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Krausz Károlyné

Életrajz

Az anyai nagyszüleim Kohn Mihály és Kohn Mihályné volt, a nagymamát Herminának hívták. Őket deportálták 1944-ben, akkor volt a nagymamám 62 éves, és a nagypapám olyan 4-5 évvel volt idősebb. Mind a ketten Gyulafirátóton születtek [Veszprém vm.-ben lévő nagyközség, lakosainak száma 1910-ben 1400 fő volt. – A szerk. ]. Ott is éltek hosszú ideig, és már amikor összeházasodtak, és két lányuk született – egyik volt az én anyukám –, akkor mentek Győrbe [Győr: Győr vm., 1920 után Győr, Moson és Pozsony vm. székhelye, lakosságának száma a 19. század végétől rohamosan emelkedett (1890-ben 22 800 fő,  1910-ben 44 300 fő, az 1920–1930-as években pedig már 50-51 000 fő). – A szerk.]. Azért költöztek Győrbe, mert tulajdonképpen nem szerették azt a falusi életet, avval együtt, hogy a nagymama, nagypapa szülei falusiak voltak, de zsidók. Nem tudom, lehet, hogy kocsmájuk volt, lehet, hogy fűszerüzlet vagy ilyen hasonló. De az az érdekes, hogy az egyik testvére a nagypapának beleszeretett a kocsisukba – ez ilyen családi rege volt –, és férjhez ment hozzá. És igazi parasztasszony lett belőle. A nagypapa megszakított vele minden kapcsolatot. Nem azért, mert parasztasszony, hanem mert nem zsidóhoz ment, habár nem voltak túlzottan vallásosak. De amikor már öregek voltak, akkor már azért kibékültek. És én kicsi koromban mindig csodálkoztam, hogy egy ilyen fejkendős paraszt néni hogy kerül oda mihozzánk. Hát aztán elmesélték az esetet.

A nagymama háztartásbeli, a nagypapa pedig állatkereskedő volt. Marhával vagy ilyesmivel kereskedett. Az úgy zajlik – én már csak arra emlékszem, amikor Győrött voltak, és én már nagyobb voltam, mert akkor is csinálta egy ideig –, hogy ő megvásárolt a parasztoktól valami nagy állatállományt vagy csak pár darabot, és továbbadta haszonnal. Ő nem járt vásárokra, ez inkább a kávéházakban bonyolódott le. Ott megjelentek bizonyos napokon, és arra nem emlékszem pontosan, hogy őneki volt egy pár embere, akik kijártak a vásárokra, mert azt tudom, hogy ő nem járt ki. A nagymama egy nagyon szép arcú, de iszonyú fájós lábú asszony volt szegény, akinek minden évben Hévízre kellett mennie gyógykezelésekre. Nagyon keveset járt, inkább mindig otthon volt. Volt háztartási alkalmazott – ugyanaz volt évtizedekig –, de azért ő is vezette a háztartást. Délután otthon voltak. Akkor már a nagypapa is otthon volt, és nem is tudom, hogy mit csináltak. Én hetente legalább egyszer vagy kétszer kint voltam náluk, és sok közös vacsora volt, amit a nagymama főzött. Jómódúak voltak, olyan középpolgárok. Voltak keresztény családok, akikkel jóban voltak a nagyszüleim, de azért nagyjából inkább zsidókkal.

Kimondott neológok voltak. A nagymama pénteken gyújtott gyertyát, de utána azért fel lehetett kapcsolni a villanyt [lásd: szombati munkavégzés tilalma]. A nagypapa otthon nem imádkozott, csak szédereste. Ő vezette a szédert, de mindig nagyon siettette a vacsorát, arra emlékszem. De nem dolgoztak Jom Kipurkor és nagyünnepekkor. Tulajdonképpen kóser háztartást vezettek, csak nem vették annyira szigorúan. Újságot minden nap a nagypapa vett. Az Esti Kurírt [Az „Esti Kurír” délután megjelenő liberális napilap volt, amelyet 1923-ban indított Rassay Károly mint főszerkesztő és Boros László mint szerkesztő. Rassay Károly nevéhez fűződik a Független Kisgazda, Földműves és Polgári Párt (1921), majd a Nemzeti Szabadelvű Párt (1928, 1935-től Polgári Szabadságpárt a neve) megalapítása. – A szerk.]. Könyvet nem nagyon olvastak. Az anyai nagyszüleimnél volt egy úgynevezett lányszoba, ami az anyué volt meg a testvéréé, amíg otthon voltak, és ott láttam könyveket. De igazából ott sem volt. A nagypapa nem nagyon ment, mert őneki is fájt a lába, és a lánya vásárolt be mindent meg a háztartási alkalmazott. Ő nem nagyon járt el. Meg a nagymama sem.

A zsidó templom Győrött hasonló a Dohány utcai templomhoz, csak kisebb, kétemeletes, orgona, mindennel felszerelve, nagyon szép [Az ún. nagytemplom 1868–70 között épült, 1925-ben pedig kibővítették. – A szerk.].  Avval szemben laktak a nagyanyámék. Ez nem volt zsidó környék. (Volt egy Sziget [Győrsziget] nevű rész, ahol a zsidók éltek. A nagyon vallásos zsidók. [Győrszigeten már 1795-ben épült templom. – A szerk.]) A nagyszüleimnek szép nagy háza volt, ott lakások voltak kiadva és alul üzletek voltak, és a házbérből is szépen maradt nekik. Ők is ott laktak mind, egy szép háromszobás lakásban az első emeleten. Két zsidó család bérelt lakást a házukban, de a többi nem volt zsidó. És volt olyan is, aki antiszemita volt, és nem lehetett kitenni. És aztán volt is ebből probléma, mert szegény nagypapámat, amikor bejöttek a németek 1944-ben, azzal, hogy a nagypapa szidta a németeket, bevitette, és a Gestapo be is vitte. Akkor én már nagylány voltam, és én futkostam ügyvédhez, hogy valamit csináljanak. És azt mondta, hogy lehetetlen a Gestapótól kihozni. És egyszer csak szegény nagypapámat kiengedték, de borzalmasan meg volt félemlítve. Akkor már, mikor már a zsidóknak a deportálására készültek. És deportálták az egész családot.

Anyám, Kohn Margit 1903-ban született. A testvére, Kata pedig, azt hiszem, három évvel volt fiatalabb. Elemibe ott jártak falun egy falusi iskolába, és aztán polgárit [lásd: polgári iskola] végeztek Győrött. Kata férjhez ment, a férje Salzer Sándor. Született egy lánya. A férje fűszer-nagykereskedő volt – szintén egy forgalmas helyen. És ő a testvérével volt együtt. Patinás régi cég volt az övéké. De aztán később valahogy nem ment olyan jól.

Az apai nagyszüleimet úgy hívták, hogy Keller Jakab és Jakabné, Berta. A nagypapát is deportálták, ő akkor már olyan 80 körül lehetett, és a nagymama is. A nagypapáról tudom, hogy gyöngyösi családból volt [Gyöngyös – Heves vm., a 19. század közepén kb. 12 000 főnyi lakossal. – A szerk.], de a nagymamáról nem tudom. Győrben éltek, a belváros közepén volt egy kis házuk, és ott volt a lakásuk. Alul volt két üzlet, és csak egy lakás volt. A nagypapa kosárfonó volt, és ott volt a műhelye abban a házban, és volt egy vagy két segédje, és lent volt egy kis üzlet, ahol eladták: kosár meg utazókosár meg koffer, meg ilyen kis asztalokat, amiknek fa volt a teteje meg hasonló dolgokat csináltak és ezt eladták. Ők nem éltek olyan jaj, de jól, de nem volt anyagi gondjuk. De meg kellett nézni a pénzt. A nagymama otthon volt.

A nagymama nagyon vallásos volt. Megtartottak minden ünnepet, és azt hiszem, pénteken gyertyát gyújtottak. Nekik is volt azért háztartási alkalmazottjuk. Én arra nem emlékszem már, hogy villanyt gyújtottak-e vagy nem. Ők vallásosabbak voltak. A nagymamának volt parókája. De a nagypapának nem volt befedve a feje. Kóser háztartást vezettek. Ők igazán szigorúan vették.

Négy fiuk és két lányuk volt. Volt az apu, Sándor, ő 1892–93-ban született. Volt a Pista, az az apunál idősebb volt. Akkor volt a Lali és a Zoli, azok lényegesen fiatalabbak voltak. A Lalinak volt üzlete Győrött, a Pista Ácson [Ács Komárom vm.-i nagyközség, 1920-ban 5900 főnyi lakossal. – A szerk.] lakott, nem tudom mit csinált. Tulajdonképpen az apu testvéreiből a két lánnyal tartottuk a szoros kapcsolatot, a fiúkkal nem nagyon. A lányok voltak Olga és Ila. Olga férjhez ment, két gyönyörű kislánya volt, és nem dolgozott. A férje pedig Győrött volt egy nagyon nagy posztóüzlet, és annak az utazó ügynöke volt. Az Ila a nagyszülőkkel lakott. Ő nem ment férjhez. Volt egy nagy szerelme hosszú évekig, egy orvos, és a végén, azt hiszem, széjjelváltak, és ő nem is ment férjhez. Varrodában dolgozott. Nagyon szépen varrt. Két-három hetenként mentünk el az anyuval és az apuval egy-két órára, de én följártam a nagynénémhez, az Ilához a varrodába. Részben, mert szerettem és szívesen mentem, meg ő varrta nekem a ruhákat.

Az apuka polgárit [lásd: polgári iskola] végzett, aztán kereskedő lett. Nem tudom, mikor nyitotta meg az üzletét. Azt hiszem, akkor, amikor elvette az anyut, és a belvárosban volt egy rövidáru nagykereskedése – gombok, pulóverok, harisnyák, alsónadrágok, mindenféle ilyen volt. A Győr-Sopron megyei falukban voltak szintén ilyen üzletek, ahol mindenfélét árultak, és volt a hétnek egy-két napja, amikor úgynevezett hetivásár volt, és akkor bejöttek ezek a kereskedők, akik nagyon rendes falusi emberek voltak, és az apukáméktól vásároltak sok mindent. Nagy csomagokat kellett összeállítani. Volt két segéd meg egy inas, és volt egy utazó is. És ezek vásároltak. De ugyanakkor ha bárki bejött, hogy akart valamit venni, akkor azért adtak el. Az apu is reggeltől estig bent volt, és az anyu is bent volt. Ő dél körül ment be vagy 11 körül, és a pénztárban volt. Szép nagy üzlet volt, volt külön egy raktárrész, és volt az apunak egy kis irodája. Szombaton nyitva volt, csak az ünnepeken volt zárva. Kevés zsidó vevője volt, ezek mind kereskedő emberek voltak. Egyébként Győrött a belvárosban a nagykereskedők 70–80 százaléka zsidó volt.

1919-ben házasodtak össze a szüleim, ha jól tudom. A győri templomban. Én 1921-ben születtem. Én szerettem volna testvért, később aztán már mondogattam, mert az egyik barátnőmnek volt egy bátyja, és azt nagyon irigyeltem, hogy miért nincs nekem. De nem tudom, nem nyilatkoztak, erre már nem emlékszem. A születésem után először egy egész rövid ideig laktunk a nagymamámék házában, ott volt egy kis lakás mellettük. Tulajdonképpen én már csak arra emlékszem, hogy beköltöztünk a belvárosba. És ott volt először egy úgynevezett társbérlet, azt hiszem, két szobával. És utána egy pár év múlva költöztünk át egy kétszoba-hallos modern lakásba, és ott voltunk végig. Az egy bérelt lakás volt. A szülőknek volt a hálószobája, tulajdonképpen énnekem külön szobám nem volt, csak úgy volt berendezve a másik szoba, hogy én ott éltem, és ugyanakkor meg étkezőnek is. Volt még a fürdőszoba, konyha, személyzeti szoba, mert volt háztartási alkalmazott. Pár évig volt ott a legutolsó, aki még akkor is ott volt, amikor el kellett költözködni onnét a lakásból, mert akkor már kijelölték a házakat, hogy hova kell a zsidóknak menni.

Apám reggeltől estig dolgozott. Egy héten egyszer az volt a szórakozás nekik, hogy elmentek, az anyunak volt egy römi-partija, az apunak meg valami magyar kártya. És elmentek egy bizonyos kávéházba, ami a mai napig is megvan Győrött, és ott külön kártyáztak. Mozi volt Győrött, meg persze színház is, de hát apám nem járt. Az anyuval szoktunk mi elmenni.

Amíg kicsi voltam, a nagymamámék, amikor Hévízen voltak a lába miatt, egy hónapig, hat hétig ott voltak, és akkor mindig elvitettek az ő költségükre egy hétig az anyukámat meg engemet. Mert a papám az nem ment sehova. Kicsi koromban ez volt a nyaralás. Nagyon ritkán lementünk a Balatonra. Volt egy villa, ahol szobákat adtak ki, és a nagymamámék minden évben odamentek.

Általában a mi családunk olyan zsidó család volt, hogy a nagyünnepeket megtartottuk, a Jom Kipur-i vacsora, a Kol Nidre a nagymamáéknál volt, templomba elmentünk, sőt a nagymamának is meg az anyunak meg a nagynéninek is volt állandó helye. De egyébként nem. A tréflit is megettük, az igaz, hogy nem szabadott a tányérra tenni. Szabadott sonkát enni, de papíron kellett. És csak libazsírral főztünk, disznózsír nem volt. Azt tudom, hogy a nagymama finom halászlét szokott csinálni, de nem tudom, hogy Kol Nidre estére-e. Másnap a böjt után is odamentünk, és mindig volt nagyon finom kuglóf, kakaó és utána paprikás csirke. Ez ilyen tradíció volt, azt hiszem, minden zsidónál. Becsinált csirke, ilyesmi volt a böjt előtt, meg szőlő meg kávé. Emlékszem, hogy az utolsó pillanatban is bekaptam, habár én délig böjtöltem csak. Mai nap sem böjtölök délnél tovább. Volt zsidó mészáros, gondolom annál vásároltak a nagyszüleim, de ezt nem tudom biztosra. De volt a belvárosban egy nagyon jó hentes, ahova mi jártunk, azt tudom. A felvágottat mindig ott vettük, gondolom, a húst is.

A mi családunkban nem voltak cionisták. Győrnek volt egy főrabbija, dr. Grósz Emil [Helyesen: dr. Roth Emil. Auschwitzban pusztult el. – A szerk.], aki egy nagyon híres tudós volt, és ő rettentő nagy cionista volt, ő szervezte a fiatalokat. A templomban nem agitált, legalábbis én nem hallottam, igaz, hogy csak nagyünnepekkor mentünk. Tartott előadást, amire elmentünk, de persze nem a cionizmusról, de mindenki tudta, hogy ő egy nagy cionista. De tőlem ez is távol állt, a cionizmus. 

Soha nem tagadtam le a zsidóságomat, és soha eszembe se jutott, hogy áttérjek. Pedig a legjobb barátnőm, aki ma Brazíliában él, ő áttért, mert azt hitte, hogy avval megmenekül. Semmi nem történt persze.

Zsidó elemibe jártam, ami szintén ott volt a templom mellett. Ott volt egy nagy épület, és tényleg komoly, négy osztály volt. És a négy elemit ott végeztem. Az osztályban biztos, hogy voltunk 25-en. Fiúk-lányok együtt. A zsidó történelmet tanították, egyébként, azt hiszem, ugyanolyan volt, mint a többi. Megtanítottak héberül olvasni bennünket, de én már elfelejtettem. Templomba jártunk egy héten egyszer, szombaton. Már mikor gimnazista voltam, akkor szombat délután mindig kellett menni. Nyáron ugyanúgy volt szünetünk, mint más iskolában, és a zsidó ünnepeken még pluszban.

Győrött egy gimnázium volt, úgy hívták, hogy Gróf Apponyi Albert Gimnázium [Győrött az 1930-as években két gimnázium volt: a bencés főgimnázium (ide csak fiúk jártak) és egy állami reálgimnázium. – A szerk. Lásd még: gimnázium és egyéb középiskolák.]. Nagyon szép épület, és szerintem ma is egyike a legszebb épületeknek Győrött. Ott volt nyolc osztály. Az teljesen keresztény iskola volt, de elég sokan jártunk oda zsidó lányok. Az volt a differencia, hogy mindenkinek megvolt a hittanórája külön. Nekünk is volt egy hittantanárunk, úgy hívták, hogy Ulman József, aki baromi szigorú volt. Kellett olvasni héberül, de főleg a zsidó történelmet tanította, ami elég érdekes volt. Talán voltunk nyolcan-kilencen zsidók az osztályban. A zsidó lányok között volt összetartás, de azért énnekem volt egy pár keresztény barátnőm is. Nem volt olyan szoros a kapcsolat, de azért jóban voltunk. A gimnáziumban már elég sokat kellett tanulni, mert nyelvek is voltak – német és francia. És azonkívül volt privát órám, angol. A francia–német tanárnőmmel, aki privát tanított – szintén zsidó volt –, jóban maradtam, haláláig. Kint élt aztán Londonban, kint voltam náluk, és az egyik gyerekemet, aki hosszú időre kiment Angliába, nagyon istápolta. Biztosan voltak antiszemita lányok a gimnáziumban, de tettlegesség vagy megjegyzések vagy hasonló, az nem volt, én nem emlékszem ilyenre.

Aztán átmentem a kereskedelmibe [lásd: kereskedelmi iskolák] négy gimnázium után. Azért, mert úgy látták a szüleim – amiben igazuk is volt –, hogy az sokkal hasznosabb a továbbiakban, ha valami gyakorlatit is tanulok. A legjobb barátnőm maradt a gimnáziumban, de nagyon jóban voltunk változatlanul, és akkor a másik az kereskedelmibe, a harmadik is, szóval többen voltunk, akik átmentünk. Az is négy év volt.

Nagyon sokat jártunk moziba, és sokat jártunk színházba. Teniszeztünk és evezni jártunk. Úszni persze jól tudtam, mert a győri uszoda nagyon szép volt, és egész nyáron odajártunk. Volt egy klub, ott teniszeztünk. Nem volt zsidó klub, de nagyon sok zsidó volt ott. Jártunk tánciskolába, és volt a tánciskolai bál, amikor vége lett a tanfolyamnak. Akkor hosszú fehér tüllruhában voltam, nagyon szép volt. Elég jól néztem ki fiatal koromban, és elég sok udvarlóm volt. És ezeken a táncos összejöveteleken nagyon jól éreztem magam. Imádtam táncolni. És jártunk is a barátnőimmel rendszeresen.

Az iskola után kitanultam a kalaposságot. A zsidó lányoknak kellett, hogy valami ipart is tanuljanak. Akkor már előrevetette az árnyékát az, hogy komolyabb állásokba nem mehetnek el a zsidó fiatalok. És kitanultam, és utána három hónapra feljöttem, a Váci utcában volt egy Gergely Vilma nevű kalapszalon, ami nagyon elegáns volt és előkelő, többek között a Horthyné is odajárt. Felvettek, de úgy, hogy nem adnak fizetést. A szüleim elég jó körülmények között voltak, és túlzottan nem érdekelt, hogy fizetés, nem fizetés. Ez tulajdonképpen olyan nyaralásszerűség volt. Fogalmam sincs, hogy ki szerzett be oda, de három hónapig ott dolgoztam nála, és a nagynénémnél, anyám unokatestvérénél laktam. Én csak tanulósegéd voltam, mert volt ott mádám – ez egy elegáns hely volt, rengeteget járt külföldre a Gergely Vilma, nagyon elegáns nő volt. Aztán Bécsben volt neki üzlete, mert elmentek később Magyarországról. És ugyanakkor ez a barátnőm, aki Brazíliában él, ő is följött három hónapra, mert ő meg varrni tanult, és följött egy tanfolyamra, ahol szabni tanultak, úgy hívták azt a szabót, hogy Nárvai, az is egy nagyon jó szalon volt. És akkor rengeteget jártunk szórakozni és társaságunk volt.

És akkor visszamentem Győrbe. De nagyon sokat följártam, mert volt egy unokabátyám, egy újpesti fiú, és ott, Újpesten nagyon nagy zsidó társaság volt, és többek között az egyik jó barátnőm is ebbe a társaságba járt, mert az unokabátyám udvarolt neki, és bemutatott nekik engem, és én is ebben a társaságban voltam igazából. És akkor az apu üzletébe bejártam én is, segítettem. Akkor az anyu kevesebbet járt be. De nem dolgoztam agyon magam. Azonkívül órákra jártam – mert végig jártam angolra meg franciára, németre. De igazából úgy dolgozni nem dolgoztam, hogy kerestem volna pénzt. Elég korán férjhez mentem.

