Edith Umova and her former colleague Svetlana Kruglova

This is me (on the right) and my former colleague Svetlana Kruglova. This photo was taken on my birthday in a cafe in Tallinn, 2005. My mother died on 27th January 2005. I buried her in the Jewish cemetery and had a gravestone placed on her grave. The Jewish community helped me. I can't visit my mother's grave frequently. It takes too much effort. I cannot get used to the thought that my mother is gone. I got used to thinking that I had to help her and she was waiting. She was waiting for me. She was the only person waiting for me and the only one who was in need of me. My mother and her sisters are now dead. When no one is waiting for you, the purpose of life is lost. Once I had my mother, my work and friends. Now I'm alone. This isn't good. There's another thing, which is bad. I can't be among people. I feel like I do not fit in the circle of my friends. Perhaps, they think differently, but I feel uncertain when I'm away from home. I've isolated myself in my solitude. I know I have to change my life, but this isn't working yet. The Jewish community supports me. Life of a lonely and unhealthy woman isn't easy. The community makes my life easier. A social worker visits me to clean my apartment and buy food products. I have no luxuries, but I don't starve. I have everything I need. Another day passes, and I'm grateful for it. I don't understand those who demand benefits from the community. They do all they can for us, and I appreciate it. The community started providing assistance to us a few years ago, when my mother fell ill, and I received no pension. At that time the community really supported us well. My school friend Tsylia, Laud in her marriage, started working in the community from the day it was established. Tsylia was still working at a library, and after work she volunteered for the community. They created a database and delivered food packages to the needy. Then Tsylia organized WIZO, a women's organization and after some time she became the head of the community. Our community has gained the strength and capacity to provide support to us. They don't only provide material assistance, but also give people the opportunity to communicate. The community celebrates all Jewish holidays. There are various sections and clubs. There are young and old people in the community. I used to visit the community some time ago. It's my fault that I withdrew from the life of the community. When my mother was ill and after she died I didn't feel like going anywhere. Now it's hard to force myself to go there, and each time I find an excuse not to go there. I just have no interest in life. However, I hope this will pass. I can already enjoy a nice book, music and just a kind word. I want to get back to life, and I hope this will happen.