 10. That was a rightist party. There [in Dzisna] there were no workers, they all lived from commerce or agriculture. Well, there were lots of poor people, lots of them.

Sometimes those poor people would walk across the [frozen] water in the wintertime and run away to the other side, to Russia. They ran away, because there was such unemployment, no industry, nothing. They didn't know that it was even worse on their side. The Russians treated those who crossed the border like spies, many of them died in prisons there, others were sent back. Because when someone got there and they asked him why he came, he'd say: 'Because I'm a communist.' 'A communist? Why would we need you? We have many communists. If you're really a communist go back and show them that you're a communist.' No, they didn't need people like them there, they had lots of their own poor people. So they'd put them on trial and they had to stay in jail until the trial. And the punishment was later that he couldn't live closer than 120 km from the border [on the Polish side]. He also had to go to the police station once a month or once a week and show up there.

There were Polish, municipal and Jewish schools. There was a Jewish religious school - Talmud Torah, then there was 'Jidysze Folks Szul' [Yiddish: Jewish Folk School], that is a public Jewish municipal elementary school, then there were cheders, where we studied for five years. Talmud Torah was a private school, supported by donations. It existed until 1931.

I began my education in cheder, later in a public school. I started going to cheder when I was five years old. And later to 'Jidysze Folks Szul.' I was there for two or three years, because the school was later closed down, there was no money to keep it up. There was one Polish lesson in that 'Jidysze Folks Szul.' When that school was closed down, I went to a public, municipal school. And there everything was in Polish. I'm glad they taught us at cheder like they did. Because now in this community [the Jewish Religious Community in Lodz] I am an expert. I know all those holidays, the celebrations, everything. And I've known the Jewish [Yiddish] language since childhood.

At the public school there was religious education, Jewish and other. And we would all stand up to pray in the morning, the entire class would sing 'Boze cos Polske' [Polish, 'God, You Protect Poland'] or 'Kiedy ranne wstaja zorze' [Polish: 'When the sun rises in the morning,' both songs are Polish religious songs]. I liked Mathematics and History the best. There were many Polish teachers in the school, I had different relationships with them, because I had problems with the Polish language.

It's difficult to learn a language well if you don't use it. I only learned it later, mostly in the army. But there were also other situations. My name is Leon - Leon is Lejba. So, when she said Leon, I rebelled, because why did she call me that if my name was Lejba?! And I told her that her name was Rachela or something like that. [Editor's note: The teacher was Polonizing Jewish names. This was an expression of assimilation tendencies, which Mr. Solowiejczyk opposed.]

When I was 13 years old I had my bar mitzvah. I remember they summoned me to the synagogue, asked me to read a verse from the Torah. It was called aliyah [Hebrew: ascension]. And since that time I was counted as a man. Well, it was pleasant that you counted for a minyan.

I had lots of friends. We played normally, like boys do, we didn't look who was who. There were two rivers in Dzisna [Dzisna and Dzwina]. In the summer and in the winter we played interesting games. We played by the river. We would tie up the cane that was growing there. We'd tie it up into bunches, make a raft, put it on the water and float like that for some 8 or 10 kilometers. We passed some neighbors' farms, orchards. The river turned a lot. When we'd stop we'd pick some apples in one place, some pears in another. We'd bake potatoes. Or go get some milk. One river joined the other and it was the most fun when the two rivers joined, because there were rocks there. In the winter we'd also play by the river. The land was hilly, when we went sledding on the hills, we'd slide over onto the other side of the river. We'd play both with Jewish and Polish boys. We were close, we wouldn't tell on one another.

I remember once when I picked some pears [without permission] from a neighbor's orchard, he went to my father and told on me. So my father punished me, I couldn't leave the house. So my friends, because we were such good buddies, played a trick on that neighbor. That neighbor had a large family. There were outhouses in the garden, wooden ones. So, as punishment, the guys went there at night, pushed the outhouse over on its side and all that [the liquid waste] spilled out into the yard. And the next morning, the neighbor wakes up and sees that the outhouse is gone. So he had to make a new one quickly. These guys were great. We could steal horses together. Speaking of horses, at night the guys would ride on horseback to the meadow. So the horses could eat some grass. It was so much fun there at night. Sometimes someone would get tied to a horse's tail and dragged through the mud. We played like that all night long on that meadow.

Political events... I remember these elections and voting for [list] number 1: 'Vote for number one. You will eat sausage and ham.' There were other [such election rhymes] as well: 'Sugar, vodka are good, but chocolate is better' or something like that. I don't remember exactly when those elections were and what they were about just this list number 1. And also Pilsudski's death 11. Everyone cried. There was this kind of 'trauer' [from Yiddish: sadness] at schools. I remember this song: '(...) you wear a dark robe, you are so dear to us, like a king in his majesty. On your name day, your holiday, you are so dear to us, Mr. President.' [Editor's note: a song for Jozef Pilsudski's name day, 19th March].

My parents didn't have any political preference. They were loyal to the authorities. We didn't talk about going to Palestine at our house. But there were Jewish organizations in the town, they gave out loans for moving to Palestine 12. You can say that everyone supported moving there wholeheartedly. But most were too poor. Although there were people, wealthy townspeople, who left.

Even one person from our family left. It was Ester, the daughter of Father's sister Chaja. She wasn't very wealthy, but she didn't have to go to a kibbutz. She left her family and worked as a servant [physical laborer] in the kibbutz. Because she wanted to obtain permission to go to Israel [then Palestine], she had to work here first. There were such kibbutzim 13 in Poland where young people had to stay for several years to get used to this kind of work. It was somewhere near Vilnius, or maybe in Lomza, I don't remember exactly. She scrubbed floors, did whatever she had to. She had to show them that she would be able to live in a collective. She took care of the children and the elders. If a lady needed to have her windows cleaned, she'd go to a kibbutz and they'd send a girl to help her. She simply had to work hard, so she would get used to hard work. There was some patriotism in this. And there, in those kibbutzim, they'd live on their own. They were like those Russian kolkhozes 14.

There were no anti-Semitic incidents in Dzisna really. It was like this. There was the gymnasium, so usually all kinds of anti-Semitic moods would come from there, they had these organizations. But the community was strong, there were self-defense groups. There were firefighters and there were also some, so-called strong boys. And when they knew something was going on, they'd try to calm everyone down. So there were no real pogroms.

There were incidents, for example when they were conscripting boys into the army, the village boys [Poles and Belarusians] would get drunk and get into trouble. And they were dangerous. But those who did not want to go to the army and who were starving, they were peaceful. And nobody wanted to go to the army. Jews didn't want to either. Before the war, it was like this, they'd choose whom they wanted in the army. You had to be tall enough, weigh enough, you had to be healthy. The boys had to be healthy and fit. And those who didn't want to go, would starve themselves on purpose, so they would weigh less.

We also mostly had a good relationship with the parish priest. Well, when we were passing the church, we'd have to take off our hats, because [otherwise] you could encounter some... [problems]. But that was obvious, whenever you were in some office or at school, you'd have to take off your hat. I remember that when the bishop came, each community would welcome him in their own way. The Poles would put up altars, the Jews put up this gate, where the rabbi greeted the guests, the Byelorussians did something as well, but I don't remember what.

Later, in the late 1930s there was some fear, maybe not as visible. There were anti-Semitic articles in newspapers, there were these anti-Semitic leaflets, all kinds of various calendars, there was this witch hunt for the Jews, this 'Bij Zydow' [Polish: 'Get the Jews!'], but nobody paid much attention. Somehow you'd survive. And there was news from Germany. There they knew what Nazi ideology 15 was.

With regards to the Soviet Union, it was like this. That world was closed. No one knew what it was like there. Since 1920 there was the new border [the new border, set on the basis of the Peace of Riga, which ended the Polish-Bolshevik War 1919-1920] and a part of the city was on the other side of the Dzwina and we didn't know what was happening there. We only heard some songs, once a day some guard on horseback would come by. We heard all kinds of songs, on their national holidays they'd walk by with their flags, but we didn't know anything about that world. The river was peaceful, when rafts were passing by, they'd sometimes moor on the other shore. Sometimes a cow or some geese, or a horse would swim across the river to the other side, but they would always give it back. They'd go to the Batory Island and give it back. Well, because there were many islands on the River Dzwina. When Batory was marching on Pskow [Battle of Pskow 1582; approx. 550 km from Riga], he rested on that island. There were fortifications there. You couldn't live there, nothing. From the Polish side, you could go there on a boat and go fishing, but it was all under Russian control. And there was another island, named after Bronislaw Piracki [correctly: Bronislaw Pieracki (1895 Gorlice - 1934 Warsaw), a colonel of the Polish Army, politician]. The border patrol guarded those islands. There was a watch-tower there every few kilometers, a regular border.

I turned 16 before the war broke out. My aunt, my family, they all gathered and discussed what they should do with me. And they decided I would distribute salt, in a wagon. The shopkeepers were to come and buy their salt from me. But this didn't work out, because the war broke out. Earlier Uncle Mordche Zelig, gave me a job watching his orchard, because that's what he did. He leased orchards from local squires and he picked the apples. Well, people did whatever they could. It was Poles who owned those orchards, but they leased them, mostly to Jews and they knew how to go about it - sorting those apples, packing them and shipping them to Warsaw, Vilnius and Katowice.

Uncle's orchard had to be minded in the fall. We minded that orchard at night, so that no one would make any trouble, steal the apples. In the daytime we made boxes. Later the apples had to be picked and packed into those boxes and they were sent to Lodz, to Warsaw. I remember that I was supposed to get 20 zloty for two months of work. That was quite a lot of money. I would have become independent. It would have been my first real cash. But the war broke out...

I remember the beginning of the war like this: 1st September [1939] I was out of town, some 5 kilometers away, at that uncle's. We were in the orchard. There was a medic there and a female doctor - they had a radio. And I found out that the war had broken out, that there was this attack on Poland 16. At first nothing much was happening in the town. We were picking fruit. But the Russians marched in later. There was a shooting in the town. My younger brother went to let the horses out and he said that he was on the border and that there must be some military maneuvers or something. Later, around 10am some Russians arrived. They had crossed the border and reached us, they came into our yard. I don't know if they were the new authorities or what. They started chasing [catching] horses. The horses were good [strong], they wanted to catch them and they chased them into our yard. But one Russian saved them, didn't let them take the horses.

And it all began. I mean, there used to be private stores in the town, but all of them closed down immediately, you couldn't buy anything in the stores. [Especially] after the Russians marched in, the Russians were crossing rivers, all the private stores were closed, there was nothing. Well, those first days were good for us, we made money selling things. We took those apples to the station, we had lots of them.

However, I didn't make any money then, they'd pay me in apples. When the war broke out money lost its value, so Uncle paid me in apples for my work. I took those apples home. Daddy came with a cart and loaded up en entire cart, even two carts full of apples. We were up to our ears in apples. We didn't know what to do with them, so my brother would stand by the river and sell those apples. Well, he didn't really sell them, he would give them to the soldiers. He didn't take any money for them, because money wasn't worth anything, but he asked for some tobacco, a piece of soap, after all there was nothing available.

When the Russians came there was no joyful atmosphere. There were some greetings. It was mostly those leftist organizations greeting them: 'Long live the Soviet Union!' For the young people it was a novelty. Something new. An interesting thing, but usually it was horrible. We felt it was war, because by then we knew what war was. When the Russians came, on the first day we hid in the basement all day long.

Later, after Father went to the other side of the river, he saw all that chaos. Until that time people didn't know what was happening there. On the first day Father said that this song which they were singing, this 'Katyusha' was very nice, used to be very nice when we heard it from the other side of the river [Mr. Solowiejczyk means that when the Russians were singing the popular Russian folk song 'Katyusha' before the war it was a simple and nice song. After they invaded Poland, the song became a symbol of the presence of the occupant.] And he found out then, he found out about the hunger, the terror, everything.

Then the deportations began. First they started deporting all the members of the intelligentsia, teachers. Arrests began. The first from among our friends to be arrested were Pawel Skolysz and others, who had restaurants. We were nervous, perhaps not as much as the Poles, but still, you couldn't be sure of anything. They could come and get you, point their fingers at you. There were no differences, Pole, or Russian, or Jew. They deported lots of our friends. There was general chaos, general 'trauer.' A general insecurity about tomorrow. So it was a tragedy.

I wasn't working then, because there was no work. I was helping my father. We had horses, so we transported goods. We needed to have special permits to go to the other side of the river. At first, when those deportations started, Father would help people get their things. He was friends with a lot of people in the town and they were grateful, because he had good horses and they could pack a lot of things.

Then June 1941 came. There was chaos in the city. People started running away from the city 17. And we needed to run away from the town, because the town was wooden and there was only one bridge. When they started bombing, the city caught fire and we had to run away, because there was no place to stay. Father had left earlier, he was a horse-driver, he was mobilized to take some doctor closer to the front. And we stayed. They took Father early in the morning. Some activity began in the city around 10am. People started running away. We were left alone, so our neighbor, Mrs. Gram [Chawa Ester], a close friend of the family, said she'd take us, that she was going in the same direction as our father. Her mother had a tavern along the way, if Father was coming back, he'd surely stop there. We were hopeful.

But they started bombing out in the fields. They killed a boy who was minding the cows, our cow came running from the field. So we - me, my two younger brothers [Izrael and Mojzesz] and our mother, together with our neighbor, went across the bridge, because it was the only way out of the town. As soon as we crossed the bridge, we hadn't even gotten off the bridge completely, a plane came along and bombed the other end of the bridge. And we had to run away. Our neighbor said we'd go to Polock [at the mouth of the Polota River, on the bank of the Dzwina], because her sister Basia was in Polock. So we turned left with her towards Polock, but we only went for one or two kilometers when we started wondering what it would be like if Father came back and didn't find us.

We had some packages with us, pillows, all the valuables we could carry. It wasn't much, but it was something. And there was one cow walking with us. Mother decided to stay with the middle brother [Izrael] and wait for Father and we went to Polock. It is 35 kilometers from Dzisna [correctly: approx. 60 km from Dzisna], but it is closer if you walk along the Dzwina River. We didn't have to take a ferry, because we had managed to cross that bridge which was later bombed, so we were in Polock by nighttime. We found the house of the neighbor's sister and found a place to stay there.

Meanwhile, Daddy came back. He had taken that medic to the front. The Germans were probably already in Dzisna. The bridge was damaged, no one knew how to cross it and take the rest of our things from the house. Uncle Mates gave Father a bag of flour and some bread. And my parents set out with my brother to join us in Polock. There is a large forest between Dzisna and Polock. It was a wild forest, it wasn't used in Polish times, no trees were chopped down, it was more than 20 kilometers in length. And they somehow turned into that forest, there were Germans on one side and Russians on the other side. And they were in the middle. Some shooting broke out, trees were falling down, they couldn't get out. But my mother was a resourceful woman, she went to those Russians, they drove a tank, cleared the way and in the morning Father managed to pass with the family.

I should mention that those Jews who stayed in Dzisna were all killed by the Germans. 3,800 Jews, buried in two long graves, somewhere on the border of the town. Germans later planted trees there. They thought it would mask it, there's still a forest growing there. The first victims were two rivals, photographers. One was called Epsztejn, the other one Kandakiewicz. Kandakiewicz, as it later turned out, was some kind of a Soviet spy. And Epsztejn had a dog that he called Hitler. And this Kandakiewicz, as soon as the Germans entered, went there and told them this and this Epsztejn was killed first with his family. Some 20 people from our family died in the ghetto. Mostly the uncles and their families, later some more distant relatives, some cousins. We survived only because we ran away with that neighbor.

We kept on going northeast of Polock, towards Newel. That neighbor's brother-in-law showed us that direction. It turned out that wherever we arrived, the Germans had already arrived there before us. As we were walking, the Russians forced us to move a herd of cattle to a train station. Some planes came by in the morning and bombed the station. Some of the animals were killed, others ran away into the forest. That's how we got rid of the cattle and we were free. But we had to keep on moving. If we stayed put, the Germans would be there. Finally those Germans were in front of us. We managed to get all the way to Starobielsk, Ostaszkowo and Staropiesk [approx. 600 km from Moscow] where the camps 18 were. The Russian army was there and they didn't let you go into the forest. That's when we heard about those Polish camps. It was a secret. Nobody said this out loud.

Later on, slowly, we finally made it to Rzew [approx. 450 km from Moscow]. It was a train junction. We didn't have the strength to go any further. We were exhausted. The horse was heavy, it had to be fed. We didn't have any grain. But the horse went through a lot. Lice were eating us alive. We didn't have any food. There was a train station in Rzew, trains full of soldiers would arrive there. They were taking them to the front. Wherever we arrived, the Germans were already there, but not there. We found out that those cattle wagons they were bringing the soldiers in would be empty after they got off and we could get in and go deeper into Russia. It was organized like that, they gave you some bread, some food. So we decided to go.

We also sold the cow in one of the villages we were passing through. The woman gave us a few rubles, a basket of eggs, she wanted to give us a hen, but we didn't take it, because we wouldn't have been able to cook it. We left the horse at the train station in Rzew. Father went to this office and was issued a receipt for the horse. We boarded the train together with others. We didn't go straight, but kept turning. Northwest to Balagoje [approx. 500 km from Vilnius]. The tracks must have been busy. Balagoje was a train junction, but we didn't reach it, because there was an air raid. They bombed the station, lots of damaged trains and tracks. They would only let us pass in the evening, after they had cleaned it up. They wanted us to pretend that the wagons were empty. We opened the doors, the windows, the wagons looked empty and we hid in the forest. German planes were flying back and forth.

We kept going, via Kalinin [approx. 300 km from Moscow], Rybinsk [approx. 550 km from Moscow], Jaroslaw [approx. 500 km from Moscow]. We passed Moscow and stopped somewhere at some small station. They asked us to unload the wagons. And some farmers from the kolkhoz showed up there and took us to a kolkhoz. Not by force, if you didn't want to, you didn't have to go with them. We looked. We were not alone, there was also one more man from our town with us with his family. Szuchman. We saw that there was great poverty there, the horses were weak, we decided not to go [to the kolkhoz], because we were afraid we'd die of hunger in the winter. We decided to wait. We had some flour, so Mother went to the bakery, asked for some yeast, they gave it to her and we baked bread. We were hoping the train would go to Niznij Nowgorod [a city in the European part of Russia, near the junction of the Oka and Volga Rivers, approx. 800 km from Moscow].

And we reached Niznij Nowgorod. It's a large city on the Volga River, a harbor. There were repatriation points there at every station. So we showed up there. They said that on some day a ship would start along the Volga River towards the cities: Kazan [approx. 1350 km from Moscow], Samara [approx. 1650 km from Moscow], Saratow [approx. 1400 km from Moscow]. There was hope we'd stop there in one of those larger cities, port cities, where we could make a living. They loaded us on that ship, on the lower deck. Our clothes were dirty, there were rats everywhere, mice. The parents cooked some meals. We had boiled water, they gave us some groats. They'd also sometimes give us some bread.

We were approaching Saratow, we wanted to get off. Oh no! No way. We needed to have special permits. You could get them from the Soviet authorities. Because they wouldn't let you off wherever you wanted to. Some people had those permits, but we didn't have anything. No money, no resources. We didn't know those Soviet rules well. And they didn't trust us. We had only been under Soviet rule for two years. We were second-class citizens. And they didn't let us go deeper into Russia. So we had problems because of those passports.

We lived from what we got helping those who were getting off the ship. We would carry packages ashore. They'd always give us a little bit of money. It was warm and there we'd buy some pumpkins, these sweet pears, we'd stuff ourselves. And what else did we - kids - need? So we stayed on that ship, because they didn't want to let us off until we reached Stalingrad [approx. 1,800 km from Moscow].

They unloaded us in Stalingrad. In the harbor. This entire journey took about one month. We wanted to stay there, because one of those who arrived with us said it would be good there. He was there before 1920, he knew there was fish and groats. But they wouldn't let us. They said they'd get us on another boat and take us to Astrachan. So we waited. There were children with us - my two younger brothers [Izrael and Mojzesz] and our acquaintances [the Szuchmans] had children too. They told us there was a zoo there. So Daddy went to the zoo with all the children. We got there and there was a bombing. The Germans bombed the zoo. All the animals, the lions, were dead. But the children were pleased anyway, because they got to see lions. But Mommy didn't let Daddy go anywhere with the children after that.

The boat finally arrived and they loaded us on the lower deck again. They gave us boiled groats, but the lice were eating us, it was horrible. So they took us to Astrachan [approx. 75 km from Moscow], but they didn't want to let us off in Atrachan either. And from Atrachan they took us to the village Siedlistoje. The kolkhoz Siedlistoje. It was 1941. It was the end of our journey. We settled there. They unloaded us, gave us some flats.

It turned out that there were mostly people like us there, who had been deported. From Upper Volga. They used to be farmers, wealthy people. They welcomed us. It was summer, we had a place to sleep. The next day they told us to go to the kolkhoz square. There they gave us jobs. Daddy and my brothers were collecting hay and I had to go to the army.

They told me to go to the voyenkomat, because Siedlistoje was a larger village and there was a voyenkomat there. It was a kind of army office, where they conscripted men into the army. And since that time I was a recruit. There were a few others like me and they sent us to take a course. It was supposed to be a minesweeping course, but it was more of a firefighting course. They taught us how to maintain fire hydrants. We completed that course, there were a few of us. They divided us up. The Volga River split up into little deltas and there were islands there and 'Lager' [forced labor camps] on these islands. There were lots of prisoners there. They could send you to a camp for everything. There were people there, sentenced to 20, 15 years. There were these fire-safety boards there, hydrants, buckets, brooms, these metal hooks. There were also water reservoirs there. And we had to make sure all this was functioning. I was assigned to one camp.

There were these booths along the Volga, these wooden houses, with cane growing all around them. These booths were set up every 500 meters or so. That's where we slept. I was in one booth and then there'd be another guy in the next booth. This camp of mine was an entire city. There was a bakery there, a school. There were lots of prisoners there, they had to be guarded. They mostly dealt with fishing. And they supplied to these 'shalandas.' A 'shalanda' is a factory, a fish processing plant. Several thousand prisoners processed fish in these factories. From time to time they'd go out to sea. The family stayed, some of them had families there, they had children.

I was living there in that little house and my parents were in Siedlistoje. They later moved them to another kolkhoz. It was called Mielstroy. A village, with a lake nearby. Father worked there in a fish processing plant. Mielstroy means breeding fish. Miel is these tiny fish. There was a water reservoir there and that's where they kept the fish. And they had to dig ditches, so there'd be water [flowing from the lake to the reservoir].

I had everything there in that 'Lager:' they gave me bread, they had their own vegetables, watermelons, tomatoes, so I lived normally. They even gave us underclothes. I was there as a soldier, I wore a uniform. I had interesting acquaintances. There were these prisoners who were better [educated]. One was really intelligent, he was the director of some large plant. He had a 15-year sentence, for overlooking something. Then there was the director of a bakery, he also had a 15-year sentence. I didn't look for them, they contacted me. What kind of contact? They met twice a week in that cane. The director of the bakery would bring some bread, the gardener would bring some tomatoes, another one some fish. And this director, he had a permit, so he could go to Astrachan when he needed to. And he would bring things from Astrachan.

Then this baker, when he was baking bread, when he closed the oven hermetically, he had these pipes form the back of the oven where the steam went out and for one load of bread he'd get half a liter of spirit. I don't know how he did it, but that's what I heard. And they all brought it to me. They played cards at night.

I was pleased, because I had something to eat. I always did what my father told me to do: 'Always mind your elders and do whatever they're doing.' I was really comfortable there. They would come in the evening, I'd go somewhere, usually in that cane, cover myself with something, because the mosquitoes were biting. And I was pleased, because when that engineer came from Astrachan, he'd always bring a present for me. And that's how it went for several months.

I was re-stationed in Ikranoje [approx. 20 km rom Astrachan]. It was in the fall [1941]. I was there at the voyenkomat, serving there. But they [Russians] didn't trust us. It was a kind of second rate army. We didn't know what was going on around us. We were in Ikranoje for some time. Well, maybe a month. We later went to Astrachan, to the army unit. I felt better there, because there were more boys like me there, from the other side of the River Bug, from Ukraine, from Lwow. I felt fine there. They trained us in building bridges, fortifications. We built bunkers there.

Then they sent us to the Kalmen Steppes. It was the end of 1941, early 1942. The Kalmen Steppe is a desert, near Stalingrad. And there we dug those ditches, bunkers, anti-tank fortifications, all kinds of holes in the earth for the command. But there were some problems with water. There was sand there, so when water appeared, it would all collapse. You'd dig a half- meter hole there and there'd already be water there.

We stayed there until the Germans arrived. When the Germans got there, our unit was moved to the Volga River. There were temporary bridges there. We were helping to build a river crossing. I couldn't find a dry place all winter long, so I fell ill. I got sick, because of that cold water and had to spend some time in the sick ward.

Since 1942 I was in the Soviet army. But it wasn't a regular army. They didn't trust us. Well, they didn't trust us, because we were Polish citizens. We were always supervised, because they didn't trust us. There were NKVD 19 officers all around us and we were simply discriminated by them. We would set up mine fields, that's what we specialized in. We served the bridge over the Volga. Some also worked in factories. I didn't feel like it.

A bomb fell on one of the temporary bridges in Dubowka [approx. 8 km from Stalingrad]. I was injured, I had to spend some two months in hospital, in Krasnoarmiejsk [Krasnoarmiejskij, approx. 55 km from Stalingrad]. My teeth were knocked out, I could later take them from my mouth like sunflower seeds. But I somehow pulled through. I still have these scars, but the accident mostly damaged my airways. When I got out of hospital, I went back to the unit, to the minesweepers.

We mostly worked the mines. We had to set up and clear mine fields. Because at first you had to set the mine field up and, after they had surrounded the Germans, then you had to clear it. We reached the Volga River. The town of Kolacz [Kalacz, approx. 15 km from Stalingrad]. When we were walking from Kolacz, I think it was on New Year's Eve, we encountered the French squad Volga-Niemen [Normandie-Niemen]. The French were hospitable - they gave us tea. We got there after they had already liquidated the Germans, this Paulus's army, the Russians surrounded them from both sides. And the second German unit, they were chased all the way to Ukraine, to Rostow. Our task was to clear the mine fields and pick up the dead bodies. There were lots of corpses there. German, Russian and Romanian. There was great hunger. We ate horses, as long as they weren't stinking yet, we didn't care if they had been killed or died on their own. And that's how we made it until, I think, March [1942].

There were these valleys near Stalingrad. The Germans were roaming in the valleys. At first, when the Russians caught them, they'd kill them. And then there was an order that you couldn't. That you had to take them to the headquarters. Once they caught three Germans and three of us had to take them to the headquarters. We took them there and, when we were coming back, we went into one of those valleys. We saw that there was some smoke coming from a hut. Six guys, German. They were armed. They were cooking something. They had something from those packages and some warm coffee. Because the Germans would drop packages there, these canvas bags with food. They had better food than we did. Sometimes we also found these packages.

Once we were sitting in a hut, there was snow, a plane came by, we thought: bomb! We got down on the ground. We waited for the explosion, but there was none, just this canvas bag dropped down. One of those Germans could speak Russian and he told us not to be afraid, that they wouldn't hurt us, that they wanted us to take them to the headquarters. They surrendered. They were armed, but they were afraid!

There was this one corporal in my unit, his name was Strug. He was just like me, they didn't trust him too. He took the locks out of their automatic guns, ordered them to get up. We searched them. We took their grenades, everything. We left the automatic guns, but took the locks with us. We took them to the Russian headquarters. There were officers there, or whoever, they admitted us and confirmed receiving those Germans. We left the headquarters as heroes. We got three days off for that deed, so that we could go somewhere, get ourselves cleaned up.

There was this town called Bikietowka near Stalingrad. It was a larger settlement, really. There weren't many civilians there, everything was military. But there were some civilians. We found out that there was a small market there. Well, if there's a market, we've got to see it. We had to dress up a bit. There was everything in those valleys, whatever you wanted. We took the best things off those corpses, leather bags. Leather shoulder bags. Soldiers usually carry maps in these. We cut out pieces of leather from them. We needed that for [shoe] soles, because it was war. Money didn't mean anything and leather would be used for shoe soles or something. We took blankets, sheets and went to this Bikietowka. We wanted to exchange it for something to eat. We were hungry like dogs.

We reached Bikietowka and we saw some woman standing on the street selling pierogis. Pierogis are these large pancakes. Where she got them from, I don't know, but we gave her a blanket or something and she gave us five pierogi each. They were so bitter we couldn't stand it, but we ate them. It turned out that a barge with barley had sunk there, on the Volga. They dried the barley, ground it and that's why it was so bitter. We ate it. We kept going.

We reached the house of an elderly couple, this grandma and grandpa. They told us that we could find a place to sleep there and they gave us shelter. We spent two days there. There was dry wood out there in the backyard, so we chopped it up, heated the oven. The grandpa had some barley, so we found a hand-mill, ground the barley and we had some barley groats. That was our feast. We didn't pay anything for sleeping there. Well, what could we have paid, what could a soldier have given them? Some long johns, a piece of soap, some underclothes, German pants, we gave that to the grandpa. After three days we returned to the unit.

In early May we went to the front, on the Orlow-Kursk Axis [Orlow, approx. 65 km from Moscow, Kursk, approx. 85 km from Moscow]. It was 1943, after Stalingrad. They loaded us on trains and let us out in a village called Kapuscino. It was still a second-class unit. It was a minesweeping division. We built bridges, trenches, fortifications, these ditches that are used on the front. We set up mine fields, masked roads, we would move an entire forest. The road to Rostow and Kursk was constantly under fire. From their side of the Oka [River], where the Germans were sitting, they could see open space. And they'd shoot. So there were several kilometers of a road they could shoot at and we had to mask that road, so they wouldn't see it. We had to move an entire forest in one night. We chopped up these trees, branches and set up these green fences, along the road. From a distance it would look like a forest. NKVD soldiers guarded us and shook their guns at us.

I was wounded by the time the Kursk battle 20 began. And here's how it happened. There was a river there on the Orlow-Kursk Axis, a tributary of the Oka. I knew we would finish setting this fence up at night and we were supposed to start preparing the river crossing. The river wasn't deep, I was curious, I wanted to check out what the shore looked like in the morning. So I left the forest. It was a sandy shore. I looked around a bit, I figured out what the crossing should look like. I also wanted to get cleaned up, so I approached the water. It was still dark. And then, suddenly, a plane appeared out of nowhere. But those scout planes never had bombs. Everyone knew that. So I was sure this plane wouldn't have any bombs. I got out and the plane dropped a bomb. I fell down. I was hit in the leg.

I didn't lose consciousness, I somehow managed to get ashore, out into the open. I crawled to the bomb hole, there was a rule that if a bomb hole was fresh, you could find shelter there, because they would never hit the same place twice. So I crawled in there. And by the time I managed to get in there, the bone was sticking out of my wounded leg. My leg was like a bow. I had a belt with me, a canvas belt, so I tied it around the leg, above the knee. My leg was getting numb. Only in the afternoon did some soldiers who were distributing food and water find me there.

They took me to this village, Kapuscino. There was this village chamber there [a field hospital], there was a nurse and she tended wounds there. She put in some splints. This kind of wire bed and she put some bandage around my leg, so it wouldn't bend. And I stayed there until evening. I had to be taken to the 'sanbat' [sanitary battalion]. It was a serious wound. I had to lie down for seven months because of that leg!

There were cars there [on the Orlowsk-Kursk Axis], which were used for taking ammunition to the front. They were preparing for that battle. The famous Orlowsk-Kursk battle, an armored battle. Those cars would come back empty. So they took me in one of those cars to a sanitary point. The Sanitary Battalion. There was no special transport. There was no bed in that car, it wasn't comfortable, because they used it for ammunition. And the road was very bumpy. It was very uncomfortable. I couldn't stand the pain and I cried horribly. So the driver stopped and left me in the ditch by the road.

A nurse was taking me there and she stayed with me. I couldn't stand it. I was in the ditch, there were planes flying overhead. She went to get some grass, because there was some freshly cut grass nearby. She wanted to put it under my head. So she took a handful of this grass and put her hand on a mine. The blast took her hand off. So we were both wounded. We were there in that ditch until nighttime. A driver was driving by at night and took mercy on us. He took us in his car. Over those bumps. He let some air out of his tires and he took us. He didn't take us to the 'sanbat,' but to some village in the forest, I don't remember the name. But there were civilians there, kolkhoz workers.

They took us on a wagon then. There was hay in those wagons and they took us to some forest. There was the so-called Medsanbat there. A medical battalion. And here's what it looked like: there used to be stables there, cattle, cows, horses. Those stables had been bleached a bit, there were makeshift beds there. There were lots of us there. They collected wounded soldiers from all over until there were enough to fill a train. Then they'd be loaded up on a train and taken somewhere.

That's when I had surgery done on my leg. They took off those splints, stretched the leg out and put a cast on it. I asked them to shave the hair off my leg, because I knew it would hurt when they were taking the cast off. But they told me they wouldn't, because they were getting me ready for transport and the cast would stay on better with the hair. The cast started drying at night. Those hairs were getting pulled, it hurt like hell. It was such horrible pain, I was crying out from pain, yelling. I couldn't stand it and nobody would help me. I hadn't eaten for two days, my body was getting healthy, regenerating, I had to eat something. There were lots of patients there and all of them were complaining. I called the nurse, but she wouldn't come.

And that's where I met a kindred spirit. I didn't know him well, I only found out here in Lodz, in the 1970s, who he was, but it was too late, because I couldn't meet him there. His name was Kielerman. He was also wounded. This man with a cast on his arm showed up unexpectedly and asked, 'What's wrong with you?' So I told him. He knew who I was, because it takes one to know one.

He was also a Jew, from Poland, central Poland. I was from the Vilnius area and Jews used a different dialect there, a different accent. They used this jargon in my home town. He spoke differently, he had an accent resembling Russian. He went to get the nurse, brought her there. Then he'd keep coming to see me and asking, 'How are you doing? Better?' He also brought me water and something to eat, because I hadn't eaten for two days. He went and brought back this large biscuit. A black one. I can still see that biscuit. I dipped it in water as if he'd brought me the best meal ever. He was my guardian angel, as it turned out. I don't know how he knew it, but whenever I needed help, he'd show up. He saved me so many times, did so much for me. Even after the war, here in Lodz, he also took my side more than once. It was always something nice, unexpected.

After some two, three days there were enough of us and they brought in the train cars. Those were those Russian sanitary cars, with these stretchers attached to the sides. Those stretchers I was on got dislodged and fell down. I fell down on the wounded leg and those who were above me, fell down on me. But the cast was strong and nothing happened. They brought us to the station at night, loaded us up into the train cars. It was all very fast and we were off. We went east, towards Moscow. To Mozajsk [approx. 20 km from Moscow]. There was a hospital there. And some planes came flying by when we were on our way there. Those who wouldn't be able to get out by themselves in an emergency were up on the top bunk. Those who had good arms and legs were down on the bottom bunks.

So when the planes appeared, they stopped the train in the forest and those who could got out of the train and hid in the forest. I stayed up there on the top bunk. We could see, from the window, those planes dropping bombs. There were a few more men there and we decided to get down from the top bunk. But my cast got caught up in something, there were these chains there, and I found myself upside down on that bunk. And who came to my rescue? Kielerman. He was in that transport, found me, helped get me free from those chains and went to the forest himself. They unloaded us in Mozajsk, took us to the hospital, started shaving us. These young women came. And there was Kielerman again.

The way this hospital was organized was like this. If they hoped to cure someone within a month, they'd keep him in Mozajsk. And those who had to be treated for longer than a month were transported. They took us all the way to the Ural. The town was called Gorod Otmulinsk. In the direction of Komsomolsk. There was a hospital there, which had been evacuated from Charkow. There was a Jewess there, Pertka Aronowna, this 'gyeroy' [Russian: hero] woman. Everyone was afraid of her.

There were different people there. One man had been wounded near Charkow, in his heel. He stepped on a mine and his entire heel was blown off and the nails from his shoe got imbedded in his foot. He spent the entire war in that hospital and didn't let them amputate that leg. They wanted to amputate my leg too, but finally those bones mended, they were set well, so they mended. They wanted to cut it off, because it was the easiest for them. They cut off your leg and sent you home after two weeks. But they didn't amputate the leg after all. I had no home to go back to.

I was there in Otmulinsk for four months. It was the end of 1943. November, December. When I got out of hospital, they sent me to Kiev [approx. 800 km from Moscow] and from there to Gorki [approx. 400 km from Moscow]. It was winter 1943 [actually 1944]. I was not on the front line in Gorki. I was dismissed from military service for six months, I could go wherever I wanted to, but I didn't have a place to go to. My family was in Astrachan Oblast [District]. The Majaczno village, on the Caspian Sea, some 120 kilometers from Astrachan, on the seacoast. So finally I stayed in Gorki. They assigned me to a noodle factory. This factory was supposed to give us accommodation, food and we were supposed to help them the best we could.

I was young, I didn't want to stay in one place, so I volunteered for work. I wanted to carry bags, but I couldn't, because of my leg. The leg kept snapping back and forth, so they assigned me to the reception desk. There was hunger, so people from that factory, mostly women, would carry out bags of noodles, flour, we had to search them. I was young, I didn't feel comfortable searching women. The director of the factory said that there were complaints about me and suggested that I apply for a transfer. So I did and they transferred me to an oil factory.

It was possible to survive there. There were potatoes, there was oil. They later moved me to the 'Krasny Jakier' factory. It was a metallurgic factory, they made bombs there. My leg got stronger. I worked the loading ramp. We loaded up metal scraps into wagons.

It was already 1944. They sent us to Kamieniec Podolski [approx. 90 km from Lwow], to a factory. It was a metallurgical, chemical factory, a large one. But we were young, we wanted to have some fun, be free for a while. So we took some buckets and said we were going to get some water and got lost along the way. We were late for the train. We missed it. Luckily, our friends covered for us, because they could divide our food rations among themselves. That's when we found out the Polish Army 21 was getting organized in Sumy. We ran off to Poltawa [approx. 700 km from Lwow].

In Poltawa we showed up at the command post, with those buckets. We didn't let the buckets out of our hands. They assigned us to Sumy, to the Polish Army. And that's how my stint in the Russian army ended. There were ten of us there signing up for the Polish Army. But the Russians didn't want to let us go easily. At first they turned us back to Poltawa. There were more guys like me there [volunteers for the Polish Army], they were from Ukraine and there was the recruiting committee there. They told us we were in Unit 4, in the Polish Army, they took us to Sumy [approx. 150 km from Poltawa]. It was later on, when this Polish Army had been organized.

In Sumy I found out they were organizing a cavalry unit. And I had been a horseman ever since I was a kid. I went there, there was this guy in a uniform. I don't remember, I think he was a corporal, he was signing us up. And there were lots of people there. From Podole, from Wolyn, they were all cavalrymen. My turn came. He took my papers. He asked, 'Have you had lunch?'. I said, 'No.' 'Are you sure you want to be in the cavalry?' 'Yes.' I could see my friends waiting outside. He put the papers away and told me, 'Go to the kitchen, I'll let them know and they'll feed you.' I went there. And there was a sergeant there, a great guy, he was asking everyone, 'Where are you from? And you? You? Are you from those Solowiejczyks? Come here, brother!' And I recognized that he was from Dzisna.

His name was Arcimionek. He changed it to Artymowicz there. Because that's how it was with those Belarusians. If he wanted to be Polish, he'd call himself Artymowicz, if he didn't, he'd call himself Arcimionek. But I didn't mind. He was a fun guy, he used to make rafts and float down the Dzwina. He liked to drink. The Russians deported him too. He took me to the kitchen, fed me. I also told him that there was a friend with me, this Sipser from Tarnopol, a young guy too. A Jew. Arcimionek took my things and my friend's things, his documents. He said that the guy who took my documents was one of Pilsudski's settlers. He had been deported too. He knew my uncle [Abram]. Uncle used to sell horses, he'd give horses to those settlers. Because at first they didn't have anything, so he'd give them horses and they would remember it.

So he told him to take me somewhere, so I could rest, before the second recruiting committee. Arcimionek took us somewhere to the countryside. He had a fiancée there. We bathed, got some sleep. We spent some two, three weeks there. He gave me some tips: 'Don't try to act up with that accent of yours. You don't need this. Don't try to get assigned to the front, try to get accepted for courses. Petty officers, officers...' And that's what I did. I didn't need to pretend, because with that leg of mine, I wouldn't have been accepted for the front anyway.

First I went to a petty officers' course in Zytomierz [approx. 850 km from Moscow]. It was still 1944. It was like an officers' school, but you didn't get an officer's rank. It was a six-week course. There they'd say, 'Although I can't write, I can't read, I can speak.' I later learned these courses were modeled after Pilsudski's 1st Division. I graduated from the course, but didn't receive an officer's rank.

There was a political officer there, Michalak, he was from Cracow. I went to see him and told him I wasn't fit to be an officer, because of that leg and that accent. I never hid the fact that I was Jewish. Anyway, not with my accent. My name, Solowiejczyk, was well known there. Because of that uncle Abram, who used to sell horses. So I knew my place, I knew I'd finally get a disability pension anyway. Although I could have done whatever I wanted. I was held in high esteem. I was known for being able to arrange things that others weren't able to do.

They later moved us to Lublin [approx. 242 km from Lodz], to officers' training school. We were quartered in Majdanek 22. There we found corpses which were still warm. It was dangerous there. If a soldier didn't come back in the evening, we'd go looking for him. We'd find him in a ditch, undressed. The Ukrainians didn't care if you were Jewish or not, if they needed a uniform they'd undress you and kill you.

I arrived in Lodz in 1945, in February. The Russians were still quartered in the barracks on Obroncow Stalingradu Street. We later cleaned those barracks up. If we needed coal, then we'd go out onto Obroncow Stalingradu under the bridge. There were peasants passing by in wagons, we would stop them, have them unload the wagon, go to the station to get some coal, load it up and bring to the barracks.

When we needed workers for the kitchen, we'd go out on the corner of Cmentarna and Obroncow Stalingradu Streets, to the bus stop. The Germans had to wear armbands. We took those with armbands for tidying up the barracks and to the kitchen. They worked until the evening. They'd get coffee, soup, we'd feed them and give them something to drink. They'd later wait in front of our gate, volunteer, because there was nothing to eat. And the Germans felt safer with us.

I was never in the ghetto in Lodz 23. I was a soldier, so I couldn't do that. But I was in touch with the Jewish community. The head of the garrison here in Lodz was Colonel Friedman [Centropa interviewee Michal Friedman]. He is in Warsaw now. He is some 90-something years old. He was one of the first lecturers in that officers' training school in Zytomierz. He was promoted to the rank of major very quickly. He was a professor from before the war. He never hid that he was a Jew. For Easter 1945, while we were still there on Zachodnia Street, he organized a Pesach celebration. Later there was this colonel, Subicz. He almost killed me when I was working in the warehouse. He was an anti-Semite. A Jew, but an anti-Semite. He was later in Warsaw, he was said to have signed jail sentences for pre- war officers. He shot himself after Stalin's death.

I got married in 1956. My wife, Janina, nee Lesiak, was born in 1922. She was from the Kielce area [south-central Poland]. We met here in Lodz. She was also working for the army. We got married in the civil office on Kosciuszki Street. Later my friends came to my apartment, we had something to eat, to drink. There was food, there was drinking, there was a wedding. I remember I received a radio from the trade unions. We were living on the corner of Zakatna and Wieckowskiego Streets, in an old building. The room was some 40-something square meters.

My wife was a kind person. A kindred spirit, very positive. And sensitive. She was very devoted to my family. We were in love. We shared the ups and downs of life. She was the director of an officers' lounge on Tuwima Street. She was both the director and the cook, everything. We were doing well. But my wife couldn't have children. Doctors told her this and that, but nothing was working. She really took it hard, I'd tell her 'Give it a break.' She died in 1994. Of cancer.

I remarried five years later. My second wife, Danuta Truszkowska, was born in Petrykozy, in 1945. She was also a widow. She was also working in the officers' club. We met through a common acquaintance. Her husband had just died. We talked, well, we were a match and that's how we've been living until today.

I immediately found out about my parents. There was a hunchback in Lodz, he had run away from the ghetto in Glebokie, together with my cousin, Lazarz. He told us that this Lazarz was living in Oszmiana [approx. 50 km from Vilnius]. I wrote him a letter and found out that this Lazarz had a high position there, he was the director of a tannery. He was living there and that's where he got married. There was a small house near the tannery. They gave this house to him. And that's where my parents went, to Oszmiana, with my brother. They were working there, trading.

My brother was with them, but he was still a student. They later sent him [to work] to the printing house. He learned about printing, but he didn't work as a printer yet. He started dealing in trade, he was supplying goods to a restaurant. And that's how they lived. He later got married and they were quite well off. He married in Oszmiana, a woman who was born in Russia. She would tell him that the first time she had eaten so much that she felt full was after she got married. They met, because the mother-in- law was a seamstress, she would sew for women there. When she'd come, they'd give her something to eat and to drink and she'd be amazed and would say: 'You eat meat like wolves.' She wasn't used to this.

We were in touch with my parents. And after 1956 Mother came to Lodz for the first time, she brought things to sell. Later I would go there. My parents would have stayed there, in Oszmiana, but the situation at home was difficult. My brother's father-in-law moved in with them, a former 'chekista' [an activist of the internal security organization in Soviet Russia, operating in 1917-1922, responsible for repressions], mentally ill. It was impossible to live with him. We decided my parents would move in with us.

Such things could be arranged quickly then. Just one month. I wrote to Moscow, to the Polish Embassy. I attached a certificate that my room had an area of over 40 square meters, plus a 12-meter kitchen. I didn't tell them how many rooms, just the area. I signed a declaration that I would not apply for a new apartment. They sent an answer immediately, sent the papers. This was in 1967. When they were allowed to come here, we went to bring them over here. They settled here. In Lodz. My parents lived with us in this apartment on Wieckowskiego Street. Father lived there until he died [in 1970], Mother also lived with us in the new apartment on Rojna Street.

My parents, when they arrived in Lodz, had some money with them. It was some 80 million, in that currency. It wasn't much, but it was enough. I had enough money for accommodation. My wife was working too, she was resourceful, she wasn't lazy. If there were two days off from work, she could pack her bags up and go to Moscow or Vilnius, to trade.

My parents felt well here. My mother found some friends quickly. My father started going to the synagogue. I took them to the Synagogue on Rewolucji 1905 Roku Street. The synagogue is still there. And he liked going to the Jewish community. All in all, Father didn't live long here, some two years. He was 80 when he died. It was a blood clot. He never checked his blood pressure, never went to the doctor, never took any pills. He was always in good shape, healthy. When he died in hospital on the second day after he was admitted, Mother said: 'Son, you have to deserve such a death.' And she had to suffer, poor woman. She had surgery, after that she lived for a year longer. She suffered for seven months. She died in 1972.

Uncle Abram, Mother's brother, came to Lodz earlier, with his family. I helped him get set up, my wife also helped them. He was a tailor, but he didn't work as a tailor. He quickly decided to move to Israel. When Mother visited us for the first time he was already in Israel. He asked for someone to come visit him, because he wanted to pass on a present to Mother. Well, I couldn't even mention this, I was in the army after all. Abram sent a check for 200 dollars, so it would be official. My wife could go. It was in the early 1960s. She was there for two months, she later recollected that time fondly. She was well liked there. She liked the kibbutzim best. She used to say, 'What a life!' So I asked, 'So, should we go?'. She answered, 'You can't, it's not for you. I could go there.' I wouldn't have been able to switch to a new environment.

Of my two brothers only Mojzesz is alive. He lives with his family in Vilnius. I am in touch with him. We write letters, phone each other. When I fell ill, my nephew was here immediately. My brother came to Lodz for Father's funeral, for my wife's funeral. And the second brother, Izrael, died in 1945. When my parents found out about his death, they let me know. I was still in Lublin then. I couldn't go there immediately, but I finally visited his grave.

It was in the village of Celiny, in the Kielce region, near Busko, somewhere not far away from Chmielnik. I had a good description, the number of the grave, but I didn't find anything there. I found out from the local residents that the bodies buried in those graves had been exhumed and taken to Sandomierz. I went to Sandomierz where there were mass graves, each one 15 meters long, with 10 posts. Supposedly even 1,000 people could have been buried under one such post. So there could be even 10,000 in one grave. And there were three such graves, so maybe even 30,000 bodies. I went to a gardener, bought all the flowers he had and put them on all three graves. I never went there again.

This Kielerman, my guardian angel from the war, also found his way to Lodz. I met him accidentally on the street, at a cab stop, when I was coming back from drinking at the garrison canteen. It was freezing, I was walking with a female friend from the canteen. You had to wait in a long line to get a cab, but this friend of mine noticed her neighbor and he took us into his taxi. And this was Kielerman, but I didn't recognize him, I didn't know that this was his name. He didn't recognize me either, only later, by accident, he met my father at the Jewish community and he walked him home. Mother made some tea, they talked, she showed him a photo album and he recognized me. He told them what his name was and left his address.

I only found out about this after some time passed and I couldn't find him. I found out he had married some German woman and left for Germany. And disappeared without a trace. I needed him then, because I had lost some documents about how I was wounded, I could have used him as a witness. I later wrote to Bogoruslan, where there was an archive, the necessary documents were sent to Leningrad and then to me. They found them, they even gave me a Medal for the Defense of Stalingrad 24. They decorated us at the Grand Theater in Warsaw. I also have other decorations: 'Za pobiedu' [Russian: 'for victory'] and other Russian medals for my accomplishments, also a Cavalry Cross 'for outstanding service.' I was and still am a member of ZBOWiD 25. I retired in 1980.

With regards to my views, I think the best period during the PRL 26 was the time of Gierek [Edward Gierek, (1913-2001), Polish politician, socialist activist, 1970-1980 1st Secretary of the Polish United Workers' Party and the leader of the state in the 1970s]. Although later, during Gierek's later period you could see that everything was falling apart, but I didn't think that it would all end.

I was afraid of the Russians. The entire border was guarded. And I can't say anything good about Gomulka's 27 period. There was Moczar 28 there and all those anti-Semitic incidents. It was really hard on me. When the war in Israel started, Yom Kippur 29, I didn't think they could win. On the one hand, I was happy that something was happening there, but, on the other hand, I didn't like this situation with the Arabs. Because there had always been conflicts there. One day, when I met an old Jew out on Wschodnia Street, I asked him what he thought about it. And he said, 'What, you don't think that Jews can attack? After all, they've shown what they can do.' I had my doubts, I knew there were few of them and lots of Arabs.

In the unit I talked with a colonel whom I knew well and he asked me what I thought about it. I told him that I didn't know and he said, 'I'm afraid this is the beginning of something bad.' I really took it hard. I was afraid what would come out of it. And also what started going on here. At a meeting, a kind of general rally at the unit, they formed a committee, this was already in 1968 30, and you had to speak in front of the committee. They summoned me and asked me what I thought about what was happening in Israel. So I said, 'I agree with the resolution of the United Nations.' [Editor's note: The decision about the forming of the state of Israel was made by the General Assembly of the United Nations, in November 1947. The decision was made to create two states: a 'completely Jewish one' and a 'completely Arab one,' as the option which would have the highest chances of success.] I didn't say anything more. But it was hard for me. I would have liked to say that there were my relatives there and that I supported them and didn't care about you, but I wouldn't have dared.

Many of my acquaintances left then, in 1968. This friend of mine, from school, he was an officer and he lived in Warsaw. He didn't have to leave, he had a good military pension, but his two daughters, students, signed up to leave. And his wife too. So he left with them. Many people from Lodz left too. When it comes to me, everyone, all my Polish friends, knew I was a Jew, but nobody spoke out against me. If someone was such a huge enemy, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. And there were many who tried to help me. There was no inappropriate behavior.

I've visited Israel three times. I mean, after this thaw, after Walesa 31. Because it was impossible earlier. I was working for the army until 1980. And so I went. I met many of my friends from school there, some family members. To be honest, perhaps if I hadn't been working for the army I would have left for good. There were even some people, a family, here in Lodz who wanted to take me along with them. A friend of my father's. And he had daughters and wanted me to marry one of them. At first I thought I'd go with them, but I wanted to keep in touch with my parents. I was always very devoted to my family and I don't regret it, because they needed my help. So finally I got them to move here to Poland and be with me. And this is where they died; they are buried at the Jewish cemetery.

As soon as it became possible, I started visiting Dzisna. Dzisna today is a place like no other. The entire city hasn't changed much. There are still World War I ruins there. Our house isn't there any longer, because it was wooden, there were fires, others were pulled down for firewood. There are no synagogues either. There are two buildings left, one used to be a bakery, there are some warehouses in the second one. The rest has burned down.

I was there some two or three years ago last time. Because I made a promise to myself, there, next to those graves [of those who were murdered] that I'd go there for as long as I could. So we went there many times. The Belarusians treated us well, they walked with us. I was very touched. They take care of the graves. The schools do it, the city council too. Especially now. Earlier this help wasn't needed as much, because several Jewish families were living there. But there haven't been any Jewish families around lately, so the authorities make sure this is done. People from Israel go there as well. The mayor of Dzisna was even invited to Israel. The Belarusians know about the Jewish residents of Dzisna mostly from stories, because there aren't many left of those who remember themselves. When I go there, they always wait for me. They've never treated me badly. So I'm moved by this.

I am in touch with the [Jewish] community [in Lodz] nowadays. I go for prayers, if my health allows me to, of course. I started going there after I retired. There used to be communities before that, I used to go there for holidays, but I didn't like the atmosphere that was there. But after my wife died, the situation changed. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was all alone. At first I would go to visit my brother, then come back. My brother lives in Vilnius. And so, slowly, I got used to it. And everything started reminding me of my childhood home. It was a traditional, Jewish family. And I like this Symcha [Symcha Keller, the leader of the Jewish Religious Community in Lodz], because he's such a kind person and always tries to hold everything together. I've gotten used to it and I feel well there. It's my life now.

I can tell you one thing [about my attitude to religion]. I never used to be particularly pious, but I believe in tradition. Not just in Jewish tradition. I respect all kinds of traditions in the world. When I was in the Russian Army I used to meet the Tatars, the Kalmyks and the Kazakhs, these different nationalities. And the Polish religion, or the Eastern Orthodox one, I accepted all these traditions and I was interested in them. I always respected them. And I always lived well with people.

So I was never really religious, but if my grandparents did it and my parents did it, then why should I keep on doing it. Well, I know about it more or less. I sometimes used to call it 'stories, fairy tales.' I was interested in that. And people don't know anything about it, about the Bible and there are such wise things there.

Well, I don't really celebrate the holidays nowadays. If someone comes over to visit, then yes. I go there for Easter, bring some matzah, but we don't go through all the rituals, because it's a tough religion. For someone who had never come in contact with it, it would be something unthinkable to have three sets of pots in the kitchen. Knives, forks. And you can't eat butter in the same dish you use for meat. And then there are these 'parewe' [parve] dishes, these neutral ones.

My wife is a Catholic, but she's not too religious. I don't mind it. Well, she sets up Christmas trees for Christmas. She has granddaughters, they invited us for Christmas Eve. Why should I not go? I've come in contact with many religions, not just Catholics. So I feel well here, I can say. And, well, if you've managed to live such a long life, then you should really thank God.

Glossary:

1 Polish-Soviet War (1919-21)

Between Poland and Soviet Russia. It began with the Red Army marching on Belarus and Lithuania; in December 1918 it took Minsk, and on 5th January 1919 it drove divisions of the Lithuanian and Belarusian defense armies out of Vilnius. The Soviets' aim was to install revolutionary governments in these lands, while the Polish side had two territorial programs for them: incorporative (the annexation of Belarus and part of Ukraine to Poland) and federating (the creation of a system of nation states sympathetic to Poland). The war was waged on the territory of what is today Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine and Poland (west to the Vistula). Armed combat ceased on 18th October 1920 and the peace treaty was signed on 18th March 1921 in Riga. The outcome of the 1919-1920 war was the incorporation into Poland of Lithuania's Vilnius region, Belarus' Grodno region, and Western Ukraine.

2 Hasid

Follower of the Hasidic movement, a Jewish mystic movement founded in the 18th century that reacted against Talmudic learning and maintained that God's presence was in all of one's surroundings and that one should serve God in one's every deed and word. The movement provided spiritual hope and uplifted the common people. There were large branches of Hasidic movements and schools throughout Eastern Europe before World War II, each following the teachings of famous scholars and thinkers. Most had their own customs, rituals and life styles. Today there are substantial Hasidic communities in New York, London, Israel and Antwerp.

3 Ghetto in Dzisna

When the Germans entered Dzisna on 30th July 1941, there were 6,000 Jews living in the town. A ghetto was created in 1941. On 14th and 15th June 1942 the residents of the city were shot to death in a location called Piaskowe Gorki. A large part, some 2,000 people, ran away to the forest. Most of the runaways died when the Germans raided the area. Some formed a partisan unit, which joined the 4th Byelorussian Brigade, part of the Soviet partisan units.

4 Conflict between Hasidim and Misnagdim

Since the beginning of its existence, that is since the mid-18th century, Hasidism was opposed by Jews upholding traditional rabbinical Judaism. They were called Misnagdim, or opponents. Misnagdim criticized Hasidim for emphasizing the role of singing and dancing, while lessening the importance of studying the Torah and the Talmud, not upholding the proper times of the day for prayer and, most importantly, treating tzaddiks as intermediaries between God and man, which led to their cult. Some historians also notice the historical aspect of this conflict: supporters of Hasidism left their religious communities and stopped using their services, for example by employing their own ritual butchers, which undermined the material conditions of existence of the communities. Misnagdim used to curse Hasidim and considered them to be heretics. In Lithuania the spiritual leader of Misnagdim was Elijah ben Szlomo Zalman, called the Great Gaon of Vilnius - stopping the spread of Hasidism in that area is considered to be one of his achievements. The conflict between Hasidim and Misnagdim, very intense in the 18th century, gradually lessen in the second half of the 19th century, partly because of the great popularity of Hasidism, partly because of the need for solidarity when faced with the phenomenon of Haskala and the secularization of Jews.

5 The Lubavitch or Schneersohn Dynasty

the descendants of the tzaddik Zalman ben Barukh Shneur from the Liadi family, the leaders of the Chabad Hasidic movement. Zalman Szhneur's eldest son, Dovber, settled in the town of Lubavitch in Belarus, the town became the center of the Chabad movement. After Dovber's death in 1827, his son-in-law Menachem Mendel of Lubavitch became the leader of the Lubavitche Hasidim, then his son Shmuel, his grandson Sholom Dovber and his great-grandson Joseph Isaac. The last one left the Soviet Union in the interwar period and moved to Poland and, after WWII broke out, moved to New York, where he created a large network of Chabad Hasidim organizations (schools, preschools, charities, magazines, publishing houses). Chabad Hasidim also live in Israel, Ukraine and in many other countries. Chabad's doctrine, formed by Zalman Shneur in the work 'Likutei Amarim,' emphasizes the role of the intellect in becoming closer to God and gives the tzaddiks a special role of God's chosen one, capable of direct contact with God.

6 Bund

The short name of the General Jewish Union of Working People in Lithuania, Poland and Russia, Bund means Union in Yiddish. The Bund was a social democratic organization representing Jewish craftsmen from the Western areas of the Russian Empire. It was founded in Vilnius in 1897. In 1906 it joined the autonomous fraction of the Russian Social Democratic Working Party and took up a Menshevist position. After the Revolution of 1917 the organization split: one part was anti-Soviet power, while the other remained in the Bolsheviks' Russian Communist Party. In 1921 the Bund dissolved itself in the USSR, but continued to exist in other countries.

7 Zionist parties in Poland

All the programs of the Zionist parties active in Poland in the interwar period were characterized by their common aims of striving to establish a permanent home for the Jews in Palestine, to revive the Hebrew language, and to further political activity among the Jews (general Zionist program). They also worked to improve the lot of the Jews in Poland, and therefore ran at the Polish elections. In the Sejm (Polish Parliament) Zionist parties gained 32 of the total 47 seats won by the Jewish parties in 1922. Poalei Zion, founded in 1906, and divided in 1920 into Left Poalei Zion and Right Poalei Zion, represented left-wing views. Mizrachi, founded in 1902, united religious Zionists with a conservative social program. The Zionist Organization in Poland advocated a liberal program. Hitakhdut (Zionist Labor Party), established in 1920, combined a nationalist ideology with a socialist one. The Union of Zionist Revisionists, set up in 1925 by Vladimir (Zeev) Jabotinsky, sought the expansion of its own military structures and the achievement of the Zionist movement's aims by force. The majority of these parties were members of the World Zionist Organization, an institution co-ordinating the Zionist movement founded in 1897 in Basel. The most important Zionist newspapers in Poland included: Hatsefira, Haint, Der Moment and Nasz Preglad (Our Review).

8 Hashomer Hatzair in Poland

From 1918 Hashomer Hatzair operated throughout Poland, with its headquarters in Warsaw. It emphasized the ideological and vocational training of future settlers in Palestine and personal development in groups. Its main aim was the creation of a socialist Jewish state in Palestine. Initially it was under the influence of the Zionist Organization in Poland, of which it was an autonomous part. In the mid-1920s it broke away and joined the newly established World Scouting Union, Hashomer Hatzair. In 1931 it had 22,000 members in Poland organized in 262 'nests' (Heb. 'ken'). During the occupation it conducted clandestine operations in most ghettos. One of its members was Mordechaj Anielewicz, who led the rising in the Warsaw ghetto. After the war it operated legally in Poland as a party, part of the He Halutz. It was disbanded by the communist authorities in 1949.

9 Hahalutz

Hebrew for pioneer, it stands for a Zionist organization that prepared young people for emigration to Palestine. It was founded at the beginning of the 20th century in Russia and began operating in Poland in 1905, later also spread to the USA and other countries. Between the two wars its aim was to unite all the Zionist youth organizations. Members of Hahalutz were sent on hakhshara, where they received vocational training. Emphasis was placed chiefly on volunteer work, the ability to live and work in harsh conditions, and military training. The organization had its own agricultural farms in Poland. On completing hakhshara young people received British certificates entitling them to immigrate to Palestine. Around 26,000 young people left Poland under this scheme in 1925-26. In 1939 Hahalutz had some 100,000 members throughout Europe. In World War II it operated as a conspiratorial organization. It was very active in culture and education after the war. The Polish arm was disbanded in 1949.

10 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right- wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

11 Pilsudski, Jozef (1867-1935)

Polish activist in the independence cause, politician, statesman, marshal. With regard to the cause of Polish independence he represented the pro-Austrian current, which believed that the Polish state would be reconstructed with the assistance of Austria- Hungary. When Poland regained its independence in January 1919, he was elected Head of State by the Legislative Sejm. In March 1920 he was nominated marshal, and until December 1922 he held the positions of Head of State and Commander-in-Chief of the Polish Army. After the murder of the president, Gabriel Narutowicz, he resigned from all his posts and withdrew from politics. He returned in 1926 in a political coup. He refused the presidency offered to him, and in the new government held the posts of war minister and general inspector of the armed forces. He was prime minister twice, from 1926-1928 and in 1930. He worked to create a system of national security by concluding bilateral non-aggression pacts with the USSR (1932) and Germany (1934). He sought opportunities to conclude firm alliances with France and Britain. In 1932, owing to his deteriorating health, Pilsudski resigned from his functions. He was buried in the Crypt of Honor in the Wawel Cathedral of the Royal Castle in Cracow.

12 HIAS (Hebrew Immigration Aid Society)

Founded in New York City by a group of Jewish immigrants in 1881, HIAS has offered food, shelter and other aid to emigrants. HIAS has assisted more than 4.5 million people in their quest for freedom. This includes the million Jewish refugees it helped to immigrate to Israel (in cooperation with the Jewish Agency for Israel), and the thousands it helped resettle in Canada, Latin America, Australia, New Zealand and elsewhere. As the oldest international migration and refugee resettlement agency in the US, HIAS also played a major role in the rescue and relocation of Jewish survivors of the Holocaust and of Jews from Morocco, Ethiopia, Egypt and the communist countries of Eastern Europe. More recently, since the mid-1970s, HIAS has helped Jewish refugees from the former Soviet Union. In Poland the society has been active since before 1939. After the war HIAS received permission to recommence its activities in March 1946, and opened offices in Warsaw, Bialystok, Katowice, Cracow, Lublin and Lodz. It provided information on emigration procedures and the policies of foreign countries regarding émigrés, helped deal with formalities involved in emigration, and provided material assistance and care for émigrés.

13 Kibbutzim in prewar Poland (correctly haksharas)

agricultural or production cooperatives training youth and preparing them for life in Palestine, through, e.g. teaching Hebrew and Zionist ideological education. Haksharas were usually summer camps, the participants of the camps were members of the Halutz movement. The camps were organized in private estates of individuals who supported Zionism and at farms purchased by the Zionist Organization in Poland (for example in Jaslo, Czechowice, Klesow in Volhynia) or by youth movements, mostly HaHalutz. In the 1930s the 'Ezra - Opieka' Central Committee for Halutz and Palestine Émigrés operated in Lwow and financed the maintenance of the kibbutzim and the training of youth. Some 556 haksharas took place in Poland until the end of 1938 with some 19,000 participants.

14 Kolkhoz

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

15 Anti-Semitism in Poland in the 1930s

From 1935-39 the activities of Polish anti-Semitic propaganda intensified. The Sejm introduced barriers to ritual slaughter, restrictions of Jews' access to education and certain professions. Nationalistic factions postulated the removal of Jews from political, social and cultural life, and agitated for economic boycotts to persuade all the country's Jews to emigrate. Nationalist activists took up posts outside Jewish shops and stalls, attempting to prevent Poles from patronizing them. Such campaigns were often combined with damage and looting of shops and beatings, sometimes with fatal consequences. From June 1935 until 1937 there were over a dozen pogroms, the most publicized of which was the pogrom in Przytyk in 1936. The Catholic Church also contributed to the rise of anti-Semitism.

16 September Campaign 1939

Armed struggle in defense of Poland's independence from 1st September to 6th October 1939 against German and, from 17th September, also Soviet aggression; the start of World War II. The German plan of aggression ('Fall Weiss') assumed all-out, lightning warfare (Blitzkrieg). The Polish plan of defense planned engagement of battle in the border region (a length of some 1,600 km), and then organization of resistance further inside the country along subsequent lines of defense (chiefly along the Narew, Vistula and San) until an allied (French and British) offensive on the western front. Poland's armed forces, commanded by the Supreme Commander, Marshal Edward Rydz-Smigly, numbered some 1 m soldiers. Poland defended itself in isolation; on 3rd September Britain and France declared war on Germany, yet did not undertake offensive action on a larger scale. Following a battle on the border the main Polish line of defense was broken, and the Polish forces retreated in battles on the Vistula and the San. On 8th September, the German army reached Warsaw, and on 12th September Lvov. From 14th-16th September the Germans closed their ring on the Bug. On 9th September Polish divisions commanded by General Tadeusz Kutrzeba went into battle with the Germans on the Bzura, but after initial successes were surrounded and largely smashed (by 22nd September), although some of the troops managed to get to Warsaw. Defense was continued by isolated centers of resistance, where the civilian population cooperated with the army in defense. On 17th September Soviet forces numbering more than 800,000 men crossed Poland's eastern border, broke through the defense of the Polish forces and advanced nearly as far as the Narew-Bug-Vistula- San line. In the night of 17th-18th September the president of Poland, the government and the Supreme Commander crossed the Polish-Romanian border and were interned. Lvov capitulated on 22nd September (surrendered to Soviet units), Warsaw on 28th September, Modlin on 29th September, and Hel on 2nd October.

17 Evacuation of Poles from the USSR

From 1939-41 there were some 2 million citizens of the Second Polish Republic from lands annexed to the Soviet Union in the heart of the USSR (Poles, Jews, Ukrainians, Belarusians and Lithuanians). The resettlement of Poles and Jews to Poland (within its new borders) began in 1944. The process was coordinated by a political organization subordinate to the Soviet authorities, the Union of Polish Patriots (operated until July 1946). The main purpose of the resettlement was to purge Polish lands annexed to the Soviet Union during WWII of their ethnic Polish population. The campaign was accompanied by the removal of Ukrainian and Belarusian populations to the USSR. Between 1944 and 1948 some 1.5 million Poles and Jews returned to Poland with military units or under the repatriation program.

18 POW camps for Polish officers in the USSR

Polish officers taken hostage in the USSR after 17th September 1939 were detained in two camps: in Kozielsk and in Starobielsk. An additional camp was opened in Ostaszkow for Polish officers of the police, prison system and border patrol. At the end of February 1940 over 8,376 officers and 6,192 policemen and other functionaries. On 5th March 1940 the decision to murder all the prisoners was made at the meeting of the Political Office of the All-Russian Communist Party (Bolsheviks). In April and May 1940 POWs from Kozielsk were shot to death in Katyn, POWs from Starobielsk in Kharkov and POWs from Ostaszkow in Tver.

19 NKVD

(Russ.: Narodnyi Komissariat Vnutrennikh Del), People's Committee of Internal Affairs, the supreme security authority in the USSR - the secret police. Founded by Lenin in 1917, it nevertheless played an insignificant role until 1934, when it took over the GPU (the State Political Administration), the political police. The NKVD had its own police and military formations, and also possessed the powers to pass sentence on political matters, and as such in practice had total control over society. Under Stalin's rule the NKVD was the key instrument used to terrorize the civilian population. The NKVD ran a network of labor camps for millions of prisoners, the Gulag. The heads of the NKVD were as follows: Genrikh Yagoda (to 1936), Nikolai Yezhov (to 1938) and Lavrenti Beria. During the war against Germany the political police, the KGB, was spun off from the NKVD. After the war it also operated on USSR-occupied territories, including in Poland, where it assisted the nascent communist authorities in suppressing opposition. In 1946 the NKVD was renamed the Ministry of the Interior.

20 Kursk battle

The greatest tank battle in the history of World War II, which began on 5th July 1943 and ended eight days later. The biggest tank fight, involving almost 1,200 tanks and mobile cannon units on both sides, took place in Prokhorovka on 12th July and ended with the defeat of the German tank unit.

21 The 1st Kosciuszko Infantry Division

Tactical grouping formed in the USSR from May 1943. The victory at Stalingrad and the gradual assumption of the strategic initiative by the Red Army strengthened Stalin's position in the anti-fascist coalition and enabled him to exert increasing influence on the issue of Poland. In April 1943, following the public announcement by the Germans of their discovery of mass graves at Katyn, Stalin broke off diplomatic relations with the Polish government in exile and using the Poles in the USSR, began openly to build up a political base (the Union of Polish Patriots) and an army: the 1st Kosciuszko Infantry Division numbered some 11,000 soldiers and was commanded first by General Zygmunt Berling (1943-44), and subsequently by the Soviet General Bewziuk (1944-45). In August 1943 the division was incorporated into the 1st Corps of the Polish Armed Forces in the USSR, and from March 1944 was part of the Polish Army in the USSR. The 1st Division fought at Lenino on 12-13 October 1943, and in Praga in September 1944. In January 1945 it marched into Warsaw, and in April-May 1945 it took part in the capture of Berlin. After the war it became part of the Polish Army.

22 Majdanek concentration camp

Situated five kilometers from the city center of Lublin, Poland, originally established as a labor camp in October 1941. It was officially called Prisoner of War Camp of the Waffen-SS Lublin until 16th February 1943, when the name was changed to Concentration Camp of the Waffen-SS Lublin. Unlike most other Nazi death camps, Majdanek, located in a completely open field, was not hidden from view. About 130,000 Jews were deported there during 1942-43 as part of the 'Final Solution.'. Initially there were two gas chambers housed in a wooden building, which were later replaced by gas chambers in a brick building. The estimated number of deaths is 360,000, including Jews, Soviets POWs and Poles. The camp was liquidated in July 1944, but by the time the Red Army arrived the camp was only partially destroyed. Although approximately 1,000 inmates were executed on a death march, the Red Army found thousand of prisoners still in the camp, an evidence of the mass murder that had occurred in Majdanek.

23 Lodz Ghetto

It was set up in February 1940 in the former Jewish quarter on the northern outskirts of the city. 164,000 Jews from Lodz were packed together in a 4 sq. km. area. In 1941 and 1942, 38,500 more Jews were deported to the ghetto. In November 1941, 5,000 Roma were also deported to the ghetto from Burgenland province, Austria. The Jewish self- government, led by Mordechai Rumkowsky, sought to make the ghetto as productive as possible and to put as many inmates to work as he could. But not even this could prevent overcrowding and hunger or improve the inhuman living conditions. As a result of epidemics, shortages of fuel and food and insufficient sanitary conditions, about 43,500 people (21% of all the residents of the ghetto) died of undernourishment, cold and illness. The others were transported to death camps; only a very small number of them survived.

24 Medal for the Defense of Stalingrad

Established by the decree of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR as of 22nd December 1942. 750,000 people were conferred with that medal.

25 Union of Fighters for Freedom and Democracy (ZBWD, Zwiazek Bojownikow o Wolnosc i Demokracje)

Combatant organization founded in 1949 as the result of the forced union of 11 combatant organizations functioning since 1945. Until 1989 it remained politically and organizationally subordinate to the PZPR. In 1990 ZBoWiD was reborn as the Union of Combatants of the Polish Republic and Former Political Prisoners (Zwiazek Kombatantow RP i Bylych Wiezniow Politycznych). ZBoWiD brought together some Polish World War II veterans, prisoners from Nazi camps, soldiers of the Polish Armed Forces (WP, Wojsko Polskie), and officers of the Security Office (UB, Urzad Bezpieczenstwa) and Civil Militia (MO, Milicja Obywatelska), as well as widows and orphans of others killed in action or murdered. For political reasons, many combatants were not accepted into ZBoWiD, including some AK (Home Army) soldiers (especially before 1956). It had several hundred thousand members (1970 approx. 330,000; 1986 almost 800,000).

26 Polish People's Republic (PRL)

The official name of the Polish state introduced in the constitution of 1952 and abolished in 1989. It is also the colloquial term for the entire postwar period of Polish history to 1989, when Poland was part of the USSR's bloc of satellite states and the dominant role within the country was played by the communist party, the Polish United Workers' Party (PZPR). The PRL formally had all the trappings of a democratic state - parliament (the Sejm), a government, and general elections, but in practice only 3 parties participated in the elections - the PZPR and two dependent parties: the United Peasant Alliance (ZSL) and the Democratic Alliance (SD). Poland was a member of the Council for Mutual Economic Aid (RWPG) and the Warsaw Pact. The main periods in the history of the PRL are as follows: the transition period 1944-1948, the Stalinist period 1948-1956, the period of government by Wladyslaw Gomulka 1956-1970, the period of government by Edward Gierek 1970-1981, martial law 1981-1983, and the twilight period 1983-1989. The PRL ended with the 'round table' talks, during which the PZPR ceded some authority to the opposition in the form of the Solidarity trade union movement.

27 Gomulka, Wladyslaw (1905-1982)

Communist activist and politician, one of the leading figures of the political scene of the Polish People's Republic, secretary general of the Central Committee (KC). In 1948 he was accused of so-called rightist-nationalist tendencies. As a consequence, he was imprisoned in 1951 and removed from the Polish United Workers' Party (PZPR). He was released in 1954 as a national hero, patriot and 'Polish' communist. From 21st October 1956 First Secretary of the Central Committee and member of the PZPR Central Committee's Political Office, from 1957 member of the State Council and deputy to the Polish Sejm. Initially enjoyed the support of public opinion (resisted Soviet pressure) and pursued a policy of moderate reforms of the political and economic system. In 1968 he came out in favor of intervention by the states of the Warsaw Bloc in Czechoslovakia. He was responsible for anti-Semitic repressions in March 1968 (as a result of which over 20,000 were forced to leave Poland) and the use of force against participants in the workers' revolt of December 1970. On 20th December 1970 he was forced to resign his post as First Secretary of the Central Committee and member of the PZPR Central Committee's Political Office, in 1970 he was dismissed from his other posts, and in 1971 he was forced into retirement.

28 Moczar Mieczyslaw (1913-1986)

Real name Mikolaj Demko, pseud. Mietek, Polish communist activist, general. Member of the Communist Party of Poland (KPP). In 1942-48 he belonged to the Polish Workers' Party (PPR) and then to the Polish United Workers' Party (PZPR). In 1968-71 he was the secretary of the PZPR Central Committee, and in 1970-71 and 1980-81 a member of the Central Committee's Political Bureau. During the war he commanded the Lublin and Kielce divisions of the People's Army. In 1945-48 he was the head of the Office for Public Security at the local government in Lodz. In 1964-68 he was minister of internal affairs. In the 1960s he was considered the leader of one of the factions spurring for influence within the PZPR (known as the 'partisans').

29 Yom Kippur War (1973 Arab-Israeli War)

(Hebrew: Milchemet Yom HaKipurim), also known as the October War, the 1973 Arab-Israeli War, and the Ramadan War, was fought from 6th October (the day of Yom Kippur) to 24th October 1973, between Israel and a coalition of Egypt and Syria. The war began when Egypt and Syria launched a surprise joint attack in the Sinai and Golan Heights, respectively, both of which had been captured by Israel during the Six-Day-War six years earlier. The war had far-reaching implications for many nations. The Arab world, which had been humiliated by the lopsided defeat of the Egyptian-Syrian-Jordanian alliance during the Six-Day-War, felt psychologically vindicated by its string of victories early in the conflict. This vindication, in many ways, cleared the way for the peace process which followed the war. The Camp David Accords, which came soon after, led to normalized relations between Egypt and Israel - the first time any Arab country had recognized the Israeli state. Egypt, which had already been drifting away from the Soviet Union, then left the Soviet sphere of influence almost entirely.

30 Gomulka Campaign

A campaign to sack Jews employed in the Ministry of Internal Affairs, the army and the central administration. The trigger of this anti-Semitic campaign was the involvement of the Socialist Bloc countries on the Arab side in the Middle East conflict, in connection with which Moscow ordered purges in state institutions. On 19th June 1967, at a trade union congress, the then First Secretary of the Polish United Workers' Party [PZPR], Wladyslaw Gomulka, accused the Jews of lack of loyalty to the state and of publicly demonstrating their enthusiasm for Israel's victory in the Six-Day-War. This marked the start of purges among journalists and people of other creative professions. Poland also severed diplomatic relations with Israel. On 8th March 1968 there was a protest at Warsaw University. The Ministry of Internal Affairs responded by launching a press campaign and organizing mass demonstrations in factories and workplaces during which 'Zionists' and 'trouble-makers' were indicted and anti-Semitic and anti-intelligentsia slogans shouted. Following the events of March, purges were also staged in all state institutions, from factories to universities, on criteria of nationality and race. 'Family liability' was also introduced (e.g. with respect to people whose spouses were Jewish). Jews were forced to emigrate. From 1968-1971 15,000-30,000 people left Poland. They were stripped of their citizenship and right of return.

31 Walesa, Lech (b

1943): Leader of the Solidarity movement, politician, Nobel-prize winner. Originally he was an electrician in the Gdansk shipyard and became a main organizer of strikes there that gradually grew to be nation-wide and greatly influenced Polish politics in the 1980s. Co-founder of the Solidarity (Solidarnost) trade union in 1980, representing the workers (and later much of the Polish society) against the communist nomenclature. He was one of the promoters of the thorough reconstruction of the Polish political and economic system, the creation of a sovereign democratic state with a market economy. In 1983 he received the Nobel Peace Prize. From 1990-1995 he was president of the Republic of Poland.

Dagmar Lieblova

Dagmar Lieblova
Prague
Czech Republic
Interviewer: Pavla Neuner
Date of the interview: January, 2004

Dagmar Lieblova lives with her husband in a wonderful apartment in a new housing development in Prague.

he interview took place in her large cozy living room which is full of old pieces of family furniture and books.

Mrs. Lieblova is a very pleasant person, as is her husband.

She is also a very well-respected and elegant lady whose many activities and great energy are worthy of admiration..

  • Family background

I can't remember my grandmother or grandfather on my father's side too well, as I never spent much time with them, even though we used to visit them twice a year in Cimelice, which is a small town near Pisek. My grandfather on my father's side was called Vilem Fantl and was born in Lubenec in 1858. He lived in Cimelice, south Bohemia, where he had a farm with land under crop and horses that he was very proud of. He also had a store there, which is still standing, although it now sells Dutch furniture.

My grandmother on my father's side was called Jindriska (nee Hechtova) and was born in 1859. She came from Suchomasty, Beroun. The Hecht family must have lived there for a long time, for we came across a grave in the local old Jewish cemetery on which was written the name 'Filip Hecht aus Suchomast' [German, Filip Hecht from Suchomast] - he was my grandmother's grandfather.

This forefather of mine was a glassmaker, which I know from a document written during the war by my father in which he mentions that "Filip is an unusual name for a Jew, as is the occupation." He did this so as not to be subject to discriminatory regulations, but it was still of no use.

My grandparents were both religious. They had separate sets of dishes, ate kosher food and probably had a Jewish wedding, but my grandfather didn't wear a yarmulka. Their devoutness was not, I think, passed on to any of their children.

At the beginning of the 1930s my grandparents sold their house and farm in Cimelice and moved to Beroun, where they built a little house with rooms and a kitchen downstairs and an attic upstairs. Unlike Beroun, I can't remember Cimelice. We always went to Beroun on the first of May, and my parents always wanted us to leave before all the ceremonial processions in Prague started up. We went there from Kutna Hora via Prague.

My grandmother used to cook excellent flour dumplings; mom would always ask her how she does it and she would say - "Don't you know how to do flour dumplings?" We always had dumplings and Polish sauce or goose. Polish sauce is sweet and has plums and raisins in it.

There was always good soup, too. I can remember that grandfather would go a bit of the way with us in the car to see us off on our way home. And he always blessed us when we parted I do not remember what he was whispering, but he always put his hand on my forehead. Both my grandparents died before the deportations began - grandmother in January 1940, grandfather six weeks later.

My grandparents had seven children. Ota, who died in infancy, Rudolf, Emil, Ruzena, Marenka, my dad Julius and another son, Ota. Rudolf was born 1883. He married a Jewish woman, Rezi, who was my mother-in-law's sister. They lived all their lives in Ceske Budejovice. Rudolf inherited a distillery from his father-in-law.

When he died in 1922, the business was run by his wife, who did not survive the Holocaust. They had two daughters together, Marie and Lilly, who were my cousins. Lilly married a non-Jewish man; living in a mixed marriage, she managed to survive the Holocaust. She gave birth to a daughter in 1944, shortly before being incarcerated, and had another four children after the war.

Marie also married a non-Jew, by the name of Antonin Rozanek. Marie was sent to the Small Fortress 1 and then transported to Auschwitz. She was in the Frauenlager [German for women's camp] in Birkenau and, according to her sister Lilly, perished in Bergen-Belsen. Her husband survived the persecution, as did their daughter Helenka, who married Josef Moravek, a chemist, with whom she emigrated to America, where they live to this day. Antonin remained in Bohemia. He went to visit her a few times, but he died in Bohemia.

Emil was born in 1886. He married Josefa Franklova, a Jewish widow with a son called Ludvik who was born in 1913. They had a grocery store on the square in Hyskov, which is a village near Beroun. They also sold fabrics and farming implements.

They had another son, Rene, in 1922. Both of their sons were fine boys. When we went to visit our grandparents, we would go for a snack in Hyskov after lunch. We were there on vacation sometime in 1939. I was very fond of Ludvik and Rene - they were older than me and it was fun to be with them.

Their parents also used to sell paints in the store; the boys would take water from the pump in the yard and add paint to it. Rene taught me the crawl stroke in the river Berounka. Ludvik studied law and was just about to graduate when the universities were closed down. Rene had already graduated and was wanting to study chemistry, but it was too late for that. [Exclusion of the Jews from schools in the Protectorate] 2 He was dragged off to a labor camp in Lipa.

We saw a lot of Ludvik and his parents in Terezin. 3 Ludvik was the stoker at the baths in the Vrchlabske Barracks, and sometimes, on Saturdays when nobody was around, he would let us take a bath there in secret. Rene was transported from Lipa to Terezin in the summer of 1943.

Emil was put on the September 1943 transport to Birkenau, together with his wife and Rene; Ludvik volunteered to go with them. I saw the boys again in Birkenau. Once, I met them as they were carrying some dead bodies and they looked terrible. They ended up in the gas chamber.

Marie died at a young age. I think it was tuberculosis. She was single.

Ruzena was born in 1890. She married Ota Beran, who, I think, was a coffee importer. They were well-off financially, but their only son, who I never met, was killed in a bike crash long before the war. Ruzena lived with her husband in Prague and later built a villa in Strancice, where we once came to visit.

I was really impressed by the place at the time, for there was a room with a door that led straight onto the garden via a staircase. Ruzena and Ota were both transported to Terezin in September 1942 and straight on to Maly Trostinec, where they perished.

Ota was born in 1894, remained single and lived in Prague, at Koubkova Street 3. He had been to high school and I think he worked for a firm involved in foreign trade. He wrote short stories and had a literary talent. Ota was a really nice gentleman and a very witty person. He used to go to Kutna Hora to visit us.

On my dad's birthday he would always arrange for a cake to be sent to him from Mysak's. In Prague there were two famous candy stores, Mysak and Berger, both in Vodickova Street. When I was born, I received some silver cutlery from Ota. He was transported to Terezin and straight on to Treblinka, where he perished in 1942.

My grandmother on my mother's side was called Augusta Reitmanova (nee Hermanova) and was born in 1870 in the Bohemian-Moravian highlands in a village called Pokrikov. Her dad apparently had a tavern or a little store. My grandmother had several brothers and sisters. Karel and Zikmund lived in Brno, where they made confectionary.

Another brother, Emil, lived with his wife, Petronila, and two daughters in Hermanuv Mestec. He lived in a mixed marriage, which saved him from deportation, but he hanged himself during the war. My grandmother also had a sister, Matylda, who was single and lived at home in Malin.

She died sometime in 1933 and is buried at the Jewish cemetery in Kolin. Later, grandmother had another little brother, Jindrich, but he died in childhood. I bumped into Karel's granddaughter, quite by accident at a congress for children who had survived the Holocaust, which was held in Prague in 1999.

Eva lives in Israel. She moved there with her parents soon after the war, got married and had four children. I knew that Eva was still alive, but she didn't know about me at all. She asked someone at the congress if they could remember her mom, so that was how we met.

When, later on, I was at her place with her daughter in Israel, she showed me a letter I had sent to my dad after the war, which she had kept. It was a long letter and was signed Danka, but she didn't know who it was.

My grandfather on my mother's side was called Maxmilian Reitman and was born in Trhova Kamenice near Chrudim in 1870. He lived with my grandmother a short distance from Kutna Hora in the village of Malin, where they had a little house with a little grocery store inside.

Malin was about 7 km from Kutna Hora and is now part of the town. A very old community, silver was mined there sometime back in the tenth century. Behind the store was a kitchen and, further on, two rooms and a courtyard. I think that they didn't have running water and the toilet was in the yard. It was a rustic building. I remember it must have been a very low structure because my dad, who was relatively small, could touch the ceiling.

My grandparents had a dog called Haryk, who could always sense well in advance when I was coming with my parents for a visit. He would then start barking. My grandparents were rather poor. They had store and an assistant in it but my grandmother was mostly at the counter.

Various ideas used to come to my grandfather, so one day he would sell vegetables, another day something different, so my grandmother was the mainstay of the store. My grandparents sold the house and store in 1934 or 1935 and moved in with us in our house in Kutna Hora.

Housemaid of my grandparents once told me that my grandfather Maxmilian's dad was in the army with my grandmother's dad Josef Herman. According to my calculations, this must have been in 1866. They are said to have made friends at the time and to have arranged to get married once they had children, which is what happened later. Allegedly, my grandmother was originally with someone else, but her parents didn't approve as he wasn't a Jew, so she married the suitor of their choice.

In his youth, my grandfather had a fine figure and a beard that he was very particular about. He had a restless nature and I think that it can't have been an easy life with him. I heard at home that they were living in Bosnia and Herzegovina a few years before World War I, sometime around 1908.

I don't know why or how they got there, but I suspect grandfather went there to sell things. They stayed in Mostar and Novi Sad, which were the first foreign cities I heard about as a child. [Before WWI both, the Herzegovinan Mostar and the Hungarian Ujvidek (that was renamed as Novi Sad after the war) were parts of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy just like the Czech lands.] Then they returned to Bohemia and spent at least part of World War I in Prague. My grandmother would always recount having to wait in line for bread. Later, they returned to Malin, where they remained.

Both of my grandparents came from a Czech-speaking family. I don't think either of them had any higher education. My grandfather was religious and went to the synagogue regularly, not only on the main holidays, and he would take me with him. Near Malin there was a synagogue but no-one went there any more, so my grandfather, who was an ardent Sokol 4 member, somehow arranged for the Jewish community to sell it to Sokol.

The building was knocked down at least twenty years ago. My grandmother was also religious. She didn't go to the synagogue, but she did try to observe the Sabbath. She prayed with mom at home and they both fasted on Yom Kippur. My grandmother had varicose veins and ulcers, so, as far as I can remember, she wasn't very steady on her feet.

As she couldn't get about, she sat and knitted for days at a time. Not on the Sabbath, though. She tried to observe the rule about not working on the Sabbath. When she was living with my grandfather at our place in Kutna Hora and dad wanted us to do the housework on Saturday with my sister, grandmother would say that it could wait until Sunday. Grandfather died in 1941, he had Jewish burial, grandmother did not survive concentration camp.

My mom's elder brother, Ervin, was born in 1895 in Malin. He lived in Dejvice, Prague, in what is now Ckalova Street, and worked as a bank clerk. At the end of the 1920s he married Helena Schillerova, a Jewish woman. Her father had married twice, so she had two step-sisters who lived in Kolkovna Street in Prague. During the Protectorate 5, when Jews had to move out of the better quarters, Ervin and Helena later moved in with him.

Ervin and Helena had a son, Tomas, who was born in 1936. I don't know how religious they were, but I think that Uncle Ervin wasn't devout. They all later perished in concentration camps. Uncle Ervin and Aunt Helena went to Terezin relatively late, in 1943, and were sent to Birkenau on one of the September transports in the very same year.

When my mom and I arrived in Birkenau in December 1943, we met people who had been on the September transports. We were standing in line, waiting to be given a number tattooed on our arm, when an acquaintance of my mom's appeared and told her: "You know that Helena Reitmanova is a widow?" She knew that my mom knew Mrs. Reitmanova, but not that she was her sister-in-law and that the person who had died was mom's brother. Aunt Helena was sent with Tomas to the gas chamber in March of the following year.

My dad was called Julius Fantl and was born in 1892 in Cimelice. He was a blue-eyed blond. While studying medicine, he become involved in student activity against Austria and was sentenced to six months at the age of twenty-two.

He was only in prison for three years though, because there was an amnesty in 1917 when Emperor Franz Joseph died [November 21st 1916] and a new emperor came along. Dad was condemned and permanently expelled from all the universities in Austria-Hungary.

My grandfather Vilem wrote a letter to a prison in Arad, Romania [Arad was attached to Romania only after the Great War, as late as 1920. Julius Fantl was imprisoned in the Austro-Hungarian city.], asking if his son Julius was there and if he was alive and well. He received the letter back with the following note written on it in German: "We can inform you that your son Julius is here and is well."

A lawyer later explained to me that this made sense because if they had replied on different paper, they would have had to archive it and to send an official reply. After my father had received an amnesty, he later served in the army in a Czech regiment in Hungary, and in 1918 resumed his studies once again.

He would often relate what happened when he went to put his name down for the degree ceremony: a clerk at the rector's office looked in his documents and pointed out that he had been permanently expelled from all universities in Austria-Hungary. In response, dad said that Austria-Hungary is no longer in existence. He was a general practitioner all his life.

My mom was called Irena Fantlova (nee Reitmanova) and was born in Malin in 1901. After completing her basic education, she did a cookery and sewing course. She lived in Malin and helped out in the store and with the household. Mom was a beautiful woman.

When she became sick one day, a neighbor supposedly said to her: "Young lady, why don't you go to Kutna Hora, there's a new doctor there, it's a Jew but he is a really nice person." Dad had been given a position in Kutna Hora as a doctor at the Masaryk Institute for Social Work, as well as setting up his own practice.

This is apparently how they met, according to the family. But in fact, they actually met, I think, through a joint friend of Mr. Ohrenstein, the father of the poet Orten. [Orten Jiri: maiden name Jiri Ohrenstein, Czech poet, 1919 - 1941] They got married in 1926 in Prague, but it wasn't a Jewish wedding.

Dad bought a house in Kutna Hora in 1932. Before that, we had been renting a place from Mrs. Roubickova. Dad bought it from Mrs. Taborska, who was butcher and originally had a store in the house. As Kutna Hora had been undermined and the ground was falling through, a big cellar was formed in the house when it was being built in 1904 or 1905.

The butcher used this as an ice cellar. My father turned her store into a consulting room. Our house stood on the corner of the streets Ceska and Hradebni. It was a one-story building with a garden. We had running water, electricity and gas. Our house was relatively large, with about five apartments - two upstairs and two downstairs, along with a consulting room.

We had a four-room apartment on the ground floor. The house had a turret with a bay window, and there was a corner room that was hard to heat as there were seven windows. There was furniture that a carpenter in Kutna Hora had made to commission - a cupboard, glass cabinet, table, chairs, desk, two small armchairs and a collapsible leather couch. It was a large room and, like the other ones, had parquet flooring.

Only the entrance hall and bathroom were tiled. In the apartment was a hallway, dining room, guest room, bedroom and living room where I lived at first with my sister. When we were a bit bigger they put me and Rita in the guest room. That was only for a while, though, because after our grandparents had moved in, they lived in the guest room and me and my sister were back in the living room, where there was an American stove.

Our grandparent's maid, Fanynka, slept in the kitchen. It was a cold apartment; the kitchen was north- facing and had fashionable terrazzo flooring with really cold stone tiles. The rooms were over four meters high, which made them difficult to heat. There was a coal stove and a gas-fired two-ring cooker in the kitchen.