Az első férjem Szabados Géza volt. Schlesingerből magyarosított. Soproniak voltak. Géza húsz évvel volt idősebb, mint én, 1902-ben született. Győr kisváros, és őneki ott volt egy szállítmányozási vállalata, a belvárosban szintén, ahova én elég sokat jártam, mert a nagynénémék pont szemben laktak. És akkor már egy csomó udvarlóm volt. A szüleim, amikor megtudták, hogy keresztény fiúk udvarolnak, azért nem szóltak, mert általában mind rendes volt. A férjemmel pedig egész egyszerűen: ő köszönt, én visszaköszöntem, és egyszer, amikor mentem, odajött, elkezdtünk beszélgetni. És így kezdődött a nagy szerelem, ami másfél évig tartott. 1944 februárjában házasodtunk össze, és három hétig éltünk együtt. Győrött a templomban [zsinagógában] volt az esküvő, de télen volt, és akkor nem volt ez a szép nagy templom nyitva, hanem volt mellette egy kistemplom, és ott volt – a mai szemmel nézve nagyon szerény körülmények között, mert nagyon hirtelen határoztuk el, hogy összeházasodunk. Szegény szüleim nagyon szerették, mert irtó rendes, okos, jóérzésű ember volt, de nem akarták ezt a házasságot, mert húsz év kordifferencia, plusz a gyerek. De én is elég erőszakos voltam, és nagyon szerelmes, úgyhogy összeházasodtunk, és följöttünk a Margitszigeti nagyszállóba, ott voltunk nászúton nyolc napig. Hazamentünk, pár nap múlva megkapta a behívót. Őneki volt egy kis lakása, és ott éltünk. Elég problémásan, mert ott volt a Panni is, a férjem kislánya az előző házasságából. De már akkor vettünk egy másik lakást egy vadonatúj házban, csak akkor már nem költöztünk oda, mert közben ő bevonult. Behívták munkaszolgálatra Érsekújvárra. Egyetlenegyszer tudtam hozzá elmenni, pont aznap, 1944. március 19-én, amikor a németek bejöttek Magyarországra. És attól kezdve nem láttam. Ő még írt egy pár levelet, aztán elvitték valahova, nálunk meg elkezdődött ez a deportálási cirkusz.

Az apám szüleinek a házát is kijelölték, hogy oda lehet menni, és oda költöztünk mi is. A férjemet bevitték, viszont a férjemnek volt egy kislánya, mert ő elvált ember volt, és ő is odaköltözött velünk. Úgyhogy hárman ott laktunk mi a három személy mellett. A kislánya, amikor elvittek bennünket, 13 éves volt. Az első férjem írt neki egy hosszú levelet, hogy jöjjön ide föl Pestre az anyjához, vagy menjen a nagyszülőkhöz. Április 13-án, amikor mi ott laktunk még a saját lakásunkban, bombázások voltak Győrött, a Győri Vagongyárat bombázták, és a pincébe kellett lemennünk [lásd: légitámadások Magyarország ellen]. Ezután történt ez a levélváltás, és azt írta vissza Panni, hogy ő inkább meghal velem a pincében, minthogy a mamájához menjen vagy a nagyszülőkhöz. És így került velem deportálásra a Panni. Túlélte, mert az volt a szerencséje, hogy nagyon szép fejlett gyerek volt, magas, és nem vitték a gázba. Együtt vittek bennünket Auschwitzba, és ott, amikor széjjelosztottak bennünket különböző munkákra, engem, aki sovány voltam, a legnehezebb munkára osztottak be, őt meg gyárba. De ővele együtt került el az én legjobb barátnőm, aki Brazíliában van, és ott is végigcsinálta a gyárban.

Odamentünk apám szüleinek a házába, ha jól emlékszem április vége felé. Talán két hétig voltunk együtt abban a házban. Május elején kellett a gettóba menni. Ott is voltunk három-négy hétig. A gettó Győrszigeten volt, ahol elég sok vallásos zsidó élt. Akkor az úgy történt, hogy az ottani keresztény lakosok megkapták a belvárosi zsidó lakásokat, és a zsidók meg beköltöztek az ő lakásaikba. Oda ruhát, ennivalót, mindent lehetett vinni, amit az ember tudott. A gettóban kétszoba-konyhában 15-en laktunk: az anyai nagyszülők, az én szüleim, a nagymamának egy testvére a fiával és Évi, aki anyám unokahúga volt, és az Évi szülei. [Randolph L. Braham írja: „A győri gettó Győrszigeten jött létre. Épületekből állt mintegy 430 helyiséggel, amelyekben azelőtt mintegy 1200 ember élt. Az itt összezsúfolt több mint 5600 zsidó közül mintegy 1000 fő volt nem helybéli.” (R. L. Braham: A népirtás politikája. A holokauszt Magyarországon, ford. Szentmiklósi Tamás, Új Mandátum Könyvkiadó, Budapest, 2003.) – A szerk. ]

Én, miután a férjemnek szállítmányozási vállalata volt, kaptam különengedélyt, hogy bemehetek tíztől kettőig a városba. És akkor én még be tudtam vásárolni, amit lehetett. Egy csomó helyen ki volt írva, hogy zsidót nem szolgálunk ki. De voltak olyanok, akik kiszolgáltak, meg voltak ismerősök is, azok látszólag sajnáltak bennünket.

Győrött voltak az úgynevezett barakkok, ez faházakból állt, ahol Győr lakosságának a legalja lakott, lumpenproletárok. És azokat kitelepítették onnét, betelepítették az üres zsidó lakásokba, és bennünket odavittek a gettóból. Csoportonként vittek végig a városon, a rendőrök meg csendőrök hajtottak bennünket. És persze a járdán ott álltak az emberek, és volt, aki sajnált bennünket, volt aki még tapsolt is örömében, hogy végre a büdös zsidókat megfelelő helyre viszik. És akkor ott voltunk borzalmas körülmények között. De bár ott maradhattunk volna végig, mert akkor együtt volt még a család. Ott kijelöltek zsidótanácsot, zsidórendőrséget meg hasonlók. Pár napig voltunk csak ott, de földön kellett már ott is aludni. És akkor egy szép napon kijelentették, hogy akinek a férje munkaszolgálatban van, azok maradhatnak, a többieket pedig elvisszük munkára [Ez a telep, ahova a gettóból kitelepítették a győri zsidóságot, a belvárostól kb. öt kilométerre volt. Az első világháború idején hadifogolytábor volt, majd katonai terület. Innen kezdődött a bevagonírozás 1944. június 11-én, a második transzport pedig június 17-én hagyta el a várost. (Randolph L. Braham: A magyar Holocaust, Gondolat, Budapest; Blackburn International Incorporation, Wilmington, é. n. /1988/. – A szerk.]. Az én férjem munkaszolgálatos volt, de én nem maradtam. És azt persze nem mondták, hogy két nap múlva azokat is ugyanúgy elviszik, akik maradtak. De én mentem a szüleimmel meg a nagyszüleimmel meg a Pannival meg barátokkal, akik ott voltak.

Ez volt 1944 júniusában, és a célállomás, amiről nekünk halvány sejtelmünk sem volt, Auschwitz volt. Amikor odaértünk – borzalmas körülmények között, vagonban 80-90-en mentünk, az egész család együtt, a nagyszülők, anyukám, apukám stb. – Auschwitzba, az ismert módon fogadtak bennünket és tereltek: los, los. A kerítés mögött láttuk ezeket a borzalmas, kopaszra nyírt asszonyokat – mert mi még akkor azt hittük, hogy velünk ez nem történhet –, és azok szegények kiabálták, hogy mindent adjatok ide, mert úgyis elvesznek tőletek mindent. És főleg szegények az ennivalót kérték ugyanúgy, mint ahogy egy nap múlva már mi is. Továbbhajtottak, nem is volt arra mód, hogy bármit is adjunk, és akkor az ismert „fürdő”, egy része gáz, egy része a fürdő, a lekopaszítás, meztelenül teljesen, holmikat összedobálva. Érdekes még, hogy az egyetlen a cipő volt, amit megtaláltunk. Mindenkinek odavágtak egy ruhát, énnekem olyan ruhát, ami rám se ment. Az volt a szerencsém, hogy a Panni, aki mint mondtam, fejlett, magas lány volt, ő meg kapott egy nagy ruhát. Rögtön cseréltünk. Hat hétig voltunk Auschwitzban. A családból senki más nem  volt ott velünk. Apámat állítólag valami bányába vitték – ezt távoli ismerősök mondták, de én nem tudom. Ott a vagonnál széjjelválasztottak bennünket, és eltűnt. A Mengele engem életre ítélt, szegény anyámat, aki 42 éves volt, tehát fiatal, de ősz volt a haja és molett volt, rögtön a gázba vitték. Ezek a lengyel és szlovák nők, akik ott voltak már kb. 1940 óta, tudtak jól magyarul, és ordítoztak velünk, hogy mi építettük meg nektek Auschwitzot, mert őket úgy vitték oda, mikor még csak a csupasz föld volt. Nagyon sokat szenvedtek, rengetegen elpusztultak, és aki megmaradt, teljesen a németek befolyása alatt volt, illetve rosszabbak voltak sokszor, mint a németek, azzal együtt, hogy zsidók voltak. Amikor a harmadik-negyedik nap a gázkamrákból borzalmas füst jött, akkor már ordítottak, hogy tudjátok, hol vannak a szüleitek? Ott szállnak fönt. Úgyhogy tudtuk, hogy gázkamra van. Én apámban nagyon bíztam; el is vitték munkára, de állítólag borzalmas körülmények között ott meghalt, mert nem jött vissza. Apám 52 éves volt. Hat hét után újra szelektáltak bennünket, mondták, hogy munkára visznek, de már akkor semmiben nem hittünk, mert már tudtuk, hogy a fürdőben mi történik. Kétszer-háromszor még vittek bennünket fürdőbe, de mi sem tudtuk, hogy most elgázosítanak vagy pedig valóban tusolunk. Hat hétig voltunk ott borzalmas körülmények között. Akkor három csoportra osztottak bennünket. Engem a legerősebbek közé tettek, hogy miért, nem tudom, mert sovány voltam. Megpróbáltam odaszökni ahhoz a csoporthoz, ahol a Panni volt, és a legjobb barátnőm, de egy ronda lengyel zsidónő észrevette – mindig ilyen kutyakorbáccsal jártak, ezek voltak a kápók –, és jól rávágott a meztelen hátamra, hogy zurick, zurick.

Úgyhogy én Brémába kerültem, ők pedig valami gyárba, ahol a hadiiparnak gyártottak muníciót, meg a fene tudja, mit. Nem tudtuk, hogy hova visznek bennünket, 2–3 napos utazás után Brémába érkeztünk, és akkor mondták meg, hogy romeltakarítók leszünk. Brémát borzalmasan bombázták az amerikaiak. Bennünket olyan helyekre vittek, ahol még minden füstölgött, a fákon megsült a körte, az alma, leszedtük, és ettük a sült körtét. Ott már sokkal elfogadhatóbb körülmények között voltunk, mert egy volt SS-lágerban laktunk, ahol hatan voltunk egy szobában, emeletes ágyak, középen volt egy hosszú asztal, volt vaskályha, minden héten lehetett mosni. Ennivalót tulajdonképpen reggel kaptunk, egy kis darab kenyeret egy fekete löttyel, amit kávénak neveznek, este kaptuk a szokásos levest és egy darab kenyeret – olyan 30 deka kenyeret egész napra, valami kis margarint, és azzal voltunk egész nap. Ott nagyon sok hadifogoly volt, franciáktól kezdve az angolokig, és mindenkinek valamilyen kitűzője volt, hogy megkülönböztessék, de ők szabadon jártak, nekünk pedig hátunkon volt a nagy sárga csillag. Kétféle őrünk volt, SS-őrök és Wermacht-őrök, és amikor a Wermacht-őrökkel mentünk, pár hét után, mikor már nagyjából kiismertük magunkat, ellógtunk ketten-hárman ennivalót szerezni. Bombázás után volt olyan, hogy lementünk a pincébe – valami hentesnek a pincéje lehetett –, és egy nagy darab sonkát találtunk, májas hurkát, véres hurkát, szenzációsan jó volt, és azt elvittük a munkahelyre. Én az unokahúgommal voltam, vele megosztottam, és volt ennivalónk akkor pár napig. A reggeli kelésnél – hajnali 3 vagy 4 órakor keltettek bennünket, naponta számoltak bennünket huszonötször – az SS-ek úgy keltettek bennünket, hogy los, los, és gyorsan fel kellett kelni, a Wermacht-őrök pedig ezzel a hangsúllyal, hogy aufstehen, meine Damen. És volt két wermachtos, akik mindig hozták a híreket, és sokszor vigasztaltak bennünket, hogy ez már nem fog sokáig tartani. Itt töltöttünk 7-8 hónapot. Naponta húsz kilométereket kellett gyalogolni; volt, amikor teherautóval vittek bennünket, nyitott teherautóba fölraktak, ide-oda dülöngéltünk, mert olyan gyorsan vezetett a sofőr; volt amikor vonattal bevittek. 1945. április 15-én szabadultunk. Amikor közeledtek az amerikaiak Brémához, evakuáltak bennünket Bergen-Belsenbe, ami a borzalmak borzalma volt, és még a mai napig is azt mondom, hogy Auschwitz szanatórium volt Bergen-Belsenhez képest. Auschwitzban még megvolt a rend, szervezettség, itt meg fejetlenség volt, és pokoli rosszak voltak a németek akkor már, mert tudták, hogy végük van. Mi aránylag egészen jó kondícióban kerültünk oda, habár az úton is sokat gyalogoltunk, és volt olyan SS nő, aki behajtott bennünket egy pajtába, és föl akarta gyújtani, csak a Wermacht-őr nem engedte. Szóval szörnyű körülmények között kerültünk oda, de azért aránylag jó fizikumban. Azok az emberek, akik ott voltak, élőhalottak voltak, négykézláb másztak, mert nem tudtak fölállni, és ugyanígy lettünk mi is. Két hétig voltunk ott, aztán fölszabadítottak bennünket. De a két hét alatt egy csomóan meghaltak körülöttem, leromlottunk, és az utolsó egy-két napban már én is alig tudtam lábra állni. Enni nem adtak, néha egy kondér híg valamit adtak. A mellettünk lévő blokkban voltak ukránok, akik nagyobb antiszemiták voltak, mint a németek, földöntötték a kondért, hogy a büdös zsidók ne egyenek; a csupasz földön feküdtünk, ugyanúgy, mint Auschwitzban, egymás hegyén-hátán. És hajnalban, mikor fölkeltettek bennünket, ki kellett húzni a halottakat, de az ember igazából nem tudta, hogy ki a halott, és ki az élő, mert mindnyájan úgy néztünk ki, mint az élőhalottak. 1945. április 15-én felszabadultunk, az angolok szabadítottak föl bennünket. Ugyan felszabadítottak bennünket, de semmi megértés, semmi belátás, semmi nem volt bennük. Én így visszatekintve megértem, mert háborút viselt katonák voltak, de tényleg úgy viselkedtek velünk szemben az elején, mintha mi is az ellenségek lettünk volna. Az a pár megmaradt élőhalott, aki ott volt.

Volt egy nagynéném, aki Kanitzban [Ezt a falut ma Dolní Kounice-nek hívják és Csehországban található. – A szerk.] szabadult, ez egy nagyon helyes kis falu volt, és a zsidó asszonyok kidobálták a németeket a házukból, lakásukból, és elfoglalták amerikai segítséggel. Minden családnak adtak egy szobát, például a nagynénémék egy gyönyörű, kétemeletes villában laktak – ez az ottani bankár villája volt. A nagynéném megtudta, hogy én Bergen-Belsenben vagyok, és elküldött egy katonai dzsipet az ottani zsidó vezetőnővel. Meg is találtak, és én rögtön hajlandó voltam menni. Az unokahúgomat is akartam vinni, de ő nem akart menni. Nem tudom, miért, talán azt hitte, hogy ő onnan hamarabb hazakerül. Én meg nem törődtem akkor semmivel, csak azzal, hogy normálisabb körülmények közé kerüljek, mert változatlanul sátorban laktunk, és hastífuszban voltam élet-halál között, 40 fokos lázzal, éjjel-nappal a vécén. És amikor már jobban lettem, borzalmas éhség volt rajtam, és nem kaptunk eleget enni az angoloktól. Akkor el kell jutnom Kanitzba, ott pehelypaplanos ágyban aludtam, fürödtem (11 hónap után fürödtem kádban, csodálatos dolog volt), és vártak normális vacsorával, mert ők maguk főztek. Megkapták a nyersanyagot az amerikaiaktól, és mindenki ott főzött. Ez volt körülbelül május-júniusban, és október közepén jöttem haza. Azért jöttem haza, mert egy barátnőmért kijött a testvére, és ő azt mondta, hogy téged hazaviszlek, mert együtt volt az első férjemmel, és felszabadultak, és biztos, mire mi hazaérünk, addigra otthon lesz a férjed. Hát mi hazaértünk, de a férjem eltűnt. Felszabadulás után az oroszok elfogták őket kicsi robotra [lásd: málenkij robot], és soha többet nem került elő. A második férjemmel együtt voltak munkaszolgálatban, őt is elfogták, és ő egy évig volt kint a Szovjetunióban táborban, és talán a legelsőkkel haza tudott jönni, és akkor mesélte, hogy az első férjemnek volt valami kelése a kezén, és ahogyan a vonat vitte őket a Szovjetunió felé, Romániában volt egy külső tábor, ahol megállt a vonat, és akkor szólt az első férjem a katonának, hogy őneki kell egy orvos, hogy nézze meg. Meg is engedték, hogy leszálljon, orvost keressen, aztán eltűnt.

Mikor hazajöttünk teljesen egyedül, ehhez a barátnőmhöz mentem, akivel elkerültem Auschwitzba, mert tudtam, hogy senkim nincs, de ő is valahol lakott, és egy évig olyan összevissza voltunk Győrött [Az 1941-es népszámlálás szerint Győr lakosságának 8,2 százaléka volt zsidó, 4688 fő. 1946-ra 950-en maradtak (1,5%). – A szerk.]. A szegény férjemnek szállítmányozási vállalata volt, és ott dolgoztam, anyagi gondom nem volt. A társa nagyon rendes volt, és ő mondta, hogy járjak oda be – azt nem mondta, hogy a fele az enyém, de valamit ad. Győrben aztán megismerkedtem, illetve ismertem a második férjemet még háború előttről. Krausz Károlynak hívták. 1903-ban született és 1983-ban halt meg. Összehozott bennünket az a tudat, hogy ő volt utoljára együtt az első férjemmel, tudott mesélni róla, és valahogy összekeveredtünk, ő is egyedül volt, én is egyedül voltam. Ő is nős volt, két gyönyörű kislánya volt, akik nagyon szépek voltak, okosak. Akkor már nem vettek föl a gimnáziumba zsidó lányokat, de annyira okos volt ez a kislány, hogy a zsidó iskola tanárai küldöttséggel mentek a gimnáziumi igazgatóhoz, hogy ezt a lányt muszáj fölvenni. Akkor már angolul beszélt, 10 éves volt. És föl is vették. De hát erre nem került sor, mert ugye júniusban deportáltak bennünket, és ő akkor fejezte be az elemit. Meghalt a felesége, és két gyönyörű kislánya is. Úgyhogy újra elkezdtük közösen az életet. Nem szerettem Győrt soha, utána meg pláne nem szerettem, hogy ez a sok borzalom történt velünk, de mégis ott ragadtunk. A második férjem is kereskedelmiben végzett, és egy nagy megyei vállalatnál volt főkönyvelő a háború után, a háború előtt pedig egy eléggé híres malomban, a Back-malomban [Back Herman-féle hengermalom. – A szerk.], ami egy báróé volt, volt cégvezető.

1947-ben házasodtunk össze. Polgári esküvő volt. Mi nagyon jóban voltunk a győri főrabbival, aki aztán Bécsbe került főrabbinak. 8 hónapos terhes voltam, és gyakran járt hozzánk. Egyszer eljött, és csináltam valami vacsorát – ő ugyan csak kósert evett, nálunk nem volt kóser, de azért megette, vallásos volt, de erre nem adott –, és akkor két baráti házaspár is ott volt nálunk, és ott megtartotta az egyházi esküvőt. Úgyhogy pap által is meg lettünk áldva, de az ő kérésére valóban, mert egyikünk sem ragaszkodott ehhez. Az első házasságomnál ott volt egyházi is, de nagyon szerény körülmények között – mert ez 1944 februárjában volt. Két gyerekem született. Akkor évekig velük voltam, nem dolgoztam.

1952 szeptemberében én már éreztem, hogy nekem muszáj hazulról elmennem. Volt háztartási alkalmazott. Az ottani OTP igazgató helyettesével nagyon jóban voltunk, régi barátok voltunk, és azt mondta, hogy menjek el 3 hónapra dolgozni az OTP-be. És a 3 hónapból 25 év lett, és onnét mentem nyugdíjba. Ez volt az egyetlen komoly állásom: belső ellenőr voltam. A gyerekek meg közben iskolába jártak, akkor már volt időszak, hogy nem volt, aki velük legyen, nem volt háztartási alkalmazott, akkor ők már elég önállóak voltak. Volt napközi, ott ettek, kulcsuk volt, és délután hazajöttek.

1956-ban, a forradalom alatt sokat gondolkodtunk rajta, hogy elmegyünk Magyarországról, már majdnem indulási stádiumban voltunk, de a férjem nem akart, azt mondta, hogy ő már idős, nem kezd új életet. A gyerekek kicsik voltak. Hogy jól tettük-e vagy sem, nem lehet tudni. Nem mentünk el. Győr átjáróház volt, csomó ismerős ment el, fölültek Győrben az autóbuszra, és Bécsben szálltak le. Már ott volt a bécsi főrabbi, akivel mi nagyon jóban voltunk, és ő is üzent, hogy menjünk, mindent elintéz. Énnekem egy lökés kellett volna, de nem mertem vállalni a felelősséget, mert ott volt a két kicsi gyerek. Semmilyen pártban nem voltunk. Ebből semmi probléma nem volt, a férjem baloldali volt, én is baloldali vagyok, és miután ő vezető állásban volt, többször próbálták agitálni, hogy lépjen be a pártba, de ő ezt nem tette.

A gyerekek Krauszok, és a gyerekek is, senki nem változtatta meg a nevét. Mi nagyon akartuk szegény férjemmel együtt, hogy magyarosítsanak, még az érettségi előtt, de nem. Azt mondták, ha a papának jó a Krausz név, akkor nekik is jó. Mindegyik zsidónak lett nevelve. Akkor nagy divat volt, hogy a szülők eltitkolták, mert azt hitték, hogy az jó, de mi nem, ők az első perctől kezdve, amikor már lehetett velük beszélgetni, tudták. Egy ideig jártak hittanra ott, Győrött, de az aztán abbamaradt. Tehát tudták, hogy zsidók, de vallásosak nem voltak, mi sem, amit azért én már egy jó ideje bánok, hogy azért egy kicsit kellett volna vallásosabbnak lenni. A nagyünnepeket megtartottuk, mint a Kol Nidre este, akkor csináltunk vacsorát is, elmentünk a templomba. Szegény férjem egész nap böjtölt, én mindig csak a mázkírig böjtöltem. A gyerekeim ezt tudomásul vették. Szédereste mindig volt nálunk is. A háború előtt még sokkal több szédereste volt, mert a nagyszülőknél voltunk, egyiknél, másiknál, mind a két este voltunk [A diaszpórában Pészah ünnepének első két estéjén tartják a széderesti szertartást. Izraelben hét napig tart a Pészah, a diaszpórában viszont nyolc napig. Az ősi Izraelben a hónapok kezdetét, az újhold megjelenését Jeruzsálemben figyelték. A hegyek csúcsain őrségek tanyáztak, amelyek azonnal továbbították a híreket a babilóniai és perzsiai hitközségnek, amelyek az újhold megjelenéséről még azon az éjjel értesültek. Az őrségek nappal füst-, éjszaka pedig tűzjeleket adtak tovább egyik hegyről a másikra. Ez a rómaiak alatt lehetetlenné vált, és a bizonytalanság elkerülése érdekében azóta bizonyos ünnepek egy nappal tovább tartanak a diaszpórában, mint Izraelben. - A szerk.]. Háború után már csak a baráti házaspárok jöttek össze, és úgy tartottuk a szédert. Ez aztán egyre jobban elmaradt, amit nagyon bánok. Bánom azt, hogy a gyerekeimbe nem neveltem bele a vallásosságot, hogy valami vallásosság legyen bennük. Nagyon jó zsidók, de nem vallásosak. Mindig zsidónak tartották magukat, mind a ketten féltik Izraelt, mindegyik volt kint.

Van és volt egy pár nagyon jó, szimpatikus keresztény ismerős is, de igazából az ember csak úgy érzi magát otthon, ha akármiről beszélhet. És ezekkel a keresztény barátainkkal vagy ismerőseinkkel azért bizonyos korlátot kell tartani. Ezt szerintem a gyerekeim és az unokáim is így érzik.

1977 januárjáig laktunk Győrben. A férjem már nyugdíjban volt, illetve én is akkor mentem nyugdíjba, és a gyerekeim már itt megházasodtak, és kierőszakolták, hogy jöjjünk föl mi is Pestre, hála Istennek, mert nem tudtam volna ott azt egyedül végigcsinálni. Szegény másfél évig feküdt, pedig irtó stramm férfi volt. Mert sportolt, a síeléstől kezdve mindent. Ami akkor nagy szó volt. A halála után a férjemet levittük Győrbe, mert az volt a kívánsága, mert az édesapja is ott van eltemetve, hogy abba a sírba tegyük bele.

Énnekem volt 9 évig egy izraeli élettársam. Ő is győri volt eredetileg, még diákkorunkban ismertük meg egymást. 1939-ben az édesapja kiküldte Izraelbe, az ő családja is eltűnt [a holokauszt során]. Ő ott megnősült, és lett egy fia. Aztán meghalt a felesége 1983-ban, nekem meg a férjem. A következő évben eljött Pestre. Egyáltalán nem tartottuk a kapcsolatot, jóformán azt sem tudtam, hogy néz ki. Fölkeresett, és valahogy akkor összekeveredtünk 1984 tavaszán. Még abban az évben újra találkoztunk, és attól kezdve 9 évig voltunk élettársi kapcsolatban. El akart venni feleségül, én nem mentem hozzá, mondtam, hogy én a családomat nem hagyom itt, mert ő azt szerette volna, hogy én menjek ki Izraelbe végleg. Itt volt nálam egy évből, mondjuk, 8 hónapot, akkor egy hónapot utaztunk, két hónapot én voltam kint Izraelben, és kb. egy hónapot meg távol voltunk egymástól. Nagyon kellemes volt ez a kapcsolat, mert egy világlátott ember volt, és én addig utaztam, de igazából vele együtt utaztunk sok helyre Izraelben, de mindig vágyódtam haza. Nagyon szeretem Izraelt a mai napig is, Jeruzsálem pedig a libling. De ő a szívével beteg volt, és azt mondta, hogy akkor ő hazamegy. Haza is ment 9 év után, széjjelszakadt a kapcsolat, és 2-3 év múlva meghalt. Szegény férjem borzalmasan vágyódott ki Izraelbe, de sosem sikerült neki kijutni. Én is nagyon vágyódtam Izraelbe, de hát soha nem gondoltam volna, hogy több mint két évet ott élek. Tényleg megszoktam, és szerettem, de azért mindig volt bennem bizonyos félelem. Ha mondjuk, bementünk Tel-Avivba autóbusszal, ha véletlenül egy arab felszállt, vagy leültünk, mondjuk, kávézni a tengerpartra, és ott a mellettünk lévő asztalnál egy arab volt, én mindig féltem. Ő azt mondta, hogy ezektől nem kell félni, mert ezek izraeliek. Aztán bebizonyosodott, hogy mennyire kell félni.

Hanna Ferber

Hanna Ferber
Riga
Latvia
Interviewer: Svetlana Kovalchuk
Date of Interview: March 2002

I don't know how to explain this. I never knew any of my grandparents. I do remember Grandmother Zhenia Hercenberg, though. She was very old and frail and lived in Jelgava in an old people's home, which her sons paid for. When she died, she was buried in a Jewish cemetery in Jelgava. No documents about her have survived.

My parents were married in 1906 in Liepaja.

My father, Adolf Hercenberg, was born in 1880. He came from Piltene, not far from Liepaja. His parents were also from there. But my mother is from Gulbene, another town near Liepaja. My father had two brothers, Edward and Gustav. Edward lived in Riga, where he owned a prosperous antique shop. Gustav lived in Tallinn [today Estonia]. He was the youngest brother in the Ferber family. Gustav was the representative of the Italian 'Viskoza Ltd' in Estonia; he had two daughters.

At the beginning of World War I, in 1914, my father was sent to Glazov, in the district of Vjatskij. What for? He didn't know. My mother, Feike Ite Hercenberg [nee - Kutisker] who was born in 1884, remained behind with three children to raise: in 1914 my brother Boris was six years old, my sister Gita was four and my youngest brother Isaac was two. In Jelgava [50 km from Riga, called Mitava until 1918] a regulation was issued that all Jews should leave the town within 48 hours. [Editor's note: The regulation was actually issued at the end of May or beginning of June 1915, just before the Germans were to occupy the territory which is Latvia today. It is quite possible that Adolf Hercenberg was deported to Glazov as a result of this regulation, since the tsarist government was afraid of Germanophilic feelings of the Jews.]

Everyone living in Jelgava at that time knew about this regulation. A small ship was sent to the Lielupe River- Driksene - all the Jews went there with their children. My mother took her three small children, bundled up the most necessary items and went to the ship. They were brought to Riga. Her brother lived in St. Petersburg at that time. My mother's name was Feike Ite, but we called her Feike. I found out that she had been called Ite, from my eldest brother, Boris. My mother was brought to Petersburg and there they tried to get her a permission to go on to Glazov to join my father. In 1917 the Soviet Workers and Farmers gave my parents a permit to go back to Mitava. They returned, and then I was born in September 1919. In 1933 my mother had another son - Rafi.

My oldest brother Boris was born in 1908, in Liepaja. My sister Gita was born in 1910. My youngest brother Isaac, also known as Isaac Meier, was born in 1912 in Jelgava. Boris began school in Glazov and went to a Russian school there until 1917. There he learned Russian, and spoke it for the rest of his life. When my parents returned to Jelgava from Glazov, Boris was sent to a German gymnasium [high school]. He was 18 when he graduated. How he learned Hebrew, I don't know. But he and a friend of his named Shura Davidson immigrated to Palestine in 1926. He had money to go to Berlin. My mother's brother, Uncle Igo Kutisker, who had lived in Petersburg earlier, then lived in Palestine.

To get enough money to leave Germany, Boris sold his stamp collection and went to Palestine. In 1928 he married Sonya Liven. She was also very active in Betar 1. Boris only got to know Sonya in Palestine, but my father used to work with this girl at Lancman's in Riga, where she was a bookkeeper. So, Father knew his future daughter-in-law. Later, Sonya's sister Rosa took over this position as a bookkeeper. When my brother got married, Rosa and her mother, Frau [Mrs.] Liven, came to us in Jelgava to introduce themselves. In 1929 my brother changed both his first name and his surname. Instead of Boris Hercenberg he became Dov Harlev. Har - means hill; Lev - means lion, I think. Because of this, it is very important for me to maintain the memory of the family name Hercenberg.

In Jelgava we had a rather simple lifestyle. My father had a small shop that didn't do much business. Sometimes he had work, but sometimes he didn't. My mother lived in Jelgava and ran a dining room where people coming to town could come and have dinner. Not too many people came, but that is how we made a living.

Our family wasn't very orthodox. But for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur my parents did go to the synagogue. During Pesach we didn't eat bread. I know all the laws, because I went to the synagogue in Jelgava together with my parents. In Jelgava there used to be a huge synagogue. We learned Hebrew at school every day - it was regarded as a dead language, like Latin. We studied the basics of religion. I couldn't talk it, but I can still remember words to this very day. As I say, 'You won't be able to con me in Hebrew.' I know enough Hebrew for that! But yes, I speak Yiddish.

I was born in 1919 in Jelgava. At that time Bermont's Army was leaving Jelgava. [West Russian Volunteer Army was a counterrevolutionary army in the Baltic provinces of the former Russian Empire during the Russian Civil War of 1918-1920, created by Germany. It was led by a Cossack general Pavel Bermont-Avalov who recruited about 50 000 men in close co-operation with German general Rüdiger von der Goltz. Originally known as "Special Russian Corps", it was made up mostly of Baltic Germans as well as some Russian POWs captured by Germany in World War I and then released on the promise that they would help fighting against the Bolsheviks in the Russian Civil War. In October 1919 West Russian Volunteer Army attacked the newly- independent states of Lithuania and Latvia, to which Germany had granted independence. It has briefly occupied Riga and government of K?rlis Ulmanis had to request military help from Lithuania and Estonia. In November Latvian army managed to drive Bermont-Avalov forces into Lithuanian territory. After interference by the Entente military mission remaining elements of West Russian Volunteer Army withdrew from the Baltics to Germany]

My mother told me that I was almost born in a basement, because there was crossfire. I was the fourth child born in the family. I went to the General Jewish School, then for two years I studied at Jelgava State Secondary School. In 1936 the secondary school in Jelgava was closed. As my father was a bagman and always worked in firms in Riga, and my brother Isaac didn't have work in Jelgava either, we moved to Riga in summer 1936.

I entered a Jewish Gymnasium named after Ice Rauhvarger. Why did I go to this school? Because the subjects were taught in Latvian. But in Jelgava all subjects were taught in German. Hence, my first language was German. In 1938 I graduated from Rauhvarger's school and entered the English College. The English College at that time was a higher education institution. We acquired rather good English at that school. I didn't have to take additional lessons in English, but took the entrance examinations at once. Today, the school is a secondary education institution. At that time I spoke English fluently, I even thought in English. We had wonderful teachers at the college - they were all English - and they taught the language fantastically well. Twice a year, at Christmas and for summer vacations, they went to England. They all married local girls. At the College we only spoke English. We even had a punishment system for non- English words uttered at school. I studied there for three years, passed the third year examination, and then the war started.

I worked during my studies. College classes started at 4pm. A friend of mine got me a job in a workshop at Gandler's factory where they made some sort of lubricant made of smelly herrings. All staff at this workshop - the son of the owner, the daughters - they were all doing commercial business. There was a horseman who didn't know a word of Russian, but he swore in Russian. I started to work as a bookkeeper at Gandler's for 50 Lats. It smelled awful there. I couldn't go to college in the same clothes. After work I would go home, have a wash and then go to college for 7 - 8 hours.

During the evacuation in wartime I tried to study. I enrolled at university in Kirov. I didn't have any idea that it was a pedagogical institute. I really don't know how I followed the lectures! All the lectures were in Russian, and I wrote down everything using the Latin alphabet! It was impossible for me to study. Oh, yes, there was one lecturer from Leningrad who loved talking to me. She even took me with her to the dining room and gave me almost half of her dinner, just in order to talk to me in English. The institute was transferred to Jaransk, 250 kilometers from Kirov, where there were no railways. At that time the Ministry of Meat Production was evacuated from Moscow, for which the facilities of the institute were needed. My father, who had been deported to the North during World War I said, 'My dear, we left Riga only to fall into German hands here! We don't know how far the Germans will come. We are not going with the institute.' My parents and I were offered the opportunity to leave, with the promise that work would be arranged for my father, but he flatly refused this offer.

So I left the Institute and I started to look for a job, because during the war we were punished for not working. Without knowing Russian, I went to a tailor's workshop. They repaired military clothes and did some tailoring too. I was to sew on buttons and make loops. But I was a very bad worker - I couldn't follow the design. I didn't understand what a pattern design was, and what I was supposed to do. I was always the last one on the list, and was badly scolded for it. I worked at this workshop until I got an invitation to come to the military committee, the Vojenkomat. I came to the Vojenkomat and was told that I was to be taken for courses held by the communists. I told them that I hadn't mastered the Russian language and that I didn't have any idea how they were going to teach me. They were collecting communists, apparently to send them to the front line 2.

I had my mother to take care of, because my father was dead by that time. He died from lung cancer in Kirov in 1942. He is buried there. At that time in Kirov there was a Latvian Representation Office and Karlis Pugo was the head of it. He was the father of Boris Pugo. [Editor's note: on the eve of the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 Boris Pugo was the Minister of Internal Affairs of the USSR]. Karlis Pugo was the nicest person and was very kind to us. I went to the Representation Office quite often - I used to buy the newspaper 'Cina' ['The Fight']. I fell ill with tuberculosis and when I went to Pugo, he gave me felt boots. After my father's death, I went to Pugo again and told him, 'I am being asked to join the army and go to the front line. My mother will be alone without anybody to look after her.' He explained that it wasn't a Latvian division I had been called up to; they didn't need me. So, he wasn't able to help me. Vojenkomat was just not under his jurisdiction. I started to go to the communists' courses where we were mostly taught how to dismantle and put together a gun. I was not able to remember all the parts of a gun, but then, I didn't know the Russian language.

Then Pugo told me that since I had lung problems and went to the tuberculosis health center, I wasn't destined for the army. In the Vojenkomat there was a commission which, having learned that I was a patient at the tuberculosis health center, gave me a document to prove that I was unsuitable for army service. So I got out of the courses.

Pugo explained, 'If you work in a civil organization they won't leave you in peace. You should find some organization from which they don't recruit people for army service.' I was accepted at the Evacuation Hospital No. 3156. First, they made me a bookkeeper, as he had a manager from Moscow, whom he knew would soon return there. This happened in 1943, I think, when people were returning to Moscow. When this bookkeeper left, I was made a manager of a division. Every day I had to document the number of wounded, to write receipts, and to put the menu list together. People were brought in and operated on, and we were sometimes called in at nights. I worked there until 1945. I had a good time there. We got ration cards for 800 grams of bread, whereas my mother got one for just 200 grams. We also had a small garden. Nikolai Krilov, the head of the supply division, planted cabbages for me. He went there every weekend. I couldn't go there, because I didn't have the weekends off. He organized a small shop for civil staff, so we didn't have to stand in queues for bread all night. We didn't starve, and we even got parcels. That is how we lived.

The head of the hospital, Solomon Jakovljevich Rozovskiy from Leningrad, was the loveliest person and a very cultured man. In 1943, for the first time in my life we invited the head of the hospital for Pesach. He had war rations and brought a piece of meat and organized a Seder. I remember my friend Lyuba went to the market, and she saw that somebody was selling a big pike. They were asking 100 rubles for it. Lyuba passed the money over other people's heads to make sure that we had this fish for Pesach. And then, the head of the hospital came to visit us. Boris, my brother, sent us matzah and clothes through the Red Cross organization. Somebody was coming, most probably from the KGB 3, they were whispering. We were closely followed. If you, as a former Riga citizen, told anyone that you used to live in a three-room apartment you could get put away for years. But we knew that we should keep quiet, because my father already had some experience in this field.

Nikolai Krilov became ill with pneumonia and died in 1945. I was left as the head of the supply division. When the war ended, Rozovskiy named people for promotions. I was nominated for the Red Star. I got a letter that they were willing to take me back for studies at the Foreign Language Institute, and my mother and I were given permission to re-evacuate in 1945.

My brother Boris and I kept writing to each other all our lives 4. Even during the war we managed to keep in touch with each other. He helped us with parcels that he sent with the assistance of the Red Cross. In 1989, during Gorbachev's 5 time, people started visiting Israel. One of our relatives went to Israel, so I told him, 'Please pass word to my brother that I agree to come and visit him. But I don't have the money for a ticket. Get him to send me an invitation.' When I came into the Visa department, a woman in uniform was sitting there. She read my form and said, 'You haven't seen your brother since 1926, and he is 80 now! You will get the permission very soon! Order the tickets!' I called my brother at once and told him this. I spoke to my brother again for the first time when he was 80.

In 1989 I went to Israel. I stayed with Rafi, my brother's son. Rafi always invited the whole family for Sabbath. Since I have returned from Israel, I invite all the family for Sabbath every Friday. It's not because I am a strong believer; I simply want my family to meet up. I light candles, but say no prayers. I make dinner. Those who are free, come, or they call and excuse themselves.

My brother and his children lived in Ramatasharon. In 1967, during the war 6, my brother moved from Tel Aviv to Ramatasharon. His daughter also bought an apartment there when she married. Rafi had a house in Ramatasharon. He was an army officer, a pilot. When he retired he got a position in civil aviation. Today he is the president of the Israeli Airline Company 'El Al.'

Now, my sister Gita's story: she graduated from the German gymnasium in Jelgava, a private and very expensive establishment. As my brother Boris said, it was a terribly anti-Semitic gymnasium. There were no Jewish schools in Jelgava, and nobody thought of going to a Latvian school. Gita was studying to become a pharmacist. In 1933, she married Moric Rozenberg, who was 18 years older than Gita. Gita was very beautiful, and looked much younger than her real age. Moric Rozenberg was a bachelor, an older man, not too poor, but I wouldn't say he was extremely rich, either. In Jelgava he decorated a very beautiful apartment, ordering everything from a catalogue. He decorated this lovely apartment and employed a housekeeper to care for it.

They had a beautiful, grand wedding. I was finishing the 7th grade when Gita got married. In 1934, she gave birth to a daughter who they named Atida. They lived a normal life. Gita didn't work any more. They had a Jewish circle of friends and played cards in the evenings. Gita could lose as much money as she wanted, as Moric would always pay. But when Gita happened to win some money, she would buy something for me - some material for a dress, or a coat or an outfit. Her husband loved me dearly. During the summer they would come to Riga seaside - Jurmala and everything was very lovely. Atida was one and a half years old when they came to Jurmala and she became ill with infantile paralysis. At first, she was completely paralyzed, and then the paralysis slowly receded. But one of her feet was still dead. She remained crippled and didn't go to school.

My sister's husband was religious. I remember, one Friday we made a list in order to bring money to all the poor. My friend Lyuba and I did that. When we were asked, 'Who gave all this money,' we were supposed to answer, 'Pray to the Lord for a child's health.' My sister's husband's business was taken away from him by the Soviet authorities, and he was then trading corn. He had a license for export. In 1941, Moric Rozenberg was working in Riga, and my sister was working in the pharmacy. But out of four rooms, two were rented out; it wasn't possible to maintain the four rooms. They all died in the ghetto in Jelgava in 1941 - my sister, her husband and Atida, but details of their life in that period I don't know.