Mom always had socks and a sweater on when she was there. The American stove in the living room couldn't heat everything, so we later used a Musgrave stove which heated both the living room and the bedroom.

Mom was a housewife. She was religious like my grandmother, as she also fasted on Yom Kippur and on the Sabbath, I think, she only did what was necessary, but she didn't go anywhere. She prayed but she did not light the candles or cook cosher. Dad didn't observe fasts at all. We didn't celebrate Jewish holidays at home. Me and my sister were not brought up in a very Jewish way. We went to the synagogue only on the New Year and Yom Kippur. We celebrated Czech holidays and had a tree and presents at Christmas. I knew about Jewish holidays, however, because we learnt about them in religion lessons. On the Pesach we used to order eleven kilos of matzot from the Bernard Schutz Firm in Pardubice. Mom would break matzot into pieces and put them in white coffee and we also gave them out to our friends. But we also ate bread. Our relatives came over to see us around Pesach at Easter, as they did at Christmas. We celebrated Easter rather than Pesach; we would paint eggs [Easter tradition] and go to the fair and buy Turkish honey [traditional sweet, sold typically on markets throughout the ex- Habsburg lands].

Although he came from a religious family, dad ate everything, probably because he always knew how things were in jail. I listened to him, but it wasn't until much later that I understood. He said that prisoners watched each other so that nobody would eat more potato peelings. I understood this later when I ate them myself. But I know there was food he didn't like, even though we didn't cook or eat kosher. Roast sirloin with cream, for example. I think the reason was that they didn't cook it at their house. We always did dill sauce with beef instead of cream.

I think that dad was a good doctor. There are still people around who can remember him. He employed nurse at the Masaryk Institute for Social Work, but he did everything for himself at home. Mom came in the evening to clean his instruments and to boil the syringes.

He was the only Jewish doctor in Kutna Hora. Because he was a Jew, he was allowed to work as a general practitioner only until 1939, after which time he could treat only Jewish patients. Dad was a member of a number of professional associations, but I don't think he held any posts in them. He was a retired officer and saw himself as a Czechoslovak patriot.

His political sympathies were with the Social Democrats. At home we read 'Pravo lidu' [The People's Rights], which was a Czech-language daily paper read by the majority of Social Democrats.

  • Growing up

My younger sister was called Rita Fantlova and was born in Kutna Hora in 1932. We were together a lot of the time and had a normal sibling relationship. I was an irate child and she would sometimes tease me a bit, so I would be shaking with rage. Our parents always told me that I should be more sensible, as I was the oldest.

It annoyed me whenever they said that. In the summer and winter, when the school term was over and we had no homework to do, we used to play in the garden in front of the house. Our parents saw to it that they didn't leave us outside.

We had friends who would come round to see us, but when I was older and wanted to go out, I had to bring Rita everywhere with me, which I wasn't too keen on. But then again, Rita wasn't too pleased about having to wear my cast-offs.

Dad wouldn't get home until the evening, for he was always busy. Mom would sometimes ask him to tell her things after he had got back, but he would say he had been speaking all day. When they had a day off, my parents used to go the cinema.

There were two cinemas in Kutna Hora at the time and they went to every film that was on. Mom always joked about dad falling asleep there. They also went to amateur theatres, concerts and whatever cultural events were on in Kutna Hora. Other than that, we would always go somewhere in summer, and if it was warm, we would head for Vidlak Pond, which is about 15 km away.

We even went there on workdays, after dad finished work. On the weekends we would go swimming, often in the River Sazava. We also went to Caslav, which is about 15 km away. That is where my mom's cousin on my grandfather's side, Vera Mullerova (nee Reitmanova) lived. She was also married to a doctor, Lev Muller, and they had two sons, Jirka and Zdenek, who were a year older than me and Rita.

We often went on trips with them. We also went to places on vacation, twice in the Tatra mountains in Slovakia. When I was very small, we spent a few holidays in Stare Splavy near Machovo Lake, where we stayed in a hotel. Each year we would spend from two to three weeks in some place or other. I can remember going to the swimming pool in Luhacovice when I was five or six. Steps led up to the big pool from a children's paddling pool where we were supposed to stay.

One day I tried the first one, then the second one, which was already under water, and then the third step, by which time I was under water and had started to drown. A young lady pulled me out and I got a smack on the bottom from my parents, but then they put me in for swimming lessons.

I also remember being at Velichovky Spa in 1938, where the locomotive organs were treated, as they still are. The spa is in the border regions and I can remember walking on the ramparts. Aunt Helena was a furtive smoker and I can recall her handing cigarettes to soldiers from her car. In winter we used to go skating; mom even bought some skates and boots and went along with us. Kutna Hora is all very hilly, so there were also lots of opportunities for sledging.

Kutna Hora is a nice town, but I didn't realize this until later. I took the area for granted as a child. When we were in Terezin later on, I didn't like the fact that everything was flat and square there. I had been used to winding streets and to there being hills everywhere. Wherever you go in Kutna Hora, there is always a uphill to go up. The land become flat on the way to Kolin, but remains hilly with forests on the way to Sazava.

My parents had a number of Jewish friends, of course, but in general they didn't care too much about their friends' origin. We mostly met with other family members, particularly with our relatives in Caslav. We saw each other nearly every week, and if not, mom would at least speak to my aunt on the phone. A doctor was required to have a telephone and ours had the number 17.

In those days you had to turn a handle and then wait for the exchange to put through your call. We were a middle class family. We had a car - a Tatra. In Kutna Hora there was only one gas station, and that was owned by Mr. Kubin. The first car my dad bought, when I was born, was dark green. He bought a new one sometime in 1936. Our first ride in the new car was to Ceske Budejovice, for dad's twenty-fifth school reunion.

Dad was always the one behind the wheel, because mom couldn't drive and also had a bad sense of direction. Once we were supposed to go to the Krkonose Mountains for Easter, when Rita was probably about four years old. We were already half way there when Rita said she had a soar throat and headache, so our parents turned round and went back.

They put her to bed, took her temperature to see if she had a fever, which she didn't, and dad looked at her throat and saw there was nothing wrong with it. After she had recovered, they asked her what had happened and she said she was scared of Krakonos the Giant. [Mythic giant who is believed to protect the Krkonose Mountains, between the Czech Republic and Poland] Our parents used to go on hiking trips before we were born, and me and my sister soon became used to hiking from an early age. We liked to go to the forest and dad always went mushroom picking when we were away somewhere on vacation.

At home we had a maid, called Anicka, who came to our place sometime in 1932. She was with us until it was prohibited. Later on, Jews were not allowed to have a maid under the age of fifty, so she had to leave us. We didn't have another maid after that. Fanynka, the maid of my grandparents who had moved in with us, was older, so she could stay at my grandmother's place. That was a stroke of luck because she really helped us out during the war.

There were several schools in Kutna Hora, and children went to the one nearest their home. Me and my sister went to the elementary girls' school. A bit further on there was another elementary school which was coeducational. There was also a school where students from the nearby teaching institute used to train.

There wasn't a Jewish school in the area. I didn't have any problems at school, in fact I enjoyed it on the whole. As far as I can remember, I didn't have any particular favorite subject. There was only one other Jewish girl in my class, and she was called Hanicka.

I attended religion classes with her, but I didn't really make friends with her in the first grades. But she became my only friend when we were not allowed to go to school from 1940/41 and we had lessons at home instead. My other schoolmates somehow disappeared. Rita started school in 1938, so she only finished the second grade. I finished the fifth.

Both my parents knew German; dad could speak English as well, as he had learnt it at evening lessons with Mr. Strakosch, who was from one of the local Jewish families. My parents spoke German in front of me when they didn't want me to understand what they were saying.

So I planned to learn German so I could understand them and then to learn English if they switched language. I started going to German lessons in the third grade and then English at the age of eleven. On Wednesday and Saturday afternoons we went to Sokol Hall where we trained on the rings, beams and vaulting-horses.

There wasn't a very big Jewish community in Kutna Hora. Most of the local Jews were dad's patients, so they were on friendly terms with him. There was a synagogue and for a while we had our own cantor. Afterwards, Doctor Feder of Kolin used to come over; he was later to become chief rabbi of Czechoslovakia. He also gave us religion classes.

We didn't have a yeshivah or a mikveh there. At the time, there were about thirteen or fourteen thousand inhabitants in Kutna Hora, of which there were probably about two hundred Jews. The Strakosch family had a shoe factory and produced for exported. Another wealthy Jewish family, the Reiningers, had a clothing factory called Respo. There were also Jewish lawyers. On the whole, the local Jews were middle class businessmen. They lived a normal Czech life, and only a few of them went to the synagogue.

  • During the war

The 'Arijsky boj' [Aryan Struggle] tabloid started coming out after the occupation, but I think that Jews made fun of it at the time. It was not local, it was edited by fascist organization called Vlajka. In each issue of this paper - I think it was a weekly - there was always gossip about what this or that Jewish woman was talking about. It also mentioned my parents.

No-one took it too seriously. Once, when I was no longer allowed to go to school, I met a former classmate who spat in front of me. That was the only specific case of anti-Semitism I can remember coming across. But I didn't take it seriously, in fact I thought it was quite funny. I don't know if my parents were afraid of Hitler, but dad probably thought nothing could happen to him as he was a Czechoslovak citizen.

My parents were certainly not Zionists. They were typical Czech Jews. Dad probably thought that Jews would be left in peace if they assimilated. I think that my parents didn't make any attempt to emigrate. Firstly, they certainly couldn't imagine how far things would end up, and secondly, it wasn't easy to leave with their family in 1938, when I was ten and my sister was six, especially as they didn't have any relatives abroad or any extra resources. I know that they once mentioned someone who was sending children to England, and that dad said I was too young for that.

However, my parents must have known something because émigrés from Germany were coming to Bohemia. Mr. Abraham was a German Jew who came to Kutna Hora with his wife sometime in 1936 or 1937. He spoke Czech badly, and his wife couldn't speak it at all. He was active as a cantor and also taught German to local Jewish children.

I can remember that he had a completely incompressible teaching method, so I could not understand what he was saying. Mr. Abraham also wrote a book about his experience in Germany and published it at his own expense. I don't know what happened to him because he simply disappeared before the occupation.

My parents read his book, so they must have had some idea about what was going on. People were somehow informed, nobody could say they weren't, but they didn't come to the right conclusions.

Having had to hand in his car, my father then received permission to use a bicycle. I went on his bike sometimes, but that was the only bike we had. In those days it was common for wealthier people to have bicycles or skis. We had to wear the Jewish star and there was only one store where Jews could do their shopping.

All the anti-Jewish regulations of the Protectorate were in force in Kutna Hora. My parents were no longer allowed to go to the theater or cinema. Traveling was forbidden. Dad received permission to leave the city limits because he had patients in the surrounding villages, so he could travel to see them on his bike.

We lived in Kutna Hora until we were deported to Terezin in the summer of 1942. At first, we had to go to the assembly point in Kolin, and then to Terezin. My father stayed in the Sudeten Barracks, while me and my mom, sister and grandmother were in the Hamburg Barracks. My sister then lived in the Kinderheim [children's home] and I was in house L- 410. Mom initially worked as a cleaner in the Kinderheim and then she got a job with the Menagedienst [food distribution service] in the kitchen of the Sappers Barracks.

My father was employed as a doctor in the Jägerkaserne [Gamekeeper's Barracks], which was where the deportees from Germany were sent. The living conditions were fairly good, in comparison with the way things turned out. There were about 24 girls of the same age in the children's home.

At first we were under the care of Magda Weissova, then of Laura Simkova. We worked in the garden during the day and sang and recited in the evening. I gained a deeper feeling for music, poetry and literature in general. Some of us performed in the children's chorus that appeared in the opera Brundibar, which was a big event for us. [Brundibar was written by Prague Jewish composer Hans Krasa in 1938 and sang by children from Terezin more than 50 times. Krasa was murdered in Auschwitz in 1944.]

I sang in the choir. We sang a lot under the encouragement of Magda, who was originally in the Schachter Choir [the most famous choir in Terezin, lead by conductor Rafael Schachter] in the Prodana nevesta [opera written by Bedrich Smetana] and in other operas. In house L-410 there was a cellar room with a harmonium which we sometimes borrowed. Karel Berman dropped by once and, sitting at the harmonium, rehearsed the whole of Rusalka [opera written by Antonin Dvorak] with us.

We stayed in Terezin until December 1943. They took us away in closed cattle cars. We didn't know where we were going, but on the way we realized it was to the east. We arrived at night in Auschwitz. They took us straight away to a block inhabited by those who had come in September.

Transports from September and December 1943 and May 1944 went to Family camp in Auschwitz without selection. They began tattooing numbers on our arms. That is when mom found out that her brother was no longer alive, which was our first shock. Then we left for the baths and I can remember someone saying: "Just come back safely."

At the time, none of us understood what that was supposed to mean. After our bath we were given clothes, which were nothing but thin rags, hardly enough for us to keep warm in the December cold. I lived with my mom and sister in the same block. One day we saw dad at roll- call, but we could hardly recognize him, for he had become terribly run- down in just a few days.

Mom did what she could to help us, so she found work carrying out huge barrels of soup. The advantage was that those who distributed the soup could scrape what was left from the bottom of the barrel. But it was difficult work for mom, so she then stood guard over the toilet in the block which was for those who hadn't the strength to get to the outside latrine.

My father was a doctor in Terezin and when we arrived in Birkenau, he was told to see the chief physician who asked him if he had studied at a Czech or German university. My father was very patriotic, so naturally he said he had been to a Czech one.

He was asked another two times but kept saying he had been to a Czech university. If he had said he had been to a German university, he could have been a doctor there as well, but he would never have said that. Instead, he had to go around checking the inmates to see if they had flees. In one way this was good for us because he could go to the women's blocks, so we could see him. Afterwards, I went to the children's block where I later looked after ten-year-old boys.

In 1944 we somehow suspected that there was little remaining time for us. I had a strange kind of feeling. I was fifteen and couldn't imagine that we would get out of it or, on the other hand, that it would all come to an end now. I can remember saying that I would never see trees or forests again, or go anywhere by train.

We became alarmed when we saw two other transports arrive from Terezin. Then came news that all those fit to work would be sent off to work. Those fit to work meant women from sixteen to forty and men from sixteen to fifty. I was fifteen, my sister was twelve, dad was fifty-two and mom was forty- three.

None of us fell into that group. But then the block leader came and read out the numbers of those who were to go through the selection process. My number was called out - 70788. I said it was a mistake, but it was on the records, so I had to go, which was lucky for me. I don't know who made the mistake, but it was a mistake that saved my life.

Fifteen-year-olds could later volunteer to go, but I wouldn't have left my mom and sister. So I went to through the selection, which I passed because I was quite big and not too thin yet. We didn't know if there had been some kind of trick, if we were really going to be sent away to work.

First of all, we were sent to the Frauenlager [German, female camp], where we stayed for a few days in terrible conditions. We were put in little cubicles, twelve people in each, where we sat, and the only food we got was soup from a single pot and without spoons. A few days later we were given our prison clothes and shoes and after a few selections they took away the last of us and loaded us onto trucks. It was a strange feeling, finally to be leaving Auschwitz.

A few days later, we arrived in Hamburg, at the Dessauer side of the port. It was a July Thursday. We were given fantastic accommodation with two-level bunk beds and a wash room, as well as tables to sit at. We didn't go anywhere the next day and after all those long months we were given something other than soup to eat - potatoes and pickled herring.

However, an error seemed to have been made, so we were given soup again. We had to go to work on Saturday. We got up while it was still dark, went to the port and went on boats to the bombarded factories where we cleared away the wreckage and dug out the rails. It was bad there as there was at least one air-raid every night.

In September they sent us to Neugraben, which is a district on the outskirts of Hamburg. At first we were guarded by members of the Wehrmacht, who were later replaced by the SS, but they weren't too bad. They were then sent to the front and the next guards we had were old customs officers, some of whom were decent, others were not.

Emergency accommodation was being built in Neugraben for those whose houses had been bombed out. We dug the foundations for these houses, as well as ditches for the water and electricity connections. We did this even when it was freezing and the ground was covered in ice.

Once we were working in a place where a lady with a twelve-year-old son was living. Her son always said a few words to us and his mom asked our guard if we could carry pieces of turf into her garden. She later invited us in and gave us black coffee and some bread and cheese.

Before Christmas the boy brought us a large sack, saying that Weinachtsmann (Santa Claus) had brought it. Inside was a yellow turnip, cabbage and a few potatoes. For him it was nothing special, but for us it was a princely gift. We were then sent to clear away the snow in Harburg, where we dug out bricks from piles of debris.

We then went to dig an anti-tank ditch around Hamburg. We were working alongside prisoners of war. In February we had to move again, this time to a quarter called Tiefstack, which was at the other end of town. I couldn't move, though, because I had a badly lacerated leg, so they took me, along with the other sick people, in a truck, so we didn't have to walk.

We didn't have the customs officials as guards here. Instead we had SS-women who were worse. Once again we had to dig out bricks and clear the area for further use. One day we returned from work and our camp had been bombed out.

Some time later we were sent away from Hamburg. First of all we went to the railway station and then we went by train to Celle. That was at the end of March 1945. Several people managed to escape on the way. From the station in Celle we then went to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. It is hard to describe what it was like at that time.

In the barracks that we went to, there was a bare floor where we had to sit as we were so crammed. The hygienic conditions were shocking, as there was no water or anything. Piles of dead bodies were lain everywhere between the blocks. A few days later the SS-men escaped because at that time you could hear cannon fire everywhere. There wasn't any food left at all.

Me and my friend Dasa found a carrot in a pit and took it. Then, when it was impossible to endure much more, along came the British army on April 15. I didn't even have the strength to stand up to see what was happening. They brought some food, but me and Dasa only took a can and smeared the carrot with grease.

There were people there who ate a lot of food very quickly and that was their end. There was an inconceivable amount of lice and flees. Makeshift bathrooms were put up to give us showers and to disinfect us. I later caught a high fever and had to stay in hospital until July 1945.

  • Post war

As soon as the war was over, I wrote home to Fanynka, at whose place we had hidden things before the war and who had send us packages throughout the war. People from Bergen-Belsen were supposed to go to Sweden for recovery, and I was to go there too. But just before setting off, I received news from a person who Fanynka had been with during the war. It was one of my father's friends and he wrote that they were awaiting my return.

The first train from this area was dispatched to Czechoslovakia in July 1945. We traveled by train through conquered Germany for almost a week and then arrived in Pilsen, where we had to get off as it was supposed to be the end of the American zone. They then put us in open coal trains and we went on to Prague.

My dad's friend, the professor, found me in Prague and took me to Kutna Hora where our Fanynka also was. The next day they took me to see the doctor and it turned out that I had a very nasty affection of the lungs. The doctor arranged for me to stay in a sanatorium in Zamberk, where, as I later found out, the only reason they accepted me was to give a doctor's daughter a decent place to die. I stayed in the sanatorium for two and a half years, until February 1948. I was then given an apartment in our old house and returned home.

After returning home, I decided that I should study because I hadn't even finished my elementary school education. First of all I went to English lessons and then I resumed my piano lessons. During the next year I started to prepare for entrance exams for high school, so I would have a proper education.

The professor friend of my father's became my guardian and gave me support. But he wasn't too keen when said that I wanted to continue with my studies. I was quite stubborn, though, so I managed to complete my high school education after many difficulties and got a place at the Arts Faculty of Charles University in Prague, where I studied German and Czech. I was given a full disability pension at the time.

It was during my studies that I met my future husband, Petr Liebl. He was born in Ceske Budejovice in 1935 and his parents were a mixed couple. Towards the end of the war his mom was incarcerated in Hagibor 6 and Terezin and his dad was sent to the Postoloprty labor camp. 7 Petr spent this time at his grandmother's on his father's side in Ceske Budejovice.

At the end of the war, Petr's father, together with another man who had also been at Postoloprty camp and also had a wife and daughter in Terezin, took a horse and cart and went to Terezin, where they dropped off their wives and left the day before the houses in the camp were quarantined.

Petr's mother was expecting a baby boy who was born immediately after the war. I knew Petr from what was said by our cousin Lilly, who I went to see after the war. Before I met him, I heard that he was interested in math and that he weighed little balls, which seemed odd to me. Then one day in summer someone rung the bell and Lilly said - hey, it's Petr Liebl here, shall I tell him to come up? So I said - yes, if you want to. I wasn't curious about him at all. Then he came and was completely different from what I had imagined.

We got married in October 1955. We lived in Prague - he was in a hall of residence while I was subletting. On Sundays we would go to Kutna Hora to see Fanynka, who we then called aunt.

I gave birth to my daughter Rita in my fifth year of studies at the faculty. I then stayed at home and wrote my dissertation. We had little to live on, for all we had was our grant. When my grant finished, which was before my finals, I started looking for a job. I finally found a place at a high school in Caslav, where I taught German from 1956.

In the meantime, Petr finished his studies and got a job at the Mathematics Institute in Prague. I then had a second daughter, Zuzana, in 1959 and we tried to get an apartment in Prague. In the end, we joined a cooperative and bought a housing society apartment, which we moved into in 1961. In those days I thought that we would never be able to pay for it.

A year before that, Petr was offered a job in Dubna near Moscow, so we went there with our children. In the meantime, I got a place at a language school and promised that I would be back at the beginning of the school year. So I returned with my children in August 1961 and Petr came back for Christmas.

In 1965 we went to Ghana, as the Mathematics Institute offered Petr a job teaching mathematics at the university there. We stayed for three beautiful years in Africa. I taught German there and, for a while, Russian. Our children did not go to school for the first year, as I taught them at home.

Zuzana went to the first grade, Rita to the fourth. We then moved to the university campus, and then they went to a school that was for university staff. We returned to Czechoslovakia in the summer of 1968. I was pregnant at the time. For the most part, I experienced the events of 1968 [Prague Spring] 8 in the maternity ward, giving birth to my son, Martin, in September.

We were a bit confused by the situation because we had been completely out of it in Ghana during that time, even though we had read Czech newspapers. We didn't really understand much of what was going on, and, thanks to Martin, I was mostly absorbed in my family.

In 1972 I moved to the 17th of November University, which was a college for foreign students, also with a translation and interpreting department for Czechoslovak students. The university was soon closed down, however, the department moving to the Arts Faculty.

During the holidays, we always went with our children to stay with Petr's parents in Ceske Budejovice. We never actually considered emigrating. We toyed with the idea of going to New Zealand, we had got this offer while teaching in Ghana, but in the end we returned home. I had an acquaintance in Israel, since a lot of people had emigrated there, but we didn't keep in touch.

My first trip to Israel was in 1993 with my husband, and I was back again in 2000 with my daughter. Rita got married and moved to Canada in 1987. Zuzana and Martin live in the Czech Republic.

The regime change in 1989 9 was actually to be expected. Although I hadn't been persecuted by the regime, I'm glad that it happened, if only because we are at least free to travel abroad. I didn't come up against any specific case of anti-Semitism towards me after the war.

At present I am the chairperson of the Terezin Initiative. 10 As a Holocaust survivor, I go to various meetings that I am invited to. Recently, for example, I was in Hamburg, which was hosting a new exhibition on subsidiary camps, so I found myself in places that I had been during the war. I often attend talks in Terezin with students from the Czech Republic and Germany.

I also travel to Germany a lot, because the Friends of Terezin Association is based in Lower Saxony. For many years I also worked at the local branch of the Association of Freedom Fighters. I was also chairperson of the Commission of the Swiss Fund for Needy Holocaust Victims and am now on the Appeals Commission for slave and forced laborers within the framework of the Czech-German Future Fund.

I have never forgotten that I am Jewish. My children, too, have always known. It has always been taken for granted in our family. My children were not brought up in a Jewish way, because I myself had not actually had such an upbringing, but they are very interested in Jewishness.

  • Glossaries:

1 Small Fortress (Mala pevnost) in Theresienstadt

An infamous prison, used by two totalitarian regimes: Nazi Germany and communist Czechoslovakia. It was built in the 18th century as a part of a fortification system and almost from the beginning it was used as a prison. In 1940 the Gestapo took it over and kept mostly political prisoners there: members of various resistance movements.

Approximately 32,000 detenees were kept in Small Fortress during the Nazi occupation. Communist Czechoslovakia continued using it as a political prision; after 1945 German civilians were confined there before they were expelled from the country.

2 Exclusion of Jews from schools in the Protectorate

The Ministry of Education of the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia sent round a ministerial decree in 1940, which stated that from school year 1940/41 Jewish pupils were not allowed to visit Czech public and private schools and those who were already in school should be excluded. After 1942 Jews were not allowed to visit Jewish schools or courses organised by the Jewish communities either.

3 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. It was used to camouflage the extermination of European Jews by the Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement'.

Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities.

At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a cafe, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

4 Sokol

One of the best-known Czech sports organizations. It was founded in 1862 as the first physical educational organization in the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. Besides regular training of all age groups, units organized sports competitions, colorful gymnastics rallies, cultural events including drama, literature and music, excursions and youth camps.

Although its main goal had always been the promotion of national health and sports, Sokol also played a key role in the national resistance to the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the Nazi occupation and the communist regime. Sokol flourished between the two World Wars; its membership grew to over a million.

Important statesmen, including the first two presidents of interwar Czechoslovakia, Tomas Masaryk and Edvard Benes, were members of Sokol. Sokol was banned three times: during World War I, during the Nazi occupation and finally by the communists after 1948, but branches of the organization continued to exist abroad. Sokol was restored in 1990.

5 Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia

Bohemia and Moravia were occupied by the Germans and transformed into a German Protectorate in March 1939, after Slovakia declared its independence. The Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia was placed under the supervision of the Reich protector, Konstantin von Neurath.

The Gestapo assumed police authority. Jews were dismissed from civil service and placed in an extralegal position. In the fall of 1941, the Reich adopted a more radical policy in the Protectorate. The Gestapo became very active in arrests and executions. The deportation of Jews to concentration camps was organized, and Terezin/Theresienstadt was turned into a ghetto for Jewish families.

During the existence of the Protectorate the Jewish population of Bohemia and Moravia was virtually annihilated. After World War II the pre-1938 boundaries were restored, and most of the German-speaking population was expelled.

6 Hagibor

7 Postoloprty

8 Prague Spring

The term Prague Spring designates the liberalization period in communist-ruled Czechoslovakia between 1967- 1969. In 1967 Alexander Dubcek became the head of the Czech Communist Party and promoted ideas of 'socialism with a human face', i.e. with more personal freedom and freedom of the press, and the rehabilitation of victims of Stalinism.

In August 1968 Soviet troops, along with contingents from Poland, East Germany, Hungary and Bulgaria, occupied Prague and put an end to the reforms.

9 Velvet Revolution

Also known as November Events, this term is used for the period between 17th November and 29th December 1989, which resulted in the downfall of the Czechoslovak communist regime. The Velvet Revolution started with student demonstrations, commemorating the 50th anniversary of the student demonstration against the Nazi occupation of Czechoslovakia. Brutal police intervention stirred up public unrest, mass demonstrations took place in Prague, Bratislava and other towns, and a general strike began on 27th November.

The Civic Forum demanded the resignation of the communist government. Due to the general strike Prime Minister Ladislav Adamec was finally forced to hold talks with the Civic Forum and agreed to form a new coalition government. On 29th December democratic elections were held, and Vaclav Havel was elected President of Czechoslovakia.

10 Terezin Initiative Foundation (Nadace Terezinska iniciativa)

Founded in 1993 by the International Association of Former Prisoners of the Terezin/Theresienstadt Ghetto, it is a special institute devoted to the scientific research on the history of Terezin and of the 'Final Solution' of the Jewish question in the Czech lands. At the end of 1998 it was renamed to Terezin Initiative Institute (Institut Terezinske iniciativy).

Larissa Khusid

Larissa Khusid
Kiev
Ukraine
Interviewer: Zhanna Litinskaya

Family background
Growing up
During the War
After the War

My name is Larissa Khusid. I was born in Odessa, to the family of Iona and Maria Khusid on May 15, 1924. My father, Iona Khusid, was born on August 5, 1892 in the town of Stepantsy, in the district of Kanev, in the province of Kiev. My father was a very shy and reserved man. He didn't like to talk about himself or his family, and therefore, I can't give you an accurate picture of his life. After my father died, his neighbor, Abram Linkevich from Stepantsy, who knew my grandfather and his family, came over to our house and told me much more about my father's family than my father had.

Family background

My grandfather, Nahman Khusid, who was born in Stepantsy around 1850, was a local rabbi. People often turned to my grandfather to resolve their everyday problems. However, when they had more serious problems, they took them to the rabbi of a neighboring town. My grandfather didn't charge them for his advice, and people were convinced that his connection to God, without money, was a doubtful matter. But they loved my grandfather very much. He was a very kind and cheerful man. His family consisted of himself, my grandmother - regretfully, I don't remember her name - and seven children. They led a poor and miserable life. They lived in a small wooden house, and very often their children could only take turns going out because they had only one pair of shoes for the boys and one for the girls. In his everyday life my grandfather could make do with very little. The only things he couldn't refuse himself were his rare trips to the opera's opening night performances. My grandfather was crazy about music. He even took opera trips on Saturdays, which should have been absolutely out of the question for a religious Jew, or a rabbi. That is why I think he must have led a more secular life than he should have, according to his position. I was told that my grandfather was very close to Sholem-Aleihem, and often met with him in Kiev. My grandfather Nahman was killed during a pogrom in Stepantsy in 1919. I don't know any details of this terrible event. My father couldn't talk about it. My grandmother died in the mid-1930s. I never saw or met her.

At the end of the last century, Stepantsy was a small Jewish town with a population 80% Jewish and the rest Ukrainian. These two groups got along very well and supported each other. There was a synagogue and a church in the central square. There were hardly any jobs to be had in Stepantsy. Women were mainly housewives, and men engaged themselves in handicrafts, as tinsmiths, shoemakers, carpenters, etc. They worked hard to support their families, but what they could earn was never enough. Their families were large, and early in life, older sons began to work to help their fathers make ends meet. Parents couldn't begin to dream about giving their children an education. They just couldn't afford it. Life in Stepantsy was poor and monotonous, as it was in many other similar little towns.

Father's oldest brother, Iosif, was born in 1880. I don't know what he did for a living before the Revolution, but afterwards he lived in Leningrad. He had a wife named Eva and two sons, Alexandr and Naum. He sent them to the evacuation in Barnaul during the Great Patriotic War, while he himself stayed behind in Leningrad. He loved the arts, and worked as an administrator in one of the theaters. He loved music and the ballet, but most of all he loved ballerinas. Many of them were his lovers. My father often met with Uncle Iosif when he went to Moscow. Iosif visited Kiev only once, in 1953. Iosif died in mid-1980. His son Shurik lives in St. Petersburg.

The next sibling in my father's family was his brother Idel, born, in 1885. Idel took a degree in economics. He lived and worked in Odessa. In the early 1930s he divorced his wife, leaving her and their son Alexandr in Odessa, and moved to Kiev. He lived there with his common-law wife, Valentina Ottovna, a German - they did not arrange a lawful marriage. When the war began, Valentina convinced Idel that the Germans were a civilized people and would therefore do no harm to the Jews, and so it did not make any sense to leave home. According to what one of our distant relatives told us, Valentina Ottovna handed Idel over to policemen near the Golden Gate, an ancient historical monument in Kiev. Our relative, a Christian woman, said she had seen the Germans pushing Idel into the column of Jews walking to the Babi Yar. Idel was shot along with thousands of other Jews on September 29, 1941.

After Idel, the next two children born to the Khusid family were girls, Mikhlia, born in 1888, and Mirrah, born in 1890. Mikhlia's husband's name was Nahman - I can't remember his first name. Mirrah was married to Mendel Gurevich, an attorney in Kiev. Mikhlia had two daughters, Sarrah and Polia, and Mirrah had two sons, David and Naum. David perished on the front during the Great Patriotic War. The rest of the families were in the evacuation in Tashkent, I believe. Mikhlia died in Kiev in 1960 and Mirrah died around 1965. Their children have passed away, too.

Dora was my father's younger sister, born in 1894 in Stepantsy. Around 1900, she married Isaak Galperin and lived with him in Odessa. They had no children. When the war began, Dora left Odessa with her sisters Mikhlia and Mirrah, but Isaak had to stay on. He was too late to be evacuated, and was shot by the Germans in 1941. Dora did not remarry, and lived in Leningrad after the war. In 1975 I took her to Kiev, because she couldn't live alone any longer. In 1976 Dora was involved in a car accident and became an invalid. She died on July 21, 1977. I was at her bedside.

My father's youngest brother, David, born around 1905, lived with my parents in Odessa after their marriage. My father helped David to get education. Later, David moved to Kiev, where he married a nice Russian woman named Nyura. This was the cousin of the woman who saw my father Idel on his way to Babi Yar. David was in the evacuation during the war. He died in the mid-1980s. His son Victor lives in Kiev.

Like all the other sons of my grandfather Nahman, my father received a Jewish education in a cheder, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to become an educated and intelligent man. He was right to think that only a good education could help him to lift himself out of the poverty of this little Jewish town. When my father turned 13, he said "goodbye" to his parents, left his father's home, and went to Kiev on foot. There, he found a temporary job and shelter in the home of a woman who sold milk. My father slept on a windowsill in the basement that served as her shop. In exchange for food and lodging, my father had to unload milk carts that arrived from the surrounding villages early in the morning, wash out milk cans, and perform other related chores. In the evenings, my father sat and studied on that same windowsill that served as his bed. Sometimes he studied so late into the night that the milk woman would tell him to switch off the lamp. By working and studying hard, my father managed to earn a degree in economics at an institution of higher learning, the name of which I unfortunately don't know.

When World War I began in 1914, my father was recruited into the tsarist army. He was a Private in the infantry and finished the war with the rank of Private First Class of Putivl Regiment 127. In September 1916 my father was severely wounded. His legs were broken, and he was sent to the hospital, remaining there until May 1917. After being released, my father was dismissed from the army as an invalid. During his service in the tsarist army, father was awarded two George's Crosses - the highest award that Privates could get. My father never told me what deeds of his were so rewarded.

I don't know what my father did after his release from the hospital, but I know that he was in Odessa in 1920, and worked at the Odessa province's Soviet farm A Soviet farm is a collectively owned agricultural complex with no private property. People came to work on the farm, just as they would at any industrial enterprise. There, he met there my mother's older brother, Abram Ortenberg, who introduced my father to my mother's family.

My mother, Maria Ortenberg, was born in 1898 in Kishinev, the capital of Bessarabia, which was part of the Russian Empire. Mother's father, my grandfather Iosif Ortenberg, was born around 1860. There was a legend in my grandfather's family, which my mother's brother, Abram, passed on to my husband and me as our wedding gift. He wrote in his congratulatory letter to us, that he wished he could give us something more as a wedding present, but that because he was poor, the family legend was all that he had to give. The legend says that my great-grandfather, Pinhus Ortenberg, a teacher, was the first to bring an electric bulb to Vinnitsa from Europe. This same man had a friend who lost his fortune in a card game. My great- grandfather covered his friend's card debt, thereby dragging his own family into poverty. The Tzaddik of Vinnitsa cursed my great-grandfather, saying that there would be no riches in his family, but sweetened the curse somewhat with the blessing that no one in the family would die a violent death. The Tzaddik's curse and blessing held true for over one hundred years.

My grandfather had two brothers, Lazar and Wolf Ortenberg, and a sister, Leia. My grandfather's family was very musical. Lazar was an amateur musician, and played the violin very well. He was a friend of the great Russian composer Rimsky-Korsakov, whom he had met in St. Petersburg, and with whom he corresponded by letter. Lazar had a daughter, Sarrah, who married a famous Soviet commander and hero of the Civil War, a Jew by the name of Iona Yakir. Yakir was arrested on June 11, 1937. Yakir, Sarrah, their 14-year-old son Pyotr (nicknamed Petia), and Sarrah's father, lived in Kirov Street in Kiev. On the day Yakir was arrested, the authorities conducted a horrible search of their apartment. They broke the walls, furniture and floors looking for weapons and documents with which to implicate Iona as having contacts with foreign intelligence agencies, a false accusation. Yakir's son, Petia, showed them a toy gun that Iona had once brought him from Berlin when he returned from a business trip there. The entire family were arrested and taken to Astrakhan. Lazar died on the way. Sarrah was sentenced to 10 years in prison camps, and later, ten more years. Fourteen-year-old Petia was also arrested, but released in Sverdlovsk after 5 years. All the clothing he possessed was his underwear and a tyubeteika cap in which he kept his discharge papers. Luckily, on that very same day, he met some acquaintances who were in Sverdlovsk during the evacuation. They gave him some clothing, and in the evening they all went to the Musical Comedy Theater. Unfortunately, the first man Petia saw in the theater was the warden of the prison Petia had just left. Petia was immediately rearrested. This time he was charged with trying to cross the border into Iran. Petia demanded to be escorted to Beria. His request was satisfied, but when Beria began to revile Petia's father, Iona Yakir, Petia lost his temper and threw an inkpot at Beria. Petia asked to be sent to the front, but was refused. As we found out later, Stalin had decided to send Petia to the saboteurs' school. He was sent to the German rear twice, and completed his tasks successfully. Before sending him there for the third time, the authorities said to him that he would either die or come back a Hero of the Soviet Union. He fulfilled his task and returned. Afterwards, he was sent to penal exile at a gold mine. Petia was rehabilitated and returned from exile around 1955. He visited us in Kiev. I asked him once: "What would you do to Stalin if you got him?" And he replied, "Nothing. I would send him to where I was, and I would be his jailer until the end of his days." Sarrah returned from prison camp around the same time. She received a small two-room apartment in Moscow, and lived there until her death in 1977.

I have no information concerning Wolf Ortenberg, my grandfather's second brother. I believe he died long before the Revolution. His wife Leya, who resumed her maiden name Monastyrskaya after her husband's death, died in Odessa after the evacuation. She had four children. One of them, Pyotr Monastyrskiy, lives in the town of Kuibyshev, now known as Samara. He is a producer and is a People's Artist of the Soviet Union.

My grandfather Iosif Ortenberg, born in 1860, was also very fond of music. I don't know how he met my grandmother, but they married in Kishinev in 1880. Around 1905, their family moved to Odessa. My grandfather was a teacher. His students took classes at his home. My grandfather provided all his children with a good education. His daughters finished grammar school and his sons received further education. My grandfather was a man of advanced ideas for his time. He gave all his children a very good modern upbringing. Their family wasn't religious. Like her husband, my grandmother, Dora (maiden name - Korduner), was a woman of the world. She even smoked long, thin cigarettes. However, my mother told me that my grandmother never smoked on Saturdays. This was probably her tribute to the Jewish traditions. My grandfather rarely visited the synagogue, but he used to say that such visits helped him to keep the family together. Although the family wasn't religious, they celebrated the main Jewish holidays - Pesach, Purim and Hanukkah. The children were not at all religious. There were seven children in all, just as in my father's family. My grandmother Dora gave birth to a baby every two or two and a half years. Their large family rented a big apartment in the center of the city. In about 1905, Odessa was swept with a surge of pogroms. The janitor of the building where the family lived did not allow the thugs to enter their apartment, and the family stayed holed up there for several days. This janitor was a Ukrainian. He brought the family everything they needed. He adored my grandfather. After the Revolution, my grandfather began to work as Director of the Kindergarten at the House of Doctors. My cousins and I attended this same kindergarten. My grandfather worked there up until his last days. He died from a heart attack in 1934.

The oldest among the children was Abram, born around 1884. Abram finished high school in Kiev, and then was sent by my grandfather to the Netherlands to continue his studies. In 1914 Abram defended his thesis in economics there, and received a job offer. But then WWI began, My grandmother requested that all her children be at home. At that time, children obeyed their parents unconditionally, and so Abram returned to Odessa. In the early 1920s he worked on the Soviet farm there (he was a secretary of science), and introduced my father to his family. Abram married. He has two children, Naum and Larissa. Naum suffered much during the Stalinist years. During the war he was in the army, stationed in Iran as a topographer. After the war, he went to Moscow and submitted his application to the Kuibyshev Military Engineering Academy. There was a question in this application form about relatives abroad that Abram answered as "my father's brother is in Rumania," but nobody knew where Abram's younger brother was.

There also was a question in this form about any family members who had been repressed. Abram wrote that his aunt and her husband Yakir had been. As a result of these honest answers, Abram was summoned to the political department where he was advised to tear up the form he had submitted, and to mention nothing of the above in the new form that he was obliged to complete. In this way, he was able to enroll in the Academy. Abram was a very successful student. But when the period of struggle against the cosmopolitans began in 1949, Abram was again called to the political department and ordered to leave Moscow on 48 hours notice. He spent many years working in the Kalmyk steppes as a topographer. He came to Sterlitamak for three weeks every year to formulate the results of his surveys. Abram died in 1953, before his son Naum returned from exile. Later, Naum was allowed to move to Lithuania where he defended his thesis on land surveying. In the mid-1970s, Naum moved to Moscow, and in 1987 he emigrated to the USA with his family. He lives in San Francisco, and his sister Larissa lives there too.

The next son in the Ortenberg family was Grigoriy ("Grisha"), born in 1886. Grigoriy married a wealthy Jewish girl named Maria. It was a love match. In 1922, at the end of the Civil War, Uncle Grisha and his wife, along with their son Emil and Maria's four sisters, left for Bucharest via Constantinople on the last boat. Grisha took all the family's jewels and diamonds with him. In Bucharest, the girls opened a café that went broke, and the family's finances suffered. Grisha got a job as an economist at a big textile factory. His son Emil managed to graduate from a French college. During the war, the owner of the factory where Grisha worked helped Emil to avoid arrest. Emil and his father were lucky to remain safely in Bucharest until the Soviet Army liberated the country from the fascists. The owner of the factory escaped to France, leaving all his business to Grisha. When the first Soviet Consul arrived in Bucharest, Grisha gave him the key to the textile factory. Once more, the family could hardly make ends meet. In 1957, Uncle Grisha came to Odessa. We collected money for his return ticket. He died in Bucharest around 1970. After his death, Emil went to live with his mother's brother in Brussels. Emil was married to the sister of the Soviet Jewish writer Isaak Babel, who had emigrated to Brussels during the Revolution. Babel owned a big pharmaceutical company that he wished to bequeath to Emil, but Emil told him that Ortenbergs never dealt with commerce, and that it would turn to no good, anyway. From Brussels, Emil moved to Paris, where he now lives.

The next Ortenberg in the family was my mother's sister, Polina. Polina married Alexandr Kangun, a revolutionarys who came from a large Jewish family. Until recently, there was a Kangun Street in Odessa. It was named after Kangun's brothers, Monia and Lyova, who perished in Odessa during the Civil War. Polina and Alexandr adopted a girl. She was half-Greek and half-Jewish. Her name was Eraclia. During WWII Polina was evacuated. She died in Odessa in 1968.

After Polina, came Akiva. Sometime during the Soviet era, he changed his name to Nikolay. Nikolay was very tall. He served in the grenadier regiment in the tsarist army in Moscow. The members of this grenadier regiment appeared at the Bolshoi Opera as supernumeraries in the crowd scenes of operas such as "Life for the Tsar," and "Boris Godunov," and Nikolai had the opportunity to stand on the stage beside the great bass, Chaliapin. During the Soviet years, Nikolay was Chief Engineer of the port of Odessa.

The next child after Nikolay was Arnold. During the Soviet years, he was Chief Engineer of Odessa's canned food factory.

The youngest in the family was Iliozar. He was born after my mother. Iliozar was exceptionally good at music. My mother took him to Pyotr Solomonovich Stoliarskiy, a wonderful violin teacher. This man was semi-literate and spoke poor Russian, because, being Jewish, his mother tongue was Yiddish, but he was a God-gifted teacher. He was the first teacher of the renowned violinists David Oistrach, Lisa Gilels, Misha Fichtengolts, and many, many others. Iliozar studied at the Odessa Conservatory, and worked at the Bolshoi Theater in Moscow. He requested permission from Lunacharskiy to continue his education in Berlin, and moved toBerlin for his post-graduate studies. His teacher in Berlin was Professor Gesse. Later this teacher became a member of the Nazi party. In Germany, Iliozar changed his name to Elgar. In 1928 my grandfather and grandmother obtained a visa to visit Iliozar in Germany, but on the eve of their departure, my grandmother suffered a stroke, and died on February 28, 1928. My grandfather went to Germany in 1929 with my mother's older sister, Polina. Later, in 1933 when the Nazis came to power, a German newspaper published an article by Dr. Goebbels asking "for how long shall the blue- eyed Jew from Odessa who has the nickname Elgar charm the Third Reich with his tunes?" It was possible to publish one's denial in the newspapers at that time. Iliozar (Elgar) published a short denial saying that he had never concealed his origin or his Jewish identity, and that he was born and would die a Jew. By that time Iliozar had married Tamara Kogan, a Jewish girl, in Berlin. Her father was a companion of Lenin's who emigrated to France when Lenin died in 1924. After Iliozar and Tamara witnessed the anti- Semitic riot known as "Crystal Night," they ran away to Tamara's relatives in Paris. In Paris my uncle organized a string quartet consisting of four Russian Jews, all four of whom were mobilized into the French army even before the Nazis arrived. My Uncle Iliozar went on a tour to the USA with his string quartet. Later, he received a Legion of Honor Order from Errieau, France's Minister of Culture, for the propagation of French art in America. It never occurred to anybody that French art was popularized by four Jews from Russia. However, by then they had become French citizens. In 1939 Hitler attacked France. My uncle said that they all had to leave, but he wanted to the rest of the family, his wife's sister, Tamara, and her husband Leon to be able to leave as well. This caused some delay with the departure. When Hitler was almost in Paris my uncle closed the windows of the apartment and turned on the gas. He didn't want the Germans to catch him alive. Tamara managed to open the windows before it was too late, and they all fled to the south of France, almost penniless. In Marsailles they boarded a ship going to America. They arrived in America with one dollar in their pocket. My Uncle Iliozar was soon offered a job on American radio. He worked there for a long time, and subsequently became second violinist in the "Budapest Quartet," a group whose reputation as the best quartet in the world was undisputed. The first violinist and founder of the quartet was a Hungarian.

Before 1937, Abram corresponded with his brothers Grigoriy and Iliozar who both lived abroad. They were forced to terminate their correspondence due to repression, arrests and the "iron curtain." Around 1948-50, we heard by chance that Aron was still alive. One of Aunt Polia's neighbors brought her a copy of a magazine that had a picture of Iliozar with his Budapest quartet. However, we were only able to meet in 1969, when my Uncle Iliozar, who had changed his name to Edgar in America, visited the Soviet Union. In 1968 he sent a card to Aunt Polia telling her that he was coming to the Soviet Union with his wife. Polia, then 80 years old, ran to inform her relatives about his arrival. On the way, she was involved in a bicycle accident and died. I didn't tell my mother and Uncle Iliozar about Aunt Polia's death right away, but I had to inform Uncle Iliozar before his arrival. I shall never forget Uncle Iliozar's meeting with my mother in 1969. Uncle Iliozar liked me a lot. He didn't have children of his own. He visited Kiev many times afterward, and I went to visit him in America. After he stopped playing concerts, he became a professor at a College of Music in Philadelphia and gave Master Classes in Europe and around the USA. Iliozar died in 1996 at the age of 96, of sound mind. On his 95th birthday the year before, the mayor of Philadelphia came to greet him, and declared him a Citizen of Honor of Philadelphia, saying that he enriched this town and the entire United States with his music.

My mother was born in Kishinev in 1898. She studied at an Odessa grammar school. In 1922 she met my father and married him on June 22, 1923. They had a civil registration ceremony. Although my father grew up in the family of a rabbi, he wasn't religious, and didn't observe any Jewish traditions. He knew Yiddish, but he and my mother spoke only Russian at home. They only used words Yiddish words to emphasize or give special coloring to what they wanted to say, but I didn't understand that language. I was born in Odessa in May of 1924.

Growing up

We lived in Marazli Street, then in Engels Street, in a big communal apartment with a common kitchen and primus and kerosene stoves. Aunt Tuba and her son Isaak also lived in this apartment. Tuba was a real Odessan. She spoke mixed Yiddish, Ukrainian and Russian. She taught me many Yiddish songs, like "Don't waste your time coming here, Arnchik, you won't get Zhenia, 'cause you don't deserve her, and you'll go back home a fool." Both my parents worked. My mother worked as a research assistant at Odessa's historical archives. I attended the kindergarten at the House of Doctors where my grandfather worked. From our apartment in Marazli Street, we moved to a new two-room apartment . And there I began to get acquainted with the world of music. An elderly couple lived in another apartment on our floor. Rachil Abramovna was a music teacher and David Abramovich was a mathematician. Although we didn't have a piano at home, Rachil Abramovna gave me lessons. In 1931 I went to secondary school and also to the Glazunov Music School. By this time we had obtained a piano, and music became my main hobby for the rest of my life. My music teacher Maria Lvovna Rogovaya-Filshtein, a Jew, cultivated the love of music in me. I corresponded with her for many years after. I spent a lot of my time studying music, but I was also an active young Octobrist and then a Pioneer at school.

Our family was like many other Soviet families of that time. We lived a poor but exciting life. My father worked very hard. He was Director of the paper-bleaching factory. Mama also spent a lot of time working. They had many friends of various nationalities. They got together to party on Soviet holidays and on birthdays. We always had parties at home. We had an exemplary Soviet family. We never talked about nationalities, or about our roots. I remember the disastrous year of 1933, when famine ravished Ukraine. Mama disappeared with a silver spoon or fork every now and then, and returned with food products from Torgsin. I remember Mama bringing home a big box containing lollypops. She put it in the cupboard. I was not feeling well that day and stayed at home. After Mama left for work, I ate half of these lollypops. For many years afterward I couldn't even look at the sweets.

In 1934, the Ukrainian government moved from Kharkov to Kiev. My father got a job assignment at the Polygraphy Department in Kiev. Ten apartments were constructed on Saksaganskogo Street for the management. We received a two-room apartment on the fourth floor, and lived there until the beginning of World War II.

When we moved to Kiev, my parents arranged a meeting for me with a professor from the Conservatory who told them that I should attend a special school for gifted children. I enrolled in a school in Muzeiniy Lane that was built by the order of Narkom (minister) Postyshev. Postyshev often visited our school. In 1935 he organized a New Year's party with a New Year tree. Before 1935, New Year trees were not allowed in the Soviet Union. They were thought to be a bourgeois vestige. Postyshev talked with us at this party, where there was food on the tables and waitresses in white aprons carrying ice cream. Around 1938, Postyshev was repressed and shot.

Papa became Chief of Headquarters. My father had been a member of the Communist Party since the 1920s, although he didn't become a member because of his convictions, but in order to have a career. Mama has never joined Communist Party. At that time, following Stalin's practice, many office workers worked at night, as did my father, who came home from work in the morning. Papa always walked home, even though he had a car at his disposal. He dismissed the driver in the evening. After Yakir was arrested in 1937, our family members were prepared for any turn of events. We had a small brown suitcase packed and waiting. In it We had was underwear, a razor kit and other essentials. We kept this suitcase on a chair near the entrance door of our apartment. I remember my mother walking to and from our rather big balcony, waiting for my Papa to come back from work. Strange as it was, the authorities didn't touch Papa, although he never concealed that Yakir was his relative, or that he had relatives abroad. Mama's brothers--Abram, who worked in Odessa on a Soviet farm, Nikolay, the Chief Engineer of the Port of Odessa, and Arnold, Chief Engineer of the canned food factory avoided repression and arrests as well.

Besides Yakir's family, the family of Polina Gants (maiden name - Korduner), on my grandmother Dora's side, was repressed too, at the end of the 1930s. Her husband, Iosif Gants, was Chairman of the Union of Architects of Ukraine. Polina and her husband were arrested during their vacation in Gagry. They were charged with sabotage and disappeared. Their relatives took their twins, Dolik and Dorik, to live with their families. The twins were given their names in honor of Grandma Dora. Dolik, who was a little over a year old, lived with us for a long time. I even have a picture of me with the New Year's tree in the background, and Dolik's little bed on one side. When WWII began, Dolik's grandfather, Semyon Gants, took Dolik to live with him. Polina was released after the war. Her husband, Iosif, was executed in 1938.

The situation was very different in those pre-war years. My parents looked very concerned and often talked in whispers. But we schoolchildren led a very busy life. I was very fond of music. I also studied French and German and went in for skiing. We often attended concerts at the Philharmonic and to plays. In 1939 I became a Komsomol member. It was such an important event in my life, that I remembered the number of my Komsomol membership card for the rest of my life - 8860169. I was also involved in public activities, and was Chairman of the Education Committee.

The war came as a surprise to my friends and me, although we had had training sessions and discussions of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact at school. We also saw films about fascism, such as "Professor Mumlock," but it still seemed to us that the war was somewhere far away and didn't have anything to do with us.

During the War

On June 22, 1941, my parents' wedding anniversary, I went to the Bessarabia market early in the morning to buy flowers. On the way, I was caught by the air raid alarm, which, at first, everybody thought was just another training alarm. Everyone was forced to run to the air raid shelter. Afterwards, I returned home. Nobody knew that the war had begun. Mama's brother, Nikolay, was in Kiev on a business trip, and was visiting us. When Molotov made an announcement about the war at 12 o'clock, Papa slid down to the floor very strangely, and Uncle Kolia put down his cigarette on the tablecloth. I understood then that something disastrous had happened. On this day, June 22, the opening of a new stadium with a football match was scheduled. People were walking past our house on their way to the stadium. They couldn't believe what had happened. But, of course, the game was cancelled.

This heralded a period of fear and confusion about the future. Papa wasn't as naive as others to think that the war would be over in two, three, or four weeks. When he got an opportunity to take us into evacuation, he phoned us at home and told us to take some underwear and pick up that small, packed suitcase, and get ready to leave. There were ten managers' families in our building, and I believe eight of them were Jewish. We all boarded the evacuation truck and headed to Kharkov via Poltava. This was on July 4, 1941. Papa stayed in Kiev. He refused to evacuate while headquarters was still there.

We drove to Kharkov, where we stayed with Lazar Isaakovich Korduner, my mother's cousin. He was Chief Engineer at the Kharkov tractor plant. He had worked on the plant's construction from the first day, and had bitter feelings when the plant was to be blasted. Katia, his mother, always waited up for him to return from the plant, and never went to bed until he got home. When the Germans were very close to Kharkov, Lazar received an order to blast the plant. He came home and literally fell onto Katia, crying. "Why are you crying?" she asked him. He replied, "Mama, I did something three hours ago that was almost like killing my own daughter." Later, Lazar became the Director of the Tagil tank plant and was awarded the Stalin Prize. He died in January, 1945, in Moscow, after his appointment to the position of Deputy Minister of heavy machine building.

Papa soon joined us. We went to Stalingrad, along with the family of Lazar Korduner. Papa got a job at the Stalingrad tractor plant. While we were on the train, we heard that the Germans had occupied Kiev on September 19, 1941. It seems to me that at that very moment I fully realized what a calamity this was for all of us. In Stalingrad we met Mama's relatives. They had miraculously escaped by boarding the last boat from Odessa. There were twenty-two of them, and our huge clan departed for Kirghizia. Lazar Korduner and his family went to Nizhniy Tagil. Prior to their departure, he provided us with winter clothes, coats and hats. He also arranged for our family to get on the barge sailing up the Volga. We learned there what hunger, dirt and fleas were like. People were boarding in crowds. I was squeezed by the crowd, and fainted. As I regained consciousness, I heard Polina Iosifovna shouting, "Careful! There is a child here!" Somebody felt sorry for me and took me to a cabin where sailors were staying. They gave me some hot water to drink. We reached Saratov, where we boarded a train: Uncle Kolia and his family, Uncle Arnold, Aunt Polina and us. I believe there were thirty-five of us there.

I was responsible for receiving bread at the evacuation points on the way. We were passing Buguruslan near Orenburg, when I saw a train taking Chechen people into exile. There were automatic guns in the windows, and people on the train screaming and dying with nobody to bury them. I will never forget this horrific scene.

In Tashkent we saw David, Papa's younger brother and his family. They had relatives in Tashkent and moved in with them. We headed for Frunze where we stayed until the end of the war. We arrived in Frunze on December 21, 1941. Although we were suffering a lot from fleas, we went directly to the concert of Klaudia Shulzhenko, a famous Soviet singer, at the Philharmonic. In Frunze we rented a room that we shared with the family of papa's sister. Our next door neighbor was a Russian man who had been arrested and sent there by Stalin. He gave shelter to Ivan Krauze. He became a gorgeous bass singer and a People's Artist of the Soviet Union. I also became closely acquainted with the family of Natan Rachlin, a famous musician.

We were miserably poor during the evacuation. Ziama Katsanov, an acquaintance from Kiev, helped Papa to get a job at a shop that manufactured colorings for lemonade. There was a bread shop there where we received bread in exchange for our bread cards, and my father had a card. My mother went to work as a nurse at the hospital. We were so poor that we celebrated the liberation of Kiev in November 1943 with two sugar beets that Papa received at work. My mother cut them into cubes and boiled them and we had this sweet water. I also remember Papa telling us that he was offered a slaughtered horse but he refused to accept it. He said he remembered the sweet taste of horsemeat from the period of the Imperialistic War (World War One) and he couldn't accept it.

I studied at the governmental secondary school #3 in Frunze. I still have the picture of our class at the prom party in 1943. Forty-eight out of our forty-nine member student class were in the evacuation, and almost all were Jews. After school I enrolled in the English Department of the Pedagogical Institute. Simultaneously, I studied the history of music, music literature, harmony and solfeggio and took piano lessons. My teachers were professors from the Moscow Conservatory: Vladimir Vlasov, Vladimir Ferre and Michail Arkadievich Rauchverger. They taught me for free. My only payment to them was the love and admiration I had for them which never faded.

After the War

In Frunze I dated a young man from Kharkov. After the liberation of Kiev, my fiancee's family and I went to Kharkov. I came to Kiev in January 1945 and began the second term in the Theory and History Department at Kiev Conservatory. In Kharkov I met my schoolmate Isaak Feldman. He was in love with me and proposed to me. It took me some time to make a choice between them while I was in Kiev. In the end I married Isaak Feldman, remaining friends with my friend from Kharkov.

My parents returned from the evacuation in 1946. Our apartment was occupied. Our furniture and all belongings were gone. But the worst of it was that my piano was gone, too. My father went to work as Deputy Director of the Polygraphy Headquarters. We received an apartment in the building of the Polygraphy factory. We got two small rooms with no kitchen or conveniences. My husband Isaak and I lived there until I finished the Conservatory in 1949. My father was supposed to receive an apartment in the house specifically built for the Polygraphy company, but when the building was completed, the Soviet of Ministers took few apartments for their employees, and we again failed to get an apartment. We got stuck in that basement for many years. My father suffered a lot because of it and died from a heart attack in 1958. My mother died in 1986 in that same basement.

In 1949 I finally felt myself a Jew. On April 13, 1949 a meeting was held at the House of Arts to discuss the issue of "rootless cosmopolites," as they were called then. Most of our teachers at the Conservatory were Jews: Liya Hinchina, my teacher before the war, and Maria Gelik, Frieda Azrova, Ada German, brother Abram, Matvey Rozenpud, and others. At this meeting Andriy Malyshko, a Soviet Ukrainian poet and many others posed accusations against the "rootless cosmopolites." I remember that Malyshko called Hinchin and Gelik "brood hens from the stinking nest of Olhovskiy." Olhovskiy was professor and a student of Asafiev, a great composer. He stayed under the occupation and later left for America. Hinchin and Gelik were his students. I was Deputy Secretary of the Komsomol Committee. The secretary of the committee was Zhenia, a young Russian man. The rest of the Komsomol Committee consisted of Jews: Lenochka Yampolskaya, Zhora Grinberg, etc. We were all stunned by the goings on in the meeting, and were in the cloakroom when we saw Mariana Gelik going downstairs. She had poor eyesight and had lost her glasses, and I saw that she was about to fall. It was clear that she and the other Jewish teachers were broken in spirit and their morale was destroyed. I helped Gelik to retrieve her coat and put it on. When I came to the Conservatory the next day, there was another meeting of the Komsomol committee which expelled me from Komsomol. There was only one vote against me, Zhenia's. He explained to me that because I had helped a cosmopolitan to put on her coat, that meant that I shared her views.

A few days later, I was expelled from the Conservatory. This happened a half a year before my graduation. All of the Jewish teachers were fired, of course. I felt terrible about what had happened. I stayed at home for three weeks. Then a friend came to see me. She said "Lialka, the Investigation Commission of the Central Committee of the Communist Party arrived in Ukraine. They ordered that you be reinstated to the Conservatory. So I was back at the Conservatory. Lena and I kept visiting Liya Yakovlevna Hinchin. We disguised ourselves in shawls and veils, but someone reported us to the Conservatory, saying that we went there to take classes. One day, Lena Yefremova and I were called to the office of Skoblikov, the Secretary of the Party unit. He interrogated me. "Do you visit Hinchin?" he asked. I answered, "Yes." "Are you writing your diploma with her?" "Yes." "Who else visits her?" It suddenly occurred to me to name people whom he couldn't punish because they were not Jews and who were very influential members of the Communist Party. I said, "Grigory Egorovich Veryovka and Eleonora Pavlovna Skrebchinskaya." He said, "You may go now."

He interrogated Lena in the same manner. When we were taking our state exam, there was a commission of twenty-four examiners sitting at the long table. Our first exam was on Marxism-Leninism. Lena and I had studied 103 items of their works. I got my exam card and spoke for one and a half hours. Then I fainted, and fell unconscious from the chair. As I regained consciousness, I heard Avievskiy, the Head of the Department, saying, "Give her some water and let her go on." I protested, "I don't need water, I shall go on answering." We passed all four exams and defended our diploma work with the highest grades. After it was all over, Boris Nikolayevich Liatoshynskiy, a Ukrainian composer and a very educated and intelligent man who was also declared a cosmopolitan, met us in the long, wide hallway and said, "I know that you will now take flowers to Liya Yakovlevna. Give my regards to her, and tell her that you passed your test in exactly the way appropriate for her students."

Liya Yakovlevna couldn't find a job in Kiev, so she left for Novosibirsk. Many cosmopolitans went to different towns and cities, looking for jobs. I got a job assignment in Zhytomir. I was married and Isaak and I were thinking of how to stay in Kiev. Papa got very ill and we were reluctant to leave him alone. But this was in the early 1950s when it was impossible for a Jew to find a job. I went to the Party Central Committee. My co-student was working there and I asked him to help me find a job in Kiev. He didn't. But my father-in-law had an acquaintance who was a conductor at the Kiev Military Communications College, and he helped me get a job as choirmaster in this college. I worked there for a year and a half and also took extra work at various shops until I got a job as a piano teacher in Kiev's Choreography School in 1954. Later, I also became a teacher of music theory and literature and worked there for 38 years. I was not very fond of my work, but I was doing it professionally. I preferred giving classes at home. My ex-students still bring me flowers on my birthday, or call me from New York, Paris and Berlin. They are like my children. I gave them all my love and shared my knowledge of the profession with them. I have no children of my own, because of medical problems.

I've lived my life with my dearest husband, Isaak Feldman. His father, Lev Grigorievich Feldman, a neuropathologist, was the director of a hospital during the war. My mother-in-law, Augustina, came from a wealthy Jewish family. She never worked outside the home. They had a very intelligent and educated family. My husband's family wasn't religious, and didn't observe any Jewish traditions.

During the war, my husband studied at the Navy College in Vladivostok, but was dismissed before his fifth year. He was there when the war with Japan began, and was on ships that sailed to America. Later, he finished a 3-year English course and also earned a university Law degree, studied at the Institute of Foreign Languages, in the English Department, and attended the Institute of Patent Engineers. He has studied all his life. About 15 years ago he got a job at a foreign company as a lawyer with his fluent English. About seven or eight years ago, he was sent on a business trip to New York. He spoke against "Lloyds," a very famous English company, and won the case that brought Ukraine $6 million. My husband still works.

I worked up until recently. I have traveled to France, Hungary, and the Netherlands, but have never considered emigration, and never to Israel. My attitude towards Israel is ambiguous. I have always been against mono-national communities. I have always been an internationalist, as I was raised in this way in my family and by the State. I respect this country and sympathize with its people, who are going through such hardships. Lately, I've become interested in Jewish traditions, but I think this interest came to me a little bit too late. Over the last ten years I have watched with great interest the restoration of Jewish life in Ukraine. Sometimes I read Jewish newspapers, or watch TV programs, but I don't think I will ever be able to go back to Jewish traditions, or to a Jewish way of life. I've lived through the period of atheism, and this can't be changed. Such was our time. I don't go to synagogue, nor do I celebrate Jewish holidays. I don't know these traditions. One must go to synagogue with an open heart and firm faith. I don't feel I can do this. It is wonderful that people have an opportunity to go back to their roots and learn about the traditions of their people, and be proud of their origin. In recent years, many Jewish organizations have been established in Kiev and synagogues have been opened. Many people attend them and this is wonderful.

Nussbaum László

Életrajz

Nussbaum László még mindig igen aktív életet él: különböző előadásokat, eseményeket szervez a hitközségen belül. Évente kiutazik Németországban élő fiához és családjához, hetekig tartózkodik ott, de gyakran utazgat az országon belül is. Dinamizmusa nem engedné meg, hogy visszavonultan éljen. A város központjában él feleségével, a lakásuk tele van könyvvel. A napi programhoz hozzátartozik a rendszeres újságolvasás, informálódás mindarról, ami a világban zajlik. Dolgozószobájában számítógép, videó, cédélejátszó van.

Az én apai nagyapám, Heinrich Nussbaum Erdélyből, azt hiszem, valami Zsombor nevű községből [Magyarzsombor: Kolozs vármegyei kisközség, 856 főnyi, vegyes, román és magyar ajkú lakossággal.] származott, ez Kolozsvár és Zilah között van valahol. Ennyit tudok csak, és hogy 1864-ben született, és Budapesten élt. Volt egy felesége, a neve Zseni, akitől volt négy gyereke, mind a négy fiú [László, 1898; Jenő, 1899; József, 1900; Sándor, 1902]. Aktív katonatiszt volt, de nem tudom, milyen rangú. Na most, melyik aktív katonatiszt jár templomba, s főleg zsidó katonatiszt? Tehát teljesen hitetlen volt. Mint katonát áthelyezték Znaimba. Ez egy helység északra [Znaim, mai nevén Znojmo Dél-Morvaországban (ma: Csehország) található város. – A szerk.], s átmentek oda a négy fiúgyerekével. De mindenképpen szeretett volna egy kislányt, s az ötödik gyerek szülésébe – aki mellesleg fiú lett – halt meg a nagyanyám a gyerekkel együtt 1908-ban. Tehát maradt az apa a négy gyerekkel, és jött a világháború.

Nagyapám újra akart nősülni, de azt a feltételt tűzte ki, hogy olyan asszony kell neki, akinek gyerekei vannak. Már abban a korban volt, amikor nem akart új gyereket. Megismerkedett egy özvegyasszonnyal Bécsben, aki egész életében Amerikában élt a férjével. Paulának hívták, osztrák származású zsidó nő volt, németül beszélt. Ott, Amerikában özvegyült meg, és akkor visszajött Ausztriába a gyerekével. Megismerkedett vele a nagyapám, és elvette feleségül. 1914-ben házasodtak össze, feltehetően Bécsben. Öt fiú volt a házban, és játszott egymással. A házasságuk első évében történt, hogy elesett a fia [A második feleség fiáról van szó – A szerk.], és vérmérgezésben meghalt. El lehet képzelni, hogy milyen érzés lehetett, hogy ott van, játszik öt gyerek, egy az övé, és az hal meg. Majdnem egy évig teljes letargiában volt, és milyen furcsa, hogy egyik napról a másikra megváltozott. Elfogadta a négy gyereket, édesanyjuk lett, annyira, hogy véletlenül tudtam meg, hogy nem édesanyjuk volt az a nagymama. Anyám sem tudta.

Apám ebből a teljesen asszimiláns, osztrák–magyar asszimiláns zsidó családból származik, amin gyakorlatilag azt kell érteni, hogy lényegében jóformán semmiféle ismerete nem volt a vallásról. Semmiféle, beleértve azt, hogy nem tudott imádkozni sem, nem ismerte a héber betűket sem. Tudta, hogy zsidó, többet nem tudott. A tipikus asszimiláns zsidó nagyobb, magyarabb akart lenni a magyaroknál. Az opportunizmusból is volt benne. Ez nemcsak a nagyapámra vonatkozott, ez egy általános jellegzetesség volt, egy köszönet, hála volt a megengedett emancipációért [lásd: zsidó emancipáció az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchiában és Romániában].

Elég jó anyagi helyzetük kellett legyen, de túlzott hazaszeretet, az volt. Az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchia a néhány éves háború után kezdett elszegényedni, kötvényeket bocsátott ki, hogy aki megvásárolja, majd fog kapni egy bizonyos százalék kamatot, persze ha a háború végén győztes az ország. Egész biztosan a nagyapám is sok hadikötvényt [lásd: hadikötvény az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchiában] vett, hogy győzedelmeskedjék az osztrák–magyar hadsereg, ami végül elvesztette a háborút. Akkor leszerelték. A vesztes háború után már nem lehetett katona, s maradt a négy gyerekével s a maradék pénzével. Elhatározta, hogy visszamegy Erdélybe, ahol voltak rokonok, s így Tordán vett egy házat. Eljöttek Tordára, és ott nagyon jól éltek [Torda Torda-Aranyos vm. székhelye volt. Itt volt a székhelye a vármegye törvényhatóságának, a tordai járás szolgabírói hivatalának, pénzügyigazgatóságnak, kir. tanfelügyelőségnek, kir. törvényszéknek, járásbíróságnak, kir. ügyészségnek és közjegyzőségnek; volt adó- és sóhivatala, államépítészeti hivatala, sóbányahivatala, állami faiskolája, állami állatorvosa, csendőrszakasz-parancsnoksága, vasútja, posta- és távíróhivatala és telefonállomása. A városban volt a vármegyei közkórház, kultúrház, volt főgimnáziuma, polgári fiú- és leányiskola stb. Lakóinak száma 1910-ben 13 000 fő volt, iparvállalatai közül a cellulózgyár, a sörgyár és a sóbánya érdemel említést. – A szerk.]. Elég gazdag ember volt, maradt a vagyonából a háború után is. Tudomásom szerint semmivel nem foglalkozott. Csak ketten voltak (Paula meg a nagyapa), és nem volt olyan nagy lakásuk, hogy állandó cselédre lett volna szükségük. Később apám és anyám ott élt a közelben, apám naponta ott volt, meglátogatta őket. Nem tudom, milyen társasági életet éltek,  mivel volt egy nehézség: Paula néni nem tudott csak németül, tehát nem lehetett csak olyan társasága, amely beszélt németül. (De Tordán kevesen beszéltek németül.) Az apámmal is csak németül beszélt. Nem tanult meg soha magyarul, sem románul.

És most jön a pikánsabb része a dolgoknak. 1918 körül, amikor még Budapesten laktak, s a nagyapám nem volt olyan öreg, hát így határozott: négy fiam van, szeretném, ha azok mind egyetemet végeznének. De az volt a kikötése, hogy a gyerekei különböző helyen legyenek, hogy milyen egyetemen, abba nem szólt bele. Az első gyereket, Lászlót elküldte Párizsba a Sorbonne-ra. A második gyerekkel szemben az volt a kikötése, hogy nem mehet Franciaországba. Bárhova, csak nem Franciaországba, és nem tanulhat filozófiát, amit az első. Ez [Jenő, Nussbaum László édesapja] elment Olaszországba, Firenzébe, és matematikát tanult, diplomája és doktorátusa volt. A harmadik fia akárhova, csak ebbe két országba nem, és nem választhatta ezt a mesterséget. A harmadik, József pedig elment Berlinbe orvosnak. A negyedik gyerek, Sándor is más országba, más szakmára ment, gazdaságira Prágába. „Széthinteni Európában a magvaimat, mert elegem volt ebből a háborúból, de mindenhol legyenek nekem gyerekeim.”

A nagyobbik testvér Párizsban bohém életet élt. Előadott a Sorbonne-on, és egy csomó pénze volt. Elment például Nizzába nyaralni, és otthagyta minden pénzét. Volt olyan időszak, hogy apám hosszú ideig nem kapott tőle levelet, s jött egy levél valami Zanzibárból [Sziget és város az Indiai-óceánban, Afrika keleti partjainál. –  A szerk.], hogy nincs pénze visszamenni Párizsba, és küldjenek neki pénzt. Emlékszem, hogy 1937-ben apám kap egy levelet, melyben sürgetik, hogy azonnal jöjjön Párizsba, mert baj van Lacival – róla neveztek el engem. Én az egész mesét később tudtam meg. Apám elment Párizsba, fölmegy a lakására, s becsönget hozzá. Mire ő: „Jenő! Hát te mit keresel itt?” Apám nem tudta, mit mondjon, mivel azt hallotta, hogy baj van vele. „Valami baj van?” „Nincs.” Nem értette, hogy mi lehetett, hogy sürgönyben kéretik. Elmentek ebédelni valahová, ott derült ki, hogy mindent betett a zálogházba, még a ruháját is. Szóval teljesen bohém élete volt. Sohasem nősült meg. De egészen élete végéig volt élettársa, annyira, hogy az utolsó élettársa alig egy-két évvel idősebb, mint a feleségem. Vele a mai napig tartom a kapcsolatot. Nem volt zsidó élettársa, de nem tért ki a zsidó vallásból. A párizsi temető zsidó részlegében [lásd: temető] van eltemetve, az utolsó élettársa oda temette el 1967-ben. November elsején [halottak napján], habár nem szokás a zsidóknál, de akkor is visz virágot [a sírhoz az élettársa].

A harmadik testvér 1937-ig orvos volt Németországban, de 1937-ben már tűrhetetlen volt a helyzet. Két évet, 1939-ig még maradt, onnan átment Londonba. Londonba gyűltek a menekültek az egész világról. Nem lehetett ott orvos, de zseniális ötlete támadt: Amerikába nem lehetett menni csak úgy, tehát egyetlen lehetősége volt, hogy valakit elvegyen feleségül. Vette egyszerűen a telefonkönyvet, és valakit felhívott – ezt utólag tudtam meg. (Főként szép nevű hölgyeket hívott, és nyíltan elmondta a szándékát. Végül valaki kötélnek állt.) Kiment egy amerikai nővel New York mellé, New Jerseybe. Ez már úgy 1940-ben vagy 1941-ben volt. Orvos nem nagyon lehetett, mert el kellett volna ismertetnie a diplomáját. Közben, 1942-ben Amerika belépett a háborúba. Ő azonnal jelentkezett önkéntesnek – mint utólag megtudtam –, azért, mert úgyis megkapta volna a behívót, de kellett neki az önkéntesség, hogy hamarabb megkapja az amerikai állampolgárságot. A háborúban már elismerték a diplomáját, orvos lehetett, és Németországba került, a német frontra. Meséli nekem a következőt: „Ha három évvel azelőtt láttam volna egy SS katonát, a nadrágomba csináltam volna.” Soha nem mondta, hogy Németország melyik részében volt, de mint őrnagy, kapott egy kis körzetet, ahol ő volt a főparancsnok orvosi szempontból. Különböző kommandók voltak, hogy a náci SS tiszteket elkapják, és berakják egy bizonyos börtönnek nevezett koncentrációs táborba. Az ő körzetében volt az SS tiszteknek egy ilyen börtöne. Már messziről, mikor az SS generálisok meglátták, hogy jön az amerikai tiszt inspekcióra, álltak vigyázzba s ordították: „Achtung!”, pedig néhány évvel azelőtt ő reszketett egy kis SS katonától. A háború után visszament Amerikába, és orvosként működött egészen haláláig. Feleségével élt, gyerekük nem volt. [1981-ben halt meg San Antonióban.]

Sándor, a legkisebbik testvér, 1902-ben született. Növésre ő volt az egyetlen, aki alacsonyra sikerült. Hosszabb ideig Csehszlovákiában volt. Én annyit tudok róla, hogy Budapest mellett, Kelenföldön volt egy textilgyár [Valószínűleg a Buday Goldberger Leó által 1923-ban alapított Wespag Szövő és Fonógyár Rt­-ről van szó. – A szerk.], valami vezető funkciója volt ott, de Budapesten élt [Maga Kelenföld is Budapest része volt, a XI. kerület egyik része. – A szerk.]. Biztosan jó anyagi körülmények között élt, mert nem akart nősülni. Jól érezte magát egyedül. Apám szinte kötelezően találkozott vele évente. 1942-ben behívták Budapestről munkaszolgálatosnak. Állítólag Ukrajnába vitték, munkaszolgálatra. Elvitték, és nem tért vissza. Nem volt nős, nem maradt utána semmi. A háború után visszaszállították az okmányokat, a Magyar Ellenállók és Antifasiszták Szövetsége egy papírt adott, amelyben Nussbaum Sándor nagybátyámmal kapcsolatban annyit ír, hogy munkaszolgálatra vonult be 1942. október 2-án Nagybányára, onnan kivitték Ukrajnába, ahol a magyar keretlegénység kegyetlensége következtében életét vesztette. Mindezt tanúvallomások, valamint a Jad Vasem listája  alapján állapították meg. [A Jad Vasemben – Jad Vasem Intézet: jeruzsálemi székhelyű holokauszt-emlékmúzeum és archívum – őrzik többek között az elpusztult és az életben maradt zsidók listáját, amely kitér arra is, kit hova hurcoltak, hogyan, mikor és milyen körülmények között halálozott el vagy szenvedett. – A szerk.]

Mindegyik testvérre vonatkozik, hogy egyik sem tért ki, nem keresztelkedett ki, de egyetlenegy sem volt vallásos. A vallásosságnak nem gyakorolták semmilyen formáját. Nem jártak templomba, nem imádkoztak. Úgy tudom, körül voltak metélve [lásd: körülmetélés]. Ne felejtsük el, az 1800-as évek végén akármennyire elkezdődött az asszimiláció, a tradíció még nagyon erős volt.

A négy testvér az apjuk temetésén találkozott. Ez volt az egyetlen alkalom, amikor találkoztak mind a négyen. Más foglalkozásúak voltak más országban, nem sikerült a szabadságot éppen úgy illeszteni. Nem volt éppen ritka, hogy hárman találkoztak, de ketten állandóan. Hol apám ment Párizsba, vagy a párizsi ment Prágába, így járkáltak, de négyen csak 1932-ben találkoztak az apjuk halálakor, akit a tordai zsidó temetőbe temettek el.

Édesapám Olaszországban tanult, s amikor Tordára jött haza látogatóba, megismerkedett az anyámmal, Weinberger Ilonával. Nagy ritkaság volt, hogy abban az időben a lányok a polgárin [lásd: polgári iskola] túl érettségizzenek. Anyám érettségizett. Nem tudom, milyen körülmények között ismerkedtek meg, de elvette feleségül. Az egyetlen, aki nem talált idegen feleséget a testvérek közül, az apám volt. A többiek mind ott maradtak abban az országban, ahol tanultak. Ő visszament Olaszországba egy-két évre letenni a doktorátust, majd visszajött, és Tordán éltek [a felesége családjával] 1940-ig.

Torda főterének kellős közepén volt a ház, ahol laktunk. A második világháború után egy szovjet emlékmű volt pontosan a házzal szemben. Most már le van bontva, a helyébe blokkokat építettek. Egyemeletes ház volt. Középen boltíves bejárat, ahol befért a szekér és a teherautó, de két kő volt a bejárat oldalán, hogy ne üssék szét a falakat. A bejárat két oldalán egy-egy üzlet volt. Az egyikben, azt hiszem, kalapot és divatárucikket árultak, a másik is, azt hiszem, ruhaneműs volt. Nem a nagyapámé volt, hanem bérbe adta. Az emeleten volt a lakás. Ott laktak az anyai nagyszülők, azok gyerekei, kivéve az anyámat, aki férjnél volt, és szintén ott lakott a házban, de egy más épületben, az udvarban, külön bejárattal. Az udvar végén volt egy egyetlen teremből álló hatalmas épület. Ott egy textilüzem működött, de az sem volt a nagyapámé, hanem a helyiséget bérbe adta. Egy időben óvoda is volt ott. A főtérrel párhuzamosan van egy másik utca, pár száz méter távolságra, és a ház másik kijárata a másik utcára nézett. Ott volt a kocsiszín, ott játszottunk, parittyával, nyíllal. Voltak gyümölcsfák, és egy nagy udvar, ahol tudtunk játszani a testvéremmel. Sándor, 1930-ban született, két évvel fiatalabb volt, mint én [Nussbaum László 1929-ben született. – A szerk.]. Sok gyerek jött át hozzánk, és együtt játszottunk fiúgyermekeknek való játékokat, például csendőr-pandúrt. [A rabló-pandúr játékról van szó – A szerk.] Voltak szín-épületek, amikre felmásztunk, s ugráltunk le. Volt egy suta nevű játék: egy rombusz alakú fadarab slégen állt, s egy ütővel ha ráütöttél, az elrepült, s lemértük a távolságot lépéssel. Másik dolog: egy kört rajzoltunk, amelyben egy nagyobb bottal egy kicsi botot el kellett ütni egy bizonyos távolságra. S egy másik gyerek, abból a távolságból, ha sikerült elkapnia, be kellett dobja a körbe. Ha nem tudta, akkor én nyertem. De minél messzebbre dobtam, annál kevésbé volt neki valószínű, hogy eltalálja azt a kört. Ilyen csaták voltak.

Az udvarban volt egy nagybani sörlerakata az anyai nagyapámnak, de nem üzlettel vagy pulttal. Úgy kell képzelni, hogy 50–60 négyzetméter az egész, ez a töltőde az úgynevezett gyár. Voltak munkások, de kevesen, úgy ketten-hárman lehettek. Egy földszinti hely volt, a gyártásra nem is emlékszem, de az udvaron játszva és bekukkantva az előtérbe, inkább az üvegdugaszoló rész látszott. Az akkori szokás szerint viszonylag kevesebb teherautó volt, de annál több stráfkocsi jött be, hogy elvigye ezeket. Szombaton nem dolgoztak. Tudom, hogy nagyapám szombaton soha nem dolgozott, nagyon vallásos volt.

Az anyai nagyapa, Weinberger Móric gyerekkoráról egyetlen dolgot tudok: Torda mellett van, azt hiszem, Egerbegy, és ebben a bizonyos faluban laktak a szülei. Az 1800-as évek végén a cigányok rájuk törtek a házba, kirabolták és megölték őket. Úgy találták holtan, meggyilkolva őket. A gyerekek nagyobbak voltak, 19–20 évesek, és akkor már Tordán laktak, csak a két öreg volt otthon. Semmi többet nem tudok.

Nagyapám ortodox vallású zsidó volt. Európai, civil öltözetű [lásd: haszid öltözék], sem szakálla, sem pájesze nem volt. Feltételezem, hogy gyerekkorában még úgy járt, mint a többi gyerek, pájesszel meg minden, de később nem, de ettől ő még nagyon vallásos volt. Egész más volt az emancipáció előtti időszak az 1800-as években, mint 1923 után, a megengedett emancipáció idejében [lásd: zsidó emancipáció az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchiában és Romániában]. Vallásossága több oldalról nyilvánult meg. Az egyik az volt, hogy a hitközség keretén belül magas funkciót töltött be. Nem elnök volt, de azt tudom, hogy a főnöke volt a temetések, esküvők rendezésének. Ezt nemcsak vallási értelemben kell venni, hanem az adminisztratív értelemben is, a fizetésekért ő felelt. Komoly felkészültsége volt, járt jesivába, azt hiszem Pozsonyban [lásd: pozsonyi jesiva]. Ez az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchia keretében volt. A vallásosság legfontosabb megnyilvánulása az, hogy imádkozik az ember. Felteszi a karjára az imaszíjat, és mond egy bizonyos imát. Nagyapámnak volt ilyen imaszíja, és minden nap vagy a templomban, de ha nem tudott elmenni, akkor odahaza, minden reggel – este nem kellett – imaszíjjal imádkozott. A templomban a rabbi mellett ült, szemben a gyülekezettel.

A vallásosság mellett végig a tradíciót meg kellett őrizni. A péntek esti szertartás [lásd: szombat] mosakodással kezdődött [lásd: mosdás], és nyilván a nagyapám elment a mikvébe és a templomba. Tordán volt mikve, de soha nem voltam benne. Ez nem volt más, mint bemártózás, csak azért, hogy a tradíciót hajtsa végre.

Volt Torda főterén egy zsidó kaszinó is, a nagyapámék lakásától nem volt messze. 1940-ben még megvolt a kaszinó, általában egy nagyon komoly fórum volt. Találkozóhely, amely nem volt közös a nem zsidókéval. Több oldala volt: az egyik a szórakozás. De nem a mai rulettjátékként kell elképzelni, nem pénzben játszottak. A társasjátékoknál – sakkal, römivel, kártyával játszottak – nem is lehetett nyerni vagy veszteni, hanem kizárólag szórakozni. Ugyanakkor politikai jellegű találkozási hely is volt. Nagyon komoly kultúr- és vitaközpont volt, és a lényege az volt, hogy valaki cionista vagy nem cionista, mert ennek függvényében alakultak ki a csoportok. A kaszinó bármelyik cionista szervezetnek helyet adott. Emlékszem, mikor én gyerek voltam, volt néhány cionista szervezet: a Noár Hacioni [lásd: Hanoár Hacioni Romániában], a Hasomér Hacair [lásd: Hasomér Hacair Romániában] – ami baloldali volt, aztán volt a Betár [lásd: Betár Romániában], egy jobboldali extremista szervezet. (Apám – tudomásom szerint – nem vett részt cionista szervezetben, kozmopolita érzelmei voltak.) Egy nagy terem volt ez a kaszinó, a helyiséget különböző irodalmi estékre is felhasználták, amikor valaki felolvasott. Vagy pedig voltak meghívottak: cionista vezetők, írók, újságírók – főleg Kolozsvárról –, akik egész komoly színvonalú előadásokat tartottak. Előfordult, hogy tartottak a gyerekek is előadást, például az Eszter meséjéről [lásd: Eszter könyve]. Abban az időben tucatszám jelentek meg zsidó publikációk románul, magyarul. Ezek a könyvek lényegében nem vallási, hanem politikai, cionista jellegűek voltak. Lugojon magyar neve: Lugos, egykori Krassó-Szörény vm.-i város] volt egy nyomda, onnan hoztak magyar nyelvű publikációkat, de különféle más nyomdákból is be lehetett szerezni, vagy küldtek minden ilyen kaszinónak. A kaszinóban és odahaza is, voltak Keren Kajemet elnevezésű perselyek [lásd: Keren Kajemet Lejiszrael], nálunk otthon is volt a falon – emlékszem, rajta volt Palesztina térképe –, mert tendencia volt, hogy megvásárolni Palesztinában a földeket. Mindenkihez elvitték és otthagyták, a családtagok meg pénzt tettek bele, a perselyt pedig időnként kiürítették. A gyerekek is tettek bele aprópénzt. Volt egy cionista jellegű női zsidó szervezet is, a WIZO. Az 1930-as években az volt a szokás, hogy a nők nem dolgoztak. Háziasszonyként mindig volt idejük, erejük időközben találkozni. Akik aktívabbak voltak, kiélték magukat ebben a tevékenykedésben. És bizonyára olvasottabb nők voltak. Az anyám is részt vett ebben, emlékszem, hogy kérdeztük: „Anyuka hol van?”, „Hát, elment a WIZO-ba.” Ennyit tudtam. A nők rendeztek összejöveteleket, de ez nem jelentette azt, hogy férfiak nem mehettek el. Rendeztek olyan összejövetelt, ahol hidegkonyhaszerűség is volt, inkább likőr, pálinka és sütemények, amelyeket ropogtathattak az est alatt.

Tordán az volt a szokás, hogy pénteken megcsinálták a csólentet, és nagy kerámia- vagy agyagfazékba rakták, méghozzá dróttal átkötve, hogy ne essen szét. A csólent egyike a tradicionális ételeknek. Semmi köze a valláshoz, de az évszázadok során alakult ki a többi tradícióval együtt. Tulajdonképpen paszulyétel, amit szombaton szoktak enni, s mivel szombaton nem szabad főzni, ezért már pénteken elkészítik. Szüleim vettek libát, ennek a libának a melle részét pácba tették, de úgy, hogy kifeszítették. Elküldték a füstölőbe, és füstölt libahús lett, pontosan, mint a sonka. Ebbe a paszulyételbe, egyszerű főzelékszerű ételbe beletették, és ez adta meg az ízét. Nem tesznek bele zsírt, mert a liba zsíros melléből kiolvad, s marad benne egy meglágyult, finom, erősen füstölt hús. Az előkészített csólentet péntek délután elvitték egy főzödébe, ahol volt egy nagyobb kályhaszerűség vagy kemence. Gyenge tűznél tizenvalahány órát rotyogott, és szombaton délben vették ki. Jómódúak voltunk, és a cselédlány hozta el. Nem is bízták volna rám, hogy egy cserépedényben hozzam el a nyolc kilós libát, ami át volt kötve dróthálóval, és a fülétől fogták. Emlékszem egy nagy skandalumra is. Az agyagtálak nagyon egyformák, s valaki csülköt tett bele, s a tordai Adler rabbihoz került a csülök, s nagy skandalum lett belőle, s attól kezdve megkövetelték, hogy valamivel le legyenek zárva az edények. Emlékszem, kacagtuk, hogy úgy le kellett zárni.

Az otthoni házi készülés péntek estére csodálatos volt, nem tudok szebbet elképzelni. A levegőben ott volt a szombat hangulata. Tiszta ház, kalácsszag, még lehet érezni az illatát. Még nincs meggyújtva a gyertya, de a két nagy gyertyatartó ott áll az asztalon, mellette a gyufa, melyet meggyújt az asszony. Megvolt a hangulat, ami csak péntek este volt. Csak a nagyapám ment zsinagógába, az apámat nem lehetett elvinni, és nem tudok a családomban egyetlen nőt sem, aki ment volna. Nagyünnepekkor elmentek a nők, akkor ment anyám és apám is, de máskülönben nem mentek. Hazajött a templomból a nagyapám péntek este, és készen állt a vacsora. A tipikus zsidó konyha: kocsonyás hal, sajátos zsidó módon elkészítve. Főleg pontyból csinálják, tudomásom szerint zselatin nélkül megfőzik, kihűtik, és kocsonya lesz belőle. A fonott kalács, rajta mákkal, [lásd: barhesz] amit persze az asztalfőn ülő vág meg, és sóba márt. Édesség nem volt. Az egész szombat délelőttöt ott töltötte nagyapám a templomban, aztán volt a tipikus szombat déli ebéd. Legtöbbször csólent volt. Volt csirke- vagy libahúsleves is. Ma is emlékszem, hogy a levesek olyan sárgák voltak – a libazsírtól vagy a tyúkzsírtól –, azóta sem ettem olyan sárga levest. Nem létezett az, hogy valaki elkéssen az ebédről, hogy dolga legyen, együtt volt a család.

Én már az anyai nagyanyámra nem is emlékszem. 1932-ben meghalt, és nem nősült újra a nagyapám. A nőtlen fiával és a még nem férjezett lányával élt. A másik lánya az anyám volt. Ez volt 1940-ig. Elég sok emlékem van erről a periódusról. Egy hatalmas veranda volt bekerítve, nyáron ott volt az étkezés: nagy asztal, tíz emberrel és vendégekkel. Volt ebédlő is, át kellett menni azon, és aztán következett az úgynevezett szalon, zongorával és a század eleji tipikus berendezéssel: rojtos függöny, kisebb fotelek. Néha lehetett rendezni szalonpartikat, zeneaudíciót, mivel az anyám húga konzervatóriumot végzett. Volt két hálószoba a lakásban. Nagyapámnak egy dupla ágya volt, egyedül aludt benne. A háznak egy egész külön részén laktak a szüleim, egy háromszobás lakásban. Ha jól emlékszem, a háztartást mindig az anyám irányította, de a közös háztartással együtt. Anyám is főzött, de volt két nem zsidó cseléd is. Az irányításon lényegében két dolgot kell érteni: az egyik az, hogy összeállította a menüt, és ügyelt, hogy valóban kóserül főzzenek. A tradíció a nagyapámnak fontos volt. A gyereknevelésben döntött az anyám és a kóser kosztban. Nem tudok sokat mondani az anyám vallásos érzületéről, de a tradíciót betartotta. Az nem volt probléma, hogy nem zsidók készítették az ebédet. Soha nem volt konfliktus. Apám inkább elment vendéglőbe, ha nem akart (nem volt kedve) zsidó rituális ételt enni.

A zsidó ünnepeket megültük. Végigcsináltuk azt a rettenetes unalmas rituálét [a széderestét Pészahkor]. De különösebb emlékem erről nincsen, minden a szokásos volt. A széderestén természetesen a vacsora nem kizárólag csak vacsora volt, hanem sajátos vallási formát öltött. A vacsora előtt különféle imákat kellett elmondani. Nagyapa elnézett, és én gyorsan elvettem az afikóment, mert a szülők bátorítottak, hogy „Na, gyorsan vedd el, mert nagyapa nem néz oda”. „Hol van, hol van?” – kérdi ő. S a kisgyerek kacag. „Nálad van?” – kérdi. „Nálam.” „Add ide.” „Nem adom!” „Hát mit adjak neked?” Szóval, ez ilyen játékos. Nem egy énekes ünnep, hanem egy hosszú mesés dolog volt. Héberül mondták az egészet, anyám mondta közben nekem, hogy miről van szó. Lehet, hogy olvasta. Később, mikor nagyobbacska lettem, kezdtem olvasni mellette ezeket. Egyébként, nem értettem semmit. Legfeljebb a képeket néztem egy illusztrált Hagadából, ahol részletesen megtalálható a széderesti rituálénak minden mozzanata mesés magyarázatokkal. Van egy rész a rituáléban, hogy tartott a kezében a nagyapám egy poharat, és kiloccsantott belőle. Mondta közben, hogy hogyan büntette az Isten Egyiptom népét: vér, béka, jégeső, sáska stb., és mindegyiknél egyet-egyet kiloccsantott. Másik dolog, ami az emlékezetemben van: egy poharat megtöltenek borral, és az asztal sarkára teszik. Senki nem nyúl hozzá, és az ajtó kicsit nyitva kellett legyen, mert jön Illés próféta, és az övé az a pohár, amelyet megiszik az Isten dicsőítésére. Kisgyerekként mindig kérdeztem, mikor issza meg már a próféta. A vacsora végéig ott volt a pohár.