On 14th June, 1941 there was a mass deportation of people to the East of Russia 7. The head of the family was separated from the rest of the family and taken to an animal freight car; the rest of the family went separately. Everybody was deported like this in 1941. And not only one nation - Latvians, all rich people! During that time my brother Isaac was conscripted into the workers' guards. On 14th or 15th June, he came and said, 'Listen! Gita will be sent away without a doubt! I have seen the horror of it! We guards came to people at night and gave them 20 minutes to get ready. And that was only because they were rich! They were taken from their beds - children, old people. Go to Jelgava at once. Get packed and wait.' I went to Jelgava, we packed, and then we waited for two nights. It turned out that the rich Jews of Jelgava had bought themselves out. But when the Germans came in, signs were put on them that said 'Jews.'

Isaac went to a Jewish school, graduated and went as a trainee to work in a clothes shop. He was rather short, but he grew up later to be a very handsome man. He was very kind. When Friday came my mother told me, 'Go to the shop owner and ask for 2 Lats on Isaac's account for Sabbath.' Then my mother would go to the market. Our father had a very small shop; he came home on Fridays for Sabbath. Isaac, too, like Boris, joined the Brit- Trumpeldorf club. He wanted to go to Israel, too. When I got older, my father wouldn't let me join this organization. He was afraid that I might also want to leave. Isaac became a salesman in a shop, and then joined the Latvian army in 1934. You had to be 21 to join the Latvian Army. When he came back there was a tendency among Jews to do hard physical work - to prepare themselves for life in Palestine. It was through such work that Isaac met his future wife, Sara [Sonya] Sorkina. He was carrying bags for his brother-in-law [Moric Rozenberg]. At four or five in the morning his brother-in-law got dressed and went out to work, in winter as well as in summer. Farmers took corn from their farms to sell in town. They didn't deliver all their corn at once, but just when they needed money. His brother-in-law was a great specialist. He tasted the corn, then brought it to the corn elevator.

In 1938 Isaac married Sara Sorkina. In 1941 we saw him for the last time on St. John's day, 24th June. The war had already started. He came to our house, and Sara was there, too. He told her, 'If everybody is leaving, you should leave, too!' She answered, 'I'm not leaving without you!' Later we found out that Isaac had been killed in Staraja Rus in 1941. We have a document to that effect. His wife Sonya remained with us for the rest of her life.

My husband, Shimon Ferber, was born in 1917 in Tukums [65 km west of Riga]. There he graduated from secondary school. Shimon was a very active follower of Brit-Trumpeldorf. One of his brothers was a communist. He had two brothers. Max Mendel, the oldest one and the communist, died in 1942. He died in my husband's arms. Emmanuel was the youngest brother of my husband. He lives in Haifa today; he was a pharmacist.

Shimon courted me from the time I was 13. In Jelgava he had an aunt - Frau Klauss - his mother's sister. He used to go to her place on holidays. The Klauss family had a little two-floor house. On the first floor lived his aunt and her husband, and on the second floor there lived my classmate. In Jelgava there used to be a wonderful park - at the site of a palace, which had been destroyed during World War I. Children used to play there, and Lyuba used to go there with her relative Shimon. When we grew up he fell in love with me. I was too young to be allowed to receive letters. Lyuba Klauss had a housekeeper and Shimon wrote to her. These were letters for me. When I went to Kirov during the war, it turned out that Shimon's parents were also there. He joined the family in Kirov and came to my mother. I was at work at that time and though he sent me greetings, we didn't meet.

But when my mother and I came back to Riga through Leningrad in 1945, I continued my studies at the English Language Institute. Lyuba Klauss told him where I lived. Shimon Ferber came to me when Mother was ill, when I was in a strange apartment with no money. He came and was so kind - he bought groceries for all the ration cards 8. We went to the cinema, the circus and the theater. We got registered, got a document stating that we were officially married. We went to my mother and told her that we were married. My mother asked that his mother come to her. 'Children marry without a chuppah!' my mother said. On 17th November 1945 we went to a rabbi and had a chuppah.

My husband got demobilized. He started to work at the Ministry of Trade, as an inspector for the organizational division 9. He worked in this Ministry until he retired. My husband died in 1996. He worked hard all his life, and would come home at about eleven in the evening. My little daughter once called him 'Uncle.' My relatives arranged work for me back in 1945 at the Ministry of Transportation, in the planning division. I worked there until 1948. Then I went to work at the Taxi Park. The head of the planning division knew my abilities to acquire new goods and they sent me to the Riga Taxi Park. There, I made my career. I became the head of the planning division. I introduced shifts in the Taxi Park so that the cars wouldn't be left idle. In 1959 I went to work for the special scientific research construction office as head of the normative research division. In the Soviet Union, they were the first to construct a diagnostic car workshop. I worked there until I retired at the age of 55.

In 1946, I gave birth to a son whom we named Ruvin. This was the happiest day of my life. I thank God many times a day for such a wonderful son! My son was taken care of by Russian speaking maids. I didn't teach him English; there was no time for that. Ruvin graduated from the Faculty of Physics and Mathematics at Latvia University. He is a professor at the university. He has a son named Arye and a daughter named Lina.

I also have a daughter. My daughter Fira was born in 1952. I was very happy when she was born, because I wanted a daughter so badly. The doctor said at the beginning of my labor, 'The Ferbers again have a son!' But when I saw the bracelet given to all newborn, the doctor had crossed out 'boy' and put 'girl' instead. From the very first day of her life, we had a nurse for Fira. This nurse lived with us for 13 years. My daughter graduated from the Faculty of Russian Philology at Latvia University. Now she is a businesswoman. Fira has a daughter named Ada. Our daughter married a Russian, a wonderful man by the name of Oleg Maniyev, who died of cancer when he was 47. But when Fira's daughter, Ada, went to get her passport she registered as Jewish 10.

I followed the Jewish traditions at home; my children knew when Pesach and the Jewish New Year were; we baked matzah and went to the synagogue. I observed the traditions, and so did my husband's parents.

Glossary:

1 Betar

Brith Trumpledor (Hebrew) meaning Trumpledor Society; right-wing Revisionist Jewish youth movement. It was founded in 1923 in Riga by Vladimir Jabotinsky, in memory of J. Trumpledor, one of the first fighters to be killed in Palestine, and the fortress Betar, which was heroically defended for many months during the Bar Kohba uprising. Its aim was to propagate the program of the revisionists and prepare young people to fight and live in Palestine. It organized emigration through both legal and illegal channels. It was a paramilitary organization; its members wore uniforms. They supported the idea to create a Jewish legion in order to liberate Palestine. From 1936-39 the popularity of Betar diminished. During WWII many of its members formed guerrilla groups.

2 Soviet Army

The armed forces of the Soviet Union, originally called Red Army and renamed Soviet Army in February 1946. After the Bolsheviks came to power, in November 1917, they commenced to organize the squads of worker's army, called Red Guards, where workers and peasants were recruited on voluntary bases. The commanders were either selected from among the former tsarist officers and soldiers or appointed directly by the Military and Revolutionary Committy of the Communist Party. In early 1918 the Bolshevik government issued a decree on the establishment of the Workers' and Peasants' Red Army and mandatory drafting was introduced for men between 18 and 40. In 1918 the total number of draftees was 100 thousand officers and 1.2 million soldiers. Military schools and academies training the officers were restored. In 1925 the law on compulsory military service was adopted and annual drafting was established. The term of service was established as follows: for the Red Guards- two years, for junior officers of aviation and fleet- three years, for medium and senior officers- 25 years. People of exploiter classes (former noblemen, merchants, officers of the tsarist army, priest, factory owner, etc. and their children) as well as kulaks (rich peasants) and Cossacks were not drafted in the army. The law as of 1939 cancelled restriction on drafting of men belonging to certain classes, students were not drafted but went through military training in their educational institutions. On the 22nd June 1941 Great Patriotic War was unleashed and the drafting in the army became exclusively compulsory. First, in June-July 1941 general and complete mobilization of men was carried out as well as partial mobilization of women. Then annual drafting of men, who turned 18, was commenced. When WWII was over, the Red Army amounted to over 11 million people and the demobilization process commenced. By the beginning of 1948 the Soviet Army had been downsized to 2 million 874 thousand people. The youth of drafting age were sent to the restoration works in mines, heavy industrial enterprises, and construction sites. In 1949 a new law on general military duty was adopted, according to which service term in ground troops and aviation was three years and in navy- four years. Young people with secondary education, both civilian and military, with the age range of 17-23 were admitted in military schools for officers. In 1968 the term of the army service was contracted to two years in ground troops and in the navy to three years. That system of army recruitment has remained without considerable changes until the breakup of the Soviet Army (1991-93).

3 KGB

The KGB or Committee for State Security was the main Soviet external security and intelligence agency, as well as the main secret police agency from 1954 to 1991.

4 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death.

5 Gorbachev, Mikhail (1931- )

Soviet political leader. Gorbachev joined the Communist Party in 1952 and gradually moved up in the party hierarchy. In 1970 he was elected to the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, where he remained until 1990. In 1980 he joined the politburo, and in 1985 he was appointed general secretary of the party. In 1986 he embarked on a comprehensive program of political, economic, and social liberalization under the slogans of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring). The government released political prisoners, allowed increased emigration, attacked corruption, and encouraged the critical reexamination of Soviet history. The Congress of People's Deputies, founded in 1989, voted to end the Communist Party's control over the government and elected Gorbachev executive president. Gorbachev dissolved the Communist Party and granted the Baltic states independence. Following the establishment of the Commonwealth of Independent States in 1991, he resigned as president. Since 1992, Gorbachev has headed international organizations.

6 Six-Day-War

The first strikes of the Six-Day-War happened on 5th June 1967 by the Israeli Air Force. The entire war only lasted 132 hours and 30 minutes. The fighting on the Egyptian side only lasted four days, while fighting on the Jordanian side lasted three. Despite the short length of the war, this was one of the most dramatic and devastating wars ever fought between Israel and all of the Arab nations. This war resulted in a depression that lasted for many years after it ended. The Six-Day-War increased tension between the Arab nations and the Western World because of the change in mentalities and political orientations of the Arab nations.

7 Deportations from the Baltics (1940-1953)

After the Soviet Union occupied the three Baltic states (Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania) in June 1940 as a part of establishing the Soviet system, mass deportation of the local population began. The victims of these were mainly but not exclusively those unwanted by the regime: the local bourgeoisie and the previously politically active strata. Deportations to remote parts of the Soviet Union continued up until the death of Stalin. The first major wave of deportation took place between 11th and 14th June 1941, when 36,000, mostly politically active people were deported. Deportations were reintroduced after the Soviet Army recaptured the three countries from Nazi Germany in 1944. Partisan fights against the Soviet occupiers were going on all up to 1956, when the last squad was eliminated. Between June 1948 and January 1950, in accordance with a Decree of the Presidium of the Supreme Council of the USSR under the pretext of 'grossly dodged from labor activity in the agricultural field and led anti-social and parasitic mode of life' 52,541 people from Latvia, 118,599 people from Lithuania and 32,450 people from Estonia were deported. The total number of deportees from the three republics amounted to 203,590. Among them were entire Latvian families of different social strata (peasants, workers, intelligentsia), everybody who was able to reject or deemed capable to reject the regime. Most of the exiled died in the foreign land. Besides, about 100,000 people were killed in action and in fusillade for being members of partisan squads and some other 100,000 were sentenced to 25 years in camps.

8 Mandatory job assignment in the USSR

Graduates of higher educational institutions had to complete a mandatory two-year job assignment issued by the institution from which they graduated. After finishing this assignment young people were allowed to get employment at their discretion in any town or organization.

9 Card system

The food card system regulating the distribution of food and industrial products was introduced in the USSR in 1929 due to extreme deficit of consumer goods and food. The system was cancelled in 1931. In 1941, food cards were reintroduced to keep records, distribute and regulate food supplies to the population. The card system covered main food products such as bread, meat, oil, sugar, salt, cereals, etc. The rations varied depending on which social group one belonged to, and what kind of work one did. Workers in the heavy industry and defense enterprises received a daily ration of 800 g (miners - 1 kg) of bread per person; workers in other industries 600 g. Non-manual workers received 400 or 500 g based on the significance of their enterprise, and children 400 g. However, the card system only covered industrial workers and residents of towns while villagers never had any provisions of this kind. The card system was cancelled in 1947.

10 Item 5

This was the nationality/ethnicity line, which was included on all job application forms and in passports. Jews, who were considered a separate nationality in the Soviet Union, were not favored in this respect from the end of World War WII until the late 1980s.

Milena Prochazkova

Milena Prochazkova
Prague
Czech Republic
Interviewer: Zuzana Strouhova
Date of interview: October-December 2005

Mrs. Milena Prochazkova, nee Kosinerova, comes from the large Kosiner family, of whom basically only she and her parents survived. This is because during the war her father worked in the Wulkow labor camp, and thus protected his wife and daughter from further transport to Terezin 1. It wasn't until after the war that the arrival of her husband, Petr Prochazka, and his siblings, breathed life into the family. Mrs. Milena Prochazkova worked originally as a lab technician, but because she was found to have a congenital heart defect, she had to leave this occupation. Later she worked for the Association of Invalids, for Druteva, and then for the National Gallery, where she stayed until retirement. Even now, despite her age and heart problems, she still works, for the Terezin Initiative 2. She has two children, Jana and Lenka; in the 1960s Lenka immigrated with her husband to Vienna.

 

Family background">Family background

I know virtually nothing about my grandfather on my father's side, Eduard Kosiner, because he died in 1930, and I had just been born. I don't even know the date of his birth, because we don't have any of his documents. We lost everything during the war, and afterwards we of course occasionally had problems due to this, because the authorities want to see documents for all sorts of things. Of course, my grandfather is not in the Terezin Memorial Book either. [The Terezin Memorial Book records only the victims of wartime deportations.] From what I was told I know that Grandpa and Grandma used to rent some sort of farm in Kralupy, where they lived and worked. They were farmers; they grew grain and so on. Neither do I know anything about my grandpa's education, but for sure he didn't have a degree or diploma. That was a hundred years back and he was from a village. He probably only had some sort of elementary school. I don't think that he had any siblings.

I know more about my grandmother on my father's side, because she is in the Terezin Book. In 1942 she was put on the transport to Terezin and then in the same year to Treblinka 3, where she died. Especially in the case of Treblinka, which apparently was something horrible, the date of the transport's departure is taken to be the day of death. Because right upon arrival they went into the gas.

My grandma was named Otylie Kosinerova, nee Fischlova, and was born in July of 1865. She lived with Grandpa somewhere in a village near Kralupy, but later, when the children were married off, they brought her to Prague, because my grandfather had long since died. As far as I can remember, she always lived in Prague, in the Vinohrady quarter. And I even remember the street - Na Svihance 11. She had her own apartment there. Evidently she had sold the farm and lived on the proceeds as her pension. In light of the fact that she was from a village, she probably only had elementary school. She never went to work; she and her husband had that farm and then also eight children. So they had their work cut out for them. As far as I know, she didn't have any siblings either.

On my father's side there was no Jewish upbringing. My grandpa and grandma didn't observe any holidays, that I know for sure. In those eight families - when each of their children already had their own family - they observed only Christmas and Easter. Neither did their ancestors, as far as I know, live religiously.

My grandfather on my mother's side was named Rudolf Stern. He was born on 1st November 1874, and died in 1942 in Treblinka. Grandpa and Grandma Stern went to both Terezin and to Treblinka on the same transport. My grandpa lived with his wife Elsa in Kamberk, near Trebon in Southern Bohemia, where they had a huge farm estate. So my mother's parents were also farmers. My grandpa probably had some sort of agricultural high school, because as a farmer he was very successful. But it was terrible drudgery. That estate was really very large, because twelve families lived there. They worked for them in the fields and gardens, basically whatever was needed. And got a salary for that. They had horses, cows, poultry, everything.

From 1928 onwards, when my mother, Hedvika Kosinerova, was married, Grandpa and Grandma lived in Prague. They sold the farm and bought half of an apartment building on Veletrzni Street, and lived on the rent from it. I don't think that this transaction was connected to my mother's wedding in any way, more likely they were toil-worn and wanted to retire. What's more, it had probably been planned for a long time, because they bought the building with some distant relative of my grandmother's, and Grandma had half and they had half, so it must have been agreed upon long before.

But once I went to Kamberk to have a look. Once when my mother was still alive, and then with my cousin from England [Vera Joseph, nee Faktor], the daughter of my mother's sister Marie, who wanted to see where we were from. The only thing remaining of the farm was this large building, where they had lived. The stalls and all that, that was gone. Now there are houses there.

No old photographs of the place have survived, but by chance, when we arrived there, some old lady - she must have been at least ninety - was cutting grass in a ditch. My daughter stopped, I got out and asked whether she by any chance didn't know where the Stern farm used to be. And she looked at me in this way and says: 'You're Hedvika's, aren't you? I used to go to school with her.' I thought I was going to faint. When a lady you don't know looks at you, and says: 'You're Hedvika's.' And I don't really look like my mother. Then she called through a gate to someone inside: 'Mania, come here, Hedicka's and Marenka's [Hedviga's and Marie's] children are here.' So then they showed us exactly where the farm used to stand. The grannies remembered everything.

As far as religion goes, my grandfather on my mother's side regularly attended synagogue. At least once a month. But mainly he always observed the New Year [Rosh Hashanah] and the Long Day [Yom Kippur]. He was brought up that way at home, likely by his father, because his mother didn't observe anything. You know, what could you observe in those villages. Both his parents were Jews, just like my grandma's, they were generations of Jewish families. But they were village families. I suspect that they tried to live in such a way so as not stick out too much from the other villagers. Some sort of attending synagogue was of course not possible in a village in those days. Nevertheless neither did my grandfather live in some sort of Orthodox fashion, he observed only the High Holidays, didn't eat kosher and on the contrary, spent Christmas with us children. Neither did he try to exert some sort of religious influence or pressure. No one talked about it in that family. He lived his own internal life, but without us.

As far as I know, he had two brothers. But I don't remember anything else about them. He had no sisters.

My grandmother was named Elsa Sternova, nee Dubska. She was born on 28th January 1884 in Kamberk, and same as her husband she went to Terezin in 1942 and then on the October 1942 transport to Treblinka, where she died. I think that she finished junior high. She worked on that farm - they slaved away there - and also took care of the children. She had five of them, but three died in 1918 or 1919, when the Spanish Flu was at its peak. She didn't live in any particularly religious fashion.

Grandma Elsa had two sisters and three brothers. The older sister was named Berta Budlovska - I remember her from when I was a little girl - and the other was Fanynka [Fany] Polakova. They had a farm in Kyje; I remember that we used to go on trips there, as if we were going out to the countryside. She was the only one of the siblings that was still alive during the war, and in 1942 went to Terezin. I remember her very well from there, because she helped me a lot there. She worked in 'Landwirtschaft' [agriculture] so occasionally brought me something, a carrot for example. But she watched to see if I was all right and whether I didn't need anything.

Aunt Fany survived Terezin, but shortly after her return to Prague, in 1946, she died suddenly of stomach cancer. On 12th September 1944 her son Karel was jailed in the Little Fortress 3 for attempting to escape from Terezin, until the end of the war, upon which he returned home.

Berta Budlovska lived with her husband in Humpolec, she didn't live to see the war, but her daughters Stefa, married Hallerova, and Gusta, married Reiterova, with their families were in concentration camps. Stefa and her daughter Helena survived, but the Reiters all died in Auschwitz.

The Reiters lived in Kutna Hora before the war. We used to go there frequently for visits - Jewish families keep close ties. They had some sort of textile factory there, these fancy goods, it was named Respo. My father's siblings from Benesov used to go there a lot, too, his sisters Anna and Marie, because these two were the closest to my mother in age. So that's why they were close. Also with those Hallers.

As I've said, my grandma also had three brothers. One was named Vilem, they called him Vilik. The second was named Samuel, or Samy. He lived in Vienna. The third was named Eduard. But I don't know anything more about them. You know, back then I was seven, eight years old. As a child I, of course, didn't ask about anything, it didn't interest me and neither could we suspect back then how it would all end up. All three of them were much older than Grandma. I know only that my mother used to say that whenever her uncles came to Prague, they brought sugar candy for each child.

I don't know anything about the childhood of my grandfathers and grandmothers; I don't remember anyone ever telling us about that. Both grandmothers seemed terribly kind to me. Grandma Sternova was generous, but was stricter with us. On the other hand, Grandpa Stern spoiled us rotten. And Grandma Kosinerova, she had so many grandchildren that she would get us confused. I remember, that when she was already quite old, she would at first not know who was who and whose, from what family of those eight children. I don't remember Grandpa Kosiner; he died the same year that I was born.

My father was named Ervin Kosiner. He was born on 16th June 1900 in Bukoly, near Kralupy, and then attended Czech Technical University in Prague [CTU]. He studied civil engineering and worked all his life as a structural engineer - he designed large chemical plants. That's why during the war he was transferred to the Wulkow concentration camp as chief engineer. He died in October 1972 of his fourth heart attack. He had the first and second in Wulkow and the third in about 1947. The whole time he was being treated at IKEM, in Krc [IKEM: Institute for Clinical and Experimental Medicine, in the Prague 4 district].

When my father died, we spent a year looking for a place in whatever cemetery, because my father had explicitly said: 'Don't you dare put me in a Jewish cemetery.' That was his explicit wish. He didn't say why, he simply didn't want it and we respected his wishes. Though simplest of all would have been to bury him at the Jewish cemetery. There, there's tons of room. Finally we found this little spot on Letna, where we first laid to rest Dad, then Mom, and now my husband is also with them. In any case, none of our family is buried at the Jewish cemetery, except maybe for Aunt Fany. Because most of our relatives died in concentration camps.