Nálunk önmagában nem volt nagy rokonság. A család az nagy volt, vendég nélkül is heten voltunk. Az anyám volt a legnagyobbik gyermek a családban, és volt még két testvére, Jenő és Zita. Jenő 1908-ban született, jogot végzett Czernowitzban, és ügyvéd lett Tordán, dolgozott 1940-ig. 1944 után megint dolgozott, 1950-ben Kolozsvárra költözött, itt is halt meg. Nőtlen volt. Nagyon vallásos volt, átöröklődött az apai vallásosság. A vallásos családból a nők viszik [tartják] a tradíciót, de a vallásos életet általában a férfiak viszik. És ő tényleg vallásos volt. Járt templomba, imádkozott. Ő nyomta rá a családra a tradíción túl a vallási szellemet. Zita 1918-ban született, jogot végzett, ügyvéd volt ő is, jogi doktorátusa volt. Férjhez ment egy zsidó illegális kommunistához, s Kolozsvárra került. A férje egyetemi tanár volt, közgazdaságot tanított, s végül nyugdíj után kimentek Izraelbe [A férjről, Arnold [Löbl] Negreáról lásd a 20. számú fénykép szövegét és a Guth Istvánnal készített interjút. – A szerk.]. Az öccsük, Jenő szinte mindennapos vendég volt Zitáéknál, és mindennap ott étkezett náluk Kolozsváron. Családtag volt ott, de nem használta ki anyagilag a testvérét. A húga gyerekeit a saját gyerekeinek tekintette. Mivel a férj nagyon el volt foglalva, többet foglalkozott ő a gyerekekkel, mint az apjuk. Egész végig ott volt mellettük, amíg hatvanéves korában meg nem halt.

Nekem két gyerekkori periódusom volt: az első 10 éves koromig, amikor Tordán voltunk, és 11-től 14 évesig (1940-től Kolozsváron). Ez a kettő abszolút különválik.

Amikor tíz éves voltam, többé-kevésbé kicsit gondolkodó gyerek lettem, s akkor kezdődtek tulajdonképpen a törvények [Ez még az utolsó tordai gyermekévek időszaka; lásd: Zsidó Statutum Romániában. – A szerk.] és a nehézségek az iskolában. Nem járhattam többet iskolába, mert nem lehetett beíratni. Apámék nem magyarázták el nekem, de nem lehetett beíratni. A bécsi döntést hónapokkal azelőtt meghozták, amelynek értelmében elválasztják Dél-Erdélyt Észak-Erdélytől [lásd: második bécsi döntés]. Ez azt jelentette, hogy Torda Romániához, Kolozsvár pedig Magyarországhoz kerül. (Pedig a két helység csak 31 kilométerre van egymástól.) Két-három hónapot volt időnk gondolkodni. Mindenki tudta a bécsi határozatot, lehetett költözni, jönni-menni, de akkor még Romániához tartozott az egész Erdély. Az ország legionárius irányban haladt [lásd: legionárius mozgalom], a fasizmus irányába. Mint értelmiségi, jóban volt az apám a prefektussal [A prefektus a megyei közigazgatásban az államhatalmat képviselő legmagasabb rangú közhivatalnok. – A szerk.]. Felhívták a figyelmét, hogy a legokosabb lesz, ha innen [Tordáról, és egyáltalán Romániából] elmegy, mert könnyen előfordulhat, hogy jobboldali fasiszta rendszer kerül hatalomra, és akkor vagy őt egyedül, vagy egész családjával együtt kitoloncolják az országból mint magyar állampolgárságú zsidót. Az apámnak nem volt meg soha a román állampolgársága, és ebből rengeteg problémája akadt. Romániában elég nagy felhajtás volt az 1920–1930-as években a Ford autó körül. Ez volt a bevezetett, ismert autó. Kellett egy vezérképviselet a Fordnak. Apám is megpályázta. Felmegy Bukarestbe, és kérdik, végzettsége: ez és ez, nyelvismerete: német, olasz, francia, angol, rendben van. Doktorátus: megvan. Kérdik, hogy a vezérképviselői állást vállalja-e. De aztán kiderült, hogy nem román állampolgár. Mondták: „Még azt, hogy zsidó, elfogadjuk, de hogy magyar állampolgársága legyen, azt már nem tudjuk elfogadni.” Nem tudta-e vagy nem akarta elrendezni a román állampolgárságot, azt nem tudom pontosan, de évente meghosszabbította az ott-tartózkodását. Végül a szülők döntöttek, hogy átköltözünk Kolozsvárra, hogy a család együtt maradjon. Amikor átjöttünk Kolozsvárra, akkor még jöttek-mentek az emberek: a románság egy része ment Dél-Erdélybe, Gyulafehérvárra, Tordára, Szebenbe, mivel a rádióban hivatalosan bejelentették, hogy szeptember 1-től átveszik a magyarok a hatalmat.

Kolozsváron az első lakásunk a mai Horea úton volt. Van egy nagyon jó vágású 1930-as években épült emeletes ház, annak a földszintjén laktunk. 1940 szeptember elsején bejött Horthy az állomás felől, fehér lovon. S ültünk az ablakban és néztük. Előtte is, a háta mögött is jöttek. A tömeg állt az utca szélén, és tapsoltak, éljeneztek. Nagyon hosszú katonai kísérete volt: az első része a Főtéren volt, a másik része még az állomáson. Észak-Erdély elfoglalása nem háborús volt, hanem átadással történt. Az első dolog az volt, hogy a katonaság bejött, s átvette a hatalmat, többek között a város irányítását is. Beck ezredes volt akkor, akit odatettek, és a polgármester hivatalát töltötte be addig, amíg be nem rendezkedik az ország az új államformára, és ki nem neveznek valakit polgármesternek. Gyerekként akkor semmi változást nem érzékeltem, egyetlen dolog kivételével: néhány napon belül minden magyarul ment. Az üzletben szabadott magyarul beszélni, magyarul lehetett kérni, amit akartunk. Én románul csak annyit tudtam, amit az iskolából felszedtem.

Egy nehéz három-négy év következett: zsidótörvények, egzisztenciális kérdések. A törvények fokozatosan jöttek. Úgy kezdődött, hogy nem lehet állami tisztviselő zsidó. Jött fél év múlva egy újabb törvény: zsidó nem lehet vállalatoknál, magánvállalatoknál [lásd: zsidótörvények Magyarországon]; nem lehetett egyetemi tanár, utána nem lehetett középiskolai tanár, aztán nem vehetett részt az oktatásban. Utána a gyerekeket is kidobták a nem zsidó iskolából. Aztán: orvos nem kezelhet keresztényeket; nem dolgozhatott kórházban, csak zsidókórházban; nem lehet orvosoknak kabinetjük [rendelőjük]. Végül még gyárakban sem lehetett dolgozni. Fokozatosan így sor került a zsidók társadalmi életből való teljes kiszorítására.

1940–1944 között, azt hiszem, apámnak volt egy kereskedelmi magánvállalkozása, tehát valamit vettek és valamit eladtak, de hogy mit, arról fogalmam sincs. De nem az ő nevén ment. Kocka István, egy nagyon derék, rendes ember volt a „stróman”, a fedőnév, mivel a zsidóknak nem lehetett saját vállalkozásuk. Nagyon jóban voltunk a családjával, és mentünk karácsonykor hozzájuk. Azt hiszem, nem voltak gyerekei.

Apám mellett – mivel ő egyáltalán nem volt vallásos – az én vallásos nevelésem lényegesen csökkent, de nem csökkent semmilyen formában a tradicionális része. Anyám betartotta a tisztasági szabályokat [lásd: étkezés] Kolozsváron is. Tényleg kóserül főzött, valóban külön voltak a húsos és tejes edények, és akkor apám hazahozott egy disznósültet, amit más tányérban kellett megenni, vagy papírról ettük meg, de anyám nem evett belőle. Én nyilván igen. Csak anyám nem evett belőle. Tolerálta, mert nem volt mit tenni, de nem vegyítette össze az ételeket. A gyertyagyújtás, a szombat megtartása megvolt, de apám nem tudott imádkozni. Héberül sem tudott, olvasni sem. Anyám igen, és imádkozott is, de csak a tipikus női imákat tudta, például a gyertyagyújtás előttit [Ami voltaképpen áldás. – A szerk.], írni viszont nem tudott héberül.

Egy kényszer volt anyám részéről a bár micvá, ragaszkodott a megtartásához a nagyapa miatt. Előtte megtanultam a Tórából azt a részt, amit majd a zsinagógában fel kellett olvasni. Vallásilag megtartottuk, felolvastam azt a bizonyos részt, de senkit nem hívtunk haza vendégségbe, csak a templomba mentünk, beszédet sem mondtam. Már Tordán köteleztek járni vallásórára. A nagyapám ragaszkodott hozzá. Volt egy nagy furcsasága a tanításnak. Abszolút ismeretlen nyelven, óhéberül [biblia héber nyelven] tanítottak olvasni, pedig nem értettünk egy szót sem, csak a betűket tanultuk meg, és el tudtuk olvasni. Annyi maradt meg, hogy egy-egy imát el tudok olvasni, anélkül, hogy valamit értenék belőle. Akkor az iskolai tanításban volt még egy furcsa szokás, hogy a vallásos zsidó gyerekeknek, hogy megértsék a Bibliát, a szöveget jiddis nyelvre fordították. Engem, aki nem tudtam jiddisül, tanítottak egy időben, hogy fordítsam a hébert jiddisre, egyiket a másikra, s egyiket sem értettem. Sok ilyen tradicionális anomália van.

1940-ben, bár a zsidótörvények alaposan működtek, megnyílt Kolozsváron egy zsidó gimnázium, a Zsidlic [lásd: Kolozsvári Tarbut Zsidó Líceum], s oda írattak be. Eszembe sem jutott másik alternatíva. Minden zsidó gyerek oda iratkozott, tudtuk mindnyájan, hogy nem járhatunk más iskolába, és ha megszüntetnék ezt az iskolát, akkor nem járhatnánk sehova. Ez a zsidó gimnázium nagyon furcsa módon jött létre, van egy kis meseszerű története ennek, és van benne valami valóság. Volt egy fiatal tanár, úgy hívták Antal Márk, rendkívül tehetséges matematikus volt. Az Osztrák–Magyar Monarchiában, az első világháború alatt kitüntette magát vitézségével, ezt a vitézségi érdemrendet viszonylag kevesen kapták meg. Az egyetemen is tanár volt, és a magyar úri törvények értelmében „méltóságos úrnak” szólították. [A „méltóságos” megszólítás többféle szempont alapján járhatott egy személynek: bizonyos rangoknál történeti-jogi elven, más címek esetén az udvarképességet biztosító kitüntetés folytán, harmadik fajta titulusoknál a hadseregbeli rendfokozat, illetőleg a hivatali ranglétrán elért pozíció alapján érdemelte ki az illető az adott megszólítást. A Nussbaum László által említett esetben valószínűleg Antal Márknak a katonai szolgálata során szerzett kitüntetéséhez társult a „méltóságos” cím: négy évig teljesített frontszolgálatot az első világháború alatt, tüzérzászlósként kezdte, és kapitányként szerelt le, számos kitüntetése között ott voltak a legrangosabbak is. – A szerk.] 1919-ben baloldalivá vált, és részt vett a Magyar Népköztársaság [A Magyar Tanácsköztársaságra gondol – A szerk.] kikiáltásában. Mivel tanügyminiszter volt, elmenekült errefelé, Erdélybe, s itt letelepedett. [A Tanácsköztársaság minisztereit népbiztosoknak nevezték, de Antal Márk nem volt népbiztos. – A szerk.] Ekkor még nem volt megszervezve a magyar adminisztráció, hanem a katonaság vette át a hatalmat, és Beck ezredes volt a város parancsnoka. A legendákhoz tartozik az, hogy 1940-ben kérte Becktől, hogy egy iskolát állíthasson fel, „méltóságos budapesti barátaira” hivatkozva, akik valójában nem is léteztek, hiszen menekült onnan. Pár nap alatt megvolt az engedély.

Egyike volt, elvben, a legjobb középiskoláknak. A zsidótörvény vonatkozott a tanárokra is: kirúgták őket az egyetemekről, s mindenhonnan. Mikor megvolt az engedély az iskolára, úgy válogathatott az egyetemi professzorok közül, ahogy akart. Nekem jó néhány egyetemi professzor volt tanárom. Probléma volt például, hogy bejött egyszer Antal Márk ellenőrizni, mert ő volt az igazgató, és álmélkodva látta, hogy senkinek nincs jegye. Elfelejtettek feleltetni, mert egyetemi előadásokat tartottak. Rövidnadrágos gyerek voltam, és bejött a tanár: „Kérem, uraim” – nem volt hozzászokva a gyerekekhez, néhány hónappal azelőtt még az egyetemen tanított. Elég érdekes előadásokat tartottak, nem mindent értettünk, de soha nem feleltettek. Egy hét alatt kellett az egész osztályt lefeleltetni később. Aztán lassan beleszoktak, például a házifeladat-adásba, a leckékbe. Második évtől már kezdett középiskola lenni. A tanári gárda egy tucat budapesti egyetemi tanár volt. Volt zsidó jellege is az iskolának. A modern héber nyelvet, az ivritet 6–8 órában tanították minden héten. Volt külön tanár, aki ezt tanította. Volt rendes tankönyv is, tanultunk beszélni. Néhány hét alatt meg lehetett tanulni egészen jól beszélni. És volt vallásóra is. Ezek nem vallási jellegűek voltak, hanem a vallás megtanítása: mikor mit kell imádkozni, az ünnepek jelentősége. Tulajdonképpen a zsidó ünnepek megtartásához való szertartásokat beszéltük meg, félig-meddig vallásfilozófiai vonatkozása volt az egésznek, de nem imákat tanultunk. Vallási vonatkozás annyi volt, hogy bizonyos ünnepekkor az egész iskola, in corpore, elment a templomba. Elég sokan voltunk az iskolában, elfoglaltuk volna az egész templomot, ezért nem istentiszteleti időben, hanem egy órával előbb vagy utóbb beszédet tartottak, amelyeken részt vettünk, és imákat mondtak.

Más vonatkozásokban olyan volt, mint minden más iskola. Abban az időben nem volt uniformis. Ezzel szemben a Bocskai-sapka viselése a nem zsidókra nézve is kötelező volt. [A Bocskai-ruha az 1930-as években divatos fekete szövetöltöny volt, fekete zsinórdíszes gombolással. A ruhához tartozó sapka hosszúkás részekből szabott, karima nélküli forma, oldalt zsinórrátét díszítéssel. A Bocskai-sapka viselése, mely tipikusan a magyar középosztályra jellemző, jelzi az asszimiláció sikerét. – A szerk.] A Bocskai ilyen csákószerű sapka, s elöl egy zsinórból készült háromszög jelzi, hogy a gyerek első osztályos, másodikos stb. Az ötödikesnél arany zsinór volt. Elöl a háromszögben egy jelvény volt, az iskola jelvénye. ZS – ez volt a zsidó gimnázium jelvénye. Minden iskolásnak kötelező volt, és rögtön felismertek erről, ha valaki zsidó volt, és alaposan elpáholtak. A gond az volt, hogyha jött egy rendőr, elfordult. Nem emlékszem egyetlen esetre sem, hogy beavatkozott volna. Nagyon nehéz [veszélyes] volt egyedül járni, többen kellett lenni. Védelmet hivatalos szervektől nem várhattunk. Volt egy sportpálya körülbelül a mai Grigorescu negyedben, a Donát úton, úgy hívták Haggibor. Ez egy sportegyesület volt, nagyon komoly tevékenységet folytatott az 1930-as években, de én nem tudok arról sokat. Mi akkor már csak futballozni jártunk oda. Az 1940-es évek elején már nem volt aktív sportklub, nem állíthatott fel csapatot. Egy „kómában lévő”, haldokló klub volt, mert még nem vette el senki a pályát. Akkor nem voltak beépítve azok a részek, a Törökvágástól kezdve csak kertek voltak, még házak sem. Emlékszem, egyszer mentem az öcsémmel, s távolról láttam, hogy jöttek négyen-öten szembe. Az öcsém kisebb volt, én lehettem 12–13 éves, ő meg 11. Mondom: „Szaladj gyorsan a pályára, és hívjál segítséget!” Én szándékosan nem szaladtam el, mert úgyis utolértek volna, de gondoltam, hogy feltartom őket, amíg ő elszalad. Ösztönösen mentettem az öcsémet. Úgy elvertek ott engem, hogy a palánk mellett teljesen vérben voltam. Nem kérdeztek, csak kezdtek ütni-verni, s aztán elmentek. Haza kellett engem cipelni. Napokig kezelt az orvos.

Így folyt folyamatosan a kiszorítás. De ezekből a törvényekből mi, gyerekek csupán a szüleink problémáin keresztül, ha értesülhettünk. Íme egy jellemző példa: a magas házbér miatt az állomás melletti lakásból elköltöztünk a Mikes Kelemen utcába (a mai Croitorilor utca), egy háromszoba-konyhás, fürdőszobás lakásba. (Szemben ezzel a lakással, hátul az udvaron, volt egy másik, csak kisebb, ahol nem lakott senki.) S egy alkalommal megjelent a házunkban egy férfi, s azt mondja: „Nézze, doktor úr, szeretnék beköltözni a házba.” Az apám jön, s megmutatja neki a másik házat. Mire az: „Nem, nem, mi ide szeretnénk beköltözni, az utcai részbe.” Mire ő: „De hát mi lakunk itt.” „Igen, de mi szeretnénk beköltözni!” A furcsa egyáltalán nem az, hogy aki ezt mondta, azt kinevezték táblabírónak Kolozsváron. Nem volt gonosz, nem volt rossz ember; együtt laktunk aztán éveken át. A helyzet volt jellemző, hogy bejött, s azt mondja: „Mi akarunk itt lakni!”, és apám természetesnek találta, hogy költözzenek be a mi lakásunkba.  [Nussbaumék meg beköltöztek a másik, kisebb házba.] Mindkettő részéről abszolút természetes volt a helyzet: neki természetes volt az, hogy kidob, apámnak meg az, hogy ezt megértette. A törvények már mind olyanok voltak, hogy nem volt kihez fordulni, még a bírósághoz sem lehetett menni.

A legvégső megszorítások: nem szabadott csak bizonyos órákban menni a piacra, volt a kijárási tilalom, aztán a sárgacsillag, amit fel kellett varrni a ruhákra. Ilyenkor az én apám a tizenhárom éves gyerekének mesélte, hogy te, a te nagyapádnak volt egy testvére Pozsonyban [lásd: Pozsony város]. A gettózás előtt egy vagy két hónappal előszedett engem és az öcsémet, és beszajkóztatta velünk az összes rokonunk nevét, címét és telefonszámát, de úgy, hogy éjjel felkeltett két órakor: Laci címe: Párizs stb., éjjel négy órakor, Józsi: New Jersey stb. Pontosan kellett mondani számot s mindent.

Fokozatosan sok dolgot már természetesnek találtunk, mert nem tudtunk védekezni. Ez egy etnikum teljes kikészítésének a folyamata. Éveken át tréningeztettek arra, hogy bírjuk a rúgást. A tetőpontja ennek a gettózás volt. Nagyon lényeges, hogy a gettózást nem a németek csinálták, hanem kizárólag a magyar adminisztráció. Abban az időben csupán néhány száz SS katona volt egész Magyarországon. Az adminisztráció bődületesen pontos volt: hogy melyik házban kik laknak, s melyik zsidó, s melyik nem zsidó. Voltak kivételezettek, ha keresztény felesége volt. Bejöttek úgy is, hogy keresték csak a zsidó családtagot, és elvitték.

A gettó a kolozsvári téglagyár területén volt. Minden téglagyárnak nagy raktárai vannak, ahová a téglát teszik. Ezek sok száz méter hosszúak, fedettek, de alul üresek, hogy átjárja őket a szél, hogy a frissen készített tégla kiszáradjon. Ezekbe a fal nélküli részekbe helyeztek el minket a kolozsvári gettóban. Az elkülönülés annyi volt és annyi lehetett, hogy lepedőt húztunk ki, és ez volt köztünk. Amikor elvittek [deportáltak], az nem számított, hogy ki melyik részben volt, mert épp azt a részt vitték, amelyik a kezük ügyébe esett. Így kerültem én az elsőbe, együtt a szüleimmel. Bevagoníroztak, s a vonat kísérője a magyar csendőrség volt egészen Kassáig [ma: Košice, Szlovákia]. Kassán vettek át a németek, de már előtte elszedtek mindent, amit elszedhettek. Persze az embereknek volt dugijuk, például aranyfog, kenyérbe besütött aranydarabok. Én magam hallottam a magyar csendőrt, amikor azt mondta: „Ha van valakinél valami érték, adja ide, mert ha nem, a németek úgyis elveszik maguktól. Hát adják ide, mert maguk mégiscsak magyarok…!” Persze, ő akarta zsebre vágni. Ez már tragikomédia.

Együtt érkeztünk a családdal Auschwitzba. A csomagokat ott kellett hagyni a vagonokban, és az volt az első dolog, hogy különválasztották a férfiakat és a nőket. Ekkor az anyám ment külön, mi maradtunk hárman. Ez volt az utolsó alkalom, amikor anyámat láttam. Soha nem tudtam meg semmit róla. Három napig voltunk együtt hárman, az apámmal. Később kaptam hivatalos papírokat, és megtudtam róla, hogy körülbelül két hónappal a felszabadulás előtt halt meg. Én hosszú ideig voltam Auschwitzban, egy pokol volt. Igyekeztem minden munkatranszportból kibújni, mert tudtam, hogy az öcsémet soha nem fogják elvinni munkára. Tizenhárom éves volt és alacsony növésű. Én nyurgább voltam, nagyobb növésű. Auschwitz fenyegetett engem is a szelektálással, ellenben féltem, hogyha elmegyek, otthagyom az öcsémet egyedül. Auschwitzban a táborok elválasztott részekből álltak, egymás mellett hosszában voltak az A, B, C, D stb. lágerek, amelyek egymás között is szögesdróttal voltak elkerítve. Középen volt az út, és mindkét oldalról a barakkok. Mindenik ugyanígy nézett ki. A lágerünk mellett volt egy női láger, s valaki csúnyán becsapott, rászedett minket, hogy az anyánkat látta ott, és hogy majd átdobja, amit mi papírra írunk, de adjunk egy darab kenyeret. És ezt többször csinálta. Szó sem volt róla, hogy látta volna, csak el akarta lopni a kenyerünket.

Auschwitz legnagyobb szelekciója 1944 októberében volt. Akkor tartotta Mengele a legnagyobb szelekciót, és küldte gázkamrába az öcsémet. Ezzel kapcsolatban van egy külön kis történet. Mikor kiszelektálták, elvitték, bezárták egy barakkba, és több napon át őrizték őket, mert a krematórium foglalt volt. Az őrzést tulajdonképpen foglyok csinálták, de el kellett számoljanak az SS-eknek. Véletlenül ismertem az egyik ilyen felügyelőt, és kérdem, hogy az öcsémet nem lehetne-e kiengedni. Végül már majdnem elmentem onnan, s utánam kiált, hogy „Küldjél ide hozzám valakit, egy gyereket, egy üzenettel, s én kiengedem a testvéredet”. S akkor szóltam valakinek, egy naivabb kisgyereknek, aki el is ment. Nem kellett meggyőzni, egyszerűen mondtam: „Légy szíves, vidd el ezt a papírt” – mert sikerült papírt szereznem. Amikor már majdnem odaért, utánaugrottam, ledöntöttem a földre. [Egy cseréről lett volna szó, hogy akit az üzenet ürügyén küld oda, azt kíséri majd be a testvére helyett. De a csere nem történt meg.] Egyszer vagy kétszer sikerült még elmennem odáig, ahol fogva tartották a gyerekeket, de nem engedtek közel, csak hallottam valami nyöszörgést, gyereksírást. Végül három nap után elvitték a gyerekeket, és az, akit ismertem, ideadta egy margarinos doboz letépett papírkáját. Tintaceruzával írt, sírással elkenődött néhány sor volt: „Ne nyugtalankodj, engem jó helyre visznek. Vigyázz arra, hogy anyut ne keserítsd el, és kívánom neked, hogy légy szabad és élj boldogan” – valami ilyesmit írt. De nem tudtam megőrizni a papírdarabot, mert mikor kivittek a lágerből, le kellett venni a ruhát, és még a számban sem tudtam megőrizni.

Onnan engem elvittek munkatáborba Németországba, ezt a gyereket [akit végül nem cserélt ki a testvérével] máshova, és érdekes, hogy felszabaduláskor Buchenwaldban találkoztam ezzel a fiúval. Megöleltem. Rám néz és azt mondja: „Te bolond vagy! Te engem megkértél valamire, s utána rám ugrasz és ledöntesz. És most nem csinálok semmit, és ölbe veszel, hát mit örvendsz úgy nekem?” Soha nem értette meg, hogy mért örvendtem neki, nem mondtam meg. Bennem ez egy nagyon erős nyomot hagyott. Nem volt erőm őt beküldeni a testvéremért. Arra gondoltam, hogy éreztem volna magam, hogyha kicserélem, s a következő szelekciónál mégis elviszik a testvéremet. Úgyhogy számomra egy boldog pillanat volt, hogy megláttam, hogy túlélte. El is kerültem utána, soha az életben nem láttam, valószínűleg elment valahova nyugatra.

Tudomásom szerint egyetlen láger volt Buchenwald, amely önfelszabadító volt. Egyike volt azon lágernek, ahol főleg politikai foglyok voltak. A belső vezetés a politikai foglyok kezében volt. A németek úgy szervezték meg, hogy megbíztak foglyokat, hogy ki miért felel. A funkcióval együtt kaptak bizonyos kedvezményeket például élelemben. Az irodai munkát is a foglyok csinálták: ki halt meg, ki hova megy a transzporttal. Már nagyjából tudták, hogy az egyszerű foglyok közül ez kommunista, ez baloldali. Ezek a nagy lágerek inkább gyűjtőfogházak voltak, hogy a gyáraknak ha szüksége volt, akkor innen vittek pár száz embert munkára. Tudták, melyik jobb, melyik rosszabb munkahely. Hiába válogattak ki a németek valakit valahova, ők meg tudták csinálni, hogy kicserélték a törzslapokat s vele együtt az embereket. Nekem nem volt kapcsolatom velük, hanem ők gondolhatták, hogy „ez egy fiatal, tegyük egy jobb helyre”. Elsősorban azokat mentették, akikről tudták, hogy kommunista, baloldali, antifasiszta és a gyerekeket. Azért mentettek engem, mert gyerek voltam. Egy olyan helyre vittek, ahol könnyebb volt a munka. Ha kőbányába tesznek, ott nem bírom ki. Mikor megérkeztem ebbe a Troglitz nevű munkatáborba, ahova vittek, [Troglitz a buchenwaldi főparancsnoksághoz tartozó munkatábor, Németország mesterséges üzemanyaggyártásának központja. – A szerk.] megjelent egy pasas, s azt mondja titokban odasúgva: „Mondd azt, hogy esztergályos vagy.” Mondom: „De hát én nem értek hozzá!” Elment még egyszer mellettem: „Mondd azt, hogy esztergályos vagy!” S amikor odakerültem, hogy megkérdeztek, végül azt mondtam, hogy esztergályos tanuló, pedig azt sem tudtam, hogy hogy néz ki egy esztergapad. Azért csinálták az egészet, mert az esztergályosok olyan munkahelyen voltak, amelyet télen valamennyire fűtöttek, nem 0 fok volt, hanem 3 vagy 4 fok, más helyek teljesen fűtetlenek voltak. De nem nekünk fűtötték, hanem a munkafolyamat kérte a fűtést.

Volt egy nemzetközi földalatti szervezet. Ennek sikerült néhány fegyverre szert tennie. Az önfelszabadításnak a lényege a következő: nem lehetett tudni, hogy a lágert elaknásították-e, hogy utolsó pillanatban felrobbantják-e a németek az egészet, tehát minket is, és hogy mikor robbantják. Az önfelszabadítás a meglepetésre épült, hogy a németet belülről, a lágerből lövik. Ki kellett számítani, hogy körülbelül mennyi ideig tudjuk védeni a lágert és főként a foglyokat. Voltak generális foglyok, akiknek volt már haditapasztalatuk, s ezek kidolgozták a haditervet, hogy hogyan csinálják. 1945. április 11-én, amikor reggel korán a németek ordították, hogy „Appellre kimenni!”, bejöttek ezek a szobába: „Senki nem megy ki! Itt maradtok!” Hiába ordították a németek, hogy „Appell!”, ha az én szobafőnököm azt mondja: „Itt marad mindenki!”, mindenki ott maradt. Nemsokára rá hallottam az első lövést. Az őrtornyokban lévő SS-ekre lőttek. Délelőtt 11-től körülbelül fél 2-ig ellenálltunk, amikor már begördültek az első amerikai tankok. Tehát ők, a belső felszabadítók, csak azt kellett kiszámítsák, hogy meddig tudjuk tartani magunkat, amíg bejönnek a tényleges felszabadítók, az amerikaiak.

Szó sem lehetett arról, hogy a fegyverletétel előtt a frontvonalon sétáljunk, hogy elhagyjuk a tábort. Ez annyit jelentett, hogy a felszabadulás után továbbra is ott maradtunk a lágerben, persze, más körülmények között. Adtak ételt a konyhán, és meg kell mondanom, elég nagy marhaságot csináltak akkor az amerikaiak, nem hinném, hogy szándékosan. Zsíros levest adtak, belekóstoltam, de éreztem, hogy nem szabad megegyem. Azután én magam láttam, hogy rengetegen haltak meg egy-két nap alatt, a vécén, görcsben.

Az amerikaiak azért tartottak a táborban minket, mert nem lehetett szétszéledni. Három kategória volt: az egyik a hazamenők, a másik kategória egyik része a szkeptikusok, akik azt mondták, akárhová, de még egyszer oda vissza nem; a másik része nem akárhová, de csak Izraelbe, Palesztinába akart menni. Azok, akik Nyugatra akartak menni, azok hamarabb mehettek. A fiatalokat gyakorlatilag bármelyik állam befogadta. 16 éves, lágerből felszabadult, Svédországtól Amerikáig bárhová mehetett.

A felszabadulás után pár héttel megszerveződött a KISZ, a Kommunista Ifjú Szövetség, és két és fél, három hónapot működött. A felszabadult politikai foglyok előadásokat tartottak, ténylegesen okosan, ügyesen, ami épp megfelelő volt a 15–16–18 év közötti fiataloknak. Milyen világ vár ránk? Az új világ építése, a demokrácia – ilyen témájú előadásokat szerveztek. Ott, ahol én voltam, magyarul tartották az előadásokat, de lehetséges, hogy más nyelven is tartottak. A lágerben sok katona volt, akiket elkaptak a németek Franciaországban, de nagyon kevés francia fiatal volt onnan. De Észak-Erdélyből tömegével vitték el a fiatalokat. A kommunista szervezet a francia felnőtteknek külön, a 18 éven aluli gyerekeknek külön tartott előadásokat. Reggeltől estig előadásokat tartottak. Azok, akik beléptek a KISZ-be, egymás mellé tömörültek, még a lakószobákban is. Ezek a kommunista vezetők marxista előadásokat tartottak a fiataloknak a volt SS étkezdékben. A KISZ vezetője egy Klein József nevű úriember volt, aki később Mincu Klein néven élt Bukarestben, és több könyve jelent meg. Kohn Hilel, egy másik ismert erdélyi illegális zsidó kommunista vezető [Kohn Hilelt 1942-ben, a kommunistákat elítélő nagy szamosfalvi perben halálra ítélték. A nácizmus mentette meg az életét, mivel elvitték a lágerbe, mielőtt a börtönben sor került volna a kivégzésére. – A szerk.]; Gáll Ernő, később a „Korunk” főszerkesztője; Kallós Miklós, a Filozófia Fakultáson dékán és professzor [a Centropa Kallós Miklóssal is készített interjút]; Gyöngyösi Nándor, volt illegális vezető. Sokan a vezetők közül Budapesten maradtak. Azok nem szálltak be a KISZ-be, akik eldöntötték, hogy Nyugatra mennek vagy Izraelbe. Semmit sem kellett aláírni, csak csatlakozott a csoporthoz, és a végén adtak egy papírost is, hogy Buchenwaldban a romániai KISZ tagja voltál.

16 éves voltam, mikor felszabadultunk. Nagyon jóban lettem egy amerikai fiatal, 18–20 éves katonával. Láttam az ő részéről, hogy érezte, hogy egy gyereket felszabadított. Ezt érezhette valószínűleg, mert mind kérdezte, hogy miben segíthet, ő szoktatott rá a cigarettára, adott csokoládét, mindenfélét nekem, és kérdezte, hogy vele megyek-e Amerikába vagy nem. De nem mentem. Én visszajöttem Romániába. Több okom volt rá. Az egyik az, hogy nagyon erős befolyása volt a kommunista szervezetnek, mely az új világ építéséről beszélt, hogy nem lesz már ilyen az élet, mi más életet kell csináljunk. Jött a felszabadulás, egész más világ jön. Olyan földbe vetettek, mely pillanatok alatt csírázott a fiatalokban. A másik okom, hogy nem tudtam, mi van a családommal.

Közben telt az idő, a háború vége felé járt, május után volt. Eszembe jutott, hogy van posta, s tudnék postán írni. [Nussbaum László megkérte az amerikai katonát, hogy írja meg az Amerikában élő nagybátyjának, apja testvérének, Józsefnek – akinek a címét édesapja még a gettózás előtt beléverte –, hogy életben van.] S én hazafelé indultam. Amit mondok, ez utólag derült ki: ő tényleg írt Amerikába, a nagybátyám felesége megkapta a levelet, ő azonnal írt az éppen Németországban tartózkodó nagybátyámnak, a férjének, az őrnagy orvosnak, hogy „az unokaöcséd Buchenwaldban van”. Az azonnal eljött Buchenwaldba, és kiderült, hogy én néhány nappal azelőtt elhagytam Buchenwaldot és mentem el. Bécs vagy Prága felé lehetett hazajönni. Nekem mindegy volt: hát megyek Prága felé. Ő eltért Bécs felé, ugye akkor Bécs fel volt osztva három zónára: franciára, amerikaira és oroszra, ő tovább nem mehetett, csak az amerikai zónáig. Sikerült elkapnia sürgönyileg egy másik nagynénémet, az apám anyjának testvérét, aki Budapesten élt. Szász Etelkára magyarosította a nevét Seeligről. Nem volt férjnél. Ő válaszolt, hogy ma reggel vagy tegnap délután mentem Budapestről Kolozsvárra.

Eltartott egy hónapig, míg hazaértem. Csoportoson jöttünk, és nem volt térképünk. Németországban csináltunk egy őrült nagy kerülőt, és pár nap után visszaérkeztünk ugyanabba a városba, ahonnan elindultunk. Mentünk gyalog, hajón (az Elbán), vonattal. Annyira tele volt a vonat, hogy a tetején utaztunk, és ki is siklott.

Kolozsvárra jöttem haza, és rájöttem, nincs semmi, minden eltűnt. A nagynéném és nagybátyám ott voltak még Tordán [anyja húgáról és öccséről, Weinberger Zitáról és Jenőről van szó], ott voltam náluk két évet, míg befejeztem a középiskolát. Később a nagynéném férjhez ment, és én 1947-ben bejutottam Kolozsvárra. Amit nagyon szerettem mindig, az a számtan volt. Be is kerültem az egyetemre, elvégeztem két évet, amikor megint meggyőztek, hogy az új élet építéséhez új közgazdászokra van szükség. S végeztem mind a két egyetemet, a közgazdaságtant és a matematikát. S két év múlva jött egy új törvény: a szocialista tanügyi törvény. Az új törvény megtiltotta, hogy két egyetemet végezzek, s akkor meggyőztek, hogy nem a számtant, hanem a közgazdaságot kell csinálni, mert új káderekre van szükség. Időközben az „Igazság” című újsághoz kerültem mint külső munkatárs, s mikor befejeztem az egyetemet, rögtön kineveztek tanársegédnek. Egy hetilapnál is dolgoztam mint szerkesztő, „Új Út”-nak hívták. 1950-től két állásom volt: tanársegéd voltam és szerkesztő az „Új Út”-nál. Az „Új Út” 1953-ban megszűnt, de írtam továbbra is az „Igazság”-nak.

Volt zsidótömörülés 1945 után, de nem zsidó alapon. Gyakorlatilag mégis megvalósult, éspedig azért, mert a deportálásból hazajött gyerekek, akik körülnéztek és nem volt senkijük – nem volt lakásuk, nem volt semmi –, spontán módon szerveződtek. Egy helyre tömörültek, s együtt éltek a kezdeti periódusban. De ez nem a zsidó vallás és etnikum miatt alakult, csak véletlenül, mert szervezetté kellett alakulnia ahhoz, hogy a kantint és a lakást megszervezze. Az volt a neve a szervezetnek, hogy Dézsisz: Demokrata Zsidó Ifjúsági Szövetség. A székhely a jelenlegi Péter-Pál-villában volt (olyan, mint egy panel, ahol öröklakások voltak), amely valamikor zsidó tulajdonban volt, de a tulajdonosok nem jöttek vissza, így a szervezet megkapta. Ezekben a lakásokban tartották az előadásokat, és ott is laktak vagy két évig, az államosításig. Ez a szervezet egy önsegélyző szervezet volt, amelynek bizonyos ramifikációi is kialakultak: kulturális tevékenységek, intellektuális önképzések. Mert például az egyik szobrász volt, aki rögtön készített egy szobrot a deportálás-élményből és kiállította. [Lövith Egonról van szó. – A szerk.] Kialakultak közösségek, beszélgetések, előadástartások, aminek a jellegéhez hozzájárult az akkori kor is, tehát inkább szocialista vonatkozású és szocializmusépítő volt. Ez működött néhány évig, amíg mindenki a helyére került, beiratkozott iskolába, egyetemre. Az ötvenes évekig létezett a szervezet, de már haldoklott, mert én voltam a legfiatalabb korosztály, és mikor felnőttünk, szétesett. Lakás került, egyetemi otthonba kerültünk, a nagyobbak megnősültek, tehát önmagától esett szét.

Az 1950-es évek elején egyszerre alakult meg a Magyar Demokrata Szövetséggel [valószínűleg a Magyar Népi Szövetségre gondol, amely viszont 1944 októberében alakult és az erdélyi magyar baloldalt tömörítette. – A szerk.] a MADISZ (Magyar Demokrata Ifjúsági Szövetség) és a Zsidó Demokrata Szövetség. Az utóbbi éppen ellentétben állt a hitközséggel. [lásd: Zsidó érdekképviseleti szervezetek a második világháború után Romániában] Az első időben a hitközség vallási alapon akarta szervezni az embereket. De imádkozás lelki stabilitás idején vagy tökéletes instabilitás idején van, most mindenki kezdte rendezni az életét, a vallásos élet helyett az egzisztenciális nehézségek kerültek előtérbe. Nem volt cionista jellegű, de később lassacskán felvette ezt a jelleget, amelyet aztán Moses Rosen képviselt. A cionista propaganda tiltott volt abban a rendszerben, ezért burkolt formában kellett megszervezni. Ez abban állt, hogy Talmud-Tóra-órákat, héberórákat tartottak a hitközségnél, azért, hogyha kimész, tudjál héberül. Szóval a hitközség megkezdte lassacskán az emigrációt és az előkészítését, az 1950-es évek elejétől, függetlenül attól, hogy a kormány engedte volna vagy nem engedte volna. Héberül tanítottak, mert a Biblia héberül van, senki nem tudta, mi a különbség a bibliai héber és az ivrit között. Nem mondta, hogy menj ki Izraelbe, de kezdte tanítani az ivritet, a zsidó történelmet. Senki nem mondta, hogy menjenek ki, csak tálcára tette a lehetőséget, csak iratkozzon fel. Akkor indult be a rituális kantin Kolozsváron.

Ezzel egy időben létezett az ZSDSZ, amely épp a cionistaellenes vonalat képviselte, és a szocializmus építésébe akarta bevonni a zsidókat. Ennek volt a lapja az „Új Út”. Ebben az időben a legtöbb visszajött fiatal cionistaellenes volt. Nem a cionizmus elvi okai miatt, hanem a kommunista álláspont miatt. Az pedig nem azt hirdette, hogy ne légy cionista, hanem azt, hogy nincsen emberek közötti faji megkülönböztetés. Ne felejtsük el, vártuk, hogy bontakozzék ki a kommunista eszme. Mai fejjel nézve minden más, mint akkor. Akkor fiatalok voltunk, hazajöttünk a lágerből, s itt volt egy új ország, ahol teljesen szabadok vagyunk, ahonnan nincs miért elmenni, itt kell maradni. A kommunisták pedig azt mondták, hogy mi kell hogy felépítsük ezt az új rendszert. Én kommunista voltam, a cionizmussal nem értettem egyet, de a magam részéről soha egyetlen cikket nem írtam a cionizmus ellen. Olyanok írtak inkább cionistaellenes írásokat, akik elmentek, de visszajöttek Palesztinából, vagy akik lemondtak arról, hogy alijázzanak. Ezek konkrét írások voltak, nem elvi cikkek. Ezek ilyen lebeszélő akció formájúak voltak. Nem intellektuális síkon folyt a cionizmus kérdése, hanem az, hogy menjen ki vagy ne menjen ki Palesztinába. Együtt dolgoztam a kommunista párttal, de nem írtam a lapjaikba, csak az „Igazság”-ba írtam, mert akkoriban csak ez az egy magyar napilap volt. Megegyeztem a lappal, hogy maradok külső munkatárs, és nem írok csak tanulmányt és vezércikket. 30 évig nem volt csak egy magyar meg egy román napilap, és csak néhány folyóirat volt, például a „Korunk”.

1956-ig voltam az egyetemen tanársegéd. Abban az évben egészen véletlenül Budapesten tartózkodtam, elmentem az értelmiségi tanácshoz, ahol volt egy tanárom, s végignéztem, hogy hogyan csinálnak egy forradalmat, az 1956-os forradalmat. Hazajöttem, és előszedtek, hogy írjam meg az eseményeket mint szemtanú, amit a „Scînteia” [magyarul „Szikra”], a párt lapja lényegében már leírt. Az alaphangja a cikkeknek, hogy Magyarországon ellenforradalom volt a kommunizmus megbuktatására, és ezt a csőcselék proletárok csinálták, akik kirabolták az üzleteket. Addig erősködtek, hogy írjam meg, míg végül aztán megírtam a változatomat a forradalomról. Amit én írtam, nem volt szöges ellentétben a „Scînteia” hangjával, de amit nem láttam, azt nem írtam le. Én nem láttam, hogy kirabolták volna az üzleteket. Az igaz, hogy betörték a kirakatokat, de nem loptak el semmit. Nem használtam az ellenforradalom szót. Hiteles tudósítás jellegű volt, és nem tetszett, hogy nem volt benne tisztán, hogy ellenforradalom volt. Nem derült ki a cikkemből, hogy fel akarták forgatni a kommunizmust. Végül a harmadik változatot elfogadták, meg is jelent itt, Kolozsváron az „Igazság”-ban. Aztán lefordították románra, de nem volt elég jó, még a harmadik változatban sem. És akkor hát nem éppen kidobtak, de áthelyeztek az egyetemi könyvtárba dokumentátornak, hogy ne a diákokkal foglalkozzam. Nem készítettek ki, de nem hagyták, hogy közvetlen kapcsolatom legyen a diákokkal, hogy előadótanár legyek. Három ideológiai tárgy volt akkor: a marxizmus, a közgazdaságtan és a filozófia. Ezeknek a nomenklatúrája csak adminisztratív vonalon tartozott az egyetemhez, a kinevezéseket a megyei pártbizottság végezte. Ők mondták, hogy ezt kell kinevezni, és akkor a minisztérium kinevezett; azt nevezték ki, akit a párt mondott. És akkor a párt azt mondta, hogy ne tanítsak, így az egyetemi könyvtárban 20 éven át elszórakoztam. Soha nem volt semmilyen pártfunkcióm, csak párttag voltam. Nem éreztem szükségét, és ennek megfelelően nem kerültem szóba előléptetéskor.

1956-ig egyértelműen a szocialista rendszer mellett álltam, mert nem láttam jobbat. Az egyetlen járható út: megoldani a nemzetiségi problémáinkat, a gazdag–szegény egyenlőtlenséget. 1956 után volt a kétely időszaka, amely eltartott 1968-ig, amikor az oroszok bevonultak Prágába, akkor ocsúdtam fel főleg. Addig hittem, a Magyarországon történtek után is, hogy mégis lehetne egy emberarcú szocializmus – mennyivel nagyobb szabadság volt, mint a világháború előtt –, és ezt akarta megvalósítani félig-meddig a Kádár-kormány is. A prágai lerohanással aztán világosan rájöttem: az erőteljes diktatúra nélkül nem megy a bolt. A szovjet minden szabadságkísérletet letör a szocializmus keretén belül. Ez egy törést okozott bennem, ami azután lassacskán eltérített attól a nagy és meggyőződéses, kommunizmusba vetett hittől.

A probléma az etnikumom miatt nagyon furcsa módon nyilvánult meg. Az 1970-es években a Kommunista Párt hivatalos rendelkezéseket vezetett be, s ez folyamatosan egyre erősödött, úgy, mint a zsidó törvények esetében is, bevezették, hogy különböző funkciók elfoglalására fontos a nemzetiségi hovatartozás, tehát például dékán nem lehet, csak román nemzetiségű. Nem zavart ez a törvény, de erőteljesen érintett. Én már rég az egyetemi könyvtárban dolgoztam, mielőtt egy román illetőt, akivel tegező barátok voltunk, kineveztek igazgatónak. Ő lett az igazgató, pedig nem tudott semmit a könyvtárról. Megjátszatta velem, de nem rosszindulattal, a házi zsidó szerepét. Behívott, hogy „Mit csináljak ebben a helyzetben?”. Megtárgyalta velem, s aztán elmondta a konklúziót az osztályvezetőmnek, mintha az ő ötlete lett volna, arra vonatkozólag, hogy én mit kell csináljak. Mikor az osztályvezetőm meghalt, behív engem, hogy „Kit nevezzünk ki vezetőnek a dokumentációs osztályon?”. A véletlen úgy hozta, hogy néhány év után az újonnan választott is meghalt. Akkor megint azt mondja: „Te, most kit lehet kinevezni, mert téged nyilván nem lehet.” Abszolút módon érintett a helyzet, mivel azt kellett hallanom: „Veled megbeszélem, de tudod, hogy én nem javasolhatlak téged, más nemzetiségű nem lehet vezető.” Mint egyszerű könyvtáros én nagyon sokat írtam az újságnak. Volt időm, ott a könyvtárban elolvastam, amit akartam, s meg is írtam a rengeteg cikket. Én minden anyagot át kellett nézzek – sok anyagom volt –, s ha már átnéztem, írtam is róluk. Az egész könyvtárban csak ketten voltunk összesen, akiket már az 1970-es évektől úgy neveztek meg, hogy „alte naţionalităţi” [más nemzetiségű]. Más nem is volt csak: „maghiari şi alte naţionalităţi” [magyar és más nemzetiségű], ha szerb, tót vagy zsidó volt.

[Nussbaum László a feleségével, Brüll Szilviával a deportálásból való hazatérése után ismerkedett meg közelebbről. Felesége családját nem deportálták, mivel ők – a Romániához tartozó – Tordán éltek. Brüll Szilvia 1929-ben született Kolozsváron, 1935-ben költöztek Tordára.] A feleségemmel egy elemi iskolába jártunk Tordán, még a háború előtt, de nem emlékeztem rá. Nagyon korán elkerültem Tordáról, úgy 10 éves koromban, és visszakerültem 1945-ben. Néhány hónap választott el a lágertől, és egyetlen dologra volt nekem nagy szükségem: nagy-nagy csendre. Fiatal, 16 éves fiú voltam, és zsidó lánynak kezdtem udvarolni, de lehetett volna tőlem török vagy tatár is. Az egész udvarlás abból állt, hogy kora délután elmentem hozzá, és hallgattam, amint gyakorol a hegedűn. Lehet, hogy más körülmények között nem így éreztem volna jól magam, de akkor pont az kellett nekem, hogy azzal a lánnyal vagyok együtt, aki csendben van, és csak hegedül. Lassan-lassan kezdett visszatérni az életkedvem. Tudom, hogy nem szabad nagy szavakat mondani, de meg kell érteni, hogy mit jelentett 15-16 évesen visszatérni a lágerből, szülők nélkül, egyedül, és egyik-napról a másikra megszakítani a múlttal minden kapcsolatot.

Az anyósom nagyon vallásos volt, és az apósom is, mindketten zsidók. Anyósom, Zsófia egy máramarosi faluban született, sokgyerekes családban, és ő volt a legkisebb. Az egész családja kivándorolt Izraelbe az 1920-as évek elején. Ő volt az egyetlen, aki férjhez ment, és itt maradt. Ez mellesleg azt jelenti, hogy volt hét testvér, akik kimentek, és így a feleségemnek rengeteg rokona van, de senkit nem ismert, soha nem látott, csak tudott róluk, el egészen nyugdíjas koráig, amikor már lehetett utazni, és lehetett menni Izraelbe. A vallásosságát anyósom nem tudom, hogy mennyire imádkozással, de tradícióval abszolút mértékben tartotta, kóser háztartása volt.

Volt egy nagyon lényeges dolog, ami meghatározta a mi életünket is. A véletlen úgy hozta, hogy a feleségem fiútestvére (az egyetlen testvére), aki 20-21 éves volt, 1945-ben Temesvárra ment beiratkozni az egyetemre. Még jóformán nem állt helyre az ország, az utazási lehetőségek. Néhány hónap után kaptam egy táviratot, hogy menjek a temetésére, mert lelőtték. Az utcán lelőtték. Akkor még egy csomó német és román vasgárdista járkált, de már orosz katonák is. Soha nem derült ki, ki tette, a rendőrség nem nyomozta ki. El lehetett képzelni a szülők lelkiállapotát. Az anyósom számára borzalmas dolog volt, évekig ki sem ment a házból, és ezzel nagy hatással volt a feleségemre is.

Az apósom, Brüll Izsák keramikus technikus volt. Részt vett az első világháborúban, eljutott Mandzsúriáig, Kínáig, ott voltak az első kapcsolatai a porcelánnal. Kitanulta a porcelángyártást, az első világháború után dolgozott Ausztriában és néhány más helyen, ahol volt porcelán. Végül hazatért. Tény az, hogy a kolozsvári porcelángyárnak, ami kronologikusan Románia első gyárai közé tartozott – és minőségileg is –, ő volt az első szakembere. Elcsalták, nagy fizetést ígértek, csak hogy jöjjön Tordára, hogy csináljon ott is porcelángyárat. Lényegében az ő fejéből pattant ki, hogy hogyan építsék meg a tordai porcelángyárat. És annak volt a fővédnöke nagyon sok éven át. Nem is igazgató, hanem conducător, vezető volt. Mivel teljes egészében a gyárnak élt, fia halálával még inkább a munkába temette magát. A lakásuk pontosan a gyár mellett volt. Végül odajutottak, hogy a kerítésen, ami elválasztotta, kivágtak egy kaput, s akkor nem kellett még az utcára sem kimennie, hogy átmenjen. A gyár belső telefonja a lakásukon volt. Nemritkán történt, hogy éjjel kettőkor, háromkor telefonáltak a belső telefonon, hogy jöjjön gyorsan, mert az égetéssel baj van. Össze volt nőve a gyárral. Ő szombaton is dolgozott. Istenhívő volt, a nagyünnepeken nem dolgozott, és elment a templomba, de nem volt annyira vallásos. A háznak volt egy pincéje, és amikor jött valaki, és kereste az apósomat, ha lentről, a pincéből kopogtatás hallatszott, nem lehet zavarni. Az apa csinálta a fia sírkövét. Készített a sírkőre egy domborművet a fia arcáról. Nehéz ez, mert a porcelánból százszor kell megcsinálni, mert égés után hol összehúzódik, hol nem. Addig kell próbálkozni, míg az égés után jól kijön az arc.

Én Kolozsvárra kerültem, és a feleségem is feljött diáknak a konzervatóriumba. 17-18 éves voltam, amikor az egyetemre kerültem. Ő később jött. A házasságunk 1952-ben volt. A gyerekünk ötödéves korában született. Rabbi nem volt az esküvőnkön, csak a polgármester adott össze. A feleségem sokkal kevesebb tradíciót tart, lényegében nem is tartja meg a tradíciókat, inkább én erősködöm néha. Nem ellenkezik, de nincs meg a kezdeményezés, nem élt vallásos életet. Nagyon sok éven át nem mentünk el a templomba, eléggé ateista hangulat volt. Nem féltem, mert úgysem vették volna észre, ha elmegyek, de egyszerűen nem voltunk vallásosak. A tradíciónak nálam nem vallási jellege van, hanem etnikai jellege. Lehet engem bírálni emiatt, és lehet nem bírálni. Ez csak felfogás kérdése, mert bizonyos vallási tradíciókat tartok meg, nem a vallást. Valaki nagyon jól lehet magyar anélkül, hogy vallásos lenne. A fiam sincs körülmetélve. A feleségemnek mindegy volt, de én nem akartam. Akkor nem is volt ez olyan egyszerű dolog, mert már abban az időben volt, hogy nem volt Kolozsváron hol rituálisan körülmetéltetni.

A fiam megismert egy itteni szász [erdélyi német] leányt. Szóba került, hogy összeházasodjanak. Én jobban szerettem volna, ha egy zsidót vett volna el, mert külön probléma a vegyes házasság, főként a zsidó–német házasság. Ez a két nemzet a holokauszt óta a legtávolabb áll egymástól. Apatársi találkozó volt, mire a lány anyja azt mondja, hogy ő nagyon szeretné, ha a fiam pappal házasodna össze, azaz pap esketné őket. Kérdi, hogy nincs-e nekem kifogásom az ellen? Mondom neki: „Ez nem tőlem függ. A fiamtól függ, ők házasodnak össze. De ha engem kérdez, határozottan ellenzem. Én nem kérem azt sem, hogy vallási lagzit csináljanak, de nem akarom, hogy kitérjen a zsidó vallásból. Tartsa meg mindenki az etnikumát, ha szeretik egymást, úgyis megmaradnak.” Mire ő azt mondja: „Hát nekem nincs kifogásom az ellen, tartsák meg zsidó szertartás szerint. Nagyon vallásos vagyok, és szeretném, ha Isten előtt tartanák.” Egy szász asszony képes azt mondani, hogy akkor tartsa zsidó szerint. Én nem lettem volna képes azt mondani, hogy tartsa meg evangélikus szerint. Végül nem tartották meg sehogy. Emberek legyenek, és szeressék egymást.

Tudomásom szerint vallási nevelésben nem részesült a gyerekük [1982-ben született Sonja Kolozsváron], nem is keresztelték meg, de az anya, Gerlinde, a fiam felesége azért karácsonyfát csinált. Hanukát és más zsidó ünnepet szintén nem tartanak, mert a fiam nem vallásos. A menyemnek mondtam: „Nézd, én nem szeretném, ha a fiam itt maradna Romániában, mert nem lesz neki itt jövője.” Úgy volt akkor, hogy nem tudtam, látom-e még az életben, de hajlandó lettem volna lemondani róla. Azt mondtam, egyetlen lehetőség van ahhoz, hogy jól érvényesüljön: Izrael.

Már a gyerekkel – az én tanácsomra – 1984-ben kimentek Izraelbe, és beosztották őket nyelvtanfolyamra, majd speciális [szakmai] tanfolyamra küldték. A fiam felesége Gerlinde, tiszta német név. Mivel az anya nem zsidó, a gyerek sem az. Az én unokám a világon mindenhol zsidó, kivéve Izraelben. Izraelben állásba kerültek, a menyem Haifa környékén dolgozott, Kirjat Jearimban. A menyemet soha nem kérdezte senki, hogy zsidó vagy nem zsidó. Persze azért nem, mert nagyon tisztelték. De a fiam nem érezte jól magát, a munkatársak miatt, nem Izrael, maga az ország miatt. Izraelben létük 3-4. hónapjában egy papirost kap az izraeli német nagykövetségtől, hogy mehetnek véglegesen Németországba. Nem értették, hogy miért. Utána kaptak választ, hogy a feleség egész családja Németországban van, és azok elintézték, hogy az asszony német származású. Megtudták, hogy Gerlinde már elment Romániából Izraelbe, így értesítették az ottani nagykövetséget. 6 hónapon belül már el is mentek Izraelből Németországba. A fiam belgyógyász, a felesége egy vállalatnál tervezőmérnök, nagyon jól élnek. A fiam jelentkezett a stuttgarti hitközségnél, ahol laknak, de nem tölt be semmilyen funkciót.

Én most, öregkoromban kapcsolódtam be a hitközség tevékenységébe. Egyszerűen van időm hozzá, és hajlandó vagyok segédkezni, de nem vallási megalapozással. Egész életemben fizető tagja voltam a hitközségnek. Rendkívül összefonódott a hitközség életével egy csomó nem hit jellegű aktivitás. A tevékenységem abban áll, hogy például én állítottam össze a hitközség klubkönyvtárát, ezenkívül felkértek néhány időszakos dolog elvégzésére. Bukarestben van egy szervezet, a volt deportáltak szervezete, olyan, mint egy érdekvédelmi szervezet. Mivel nemcsak Buchenwaldban voltam, hanem Auschwitzban is, megkérdeztek, hogy hajlandó vagyok-e a romániai Auschwitz-komitében részt venni, hogy képviseljem az Erdélyből származó, most már Romániához tartozó deportáltakat, ha lesz Auschwitzban megemlékezés. Ez az egész nem vallásos dolog, mégis a hitközség rendezi. Jelen pillanatban Romániában az országos főrabbinak kevesebb a híve, mint a szamosújvári ortodox papnak. Kolozsváron volt 18 000, Nagyváradon a háború előtt 30 000 zsidó. Désen, Tordán, mindenütt voltak. Most pontosan 400 zsidó van Kolozsváron és 800 tagja van a hitközségnek, ahol a nem zsidó családtagok is hitközségi tagnak számítanak. [A Zsidó Világkongresszus hivatalos kimutatása szerint 1941-ben Kolozsvár 110 956 lakója közül 16 763 zsidó származású volt. – A szerk.]

Ott, ahol nagyobb zsidó közösségek vannak, már zsidó temető van, de nem zsidót nem temetnek zsidó temetőbe. Az utóbbi években olyasmit próbáltak kieszközölni és sikerrel, ami éppen a fordítottja volt az évszázados tradíciónak. Az évszázados tradíció mindig az elkülönülés volt a zsidóknál: csak a zsidók közül való házasság, vallásilag egy nemzetiségből házasodtak. A második világháború után nagyon gyakorivá váltak a vegyes házasságok, s a vegyes házasságokban még gyakoribbak, főleg a kommunizmus ideje alatt, azok az esetek, hogy a gyerekeik reformátusnak, katolikusnak maradtak. Most próbáltak szerezni Kolozsváron egy újabb temetőrészt, ahová a zsidók hozzátartozóit is eltemetik, hogy holtukban ne válasszák el őket egymástól. Az évszázados hagyományt rúgták fel ezzel. Itt azért csinálják, mert olyan kevesen vannak. Tehát az elkülönülésből az lett, hogy hajlandók lennének engedni a zsidók. Azt csinálják, hogy eltemetnek zsidó vallás szerint, és a másik felet mellé temetik. Most már nagyobb a nyitottság, elhívják a különböző felekezetek papjait például az ünnepekre, hogy megismerjék őket. Többé nem jó az elkülönülés, mert ha most is elkülönülnek, akkor megszűnnek.

Egy dolog lényeges: gyűlölöm azokat, akiknek nincs etnikumuk. Valamit vállalni kell, de a legaljasabb a semmi. Nem kell templomba járni, nem kell imádkozni, ez a te magánügyed, de valahová tartozni kell. Valahová mindig tartozni kell, nem lehet lógni a levegőben, mert az olyan embert mindenki utálja, és nem várhat senkitől semmit. Zsidó az etnikumom, de nem vagyok vallásos. Sartre szerint az zsidó, aki magát annak vallja, és emellett a szomszédok is annak tartják. Tehát én hiába mondom magamról, hogy nem vagyok zsidó, mert a szomszédok úgyis annak tartanak. Kultúra szempontjából magyar vagyok, de a zsidó eredetem eltörölhetetlen.

Aleksander Ziemny

Aleksander Ziemny
Warsaw
Poland
Interviewer: Marta Janczewska
Date of interview: January-May 2004

Aleksander Ziemny is a Polish Jew who has distanced himself from religious tradition but remains strongly linked to secular Jewish culture. He is a representative of the extremely numerous stratum of the pre-war Polish Jewish population whose members participated in the life of two parallel cultures, the Polish and the Jewish, and, without detriment to their Jewish identity, were active contributors to Polish culture. Mr. Ziemny is a journalist, essayist and translator from several European languages and also from Hebrew. We talked in his apartment, in a room full of books; on his desk lay an article he was working on about Russian writers. Mr. Ziemny turned his mind back to the events of his life with concentration, giving dates and facts with precision; he speaks colloquially and often roughly, for once not caring to polish his language.

My family history
Growing up
During the war
After the war
Glossary

My family history

I was born on 11th June 1924 in Cracow, and although I only spent the first five years of my life there, I consider myself a Cracovian. My father's family came from Wadowice, a small town not far from Cracow. It was there that my grandfather, Adolf Keiner, was born. My grandmother's name was Gusta. Unfortunately I can't recall Grandma Keiner's maiden name, but I do know that she was born in some other small town in Galicia 1 and only moved to be with her husband in Wadowice after her marriage. I can't give any precise dates, but I think that both my grandparents were born in the 1860s, and that they married in the 1880s, because their elder son Samuel was born in 1889.

Grandpa Adolf Keiner was both a merchant and traveling salesman; he was a traveling agent for cosmetics companies and he sold mostly soaps, washing powders, and so on. I can't say much about their life in Wadowice, because I didn't visit them there. In the 1920s they decided to move to Cracow.

In Cracow the Keiners lived on Zielona Street, now Sarego. The name of the street was changed in the 1930s. Grandma kept house and Grandpa opened a tiny shop selling cleaning agents on Mikolajska Street, but he was barely able to make ends meet. They lived in terrible poverty - there were an awful lot of traders in Cracow, Grandpa did hardly any business, and in the end he closed the shop down. They probably lived off savings. They led a below-average existence, with absolutely no high points, no servants, holidays, etc.

I remember that apartment of theirs on Sarego Street a little - small, dark, two little rooms and a kitchen I think, although there certainly would have been a bathroom with running water. I remember that when I went to visit my grandparents, Grandpa Adolf would give me a little bar of Elida soap as a present.

My grandparents knew Yiddish, but they spoke Polish between themselves. I have no idea what their political convictions were. They are sure to have had a religious wedding and to have been registered in the kile, but on the whole they weren't particularly religious, although they respected tradition. They both dressed in the European fashion, Grandma didn't wear a wig, and they didn't keep kosher. Twice a year, at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, they went to one of the synagogues in Kazimierz 2. Grandpa certainly knew all the Jewish prayers - he was taught in childhood - and in childhood my grandparents would definitely have observed the kashrut, but later on they no longer did. This was the area where Polish culture and Jewish culture met, though there was no question of them trying to blur their origins.

Grandma and Grandpa Keiner had two sons, Samuel, born in 1889, and Ferdynand, born in 1893. Uncle Samuel Keiner, known to his family and friends as Staszek, was born in Wadowice, and graduated from the Law Department at the Jagiellonian University 3. Uncle Staszek married Maria, nee Lamensdorf, and they had two sons - Jan, born in 1919, and Jerzy, born in 1927. My uncle had had a thoroughly secular education and had a secular world view. He was a doctor of law and practiced as an attorney in Cracow.

The other son was my father Ferdynand, who came into the world in Wadowice and went to gymnasium [high school] there. Then he moved to Cracow and also studied law at the Jagiellonian University. He became a doctor of law and after doing his articles in Cracow opened an attorney's office in Rabka [a small town south of Cracow, on the river Raba; large spa resort, mainly for children, known for treatments exploiting its beneficial climate].

What I know of the Keiner family is fairly scant, because I was far closer to the Kleinbergs, my mother's family. My mother's father, Wilhelm Kleinberg, came from Drogobych [today Ukraine], where he was born in about 1867. In his daily affairs he used the Germanized version of his first name, though on his birth certificate he was 'Wolf'. [Editor's note: Actually, the names Wolf and Wilhelm are not equivalents.] He was my darling Granddad, and altogether a marvelous man.

Granddad, like the majority of small-town, provincial Jews, set huge store by education. Unfortunately he hadn't been able to get an education; he had to do physical work, but I don't know what kind of work. But he was a devilishly talented self-starter and spoke a delightful, beautiful Polish, although in practice he didn't have his school-leaving certificate.

As a very young man he went into service with Count Borkowski [Polish aristocrat, owner of the land between Borislav and Drogobych], and later became his secretary. Those were the most sublime years of his life in his reminiscences, because first of all as a secretary, he learned calligraphy. And secondly, Count Borkowski took him on his travels to the Middle East, more or less following Slowacki's route 4. [Juliusz Slowacki described his travels to the Middle East in his epic poem 'Journey to the Holy Land from Naples.'] Granddad returned from those travels absolutely enchanted.

Once, as a young boy, I got a slap around the chops from my granddad, something that happened only once in my life. What happened was, as a little kid I was ferreting around in the wardrobes in my grandparents' apartment and I found something astonishing. This piece of headgear in the shape of a flowerpot, with a tassel. It was a fez, which Granddad had brought back as a souvenir from his journey of a lifetime. I was chasing around the apartment in this fez when Granddad came in, was absolutely furious, slapped me round the face and didn't even attempt to explain what for.

After Granddad stopped working for Count Borkowski, he settled down in Cracow. There, he married a woman born and bred in Cracow - Antonina, nee Kirschner. Children came along, there was a family to be kept, and so Granddad learned a new trade - photography. And then, in this wooden hut on Swietej Gertrudy Street, just below Wawel [a hill in Cracow on the bank of the River Vistula, site of a Renaissance palace, the seat of the Polish kings], he opened a photography firm, where he specialized in photographing kids. At first the firm was called 'Zofia,' like Granddad's eldest daughter, and later 'Kamera.' I know that Granddad won commemorative medals and prizes for his photographs at exhibitions in Belgium and Paris. It was in the 1920s. He didn't go to those exhibitions himself, of course, but someone or other sent the photographs off. That was before World War I.

Granddad had this mentor for his photography, Mr. Szczepanik [Jan Szczepanik (1872-1926): inventor, worked on the electrical television, photography and cinema in color; in 1898 created color film]. He was a Pole, later known as the Polish Edison, because he really did invent all these different optical and photographic instruments; after the war someone even wrote a pamphlet about him. Thanks to Szczepanik, Granddad became a protégé of Wyspianski [Stanislaw Wyspianski (1869-1907): dramatist, poet, painter, theater reformer, one of Poland's greatest dramatists].

And that was how Granddad came to take the first photographs of the world premiere of 'Wesele' ['The Wedding' - Wyspianski's foremost play, premiered in 1901] at the Slowacki Theater in Cracow, and of the world premiere of Rydel's 'Zaczarowane koło' ['The Enchanted Wheel' by Lucjan Rydel (1870- 1918), Polish poet and dramatist; his work 'The Enchanted Wheel' was first performed in Cracow in 1899]. Wyspianski was ill by then, and had turned eccentric, but he rewarded Granddad and had him do some more photography jobs.

Granddad Wilhelm, in spite of his lack of schooling, was an 'amateur' in the noblest sense of the word - a lover of poetry, art, and the theater. He recited poetry wonderfully. His beloved poets were Slowacki, Mickiewicz 5, and Heine [Heinrich Heine (1797-1856): journalist, essayist, and one of the most significant German romantic poets], but he also valued and knew intimately all the areas where the Jewish, Polish, German, Ruthenian and Russian cultures overlapped. And Granddad spoke all those languages. He would often drop in turns of phrase that I didn't understand. They were all kinds of Ukrainianisms, but words in Yiddish too; for instance Granddad would call me loving nicknames in Yiddish. For instance, he would grab me by the nose and say: 'pipl' ['my boy']. At home my grandparents spoke only Polish.

My grandmother, Antonina, nee Kirschner, was born in Cracow in around 1869. She had a beautiful voice, and in her unmarried days sang in the city choir, 'Echo,' which performed in all sorts of institutions, including churches. Grandma was well known for her beautiful voice among young people in Cracow. She had a huge repertoire of songs, from the songs of Niewiadomski [Stanislaw Niewiadomski (1859-1936): composer and music critic], Chopin and Moniuszko [Stanislaw Moniuszko (1819-1872): composer, founder of the Polish national opera] to folk songs, often witty. Grandma had a sharp tongue altogether. I'm 80 years old now, but Grandma's songs are still with me to this day.

Granddad and Grandma Kleinberg got married in the early 1890s and went to live just below Wawel Hill, on Na Groblach Square. It was a large tenement house built at the beginning of the 19th century. My grandparents had three rooms, plus a vestibule and a bathroom. They had electricity, and hot and cold running water. The apartment was terribly cluttered and very cramped, because in those three rooms even up to ten people lived in the last years - my grandparents, their six children, and then also my mother with her husband and me.

I was born in my grandparents' apartment and lived there for the first five years of my life. I remember that in the living room, which was my grandparents' bedroom, above their marital bed, in plush frames of a dirty green color, hung two portraits, daguerreotypes of Chopin and Mickiewicz. My grandparents' neighborhood was mixed Polish and Jewish. There were a few Jews in the same house; I vaguely remember shouts in Yiddish. Before the war my grandparents moved to Sarego Street, to no. 14, into two tiny rooms, so they were living very close to Grandma and Grandpa Keiner.

The Kleinbergs, like the Keiners, weren't particularly religious. It was more tradition that they respected. Granddad Kleinberg went to Tempel Synagogue on Miodowa Street [a progressive synagogue founded in the 1840s; sermons were held in Polish and German; during the occupation the building was used as stables for horses; it was restored in the 1990s] two or three times a year. But he would stroll over there more as if he was going to a Greek Agora, to meet friends.

My grandparents didn't eat kosher food. Grandma Antonina loved cooking and made wonderful traditional Jewish dishes, but they were treated more as delicacies, and weren't kosher. I don't remember there being a traditional Sabbath at my grandparents'. I remember how Granddad Wilhelm's father, my great-grandfather, once paid a visit to Cracow. He came from Drogobych. He was a very aged man, he had a long, white beard, as wide as a spade. He certainly observed all the religious laws, but his son didn't.

Wilhelm and Antonina Kleinberg had six children: first they had three daughters, and then three sons. I was very friendly with my aunts and uncles. The eldest daughter was Zofia, born in 1894. Aunt Zofia was the most wonderful person in the family, and basically she looked after the whole family. That was typical for larger Jewish families in Galicia: caring for relatives and for people from the surrounding community in general.

Zofia was terribly overworked and highly regarded as a tailor, because she'd been to these cloth-cutting academies in Prague. Even the wife of Beck, the minister [Jozef Beck, politician, Polish foreign minister 1932- 1939], would stop off in Cracow to be measured up by Aunt Zofia on her way to Krynica [mountain spa resort in the Cracow region]. My aunt lived and had her studio at 3 Golebia Street. Later on she got married to Izydor Minder, a lawyer, Cracow Bund 6 activist and eminent bibliophile. Zofia and Izydor had one son, Jerzy, three years older than me.

The second daughter of Wilhelm and Antonina Kleinberg was my mother, Paulina, born in 1896. Mama studied chemistry for two years at the Jagiellonian University, but unfortunately she couldn't continue her studies for lack of money, and she became a typist and secretary. In 1922 she married my father.

After my mother, my aunt Irena was born, in 1898. Irena had been trained as a pianist and music teacher, but because the crisis of the 1920s hit the music world hard and groups of music lovers fell apart, in the end Irena went to work as a cutter in an underwear factory. Irena's first husband was called Maurycy Kirsch and he was the secretary at the Hebrew gymnasium in Cracow. Her next long-time boyfriend was an attorney, a Pole, and he was called Antoni Serafinski.

After Irena, twins were born in 1900, Juliusz and Edward, and in 1902 the youngest son, Roman. Juliusz was an accountant; he married Sabina and they had a son, Eryk. Edward was an oil engineer in Jedlicz, and he married a Catholic, Maria; they had one daughter, Ewa. The youngest, Roman, was a dentist in Rabka, and he married Alicja Paster, with whom he had two daughters - Ewa and Anna.

So as you can see, Granddad and Grandma Kleinberg gave all their children an education, each one in their own way in a different field. When Granddad Wilhelm turned 52, and he was ill, Zofia called a family gathering and it was agreed that they would all make a monthly contribution, if you like, for my grandparents, pay them something like a pension. And that way my grandparents survived - vegetated - through to the war in the small apartment on Sarego Street, because basically the pension that they'd drummed up was very meager. Only Roman - the dentist - and Edward - the oil engineer - were doing a bit better for themselves; the rest of the children had to work hard. And my grandparents were poor, but proud. I remember that once we were living in Rabka we would send my grandparents postage stamps so that they could afford a card to write to us.

Of the more distant family of Granddad and Grandma Kleinberg I remember Granddad Wilhelm's sister and Grandma Antonina's sister. Granddad Wilhelm's sister was called Malwina, and she got married to a Mr. Grinberg, who had a mill in Cracow.

Grandma Antonina's sister bore the surname of her first husband, Grodzicka, and that was how she was known: 'Aunt Grodzicka.' She was older than Grandma Antonina. After the death of her first husband she married an Austrian police inspector, Stein, and became a very ardent Catholic. She started working with Adam Chmielowski [Brother Albert (1845-1916): monk, canonized, ran many charitable institutions in Galicia] and collecting donations for his shelter in various Cracow coffee houses. Both aunts died during World War II, but unfortunately I don't know the circumstances of their deaths.

As for my parents, Ferdynand Keiner and Paulina, nee Kleinberg, they had met much earlier, before World War I, as very young people, but they had not yet got together. During World War I my father was a private soldier in the Austrian army 7 and was taken prisoner by the Russians in some battle, unfortunately I have no idea in which one. He remained in prison in Russia right up until 1921 and, not without some difficulty, returned to Poland. Then he and Mama got married. My parents certainly had a religious wedding.

They lived with Grandma and Granddad Kleinberg. My father worked in an attorney's office, but in Cracow and in Galicia in general, lawyers, not just Jews, were as common as muck. There were many graduates from the Jagiellonian University's Law Department every year. So to keep a family you had to move away. My mother's brother, Roman Kleinberg, had been living for some time in Rabka and was a dentist there, so he persuaded my parents to move to Rabka.

We moved from Cracow towards the end of 1929. My parents started from nothing. There was already one attorney in Rabka, Mr. Dorfman, but he lived in poverty too. My father was a very conscientious man who didn't demand much from life, so the local highlanders, who went to court at the drop of a hat, trusted him to represent them in their cases in the local court in the nearby town of Jordanow.

Growing up

It would perhaps be an overstatement to say our life got better and better, but our standard of living did improve somewhat. For the first two years we lived in a musty wooden shack, which fell down before long. Then we moved into a log cabin that was called 'Wierchy' ['The Peaks Villa'], but that didn't have running water either. There was electricity but it was always out of order. In the end we moved into a villa called 'Hojnowka.' That had a bathroom with a toilet and a bath. My parents rented a floor in 'Hojnowka' from the owner, Mrs. Hojnowa, and Father had his office there too.

The environment in Rabka was mostly Christian. Father was a member of the local elite, although he didn't like being treated as such. The elite comprised the pharmacist, Mr. Mietus, Father Surowiak the priest, the doctors, Engineer Grochowalski, and the other poor attorney. They were Poles for the most part, these glorious provincial characters, colorful personalities. Father was friendly with Doctor Tadeusz Malewski, who was from a very poor family but was a keen doctor in Rabka. Father died in his arms.

We lived opposite the church and Father would go to the parish priest, Surowiak, to play cards. Father was friendly with Jews too, of course. A few Jews had come to Rabka from Slovakia, what were known as Hungarian Jews. My father's friends were Tibor Kleinman, Lajos Brich, two friends from near Bratislava, forestry technicians, who had moved to Rabka in search of work and were employed at the sawmill there, and someone or other else, but the Jews were nevertheless in the minority. I remembered Lajos very well. This was a hugely amiable fat guy and drunk. I think there were about 200 Jews in Rabka at that time. In comparison with the local poor highlanders, who would usually have one cow and a bit of land, the Jews were a little wealthier.

In their free time my parents would go out with their friends to this dance hall, 'Pod Gwiazda' ['The Star']. There was dancing, vodka, herrings, and guest performances by Lopek Krukowski [Kazimierz 'Lopek' Krukowski (1902- 1984): a popular cabaret actor of Jewish descent]. They would organize amateur 'live tableaux', something like short plays without words. I don't remember Mama taking part in them, but Alicja - Roman Kleinberg's wife - did.

In any case, my parents didn't have too much free time. Father worked hard; twice or three times a week he would go by train the 14 kilometers to Jordanow, to the local court. Mama helped Father in his office, and kept house. We didn't have a servant. Later on Lola was taken on, who mainly took care of my upbringing.

My parents didn't have any particular political convictions. Mama was totally apolitical, with slight Bund sympathies. My father, on the other hand, favored the Zionists 8, and although he didn't get particularly involved in their cause, he did pay some subscription or other. Mama had inherited a love of Polish literature from her father, and read a lot of belles-lettres. At home my parents spoke Polish; they didn't really understand Yiddish. Sometimes they would speak German to each other, if they didn't want me to understand what they were saying.

In Rabka before the war I completed six grades of public elementary school from 1930-36 and three grades of gymnasium from 1936-39. They were Polish schools. Gymnasium made a permanent impression on me. The school was called Dr. Jan Wieczorkowski's Private Sanatorial Gymnasium with public school entitlements. Sanatorial because some of the boys lived in a boarding house that was in an old manor house and some lived in the Benedictine Fathers' boarding house in town. Parents sent their children to Wieczorkowski's gymnasium partly for the treatment but mainly to ensure that they had a decent upbringing and education, because it was a famous school.

Wieczorkowski himself was from a poor peasant family. My teachers at gymnasium - a Latinist, a mathematician and a historian - were peasants by descent. They truly loved young people. I remember the Polish teacher, Jan Kucza, and the Latin master, Jan Baystak - marvelous people! The school was well equipped, there were playing fields, laboratories, etc. And as for the pupils, it was a very bizarre mixture. Wieczorkowski took a few highlanders, the best pupils in the elementary school, because as a peasant he took the part of the peasantry. Then counts and landowners, common as muck there, they were: Krasinskis, Malachowskis, a Dunin, a few Sobanskis [names of famous, worthy Polish aristocratic families]. Then there was the Jewish plutocracy, rich as hell: some Kagan from Lodz, etc.

In my class there were only a couple of Jews. At that school it was irrelevant who was Jewish and who Polish. It's inexpressible. There was this one boy there from near Tarnopol, called Friedman. Small, hunchbacked, very ugly, spoke in a hoarse voice. Really, looking at it from a distance, he should have been isolated, but he was accepted. We had our teachers, our masters to thank for all that.

There could be no question of anti-Semitism. I remember this one instance. One time we were playing 'two tails' [a ball game popular among children] and as I was throwing the ball I accidentally hit the nose of Count Jas Krasinski from my class; well, and it started bleeding. He started blabbing, and screamed at me: 'ty zydziaku' [pejorative name for Jews]. And I smacked him in the chops. The director, Wieczorkowski, got wind of the whole thing, of course, and he had two mothers in to see him: one of them was mine, from close by, from Rabka, and the other from some estate somewhere a long way away. The Krasinskis are a big historic family. Countess Krasinska came down, and Mr. Wieczorkowski read most of his lesson at her. Madame Krasinska was very concerned by what had happened.

My closest friend at gymnasium was a highlander, Wladek Papierz, from an old Rabka highlander family. We had spent six years together at elementary school, and then all the time at gymnasium. Papierz's parents had one cow, and a scrap of field sown with oats and potatoes. When Wladek got into gymnasium his father bought him a uniform at the market. Wladek went all the way through to the war in that uniform, his sleeves only came down to his elbows. But he was my true friend, I could count on him. He didn't even have the money for some of his textbooks, so he came to my house to study every day. Our friendship survived the war. After the war Wladek Papierz became probably the best specialist in sanitary installations for hospitals in Poland.

My teacher in the humanistic sense at that time was my cousin Jerzy Minder, the son of my aunt Zofia and Izydor. Jerzy was a god to me. He came to Rabka every summer and winter vacation because his parents couldn't afford to send their son on any more expensive holidays, so on an exchange basis Mama gave Jerzy food and Aunt Zofia gave me the clothes that Jerzy grew out of.

Jerzy impressed me a lot because he knew a lot. He was the star pupil at the best gymnasium in Cracow, no. 3, the Jan III Sobieski School, and he tortured me with books. I remember how he ordered me to read 'Faust' [a philosophical epic poem by Johann Wolfgang Goethe], in the Polish translation, of course, and then he tested me on it, and I wasn't at all interested in that 'Faust,' well, not much, at any rate. Dear God, what I went through with that! I read it so as not to look a fool.

At the same time, of my own free will, at age 14, I started reading the literary press, mostly 'Wiadomosci Literackie' ['Literary News,' a culture and literary weekly published between 1924 and 1939 in Warsaw], which was my 'Bible,' and the Lwow-based 'Chwila' ['Moment,' a Polish-language Jewish magazine published in 1919-1939 in Lwow, which played a key role in shaping Jewish literary circles]. 'Chwila' had a great influence on my thinking. As a child I also had piano lessons, but I drove my teacher to despair, and I never got further than practicing scales.

In my schooldays sport was the most important thing for me. I played soccer in an amateur club, I boxed, and I swam. In Rabka there was a wonderful swimming pool, which had a through flow of mountain water, so the pool was awfully cold, but that didn't put anyone off. I started playing tennis, but I got along very poorly, and in the end I stopped, because you had to pay larger sums. In the winter I went wild skiing and skating. I have wonderful memories of Rabka in that respect!

I also remember the 'Slonko' [Sunshine] cinema in Rabka, and films with Tom Mix [(1880-1940): American actor], westerns, dramas. But best of all I remember 'Snow White,' the first Disney version. In fact, I saw that film in Cracow, in the 'Skala' cinema, where the seats were upholstered in soft plush. A ticket to the movies didn't cost a lot but you couldn't even afford to go to the cinema very often.

For unusual outgoings, like a fountain pen or a bicycle, the whole family chipped in. I had a bicycle before the war, a very good make - Rybowski. I remember how it arrived from Warsaw at the little station in Rabka, and I unpacked it with beating heart. I rode around on that bike for three or four days, left it for a moment outside Uncle Roman's house, and it got stolen.

In Rabka before the war there were two, maybe three cars. Even the doctors didn't have cars. One of the cars belonged to Lajos Brich. His car was an old two-cylinder Tatra [a Czechoslovak brand] that you could hear 2 kilometers away, and people would always say 'Oh, here comes Lajos.' Lajos always stopped outside our house and called me out to the car. For me a spin out like that was a red-letter day, and there was always a girl in the car, and they took me along as a chaperon, to keep up appearances, because reputations did matter in such a small town.

I didn't go away anywhere on holiday, because there was no money, but once in a while I would go to Cracow with Mama to visit family. I remember what an impression a trip to the Skalka Church and the tombs of great Poles made on me. I was moved by the very sight of it. [Skalka, district of Cracow, 18th-century church and monastery; the crypt of the church houses the tombs of great Poles]. Another thing I remember from Cracow is a visit to the theater to see the play 'Kosciuszko at Raclawice' [play by W.L. Anczyc, performed in Cracow theaters from 1880].

In Cracow there were two sports clubs that rivaled each other for popularity among the Jews: Maccabi 9 and Cracovia [the oldest sports club in Cracow, founded in 1906, first Polish football champion in 1921]. Cracovia is a famous football club, very open and liberal, and it had several Jews in the team. Among Maccabi's players were the two Ritterman brothers who played water polo for Poland, and Freiwaldowna, the Polish women's hurdles record holder [Felicja Freiwaldowna was seven times champion of Poland in athletics in the 1930s]. So my heart was torn between those two clubs, I wavered, but as a fan I preferred Cracovia. I didn't go to the matches, of course, because I lived in Rabka, but I was interested in and supported Cracovia.

I went to the Atlantic cinema in Cracow once. Because in that cinema there was to be a showing of a full-length film of a boxing match for the title of world champion between Hitler's heavyweight darling Max Schmeling [Max Schmeling (1905-2005): German boxer, world heavyweight champion 1930-32, during World War II a parachutist in the German army], who later took part in the Greek expedition [during World War II], and a Jew, Max Baer [Max Baer (1909-1959): American-Jewish boxer, world heavyweight champion 1934- 35], who had been thrown out of Germany.

I got to see that film thanks to a railway conductor, a former client of my father's, who smuggled me to Cracow for a few groszy. I'll never forget that film! Eighty percent of the audience were Jews with sidelocks who had never had anything to do with boxing. They went absolutely crazy, pulling hair out of their beards, even though they knew in advance what the outcome of the match would be - the Jew won.

As a teenager I had one fad: I joined Betar 10 in Rabka. There were three levels in Betar: alef, beth, gimel. I never went beyond alef, but I went to the meetings, sang Hebrew songs, I had the olive-colored uniform with the menorah on the shoulder. We had machine guns whittled from sticks. I went a bit crazy over that. I don't remember how long it lasted, about six months, I think. My Polish school friends didn't care, I carried on playing football with them, I played in goal, and that was the most important thing to them. There were no conflicts or clashes in my circle on that count. In any case, Betar was well thought of by some of the Polish political elite, because they thought they would get rid of the Jews.

My parents weren't too religious. In Rabka there was a wooden prayer house and my parents went there once a year on Judgment Day [Yom Kippur]. They spent an hour or two there, that was all. I don't remember them fasting. Neither did they keep the Sabbath in the traditional fashion. But when I was 13, they organized me a bar mitzvah, just to be with the crowd, among their own. Loyalty to the crowd and to tradition is a strong thing.

When I was 12 my mother hired this old geezer who hung around the area and knew a bit of Hebrew, to prepare me. But he didn't prepare me at all, and during the bar mitzvah he stood behind me and prompted me, and I muttered something or other. I didn't feel forced into it, but I couldn't really say that it made an impression on me. That was just how I comprehended Jewishness, as a loyalty to tradition, but without a religious character.

In Rabka I didn't know anyone of my age who had a traditional religious education; there was no cheder or yeshivah. On Judgment Day I went to shul with my parents, but I wasn't particularly interested in what went on there. I respected the fact that people prayed in tallit, but I was too absorbed by sport to think any more deeply about it. Both in Rabka and in Cracow I saw Purim revelers on the street, for instance, and I was generally aware that it was a happy holiday, in memory of Haman and Esther, but nothing more.

At Christmas we had a Christmas tree like everyone else around us. All the Jews we knew treated it like that. If we had a servant I would sing carols with her. From the church opposite May songs and Lenten songs floated across to our windows. I liked those tunes and words a lot, but before the war I had never been in a church during a mass, never even looked in out of curiosity. I don't know why, it just never came about. At school, when there was the Catholic religion class, my Jewish friends and I left, and that was perfectly natural.

In terms of symptoms of anti-Semitism, the climate in Rabka was more or less neutral in that respect. I myself didn't have any direct bad experiences. But it was tangible that from the mid-1930s anti-Semitism in Poland and in Europe intensified. In Cracow Jewish students were beaten up. That was something we talked about at home, and echoes of those racial tensions reached Rabka. Hitler became increasingly popular in Polish nationalist youth circles.

My father was deeply saddened. The general climate, the crazed nationalism, certainly contributed to his death. My father was a very sensitive man. He died on 12th January 1938. He had suffered from angina pectoris for a long time. A few days before his death some local nationalists had smeared the plaque outside his office with cow dung. But the duality of the situation was such that when Father died, the director of our gymnasium came into our class and said that he had had news that Aleksander Keiner's father had died, and he therefore asked the whole class to go to the Keiners' house, where his father was laid out, the next day, and pay their respects, but not to take their caps off.

Already before the war my mother married again, a construction entrepreneur from Rabka, Leopold Goldman. Goldman had built a very nice guest house in Rabka, 'Riwiera,' in which after the war the state opened a sanatorium for children with tuberculosis. I didn't get on badly with my stepfather, but I gradually drew away not only from him but also from my mother. So I only lived with them at the 'Riwiera' for a very short time, and then I moved to a friend's house. That was a good lesson in independence, I was 15 years old, and I had already started to earn a bit of money as a ball boy at the tennis courts.

During the war

I first heard of Hitler in the middle of the 1930s. The Jews are this accursed people who follow the newspapers from their youth, so I knew from the press that Hitler was screaming that the Jews had sold out the German fatherland, etc., but of course I didn't realize what it could lead to. I took satisfaction in Polish sporting victories over the Germans.

Rabka was situated right by the Czechoslovak border, and there were some border incidents, some acts of aggression there even before 1st September 1939 11. Seeing what was happening, my stepfather, my mother and I escaped to Cracow. My stepfather and my mother holed up somewhere in Cracow, and I went to stay with my aunt Zofia Minder. That was where I was on 1st September 1939. I remember the bombardment of Cracow, literally just a few bombs fell on the city, but it was nothing terrible compared to what happened later.

Uncle Izydor Minder and his son Jerzy resolved to escape east. I set off with them. After a few days we reached Lwow, where the Polish military administration was still in power. But shortly afterwards the Germans surrounded the town and began bombarding it very intensively. I remember how we would go down into the shelter, how the shells rained down. And all of a sudden it all stopped. The Germans had come to an agreement with the Soviets [Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact] 12.

We were left on the Soviet side. The post was still functioning perfectly then, so we would get letters from Aunt Zofia and my grandparents, who had stayed in Cracow. They were very circumspect in what they wrote about what was happening under the German occupation; in fact they were constantly worried about us - they were still in their own homes, everything was still functioning relatively normally there.

In October 1939 I made it to Podhaicy, an extremely strange little town in Podolia [today Ukraine], drowning in mud, but in beautiful countryside. After that my mother and her husband joined me in Podhaicy. I stayed in that little town until 29th June 1940 and that was a period of great love for me. There was this girl of my age there, a local, her name was Dziunia Friedman. Even after I had been exiled to the Urals, for a year and a half Dziunia continued to send me packages, even though they were very hard pressed for food themselves. In the packages there would be half a kilo of sugar, or flour, or grits. That was a big thing. Then the Germans got there and murdered all the Jews, and most likely Dziunia Friedman with them.

In Podhaicy I fell out with my stepfather again, I lived apart from them, and that was why when the NKVD 13 came on 29th June 1940 to arrest me, I was exiled alone [there were mass deportations of the local populations of areas occupied by the USSR way out to the east - the Urals, Siberia, etc. First to go were the intelligentsia, social activists, etc.]. Anyway, my mother and stepfather were also exiled about the same time.

It all happened in a very primitive way. At 4 or 5am two NKVD officers would come round with bayonets and order you to pack. I packed one cardboard case, they loaded me onto a cart, and sent me to the station in Podhaicy. I thought it was all great fun, and I treated it as an adventure. At that age a man is a silly goat. And that is how I ended up in exile in the Urals. It was different from a 'lager' [German for 'camp'] in that they didn't beat us. We were building barracks in the forest under the eye of the NKVD and Russians on conditional release from the camps. And in the end I became a decently qualified carpenter.

In exile with me were Jews from Sosnowiec, Bedzin, but also Jews from Bukovina 14, German Jews, from various different places. They often talked to each other in Yiddish and in that way I refreshed the language. I understood a lot, largely because I'd had German in gymnasium. I remember there was this one, Goldberger, a Jew from Bedzin, 'bedziner yid,' a great joker. He always had this idiotic, grinning face. And when our guard Kazantsev, who persecuted us terribly, came towards us, there was only one thing for it - Goldberger. At the sight of Kazantsev, Goldberger would get up, beaming like Svejk [Hero of the book 'The Good Soldier Svejk and His Fortunes in the World War' by the famous Czech writer Jaroslav Hasek (1883- 1923)], give him a big bear hug and pour out all the worst Jewish curses in his face. Kazantsev would ask us what it meant. And we would say to him: 'Ah, that you are such a good, wonderful man.'

I was in the Urals until the signing of the Sikorski-Majski pact 15. I heard of Anders' army 16 at once, and together with another Jewish friend I set off from the Urals for the army. We reached Anders' army, but we were not taken on due to our origins. That was disgusting. But those were not times for political manifestations; we had to find ourselves work of some sort, find ourselves a place.

When in 1943 a people's Polish army was created in the USSR [the 1st Kosciuszko Infantry Division] 17, I volunteered. My unit was called the 2nd Reserve Corps of the First Polish Army. We didn't really fight; we just followed behind the Russians. And that is how I crossed the Polish border again. And that is also how I returned to my home town. The Russians entered Cracow on 17th January 1945, and I was back in Cracow on 2nd February.

I arrived in Cracow absolutely unaware of what had happened. I started going round different addresses. I went to 4 Potockiego Street to Mrs. Helena Lgocka, a friend of my aunt Zofia's, and only then did I find out that there was no point in my going to my grandparents' apartment. I was young, I was 21, I was stupefied by my freedom. I didn't comprehend what had happened. I understood it but I wasn't paralyzed. It was really only as the years went on that the awareness of that loss, of that wild, terrible tragedy came to me.