During World War I my father was in the army as a gunner. From 1917 to 1918, so he was 17 when he joined up. I don't know what front he was at. The only thing he talked about was how horribly he hated it. His butt was constantly sore, because the gunners pulled cannons around with horses, so he was permanently on a horse. But he didn't recall it in a particularly negative fashion, we're a family that doesn't return to what's past. Neither did my children, Jana and Lenka, for years know what we had suffered through during the war. He would usually tell funny stories - which runs in the family - about the food, what they cooked for them there, and about the horses and how he couldn't stand it and how he was horribly afraid of horses. But where exactly he was, he perhaps didn't even talk about that. It, of course, wasn't his wish to be in the artillery, they stuck him there, due to the horses he probably wouldn't have picked it voluntarily.

As I've said, my father was one of eight children. Grandma was a trooper. The oldest of my father's sisters was named Berta, married Baumova. She was born on 16th December 1891. She and her husband Rudolf and children Hanus and Milos lived somewhere in Vinohrady [a neighborhood of Prague]. She and her husband and her son Hanus went to Terezin in 1942. In 1944 they then transported them to Auschwitz, where all three died. The other son, Milos, was arrested on 17th October [1939], right at the beginning of the occupation, and shot along with other students 5. I think that he studied civil engineering at CTU.

The second sister was named Marta, married Steinerova. She was born on 9th July 1983. That was quite an unhappy marriage. Her husband, Ota Steiner, worked as superintendent of the cemetery by Zelivskeho in Prague. Up until the transport they lived at the cemetery - to this day there's an apartment for the superintendent there. I remember that at the beginning of the war I would still go visit them there. The Steiners were financially very badly off. I know that we used to go visit them with some sum of money in an envelope. In December of 1942 they and their daughter Anita left for Terezin, and from there in September 1943 for Auschwitz, where they all died.

The third sister, Vlasta, married Alferiova, was born on 3rd February 1895. The Alferi family was rich. They had some sort of small bank, and her husband, Josef Alferi, worked in it. They moved about in slightly different income brackets than the other families. But they were great, they weren't stuck up and for example helped the Steiners a lot financially. They were the first to leave, on 26th October 1941 they went to Lodz 6, where they all, including their 14-year-old son Franta, died.

My father's brother, Karel Kosiner, was childless. Him I remember very well. He was born on 8th July 1896, and with his wife, Valerie Kosinerova, lived in the Prague 1 district. They were both lawyers. Valerie came, as opposed to Karel, from an Orthodox Jewish family. I don't know how they met, apparently thanks to their common occupation. They observed holidays and at home he had to eat kosher, so that she could eat her fill properly, and wouldn't have to eat only hard-boiled eggs, like when she occasionally came to our place to visit. The lived in an Orthodox fashion, she steered him towards it, but he wasn't too enthused by it. But he was fond of her, and so tolerated all sorts of things. But for sure she couldn't get him to go to synagogue. But she was from a very Orthodox family, so nothing against that. And he was of Jewish origin, so neither could her family object to her marrying him. Always at Christmas he would come visit us, because he wanted to see the Christmas tree. And he would also bring us presents.

The next of my father's sisters were Anna and Marie. Marie was born in 1903 and Anna in 1904. They married two brothers, Arnost and Josef Fürth, and they all lived in Benesov, where together they had a large textile factory. As a little girl I used to love going there for weekends and holidays. At the beginning of the war, Arnost Fürth, Anna's husband, was arrested by the Gestapo and no one ever heard anything about him again. Anna and her son Franta left for Terezin in 1942 and further on to Treblinka on the October transport. Both of them died there. Marie with her husband and two children, Jirina and Irena, left in 1942 for Terezin and from there right away to Maly Trostinec 7, where they all died. I've been told that I should rather not ask anything about Maly Trostinec, as apparently after that I'd never sleep well again.

The only one of my father's siblings who returned from the concentration camps after the war was Milos Kosiner. He was born on 11th October 1905. They didn't go to Terezin until the February transport until 1945, because his wife wasn't Jewish. But I don't know anything about him or his wife, because after his return they both left the country and we never heard of them again.

My father was a big joker, he loved humor. He worked very hard all his life, today they call it being a workaholic. That's exactly him. I would never see him until the evening. From prewar times I remember that we all, his entire family of Kosiners, would spend weekends in Benesov at the Fürths', his sisters' place, or in Kutna Hora at the Reiters', my mother Hedvika's relatives. When one of our relatives from Benesov arrived, I already had my bag packed, would be standing in the front hall and would go to Benesov. The Kosiner family kept very close, mainly the Fürths, the Alferis and my parents. They used to go on holidays together, for example in the summer my father's sisters and my mother would go to Yugoslavia with their children. Back then it was very cheap, vacations there were even cheaper than here. Back then the crown was worth a lot, and the dinar was completely in the hole. We used to go there by train. I remember that they'd stuff the bags between the seats, put blankets on them and we children would sleep on that.

My mother was named Hedvika, nee Sternova. She was born on 25th February 1909 in Kamberk in Southern Bohemia. She died in November 1987 in Prague. She fell and broke her hip, but because she was a serious diabetic, she didn't make it. She actually died of diabetic shock. She attended elementary school in Kamberk and then for three years traveled to Tabor for family school.

Very early on, in 1928, she then married my father. They were married at the Old Town Hall in Prague. They met through my mother's sister Marie. Her future husband, Frantisek Faktor, who was my father's classmate from university, used to go to Kamberk to see her. And one time Frantisek says to my father: 'They've got this nice looking younger girl, come there with me.' And that's all it took. They went out for about three years, my mother was 19 when she was married. So it wouldn't even have been possible sooner than that. My father was nine years older. By the way, my son-in-law is ten years older than my younger daughter, Jana, and it's doesn't matter at all. The same as my father, my mother wasn't at all religiously inclined, they didn't practice anything at all. She had a generous nature, absolutely unselfish.

Before the war and also after the war my mother worked in my father's office. And afterwards, when they took it away from them, she worked as an accountant for Remos - where among other things they manufactured Remoskas [a type of electric cooker] - up until she retired, which was around 1965. She helped me, because in 1953, when I was pregnant with my older daughter Lenka, I was found to have a serious heart defect and then soon after I had a second daughter, Jana. For a long time we lived with my parents, and then when the children were already grown, we found a bachelor apartment for my mother, and we kept the apartment on Letna, the large one. Back then there weren't apartments, if we would have waited for that to have children, we would have had that around the age of fifty. But we understood one another perfectly, we got along excellently. They loved my husband and he loved them. Later, when my mother was already in quite poor health, she again lived with us.

My mother had one sister. She was originally one of five children, but three of them died during the Spanish Flu epidemic in 1918 or 1919, and only my mother and her five years older sister, Marie, were left. She also survived the war, and this thanks to the fact that she and her husband Frantisek Faktor escaped to England in 1939. Before the war, Marie attended the same family school in Tabor as my mother. But afterwards she didn't work, she was at home with the children. Her husband was a mechanical engineer. They were married in 1924, and up until the beginning of the war they lived in Prague in the Vinohrady quarter, where they had some sort of factory.

In 1939 Uncle Faktor left on a business trip to England, to London. My aunt and their children then moved away to be with him, and in London they then remained. Thanks to his work my uncle had contacts and work there, and my aunt sewed gloves at home, so that the family could make ends meet. And because due to this reason my aunt didn't go out among people at all, they had to speak English at home, so she would also learn to speak it.

The Faktors have two children. The son is named Petr, he was born in 1931, and the daughter is Vera, married name Joseph. She was born in 1925. Both of them live in England today, Vera in Sussex and Petr in London. Now they're both already retired, but before that Petr and Uncle Faktor had a photo equipment company. They even did business with Japan, where they often traveled. The company still exists, because Petr's son took it over. Vera soon had children and stayed at home with them. Her husband, who we call Joe - that came from his surname, Joseph - is an engineer and worked for some company. They've got three children, two boys and a girl. And four grandchildren. My cousin also has three children, but nine grandchildren. I'm no match for him, with my three, of which I'm so proud. So many grandchildren, it's beautiful. I'm horribly envious of him.

When the Faktors were leaving for England, their son Petr was five years old, so his home was already there. After the war they didn't even consider returning. As far as it was possible, meaning as far as the Commies permitted it, we would see each other and to this day every little while one of them is in Prague. My cousin Vera to this day speaks Czech beautifully, because she was already ten years old when they emigrated, and so she's got the foundations of Czech from a Czech school, while Petr doesn't. If he had a little bit of 1st grade, that would already be a lot. But at home, as I've mentioned, they spoke only English. My mother's sister and her husband also for a long time kept it a secret from their children that they're actually Jews. I don't know why. I don't know to what degree their friends are conservative, I didn't ever ask them about this. What's more, my mother's sister never lived in any particularly Jewish fashion.

Growing up">Growing up

I was born on 3rd September 1930 in Prague. Besides the time I spent in Terezin, I've never lived anywhere else. I've got a high school education, I graduated from academic high school in Prague. In 1950 I finished school and got married.

I didn't have any siblings. Though in 1934, when I was four, my parents had a baby boy, Jan, but he had a serious congenital chest defect and died while still a baby. He lived to the age of five months. It was evidently some sort of genetic defect. I've most likely also got it, a congenital heart defect, but in my case it's somehow been overcome. It's possible that I've got it from my father, even though a heart attack doesn't have anything to do with a congenital defect. My mother never had any problems with her heart, even though she was a heavy smoker. But in her case they never found anything, that I know for sure. I retired as soon as I was able, so that I could take care of her, because she was already quite badly off.

I myself was on disability pension from the age of 25 due to my illness. When I began working I let it go, and actually had a partial one. The fact that I've got a congenital defect was discovered early on, during my first pregnancy. I then had my second daughter on a release, back then I had to sign that I wanted her. By chance she was born two months prematurely, so she was small and thus everything turned out well. After the first child nothing could be done, the child was already growing and I insisted on carrying it to term. Already back then Professor Herles said: 'You'll live to see the day when they'll know how to operate on it.' He used to say this to me around the year 1955. And in 1968 I underwent that huge operation. During it they gave my heart a Teflon aorta, it was completely plugged up. My heart was working under terrible pressure, so during pregnancy my blood pressure was 260 over 120, and this is actually how they discovered my problem. The operation lowered my blood pressure and I could then, thank God, start a normal job, and even leave that partial disability pension. But, of course, I've still got problems to this day, and every year I go to the spas in Frantiskovy Lazne.

As a little girl I didn't go to nursery school, my mother was at home with me and we also had a maid. In 1936 I went straight into 1st grade. In light of the fact that my mother then worked for my father in the office, the maid took care of the household, took care of me, the shopping. I remember Lida, she stayed with us until the war, and was with us after the war, too, before she got married. But we kept in touch with her afterwards as well.

I remember when I started going to school. Back then I was this sickly child - that was due to my heart defect. At school they said that I had to weigh at least 19 kilos for them to take me into 1st grade. So my parents were constantly stuffing me with something. In the end I did go into 1st grade, and had a very kind man for a teacher. But I have to admit that as far as being fired up over school and over spiritual enrichment, that wasn't the case with me at all. I really wasn't into school, and my younger daughter, Jana, has it after me.

I was always annoyed, because school usually started on 3rd September [1st September was a Saturday] and that was my birthday. From morning I was looking forward to coming home, and for something to take place. I never took a liking to studying, as opposed to my older daughter, Lenka, who from the age of ten used to say that for all she cares we can eat potato soup every evening, the main thing is that we'll be able to support her in university. While the little one, we had to slap her silly all the way to high school graduation. When she was 18 - at that time she was already going out with her current husband - she decided that she won't go to school any more and would rather get married. Because my son-in-law is ten years older, and already had an income. I looked at her, completely horrified, and said: 'There's no way you're leaving school, you're graduating, even if we have to...' or: 'Go ahead and get married, at least Gabriel [her husband-to-be] will go to PTA meetings and I won't have to sit there and listen to their jawing anymore.' Well, she was so mortified that I'd send him to PTA meetings, that they didn't get married until after graduation.

Singing certainly didn't belong among my favorite subjects, I had problems with it. I always liked history, but in that elementary school it wasn't separated like that, and I actually only attended up until 4th grade. Then I had to stop going to school 8.

During the war">During the war

During the war I went to Jewish school for some time, for about three months, right here in Jachymova Street, where today I work at the Terezin Initiative. Before the war broke out, I didn't know at all that I was Jewish. But that Jewish school didn't influence me at all, neither positively nor negatively. Then we moved to Vinohrady and that was too far away from here. In any case they soon closed it anyways.

From the wartime period I remember the mobilization 9 in 1938. Back then my father had to join up. At that time I was on vacation in Radisovice, and got scarlet fever. So we were in complete isolation, we had no idea what was going on, because we couldn't go out among people. Then they dissolved the mobilization, 1940 arrived, and it began. In the meantime, my mother's sister Marie escaped to England with her family, and then it was chock-full of events.

Originally we lived on Letna, but around the year 1941 the Germans moved everyone out of the Letna neighborhood, because Germans came to live there. My grandma and grandpa [Stern] went to live with Grandma Otylie Kosinerova in the Svihanka neighborhood, and we moved to Vinohrady, where we lived for about a year and a half with some other families. The apartment belonged to the Geshmays, who were a lot younger then my parents and had no children. I have very fond memories of our stay with them. I think that back then at the Jewish community they offered three names, they went to visit the families, took a liking to them and said: 'Here we'll stay.' And truly in the end this beautiful lifelong friendship was born.

And I'll tell you one more thing, for which I admired them during that wartime period of those horrors. My mother and Mrs. Geshmayova had an agreement, that each one of them would be a servant for one week and the other would be the lady of the house, and that after a week they'd trade places. So the way it worked was then one would go do the shopping and cook, I helped clean a bit, and the other had polished nails. After a week she'd remove the nail polish and wash dishes and do the shopping, and the other was the lady. And they had a hoot with this. Sometimes it went so far that they'd say: 'Listen, am I the servant today, or the lady?'

We had food stamps for just bread, flour and potatoes. My parents tried to round up some food, and would take it to that Svihanka neighborhood to my grandmas and my grandpa. At that time we had already been moved out to Vinohrady, we lived on Moravska Street, so it wasn't far. As I've said, both families had a farming background, during the war those farms would probably have come in handy. As it was though, we bought food from farmers that used to come to Prague. They made a bundle. They accepted paintings, silver, gold, carpets - they'd take all this in return for a goose. But nothing else could be done, otherwise you couldn't survive.

I have one beautiful memory. This one farmer used to come see my mother regularly, and bring flour, poppy seed and butter. He took some painting and so there wouldn't be a big empty spot on the wall, my mother bought a picture, 'Oldrich and Bozena' at a stationery store for 10 crowns. She put it in a frame and next time the farmer came, he took a huge liking to it, and wanted it. I know that my mother negotiated for so long that the next day he brought us a goose for this piece of kitsch worth 10 crowns. I won't forget that.

But I have to say that we more or less didn't meet up with anti-Semitism. My parents had excellent friends. Only one classmate of mine from elementary school on Letna, always, when she was walking towards me - at that time stars 10 were already being worn - crossed the street to the other side. But she was the only one. Otherwise not at all. On the contrary, there were a lot of Jewish families in the building on Veletrzni Street, and because going out after eight in the evening was forbidden, in the evenings, while it was still nice out, we could sit outside - there was a large garden by the building - and the adults would play cards and talk, and we would run around the garden and play.

I was used to a very social life, for one in our family and for another also in that building on Veletrzni Street. But as far as the star goes, I remember how stupid I was. I had this feeling that I had to say hello to everyone I met that was wearing a star. Even if we didn't know each other at all. So everyone looked at me incredulously, and my mother would tell me to stop being silly, that it doesn't mean that we're relatives. I was around 10 years old at the time.

What's more, my parents had lots of friends and they helped us a lot. I can tell you one interesting story. Before the war, my father designed the Salesian House in the Kobylisy neighborhood. There was a Dr. Trochta 11 there, which is a well-known name. I think later he was the bishop in Litomerice. And he was a great friend of my father's. At that time we were already living in Vinohrady, and he would regularly, about once every fourteen days, come by with cigarettes and chocolate. And I remember that once he came by and told my father that their bell tower in the street Na Prikopech - I think that the Church of the Holy Spirit is there - was falling down, and whether my father wouldn't come have a look and figure out what needs to be done with it. And my father said: 'Are you crazy, how can I go into a church wearing a star?' Well, in the end they covered the star up somehow or removed it, and I know that at nine in the evening, even though we were supposed to be home by eight, they went to go have a look at that bell tower and Mr. Trochta then brought him home again without any problems. All the while my mother and I were sitting at home, stiff with fear.

The Kozeluh brothers, Karel and Honza Kozeluh, were also excellent friends of ours. Karel was a world champion in tennis. [Kozeluh, Karel (1895 - 1950): three-time member of the Czechoslovak national soccer team, European Champion in ice hockey in 1925. World champion in professional tennis in 1929, 1932 and 1937. From 1947 - 49 the non-playing captain of the Czechoslovak Davis Cup team.] Dad was building a villa for them somewhere in Kobylisy. And then some Professor Menzl, who was a colleague of Dad's from university. All of them helped us a lot during the war.

We lived with the Geshmays until 11th September 1943, when my father, mother and I left for Terezin. From there my father went in the spring of 1944 to the Wulkow-Zeesen concentration camp, which is not far from Berlin, where he stayed until the end of the war. He worked at the 'Baustelle' [German for 'construction site'] there, which was a labor camp. They originally belonged under Terezin, where about 150 men had been picked out, whom my father managed as a construction engineer. And there, in Wulkow, in the winter they started putting up buildings from scratch - buildings for the RSHA, the main security office of the SS, which fell directly under Himmler. They were building it for the SS, either Eichmann 12 or Himmler were constantly traveling there. Because under the buildings there were some special alterations being made for them. Thanks to that I survived. Because in Wulkow they told them that if no sabotage takes place, we in Terezin would be protected from transports to the East. And they kept their word. Which was huge, incredible luck, because I can't imagine how I, in my state of health, with a congenital heart defect, would have survived. My mother and I were protected by that work of Dad's, by that horrible toil in the horrible conditions in Wulkow, against further transport.

In Terezin even children had to work. In the summer I worked in the 'Landwirtschaft,' in the gardens. Between the ramparts there were these big gardens, where all sorts of things for the SS were grown. We would lug watering cans there. I was all kaput from that. And in the winter we would peel mica in these special unheated wooden shacks. This was called 'Glimmerspalten,' which in English means peeling mica. It was in this block, the mica, and peeled off of it were very thin sheets for airplane windows. It was fiddly work and mainly it was cold there. I remember that our hands would be completely frozen.

My mother lived and also worked somewhere else. For some time she was seriously ill, she had meningitis and then didn't even recognize anyone. But somehow she got over it. Then she worked in the 'Putzkolonne' [cleaning squad], i.e. washed the barracks, toilets and these tubs in which we could wash. Then, which saved my life, she slaved away in the bakery. From there she brought home, officially, one bun and one meatball a week, occasionally she managed to steal something. She still had burn marks from the heavy baking sheets on both wrists for a good five years after the war.

Post-war">Post-war

Before the end of the war, my father returned from Wulkow to Terezin on foot - all the way from the city of Hof, through Plavno. It was some sort of transport that was being accompanied by some SS soldier. During some bombing the SS soldier ran away, and they remained there alone, without food, without anything. They were on the road for a week. And when they arrived in Terezin, sometime at the beginning of May - that was already close to the end - they had a wheelbarrow with them. When we asked them what it was for, they had no idea at all as to why they had lugged it along with them the whole time. They were completely out of it. The SS soldier had probably given it to them, he probably had his things in it, and then when he left them standing somewhere, they lugged it along with them without thinking about it. I'll never forget that. When the Russians arrived in Terezin - it was during the night from 8th to 9th May [1945], my father was already there.

But my parents didn't want to leave and go back to Prague for anything in the world, because there was typhus in Terezin, and they said that they have to help out. That they have to save those poor wretches in Terezin. But at the age of 14 and a half I didn't care who they wanted or didn't want to save. I wanted to go home at all costs. Adults have a certain sense of responsibility that children don't have. And so on the morning of 20th May I said to them: 'OK, I'm going by myself, and you stay here.' My parents took fright, I went out onto the road, to get home in some fashion, and they ran off after me.

We left there sometime around noon, some vegetable merchant picked us up. The afternoon of the same day, quarantine was announced in Terezin. By then we would not have gotten out of there. So they can thank me that I pulled them out of there, because given their physical state, they would have gotten typhus for sure. But I had gotten into a funk, and simply said that I'm not going to wait there for anything, and that I'm going to Prague.

And so we returned home. We had absolutely nothing, only wooden shoes and some rags on us. For some time, until everything somehow settled down, we lived with the Geshmays again. By the way, they had a daughter born secretly in Terezin, towards the end of the war. She was named Maruska. And for six years she actually lived illicitly, because no one thought of the fact that she should have some documents. Suddenly the little girl was six years old, and was supposed to go to school, only she had no birth certificate. So they went to a government office and they gave them some on the whole reasonable advice, for them to take two witnesses, who were my parents, and to go to Terezin, since she had been born there during the war, and ask them to issue a birth certificate there. Which they did. But I don't know what they did during those whole six years, because back then there were food stamps. But maybe it didn't occur to them that they should get some for the child. All I remember is my parents going with the Geshmays to Terezin to show Maruska to them there.

Then after some time we were able to return to the apartment on Letna, where we had originally lived, and tried to begin leading a normal life. But of course absolutely nothing was the same as before. When we returned, there was a huge homecoming welcome in that building on Veletrzni Street. I remember it well, how I was horribly sick in the evening. Because our neighbors said: 'Come for dinner.' And then the others, too. I know that it's a wonder that I didn't die that first evening. I couldn't control myself.

Before the war about twenty families had lived in that building, and many Jewish ones. But of those no one returned, no one at all. After the war about six, seven families remained in the building. Gradually other people were added, who were given apartments there from the ranks of the needy by the National Committee. There was some furniture in the apartment left behind by Germans, nothing at all of ours had remained. I can tell you this interesting detail, that we had to make payments on the furniture the Germans had left behind. It was on the basis of some decree. Back then the National Committee set a price, and because we didn't have any money to pay for it, we had to make payments on it to the committee. The last payment was in the year 1953, when the currency reform 13 took place. I'm not making this up.

After returning from Terezin, I was first in some sanatorium, because I, like everyone, had gotten tuberculosis. Due to the state of his health my father spent a lot of time in hospitals, but my mother had to go to work right away, so that we'd have something to live on. But people tried to help us with all their might. I, for example, remember some Mr. Benc, who had a corner store. He'd often come to visit us, and we'd then always find maybe a hundred or five hundred crown bill under something.

My father began working in his little company that he'd already had before the war. There were three of them, two took care of finding business, and Dad just calculated and calculated. He lost his business sometime in 1951, I think. The Communists took it away from them. But he didn't make some sort of tragedy out of it, he took it as a matter of fact. Because he had such trials and tribulations behind him, that some little company couldn't upset him.

My father had no problem finding work, he was an expert in heavy structural engineering, so they immediately hired him to work for Chemoprojekt. [Chemoprojekt, a.s. is a Czech project, engineering and supply company, which is active in the chemical industry since 1950, as a leading supplier in this area.]. He then worked there his whole life as a chief engineer. In Slovakia he built all of Duslo, those are huge underground oil tanks. [DUSLO, a.s. is after SLOVNAFT the second largest chemical company in Slovakia. The government of the CSR on 8th April 1958 began the initial project of its construction. Currently DUSLO a.s. exports its products to more than 40 countries worldwide.]

My father died in 1972, the day before he and a whole group of engineers were supposed to fly to Sweden. He was supposed to work there as a chief engineer on some project. He never spent even one day in retirement. By the way, I'm also still working. And I think that that's what keeps us afloat. Even Dr. Bergman, who had treated my father at IKEM, and who I later also visited, said that if he had retired earlier, as I had wanted, and rested a bit, that he wouldn't have lasted longer, but quite the opposite. That he would have gone a lot sooner.

In January of 1946 I wrote entry exams for gymnasium [academic high school], and was there for four years. After the war I terribly looked forward to school, but then got over it quickly. I only liked going there because of my friends. I went to high school with Anita Frank, because at one time she lived with us on Letna. Our parents had been friends for years. Her father had a heart attack in 1939, when he read in the paper what had happened [the shooting of students on 17th November 1939]. After the war she originally lived on Letna with her mother, but when she also died, she lived with us in our apartment for about a half-year. We were adults by then, we were about to graduate. She was always terribly fond of studying, and was good at it.

It wasn't my cup of tea, I could have done without school. I had tons of girlfriends and was already going out with my future husband, Petr Prochazka. So I didn't have much time left over for things like school. For example, I was never good at mathematics. I remember my father getting horribly upset with me once - I was in Grade 10 or so, and had brought home a D in Math. He said: 'How can you be so stupid? Who do you take after?' And I answered: 'Probably after Mom, it's not from you.' I got such a whack, that how can I say that I'm stupid after my mother. Well, and then I worked as an accountant my whole life.

My husband, Petr Prochazka, was born on 15th May 1928, in Prague. We met at dance evenings when he was 19 and I was 16 or 17. On Narodni Trida [National Avenue] there used to be the Metro cinema and a dance hall. We used to go there, I remember that the dance-master was named Oplt. I know exactly what on him first caught my attention. I used to go to dance evenings together with Anita Frank. Back then a few of these guys would always come up to me and say: 'Listen, tell that Anita, that my parents don't want me to go out with a Jewess. But say it to her so that she doesn't feel hurt.' But on me my Jewish origins were never apparent.

Then, when I met my husband and we were together for about the third time - we were walking around Prague, and this was on the Lesser Town Square - I said to him that I'd just like to tell him that I'm a Jewess. And he turned to me and said: 'Well, I'd like to know why you're telling me this.' And that was the beginning. It's terribly dangerous to fall in love, and then a half year later find out that... well, it also used to happen, that a boy would come and say: 'My parents would like to meet you, but you can't say that you're Jewish.' Well, I then got to know his family and he, because he had lost his mother, became close to mine. You can't choose whom you fall in love with, but what I'm saying is that the first impulse, that this could be it, was that sentence of his.

In school my future husband helped me get through physics, math and especially Latin. He always somehow pushed me, so that I learned it. What's more, because he liked to draw, he'd draw something for me in all of my exercise books. So I exactly remember a drawing of the Winter King from my history exercise book, because he was on skis, a scarf fluttering in the air behind him, wearing a stocking cap. And then I was once called to the head of the class during physics, the teacher opened my book, and there spread over two pages was a drawing of a cow - but beautifully, he drew beautifully - its tail up over a pulley, a boy was standing on this box and was looking up its behind. And in the front stood another boy on a box and was peering in its mouth. And underneath was written: 'Venca, can you see me? No? Then it's probably constipated.' And that saved me from a D in physics. Because our teacher said: 'I've never seen an exercise book like this before.' And so he was looking through it, and it was full of my husband's drawings. Some other teacher would have been cross, but my physics teacher, he took it sportingly. He said: 'Can I tear it out and keep it?' And I said: 'No, you can't.' So tomfoolery like this, this is what my husband surprised me with our whole life.

We were married on 10th March 1951 at the Old Town Hall, same as my parents, and then also our daughters, Jana and Lenka. My husband has unfortunately already died, on 17th September 1987. He had brain cancer. It was a sudden death, it didn't show in any way.

We've got two children together, two daughters. Lenka was born on 4th August 1953. She graduated from economics university, computer science, and worked as a systems engineer for one private company. My other daughter is named Jana, married Madasova. She was born on 1st August 1956. She graduated from high school in Prague, and because already back then she was going out with her future husband, Gabriel Madas, she announced that she's never going to go to any university. Today she lives with him in Vienna. Jana doesn't work, in light of her husband's demanding job she remained a housewife.

My husband wasn't of Jewish origin, but in light of the fact that we didn't live in a Jewish fashion either, it wasn't a problem. On the contrary, our children are even baptized, as he had wished. He was baptized, but he wasn't religiously inclined at all, and didn't go to church. It was more I who dragged the children to midnight mass, so that they'd see it. When I was still a little girl, when I lived on Letna, down on the ground floor lived some family, the Mareks, and their Marie used to go to midnight mass. So I would go with her. I even sang with her in the organ gallery at St. Anthony's Church on Strossmayerovo Namesti [Strossmayer Square], where we used to go. My husband used to say that his mother, if she had been alive, would for sure have wanted them to be baptized. He often reminisced about this mother. He lost her as a young guy, when he was about sixteen. And he said that it would certainly have made her happy. So why wouldn't we make her happy? After all, it's no big thing. But even his mother wasn't particularly religiously inclined.

His mother worked anywhere, she was a housewife, and his father was the general director of the Steam Navigation Society of Prague, so he was the first one they fired when 1948 14 arrived. So they were basically without an income. That's why my husband couldn't attend any school. We had to help them out financially, and what's more, as the son of a former general director, he wasn't even allowed to attend university. His father also soon died, in 1955, five years after we were married.

After high school I took this lab technician's course. For about two years I worked in a lab in the State Health Institute, but back then they discovered that I've got a serious heart defect, and I could no longer work in the virology department. So then for years I worked for Druteva and then for the National Gallery. [Druteva Praha is a manufacturing collective with long years of tradition. It was founded on 1st January 1950 as the first collective to permit work placement of persons with various types of health problems. ]

Druteva was an invalids' collective. I was on disability from the age of 25 due to my heart defect, and so that's how I got there. In Druteva they didn't only do handicrafts, but also various types of manufacturing. From blind people that made baskets and suchlike, through fashion and on the whole beautiful fancy goods. Back then I worked at home with cardboard, I folded and glued boxes. You know, I was so happy when I could stop doing that. It was horrible. Besides the war, the worst period of my life. I worked at night, and to make any money at all, I had to do a lot of it. They were often huge boxes. Then I was unfortunately so good at it, that they started having me make boxes for silverware holders. It was horrible. Everything had to be lined with silk, all those slots for spoons, forks and knives. When it was finished, they'd either come collect it, or I'd bring it to them. Depending on how big it was.

When I was 40, I started at the National Gallery. And I was there until I retired, until 1984. One lady had come to see me, that her husband is starting at the National Gallery, and that he'd need some clever and capable person with him there. And so he got me in there. From the beginning till the end I worked in the collections inspection department, where they trained me back then.

Currently I work for the Terezin Initiative, at least twelve, thirteen years now. When the revolution arrived, in 1991 some people that knew each other got together, and realized that something should be done. For example at that time in Terezin there was some partisans' museum, something that seemed unbelievable to us. So the Terezin Initiative was founded. At first I used to come here to help out, and then I settled in full time. We all work without being paid, so whoever comes and has arms, legs and his head screwed on at least a little, we can use him. For one, a person at least keeps busy with something here, and for another I think that it's terribly important and necessary work.

In the beginning my husband had only vocational high school, because he wasn't allowed to go to university, as I've said. He worked back then for various companies, also in Remos, where he did mainly electrical work. It wasn't until later, when our children were already in school, sometime in 1964, 1965 I think, that he began studying at CTU while working. Already during his studies he was working as a programmer for a computer technology company, where he then worked until the end of his life.

Those studies of his, that was torture, let me tell you. But a person manages everything when he's young and has the will. We had only one problem, which was in 1968, when I was at IKEM for a huge cardiological exam, and they wanted me to immediately undergo an operation. But in December my husband was handing in his thesis and graduating. So I postponed the operation until after he finished it, because otherwise we wouldn't have managed it at all. And right between Christmas and New Year's I got a telegram, that I'm to report to the hospital on 4th January, and on 8th January they operated on me. I was one of the few back then that survived it. At that time heart surgery was still in its infancy. I guess I'm lucky. I remember that back then the doctors were saying: 'One day we're going to have to beat her to death with sticks.' Because they see that life force in a person. It's either there or it isn't. You exchange a couple of words with them, and right away they know what they've got in front of them.

My husband had two siblings. His brother Pavel is still alive and his sister Zuzana, married Jirickova, has since died, it's been about four years now. Pavel was born on 17th May 1930. Due to his being younger than my husband, he graduated. At first he struggled a bit, he was in the army. And then, when he was around 22, he went straight to university, also to CTU. But he studied architecture and made a living as an architect. He married Hana Prochazkova, a dentist. They live here in Prague and have one daughter, Marta, who graduated from economics university, the same as my daughter Lenka. And now a second grandchild has been born.

My husband's sister Zuzana was born on 25th April 1924. She had a high school education. Though she started studying medicine at university, when their mother died she stayed at home and took care of her grandfather and two brothers. She then never finished her schooling, and worked in the accounting department of various companies. In the year 1948 she married Dr. Zdenek Jiricka. They met during the war doing forced war labor here in Prague at CKD. [The brand CKD was born in 1927 and in the field of mechanical engineering and electrical technology belongs among the most significant and oldest of Czech brands.] Yeah, those are these wartime love affairs. They've got two children together: Dana Mrakotova and Vojtech Jiricka. Dana's husband is named Otta Mrakota, he studied at tech college and has this tiny little company. For about 12 years now. They've got two children. And Vojtech is a painter. He's got one son.

My husband's siblings are great. To this day we often see each other and like each other a lot. With the fact that I had lost my family, I was happy and grateful for his family, because since that time we're very close. That's probably also exactly why he wanted our children baptized, because that sister-in-law of mine, Petr's sister, was the godmother of our first girl, Lenka. She really wanted it. And neither is she particularly religious. Well, it's all fun, I know, but basically it's not that important. She was our girl's godmother, and my husband did the same for their Vojta. They're a normal Christian family, and just like we don't cultivate Judaism, they don't cultivate Catholicism. This was only some sort of exception. Don't forget that in those mixed marriages, the culture of one of them always predominates. And because I was never brought up in a religious way and don't believe in absolutely anything either, which is maybe a minus of mine, I accepted that wish of his to have the children baptized.

Even my parents, when I brought my husband and his relatives into the family, it was like they came alive again. Because both of them had been terribly changed by the war, and our life after the war was kind of a sad one. Until I got married, no one for example wanted to celebrate Christmas. During the time of the First Republic 15 we celebrated Christmas in a big way in our household. We each had Christmas Eve separately [i.e. each family celebrated Christmas Eve separately], but during the other days of the holiday we would get together.

After the war it was suddenly kind of sad, suddenly there weren't enough people. I remember that before the war my mother always dreaded visits by my father's brother Karel and his wife Valerie. As I've said, she was an Orthodox Jewess, and when she'd come and saw the Christmas tree, she'd almost faint. My mother always dreaded when they were supposed to come over, because she knew that we don't observe a kosher kitchen and at our place all she ate were hard-boiled eggs. We then often thought of them, what those poor wretches must have done in Terezin, how they could have observed it. But all of those families were incredibly gregarious, happy.

One of my father's sisters, Vlasta Alferiova, the one that was married into that wealthy family, they had a villa in the forest in Kostelec nad Cernymi Lesy. And there we would get together. I know that there was even a pool there - back then that was something incredible for all of those children. We also spent vacations there.

The Kosiners were a very close family, and with the fact that after the war no one returned, my parents never recovered from it. My father bore the death of all those children and siblings very heavily. After the war no one talked about them any more, as soon as Dad heard one of their names, he started weeping and refused to say anything more about it. They were all relatively young. It wasn't until when I got married, that my husband brought new light and activity into the family, and thanks to him they recovered a lot of their spirit. Life returned to its regular rhythm. But the time from 1945 to 1950, when I got married, that didn't go very well. They tried their best in front of me, so as not to spoil my youth, but once could see on them that it cost them a terrible effort.

I had a perfect life with my husband. I really recall with gratitude all of the years that we were given together. Unfortunately we didn't make it to our golden wedding anniversary, but nothing can be done about that. It lasted us our whole life. The whole family didn't call my husband anything else but Pluto, because once he was reading the paper and said: 'Hey, that's funny, look, I'm the same age as the dog Pluto.' Because Disney had started drawing Pluto in 1928. And the name stuck with him. [Editor's note: We don't know when exactly Norm Ferguson started drawing Pluto, but he was named after the dwarf planet Pluto which was discovered in 1930, the same year that the character was first introduced.]

The two of us were always together. We spent practically all our vacations with the children and with his family. Occasionally he would travel to give lectures - he lectured on computer technology - but otherwise we were together. He always said that he was terribly looking forward to coming home. To the girls and me. He liked his work, but he was also a very much a family man. He lived only for those children. For him the first thing in the world was his family, and only after that all sorts of entertainment.

We also spent all vacations with the children. It was unheard of that we'd leave the children at Pioneer camp and the two of us would take off by ourselves on a vacation. They were always at Pioneer camp so that we'd cover those two months, and then we went by car together to the sea, to the Baltic Sea, around Bohemia or Southern Bohemia. My daughter Jana, who lives in Vienna, has lots of girlfriends, and when they talk about their childhoods, she says that those girls' mothers never worked, but it was absolutely unheard of that they'd go on vacations together.

My husband was a passionate hobbyist. For a long time he acted in amateur theater, and as I've said, he drew beautifully. It's probably somewhere in the genes, because his sister's son is a master painter and my granddaughter also draws beautifully and makes beautiful ceramics. So every free minute he was doing something. But when I needed something fixed in the apartment, I was at the bottom of the list. He liked reading sci-fi, that really fascinated him. But my cup of tea it wasn't. Otherwise we were in a book club. And also thanks to the fact that my parents lived with us and we thus had someone to baby-sit, we'd go at least once every fourteen days to theaters.

My husband was a cultural officer of the ROH 16 at that computer equipment company. Back then the ROH gave out theater tickets. They bought them and were glad if someone went. My husband couldn't stand opera, he was absolutely tone-deaf. He couldn't tell one tone from another. But plays, that we could manage. He didn't like going to ballet either, I used to go by myself. Especially when they put on Romeo and Juliet at the National Theater, then I just sat on the steps and listened to that beautiful music.

What he was good at was handing out praise. When the girls were married, or when our daughter was graduating, he was very proud. When we went someplace dressed to the nines, he always called everyone together and would say: 'Girls, come see how good Mom looks in that.' My daughter would then say to me: 'That's not something that Gabicek [Gabriel, her husband] knows how to do.' He also was capable of making great fun of himself and me. Everyone always looked forward to it, and I was the one that always fell for it. And he was incredible at making up these gags, this situational comedy.

I myself was never teeming with hobbies, and don't teem with them now. When the children were younger, I went to work and in the evenings I sewed for everyone, including winter jackets. I actually did it up to the time everything here turned around [i.e. up until the revolution in the year 1989. During communist times stores were poorly stocked and in many families this shortage was addressed by, for example, sewing at home]. Back then I sewed a lot, and knitted a lot, for my children and husband. But that wasn't a hobby as such, it was more or less a necessity.

But we all, my husband and my children, are terribly fervent readers. I took two books to Terezin with me in my rucksack, even though there was little room in it. I had two books by May [Karl (1842-1912): German writer, author of popular adventure books about Native Americans and the Wild West], I think it was some book about Winnetou, but I don't remember any more. I guess I was in love with those Indians, it's this adventurous reading. But it's nothing compared to our adventures. But back then we didn't know that yet. I know that I often even read under my duvet with a flashlight. As a child I gobbled up those adventure books and didn't like those girls' books and romantic literature. I didn't like dolls either, and never played with them. I read books by [Jules] Verne. 'Captain Nemo,' that really gripped me. But I didn't have my own book, I had to borrow it from a girlfriend. During the war, though, I was terribly afraid to ask that girlfriend, who went into the transport earlier than I did, to leave it for me. So in the end I took the books by May.

Back then we had a huge library at home. My parents were members of ELK [European Literary Club]. It was contemporary Anglo-American literature. My mother, as opposed to my father, lived very culturally, loved books, theater and concerts. My father, he lived for mathematics and other things annoyed him. He didn't like going to the theater, and on the contrary, was a fervent Sparta fan 17. I remember that once when my mother was cross that he wasn't going to the theater with her, he told her: 'If Sparta ever plays at the National Theater, I'll be sitting in the front row. Until then, I'm not going there.' But my father didn't himself play soccer, he was only a fan. You know, Jews aren't so into sports, they belong in coffee shops. So my mother used to go take in culture with girlfriends, or then after the war with me.

My husband was, on the contrary, very culturally minded, we often went to theaters and dancing to balls together. My husband and I were passionate dancers. We danced away countless evenings, even when we already had children, small and big. We were always somewhere. We had a great group of friends, where I was the only Jewess. We would go play cards together. Some of my girlfriends have already died, but their husbands still come over to my place for lunch, about once every three weeks. And also the rest of my husband's family. As far as sports go, my husband and I used to go skiing a lot in the winter. But then it all fell away when things started being crummy with me.

But then after that we did a lot of walking around in the forests around our cottage, which we had by Jevany, a short ways away from Prague, about 30 kilometers. We'd walk for hours on end, we were these pedestrians. We bought the cottage in 1950 and had it until my husband's death in 1987. I then sold it. It was always hectic there on Saturdays and Sundays. We all used to go there together and had tons of fun there. The cottage is in the middle of the forest, so we were always running around picking mushrooms. And there was a beautiful place to swim there. We really spent very nice days there, and my husband's sister and her family would always come out to be with us. You could say that our children grew up together. Friends of my mother and my father often also came out to the cottage.

As I've said, my husband and I have two daughters, Lenka and Jana. My parents loved them dearly and never spoiled any fun. My father especially loved the younger, Jana, and she did what she wanted with him. She had Grandpa eating out of the palm of her hand. The thing that touched me the most, I won't forget it, the younger one, Jana, was three and the big one, Lenka, began going to school. And there they told her that there's no Santa Claus. And so the six-year-old had something for everyone, and the little one was looking at her and said: 'What's that you're doing?' 'I'm getting gifts together.' The little one didn't have anything, and so in the end under the tree each one of us found toilet paper tied with a silver ribbon. And when my father died and we were going through his things, he had it in his wallet. The whole time. The toilet paper with the silver ribbon. He used to say that nothing in his life had touched him like that had.