Straight after that I was sent with my officers' school from Cracow to the front near the Pomeranian Ridge [Pomerania was an integral part of Germany that was partly awarded to Poland in 1945.], because battles were still going on. They wanted us to get a taste of soldiering. I don't remember exactly where I was on 9th May 1945 [the day on which Germany signed the capitulation]. In any case it was somewhere near the Pomeranian Ridge. Victory was no surprise; it had long been evident that the Germans were in their death throes. I rose to the rank of lieutenant in the army.

I found out about everything gradually, after the war. My grandparents on my father's side - Adolf and Gusta Keiner - were first sent by the Germans to Plaszow 18, and they were later exterminated in Belzec 19 I don't know any more details about their fate under the occupation.

Their son, Uncle Samuel Keiner, my father's brother, and his son Jan saw the war out in the Soviet Union, and after the war came back to Poland. My uncle died at the age of 80. His son Jan, after his experiences in the Soviet Union, was terribly emaciated and ill. He died at the age of 59. Samuel's other son, Jerzy, who changed his name to Korczak, fought on several fronts during the war; including being a volunteer in General Swierczewski's army [Karol Swierczewski (1897-1947): second-in-command of the Polish armed forces in the USSR]. Jerzy lives in Cracow now and is a writer. After the war we hardly kept in touch; now we are very close to each other.

As for my mother's family, both my grandparents, Wilhelm and Antonina Kleinberg, were murdered in Rabka. They escaped from Cracow, because they thought that it might be easier to survive in the provinces, and because they had some acquaintances, family, in Rabka, they fled there, but it didn't help them at all. In Rabka there wasn't a ghetto, but there was something worse than a ghetto. [Editor's note: There was a ghetto in Rabka, created in 1941, and liquidated on 30th August 1942; the Nazis transported its inhabitants to the Belzec extermination camp]. Namely there was an SS school there, where young SS men practiced killing Jews. The commandant of the school, Rosenbaum [Wilhelm Rosenbaum, a commander of an SS school in Rabka, 1941-1943], made a pastime out of killing Jews.

In Rabka, my grandparents were looked after by my nurse, Lola Schiffeldrim, whose married name was Schreiber, and her husband Leon, an engineer from Cracow. They are absolutely marvelous people, thank God; they are both still alive in Israel. In 1942 my grandparents were shot, and they are buried on Grzebien Hill in Rabka, among scores of other Jewish victims.

My grandparents' eldest daughter, my beloved Aunt Zofia, could have saved herself, she had everything it would have taken; she was a well known tailor, liked by Christians, and had a good set-up in Cracow. But she didn't want to save herself. There were rumors going round that her husband and son had perished in Russia, and she simply didn't want to live. She was in the Cracow ghetto, and then she ran the clothes-making workshops in the camp in Plaszow. She was sent for by various Nazi dignitaries' wives to their apartments to sew for them. And at the beginning of 1945 she was taken to Stutthof 20 and murdered there.

There's a story connected with Aunt Zofia. When my grandparents were murdered in Rabka, my nurse Lola Schiffeldrim moved to Cracow, to Zofia. Zofia had this one client, the secretary of a high-ranking official in the Nazi administration, and she asked her to take Lola on as a servant. But they took the risk and told the German woman that Lola was Jewish. The German was a decent woman and Lola served her until the end of the war in relative safety. They rounded her up once somewhere and took her in to the Gestapo, but the German woman went round there and made a terrible fuss, that they were persecuting an Aryan.

After the war Lola and the German woman kept up a close correspondence with each other. And Zofia didn't give herself a similar chance. As for her husband and son, who I fled east with in September 1939, they were transported way into Russia and went through a very harsh camp. Uncle Izydor died of emaciation in Samarkand [Uzbekistan] shortly after being released from the camp.

Jerzy, his son, was very ill. Back in the Cracow days, Izydor had been a well known bibliophile, a member of the 'Rara Avis Fraternity' [a pre-war association of bibliophiles, Rara Avis 'rare bird', Latin expression for curiosity, rarity], and from there he knew Professor Kot [Stanislaw Kot (1885-1975): ambassador of the Polish government to the USSR in 1941-42, after the war Polish ambassador in Rome, subsequently emigrated to the UK]. Professor Kot found Jerzy in the USSR - unfortunately Izydor was no longer alive by then - and via his diplomatic channels got him out of Russia and smuggled him to Edinburgh, to Scotland. Jerzy, very ill, died there in 1945.

My mother's other sister Irena, together with her partner, a Christian, fled Poland in 1939. In the end they wound up in London. Irena was a secretary in the Polish government in London. She died there in 1974. My mother's brother Juliusz, his wife Sabina and their son Eryk died in 1942, shot by the Germans on the road from Nowy Targ to Szczawnica. My mother's second brother, Edward, survived the war thanks to some good Christians; he went into hiding in the provinces, in eastern Galicia [annexed to the Soviet Union], in the Jedlicz region, where he worked as an engineer. His wife Maria, who was a Catholic, expended all her efforts during the war on saving their only daughter, Ewa. They both lived in Maria's native province of Krosno [100 km south-east of Cracow].

There is a terribly dramatic story surrounding that. Edward, in hiding, every so often had to find himself a new hideout. When the Germans were onto him, he decided to seek shelter with his wife. He managed to reach Maria, but she said that unfortunately she couldn't take him in. She probably considered the safety of her daughter more important. But all three managed to survive the war, and they were still a family after the war. Edward was active as an oil engineer. He died in Cracow in 1969, and Maria died literally a few days after him. At present their daughter Ewa lives in Canada, in Vancouver.

Mama's youngest brother Roman, as a soldier in the Polish Army during the September campaign in 1939, was taken prisoner by the Russians, from whom he managed to escape. He spent some time in Lwow, from where he was taken by the Russians to a very harsh camp somewhere on the Volga. After the Sikorski-Majski Pact Roman got to Uzbekistan, where he died. After the war I met a witness to his death - a woman from Przemysl who told me how Roman had died, emaciated with dysentery and typhus.

Roman's wife Alicja, with their daughters Ewa and Anna, were in hiding in various villages in the south of Poland. The problem was that although Alicja was a blue-eyed blonde, her daughters had what was known as 'the wrong looks' [i.e. they had Semitic features]. Alicja worked miracles to keep them in hiding. Towards the end of the war she met a man, a Pole, who had escaped from the Wielkopolska region in north-west Poland and they saw the war out together. After the war that man married her, and they lived together in Cracow. Alicja worked in a shop and brought her daughters up. She died in 1970. I saw Alicja and Roman's daughters recently in Cracow. One is a doctor, an oncologist, and the other an urban planner.

My mom survived the war in the USSR. She and her husband were taken from Podhaicy east at almost the same time as I was. In Russia my mother was a teacher in a Polish three-grade school organized by the Union of Polish Patriots 21, and later she worked in a kolkhoz 22 on the Black Sea. In the USSR Mama split up with her second husband and after the war, in 1946, came back to Cracow alone. After the war she did a nursing course and became a nurse in the Healthcare Society at 38 Dluga Street in Cracow. That was where she worked until the end; she knew the remnants of Cracow's Jews.

Her love of Polish literature remained with her until the end of her life. I remember her letters, written in beautiful Polish. She died in 1987 in Cracow, at the age of 91. Mama wanted to be buried in a Jewish cemetery, and so she was; she is at rest in the Jewish cemetery on Miodowa Street in Cracow. Mama, being a non-religious person, felt bound to the Jewish community, sensed a tie with the fate that in effect the outside world had apportioned to the Jews. That was why she wanted to be buried among her own.

After the war

How my life worked out after the war? After the liberation I had no idea what life would be like in Poland. Wiser folk foresaw what would happen, but I somehow stupidly imagined that things were getting better. Aunt Irena, the one who emigrated to London, desperately wanted to get me to the West. And I just didn't want to.

I remember how just after the war Professor Kot came over from London. I met him in Cracow in the Hotel Francuski, because he had some news for me from my aunt. I was surprised that Kot was so pessimistic; he said that there was no life to be had in Poland at all. He regretted that I was adamant about staying here.

Already then I was scribbling, writing poems and articles. O, how unbelievably important having something published is to a young upstart, and published not in any old rag, but in a good journal, 'Odrodzenie' ['Renaissance,' the first postwar social and literary weekly; played an important role in shaping Polish post-war literature]. I had things published in the 'Dziennik Literacki' ['Literary Daily'], a supplement to the 'Dziennik Polski' ['Polish Daily,' published from 1945 in Cracow]; I polemicised with Przybos [Julian Przybos (1901-1970): Polish poet, co- editor of Odrodzenie] on poetry. I found all that incredibly interesting. At the time I didn't really have any political views. Just to live, and for things to get better.

Of course I met people who were emigrating to Palestine or to the West. I took that as something natural. I remember how wonderfully Natan Gross [Israeli literature specialist, publicist and director, b. 1919 in Cracow, emigrated to Israel in 1950] recited poetry in this society club in Cracow; he was studying at some film school then, but he soon left for Israel.

I was interested, of course, in what was happening in Palestine, in Israel, but to tell the truth it wasn't deeply important to me. In fact it was only the Six-Day-War 23 that came as the breakthrough relation for me. On that occasion all the so-called cultured West behaved contemptibly. It wouldn't have taken much for those murderers to throw the Jews into the sea, because there were 110 million Arabs.

It was then that I realized the importance of the existence of the State of Israel and of the physical and spiritual survival of the nation. The situation in Israel came home to me. I realized that Europe is a bunch of cynical rogues and Israel has to cope on its own, with the help of American money, of course. Even to this day I can't understand how Israel did it then with such a small army. I don't know. In a word, it was then that I realized that the fate of Israel is in a sense my fate.

I have been to Israel twice, the first time in 1984, and then in 1987. I visited the country as a traveler and writer, but first and foremost as a seeker of links between the ancient and the contemporary. I was successful in finding many such elements. I do not have family in Israel, only friends, among them my nurse from Rabka that I mentioned, Lola Schiffeldrim and her husband Leon.

Israel made a great impression on me, because it's a miracle. It's a terrible country, I mean the rocks, the sands, the dryness. For five months of the year not a drop of rain falls there at all, and what they have done! It's quite simply incredible. Only work gives the right to the land. That's my opinion. When the Turks, the English, the Arabs and others ruled there, for hundreds of years they did nothing there. It was a desert. And now it's a garden. The Israelis have built up industry and agriculture. Unbelievable. I'm too old to think about aliyah [immigration to Israel] now, but if I were younger, I don't know, I'm not sure. To this day I have very strong emotional ties with Israel.

My whole life in post-war Poland has been connected with journalism and writing. Initially I traveled a little, anyhow, all over the Western Lands [Regained lands] 24. I tried to put down roots there, but I didn't like it. In the end I went back to Cracow and worked first in 'Przekroj' ['Cross- section,' an illustrated weekly published from 1945 in Cracow and now in Warsaw]. After my move to Warsaw in 1948 I worked in the editorial offices of 'Zycie Warszawy' ['Warsaw Life,' a daily paper published since 1944] and 'Swiat' ['World,' a weekly illustrated magazine published 1951-1969 in Warsaw].

I wasn't a party member; I was fairly insubordinate, listened to my common sense, so my superiors didn't trust me. Common sense was the enemy of the [Polish] People's Republic. In 1968 I was thrown out of my job [cf. Gomulka Campaign] 25. I was given a few warnings, taken for interrogations. I was out of work for a while. This director of journalistic affairs called me in and said to me, 'I have to tell you straight that there is no room for you in our press. If you can find something yourself, then we'll see.'

I already had a dozen or so books in print behind me, but I realized that there was a serious possibility that I might have to leave Poland. Here, some good people directed me to Maria Borowska [Maria Borowska, wife of Tadeusz Borowski, well-known prose writer and poet, author of chilling short stories about Auschwitz; his wife Maria was also a prisoner in Auschwitz], who was the editor-in-chief of 'Ty i Ja' ['You and I,' illustrated women's monthly published in Warsaw in 1960-73], and a bold, wonderful person. Borowska stood up to those dogs and she took me on at once. I worked there until I retired.

Now I am a regular contributor to 'Midrasz' ['Midrash,' a Polish social and cultural monthly magazine on Jewish themes, published in Warsaw since 1997]. Another important part of my life beside my journalism and publicistic work is translation. I know German, Russian, English, French and Hebrew. I have translated from all those languages. I have no particular sentiment for Hebrew. I learned it only after the war, because all that remained in my head from my pre-war study was the alphabet. I consider it a very rich, marvelous language. I started translating from it in 1988, but for me German is a better tool.

Besides translations I have always been and still am active as an essayist and poet and as a writer. Privately, the work I value the most is my volume of 'Wiersze wybrane' ['Selected Poems'] published in 1989 by the publishing house Czytelnik, and my 'Pozne sonety' ['Late Sonnets'] written over the last four years and published in 2003 by Wydawnictwo Literackie.

My change of surname from Keiner to Ziemny is connected with my writing. When I worked on 'Przekroj' I was called Keiner, but I signed myself Ziemny. The name Ziemny comes from the word 'ziemia' [earth, land, soil]. I just thought it up, out of my head. That was my pen name, which in time became my surname.

The Austrians sent the worst idiots to Galicia as civil servants, and it was they who gave the Galician Jews their surnames [cf. Jewish surnames] 26. The more offensive, the better and the funnier. I was called Keiner, meaning 'none', and my cousin Minder, 'lesser, worse.' If you had money and paid one of those pen-pushers, you could be called Himmelblau [literally 'Heaven-blue'] or Silberstein [literally 'silver stone']. I saw no reason to cling to such a surname, and officially over 50 years ago I changed my name to Ziemny.

If I were to comment on the events of 1989 27, I have to admit that I sympathized with that clown Walesa 28, but initially I wouldn't have given a crooked ha'penny for his abilities and knowledge. Now Polish politics is one big mess, a theater of grim puppets, irrespective of whether they're left or right-wing. That's what I'd say.

As for my personal life, in 1948 I married a Jewish woman, Maria, nee Zipper, born in 1922 in Cracow. After our marriage I moved to Warsaw. I already knew my wife before the war, but not very well; our mothers were simply school friends. After the war we found each other again; all that largely depended on a series of coincidences. At the time, people wanted to live, to get together with somebody, you didn't ask about specific traits of character, it was irrelevant whether or not the other person was Jewish.

After ten years of marriage we divorced and that is my only formal marriage. Before that we had two daughters: in 1948 Alina Barbara, and in 1954 Malgorzata Zofia. I'm this Jewish family man, so even after the divorce I had a say in the upbringing of my daughters, we had frequent contact, my wife didn't put obstacles in the way of that.

Both my daughters consider themselves Jewish. The elder, who studied horticulture at the Warsaw School of Rural Management, emigrated to France. She lived in Paris for a while, and then settled in Metz. She is married to an architect there - Gerard Cahen, who comes from an old Jewish family. Although my daughter's family isn't very religious, they uphold the custom of celebrating the Sabbath. They also go to synagogue once or twice a year. Alina has one daughter, who is married to a Mexican. My granddaughter is currently expecting a baby.

My other daughter Malgorzata lives in Warsaw and is single. At present she works as a secretary, but she trained as an optician. Malgorzata isn't religious, she doesn't go to synagogue, but she likes attending events organized by the TSKZ 29. She has a lot of friends there, although she also has a lot of Polish friends, of course.

I personally came to the spiritual side of Jewishness gradually. I never doubted my origins, of course, that was clear. As for religion, my attitude hasn't changed since my youth. I don't go to synagogue in Warsaw, but I respect religion. Although the religion is the foundation of the culture, thought and traditions, Judaism simply isn't important to me, but Jewishness is. On my school certificates before the war I gave my creed as Jewish. But I and my parents always gave our nationality as Polish. But that hasn't lasted, because in the meantime there was 1968, and then I began putting 'Polish Jew.'

Two years ago, though, during the last population census, I gave my nationality as Jewish. With full conviction. I came to that conclusion in the light of a number of experiences, but not in terms of bitter reflection. Quite simply, I am a Jew and I consider myself a Jew. What is important to me is that I have learned that Jews have a deep-rooted need for truth and justice, and that is something that over the years has come to play an increasingly important role for me.

Glossary:

1 Galicia

Informal name for the lands of the former Polish Republic under Habsburg rule (1772-1918), derived from the official name bestowed on these lands by Austria: the Kingdom of Galicia and Lodomeria. From 1815 the lands west of the river San (including Krakow) began by common consent to be called Western Galicia, and the remaining part (including Lemberg), with its dominant Ukrainian population Eastern Galicia. Galicia was agricultural territory, an economically backward region. Its villages were poor and overcrowded (hence the term 'Galician misery'), which, given the low level of industrial development (on the whole processing of agricultural and crude-oil based products) prompted mass economic emigration from the 1890s; mainly to the Americas. After 1918 the name Eastern Malopolska for Eastern Galicia was popularized in Poland, but Ukrainians called it Western Ukraine.

2 Kazimierz

Now a district of Cracow lying south of the Main Market Square, it was initially a town in its own right, which received its charter in 1335. Kazimierz was named in honor of its founder, King Casimir the Great. In 1495 King Jan Olbracht issued the decision to transfer the Jews of Cracow to Kazimierz. From that time on a major part of Kazimierz became a center of Jewish life. Before 1939 more than 64,000 Jews lived in Cracow, which was some 25% of the city's total population. Only the culturally assimilated Jewish intelligentsia lived outside Kazimierz. Until the outbreak of World War II this quarter remained primarily a Jewish district, and was the base for the majority of the Jewish institutions, organizations and parties. The religious life of Cracow's Jews was also concentrated here; they prayed in large synagogues and a multitude of small private prayer houses. In 1941 the Jews of Cracow were removed from Kazimierz to the ghetto, created in the district of Podgorze, where some died and the remainder were transferred to the camps in Plaszow and Auschwitz. The majority of the pre-war monuments, synagogues and Jewish cemeteries in Kazimierz have been preserved to the present day, and a few Jewish institutions continue to operate.

3 Jagiellonian University

In Polish 'Uniwersytet Jagiellonski,' it is the university of Cracow, founded in 1364 by Casimir III of Poland and which has maintained high level learning ever since. In the 19th century the university was named Jagiellonian to commemorate the dynasty of Polish kings. (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagellonian_University)

4 Slowacki, Juliusz (1809-1849)

One of the most outstanding Polish Romantic poets and revolutionaries, alongside Mickiewicz and Krasinski, called 'the national bard.' Born in Krzemieniec (Kremenets, Ukraine), he graduated from the University of Vilna (Wilno, Vilnius, Lithuania), later went to Paris as the Courier of the National Government and settled there. He spent several years in Switzerland, traveled all over Europe, to Egypt, Palestine and Syria. His poems deal with the struggle for independence, the past of the nation and the causes of the partitions. After the Wielkopolskie Uprising (1848) broke out, Slowacki went to Poznan (Posen, Prussian partition) in spite of advanced pneumonia, later he joined the Polish expatriates in Paris, where he died. His best known works include the plays Kordian, Balladyna, and Sen Srebrny Salomei (The Silver Dream of Salome), and the epic poems Beniowski, Anhelli, Krol-Duch (King-Spirit). (Source: http://www.encyclopedia.com/html/s/slowacki.asp)

5 Mickiewicz, Adam (1798-1855)

Often regarded as the greatest Polish poet. As a student he was arrested for nationalist activities by the tsarist police in 1823. In 1829 he managed to emigrate to France and worked as professor of literature at different universities. During the 1848 revolution in France and the Crimean War he attempted to organize legions for the Polish cause. Mickiewicz's poetry gave international stature to Polish literature. His powerful verse expressed a romantic view of the soul and the mysteries of life, often employing Polish folk themes.

6 Bund in Poland

Largest and most influential Jewish workers' party in pre-war Poland. Founded 1897 in Vilnius. From 1915, the Polish branch operated independently. Ran in parliamentary and local elections. Bund identified itself as a socialist Jewish party, criticized the Soviet Union and communism, rejected Zionism as a utopia, and Orthodoxy as a barrier on the road towards progress, demanded the abolition of all discrimination against Jews, fully equal rights for them, and the right for the free development of Yiddish-language secular Jewish culture. Bund enjoyed particularly strong support in central and south-eastern Poland, especially in large cities. Controlled numerous organizations: women's, youth, sport, educational (TsIShO), as well as trade unions. Affiliated with the party were a youth organization, Tsukunft, and a children's organization, Skif. During the war, the Bund operated underground, and participated in armed resistance, including in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising as part of the Jewish Fighting Organization (ZOB) led by Marek Edelman. After the war, the Bund leaders joined the Central Committee of Polish Jews, where they postulated, in opposition to the Zionists, a reconstruction of the Jewish community in Poland. In January 1949, the Bund leaders dissolved the organization, urging its members to join the communist Polish United Workers' Party.

7 KuK (Kaiserlich und Königlich) army

The name 'Imperial and Royal' was used for the army of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, as well as for other state institutions of the Monarchy originated from the dual political system. Following the Compromise of 1867, which established the Dual Monarchy, Austrian emperor and Hungarian King Franz Joseph was the head of the state and also commander-in-chief of the army. Hence the name 'Imperial and Royal'.

8 Zionist parties in Poland

All the programs of the Zionist parties active in Poland in the interwar period were characterized by their common aims of striving to establish a permanent home for the Jews in Palestine, to revive the Hebrew language, and to further political activity among the Jews (general Zionist program). They also worked to improve the lot of the Jews in Poland, and therefore ran at the Polish elections. In the Sejm (Polish Parliament) Zionist parties gained 32 of the total 47 seats won by the Jewish parties in 1922. Poalei Zion, founded in 1906, and divided in 1920 into Left Poalei Zion and Right Poalei Zion, represented left-wing views. Mizrachi, founded in 1902, united religious Zionists with a conservative social program. The Zionist Organization in Poland advocated a liberal program. Hitakhdut (Zionist Labor Party), established in 1920, combined a nationalist ideology with a socialist one. The Union of Zionist Revisionists, set up in 1925 by Vladimir (Zeev) Jabotinsky, sought the expansion of its own military structures and the achievement of the Zionist movement's aims by force. The majority of these parties were members of the World Zionist Organization, an institution co-ordinating the Zionist movement founded in 1897 in Basel. The most important Zionist newspapers in Poland included: Hatsefira, Haint, Der Moment and Nasz Preglad (Our Review).

9 Maccabi in Poland

Clubs of the Wordwide 'Maccabi' Jewish-Sports Association were created on Polish lands since the beginning of the 20th century, for example the club in Lwow was created in 1901, the club in Cracow in 1907, the club in Warsaw in 1915. In 1930, during a general assembly of the 'Maccabi' clubs, it was decided that 'Maccabi' would merge with the Jewish Physical Education Council and create one Polish Branch of 'Maccabi' with a strong Zionist character. 241 clubs were part of 'Maccabi' in 1931, with 45,000 participants. All Zionist youth organizations were part of 'Maccabi.' 'Maccabi' organized numerous sports events, including the 'Maccabi Games,' parades, instructors' workshops, camps for children. The club has its own libraries, choirs, bands and the Kfar ha-Maccabi fund for settling in Palestine.

10 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right- wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

11 German Invasion of Poland

The German attack of Poland on 1st September 1939 is widely considered the date in the West for the start of World War II. After having gained both Austria and the Bohemian and Moravian parts of Czechoslovakia, Hitler was confident that he could acquire Poland without having to fight Britain and France. (To eliminate the possibility of the Soviet Union fighting if Poland were attacked, Hitler made a pact with the Soviet Union, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact.) On the morning of 1st September 1939, German troops entered Poland. The German air attack hit so quickly that most of Poland's air force was destroyed while still on the ground. To hinder Polish mobilization, the Germans bombed bridges and roads. Groups of marching soldiers were machine-gunned from the air, and they also aimed at civilians. On 1st September, the beginning of the attack, Great Britain and France sent Hitler an ultimatum - withdraw German forces from Poland or Great Britain and France would go to war against Germany. On 3rd September, with Germany's forces penetrating deeper into Poland, Great Britain and France both declared war on Germany.

12 Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact

Non-aggression pact between Germany and the Soviet Union, which became known under the name of Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. Engaged in a border war with Japan in the Far East and fearing the German advance in the west, the Soviet government began secret negotiations for a non-aggression pact with Germany in 1939. In August 1939 it suddenly announced the conclusion of a Soviet-German agreement of friendship and non- aggression. The Pact contained a secret clause providing for the partition of Poland and for Soviet and German spheres of influence in Eastern Europe.

13 NKVD

(Russ.: Narodnyi Komissariat Vnutrennikh Del), People's Committee of Internal Affairs, the supreme security authority in the USSR - the secret police. Founded by Lenin in 1917, it nevertheless played an insignificant role until 1934, when it took over the GPU (the State Political Administration), the political police. The NKVD had its own police and military formations, and also possessed the powers to pass sentence on political matters, and as such in practice had total control over society. Under Stalin's rule the NKVD was the key instrument used to terrorize the civilian population. The NKVD ran a network of labor camps for millions of prisoners, the Gulag. The heads of the NKVD were as follows: Genrikh Yagoda (to 1936), Nikolai Yezhov (to 1938) and Lavrenti Beria. During the war against Germany the political police, the KGB, was spun off from the NKVD. After the war it also operated on USSR-occupied territories, including in Poland, where it assisted the nascent communist authorities in suppressing opposition. In 1946 the NKVD was renamed the Ministry of the Interior.

14 Bukovina

Historical region, located East of the Carpathian Mountain range, bordering with Transylvania, Galicia and Moldova. In 1775 it became a Habsburg territory as a consequence of the Kuchuk-Kainarji Treaty (1774) between the Habsburg and the Ottoman Empire. After the fall of Austria- Hungary Bukovina was annexed to Romania (1920). In 1939 a non-aggression pact was signed between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union (Molotov- Ribbentrop Pact), which also meant dividing Eastern Europe into German and Soviet spheres of interest. Taking advantage of the pact, the Soviet Union claimed in an ultimatum from 1940 some of the Romanian territories. Romania was forced to renounce Bessarabia and Northern-Bukovina, including Czernowitz (Cernauti, Chernovtsy). Bukovina was characterized by ethnic and religious pluralism; the ethnic communities included Germans, Poles, Jews, Hungarians, Ukrainians and Romanians, the most dominant religious persuasions were Eastern Orthodoxy and Roman Catholicism. In 1930 some 93,000 Jews lived in Bukovina, which was 10,9% of the entire population.

15 The Sikorski-Majski Pact

Concluded on 30th July 1941 between the governments of Poland and the USSR in London, it contained a declaration by the Soviet authorities that the Soviet-German pacts of 1939 regarding territorial changes in Poland were no longer valid, a joint declaration of the resumption of diplomatic relations, mutual aid and support in the war against the Third Reich, and Soviet consent to the creation of a Polish Army in the USSR. Auxiliary protocols provided for the amnesty of Polish citizens imprisoned in the USSR (on the basis of the decree of the Presidium of the Supreme Council of the USSR of 12th August 1941 several hundred thousand people were released).

16 Anders' Army

The Polish Armed Forces in the USSR, subsequently the Polish Army in the East, known as Anders' Army: an operations unit of the Polish Armed Forces formed pursuant to the Polish-Soviet Pact of 30th July 1941 and the military agreement of 14th July 1941. It comprised Polish citizens who had been deported into the heart of the USSR: soldiers imprisoned in 1939-41 and civilians amnestied in 1941 (some 1.25-1.6m people, including a recruitment base of 100,000-150,000). The commander-in- chief of the Polish Armed Forces in the USSR was General Wladyslaw Anders. The army never reached its full quota (in February 1942 it numbered 48,000, and in March 1942 around 66,000). In terms of operations it was answerable to the Supreme Command of the Red Army, and in terms of organization and personnel to the Supreme Commander, General Wladyslaw Sikorski and the Polish government in exile. In March-April 1942 part of the Army (with Stalin's consent) was sent to Iran (33,000 soldiers and approx. 10,000 civilians). The final evacuation took place in August-September 1942 pursuant to Soviet-British agreements concluded in July 1942 (it was the aim of General Anders and the British powers to withdraw Polish forces from the USSR); some 114,000 people, including 25,000 civilians (over 13,000 children) left the Soviet Union. The units that had been evacuated were merged with the Polish Army in the Middle East to form the Polish Army in the East, commanded by Anders.

17 The 1st Kosciuszko Infantry Division

Tactical grouping formed in the USSR from May 1943. The victory at Stalingrad and the gradual assumption of the strategic initiative by the Red Army strengthened Stalin's position in the anti-fascist coalition and enabled him to exert increasing influence on the issue of Poland. In April 1943, following the public announcement by the Germans of their discovery of mass graves at Katyn, Stalin broke off diplomatic relations with the Polish government in exile and using the Poles in the USSR, began openly to build up a political base (the Union of Polish Patriots) and an army: the 1st Kosciuszko Infantry Division numbered some 11,000 soldiers and was commanded first by General Zygmunt Berling (1943-44), and subsequently by the Soviet General Bewziuk (1944-45). In August 1943 the division was incorporated into the 1st Corps of the Polish Armed Forces in the USSR, and from March 1944 was part of the Polish Army in the USSR. The 1st Division fought at Lenino on 12-13 October 1943, and in Praga in September 1944. In January 1945 it marched into Warsaw, and in April-May 1945 it took part in the capture of Berlin. After the war it became part of the Polish Army.

18 Plaszow Camp

Located near Cracow, it was originally a forced labor camp and subsequently became a concentration camp. The construction of the camp began in summer 1940. In 1941 the camp was extended and the first Jews were deported there. The site chosen comprised two Jewish cemeteries. There were about 2,000 prisoners there before the liquidation of the Podgorze (Cracow) ghetto on 13th and 14th March 1943 and the transportation of the remaining Jews to Plaszow camp. Afterwards, the camp population rose to 8,000. By the second half of 1943 its population had risen to 12,000, and by May-June 1944 the number of permanent prisoners had increased to 24,000 (with an unknown number of temporary prisoners), including 6,000-8,000 Jews from Hungary. Until the middle of 1943 all the prisoners in the Plaszow forced labor camp were Jews. In July 1943, a separate section was fenced off for Polish prisoners who were sent to the camp for breaking the laws of the German occupational government. The conditions of life in the camp were made unbearable by the SS commander Amon Goeth, who became the commandant of Plaszow in February 1943. He held the position until September 1944 when he was arrested by the SS for stealing from the camp warehouses. As the Russian forces advanced further and further westward, the Germans began the systematic evacuation of the slave labor camps in their path. From the camp in Plaszow, many hundreds were sent to Auschwitz, others westward to Mauthausen and Flossenburg. On 18th January 1945 the camp was evacuated in the form of death marches, during which thousands of prisoners died from starvation or disease, or were shot if they were too weak to walk. The last prisoners were transferred to Germany on 16th January 1945. More than 150,000 civilians were held prisoner in Plaszow.

19 Belzec

Village in Lublin region of Poland (Tomaszow district). In 1940 the Germans created a forced labor camp there for 2,500 Jews and Roma. In November 1941 it was transformed into an extermination camp (SS Sonderkommando Belzec or Dienststelle Belzec der Waffen SS) under the 'Reinhard-Aktion,' in which the Germans murdered around 600,000 people (chiefly in gas chambers), including approximately 550,000 Polish Jews (approx. 300,000 from the province of Galicia) and Jews from the USSR, Austria, Belgium, Czechoslovakia, Denmark, Holland, Germany, Norway and Hungary; many Poles from surrounding towns and villages and from Lwow also died here, mostly for helping Jews. In November 1942 the Nazis began liquidating the camp. In the spring of 1943 the camp was demolished and the corpses of the gassed victims exhumed from their mass graves and burned. The last 600 Jews employed in this work were then sent to the Sobibor camp, where they died in the gas chambers.

20 Stutthof (Pol

Sztutowo): German concentration camp 36 km east of Gdansk. The Germans also created a series of satellite camps in the vicinity: Stolp, Heiligenbeil, Gerdauen, Jesau, Schippenbeil, Seerappen, Praust, Burggraben, Thorn and Elbing. The Stutthof camp operated from 2nd September 1939 until 9th May 1945. The first group of prisoners (several hundred people) were Jews from Gdansk. Until 1943 small groups of Jews from Warsaw, Bialystok and other places were sent there. In early 1944 some 20,000 Auschwitz survivors were relocated to Stutthof. In spring 1944 the camp was extended significantly and was made into a death camp; subsequent transports comprised groups of Jews from Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary and Lodz in Poland. Towards the end of 1944 around 12,000 prisoners were taken from Stutthof to camps in Germany - Dachau, Buchenwald, Neuengamme and Flossenburg. In January 1945 the evacuation of Stutthof and its satellite camps began. In that period some 29,000 prisoners passed through the camp (including 26,000 women), 26,000 of whom died during the evacuation. Of the 52,000 or so people who were taken to Stutthof and its satellites, around 3,000 survived.

21 Union of Polish Patriots (ZPP)

Political organization founded in March 1943 by Polish communists in the USSR. It served Stalin's policy with regard to the Polish question. The ZPP drew up the terms on which the communists took power in post-war Poland. It developed its range of activities more fully after the Soviet authorities broke off diplomatic contact with the government of the Republic of Poland in exile (Apr. 1943). The upper ranks of the ZPP were dominated by communists (from Jan. 1944 concentrated in the Central Bureau of Polish Communists), who did not reveal the organization's long-term aims. The ZPP propagated slogans such as armed combat against the Germans, alliance with the USSR, parliamentary democracy and moderate social and economic reforms in post-war Poland, and redefinition of Poland's eastern border. It considered the ruling bodies of the Republic of Poland in exile to be illegal. It conducted propaganda campaigns (its press organ was called 'Wolna Polska' - Free Poland), and organized community care and education and cultural activities. From May 1943 it co-operated in the organization of the First Kosciuszko Infantry Division, and later the Polish Army in the USSR (1944). In July 1944, the ZPP was formally subordinated to the National Council and participated in the formation of the Polish Committee for National Liberation. From 1944- 46, the ZPP resettled Poles and Jews from the USSR to Poland. It was dissolved in August 1946.

22 Kolkhoz

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

23 Six-Day-War

(Hebrew: Milhemet Sheshet Hayamim), also known as the 1967 Arab-Israeli War, Six Days War, or June War, was fought between Israel and its Arab neighbors Egypt, Jordan, and Syria. It began when Israel launched a preemptive war on its Arab neighbors; by its end Israel controlled the Gaza Strip, the Sinai Peninsula, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. The results of the war affect the geopolitics of the region to this day.

24 Regained Lands

Term describing the eastern parts of Germany (Silesia, Pomerania, Eastern Prussia, etc.) annexed to Poland after World War II, following the Teheran and Yalta agreements between the allies. After 1945 Germans were expelled from the area, and Poles (as well as Jews to some extent) from the former Polish lands annexed to the Soviet Union in 1939 were settled in their place. A Polonization campaign was also waged - place names were altered, Protestant cemeteries were destroyed, etc. The Society for the Development of the Western Lands (TRZZ), founded in 1957, organized propaganda campaigns justifying the right of the Polish state to the territories, popularizing the social, economic and cultural transformations, and advocating integration with the rest of the country.

25 Gomulka Campaign

A campaign to sack Jews employed in the Ministry of Internal Affairs, the army and the central administration. The trigger of this anti-Semitic campaign was the involvement of the Socialist Bloc countries on the Arab side in the Middle East conflict, in connection with which Moscow ordered purges in state institutions. On 19th June 1967, at a trade union congress, the then First Secretary of the Polish United Workers' Party [PZPR], Wladyslaw Gomulka, accused the Jews of lack of loyalty to the state and of publicly demonstrating their enthusiasm for Israel's victory in the Six-Day-War. This marked the start of purges among journalists and people of other creative professions. Poland also severed diplomatic relations with Israel. On 8th March 1968 there was a protest at Warsaw University. The Ministry of Internal Affairs responded by launching a press campaign and organizing mass demonstrations in factories and workplaces during which 'Zionists' and 'trouble-makers' were indicted and anti-Semitic and anti-intelligentsia slogans shouted. Following the events of March, purges were also staged in all state institutions, from factories to universities, on criteria of nationality and race. 'Family liability' was also introduced (e.g. with respect to people whose spouses were Jewish). Jews were forced to emigrate. From 1968-1971 15,000-30,000 people left Poland. They were stripped of their citizenship and right of return.

26 Jewish surnames

Polish Jews began using surnames in the 18th century; earlier they only used first names and cognomens. In 1787 Joseph II seeking a modern, centralized and German-speaking state ordered the Jews to take German surnames in the whole Habsburg Empire, including the previously Polish province of Galicia and Lodomeria (acquired in 1772). The registration of surnames cost money, attractive ones more than common ones. In 1796 a similar law came into force in the Kingdom of Prussia, that gained the Western parts of the Kingdom of Poland between 1772 and 1795 and finally also in 1804 in the Russian Empire, which possessed the Eastern and Central parts of the previous Poland starting in 1795.

27 Poland 1989

In 1989 the communist regime in Poland finally collapsed and the process of forming a multiparty, pluralistic, democratic political system and introducing a capitalist economy began. Communist policy and the deepening economic crisis since the early 1980s had caused increasing social discontent and weariness and the radicalization of moods among Solidarity activists (Solidarity: a trade union that developed into a political party and played a key role in overthrowing communism). On 13th December 1981 the PZPR (Polish United Worker's Party) had introduced martial law (lifted on 22nd June 1983). Growing economic difficulties, social moods and the strength of the opposition persuaded the national authorities to begin gradually liberalizing the political system. Changes in the USSR also influenced the policy of the PZPR. A series of strikes in April-May and August 1988, and demonstrations in many towns and cities forced the authorities to seek a compromise with the opposition. After a few months of meetings and consultations Round Table negotiations took place (6th February-5th April 1989) with the participation of Solidarity activists (Lech Walesa) and the democratic opposition (Bronislaw Geremek, Jacek Kuron, Tadeusz Mazowiecki). The resolutions it passed signaled the end of the PZPR's monopoly on power and cleared the way for the overthrow of the system. In parliamentary elections (4th June 1989) the PZPR and its subordinate political groups suffered defeat. In fall 1989 a program of fundamental economic, social and ownership transformations was drawn up and in Janunary 1990 the PZPR dissolved.

28 Walesa, Lech (b

1943): Leader of the Solidarity movement, politician, Nobel-prize winner. Originally he was an electrician in the Gdansk shipyard and became a main organizer of strikes there that gradually grew to be nation-wide and greatly influenced Polish politics in the 1980s. Co-founder of the Solidarity (Solidarnost) trade union in 1980, representing the workers (and later much of the Polish society) against the communist nomenclature. He was one of the promoters of the thorough reconstruction of the Polish political and economic system, the creation of a sovereign democratic state with a market economy. In 1983 he received the Nobel Peace Prize. From 1990-1995 he was president of the Republic of Poland.

29 Social and Cultural Society of Polish Jews (TSKZ)

Founded in 1950 when the Central Committee of Polish Jews merged with the Jewish Society of Culture. From 1950-1991 it was the sole body representing Jews in Poland. Its statutory aim was to develop, preserve and propagate Jewish culture. During the socialist period this aim was subordinated to communist ideology. Post-1989 most young activists gravitated towards other Jewish organizations. However, the SCSPJ continues to organize a range of cultural events and has its own magazine - The Jewish Word. It is primarily an organization of older people, who, however, have been involved with it for years.

Dagmar Simova

Dagmar Simova
Prague
Czech Republic
Interviewer: Lenka Koprivova
Date of interview: March - April 2006

Mrs. Dagmar Simova is yet another of the children who owe their lives to Nicholas Winton 1. Her childhood was spent in a quiet little town nestled in the Kasperk Mountains, and she very much enjoys telling engaging stories about all the sorts of mischief she got up to there. Mrs. Simova was quite the rapscallion... Unfortunately the war ended this part of her life, and she spent the war years in exile in England. As the niece of a prominent diplomat, she was very close to the Czechoslovak political émigré community, and more than a few of her memories are tied to leading politicians of the Czechoslovak state. Upon her return to her homeland, and after February 1948, she however paid the price for these connections and for her determined resistance to the Communist regime, and among other things was expelled from university... Mrs. Simova didn't want to discuss the post-war period very much, and so in her story, her memories of the happy and carefree years of her life dominate.

 

Family background">Family background

The families of my grandfather, Hynek Deiml, and of my grandmother, Emilie Straussova, came from the same village, Dobriv, by Rokycany. They were the only two Jewish families that lived there, and were completely assimilated into their Czech surroundings. Dobriv didn't even have a synagogue, the closest one was in Rokycany, which they visited perhaps once a year, when they would go to Rokycany to shop. They definitely didn't normally go there.

Grandpa Hynek was born sometime before the year 1860; Grandma Emilie was born in 1861. Both were from crofter families, which means that they had a small field, a bit of poultry... They likely had siblings, but I know only of Grandma's brother, because after the war, when I returned from England, his wife, Ema Straussova, was my only relative that had survived the war, and I then lived with her for some time.

My grandfather was a very enterprising person. As the youngest son and a good student, he was sent to high school in Rokycany. And what's important is that at the age of 16 he in some fashion artistically 'improved' a painting of His Highness the emperor, he gave him something extra. Perhaps it was even in school. This of course landed him in hot water, and at home too, because his family was afraid of what they'd do to them. Back then things were quite strict. And so Grandpa picked up and left. He didn't have even a crown in his pocket, and many weeks later he arrived on foot all the way over in Hamburg, where he took a job as a servant on a ship, and left for America.

He then lived in America for a relatively long time; he got to Chicago, where he found an area where it was completely impossible to find any vegetables. Back then there of course weren't any cars, nothing, so he borrowed some money and a pushcart, and each morning he'd haul a pushcart full of vegetables to that area. This is how he started, and gradually he worked his way up to his own vegetable wholesale business. But when he wanted to get married, he wanted to marry a Czech woman, so he once again bought himself a boat ticket, returned to Dobriv, married my grandmother and opened up a shop there. In his shop he then sold absolutely everything. My grandparents lived in Dobriv until about 1926 or 1927. When I was born they were already living in Strakonice, later they then moved to Prague.

My father was the youngest of seven children. His oldest sister, Alberta, died very young, and the two children that she left behind were then brought up by another of their sisters, Malvina. Malvina was born in 1879 and died in 1942. Next was Zofie, who was born in 1880 and also died in 1942, then Josef, born in 1882 and died in 1944, then in 1884 came Frantisek, who died as a child, then Helena, born in 1888, died in 1943. None of the siblings, that is, except for those that had died earlier, survived the war. Except for Josef, who had an Aryan wife, they all died in concentration camps. But Josef was working against the Germans, they arrested him and he died in jail in 1944.

My father, Rudolf Deiml, was born as the youngest of seven children on 14th December 1889. He graduated in medicine in Prague, served as a doctor on the Eastern front in Russia, and then opened a practice in Strakonice. I don't really remember him telling me anything about his childhood, but I do remember one story from when he wasn't yet married. He bet on the horses a lot, and used to have a fair bit of luck. One time he got lucky and won a larger amount of money, with which he bought a small car. An Aero or something like that. But not only did he not have a driver's license, he didn't even know how to drive, and now, where to take the car? So, to Dobriv, to his mother's. Some friend of his drove it there for him, on the outskirts of the village my father got out, took a rope, tied it to the car, threw the rope over his shoulder and towed it home. A practical joker. This he told me about. And then when he got his license and went out for his first drive, he hit a cow. It had to be put down. Grandma carried on of course, because the family then had to pay for it.

My father's family, and my mother's as well, was perfectly assimilated. For sure they didn't keep kosher or anything like that. All my father's sisters married Jews: Berta was Baumlova, Malvina was Schlessingerova, Zofie - Steinerova, Helena - Witzova. Uncle Pepa's [Josef] first wife was also Jewish, they had one daughter together. But his second wife was Aryan, which is why my uncle didn't go to Terezin 2. He made a living as a merchant, and he and my father were very close, in fact they even looked alike. Aunt Berta died relatively young, and Aunt Malva [Malvina] and Grandpa and Grandma then took care of her two children. Actually it was because of them that my grandparents moved, first to Strakonice, where we were already living as well, the orphans were attending high school there, then to Prague, where they attended university. Besides Aunt Helena, who lived in Chrudim, all my relatives lived in Prague. Grandpa died in 1934. All I remember of him is him sitting in a brown leather chair and smoking a pipe, one of those rustic ones. Grandma was this normal woman. My other grandmother also lived in Prague, and so always when I went to visit her, I also visited this one as well.

My family on my mother's side was purely Czech as well, they came from eastern Bohemia. Grandpa was named Arnost Korbel and was born in 1874, most likely in Novy Bydzov, because his parents lived there too. Grandpa died in Terezin in 1942, he was there for only a short time. Grandma was named Olga Korbelova, nee Ptackova; she was also born in 1874, but somewhere in some village on Austrian territory. She died in Auschwitz in 1944. Grandma and Grandpa had three children; the oldest was my mother, Marketa, who was born on 12th March 1903 in Novy Bydzov. Then the family moved to Kysperk, now Letohrad, where on 24th August 1906 Jan was born. He died in 1980 in Malta. And the youngest brother was named Josef, he was born on 20th September 1909 and died in 1977 in Denver, in the United States.

My great-grandfather worked in Novy Bydzov as a stationmaster. Grandpa also worked for the railway, but he didn't last long there. He soon moved to Kysperk, where he opened a lumber business. They lived right across from the train station, where there were warehouses, and that's where he sold the lumber. The first match factory in Bohemia was located in Kysperk, and Grandpa used to supply them with wood. He then bought shares in some quarries in nearby Litice, little by little he worked his way up, until finally, sometime at the end of the 1920s, they moved to Prague, where he opened a construction material business in the Sporilov neighborhood.

More than anything else it was the Jirasek Bridge that helped them, because my grandfather supplied all the material that it's made of. They opened it sometime in 1930; Grandpa, Grandma and I were there when they cut the ribbon. In the 1970s the bridge was undergoing reconstruction, and in Vecerni Praha [Evening Prague] they described how hard it was to dig up the road surface. So I was proud of my grandfather, of what high-quality material he'd supplied. But back then they were only doing some smaller- scale repairs, so the bridge still stands as Grandpa built it.

When I was last in Letohrad, in 1999, this touching incident happened to me. They were unveiling a memorial plaque on the house my uncle Josef had been born in. My cousin from America had come because of it, there was some sort of concert held, there was a gala supper and this one little old man came over to me. That as a young man he'd often danced with my mother, before she was married. That my mother had loved to dance. That's true; I remember that also in Strakonice my parents used to go to balls at the Sokol lodge, to 'sibrinky' [Sokol masquerade balls]...

At first Grandma and Grandpa and their sons lived in a large apartment in the Vrsovice neighborhood, later, when their sons had left home, they moved into a small apartment in the Vinohrady neighborhood. Jan stayed with Grandpa in the business, and before he was married in 1932, Grandpa sent him to America for work experience. When he returned he brought me a doll. And my mother's other brother, Uncle Josef, as the youngest, went to school. He finished law and then worked for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

I don't know when and where my parents actually met. It must have been some sort of coincidence, when each of them was from a different part of the country. But their wedding took place in 1926 in Prague, at the Old Town Hall. At that time my father was already living and working in Strakonice, my mother moved there to be with him. I was born on 19th March 1928, and my sister Milena four years later, on 9th December 1932.

The Strakonice of my youth looked similar to the way it does today. The city center is the same. The castle and church are still there; just the bridge over the Volynka has been torn down. Actually, the Volynka feeds into the Otava in front of our house, now it's been done so that the bridge over the Otava also goes across the Volynka. There, where there used to be this sprawling neighborhood of little bungalows with gardens, there is now a concrete city of 'panelaks' [prefab apartment buildings]. And also in the middle of the old town, where our school used to be, there's a hideous eyesore of a heating plant with a hideous, tall chimney.

Father wasn't the only doctor in Strakonice, there were lots of them, but he definitely had the most patients and was very popular. Still to this day, when I meet with my former classmates, they remember him. My father's practice was at home. But he was also the railway doctor, and used to have hours in the railway clinic, and was also a school doctor. Back then a doctor had to manage everything. A general practitioner was really a general practitioner. He knew how to mend broken bones, pull a tooth, deliver a child. To recognize pneumonia. Not like now, when someone specializes in the left eye, he doesn't understand the right one.

Growing up">Growing up

We lived in a building that my father had had reconstructed. It was someone else's building, but my father had another story built onto it, which we had all to ourselves, four rooms, a kitchen and a little room for the maid. Through our windows we looked out on the one side over this little square, and on the other side out on the Volynka and the Strakonice fez factory. In this little square there was a little park, and in it a beautiful pub. Single-storied, from sometime around the year 1600, it was decorated with frescoes and its owners had inherited it from generation to generation. And behind the pub stood a synagogue. When the Communists came, they demolished both the synagogue and the pub. The synagogue, OK, that I don't care about, but that beautiful antique pub... I'll never forgive them for that. And now there's a parking lot and department store instead.

My sister, Milena, was almost five years younger. As opposed to me, she was skinny and had curly hair. She was also more agile, she even knew how to climb, which is something I've never been good at. Of course, outside we each had our own friends, there we didn't play together, but at home I used to boss her around a lot. She suffered a lot from me, for example we'd be playing school, and she'd have to sit with her hands behind her back and so on. On the other hand, I used to read to her, that I liked.

Both our parents did a lot of sports, and also encouraged us to do sports as well. They swam, skied... Always, when Father closed his practice before lunchtime, he'd go for a swim in the Otava, a little ways away from us, underneath the castle, there was a weir. When I came home from school I'd go with him. It was fantastic. There'd be water falling on us below the weir, it was simply very nice...

There was also a swimming pool in Strakonice, it was called Na Podskali, and was a little further down the Otava, we used to go there on foot through gardens. There I learned to swim, which was even before I started going to school. At first the lifeguard had me in this sort of ring on a pole, then on a rope, and then I was swimming in the pool without a rope, and finally, which was a test, I had to swim across the Otava and back again. The lifeguard drove alongside me in a boat, and Father was with him, he wouldn't have let me go alone. I passed the test and also got some sort of certificate from it.

On one bank of the Otava there were restaurants, on the other there was this slope with a memorial to Celakovsky [Celakovsky, Frantisek Ladislav (1799-1852): Czech poet] a native son of Strakonice, and beside it a bench. Later, when we were older, we'd always swim across the Otava, sit on the bench and wave to our parents on the other side.

Our father was a hiker, and used to go with other hikers on long walkabouts. Back then knee breeches were in fashion, so he also wore them, he had a hiker's walking stick... My mother didn't go hiking, but often our whole family would go for trips into the hills around Strakonice, we used to go picking mushrooms in the forest... Father was a great believer in the mountains. He was convinced that in the summer it's much better to spend a week in the mountains than fourteen days by the sea. We were in the middle of the Sumava [region] and we also enjoyed the mountains in the winter. I skied from around the age of three. At that time I still had these little skis, you could walk in the boots. They were rectangular, it had these metal plates, leather bindings and a buckle at the back. Almost every Sunday we used to go skiing at Kubova Hut, that was fantastic.

Then in the winter I also used to go to Harrachov to see my grandmother, always regularly to the Bellevue Hotel. This was Grandma Korbelova, and I worshipped her, terribly. She was very kind and self-sacrificing... Even before I started going to school, she used to take me with her to the mountains and would put me in a ski school there; she herself didn't ski, but just kept an eye on me. When I was five, I got the whooping cough, so she spent six weeks with me in the mountains so that I'd get rid of it. And so that the baby wouldn't catch it, my little sister. The things that Grandma and I experienced in the mountains... Once, in the summer, we were all in the mountains and I was again sharing a room with my grandmother. It was just after lunch, we were lying on the bed and suddenly ball lightning flew through the room. We were lucky, nothing happened to us, we just had this horrifying experience because of it.

So, every winter I was in the mountains with my grandma for one week. It was this sort of spring break of mine, which otherwise didn't exist. I remember that once I returned to school beautifully tanned. The principal of course knew what was up with me, but he couldn't help himself to not ask, because he always asked everyone who'd been away from school for some time. Well, and I told him that I'd been sick. To which he replied that I must have had a bed by the window, since I was so beautifully tanned.

In Strakonice I attended all of elementary school, which is five grades. Boys' and girls' classes were separate, but in the same building. On the whole I enjoyed going there, I didn't have to do too much homework. I absorbed it all in school and had straight A's. Which was good. I just had problems singing, because I'm tone deaf. But I wanted terribly to sing in the choir, which there was, because they used to go sing during various occasions. Until finally the teacher had mercy on me and said that I can be there, but I can only move my mouth, I'm not allowed to emit any sound. So I was also a member of the choir.

Our school was terribly old. The classrooms still had tile stoves. And in front of the building entrance there were three massive store steps, the middle of which my girlfriends and I always used to sit on and talk after school. When they were tearing the school down, one of my girlfriends took a wheelbarrow and carted that middle step away to her garden at home. She's still got it there, and when we get together, we sit down on it and keep talking. This friend of mine wasn't local, she used to walk to school along the Volynka from Radosovice. We, the ones from Strakonice, always terribly envied the out-of-towners, because at lunchtime they were allowed to stay in the classroom and make a ruckus, while we had to go home for lunch. For a complete warm meal, while they had only a crust of bread and a ball of butter, and despite that we envied them.

We used to buy our midmorning snack right across the school at the dairy, a roll and a glass of soured milk for 20 halers. Beside the school there was a stationery store that also sold candy, which was an excellent opportunity for us to spend our pocket money. For ten or twenty halers you could buy licorice on an elastic, this excellent thing that looked and tasted nice. It was a ball of licorice that had a thin elastic embedded in it, so you could spin it around. And then you'd eat the licorice. [Editor's note: In 1929, when it was decreed by law that a Czechoslovak crown (Kc) = 100 halers, as the current unit of Czechoslovak currency, is valued at 44.58 milligrams of gold.]

During the 1930s, when there was that horrible unemployment 3, there was terrible poverty in Strakonice. Both the fez factory and weapons plant were laying off, and many fathers lost their jobs. Because our father was a doctor, we were better off materially, and so we always brought those girlfriends from my class, whose parents were unemployed, to our house for lunch. My mother and the maid cooked twenty lunches a day. Even when the table was folded out, we had to eat in two shifts so that we could all have a turn. It went on like this for about three years, from Monday to Saturday, because back then you went to school on Saturday too.

Before the war, religion classes were compulsory in schools. Everyone had to attend them according to which birth register they were in. So I attended the Jewish ones, we were taught by the Strakonice rabbi. He was this beautiful man: young, with a gorgeous voice, he had small children that we used to go play with. He taught us the Old Testament and Hebrew, but I don't remember any of it. Of the Jewish holidays that we celebrated, it's Chanukkah that's mainly stayed in my memory, I quite liked it. We used to go to the synagogue with lights, we used to get candy... But at home we celebrated Christmas as well, and I even used to walk with my girlfriends in the Corpus Christi procession, but the rabbi never saw that. Once I made this big blunder. We had a Christmas tree at home, and I thought it was a matter of course, so out of great love, this was probably in Grade 1, I invited the rabbi to come to our place to have a look at it. He didn't come, of course, and to top it all off he was horrible about it. So thus ended my great faith, even though I had to keep on attending religion, which was mandatory.

Before the war there were relatively a lot of Jews living in Strakonice, I'd say that maybe even thirty families. We had our own synagogue and rabbi. The community was fairly cohesive, so my parents had quite a few Jewish friends that they saw, but also had a lot of non-Jewish friends. Of course, I didn't pick my friends according to what religion they were, but among others I was friends with the children of the co-owner of the Strakonice fez factory, the Menkators, who were Jews. They lived not far off in a large building we called the palace, surrounded by a garden. The Menkators had four children in all, though I knew the two older ones, I was mainly friends with the younger ones, twins, a boy and a girl. This was the only Jewish family in Strakonice that survived the war complete. This was because in 1938 they went to the United States on vacation, and when Munich 4 came, they stayed there.

Then there were some mixed marriages there as well, so if I leave those out and count only the Jews that passed through Terezin and then through some concentration camp, three men and one woman returned. Two were the Ehrmann brothers, strapping twenty-year-old boys, who the Germans found handy for some labor. It was the same case with Seidl and with the girl. One of the brothers had already escaped to Canada in 1945; the second didn't manage it until 1968 5. The woman, Liba, emigrated to some relatives in the United States, also right after the war, so in Strakonice there was no one left from the original community. The synagogue isn't there anymore either, now in its place there a parking lot and department store.

My girlfriends and I got up to all sorts of mischief. Normal kinds of things. For example, back then you just couldn't go out without a cap or this little hat. Hanging on the back of the hat were these two ribbons, and I dare say that all of us girls in the class had the same little hat. I remember that one afternoon we went for a walk, put the ribbons in front and then were blowing on them. And we'd shriek out cheeky sayings at everyone who turned around to look at us. However we managed to do this in front of the building where our teacher lived. She looked out the window and the jig was up. Also, one time in the park the planted a linden tree in honor of Masaryk. In general, we were brought up the Masaryk spirit 6. Well, the linden had a grate around it that was supposed to protect it from being damaged. I once stuck my head inside, and then couldn't get it out. Someone had to come and saw the grate apart, and my father then paid for the repairs. Quite overjoyed was he.

Our father on the whole paid quite dearly for us. For everything that we got up to at school... For the various broken windows... We used to throw paper balls around, and so that they'd fly better, we used to put rocks inside them. Then, which was splendid and my sister and I even had permission for this, the whole winter a roasted chestnut vendor used to stand outside in front of our building, and my sister and I used to lower a basket down out of the window, into which he used to put the paper cones [full of chestnuts]. When our father would come home, he'd always pay for all the cones. To this day I recall this fondly.

We used to go on a lot of outings with our parents, also during summer vacation. Then we would spend tons of time in Litice, near Kysperk. Grandma used to come with us, it was gorgeous there. I used to walk with Grandma along the Orlice River along this gorgeous route, then we'd come to a mulberry grove... it was beautiful. In 1999 I visited Kysperk [now Letohrad] again, and my husband and I set out to have a look at Litice as well. I very much wanted to see that mulberry grove again. We found the house that we lived in, it's actually still there, and then we kept going and I found it strange that the mulberry grove was nowhere to be found. Not one mulberry, but instead, one cottage after another. So I was very disappointed.

Sometimes I also spent part of my vacation in Cestice near Volyne, with some distant relatives from my father's side. Perhaps it was my grandpa's brother, I don't know any more. Because they lived nearby, we used to go visit them relatively often. They lived in this chateau, where they had a farm with a dairy. Their place was fantastic. All I had to do was stick my hand out the window and I could pick a grape. Or I took a glass, went to the dairy, and pour myself some yogurt. I'd put, say, some jam in it, and I really like remembering that.

Once, the previous summer, before I started going to school, that great- grandfather or whatnot of mine was celebrating his 100th birthday. Relatives from far and wide gathered there, about fifty people, and we sat at an immensely long table, arranged by age. I was the youngest, and was sitting far from my parents at the end of the table, across from that great- grandfather. I was terribly bored. After all, even those that were sitting around me and were closest to me in age were a lot older. No one was paying any attention to me. I couldn't just eat the whole time either, I was already almost feeling ill because of it. And so I started to rock back and forth on my chair. But there was a parquet floor, and the chair slid out from under me. As I was falling, I grabbed the tablecloth. There was of course more than one tablecloth there, but the one long one that was in front of me flew down with me, along with everything else. Luckily someone had the presence of mind to grab it, so not that much fell down, but still. I hit my head, began shrieking, then my father took me, it's a wonder that not by the neck, and led me outside. I remember this to this day, how that tablecloth slid down with everything along with me.

We didn't go abroad with our parents. I know that the two of them were on vacation in Italy on their own, but during that time Grandma took care of my sister and me. As I've mentioned, I worshipped my grandma, while on the other hand I was terribly afraid of my grandfather, my mother's father. Of all the relatives, he was the strictest. I've also got several experiences that took place at their place. I can still hear, how very late at night the telephone was ringing for a long time, before someone woke up and answered it. Then I heard Grandpa saying, 'Thank you, I'll come.' They were calling him that his brother, Uncle Max, the manager of a bank in Teplice, had been hit by a train.

Hanging in my living room is a painting that this Uncle Max gave to my mother as a wedding present. That's another anecdote. Uncle [Max] was single and childless and during World War I he got to know a Russian painter, who'd been imprisoned in a POW camp in Teplice. The POWs were very badly off, for one they were poorly fed, and for another they didn't treat them very well. I don't even know how her uncle got to know that painter, but he then used to buy him canvases and brushes, he'd sell his paintings and give him the money. Uncle Max got three paintings from him, so that he'd have them as wedding presents for his nephews and niece.

Twice in my life I got into a conflict with my grandfather. He had a dog, a fox terrier, which he loved above all else. I also liked him, and the dog liked me, which was the thing, he always wanted to play with me. At the time my grandparents were already living in Vinohrady; I wanted to read, but he kept on bringing a ball or something, for me to throw it to him. I was getting fed up, so I put him on his leash and tied it to a doorknob. But then my grandfather came home and discovered that his beloved dog was being abused. So he confiscated my book, tied me by the leg to a table and left me there like that until the evening. I was shrieking and my grandma wasn't allowed to even come near me, to untie me.

So that was one conflict. The second took place during the last prewar All- Sokol Rally 7 in 1938. We were all Sokol members, and I was even supposed to exercise during the rally. Grandpa used to go watch the program, and took me with him. It wasn't much fun for me to watch, it was all just exercising that I knew by heart, it was organized on city, district and regional levels. Well, so I was sitting there, bored, but then my attention was caught by the intercom, which was regularly announcing something, that this or that child was lost, and this or that child had on the other hand been found, for the parents to pick him up here or there. This really impressed me. So during the intermission I ran away from my grandpa and had myself announced, for him to come and collect me. Which he did. But not right away, not until the end of the program, and I had already 'gotten lost' during the intermission. He took me into a taxi, we drove home, and the entire time he didn't say even a word. I could see that he was hopping mad. Punishment didn't come until we were at home; I was locked up in the bathroom.

But Grandpa would never have hit us. Our parents didn't beat us either. My father only hit me once in my entire life, and that time I really did deserve it. The father of one of my girlfriends from school was the superintendent of that palace belonging to the Menkarts, and at the same time worked as a chauffeur. My girlfriend was riding a bike and was hit by a truck - she cut her head open. Her father, Mr. Broulim, carried her across the bridge in his arms; I saw them from the window and ran down to unlock the door. My father wasn't at home, but I knew that he had to be home within a half hour, because his practice was supposed to be open that afternoon. I saw that she was bleeding, that her head was injured, and so I began treating her. Because after all, I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. Well, of course my medical help upset my father, because I could have hurt her. So then he gave me a thrashing, so that I'd remember that until my studies are finished, I'm not allowed to treat anyone. I really did deserve it.

Back then I thought that I was going to study medicine. Later I realized that I'd probably faint, in the autopsy room, everywhere, so I forgot about it. But at that age... my father was my idol; I was convinced that I'd be like him, and that I already knew what to do and how to do it. My father then stitched up my friend's head, he had to shave her head because of it, and she was very sad, because she had beautiful hair. Her hair grew back, but imagine that when I returned to Strakonice after the war, she was addicted to drugs, a 17-year-old girl... She died very young. Back then I didn't even really know that something like that even existed.

We always had a lot of books at home, and I liked to read a lot. Actually, it was probably my favorite activity. Old Czech Fables interested me the most. Then I also read those girls' books, which today no one knows any more. Ruze z Kavkazu, Mezi Druzkami [Caucasian Rose, Among Friends]... They were about this Georgian girl that was named Nina Dzavacha Ogli Dzamata. Even though I've got a bad memory for names, her name I'll remember till I die. I was the story of her life from childhood up until the time she was a grandmother, they were these fat books, and by the time I was 11, before I left for England, I'd read them all. Of course I read children's books, Broucci ['Fireflies' (1876) by Czech writer Jan Karafiát (1846-1929)], Marbulinek [book by Otakar Haering, full title: 'Marbulinek, Kasparek, Fenek the Doggie and Their Merry Adventures'], those we loved... even though at the age of ten I pretty well turned my nose up at that sort of thing. Interestingly, I didn't like Kaja Marik 8, which I didn't finish.

My father was short, fat and bald. He was very popular with his patients, and had a lot of them. This of course gave those that envied him a reason to resent him. There was this one doctor in Strakonice that didn't have many patients, but before the Germans arrived, the malice was more or less latent. I'd perhaps call it a competitive struggle. But then, when the Germans came, this doctor joined forces with the head doctor at the Strakonice hospital, you can probably imagine what he was about, if during the time the Germans were there he became the mayor of Strakonice, and they arranged for my father to be thrown out of the medical chamber. But at that time I was already gone, I didn't find out about it until after the war.

So, my father doubtlessly had experiences with anti-Semitism, even though in Strakonice up to the war it was relatively good. Basically anti-Semitism didn't exist there, I know only of one explicitly anti-Semitic family. I knew that we were of a different religion, but as far as coming across some expression of enmity? Not in school, there no one cared who was of what religion. Perhaps only that I would have very much liked to have joined the Scouts, but as a Jewish girl they didn't want me. The Scouting movement, at least the one in Strakonice, was a very anti-Semitic organization. So that disappointed me.

During the war">During the war

In 1938 my grandfather retired. It was already looking dicey. Hitler was in full bloom, so Grandpa and my uncle decided to sell the wholesale business in Sporilov. My uncle then left for England to found a construction materials factory, his family went to join him, and then they stayed there. When during the war London was bombed, and so many people lost the roof above their heads, it was necessary to build quickly, and so my uncle Jan invented 'panelaky' [prefab apartment blocks]. You could build them quickly. So my uncle Jan has all of these eyesores here on his conscience. In England, however, they took it as a temporary measure, and have long since torn them down. It's only we that still have these blots on the landscape. The other uncle, Josef wasn't even in Prague anymore at that time before the war; he was working as an attaché in Belgrade. [Korbel, Josef (1909 - 1977): original surname Körbel. Czech diplomat and political scientist. The father of Madeleine Albright.]

People had been talking about Hitler for long years already. Of course, everyone was afraid. We were required to take German in school as a second language, so I didn't want to learn it. I always said that I wouldn't study a language that... Then the Germans came and it was worse and worse. I remember how on that 15th March 1939 9 it was snowing, a terrible snowstorm. And the Germans were driving across that bridge. I can still see it in front of me, how it's cold, snowing, and the Germans are arriving in Strakonice.

There were of course some Germans already living in Strakonice before the war. I didn't know very many of them, but one of them lived in our apartment building; he had a garret rented there. He was named Neuen and his daughter and I were friends, even though she attended a different school. When I arrived in Strakonice after the war, some people I knew said to me, 'For God's sake, please, go see Mr. Havrda and put in a good word for Mr. Neuen, after all, the entire time before your parents were deported, he was bringing them food.' Mr. Neuen was in a collection camp, and I managed to reclaim him 10. But in the end he left the country anyways. Plus one of my classmates was from a mixed marriage. Her father was a Czech, her mother a German. Except for that girlfriend of mine, by coincidence also named Dasa, the entire family behaved in an abominable fashion during the war, her brother was in the Hitlerjugend 11... Dasa stayed here after the war. No one needed to be afraid of her; she was a Czech and remained one. These were all the Germans that I knew. But probably there were more of them living in Strakonice...

The decision that I should go to England took place sometime after the occupation. Then it all went lickety-split, I was supposed to leave on a transport in July [1939]. My sister was also supposed to go, and we'd been picked out by some family, that we'd be staying with them. But then my sister broke her leg, and what then happened is something I'll never forgive my parents. They said that she can't go anywhere with a broken leg, and that she won't leave until the September transport, when she's well. As is known, the September transport never left. The family that I was supposed to live with backed off, they wanted siblings, so that it would be easier, so then it was in some way arranged with those uncles of mine, who were both already in England, so I was told that I'd go visit my uncles for the summer holidays, which I was terribly looking forward to doing. When I was saying goodbye to my parents and my whole family, I had no inkling of how things would end up, that I'd never see them again. I can't imagine that my parents wouldn't have been afraid for me, but doubtlessly their fear was less than that of parents that had no idea of what was going to happen to their child.

I took tons of talismans from my teachers and girlfriends with me to England. Unfortunately over time they've all either been lost or something has happened to them... For example, one of my teachers, whom I liked very much, gave me this blue glass bear on a blue, transparent ice floe. I used to take it everywhere with me, until one time I had it on the edge of a pool during swimming races, someone kicked it and it broke. For years on end I then kept at least the shards in a bag. I also had this doll that was eaten by moths...and so on.

I remember that I couldn't wait to ride on a ship; I'd never been by the sea before. But, unfortunately, we crossed at night, so I was terribly disappointed. There were many children with me in the transport, whom I then also met in the Czechoslovak school in Wales; a young girl who was accompanying us later married our Czech teacher.

When I arrived in England, I didn't know a word of English. At first my uncles tossed me back and forth. So initially I lived with Jan in London, who had a villa rented with his family. Their children were younger than I was. I was terribly bored at their place. We constantly had to be out in the yard. I wanted to read, they wanted to play with me. So I was glad when I then moved in with the other uncle, Josef, there I liked it, because my cousin was two years old, and didn't want to play yet. So I was let out among the children in the street so that I'd learn some English. But what happened was that in fourteen days my girlfriends there spoke on the whole decent Czech, but I not even a word of English. I was simply a strong personality, and demanded Czech.

When Grandpa sold those Litice shares of his, he divided up the resulting revenues among his three children. Uncle Jan was already in England, and because they knew that I'd be going there too, my mother transferred her portion to England too, and it was basically intended for me. It paid for the boarding school that I entered. There were a lot of boarding schools in England, and it was considered to be this better education, especially because this school was considered to be something posh, because Mrs. Churchill had studied there in her youth.

I loved it there at that school. When I started, I knew almost no English, so they gave me to Jenny to look after. And she looked after me perfectly. Along with another girlfriend, Sheila, who was the granddaughter of some long-ago premier. Those two girls were excellent, and Jenny and I are best friends to this day. When during Communism we weren't allowed to leave the country, Jenny used to come visit me here. We have a cottage near Mirotice, so she used to come to our cottage, which she really liked. My grandchildren have known her from birth, just imagine that. I always told them, that is my own children too, but mainly my granddaughters didn't want fairy tales when they were little, but instead begged for me to tell them stories from my life. So I told them about the various mischief we used to get into, and also about how this Jenny took care of me, how I'd been sad that I was in a foreign country and didn't understand anyone...

Well, and now my granddaughters are going to school, and both of them are taking care of someone. And they're terribly proud of it. Right the first day of Grade 1, when she returned from school, the younger one, Veronika, told me, 'Grandma, I'm looking after Goran. He's a refugee from Croatia. He can't speak Czech.' And then she looked after some Georgian girl. The older one, Marketa, looked after a little Chinese boy. So when you imbue children already from childhood with some experiences...

Children in England started school at the age of five, not at six like here. So that I'd be among children of my own age, I had to take some tests, and because I did well at them, I even went a grade higher, so I was two years ahead. At school I learned English very quickly. The first year I still had a few problems, but on the other hand the entire class took advantage of this when they weren't sure of themselves. They told me to hold things up, what I should ask the teachers about...and I obliged them, gladly. I've got to say that my surroundings accepted me very well. The English are very friendly people.

Besides me, there was one other Czech girl, a bit younger than I, in the English boarding school. We weren't supposed to talk to each other, which is why they put us each at different ends. But when it was possible we talked to each other anyways, and decided that because we were terribly homesick, that we'd return home. That we wouldn't stay in England any longer. The war was raging on, but we simply decided that we'd return. We had it planned that we'd hitchhike, she to Prague, I to Strakonice. We squirreled away cookies, because nothing else would keep, until the day came when we said, 'All right, tonight we're taking off.' And we took off. We crawled out of a window in the hallway onto a fire escape... and that's as far as we got. Someone saw us, so someone nicely explained to us that this just wouldn't do... It was sometime in 1939. There was no bombing yet; we didn't even know what war looked like.

I was at that boarding school until 1944. Then, at the age of 16, I graduated. Their system is a little different from ours; each university has some high schools that fall under it that they take care of during graduation. In the spring university professors arrive and the students do the oral part of their graduation exams. Then in June written exams are sent to all the schools, and everyone writes them on the same day. And all summer you wait in suspense how it ended up, the results aren't published until August, in the newspapers. Those that pass their exams with honors can right away register with a higher grade of high school graduation and go to university. This I managed, I had Oxford final exams, and now what? Though I was at boarding school, I didn't forget my Czech, I was at home with my uncles for a relatively long time three times a year. A month at Christmas, a month at Easter, and two months during the summer. But my level of knowledge was at a 5th grade level. And because there was a Czech school in Wales, they put me there for that last year.

My uncle Josef in London associated with exiled Czech politicians, and I also met them occasionally. My uncle was in charge of the Voice of the Free Republic 12, Czech broadcasts, and when they occasionally needed a child's voice, I went there to read. There I used to meet Ornest [Ornest, Ota (1912-2002): real name Ohrenstein. Czech theater director, translator] and Tigrid [Tigrid, Pavel (1917-2003): real name Schönfeld. Czech journalist, publicist and politician], who I liked very much, we were good friends. Jan Masaryk 13 also used to visit the Korbels regularly, he was this big wisecracker. He often took part in debates on the English BBC, it was called Brain Trust, and he was better known through these debates than as a Czech diplomat. Living on the floor below us was Prokop Drtina [Drtina, Prokop (1900-1980): Czech lawyer and politician], later a minister, and living with him was his niece, Sylvia Loewenbachova, who was my friend. I met Benes 14 only once, by chance, and I was so stupid that I was too embarrassed to speak up.

In that Czechoslovak school they divided children into classes by age. That's why I couldn't go straight into oktava [8th year], but had to go into sexta [6th year]. Well, I didn't learn much at that school, but at any rate it was absolutely excellent there. For one, a lot of us children from that transport met up there again, we hadn't seen each other since then. And then the relationship between students and professors was completely different, because they were in charge of us 24 hours a day. There were some attendants that were supposed to keep an eye on us outside of class hours, but basically it was all up to the teachers. Some of them weren't much older than we were. For example, we really liked our Czech teacher. His wife had accompanied us on the transport, she was already 19, so she couldn't go as a child, but due to some lucky circumstance she succeeded in leaving as well. She then worked as a guardian at that Czech school, and married the Czech teacher, who taught there. While still in England they had a daughter, Marenka, and so when the two of them wanted for example to go to see a movie, we were happy to babysit her. That's the kind of relationship we had with them. This little Marenka is the mother of Pavel Zuna [Zuna, Pavel (b. 1967): up to 30th June 2006 moderator and manager of several TV Nova projects], who works at Nova [the most-watched Czech commercial TV station].

We didn't have any information about what was going on at home. We were able to keep in touch with our parents only up until the war broke out. Then for some time it was still possible through friends in Switzerland, but soon not even this. During the last years of the war news of the horrors that were going on here gradually began to filter through. Right after the war ended there were lists from the Red Cross that came, but they were unreliable and a person didn't find out much from them. I found only my mother in them, that she'd died while still in Terezin, where there were still relatively well-kept records. With those that had continued on it was worse, we had only very scant information at our disposal. I found out gradually what had happened to my family. When I was returning to Czechoslovakia, I knew only what had happened to my mother, otherwise nothing.

Post-war">Post-war

I actually returned as soon as it was possible, with Uncle Josef's family on the first repatriation transport. It was sometime in May, at latest in June, there were still barricades in Wenceslaus Square. The repatriation was organized by the air force, and we were transported on bombers, we sat on wooden benches in the space that before had held bombs. We couldn't see a thing, and I was terribly bored there, so I went forward to have a look, to where the pilots were. They then did this one crazy thing, when we were flying above Dresden, they said they'd show me how they'd magnificently destroyed it there. So they did vroom... I didn't mind it, but the poor wretches sitting in the back flew all over the place. So the first flight of my life took place in a bomber in place of a bomb.

When I arrived in Czechoslovakia, right away I started trying to find out who'd survived. It was clear to me that if someone was to return, our meeting point would be Strakonice, only there could we meet, otherwise no one had anyone's address. We kept asking around in Strakonice, but nowhere, nothing. At the time I was going there, I still needed a pass into the American zone. At the U Hybernu building in Prague, the Red Cross had lists posted, so I used to go there to have a look too. Finally my two cousins from my father's side returned, from my mother's side, no one. The last thing I found out, about a year after the war, was that my father had died in Auschwitz.

Possessions that my parents had hidden with friends were returned to me without a problem. That which had been confiscated, furniture, the car, my father's office, nothing remained of that anywhere. Overall I've got to say that I was very warmly received in Strakonice. Everyone greeted and hugged me, reminisced about my father... my father really was very popular.

Upon my return I initially lived with Uncle Josef, who had an apartment on Hradcanske Namesti [Hradcany Square]. But very soon he left for Belgrade as an ambassador, and I stayed with my grandmother's sister-in-law, who I'd never met up till then. She was an old lady, over 80. Those that were of age were lucky, they got an apartment. Those that weren't were out of luck. Some of my classmates went into foster homes, some even into children's homes. It was quite cruel for those that didn't have anyone.

I also had to somehow support myself. I had a 600-crown orphan's pension, which was quite paltry. [In November 1945, the crown was set as 1 Kc = 1.77734 mg of gold.] Never in my life have I had it so bad as here after the war. My aunt on my father's side, Uncle Josef's wife, returned and took me in with her from that old lady; she even got her old apartment back. But she also had a very small pension, so it really was quite rough. Besides this, we didn't have anything at all to heat with, because coal was rationed, and the ration was somehow sized according to how much was used up. It was simply horrible.

The first winter was in general terrible. I was still dressed for the weather in England, I didn't have warm boots, I didn't have a winter coat, I didn't have anything. Luckily my aunt, who'd remained in England, knew a lot of people here that had children and I taught them English or babysat them. So I made the rounds to these families, I actually got fed there plus they paid me. At the same time I was studying for the nostrification [nostrification: acceptance of foreign university degrees as equal with native].

The next year I already knew that I'd be entering university, so in the summer I was able to go to Most to work in the coal brigade. We worked in a surface mine, loading wagons. Both boys and girls, even though there weren't too many girls there. It was terrible. We also worked night shifts. But after some time they saw that girls really can't do that type of work, and so scattered us about to different camps into the kitchens. I shared a room with one medical student who was dating my future husband, Vladimir Sima. That's how I met him. That was one positive thing about the brigade. The second was that we got paid for the work, which back then wasn't insignificant. We also got vouchers for clothes and shoes, and most importantly, a share of the coal. So the coming winter we already had a cellar full of coal, and we weren't cold. And because we used up a lot of it, we then also got a larger ration.

We were very well informed about what was Communism, and that's why we followed the events that led to its introduction with anxiety. In February 1948 15 I took part in that large student demonstration that went up to the Castle. I was lucky, I managed to escape before they began rounding them up. The procession went up Nerudova Street, and in that bend where Nerudova bends upwards to Hrandcanske Namesti, lived by chance friends of my uncle. So when things began to happen, I ran into the entrance to their building, hid there and watched the events from afar.

In our faculty it was also good, until they threw me out. Did I have problems from having been in England... mainly I had problems due to the fact that I had no guardian. In those days a person didn't reach the age of majority until 21, it was only the Communists that lowered it to 18, so that they'd have more voters. My guardian was Uncle Josef. After the war he became an ambassador in Belgrade, and after February emigrated along with this family. The last time he was in Prague was at Masaryk's [Masaryk, Jan (1886-1948)] funeral, already alone. When he escaped, and I wasn't yet of age and was basically a person that had no rights, I couldn't arrange anything myself. On 26th December my uncle resigned from his position in the United Nations, left for England, and then for America.

So that was in December. And in January there were background checks, vetting, at the universities. I had the bad luck that I ended up in front of a commission led by a person I knew from England. He was a teacher, a loathsome Communist, who'd taught us at that Czech school, at our faculty he lectured in Old English. He and my uncle despised each other; they were always having some sort of arguments. This guy had wanted to make a Communist speech in that Czech broadcast, while my uncle, who of course was never a Communist, disagreed with this. When I came for that vetting, it was clear to me that it would end badly. And true enough, the first thing that he barked at me was, 'Where's your guardian?' 'Well, in Paris.' I didn't know yet that my uncle had escaped, I thought that he was in Paris and was working there in the commission, but this asshole already knew it. So he began talking some garbage, and it was clear to me that they'd throw me out. So I took the liberty and said to him, 'And Mr. Professor, since when does one address university students informally?' [Translator's note: The professor had used the Czech informal 'you' (ty) instead of the formal (vy). Adults normally address all children as 'ty'. Thus in a university environment it would be considered a sign of disrespect and inappropriate in a formal situation]. That was the last thing we said to each other. With this my studies ended.

At that time I was already seeing my future husband. They lived in Vinohrady on Francouzska Street, my husband was also from this poorer family. That is, also... I wasn't, but back then we were both poor. I went to see them and only his grandma was home. I loved her dearly; she was very kind to me. Well, in the kitchen they had a coal stove. Granny was stoking the stove and cooking. And because she had the coalscuttle beside her, I took out my school index and threw it into it. Granny pulled it out, wiped it with her apron like this, and says, 'Keep it, you never know when it'll come in useful.' And she was right. When the rehabilitations were taking place in 1990, my index with the stamp 'Expelled' helped me a lot. They immediately accredited me, and I even got a diploma with honors. Though I can't use a title, we did even have a graduation ceremony.

Originally I didn't even want to go for that rehabilitation; I didn't like the fact that the people apologizing to us weren't the ones that had hurt us and thrown us out, but people that had nothing to do with it, who hadn't done anything to us. But then some law was passed, according to which old- age pensions were supposed to be increased by some percentage for each year of studies, including unfinished years. And because I, as a non-party member had had a low salary and thus also a small pension, I gritted my teeth and let myself be rehabilitated. So I was glad to have the index, and to this day remember how Granny wiped it off with her apron.

I've got to say that my husband's family was fantastic, the way they behaved towards me. As soon as I turned 21 and thus was of age, I got married. My husband was still studying, but he had it arranged so that whenever he was prepared for an exam, he could go take it, and didn't have to conform to class years. He finished school in 1950, and right after the graduation ceremony he had to join the army. And because I was his wife, he went to the PTP 16 and into a mine. The mine was named Starkov, which was in northern Bohemia, then he was at a sawmill in southern Bohemia in Cerna, and then also worked in the forest in Brdy. He got out of the army in 1952, and that only when he signed a paper that he'd do construction work for them. But that was the field that he'd studied, so that wasn't so bad.

When my husband joined the army, I had no job. The railway was taking on people, and was taking everyone; so that I'd be able to at least somehow exist, I applied and was supposed to start working at the Vrsovice train station, keeping records of wagons. But the day before that someone from the head office called, that he'd found out that I had a high school diploma and that they had a desperate shortage of accountants, so whether I wouldn't want to take a crash course. I was all glad that something like that had come along, and I initially worked as a bookkeeper in the company kitchen at Wilson Station, and then in the railway apprentice boarding school in Sporilov. I stayed there until my daughter was born. My older daughter, Jana, was born in 1952, the younger, Olga, in 1958.

When the children were small, I worked at home. One relative of my husband's had a knitting machine and knitted for some co-op. So I said to myself that that's a good idea, and in some complicated fashion, through Tuzex, I obtained a knitting machine and knitted for the Clothes Service as a home worker. [Tuzex: during totalitarian times Tuzex was a sought-after store where people would go to purchase foreign goods that were otherwise unavailable.] And it was horrible. As soon as you got up from the machine, you stopped making money. I didn't like it there, the managers were uneducated and overbearing...

Then I luckily got an opportunity to train new workers in some factory, and through that to a sample workshop, where they made sample sweaters for the Barrandov film studios. That was better, but in any case I was glad when in the 1960s one friend from the Czech school in England called me and said that they were starting up an English service in CTK, the Czech News Agency 17. That they already had two, and were looking for another four people, and that it's excellent there... I translated news stories into English. I experienced the year 1968 18 there, that was quite harsh. Because our building was occupied, we broadcast from I.P. Pavlova. Subsequently, most decent people were thrown out. Nothing happened to us, we weren't included because we weren't party members. We huddled down together in some fashion. So I lasted there until retirement.

Bringing up the children was complicated for me. At home we taught something else than at school, and I was always stiff with fear that they'd say something at school. So I always told them, 'This is our big secret.' And the children were glad that they had a big secret with me. And when my older daughter was in first or second grade, she one day came home from school and said: 'Mummy, we don't like Stalin any more.' I breathed a sign of relief. 'Thank God.' Our older daughter studied English and Russian, our younger one economics.

For a terribly long time we weren't allowed to visit the West. Actually, the first time wasn't until 1966, at that time my husband was working for Chemoprojekt, in a glue factory, and they were collaborating with the English, French and Germans. He was lent out for a half year to that English company, and I got permission to go see him, the children had to stay at home. For some time after the occupation you could on the whole still go if you had an invitation, so I was there several times to visit relatives, and our older daughter spent one summer vacation with her cousin. The younger one was still little, and her I took to England in 1980, when I went there again on a promise and exit visa.

I basically kept in normal contact with Uncle Jan. He'd been in England since 1938, so the Communist regime didn't consider them to be escapees. They even used to come here, not very often, but it was possible. Keeping in contact with the second uncle was worse. So once a year some friends of ours used to help us with it. Everyone who lived here probably at some point considered emigration. But something always happened to complicate it, so in my case it never happened. And I also wasn't completely sure if I had the right. Because I think that a lot of people didn't have that right. Nothing bad was happening to them here... simply put, I was convinced that if everyone emigrated, the nation would cease to exist. So I knew that I had to last it out. I was convinced that it wasn't here till the end of time, but it was complicated here, that's the truth. So the fact that I didn't emigrate makes me feel more sorry now, when I see what sorts of people made it where they did.

Before the war I never met up with anti-Semitism, neither did I meet up with it after the war. I didn't maintain any sort of contact with the Jewish community. I of course follow the events in Israel, but in the same fashion that I follow the situation in Darfur [Sudan], for example. I'm sorry that they've got unrest in Israel, but I definitely don't feel that I should be living there.

The fact that our departure for England was organized by Winton was a surprise for me as well. We knew that some organization was behind it, but we didn't know of any concrete person. So we were surprised more by the fact that he surfaced than that it was him in particular. I met him for the first time when he came here. And it was beautiful. We were at the airport, each of us with a flower... Each one of us spent a bit of time with him. Then we invited him when we had a reunion of our school. That was in 1998. Back then our class was still complete, and we celebrated our 70th birthdays together. It was a wonderful get-together. Then last year was the 60th anniversary of the end of the war, another reunion took place in Wales, but I didn't take part in that one, I only went to a reception at our embassy in London.

Things were hard at the beginning of the 1990s. Prices skyrocketed, my pension was small, and all [socialist] publications that I had been translating for ceased to exist. It took some time until a substitute came by. I still got my good name, and there's constant interest in my work.

Glossary">Glossary

1 Winton, Sir Nicholas (b

1909): a British broker and humanitarian worker, who in 1939 saved 669 Jewish children from the territory of the endangered Czechoslovakia from death by transporting them to Great Britain.

2 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. It was used to camouflage the extermination of European Jews by the Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement'. Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities. At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a cafe, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

3 Great depression

At the end of October 1929, there were worrying signs on the New York Stock Exchange in the securities market. On the 24th of October ('Black Thursday'), people began selling off stocks in a panic from the price drops of the previous days - the number of shares usually sold in a half year exchanged hands in one hour. The banks could not supply the amount of liquid assets required, so people didn't receive money from their sales. Five days later, on 'Black Tuesday', 16.4 million shares were put up for sale, prices dropped steeply, and the hoarded properties suddenly became worthless. The collapse of the Stock Exchange was followed by economic crisis. Banks called in their outstanding loans, causing immediate closings of factories and businesses, leading to higher unemployment, and a decline in the standard of living. By January of 1930, the American money market got back on it's feet, but during this year newer bank crises unfolded: in one month, 325 banks went under. Toward the end of 1930, the crisis spread to Europe: in May of 1931, the Viennese Creditanstalt collapsed (and with it's recall of outstanding loans, took Austrian heavy industry with it). In July, a bank crisis erupted in Germany, by September in England, as well. In Germany, in 1931, more than 19,000 firms closed down. Though in France the banking system withstood the confusion, industrial production and volume of exports tapered off seriously. The agricultural countries of Central Europe were primarily shaken up by the decrease of export revenues, which was followed by a serious agricultural crisis. Romanian export revenues dropped by 73 percent, Poland's by 56 percent. In 1933 in Hungary, debts in the agricultural sphere reached 2.2 billion Pengoes. Compared to the industrial production of 1929, it fell 76 percent in 1932 and 88 percent in 1933. Agricultural unemployment levels, already causing serious concerns, swelled immensely to levels, estimated at the time to be in the hundreds of thousands. In industry the scale of unemployment was 30 percent (about 250,000 people).

4 Munich Pact

Signed by Germany, Italy, the United Kingdom and France in 1938, it allowed Germany to immediately occupy the Sudetenland (the border region of Czechoslovakia inhabited by a German minority). The representatives of the Czechoslovak government were not invited to the Munich conference. Hungary and Poland were also allowed to seize territories: Hungary occupied southern and eastern Slovakia and a large part of Subcarpathia, which had been under Hungarian rule before World War I, and Poland occupied Teschen (Tesin or Cieszyn), a part of Silesia, which had been an object of dispute between Poland and Czechoslovakia, each of which claimed it on ethnic grounds. Under the Munich Pact, the Czechoslovak Republic lost extensive economic and strategically important territories in the border regions (about one third of its total area). 5 Prague Spring: A period of democratic reforms in Czechoslovakia, from January to August 1968. Reformatory politicians were secretly elected to leading functions of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC). Josef Smrkovsky became president of the National Assembly, and Oldrich Cernik became the Prime Minister. Connected with the reformist efforts was also an important figure on the Czechoslovak political scene, Alexander Dubcek, General Secretary of the KSC Central Committee (UV KSC). In April 1968 the UV KSC adopted the party's Action Program, which was meant to show the new path to socialism. It promised fundamental economic and political reforms. On 21st March 1968, at a meeting of representatives of the USSR, Hungary, Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany and Czechoslovakia in Dresden, Germany, the Czechoslovaks were notified that the course of events in their country was not to the liking of the remaining conference participants, and that they should implement appropriate measures. In July 1968 a meeting in Warsaw took place, where the reformist efforts in Czechoslovakia were designated as "counter-revolutionary." The invasion of the USSR and Warsaw Pact armed forces on the night of 20th August 1968, and the signing of the so-called Moscow Protocol ended the process of democratization, and the Normalization period began.

6 Masaryk, Tomas Garrigue (1850-1937)

Czechoslovak political leader and philosopher and chief founder of the First Czechoslovak Republic. He founded the Czech People's Party in 1900, which strove for Czech independence within the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, for the protection of minorities and the unity of Czechs and Slovaks. After the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy in 1918, Masaryk became the first president of Czechoslovakia. He was reelected in 1920, 1927, and 1934. Among the first acts of his government was an extensive land reform. He steered a moderate course on such sensitive issues as the status of minorities, especially the Slovaks and Germans, and the relations between the church and the state. Masaryk resigned in 1935 and Edvard Benes, his former foreign minister, succeeded him.

7 Sokol

One of the best-known Czech sports organizations. It was founded in 1862 as the first physical educational organization in the Austro- Hungarian Monarchy. Besides regular training of all age groups, units organized sports competitions, colorful gymnastics rallies, cultural events including drama, literature and music, excursions and youth camps. Although its main goal had always been the promotion of national health and sports, Sokol also played a key role in the national resistance to the Austro- Hungarian Empire, the Nazi occupation and the communist regime. Sokol flourished between the two World Wars; its membership grew to over a million. Important statesmen, including the first two presidents of interwar Czechoslovakia, Tomas Garrigue Masaryk and Edvard Benes, were members of Sokol. Sokol was banned three times: during World War I, during the Nazi occupation and finally by the communists after 1948, but branches of the organization continued to exist abroad. Sokol was restored in 1990.

8 Wagnerova - Cerna, Marie (1887 - 1934)

wrote under the pen name of Felix Haj. She was employed as a housekeeper at a parsonage in Mnisek pod Brdy. Her literary works were directed primarily at young people. The culmination of her career is the popular seven-part work Kaja Marik. During the totalitarian regime, it's publication was forbidden.

9 Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia

Bohemia and Moravia were occupied by the Germans and transformed into a German Protectorate in March 1939, after Slovakia declared its independence. The Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia was placed under the supervision of the Reich protector, Konstantin von Neurath. The Gestapo assumed police authority. Jews were dismissed from civil service and placed in an extralegal position. In the fall of 1941, the Reich adopted a more radical policy in the Protectorate. The Gestapo became very active in arrests and executions. The deportation of Jews to concentration camps was organized, and Terezin/Theresienstadt was turned into a ghetto for Jewish families. During the existence of the Protectorate the Jewish population of Bohemia and Moravia was virtually annihilated. After World War II the pre-1938 boundaries were restored, and most of the German-speaking population was expelled.

10 Forced displacement of Germans

one of the terms used to designate the mass deportations of German occupants from Czechoslovakia which took place after World War II during the years 1945-1946. Despite the fact that anti- German sentiments were common in Czech society after World War II, the origin of the idea of resolving post-war relations between Czechs and Sudeten Germans with mass deportations are attributed to President Edvard Benes, who gradually gained the Allies' support for his intent. The deportation of Germans from Czechoslovakia, together with deportations related to a change in Poland's borders (about 5 million Germans) was the largest post-war transfer of population in Europe. During the years 1945-46 more than 3 million people had to leave Czechoslovakia; 250,000 Germans with limited citizenship rights were allowed to stay.

11 Hitlerjugend

The youth organization of the German Nazi Party (NSDAP). In 1936 all other German youth organizations were abolished and the Hitlerjugend was the only legal state youth organization. From 1939 all young Germans between 10 and 18 were obliged to join the Hitlerjugend, which organized after-school activities and political education. Boys over 14 were also given pre-military training and girls over 14 were trained for motherhood and domestic duties. After reaching the age of 18, young people either joined the army or went to work.

12 Voice of the Free Republic

in 1939 the BBC began regular broadcasts in Czech. Initially for 15 minutes a day, but at the end of 1939, after the definitive recognition of the Czechoslovak government in exile, the BBC granted this broadcast two additional time slots; they were advertised as the Voice of the Free Republic. The head of the Czechoslovak department was Sheila Grant-Duff. Working on the staff was the former editor-in-chief of the Tribuna paper Josef Kodicek, G. Stern from the same paper, Josef Kosina, Misa Papirnik, J. Patzakova and others. They were later joined by people like the poet Ivan Jelinek, journalists Karel Brusak and Pavel Tigrid and the theater director Ota Ornest.

13 Masaryk, Jan (1886-1948)

Czechoslovak diplomat, son of Tomas Garrigue Masaryk, the first president of Czechoslovakia. He was foreign minister in the Czechoslovak government in exile, set up in Great Britain after the dismemberment of the country (1938). His policy included cooperating with both, the Soviet Union as well as the Western powers in order to attain the liberation of Czechoslovakia. After the liberation (1945) he remained in office until the 1948 communist coup d'etat, when he was announced to have committed suicide.

14 Benes, Edvard (1884-1948)

Czechoslovak politician and president from 1935-38 and 1946-48. He was a follower of T. G. Masaryk, the first president of Czechoslovakia, and the idea of Czechoslovakism, and later Masaryk's right-hand man. After World War I he represented Czechoslovakia at the Paris Peace Conference. He was Foreign Minister (1918-1935) and Prime Minister (1921-1922) of the new Czechoslovak state and became president after Masaryk retired in 1935. The Czechoslovak alliance with France and the creation of the Little.

15 February 1948

Communist take-over in Czechoslovakia. The 'people's domocracy' became one of the Soviet satelites in Eastern Europe. The state aparatus was centralized under the leadership of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). In the economy private ovnership was banned and submitted to central planning. The state took control of the educational system, too. Political opposition and dissident elements were persecuted.

16 PTP (Technical Assistance Battalion)

was created in 1948 for politically unreliable persons, such as for example people of noble descent, capitalists, sons of farmers and estate owners that didn't agree with collectivization, clergymen,... "PTPers" didn't have a time limit for their army service (basic army service lasted two years). Because of their political unreliability they weren't issued a weapon. They mainly performed arduous physical labour. In the 1950s over 44,000 men absolved the army work camps. In the time of the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic, the Technical Assistance Battalion officially never existed. Colloquially they were called the Black Barons.

17 Czechoslovak News Agency

Shortly after the outbreak of World War I, the Czechoslovak News Agency was created in Washington; concurrently, T. G. Masaryk founded the Czech News Agency in 1916 in London. These organizations can be considered as the precursors of today's CTK, founded by the Czechoslovak National Assembly presidium on 28th October 1918. CTK's evolution was interrupted by the war. In November 1950 CTK merged with the Slovak Press Agency, which was created during the rebellion in Banska Bystrica in 1944. During the 1950s the publishing of all news was subject to the approval of the agency's political secretariat; in 1953 it had only two foreign correspondents and all other foreign news was taken from the Soviet agency TASS. From 1954 onwards, CTK performed the monitoring of foreign radio stations, which however wasn't a normal service, but was meant for special clients. In 1991 the signature CSTK, which in Slovakia had been used since 1968, began appearing under its dispatches. At this time in Slovakia the news agency began using the abbreviation TK SR. In 1992 the local branches became independent, and in November the Independent News Agency SR Slovakia with the signature TASR was created. The Czech agency once again returned to the signature CTK.

18 Warsaw Pact Occupation of Czechoslovakia

The liberalization of the communist regime in Czechoslovakia during the Prague Spring (1967-68) went further than anywhere else in the Soviet block countries. These new developments was perceived by the conservative Soviet communist leadership as intolerable heresy dangerous for Soviet political supremacy in the region. Moscow decided to put a radical end to the chain of events and with the participation of four other Warsaw Pact countries (Poland, East Germany, Hungary and Bulgaria) ran over Czechoslovakia in August, 1968.
 

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Dagmar Šímová

Dagmar Šímová
roz. Deimlová
Praha
Česká republika
Rozhovor počídila: Lenka Kopřivová
Období vzniku rozhovoru: březen - květen 2006

Paní Dagmar Šímová je další z dětí, které za záchranu svého života vděčí Nicholasi Wintonovi 1. Své dětství strávila v poklidném malém městečku obklopeném horami a velice ráda a poutavě dokáže vyprávět o tom, jaké všechny možné i nemožné lumpárny v něm prováděla. Paní Šímová byla pěkné kvítko... Bohužel válka tuto část jejího života ukončila a válečné léta strávila v anglickém exilu. Jakožto neteř významného  diplomata měla velice blízko k československé politické emigraci a nejedna její vzpomínka se váže k čelným politikům československého státu. Po návratu do vlasti a po Únoru 1948 ovšem na tyto své známosti a na rozhodný odpor vůči komunistickému režimu doplatila a mimo jiné byla vyhozena z vysoké školy...  Poválečné období paní Šímová nechtěla příliš rozebírat, a tak v příběhu převažují vzpomínky na šťastná a bezstarostná léta jejího života. 

Rodina
Dětství
Za války - Pobyt v Anglii
Po válce
Glosář

Rodina

Rodina mého dědečka Hynka Deimla a rodina mé babičky Emílie Straussové pocházely ze stejné vesnice, z Dobřívi u Rokycan. Byly to jediné dvě židovské rodiny, které tu žily, a úplně se asimilovali v českém prostředí, které je obklopovalo. V Dobřívi nebyla ani synagoga, nejbližší byla v Rokycanech, a tu navštěvovali snad jednou do roka, když jeli do Rokycan na nákup. Normálně tam určitě nejezdili.

Dědeček Hynek se narodil někdy před rokem 1860, babička Emílie se narodila roku 1861. Oba pocházeli z domkářských rodin, to znamená, že měli nějaké to políčko, nějakou tu drůbež... Pravděpodobně měli sourozence, ale já vím jen o babiččinu bratrovi, protože po válce, když jsme se já vrátila z Anglie, byla jeho žena Ema Straussová jediná příbuzná, která válku přežila a u ní jsem potom nějakou dobu bydlela.

Dědeček byl velice podnikavý člověk. Jakožto nejmladší, dobře se učící syn byl poslán na gymnázium do Rokycan. A důležité je, že ve svých šestnácti letech nějak umělecky „vylepšil“ obraz císaře pána, cosi mu přimaloval. Snad dokonce ve škole. Byl z toho samozřejmě velký průšvih, a to i doma, protože rodina měla strach, co s nimi udělají. Tenkrát vládly dost přísné poměry. A tak se dědeček sebral a odešel pryč. Neměl s sebou ani korunu a po mnoha týdnech došel pěšky až do Hamburku, kde se nechal najmout jako sluha na lodi a odjel do Ameriky. V Americe pak žil poměrně dlouhou dobu, dostal se do Chicaga, kde našel oblast, v níž nebylo možno dostat vůbec žádnou zeleninu. Tenkrát samozřejmě ještě nebyla auta, nic, tak on si vypůjčil peníze, káru a každé ráno vozil do té oblasti káru plnou zeleniny. Tím začal a postupně se vypracoval k vlastnímu velkoobchodu se zeleninou. Jenže když se chtěl oženit, chtěl si vzít Češku, proto si koupil zase lístek na loď, vrátil se do Dobřívi, oženil se s mou babičkou a otevřel krámek tam. Ve svém krámku pak prodával úplně všechno. Prarodiče bydleli v Dobřívi tak do šestadvacátého, sedmadvacátého roku. Když jsem se narodila já, bydleli už ve Strakonicích, později se přestěhovali do Prahy.

Můj tatínek byl nejmladší ze sedmi dětí. Jeho nejstarší sestra Alberta zemřela jako velice mladá a dvě děti, které po ní zůstaly, pak vychovávala další jejich sestra, Malvína. Malvína se narodila v roce 1879 a zemřela 1942. Dále byla Žofie, ta se narodila 1880 a zemřela také 1942, pak Josef, narozen 1882 a zemřel 1944, následoval František v roce 1884, který zemřel jako dítě, potom Helena narozená 1888, zemřela 1943. Všichni sourozenci, tedy kromě těch, co zemřeli dříve, válku nepřežili. Až na Josefa, který měl ženu árijku, všichni zahynuli v koncentračních táborech. Josef ale zase pracoval proti Němcům, zatkli ho a zemřel ve vězení v roce 1944.

Můj tatínek Rudolf Deiml se narodil jako sedmé, nejmladší dítě 14. prosince 1889. Vystudoval v Praze medicínu, za první světové války sloužil na východní frontě v Rusku jako lékař, a potom si otevřel praxi ve Strakonicích. Nějak si nepamatuji, že by mi říkal něco o svém dětství, ale pamatuji si na jednu historku z doby, kdy ještě nebyl ženatý. Hodně sázel na koně a míval celkem štěstí. Jednou se mu poštěstilo a vyhrál celkem víc peněz, za které si koupil malé autíčko, Aero nebo co to bylo. Jenže, nejenže neměl řidičák, neuměl ani řídit a teď kam to auto dát? Tak k mamince do Dobřívi. Nějaký kamarád mu ho tam dovezl, těsně před vesnicí tatínek vystoupil, vzal lano, přivázal na ně auto, lano hodil přes rameno a přitáhl ho domů. Recesista. To mi vyprávěl. A když si pak udělal řidičák a poprvé vyjel, narazil do krávy. Tu pak museli utratit. Babička lamentovala, samozřejmě, protože rodina ji potom musela zaplatit.

Tatínkova rodina, a maminčina zrovna tak, byla dokonale asimilovaná. Že by se dodržoval košer nebo něco takového, to určitě ne. Všechny tatíkovy sestry si vzaly za manžela Žida, Berta byla Bäumlová, Malvína byla Schlessingerová, Žofie Steinerová, Helena Witzová. První žena strýčka Pepana [Josef] byla taktéž Židovka, měl s ní jednu dceru. Jeho druhá žena ale byla árijka, a proto strýček nešel do Terezína. Živil se jako obchodník a s tatínkem si byli velice blízcí, dokonce si i byli podobní. Teta Berta zemřela poměrně brzy a o její dvě děti se pak starala teta Malva [Malvína] a babička s dědečkem. Vlastně kvůli nim se prarodiče stěhovali, nejprve do Strakonic, kde už jsme bydleli i my, ti sirotci tam chodili na gymnázium, pak do Prahy, kam chodili na vysokou školu. Kromě tety Heleny, která bydlela v Chrudimi, všichni moji příbuzní bydleli v Praze. Dědeček zemřel v roce 1934. Já si ho pamatuji akorát, jak seděl v hnědém, koženém křesle a kouřil fajfku, takovou tu venkovskou. Babička byla taková normální žena. V Praze bydlela i má druhá babička, a tak vždycky, když jsem jela navštívit ji, navštívila jsem i tuhle babičku. 

I moje rodina z maminčiny strany byla ryze česká, pocházela z východních Čech. Dědeček se jmenoval Arnošt Korbel a narodil se roku 1874 nejspíš v Novém Bydžově, protože tam bydleli i jeho rodiče. Dědeček zemřel v dvaačtyřicátém roce v Terezíně, byl tam jenom krátce. Babička se jmenovala Olga Korbelová, za svobodna Ptáčková, také se narodila v roce 1874, ale někde v nějaké vesnici na území Rakouska. Zemřela v Osvětimi v roce 1944. Babička a dědeček spolu měli tři děti, nejstarší byla má maminka Markéta, která se narodila 12. března 1903 v Novém Bydžově. Potom se rodina přestěhovala do Kyšperka, nyní Letohrad, kde se narodil 24. srpna 1906 Jan. Ten zemřel v roce 1980 na Maltě. A nejmladší bratr se jmenoval Josef, narodil se 20. září 1909 a zemřel v roce 1977 v Denveru ve Spojených státech.

Můj pradědeček pracoval v Novém Bydžově jako přednosta stanice. Dědeček také pracoval u dráhy, ale moc dlouho tam nevydržel. Brzy se přestěhoval do Kyšperku, kde si založil obchod se dřevem. Bydleli hned naproti nádraží, na nádraží byly sklady a tam to dřevo prodával. V Kyšperku byla první sirkárna v Česku a dědeček jim dodával dříví. Potom si koupil akcie lomů z nedalekých Litic, pomalounku se vzmáhal, až se nakonec, někdy koncem dvacátých let,  přestěhovali do Prahy, kde si na Spořilově otevřel obchod se stavebním materiálem. Nejvíc ze všeho jim pomohl Jiráskův most, protože komplet materiál, ze kterého je postaven, dodal můj dědeček. Někdy v třicátém čtvrtém roce jej otvírali, dědeček, babička a já jsme byli při tom, když se stříhala páska. V sedmdesátých letech most opravovali a ve Večerní Praze psali, jak se jim těžko rozbíjí ta vozovka. Tak jsem byla na dědečka pyšná, že tak kvalitní materiál dodal. Tenkrát ale prováděli jen nějaké menší opravy, takže most stojí dál tak, jak ho děda postavil.

Když jsem byla naposled v Letohradě, v roce devadesát devět, stala se mi taková dojemná příhoda. Na rodném domu strejčka Josefa odhalovali pamětní desku, přijel kvůli tomu můj bratranec z Ameriky, konal se nějaký koncert, byla slavnostní večeře a za mnou přišel jeden stařičký pán. Prý za mlada tancoval často s mojí maminkou, ještě než se vdala. Prý maminka moc ráda tancovala. To je pravda, pamatuji si, že i ve Strakonicích rodiče chodili na plesy do sokolovny, na šibřinky...

Dědeček s babičkou a se syny bydleli nejdříve ve velkém bytě ve Vršovicích, později, když synové odešli z domova, si vzali malý byt na Vinohradech. Ten Jan zůstal u dědečka v obchodě a ještě před tím, než se v roce 1932 oženil, poslal ho dědeček na zkušenou do Ameriky. Když se vrátil, přivezl mi z ní panenku, nádherného černouška v takové té sukni s třásněmi a s čelenkou. Byly mi tenkrát tři roky. Když jsem začala chodit do školy a naučila se číst, zjistila jsem, že na panence je napsáno Made in Czechoslovakia. Do té doby si toho nikdo nevšiml. Tak pak jsme už věděli, že mám z Ameriky českého černouška. No a ten druhý maminčin bratr, strýc Josef, šel jako nejmladší na studia. Vystudoval práva a pak pracoval na ministerstvu zahraničních věcí.

Nevím, kdy a kde se moji rodiče vlastně seznámili. Musela to být nějaká náhoda, když každý pocházel z jiného konce republiky. Ale svatbu měli v roce 1926 v Praze na Staroměstské radnici. V té době už tatínek bydlel a pracoval ve Strakonicích, maminka se tam za ním odebrala. Já jsem se jim narodila 19. března 1928, má sestra Milena o čtyři roky později, 9. prosince 1932.

Dětství

Strakonice za mého dětství vypadaly podobně, jak vypadají teď. Ten střed města je stejný. Pořád tam stojí hrad, kostel, jenom most přes Volyňku zbourali. Vlastně před naším domem se Volyňka vlévala do Otavy, teď je to uděláno tak, že most přes Otavu jde i přes Volyňku. Tam, kde byla taková velikánská čtvrť malých domečků se zahrádkami, je teď betonové město paneláků. A taky uprostřed starého města, kde byla naše škola, je teď jako pěst na oko hnusná teplárna s hnusným vysokým komínem.

Tatínek nebyl ve Strakonicích jediný lékař, těch tam bylo mnoho, ale dozajista měl nejvíc pacientů a byl velice oblíbený. Ještě dodnes, když se setkám se svými bývalými spolužačkami, vzpomínají na něj. Tatínek ordinoval doma. Byl ale také drážní lékař a míval nějaké hodiny v drážní ordinaci, a taky dělal školního lékaře. Tenkrát musel lékař všechno obsáhnout. Praktický doktor byl opravdu praktický doktor. Uměl spravit zlomeniny, vytrhnout zub, porodit dítě. Poznat zápal plic. Ne jak teď, že když se někdo specializuje na pravé oko, levému nerozumí.

Bydleli jsme v domě, který tatínek nechal přestavět. Byl to cizí dům, ale tatínek v něm dal přistavět patro, které jsme měli celé pro sebe, čtyři pokoje, kuchyň a malá místnůstka pro služebnou. Okny jsme se dívali jednak na takové malé náměstíčko, jednak, z druhé strany, na Volyňku a strakonické fezárny. Na tom náměstíčku byl parčík a v něm překrásná hospoda. Přízemní, pocházela někdy z doby kolem roku 1600, byla vyzdobena freskami a majitelé ji dědili z generaci na generaci. A za hospodou stála synagoga.  Když přišli komunisti, zbourali jak synagogu, tak hospodu. Tu synagogu, dobře, to je mi jedno, ale tu překrásnou starodávnou hospodu... to jim nikdy neodpustím. A místo toho tam teď stojí parkoviště a obchodňák.

Moje sestra Milena byla téměř o pět let mladší. Na rozdíl ode mě byla hubená a měla kudrnaté vlasy. Také byla mrštnější, dokonce uměla i šplhat, to mi nikdy nešlo. Samozřejmě, venku jsme měla každá vlastní kamarádky, to jsme si spolu nehrály, ale doma jsem ji sekýrovala dost. Hodně toho ode mě zkusila, třeba jsme si hrály na školu a ona musela sedět s rukama za zády a podobně. Na druhou stranu jsem jí ale četla, to mě bavilo.

Oba rodiče hodně sportovali a nás ke sportu také vedli. Plavali, lyžovali... Vždycky, když tatínek skončil před obědem ordinaci, šel si zaplavat do Otavy, kousek od nás byl pod hradem jez. Když jsem přišla ze školy, chodila jsem s ním. Bylo to fantastické. Pod tím jezem na nás padala voda, prostě to bylo moc hezké... Také jsme měli ve Strakonicích plovárnu, jmenovala se Na Podskalí a byla kousek dál po Otavě, chodilo se k ní pěšky zahradami. Tady jsem se naučila plavat a to ještě dřív, než jsem šla do školy. Nejdřív mě měl plavčík v takovém jakoby kruhu na tyči, pak na provaze, pak už jsem plavala v bazénu bez provazu a nakonec, to byla zkouška, jsem měla přeplavat Otavu tam a zpět. Plavčík jel vedle mě na lodičce a tatínek byl s ním, samotnou by mě nepustil. Zkoušku jsem zvládla a měla jsem z ní i nějaké osvědčení. Na jednom břehu Otavy byla restaurace, na druhém byl takový svah s pomníkem Čelakovského [Čelakovský, František Ladislav (1799 – 1852): český básník – pozn. red.], strakonického rodáka a vedle něho lavička. Později, už jako větší, jsme vždycky přeplavali Otavu, vylezli na tu lavičku a mávali rodičům na druhou stranu.

Tatínek byl turista a chodil s turisty na dlouhé výšlapy. Tenkrát byly v módě pumpky, tak je také nosil, měl turistickou hůl... Maminka s turisty nechodila, ale celá rodina jsme často podnikali výlety na kopce v okolí Strakonic, chodili jsme do lesa na houby... Tatínek velice věřil na hory. Byl přesvědčen, že je mnohem lepší strávit v létě týden na horách než třeba čtrnáct dní u moře. Obklopovala nás Šumava a hor jsme si užívali i v zimě. Já lyžovala od nějakých svých tří let. To jsem měla ještě takové lyžičky, v botách se dalo chodit. Byly takové čtverhranné, mělo to takové plíšky, vázání na kožený pásek a přezku vzadu. Skoro každou neděli jsme jezdili lyžovat na Kubovu Huť, to byla fantazie.

Pak jsem taky jezdila v zimě s babičkou do Harrachova, vždy stabilně do hotelu Bellevue. Tohle byla ta babička Korbelová a já ji zbožňovala, hrozně moc. Byla moc hodná, obětavá... Ještě než jsem začala chodit do školy, brávala mě s sebou na hory a dávala mě tam do lyžařské školy, ona sama nelyžovala, jen na mě dohlížela. Když mi bylo pět let, onemocněla jsem černým kašlem, tak to se mnou byla na horách šest neděl, abych se toho zbavila. A taky aby to nechytlo miminko, moje malá sestra. Co my jsme toho s babičkou na horách zažily... Jednou v létě jsme byli na horách všichni a já jsem zase bydlela v pokoji s babičkou. Byly jsme po obědě, ležely jsme na posteli a najednou nám pokojem prolétl kulový blesk. Měly jsme štěstí, nic se nám nestalo, jenom mám z toho takový hororový zážitek.

Každou zimu jsem tedy byla jeden týden s babičkou na horách. Byly to takové moje jarní prázdniny, které jinak nebývaly. Pamatuji si, že jsem se jednou do školy vrátila krásně opálená. Ředitel samozřejmě věděl, co se mnou bylo, ale nedalo mu to, aby se mě nezeptal, ptal se totiž vždycky každého, kdo nějakou dobu chyběl. No, tak já mu řekla, že jsem byla nemocná. A on na to, že jsem určitě musela mít postel u okna, když jsem tak krásně opálená.

Ve Strakonicích jsem vychodila obecnou školu, to je pět tříd. Chlapecké a dívčí třídy byly odděleny, ale budova byla stejná. Celkem mě bavilo tam chodit, moc jsem se nemusela doma učit. Všechno jsem pochytila ve škole a měla samé jedničky. Tak to bylo dobré. Akorát jsem měla problémy se zpěvem, protože já mám hluch, žádný sluch. Jenže já jsem strašně moc chtěla zpívat ve sboru, který tam byl, protože oni chodili zpívat při různých příležitostech. Až se jednou pan učitel nade mnou smiloval a řekl, že tam můžu být, ale můžu jenom hýbat pusou, nesmím vydat žádný zvuk. Tak jsem i já patřila do sboru.

Naše škola byla strašně moc stará. Ve třídách jsme ještě měly kachlová kamna. A před vstupem do budovy byly tři mohutné kamenné schody, na prostředním z nich jsme vždycky po škole s kamarádkami sedávaly a povídaly si. Když školu bourali, jedna z kamarádek, vzala trakař a ten prostřední schod si odvezla k sobě domů na zahradu. Ještě pořád ho tam má a když se sejdeme, tak si na něj sedneme a povídáme si dál. Tahle kamarádka nebyla místní, chodila do školy pěšky podél Volyňky z Radošovic. My, strakoničtí, jsme  přespolním vždycky strašně moc záviděly, protože když byla polední pauza, mohly zůstat ve třídě a tam řádit, kdežto my musely domů na oběd. Na komplet teplý oběd, ony měly jen patku chleba s medem a kouli másla, a přesto jsme jim záviděly.

Svačinu jsme si kupovaly hned naproti školy v mlékárně, za dvacet halířů rohlík a skleničku kyselého mléka. Vedle školy bylo papírnictví, kde prodávali také cukrátka, čili výborná příležitost, jak utrácet naše kapesné. Asi desetník [V r. 1929, kdy bylo zákonem stanoveno, že koruna československá (Kč,) 1Kč = 100 haléřů, jako dosavadní jednotka měny československé, je hodnotou rovna 44,58 miligramu zlata – pozn. red.] nebo dva stál pendrek na gumičce, taková výborná věc, která pěkně vypadala i chutnala. Byla to kulička z pendreku, lékořice, a uvnitř ní zalitá tenká gumička, takže se s tím dalo točit. A pak se ten pendrek snědl.

Ve třicátých letech, když byla ta hrozná nezaměstnanost 2, byla ve Strakonicích hrozná chudoba. Jak fezárny, tak zbrojovka propouštěly a spousta otců přišla o zaměstnání. Protože byl tatínek lékař, byli jsme na tom materiálně lépe, a tak jsme vždycky ty moje spolužačky, které měly nezaměstnané rodiče, brali k nám domů na oběd. Maminka se služebnou vařily dvacet obědů denně. I když byl roztažený stůl, stejně jsme museli jíst na dvakrát, abychom se všichni vystřídali. Takto to trvalo asi tři roky, od pondělí do soboty, protože i v sobotu se tenkrát chodilo do školy.

Před válkou bylo na školách povinné náboženství. Každý na ně musel chodit podle toho, v jaké matrice byl zapsán. Já jsem tedy chodila na židovské, učil nás strakonický rabín. To byl takový krásný chlap. Mladý, s nádherným hlasem, měl malé děti, se kterými jsme si chodili hrát. Učil nás Starý zákon a hebrejštinu, z té si ale už nic nepamatuju. Z židovských svátků, které jsme slavili, mi nejvíc utkvěla v hlavě chanuka [Chanuka: svátek světel, rovněž připomíná makabejské povstání a opětovné zasvěcení chrámu v Jeruzalémě – pozn. red.], ta se mi celkem líbila. Chodili jsme se světly po synagoze, dostávali cukroví... Ale doma jsme slavili i Vánoce a dokonce jsem chodila s kamarádkami jako družička na Boží tělo, to však pan rabín nikdy neviděl. Jednou se mi stal takový trapas. Měli jsme doma vánoční stromeček a já to považovala za samozřejmost, tak jsem, to bylo asi v první třídě, z velké lásky pozvala pana rabína, aby se k nám přišel na něj podívat. Samozřejmě nepřišel a ještě ke všemu byl hrozný. Tak tím skončila moje velká víra, i když na náboženství jsem musela chodit dál, bylo to povinné.

Ve Strakonicích žilo před válkou poměrně dost Židů, řekla bych, že možná i třicet rodin. Synagogu i rabína jsme měli vlastního. Komunita držela celkem pohromadě, takže moji rodiče měli poměrně dost židovských známých, se kterými se stýkali, ale měli i mnoho nežidovských přátel. Já jsem si samozřejmě nevybírala kamarády podle toho, jakého byli vyznání, ale mimo jiné jsem kamarádila s dětmi spolumajitele strakonických fezáren, Menkatorovými, to byli Židé. Bydleli nedaleko ve velkém domě, říkali jsme paláci, obklopeném zahradou. Menkatorovi měli celkem čtyři děti, ty starší dvě jsem sice znala, ale kamarádila jsem hlavně s těmi mladšími, dvojčaty, chlapcem a dívkou. Tohle byla jediná židovská rodina ve Strakonicích, která válku přežila komplet. Bylo to proto, že v roce 1938 jeli na prázdniny do Spojených států a když přišel Mnichov 3, už tam zůstali. Pak tam také byla nějaká smíšená manželství, tak když vynechám ty a budu počítat jen Židy, kteří prošli Terezínem 4 a dál nějakým koncentrákem, vrátili se tři muži a jedna žena. Dva byli sourozenci Ehrmannovi, statní dvacetiletí kluci, kteří se Němcům hodili na tu dřinu. Stejně to bylo i se Seidlem a s tou dívkou. Ten jeden bratr utekl do Kanady už v čtyřicátém pátém roce, druhému se to podařilo až v roce 1968 5. Ta žena, Líba, emigrovala k nějakým příbuzným do Spojených států taky hned po válce, takže ve Strakonicích z původní komunity nezůstal nikdo. Nestojí už ani synagoga, na jejím místě je teď parkoviště a obchodní dům.

S mými kamarádkami jsme prováděly různé neplechy. Takové normální věci. Například, tenkrát neexistovalo jít ven bez čepice nebo bez takového kloboučku. Vzadu na kloboučku visely takové dvě stuhy a snad všechny ve třídě jsme měly kloboučky stejné. Pamatuji si, že jednou odpoledne jsme šly na procházku, daly jsme si ty stuhy dopředu a pak do nich foukaly. A na každého, kdo se po nás otočil, jsme potom ječely: „Koukáte telata na nový vrata!“ Jenomže se nám to podařilo před domem, kde bydlela paní učitelka. Ta se podívala z okna a bylo po parádě. Taky jednou v parku vysadili Masarykovu lípu. Vůbec jsme byli vychováváni v masarykovském duchu 6. No a kolem té lípy byla mříž, která ji měla chránit před poškozením. Já jsem jednou dovnitř strčila hlavu a následně ji nemohla dostat ven. Kdosi musel přijít a mříž přepilovat, tatínek pak platil opravu. Ten byl rád.

Tatínek se za nás vůbec dost naplatil. Za to všechno, co jsme provedly ve škole... Za ta různá rozbitá okna... Házely jsme papírovými koulemi a aby to lépe lítalo, dávaly jsme dovnitř kameny. Pak taky, to byla nádhera a dokonce jsme to měly se sestrou povolené, celou zimu stával před naším domem prodavač pečených kaštanů. Balil je do takových papírových kornoutů a my jsme mu se sestrou spouštěly z okna košíček, do kterého nám kornouty dával. Když šel tatínek potom domů, vždycky mu všechny kornouty zaplatil. Dodnes na to ráda vzpomínám.

S rodiči jsme hodně jezdili na výlety, i o prázdninách. To jsme trávili spoustu času v Liticích u Kyšperka. Babička jezdila s námi, bylo to tam nádherný. S babičkou jsem chodila podél Orlice takovou nádhernou procházkou, pak jsme přišly do morušového háje... to bylo krásné. V devadesátém devátém roce jsem Kyšperk (nyní Letohrad) znovu navštívila a s mým mužem jsme se vypravili podívat se i do Litic. Strašně moc jsem chtěla vidět znovu ten morušový háj. Našli jsme dům, kde jsme bydleli, ten tam dokonce ještě stojí, a pak jsme šli a šli a mně bylo divné, že morušový háj pořád nikde. Moruše ani jedna, místo toho jedna chata vedle druhé. Tak jsem byla velmi zklamaná.

Někdy jsem také trávila část prázdnin v Česticích u Volyně u jedněch vzdálených příbuzných z tatínkovy strany. Snad to byl bratr dědečka, to už nevím. Protože bydleli nedaleko, jezdili jsme k nim poměrně často. Žili na takovém zámku, kde měli statek s mlékárnou. Bylo to u nich fantastické. Jen jsem vystrčila ruku z pokoje a mohla jsem si utrhnout hrozen vína. Nebo jsem si vzala skleničku, šla do mlékárny a tam mi natekl jogurt. Já si do něj dala třeba džem a moc ráda na to vzpomínám. Jednou, léto před tím, než jsem začala chodit do školy, slavil ten můj pradědeček, nebo co to bylo, stoleté narozeniny. Sešlo se nás tam široké příbuzenstvo, tak padesát lidí, a seděli jsme u ohromně dlouhého stolu podle věku. Já jsem byla nejmladší, seděla jsem daleko od rodičů v čele stolu, naproti tomu pradědečkovi. Příšerně jsem se nudila. Oni přece jenom i ti, kteří seděli kolem mě a byli mi věkově nejbližší, byli o hodně starší. Nikdo se se mnou nebavil. Jíst jsem taky nemohla celou dobu, už mi z toho bylo skoro špatně. A tak jsem se začala houpat na židli. Jenže tam byly parkety a židle se pode mnou sklouzla. Jak jsem letěla, chytla jsem se ubrusu. Ubrusů tam bylo samozřejmě víc, ale ten jeden dlouhý, co byl přede mnou, jel se mnou se vším všudy. Naštěstí ho někdo duchapřítomně chytil, takže toho tolik nespadlo, ale stejně. Já jsem se bouchla do hlavy, začala jsem ječet, pak mě vzal tatínek, div ne za krk, a vyvedl mě ven. To si pamatuji jako dneska, jak jel ten ubrus se vším všudy se mnou.

Do zahraničí jsme s rodiči nejezdili. Vím, že oni byli sami jednou na dovolené v Itálii, ale to nás, mě a sestru, hlídala babička. Jak jsem říkala, že babičku jsem zbožňovala, dědečka, tatínka maminky, jsem se zase hrozně bála. Ten byl ze všech příbuzných nejpřísnější. Mám taky několik zážitků, které jsem u nich zažila. Ještě pořád slyším, jak strašně dlouho pozdě v noci zvonil telefon, než se teda konečně někdo vzbudil a vzal ho. Pak jsem slyšela dědečka, jak říká: „Děkuji, přijedu.“ Volali mu, že jeho bratra, strýčka Maxe, ředitele banky v Teplicích, srazil vlak. Od tohoto strýčka Maxe dostala maminka jako svatební dar obraz, který visí v mém obývacím pokoji. To je zase taková historka. Strejček byl svobodný, bezdětný a za první světové války se seznámil s ruským malířem, který byl vězněn v zajateckém táboře v Teplicích. Zajatci na tom byli velice špatně, jednak byli špatně živeni a jednak taky se s nimi nezacházelo moc dobře. Tak ani nevím, jak se tedy strýček s tím malířem seznámil, ale pak mu kupoval plátna, štětce, jeho obrazy prodával a peníze mu zase dával. Tři obrazy strýček od něho dostal, aby je měl jako svatební dar pro své synovce a neteř.

S dědečkem jsem se dostala dvakrát v životě do konfliktu. On měl psa, foxteriéra, kterého miloval nadevše. Já jsem ho měla taky ráda a pes měl taky rád mě, a právě to bylo to, pořád si se mnou chtěl hrát. To už tenkrát bydleli prarodiče na Vinohradech, já jsem si chtěla číst, ale on mi pořád nosil balónek nebo něco, abych mu to házela. Tak už mě to otravovalo, proto jsem ho dala na vodítko a to jsem přivázala na kliku u dveří. Jenže pak přišel domů dědeček a zjistil, že jeho milovaný pes je týraný. Tak mi zabavil knížku, přivázal mě za nohu ke stolu a nechal mě tam až do večera. Já jsem ječela a babička se ke mně nesměla ani přiblížit, aby mě odvázala. Tak to byl jeden konflikt. Druhý se konal při posledním předválečném všesokolském sletu 7 v roce 1938. My jsme všichni byli sokolové a na sletu jsem měla dokonce cvičit. Dědeček se chodil na program dívat a mě vzal s sebou. Moc mě nebavilo se na to dívat, bylo to samé cvičení, které jsem všechno znala nazpaměť, bylo to secvičeno na městských, okresních a krajských úrovních. No a tak jsem se tam zase nudila, ale zaujal mě rozhlas, který co chvíli hlásil, že se ztratilo to a to dítě a to a to se zase našlo, ať si ho rodiče vyzvednou tam a tam. Mně to strašně zaimponovalo. Tak jsem dědečkovi o přestávce utekla a nechala jsem se nahlásit, aby si pro mě přišel. Což teda přišel. Ale ne hned, až po konci programu, já jsem se „ztratila“ už o přestávce. Vzal mě do taxíku, jeli jsme domů a za celou dobu nepromluvil ani slovo. Já jsem viděla, že je vzteklý doběla. Trest přišel až doma, byla jsem zavřená v koupelně.

Dědeček by ale nikdy neuhodil. Ani od rodičů jsme nebyly bity. Můj táta mě uhodil jenom jednou v životě a to jsem si to opravdu zasloužila. V tom paláci Menkartů byl domovníkem a zároveň pracoval jako šofér otec jedné mé kamarádky, která se mnou chodila do školy. Dívka jela na kole a srazil ji náklaďák, měla rozbitou hlavu. Její tatínek, pan Broulím, ji nesl přes most v náručí do tátovy ordinace, já to viděla z okna a běžela jsem dolů odemknout. Táta nebyl doma, ale věděla jsem, že musí do půl hodiny přijít, protože měl mít odpolední ordinaci. Viděla jsem, že jí tekla krev, že má rozbitou hlavu, a tak jsem jí to začala ošetřovat. Protože já jsem přece chtěla být lékařka, až budu velká. No, tak samozřejmě, tátu můj zákrok rozrušil, protože jsem jí mohla ublížit. Tak mě pak teda seřezal, abych si pamatovala, že dokud nebudu dostudovaná, nikoho léčit nemůžu. To jsem si opravdu zasloužila. Tenkrát jsem si myslela, že budu studovat medicínu. Později jsem zjistila, že bych asi omdlívala, v pitevně, všude, takže mě to pustilo. Ale v tom věku... táta byl můj velký vzor, byla jsem přesvědčená, že budu jako on a že už vím, co a jak mám dělat. Táta té kamarádce pak hlavu sešil, musel ji kvůli tomu oholit a to ji moc mrzelo, protože měla krásné vlasy. Vlasy jí dorostly, ale představte si, když jsem se po válce vrátila do Strakonic, byla závislá na drogách, sedmnáctiletá dívka... Hodně brzy zemřela. Já tehdy ještě ani pořádně nevěděla, že něco takového existuje.

Doma jsme měli vždycky hodně knížek a mě čtení moc bavilo. Vlastně to byla asi moje nejoblíbenější činnost. Vůbec nejvíc mě zajímaly Staré pověsti české. A pak jsem četla takové ty dívčí romány, které dnes už nikdo nezná. Růže z Kavkazu, Mezi družkami... To bylo o Gruzínce, která se jmenovala Nina Džavacha Ogli Džamata. I když mám špatnou paměť na jména, její jméno si budu pamatovat do smrti. Vyprávění zachycovalo její život od dětství až po dobu, co byla babička, byly to takové tlusté bichle a do svých jedenácti, než jsem odjela do Anglie, jsem přečetla všechny. Samozřejmě jsem četla dětské knihy, Broučky, Marbulínka, to jsme milovali... i když v deseti letech jsem tím už téměř pohrdala. Zajímavé je, že mě nebavil Kája Mařík 8, toho jsem nedočetla.

Tatínek byl malý, tlustý, plešatý. U svých pacientů byl velice oblíbený a měl jich hodně. To ovšem zavdávalo příčinu k zášti ze strany těch, kteří mu záviděli. Byl tam ve Strakonicích takový jeden doktor, který moc pacientů neměl, ale předtím, než přišli Němci, byla nevraživost víceméně latentní. Snad bych to nazvala konkurenčním bojem. Když pak přišli Němci, spojil se tento doktor s primářem strakonické nemocnice, to si asi dovedete představit, co to bylo zač, když se za Němců stal starostou Strakonic, a zařídili, aby byl táta vyhozen z lékařské komory. V té době už jsem ale já byla pryč, dozvěděla jsem se to až po válce. Tatínek tedy zkušenosti s antisemitismem nepochybně měl, i když do války to bylo ve Strakonicích relativně dobré. V podstatě tam antisemitismus neexistoval, vím jen o jedné, vyloženě antisemitské rodině. Já jsem věděla, že jsme jiného náboženství, ale že bych se setkala s nějakým nepřátelským projevem? Ve škole ne, tam se na to, kdo je jakého náboženství, nehrálo. Jen třeba bych moc ráda chodila do skautu, ale tam mě jako Židovku nechtěli. Skaut, přinejmenším ten strakonický, byl velice antisemitská organizace. Tak to mě mrzelo.

V roce 1938 šel dědeček do důchodu. Už to taky vypadalo všelijak, Hitler byl v plném proudu, tak se dědeček se strýčkem rozhodli, že ten velkoobchod na Spořilově prodají. Strýček potom odjel zakládat stavební továrnu do Anglie, jeho rodina jela za ním a už tam zůstali. Když byl za války Londýn bombardovaný a tolik lidí přišlo o střechu nad hlavou, bylo třeba rychle stavět a proto můj strýček Jan vynalezl paneláky. To se dalo rychle stavět. Takže všechny tyhle zrůdy má na svědomí můj strýček. Jenže v Anglii to brali jako provizorium a už to dávno zbourali. To jenom tady nám to ještě straší. Ten druhý strýček, Josef [Korbel, Josef (1909 – 1977): pův. příjmením Körbel. Český diplomat a politolog. Otec Madeleine Albright – pozn. red.], v té době před válkou v Praze už ani nepobýval, pracoval jako atašé v Bělehradě.

O Hitlerovi se mluvilo už dlouhá léta. Každý měl strach, pochopitelně. My jsme měli ve škole povinnou němčinu jako druhý jazyk, tak já jsem se jí nechtěla učit. Vždycky jsem říkala, že se nebudu učit jazyk... Pak přišli Němci a bylo to horší a horší. Pamatuji se, jak toho 15. března 1939 9 chumelilo, strašně chumelilo. A Němci jeli přes ten most. Pořád to mám před očima, jak je zima, chumelí a Němci přijíždějí do Strakonic.

Ve Strakonicích nějací Němci samozřejmě žili už před válkou. Já jsem jich neznala moc, ale jeden bydlel ve stejném domě jako my, měl tam pronajatou mansardu. Jmenoval se Neuen a a já jsem kamarádila s jeho dcerou, i když ona chodila do jiné školy. Když jsem přijela po válce do Strakonic, známí mi říkali: „Proboha Tě prosím, jdi za panem Havrdou a přimluv se za pana Neuna, vždyť on tam těm vašim celou dobu, než šli do transportu, nosil jídlo.“ Pan Neuen byl ve sběrném táboře a mně se podařilo ho vyreklamovat 10. Nakonec ale stejně z republiky odjel. Potom ještě jedna moje spolužačka byla ze smíšeného manželství. Její tatínek byl Čech, maminka Němka. Kromě té mé kamarádky, shodou okolností také Dáši, se za války celá rodina chovala hrozně, bratr byl v Hitlerjugend 11... Dáša tu po válce zůstala. Nikdo se jí nemusel bát, byla Češkou a zůstala jí. Tohle byli všichni Němci, které jsem znala. Asi jich ale ve Strakonicích žilo víc...

Za války - Pobyt v Anglii

O tom, že pojedu do Anglie, se rozhodlo někdy po okupaci. Pak to všechno šlo ráz na ráz, měla jsem odjet transportem v červenci [1939]. Měla jet i sestra a byly jsme vybrané nějakou rodinou, že u nich budeme. Pak si ale sestra zlomila nohu a stalo se to, co rodičům nikdy neodpustím. Řekli, že se zlomenou nohou nikam nepojede a že odjede až tím zářijovým transportem, až bude v pořádku. Jak známo, zářijový transport už nevyjel. Rodina, ke které jsem měla jít, od toho odstoupila, chtěla sourozence, aby to bylo snazší, tak pak se to nějak zorganizovalo s těmi strýčky, kteří už v Anglii byli oba, tak se mi řeklo, že pojedu na prázdniny ke strýčkům a to jsem se tam hrozně těšila. Když jsem se s rodiči a celou rodinou loučila, vůbec jsem netušila, jak to dopadne, že už je nikdy neuvidím. Nedovedu si představit, že by se o mě rodiče nebáli, ale nepochybně byl jejich strach menší než strach rodičů, kteří vůbec nevěděli, co s jejich dítětem bude.

Do Anglie jsem si s sebou brala spoustu talismanů od učitelů a spolužaček. Bohužel se to tak nějak všechno časem ztratilo nebo se s tím něco stalo... Třeba jsem měla od jedné své učitelky, kterou jsem měla moc ráda, takového modrého skleněného medvěda na modré, průhledné kře. Toho jsem tahala pořád s sebou, až jednou jsem ho měla na kraji bazénu při plaveckých závodech, někdo mi do něho kopnul a on se rozbil. Léta letoucí jsem pak schovávala v pytlíčku aspoň ty střepy. Taky jsem měla takovou panenku, tu sežrali moli... a tak.

Pamatuji si, že jsem se velmi těšila na cestu lodí, nikdy předtím jsem u moře nebyla. Jenomže, bohužel jsme to přejížděli v noci, tak to mě strašně mrzelo. V transportu se mnou jelo mnoho dětí, které jsem potom potkala i v československé škole ve Walesu, mladá dívka, která nám dělala doprovod, se později provdala za našeho češtináře.

Když jsem přijela do Anglie, neuměla jsem jediné slovo anglicky. Nejdříve si mě strejčkové přehazovali sem a tam. Takže jsem prvně bydlela u toho Jana v Londýně, který měl i s rodinou pronajatou vilku. Jejich děti byly mladší než já. Strašně jsem se u nich nudila. Pořád jsme museli být na zahradě. Já jsem si chtěla číst, oni si chtěli se mnou hrát. Tak jsem byla ráda, když jsem se potom přestěhovala k tomu druhému strýčkovi, Josefovi, tady se mi líbilo, protože sestřenice byla dvouletá a ještě si hrát nechtěla. Já jsem teda byla vypuštěna mezi děti na ulici, abych pochytila angličtinu. Jenže, stalo se, že za čtrnáct dní tam ty moje kamarádky mluvily docela obstojně česky, ale já anglicky ani slovo. Prostě jsem byla osobnost a trvala jsem si na češtině.

Když dědeček prodal ty své litické akcie, rozdělil výtěžek z nich mezi své tři děti. Strýček Jan už byl v Anglii, a protože se vědělo, že tam pojedu taky, převedla maminka svůj podíl také do Anglie a byl určen v podstatě pro mě. Zaplatila se z něj internátní škola, do které jsem nastoupila. V Anglii bylo hodně internátních škol a bylo to považováno za takové lepší vzdělání, obzvlášť tahle škola byla považována za něco nóbl, protože v ní za mlada studovala paní Churchillová.

Mně se na škole líbilo hrozně moc. Když jsem nastoupila, neuměla jsem anglicky takřka nic, tak mě dostala na starost Jenny, aby se o mě postarala. A postarala se perfektně. Ještě s další kamarádkou, Shielou, která byla vnučkou nějakého dávného ministerského předsedy. Ty dvě holky byly výborné a s Jenny jsme nejlepší kamarádky dodnes. Když jsme za komunismu nemohli my vyjet za hranice, Jenny jezdila za mnou sem. Máme blízko Mirotic chalupu, tak k nám jezdila na chalupu a strašně moc se jí tam líbilo. Moje vnoučata ji znají od narození a to si představte. Já jsem jim vždycky, teda vlastním dětem taky, ale hlavně vnučky nechtěly pohádky, když byly malé, místo toho škemraly, abych jim vyprávěla příhody ze svého života. Tak jsem vykládala o různých lumpárnách, které jsme prováděli, a taky o tom, jak se tahle Jenny o mě starala, jak mi tam bylo smutno, že jsem byla v cizině a nikomu jsem nerozuměla... No, a teď moje vnučky chodí do školy a obě se o někoho starají. A hrozně se s tím chlubí. Ta mladší, Veronika, hned první den, co se v první třídě vrátila ze školy, mi hlásila: „Babičko, já se starám o Gorana. On je uprchlík z Chorvatska. On neumí česky.“ A pak se starala o jednu Gruzínku. Ta starší, Markéta, se zase starala o Číňánka. Tak když se dětem už v dětství vštípí taková nějaká zkušenost...

V Anglii se chodilo do školy od pěti let, ne jak u nás od šesti. Abych se teda dostala mezi děti stejného věku, musela jsem dělat testy, a protože jsem je udělala dobře, dostala jsem se dokonce ještě o třídu výš, takže jsem měla náskok dva roky. Anglicky jsem se na škole naučila velice rychle. Ten první rok, to jsem měla ještě nějaké problémy, ale zase mě využívala celé třída, když si nebyla jistá v kramflecích. Nabádali mě, že mám zdržovat, na co se mám učitelů ptát... a já jsem vyhověla, velice ráda. Musím říct, že okolí mě přijalo velice dobře. Angličané jsou velice přátelští lidé.

V mé anglické internátní škole byla kromě mě ještě jedna Češka, byla o něco mladší. Neměly jsme se spolu bavit, proto každou dali na jiný konec. No, ale když to šlo, bavily jsme se stejně a dohodly jsme se, že protože se nám strašně stýská, vrátíme se domů. Že už v Anglii nebudeme. Válka zuřila, ale my se prostě dohodly, že se vrátíme. Měly jsme to naplánované tak, že pojedeme stopem, ona do Prahy, já do Strakonic. Schovávaly jsme si sušenky, protože nic jiného nevydrží, až konečně přišel den, kdy jsme si řekly: „Tak, v noci vyrážíme.“ A vyrazily jsme. Vylezly jsme z chodby oknem na požární žebřík... a dál jsme se nedostaly. Někdo nás viděl, tak nám tedy hezky vysvětlil, že to jako ne... Bylo to někdy v devětatřicátém roce. Ještě se nebombardovalo, ani jsme nevěděly, jak válka vypadá.

V té internátní škole jsem byla až do čtyřiačtyřicátého roku. Potom, v šestnácti letech, jsem odmaturovala. Jejich systém je zase trošku jiný než náš, každá univerzita má přidělené nějaké střední školy, o které se při maturitě stará. Na jaře na ně přijedou ti univerzitní učitelé a žáci skládají ústní část maturity. V červnu potom jsou na školy rozeslány písemné testy, a ty všichni píší v jeden den. A celé léto se pak napjatě čeká, jak to dopadne, až v srpnu vyjdou v novinách výsledky. Kdo zkoušku udělá s vyznamenáním, může si rovnou zaregistrovat vyšší maturitu a jít na univerzitu. To se mi tedy povedlo, udělala jsem oxfordskou maturitu a teď co dál? Češtinu ne že bych zapomněla, sice jsem byla v internátě, ale třikrát do roka jsem byla poměrně dlouhou dobu doma, u strýčků. Měsíc o Vánocích, měsíc o Velikonocích a dva měsíce v létě. Jenže moje úroveň byla z páté obecné. A protože ve Walesu byla česká škola, dali mě na ten poslední rok tam.

Můj strýček Josef se v Londýně pohyboval mezi československými exilovými politiky a i já jsem se s nimi občas stýkala. Strýc vedl Hlas svobodné republiky 12, české vysílání, a když občas potřebovali dětský hlásek, šla jsem tam číst. Setkávala jsem se zde s Ornestem [Ornest, Ota (1913 – 2002): vl. jménem Ohrenstein. Český div. režisér, překladatel – pozn. red.], Tigridem [Tigrid, Pavel (1917 – 2003): vl. jménem Schönfeld. Český novinář, publicista a politik – pozn. red.], ty jsem měla moc ráda, byli jsme velcí kamarádi. Ke Korbelům chodil na návštěvu také Jan Masaryk 13, to byl takový velký srandista. Často se účastnil debat v anglické BBC, jmenovalo se to Brain Trust, a byl z těchto debat známější než jako český diplomat. O patro níž bydlel Prokop Drtina [Drtina, Prokop (1900 – 1980): český právnik a politik – pozn. red.], pozdější ministr, a měl u sebe taky neteř, Sylvii Loewenbachovou, se kterou jsem kamarádila. S Benešem 14 jsem se setkala jen jednou, náhodou, a to jsem byla tak pitomá, že jsem se styděla se přihlásit.

V té československé škole rozdělovali děti do tříd podle věku. Proto jsem nemohla nastoupit rovnou do oktávy, dodělat si českou maturitu a školu skončit, ale musela jsem jít do sexty. No, moc jsem se toho v této škole nenaučila, ale stejně to tu bylo naprosto skvělé. Jednak se nás tu sešla velká spousta dětí z toho transportu, mezitím jsme se neviděli. A pak také tu byl úplně jiný poměr žáci profesoři, protože ti nás měli na starost čtyřiadvacet hodin denně. Sice tam byly taky nějaké ošetřovatelky, které na nás měly dohlížet mimo vyučovací hodiny, ale v podstatě bylo všechno na těch kantorech. Někteří z nich nebyli o moc starší než my. Třeba češtináře jsme měli hrozně rádi. Jeho žena nás doprovázela v transportu, bylo jí už devatenáct, takže nemohla jet jako dítě, ale nějakou šťastnou náhodou se jí podařilo vyjet také. Pak dělala dozor v té české škole a vdala se za češtináře, který tam učil. Ještě v Anglii se jim narodila dcera, Mařenka, a tak když ti dva chtěli jít třeba do kina, s radostí jsme se ujali hlídání. Takový jsme měli mezi sebou vztah. Tahle malá Mařenka je matkou Pavla Zuny [Zuna, Pavel (nar. 1967): do 30. června 2006 moderátor a vedoucí několika projektů TV Nova – pozn. red.], který pracuje na Nově [nejsledovanější komerční česká televize – pozn. red.].

O  tom, co se dělo doma, jsme neměli žádné informace. S rodiči se dal kontakt udržovat jen do té doby, než vypukla válka. Pak to ještě nějakou dobu šlo přes známé ve Švýcarsku, ale zanedlouho už ani to ne. Poslední roky války začaly postupně pronikat zvěsti o těch hrůzách, které se tu děly. Těsně po skončení války chodily seznamy Červeného kříže, které ale byly nespolehlivé a moc se z nich člověk nedozvěděl. Našla jsem v nich jenom maminku, že zemřela ještě v Terezíně, tam byly ještě poměrně dobře vedené evidence. Horší to bylo s těmi, co šli dál, o nich jsme měli k dispozici jenom velice chabé informace. Co se stalo s mou rodinou, jsem se dovídala postupně. Když jsem se vracela do Československa, věděla jsem pouze o mamince, jinak nic.

Po válce

Vracela jsem se vlastně hned, jak to bylo možné, s rodinou strýce Josefa prvním repatriačním transportem. Bylo to někdy v květnu, nejpozději v červnu, na Václaváku ještě stály barikády. Repatriaci organizovalo letectvo a vozili nás bombardéry, seděli jsme na dřevěných lavicích v prostoru, kde dřív vozili bomby. Nebylo vidět vůbec nic a strašně mě to tam otravovalo, tak jsem se šla podívat dopředu, k pilotům. Ti pak udělali jednu šílenou věc, když jsme letěli nad Drážďanami, řekli, že mi ukážou, jak to tam krásně rozbili. Tak udělali vžum... mně to nevadilo, ale ti chudáci, co seděli vzadu, popadali. Můj první let v životě se tedy odehrál v bombardéru místo bomby.

Když jsem přijela do Československa, hned jsem začala zjišťovat, kdo přežil. Bylo mi jasné, že pokud se někdo vrátí, naším styčným bodem budou Strakonice, jenom tam se můžeme setkat, jinak neměl nikdo na nikoho adresu. Pořád jsme se ptali ve Strakonicích, ale nikde nic. Když jsem tam jezdila, potřebovala jsem ještě propustku do amerického pásma. V domě U Hybernů v Praze měl Červený kříž vyvěšené seznamy, tak jsem se chodila dívat i tam. Nakonec se vrátil bratranec a sestřenice z tatínkovy strany, z maminčiny strany nikdo. Úplně nakonec jsem se dozvěděla asi rok po válce, že tatínek zahynul v Osvětimi.

Majetek, který rodiče poschovávali po přátelích, mi byl v pořádku vrácen. To, co nám bylo zabaveno, nábytek, auto, tatínkova ordinace, z toho nebylo nikdy nic. Vcelku musím říct, že jsem byla ve Strakonicích přijata velice vřele. Každý mě vítal a objímal, na tatínka vzpomínal... tatínek byl opravdu velice populární.

Po návratu jsem nejdřív bydlela u strýce Josefa, který měl byt na Hradčanském náměstí. Velice brzy ale odjel do Bělehradu jako velvyslanec a já jsem tady zůstala se švagrovou mé babičky, kterou jsem do té doby nikdy neviděla. Stará paní, bylo jí přes osmdesát. Kdo byl plnoletý, měl štěstí, dostal byt. Kdo nebyl, měl smůlu. Někteří mí spolužáci ze školy šli do pěstounských rodin, někteří dokonce do dětských domovů. Bylo to dost kruté pro toho, kdo tu nikoho neměl.

Abychom o sobě měli aspoň trochu přehled, chodila jsem každý den k příletům na staré ruzyňské letiště. Musela jsem pěšky z konečné jedenáctky ve Veleslavíně, šlo se dobrou hodinu pěšky tam a hodinu nazpět. Ale stálo to za to, neztratili jsme na sebe kontakt a vůbec, hodně jsme my z té české školy drželi po válce pohromadě. Nikdo nikoho neměl, byli jsme vlastně jako rodina.

Co se týče školní docházky, měla jsem po návratu na vybranou. Buď nastoupit do septimy a další dva roky chodit na střední, nebo si svoji anglickou maturitu nostrifikovat. Takže jsem si ji nostrifikovala, rok jsem měla na to, abych se doučila český jazyk, literaturu a dějepis, a pak jsem mohla jít na vysokou školu. Nastoupila jsem na obor angličtina - francouzština na filosofické fakultě. Angličtinu jsem uměla levou zadní a francouzštinu jsem se taky učila už dost dlouho.

Musela jsem se taky sama nějak živit. Měla jsem šest set korun [V listopadu 1945 byla stanovena relace koruny ke zlatu na 1 Kčs = 0,0177734 g zlata – pozn. red.] sirotčí důchod a to bylo dost mizerné. Nikdy v životě jsem se neměla tak špatně jako tady po válce. Moje teta z tatínkovy strany, žena strýčka Josefa, se vrátila a vzala si mě od té staré paní k sobě, dokonce dostala svůj starý byt. Ale i ona měla velice malý důchod, takže to bylo opravdu velice špatné. Krom toho jsme neměly vůbec čím topit, protože uhlí se dostávalo na příděl  a ten byl velký nějak podle toho, kolik se protopilo. Prostě to bylo hrozné. První zima byla vůbec strašná. Já jsem z Anglie byla oblečena na jejich počasí, neměla jsem teplé boty, neměla jsem zimní kabát, neměla jsem nic. Naštěstí moje teta, která zůstala v Anglii, tady měla mnoho známých, kteří měli děti a já jsem je učila angličtinu, případně jsem chodila děti hlídat. Tak tak jsem chodila po rodinách, vlastně jsem se u nich najedla a i mi zaplatili. Přitom jsem se učila na tu nostrifikaci. Další rok jsem už věděla, že budu nastupovat na vysokou, takže jsem v létě mohla jít na uhelnou brigádu do Mostu. Pracovali jsme v povrchovém dole, nakládali jsme vagóny. A to jak kluci, tak holky, i když holek tam moc nebylo. Bylo to hrozné. Dělali jsme i noční směny. Po nějaké době ale viděli, že holky tuhle práci opravdu dělat nemohou a proto nás rozestrkali po různých táborech do kuchyní. Bydlela jsem na pokoji s jednou medičkou, za kterou chodil můj budoucí muž, Vladimír Šíma. Tak jsem se s ním seznámila. To byla jedna pozitivní věc na brigádě. Druhá byla ta, že jsme dostali za práci zaplaceno, což tenkrát nebylo zanedbatelné. Taky jsme dostali poukázky na šaty a boty a co bylo nejdůležitější, i deputátní uhlí. Takže nadcházející zimu už jsme měli sklep plný uhlí a nebyla nám zima. A protože jsme toho hodně propálili, dostali jsme potom i větší příděl.

O tom, co je to komunismus, jsme byli velice dobře informováni a proto jsem se znepokojením sledovala události, které vedly k jeho nastolení. V únoru 1948 15 jsem se zúčastnila té velké studentské demonstrace, která šla na Hrad. Měla jsem štěstí, podařilo se mi utéct, než je začali pochytávat. Průvod šel Nerudovkou a v tom ohybu, kde se Nerudovka stáčí nahoru na Hradčanské náměstí, bydleli shodou okolností strýcovi známí. Takže když to tam začalo vřít, vletěla jsem k nim do vchodu, schovala se tam a události pozorovala z povzdálí.

Na fakultě to bylo také dobré, dokud mě nevyhodili. Že bych měla problémy z toho, že jsem byla v Anglii... hlavně jsem měla problémy kvůli tomu, že jsem zůstala bez poručníka. V té době totiž člověk byl plnoletý až v jednadvaceti, teprve komunisti to snížili na osmnáct, aby měli víc voličů. Mým poručníkem byl strýc Josef. Ten po válce nastoupil jako velvyslanec v Bělehradě a po Únoru i s rodinou emigroval. Naposledy byl v Praze na pohřbu Masaryka [Masaryk, Jan (1886-1948)], to už sám. Když utekl, já ještě nebyla plnoletá a v podstatě jsem byla bezprávní, nemohla jsem si sama nic vyřídit. Strýc 26.prosince složil svou funkci u Spojených národů, odjel do Anglie a pak do Ameriky. Takže to bylo v prosinci. A v lednu byly na vysokých školách prověrky. Já měla tu smůlu, že jsem se dostala ke komisi, kterou šéfoval můj známý z Anglie. Byl to kantor, hnusný komunista, který nás učil na té české škole, na fakultě přednášel staroangličtinu. Nenáviděl se se stýčkem, měli spolu věčně nějaké diškurzy. Tento chtěl mít v tom českém vysílání komunistický projev, kdežto strýček, který samozřejmě nikdy nebyl komunista, s tím nesouhlasil. Když jsem přišla na tu prověrku a viděla, že v komisi sedí tento profesor, bylo mi jasné, že to dopadne špatně. A taky první, co na mě vybafl: „Kde máš poručníka?“ „No, v Paříži.“ Já ještě nevěděla, že strýček utekl, myslela jsem, že je v Paříži a pracuje tam v komisi, jenže tento hajzl už to věděl. Tak začal mít hloupé řeči a mně už bylo jasné, že mě vyhodí. Tak jsem si dovolila a řekla mu: „A pane profesore, od kdy se vysokoškolským studentům tyká?“ To bylo poslední, co jsme si řekli. Tím skončilo moje studium.

Tou dobou už jsem chodila s mým pozdějším mužem. Bydleli na Vinohradech ve Francouzské ulici, můj muž byl taky z takové chudší rodiny. Tedy taky, já ne, ale tenkrát jsme byli oba chudí. Jela jsem za nimi a doma byla jenom jeho babička. Tu jsem já strašně milovala, byla ke mně velice hodná. No a v kuchyni měli kamna na uhlí. Babička  přikládala do kamen a vařila. A jak měla u sebe uhlák, vytáhla jsem index a mrštila s ním do něj. Babička ho vytáhla, o zástěru ho takhle otřela a povídá: „Schovej si ho, nevíš, kdy se ti bude hodit.“ A měla pravdu. Když byly v devadesátým roce rehabilitace, tak mi index s razítkem „Vyloučena“ moc pomohl. Okamžitě mě prověřili a dostala jsem dokonce červený diplom. Titul sice nemůžu používat, ale měli jsme i promoci. Původně jsem na tu rehabilitaci ani nechtěla jít, nelíbilo se mi, že se nám omlouvají ne ti, kteří nám ublížili a kteří nás vyhodili, ale lidí v tom úplně nezainteresovaní, kteří nám nic neprovedli. Ale pak vyšel nějaký zákon, podle kterého se měly k důchodu přidat nějaká procenta za každý rok studia, včetně let nedostudovaných. A protože já jsem jako nestranice měla plat nízký a tím pádem i důchod velice malý, překousla jsem to a nechala se rehabilitovat. Takže jsem byla ráda, že index mám a dodnes vzpomínám, jak ho babička otírala o tu svoji zástěru.

Musím říct, že rodina mého muže byla fantastická, jak se ke mně zachovala. Hned, když mi bylo dvacet jedna a dosáhla jsem tím pádem plnoletosti, jsem se provdala. Manžel sice ještě studoval, ale měl to zařízené tak, že vždycky, když byl připraven na zkoušku, mohl na ni jít a nemusel dodržovat ročníky. Školu měl absolvovanou v padesátém roce a hned po promoci musel narukovat. A protože měl za ženu mě, šel k pétépákům 16 a do dolů. Doly se jmenovaly Starkov, bylo to v severních Čechách, pak byl na pile v jižních Čechách v Černé a pak ještě dělal v lese v Brdech. Z vojny se dostal roku padesát dva a jen když podepsal papír, že pro ně bude pracovat na vojenských stavbách. To ale byl jeho obor, který vystudoval, tak to až tak nevadilo.

Když muž narukoval, já jsem byla bez místa. Dráhy dělaly nábor a braly každého, tak, abych vůbec byla schopna nějak existovat, přihlásila jsem se a měla jsem nastoupit na vršovické nádraží zapisovat vagóny. Jenže den před tím telefonoval někdo z ředitelství s tím, že zjistil, že mám maturitu a že oni mají zoufalý nedostatek účetních, tak prý jestli bych si nechtěla udělat rychlokurz. To jsem byla celá šťastná, že se mi něco takového naskytlo a pracovala jsem nejprve jako účetní v závodní kuchyni na Wilsonově nádraží a potom v drážním učňovském internátu na Spořilově. Tam jsem vydržela než se mi narodila dcera. Starší dcera Jana se narodila v roce 1952, mladší Olga v roce 1958.

Když byly děti malé, pracovala jsem doma. Jedna příbuzná mého muže měla pletací stroj a pletla pro nějaké družstvo. Tak jsem si řekla, že je to dobrý nápad, nějak komplikovaně přes Tuzex [Tuzex: tuzex byl za totality vyhledávaný obchod, kam chodili lidé kupovat zahraniční, jinde nedostupné zboží – pozn. red.] si obstarala pletací stroj a pletla pro Oděvní službu jako domácí dělnice. A bylo to hrozné. Jakmile člověk vstal od stroje, už nešly peníze. Nelíbilo se mi tam, vedoucí byli nevzdělaní a takoví panovační... Pak se mi naštěstí naskytlo, že jsem mohla zaučovat nové dělnice v nějaké továrně a přes to jsem se dostala do vzorkovny, kde se dělaly vzorky svetrů pro Barrandovské ateliéry. To už bylo lepší, ale stejně jsem byla ráda, když mi v šedesátých letech zavolal jeden kamarád z české školy v Anglii a řekl, že v Četce, v České tiskové kanceláři 17, zavádějí anglický servis. Prý už tam jsou dva a shání další čtyři lidi, a že je to tam bezvadný, člověk je uklizený... Překládala jsem zprávy do angličtiny. Zažila jsem tu šedesátý osmý rok 18, to bylo dost kruté. Protože naše budova byla zabraná, vysílali jsme z I.P.Pavlova. Většina slušných lidí byla následně vyhozena. Nám se nic nestalo, stáli jsme mimo, protože jsme nebyli straníci. Tak nějak jsme se krčili mezi sebou. Tak tam jsem vydržela až do penze.

Měla jsem to komplikované s výchovou dětí. Doma se učilo něco jiného než ve škole a já jsem vždycky trnula hrůzou, aby ve škole něco neřekly. Tak jsem se s nimi vždy smluvila: „To je naše velké tajemství.“ A děti byly rády, že mají se mnou velké tajemství. A když byla moje starší dcera v první nebo v druhé třídě, jednou přišla ze školy a povídá: „Maminko, my už nemáme rádi Stalina.“ To jsem si oddychla. „Zaplať pánbůh.“ Starší dcera vystudovala angličtinu a ruštinu, mladší ekonomku.

Hrozně dlouho let jsme nemohli vyjet na Západ. Poprvé to vlastně bylo až v šestašedesátém roce, tenkrát můj muž pracoval v závodu pro výrobu lepidla Chemoprojekt a spolupracovali s Angličany, Francouzi a Němci. Byl půjčen na půl roku k té anglické firmě a já dostala povolení jet za ním, děti musely zůstat doma. Ještě nějakou dobu po okupaci se dalo celkem jezdit na pozvání, tak jsem tam byla několikrát navštívit příbuzné a starší dcera tam strávila jedny prázdniny u bratrance. Mladší byla ještě malá, a tu jsem vzala do Anglie v osmdesátém roce, kdy jsem tam jela znovu na příslib a výjezdní doložku.

Se strýcem Janem jsem udržovala v podstatě normální kontakt. Byli v Anglii už od třicátého osmého roku, takže vůči komunistickému režimu nebyli uprchlíci. Dokonce sem i jezdili, ne moc často, ale šlo to. S druhým strýcem udržovat kontakt už bylo horší. Tak jednou za rok nám při tom pomáhali jedni známí. Každý, kdo tu žil, asi někdy uvažoval o emigraci. Ale vždy se to nějak zkomplikovalo, takže k ní nikdy v mém případě nedošlo. A taky jsem si nebyla tak úplně jistá, jestli na to mám právo. Myslím si totiž, že spousta lidí to právo neměla. Nic se jim tady nedělo... prostě jsem byla přesvědčena, že kdyby emigrovali všichni, národ zanikne. Takže jsem věděla, že to musím vydržet. Byla jsem přesvědčena, že to tu není na věky, ale složité to tu bylo, to je pravda. Takže to, že jsem neemigrovala, mně spíš mrzí až teď, když vidím, jací lidé se všude dostali.

Jak jsem se s antisemitismem nesetkávala před válkou, nesetkávala jsem se s ním ani po válce. S židovskou obcí jsem neudržovala žádný kontakt. Dění v Izraeli samozřejmě sleduji, stejně ale jako sleduji situaci třeba v Dárfuru. Je mi líto, jaké to tam mají v Izraeli neklidné, ale rozhodně necítím, že bych tam měla žít.

To, že náš odjezd do Anglie zorganizoval Winton 1, bylo i pro mě překvapením. Věděli jsme, že za tím stojí nějaká organizace, ale konkrétního člověka jsme neznali. Takže jsme byli překvapeni spíš že se vynořil, než že to byl konkrétně on. Já jsem se s ním setkala poprvé když přijel sem. A bylo to moc krásné. Byli jsme na letišti, každý s kytičkou...  Je to takový srandaděda. Tak každý s ním strávil nějakou tu čtvrthodinku. Potom jsme ho zvali, když byl sraz naší školy. To bylo v roce devadesát osm. Tenkrát ještě byla moje třída komplet a slavili jsme společně naše sedmdesátiny. Bylo to nádherné setkání. Loni bylo zase šedesáté výročí konce války, opět se konalo setkání ve Walesu, toho už jsem se ale nezúčastnila, byla jsem jen na recepci na našem londýnském velvyslanectví.

Začátkem devadesátých let to bylo těžké. Ceny letěly nahoru, důchod byl na to malý, a všechny (socialistické) publikace, pro které jsem překládala, zanikly. Trvalo nějaký čas, než se naskytla náhrada. Zůstalo mi dobré jméno a o mou práci je stále zájem.

Glosář:

1 Winton, Sir Nicholas (nar

1909): britský makléř a humanitární pracovník, který se v roce 1939 podílel na organizování transportů židovských dětí z území Protektorátu Čechy a Morava do Velké Británie. Tímto způsobem bylo zachráněno 669 dětí.

2 Velká hospodářská krize (Světová hospodářská krize)

koncem října 1929 došlo k velkému propadu akcií na americké burze a následně k hospodářské krizi. Banky požadovaly splacení půjček, což zapříčinilo zavírání továren. V důsledku toho docházelo ke zvyšování nezaměstnanosti a následně k poklesu životní úrovně. Do ledna 1930 se americký peněžní trh vzpamatoval, ale během tohoto roku došlo k další bankovní krizi. Navíc koncem roku 1930 se krize rozšířila i do Evropy. Během roku 1931 zasáhla Rakousko, Německo, Velkou Británii. Zemědělské země centrální Evropy byly zasaženy poklesem exportu, což vyvolalo zemědělskou krizi.
3 Mnichovská dohoda: podepsána Německem, Itálií, Velkou Británií a Francií roku 1938. Umožňovala Německu okupovat Sudety (pohraniční oblast osídlenou německou menšinou). Představitelé Československa se jednání nezúčastnili. Maďarsku a Polsku byla také přislíbena část území Československa: Maďarsko okupovalo jižní a východní Slovensko a část Podkarpatské Rusy, Polsko okupovalo Těšín a část Slezska. Československo tak ztratilo rozsáhlá ekonomická a strategicky důležitá teritoria v pohraničních oblastech (asi třetinu z celého území).

4 Terezín

malé pevnostní město, které bylo v době existence Protektorátu Čechy a Morava přeměněno v ghetto, řízené SS (Schutzstaffel, Ochranný oddíl). Židé byli z Terezína transportováni do různých vyhlazovacích táborů. Čeští četníci byli využíváni k hlídání ghetta a zároveň s jejich pomocí mohli Židé udržovat kontakty s okolním světem. Navzdory zákazu vzdělávání se v ghettu konala pravidelná výuka. V roce 1943 se rozšířily zprávy o tom, co se děje v nacistických koncentračních táborech, a proto se Němci rozhodli Terezín přetvořit na vzorové židovské osídlení s fiktivními obchody, školou, bankou atd. Do Terezína pozvali na kontrolu komisi Mezinárodního červeného kříže.

5 Pražské jaro

období demokratických reforem v Československu, od ledna do srpna 1968. Reformní politici byli tajně zvoleni do vedoucích funkcí KSČ: Josef Smrkovský se stal předsedou národního shromáždění a Oldřich Černík předsedou vlády. Významnou osobou reforem byl Alexandr Dubček, generální tajemník ústředního výboru komunistické strany Československa (ÚV KSČ). V květnu 1968 ÚV KSČ přijal akční program, který vymezil novou cestu k socialismu a sliboval ekonomické a politické reformy. 21. března 1968 na setkání zástupců SSSR, Maďarska, Polska, Bulharska, NDR a Československa v Drážďanech bylo Československo upozorněno, že jeho směřování je nežádoucí. V noci 20. srpna 1968 sovětská vojska spolu s vojsky Varšavské smlouvy podnikly invazi do Československa. Následně byl podepsán Moskevský protokol, který ukončil demokratizační proces a byl zahájen normalizační proces.

6 Masaryk, Tomáš Garrigue (1850-1937)

československý politický vůdce, filosof a přední zakladatel První republiky. T.G.M. založil v roce 1900 Českou lidovou stranu, která usilovala o českou nezávislost v rámci rakousko-uherské monarchie, o ochranu menšin a jednotu Čechů a Slováků. Po rozpadu rakousko-uherské monarchie v roce 1918 se Masaryk stal prvním československým prezidentem. Znovu zvolen byl v roce 1920, 1927 a 1934. Mezi první rozhodnutí jeho vlády patřila rozsáhlá pozemková reforma. Masaryk rezignoval na prezidentský úřad v roce 1935 a jeho nástupcem se stal Edvard Beneš.

7   Wagnerová – Černá, Marie (1887 – 1934)

psala pod literárním pseudonymem Felix Háj. Byla zaměstnána jako hospodyně v Mníšku pod Brdy. Její literární práce byly zaměřeny na mladé lidi. Vyvrcholením její kariéry bylo populární sedmidílné dílo Kája Mařík. Během totalitního režimu bylo jeho vydávání zakázáno.

8 Sokol

jedna z nejznámějších českých organizací, která byla založen v roce 1862 jako první tělovýchovná organizace v rakousko-uherské monarchii. Největší rozkvět zažila mezi světovými válkami, kdy počet jejích členů přesáhl 1 milion. Sokol sehrál klíčovou roli také při národním odporu vůči Rakousko-Uhersku, nacistické okupaci a komunistickému režimu, i když byl právě během první světové války, za nacistické okupace a komunisty po roce 1948 zakázán. Obnoven byl v roce 1990.

9 Protektorát Čechy a Morava

Poté, co Slovensko vyhlásilo nezávislost v březnu 1939, Německo okupovalo Čechy a Moravu, které byly přeměněny v protektorát. Do čela Protektorátu Čechy a Morava byl postaven říšský protektor Konrád von Neurath. Povinnosti policie převzalo Gestapo. V roce 1941 Říše v protektorátu začala praktikovat radikálnější politiku. Byly zahájeny transporty Židů do koncentračních táborů, Terezín byl přeměněn v ghetto. Po druhé světové válce byly hranice Československa navráceny do původního stavu (kromě Podkarpatské Rusi) a většina německé populace byla odsunuta.

10 Nucený odsun Němců

jeden z termínů používaný pro označení masových deportací Němců z Československa, které proběhly po druhé světové válce na přelomu 1945-46. Iniciátorem myšlenky vyřešit poválečné vztahy mezi Čechy a Sudetskými Němci masovou deportací byl prezident Edvard Beneš, který pro svůj záměr získal podporu spojenců. Deportace Němců z Československa spolu s deportacemi z polského pohraničí byly největším poválečným přesun obyvatelstva v Evropě. Během let 1945-46 muselo Československo opustit více než 3 miliony lidí, 250 000 Němců s omezenými občanskými právy mohlo zůstat. 

11 Hitlerjugend

mládežnická organizace Národně socialistické německé dělnické strany (NSDAP). V roce 1936 byly všechny ostatní do té doby existující mládežnické organizace zrušeny a Hitlerjugend zůstala jedinou povolenou mládežnickou organizací. Od roku 1939 všichni mladí Němci ve věku 10-18 let byly povinni vstoupit do Hitlerjugend, která organizovala mimoškolní aktivity a politické vzdělání. Chlapci nad 14 let absolvovali předvojenský výcvik a dívky nad 14 let byly připravovány na mateřství a domácí povinnosti. Po dosažení 18. roku mladí lidé buď vstoupili do armády, nebo nastoupili do práce. 

12 Hlas svobodné republiky

v roce 1939 BBC začala vysílat pravidelně v českém jazyce. Vysílání nejprve trvalo 15 minut denně. Koncem roku 1939, poté, co byla definitivně uznána československá exilová vláda, však BBC přidala k tomuto vysílání další dva vysílací časy. Toto vysílání pak začalo být označováno jako Hlas svobodné republiky. V čele československého oddělení stála Sheila Grant-Duff. Na programu pracoval Josef Kodíček, který původně působil jako šéfredaktor v deníku Tribuna, dále G. Stern ze stejného deníku, Kosef Kosina, Míša Papírník, J. Patzaková a další. Později se k nim připojili lidé jako básník Ivan Jelínek, novináři Karel Brušák a Pavel Tigrid a divadelní ředitel Ota Ornest.

13 Masaryk, Jan (1886-1948)

československý diplomat, syn Tomáše Garrigue Masaryka, prvního prezidenta Československa. Jan Masaryk působil jako ministr zahraničních věcí v československé exilní vládě sídlící v Londýně po Mnichovské dohodě (1938). Jeho politika zahrnovala spolupráci se Sovětským svazem a stejně tak i se západními mocnostmi s cílem dosáhnout osvobození Československa. Po osvobození (1945) Jan Masaryk setrval na svém postu až do komunistického převratu v roce 1948, kdy bylo oznámeno, že spáchal sebevraždu.

14 Beneš, Edvard (1884-1948)

československý politik a prezident v letech 1935-38 a 1946-48. Byl stoupencem T. G. Masaryka, prvního československého prezidenta, myšlenky čechoslovakismu a Masarykovou pravou rukou. Po první světové válce zastupoval Československo na Pařížské mírové konferenci. Edvard Beneš působil ve funkci ministra zahraničních věcí (1918-1935) a ministerského předsedy (1921-1922) nového československého státu a stal se i prezidentem po odstoupení T. G. Masaryka z prezidentského úřadu v roce 1935. 

15 Únor 1948

komunistické převzetí moci v Československu, které se pak stalo jedním ze sovětských satelitů ve východní Evropě. Státní aparát byl centralizovaný pod vedením Komunistické strany Československa (KSČ). Soukromé vlastnictví v hospodářství bylo zakázáno a vše bylo podřízeno centrálnímu plánování. Politická opozice a disent byli pronásledováni.

16 PTP (Pomocné technické prapory)

vytvořeny roku 1948 pro politicky nespolehlivé osoby, např. lidé aristokratického původu, kapitalisté, synové farmářů a pozemkových vlastníků, kteří nesouhlasili s kolektivizací, dále duchovní atd. Jejich vojenská služba nebyla časově omezena (základní vojenská služba trvala dva roky). Kvůli jejich vojenské nespolehlivosti jim nebyla vydána zbraň. Obvykle vykonávali fyzicky náročnou práci. V 50. letech prošlo vojenskými pracovními tábory přes 44,000 mužů. V době Československé socialistické republiky PTP nikdy oficiálně neexistovaly. Hovorově byli nazýváni Černí baroni.

17 Československá tisková kancelář

byla založena krátce po vypuknutí první světové války ve Washingtonu. T. G. Masaryk však současně v Londýně v roce 1916 založil Českou tiskovou kancelář. Tyto organizace mohou být považovány za předchůdkyně dnešní ČTK, založené předsednictvem československého národního shromáždění 28. října 1918. V listopadu 1950 se ČTK spojila se Slovenskou tiskovou agenturou. V roce 1992 se opět rozdělily. Česká odnož se vrátila ke svému původnímu názvu ČTK a slovenská pobočka začala používat název Tisková agentura Slovenské republiky.

18 Okupace Československa Varšavským paktem

uvolňování komunistického režimu v Československu během Pražského jara (1967-68) šlo dále než v ostatních zemích sovětského bloku. Tento nový vývoj byl konzervativním sovětským komunistickým vedením chápán jako neúnosný odklon od nastavené linie, nebezpečný pro sovětskou politickou nadvládu v regionu. Moskva se proto toto směřování rozhodla radikálně ukončit a za účasti dalších čtyř zemí (Polsko, Východní Německo, Maďarsko a Bulharsko) Varšavského paktu provést invazi do Československa v srpnu 1968.

Nisim Navon

Nisim Navon 
Belgrade 
Serbia 
Interviewer: Rachel Chanin

I was born in Pristina in 1921. My sister Rukula Navon (Navonovic) was born in 1925, also in Pristina. Our parents, Gavriel and Ester (nee Baruh) Navon, were both born and raised in Pristina. They only left the town when they were forced to flee the Nazis. Our family did not change its name officially, but the "-ovic" ending was added by the school authorities when they enrolled in school. We now use both Navon and Navonovic.

Before World War Two, Pristina was a provincial village. We had a small Jewish community and everyone knew each other. I think there were about 450- 500 Jews in all of Kosovo and Metohija. Most of them were concentrated in Pristina. Our family, like most families, is directly descended from Jews exiled from Spain who came to Bitola, in Macedonia. But because of the overpopulation and poverty they left Bitola to find a better life. This is how most Jewish families came to Pristina, Yugoslavia.

Later, some Jews migrated north. Pristina was a small town and life was not much better there than in Bitola, so some families moved to Kosovska Mitrovica, because the Trepca Mines are there. These Jews believed that the activity in the mines would give them a better chance to earn a living.

The Pristina community was entirely Sephardic. I never even met an Ashkenazic Jew before refugees from the north reached Pristina during the war. There was little interaction between the Jews of Pristina and more distant Jewish communities, but there were occasional meetings between the Jews of Kosovska Mitrovica and those of Pristina. All Jews in Pristina before the war were observant and there was very little intermarriage. I remember one instance when that occurred, and the drama that accompanied it. A young Jewish woman, of 16 or 17 years of age, ran away from her home and married a Serbian man. This was almost unheard-of at the time. The family was distraught over her actions and responded by ripping their clothing as a sign of mourning for their now "deceased" daughter. This young woman converted in a Serbian church and her family had no more contact with her.

We grew up in our father's father's house with our parents, plus one of our father's brothers, his wife, and their children. It was a one-story house, built of mixed materials. It had four rooms, a hall, and a courtyard. Our paternal grandparents, Jakov and Rahela (nee Asael) Navon, and their home were the center of family life for me and my sister Rukula, as well as for our extended family. As a young child I spent more time in the company of my grandparents than my parents.

In our town, most Jewish men worked as shopkeepers or merchants and the women ran the homes. In the years leading up to the war, our family was moderately prosperous, living a modest but comfortable life. We had three houses close to each other in the center of Pristina. Before the war, there was generally no electricity nor running water and people did not have cars. I remember an army general stationed there who had a military vehicle which caused a great deal of interest among the residents of the town. We had electricity introduced in our house in 1931, when I was 10. A businessman from Leskovac built a small electrical power station and each house in Pristina got one electric bulb. It hardly changed our lives, as we didn't have any houseware that used electricity. Nevertheless, there were a lot of us in the house (my mother and father, my sister and me, my uncle with his wife and two children, another uncle with his wife and my grandparents), so I had to study at night. Until we got electricity I used the light of a petroleum lamp.

My family did not travel much, except to natural springs, banja, in the region, during the summer holidays, a few times before the war. Our childhood was mostly spent at home. The lack of running water and electricity, and the long, cold winters, meant that there were a lot of household chores to keep us busy.

Like many people in Pristina at the time, we had a Turkish-speaking maid who came to our house every day, so we also spoke Turkish as children. At home, we spoke Ladino, and in school, Serbo-Croatian.

The only synagogue was in the center of the town, and most of the Jewish community lived within walking distance. The synagogue was not large, but it could hold all the Jews. The women sat in a slightly raised section behind the men. The mehitza (barrier between women and men) was a wooden latticework trellis. Because of it, the women could see the men, but the men could not see the women. The prayer books and service were all in Hebrew, except for those prayers that were in Ladino. Everyone could follow the service and all the males knew how to participate.

The rabbi, Zaharija Levi, also served as the chazzan (cantor). He had such a beautiful voice. The services currently led in Belgrade by Rabbi Isak Asiel remind me very of much those I remember from my childhood. Rabbi Asiel has a similar accent and uses the same melodies that we used in Pristina back in our time. Before the war there was a daily minyan (prayer quorum) but I am not sure how many services there were a day. Our mother's father, unlike our father, went to synagogue every day. The rabbi lived in a house in the yard. There was also a building in the yard that belonged to the community. The first floor was used as a classroom and the upper floor had a hall that was used for community celebrations and meetings. In the yard there was a section where the rabbi slaughtered poultry and behind the rabbi's house there was a place where the chevra kadisha (burial society) stored their materials. No social events were held in the synagogue.

The chevra kadisha was interesting and I sometimes got to watch, although the children were kept away. When someone died, a group of women prepared female bodies and some men cared for the male bodies. They had a long wooden board they kept near the synagogue, and they would take it to the dead person's house to use while preparing the corpse. They washed the body and dressed it and placed it in a wooden coffin. Rukula and I spoke about this but we could not agree on whether there was a bath in the synagogue where the bodies were washed, or whether they were washed in the home of the deceased using water from the family's well. The corpse was transported to the cemetery-carried on a cart, pulled by a horse-in the wooden coffin, but was removed from the coffin and placed directly in the ground without a coffin. We had two cemeteries in Pristina. Albanians destroyed one immediately after the war, when they built houses on our ancestors' bones. The other is partially destroyed, as Albanians are using it today for their funerals.

It was the practice in Pristina that women did not go to the funeral. They stayed at home during the funeral and only visited the cemetery some time after the shiva (mourning period) was over. I remember sitting shiva for our father in Pristina in 1951. All the mirrors and pictures were covered. Rabbi Josef Levi helped us rip our garments, we sat on the floor the entire seven days, and other people from the community brought us food. The male mourners did not shave for 30 or 40 days after the funeral. When they recited a pomen, muldadu, which was recited for the dead it was either done at the family's home or at the cemetery. After the service they would eat small rolls and inhaminadus, which were also eaten at the end of the shiva, insejiti in Ladino.

Rabbi Zaharija Levi was the shochet (ritual slaughterer and kosher butcher) for our community. Several times a week he would go to the town's slaughterhouse and slaughter large animals. Then he had some man take the meat to two butcher shops in Pristina, where it was kept separated from the non-kosher meat. These were not kosher butcher shops but all of the Jews knew about them and bought their meat there. When they wanted to eat poultry they bought it live in the market and brought it to the synagogue yard. Rabbi Levi would slaughter the poultry in a special section of the yard set off just for this. I myself brought poultry on several occasions to the synagogue for Rabbi Zaharija to slaughter.

There was no mohel (circumciser) in Pristina, but when there was a need, one was brought in from Sjenica in the Sandzak region of Serbia. That is how every Jewish male in Pristina was circumcised before the war. I really cannot remember, nor can my sister, if there was a mikva (ritual bath), and I do not know if the women practiced the laws of family purity on a regular basis.

Like all boys in Pristina, I had a bar mitzvah when I was 13. I prepared for this occasion by taking special classes with Rabbi Levi to learn how to put on the tefillin, and study the text that I had to recite. After the bar mitzvah in the synagogue, I gathered my Jewish male friends and we all went to the city's Turkish baths and then back to our house for a big meal. There were two Turkish baths made of stone with wells. Water was heated in kettles. We had baths weekly or once in 15 days. Women went each Friday to a bath; first I went with my mother when I was 4-5 years old, then with my father. Almost all of my friends with whom I went to a bath are dead.

All the old men in the community wore the fez, and they were always black. Both of our grandfathers, Rabbi Zaharija Levi, everybody. They would even wear them in synagogue. The younger men all wore hats or caps in the shul (synogogue) and on the streets. No one had a kipa (skullcap) like men wear today. My father wore his hat in his store, too. The women wore kerchiefs on their heads, some of which were held on by gold chains called kilingdjare, which had gold coins hanging down from them.

Kashrut (dietary law) was strictly observed in our household. There were separate dishes for milk and meat and these two were never to be mixed. Our grandmother and our mother made their own goat cheese. Before the onset of winter, a milkman delivered a large quantity of milk, and we used it to make a barrel full of cheese which lasted the entire winter. In preparation for winter, we also made our own wine, collected winter staples such as onions and garlic, and pickled vegetables. We would buy meat in those butcher shops which sold meat that Rabbi Zaharija Levi slaughtered and koshered. There was also a closet for Passover dishes, which was only opened for the Passover holiday. There was no kosher restaurant in Pristina, so eating in the local restaurants and cafes before the war was something we simply did not do.

Shabbat was observed each week in our family. No one worked from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday and we did not use lights. However, if by some chance we needed to do one of these things, we would go out to the street and look for a non-Jew to do it for us. Friday the women would prepare food for the entire Shabbat. The meal usually included fiuzaldikas, pastel (cake), fidjoni (cooked beans) and pitijas, an airy bread that served as challa. The members of our family living together gathered each Friday evening for the Shabbat meal. Our grandmother and the other women in the house would light candles. Usually this was a bowl of oil with a bunch of wicks, some of which were lit in memory of dead people. Our grandfather Jakov would make kiddush (the prayer over the wine). Each Shabbat morning we went to synagogue and back to the house for lunch. Our mother's father gathered the children at his house to make havdalah (prayer service marking the end of Shabbat). We called the spices barmut.

All of the holidays were observed by our family in a similar matter to Shabbat, all at home. There were few communal celebrations. For Rosh Hashanah we used to eat apples and honey. For such occasion my uncle Muson had a roasted head of lamb on the table, and I cannot remember if our grandfather also had one. The shofar (ram's horn) was blown in shul either by Rabbi Zaharija Levi or by Jehuda Judic. Before Yom Kippur we would buy a chicken and our grandfather would perform kaparot in the yard of our house and then give the chicken to Zaharija Levi who would then give it to the poor in the community. (Kaparot, literally meaning "atonements," is the act of swinging a chicken over one's head and asking that its death substitute for the death of the one making the prayer.) Our family always built a succah (harvest festival booth) in the yard.

Before Pesach the women would buy wheat and take it to a water mill where it would be ground into flour. They would gather in our grandmother's yard and would make both matzot and bojas outside in the garden where she had a bread oven. The women also ground some of the matzot to make matzo flour. The Passover Hagaddah was read by all the family members in Hebrew. We would go around the table taking turns reading. During the reading of the Hagaddah, one child would sling a satchel with the bojas over his shoulder, then all the other children would follow him around the table, recreating the exodus from Egypt.

During the week of Passover, we would eat inhaminadus, bemulos de massa, cuftes, sivuikas, pitas from matzo (with spinach, meat, leeks, etc), meat patties with leeks or spinach, sweet matzo pitas, etc. I can still smell those roasted onions stuffed with ground matzo and meat and hamin, cooked wheat and meat, that we ate for Passover.

For Purim, the community would have a small masquerade party for the children in the Jewish community building. After shul on Purim day, the children would return home in their costumes and hang small white cloth bags around their necks. They would then go to visit their relatives and each one would add a few dinars to the little bag around the child's neck. At the end of the day they would count up the money to see who had collected the most. Baklava was frequently eaten on Purim, and presents were given to the poor people in the community.

There was a small metal box in the house where coins were put before the Sabbath, holidays, and other times during the year. Once a year a Jew from outside Pristina (maybe from abroad) would come to open this charity box and take the money, which was being collected for Israel.

Both my sister and I had Jewish and non-Jewish friends. We did not have any problem socializing with non-Jews, just as we saw from our parents. Gavriel, our father, employed a mixture of nationalities in his store. Our family still did not observe the secular New Year or the other secular holidays before the war. Among the different nationalities-Serbs, Muslims, Albanians, Jews and Gypsies-there was no nationalism. We got along well, we all respected each other, and there were no incidents. Incidents occurred only between Albanians, because they had custom of blood revenge. There were no tendencies for the Jews to be on either the side of the Serbians or the Muslims. No one humiliated the Jews; we were respected, as we lived modestly. In elementary and high school I had Serbian friends. We had good relations with both Serbian and Muslim boys. In Pristina the majority of the population was Turkish, and there were fewer Albanians, as they lived mostly in villages. During the Nazi occupation, the Turks became Albanians overnight, as Albanians were privileged, allowed to rob Jews and other nationalities.

I attended the local elementary school, which was held in a mosque a distance from our home. In the wintertime I would meet the other children in the neighborhood at the end of the road armed with books and shovels. On the way to school we would shovel away snow to clear a path in the road.

When we were young, we also had religious education. I vividly remember the classes with Rabbi Zaharija Levi, the religious leader of Pristina before the war. Zaharija Levi was a respected man, authoritative, and we called him Signor Rubi. He was 60-65 years old; he had a beard and a cap that is usually wore by rabbis. Twice a week the young boys, about 100 of us, would meet him in the classroom of the synagogue complex. The schoolroom was on the first floor of a building near the synagogue. During these classes we learned to read and write Hebrew, learned the prayers, and learned other Jewish topics. The Hebrew script we learned was a special one used by Sephardi Jews. Community documents were written in this script. Rabbi Levi was a strict teacher and did not have much patience for lazy students. Each class we were given a text that had to be learned by heart for the next class. Rabbi Levi kept a large stick in his closet in the room and when a student failed to memorize the text he would take it out and give the unprepared student five slaps, that we called falaka, on both hands. Many of the children feared Rabbi Levi and his stick more than they did their own fathers. We spoke in Spanish (i.e., Ladino) and Hebrew. I understand and know some Hebrew, thanks to Zaharija Levi. By 1938, Rabbi Zaharija Levi was too old to continue his job and he was replaced by Cadik Danon. Rukula told me that she remembers going to religious lessons with Rabbi Danon but Rabbi Danon did not remain there long; he left for Split after just a short time in Pristina and was replaced by Rabbi Josef Levi, Rabbi Zaharija Levi's son.

For a short time I took private accordion lessons with a Serbian teacher from Pristina and played in the school orchestra. But doing things such things as private language, dance, or music lessons or belonging to clubs were not the norm. Rukula and I were members of a Zionist club but it was not part of a larger organization. We just did not have the contact. We gathered together in the synagogue building, but I must admit that I cannot remember what we did there. I think our parents wanted Jewish children to be together. In our free time we would play with other children on the streets, and in the wintertime, ice skate and sled with homemade equipment on a nearby river.