Little Jana was terribly wild, so he, when for example a window was broken somewhere, he'd pay everything for her. And when she broke something in a grocery store, he paid for everything and didn't bat an eyelash. And he couldn't stand it when I was angry with them. He loved those children. And they then really brought joy and life into the family. And also my husband's siblings and their families. We became very good friends with them and my parents also liked them very much. They replaced the family that we had lost during the war.

How many times did we go camping for a week with my husband's sister, Zuzana Jirickova, and her husband Zdenek, and my parents took care of all the children. And then they said: 'Good thing you're back, they've eaten everything that was here. And we were here without the car,' - because we had the car for the week we were camping - 'and we've already had to make the rounds to the neighboring cottages, to see who's going shopping, because everything's been eaten.' I, if I would have been healthy, I would have had at least four children. My husband would have also wanted it, but the doctors said that it would have been a terrible risk, so it wasn't possible.

The older daughter, Lenka, has quite a complicated life. She married Mirek Duda and they had a daughter, Kristyna, together. She was born on 13th March 1980, and in May he escaped to Germany. He's perhaps hardly ever had a job, he's this lost soul. So neither did he have anything to pay for Kristyna from, and to this day he's not paying. We took care of them up until Kristyna was eight years old. They lived with us in the Southern Town, and that was an additional burden for us. Well, it's this sad, unsuccessful love story with a bad ending. Lenka never found anyone else, she devotes herself to her work and expended a lot of energy on her child. She had tons and tons of troubles with it.

Kristyna's father got married in Germany and has two gorgeous little girls, who love us. But he left them as well. It's terribly hard for me to talk about it, but he's irresponsible. But what can you do, he's Kristyna's dad. I'd be the last one to beat her about the head with the fact that Dad's a lay-about. You can't do that, I don't think that it would help her. She gets along with him excellently, now he was here for my birthday and for her graduation ceremony. But my younger daughter, who lives in Vienna, says: 'Just wait, when Kristyna's going to be in university after graduating, her dad's going to visit and boast about her.' Which is exactly what's happening.

Last year Kristyna graduated from the Faculty of Natural Sciences. She studied genetics and now works in a microbiology institute and is working on the PhD. Unfortunately she's quite seriously ill. It's probably also genetic, but with her it's showed up as a thyroid disorder. But mainly she got rheumatism during puberty. Doctors call it juvenile arthritis. She's already got a lot of operations behind her, knees, arms and everything. But she's a terribly brave girl, who can't stand people feeling sorry for her and doesn't want to talk about it. Today she's 25, she lives with her mother in Zbraslav, but she's in love, and he's already living with them, and that's what keeps her going. Hopefully she'll come to grips with life somehow. But it's not easy for me, when I see her. She's really gotten the short end of the stick. She's even got problems walking. It's undeserved, but one has to accept it as it is.

My younger daughter, Jana, met her future husband when she was 16 and went camping with the Pioneers to the Tatras. My son-in-law has a twin. His brother Norbert's girlfriend was going there, too. And Gabi went with them and saw Jana there and in a week he was already in the Tatras at the Pioneer camp and that's how it started. For a long time my daughter kept his age a secret. When we were curious as to what he was all about, she said: 'Well, he plays in some band.' My husband turned pale, because he was imagining one of those rockers with his vest turned fuzzy side out and a guitar. 'In what band?' we asked. And she said: 'Well, the Czech Philharmonic.' So we calmed down, that it's not a rocker. They were married when Jana was 20, i.e. in 1976, and right after the wedding they left the country. The currently live in Vienna and my son-in-law's brother in Switzerland.

The things we went through with those twins! They're identical and both of them play the same instrument. Everyone got them confused, even their parents. They were an attraction in Prague, because they used to fill in for each other in the Philharmonic. My son-in-law was telling us how they were playing with some German conductor, and he kept looking at him strangely. Gabi was saying to himself: 'Jesus Christ, have I screwed something up?' Then the conductor came up to him and said: 'How is it that you're here today, when I was conducting in Basel yesterday, and you were there as well?'

Before emigrating Jana started working in television, in the news. He was in the Czech Philharmonic and his twin in the FOK [Film, Orchestra, Concert]. The FOK let him go to Switzerland for a three-year engagement. And he stayed there. Jana and her husband went there to visit him. It was supposed to be this honeymoon, their emigration wasn't agreed to beforehand in any way, it was a spur of the moment decision of my daughter's. At that time she was already pregnant, she had only a trench coat and a nightshirt with her, and we had to then send it all to her. They didn't even have documents with them, nothing. Mainly my son-in-law, all of his diplomas. So if they would have been planning it, they would have stuffed something into the car. But they probably did the right thing. When they were leaving, I told them to do as they see fit. I'd never want it on my conscience that would have to be in this crap here because of me. No, not that, never.

The main reason why they left was that here they really didn't have anyplace to live. In 1975 my son-in-law won all the first prizes at the Prague Spring. [The Prague Spring International Music Festival is a permanent showcase for outstanding performing artists, symphony orchestras and chamber music ensembles of the world. Its first year was 1946. The contest of the same name was founded a year after the festival was born, and takes place every year in various instrumental categories.] And one of the prizes was the Prize of the Mayor of the Capital City of Prague. Back then the mayor was Zuska. When they were giving him the prize at the Old Town Hall, he asked him if he had any wishes. And Gabi said that he needed an apartment, a bachelor apartment, whatever. Because at that time he was living in a dormitory. And he promised it to him, on the condition that he's got to be married. He sent him a marriage notice, and asked him if he'd be marrying them. Well, he wasn't marrying them, but what my son-in- law was actually saying with this was: 'See, I've fulfilled the condition.' When the then came a half year later to ask, they told him: 'Well, it's not possible, you're childless.' And he replied: 'We're already expecting a baby.' But there was nothing for him anyways.

My husband and I otherwise also had problems with a place to live. Actually, they threw us out of our apartment. When our older daughter got married, when she finished university, my husband and I remained alone, just the two of us in that big apartment. Well, big, it was about 130 square meters, but for two people that was unimaginably huge. They simply told us that the apartment is too big for us, that we should find a smaller one and gave us two months for the exchange and to move out.

And so we moved to a 'panelak' [prefab apartment building] in the South Town. But we didn't fret over it, there's no point in fretting over something that you can't change. Otherwise it'd be impossible to get through life. I knew that I had to leave, so we packed up, found a place in exchange and went. You can't go through life in any other way. Not taking into account, honestly, that we lived on Veletrzni Street, it was a terribly noisy street, full of cars. But the South Town, that's peaceful. Now we've got a beautiful view, everywhere there are trees, lawns. We got used to it there right away. As far as a healthy environment goes, we were certainly better off. On Letna it was like in a gas chamber.

So my daughter and my son-in-law spent a year with his brother in Switzerland. And then there was an audition for the Vienna Philharmonic, which my son-in-law luckily won - now he plays first trombone there - and so they all, by then with their first son Robert, who was born in Switzerland, moved to Vienna. But he knew that they'd take him there, because he won all of the prizes in the Prague Spring, so they asked for him. But the Czech Philharmonic had strictly refused, with the excuse that they won't let go their best musicians. Well, these were things that caused the emigration, drop by drop. When they were leaving, they didn't speak a word of German. But they made their way up fantastically. In Vienna they were starting with a child, at home they had orange crates and that's what they sat on. In 1979 their second son was born. He's named Oliver. Now he's also a member of the Vienna Philharmonic, he plays all the drums there. Robert is an engineer, he graduated in international business in Vienna.

My son-in-law Gabriel is an incredible person, in his character, education, and nature. In the love that he so often shows to us, we who are in Prague. He comes to visit as often as he and Oliver can because of their work, while our daughter is here every little while. Musicians, that's not a normal job, it's complicated for them, because either they're on tour or have various obligations. For this reason Jana is a housewife, she doesn't work.

I've never been able to imagine what sort of life it is with musicians. Saturdays and Sundays don't exist. Holidays don't exist. And when he's on call, he's on call, he's got to go. And because the Vienna Philharmonic also has obligations in the Vienna Opera, so they've got their own concerts and besides that daily obligations in the Opera. Each chair is occupied by two musicians, and they have to cover everything. It's very hard to agree on something with them, who's going to have time off when. Even now, for my birthday, Jana came by herself, the poor thing, because the men were in England on tour.

Well, I've founded a fan club for my son-in-law here. And I've appointed myself as its president. He's got a fan club in Vienna, too, there it was started by Jana's girlfriends. When it's possible, I go to Vienna. But there were times when we didn't see each other for years. The communists didn't let me go anywhere. Back then we could at most write or call each other. I was always asking for them to let me go visit them, but they always refused. That it's not in keeping with the security interests of the Czechoslovak Republic. That was all the reason that was given.

We also became very close with his twin brother. He's named Norbert, and is a great guy. He's in Switzerland with his wife, and daughter Melanie. With both of those families, the biggest problem is time. They, for example, only have time off on 24th and 25th December. They even play on New Year's Eve, and on New Year's Day they've got the New Year's Concert. That one's broadcast on TV. This year they were actually both on TV, so I really enjoyed the New Year's concert. It was great.

As soon as our daughter and her husband remained outside the country, my husband and I were constantly at the STB 18 and they were constantly filling out some papers with us. It wasn't easy, a family full of emigrants, what's more our daughter worked in TV, her husband had a name in the Czech Philharmonic, and actually escaped along with his twin, who played for the FOK. But luckily we didn't have problems at work because of it. Though my husband had his promotions blocked, but he said that it after all doesn't matter, the main thing is for them to be healthy.

At the National Gallery, where I worked, it didn't matter, there was no threat there. Professor Kotalik was excellent. However, back then it was a certain era, which today the Communists praise, and that we had the responsibility to support our daughter and that baby and also my mother, who was already old and retired. So we tried as hard as we could. Then they somehow decreased my husband's taxes on the basis of that.

I myself never considered emigration, I could have never left my mother. I would never have left her here. And they would have never left here. They already had such a life's journey behind them and my father had had all those heart attacks. Luckily my husband was such a dear that he didn't object to us staying. Because when 1968 19 happened, they were sending us messages from England that they'd take care of us. I went to visit them in 1965 with my husband. When we left the children here, the Communists made an exception and gave us permission. We were there for about 14 days. And once I was there by myself still back in 1947, right after the war. Now due to pressure changes I'm not allowed on planes, so when they want to see Prague and me, they come here.

As far as my daughter's emigration goes, I was terribly sorry that I didn't see those boys of hers grow up. Before the revolution my daughter came for a visit with the children because of my mother, when she was still alive, around the year 1986 or 1987. But for a change the Vienna Philharmonic didn't let her husband go. Luckily it's behind us now, we waited through it and lived through it. I hold one thing against all of them, that I'm not a great-grandmother yet. I'd like it so much. And they, no way. But well, perhaps I'll still live to see something. I told them not to annoy me, or I'll make that great-grandchild myself somehow.

My parents took Communism very hard. They'd always been national socialists. They weren't party members, but both of them were sympathizers. Already their parents had been 100 percent right-wingers. I remember that, perhaps due to a premonition, my mother and father didn't let me join the Youth Union. At the age of 17, 18, I was saying to myself that it maybe wouldn't be bad, I'd get out of the house, into some brigade work and so on. But they said 'No way.'

After the war my parents very much wanted me to join the Scouts. One girlfriend of mine was in it, so I was there two or three times with them. But at the age of 15 we were already grown up. It seemed terribly childish to me, when they were playing at having to survive for two hours in the forest without food. I simply couldn't stand it. I couldn't handle it. Those wartime experiences in some fashion quite separate you from your peers. My husband, for example, was a passionate Scout, and my granddaughter Kristyna is a passionate Scout. But back then, it seemed horribly childish to me.

Everything was raining down on us, nothing but one heavy blow after another. At the beginning of the war my parents lost everything, when the Communists came, they lost everything again. And in 1953, when I was pregnant with our older daughter, the currency reform came. Back then we were at our cottage with the whole gang. In the evening Zapotocky 20 said that everyone's money was safe, and by the morning it had all changed. They threw my father, who had refused to enter the Party, out of university, where he had lectured from the beginning. In light of the fact that neither he, nor my mother, nor I were in the Party, we knew that no financial benefits would apply to us.

I was the most afflicted by the currency reform, because we didn't yet have anything bought for the baby, and suddenly we lost all our money. That was in May, and in August our daughter was born. My sister-in-law already had a two-year-old boy, so luckily she lent and gave us all sorts of things. It was this merry-go-round, mothers today aren't familiar with this any longer. But back then in all families, things made the rounds from child to child. Those were different times, I think that the mutual support between people back then was likely much higher than now. We even got to a samizdat 21 by Skvorecky [Skvorecky, Josef (b. 1924): Czech writer, essayist and translator] and things like that, which we devoured. And Medek 22 and the Voice of America 23, those are unforgettable moments. That can't be forgotten.

I didn't even meet up with anti-Semitism after the war, under Communism. My parents didn't have positions where political cadre officers would have been investigating them. My mother worked her whole life in an office and my father was such an expert that they forgave him absolutely everything. Reactions to my origin were mostly neutral. The only one that was wonder- struck was my husband, but more because I had even started to talk about it. Neither his family nor our friends made a big deal of it.

Neither did we ever pester anyone by constantly talking about the suffering that we had endured, and wanting some sort of special treatment. Not at all. And maybe that's precisely why all our friends took what we had gone through as a matter of fact, and no one talked about it any more. In fact, some of my friends' lifelong desire was for me to take them with me to Terezin, so they could see it. And when there's a memorial ceremony at the Pinkas Synagogue, my brother-in-law occasionally comes. After all, I myself talk about it more only from the time that I've been in the Terezin Initiative. Up till then I didn't know much, didn't pay attention and neither did I want to know. I closed my eyes to what had been.

I've never been to Israel, none of my relatives or friends emigrated there. And I've never felt the urge to go see it. I'm not very well off as far as my heart goes, and as much as it's possible, I consciously avoid emotions. Something like Yad Vashem 24, that would probably slay me. It's enough for me to hear Brundibar, and I cry. [Editor's note: The children's opera Brundibar was created in 1938 for a contest announced by the then Czechoslovak Ministry of Schools and National Education. It was composed by Hans Krasa based on a libretto by Adolf Hoffmeister. The first performance of Brundibar - by residents of the Jewish orphanage in Prague - wasn't seen by the composer. He had been deported to Terezin. Not long after him, Rudolf Freudenfeld, the son of the orphanage's director, who had rehearsed the opera with the children, was also transported. This opera had more than 50 official performances in Terezin. The idea of solidarity, collective battle against the enemy and the victory of good over evil today speaks to people the whole world over. Today the opera is performed on hundreds of stages in various corners of the world.]

Or when we're in the Pinkas Synagogue, where every year on 8th March there's a ceremony to commemorate the extermination of the family camp in Auschwitz. During one night, 3,500 people went into the gas. That has a big impact on me. So, honestly, I consciously avoid any emotions whatsoever, because I've already gone through so much at the cardiology ward.

I've laid in the coronary unit so many times, where I had to have myself taken immediately, and where they gave me electro-shocks. I've been in the hospital with my heart so many times, and you've got the feeling that you don't know if you'll draw another breath, whether it'll start up or won't. After that, a person somehow subconsciously knows what's bad for him and what isn't.

But I do concern myself with what's going on in Israel. Very much so. I'll tell you, completely honestly, that when I was reading an article two or three years ago - it had been a hundred years since Herzl 25 had founded Zionism 26 - so they were asking him what he'll do with those Arabs. His answer was: 'It'll get done somehow.' And that was the beginning of the catastrophe. And that's why I can't understand Zionism. I very much condemn it.

I also remember that when on that 14th May 1948 the state of Israel was proclaimed 27, my father said: 'That's the most horrible and catastrophic thing that could have happened.' He was a very smart and educated guy, and said: 'It's is a catastrophe, it's going to end very badly.' And see, unfortunately his prediction came true. Well, after all, right away there was the Six-Day-War 28. And everyone who lived there before the war says that they used to be great friends with the Arabs. After all, there used to be amazing ties between the Arabs and Jews, they protected each other. Up until the proclamation of the state of Israel touched off that catastrophe. So don't anyone ask me to go there.

And then I was once very offended - I'm in the WIZO 29 here, which is the Czech Association of Jewish Women - when there was some symposium here, they uttered this sentence, over which we had a big disagreement. She said at first that there's nothing better than the state of Israel, and that we're only living in the diaspora. So I protested, that I live in my native land, that I absolutely don't feel to be an exile in any diaspora. That really offended me.

Then there's another thing that they claim. That they're heroes, but that we went like sheep to the slaughter. People that go there a lot say that they hear it from all sides. That they fought with arms in hand and that we let ourselves be loaded onto transports. So there are a lot of things that those living in Israel say, that I disagree with. But that's just my personal opinion. Even though I work for the Czech Association of Jewish Women as treasurer, and we collect money for Israel, my heart isn't in it. There wasn't any reason for the state of Israel to be created. I was born as a Czech girl in Prague and I'll die as a Czech girl in Prague.

I myself have many times pondered about how it is with Judaism and me. But it's never particularly attracted me. Maybe that's a mistake, maybe I missed out on something, but those are simply the facts and I can't do anything about it. Our family, perhaps with the exception of my father's brother, didn't live according to Jewish rituals. Basically I've come to the conclusion that it's caused by upbringing. Because I've got girlfriends in the Czech Association of Jewish Women that are from Slovakia, and all of them over there in Slovakia lived in a much more Orthodox fashion than Prague Jews.

The Prague Jewish community wasn't Orthodox for 200 years. It's only Sidon that's started with that now. [Sidon, Karol Efraim (b. 1942): from the year 1992 the Prague and national rabbi] So we here knew that we were Czech Jews and some charitable association did exist - I remember that my parents were in it - it was named 'The Czech Heart.' But it was solely an issue of charity. The Jewish community was never Orthodox. And especially Prague Jews weren't at all Orthodox. But as far as Sidon goes, to his credit let it be said that he's very tolerant and doesn't hold it against anyone that they don't live in an Orthodox manner. In this he's ingenious, he takes us as we are. And whenever I need for him to come pray, when there's some memorial ceremony, one of those rabbis always comes.

You know, of course a person often thinks about how it might be. I for example, to the great displeasure of those girlfriends of mine from Slovakia, don't even go to synagogue. All my life people either didn't talk about it, or were ashamed, that they're Jews, and now it's in vogue. So now they're making Jews of themselves and they can't be without that synagogue. I don't want to throw anything in their faces, maybe it simply wasn't socially acceptable, and so they held back. But the fact is, that for years on end they went without it, and no one missed it.

With the young converts, I once had a big debate on the theme of if, God forbid, something similar happened as during the war, that they can leave it, that Judaism. Because it's solely a religious matter. But we, who have Jewish roots as such, we'll be stuck in it up to our ears. That's a big difference between the converted ones and us. And it's not a minor problem. But all right, they want to have lots of young people, let them have them, no problem. How many we actually have in the community, that I don't know, I'd be making it up. I only know that that Jewish youth lives its life. They're praised, of course, because they're important for the further existence of the Jewish community, but we old ones, when we have any sort of memorial ceremonies and remembrance events, or if we would need help, there's absolutely no interest. When we ask them, please come with us to Terezin, there's only a few of us now that manage to stand on their feet, no, not that.

During all these years they haven't helped us, with neither a word nor a deed, even when we ask them to. That's also wrong. When you go to the Pinkas Synagogue on 8th May, it's all old grannies, we barely drag ourselves up the stairs. Because it doesn't interest the young ones at all. They concern themselves with whether the Jewish community will give them dough to go skiing, for trips and so on. I don't want to do them an injustice, but that's how I see it.

For example, in that Czech Association of Jewish Women we tried to start an Aviv, that means another generation. We weren't successful. Which is sad, when there's so many girl converts. No one's got the time, no one's interested. I understand that they're either studying, or it's just Judaism for the sake of appearances, now it's all the rage, that Judaism. We're all old people and they won't get anything out of us. So we really don't interest them. It's sad, but that's the way it is.

Yesterday we were at a beautiful two-hour concert in Terezin. It's all old grannies, nobody young will come there. It's in Rosh Chodesh 30, it's advertised in our newsletter [the Terezin Initiative newsletter]. Every year on 16th October. When you ask them what happened on 16th October, they don't know. [On 16th October 1941, the first transport was sent out from the Protectorate.] But if they're interested in their roots and live in Prague, at least the fate of those Czech Jews should interest them.

During Communist times no one talked about Jews here at all. Neither did my children find out in school what had happened during the war, nothing at all. And in our home after the war, it was almost never talked about, and then when I had small children, the war wasn't talked about at all. For years my children didn't know what we had gone through. They didn't find it out until they were a little older, around nine, ten years old.

The only thing that I remember from [their] early childhood is that when they didn't want to eat something, I always said, 'Hitler on you. You'd eat everything.' And they didn't know, they thought it was some sort of boogeyman. What did seem strange to them was that they didn't have any aunts and uncles on my side. They always wondered about that. But thanks to the fact that my parents survived, they at least had a grandma and grandpa.

When we first told them that they're Jews, they had no idea what it was. They had no clue as to what they're supposed to imagine by that. And I think that they also quietly envied me that I didn't have to go to school. But with the passage of time, around 13, 14, suddenly everything of course became clear and they understood. Today they take the fact that they're of Jewish origin as a matter of fact. I would say that my granddaughter Kristyna has the greatest interest in it. She's actually a quarter Jewish and her young man, with whom she lives, is as well.