I also attended the State Commercial Academy in Skoplje for commercial trading from 1934 to 1937. There was no such school in Pristina, so my parents paid for me to enroll and board at the school in Skoplje. My father insisted that I should continue with schooling at the State Commercial Academy. As I was the oldest grandson, no one from the family wanted me to leave Pristina. Nevertheless, my father told us that one could never know what would happen in the future, and he wanted to secure me with a diploma. Among my friends were two Jews, one from Bitolj another from Nis, and Serbs and Macedonians. While living in the dormitory in Skoplje, I did not eat kosher food but I also did not eat the meat. Not because of kashrut. I simply do not particularly like meat. Occasionally, I would eat in the kosher restaurant in the Jewish mahala in Skoplje. In Skoplje I did not observe the Jewish holidays or the Shabbat. In fact, I would often travel back to Pristina on Saturdays so I could be with my family. I traveled by train. Skoplje was 100 kilometers from Pristina and it took me two hours to get to Kosovo polje, as there wasn't a station in Pristina. From Kosovo polje to Pristina I went by horse and carriage. I didn't write letters, as almost each weekend I went home and the letters would have arrived after me.

In 1937, I enrolled in the Economics Faculty of Belgrade University, but my studies came to an abrupt end with the passing of the Numerus Clausus laws restricting the number of Jews allowed to enter certain professions. I was in Belgrade once or twice before that, when I escorted my father to Vienna where he had a throat operation. I enrolled in the Faculty in 1937 and stayed until 1940. I lived with my cousin in a part of the city called Zvezdara. Students whose fathers had been in World War One could remain at the university. I was among those students, as my father had fought against the Bulgarians in World War One. Nevertheless, I wanted to show solidarity with all of my Jewish friends; I even left my documents at the university. I found them and used them after the war, as the building wasn't destroyed. My oldest friend from the Faculty was Marci Levi.

At that time there was anti-Semitism "thanks" to Dimitrije Ljotic, who published a magazine called Zbor, with anti-Semitic articles only. Cicvaric was the editor of the magazine Balkan, also with anti-Semitic articles. The magazines had their readership, and that was the beginning of hatred towards Jews, who were described as murderers and usurpers. But nothing happened to me as I had a lot of Serbian friends.

Before the war I wasn't involved in political life. Jews had their own cultural organization that belonged to the synagogue. I was a member of it. I was a Zionist. Each house in Pristina had a blue cash-box in which we put money each Friday. A delegation of three people from Belgrade or another European center came once a year to collect the money, which was used for buying land, kept by Arabs, in Palestine.

Our father was a very honest and well-liked man, highly respected even amongst the general population in Pristina before and after the war. He served three four-year terms as president of the Jewish community of Pristina. His last term ended in 1951, the year of his death. I succeeded my father as president and served three terms, ending in 1963.

In his capacity as president, our father was able to save some Jewish refugees from Poland, Austria, Czechoslovakia and Hungary, who were captured in Pristina in 1940. He went around the Jews of the community to collect the required 1,000 golden coins to ransom some of the captured Jews that were being held by an Albanian named Kemal Beg. Those that were not released were taken away in caravans by the Germans.

I met my first Ashkenazi Jews in Pristina right before the war. They were running to the south, as they wanted to settle in Israel. The government put them in Jewish homes, where we shared good and bad, as fear and the same destiny unite people. We hosted a family from Poland. Together with Rabbi Josif Levi, we supplied these Jews with food and medicine. There were no differences in manners or outlook between them and us. The Germans came in 1941 and put them in prison, from where they were transported by trucks to Belgrade, where most of them were shot. Some of them escaped to Prisren.

The first Germans arrived in April 1941. The Albanians liked the Germans. They came down from villages to welcome them and kiss their boots. Right after the Germans came, the Jews were ordered to wear a yellow band with the word Jude, and form a brigade of 200 adults from Kosovo to work at the stone pit. When the Nazis first rounded up the Jews in Pristina, they came with a truck to our house and took away everything from us, 10 kilos of gold, family jewelry which we had had for four generations. Five bags were all that were left, one each for my father, mother, sister, grandfather and me. They made our father carry all of the family's belongings out of the house onto trucks, the whole time beating him on the spine. His back never recovered from these beatings and he never regained his strength. Rukula and our mother were both operated on in 1946 for respiratory problems that developed during the war.

We thought that the Germans wouldn't take my grandfather as he was old, so we gave him everything we had. But my grandfather was taken to prison immediately and killed. Soon after grandfather was murdered, my grandmother died of sorrow and lack of medicine. My two uncles and I were put in labor camp where we worked at the stone-pit 12 hours a day. My sister, together with another 40 Jewish women, had to clean streets and public buildings that belonged to German organizations in the city. They worked 12 hours as well.

Six months later, two policemen, one Italian and the other Albanian, took me to be shot in the village of Milesevo, 6 km away from Pristina. A Gestapo chief asked me if I was a communist. I answered that my family was capitalist. He thought for some time and released me. When I came back, the Italian police put me and my cousin in prison in Pristina. I was in prison from October to December. I was in the room with 40 prisoners, mostly Serbs expelled from villages by the Albanians. We had to work and we were beaten. I still have a scar on my arm. In December the Germans transferred me into a prison in Tirana, where the living conditions were better. I stayed there till January. In the meantime I didn't have any information about my family. While I was in Pristina they were moved to Elbasan, Albania. In February I was removed to Elbasan, but still didn't know that my family was there, as I was in another part of the prison together with thieves and criminals. My family was with six other Jewish families. Later I found out that we were in the same prison. We were there until the end of August 1943.

In Albania I had a friend, Seap Topuli. He told us that Italy would surrender. This happened on September 9. In the Tajti Mountains, in the village of St. George, he found Albanian houses to which these seven families, including mine, could escape, because the Germans were already starting to take prisons and public institutions. We were settled under the roof of a stable, where we slept on animal skins. Through the roof the snow was falling down on us. We used melted snow as water. We hid there without any contact to the outside world. A teacher from the village, Elmas Nema, gathered some food for us, corn and a few beans. We went to get it at night. Our host gave us whey and some food as well. We stayed there until April 1945, when we came back to Pristina.

Our family returned to Pristina after the war and found that our house had been looted and occupied by a Serbian family. Eventually, we moved back into one of our former properties, but we have never managed to rebuild what we had. This time around, instead of having milk delivered, we were forced to buy a small goat and depend on the little bit of milk she could produce.

I continued my studies in the fall of 1945, but this time under very different circumstances. Before the war, my family was in a position to finance my studies and my living in Belgrade. Later the situation turned around as they became dependent on me for their income. My parents were sad about it, especially my father.

Around 50 Jews came back. The community looked so sad. In the street where I lived there had been 10 Jewish families, of which only one survived. Nine families were killed at Bergen-Belsen. I gave an interview in our Bulletin, with the title "Those Who Are No Longer," about the atmosphere after the war. As we lost almost everything, we expected help from the Federation of Jewish Communities in Yugoslavia and from JOINT. And we got help in the form of clothes in Belgrade and in Pristina as well. I went to the Federation almost every day. According to the new town development plans, the synagogue would have had to be demolished, as it was made of faulty materials. The municipality called me as a member of the community board and asked me what should be done. I thought that we should renovate the synagogue, and we did it together with the Federation of Jewish Communities in Yugoslavia and its representative, who was a lawyer.

After the war I married my wife Ljubica, a school teacher, whom I met during the studies at the university. Ljubica is Serbian. Her family was from Nis but moved to Pristina after the war to work on the development of the town. We used to meet while visiting our families. We had a child, Gavriel N. Navon, who died in 1954 and is buried in the cemetery in Pristina. He was buried in the Jewish cemetery, together with my father and grandfather. The cemetery still exists, but Albanians are using it now.

My sister studied in the local gymnasium in Pristina before the war. Her studies were interrupted when the Numerus Clausus laws were passed. After the war she took a couple of training courses but she never finished her secondary education. She moved to Belgrade in 1948 where she worked as an office clerk. She married Jakov Ben Cion, a Sephardic Jew from Belgrade. They were married in 1948 in the Belgrade Synagogue by Rabbi Cadik Danon. Their marriage ended in divorce twenty-some years later. My sister and I currently live in Belgrade and see each other often. I still speak to my sister in Ladino but she prefers Serbian.

Most of our extended family moved to Israel after the war, but my sister and our parents and I remained in Yugoslavia. Mainly because of their poor health, our parents were not in a condition to start a new life. Our father died in Pristina in 1951. After his death, my mother and I moved to Belgrade, where she died in 1984.

After my retirement and illness, I lost interest in politics. The situation is much worse now than it was during World War Two. It is a tragic situation for the Serbs; there are 300,000 refuges from Kosovo. Today Pristina has 500,000 residents, including thieves, homeless persons and the mafia from Albania who robbed and occupied Serbian homes. Kosovo is now an Albanian state; KFOR has to protect the Serbs when they go out to buy bread.

I can't tell what will happen in the future, but I think that anti-Semitism will increase. I'm the oldest member of the synagogue and devoted to the community. I promised my mother when she was dying that I would go to the synagogue each Friday. And I'm keeping that promise.

Milena Procházková

Milena Procházková
roz. Kosinerová
Praha
Česká republika
Rozhovor pořídila: Zuzana Strouhová
Období vzniku rozhovoru: říjen - prosinec 2005

Paní Milena Procházková, rozená Kosinerová, pochází z velké rodiny Kosinerů, z nichž válku v podstatě přežila jen ona a její rodiče. Její otec totiž za války pracoval v pracovním táboře Wulkov a tím chránil svou ženu a dceru před dalším transportem z Terezína. Nový život do rodiny vdechl po válce až příchod jejího muže, Petra Procházky, a jeho sourozenců. Paní Milena Procházková pracovala původně jako laborantka, ale protože jí objevili vrozenou vadu srdce, musela tuto pozici opustit. Později pracovala v Družstvu invalidů, v Drutěvě, a pak v Národní Galerii, kde zůstala až do důchodu. I v  současné době, navzdory věku i nemoci srdce, je stále pracovně činná a to v Terezínské iniciativě. Má dvě děti, Janu a Lenku, přičemž Jana v šedesátých letech dvacátého století emigrovala s mužem do Vídně.

Rodina
Dětství
Za války
Po válce
Glosář

Rodina

O svém dědečkovy z otcovi strany, Eduardu Kosinerovi, nevím téměř nic, protože zemřel v roce třicet a to jsem se teprve narodila. Neznám ani jeho datum narození, protože nemáme žádné jeho doklady. Za války jsme o všechno přišli a pak jsme samozřejmě měli kvůli tomu občas problémy, protože úřady na leccos nějaké ty doklady chtějí. Dědeček není pochopitelně ani v Terezínské pamětní knize  [v Terezínské pamětní knize jsou zapsáni jen oběti válečných deportací - pozn. red.] Z vyprávění vím, že dědeček s babičkou mívali v pronájmu nějaký statek u Kralup, kde žili a hospodařili. Oni byli vlastně zemědělci, vedli polní zemědělství, pěstovali obilniny a tak. O dědečkově vzdělání nevím také nic, ale rozhodně neměl titul. To máte sto let zpátky a on byl z vesnice. Asi měl jenom nějakou obecnou školu. Sourozence, myslím, žádné neměl. 

O babičce z otcovy strany vím víc, protože ta v Terezínské knize je. Ve čtyřicátém druhém roce šla do transportu do Terezína 1 a v témže roce pak do Treblinky 2, kde zahynula. Obzvlášť v případě Treblinky, která prý byla něco šíleného, se datum odjezdu transportu bere jako den úmrtní. Hned po příjezdu šli totiž do plynu, v Treblince nebyly žádné baráky. Babička se jmenovala Otýlie Kosinerová, rozená Fischlová,  a narodila se v červenci 1865. Žila s dědečkem někde na vesnici u Kralup, ale potom, když se děti vyženili a vyvdávaly, tak ji přitáhli do Prahy, protože dědeček už dávno nežil. Co já pamatuji, tak vždycky žila v Praze na Vinohradech. A pamatuji si dokonce ulici - Na Švihance 11.  Měla tam svůj byt. Evidentně ten statek prodala a z utržených peněz na penzi dožívala. Vzhledem k tomu, že pocházela z vesnice, tak měla asi také jenom obecnou školu. Do práce nikdy nechodila, s manželem měli onen statek a pak také osm dětí. Takže se měli co ohánět. Ani ona, pokud vím, žádné sourozence neměla.

Z otcovy strany nebyla žádná židovská výchova. Dědeček ani babička žádné svátky neslavili, to vím bezpečně. V těch osmi rodinách - když už mělo každé z jejich dětí rodinu - se slavili jen Vánoce a Velikonoce. Ani jejich předci, pokud vím, nábožensky nežili.

Dědeček z matčiny strany se jmenoval Rudolf Stern. Narodil se 1. listopadu 1874 a zemřel v roce 1942 v Treblince. Dědeček s babičkou Sternovi jeli jak do Terezína, tak do Treblinky stejným transportem. Dědeček žil s manželkou Elsou v Kamberku u Třeboně v jižních Čechách, kde měli velikánský statek. I matčini rodiče byli tedy zemědělci. Dědeček měl asi nějakou střední zemědělskou školu, protože měl jako statkář velké úspěchy. Ovšem byla to šílená dřina. Ten statek byl opravdu veliký, protože tam žilo dvanáct rodin. Ti pro ně pracovali na poli a na zahradách, prostě co bylo potřeba. A za to dostávali plat. Měli koně, krávy, drůbež, všechno.

Od roku 1928, kdy se moje maminka, Hedvika Kosinerová, vdávala, žil dědeček s babičkou v Praze. Statek prodali a koupili polovinu domu ve Veletržní ulici a žili z jeho pronájmu. Nemyslím, že ten odchod nějak souvisel se svatbou mé matky, spíš už byli strašně sedření a chtěli na penzi. Navíc se to asi už dlouho plánovalo, protože ten dům kupovali s nějakou babiččinou vzdálenou příbuznou a babička měla půlku a oni taky půlku, takže to už se muselo dávno předtím domlouvat.

Ale kdysi jsem se v tom Kamberku byla podívat. Jednou ještě když žila maminka a potom s mojí sestřenicí z Anglie, dcerou maminčiny sestry Marie, která chtěla vidět, odkud jsme. Ze statku zůstala jenom taková velká budova, kde byly obytné místnosti. Stáje a to všechno, to bylo pryč. Tam jsou teď postavené vilky. Žádné staré fotografie toho místa se nezachovaly, ale náhodou, když jsme tam přijely, sekala nějaká stará paní – té muselo být určitě tak devadesát - v příkopu trávu. Moje dcera zastavila, já jsem vystoupila ven a ptala jsem se, jestli náhodou neví, kde měli Sternovi statek. A ona se takhle na mě podívala a říká: „Vy jste Hedičina, viďte? Já jsem s ní chodila do školy.“ Já myslela, že tam omdlím. Když se na Vás cizí paní podívá a řekne: „Vy jste Hedičina“. A to své matce nijak podobná nejsem. Potom zavolala průjezdem dovnitř: „Máňo, pojď sem, jsou tady od Hedičky i od Mařenky děti.“ Takže nám potom přesně ukázaly, kde ten statek stál. Babči si pamatovaly všechno.

Co se náboženství týče, dědeček z maminčiny strany chodil do synagogy pravidelně. Minimálně jednou za měsíc. Ale hlavně vždycky držel Nový rok [Roš Hašana] a Dlouhý den [Jom kippur]. Ten k tomu byl z domova vedený, pravděpodobně svým otcem, protože jeho matka nedržela nic. To víte, co se na těch vesnicích tak mohlo dodržovat. Oba jeho rodiče Židi byli, stejně tak i babičky, to byly generace židovských rodin. Ale byly to vesnické rodiny. Já se domnívám, že se snažili žít tak, aby ti vesničané na ně nekoukali moc skrz prsty. Nějaké chození do synagogy samozřejmě tenkrát na vesnici nepřicházelo v úvahu. Nicméně ani dědeček nijak ortodoxně nežil, uznával jen Vysoké svátky, košer nejedl a naopak s námi dětmi trávil Vánoce. Ani se na nás nesnažil nějak nábožensky působit nebo tlačit. V té rodině se o tom vůbec nemluvilo. On si žil ten svůj niterný život, ale bez nás.

Pokud vím, měl dva bratry. Ale nic víc si o nich nepamatuji. Sestry neměl.

Babička se jmenovala Elsa Sternová, rozená Dubská. Narodila se 28. ledna 1884 v Kamberku a stejně jako její manžel odjela v roce 1942 do Terezína a pak říjnovým transportem 1942 do Treblinky, kde zemřela. Myslím, že absolvovala měšťanku. Pracovala na onom statku - dřeli tam jako koně - a také se starala o děti. Měla jich pět, ale tři zahynuli v roce osmnáct nebo devatenáct, když vrcholila španělská chřipka. Nábožensky nijak nežila.

Babička Elsa měla dvě sestry a tři bratry. Starší se jmenovala Berta Budlovská - na tu si pamatuji jako malá holčička - a druhá Fanynka Poláková. Ti měli v Kyjích nějaký statek, pamatuji se, že jsme tam jezdívali na výlet, jako kdybychom jeli na venkov. Ta jediná ze sourozenců za války ještě žila a v roce 1942 šla do Terezína. Odtamtud si na ni dobře pamatuji, protože mi tam hodně pomáhala. Pracovala v landwirtschaftu, takže mi občas například přinesla mrkev. Ale hlavně se dívala, jestli jsem v pořádku a jestli něco nepotřebuji. Teta Fany Terezín přežila, ale krátce po návratu do Prahy, v roce 1946, náhle zemřela na rakovinu žaludku. Její syn Karel byl 12.9.1944 pro pokus o útěk z Terezína zavřen do konce války v Malé Pevnosti 3, odkud se vrátil. Berta Budlovská žila s manželem v Humpolci, ta se války nedožila, ale v koncentračních táborech byly její dcery Štefa, provdaná Hallerová, a Gusta, provdaná Reiterová, s rodinami. Štefa s dcerou Helenou přežila, ale Reiterovi zahynuli všichni v Osvětimi.

Reiterovi žili před válkou v Kutné Hoře. Tam jsme hodně jezdili na návštěvu - židovské rodiny drží pohromadě. Měli tam nějakou továrnu na látky, takové galanterní zboží, jmenovala se Respo. Hodně tam jezdili i otcovi sourozenci z Benešova, jeho sestry Anna a Marie, ty totiž byly věkově mojí mamince nejblíže. Proto hodně drželi spolu. I s těmi Hallerovými.

Jak jsem říkala, babička měla také tři bratry. Jeden se jmenoval Vilém, tomu se říkalo Vilík. Druhý se jmenoval Samuel, řečený Samy. Ten žil ve Vídni. Třetí se jmenoval Eduard. Ale nic bližšího o nich nevím. To víte, mně tenkrát bylo sedm, osm let. Jako dítě jsem se na nic samozřejmě neptala, nezajímalo mě to a ani jsme tenkrát samozřejmě nemohli tušit, jaký konec to všechno vezme. Všichni tři byli o mnoho starší než babička. Vím jen, že moje maminka vyprávěla, že kdykoliv strýci přijeli do Prahy, tak přivezli každému dítěti cukrdle.

O dětství mých dědečků a babiček nevím nic, nepamatuji se, že by nám o tom někdy vyprávěli. Obě babičky se mi zdály hrozně hodné. Babička Sternová měla ruku otevřenou, ale byla na nás přísnější. Zato dědeček Stern nás šíleně rozmazloval. A babička Kosinerová, ta měla tolik vnoučat, že si nás pletla. Pamatuji si, že když už byla v letech, tak vždycky v první moment nevěděla, kdo je kdo a ke komu patří, do jaké rodiny z těch osmi dětí. Na dědečka Kosinera si nepamatuji, ten zemřel v tomtéž roce, ve kterém jsem se narodila.

Můj otec se jmenuje Ervín Kosiner. Narodil se 16.6. 1900 v Bukolech u Kralup a v Praze pak chodil na ČVUT. Studoval stavařinu a pracoval celý život jako statik - projektoval velké chemické továrny. Proto byl za války převeden do koncentračního tábora Wulkov jako vedoucí inženýr.  Zemřel v říjnu 1972 na čtvrtý infarkt. První i druhý měl ve Wulkově a třetí asi v roce 1947. Celou dobu se léčil v Ikemu, v Krči. [IKEM:  Institut Klinické Experimentální Medicíny v Praze 4 - pozn. red.]. Když tatínek zemřel, tak jsme rok sháněli místo na jakémkoliv hřbitově, protože tatínek vysloveně řekl: „Ne abyste mě dali na židovský hřbitov.“ To bylo jeho výslovné přání. Neříkal proč, prostě nechtěl a my jsme jeho přání dodrželi. Byť by bylo bývalo to nejjednodušší ze všeho pohřbít ho na židovském hřbitově. Tam je místa spousta. Nakonec jsme našli takové malé místo na Letné, kde jsme tedy uložili nejdříve tatínka, pak maminku a teď je tam s nimi i můj muž. Ostatně na židovském hřbitově z naší rodiny neleží nikdo, snad kromě tety Fany. Většina příbuzných zemřela totiž v koncentračních táborech.

Tatínek byl za první světové války rok v armádě jako dělostřelec. Od roku 1917 do roku 1918, rukoval tedy v sedmnácti letech. Na jaké frontě se pohyboval, nevím. On jenom vyprávěl, jak to šíleně nenáviděl. Věčně ho prý bolel zadek, protože dělostřelci tahali děla koňmi, takže byl permanentně na koni. Ale nevzpomínal na to nijak negativně, my jsme rodina, která se nevrací k tomu, co minulo. Ani moje děti, Jana a Lenka, léta nevěděly, co jsme za války prodělávali. On vyprávěl spíš takové legrácky - to už máme v rodině - o tom jídle, co jim tam vařili, a o těch kobylách a jak to nesnášel a jak se koní šíleně bál. Ale kde přesně byl, o tom snad ani nemluvil. Jít k dělostřelectvu samozřejmě nebylo jeho přání, oni ho tam šoupli, to by si byl vzhledem k těm koním dobrovolně nevybral.

Jak jsem říkala, otec pocházel z osmi dětí. Babička byla čiperka. Nejstarší otcova sestra se jmenovala Berta, provdaná Baumová. Narodila se 16.12.1891. S manželem Rudolfem Baumem a dětmi Hanušem a Milošem žili někde na Vinohradech [Praha]. S manželem a synem  Hanušem odjeli v roce 1942  do Terezína. V roce 1944 je pak převezli do Osvětimi, kde všichni tři zemřeli. Druhý syn, Miloš, byl 17. listopadu [1939], hned na začátku okupace, zatčen a spolu s ostatními studenty zastřelen 4. Myslím, že studoval stavařinu na ČVUT.

Druhá sestra se jmenovala Marta, provdaná Steinerová. Narodila se 9.7.1893. To bylo dost nešťastné manželství. Její manžel, Ota Steiner, dělal správce hřbitova na Želivského v Praze. Až do transportu bydleli na onom hřbitově - pro správce je tam dodnes byt.  Pamatuji se, že jsem tam za nimi ještě na začátku války jezdívala. Steinerovi na tom byli finančně velice špatně. Vím, že se tam chodívalo s nějakým finančním obnosem v obálce. V prosinci 1942 odjeli i s dcerou Anitou do Terezína a odtud v září 1943 do Osvětimi, kde všichni zemřeli.

Třetí sestra, Vlasta, provdaná Alferiová, se narodila 3.2.1895. Rodina Alferiů byla bohatá. Měli nějakou malou banku a její manžel, Josef Alferi, v ní pracoval. Ti se pohybovali v trošku jiných desetinných čárkách než jiné rodiny. Ale byli báječní, nenafoukaní a například Steinerovým hodně finančně pomáhali. Odjeli jako první již 26.10.1941 do Lodže 5, kde všichni, včetně tehdy čtrnáctiletého syna Franty, zahynuli.

Otcův bratr, Karel Kosiner, byl bezdětný. Na něho si moc dobře pamatuji. Narodil se 8.7.1896 a se svou ženou Valerií Kosinerovou žil na Praze 1. Oba byli právníci. Valerie pocházela, na rozdíl od Karla, z ortodoxní židovské rodiny. Nevím, jak se seznámili, zřejmě díky společnému povolání. Slavili svátky a  doma musel jíst košer, aby se ona mohla vůbec najíst a nemusela jíst jenom vajíčka natvrdo, jako když občas přišla k nám na návštěvu. Žili ortodoxně, vedla ho k tomu, ale on tomu moc nedal. Ale měl ji rád a tak leccos toleroval. Do synagogy ho ale stoprocentně nedostala. Ale ona byla z velice ortodoxní rodiny, tak nic proti tomu. A on byl židovského původu, tak ani její rodina nemohla nic namítat, že si ho vzala. Vždycky, když byly Vánoce, chodíval k nám na návštěvu, protože se chtěl podívat na stromeček. A také nám přinesl dárky.

Dalšími otcovými sestrami byly Anna a Marie. Marie se narodila v roce 1903 a Anna v roce 1904. Vzaly si bratry Arnošta a Josefa Fürthovi a všichni žili v Benešově, kde měli společně velikou továrnu na látky. Jako malá jsem tam bláznivě ráda jezdila na víkendy a na prázdniny. Arnošta  Fürtha, manžela Anny, sebralo na začátku války gestapo a již o něm nikdy nikdo víc neslyšel. Anna se synem Frantou odjeli v roce 1942 do Terezína a dále říjnovým transportem do Treblinky. Tam oba zahynuli. Marie s manželem Josefem a dvěma dětmi Jiřinou a Irenou odjeli v roce 1942 do Terezína a odtud hned do Malého Trostince 6, kde všichni zahynuli. Bylo mi řečeno, že na Malý Trotinec se radši vůbec nemám ptát, již nikdy bych prý potom neměla klidné spaní.

Jediný z otcových sourozenců, kdo se po válce z koncentračního tábora vrátil, byl Miloš Kosiner. Ten se narodil 11.10.1905. Do Terezína šel až únorovým transportem v roce 1945, protože jeho žena nebyla židovka. Ale o něm, ani o jeho manželce, nic nevím, protože po návratu oba hned utekli do zahraničí a už jsme o nich neslyšeli.

Můj otec byl velký srandista, měl strašně rád humor. Celý život velice tvrdě pracoval, dneska se tomu říká workoholik. Tak to je přesně on. Já jsem ho vídala vždycky až večer. Z doby před válkou si pamatuji, že jsme všichni, celá jeho rodina Kosinerů, trávili víkendy třeba v Benešově u jeho sester Fürthových, nebo v Kutné Hoře u Reiterových, příbuzných mé matky Hedviky. Když přijel někdo z příbuzných z Benešova, tak já už měla sbalený kufříček, stála jsem v předsíni a jela jsem do Benešova. Rodina Kosinerů držela strašně pohromadě, hlavně Fürthovi, Alferiovi a moji rodiče. Společně jezdívali na prázdniny, například v létě jezdívaly tatínkovy sestry a moje maminka s dětmi do Jugoslávie. Tenkrát to bylo velice levné, tam byla dovolená dokonce levnější než tady. Tenkrát měla koruna velký kurz a dinár byl úplně ve srabu. Jezdívali jsme tam vlakem. Pamatuji si, že takhle mezi sedadla nacpali kufry, přes to deky a na tom jsme spaly my děti.

Má matka se jmenovala Hedvika, rozená Sternová. Narodila se 25. února 1909 v jihočeském Kamberku. Zemřela v listopadu 1987 v Praze. Upadla a zlomila si krček, ale protože měla těžkou cukrovku, tak už se to nezvládlo. Zemřela vlastně na šok diabetiků. Obecnou školu absolvovala v Kamberku a potom jezdila tři roky do Tábora na rodinnou školu. Velice brzy, v roce 1928, si pak brala mého otce. Svatbu měli na Staroměstské radnici v Praze. Seznámili se přes mamičinu sestru Marii. Za ní totiž jezdíval do Kamberka její budoucí manžel, František Faktor, což byl spolužák mého tatínka z vysoké. A jednou mu František říká: „Oni mají takovou hezkou mladší holku, pojeď tam se mnou.“ A už to bylo. Chodili spolu asi tři roky, mamince bylo devatenáct, když se vdávala. Takže dříve by to ani nešlo. Tatínek byl o devět let starší. Mimochodem, můj zeť je od mé mladší dcery Jany také o deset let starší a vůbec to nehraje roli. Maminka nebyla stejně jako tatínek nijak nábožensky založená, nepraktikovala vůbec nic. Povahou byla velkorysá, absolutně ne lakotná.

Před válkou i po válce pracovala maminka u tatínka v kanceláři. A potom, když jim to sebrali, tak dělala účetní v Remosu – mimo jiné tam vyráběli remosky – až do důchodu, což bylo asi tak přibližně v roce pětašedesát [1965]. Pomáhala mi, protože v roce padesát tři, když jsem byla těhotná se svou starší dcerou Lenkou, u mě objevili těžkou srdeční vadu a já pak měla ještě brzy na to druhou dceru, Janu. Dlouho jsme bydleli s rodiči a pak jsme mamince, když už byli děti velké, sehnali garsonku a nám zůstal ten byt na Letné, ten velký. Tenkrát byty nebyly, kdybychom s dětmi čekali, tak jsme je měli asi v padesáti. Ale my jsme si báječně rozuměli, báječně jsme vycházeli. Mého muže milovali a on miloval je. Později, když už na tom byla maminka zdravotně hodně špatně, bydlela zase s námi.

Matka měla jednu sestru. Původně byla z pěti dětí, ale tři z nich za španělské chřipky v roce 1918 nebo 1919 zemřely a  zůstala jenom moje maminka a její o pět let starší sestra, Marie. Ta válku také přežila a to díky tomu, že s manželem Františkem Faktorem utekli v roce 1939 do Anglie. Před válkou chodila Marie do stejné rodinné školy v Táboře jako moje maminka. Ale potom nepracovala, byla s dětmi doma. Její manžel byl strojní inženýr. Brali se v roce 1924 a do začátku války žili v Praze na Vinohradech, kde měli nějakou továrnu. V roce 1939 odjel strýček Faktor služebně do Anglie, do Londýna. Teta s dětmi se pak za ním vystěhovala a už v Londýně zůstali. Díky své práci tam měl strýček kontakty a práci a teta šila doma rukavice, aby rodina vyžila. A protože z toho důvodu teta vůbec nepřišla mezi lidi, tak se muselo doma mluvit anglicky, aby se ten jazyk také naučila.

Faktorovi mají dvě děti. Syn se jmenuje Petr, ten je ročník třicet jedna, a dcera je Věra, provdaná Joseph. Ta se narodila v roce dvacet pět.  Oba dnes žijí v Anglii, Věra v Sussexu a Petr v Londýně. Teď už jsou oba v důchodu, ale předtím měl Petr se strýčkem Faktorem firmu na foto přístroje. Pracovali i s Japonskem, kam často jezdívali. Ta firma stále existuje, protože ji převzal Petrův syn. Věra měla brzy děti a zůstala s nimi doma. Její manžel, kterému říkáme Joe – to vzniklo z jeho příjmení, Joseph - je inženýr a pracoval v nějaké firmě. Mají spolu tři děti, dva kluky a holku. A čtyři vnoučata. Bratranec má také tři děti, ale vnoučat devět. Kam já se hrabu se svými třemi, na které jsem tak pyšná. Tolik vnoučat, vždyť je to krásné. Já mu to šíleně závidím.

Když Faktorovi odcházeli do Anglie, bylo jejich synovi Petrovi pět let, takže jeho domov už byl tam. Ani po válce neuvažovali o tom, že by se vrátili zpátky. Pokud to šlo, tj. pokud to komouši dovolili, tak jsme se spolu stýkali a dodnes je každou chvíli někdo z nich v Praze.  Sestřenice Věra dodneška krásně mluví česky, protože té už bylo deset let, když emigrovali, a tak má základy češtiny z české školy, kdežto bratranec ne. Ten jestli měl kousek první třídy, tak je to moc. Ale u nich doma, jak jsem říkala, se mluvilo výhradně anglicky. Maminčina sestra s manželem také před svými dětmi dlouho tajili, že jsou vlastně Židé. Nevím, proč. Nevím, do jaké míry jsou jejich kamarádi konzervativní, na to jsem se jich nikdy neptala. Navíc ani matčina sestra nijak židovsky nežila.

Dětství

Já jsem se narodila 3. září 1930 v Praze. Kromě doby strávené v Terezíně jsem nikde jinde nežila. Vzdělání mám středoškolské, vystudovala jsem v Praze gymnázium. V roce padesát jsem ukončila školu a vdávala jsem se.

Sourozence jsem žádné neměla. Našim se sice v roce třicet čtyři, to mně byly čtyři roky, narodil chlapeček Jan, ale ten měl těžkou vývojovou vadu hrudníku a zemřel ještě jako miminko. Dožil se pěti měsíců. Byla to evidentně nějaká genová porucha. Já ji mám nejspíš také, vrozenou vadu srdce, ale u mě se to podařilo nějak překousat. Je možné, že to mám po tátovi, i když infarkt s vrozenou vadou nemá co dělat. Maminka nikdy nic se srdcem neměla, i když ona zase byla těžký kuřák. Ale u ní se na nic nepřišlo, to vím bezpečně. Já jsem šla hned, jak jsem mohla, do důchodu, abych se o ní mohla starat, protože už na tom byla moc špatně.

Já sama jsem byla kvůli své nemoci od pětadvaceti let v invalidním důchodu. Když jsem začala pracovat, tak jsem ho pustila a měla jsem vlastně jen částečný. Na to, že mám vrozenou vadu se přišlo brzy, při mém prvním těhotenství. Druhou dceru jsem pak měla na revers, tenkrát jsem musela podepsat, že ji chci. Náhodou se narodila o dva měsíce dřív, takže byla malá a tak to všechno dobře dopadlo. Při tom prvním dítěti se už nedalo nic dělat, to už dítě rostlo a já jsem trvala na tom, že ho donosím. Už tenkrát profesor Herles říkal: „Vy se ještě dožijete toho, že to budou umět operovat.“ To mně říkal asi v padesátém pátém roce. A v roce šedesát osm jsem na té velikánské operaci byla. Při ní mi udělali ze srdce aortu z teflonu, měla jsem to úplně ucpané. Srdce pracovalo pod šíleným tlakem, také jsem měla v těhotenství tlak 260 na 120, a tím se na ten můj problém vlastně přišlo. Operace mi snížila tlak a já pak mohla zaplať pánbůh nastoupit normálně do práce, opustit i ten částečný invalidní důchod. Problémy mám ovšem samozřejmě dodnes a každý rok jezdím do Františkových lázní.

Jako malá jsem do školky nechodila, maminka byla se mnou doma a měli jsme také služebnou. V šestatřicátém jsem šla rovnou do první třídy. Vzhledem k tomu, že maminka potom pracovala u táty v kanceláři, tak služebná vedla domácnost, starala se o mě, o nákup. Pamatuji se na Lídu, ta u nás vydržela až do války a byla u nás ještě i po válce, než se vdala. Stýkali jsme se s ní ale i potom.

Pamatuji se, když jsem začínala chodit do školy. Já tenkrát byla takové neduživé dítě - to bylo od té mé srdeční vady. Ve škole řekli, že musím mít devatenáct kilo, aby mě vzali do první třídy. Tak do mě rodiče pořád něco cpali. Nakonec jsem do té první třídy šla a byl tam moc hodný pan učitel. Ale že bych nějak horlila pro školu a pro vzdělávání svého ducha, tak to se musím přiznat, že bohužel vůbec. Školu jsem moc nemusela a moje mladší dcera Jana to má po mně. Vždycky jsem měla vztek, protože škola většinou začínala třetího září [1.září byla sobota - pozn.red.] a to jsem měla narozeniny. Od rána jsem se těšila, až přijdu domů a až něco propukne. Učení jsem nikdy nepřišla na chuť, na rozdíl od mé starší dcery, Lenky, která od deseti let říkala, že můžeme jíst každý večer bramboračku, jen ať ji uživíme na vysoké. Zatímco ta malá, tak tu jsme profackovali do maturity. Když jí bylo osmnáct – to už chodila se svým současným manželem – vzpomněla si, že nebude chodit do školy a radši se vdá. Zeť je totiž o deset let starší a měl už svoje živobytí. Já jsem na ni koukala úplně zděšená a říkala jsem: „Tak ze školy v žádném případě nevystoupíš, ty tu maturitu doděláš, i kdybychom…“ anebo: „Klidně se vdej, aspoň bude Gabriel, to byl její nastávající, chodit na rodičovské sdružení a já už tam nebudu muset poslouchat ty jejich pindy.“ No, to se tak vyděsila, že bych ho tam posílala na rodičovské sdružení, že se brali až  po maturitě.

Mezi mé oblíbené předměty rozhodně nepatřil zpěv, to mi dělalo problémy. Vždycky jsem měla ráda dějepis, ale ono v té obecné škole to nebylo tenkrát takhle roztříděné a já vlastně chodila jenom do čtvrté třídy. Pak jsem musela přestat chodit do školy 7.

Za války

Za války jsem nějakou dobu chodila do židovské školy, asi tři měsíce zrovna sem do Jáchymovské ulice, kde dnes pracuji v Terezínské Iniciativě 8. Než vypukla válka, vůbec jsem nevěděla, že jsem Židovka. Ta židovská škola mě ale vůbec neovlivnila, ani dobře, ani špatně. Pak jsme se stěhovali na Vinohrady a to už sem bylo strašně daleko. Oni ji beztak brzy zavřeli.

Z válečného období si pamatuji, když byla v osmatřicátém mobilizace 9. Tatínek tenkrát musel narukovat. V té době jsem byla na prázdninách v Radišovicích a dostala jsem spálu. Takže jsme byli úplně v izolaci, vůbec jsme nevěděli, co se kde děje, protože jsme nesměli mezi lidi. Pak tu mobilizaci rozpustili, přišel čtyřicátý rok a už to začalo. Mezitím utekla maminčina sestra Marie s rodinou do Anglie, takže pak už to bylo takové napěchované událostmi.

Původně jsme bydleli na Letné, ale asi v roce čtyřicet jedna Němci tu letenskou část vystěhovávali, protože se tam usídlili Němci. Babička s dědečkem (Sternovi) šli bydlet k babičce Otýlii Kosinerové na Švihanku a my jsme se stěhovali na Vinohrady, kde jsme asi rok a půl bydleli v jednom bytě s dalšími rodinami. Ten byt patřil Geshmayovým, kteří byli o hodně mladší než moji rodiče a bezdětní. Na ten pobyt u nich vzpomínám strašně ráda. Myslím, že tenkrát nabídli na židovské obci tři jména, ty rodiny se šly navštívit, padli si do oka a řekli: „Tak tady budeme“. A opravdu z toho nakonec vzniklo nádherné celoživotní přátelství. A povím Vám ještě jednu věc, za kterou jsem je ve válečné době těch hrůz obdivovala. Moje maminka s paní Geshmayovou měly úmluvu, že každá bude jeden týden služka a ta druhá bude dělat milostpaní a že si to pak po týdnu vymění. Takže to pak vypadalo tak, že jedna chodila nakupovat a vařila, já trošku pomáhala uklízet, a ta druhá měla nalakované nehty. Po týdnu ten lak sundala a myla nádobí a nakupovala a ta druhá byla milostpaní. A měli z toho ukrutnou srandu. Někdy to došlo tak daleko, že říkaly: „Hele, jsem dneska služka, nebo milostpaní?“

Lístky jsme měli jenom na chleba, na mouku a na brambory. Naši se snažili nějaké jídlo sehnat a nosilo se to na onu Švihanku mým babičkám a dědečkovi. My byli v té době již vystěhovaní na Vinohrady, bydleli jsme v Moravské ulici, čili to nebylo daleko. Jak jsem říkala, obě rodiny byly zemědělského původu, za války by se nám ty statky asi bývaly hodily. Takhle jsme kupovali jídlo od sedláků, kteří jezdili do Prahy. Ti se tedy pakovali. Brali obrazy, stříbro, zlato, koberce – to všechno si odváželi za husu. Ale to se nedalo nic jiného dělat, jinak by se nedalo přežít. Mám jednu krásnou vzpomínku. K mamince jezdil pravidelně jeden sedlák s moukou, s mákem a máslem. Vzal si nějaký obraz a aby na té zdi nebylo velké prázdné místo, tak maminka koupila v papírnictví asi za 10 Kč obrázek Oldřicha a Boženu u studny.  Dala ho do rámu a když ten sedlák přijel příště, šíleně se mu to líbilo a chtěl to. Vím, že máma licitovala tak dlouho, až za tu plácaninu za 10 Kč přivezl další den husu. Na to nezapomenu.

Ale musím říct, že s antisemitismem jsme se víceméně nesetkali. Moji rodiče měli báječné přátele. Jen jedna spolužačka z obecné školy na Letné, vždycky, když mě měla potkat  - to už se nosily hvězdy 10 -  přešla na druhý chodník. Ale to byla jedna jediná. Jinak vůbec ne. Naopak,  v tom domě na Veletržní ulici bylo hodně židovských rodin, a protože se po osmé hodině večer už nesmělo chodit ven, tak se po večerech, pokud bylo ještě hezky, dalo sedět venku – u domu byla veliká zahrada – a dospělí hráli karty a povídali a my jsme tam běhali po zahradě a hráli jsme si. Já byla zvyklá na velice družný život, jednak v naší rodině a jednak i v tom domě na Veletržní. Ale co se hvězdy týče, pamatuji se, jak jsem byla pitomá. Já měla pocit, že každého, koho potkám s hvězdou, mám pozdravit. I když jsme se vůbec neznali. Takže na mě všichni koukali jako blázni a maminka říkala, ať neblbnu, že to přece vůbec neznamená, že jsou to příbuzní. To mě bylo asi těch deset let. Moji rodiče měli navíc spoustu přátel a ti nám hodně pomáhali. Mohu Vám říct jednu pikanterii. Tatínek před válkou projektoval v Kobylisích dům Salesiánů. Tam byl doktor Trochta 11, což je známé jméno. Pak byl myslím litoměřickým biskupem. A byl velký kamarád mého táty. To už jsme bydleli na Vinohradech a on pravidelně jednou tak za čtrnáct dní přišel s cigaretami a s čokoládou. A pamatuji si, že jednou přišel a říkal mému tátovi, že jim Na příkopech - tam je, myslím,  kostel sv. Ducha - padá zvonice, jestli by se tam nešel táta podívat a spočítat, co se s tím musí udělat. A tatínek říkal: „Neblázni, jak já s hvězdou s tebou můžu jít do kostela?“ No tu hvězdu nakonec nějak přikryli nebo odpárali a vím, že se tam asi v devět večer, i když my jsme museli být v osm doma, jeli na tu zvonici podívat a ten pan Trochta ho potom zase dovezl v pořádku domů. To jsme tenkrát měly doma s mámou nahnáno. Velkými přáteli byli také bratři Koželuhovi, Karel a Honza Koželuhovi. Karel byl mistr světa v tenise [Koželuh, Karel (1895 – 1950): trojnásobný reprezentant ČSR ve fotbale, Mistr Evropy v ledním hokeji v roce 1925. Profesionální mistr světa v tenisu 1929, 1932 a 1937. 1947 – 49 nehrající kapitán československého daviscupového družstva – pozn. red.]. Táta jim stavěl někde v Kobylisích vilu. A potom nějaký profesor Menzl, to byl tátův kolega z vysoké školy. Ti všichni nám během války pomáhali.

Kolem roku čtyřicet, když už jsme nesměli do školy, jsme chodili v Praze na Hagibor 12. Tam bylo velké hřiště. Na Hagiboru s námi nacvičovali Brundibára [divadelní představení – pozn. red.], kterého jsme zpívali. Já jsem nikdy zpívat neuměla, nicméně v Brundibárovi jsem v tom sboru byla. Rudy Freudenfeld a Fredy Hirsch 13 se nesmrtelně zapsali do našich duší a srdcí, fantasticky se o nás starali. Fredy Hirsh měl na starosti děti na Hagiboru a Rudy Freudenfeld s námi nacvičoval toho Brundibára. To byli oba báječní chlapi, kteří se těm dětem strašně věnovali. To prostě nemělo obdoby. A také jsme tam hodně sportovali a hráli se takové týmovky podobné skautským hrám. Oni nás tam vychovávali v skautském duchu. Chodila jsem tam strašně ráda. Museli jsme tam z  Vinohrad pěšky, ale to nebylo zase tak daleko. V zimě se pak na Hagiboru bruslilo. Takže ty dva tři roky, než začaly transporty, jsme takhle trávili volný čas na Vinohradech.

U Geshmayů jsme bydleli až do 11.9.1943, kdy jsem s otcem i s matkou odjela do Terezína. Odtamtud šel otec hned zjara čtyřicet čtyři do koncentračního tábora Wulkov-Zessen, což je nedaleko Berlína, kde zůstal až do konce války. Dělal tam na baumstele, což byl pracovní tábor. Původně patřili pod Terezín, přičemž odtamtud bylo vybráno asi sto padesát chlapů, které vedl můj otec jako stavební inženýr. A tam ve Wulkově začali v zimě na zelené louce stavět baráky – objekty RSHA, hlavního bezpečnostního úřadu SS, podléhajícího přímo Himmlerovi. Stavělo se to pro esesáky, neustále tam za nimi jezdil Eichmann nebo Himmler. Pod těmi baráky se pro ně totiž dělali nějaké speciální úpravy. Díky tomu jsem přežila. Ve Wulkově jim totiž řekli, že pokud tam nedojde k nějakým sabotážím, tak my v Terezíně budeme chráněni před transporty na Východ. Což dodrželi. Což bylo obrovité, závratné štěstí, protože já si neumím představit, jak bych to v mém zdravotním stavu, s vrozenou srdeční vadou, přežila. Já jsem i s matkou byla tím tátovým zaměstnáním, tou šílenou dřinou v těch šílených podmínkách ve Wulkově,  chráněná před dalším transportem.

V Terezíně byla pracovní povinnost i pro děti. V létě jsem dělala v landwirtschaftu na zahradách. Tam mezi šancemi byly takové veliké zahrady, kde se pro esesáky pěstovalo všechno možné. My jsme tam tahaly konve na zalévání. Z toho jsem tedy měla všechno kaput. A v zimě jsme v takových speciálních dřevěných netopených barácích loupaly slídu. Tomu se říkalo glimmerspalten, což česky znamená loupat slídu. To je takový špalek, ta slída, a z ní se odlupovaly tenounké plátky do oken letadel. Byla to piplačka a hlavně tam byla zima. Pamatuji se, že jsme měli úplně zmrzlé ruce.

Maminka bydlela i pracovala jinde. Jistou dobu byla moc těžce nemocná, měla zápal mozkových blan a pak už ani vůbec nikoho nepoznávala. Ale nějak se z toho dostala. Pak dělala v putzkoloně, tj. umývala ubikace, záchody a takové ty džbery, ve kterých jsme se mohly mýt. Potom, což mi zachránilo život, dřela jako otrok v pekárně. Odtud nosila domů oficiálně jednu buchtu a jeden karbanátek týdně, občas se jí podařilo něco ukrást. Spáleniny na obou zápěstích obou rukou od těžkých plechů měla ještě dobrých pět let po válce.

Před koncem války za námi tatínek přišel z Wulkova do Terezína pěšky - až od města Hof přes Plavno. Šlo o nějaký transport, který doprovázel esesák. Když bylo nějaké bombardování, ten esesák utekl, a oni tam zůstali sami, bez jídla, beze všeho. Týden na cestě. A když přišli do Terezína, někdy začátkem května - to už se schylovalo ke konci - tak měli s sebou trakař. Když jsme se ptali, co to mají, tak vůbec nevěděli, proč ho celou  tu dobu vlekli s sebou. Už byli duševně úplně mimo. Ten esesák jim ho nejspíš dal, asi tam na něm byly jeho věci, a pak, když je nechal někde stát, tak ho vlekli bez rozmyslu dál. Na to nikdy nezapomenu. Když přišli do Terezína Rusové – to bylo v noci z osmého na devátého května [1945], už tam otec byl.

Po válce

Moji rodiče ale za boha nechtěli odjet zpátky do Prahy, protože v Terezíně byl tyfus a oni že prý musí pomáhat. Že ty chudáky v tom Terezíně musí spasit. Ale mně bylo v těch čtrnácti a půl jedno, koho chtějí spasit nebo nechtějí. Já jsem chtěla v každém případě domů. Dospělí cítí určité povinnosti, které děti necítí. A tak jsem jim dvanáctého května ráno řekla: „Tak já jedu sama a vy tu zůstaňte.“ Rodiče se vyděsili, já jsem šla na silnici, abych se nějakým způsobem dostala domů a oni prchali za mnou. Odjeli jsme odtamtud někdy kolem poledne, naložil nás nějaký zelinář. Odpoledne téhož dne pak v Terezíně začala karanténa. To už bychom se odtamtud bývali nedostali. To mně mohou děkovat, že jsem je odtamtud vytáhla, protože v tom fyzickém stavu, v jakém byli, by ten tyfus tutově dostali. Ale mně ruplo v hlavě a prostě jsem řekla, že tam nebudu na nic čekat a že jdu do Prahy.

A tak jsme se vrátili domů. Neměli jsme vůbec nic, jen dřeváky a nějaké hadry na sobě.  Jeden čas, dokud se všechno nějak neusadilo, jsme bydleli zase s těmi Geshmayovými. Těm se mimochodem v Terezíně narodila ke konci války potají holčička. Jmenovala se Maruška. A ta vlastně žila celých šest let načerno, protože nikoho nenapadlo, že by měla mít nějaké papíry.  Najednou bylo holčičce šest let a měla jít do školy, jenže ona neměla rodný list. Takže šli na úřad a oni jim poradili celkem rozumnou věc, ať vezmou nějaké dva svědky, což byli moji rodiče, a ať jedou přímo do Terezína, když se tam za té války narodila, jestli by jí tam nevystavili rodný list. Což oni udělali. Nevím ale, jak to celých těch šest let dělali, protože tenkrát byly potravinové lístky. Ale možná je nenapadlo, že by měli nějaké na to dítě brát. Jen si pamatuji, jak moji rodiče jeli s Geshmayovými do Terezína ukázat tam Marušku. 

Po nějaké době jsme se potom mohli vrátit zpět do bytu na Letné, kde jsme původně žili, a snažili jsme se začít normální život. Ale vůbec nic už samozřejmě nebylo jako předtím. V tom domě ve Veletržní bylo při našem návratu velikánské přivítání. Na to se dobře pamatuji, jak mě bylo večer strašně špatně. Sousedi totiž řekli: „Přijďte na oběd.“ A pak i ti druzí. Vím, že jsem ten první večer div neumřela. Neuměla jsem se ovládnout. V tom domě žilo před válkou takových dvacet rodin a spousta židovských. Z těch se ale nikdo nevrátil, vůbec nikdo. Po válce zůstalo v domě nějakých šest, sedm rodin. Postupně tam potom přibývali další lidé, které tam z těch potřebných obsazoval Národní výbor. Po Němcích zůstal v bytě nábytek, našeho tam nebylo vůbec nic. Mohu Vám ale říct jako pikanterii, že jsme ten nábytek po Němcích museli splácet. To bylo na základě nějakého rozhodnutí. Národní výbor si tenkrát řekl cenu a protože jsem neměli, z čeho to zaplatit, museli jsme to výboru splácet postupně. Poslední splátka byla v roce padesát tři, když byla měnová reforma 14. To si nevymýšlím.

Já jsem byla po návratu z Terezína nejdřív v takové zotavovně, protože jsem, jako každý, dostala tuberu a kolem srdce se to sypalo. Otec byl kvůli svému zdravotnímu stavu mockrát po nemocnicích, ale maminka musela jít hned do práce, abychom měli z čeho žít. Ale lidi se nám snažili pomáhat ze všech sil. Pamatuji se například na nějakého pana Benče, který měl koloniál. Ten k nám často chodíval na návštěvu a my jsme pak vždycky pod něčím našli třeba stovku nebo pětistovku.

Otec začal pracovat ve své malé firmičce, kterou měl již před válkou. Byli tam tři, dva se starali o kšefty a táta jenom počítal a počítal. O tu svou firmičku, myslím, někdy v jedenapadesátém [1951] roce přišel. Komunisti jim ji sebrali. Ale žádnou tragedii z toho nedělal, bral to jako holý fakt. Už totiž měli za sebou takových strastí, že nějaká malá firmička ho už nemohla rozházet. S prací problémy neměl, byl odborník na těžkou statiku, takže ho hned vzali do Chemoprojektu [Chemoprojekt, a. s. je českou projekční, inženýrskou a dodavatelskou společností, která na poli chemického průmyslu působí již od roku 1950 jako přední dodavatel v této oblasti – pozn. red.]. Tam pak pracoval celý život jako hlavní inženýr. Na Slovensku stavěl celé Duslo [DUSLO, a.s. je po SLOVNAFT-e druhým najväčším chemickým podnikom na Slovensku. Úvodný projekt jeho výstavby bol zahájený vládou ČSR 9. apríla 1958. V súčasnosti DUSLO, a.s. exportuje svoje výrobky do viac ako 40 krajín z celého sveta – pozn. red.], to jsou obrovité podzemní nádrže na naftu. Zemřel v roce 1972, den předtím, než měl s celou skupinou inženýrů odletět do Švédska. Měl tam dělat jako hlavní inženýr na nějakém projektu. Ani jeden den nebyl v důchodu. Já jsem mimochodem také stále v práci. A myslím, že to je to, co nás drží nad vodou. I primář Bergman, u kterého se táta v Ikemu léčil, a ke kterému jsem pak chodila i já, povídal, že kdyby býval šel do důchodu dříve, jak jsem si přála, a trochu odpočíval, že by nevydržel déle, ale právě naopak. Že by odešel daleko dřív.

V lednu čtyřicet šest jsem dělala přijímací zkoušky na gympl a tam jsem byla čtyři roky. Po válce jsem se na školu šíleně těšila, ale pak mě to rychle přešlo. Chodila jsem tam ráda jenom kvůli kolektivu. Na gympl jsem chodila s Anitou Frankovou, protože ona u nás na Letné jeden čas bydlela. Naši rodiče byli dlouholetí přátelé. Její tatínek dostal v roce 1939 infarkt, když si v novinách přečetl, co se stalo (zastřelení studentů 17.11. 1939 – pozri 4). Po válce bydlela původně na Letné se svou maminkou, ale když zemřela i ona, tak u nás v bytě asi půl roku žila. To jsme už byly dospělé, měly jsme před maturitou. Ona se vždycky hrozně ráda a dobře učila. To nebyla moje parketa, já mohla bez školy být. Měla jsem strašnou spoustu kamarádek a už jsem chodila s mým budoucím mužem, Petrem Procházkou. Na takové věci, jako byla škola, jsem pak už neměla moc času. Například matematika mi nikdy nešla. Pamatuji si, jak se můj táta jednou šíleně rozčílil – to jsem byla asi v sextě a přinesla jsem čtyřku z matematiky. Říkal: „Jak můžeš být tak blbá? Po kom jsi?“ A já na to: „No asi po mamince,  po tobě to není.“ Já chytla takovou facku, jak prý můžu říkat, že jsem blbá po mamince. No a pak jsem dělala celý život účetní.

Můj muž, Petr Procházka, se narodil 15. května 1928 v Praze. Poznali jsme se v tanečních, když mu bylo devatenáct a mně šestnáct nebo sedmnáct. Na Národní třídě bývalo kino Metro a taneční sál. Tam jsme chodili, pamatuji si, že mistr se jmenoval Oplt. Naprosto přesně vím, co mě na něm poprvé zaujalo. Do tanečních jsem chodila společně s Anitou Frankovou. Tenkrát ke mně vždycky přišlo několik těch kluků a řekli: „Hele, pověz té Anitě, že si rodiče nepřejí, abych chodil se Židovkou. Ale řekni jí to nějak, aby se jí to nedotklo.“ Na mě můj židovský původ ale nikdy nebyl vidět. A pak, když jsem poznala mého muže a byli jsme asi potřetí spolu - chodili jsme po Praze a tohle bylo na Malostranském náměstí – tak jsem mu řekla, že bych mu jenom ráda pověděla, že jsem Židovka. A on se takhle otočil a říká: „No, to by mě zajímalo, proč mi to vlastně říkáte.“ A to byl začátek. Ono je strašně nebezpečné se zamilovat a pak za půl roku zjistit, že prostě... no, to se také stávalo, že přišel kluk a říká: „Naši tě chtějí poznat, ale nesmíš říct, že jsi Židovka.“ No, já jsem pak poznala jeho rodinu a on, protože ztratil svoji mámu, přilnul k mojí. Láska si nevybírá, ale říkám, první popud, že to by mohlo být to ono, byla ta jeho věta.

Ve škole mě můj budoucí manžel prokopal přes fyziku, matiku a hlavně přes latinu. Vždycky mě nějak dotlačil, že jsem se to naučila. Navíc, protože rád kreslil, tak mi něco kreslil do všech sešitů. Čili já si z dějepisného sešitu přesně pamatuji kresbu Zimního krále, protože jel na lyžích, vlála mu šála a měl na sobě kulicha. A pak jsem byla jednou volaná z fyziky, on otevřel tu dvojstránku a tam byla nakreslená kráva - ale krásně, on nádherně kreslil - ocas měla přes kladku, tam stál na takové bedýnce kluk a čuměl jí do zadku. A vepředu stál na bedýnce jiný kluk a čuměl jí do huby. A pod tím bylo napsáno: „Venco, vidíš mě? Ne? Tak má asi zácpu.“ A to mě zachránilo před čtyřkou z fyziky. Protože učitel říká: „To jsem ještě neviděl, takový sešit.“ A tak ho prohlížel a tam byly samé malůvky od mého muže. Některý kantor by byl pes, ale ten fyzikář, ten to vzal sportovně. Říkal: „Můžu si to vytrhnout?“ A já jsem říkala: „Ne, to ne.“ Tak takovéhle hovadiny, tím mě můj muž překvapoval celý život.

Brali jsme se 10. března v padesátém prvním roce na Staroměstské radnici stejně jako moji rodiče a pak i naše dcery, Jana s Lenkou. Manžel už bohužel zemřel, 17.9.1987. Měl rakovinu mozku. Byla to náhlá smrt, vůbec se to nijak neprojevovalo.

Máme spolu dvě děti, dvě dcery. 4. srpna 1953 se narodila Lenka. Vystudovala vysokou školu ekonomickou, výpočetní techniku, a dělá u jedné soukromé firmy systémovou inženýrku. Má druhá dcera se jmenuje Jana, provdaná Madasová. Narodila se 1. srpna 1956. Vystudovala gymnázium v Praze a protože už tenkrát chodila se svým budoucím mužem Gabrielem Madasem, tak prohlásila, že nikdy na žádnou vysokou nepůjde. Dnes s ním žije ve Vídni. Jana nepracuje, s ohledem na manželovu náročnou práci zůstala v domácnosti. 

Manžel nebyl židovského původu, ale vzhledem k tomu, že ani my židovsky nežili, tak to nebyl žádný problém. Naopak, naše děti jsou dokonce pokřtěné, jak si přál. On pokřtěný byl, ale nábožensky založený nebyl vůbec a do kostela nechodil. To spíš já jsem táhla děti na půlnoční mši, aby to viděli. Ještě jako malá holka, když jsem bydlela na Letné, tak dole v přízemí bydleli nějací Markovi a jejich Marie na půlnoční chodívala. Tak jsem chodila s ní. Dokonce jsem s ní zpívala na kůru kostela sv. Antoníčka na Strossmayerově náměstí, kam jsme chodily. Manžel říkal, že by si jeho maminka, kdyby byla naživu, určitě přála, aby byli pokřtění. On na svou maminku často vzpomínal. Přišel o ni jako mladý kluk, když mu bylo asi šestnáct. A říkal, že by měla určitě radost. Tak proč bychom jí tu radost neudělali?  Vždyť vůbec o nic nejde. Přitom ani jeho maminka nebyla nijak nábožensky založená.

Jeho maminka zaměstnaná nikde nebyla, byla v domácnosti, a jeho otec byl generální ředitel Paroplavební [Pražská paroplavební společnost – pozn. red.], čili byl první, kterého vyhodili, když přišel čtyřicátý osmý rok 15. Tam tedy byli více méně bez příjmů. Proto můj muž nemohl jít na žádnou školu. Museli jsme jim finančně pomáhat a navíc jako syn bývalého generálního ředitele na vysokou ani jít nemohl. I jeho otec zemřel brzy, v padesátém pátém roce, pět let poté, co jsme se brali.

Já jsem po gymnáziu chodila do takového kurzu na laboranty. Asi dva roky jsem pracovala v laboratoři ve Státním zdravotním ústavu, ale tenkrát se přišlo na to, že mám těžkou srdeční vadu a už jsem na virologii nesměla dělat. Takže jsem potom léta dělala v Drutěvě [Drutěva Praha je výrobní družstvo s dlouholetou tradicí. Bylo založeno již 1.1.1950 jako první družstvo, které umožnilo pracovní zařazení osobám s různým typem zdravotního postižení – pozn. red.] a pak v Národní Galerii.

V Drutěvě jsem začala pracovat v roce padesát sedm, když byly děti malinké, brzy po narození mé druhé dcery. V té době jsme to už finančně nemohli utáhnout, tak jsem se tam přihlásila o domácí práce. A ty jsem dostala. Protože dcera byla hodně nedonošená, byla jsem ráda, že s ní mohu být doma. Potom, když zaplaťpánbůh trochu poporostly, někdy v roce šedesát jedna, jsem začala pracovat jako provozní účetní na jednom detašovaném pracovišti Drutěvy.

Drutěva byla družstvo invalidů. Já jsem byla kvůli své srdeční vadě od pětadvaceti v invalidním důchodu, a tak jsem se tam dostala. V Drutěvě se nedělaly jenom domácí práce, ale i dílenské práce. Od slepců, kteří dělali košíky a takové věci, až přes módu a docela krásnou galanterii. Já tenkrát doma dělala kartonáž, skládala jsem a lepila krabičky. Já jsem Vám byla tak šťastná, když jsem toho mohla nechat. To bylo hrozný. Kromě války nejstrašnější období mého života.  Pracovala jsem po nocích a aby se vůbec něco vydělalo, musela jsem toho udělat hodně. To byly mnohdy obrovité krabice. Pak jsem byla bohužel tak šikovná, že mně začali dávat dělat krabice na příborové kazety. To bylo příšerné. Všechno se to muselo vykládat hedvábím, všechny ty zátarasy na lžíce, vidličky a nože. Když to bylo hotové, tak si pro to buď jezdili, nebo jsem jim to odvážela. Podle toho, jak to bylo velké.

Když mi bylo čtyřicet let, nastoupila jsem do Národní galerie. A tam jsem byla až do důchodu, do roku osmdesát čtyři. To za mnou přišla jedna paní, že její manžel začíná v Národní galerii a že by k sobě potřeboval nějakého šikovného člověka. A tak mě tam přetáhl. Od začátku až do konce jsem dělala v revizním oddělení sbírek, kde mě tenkrát zaučili.

V současné době pracuji v Terezínské iniciativě, minimálně dvanáct, třináct let. Když přišel převrat, tak se v roce devadesát jedna sešli lidé, kteří se znali, a zjistili, že by se mělo něco dělat. Třeba v Terezíně bylo v té době muzeum nějakých partyzánů, nebo co, což nám přišlo neuvěřitelné. Takže se založila Terezínská iniciativa. Ze začátku jsem sem chodila pomáhat, a pak jsem tady zakotvila úplně. My všichni děláme bez platu, takže kdo přijde, má ruce, nohy a trochu hlavu na svém místě, tak ho můžeme potřebovat. Člověk se tady zaprvé alespoň něčím zaměstná a za druhé si myslím, že je to strašně důležitá a nutná práce.

Můj manžel měl zpočátku jen střední průmyslovku, protože na vysokou nemohl, jak jsem říkala. Pracoval tehdy v různých firmách, také v Remosu, kde většinou dělal elektrikářské práce. Teprve později, když už naše děti chodily do školy, myslím někdy v čtyřiašedesátém, pětašedesátém roce, začal při zaměstnání studovat ČVUT. Už během studií dělal programátora v podniku výpočetní techniky, kde pak dělal až do konce života.

To jeho studium, to Vám byla tortura, to vám povím. Ale člověk zvládne všechno, když je mladý a chce. My jsme měli jen jediný problém a to v šedesátém sedmém roce, kdy jsem byla na obrovském kardiologickém vyšetření v Ikemu a oni chtěli, abych šla na operaci hned. Jenže manžel v prosinci odevzdával diplomku a promoval. Tak jsem operaci odložila, až to dodělá, protože to bychom vůbec nezvládli. A pak jsem hned mezi Vánocemi a Novým rokem dostala telegram, že mám 4. ledna nastoupit a 8. ledna mě operovali. Byla jsem jedna z mála, která to tenkrát přežila. Tenkrát byla ještě kardiologická chirurgie v plenkách. Asi mám štěstí. Pamatuji si, že doktoři tenkrát říkali: „Tu budete muset jednou utlouct klackama.“ Protože oni v člověku vidí tu životní šťávu. Buď je, nebo není. Prohodíte s nimi pár slov a oni hned vědí, co mají před sebou.

Manžel měl dva sourozence. Jeho bratr Pavel ještě žije a jeho sestra Zuzana, provdaná Jiřičková, už zemřela, jsou to asi čtyři roky. Pavel se narodil 17. května 1930. Vzhledem k tomu, že je mladší než manžel, tak dostudoval. Nejdřív se nějak protloukal, byl na vojně. A pak šel asi ve dvaadvaceti rovnou na vysokou školu, taky na ČVUT. Ale vystudoval architekturu a živil se jako architekt. Za manželku si vzal Hana Procházkovou, zubařku. Žijí tady v Praze a mají jednu dceru, Martu, která má vysokou školu ekonomickou jako moje dcera Lenka. A teď se jim narodilo druhé vnoučátko.

Manželova sestra Zuzana se narodila 25. dubna 1924. Ta měla středoškolské vzdělání. Začala sice studovat na vysoké škole medicínu, ale když zemřela jejich maminka, zůstala doma a starala se o dědečka a dva bratry. Tu školu už pak nikdy nedodělala a pracovala v účtárně v různých podnicích. V roce čtyřicet osm se provdala za doktora Zdeňka Jiřičku. Seznámili se za války jako totálně nasazení tady v Praze v ČKD [Značka ČKD vznikla v roce 1927 a v oboru strojírenství a elektrotechniky patří k nejvýznamnějším a nejstarším značkám České republiky – pozn. red.]. Jo, to jsou ty válečné lásky. Mají spolu dvě děti. Danu Mrákotovou a Vojtěcha Jiřičku. Manžel Dany se jmenuje Otta Mrákota, vystudoval průmyslovku a má takovou malinkou firmu. Už asi dvanáct let. Mají spolu dvě děti. A Vojtěch je akademický malíř. Ten má jednoho syna.

Manželovi sourozenci jsou báječní.  My se dodneška velice často scházíme a máme se moc rádi. Tím, že já jsem o rodinu přišla, tak jsem byla šťastná a vděčná za jeho rodinu, protože od té doby velice držíme pohromadě. Právě proto asi také chtěl, abychom dali naše děti pokřtít, protože ta moje švagrová, ta Petrova sestra, šla za kmotru té první žábě Lence. Strašně o to stála. A to ani ona není nijak věřící. No, je to sranda, já vím, ale ono v podstatě vůbec o nic nejde. Ona šla za kmotru naší holce a můj muž zase jejímu Vojtovi. Oni jsou normální křesťanská rodina a stejně jako my nepěstujeme židovství, tak oni nepěstují katolictví. Tohle byl jenom takový nějaký úlet. Nezapomínejte, že v těch smíšených manželstvích kultura toho jednoho vždycky převáží. A protože já jsem nikdy nábožensky vychovávaná nebyla a ani v naprosto nic nevěřím, což je možná moje mínus, tak jsem přijala to jeho přání děti pokřtít.

I moji rodiče jako by znovu ožili, když jsem do rodiny přivedla svého manžela a jeho příbuzné.  Oni se totiž oba tou válkou hrozně změnili a náš život po válce byl takový smutný. Dokud jsem se nevdala, tak jsme třeba nikdo nechtěl slavit Vánoce. Za první republiky 16 jsme u nás Vánoce slavili mohutně. Štědrý večer jsme měli každý zvlášť [tj. každá rodina slavila Štědrý večer zvlášť - pozn. red.], ale ty další sváteční dny jsme se scházeli. A po válce to bylo najednou takové smutné, najednou těch lidí bylo málo. Pamatuji se, že před válkou moje maminka měla vždycky hrůzu z návštěvy tatínkova bratra Karla a jeho ženy Valérie. Jak jsem říkala, ona byla ortodoxní Židovka a ta, když přišla a viděla stromeček, téměř omdlela. Vždycky, když měli přijít, tak se moje maminka děsila, protože ona věděla, že nedodržujeme košer kuchyni a u nás jedla jenom vajíčka natvrdo. Na ně jsme pak často vzpomínali, co potom ty chudáci dělali v Terezíně, jak to mohli dodržovat. Ale všechny ty rodiny byly úžasně společenské, veselé. Jedna z tatínkových sester, Vlasta Alferiová, ta, co byla provdaná do té zámožné rodiny, ti měli v Kostelci nad Černými lesy vilku. A tam jsme se sjížděli. Vím, že tam byl i bazén – to bylo tenkrát pro ty všechny děti něco úžasného. Trávili jsme tam i prázdniny. Kosinerovi byla rodina velice soudržná a tím, že po té válce se již nikdo nevrátil, tak se z toho moji rodiče už nikdy nevzpamatovali. Otec nesl smrt všech těch dětí a sourozenců strašně těžko. Po válce se o nich už vůbec nemluvilo, jakmile táta slyšel nějaké to jméno, tak se rozplakal a odmítal k tomu cokoliv říct. Oni byli relativně všichni mladí. Až když jsem se vdávala, tak můj muž přinesl nové světlo a ruch do té rodiny, že oni potom díky němu hodně pookřáli. A když se nám pak narodili děti, tak to dostalo takový normální, veselý ráz. Život se vrátil do normálních kolejí. Ale ta doba mezi rokem čtyřicet pět a padesát, kdy jsem se vdávala,  to nešlo moc dobře. Oni se sice přede mnou snažili, aby mně nekazili mládí, ale bylo na nich vidět, že jim to dá strašné přemáhání.

S mým manželem jsem měla bezvadný život. Já opravdu s vděčností vzpomínám na všechny ty roky, které nám byly spolu vyměřené. Bohužel už jsme se nedožili zlaté svatby, ale to se nedá nic dělat. Vydrželo nám to celý život. Celá rodina mému muži neřekla jinak než Pluto, protože jednou četl noviny a říká: „Jé, to je sranda, podívejte se, já jsem stejně starej jako pes Pluto.“ Disney totiž prý začal v roce dvacet osm kreslit psa Pluta. A to jméno mu už zůstalo. My dva jsme byli pořád spolu. Prakticky všechny dovolené jsme trávili s dětmi a s jeho rodinou. Občas jezdil na přednášky - přednášel výpočetní techniku - ale jinak jsme byli spolu. Vždycky říkal, že se šíleně těší domů. Na holky a na mě. Svoji práci měl rád, ale byl také vysloveně rodinný typ. Žil jen pro ty děti. Pro něj byla na světě nejdřív rodina a pak všechny možné zábavičky. Ale my jsme i všechny dovolené trávili s dětmi. Neexistovalo, že bychom nechali děti na pionýráku [Pionýrský tábor – pozn. red.]  a my sami odjeli na dovolenou. To byli vždycky na pionýráku, abychom pokryli ty dva měsíce, a pak jsme jeli společně autem k moři, na Balt, po Čechách nebo do Jižních Čech. Moje dcera Jana, která žije ve Vídni, má spoustu kamarádek a když si takhle vyprávějí o svém dětství, tak říká, že maminky těch holek nikdy nepracovaly, ale absolutně neexistovalo, že by jezdili společně na dovolenou.

Můj manžel měl vášnivé koníčky. Hodně dlouho hrál amatérské divadlo a, jak jsem říkala, krásně kreslil. To je asi někde v genech, protože syn jeho sestry je akademický malíř a  také moje vnučka nádherně kreslí a dělá krásnou keramiku. Čili on každou volnou chvilku něco dělal.  Ale když jsem potřebovala v bytě něco opravit, tak jsem byla na listině potřeb až na poslední stránce. Rád četl sci-fi, to s ním velmi mávalo. Moje parketa to ale nebyla. Jinak jsme byli v klubu čtenářů. A také jsme díky tomu, že rodiče bydleli s námi a my jsme tak měli hlídání, minimálně jednou za čtrnáct dní chodili po divadlech. On v tom podniku výpočetní techniky dělal kulturního referenta ROH 17. Přes ROH tenkrát bývaly lístky do divadel. Nakoupili je a byli rádi, když někdo šel. Manžel nesnášel operu, on byl absolutně hluchý. Ten nerozpoznal tón od tónu. Ale činohru, to jsme zvládali. Ani na balet nechodil rád, tam jsem chodívala sama. Speciálně, když dávali v Národním Divadle Romea a Julii, tak jsem jenom seděla na schodech a  poslouchala tu nádhernou muziku.

Co uměl, uměl pochválit. Když se holky vdaly, nebo když měla dcera promoci, tak to byl velice pyšný. Když jsme šli někam nóbl oblečení, tak vždycky všechny svolával a říkával: „Holky pojďte se podívat, jak to té mámě sluší.“ To mi potom dcera říkala: „To Gábíček [Gabriel, její manžel - pozn.red.] neumí.“ Také si uměl ze sebe i ze mě dělat fantasticky legraci. A to se na to vždycky všichni těšili a já jsem byla ta, která mu na to vždycky naletěla. A úžasně uměl zinscenovat takové ty srandičky, takovou situační komiku.

Já sama jsem koníčky nikdy neoplývala a neoplývám ani teď. Když byly děti mladší, tak jsem chodila do práce a po večerech jsem na všechny šila, včetně zimních bund. To jsem vlastně dělala až do té doby, než se to tady všechno otočilo [tj. do převratu v roce 1989. Za komunismu byly obchody špatně zásobované a v mnoha rodinách se tento nedostatek řešil např. šitím podomácku - pozn.red.] Tenkrát jsem hodně šila a hodně pletla, dětem i manželovi. Ale to nebyl koníček jako takový, to byla více méně nutnost.

Ale my všichni, můj muž a moje děti, strašně vášnivě čteme. Do Terezína jsem si v ruksaku vezla dvě knížky, i když tam bylo málo místa. Měla jsem tam dvě mayovky, myslím, že to byl nějaký Vinetou, ale to už si nepamatuji. Asi jsem byla do těch Indiánů zamilovaná, je to takové dobrodružné čtení. Ale kam se to hrabe na to naše dobrodružství. Jenže to jsme tenkrát ještě nevěděli. Vím, že jsem většinou četla i pod  peřinou s baterkou. Jako dítě jsem hltala takové ty dobrodružné knihy a neměla jsem ráda takové ty dívčí románky a červenou knihovnu. Ani jsem neměla ráda panenky a nikdy jsem si s nimi nehrála. Já četla verneovky. Kapitán Nemo, ten se mnou cloumal moc. Já jsem ale neměla vlastní knížku, musela jsem si ji půjčit od kamarádky. Za války jsem se ale tak strašně bála té kamarádce, která jela do transportu dřív než já, říct, aby mi ji nechala. Nakonec jsem si tedy vzala mayovky.

My tenkrát měli doma obrovskou knihovnu. Rodiče byli členové ELKu [Evropský literární klub – pozn. red.]. To byla novodobá angloamerická literatura. Maminka, na rozdíl od tatínka, žila velice kulturně, milovala knihy, divadla a koncerty. Tatínek, ten žil pro matematiku a ostatní věci ho obtěžovaly. Nerad chodil do divadla a naopak byl vášnivý Sparťan 18. Pamatuji se, že když se jednou maminka zlobila, že s ní nejde do divadla, tak jí řekl: „Až bude jednou hrát Sparta na Národním divadle, tak budu sedět v první řadě. Do té doby tam nejdu.“ Otec sám ale fotbal nehrál, pouze fandil. To víte, židé na sport nejsou, ti patří do kavárny. Takže maminka chodívala za kulturou s přítelkyněmi nebo pak po válce se mnou.

Můj manžel byl naopak velmi kulturně založený, často jsme spolu chodili do divadel a tancovat na plesy. My jsme byli s mužem vášniví tanečníci. Protancovali jsme hromady večerů, i když už jsme měli děti, malé i velké. My jsme byli pořád někde. Měli jsme nádhernou partu přátel, kde jsem tedy byla já jediná židovka. Chodívali jsme společně hrát karty. Některé mé přítelkyně již zemřely, ale jejich manželé ke mně pořád chodívají na oběd, tak jednou za tři neděle. A také zbytek manželovy rodiny. Co se sportu týká, my s mužem jsme v zimě hodně jezdili na lyže. Pak to ale všechno zvadlo, když se mnou začalo být ouvej.

To jsme pak ale hodně chodili v lesích kolem chaty, kterou jsme měli u Jevan, kousíček od Prahy, asi třicet kilometrů. Prochodili jsem celé hodiny, my byli takoví chodci. Chatu jsme koupili v roce 1950 a měli jsme ji až do smrti mého muže v roce 1987. Pak jsem to prodala. Tam bylo vždycky o sobotách a nedělích vzrůšo. Jezdívali jsme tam všichni společně a byla tam strašná sranda. Chata je uprostřed lesa, čili jsme pořád lítali po houbách. A bylo tam krásné koupání. Tam jsme opravdu trávili moc hezké dny a vždycky za námi přijela sestra mého manžela s rodinou. Dá se říct, že naše děti spolu vyrůstali. Na chatu často jezdívali i přátelé mojí matky a mého otce.

Jak jsem říkala, s mužem máme dvě dcery, Lenku a Janu. Moji rodiče je strašně milovali a nikdy nezkazili žádnou srandu. Speciálně tatínek miloval moc tu mladší Janu a ta s ním dělala, co chtěla. A dědeček zobal z ruky. Nejvíc mě dojalo, na to nezapomenu, to byly té mladší, Janě, tři roky a ta velká, Lenka, začala chodit do školy.  A tam jí řekli, že není Ježíšek. A tak ta šestiletá měla pro každého něco a ta malá na ni koukala a říkala: „Co to děláš?“. „Sháním dárky.“ Ta malá neměla nic, a tak jsme pod stromečkem každý z nás nakonec našli ruličkový toaletní papír převázaný stříbrnou stužkou. A když můj tatínek zemřel a likvidovali jsme jeho věci, tak to měl v náprsní tašce. Celou tu dobu. Ten toaletní papír s tou stříbrnou stužtičkou. Říkal, že ho v životě nic tak nedojalo jako toto.

Malá Jana byla strašně divoká, čili on, když se například někde rozbilo okno, tak za ni všechno platil. A když něco rozbila v samoobsluze, tak on všechno uhradil a nemrknul okem. A nesnášel, když jsem se na ně zlobila. Ten ty děti zbožňoval. A ty potom do rodiny opravdu vnesly radost a život. A také manželovi sourozenci a jejich rodiny. Velice jsme se s nimi spřátelili a moji rodiče je také měli moc rádi. Oni nám nahradili tu rodinu, kterou jsme za války ztratili. Kolikrát jsme s manželovou sestrou Zuzanou Jiřičkovou a jejím mužem Zdeňkem jeli na týden pod stan a moji rodiče hlídali všechny ty děti.  A pak říkali: „Ještě že už jste zpátky, oni snědli, co tu bylo. A my jsme tady byli bez auta,“ - protože my jsme to auto měli na ten týden pod stanem – „a už jsme museli chodit po okolních chatařích, kdo jede nakoupit, protože všechno se sežralo.“ Já, kdybych byla zdravá, tak jsem měla minimálně čtyři děti. Můj muž by si to byl také přál, ale doktoři řekli, že už by to byl šílený risk, tak to nešlo.

Ta starší dcera, Lenka, má ten život dost složitý. Vdala se za Mirka Dudu a měli spolu dceru Kristýnu. Narodila se 13. března 1980 a on v květnu utekl do Německa. Téměř žádné zaměstnání snad ani nikdy neměl, je to taková ztracená existence. Takže ani neměl z čeho na Kristýnu platit a dodnes neplatí. My jsme se o ně až do Kristýniných osmi let starali. Bydleli u nás na Jižním Městě a to byla pro nás další zátěž. No, je to taková smutná, nepovedená love story se špatným koncem. Lenka si už nikoho jiného nenašla, věnuje se práci a spoustu energie věnovala dítěti. Měla s tím spoustu, spoustu starostí. Kristýnin otec se v Německu oženil a má dvě rozkošné holčičky, které nás milují. Ale od těch teď také odešel. Strašně těžko se mi o tom mluví, ale on je nezodpovědný. Jenže se nedá nic dělat, je to Kristýny táta. Já bych byla poslední, která by jí otloukala o hlavu, že táta je rošťák. To se nesmí, to by jí, myslím, neprospělo. Ona s ním báječně vychází, teď tu byl i na mých narozeninách a na její promoci. Moje mladší dcera, která žije ve Vídni, ale říkala: „Počkej, až bude Kristýna po maturitě na vysoký, tak táta bude jezdit a bude se s ní chlubit.“ Což se přesně děje.

Kristýna loni promovala na přírodovědecké fakultě. Studovala genetiku a nyní pracuje v mikrobiologickém ústavu a dělá na doktorátu. Bohužel je dost těžce nemocná. Asi je to také genetické, ale u ní se to projevilo poruchou štítné žlázy. Ale hlavně dostala v pubertě revmatismus. Doktoři tomu říkají juvenilní artritida. Už má za sebou moc operací, kolen, rukou a všeho. Ale je to strašně statečná holka, která nesnáší, aby se jí litovalo a nechce o tom mluvit. Dneska je jí pětadvacet let, bydlí s matkou na Zbraslavi, ale má velkou lásku a ten už tam u nich bydlí a to jí drží nad vodou. Snad se s tím životem nějak porve. Ale pro mě to není snadné, když ji vidím. Ta to opravdu odskákala. Má i problémy chodit. Je to nezasloužené, ale musí se to brát tak, jak to je.

Má mladší dcera Jana se s budoucím mužem seznámila, když jí bylo šestnáct a jela s pionýrským táborem do Tater. Zeť pochází z  dvojčat. Přítelkyně jeho bratra Norberta tam odjížděla také. A Gábi šel s nimi a tam Janu viděl a za týden už se octnul v Tatrách na pionýrském táboře a tím to začalo. Dcera dlouho zapírala, kolik mu je. Když jsme byli zvědaví, co je zač, řekla: „No, on hraje v nějaké kapele.“ Můj muž zesinal, protože si představoval takového toho rockera s  vestou chlupatou stranou navrch a kytarou. „V jaké kapele?“ ptali jsme se. A ona: „No, v České filharmonii.“ Tak jsme se uklidnili, že to není žádný rocker. Brali se, když Janě bylo dvacet, tj. sedmdesátém šestém roce,  a hned po svatbě odešli do zahraničí. V současné době žijí ve Vídni a zeťův bratr ve Švýcarsku. Co se s těmi dvojčaty zažívalo. Jsou jednovaječní a oba hrají na stejný nástroj. Všichni si je pletli, i rodiče. Oni byli v Praze atrakce, protože za sebe zaskakovali ve filharmonii. Vyprávěl zeť, že hráli s nějakým německým dirigentem a ten po něm pořád tak nějak divně koukal. Gábi si říkal: „Jéžišmarjá, jestli jsem něco nezvoral.“ Pak ten dirigent za ním přišel a říkal: „Jak to, že jste dneska tady, když jsem včera dirigoval v Basileji, a byl jste tam taky.“

Jana začínala  před emigrací v televizi, v televizních novinách. On byl v České filharmonii a jeho dvojče ve FOKu [Film, orchestr, koncert - pozn.red.] FOK ho pustil na tři roky do Švýcarska na angažmá. A on už tam zůstal. Jana s manželem tam za ním jeli na návštěvu. Měla to být taková svatební cesta, ta jejich emigrace nebyla nijak předem domluvená, to bylo momentální rozhodnutí mojí dcery. Ta už v té době byla těhotná, měla s sebou jen baloňák a noční košilku a my jsme jí pak všechno museli posílat. Ani doklady s sebou neměli, nic. Hlavně zeť,  všechny ty jeho diplomy. Čili kdyby s tím počítali, tak už si něco do toho auta nacpali. Ale asi udělali dobře. Když odjížděli, tak jsem jim řekla, ať se zařídí čistě podle svých představ. Já bych si nikdy nevzala na svědomí, že kvůli mně někdo tady v tom srabu musí být. Ne, to nikdy.
Nejhlavnějším důvodem, proč odešli, bylo, že tu vlastně neměli kde žít. V sedmdesátém pátém roce můj zeť vyhrál všechny první ceny Pražského jara [Mezinárodní hudební festival Pražské jaro je stálou přehlídkou vynikajících světových umělců, symfonických orchestrů, komorních těles. První ročník se konal v roce 1946. Soutěž stejného jména byla založena již rok po vzniku festivalu a koná se každoročně v různých nástrojových oborech – pozn. red.]. A jedna z těch cen byla Cena primátora hlavního města Prahy. Tenkrát byl primátorem Zuska. Když mu tu cenu na Staroměstské radnici předával, tak se ho ptal, jestli má nějaké přání. A Gábi říkal, že by potřeboval byt, garsonku, cokoliv. Protože on žil v té době na svobodárně. A ten mu to slíbil s podmínkou, že musí být ženatý. On mu dal svatební oznámení s tím, jestli je náhodou neoddává. No, neoddával je, ale můj zeť tím vlastně říkal: „Vidíte, že jsem tu podmínku splnil.“ Když se pak přišel za půl roku zeptat, tak mu řekli: „No, ale to nejde, vy jste bezdětný“. A on na to: „My už čekáme miminko.“ Ale stejně pro něj nic nebylo.

Já s manželem jsme ostatně měli s bydlením také problémy. Vlastně nás vyhodili z bytu. Když se vdala ta starší dcera, když dodělala vysokou školu, tak jsme v tom velkém bytě zůstali s manželem jen sami dva. No, velkém, on měl 130 m2, ale pro dva lidi to bylo nepředstavitelně mnoho. Prostě nám řekli, že ten byt je na nás moc velký, že si máme najít menší a dali nám na výměnu a vystěhování lhůtu dva měsíce. A tak jsme se přestěhovali do paneláku na Jižním Městě. Ale my jsme se tím nijak netrápili, nemá cenu se trápit něčím, co nemůžete změnit. Jinak by se ten život nedal přežít. Já jsem věděla, že musím odejít, no tak jsme se sbalili, našli si výměnu a šli. Jinak nemůžete v životě postupovat. Nehledě na to, upřímně, my jsme bydleli ve Veletržní, to byla šíleně hlučná ulice, plná aut. Tak to Jižní město, to je poklid. Teď máme nádherný výhled, všude jsou stromy, trávníky. My jsme si tam hned zvykli. Co se týče zdravotního prostředí, tak jsme si určitě polepšili. Na Letné to bylo jak v plynové komoře.

Má dcera se zetěm tedy byli rok u jeho bratra ve Švýcarsku. A pak byl konkurs do Vídeňské filharmonie, kterou zeť naštěstí vyhrál – teď tam hraje první pozoun - a tak se všichni, už s prvním synem Robertem, který se ve Švýcarsku narodil, stěhovali do Vídně. Ale on věděl, že ho tam vezmou, protože když vyhrál všechny ty ceny Pražského jara, tak o něj žádali. Ale Česká filharmonie to striktně zamítla s tím, že si nejlepší muzikanty nebude pouštět. No, to byla kapka ke kapce, která tu emigraci způsobila. Když odjížděli, neuměli slovo německy. Ale vyhrabali se z toho fantasticky. Ve Vídni začínali s dítětem, doma měli bedny od pomerančů a na tom seděli.  V roce sedmdesát devět se jim narodil druhý syn. Ten se jmenuje Oliver. Ten už je také členem Vídeňské filharmonie, hraje tam na všechny bicí. Robert je inženýr, ten ve Vídni vystudoval zahraniční obchod.

Můj zeť Gabriel je úžasný člověk, charakterem, vzděláním, povahou. Tou láskou, kterou nám, co jsme tady v Praze, neustále projevuje. Na návštěvy jezdí tak často, jak jim to s Oliverem služebně vyjde, zato dcera je tady každou chvíli. Muzikanti, to není normální zaměstnání, mají to komplikované, protože jsou buď na zájezdech nebo mají různé jiné povinnosti. Z toho důvodu je Jana v domácnosti, nepracuje. Já jsem si nikdy nedovedla představit, co je to za život s muzikanty. Neexistují soboty, neděle. Neexistují svátky. A jak má službu, tak má službu, musí nastoupit a jít. A protože Vídeňská filharmonie má povinnosti ještě ve Vídeňské opeře, čili mají svoje koncerty a mimo to také denní povinnosti v Opeře. Na každé židli sedí dva muzikanti a ti to musí všechno pokrýt. S nimi je strašně těžké se domluvit, kdy kdo bude mít volno. Dokonce teď na mé narozeniny přijela Jana, chuděra, sama, protože chlapi byli v Anglii na zájezdu. No, já jsem tady mému zeti založila fanklub. A ustanovila jsem se jeho předsedkyní. On má svůj fanklub i ve Vídni, tam ho založili Janiny kamarádky. Když to jde, tak do Vídně jedu. Ale byly doby, kdy jsme se léta neviděli. Mě komunisté nikam nepouštěli. Tenkrát jsme si mohli maximálně psát nebo telefonovat. Pořád jsem žádala, aby mě za nimi na návštěvu pustili, ale vždycky mně to zamítli. Že to není v souladu s bezpečností Československé republiky. To bylo veškeré zdůvodnění.

Hodně jsme se také spřátelili s jeho bratrem – dvojčetem. Jmenuje se Norbert a je to také zlatý kluk. Ve Švýcarsku je se ženou a dcerou Melanií. U obou těch rodin jsou, říkám, největším problémem časové dimenze. Oni mají například volno jedině na Štědrý den a den po Štědrém dnu. Hrají i na Silvestra a na Nový rok mají zase Novoroční koncert. Ten se přenáší v televizi. Letos byli v televizi dokonce oba, tak jsem si ten novoroční koncert užila. Bylo to zlaté. 

Jakmile dcera se svým mužem zůstali venku, byli jsme s manželem pořád na STB 19 a pořád s námi spisovali nějaké papíry. Nebylo to jednoduché, v rodině samí emigranti, navíc dcera pracovala v televizi, její manžel měl své jméno v České filharmonii a vlastně utekli zároveň s jeho dvojčetem, který hrál ve FOKu. V práci jsme s tím ale naštěstí problémy neměli. Můj muž měl sice zastavený postup, ale on říkal, že vždyť je to jedno, hlavně když budou zdraví. V Národní galerii, kde jsem pracovala já, to nevadilo, tam mně nic nehrozilo. Profesor Kotalík byl výborný. Ovšem tenkrát byla taková doba, na kterou dnes komunisté nedají dopustit, a totiž, že jsme měli vyživovací povinnost vůči dceři a tomu miminku a také vůči mojí mamince, když už byla stará a v důchodu. Čili my jsme to mydlili, jak se to dalo. Manželovi pak nějak na základě toho zlevnili daně.

Já sama o emigraci nikdy neuvažovala, já bych nikdy nemohla odejít od maminky. Nikdy bych jí tu nenechala. A oni by v žádném případě odsud neodešli. Už měli za sebou takovou životní anabázi a tatínek byl po všech těch infarktech. Naštěstí můj muž byl tak zlatý, že nic nenamítal proti tomu tady zůstat. Protože když byl ten šedesátý osmý rok 20, tak vzkazovali z Anglie, že se o nás postarají. Já za nimi byla v roce šedesát pět s mužem na návštěvě. Když jsme tady nechali děti, tak nám to komunisti výjimečně povolili. Byli jsme tam asi čtrnáct dní. A jednou jsem tam byla sama ještě v roce čtyřicet sedm, hned po válce. Teď už kvůli tlakovým poruchám do letadla nesmím, čili když chtějí vidět Prahu a mě, tak jezdí oni sem.

Ohledně dceřiny emigrace mě jenom strašně mrzelo, že jsem neviděla vyrůstat ty její kluky. Před revolucí sem dcera s dětmi přijela na návštěvu kvůli mojí mamince, když ještě žila, asi v roce osmdesát šest nebo osmdesát sedm. Jejího manžela ale zase pro změnu nepustila Vídeňská filharmonie. Naštěstí už je to za námi, přečkali jsme to a přežili jsme to. Já jim všem vyčítám jedinou věc, že ještě nejsem prababička. Já bych tak chtěla. A oni kdepak. No, ale snad se ještě něčeho dožiji. Já jsem říkala, ať mě neštvou, nebo že si to pravnouče vyrobím nějak sama.

Moji rodiče nesli ten komunismus strašně těžce. Vždycky byli národními socialisty. Nebyli členy strany, ale oba s nimi sympatizovali. Už jejich rodiče byli stoprocentně pravičáci. Pamatuji se, že mě snad v předtuše, co to bude, nepustila matka s otcem do svazu mládeže. V těch sedmnácti, osmnácti letech jsem si říkala, že by to možná nebylo špatné, vypadla bych z domova, na nějaké brigády a tak. Ale oni říkali: „V žádném případě.“ Moji rodiče si po válce strašně přáli, abych začala chodit do skautu. Jedna přítelkyně tam chodila, tak jsem byla dvakrát, třikrát s nimi. Ale my jsme byli v těch patnácti letech už dospělí. Mně přišlo šíleně dětinské, když si hrají na to, že musí přežít dvě hodiny v lese bez jídla. Prostě to nebylo k vydržení. To jsem nezvládla. Ty válečné prožitky Vás nějakým způsobem od těch vrstevníků dost odlišují. Můj muž byl například vášnivý skaut a moje vnučka Kristýna je vášnivá skautka. Ale mně to tenkrát připadalo příšerně dětinské.

Na nás se to všechno tak hrnulo, samé velké osudové rány. Moji rodiče na začátku války o všechno přišli, když přišli komunisti, přišli o všechno znovu.  A v padesátém třetím roce, když jsem byla těhotná se  starší dcerou, byla měnová reforma. Tenkrát jsme byli s celou partou u nás na chatě. Večer říkal Zápotocký 21, že jsou peníze v bezpečí a ráno bylo všechno jinak. Tatínka, který odmítl vstoupit do strany, vyhodili z vysoké školy, kde zezačátku přednášel. Vzhledem k tomu, že ani on, ani máma, ani já, jsme ve straně nebyli, tak jsme věděli, že žádné finanční prebendy se nás týkat nebudou. Mě nejvíc potrefila ta měnová reforma, protože jsme neměli nic koupené na miminko a najednou jsme o všechny peníze přišli. To bylo v květnu a v srpnu se narodila dcera. Švagrová už měla dvouletého kluka, tak nám naštěstí leccos půjčila a dala. To byl takový koloběh, dneska už to ty maminky neznají. Ale tenkrát ty věci ve všech rodinách rotovaly od dítěte k dítěti. Byla jiná doba, myslím, že ta soudržnost mezi lidmi byla tenkrát pravděpodobně mnohem větší než teď. Dostali jsme se i k samizdatu 22 Škvoreckého [Škvorecký, Josef (nar. 1924): český prozaik, esejista a překladatel – pozn. red.] a takové věci, to jsme hltali. A Medek 23 a Hlas Ameriky, to jsou nezapomenutelné chvíle. To se  nedá zapomenout.

S antisemitismem jsem se nesetkala ani po válce za komunismu. Rodiče nebyli v takové funkci, aby to kádrováci šetřili. Maminka byla celý život v kanceláři a táta byl takový odborník,  že mu všechno na světě odpustili. Reakce na můj původ byli většinou neutrální. Jediný udivený byl můj manžel, ale to spíš proto, že jsem o tom vůbec začala mluvit. Jeho rodina, ani naši přátelé s tím nedělali žádné štráchy. My jsme také nikdy nikoho neotravovali tím, že bychom neustále mluvili o utrpení, kterým jsme prošli, a chtěli nějaké ohledy. Vůbec ne. A možná právě proto vzali všichni naši přátelé jako holý fakt, čím jsme prošli, a víc se o tom nemluvilo. Dokonce životní touha některých mých přátel bylo, abych je vzala s sebou do Terezína, aby to viděli. A když je v Pinkasově synagoze tryzna, tak tam švagr jednou za čas přijde. Já sama o tom koneckonců mluvím víc až od té doby, co jsem v Terezínské iniciativě. Do té doby jsem toho moc nevěděla, nevnímala a ani nechtěla vědět. Zavírala jsem předtím, co bylo, oči.

V Izraeli jsem nikdy nebyla, žádný z mých příbuzných ani známých tam neemigroval. A nikdy mě ani nelákalo se tam podívat. Po kardiologické stránce na tom nejsem dobře a pokud to jde, tak se vědomě vyhýbám emocím. Takový Yad Vashem, to by mě asi položilo. Mně stačí, když slyším Brundibára a pláču. Nebo když jsme v Pinkasově synagoze, kde je každý rok osmého března tryzna na paměť vyhlazení rodinného tábora v Osvětimi. Během noci tam šlo tři a půl tisíce lidí do plynu. To na mě hodně působí. Takže upřímně, já se vědomě vyhýbám jakýmkoli emocím, protože já už jsem na té kardiologii tolik zkusila. Já už jsem kolikrát ležela na té koronárce, kam jsem se musela nechat bleskově odvést a dávali mě elektrošoky. Tolikrát jsem byla s tím srdcem ve špitále a to máte pocit, že nevíte, jestli se ještě jednou nadechnete, jestli se to rozběhne nebo nerozběhne. Člověk pak nějak podvědomě ví, co mu škodí a co ne.

Ale tím, co se v Izraeli děje, se zabývám. Moc a moc. Řeknu Vám zcela upřímně, že když jsem před dvěma, třemi lety četla článek – to bylo sto let, co Herzl 24 založil sionismus 25 - tak se ho ptali, co udělá s těmi Araby. Jeho odpověď zněla: „To se nějak udělá.“ A to byl počátek katastrofy. A proto já ten sionismus nemohu pochopit. Já ho strašně odsuzuji. Také si pamatuji, že když se toho 15. května 1948 ustanovil stát Izrael, tak můj táta říkal: „To je nejstrašnější věc a pohroma, která se mohla stát.“ On to byl velice chytrý a vzdělaný chlap a říkal: „To je katastrofa, to dopadne velice špatně.“ A vidíte, bohužel se ta jeho předpověď splnila. No, vždyť tu byla hned šestidenní válka 26. A všichni, kteří tam žili před válkou, říkají, že bývali s Araby ohromní přátelé. Vždyť mezi Araby a Židy existovali ohromné vazby, jeden druhého chránili. Až ustanovení státu Izrael spustilo tu katastrofu. Tak ať ode mě nikdo nechce, abych tam jela.

A pak se mě jednou strašně dotklo - já jsem tady ve WIZO, což je Český svaz židovských žen - když tady bylo nějaké sympozium, pronesli větu, u které jsme se velice nepohodli. Ona za prvé řekla, že není nad stát Izrael a že my žijeme jenom v diaspoře. Tak jsem se ohradila, že já žiji ve své vlasti, že se absolutně necítím být vyhnancem v diaspoře. To se mě strašně dotklo. Pak je tu ještě druhá věc, kterou oni tvrdí. Že oni jsou hrdinové, ale my že jsme šli jako ovce na porážku. Lidé, kteří tam jezdí často, říkají, že to slyší z mnoha stran. Že oni bojovali se zbraní v ruce a my jsme se nechali naložit do transportu. Čili já s mnoha věcmi, které říkají ti, kdo v Izraeli žijí, nesouhlasím. To je ale čistě můj osobní názor. I když pracuji pro Český svaz židovských žen jako pokladní a vybíráme peníze pro Izrael, moje srdce v tom angažované není. Nebyl žádný důvod, proč měl stát Izrael vzniknout.  Já jsem se narodila jako česká holka v Praze a jako česká holka v Praze umřu.

Já sama jsem mnohokrát uvažovala o tom, jak to mám se židovstvím. Ale mě to nijak neoslovilo. Možná je to chyba, možná jsem byla o něco ochuzená, ale prostě to jsou holá fakta a s tím nic nenadělám. Naše rodina, snad kromě tatínkova bratra, nežila podle židovských rituálů. Prostě jsem došla k tomu, že je to způsobené výchovou. Protože mám přítelkyně v Českém svazu židovských žen, které pocházejí ze Slovenska a všechny tam na tom Slovensku žily mnohem ortodoxněji než pražští Židé. Pražská židovská obec dvě stě let nebyla ortodoxní. S tím teď začal až Sidon [Sidon Karol Efraim (nar. 1942): od roku 1992 pražský a zemský rabín – pozn. red.]. Čili my jsme tady věděli, že jsme čeští židé a existoval nějaký charitativní spolek - pamatuji, že tam rodiče byli - jmenovalo se to České srdce. Ale to byla čistě charitativní záležitost. Židovská obec nikdy nebyla ortodoxní. A speciálně pražští židé vůbec nebyli ortodoxní. Ale co se Sidona týče, k jeho chvále budiž řečeno, že je velice tolerantní a nikomu nevyčítá, že ortodoxně nežije. V tomhle je geniální, bere nás takové, jací jsme. A kdykoliv potřebuji, aby se přišel pomodlit, když je nějaká tryzna, tak z těch rabínů vždycky někdo přijde.

To víte, že se nad tím člověk často zamýšlí, jaké by to třeba bylo. Já třeba k velké nelibosti těch mých přítelkyň ze Slovenska ani nejdu do synagogy. Celý život se o tom buď nemluvilo, nebo se lidé styděli, že jsou židi, ale teď je to ve fóru. Takže teď ze sebe dělají židy a že bez té synagogy nemohou být. Já jim nechci něco předhazovat, třeba to prostě nebylo společensky přijatelné, tak se drželi zpátky. Ale fakt je, že celá léta byli bez toho a nikomu to nechybělo. S těmi mladými konvertity jsem zase měla jednou velikou debatu na téma, že kdyby se nedej bůh stalo něco podobného jako za války, tak oni z toho mohou odejít, z toho židovství.  Protože je to čistě náboženská záležitost. Ale my, co máme židovské kořeny jako takové, v tom zase zůstaneme až po uši. To je velký rozdíl mezi těmi konvertovanými a námi. A není to malý problém. Ale prosím, chtějí mít hodně mladých lidí, ať je mají, nic proti tomu. Kolik jich v obci vlastně máme, to nevím, to bych si vymýšlela. Vím jenom, že ta židovská omladina si žije svým životem. Jsou chváleni, samozřejmě, protože jsou důležití pro další existenci židovské obce, ale my staří, když máme jakékoliv tryzny a vzpomínkové akce, nebo když bychom potřebovali pomoc, tak absolutní nezájem. Když je prosíme, pojeďte s námi do Terezína, už je nás málo, kteří dokáží stát na nohou, to ne. Ti nám ani slovem, ani skutkem za celá ta léta, i když je o to prosíme, nepomohli. To je také chyba. Když jdete osmého března do Pinkasovy synagogy, tak jsou tam samé staré babičky, sotva se po těch schodech vlečeme.  Mladé to totiž vůbec nezajímá. Ti mají starosti, aby ze židovské obce dostali prachy na lyže, na zájezdy a tak. Já jim nechci křivdit, ale já to vidím takhle.

My jsme se například snažily v tom Českém svazu židovských žen založit Aviv, to znamená další generaci. To se nám nepodařilo. Což je smutné, když je tolik konvertovaných holek. Nikdo nemá čas, nikdo nemá zájem. Já chápu, že buď studují nebo je to židovství prostě jen naoko, ono je to teď šílená móda, ten judaismus.  My jsme už samí staří lidé a z nás nic nevypadne. Čili my je skutečně nezajímáme. Je to smutné, ale je to holý fakt. My jsme včera byli na nádherném dvouhodinovém koncertě v Terezíně. To je samá stará babička, tam nikdo mladý nepřijde. Je to v Roš Chodeši 27, je to v našem zpravodaji [v zpravodaji Terezínské Iniciativy – pozn. red.]  uveřejněné. Každý rok 16. října. Když se jich optáte, co bylo 16. října [16. října 1941 byl z protektorátu vypraven první transport - pozn. red.], nevědí. Ale pokud se zajímají o svoje kořeny a žijí v Praze, tak by je alespoň osud těch českých Židů měl zajímat.

Za komunistů se u nás o židech vůbec nemluvilo. Ani moje děti se ve škole nedozvěděly o tom, co se dělo za války, vůbec nic. A u nás doma se o tom po válce také téměř nemluvilo a potom, když jsem měla malé děti, tak se o válce nemluvilo vůbec. Moje děti léta nevěděly, čím jsme prošli. To se dozvěděly, až když už rozum braly, kolem devíti, deseti let. Jediná věc, na kterou si z raného mládí pamatují je, že když něco nechtěly jíst, tak jsem vždycky říkala „Hitlera na vás. Jedli byste všechno.“ A nevěděly, oni si myslely, že je to nějaký bubák. Co jim bylo divné bylo, že z mé strany nemají žádné tetičky a strýčky. Tomu se vždycky divily. Ale díky tomu, že přežili moji rodiče, tak měly alespoň dědečka a babičku. Když jsme jim řekli poprvé, že jsou židé, tak vůbec nevěděly, o co jde. Vůbec neměly ponětí, co si pod tím mají představit. A myslím si, že mi také tiše záviděly, že jsem nemusela chodit do školy. Ale postupem času, kolem třinácti, čtrnácti let, se jim to všechno samozřejmě vyjasnilo a srovnalo v hlavě. V současné době vnímají to, že jsou židovského původu, jako holý fakt. Největší zájem má o to, řekla bych, vnučka Kristýna. Ta je vlastně ze čtvrtiny židovka a její mládenec, se kterým žije, také.

Fakt je jeden, že daleko víc se o holocaustu ve škole dověděli ty děti ve Vídni. Protože tam se o tom neustále hovořilo. Ty školy dokonce jeli do Izraele povinně. Já jsem byla jednou ve Vídni zrovna, když se vnuk vracel z Izraele. Celá třída tam povinně letěla s profesorem náboženství. To bylo těsně před maturitou, klukovi bylo osmnáct. A vnuk velice dobře vládne perem, tak pak o tom psal takovou seminární práci, kterou mám doma schovanou. Večer u večeře, když jsme se ptali co a jak bylo, říkal, že nejvíc na něj zapůsobilo muzeum holocaustu dětí v Yad Vashemu. Že tam si teprve uvědomil, jaké to bylo šílené štěstí, že jsem to přežila, protože by nebyla ani jeho máma, ani on. Dneska už ty děti uvažují v této návaznosti. A abych nekřivdila místním školám, tak například vnučka tady od čtrnácti let navštěvovala německé gymnázium, které bylo báječně vedené pouze německými kantory.  Moc se tam naučili. A když měli dějepis - oni měli všechny předměty v němčině - jenom češtinu a matematiku nebo češtinu a dějepis měli česky, začal o tom pan profesor dějepisu vyprávět a ona se přihlásila, že její babička to prodělala. Tak jsem tam potom na jeho prosbu šla něco vyprávět. A vnučka má doma moji hvězdu, v takovém rámečku, a tak ji přinesla do školy a ten pan profesor ji celou tu hodinu měl na sobě. To bylo pro mě šíleně dojemné. Vůbec mi to nebylo nepříjemné,  protože on o tom tak fantasticky vykládal, bez emocí. I o té vině, kterou Němci, jejich děti a vnoučata pociťují.  Čili ti Němci se k tomu vrací daleko více než české školy. Já tady zrovna připravuji žádosti o nějaké granty, protože my, jako Terezínská iniciativa,  platíme českým školám, aby jely do Terezína. Což je šílená ostuda.

Glosář:

1 Terezín

malé pevnostní město, které bylo v době existence Protektorátu Čechy a Morava přeměněno v ghetto, řízené SS (Schutzstaffel, Ochranný oddíl). Židé byli z Terezína transportováni do různých vyhlazovacích táborů. Čeští četníci byli využíváni k hlídání ghetta. Židé však s jejich pomocí mohli udržovat kontakty s okolním světem. Navzdory zákazu vzdělávání se v ghettu konala pravidelná výuka. V roce 1943 se rozšířily zprávy o tom, co se děje v nacistických koncentračních táborech, a proto se Němci rozhodli Terezín přetvořit na vzorové židovské osídlení s fiktivními obchody, školou, bankou atd. Do Terezína pozvali na kontrolu komisi Mezinárodního červeného kříže.

2 Treblinka

vyhlazovací tábor nacházející se v Polsku u stejnojmenné vesnice nedaleko Varšavy. Původně (roku 1941) byla Treblinka založena jako pracovní tábor, ale od roku 1942 začala fungovat její druhá část, Treblinka II, která plnila roli vyhlazovacího tábora. Treblinka II fungovala v letech 1942-43, tj. 13 měsíců, během kterých bylo zplynováno 750 000-800 000 Židů. Do Treblinky byli posíláni Židé z varšavského ghetta v rámci tzv. Grossaktion v létě 1942, dále Židé z Polska, Rakouska, Belgie, Bulharska, Československa, Francie, Řecka, Jugoslávie a SSSR. Na jaře 1943 Němci začali postupně likvidovat tábor. 2. srpna 1943 vypuklo povstání, které mělo umožnit přibližně 200 vězňům uprchnout. Většina však zahynula. 

3 Malá pevnost v Terezíně

nechvalně známé vězení, používané dvěma totalitními režimy - nacistickým Německem a komunistickým Československem. Tato pevnost byla postavena v 18. století jako součást opevňovacího systému a skoro od samého počátku byla používána jako vězení. V roce 1940 Gestapo převzalo Malou pevnost a věznilo zde politické vězně – členy různých odbojových hnutí. Za nacistické okupace zde bylo drženo asi 32 000 vězňů. Československo do Malé pevnosti po druhé světové válce umístilo německé civilisty předtím, než byli odsunuti ze země.

4 Opletal, Jan (1915 – 1939)

student lékařské fakulty Univerzity Karlovy. Byl smrtelně zraněn při demonstracích proti německé okupaci 28. října 1939. Jeho pohřeb 15. listopadu 1939 se změnil v protinacistickou demonstraci. V reakci na to Nacisté 17. listopadu 1939 zavřeli vysoké školy, studenty zatkli, 9 z nich bez soudu popravili a 1 200 poslali do koncentračního tábora v Sachsenhausenu. Díky intervenci prezidenta Háchy byla většina českých studentů do konce roku 1942 propuštěna, nejpozději však v lednu 1943. Janu Opletalovi byl roku 1945 Karlovou univerzitou posmrtně udělen titul MUDr. Roku 1996 mu prezident Václav Havel posmrtně udělil řád T. G. M.

5 Lodž, ghetto

Lodžské ghetto bylo založeno v únoru 1940 v bývalé židovské čtvrti. Do oblasti o velikosti 4 km2 bylo shromážděno 164 000 Židů. Během roku 1941 a 1942 bylo do Lodže deportováno dalších 38 500 Židů. Židovská správa v čele s Mordechaiem Rumkowskym se snažila učinit ghetto co možná nejproduktivnější a zaměstnat co možná nejvíc obyvatel. Přesto v důsledku epidemií, nedostatku jídla a nevyhovujících hygienických podmínek zemřelo přibližně 43 500 Židů (21 % všech obyvatel ghetto) na podvýživu, podchlazení a nemoci. Ostatní byli transportováni do vyhlazovacích táborů a pouze malý počet z nich přežil.

6 Malý Trostinec

nacistický vyhlazovací tábor založený u stejnojmenné vesnice ve východním Bělorusku nedaleko Minsku. Bylo zde zabito přibližně 200 000 lidí. Během roku 1942 byli do Malého Trostince deportováni Židé z Německa, Nizozemí, Polska, Rakouska a Protektorátu Čechy a Morava. Koncem roku 1943 Nacisté začali ničit veškeré důkazy o masovém zabíjení v táboře. 30. června 1944 Němci tábor zcela zlikvidovali, a když Sověti dorazili, nalezli jen několik Židů, kterým se podařilo uprchnout.

7 Protižidovské zákony v Protektorátu Čechy a Morava

po německé okupace Čech a Moravy byla postupně zaváděna protižidovská legislativa. Židé nesměli chodit na veřejná místa, tj. parky, divadla, kina, koupaliště atd. Byli vyloučeni ze všech profesních asociací a nemohli být veřejnosti sloužící osoby. Nesměli navštěvovat německé a české školy, později jim byly zakázány i soukromé hodiny. Židé nesměli opouštět svá obydlí po 20. hodině. Mohli nakupovat jen mezi 15. - 17. hodinou. Mohli cestovat jen v oddělených částech prostředků veřejné dopravy. Byly jim zkonfiskovány telefony a rádia. Bez povolení se nesměli přestěhovat. Od roku 1941 museli nosit žlutou hvězdu. 

8 Terezínská iniciativa

v roce 1991 se setkali bývalí vězni různých koncentračních táborů a rozhodli se založit Terezínskou iniciativu (TI), jejímž cílem je připomenutí si osudu protektorátních Židů, připomenutí si mrtvých a zdokumentování historie terezínského ghetta. Terezínská iniciativa se tedy věnuje informačním, dokumentárním, vzdělávacím a redakčním aktivitám. Finančně podporuje návštěvy českých škol v muzeu terezínského ghetta.

9 Mobilizace v září 1938

nástup Nacistů k moci v Německu roku 1933 se stal zlomovým okamžikem v zahraniční politice Československa. Narůstající napětí v 2. polovině 30. let 20. století mezi Německem a Československem vyvrcholilo vyhlášením všeobecné mobilizace 23. září 1938. Československý obranný systém, léta budovaný, se zhroutil, když spojenec Československa, Francie, přiměla Československo podřídit se požadavkům Německa. Pomoc Sovětského svazu byla vázána na Francii.

10 Žlutá hvězda – židovská hvězda v protektorátu

1. září 1941 byl vydán výnos, podle kterého všichni Židé starší 6 let nesmí vyjít na veřejnost bez židovské hvězdy. Tato židovská hvězda byla žlutá, ohraničená černou linií. Židé ji museli nosit připevněnou na viditelném místě na levé straně oblečení. Tento výnos začal platit od 19. září 1941. Byl to další krok ve vydělování Židů ze společnosti. Autorem této myšlenky byl Reinhard Heydrich.

11 Trochta, Štěpán (1905 – 1974)

římsko-katolický kněz, člen salesiánského řádu. Kvůli pomoci členům odboje a Židům byl v roce 1940 zatčen Gestapem, ale záhy byl propuštěn. V roce 1942 byl opět zatčen a poslán do koncentračních táborů Mauthausen a Dachau. Roku 1947 se stal litoměřickým biskupem. V letech 1949-53 byl internován ve své rezidenci v Litoměřicích. Roku 1954 byl zatčen na základě vykonstruovaných obvinění, roku 1960 byl amnestován, roku 1968 rehabilitován a vrátil se do funkce biskupa. Roku 1969 byl jmenován kardinálem. 

12 Hagibor

pražský tábor, umístěný ve Schwerinově ulici. Většina internovaných lidí byla mimopražských a žila ve smíšených manželstvích. Internovaní, kteří byli schopní práce, byli zaměstnáni ve firmě  Glimmer-Spalterei, G.M.b.H. 30. ledna 1945 bylo rozhodnuto o jejich deportaci do Terezína. Počet Židů umístěných v Hagiboru postupně klesl z původních 1 400 na 100-150. Celkem tímto táborem prošlo  přibližně 3 000 lidí. Hagibor byl uzavřen 5. května 1945 a zbylí internovaní se vrátili domů.  

13 Hirsch, Fredy (1916–1944)

vůdčí postava výchovy a vzdělání židovských dětí nejprve v Terezíně a pak v Osvětimi, kde zahynul.

14 Měnová reforma v Československu (1953)

30. května 1953 byla vyhlášena měnová reforma, kterou tajně připravovala Komunistická strana Československa ve spolupráci s experty ze Sovětského svazu od poloviny roku 1952. Hotovost do 300 korun na osobu a vklad v bance do 5 000 korun byly vyměňovány v kurzu 5:1, cokoliv nad tyto částky bylo vyměněno v kurzu 50:1. Cílem reformy bylo rozhýbat ekonomiku a vyřešit rostoucí problémy se zásobováním, vyvolané restrukturalizací průmyslu a kolektivizací zemědělského majetku. Měnová reforma zasáhla všechny obyvatele Československa a jejich úspory, proto následovala vlna protestů a stávek v celé zemi.

15 Únor 1948

komunistické převzetí moci v Československu, které se pak stalo jedním ze sovětských satelitů ve východní Evropě. Státní aparát byl centralizovaný pod vedením Komunistické strany Československa (KSČ). Soukromé vlastnictví v hospodářství bylo zakázáno a vše bylo podřízeno centrálnímu plánování. Politická opozice a disent byli pronásledováni.
16 První československá republika (1918-1938): byla založena po rozpadu rakousko-uherské monarchie po první světové válce. Spojení českých zemí a Slovenska bylo oficiálně vyhlášeno v Praze roku 1918 a formálně uznáno smlouvou ze St. Germain roku 1919. Podkarpatská Rus byla připojena smlouvou z Trianonu roku 1920. Ústava z roku 1920 ustanovila poměrně centralizovaný stát a příliš neřešila problém národnostních menšin. To se však promítlo do vnitřního politického života, kterému naopak dominoval neustálý odpor národnostních menšin proti československé vládě.    

17 ROH (revoluční odborové hnutí)

vzniklo v roce 1945. Reprezentovalo zájmy pracující třídy a pracující inteligence v kontaktu se zaměstnavateli v bývalé ČSSR. K úkolům ROH patřilo podepisování kolektivních smluv se zaměstnavateli a zajištění rekreace dospělých a dětí. V letech 1968-69 se vedoucí členové organizace pokusili podpořit myšlenku “odbory bez komunistů” a ROH přetvořit v opozici KSČ. Po nástupu nového komunistického vedení v roce 1969 byli reformisté sesazeni ze svých funkcí. Po Sametové revoluci ROH bylo transformováno do Konfederace odborových svazů na Slovensku a české části.

18 Sparta: klub Sparta Praha byl založen 16.11.1893. Největší úspěchy zaznamenala Sparta ve 20. a 30. letech 20. století, kdy dvakrát zvítězila ve Středoevropském poháru, mající stejný význam jako dnešní Champions League. Hráči Sparty spolu s hráči Slávie vždy tvořily základ národního československého a později českého týmu. 

19 Státní tajná bezpečnost

československá zpravodajská a bezpečnostní služba založená roku 1948.

20 Pražské jaro

období demokratických reforem v Československu, od ledna do srpna 1968. Reformní politici byli tajně zvoleni do vedoucích funkcí KSČ: Josef Smrkovský se stal předsedou národního shromáždění a Oldřich Černík předsedou vlády. Významnou osobou reforem byl Alexandr Dubček, generální tajemník ústředního výboru komunistické strany Československa (ÚV KSČ). V květnu 1968 ÚV KSČ přijal akční program, který vymezil novou cestu k socialismu a sliboval ekonomické a politické reformy. 21. března 1968 na setkání zástupců SSSR, Maďarska, Polska, Bulharska, NDR a Československa v Drážďanech bylo Československo upozorněno, že jeho směřování je nežádoucí. V noci 20. srpna 1968 sovětská vojska spolu s vojsky Varšavské smlouvy podnikly invazi do Československa. Následně byl podepsán Moskevský protokol, který ukončil demokratizační proces a byl zahájen normalizační proces.

21 Zápotocký, Antonín (1884-1957)

byl od roku 1921 členem československé komunistické strany (KSČ), v letech 1940-45 vězněn v koncentračním táboře Sachsenhausen-Oranienburg, 1945-50 předsedou Ústřední rady odborů, 1950-1953 členem Národního shromáždění, 1948-1953 předsedou vlády. 21. března 1953 se stal prezidentem Československé socialistické republiky.

22 Samizdatová literatura v Československu

samizdatová literatura znamená tajné vydávání a šíření vládou zakázané literatury v bývalém sovětském bloku. Obvykle tato literatura byla psána na stroji na tenký papír. Nejdříve byla šířena v rámci skupiny důvěryhodných přátel z ruky do ruky, kteří pak udělali další kopie a tajně je dále distribuovali. Materiál, který byl takto šířen, zahrnoval beletrii, poezii, paměti, historické práce, politické smlouvy, petice, náboženské traktáty a časopisy. Tresty za tuto činnost se lišily podle politického klimatu, od pronásledování po zatčení a uvěznění. V Československu zažila samizdatová literatura rozkvět po roce 1948, a pak znova po roce 1968 v souvislosti se vznikem řady edic pod vedením různých spisovatelů, literárních kritiků a publicistů: Petlice (editor L. Vaculík), Expedice (editor J. Lopatka), Česká expedice, Popelnice a Pražská imaginace.

23 Medek, Ivan (1925-2010)

český novinář, hudební kritik a publicista, 1978-93 pravidelně přispíval do Hlasu Ameriky ve Vídni, 1978-90 do Svobodné Evropy a 1978-90 do BBC. V letech 1993-96 působil jako ředitel Odboru vnitřní politiky v kanceláři prezidenta republiky Václava Havla a v letech 1996-98 vedoucí této Kanceláře.

24 Herzl, Theodor (1869-1904)

židovský dramatik, novinář a zakladatel Světové židovské organizace (WZO). Ve svém konceptu politického sionismu se kromě jiného inspiroval Dreyfussovou aférou. Ve svém spisu Židovský stát (Der Judenstaat, 1896) Herzl deklaruje, že Židé nejsou jen společenstvím věřících, ale také národem s právem na vlastní teritorium a stát. První sionistický kongres T. Herzl svolal do Basileje na 29.-31. srpna 1897. Na kongresu byl přijat tzv. Basilejský program a Herzl byl zvolen jeho prvním prezidentem. Herzl nebyl prvním, kdo prosazoval návrat Židů do Palestiny, ale byl schopen svoji myšlenku také politicky prosadit. Theodor Herzl zemřel roku 1904 a byl pohřben na židovském hřbitově ve Vídni. V roce 1949 byly jeho ostatky převezeny do Jeruzaléma a byly uloženy na hoře, která dbes nese jeho jméno, Mount Herzl.       

25 Sionismus

hnutí bránící a podporující ideu suverénního a nezávislého židovského státu a návrat židovského národa do domova svých předků, Eretz Israel – izraelské domovina. Dr. Theodor Herzl (1860-1904) vypracoval koncept politického sionismu. Ten byl ještě více rozpracován v traktátu „Židovský stát“ (Der Judenstaat, 1896) a byl podnětem ke konání prvního sionistického kongresu v Basileji (1897) a k založení Světové sionistické organizace (World Zionist Organization, WZO). WZO rozhodla o přijetí sionistického znaku a vlajky (Magen David), hymny (Hatikvah) a programu.

26 Šestidenní válka (5.-10. června 1967): první útok v šestidenní válce provedlo izraelské letectvo 5. června 1967. Celá válka trvala 132 hodin a 30 minut. Boje na egyptské straně trvaly čtyři dny, zatímco boje na jordánské straně trvaly tři dny. Navzdory krátkému průběhu byla šestidenní válka jednou z nejničivějších válek mezi Izraelem a arabskými státy. Šestidenní válka zapříčinila změny v mentalitě a politické orientaci arabských států. V důsledku toho se zvýšilo napětí mezi arabskými národy a západním světem.   

27 Roš chodeš

časopis židovské náboženské komunity, vydávaný židovskou obcí v Praze, jediné židovské periodikum vycházející na území bývalého Československa, tj. dnes České republiky a Slovenska. Název časopisu, Roš Chodeš, znamená “nový měsíc”: každý měsíc přináší nové informace o životě židovské komunity v České republice a na Slovensku rozhovory se zajímavými místními i mezinárodními osobnostmi, komentáře k událostem v Izraeli, uveřejňuje literární, historické a umělecké studie, informuje o náboženském dění v pražských synagogách atd.
 

Miron Manilov


Miron Manilov is a young-looking man of short height. His hair is getting thin, but in spite of that, he looks young for his age, maybe because he has retained an excellent military posture. 

Miron doesn't say much. He is rather terse and sticks to the point. He lives with his wife in a two-room apartment of a bearing-wall house in one of the most remote Moscow districts, Novo-Gireyevo.
Miron's right hand is crippled but despite the mutilation, he does almost all the chores.

His wife has been bedridden for about five years as a result of having been unsuccessfully operated on her spine.
Thus, Miron has to take up most of the household chores and take care of the house as well. Miron is taking care of his wife tenderly.
He is still working in a policlinic as a deputy chief physician in the issues of civil defense.
Miron is involved in social work at the Moscow Council of the Jewish War Veterans 1 of the Great Patriotic War 2.

My family background

Growing up

During the war

After the war

Marriage life and children

Glossary

My family background

My father's family lived in a small Jewish town called Yagotin, located in Kiev oblast, Ukraine [about 90 km away from Kiev]. My grandfather's name was Meishe-Ber Manilov and my grandmother's name was Mariam. I don't know my grandmother's maiden name. I assume both of them were born in the 1840s. My grandparents were born in Yagotin, and their children were also born there.

Back in that time, almost the entire population of Yagotin consisted of Jews. Jews and Ukrainians were very friendly towards each other. There were no conflicts on the nationality ground. There were several two-storied houses of the local rich men in the center of the town. Well-off people were mostly Jews. As far as I remember from my childhood, the rest of the houses were one-storied. Market square was the town center. There were also small private stores and shop, owned by Jews. Things were mostly sold at the market by Ukrainians, who lived on the outskirts of town. They provided the city with food products.

Jews lived mostly in the town center, where the land was more expensive. Garden plots were small in the town, so there was no room to make a kitchen garden or an orchard. That is why Jews were craftsmen: tailors, cobblers, hair-dressers, harness-makers, tinsmiths, etc. There were orchards, fields and gardens on the outskirts. The Ukrainian peasants took into consideration that their customers were mostly Jews, so they sold only live poultry, because none of the Jewish ladies would buy butchered poultry, which wasn't cut by the shochet, who worked right by the market. The ladies stopped by the shochet on their way from the market so that he could butcher the bird in accordance with all the rules. On Thursday, a lot of fresh fish was brought as they knew that on Friday gefilte fish would be cooked for Sabbath.

There was an Orthodox church and a synagogue in Yagotin. The synagogue was a long one-storied building. Women prayed in a separate room. There was a dormer window so that they could hear the prayers. There was a cheder in the yard of the synagogue. Of course, I didn't see it, because after the revolution [see Russian Revolution of 1917] 3, the Soviet regime started the struggle against religion 4, and it was closed down. The cheder was turned into a four-year Jewish school.

Jews in Yagotin tried to live close to each other. The street where my grandfather lived in Yagotin was over-populated by Jews, and the majority of them were Grandfather's relatives - cousins and second cousins and even more distant relatives. The street was about 500 meters long. In general, Jews clustered together and kept in touch with their relatives. I suppose Ukrainian and Jewish families were getting along. It might be possible, but there were no cases like that in my family. They respected each other, had good neighboring relations, but there was no friendship.

Before the revolution and during almost the entire period of the Civil War 5 there were Jewish pogroms 6 in Yagotin. Gangs 7 came and Denikin 8 troops as well. Local Ukrainians never took part in pogroms. During the pogroms, there were several cases where the Jews were murdered, but there was no massacre. Young Jewish lads organized defense squads [see Jewish self-defense movement] 9. Of course, they didn't have proper weapons. Clubs, spades and pitchforks were used instead. The squads stood in defense and the pogrom-makers fled.

My grandfather, Meishe-Ber, was a stubby man. He was always dressed in black and wore a black hat on his head. He had a kippah under his hat. He took off the kippah only before going to bed. He had a long beard and plaits, and was strict and tacit. My grandmother, Mariam, was a short, buxom woman and her character was totally opposite to that of my grandfather's. She was always smiling and amiable. Ukrainians called her Mariasya. Grandmother was a smart woman with a sharp tongue. She always wore dark blouses and pleated skirts. Jewish women didn't wear wigs in Yagotin. How could you find wigs in the village? They just covered their heads with kerchiefs.

My grandmother was a housewife like most Jewish women back in that time and my grandfather was involved in commerce. He had a small grocery store near the market, where cereal, salt, sugar and tea etc. were sold. Some of the children helped my grandfather with the store. Apart from trade, my grandfather also was an assistant to the rabbi in the synagogue. He assisted the rabbi in all financial issues i.e. collection and allocation of donations. My grandfather was well known for his honesty and was respected by everybody in the town. He had to work a lot as he had a large family of ten children. Of course, it was hard to provide for food and clothes for the whole caboodle. The family didn't beg. They had a modest living - not luxurious, but rather comfortable. They had all necessary things, and could get by without excess.

My grandfather had a large house constructed from oak logs covered with clay as most of the houses in Yagotin. All the children lived in that house before getting married and some of them brought their families in the parental house before they could provide for themselves. There was a very small plot of land by the house which was barely enough for a shed or a small wooden outhouse. There was neither a kitchen garden nor an orchard as there was no room for that.

I didn't know all the siblings of my father; some of them died in their childhood. I can only name those whom I knew personally or was told about. The eldest son of my paternal grandparents was Jacob whose Jewish name was Yankl. Then Pinhus was born. The next one was Aizik. I didn't meet those two brothers of my father, I just heard of them. Both of them immigrated to Argentina in 1905 and didn't keep in touch afterwards. The Soviet regime disapproved of those who had relatives abroad, and it was dangerous to correspond with them during those times. [It was dangerous to keep in touch with relatives abroad] 10 When I was a grown-up, I never mentioned that I had relatives abroad in any form, verbal or written. I was aware that it could complicate my life. It was the time to conceal things from everybody. Even my wife didn't know about that for a long time. Aizik was followed by another son, Sunya. Then two of my father's sisters were born - Freida and Hanka. My father, Shulim, was born in 1877. He was the last but one. Mendel was the youngest in the family.

My grandparents were religious. They marked Sabbath and religious holidays at home, and observed the kashrut. My father and his brothers went to the synagogue with grandfather when they were young. At the age of 13, each of them went through his bar mitzvah. After that, they were considered to be grown-up men. I don't know what education my father's sisters got. I know that Father and his brothers were educated in cheder. They didn't have any other education. All of them started work at an early age. They had to help out the family.

The elder brother, Jacob, was a trade intermediary. Sunya got married and left for the USA with his wife to seek fortune. It happened shortly after the revolution of 1917. His eldest son Jacob was born in New York in 1921. Sunya and his family stayed in America for a few years, but couldn't adjust to that way of life. So, they came back to Yagotin. Sunya worked as a sales assistant in a grocery store at the market. He died at a young age, before World War II, in the late 1930s. He was buried in the Jewish cemetery in Yagotin close to his parents. I don't know whether he was buried in accordance with the Jewish rites.

Both of my father's sisters got married. The elder, Freida, was married to a Polish Jew called Haim Gaft. He was in the Polish army during World War I and stayed in Yagotin after the war was over. The matchmakers told him about Freida and they got married. Haim was a harness-maker. He had a workshop at the market, where he made gear for the horses: saddles, bridles and collars. One room was used as a workshop and the other room was used as a store, where he sold his goods. Freida and Haim had three children - two sons, Abram and Konstantin, and a daughter, whose name I don't remember.

My father's second sister, Hanka, was a very beautiful and intelligent woman, but she wasn't happy with her marriage. She was married twice and after getting divorced for the second time, she decided not to get married again. I don't remember her first husband's name. Esingolts was the name of the second husband. She had three children - two sons, Sunya and Milya, and a daughter, Fanya. My father's sisters were housewives after getting married. They took care of the children and the household. They lived separately from the parents.

My father was an apprentice at a young age. He had been an apprentice of the tinsmith and then started working independently. He first began in the workshop of his master, and then he started his own business. He repaired locks, made buckets, tubs, drain pipes, mugs and other tin ware. When my grandfather realized that my father was a good laborer, he assisted him in getting a workshop at the market, not far from Haim's.

My father's younger brother, Mendel, was also a craftsman - a soap-boiler. His soap-making shop was in the yard of my grandfather's house. There was a small shed where Mendel was working. Soap was made from the fat of dead animals and there was a stench during the soap-making process. We had to stand that as we had no choice. The readymade soap was sold at the market. Mendel was married. Fanya was his wife's name. They had three children. Actually, all my father's siblings had three children.

My father met my mother in Priluki, a small town in close vicinity to Yagotin. I don't know on what occasion my father was invited to Priluki. All I know is that it was the place where he met my mother. Shortly after meeting my mother, my father proposed to her. They got married in 1920. The wedding took place in Yagotin. Of course, it was a traditional Jewish wedding. My grandfather, Meishe-Ber, would have never allowed it to be otherwise. The newly-weds remained in Yagotin.

Growing up

I hardly know anything about my mother's family. My maternal grandfather, Meyer Reznik, died in 1920. My grandmother also passed away before I was born. I don't know whether she died before or after my grandfather. My mother, Fruma, was the youngest in the family. She was born in 1884. She had two elder brothers, Aizik and Motle, and a sister, Risya. Both of my mother's brothers participated in the Civil War. Motle survived the war and came back home. My mother's sister got married and left with her husband. I don't know where they went. She didn't keep in touch, so there is nothing I can say about her. I don't know why, but Mother never told me about her family, her childhood and adolescence.

My parents moved into my grandfather Meishe-Ber's house. My father worked as a tinsmith and my mother was a housewife. I was born in 1921. I was given the Jewish name Meyer-Aizik, after my mother's father and perished brother. This name is written in the certificate issued by a rabbi. My parents put a Russian name [see common name] 11, Miron, in my certificate of birth. In 1923, my sister Sarah was born and in 1927, my sister Raisa, whose Jewish name was Rohl, followed.

We had a room in my grandfather's house and there were also the families of my fathers' sister, Hanka, and younger brother, Mendel. By the way, Hanka's eldest son, Milya, was the apprentice of my father and worked with him in his workshop. My other cousins, who lived separately, came to see my grandmother quite often. She loved a great number of her grandchildren and was happy to see them in her house. The kitchen was big and spacious. A Russian stove 12 with the bench was the most conspicuous thing in the kitchen. When it was cold, the children liked to stay on the stove-bench to get warm. We used to chat and play different games together. Sometimes my grandmother, after having done her work, told us fairy-tales and stories from the Torah, which sounded like fairy-tales to us.

We skated and sleighed on frozen ponds in winter. I remember how I liked to get back home to get warm. My grandmother, who was doing some chores by the stove, took off her kerchief and I put my cold fingers in her warm hair to get warm. In summertime, we went to the pond for bathing and swimming. We didn't have our own fruit trees and so we made 'raids' in the orchards of Ukrainians and stole apples and pears. The adults were rather indulgent to us. We weren't punished, just got scared off at times and that was it.

Only Yiddish was spoken at home. We spoke Russian and Ukrainian to our non- Jewish neighbors. Yiddish is my mother tongue. I understand Yiddish very well, but now I'm not fluent in this language.

All Jewish traditions were kept at home. My grandfather was strictly making sure of that. Of course, the kashrut was observed the way it was supposed to be. Nobody worked on Sabbath. It applied only to those who lived in grandfather's house. I don't know whether the rest of the family, who lived separately with their families, carried out these traditions. We had to observe them. On Sabbath evening, all of us got together in the drawing room. My grandmother lit the candles and prayed. Then we had a festive dinner. She baked bread for the whole week and the Sabbath halakhah. The next morning, my grandfather went to the synagogue and spent the whole day there reading religious books. My father and Mendel went to the synagogue with him.

Pesach was always celebrated very ceremoniously. My grandmother, her daughters, and daughters-in-law, cleaned and whitewashed the house thoroughly, and baked matzah for the whole family. On the eve of the holiday, bread was taken from the house, even the breadcrumbs. Only after that, it was allowed to take paschal dishes from the loft. During the whole paschal period there was not a single slice of bread, we ate only matzah. Grandmother cooked a number of Jewish dishes - gefilte fish, chicken broth, fried chicken, tsimes. She also baked strudels and sponge cakes.

In the evening, the whole family gathered at the table. All of Grandpa's children came with their families. It was a rule. My grandfather, clad in white clothes, was sitting at the head of the table and leaning on the pillows. He carried out seder in accordance with the laws. There was a large goblet with wine in the middle of the table. It was meant for the prophet Eliah, who in accordance with the legend came into every Jewish house to bless the dwellers. One of the grandchildren asked my grandfather the traditional questions [the mah nishtanah]. Seder lasted for a long time. Even if younger grandchildren started falling asleep, grandfather never reduced it. On Yom Kippur, everybody fasted in the house except for the children. Children who hadn't reached the age of 13 were exempted. My parents also fasted when we lived with my grandfather.

On Sukkot, my grandfather built a sukkah - a hut made of wood strips and tree branches. Reed and pine branches were put on the top. The walls of the hut were decorated with plants and flowers. A big table was put inside the sukkah. The family had meals there in spite of the weather, even when it was raining. My grandfather prayed in the sukkah. I also remember Chanukkah. My grandmother put a chanukkiyah on the table and each day added another candle in it. On that holiday, all relatives gave children money, Chanukkah gelt. I remember my cousin Abram, Freida's son, who was older than me, also offered me to swap Chanukkah gelt. I gave him one coin and he would give me five in return. Abram took a silver coin from me which was equivalent to 20 kopecks and gave me five coins which were worth five kopeks. I didn't know how to count at that time and was happy with the exchange.

My father worked very hard to provide for such a large family, but the times were very hard and it was difficult for him to earn money. I began helping him at an early age. He taught me a couple of things and I was eager to fulfill his assignments. We had a very modest living. My father's earnings were barely enough to provide us with simple food and moderate clothing. But we didn't starve. We had enough food, but there were no dainty things for us. A lollipop was the most desired gift.

We lived for a few years in my grandfather's house. When I turned six, my father began making more money and we had a chance to live separately. Of course, he didn't have money to buy or construct his own house. We rented a small one-room house from a Ukrainian family. We lived there until 1934. When we lived separately from Grandfather, we didn't observe Jewish traditions. Anyway, our family went to grandfather's house on Jewish holidays as it was a family tradition to get together on holidays.

After we moved from my grandfather's house we lived among Ukrainians. I didn't feel any anti-Semitism. We respected each other and had friendly relations. I played with Ukrainian boys and never heard the word 'Jude' [German for 'Jew'] referred to me. I think that there was no anti-Semitism before the war.

When I turned seven, I went to the four-year Jewish school. The school was in the former cheder premises at the end of the street, where my grandfather lived. It was an ordinary compulsory school, but all subjects there were taught in Yiddish. I knew how to read and write in Yiddish. In the first grade, I became a young Octobrist 13, and in the fourth grade I became a pioneer [see All-Union pioneer organization] 14. Since childhood, we were plied with love to Stalin. It seemed to me, when my answers were good in school, Stalin was smiling at me tenderly. He was an idol, a God to me. My love and belief in him was unconditional. We were devoted followers of Leninism believing in socialism. We assumed that soon it would be strengthened for ever.

In 1930, my grandmother died. She was buried in accordance with the Jewish laws. I remember her lying on the straw, covered in a white shroud. The candles were lit around her. My grandmother was buried in that shroud without a coffin in a Jewish cemetery in Yagotin. My grandfather recited the Kaddish by her grave. I wasn't present at the funeral of my grandfather. He died in 1936. My parents went to his funeral. He was buried next to Grandmother, also in accordance with the laws.

In 1932, there was a famine in Ukraine 15, which lasted for a year. It was a very hard period of time. We didn't have a garden. The products at the market were outrageously expensive. My sisters and I went to the forest to gather nettle and sorrel. My mother made soup from it. Of course, it wasn't enough to fill our stomachs, but the warm soup could momentously help get over the feeling of constant hunger. Sometimes, peasants paid my father for his work with potatoes. We didn't peel the potatoes, just boiled them and ate them with the skins. There were cadavers of people, who had died from hunger, in the street. From time to time, they were put on a cart and carried away. Then new ones appeared. It was extremely hard, but we survived it.

In 1933, my father's elder sister, Freida, moved to Kharkov [440 km east of Kiev] with her husband and children. At that time, the Kharkov tractor plant sought personnel and my uncle Haim, Freida's husband, was employed by the plant. They were given two rooms in a communal apartment 16. When Haim had worked for a while, he wrote to my father and said that there would be a job for him as well. Father decided that it was time to move to Kharkov, as it was getting harder and harder to make a living in Yagotin. First, he left by himself. We were supposed to join him after he got settled.

After finishing four classes of the Jewish school, I had to continue my studies. There was a Ukrainian seven-year school in Yagotin. I was accepted in the fifth grade of that school. There were a couple of more students of the Jewish school. We were accepted very well. We knew each other very well, as we used to play together in the yard. We weren't singled out from the non-Jewish students. I completed seven classes in Yagotin and got a certificate. Shortly after finishing school, we left Yagotin for Kharkov.

Freida and her family lived in a densely populated communal apartment. My father lived with them. We also moved in her apartment after we got there. Ten people turned out to live in two rooms. It was poky. There was no room to put a bed. I slept in my uncle Haim's bed, my sisters slept in Freida's daughter's. My father and Uncle Haim worked in the workshop of the tractor plant. Apart from wages, workers were also given food rations, which made it easier for us. My mother didn't work. My father was the bread-winner of the family. We could hardly get by, but as compared to the famine times, we thought our living to be great. I went to the eighth grade of the Russian school, where my sisters were studying. I finished nine grades in that school. In the ninth grade, I became a Komsomol 17 member and I took pride in it. Being one of the best, I was among the first students of our grade who was accepted in the Komsomol.

When we moved to Kharkov, neither our family nor Freida's observed Jewish traditions. Both the families celebrated Soviet holidays - 1st May and 7th November [October Revolution Day] 18. My mother and my aunt tried to make a treat for the whole family and give small presents to the children on those days. It was mandatory for the workers of the Kharkov tractor plant to attend holiday demonstrations, and my father and his brother Haim always took their children with them.

After finishing the ninth grade, I was sent to special artillery school #14. I preferred humanities at school, but I was also good at mathematics. I didn't mind having a military career, because at that time militaries were respected, not the way it is now. And, artillery was the most respectable as it was considered to be intellectual as good knowledge in mathematics was required to make calculations. I didn't have any options. There were only two military schools in Kharkov, and both of them were artillery. It was a big help for my family as well, as it was a boarding school - we were fed and dressed. My parents didn't have to spend money for my maintenance, only my sisters were to be provided for. It was a real big help for them.

We studied all liberal arts in the military school, which was included in the syllabus of any ordinary school. We had a more profound study of mathematics as compared to the common schools. We also had specialized military subjects such as tactics of the military actions, ballistics etc. A lot of attention was paid to physical training. Apart from compulsory PT, we were also supposed to go to the gymnasium. Everybody had the right to choose what sport they wanted to do, but heavy athletics and long distance running were included in the curriculum. In summertime, we were taken to the military camps. We were dressed in military uniform - tunic, trousers and boots. We often noticed envious looks of the civilian boys of our age, and we felt flattered.

During my studies at school, the period of arrests [during the Great Terror] 19 started, there were trials of enemies of the people 20. We were constantly finding out that a certain betrayer or spy was divulged. We weren't perplexed that all enemies of the people were famous military commanders, great party and economy leaders, people who strenuously were working for the Soviet regime and protecting it. Now, I'm asking myself, why I have never questioned this back in that time and why there were so many of the so-called enemies of the people. I didn't have any thoughts like that. We took things in good faith. If people were imprisoned or shot, it meant that they were guilty. The Party and Stalin couldn't make any mistakes; it was an undisputable and unquestionable belief.

We knew that Hitler came to power in Germany. We also were aware of the atrocity of the fascists, but we were sure that there would be nothing of the kind in our land. We were raised and formed under constant pressure of propaganda. We knew that our army was strong and invincible. We believed that the enemy would never be able to step in our land, and if somebody dared to attack us, it would be a blitzkrieg on the enemy's territory. We were constantly reading about that in books, hearing broadcasts on the radio and watching movies. There were no doubts.

After finishing artillery school, I was sent to continue my education in the Moscow Red Banner Artillery School. So, I am considered to be a Muscovite since 1939. I have lived in Moscow for 56 years. I didn't have to take entrance exams because I had a certificate from the military specialized school and the assignment. Those who had served a regular term in the army didn't have to take entrance exams either. Only those who had finished secondary school were supposed to take the exams. A couple of more graduates from our school left with me and all of them were accepted. Our school was considered prestigious, and the teachers had a good attitude toward us.

We lived in the barracks. Each training platoon lived in a separate barrack. In the morning we had breakfast and then went to the classes. We only had special military subjects. After classes we had lunch, then a recess. After that we had to do physical exercises and homework. Sport was very important in school. The officer was supposed to be versatile. I was very short, as a matter of fact, the shortest among the students and was given the nickname Molecule. I had been teased before we had the first class in heavy athletics. I easily did all major exercises with a dumbbell of two poods [pood is an ancient Russian measure of weight; one pood equals 16 kg], and the main bully, a tall guy, couldn't do those exercises. From then on, that nickname, Molecule, was forgotten, except for the classes in the gymnasiums, when we had running exercises.

In the winter time we skied, in summer we had cross-country running. The commander of our military school, Colonel Yuri Bazhenov, who lived from 1905 to 1975, consequently artillery marshal and the commander of the Anti- aircraft Artillery Academy in Kharkov, always took part in the running with the students. We were confined to the barracks and weren't allowed to go in the city except on the weekend, we got leave for the whole day and were permitted to go to the city, attend museums and theaters. We eagerly got ready to go out. We cleaned our boots in a special way. I remember how we added sugar to the shoe polish for the boots to shine even better.

I was really indulged in school. I got a scholarship as I was an excellent student, and owing to that I was able to help my family. The situation with products was better in Moscow than in Kharkov. Every month I sent my parents parcels with food. At that time, my sister Sarah was studying at a finance college and Raisa at school. My father was the only one who worked, so my assistance was significant.

During the war

In 1939, Hitler's troops invaded Poland [Invasion of Poland] 21. That war ended very quickly. Our army defeated the Germans very swiftly, which gave us even more confidence that there was no better force than our army. The USSR and Germany divided Polish territory, thus we had a direct border with Germany. There was a feeling of coming calamity after the Molotov- Ribbentrop Pact 22 was signed. Germany was now our ally and friend. We took it as our victory in foreign politics. After the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact was signed in Lvov, there was a joint parade of the Soviet and German troops.

In late November 1939, the Soviet Army unleashed war with Finland [see Soviet-Finnish War] 23. That war shook our confidence a little bit. Such a small country as Finland successfully resisted and defended itself for a long time; meanwhile our army was having great losses. It wasn't only due to the battles; there were a lot of people with frostbites of arms and legs in our hospitals which resulted in amputations of frost-bitten arms and legs. That war demonstrated our helplessness and bad organization in the army. The Finnish war also pointed out the flaws in provision. After the war, new winter military uniform was introduced: fore-and-aft caps were replaced with fur caps with ear flaps. Then felt boots and sheepskins were introduced in the army.

In May 1941, we completed school. I was an excellent student during my studies, and I had the right to choose when getting my mandatory job assignment 24. I chose the Northern Caucasus military circuit. I went to Krasnodar [1,300 km east of Moscow], where the headquarters of the circuit was located. From there I was allocated to howitzer artillery regiment #302 in Hamlet Ust-Labinsk, not far from Krasnodar. I was the commander of the fire platoon of the so-called corps artillery. There were the largest weapons - 152mm cannons and howitzers. I stayed there for a month, and on 22nd June 1941, all of us found out about the outbreak of the Great Patriotic War 25. Germany attacked us despite the non-aggression agreement. There were fierce battles, and on 28th June, our regiment was sent in the lines to the district of Vyazma, out of Smolensk. The regiment took a couple of echelons. Cannons were loaded on the open platforms. They were thoroughly fastened and disguised.

People were in locomotives, in the cars for cattle transportation. We weren't bombed on our way. Our trip to Vyazma was considerably calm. The first time we were bombed was when we arrived at Vyazma railroad station. It wasn't a random bombing. German spies precisely indicated the location of our echelons. I remember how there were some flashes by the echelons. There were the signals of the German spies. The bombing started right after those signals. It was the first bombing I had to survive. It was dreadful. The noise was unbearable - the blasts and burning. We left the cars to hide away from the bombing somehow. Things calmed down closer to the morning. It turned out that only one out of several echelons remained unscathed. It was the first time when I saw the wounded and killed. It was scary.

Our assignment was to take the firing line, where our infantry was positioned. I don't remember the name of that hamlet. We went there and took position. Our artillery squadron consisted of three squads with twelve weapons. I was promoted in rank. I was assigned the commander of reconnaissance of the squadron. I was given the first assignment which was to bring shells for our cannons and howitzers. Each shell weighed around 100 kilograms. Ammunition was in the artillery storage in the rear regiment. I was given twelve trucks; each of them had the loading capacity of three tons. Three officers, a couple of soldiers and I went to fulfill the task. We were bombed and fired on our way. German fighter planes were almost landing over our heads. We thought we wouldn't make it, but thanks to God we managed to reach the storage.

We were lucky that most of our way was via the forest, where it was easier to hide from the planes. There were no commanders on spot. It took us time to find the ammunition commander of the district. He gave an order to load our trucks with shells. We lost a lot of time and were supposed to go back before the artillery preparation of our troops, carried out before attack. The attack was scheduled and wasn't supposed to be late. We were shown a short cut, so we could save some time. We had driven about a third of our way, and saw the sign, 'mined.' We had no time for bypassing. The officers and I had a council and decided that we should take a risk and drive through the minefield.

There were no combat engineers among us. We got off the trucks and moved forward. I was in the center, two officers were on the side of the ruts, and the last one was behind. Our trucks were driven slowly, following us. We had to walk 400 meters like that. If one mine blasted, the rest of us would be blown up as well. I was 19, and the rest of the officers weren't much older than me. All twelve trucks successfully passed through. We managed to get the ammunition there at the assigned time. In a couple of hours, all trucks were unloaded and each squad got the shells. We were ready to start artillery preparation.

Before starting the attack, tanks were supposed to go first, then artillery preparation had to start, and only after that the infantry was supposed to go. But there was a shortage in tanks at the beginning of the war, and the available tanks had weak armor. The Germans fired point-blank at the tanks, and the artillery had to take up the whole preparation before the attack of the infantry. Of course, we didn't manage to suppress the adversary with the artillery fire. Very often, the infantry was sent to face certain death.

There were times when I was frightened in the battles. No matter what they say about bravery, the instinct of self-preservation is always there. I didn't believe those front-line soldiers or professional soldiers who took part in war and said that they had no fear. I honestly say: I was scared. I wanted to survive. But my military duty was stronger than fear, than feeling of personal security. So we were aware that we were involved in those things we feared. I think this is the essence of human courage.

Our division was constantly transferred from one place to another in the district of Vyazma. There was not enough artillery in the lines at that time and we were sent to those places where attack was being prepared. Once, our squadron came to a new position, and we placed the weapons at a distance of 20-30 meters from each other. We had hardly dug in when an artillery burst started. One of the shells appeared by cannon wheels. We were lucky that it didn't blast. Then later on, we found out that there was a squad of Katyushas at our place. [Editor's note: The 82mm BM-8 and 132mm BM-13 Katyusha rocket launchers were built and fielded by the Soviet Union in World War II. The launcher got this unofficial, but immediately recognized in the Red Army, name from the title of a Russian wartime song, Katyusha.] It was noticed by the Germans. Katyushas were our rocket artillery, which had nomadic military actions. They came to make a burst, and then left at once. We were taking care of that weapon, as it was unique. The Germans were chasing it. Then we found out that the Germans knew where the Katyusha squad was located, but they weren't aware that they had left. When we started fire, the German artillery was firing at us as well.

Battles in the vicinity of Vyazma lasted for a long time and extended to Elnya, Smolensk, which was a large section of the western front. Soon the squadron commander sent me to the infantry to organize the adjustment of the fire of our twelve artillery weapons. One orderly was subordinated to me. We came to the position of our infantry - the trenches of the forward edge. We adjusted the fire over the phone. There was a telephone operator close to me. I looked through the binoculars and determined the distance of the blasts and judging by the deviation I gave orders on how to adjust the aiming sight of the weapon in terms of meters and degree of arc.

The Germans dislocated their tanks about one kilometer away from our position in the forest, before the squad lines, where I was enlisted as an adjuster of artillery fire. Then those fifteen tanks started attacking. I had telephone communication with the squadron commander. I gave him the position data of the tanks and our squadron opened defense fire. We were shooting at the firing line, and gridded the thrust line so as not to let the German tanks approach us. As a result of those actions performed by the squadron, ten tanks had been punctured, and the other five returned to their previous position. First, I was included in the list of awardees and later on I was awarded with the Order of the Red Star 26 for that operation.

In late fall 1941, I was sent to adjust fire again. As a result of that battle I was wounded. I had a contusion and a severe arm injury. When we had defeated the attack of the German tanks, the Germans started fire from mortar guns. I was in front of the trench and a shell fragment pierced my arm, and was caught in the bone. I lost consciousness. I was lucky that my orderly was close to me, who bandaged my arm and helped me go back to my squadron. The contusion was severe. I could neither hear nor say anything for a while. I was sent to the medical battalion. They put on a bandage, but they didn't operate on my arm. I was told to go to the station together with the other wounded soldiers.

We were then sent to the rear hospital. It was a type of a sub-station. The severely wounded were in the premises of the railway station. There was no room for those who were able to walk. I went to the platform. It was really cold and a pitch dark night. The officer on duty came to the platform, and I asked him where I could go to get warm. He showed me the house where the nurses lived. They helped the wounded at the railway station. I knocked at the door and asked for permission to go in. The ladies, having heard the voice of a man, started screaming and told me to leave. I explained that I was wounded and I was only looking for a place where I could stay before the train came and I was let in. The ladies wanted me to lie down on one of the beds, but I refused, saying that I was straight from the trenches and had a filthy field uniform. They put a mattress on the floor. I used my overcoat as a cover and fell asleep. Through my dream I could hear the girls say, 'How young that lieutenant is!'

The girls woke me up when the echelon arrived at the station. We got on the train and went to the hospital in Tula [250 km east of Moscow]. I stayed there for about a month. The bone of my arm was comminuted, nerves and tendons were lacerated. Bone splinters were constantly coming out from the wound, which was secreting and causing a repulsive stench. I was prepared for the operation, but the Germans were approaching Moscow and we were sent to the deep rear, Orenburg [1,200 km south-east of Moscow], called Chkalov back in that time. Local inhabitants met us with honor at Orenburg railway station. We were taken to the hospital, and I was operated on. My wound was cleaned. They also tried to remove as many splinters as possible, and my arm began to heal.

I was corresponding with my parents and found out from one of their letters that the Kharkov tractor plant had been evacuated to Stalingrad [1,000 km away from Moscow] to the territory of the Stalingrad tractor plant. I sent my officer's monetary certificate to my parents. After I was discharged from the hospital I was given one month's leave. I went to visit my parents in Stalingrad. They lived in Beketovka, 20 kilometers from Stalingrad. The doctor examined me in Stalingrad and said that I wasn't fit for the line of duty. I stayed with my parents for a while.

When the Germans started approaching Stalingrad, my father was told that the Kharkov tractor plant would be evacuated to Ural. My father suggested that I should leave with them, but I couldn't go. My arm was almost healed, though due to the lacerated nerves and tendons it was not behaving very well. I went to the Stalingrad military enlistment office and asked to be sent to defend Stalingrad. First they wanted to refuse me saying that I was disabled, but finally they gave in. I was allocated to the separate artillery regiment #155. I was assigned a squad commander.

It was the summer of 1942 - the beginning of the Stalingrad battle 27. Our artillery regiment was on the left Volga bank, opposite Stalingrad. The fiercest battles were on the right bank, where the Germans were dislocated. The infantry was mostly in battle. We supported its divisions with artillery fire. The Volga was 1.5 kilometers wide in the vicinity of Stalingrad. Both the Germans and we had long-range guns, meant for 15-20 kilometers. Of course, our position was not safe either, but as compared to those who were in the city and infantry soldiers, it was much easier for us. The artillery division had much less casualties. Those soldiers who were fighting for Stalingrad perished in great numbers.

In the city, the soldiers were fighting for every single house, stairwell and floor. They didn't spare their lives and fought heroically. We had the most casualties due to the bombings and shells of artillery weapons. The situation with the nutrition and ammunition was very hard. As I was in artillery reconnaissance, I was often sent to the right Volga bank to adjust fire of our weapons. Crossing was organized. There were small river boats, which were called pleasure boats in civilian times. There were also motor boats and rowing boats. Of course, the Germans found out about our crossing and fired at us. Some people managed to cross the river, others didn't ... I was lucky. I went reconnoitering for a couple of times, crossing the river and never got wounded.

There was a SMERSH 28 department in any military unit. First, I thought that their job was to catch Germans spies. Then I understood from my own experience, that their main task was the same as in the NKVD 29 during peaceful times. There were different talks between the officers and the soldiers: disapproval of the actions of the commandment, doubts regarding correctness of the party assignments. SMERSH was supposed to have their stooges everywhere so that they could find out who was displeased, and it was their major task. Then those people were sent to the Gulag 30 or to penalty squads. I don't think they really took the pain to verify the data provided by the stooges.

I was a literate officer, energetic, sociable and easy-going. I could go up to anybody and have a conversation. I was a good listener and I was listened to. I was respected in my regiment. Once I was called by the head of the SMERSH department of our regiment and was told that the Party and government asked me to assist in the struggle against the spies. I refused by saying that I had never been involved in anything of the kind. He objected to me and said that I was a patriot of my motherland and it was my duty. He saw that he couldn't talk me into it by using good means, so the SMERSH representative started putting pressure on me.

He said that my father was an exploiter as my nephew Milya was working for him in his workshop. He started talking brusquely thinking that I would get scared, saying that before entering military school I had concealed the fact that I was the son of an exploiter. The methods of SMERSH people were directed to intimidate. These were ruthless and fierce people. Anyway, I managed to insist on my refusal. The SMERSH representative was dissatisfied with my decision. I had been awaiting some kind of repression towards me, but luckily, I wasn't touched.

At the beginning of the war, the armament of our army was much to be deplored. Our infantry was armed with the rifles of the World War I sample. Only in 1942, guns appeared, and later on pistols. But still there was a demand for automatic weapons. Of course, such poor armament affected the course of military actions.

The artillery soldiers had much better living conditions than the infantry ones. We were usually two to three kilometers away from the front edge and had the chance to build and equip trench shelters. The artillery had a better food supply; we even got chocolate and cigarettes. At the beginning of the war, I didn't smoke and swapped cigarettes for chocolates; I started smoking later. We tried to take a bath as often as possible. It was easier in summertime. We had a bath in the tent or just in the forest. At that rate, we weren't lice-ridden, whereas the infantry was suffering from lice catastrophically.

At the beginning of the war, food wasn't supplied on a regular basis. When we were retreating, the field kitchen wasn't able to follow us all the time as they didn't know where we were located. There were times when the field kitchen came to the place where we had been a couple of hours before. In such cases we were given a reserve stock of canned meat, three lumps of sugar and rusks. Of course, it was a big help when the field kitchen didn't catch up with us. When it came, we always were saturated as there were extra helpings because of casualties. There was more vodka per person. We were given 100 grams of vodka before attack to be in high combat spirits. Everybody was drinking, even those who didn't use to drink during peaceful times. People were facing certain death and a little drink helped get over the fear a little bit.

There was no anti-Semitism among soldiers or officers in the lines. There were other more important criteria, namely reliability and credibility in predicament - whether your comrade would take the wounded one from the field, share the last sip of water or the last piece of rusk with you. Nationality didn't mean anything to us. The situation with the cigarettes was intense. We made rolls from the last pinch of tobacco and smoked it in turns, passing it to each other - be it Kazakh, Russian, Ukrainian or Jew.

Jews were as brave as the people of other nationalities, and everybody saw that. All that tittle-tattle regarding non-participation of Jews in the lines, just staying in Tashkent, while others were shedding blood, started after the war. [Editor's note: Tashkent is a city in Middle Asia; it was the town where many people evacuated during the Great Patriotic War, including many Jewish families. Many people had the idea that the whole Jewish population was in evacuation rather than at the front and anti- Semites spoke about it in mocking tones] The Germans were trying to streamline anti-Semitism even among the soldiers in the lines. I remember, during the battles in the vicinity of Vyazma, the German planes didn't release bombs over our positions, but flyers in Russian saying, 'Take a stick and turn out Jude to Palestine,' but nobody reacted to that.

Though anti-Semitism existed in the official authorities, I found out about that only after the war. In 1943, all headquarters received a circular letter from the state political department [GPU] 31 of the army: to avoid promotion of Jews in middle and high ranks and award Jews as little as possible. I think that it was strictly observed by established posts. But in spite of that discrimination, Jews took the second place among the military awardees following Russians and that considering that there were 100 nations in the USSR. There are 150 Heroes of the Soviet Union 32 among the Jews, who totaled two million in the USSR before the outbreak of the Great Patriotic War.

I stayed in Stalingrad until the end of November 1942. My wound opened and bled, the splinters were coming out. When it got cold, my arm got swollen and dark. As it turned out I was afflicted with gangrene. The surgeon of the medical battalion said that he couldn't comprehend how they had taken me in the lines with such an arm. According to him, I should have been in the rear a long time ago. In spite of my pleas to let me stay in the lines, the doctors came to the conclusion that my front-line career was over. I was told that it was necessary to amputate my arm immediately, if I wanted to live. I was sent to the hospital in the vicinity of Stalingrad. Fortunately, the surgeons of the hospital saved my arm. I was operated on for a couple of times. My suppurating comminuted bone was cleaned and the nerves were sutured. Of course, they didn't manage to restore all functions of my arm. Now my arm is crooked and slow-moving, but in spite of that, they performed a miracle - my arm was saved.

I had stayed in hospital for a long time even after the Stalingrad battle was over. In the hospital, I was given the following military awards for participation in the Stalingrad battle: Order of the Great Patriotic War 33, 1st Class and a Medal for the Defense of Stalingrad 34. I was discharged from the hospital in the summer of 1943. The medical examination board made a statement that I was incapacitated for serving in the lines, but I remained in the army. The commandant suggested that I should teach artillery in the reserve regiment. I was sent to the training squadron in Aktyubinskiy, Tatarstan [1,000 km south-east of Moscow], where soldiers were trained for battle actions.

I became a member of the Party in the reserve regiment. In early 1944, our entire reserve regiment was sent to Barnaul, Altai Mountains [3,000 km north-east of Moscow]. By that time there were a few combatant officers as we had severe casualties. There were a lot of political officers of the squads, battalions and regiments. They were considered to be our ideological leaders, and they hardly took part in any battles. Stalin issued an order to retrain most of the political officers for them to become line officers. Our regiment was involved in retraining former political officers. I was the commander of the squad.

The Stalingrad battle became a turning point in the course of the war. Frankly speaking, at the beginning of the war, when our troops were constantly retreating with severe casualties and getting besieged, we had doubts in our victory. Of course, nobody discussed it openly, because there were SMERSH stooges everywhere, and such a statement would have been revealed. But I wasn't the only one who had thoughts like that, when we were leaving one populated area after another, our comrades were perishing, and the Germans were moving forward. Only after our victory in the Stalingrad battle we felt that we fought for the cause and the enemy would be defeated.

During the war, I loathed Germans and fascists. I didn't consider them to be people, just enemies. That feeling remained 'til the end of the war. Then I thought things over, and understood that not all German soldiers came to our land on their own accord: they just carried out the orders of Hitler and their commanders. It took time for me to come to understand that hundreds of thousands of our casualties were caused by mistakes of our commanders. When the war was unleashed our army was decapitated due to numerous repressions. The greatest and brightest commanders of our army were shot or exiled to the Gulag.

Captains, majors in the best case, were commanders of the regiments, and even the divisions having experience, required knowledge. Preposterous, groundless orders were the reason of so many deaths. There were cases where the battles were held for some populated areas of no strategic importance, where the whole armies were involved, having losses in equipment and casualties. Nobody could take a risk to tell the commander that his order was incorrect. The orders were that to capture at any cost human life. When Stalin understood that, he ordered the release of surviving commanders from the camps. That was the way Marshal Rokossovskiy 35, and other commanders came back in the lines. We began to win, as our commanders were professionals.

My parents and sisters came back to Kharkov in late 1944, shortly after the liberation of the city. The tractor plant was transferred to the city as well. My elder sister, Sarah, entered the law department of Kharkov University and my younger sister entered the Kharkov Medical Institute. My father kept working at the Kharkov tractor plant, and my mother remained a housewife. The family of father's sister Freida also returned to Kharkov.

After the war

My father's younger brother Mendel and his son were drafted into the lines at the beginning of the war. They didn't return. It isn't known what happened to them, they were reported missing. Mendel's widow Fanya went to Kiev with two of her daughters. The son of my father's deceased brother Sunya, Jacob Manilov, also was in the lines. Jacob went through the entire war. He was wounded, but the injury was not lethal, so he came back home. Both the sons of my father's sister Hanka, Sunya and Milya, came back from the lines alive. Their families lived in Saratov [800 km south-east of Moscow] after the war.

In early 1945, I was sent to study at the Leningrad Higher Artillery Officer School. I graduated from it on Victory Day 36, 9th May 1945. I remember that day very well. All Leningrad inhabitants went out. People who didn't know each other were congratulating and kissing each other. There was music and singing. But there was a bitter relish in our joy. We remembered those who didn't survive. There were fireworks in the evening. Everybody was celebrating.

In a couple of days, the German majors of some small cities of Leningrad region were publicly executed. There were six of them. There was a gallows on the square not far from the officers' school. The trucks came with one person sentenced to death, one Soviet officer and two soldiers. When the truck was approaching the gallows, the noose was put over the neck of the sentenced and the car was slowly driving away until the executed had been suffocated. A lot of people came to watch the execution. It was hard for me to watch that. One thing is to see the killing of an enemy in battle, and quite another to see the execution of a helpless person who cannot defend himself. Though, I understood that their guilt was gross.

I graduated from the Higher Officer School with honors in the rank of captain and was sent to the town of Gorokhovets, Vladimir region [280 km north-west of Moscow]. I became a commander of the artillery squad in the camp. We worked for the squadron, went for trainings and carried out investigations, for the commander of the squadron.

I had served in Gorokhovets for three years, and decided to enter Moscow Academy of Engineering Troops. It was the year 1948, when anti-Semitism was displayed not only on a social, but on the governmental level as well. The process of rootless cosmopolitans [see campaign against 'cosmopolitans'] 37 commenced, and that was what the Jews were called. Though, at first scientists, actors, writers and musicians of different nationalities were involved in those processes, but it was clear, that it wasn't a matter of individuals, but an attitude towards the Jews. It was strange, because it was the USSR who was one of those who initiated the foundation of the state of Israel in May 1948. It was a joyful event for me. Finally, the Jews had their own state after so many years of wandering. Maybe the reason of the streamlined anti-Semitism was Stalin's anticipation that Israel would become a USSR satellite. But Israel had chosen another way, and had no ties to socialist countries.

I was given an assignment to the academy in the military circuit, and I went to Moscow. There were quite a few Jews among the entrants. I passed the exams successfully, but I wasn't accepted in the academy along with the other Jews who were trying to enter that institution. Of course, nobody told us explicitly that the reason was our nationality. They just said it evasively - we didn't meet the competition requirements. If it was only referred to me, I might have believed that - there might have been people who were better prepared for the exams than I - but I knew that out of all the Jews, who were taking entrance exams with me, only two were accepted.

I still had a couple of vacation days left and I decided to look for a bride. I was 27, and it was high time for me to get married; I didn't want to remain a bachelor any more. There were so many ladies around me, but I wanted to marry only a Jew. I thought it was my duty to preserve the Jewry. I was a member of the Party, but in that issue my international upbringing had no influence. I decided that I should attend the performance of the Jewish theater because I thought that I would meet a Jewish girl there. During the interval, I noticed a very beautiful girl in a décolleté velvet dress, surrounded by young people. There was an elderly woman with her. I assumed it was her mother. I didn't manage to go up to the girl, as the interval was over and the second act was to begin.

When the performance was over, I went up to the mother of the girl and suggested helping them getting the coats in the cloakroom. The lady thanked me for being so amiable and said that they lived far from Moscow and would get cold without the coats. I told them that a Jewish officer would never do such a mean thing. She liked my response, and allowed me to see them off to the outskirts of Moscow, where she lived with her daughter. The mother introduced her daughter to me. Her name was Evangelina Kilman. She was called Eva at home.

Marriage life and children

Eva was born in 1927 in a Ukrainian town called Uman [250 km south of Kiev]. Eva's father, Leib Kilman, was a farmer. He grew potatoes for sale. Her mother, Haya-Rivka Kilman, nee Vekselman, was a housewife. Eva was an only child. When she was one year old, the family moved to Odessa 38. Her father completed some courses and worked as an officer in some sort of institution. Eva went to music school and compulsory school. In late 1940, the family moved to Moscow, before the outbreak of war. Leib Kilman was drafted into the lines, and Eva was evacuated to Bashkiria with her mother. They lived in a hamlet. Eva went to school, and her mother worked in a kolkhoz 39. After classes, Eva helped her mother with the field work. Of course, they went through hard times, but they managed to survive. They went back to Moscow in 1943. Eva completed school and entered the Institute of Foreign Languages.

I was seeing Eva, when I was in Moscow. We were corresponding with each other after my departure. I fell in love and wanted to marry her. Eva didn't mind. The next year I went to Moscow to enter the academy once again, and again I flunked the exams. None of the Jews who submitted the documents with me was admitted. I was dating Eva during my stay in Moscow. I proposed to her and she agreed to marry me. In March 1949 we got married. We had an ordinary wedding in those times. We got registered in the state registration office and had a modest wedding party in the evening. We got together in a close family circle. My parents and sisters came to my wedding from Kharkov. When my leave was over, my wife and I left for Gorokhovets. The commandment gave us a room in the officers' barracks. There were a couple of more families of the officers. I kept on serving in the army.

My wife was involved in the amateur talent group of the regiment. Soon, I found out that I was to be transferred to the Far-Eastern peninsular Kamchatka [about 8,000 km east of Moscow], to artillery regiment #203, which was a part of the division, located not far from Petropavlovsk- Kamchatski. My wife was pregnant and decided that it would be better for her and our child, if she returned to Moscow and stayed with her parents, and so I left by myself. I was given a room in the officers' barracks. It was in the log house on the coast of the ocean. The living conditions were primitive.

When my daughter, Diana, was born in 1950, I got a vacation and spent it in Moscow with my family. Then, I had to go back to Kamchatka. It was hard for me to stay there by myself. Most of the men there were single and as a result there was a lot of drinking, women, gambling, etc around me. I wrote to Eva about it. In 1952, she came to live with me with our two-year old daughter. She moved to the officers' barracks, i.e. a one-storied log house without conveniences. There was a common kitchen; toilet and water were outside.

Eva courageously got over all those inconveniences, but the climate of Kamchatka turned out to be too severe for her and our daughter. Kamchatka is indigenous, and by stepping on the ground you feel the nature of the earth - shakes and tremors of the soil. There wasn't enough oxygen in the air as well. Eva didn't feel very well and had heart trouble. The doctors advised her to go home. She didn't want to leave, but there was an earthquake in Kamchatka and all the family members of the militaries were evacuated. So, Eva and Diana left for Moscow.

Even in Kamchatka I had to go across with the officer of the special department [responsible for checking political reliability of the troopers. There were special departments in all civil offices, army units and in prisons], and again they tried to make a stooge out of me. The officer from the special department asked me to go in as if trying to verify certain data of my vita, and then started talking me into cooperation. He told me that there were a lot of officers in our military unit who weren't patriots and were crying out about mistakes of the Soviet regime, castigating the actions of the latter, and helping out our enemies accordingly. He said that I, being an honest communist, ought to inform them of such talks. I refused, and again nothing happened after that.

I stayed in Kamchatka. In January 1953, the Doctors' Plot 40 started. In spite of the fact that it only referred to the Jewish doctors, there was a sudden splash of anti-Semitism, which was reflected on all the Jews, not only doctors. People were afraid to see Jewish doctors considering that they were 'murderers in white robes,', as they were called by the press. Propaganda worked and people believed in that. Anti-Semitism was displayed so often and so conspicuously that certain civilians were scared to go outside thinking that they might be insulted or beaten. It was hard for me to believe that the doctors really wanted to poison Stalin. I was confounded.

The Soviet regime raised us in such a way that we had no right to question the verity of the Party actions. Like many other Soviet people I accepted the words of the Party as a religious person took the words of God, without discussing and doubting. The military Jews felt uncertainty. We were walking around downcast feeling ashamed that there were some Jews who could attempt assassinating Stalin. I noticed how my colleagues changed their attitude towards me. Before the Doctors' Plot, we had good and open relationships, and after the publication of the articles about the doctors being poisoners, they started looking at me doubtfully with a simper as if thinking, 'we know what you, Jews, are doing.' Of course, all of that was very unpleasant, but I couldn't change anything as I didn't know the truth.

I remember Stalin's death very well. We carried out artillery firing exercises. We were firing from the guns - by means of direct firing at the tanks, and during the trainings, carried out on 5th March 1953, we were informed that Stalin had died. Our eyes were streaming with tears. Our tears weren't false, we really were mourning over the death of such a great person. We considered him an idol. We thought we won World War II because of Stalin. When attacking we cried out, 'for Stalin!' At that time we were influenced by propaganda and believed in everything like real zealots. We didn't comprehend that it was mendacious. We were merely pawns in that war.

I was missing my wife and daughter after they had left. I felt so lonely, that I decided to leave Kamchatka and do away with my military career. I was a disabled veteran and asked to be examined in the hospital. I was given the second disability group and it was decided that I was incapacitated for the military services either in peaceful or in war times. In 1954, I got a chance to complete my military service and go back to Moscow. My wife and daughter met me at the railway station. A new life was awaiting me. I didn't have to carry out orders, but make decisions and independently have my own view.

I had to think about a job. I didn't have any civilian profession. Some of my acquaintances suggested that I should try teaching civil defense at school. At that time civil defense was included in the syllabus and the retired militaries were offered to teach that subject. Teachers were employed via the Municipal Department of Education. I went there, but at first didn't manage to find the right building. I met a short elderly man on my way. He was dressed in pants with general trouser stripes and a civilian jacket. I asked him the way to the Municipal Department of Education. He asked me why I was looking for it, and I explained that I was demobilized from the army and sought a job in a school to teach civil defense as I didn't have any other specialty. He told me the way and who the contact person was. He also added that I should obligatorily mention that I was sent by General Mendelson.

When I got there and mentioned his name I was given the assignment immediately. The director of the school employed me. The only condition was to change my patronymic. My father's name was Shulim, and my full name sounded like Miron Shulimovich. The director said that it would be hard for the students to pronounce my name and asked me to change my patronymic to Sergeyevich. I didn't change my name officially, but my colleagues and students called me Miron Sergeyevich. My wife also found a job. She was a music teacher in a school, located not far from our house.

The Twentieth Party Congress 41 was where Khrushchev 42 exposed Stalin's cult of personality and his crimes. It was a shock to me. I had a good diction, and a baritone voice, so I was asked to read the text of Khrushchev's report at the general meeting of the teachers. I saw the text for the first time. I was given the brochure with the text a couple of minutes before the meeting for me to look through. The teachers were sitting at the desks, and I was reading the report from the pulpit. The teachers were sitting with bated breath like schoolchildren. Certain emotions were expressed on their faces. I could see what they felt.

I believed in everything told by Khrushchev and things were clear to me. At that time I came to understand what a dreadful role Stalin played in the history of our country, how many deaths he had on his conscience. Even the war could have been avoided if there had been another person in Stalin's place no matter what we used to think regarding the war which had been won due to him. Even if it couldn't have been admonished, it would have been won with much less casualties. So much sorrow was in our lives due to Stalin's anti-Semitism.

I was supposed to get higher education. I liked working at school, but I didn't want to teach civil defense for ever. I entered the evening history classes at the Teachers' Training Institute. It was a hard period for my family. After teaching, I attended classes at the institute. I spent my spare time preparing for the classes at school and doing homework. I hardly had any time to spend with my family. My wife had to take care of everything. There were lots of things to do - we had had two children by that time. Our son Vladimir was born in 1957.

I graduated from the institute with honors and managed to do my post- graduate in spite of the fact that anti-Semitism didn't vanish after the Twentieth Party Congress. After graduating, I kept working at the school, but teaching a different subject - the history of the USSR. I hoped that I would be able to teach history at the Institution of Higher Education. I was told that there was a vacancy in the Aviation Technology Institute. The job opening was that of a teacher of the history of the Communist Party. I called them, introduced myself and I was scheduled for an interview. I went to the human resources department. The head of the HR department looked at my diploma and asked me directly about my nationality. My response was that it was the same as Karl Marx's. The director of the HR department had a good sense of humor. He said that if Karl Marx had been alive, it would also have been difficult for him to be a history teacher.

I gave up looking for a job at the institute and post-graduate studies. I worked at the school until 1970 and went to work for the technical vocational school as a teacher of history and esthetics. I worked there for ten years, until 1980. I was of pension age and I was told that it was time for me to retire. Maybe it was connected with my nationality as well. But I couldn't stay without work and was employed at a hydro equipment plant as a planning engineer. My office wasn't far from my house. In 1990, I quit my job as there was a job opening in the policlinic and I went to work there as a deputy chief physician on the issues of civil defense. I am still working there. In the middle of the 1970s my wife, Eva, went to work with the Council of Tourism. Eva found her job interesting. She worked as a guide accompanying groups of tourists. She worked there until 1982, before retirement.

Our family had a way of life, common for the rest of the Soviet families. My wife and I weren't religious and raised our children as atheists. We didn't mark religious holidays at home. We celebrated birthdays of the family members and such Soviet holidays as 1st May and 7th November, Soviet Army Day 43, and Victory Day. On those days my wife cooked festive dishes and we invited guests. On vacations the whole family either went to the seaside or to the country house we rented for the holidays. The children went to school. They were pioneers, then Komsomol members.

Eva insisted that our daughter should go to music school besides having compulsory education. My son didn't have an ear for music, as it turned out. After finishing school, my daughter entered the music department of the Moscow Teachers' Training Institute. Diana got married during her studies at the institute. My wife and I wanted our daughter to marry a Jew. It happened that way. Her husband was a Jew, born in Moscow. His name was Joseph Ognyaev. He was Diana's age. When they got married, he was a student at the Moscow Transport Institute. Diana kept her maiden name after getting married. Her son Alexander, born in 1970, took the last name of Manilov.

After graduation Diana worked at the school as a music teacher. Her husband worked for the Machine Building Scientific Research Institute, as an engineer. Diana's son, Alexander, graduated from the mathematics department of Moscow University [M. V. Lomonosov Moscow State University, the best University in the Soviet Union, also well know abroad for its high level of education and research], and was employed by some good company as a programmer. In 1994 Alexander got married and in 1995 my great-grandchild, Nikita Manilov, was born. Our life seemed good, but shortly after childbirth, Alexander and his wife perished in a car crash. Diana left her job and started taking care of Nikita. My wife and I are trying to help her out the best way we can. Of course, death is terrifying and unexpected. It is natural when children bury their parents, but when the grandparent has to bury his grandson it is...

Having finished school, my son Vladimir entered the physics and mathematics department of Moscow University. After graduation, he got an assignment to one of Moscow's scientific and research plants. He got married at a mature age. His wife is Nadezhda Smirnova. She was born in the Ural town of Glazov. Nadezhda is ten years younger than Vladimir. They don't have children. Nadezhda is not a Jew, but my wife and I didn't object to their marriage, as we saw that they loved each other. It was the most important thing for us. Nadezhda is an economist. Now she is working at a water pond department as HR director. My wife and I have wonderful relations with our children's families. They often call on us and we feel their heed and care.

In the 1970s, mass immigration to Israel started. My wife and I weren't going to immigrate. Both of us worked, and made pretty good money and the children were also settled. There was no need for us to leave our relatives and comfortable life. If our children wanted to leave, we would do our best to leave with them. Our children didn't intend to leave, so there was no sense for two elderly people to leave their dearest ones. Many of our relatives left at that time. My cousin Jacob, son of my father's brother Sunya, is currently living in Israel. He is a retired colonel. We write letters to each other, sometimes he calls. Both of my sisters immigrated with their families in the 1990s. The eldest, Sarah, lives in Kholon, Israel with her family. My younger sister, Raisa, immigrated to New York, USA. Both of them are happy with their new lives.

My parents lived in Kharkov. Almost every year we went to see them, when we were on vacation. We also wrote to them on a regular basis. My father died in 1970 at the age of 93 and my mother died ten years later, i.e. in 1980. She was buried next to my father.

When in the middle of the 1980s, Mikhail Gorbachev 44 declared the new course of the Party, perestroika 45, I took it as a breath of fresh air. I liked Gorbachev as a personality as well. Finally our leader was a young man, who spoke distinctively and literately, was well-read and sociable, not like the previous leaders. We were happy with the things introduced by Gorbachev at the beginning of perestroika, thinking it a panacea from all troubles in our society. Then the pace of perestroika was hindered and it wasn't clear what was going on. It was as if somebody wanted to make things worse for the people so as to be disappointed in perestroika.

The financial position of many people worsened considerably. Many necessary products weren't found in the stores, and prices escalated. All those things, in the end, caused the breakup of the USSR [in 1991]. I disapproved of those things before, and I don't approve of them now. Our country was a great and powerful state, respected, valued and feared by everybody in the world. And who are we now? From the standpoint of the economy, Russia has become a semi-colonial country and our power and strength aren't determined by our machine-building plants, or prosperity of military and mining industries. We were the main source of raw materials supply to the capitalist world. There is hardly anything good in our independence. It would have been better to preserve the good things that were in the USSR, and not bring everything to the naught and build nothing in the shambles.

Jewish life began to revive after perestroika. In 1987, two Jewish officers, the colonels Sokol and Goldsberg, acquired permission in the central committee of the Communist Party to open a Jewish library in Moscow. At first, that library was housed in Sokol's apartment as they couldn't find any other premise for it. It was the first step, and then the Jewish Cultural Center was founded in Moscow. The all-Russian society of the Jewish veterans of war and ghetto prisoners was established by that center. Then our council of the Jewish War Veterans was founded. Since the foundation of the council I have been the executive secretary.

I didn't become religious. I have always been an atheist and cannot believe in the existence of God. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm too old to change my views. I started respecting Judaism in 1991. The breakup of the USSR was preceded by a putsch [see 1991 Moscow coup d'etat] 45, accompanied by the barricades outside, crowds of people standing up for their right to live in a democratic country. During the putsch three young lads died under caterpillars of the tanks, brought to Moscow. One of them was a Jew, a 27- year-old guy called Ilia Krichevskiy. Those who perished on the 24th August were buried with honors in Vagankovksoye cemetery in Moscow. The three of them were posthumously recognized as Heroes of the Soviet Union.

When the parents of Krichevskiy were asked where they wanted their son to be buried, they replied that they were Jews and wanted their son to be buried in accordance with the Jewish traditions. I think that the Krichevskiy family had two reasons to be heroic. The first hero is the son, who fought for democracy, and the other heroes are the parents, because owing to them the world found out about the Jews in the former Soviet Union. It was a revelation for me. I have been a member of the Party for fifty years, sincerely believing the words of Karl Marx regarding religion being the opium for the peoples. After the funeral of Krichevskiy, I started deeply respecting religion, considering it a spiritual incentive and force. I understood that religion had equal rights with the other ideologies. There should be a place for religion in this world.

I cannot say my wife also was indifferent to the Jewish life. She began working in a Moscow synagogue for free. She was involved in charity work assisting the elderly people and indigent families. All other thematic events were supported by the synagogue. The latter provided the premises for the veterans and also took care of the catering for the festive get- togethers. Then other Jewish charitable organization started to appear. It was a big help for the needy, especially for the old people.

In 2000, a tragedy occurred in our family. My wife got severely ill, she had a paralysis, and as a result her legs were paralyzed and she wasn't able to walk. She was unsuccessfully operated on the spine. One of her legs became normal, the other one remained numb. Eva takes the pain to walk around the house, but it's very difficult for her and she is using some type of contraption. My wife courageously fights her disease. When Eva got ill, she began composing verses. It helped her get distracted from the pain. She keeps on composing verses now and it helps her psychologically.

I try to spend more time at home with my wife, and take up most of the chores. I'm not sure whether I would have managed to do all the things with my crippled hand without the support and assistance of the Jewish charitable organizations. Twice a week a visiting nurse from Hesed 46 comes to us. She cleans the apartment and cooks food for us. Once in two days we receive meals on the wheels from the synagogue for the both of us. It helps us out a lot. This is the way we live, day after day. I am trying to be useful to people and this gives me a stimulus not to give up to my age and not to become senile.

Glossary:

1 Moscow Council of the Jewish War Veterans

founded in 1988 by the Moscow municipal Jewish community. The main purpose of the organization is mutual assistance as well as unification of front-line Jews, collection and publishing of recollections about the war, and arranging meetings with the public and youth.

2 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

3 Russian Revolution of 1917

Revolution in which the tsarist regime was overthrown in the Russian Empire and, under Lenin, was replaced by the Bolshevik rule. The two phases of the Revolution were: February Revolution, which came about due to food and fuel shortages during World War I, and during which the tsar abdicated and a provisional government took over. The second phase took place in the form of a coup led by Lenin in October/November (October Revolution) and saw the seizure of power by the Bolsheviks.

4 Struggle against religion

The 1930s was a time of anti-religion struggle in the USSR. In those years it was not safe to go to synagogue or to church. Places of worship, statues of saints, etc. were removed; rabbis, Orthodox and Roman Catholic priests disappeared behind KGB walls.

5 Civil War (1918-1920)

The Civil War between the Reds (the Bolsheviks) and the Whites (the anti-Bolsheviks), which broke out in early 1918, ravaged Russia until 1920. The Whites represented all shades of anti- communist groups - Russian army units from World War I, led by anti- Bolshevik officers, by anti-Bolshevik volunteers and some Mensheviks and Social Revolutionaries. Several of their leaders favored setting up a military dictatorship, but few were outspoken tsarists. Atrocities were committed throughout the Civil War by both sides. The Civil War ended with Bolshevik military victory, thanks to the lack of cooperation among the various White commanders and to the reorganization of the Red forces after Trotsky became commissar for war. It was won, however, only at the price of immense sacrifice; by 1920 Russia was ruined and devastated. In 1920 industrial production was reduced to 14% and agriculture to 50% as compared to 1913.

6 Pogroms in Ukraine

In the 1920s there were many anti-Semitic gangs in Ukraine. They killed Jews and burnt their houses, they robbed their houses, raped women and killed children.

7 Gangs

During the Russian Civil War there were all kinds of gangs in the Ukraine. Their members came from all the classes of former Russia, but most of them were peasants. Their leaders used political slogans to dress their criminal acts. These gangs were anti-Soviet and anti-Semitic. They killed Jews and burnt their houses, they robbed their houses, raped women and killed children.

8 Denikin, Anton Ivanovich (1872-1947)

White Army general. During the Russian Civil War he fought against the Red Army in the South of Ukraine.

9 Jewish self-defense movement

In Russia Jews organized self-defense groups to protect the Jewish population and Jewish property from the rioting mobs in pogroms, which often occurred in compliance with the authorities and, at times, even at their instigation. During the pogroms of 1881-82 self-defense was organized spontaneously in different places. Following pogroms at the beginning of the 20th century, collective defense units were set up in the cities and towns of Belarus and Ukraine, which raised money and bought arms. The nucleus of the self-defense movement came from the Jewish labor parties and their military units, and it had a widespread following among the rest of the people. Organized defense groups are known to have existed in 42 cities.

10 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death.

11 Common name

Russified or Russian first names used by Jews in everyday life and adopted in official documents. The Russification of first names was one of the manifestations of the assimilation of Russian Jews at the turn of the 19th and 20th century. In some cases only the spelling and pronunciation of Jewish names was russified (e.g. Isaac instead of Yitskhak; Boris instead of Borukh), while in other cases traditional Jewish names were replaced by similarly sounding Russian names (e.g. Eugenia instead of Ghita; Yury instead of Yuda). When state anti-Semitism intensified in the USSR at the end of the 1940s, most Jewish parents stopped giving their children traditional Jewish names to avoid discrimination.

12 Russian stove

Big stone stove stoked with wood. They were usually built in a corner of the kitchen and served to heat the house and cook food. It had a bench that made a comfortable bed for children and adults in wintertime.

13 Young Octobrist

In Russian Oktyabrenok, or 'pre-pioneer', designates Soviet children of seven years or over preparing for entry into the pioneer organization.

14 All-Union pioneer organization

a communist organization for teenagers between 10 and 15 years old (cf: boy-/ girlscouts in the US). The organization aimed at educating the young generation in accordance with the communist ideals, preparing pioneers to become members of the Komsomol and later the Communist Party. In the Soviet Union, all teenagers were pioneers.

15 Famine in Ukraine

In 1920 a deliberate famine was introduced in the Ukraine causing the death of millions of people. It was arranged in order to suppress those protesting peasants who did not want to join the collective farms. There was another dreadful deliberate famine in 1930-1934 in the Ukraine. The authorities took away the last food products from the peasants. People were dying in the streets, whole villages became deserted. The authorities arranged this specifically to suppress the rebellious peasants who did not want to accept Soviet power and join collective farms.

16 Communal apartment

The Soviet power wanted to improve housing conditions by requisitioning 'excess' living space of wealthy families after the Revolution of 1917. Apartments were shared by several families with each family occupying one room and sharing the kitchen, toilet and bathroom with other tenants. Because of the chronic shortage of dwelling space in towns communal or shared apartments continued to exist for decades. Despite state programs for the construction of more houses and the liquidation of communal apartments, which began in the 1960s, shared apartments still exist today.

17 Komsomol

Communist youth political organization created in 1918. The task of the Komsomol was to spread of the ideas of communism and involve the worker and peasant youth in building the Soviet Union. The Komsomol also aimed at giving a communist upbringing by involving the worker youth in the political struggle, supplemented by theoretical education. The Komsomol was more popular than the Communist Party because with its aim of education people could accept uninitiated young proletarians, whereas party members had to have at least a minimal political qualification.

18 October Revolution Day

October 25 (according to the old calendar), 1917 went down in history as victory day for the Great October Socialist Revolution in Russia. This day is the most significant date in the history of the USSR. Today the anniversary is celebrated as 'Day of Accord and Reconciliation' on November 7.

19 Great Terror (1934-1938)

During the Great Terror, or Great Purges, which included the notorious show trials of Stalin's former Bolshevik opponents in 1936-1938 and reached its peak in 1937 and 1938, millions of innocent Soviet citizens were sent off to labor camps or killed in prison. The major targets of the Great Terror were communists. Over half of the people who were arrested were members of the party at the time of their arrest. The armed forces, the Communist Party, and the government in general were purged of all allegedly dissident persons; the victims were generally sentenced to death or to long terms of hard labor. Much of the purge was carried out in secret, and only a few cases were tried in public 'show trials'. By the time the terror subsided in 1939, Stalin had managed to bring both the Party and the public to a state of complete submission to his rule. Soviet society was so atomized and the people so fearful of reprisals that mass arrests were no longer necessary. Stalin ruled as absolute dictator of the Soviet Union until his death in March 1953.

20 Enemy of the people

Soviet official term; euphemism used for real or assumed political opposition.

21 Invasion of Poland

The German attack of Poland on 1st September 1939 is widely considered the date in the West for the start of World War II. After having gained both Austria and the Bohemian and Moravian parts of Czechoslovakia, Hitler was confident that he could acquire Poland without having to fight Britain and France. (To eliminate the possibility of the Soviet Union fighting if Poland were attacked, Hitler made a pact with the Soviet Union, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact.) On the morning of 1st September 1939, German troops entered Poland. The German air attack hit so quickly that most of Poland's air force was destroyed while still on the ground. To hinder Polish mobilization, the Germans bombed bridges and roads. Groups of marching soldiers were machine-gunned from the air, and they also aimed at civilians. On 1st September, the beginning of the attack, Great Britain and France sent Hitler an ultimatum - withdraw German forces from Poland or Great Britain and France would go to war against Germany. On 3rd September, with Germany's forces penetrating deeper into Poland, Great Britain and France both declared war on Germany.

22 Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact

Non-aggression pact between Germany and the Soviet Union, which became known under the name of Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. Engaged in a border war with Japan in the Far East and fearing the German advance in the west, the Soviet government began secret negotiations for a non-aggression pact with Germany in 1939. In August 1939 it suddenly announced the conclusion of a Soviet-German agreement of friendship and non- aggression. The Pact contained a secret clause providing for the partition of Poland and for Soviet and German spheres of influence in Eastern Europe.

23 Soviet-Finnish War (1939-40)

The Soviet Union attacked Finland on 30 November 1939 to seize the Karelian Isthmus. The Red Army was halted at the so-called Mannengeim line. The League of Nations expelled the USSR from its ranks. In February-March 1940 the Red Army broke through the Mannengeim line and reached Vyborg. In March 1940 a peace treaty was signed in Moscow, by which the Karelian Isthmus, and some other areas, became part of the Soviet Union.

24 Mandatory job assignment in the USSR

Graduates of higher educational institutions had to complete a mandatory 2-year job assignment issued by the institution from which they graduated. After finishing this assignment young people were allowed to get employment at their discretion in any town or organization.

25 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

26 Order of the Red Star

Established in 1930, it was awarded for achievements in the defense of the motherland, the promotion of military science and the development of military equipments, and for courage in battle. The Order of the Red Star has been awarded over 4,000,000 times.

27 Stalingrad Battle (17 July 1942- 2 February1943) The Stalingrad, South- Western and Donskoy Fronts stopped the advance of German armies in the vicinity of Stalingrad

On 19-20 November 1942 the soviet troops undertook an offensive and encircled 22 German divisions (330 thousand people) in the vicinity of Stalingrad. The Soviet troops eliminated this German grouping. On 31 January 1943 the remains of the 6th German army headed by General Field Marshal Paulus surrendered (91 thousand people). The victory in the Stalingrad battle was of huge political, strategic and international significance.

28 SMERSH

Russian abbreviation for 'Smert Shpionam' meaning Death to Spies. It was a counterintelligence department in the Soviet Union formed during World War II, to secure the rear of the active Red Army, on the front to arrest 'traitors, deserters, spies, and criminal elements'. The full name of the entity was USSR People's Commissariat of Defense Chief Counterintelligence Directorate 'SMERSH'. This name for the counterintelligence division of the Red Army was introduced on 19th April 1943, and worked as a separate entity until 1946. It was headed by Viktor Abakumov. At the same time a SMERSH directorate within the People's Commissariat of the Soviet Navy and a SMERSH department of the NKVD were created. The main opponent of SMERSH in its counterintelligence activity was Abwehr, the German military foreign information and counterintelligence department. SMERSH activities also included 'filtering' the soldiers recovered from captivity and the population of the gained territories. It was also used to punish within the NKVD itself; allowed to investigate, arrest and torture, force to sign fake confessions, put on a show trial, and either send to the camps or shoot people. SMERSH would also often be sent out to find and kill defectors, double agents, etc.; also used to maintain military discipline in the Red Army by means of barrier forces, that were supposed to shoot down the Soviet troops in the cases of retreat. SMERSH was also used to hunt down 'enemies of the people' outside Soviet territory.

29 NKVD

People's Committee of Internal Affairs; it took over from the GPU, the state security agency, in 1934.

30 Gulag

The Soviet system of forced labor camps in the remote regions of Siberia and the Far North, which was first established in 1919. However, it was not until the early 1930s that there was a significant number of inmates in the camps. By 1934 the Gulag, or the Main Directorate for Corrective Labor Camps, then under the Cheka's successor organization the NKVD, had several million inmates. The prisoners included murderers, thieves, and other common criminals, along with political and religious dissenters. The Gulag camps made significant contributions to the Soviet economy during the rule of Stalin. Conditions in the camps were extremely harsh. After Stalin died in 1953, the population of the camps was reduced significantly, and conditions for the inmates improved somewhat.

31 GPU

State Political Department, the state security agency of the USSR, that is, its punitive body.

32 Hero of the Soviet Union

Honorary title established on 16th April 1934 with the Gold Star medal instituted on 1st August 1939, by Decree of the Presidium of the USSR Supreme Soviet. Awarded to both military and civilian personnel for personal or collective deeds of heroism rendered to the USSR or socialist society.

33 Order of the Great Patriotic War

1st Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for skillful command of their units in action. 2nd Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for lesser personal valor in action.

34 Medal for the Defense of Stalingrad

established by the decree of the Presidium of Supreme Soviet of the USSR as of 22nd December 1942. 750,000 people were conferred with that medal.

35 Rokossovskiy, Konstantin Konstantinovich (1896-1968)

Marshal of the Soviet Union (1944), Hero of the Soviet Union (twice in 1944, 1945). Born into the family of a railroad man in Velikiye Luki. In October 1917 he joined the Red Army. During the Great Patriotic War he was Army Commander in the Moscow battle, commander of the Bryansk and Don fronts (Stalingrad battle), Central, Belarussian, 1st and 2nd Belarussian fronts (Vistula\Oder and Berlin operations). From 1945-49 chief commander of the northern group of armed forces. From 1949-56 Minister of National Defense and deputy chairman of the Council of Ministers of the PRP. From 1956-57 and 1958-62 Deputy Minister of Defense of the USSR.

36 Victory Day in Russia (9th May)

National holiday to commemorate the defeat of Nazi Germany and the end of World War II and honor the Soviets who died in the war.

37 Campaign against 'cosmopolitans'

The campaign against 'cosmopolitans', i.e. Jews, was initiated in articles in the central organs of the Communist Party in 1949. The campaign was directed primarily at the Jewish intelligentsia and it was the first public attack on Soviet Jews as Jews. 'Cosmopolitans' writers were accused of hating the Russian people, of supporting Zionism, etc. Many Yiddish writers as well as the leaders of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee were arrested in November 1948 on charges that they maintained ties with Zionism and with American 'imperialism'. They were executed secretly in 1952. The anti-Semitic Doctors' Plot was launched in January 1953. A wave of anti-Semitism spread through the USSR. Jews were removed from their positions, and rumors of an imminent mass deportation of Jews to the eastern part of the USSR began to spread. Stalin's death in March 1953 put an end to the campaign against 'cosmopolitans'.

38 Odessa

The Jewish community of Odessa was the second biggest Jewish community in Russia. According to the census of 1897 there were 138,935 Jews in Odessa, which was 34,41% of the local population. There were 7 big synagogues and 49 prayer houses in Odessa. There were heders in 19 prayer houses.

39 Kolkhoz

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

40 Doctors' Plot

The Doctors' Plot was an alleged conspiracy of a group of Moscow doctors to murder leading government and party officials. In January 1953, the Soviet press reported that nine doctors, six of whom were Jewish, had been arrested and confessed their guilt. As Stalin died in March 1953, the trial never took place. The official paper of the Party, the Pravda, later announced that the charges against the doctors were false and their confessions obtained by torture. This case was one of the worst anti-Semitic incidents during Stalin's reign. In his secret speech at the Twentieth Party Congress in 1956 Khrushchev stated that Stalin wanted to use the Plot to purge the top Soviet leadership.

41 Twentieth Party Congress

At the Twentieth Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union in 1956 Khrushchev publicly debunked the cult of Stalin and lifted the veil of secrecy from what had happened in the USSR during Stalin's leadership.

42 Khrushchev, Nikita (1894-1971)

Soviet communist leader. After Stalin's death in 1953, he became first secretary of the Central Committee, in effect the head of the Communist Party of the USSR. In 1956, during the 20th Party Congress, Khrushchev took an unprecedented step and denounced Stalin and his methods. He was deposed as premier and party head in October 1964. In 1966 he was dropped from the Party's Central Committee.

43 Soviet Army Day

The Russian imperial army and navy disintegrated after the outbreak of the Revolution of 1917, so the Council of the People's Commissars created the Workers' and Peasants' Red Army on a voluntary basis. The first units distinguished themselves against the Germans on February 23, 1918. This day became the 'Day of the Soviet Army' and is nowadays celebrated as 'Army Day'.

44 Gorbachev, Mikhail (1931- )

Soviet political leader. Gorbachev joined the Communist Party in 1952 and gradually moved up in the party hierarchy. In 1970 he was elected to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, where he remained until 1990. In 1980 he joined the politburo, and in 1985 he was appointed general secretary of the party. In 1986 he embarked on a comprehensive program of political, economic, and social liberalization under the slogans of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring). The government released political prisoners, allowed increased emigration, attacked corruption, and encouraged the critical reexamination of Soviet history. The Congress of People's Deputies, founded in 1989, voted to end the Communist Party's control over the government and elected Gorbachev executive president. Gorbachev dissolved the Communist Party and granted the Baltic states independence. Following the establishment of the Commonwealth of Independent States in 1991, he resigned as president. Since 1992, Gorbachev has headed international organizations.

45 Perestroika (Russian for restructuring)

Soviet economic and social policy of the late 1980s, associated with the name of Soviet politician Mikhail Gorbachev. The term designated the attempts to transform the stagnant, inefficient command economy of the Soviet Union into a decentralized, market-oriented economy. Industrial managers and local government and party officials were granted greater autonomy, and open elections were introduced in an attempt to democratize the Communist Party organization. By 1991, perestroika was declining and was soon eclipsed by the dissolution of the USSR.

16 1991 Moscow coup d'etat

Starting spontaniously on the streets of Moscow, its leaders went public on 19th August. TASS (Soviet Telegraphical Agency) made an announcement that Gorbachev had been relieved of his duties for health reasons. His powers were assumed by Vice President Gennady Yanayev. A State Committee on the State of Emergency (GKChP) was established, led by eight officials, including KGB head Vladimir Kryuchkov, Soviet Prime Minister Valentin Pavlov, and Defense Minister Dmitry Yazov. Seizing on President Mikhail Gorbachev's summer absence from the capital, eight of the Soviet leader's most trusted ministers attempted to take control of the government. Within three days, the poorly planned coup collapsed and Gorbachev returned to the Kremlin. But an era had abruptly ended. The Soviet Union, which the coup plotters had desperately tried to save, was dead.

47 Hesed

Meaning care and mercy in Hebrew, Hesed stands for the charity organization founded by Amos Avgar in the early 20th century. Supported by Claims Conference and Joint Hesed helps for Jews in need to have a decent life despite hard economic conditions and encourages development of their self-identity. Hesed provides a number of services aimed at supporting the needs of all, and particularly elderly members of the society. The major social services include: work in the center facilities (information, advertisement of the center activities, foreign ties and free lease of medical equipment); services at homes (care and help at home, food products delivery, delivery of hot meals, minor repairs); work in the community (clubs, meals together, day-time polyclinic, medical and legal consultations); service for volunteers (training programs). The Hesed centers have inspired a real revolution in the Jewish life in the FSU countries. People have seen and sensed the rebirth of the Jewish traditions of humanism. Currently over eighty Hesed centers exist in the FSU countries. Their activities cover the Jewish population of over eight hundred settlements.

Henrich Kurizkes

Henrich Kurizkes
Tallinn
Estonia
Interviewer: Ella Levitskaya
Date of interview: June 2005

I took this interview with Henrich Kurizkes at his home. The Kurizkes family live in a nice nine storey apartment building in a new district of Tallinn. They have a two-room apartment. There are lots of books and pot plants in his apartment. Henrich and his wife Miriam live in this apartment. Their daughter and her family live in Vilnius and their son lives in Israel. Henrich is a man of average height, with a military bearing. He has a short haircut, dark and gray hair and bright dark eyes. Henrich is a great communicator. He and his wife Miriam, a charming miniature lady with short gray hair and amazing bright brown eyes, are very close and seem to understand each other without words. They are very hospitable and friendly and I had a feeling of having known them for a long time. They gave me a pot maple tree and looking at it brings back the memory of these wonderfully nice people.

Family background
Growing up
During the War
After the War
Glossary

Family background

My father's family lived in Narva [200 kilometers east of Tallinn], a town in Estonia. Narva is on the border with Russia and the majority of its residents spoke Russian. In my father's family they spoke Yiddish and Russian.

My paternal grandfather's common name 1 was Yefim Kurizkes. Of course, he had a Jewish name as well. I think it was Haim. My grandmother's name was Miriam, but I don't know her maiden name. They were both born in Estonia, but I don't know where exactly. I know very little about my grandfather, while I knew my grandmother quite well.

I don't have any information about what my grandfather did for living. As for my grandmother, she had her own business selling paper that she purchased somewhere in Russia. My grandmother made tours of offices and shops offering her commodity and receiving orders. Her assistant delivered paper on a cart. Of course, one couldn't become rich from this business, but my grandmother provided quite well for the family.

My father's parents had three children. The oldest girl's name was Raya, my father Lazar, born in 1894, came next, and the youngest was his sister Rosa.

My father's parents were not Orthodox Jews, but they observed all Jewish traditions in the family. In those times it was impossible to imagine a Jewish family that didn't celebrate the Sabbath or Jewish holidays and didn't raise their children as Jews. My grandfather and grandmother went to the synagogue on the Sabbath and Jewish holidays.

I don't know what kind of education my father's sisters received. My father moved to Vilnius, where some distant relatives lived, after finishing a Russian general education school. He entered the Faculty of Pharmacology of Vilnius University. There was a Jewish quota 2 in Russian higher educational institutions at the time. It constituted 5 percent of the total number of students. My father was lucky to get into this 5 percent quota. During his studies he lived with his relatives. I don't know anything about the time when my father was a student.

Upon graduation my father returned to Narva, where he couldn't find a job. My father moved to Tallinn, but there was no job in his specialty there either. There were no vacancies in bigger pharmacies, and my father couldn't afford to start his own pharmacy. He lost any hope of finding a job in his specialty and went to work as a shipment forwarder for a few factories. He delivered their products to many stores in Estonia on a car.

My father's sisters got married. Raya's husband's surname was Mogilkin. Rosa's husband came from the wealthy Jewish family of the Klompuses. Of course, Raya and Rosa had Jewish husbands; it couldn't have been otherwise at the time. They both had traditional Jewish weddings. Both sisters' husbands came from Tartu and they moved there to live with their husbands. My father's older sister Raya had a daughter named Genia and a son named Boris. Rosa had a son called Anatoliy.

During World War II Raya and her family were evacuated. After the war they returned to Tartu. Raya died in the 1970s and her daughter died in the late 1990s. They were buried in the Jewish cemetery in Tartu. Raya's son, Boris is still alive. He's a doctor, and lives in Tver [Russia, 400 kilometers from Moscow]; his surname is Mogilevskiy. I'll tell the story of my father's sister Rosa later.

After my father moved to Tallinn and his sisters got married, my grandfather and grandmother moved to live with my father in Tallinn. My grandfather died in Tallinn in 1920. He was buried following the Jewish tradition in the Jewish cemetery in Tallinn. After my grandfather died my grandmother lived in Tartu, in her daughter Raya's home. My grandmother died in the late 1930s. She was also buried following the Jewish tradition in the Jewish cemetery in Tartu.

My mother's family lived in Tallinn. My maternal grandfather's name was Yankl Schulkleper and my grandmother's name was Hana. I don't know where and when my grandfather or grandmother were born, but their children were born in Tallinn. The oldest in the family was my mother's older brother Marcus Schulkleper. He was called Max in the family. The second son was Abram and then came Iosif and David. Then my mother's sister Polina was born. My mother Revekka, born in 1896, was the last child in the family.

My maternal grandfather and his family rented the upper floor in a private two storey building owned by the Shumann Jewish family. I knew this family well. Doctor Moishe Shumann was our family doctor. His two single sisters lived with him.

My mother's family was religious like all Jewish families. They observed Jewish traditions, celebrated the Sabbath and Jewish holidays. Of course, all of my mother's brothers had had a bar mitzvah. On holidays my grandmother, grandfather and their children went to the synagogue. They spoke Yiddish and all the members of the family were fluent in German and Russian.

I don't know where my grandfather worked. He died long before I was born. Unfortunately, I don't remember my grandmother. She died in 1926, when I was one and a half. They were both buried in the Jewish cemetery in Tallinn.

My mother's brothers and sister had a secular education. My mother graduated from a Russian high school in Tallinn. I don't know why my mother's parents chose this Russian high school. It was an eleven-year course. It provided a good and solid knowledge of the subjects the children studied. My mama spoke fluent German and could read in French.

My mother's oldest brother Marcus married Tauba, a Jewish girl. They had two daughters: Debora, born in 1909, and Mirah, born in 1915. Marcus was engaged in commerce and his wife was a housewife. Marcus' brother Iosif also worked with him. Iosif was married; his wife's name was Genia. Their daughter Sterna was born in the late 1910s.

Abram owned a fabric store. Somehow Abram went bankrupt in the late 1920s. It must have been a hard blow for him and he died in the early 1930s. Abram's wife's name was Ester; his daughter's name was Sara. During World War II, Ester and Sara were evacuated, then they came to Tallinn. Ester died in Tallinn in the 1960s.

I didn't know my mother's younger brother David. He died before I was born. My mother's sister Polina married Vigura, a Polish man, and they moved to Katowice in Poland.

My parents got married after my father moved to Tallinn. They got acquainted at a party and got married in 1922. They had a traditional Jewish wedding. All local Jews had traditional weddings. Wealthy or poor, there was a chuppah and a ketubbah issued by a local synagogue. Religion was an integral part of the life of Jewish families at the time.

There was a large Jewish community in Tallinn. There were many wealthy Jews, big businessmen and store owners. They contributed significant amounts of money to charity. There were Jewish craftsmen: tinsmiths, barbers and tailors. There were many Jewish lawyers, doctors and teachers. When Estonia gained independence 3, and the first Estonian Republic 4 was established, the higher educational institutions canceled the Jewish quota and Jews got greater access to higher education.

The Jewish community was very proud of the Tallinn synagogue 5. Built at the end of the 19th century, it was very beautiful.

There was no Jewish neighborhood or Jewish street in Tallinn. Jewish houses were scattered all across the town. There were wealthier houses in the central part of the city where land was more expensive, and the poorer settled down in the suburbs.

Jews faced no anti-Semitism in Estonia. In 1926 the Jewish Cultural Autonomy 6, giving more extensive rights to Jews, was established. There were various Jewish organizations in Tallinn, including the Women's Zionist Organization, WIZO 7, children's and young people's organizations, such as Betar 8 and Hashomer Hatzoir 9, the Maccabi sport club 10 and others. Jews enjoyed many freedoms.

Growing up

After getting married, my parents rented an apartment in the house owned by Sweetgauer, a Jewish man. My father worked and my mother was a housewife. I was born in 1924, and I was the only child in the family. Shortly after I was born my parents moved to Raua Street, near where their parents lived. We lived there until the town authorities decided to build a fire station on that site. The house was to be removed, and my parents rented an apartment nearby. We lived in this apartment until the very start of the Great Patriotic War 11.

We spoke Yiddish and Russian at home. My parents mostly spoke Russian to me, but it took me no time to pick up some Yiddish. Children are good at languages.

The Tallinn Jewish gymnasium 12 was located not far from our home and my father wanted me to study in this school. However, I fell very ill when I was six. I had an inflammation of the ear which led to complications with a blood infection. There were no antibiotics at the time, but the doctors managed to cure me. Having spent a while in the hospital, I couldn't attend the Jewish kindergarten where children studied the basics of Hebrew.

The director of the school refused to admit me to the Hebrew class without my knowing Hebrew. He suggested that I went to the Yiddish class. I knew Yiddish well, but my father was against it. Maybe the Yiddish class, in my father's opinion, was associated with Yiddishists 13, and he quite disapproved of them. So I went to the private Russian school.

When I was in 2nd grade, my mother went to work as an accountant in an office. After I studied for four years in the Russian school, Estonian authorities issued an order directing all non-Estonian children to study either in their own language, or in an Estonian school. So I had to quit my Russian school and my parents sent me to a private English college. It was expensive, but they wanted to give me a good education.

This was actually an Estonian school with advanced study of the English language. We also studied German. Boys and girls studied together. Some of my former classmates also came to this college. They were children of wealthy parents. Some of the girls, also my former classmates, went to a private Estonian school for girls. I kept seeing my friends even after we went to different schools.

We wore uniforms at school: grey suits and light colored shirts. They were made by individual orders. There were no poor children in our college. There were also many Jewish children in college. We never faced any anti- Semitic demonstrations from our Estonian schoolmates. Jewish children were well respected at school. Our tutor always told Jewish children about the forthcoming Jewish holiday and we were allowed to stay away from school on this day.

All of my school friends were Jewish. Of course, some of my friends were Estonian. We used to play football with Estonian boys, our neighbors. However, we never visited them at home. My real close friends were Jewish. I don't know how it happened to be this way. All I can say is that my parents never put any pressure on me in this respect. This was my choice. This was the way it happened to be.

My parents were moderately religious. Of course, all Jewish traditions were well observed in our household. Mama followed kashrut. She only bought meat from a Jewish butcher. She also bought hens at the market to take them to the shochet. The shochet worked near the synagogue. Mama took care of the housework even when she went to work.

My father didn't follow the requirement to do no work on the Sabbath. Saturday was another working day for him. However, we followed all the rules on Jewish holidays. Mama kept special dishes for Pesach. They were only used once a year, on Pesach. Also, when these special dishes were not enough, our everyday utensils were koshered in a rather complicated way, so that they could be used on Pesach as well. I remember that they had to be soaked in water for at least a week. [Editor's note: only certain dishes and utensils can be koshered, and this is done in different ways, depending on the material. However, there is no tradition of soaking dishes for a week in order to kosher them]

There was a sweet shop in our street. It was owned by Genovker. There was a cookie shop, which was thoroughly cleaned before Pesach to be used for making matzah. My father's acquaintance Yitzhak supervised the process of matzah making. I remember him showing me how a thoroughly rolled piece of dough was put in an electric stove, and the baked matzah came out the other end. Then this matzah was sold at the synagogue and my parents always bought a lot to have sufficient matzah for the holiday. There was no bread at home at this period, and we only ate matzah.

There was a tradition to have two seder evenings on Pesach: one on the first and another one on the second day of the holiday. We always visited my mother's older brother Marcus on these seder nights. He had a big apartment. My mother's brothers all got together with their wives and children. We sat at a big table and Marcus conducted the seder according to all the rules.

My parents fasted on Yom Kippur. The children could have food, but adults strictly followed the rules. [Editor's note: children under the age of 12 for girls and 13 for boys are not required to fast.] My father was a heavy smoker, but on Yom Kippur he didn't even approach his cigarettes for a whole day and night.

My parents had their seats at the synagogue. My father bought nice seats for himself and mama. My father didn't know Hebrew. He had a thick prayer book in Yiddish and German. On Yom Kippur, my friends and I went to the synagogue with our fathers. I was standing beside my father on the ground floor while mama and the other women were on the upper tier.

Later we, the kids, left the synagogue and headed to somebody's home. The households were wealthy and there were cooks in the families, and we were always greeted by a cook: 'Hey, kids, come on over! You must be starving!' and they treated us to all kinds of delicious food. We also celebrated Rosh Hashanah, Chanukkah and Purim following all Jewish traditions.

As for the holidays organized by the Jewish community in Tallinn, I only remember Simchat Torah. The community arranged a celebration at the synagogue. The children wore carnival costumes and had little torches. We danced and sang and ran. There were also some treats and it was a lot of fun. There were also concerts and performances at the Jewish school on Jewish holidays. Of course, we attended them. All Jewish children knew each other. Tallinn wasn't that big: there were 120,000 residents in the town before the war and about 5,000 were Jews.

I was a member of the Jewish organization for young people, Hashomer Hatzair: 'The Young Watchman.' We had meetings every week. We were told about the history of the Jewish people, and we also had quizzes, tests and various games. We always had a good time there. Besides, from 1937, every Saturday night, all Jewish children who didn't go to the Jewish school, visited Doctor Aba Gomer 14, the Rabbi of Tallinn, and he taught us Jewish history and traditions. Aba Gomer was a Doctor of Philosophy, a very intelligent and interesting man. I enjoyed those Saturday nights with Doctor Gomer much. He spoke to us for an hour and then the rebbetzin, his wife, treated us to tea and cakes.

I was to turn 13 in 1937. Don Shatz, my father's good friend and a very religious man, who went to the synagogue twice a day, started preparing me for my bar mitzvah. I had classes with him at his home every day. I learned a piece from the Torah, but I had to chant it when I had no voice or ear for singing. So I was allowed to recite it. I would say, I had a bar mitzvah and a concert that day. Misha Alexandrovich, a wonderful singer and cantor, conducted the service at the synagogue. He had studied singing in Austria and the cantor of Riga paid for his studies. In the evening we had a celebration for my bar mitzvah. Our apartment was small so we got together at my uncle Iosif's home. He lived in a big apartment near the central park in Tallinn.

When Hitler came to power in Germany in 1933 15, the local Germans that were numerous in Estonia increased their activities. Almost all Germans in Estonia were wealthy people. There were schools for German people. They didn't mix with other nationalities. When Estonian Jews heard about the persecution of Jewish people in Germany and that Jewish residents were chased away from their homes and sent to concentration camps, they were deeply concerned. This started the movement of passive protest. Jews stopped buying German food products or clothes and didn't go to German movies. In 1939, when Soviet military bases were established in Estonia 16, Hitler appealed to all Germans to move to their Motherland and many Estonian Germans left the country.

In 1939 German forces invaded Poland 17. We obtained information about the military operations from the Finnish, German and English radio programs. There were the 'lightning' bulletins displayed in shop windows with information about the military progression. This short-term war brought grief into our family. Germans killed my mother's older sister Polina Vigura, amongst other Jews in Katovice. I know no details of this tragedy.

Soon the Soviet army liberated Poland. After he failed to invade Poland, Hitler decided to share it with Stalin. According to the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact 18, the Baltic territory was under the influence of the USSR. We had no information about this pact at the time. We only heard about it after World War II. Upon execution of this pact, Estonia remained independent for about half a year, though the Soviet army invaded Estonia in 1939; but the explanation was that due to aggravation of the military situation in the world, the Soviet forces were to be based in Estonia to secure its border. The Soviet forces constituted 25,000 military, while the Estonian army amounted to 15,000 soldiers and officers.

I remember well the events of 1940, before Estonia was annexed to the USSR 19. The Soviet army openly entered Estonia. They expected no resistance. In towns, the Soviet military installed stages where Soviet ensembles performed dancing and singing. However, they were not allowed to communicate with the locals. The communists, who were working underground in Estonia, organized a rally of workers in Tallinn. This was a time of economic crisis and unemployment in Estonia. Unemployment is always bad for people. One could go to any extreme fearing losing one's job. I remember how my parents feared to receive a notice of dismissal from work each time they went to receive their wages.

My friends and I went to watch the rally. The workers were carrying the slogan 'We want bread and work!' They went to the government headquarters demanding resignation of the government with the President of Estonia at its head. On both sides their rows were demonstratively guarded by Soviet armored cars and tanks. When they came to the government building, carrying posters and chanting slogans, it was announced that the government had resigned. The new government was appointed and shortly afterward the State Duma was dismissed and elections to the Supreme Soviet 20 were conducted. The Estonian army was dismissed. All political parties were forbidden, except for the communist party, which became legal.

Then the new government announced the Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic and appealed to the Soviet government with the request to annex Estonia to the USSR. On 6th August 1940 Estonia was annexed to the USSR. The majority of residents had a negative attitude to this fact, but there was too much fear to openly protest.

The Soviet power established in Estonia dropped an iron curtain 21 around Estonia. It actually existed in the USSR from the moment of its appearance. Boats and planes to Finland were canceled. It was not allowed to communicate with relatives living in other countries 22. However natural it might have been for Soviet residents, we found it strange. Struggle against religion 23 began. Religious classes at schools were canceled and we were not allowed to celebrate religious holidays.

Nationalization of banks and commercial and industrial enterprises began. There were commissars 24 appointed to each enterprise. The commissars, who were from the Soviet military, went to stores and factories, took keys and documents from their owners and dismissed them. There was no reimbursement offered to owners. They were just informed that from then on his or her property belonged to people, and that they needed no assistance in accounting the commodities. Some workers and other employees were allowed to keep their jobs. The result was that some Estonian residents were for and others were against the Soviet power.

My parents had a rather loyal attitude toward the Soviet power. They had no property and had not lost anything. They kept their jobs and were no longer afraid of losing their jobs. They received the same salary for their work while all prices dropped significantly after Soviet power was established. So we could afford a lot more and there were many new food products supplied to stores; for example, concentrated milk in tins, tinned crab meat and Georgian wine. So our life improved with Soviet power. However, my parents were skeptical about the very idea of communism. They thought it was nothing more than utopia, and that the idea would never be implemented.

My college was closed in 1940. I had finished nine grades by then. All schoolchildren went to the secondary school located in the building of the gymnasium. My other Jewish friend and I didn't want to go to this school. We went to the former private Russian school, which was also turned into a state-run school. We could speak and read Russian, but we knew no grammar and couldn't write in Russian. My friend's father taught us during the summer and we happened to be well-prepared for school. In June 1941 we finished 10th grade. We were to study one more year.

During the War

14th June 1941 is a memorial date for all Estonian residents. At night the Soviet authorities deported Estonians 25. The lists for deportation were ready before night. They included the wealthier Estonian, Jewish and Russian residents. Soviet authorities had access to all banking documents and had no problems finding the wealthier residents. Estonian communists also took part in generating the lists and I suspect many people were included in the lists for personal dislikes or jealousy. There were also some suspected of a disloyal attitude to the Soviet power, political activists of the pre-Soviet epoch, wealthy farmers and also those whose residence seemed attractive to the newcomers on these lists.

A truck with NKVD 26 soldiers drove to a house, people were given limited time to get packed and that was it. Trains waited at the railway station. Men were separated from their families. They were sent to the Gulag 27, and members of their families were moved to Siberia. In total about ten thousand people were deported on 14th June. This was quite a significant number, particularly considering that the total population in Estonia accounted to one million people.

My mother's younger sister Rosa, whose marital surname was Klompus, was also on those lists. The Klompus family was probably one of the wealthiest families in Tartu. My aunt's husband's father owned a whole neighborhood of apartment buildings and also had some other property. In his will he assigned his property to Wolf, my aunt's husband. He said that his other sons would either drink or gamble it away. So, in the end only Wolf, Rosa and their son Anatoliy were deported.

Wolf was in a camp, and Rosa and her son ended up in a remote village in the Tomsk region. The nearest railway station was a day's sailing along the river. Wolf was rehabilitated in the 1950s 28. He returned to Estonia and settled down in Piarnu. He was an economist and got a job and received an apartment. When Anatoliy finished school in exile, my parents wanted him to come and stay with us, but he entered a college in Tomsk and stayed there. He and Rosa moved to Piarnu after he finished his studies. Rosa developed a heart disease after all her sufferings, and died a few years later. Her heart failed her. Anatoliy was also a sickly person. The exile and lack of food when he was a child affected him.

After Rosa died her husband lived with Anatoliy. Anatoliy got married and had a daughter. We visited them occasionally. After Anatoliy became a pensioner he moved to Tallinn. His daughter and her family moved to Boston, USA, in the 1980s. In the 1990s, when Estonia was already independent, the Klompus family's property in Tartu was returned to them. Anatoliy went to visit his daughter and the following day he died suddenly from heart failure. The Boston Jewish community buried him according to Jewish traditions.

I went to work as a pioneer leader 29 in a pioneer camp during the summer. The camp was located about 15 kilometers from Tallinn. I was to start on 15th June. We had just settled down, when on Sunday night of 22nd June 1941 we heard the roar of the artillery cannonade. It never occurred to us that it was a war. We thought it was another military training exercise. Then at noon, on 22nd June, we heard the Molotov 30 speech on the radio, and he said that Hitler's armies had attacked the USSR.

We returned to Tallinn where evacuation began and my parents decided to evacuate. Thank God, they didn't delay. Many Estonian and Jewish people didn't fear Germans as much as they did the Soviet power after the tragic deportation experience. This day played another tragic part in the life of Estonian Jews. Even before the German occupation, Estonians began to destroy the Jewish people. Estonia was one of the first European countries to report to Hitler that its territory was free, judenfrei, 31 from Jews. Hatred toward the Soviet power was so strong that it out-weighed all historical dislike of Germans by Estonians. The Germans were seen as liberators and rescuers, and Estonians were ready to fulfill all of their orders.

There were hardly any Jewish survivors in Estonia after the war. Even those who had been deported to Siberia had more of a chance of survival than those who refused to leave their homes. People thought that they would wear yellow stars, if the Germans wanted them to, and speak German and go along with the Germans. They all perished, but it wasn't until after the war that we heard about the Klooga concentration camp 32, mass shootings of Jews and other horrors.

Meanwhile my mother and father packed some belongings and we headed to the railway station. My father worked in the military supply store [department responsible for food and commodity supplies to military units and organizations of the town], and was to take care of transportation of its stock. My parents decided to go on separately rather than wait for one another.

Evacuation was organized from the very start of the war. There were freight trains at the freight station in Tallinn that moved on when they were full. We evacuated on 3rd July 1941. After our train crossed the bridge over the Narva River, the bridge was destroyed. We were told that all Estonians were to be evacuated to Ulianovsk where the government of Estonia had been evacuated 33. We traveled for about three weeks. We had some food and clothes with us. We were lucky since some business organizations were traveling on our train and we could buy everything we needed from them: cookies, butter, tinned meat and fish. So we had sufficient food on the train.

We reached Yelanskaya station between Sverdlovsk and Cheliabinsk. The station was ready to receive people. Horse-drawn wagons from nearby kolkhozes 34 were waiting at the station. We were taken to the local school to be distributed to kolkhozes. We were sent to a kolkhoz 30 kilometers from the district town of Dolmatovo in Kirov region, about 1000 kilometers north-west of Moscow.

Mama and I went to work in the kolkhoz. It was August and I was to go to school in September and we returned to Dolmatovo. Mama went to work as an accountant in the kolkhoz supplying cabbage, carrots and potatoes to the pipe factory in Kamenets-Uralskiy. During the war this factory manufactured cannon guns. We rented a room in a wooden hut. There were two rooms with a Russian stove 35 between them in this hut. There was no door, the rooms were separated by a curtain of some kind.

My father found us there. He had been evacuated to Stalingrad with his store stocks. There he met some acquaintances from Tallinn who corresponded with their relatives, and my father found us through them. My father stayed with us and went to work as an electrician at the power plant in Dolmatovo. He also worked as an electrician at the military school located in an old monastery building.

Our first winter was very hard for us. We had no warm clothes with us. We had been told that the war wasn't going to last longer than one or two months, and that we didn't need many clothes. I had a pair of light boots that I wore through that severe winter in the Ural. We also didn't have sufficient food. It was good that we were given lunches at school and had bread cards from the card system 36, though bread was not provided each day. In spring our landlords gave us a plot of land and we planted potatoes to have them through the winter.

I was in the 10th grade at school. Most of my classmates were evacuated from Moscow, mainly they were children of politicians and about half of them were Jews. I did well at school. I even did better than those children from Moscow, which was amazing. In June 1942 I finished 10th grade and received the school certificate.

In the summer I worked in haymaking in the kolkhoz, and in September 1942 I was recruited to the army. My father was recruited a year later, but he was sent to the front before me. He was a driver for the medical battalion of the Estonian Corps 37. I was sent to a reserve regiment where we were trained in military operations. The regiment was deployed near Kamyshov in the Ural.

We started making earth huts, cutting wood and carrying it to the construction site. We had wagons, but no horses and we pulled those wagons loaded with logs. We had to pull it uphill and one day some big boss visited the regiment and, seeing us, said that people were not horses and were not supposed to drag wagons. As a result, we had to carry the logs on our shoulders instead.

We had eight hours' training each day. We were trained in shooting, disassembling and stripping weapons, crawl and running. We did our best knowing that perhaps our life was at stake at the front and everything depended on our skills. In fall 1943 we were sent from there to the infantry at the front.

The Estonian Corps was a blessing for us Estonians, since before it was established Stalin was sending all Estonian recruits to the labor army 38, where they starved, froze and worked to death, and their only hope to survive was this Estonian Corps. I think that many of us were lucky to survive serving in the Estonian Corps. We understood each other without words, had a similar mentality and spoke one language.

Our front line life started near Leningrad in siege 39. These were our first battles. When the siege was broken, we went into the city and from there we were to march on. I remember when we were in the city. We saw exhausted and starved women wearing cotton or wool coats, with their heads and faces wrapped in kerchiefs, repairing streetcar tracks, removing brick debris formed by destroyed houses. They were models of courage for us. It was fearful to see piles of dead bodies. It's scary to think about how many people had died during the siege of Leningrad. The suburbs of the city were in ruins. Then we headed to Estonia. We were on our way to liberate our fatherland from the fascists.

In February 1944 the crossing of the Narva began. There were violent battles for the Narva. There were Estonian SS military personnel in the Narva and they had nowhere to retreat. The German commanders convinced them that they were sending assistance soon and they were to hold defense until new forces joined them. And they staged a holdout of this plan. Another desperate thing about these battles was that Estonians fought Estonians, the Estonian Corps of the Soviet army against the Estonian SS division. There were cases when members of one family were on opposite sides. The river was frozen, but the ice was scarlet with blood.

In summer 1944 we managed to destroy the enemy fortifications on the bank of the river. Our battalion took part in these battles, but I would like to emphasize that the main blow was struck by the penal battalion fighting beside us. They were sent into initial attacks, and, frankly speaking, they were just cannon fodder. If it had not been for them our casualties would have been many more. There were few survivors in those penal battalions. They had to fight in penal battalions until 'first blood,' until their first wound, and after the hospital they were assigned to common military units.

One can speak a lot about hardships at the front. We continuously moved from one location to another fighting on a beachhead for one or two weeks before moving to new positions. To begin with, we dug trenches. It's impossible to count how many we had dug. Of all tools we only had entrenching shovels. We started with digging a hole to hide the body before deepening it to the size fitting the height of the body. Then we dug a passage to the nearest neighbor and then it became easier to work. Then, when this trench was completed we were ordered to move to another location and then started all over again.

We slept in the open air for the most part. It was fine in summer, when one could fall asleep on the grass, but winter was worse. We slept in twos on one ground sheet and one top coat and used another ground sheet and top coat to sleep under them. We used our back packs as a pillow and gripped our machine guns so that nobody could take them away. When we woke up three hours later, we were covered with a heavy layer of snow.

There was artillery preparation before each battle. By the end of the war we had sufficient artillery units. At the very start of my experience at the front we had 45mm anti-tank cannon guns called 'Farewell, Motherland!' It took three men to roll it onto an open space. They shot tanks point blank. However, the tanks didn't wait to be shot at. Very often these three soldiers were killed immediately. Later we got antitank rifles and rocket missiles. Also there were more planes attacking the enemy's positions, followed by artillery preparation and then the infantry attacked shouting 'Hurrah! For the Motherland!'

I remember our first battles. We were to rise to attack and it was scary to get on and march ahead, but we knew that we had to march ahead and had to stop thinking that we might be killed at any moment. Later, with more experience, this fear lessened, but never disappeared. It's impossible to get used to such things. But then we would think about our field kitchen delivering food after a battle, which was quite a comforting thought to enjoy. Of course, there were delays with food supplies, particularly in spring and fall, when roads were impassable. At such times field kitchens had problems catching up with armed forces.

There were many more battles after the Narva. We were marching across the territory of Estonia, from the south of Estonia via Tallinn heading to the islands. The Germans must have envisaged that the end was approaching and were hurriedly running away from Estonia.

I remember the battle for Saaremaa Island, which was a strategic point, and our regiment was to capture it. I was in Battalion 3. Battalion 1 was the first one to be sent to the island. It consisted of the marines of the Baltic Fleet on marine boats. These boats were the first to attack. They were to land on the beachhead and later we were to join them there. This landing ended tragically. The boats delivered them to the shallow water and they thought it was the sandbank, but it was followed by deep water and they all drowned.

It happened this way. The night battle on Saaremaa was frightful. We reached our positions. It was pitch dark and we bumped into the Germans heading to their boats. Our attack was quite unexpected for them. This was my first face to face fighting. Of course, we had fought before, but we never knew who killed whom or how many people each of us killed. The main goal was to move ahead and destroy the enemy. Nobody cared whether the enemy was killed by a cannon shell or one's bullet. There were no emotions. It was like a shooting range, while there we were close to the enemy and besides, we had to fight in this inky darkness.

We didn't know Germans before we grabbed them. They had longer hair, whereas we had very short haircuts. We grabbed someone by his head and if we felt the longer hair we knew it must be a German soldier. We fought with whatever was at hand: bayonets, knives, rifle and machine gun butt stocks. I didn't have a feeling that I was killing human beings. There was some animal feeling of self-protection: you were fighting for yourself and for your life. There were no other emotions.

In early 1945 I was sent on a course for junior command staff. After finishing this training I was awarded the rank of junior lieutenant. When we were sent to Kurland I had a platoon under my command. The final combat actions in Kurland were the most violent. Our command was in a hurry to wrest the ground from the enemy and finish the war, while German forces were holding the lines and fighting desperately, supporting some of their units to give them a chance to evacuate.

We were moving ahead very slowly: fighting, shooting, wresting the ground from the enemy, advancing 50-100 meters and stopping again. The location was unfavorable and there was no shelter: grassy clearing, then a spot of wood and then an open clearing again. Even the wounded had to wait for rescue until night and they had to stay there bleeding, if they happened to have been wounded on an open grass clearing.

My close school friend was fighting in the neighboring regiment. During an attack he was wounded in his leg and had to stay in a swamp all day long. There was no way to pull him out. At night he was taken out and sent to the medical battalion and later he was sent to hospital. He was developing gangrene, and the hospital could offer no cure. He had his leg amputated beneath his knee to stop the gangrene.

We fought in Kurland, when we had some period of inactivity. Actually through April 1945 we were only engaged in training. We made earth huts and were having a rest. We knew the war was coming to an end. In early May, Estonian General Lieutenant Lembit Piarn, Corps Commander, visited us. He came from the family of Caucasian Estonians. These families moved to Georgia in the 19th century looking for a better life. We lined up and Piarn told us that in a few days we would receive a signal to begin combat action and we were to prepare ourselves to advance 7 kilometers within one and a half hours and wrest the ground from the enemy.

We started preparations and training in aimed shooting on the run and running. Then, on 8th May 1945 in the late afternoon, we were ordered to start the combat action. We started moving to our positions. The tanks were moving along the road and the infantry was following them. It was still light, when all of a sudden the tank column stopped and I saw a Willis car approaching us from the German front line. It stopped and a general came out. He approached the tanks and pronounced loudly: 'That's it, comrades! The war is over!' Later I heard that this was General Panyushkin. He had already visited the Germans and they had signaled their surrender.

It's hard to describe what it was like! We had night tracer bullets: a bullet flies and there is light behind it to see its direction. Everybody started shooting in the air and the sky was flashing. The tank corps commander asked the general's permission to remove the blackout from the tanks. The tanks had their lights closed with screens, but there was a small peephole left for the tank soldiers to manage their tanks since there were no night viewers available at that time. The general granted his permission and it became as light in the forest as during the day.

We were ordered to stay overnight in the forest. The field kitchen arrived shortly afterwards, so we ate and for the first time in a long time we were given 100 milliliters of vodka for dinner. We rested the following day, and there were Germans marching past us into captivity. They had no weapons and we were watching them. Then we were ordered to check that there were no Germans left in this 7 kilometer area that we were supposed to fight through the day before. What we saw was hair raising. Pine trees had been cut to knee height; their trunks with the branches were placed on the tree stumps. It was impossible to crawl underneath. There were German trenches with machine guns on them behind these pine trees. Even machine gun sites were covered with sand, such was the German accuracy. They had even had shooting practice on fixed ranges in advance, and our intelligence units failed to identify them. If we had had to fight, there would have been no survivors.

Throughout the duration of my fighting at the front I was wounded just once. It was a minor injury in my leg, the bone was not injured. I was sent to hospital and then returned to my unit.

We were not spoiled by awards in our Estonian Corps. I don't know why, but we didn't receive awards as often as they did in other units. I had two awards: Medal for Military Merits 40 and an Order for the Great Patriotic War 41 2nd Grade. Later, after the war, I received awards dedicated to the Victory and Soviet army anniversaries.

There were commissars, political officers, in the Estonia Corps and in other units in the Soviet army. They conducted political training and engaged themselves in all proceedings. Of course, there were also SMERSH 42 officers, both Estonian and Russian ones. They were involved in hiring informers among us. We even knew some of these informers. A few of our soldiers were transferred to SMERSH and they were even awarded officers' ranks. I was lucky in this respect: they never tried to involve me.

SMERSH representatives were continuously mixing with the staff of the Estonian Corps, but they usually disappeared before combat actions. They preferred to watch the actions from a distance. We also had a rear unit in the Corps. They moved behind us and God forbid if a combatant decided to turn back: they were allowed to shoot and kill. Fortunately, there were no such cases in our regiment, though I came to the front at the turning point of the war. We never retreated. We advanced or stayed where we were, but we didn't retreat.

I joined the Party during the war. These were mass events, and officers were required to be party members. Our political officer convinced me to join. He was a very intelligent man. I wasn't eager to join the party, but nor did I mind.

I corresponded with my family throughout the war. It's amazing that the field post office worked without failure. A letter was folded into a triangle, the headquarters stamped it 'Red army free' and letters reached their addresses. Actually, letters took a long time to be delivered, particularly, when the unit relocated. We had no return address, just a military unit number.

The combatants of the Estonian Corps were patriots. We did all we could, even unto death, to liberate Estonia from invaders. Jews of the Estonian Corps also struggled to stop fascists from exterminating Jews. We didn't have any information about the violent extermination of Jews in Estonia, but we knew about the persecution of Jews in Germany and we knew that Hitler wanted to exterminate Jews in Europe. We knew that it was our duty to stop this at whatever price.

After the War 

After the war I was waiting for demobilization. I didn't contemplate my future being with the army. I wanted to enter the Law Faculty at the University and become a lawyer. Our Corps relocated to Estonia and we were deployed in the military quarters in Kloog. However, there were no lodgings for our battalion so we started building houses. We made the frame structure from pine and fur tree trunks, and constructed the walls from wooden lath. Later we relocated to Algvida, in the opposite direction from Tallinn, in the direction of Leningrad. We were staying in the woods, 7 kilometers from the station. We had to make earth huts to stay in.

Demobilization started for older people. I was an officer. I was told I was still young and had to serve in the army. I served in the Estonian Corps until 1949, when reorganization of the army began and the staff was to be reduced. This was also the start of the anti-Semitic campaign in the USSR: the process against cosmopolitans 43, and the murder of Mikhoels 44. After that reprisals in Estonia began. To tell the truth, when this happened there was more mention of the agricultural population. In the villages, the process of dispossession of wealthy farmers, the Kulaks 45 began. Of course, there were wealthier and poorer farmers in Estonia. Agriculture was well developed there; Estonia prospered from the export of butter, eggs and bacon. Denmark purchased butter and bacon was sold to England. Farming is hard work and all members of a farmer's family joined in this hard work. The Soviet power expropriated land from these people and granted it to the poor; rich country families were banished to Siberia.

I already knew that I was not going to become a staff officer so I got involved in the army finance division. I had no special education and had to learn this specialty on my own. The state anti-Semitism fed by the struggle against cosmopolitans was strengthening in the USSR and of course, it had its impact on me. In 1950, when the Estonian Corps still existed, they made the place too hot for me. They never tried to hide the fact that the reason for this was that I was a Jew. I requested demobilization, but they sent me to the Human Resources department of the Leningrad regiment, and from there to Tikhvin, in the St. Petersburg region [200 kilometers from St. Petersburg] where I was employed as a financier in the military enlistment office.

My parents returned to Tallinn from evacuation. They received a room to live in. My relatives also returned to their homes. My mother's brother Marcus and his daughters returned to Tallinn. His wife Taube died in evacuation in 1944. Marcus died in Tallinn in 1950. His daughter Debora has been living in Belgium since the 1920s. Then she moved to Israel. She died at the age of 93 in 2002 in Jerusalem. His second daughter Mirah lives in Jerusalem. She has turned 89. My mother's second brother Iosif died in evacuation. His daughter Sterna lived in Tallinn and died there in 2002. She was buried near her grandfather's grave in the Jewish cemetery of Tallinn.

I got married in 1950. I met my wife Miriam Patova when I was on service near Tallinn. We met at a Russian folk brass orchestra concert in the concert hall of Tallinn. A mutual friend introduced me to Miriam. Miriam was studying at school when I started seeing her. After finishing school Miriam went to Leningrad where she entered the Therapeutic Faculty of the Medical College. We corresponded and saw each other when she came home during vacations.

We got married during her winter vacation in 1950. Miriam's mother was severely ill at the time, and we had no wedding party. We registered our marriage and had a simple dinner with our parents in the evening. Only a year later, when Miriam came to Tallinn on winter vacation and I also had a short-term vacation we arranged a wedding party and invited our relatives. I visited Miriam in Leningrad. It was no problem for me to travel from Tikhvin on weekends.

Miriam was born in Tallinn in 1929. Her family lived in Rakvere [a town in northern Estonia, 20 kilometers south of the Gulf of Finland], but her mother came to Tallinn to give birth to her children. Miriam's father, Beniamin Patov, was born in Ukraine. He happened to come to the Baltic during World War I and then settled down there. Her mother Sheina, whose maiden name was Khazan, came from Riga. Miriam's father was a hat maker, and her mother assisted him in his work.

They had three children. Miriam's older sister Rachil, whose Jewish name was Rokhel-Leya, was born in 1920. The second child was a son, Beines, born in 1923. Miriam was the youngest of the three. The family was religious; they observed all Jewish traditions, celebrated the Sabbath and Jewish holidays. Miriam's brother had his bar mitzvah, when he turned 13, there was a big celebration of the event.

Miriam studied in an Estonian school where she studied German from the 1st grade. She was 12 when her sister moved to Tallinn and her brother followed shortly after. Miriam and her parents stayed in Rakvere. They were evacuated at the beginning of the war and returned to Tallinn after the war. Miriam's parents wanted her to continue her education, which was quite impossible in the small town of Rakvere.

Miriam's older sister Rachil lived in Tallinn, and her brother Beines perished at the very start of the war. He was a driver in Tallinn, and his boss ordered him to drive his car to Leningrad. Miriam's family was on the way to evacuation, when they met Beines in Kingisepp. He was on his way back to Tallinn. They were telling him to go with them, but he refused saying that he had an order to return to Tallinn. German forces were already entering the town when he arrived. Some Estonians captured him and killed him in the jail. Miriam's family obtained the archive documents of his death after the war.

Our daughter Tatiana was born in Leningrad on 9th January 1951. Miriam was a 4th-year student then. The day before the birth Miriam attended her lectures in college. Before our daughter turned one month old, Miriam brought her to Tallinn, stayed at home for a short time and returned to Leningrad. Miriam's mother took care of our daughter till Miriam graduated from college. My wife and I visited our daughter in Tallinn whenever we got a chance.

In 1953 I was relocated to Boxitogorsk, 25 kilometers north of Tikhvin. I relocated to work in a new military enlistment office. I received a nice one-bedroom apartment in a new house. Miriam also got a job in Boxitogorsk where she went to work as a children's doctor in the town hospital. We also took our two and a half year old daughter to live with us.

On 5th March 1953 Stalin died. His name was an icon and Stalin was God for those born in the USSR who grew up with his name. I spent my youth in a different environment and was critical about Stalin's personality. We associated Stalin's name with everything happening in the USSR: cosmopolitan processes, the Doctors' Plot 46 and ever strengthening anti- Semitism. Of course, there was no information available, but we were not blind and we had an inner feeling that these were initiated by Stalin since he couldn't be unawares of whatever was happening.

My wife and I were horrified when Nikita Khrushchev 47 spoke at the 20th Party Congress 48 with the report on the cult of Stalin and his crimes. Only parts of his speech were published, even then there was a ban on information, but what we could read was sufficient for us to feel horrified, though we knew and sensed a lot. We knew it, because so many people were returning from the Gulag telling us what it was like. Of course, it was a shock.

Later we learned that if Stalin had not died, Jews would have been deported to Siberia or farther away. I wouldn't say that this shattered my trust in the Party. By then my membership in the Party became a pure formality for me. It was a requirement for making a career and nothing more.

We didn't stay long in Boxitogorsk. When reorganization of the army started I was invited to the HR department of the Leningrad military regiment where I was offered another position. They told me at once that there were no vacancies in Leningrad. I said I would not focus on Leningrad and they showed me the list of vacancies where I saw a position of Financial Manager in a hospital in Tallinn. I asked them to send me there. They said it was difficult to receive an apartment in Tallinn, but it didn't scare me and I was appointed to this position.

My parents lived in a one-room apartment, and Miriam's parents had three rooms in a shared apartment 49. Shared apartments were the invention of the Soviet regime. Before this we couldn't even imagine that people could share an apartment, being strangers to one another. We moved in with my wife's parents.

In 1956 our son Alexander was born. We didn't give our children Jewish names due to the Soviet environment. However, we never failed to observe Jewish traditions. Of course, there was a ban on them in those years, but we couldn't care less. Besides, it wasn't so hard in Estonia. For example, there were official supplies of matzah to Estonia from Riga or Leningrad. In the late 1980s, the Jewish community of Estonia 50 addressed the authorized representative on religion and the Estonian government provided flour for matzah for Pesach from its stocks. Perhaps this is why we have this attitude to the country and believe it to be our motherland.

Even through the most difficult postwar years and until 1990, we always had the Passover seder at home. Our friends visited us and we celebrated our holiday. The children were involved in the celebrations and knew what each holiday was about. They learned Jewish traditions and the history of the Jewish people. It was very natural for them. My son and daughter had many Jewish classmates. My wife and I never felt shy because we were Jews and felt no different from the others and our children knew and understood this.

The original Estonian residents had a different attitude toward Jews than the newcomers. Usually those who had moved to Estonia after it was annexed to the USSR had anti-Semitic attitudes while Estonians thought that since they were persecuted and humiliated in the USSR like the Jews, they believed they were in a similar situation to the Jewish people. They believed us to be equal: Estonians were unhappy and so were Jews, so it was a good idea to support each other. We had many Jewish friends, but we also had Estonian and Russian friends. We didn't care about nationality, we believed human values were more important.

We also celebrated Soviet holidays: 1st May, 7th November [October Revolution Day] 51 and Victory Day 52. Of course, Victory Day was special for our family. We survived this horrible war and were happy about it. Other Soviet holidays were our days off and we took the opportunity to spend time with our children, have a fancy meal and socialize with friends. My wife and I worked and rarely had time with our children.

My wife and I appreciated the help and support of our mothers. My wife's mother raised our little daughter. When the children went to school my mother was taking care of them. She met them from school, made nice lunches and helped them with their homework. She always talked and discussed their problems with them. We were sure that our children were in good hands. My mother loved reading even when she grew old. We subscribed to a number of literary magazines and my mother was the first to read them. We spoke Russian with our children at home, but they also spoke fluent Estonian. They learned Estonian playing with Estonian kids in the yard.

My father died of cancer in Tallinn in 1963. He was buried according to Jewish tradition in the Jewish cemetery in Tallinn. My mother died in 1972 and we buried her near my father's grave. There are so many graves of our relatives in this cemetery. The Jewish cemetery survived even the occupation of Tallinn. Nothing was destroyed. It existed during the Soviet regime and it's still there. Now there is another problem. There is hardly any space left and soon there will be no space for new graves.

The army continued reducing their headcount. My position in the hospital was made redundant and I was offered the position of Pension Manager in the military enlistment office. I accepted the offer and worked in the military office for 26 years. I was promoted to Financial Pensions Manager. I had to improve my education. There was a Military Faculty in Moscow Financial Institute. I was on good terms with the Finance Department of the Ministry of Defense. These people knew me well and appreciated my performance. They gave me recommendations to the Institute, and in this case my nationality was no problem. I was an external student and traveled to Moscow to take exams.

I applied for resignation when I turned 60; it was difficult for me to work at this age. Even generals resign at 60. However, they didn't accept my resignation. They had to find a replacement, who knew Russian and Estonian to communicate with the institutions and ministries. Finally I started looking for a replacement myself and found an Estonian financial specialist working somewhere in Ukraine. I sent his information to the Ministry of Defense and they relocated him to Tallinn, whereupon I resigned. I started my service in the army in 1942 and resigned in 1985, having 43 years of service. One and a half years at the front accounted for three years. I receive the Russian military pension, which is more than the ordinary old age pension.

Our life in Estonia was different to everywhere else in the USSR. Of course, there were lines to buy any goods, even the essentials. But in general, the situation was different. The Baltic Republics produced good quality food products. There were tours of all Soviet stars and theaters. They liked traveling to the Baltic Republics. Our services and standard of living were higher than elsewhere. Scientists, writers and poets had vacations in Piarnu and Tartu. We also had guests from Moscow and other towns. They were visiting 'Europe': Tallinn was Europe for them.

Tatiana entered the Faculty of Russian Philology at Tartu University after finishing school. Her lecturer was Lotman 53, and she also visited him at home. Even during the Soviet regime, Tartu was the only university in the USSR where Jews were not subject to any national discrimination. During her studies Tatiana married Rimantas Duda, a Lithuanian. Her marital surname is Dudiene. In 1976 her first son, Matas, was born and Tatiana became an external student. She finished her studies and in 1978 her second son, Simas, was born.

The majority of philology students became teachers, but Tatiana was not attracted to this. She went to work at the library in the polytechnic college. My daughter and her family live in Vilnius. She now has three grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and soon there will be a fourth. My daughter and her family celebrate all Jewish holidays: Pesach, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. She follows all rules like we did in our household. Her sons and their wives respect Jewish traditions. They also celebrate Catholic traditions, for my daughter's husband.

Our grandchildren have Master's degrees. They graduated from the Academy of Arts in Vilnius, and the older grandson is working for his Doctor's degree. He is very modest and hardworking. He has a daughter, Ione, born in 2000, and a son, Povilas, who is one and a half years old. Simas has a daughter called Leya, who is three and a half years old. My daughter's family visits us every year and we visit them.

Alexander graduated from Tallinn Teachers' Training Institute. His specialty is 'Physics and vocational training.'. Upon graduation he was sent to work at a general education school. When a new, big vocational school opened in Tallinn, he was offered the position of teacher of physics and vocational training. He was a tutor in the electrical mechanics group. Alexander loves children and his job. He communicates with his students' parents. When his graduates received diplomas and school certificates they gave flowers to Alexander and thanked him for his effort. There were so many flowers that he had to take a taxi to bring them home. His students and their parents thanked him for his guidance.

My son married Margarita Rubinstein, a Jewish girl, born in Tallinn. Of course, my wife and I would have accepted any choice our son made, but the fact that he married a Jewish girl was very important to us. Margarita graduated from the Plumbers' Faculty of the polytechnic college with honors and worked at a design institute. She is very talented and draws well. Their first child, Rosa, was born in Tallinn in 1983.

In 1990 our daughter-in-law's family decided to move to Israel. It was her parents, her sister and her husband, and Margarita's uncle and his family. Alexander and Margarita also decided to move there. They needed our consent for their departure to be certified by the notary. We had no doubts about it and had all the necessary documents issued. Though we still worked and might have had problems resulting from their departure, we would never have done anything to jeopardize their happiness. Our son and his wife and daughter Rosa started taking Hebrew classes. Rosa did very well and in no time she was already helping them with the language. Our son's family settled in Ashdod. Our second granddaughter Esther was born in Israel in 1993.

Our granddaughters are very nice girls. Rosa is very talented and intelligent: she finished two years of the high school course in one year; she served in the army; she is a university student and also has a job. Esther studies in high school. My son's family is doing very well and I hope they will be all right in the future.

My family and I were very enthusiastic about the establishment of the State of Israel in 1948 54. I think it's a great joy for all Jews scattered all over the world that our state recovered after many thousands of years. When mass departures to Israel started in the 1970s, we supported those who decided to move there as much as we could and were happy to hear that they adapted to life in the newly gained country. A number of our relatives and acquaintances were among them. My cousin Mirah and her family left.

My wife and I didn't consider emigration. I was a professional military officer and after resignation I was not allowed to depart for ten years. Later my wife and I started thinking that we might never see our daughter and grandchildren again if we moved. We couldn't even imagine that we would be able to visit Israel or invite our relatives to visit us. So we stayed here. Our son and his family visit us and call us every week.

Miriam and I have also visited Israel. We took our first trip in 1994. Then we had another trip. I also attended the World Jewish Congress in Jerusalem. Israel made a wonderful impression on me. I felt at home there. Of course, there are problems, but this is common in all countries. What is most important is that this little prosperous country should live in peace.

I was rather positive about perestroika 55, initiated in the USSR by Mikhail Gorbachev 56 at the beginning. I was hoping that the USSR would become a really free and democratic country, and it looked so at first, but later I realized that these speeches were nothing but the camouflage for lack of action.

During the putsch 57 I followed everything that was going on. An airborne division arrived in Tallinn from Pskov in tanks and Soviet forces filled the town. Only the efforts of our government prevented bloodshed. It was a long trip from Pskov, and the troopers only had rationed food with them. Officers of the division were invited to the restaurant in the TV tower and the waiters were ordered to serve all the food they had available. A government representative went to the dairy where he ordered to deliver yogurts and cheese to the soldiers, and then they couldn't aim their guns at defenseless people. Meanwhile the breakdown of the USSR [in 1991] was announced. The officers of the Pskov division thanked the Estonians for their hospitality and departed to Pskov. Thus, there was no bloodshed.

I was very positive about the independence of Estonia 58. I remember life in Estonia before it was annexed to the USSR and I knew we would do well. Thank God, my hopes became true. Estonians are very accurate people, and it didn't take long before our life improved. My wife and I were too old to start our own business, but there are good opportunities for younger people.

The Jewish community of Estonia was established during perestroika. This was the first Jewish community in the former Soviet Union. I think our community plays a very important role in the life of Estonian Jews. For eight years, I was Chairman of the Audit Commission of the Jewish community where I put in a lot of effort. At first the Joint 59 assisted us a lot. The Joint resolved all social issues that we faced.

The community provides assistance to the lonely and elderly people. Many of them have lunches in the community, and the community delivers food to those who never leave their homes. Community health workers do cleaning, washing and buy food for these people. These provisions are vitally important to many people.

Since Estonia joined the European Union, the Joint has reduced its financial assistance, as it has its restrictions: an American charity organization is not supposed to finance the European Union. Fortunately, the former Estonian Jew, Kofkin, living in Switzerland, now established the Kofkin Charity Fund in Estonia, and this fund provides assistance to the needy, supporting a number of social programs.

We celebrate all Jewish holidays and Victory Day in the community center. Victory Day is a holiday for all Jews in Europe. The community restored ownership of the former high school building and the children have the opportunity to get a Jewish education. These are wonderful things and there is much hope for the future.

Glossary:

1 Common name

Russified or Russian first names used by Jews in everyday life and adopted in official documents. The Russification of first names was one of the manifestations of the assimilation of Russian Jews at the turn of the 19th and 20th century. In some cases only the spelling and pronunciation of Jewish names was russified (e.g. Isaac instead of Yitskhak; Boris instead of Borukh), while in other cases traditional Jewish names were replaced by similarly sounding Russian names (e.g. Eugenia instead of Ghita; Yury instead of Yuda). When state anti-Semitism intensified in the USSR at the end of the 1940s, most Jewish parents stopped giving their children traditional Jewish names to avoid discrimination..

2 Five percent quota

In tsarist Russia the number of Jews in higher educational institutions couldn't exceed 5% of the total number of students.

3 Estonian Independence

Estonia was under Russian rule since 1721, when Peter the Great defeated the Swedes and made the area officially a part of Russia. During World War I, after the collapse of the tsarist regime, Estonia was partly conquered by the German army. After the German capitulation (11th November 1918) the Estonians succeeded in founding their own state, and on 2nd February 1920 the Treaty of Tartu was concluded between independent Estonia and Russia. Estonia remained independent until 1940.

4 First Estonian Republic

Until 1917 Estonia was part of the Russian Empire. Due to the revolutionary events in Russia, the political situation in Estonia was extremely unstable in 1917. Various political parties sprang up; the Bolshevik party was particularly strong. National forces became active, too. In February 1918, they succeeded in forming the provisional government of the First Estonian Republic, proclaiming Estonia an independent state on 24th February 1918.

5 Tallinn Synagogue

Built in 1883 and designed by architect Nikolai Tamm; burnt down completely in 1944.

6 Jewish Cultural Autonomy

Cultural autonomy, which was proclaimed in Estonia in 1926, allowing the Jewish community to promote national values (education, culture, religion).

7 WIZO

Women's International Zionist Organization, founded in London in 1920 with humanitarian purposes aiming at supporting Jewish women all over the world in the field of education, economics, science and culture. A network of health, social and educational institutions was created in Palestine between 1921 and 1933, along with numerous local groups worldwide. After WWII its office was moved to Tel Aviv. WIZO became an advisory organ to the UN after WWII (similar to UNICEF or ECOSOC). Today it operates on a voluntary basis, as a party-neutral, non-profit organization, with about 250,000 members in 50 countries (2003).

8 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right-wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

9 Hashomer Hatzair

Left-wing Zionist youth organization, which started in Poland in 1912 and managed to gather supporters from all over Europe. Their goal was to educate the youth in the Zionist mentality and to prepare them to immigrate to Palestine. To achieve this goal they paid special attention to the so-called shomer-movement (boy scout education) and supported the re-stratification of the Jewish society. They operated several agricultural and industrial training grounds (the so-called chalutz grounds) to train those who wanted to immigrate. In Transylvania the first Hashomer Hatzair groups were established in the 1920s. During World War II, members of the Hashomer Hatzair were leading active resistance against German forces, in ghettoes and concentration camps. After the war, Hashomer Hatzair was active in 'illegal' immigration to Palestine.

10 Maccabi World Union

International Jewish sports organization whose origins go back to the end of the 19th century. A growing number of young Eastern European Jews involved in Zionism felt that one essential prerequisite of the establishment of a national home in Palestine was the improvement of the physical condition and training of ghetto youth. In order to achieve this, gymnastics clubs were founded in many Eastern and Central European countries, which later came to be called Maccabi. The movement soon spread to more countries in Europe and to Palestine. The World Maccabi Union was formed in 1921. In less than two decades its membership was estimated at 200,000 with branches located in most countries of Europe and in Palestine, Australia, South America, South Africa, etc.

11 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o'clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

12 Tallinn Jewish Gymnasium

During the Soviet period, the building hosted Vocational School #1. In 1990, the school building was restored to the Jewish community of Estonia; it is now home to the Tallinn Jewish School.

13 Yiddishists

They were Jewish intellectuals who repudiated Hebrew as a dead language and considered Yiddish the language of the Jewish people. They promoted Yiddish literature, Yiddish education and culture.

14 Aba Gomer (?-1941)

born in Belostok, Poland, and graduated from the Department of Philosophy of Bonn University. He lived in Tallinn from 1927 and was the chief rabbi of Estonia. In 1941, he was determined not to go into Soviet back areas and remained on the German-occupied territory. He was killed by Nazis in the fall of 1941.

15 Hitler's rise to power

In the German parliamentary elections in January 1933, the National Socialist German Workers' Party (NSDAP) won one- third of the votes. On 30th January 1933 the German president swore in Adolf Hitler, the party's leader, as chancellor. On 27th February 1933 the building of the Reichstag (the parliament) in Berlin was burned down. The government laid the blame with the Bulgarian communists, and a show trial was staged. This served as the pretext for ushering in a state of emergency and holding a re-election. It was won by the NSDAP, which gained 44% of the votes, and following the cancellation of the communists' votes it commanded over half of the mandates. The new Reichstag passed an extraordinary resolution granting the government special legislative powers and waiving the constitution for 4 years. This enabled the implementation of a series of moves that laid the foundations of the totalitarian state: all parties other than the NSDAP were dissolved, key state offices were filled by party luminaries, and the political police and the apparatus of terror swiftly developed.

16 Estonia in 1939-1940

on September 24, 1939, Moscow demanded that Estonia make available military bases for the Red Army units. On June 16, Moscow issued an ultimatum insisting on the change of government and the right of occupation of Estonia. On June 17, Estonia accepted the provisions and ceased to exist de facto, becoming Estonian Soviet Republic within USSR.R.

17 German Invasion of Poland

The German attack of Poland on 1st September 1939 is widely considered the date in the West for the start of World War II. After having gained both Austria and the Bohemian and Moravian parts of Czechoslovakia, Hitler was confident that he could acquire Poland without having to fight Britain and France. (To eliminate the possibility of the Soviet Union fighting if Poland were attacked, Hitler made a pact with the Soviet Union, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact.) On the morning of 1st September 1939, German troops entered Poland. The German air attack hit so quickly that most of Poland's air force was destroyed while still on the ground. To hinder Polish mobilization, the Germans bombed bridges and roads. Groups of marching soldiers were machine-gunned from the air, and they also aimed at civilians. On 1st September, the beginning of the attack, Great Britain and France sent Hitler an ultimatum - withdraw German forces from Poland or Great Britain and France would go to war against Germany. On 3rd September, with Germany's forces penetrating deeper into Poland, Great Britain and France both declared war on Germany.

18 Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact

Non-aggression pact between Germany and the Soviet Union, which became known under the name of Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. Engaged in a border war with Japan in the Far East and fearing the German advance in the west, the Soviet government began secret negotiations for a non-aggression pact with Germany in 1939. In August 1939 it suddenly announced the conclusion of a Soviet-German agreement of friendship and non- aggression. The Pact contained a secret clause providing for the partition of Poland and for Soviet and German spheres of influence in Eastern Europe.

19 Occupation of the Baltic Republics (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania)

Although the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact regarded only Latvia and Estonia as parts of the Soviet sphere of influence in Eastern Europe, according to a supplementary protocol (signed in 28th September 1939) most of Lithuania was also transferred under the Soviets. The three states were forced to sign the 'Pact of Defense and Mutual Assistance' with the USSR allowing it to station troops in their territories. In June 1940 Moscow issued an ultimatum demanding the change of governments and the occupation of the Baltic Republics. The three states were incorporated into the Soviet Union as the Estonian, Latvian and Lithuanian Soviet Socialist Republics.

20 The Supreme Soviet

'Verhovniy Soviet', comprised the highest legislative body in the Soviet Union and the only one with the power to pass constitutional amendments. It elected the Presidium, formed the Supreme Court, and appointed the Procurator General of the USSR. It was made up of two chambers, each with equal legislative powers, with members elected for five-year terms: the Soviet of the Union, elected on the basis of population with one deputy for every 300,000 people in the Soviet federation, the Soviet of Nationalities, supposed to represent the ethnic populations, with members elected on the basis of 25 deputies from each of the 15 republic of the union, 11 from each autonomous republic, five from each autonomous region, and one from each autonomous area.

21 Iron Curtain

A term popularized by Sir Winston Churchill in a speech in 1946. He used it to designate the Soviet Union's consolidation of its grip over Eastern Europe. The phrase denoted the separation of East and West during the Cold War, which placed the totalitarian states of the Soviet bloc behind an 'Iron Curtain'. The fall of the Iron Curtain corresponds to the period of perestroika in the former Soviet Union, the reunification of Germany, and the democratization of Eastern Europe beginning in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

22 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death.

23 Struggle against religion

The 1930s was a time of anti-religion struggle in the USSR. In those years it was not safe to go to synagogue or to church. Places of worship, statues of saints, etc. were removed; rabbis, Orthodox and Roman Catholic priests disappeared behind KGB walls.

24 Political officer

These "commissars," as they were first called, exercised specific official and unofficial control functions over their military command counterparts. The political officers also served to further Party interests with the masses of drafted soldiery of the USSR by indoctrination in Marxist-Leninism. The 'zampolit', or political officers, appeared at the regimental level in the army, as well as in the navy and air force, and at higher and lower levels, they had similar duties and functions. The chast (regiment) of the Soviet Army numbered 2000-3000 personnel, and was the lowest level of military command that doctrinally combined all arms (infantry, armor, artillery, and supporting services) and was capable of independent military missions. The regiment was commanded by a colonel, or lieutenant colonel, with a lieutenant or major as his zampolit, officially titled "deputy commander for political affairs."

25 Soviet Deportation of Estonian Civilians

June 14, 1941 - the first of mass deportations organized by the Soviet regime in Estonia. There were about 400 Jews among a total of 10,000 people who were deported or removed to reformatory camps.

26 NKVD

(Russ.: Narodnyi Komissariat Vnutrennikh Del), People's Committee of Internal Affairs, the supreme security authority in the USSR - the secret police. Founded by Lenin in 1917, it nevertheless played an insignificant role until 1934, when it took over the GPU (the State Political Administration), the political police. The NKVD had its own police and military formations, and also possessed the powers to pass sentence on political matters, and as such in practice had total control over society. Under Stalin's rule the NKVD was the key instrument used to terrorize the civilian population. The NKVD ran a network of labor camps for millions of prisoners, the Gulag. The heads of the NKVD were as follows: Genrikh Yagoda (to 1936), Nikolai Yezhov (to 1938) and Lavrenti Beria. During the war against Germany the political police, the KGB, was spun off from the NKVD. After the war it also operated on USSR-occupied territories, including in Poland, where it assisted the nascent communist authorities in suppressing opposition. In 1946 the NKVD was renamed the Ministry of the Interior.

27 Gulag

The Soviet system of forced labor camps in the remote regions of Siberia and the Far North, which was first established in 1919. However, it was not until the early 1930s that there was a significant number of inmates in the camps. By 1934 the Gulag, or the Main Directorate for Corrective Labor Camps, then under the Cheka's successor organization the NKVD, had several million inmates. The prisoners included murderers, thieves, and other common criminals, along with political and religious dissenters. The Gulag camps made significant contributions to the Soviet economy during the rule of Stalin. Conditions in the camps were extremely harsh. After Stalin died in 1953, the population of the camps was reduced significantly, and conditions for the inmates improved somewhat.

28 Rehabilitation in the Soviet Union

Many people who had been arrested, disappeared or killed during the Stalinist era were rehabilitated after the 20th Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union in 1956, where Khrushchev publicly debunked the cult of Stalin and lifted the veil of secrecy from what had happened in the USSR during Stalin's leadership. It was only after the official rehabilitation that people learnt for the first time what had happened to their relatives as information on arrested people had not been disclosed before.

29 All-Union pioneer organization

A communist organization for teenagers between 10 and 15 years old (cf: boy-/ girlscouts in the US). The organization aimed at educating the young generation in accordance with the communist ideals, preparing pioneers to become members of the Komsomol and later the Communist Party. In the Soviet Union, all teenagers were pioneers.

30 Molotov, V

P. (1890-1986): Statesman and member of the Communist Party leadership. From 1939, Minister of Foreign Affairs. On June 22, 1941 he announced the German attack on the USSR on the radio. He and Eden also worked out the percentages agreement after the war, about Soviet and western spheres of influence in the new Europe.

31 Judenfrei (Judenrein)

German for 'free (purified) of Jews'. A term created by the Nazis in Germany in connection with the plan entitled 'The Final Solution to the Jewish Question', the aim of which was defined as 'the creation of a Europe free of Jews'. The term 'Judenrein'/'Judenfrei' in Nazi terminology referred to the extermination of the Jews and described an area (a town or a region), from which the entire Jewish population had been deported to extermination camps or forced labor camps. The term was, particularly in occupied Poland, an established part of the official and unofficial Nazi language.

32 Klooga

Subcamp of the Vaivara camp in Estonia, set up in 1943 and one of the largest camps in the country. Most of the prisoners came from the Vilnius ghetto; they worked under extreme conditions. There were 3,000 to 5,000 inmates kept in the Klooga camp. It was eliminated together with all of its inmates in spring 1944, before the advance by the Soviet army.

33 Estonian Government in Evacuation

Both, the Government of the Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic and the Central Committee of the Estonian Communist Party were created in 1940 and were evacuated to Moscow as the war started. Their task was to provide for Estonian residents who had been evacuated or drafted into the labor army. They succeeded in restoring life and work conditions of many evacuees. Former leaders of the Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic took active part in the formation of the Estonian Rifle Corps assisting the transfer of former Estonian citizens from the labor army into the Corps. At the beginning of 1944, top authority institutions of the Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic were moved to Leningrad, and the permanent Estonian representation office remained in Moscow. In September 1944, Estonia was re-established as part of the USSR and the Estonian government moved to Tallinn.

34 Collective farm (in Russian kolkhoz)

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

35 Russian stove

Big stone stove stoked with wood. They were usually built in a corner of the kitchen and served to heat the house and cook food. It had a bench that made a comfortable bed for children and adults in wintertime.

36 Card system

The food card system regulating the distribution of food and industrial products was introduced in the USSR in 1929 due to extreme deficit of consumer goods and food. The system was cancelled in 1931. In 1941, food cards were reintroduced to keep records, distribute and regulate food supplies to the population. The card system covered main food products such as bread, meat, oil, sugar, salt, cereals, etc. The rations varied depending on which social group one belonged to, and what kind of work one did. Workers in the heavy industry and defense enterprises received a daily ration of 800 g (miners - 1 kg) of bread per person; workers in other industries 600 g. Non-manual workers received 400 or 500 g based on the significance of their enterprise, and children 400 g. However, the card system only covered industrial workers and residents of towns while villagers never had any provisions of this kind. The card system was cancelled in 1947.

37 Estonian Rifle Corps

Military unit established in late 1941 as a part of the Soviet Army. The Corps was made up of two rifle divisions. Those signed up for the Estonian Corps by military enlistment offices were ethnic Estonians regardless of their residence within the Soviet Union as well as men of call-up age residing in Estonia before the Soviet occupation (1940). The Corps took part in the bloody battle of Velikiye Luki (December 1942 - January 1943), where it suffered great losses and was sent to the back areas for re-formation and training. In the summer of 1944, the Corps took part in the liberation of Estonia and in March 1945 in the actions on Latvian territory. In 1946, the Corps was disbanded.

38 Labor army

It was made up of men of call-up age not trusted to carry firearms by the Soviet authorities. Such people were those living on the territories annexed by the USSR in 1940 (Eastern Poland, the Baltic States, parts of Karelia, Bessarabia and northern Bukovina) as well as ethnic Germans living in the Soviet Union proper. The labor army was employed for carrying out tough work, in the woods or in mines. During the first winter of the war, 30 percent of those drafted into the labor army died of starvation and hard work. The number of people in the labor army decreased sharply when the larger part of its contingent was transferred to the national Estonian, Latvian, and Lithuanian Corps, created at the beginning of 1942. The remaining labor detachments were maintained up until the end of the war.

39 Blockade of Leningrad

On September 8, 1941 the Germans fully encircled Leningrad and its siege began. It lasted until January 27, 1944. The blockade meant incredible hardships and privations for the population of the town. Hundreds of thousands died from hunger, cold and diseases during the almost 900 days of the blockade.

40 Medal for Military Merits

Awarded after 17th October 1938 to soldiers of the Soviet army, navy and frontier guard for their 'bravery in battles with the enemies of the Soviet Union' and 'defense of the immunity of the state borders' and 'struggle with diversionists, spies and other enemies of the people'.

41 Order of the Great Patriotic War

1st Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for skillful command of their units in action. 2nd Class: established 20th May 1942, awarded to officers and enlisted men of the armed forces and security troops and to partisans, irrespective of rank, for lesser personal valor in action.

42 SMERSH

Russian abbreviation for 'Smert Shpionam' meaning Death to Spies. It was a counterintelligence department in the Soviet Union formed during World War II, to secure the rear of the active Red Army, on the front to arrest 'traitors, deserters, spies, and criminal elements'. The full name of the entity was USSR People's Commissariat of Defense Chief Counterintelligence Directorate 'SMERSH'. This name for the counterintelligence division of the Red Army was introduced on 19th April 1943, and worked as a separate entity until 1946. It was headed by Viktor Abakumov. At the same time a SMERSH directorate within the People's Commissariat of the Soviet Navy and a SMERSH department of the NKVD were created. The main opponent of SMERSH in its counterintelligence activity was Abwehr, the German military foreign information and counterintelligence department. SMERSH activities also included 'filtering' the soldiers recovered from captivity and the population of the gained territories. It was also used to punish within the NKVD itself; allowed to investigate, arrest and torture, force to sign fake confessions, put on a show trial, and either send to the camps or shoot people. SMERSH would also often be sent out to find and kill defectors, double agents, etc.; also used to maintain military discipline in the Red Army by means of barrier forces, that were supposed to shoot down the Soviet troops in the cases of retreat. SMERSH was also used to hunt down 'enemies of the people' outside Soviet territory.

43 Campaign against 'cosmopolitans'

The campaign against 'cosmopolitans', i.e. Jews, was initiated in articles in the central organs of the Communist Party in 1949. The campaign was directed primarily at the Jewish intelligentsia and it was the first public attack on Soviet Jews as Jews. 'Cosmopolitans' writers were accused of hating the Russian people, of supporting Zionism, etc. Many Yiddish writers as well as the leaders of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee were arrested in November 1948 on charges that they maintained ties with Zionism and with American 'imperialism'. They were executed secretly in 1952. The anti-Semitic Doctors' Plot was launched in January 1953. A wave of anti-Semitism spread through the USSR. Jews were removed from their positions, and rumors of an imminent mass deportation of Jews to the eastern part of the USSR began to spread. Stalin's death in March 1953 put an end to the campaign against 'cosmopolitans'.

44 Mikhoels, Solomon (1890-1948) (born Vovsi)

Great Soviet actor, producer and pedagogue. He worked in the Moscow State Jewish Theater (and was its art director from 1929). He directed philosophical, vivid and monumental works. Mikhoels was murdered by order of the State Security Ministry.

45 Kulaks

In the Soviet Union the majority of wealthy peasants that refused to join collective farms and give their grain and property to Soviet power were called kulaks, declared enemies of the people and exterminated in the 1930s.

46 Doctors' Plot

The Doctors' Plot was an alleged conspiracy of a group of Moscow doctors to murder leading government and party officials. In January 1953, the Soviet press reported that nine doctors, six of whom were Jewish, had been arrested and confessed their guilt. As Stalin died in March 1953, the trial never took place. The official paper of the Party, the Pravda, later announced that the charges against the doctors were false and their confessions obtained by torture. This case was one of the worst anti-Semitic incidents during Stalin's reign. In his secret speech at the Twentieth Party Congress in 1956 Khrushchev stated that Stalin wanted to use the Plot to purge the top Soviet leadership.

47 Khrushchev, Nikita (1894-1971)

Soviet communist leader. After Stalin's death in 1953, he became first secretary of the Central Committee, in effect the head of the Communist Party of the USSR. In 1956, during the 20th Party Congress, Khrushchev took an unprecedented step and denounced Stalin and his methods. He was deposed as premier and party head in October 1964. In 1966 he was dropped from the Party's Central Committee.

48 Twentieth Party Congress

At the Twentieth Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union in 1956 Khrushchev publicly debunked the cult of Stalin and lifted the veil of secrecy from what had happened in the USSR during Stalin's leadership.

49 Communal apartment

The Soviet power wanted to improve housing conditions by requisitioning 'excess' living space of wealthy families after the Revolution of 1917. Apartments were shared by several families with each family occupying one room and sharing the kitchen, toilet and bathroom with other tenants. Because of the chronic shortage of dwelling space in towns communal or shared apartments continued to exist for decades. Despite state programs for the construction of more houses and the liquidation of communal apartments, which began in the 1960s, shared apartments still exist today.

50 Jewish community of Estonia

On 30th March 1988 in a meeting of Jews of Estonia, consisting of 100 people, convened by David Slomka, a resolution was made to establish the Community of Jewish Culture of Estonia (KJCE) and in May 1988 the community was registered in the Tallinn municipal Ispolkom. KJCE was the first independent Jewish cultural organization in the USSR to be officially registered by the Soviet authorities. In 1989 the first Ivrit courses started, although the study of Ivrit was equal to Zionist propaganda and considered to be anti-Soviet activity. Contacts with Jewish organizations of other countries were established. KJCE was part of the Peoples' Front of Estonia, struggling for an independent state. In December 1989 the first issue of the KJCE paper Kashachar (Dawn) was published in Estonian and Russian language. In 1991 the first radio program about Jewish culture and activities of KJCE, 'Sholem Aleichem,' was broadcast in Estonia. In 1991 the Jewish religious community and KJCE had a joined meeting, where it was decided to found the Jewish Community of Estonia.

51 October Revolution Day

October 25th (according to the old calendar), 1917 went down in history as victory day for the Great October Socialist Revolution in Russia. This is the most significant date in the history of the USSR. Today the anniversary is celebrated as 'Day of Accord and Reconciliation' on November 7.

52 Victory Day in Russia (9th May)

National holiday to commemorate the defeat of Nazi Germany and the end of World War II and honor the Soviets who died in the war.

53 Lotman, Yuri (1922-1993)

One of the greatest semioticians and literary scholars. In 1950 he received his degree from the Philology Department of Leningrad University but was unable to continue with his post- graduate studies as a result of the campaign against 'cosmopolitans' and the wave of anti-Semitism in the Soviet Union. Lotman managed to find a job in Tartu, Estonia. Starting in 1950, he taught Russian literature at Tartu University, and from 1960-77 he was the head of the Department of Russian Literature. He did active research work and is the author of over 800 books and academic articles on the history of Russian literature and public thought, on literary theory, on the history of Russian culture, and on semiotics. He was an elected member of the British Royal Society, Norwegian Royal Academy, and many other academic societies.

54 Creation of the State of Israel

From 1917 Palestine was a British mandate. Also in 1917 the Balfour Declaration was published, which supported the idea of the creation of a Jewish homeland in Palestine. Throughout the interwar period, Jews were migrating to Palestine, which caused the conflict with the local Arabs to escalate. On the other hand, British restrictions on immigration sparked increasing opposition to the mandate powers. Immediately after World War II there were increasing numbers of terrorist attacks designed to force Britain to recognize the right of the Jews to their own state. These aspirations provoked the hostile reaction of the Palestinian Arabs and the Arab states. In February 1947 the British foreign minister Ernest Bevin ceded the Palestinian mandate to the UN, which took the decision to divide Palestine into a Jewish section and an Arab section and to create an independent Jewish state. On 14th May 1948 David Ben Gurion proclaimed the creation of the State of Israel. It was recognized immediately by the US and the USSR. On the following day the armies of Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Iraq, Syria and Lebanon attacked Israel, starting a war that continued, with intermissions, until the beginning of 1949 and ended in a truce.

55 Perestroika (Russian for restructuring)

Soviet economic and social policy of the late 1980s, associated with the name of Soviet politician Mikhail Gorbachev. The term designated the attempts to transform the stagnant, inefficient command economy of the Soviet Union into a decentralized, market-oriented economy. Industrial managers and local government and party officials were granted greater autonomy, and open elections were introduced in an attempt to democratize the Communist Party organization. By 1991, perestroika was declining and was soon eclipsed by the dissolution of the USSR.

56 Gorbachev, Mikhail (1931- )

Soviet political leader. Gorbachev joined the Communist Party in 1952 and gradually moved up in the party hierarchy. In 1970 he was elected to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, where he remained until 1990. In 1980 he joined the politburo, and in 1985 he was appointed general secretary of the party. In 1986 he embarked on a comprehensive program of political, economic, and social liberalization under the slogans of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring). The government released political prisoners, allowed increased emigration, attacked corruption, and encouraged the critical reexamination of Soviet history. The Congress of People's Deputies, founded in 1989, voted to end the Communist Party's control over the government and elected Gorbachev executive president. Gorbachev dissolved the Communist Party and granted the Baltic states independence. Following the establishment of the Commonwealth of Independent States in 1991, he resigned as president. Since 1992, Gorbachev has headed international organizations.

57 1991 Moscow coup d'etat

Starting spontaniously on the streets of Moscow, its leaders went public on 19th August. TASS (Soviet Telegraphical Agency) made an announcement that Gorbachev had been relieved of his duties for health reasons. His powers were assumed by Vice President Gennady Yanayev. A State Committee on the State of Emergency (GKChP) was established, led by eight officials, including KGB head Vladimir Kryuchkov, Soviet Prime Minister Valentin Pavlov, and Defense Minister Dmitry Yazov. Seizing on President Mikhail Gorbachev's summer absence from the capital, eight of the Soviet leader's most trusted ministers attempted to take control of the government. Within three days, the poorly planned coup collapsed and Gorbachev returned to the Kremlin. But an era had abruptly ended. The Soviet Union, which the coup plotters had desperately tried to save, was dead.

58 Reestablishment of the Estonian Republic

According to the referendum conducted in the Baltic Republics in March 1991, 77.8 percent of participating Estonian residents supported the restoration of Estonian state independence. On 20th August 1991, at the time of the coup attempt in Moscow, the Estonian Republic's Supreme Council issued the Decree of Estonian Independence. On 6th September 1991, the USSR's State Council recognized full independence of Estonia, and the country was accepted into the UN on 17th September 1991.

59 Joint (American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee)

The Joint was formed in 1914 with the fusion of three American Jewish committees of assistance, which were alarmed by the suffering of Jews during World War I. In late 1944, the Joint entered Europe's liberated areas and organized a massive relief operation. It provided food for Jewish survivors all over Europe, it supplied clothing, books and school supplies for children. It supported cultural amenities and brought religious supplies for the Jewish communities. The Joint also operated DP camps, in which it organized retraining programs to help people learn trades that would enable them to earn a living, while its cultural and religious activities helped re- establish Jewish life. The Joint was also closely involved in helping Jews to emigrate from Europe and from Muslim countries. The Joint was expelled from East Central Europe for decades during the Cold War and it has only come back to many of these countries after the fall of communism. Today the Joint provides social welfare programs for elderly Holocaust survivors and encourages Jewish renewal and communal development.

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