One thing is true, that the children in Vienna learned much more about the Holocaust in school. Because there they constantly discussed it. Those schools even had compulsory trips to Israel. Once I was in Vienna right at the time when my grandson was returning from Israel. Their entire class flew there with their religion professor on a compulsory trip. It was just before graduation, he was 18. And my grandson is a very good writer, so he then wrote this seminar paper, which I've got stored away at home. In the evening at supper, when we were asking what and how it had been, he said that what made the greatest impact on him was the children's museum at Yad Vashem. That it wasn't until there that he realized how terribly lucky I had been to survive.

And so as not to do an injustice to local schools, for example my granddaughter here attended a German high school from the age of 14, which was led excellently by only German teachers. They learned a lot there. And when they had history - they had all subjects in German - they had only Czech and math or Czech and history in Czech, their history teacher began talking about it, and she spoke up, that her grandma had gone through it. I then, at his request, went there to tell them something about it.

My granddaughter has my star at home, in this little frame, and so she brought it to school and their teacher wore it that entire hour. That was terribly touching for me. It wasn't at all unpleasant for me, because he talked about it wonderfully, without emotions. Even about the guilt that Germans, their children and grandchildren feel. So those Germans are returning to it much more than Czech schools. Right now I'm preparing requests for some grants here, because we, as the Terezin Initiative, pay Czech schools to go visit Terezin. Which is a horrible disgrace.

Glossary">Glossary

1 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. The Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement,' used it to camouflage the extermination of European Jews. Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities. At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a café, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

2 Terezin Initiative

In the year 1991 the former prisoners of various concentration camps met and decided to found the Terezin Initiative (TI), whose goal is to commemorate the fate of Protectorate (Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia) Jews, to commemorate the dead and document the history of the Terezin ghetto. Within the framework of this mission TI performs informative, documentary, educational and editorial activities. It also financially supports field trips to the Terezin Ghetto Museum for Czech schools.

3 Treblinka

Village in Poland's Mazovia region, site of two camps. The first was a penal labor camp, established in 1941 and operating until 1944. The second, known as Treblinka II, functioned in the period 1942-43 and was a death camp. Prisoners in the former worked in Treblinka II. In the second camp a ramp and a mock-up of a railway station were built, which prevented the victims from realizing what awaited them until just in front of the entrance to the gas chamber. The camp covered an area of 13.5 hectares. It was bounded by a 3-m high barbed wire fence interwoven densely with pine branches to screen what was going on inside. The whole process of exterminating a transport from arrival in the camp to removal of the corpses from the gas chamber took around 2 hours. Several transports arrived daily. In the 13 months of the extermination camp's existence the Germans gassed some 750,000-800,000 Jews. Those taken to Treblinka included Warsaw Jews during the so-called 'Grossaktion' [great liquidation campaign] in the Warsaw ghetto in the summer of 1942. In addition to Polish Jews, Jews from Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, France, Greece, Yugoslavia and the USSR were also killed in Treblinka. In the spring of 1943 the Germans gradually began to liquidate the camp. On 2nd August 1943 an uprising broke out there with the aim of enabling some 200 people to escape. The majority died. 4 Small Fortress (Mala pevnost) in Theresienstadt: An infamous prison, used by two totalitarian regimes: Nazi Germany and communist Czechoslovakia. It was built in the 18th century as a part of a fortification system and almost from the beginning it was used as a prison. In 1940 the Gestapo took it over and kept mostly political prisoners there: members of various resistance movements. Approximately 32,000 detainees were kept in Small Fortress during the Nazi occupation. Communist Czechoslovakia continued using it as a political prison; after 1945 German civilians were confined there before they were expelled from the country. 5 Opletal, Jan (1915 - 1939): A student at the Faculty of Medicine at Charles University. Fatally wounded during a demonstration against the Nazi occupants on 28th October 1939 in Prague. His funeral on 15th November 1939 turned into an anti-Nazi demonstration. In 1945 he was posthumously awarded the title MUDr. by Charles University. In 1996 President V. Havel posthumously awarded Jan Opletal with the Order of TGM. At the same time as the coffin with Jan Opletal's remains was being laid to rest, Hitler commenced in Berlin an emergency meeting with one point in its program - the persecution of Czech students. The campaign was named "Sonderaktion Prag vom 17. November 1939.". In Prague, on 17th November 1939 the Nazi forces of repression attacked universities and dormitories, where the Nazis arrested and beat hundreds of students. Nine selected people were executed without trial in Ruzyne. Drastic was also the immediate dragging off of 1,200 students to the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. This German lightning operation was performed on the basis of Hitler's decision in Berlin on 16th November 1939 according to the Reich "Sonderbehandlung" decree from 20th September 1939, where arrested persons could be executed without a trial. Thanks to the servility of President Hacha the majority of Czech students left the concentration camp by the end of 1942, the last in January of 1943.

6 Lodz Ghetto

It was set up in February 1940 in the former Jewish quarter on the northern outskirts of the city. 164,000 Jews from Lodz were packed together in a 4 sq. km. area. In 1941 and 1942, 38,500 more Jews were deported to the ghetto. In November 1941, 5,000 Roma were also deported to the ghetto from Burgenland province, Austria. The Jewish self- government, led by Mordechai Rumkowsky, sought to make the ghetto as productive as possible and to put as many inmates to work as he could. But not even this could prevent overcrowding and hunger or improve the inhuman living conditions. As a result of epidemics, shortages of fuel and food and insufficient sanitary conditions, about 43,500 people (21% of all the residents of the ghetto) died of undernourishment, cold and illness. The others were transported to death camps; only a very small number of them survived.

7 Maly Trostinec

Village in eastern Belarus located near Minsk, camp and site of mass murder of Jews. About 200,000 people were murdered in the Trostinets area. During 1942, Jews from Germany, the Netherlands, Poland, Austria, and the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia were brought by train to be killed in Maly Trostinets. Most of the victims were lined up in front of large pits and shot. The prisoners in the camp were forced to sort through the victims' possessions and maintain the camp. They occasionally underwent selections. This happened more frequently during 1943. In the fall of 1943 the Nazis began to destroy all evidence of mass murder by burning bodies. As the Soviet army approached in June 1944, the Germans killed most of the remaining prisoners. On 30th June the Germans completely destroyed the camp. When the Soviets arrived on 3rd July, they found a few Jews who had escaped.

8 Anti-Jewish laws in the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia

In March 1939, there lived in the Protectorate 92,199 inhabitants classified according to the so-called Nuremberg Laws as Jews. On 21st June 1939, Konstantin von Neurath, the Reich Protector, passed the so-called Edict Regarding Jewish Property, which put restrictions on Jewish property. On 24th April 1940, a government edict was passed which eliminated Jews from economic activity. Similarly like previous legal changes it was based on the Nuremburg Law definitions and limited the legal standing of Jews. According to the law, Jews couldn't perform any functions (honorary or paid) in the courts or public service and couldn't participate at all in politics, be members of Jewish organizations and other organizations of social, cultural and economic nature. They were completely barred from performing any independent occupation, couldn't work as lawyers, doctors, veterinarians, notaries, defense attorneys and so on. Jewish residents could participate in public life only in the realm of religious Jewish organizations. Jews were forbidden to enter certain streets, squares, parks and other public places. From September 1939 they were forbidden from being outside their home after 8pm. Beginning in November 1939 they couldn't leave, even temporarily, their place of residence without special permission. Residents of Jewish extraction were barred from visiting theaters and cinemas, restaurants and cafés, swimming pools, libraries and other entertainment and sports centers. On public transport they were limited to standing room in the last car, in trains they weren't allowed to use dining or sleeping cars and could ride only in the lowest class, again only in the last car. They weren't allowed entry into waiting rooms and other station facilities. The Nazis limited shopping hours for Jews to twice two hours and later only two hours per day. They confiscated radio equipment and limited their choice of groceries. Jews weren't allowed to keep animals at home. Jewish children were prevented from visiting German, and, from August 1940, also Czech public and private schools. In March 1941 even so-called re-education courses organized by the Jewish Religious Community were forbidden, and from June 1942 also education in Jewish schools. To eliminate Jews from society it was important that they be easily identifiable. Beginning in March 1940, citizenship cards of Jews were marked by the letter 'J' (for Jude - Jew). From 1st September 1941 Jews older than six could only go out in public if they wore a yellow six- pointed star with 'Jude' written on it on their clothing.

9 Mobilization in Czechoslovakia in 1938

The coming to power of the Nazis in Germany in 1933, in connection with unsuccessful negotiations at the disarmament conference in Geneva that same year, represented a fundamental qualitative shift in Czechoslovakia's foreign-political standing. The growing tension in the latter half of the 1930s finally culminated in 1938, when the growing aggression of neighboring Germany led first to the implementation of exceptional measures in the period from 20th May to 22nd June, and finally to the proclamation of a general mobilization on 23rd September 1938. Czechoslovakia's security system, laboriously built up over the years, however at the end of September 1938 collapsed, and the country found itself in strong international isolation.

10 Yellow star - Jewish star in Protectorate

On 1st September 1941 an edict was issued according to which all Jews having reached the age of six were forbidden to appear in public without the Jewish star. The Jewish star is represented by a hand-sized, six-pointed yellow star outlined in black, with the word 'Jude' in black letters. It had to be worn in a visible place on the left side of the article of clothing. This edict came into force on 19th September 1941. It was another step aimed at eliminating Jews from society. The idea's author was Reinhard Heydrich himself.

11 Trochta, Stepan (1905 - 1974)

Roman Catholic priest and clerical dignitary. Member of the Salesian Congregation. For helping members of the resistance and fellow Jewish citizens who were in danger, he was arrested by the Gestapo in 1940, but soon after released. In 1942 was again arrested and jailed in the Mauthausen and Dachau concentration camps. From 1947 the Bishop of Litomerice. From 1949 - 1953 interned in his residence in Litomerice. In 1954 sentenced on the basis of construed accusations, received amnesty in 1960. In 1968 was rehabilitated and again took up his position of bishop. Named cardinal in 1937.

12 Eichmann, Adolf (1906-1962)

Nazi war criminal, one of the organizers of mass genocide of Jews. Since 1932 member of the Nazi party and SS, since 1934 an employee of the race and resettlement departments of the RSHA (Main Security Office of the Reich), after the "Anschluss" of Austria headed the Headquarters for the Emigration of Jews in Vienna, later organized the emigration of Jews in Czechoslovakia and, since 1939, in Berlin. Since December 1939 he was the head of the Departments for the Resettlement of Poles and Jews from lands incorporated into the Reich. Since mid-1941, as the Head of the Branch IV B 4 Gestapo RSHA, he coordinated the plan of the extermination of Jews, organized and carried out the deportations of millions of Jews to death camps. After the war he was imprisoned in an American camp, he managed to escape and hid in Germany, Italy and Argentina. In 1960 he was captured by the Israeli secret service in Buenos Aires. After a process which took several months, he was sentenced to death and executed. Eichmann's trial initiated a great discussion about the causes and the carrying out of the Shoah.

13 Currency reform in Czechoslovakia (1953)

on 30th May 1953 Czechoslovakia was shaken by a so-called currency reform, with which the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC) tried to improve the economy. It deprived all citizens of Czechoslovakia of their savings. A wave of protests, strikes and demonstrations gripped the country. Arrests and jailing of malcontents followed. Via the currency measures the Communist regime wanted to solve growing problems with supplies, caused by the restructuring of industry and the agricultural decline due to forcible collectivization. The reform was prepared secretly from midway in 1952 with the help of the Soviet Union. The experts involved (the organizers of the first preparatory steps numbered around 10) worked in strict isolation, sometimes even outside of the country. Cash of up to 300 crowns per person, bank deposits up to 5,000 crowns and wages were exchanged at a ratio of 5:1. Remaining cash and bank deposits, though, were exchanged at a ratio of 50:1.

14 February 1948

Communist take-over in Czechoslovakia. The 'people's democracy' became one of the Soviet satellites in Eastern Europe. The state apparatus was centralized under the leadership of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). In the economy private ownership was banned and submitted to central planning. The state took control of the educational system, too. Political opposition and dissident elements were persecuted.

15 First Czechoslovak Republic (1918-1938)

The First Czechoslovak Republic was created after the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy following World War I. The union of the Czech lands and Slovakia was officially proclaimed in Prague in 1918, and formally recognized by the Treaty of St. Germain in 1919. Ruthenia was added by the Treaty of Trianon in 1920. Czechoslovakia inherited the greater part of the industries of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy and the new government carried out an extensive land reform, as a result of which the living conditions of the peasantry increasingly improved. However, the constitution of 1920 set up a highly centralized state and failed to take into account the issue of national minorities, and thus internal political life was dominated by the struggle of national minorities (especially the Hungarians and the Germans) against Czech rule. In foreign policy Czechoslovakia kept close contacts with France and initiated the foundation of the Little Entente in 1921. 16 Revolutionary Unionist Movement (ROH): Established in 1945, it represented the interests of the working class and working intelligentsia before employers in the former Czechoslovak Socialist Republic. Among the tasks of the ROH were the signing of collective agreements with employers and arranging recreation for adults and children. In the years 1968-69 some leading members of the organization attempted to promote the idea of "unions without communists" and of the ROH as an opponent of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). With the coming to power of the new communist leadership in 1969 the reformers were purged from their positions, both in the ROH and in their job functions. After the Velvet Revolution the ROH was transformed into the Federation of Trade Unions in Slovakia (KOZ) and similarly on the Czech side (KOS). 17 Sparta: The Sparta Praha club was founded on 16th November 1893. A memorial of the first very famous era of the club's history are first and foremost two victories in the Central European Cup, which in the 1920s and 1930s had the same significance as today's Champions League. Sparta, usually with Slavia, always formed the foundation of the national team and therefore its players were present during the greatest successes of the Czechoslovak and Czech teams.

18 Statni Tajna Bezpecnost

Czech intelligence and security service founded in 1948.

19 Prague Spring

A period of democratic reforms in Czechoslovakia, from January to August 1968. Reformatory politicians were secretly elected to leading functions of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC). Josef Smrkovsky became president of the National Assembly, and Oldrich Cernik became the Prime Minister. Connected with the reformist efforts was also an important figure on the Czechoslovak political scene, Alexander Dubcek, General Secretary of the KSC Central Committee (UV KSC). In April 1968 the UV KSC adopted the party's Action Program, which was meant to show the new path to socialism. It promised fundamental economic and political reforms. On 21st March 1968, at a meeting of representatives of the USSR, Hungary, Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany and Czechoslovakia in Dresden, Germany, the Czechoslovaks were notified that the course of events in their country was not to the liking of the remaining conference participants, and that they should implement appropriate measures. In July 1968 a meeting in Warsaw took place, where the reformist efforts in Czechoslovakia were designated as "counter-revolutionary." The invasion of the USSR and Warsaw Pact armed forces on the night of 20th August 1968, and the signing of the so-called Moscow Protocol ended the process of democratization, and the Normalization period began.

20 Zapotocky, Antonin (1884-1957)

From 1921 a member of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC), from1940-1945 imprisoned in the Sachsenhausen- Oranienburg concentration camp. 1945-1950 president of the Central Union Committee (URO), 1950-1953 member of the National Assembly (NS), 1948-1953 Prime Minister. From 21st March 1953 president of the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic.

21 Samizdat literature in Czechoslovakia

Samizdat literature: The secret publication and distribution of government-banned literature in the former Soviet block. Typically, it was typewritten on thin paper (to facilitate the production of as many carbon copies as possible) and circulated by hand, initially to a group of trusted friends, who then made further typewritten copies and distributed them clandestinely. Material circulated in this way included fiction, poetry, memoirs, historical works, political treatises, petitions, religious tracts, and journals. The penalty for those accused of being involved in samizdat activities varied according to the political climate, from harassment to detention or severe terms of imprisonment. In Czechoslovakia, there was a boom in Samizdat literature after 1948 and, in particular, after 1968, with the establishment of a number of Samizdat editions supervised by writers, literary critics and publicists: Petlice (editor L. Vaculik), Expedice (editor J. Lopatka), as well as, among others, Ceska expedice (Czech Expedition), Popelnice (Garbage Can) and Prazska imaginace (Prague Imagination).

22 Medek, Ivan (b

1925): Czech journalist, music critic and publicist. 1978 - 1993 a regular contributor to the Voice of America in Vienna, 1978 - 1990 contributor to Radio Free Europe and 1978 - 1990 the BBC. From 1993 - 1996 the director of the Department of Internal Politics of the CR. From 1996 - 1998 the head of the Office of the President of the CR.

23 Voice of America

International broadcasting service funded by the U.S. government through the Broadcasting Board of Governors. Voice of America has been broadcasting since 1942, initially to Europe in various European languages from the US on short wave. During the cold war it grew increasingly popular in Soviet-controlled Eastern Europe as an information source.

24 Yad Vashem

This museum, founded in 1953 in Jerusalem, honors both Holocaust martyrs and 'the Righteous Among the Nations', non-Jewish rescuers who have been recognized for their 'compassion, courage and morality'.

25 Herzl, Theodor (1869-1904)

Hungarian-born Jewish playwright, journalist and founder of the World Zionist Organization (WZO). His thought of realizing the idea of political Zionism was inspired by among other things the so-called Dreyfus affair. In the polemical essay The Jewish State (Der Judenstaat, 1896) he declares that Jews aren't only a community of believers, but also a nation with the right to its own territory and state. He was of the opinion that in the anti-Jewish mood extant in Europe, it was not possible to solve the Jewish question via either civic emancipation or cultural assimilation. After a significant diplomatic effort he succeeded in the calling of the 1st International Jewish Congress in Basil on 29-31st August 1897. The congress accepted the "Basel Program" and elected Herzl as its first president. Herzl wasn't the first to long for the return of the Jews to Palestine. He was, however, able to not only support the idea, but also to promote it politically; without his efforts the creation of the new state of Israel in the Palestine on 14th May 1948 would not have been possible. Theodor Herzl died in 1904 at the age of 44 and was buried in a Jewish cemetery in Vienna. In 1949 his remains were transported to Jerusalem, where they were laid to rest on a mountain that today carries his name (Mount Herzl).

26 Zionism

A movement defending and supporting the idea of a sovereign and independent Jewish state, and the return of the Jewish nation to the home of their ancestors, Eretz Israel - the Israeli homeland. The final impetus towards a modern return to Zion was given by the show trial of Alfred Dreyfuss, who in 1894 was unjustly sentenced for espionage during a wave of anti-Jewish feeling that had gripped France. The events prompted Dr. Theodor Herzl (1860-1904) to draft a plan of political Zionism in the tract 'Der Judenstaat' ('The Jewish State', 1896), which led to the holding of the first Zionist congress in Basel (1897) and the founding of the World Zionist Organization (WZO). The WZO accepted the Zionist emblem and flag (Magen David), hymn (Hatikvah) and an action program.

27 Creation of the state of Israel

From 1917 Palestine was a British mandate. Also in 1917 the Balfour Declaration was published, which supported the idea of the creation of a Jewish homeland in Palestine. Throughout the interwar period, Jews were migrating to Palestine, which caused the conflict with the local Arabs to escalate. On the other hand, British restrictions on immigration sparked increasing opposition to the mandate powers. Immediately after World War II there were increasing numbers of terrorist attacks designed to force Britain to recognize the right of the Jews to their own state. These aspirations provoked the hostile reaction of the Palestinian Arabs and the Arab states. In February 1947 the British foreign minister Ernest Bevin ceded the Palestinian mandate to the UN, which took the decision to divide Palestine into a Jewish section and an Arab section and to create an independent Jewish state. On 14th May 1948 David Ben Gurion proclaimed the creation of the State of Israel. It was recognized immediately by the US and the USSR. On the following day the armies of Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Iraq, Syria and Lebanon attacked Israel, starting a war that continued, with intermissions, until the beginning of 1949 and ended in a truce.

28 Six-Day-War

(Hebrew: Milhemet Sheshet Hayamim), also known as the 1967 Arab-Israeli War, Six Days War, or June War, was fought between Israel and its Arab neighbors Egypt, Jordan, and Syria. It began when Israel launched a preemptive war on its Arab neighbors; by its end Israel controlled the Gaza Strip, the Sinai Peninsula, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. The results of the war affect the geopolitics of the region to this day.

29 WIZO

Women's International Zionist Organization, founded in London in 1920 with humanitarian purposes aiming at supporting Jewish women all over the world in the field of education, economics, science and culture. A network of health, social and educational institutions was created in Palestine between 1921 and 1933, along with numerous local groups worldwide. After WWII its office was moved to Tel Aviv. WIZO became an advisory organ to the UN after WWII (similar to UNICEF or ECOSOC). Today it operates on a voluntary basis, as a party-neutral, non-profit organization, with about 250,000 members in 50 countries (2003).

30 Rosh Chodesh

A magazine of Jewish religious communities in the Czech Republic and Slovakia, published by the Jewish Community in Prague, the only Jewish periodical in the territory of former Czechoslovakia. The magazine's name Rosh Chodesh is the Hebrew expression for "new moon": every month the magazine brings current news about the life of Jewish communities in the Czech Republic and Slovakia, features interviews with interesting local and international personalities, comments on events in Israel, publishes literary, historical and art-historical studies, discusses the basics of Judaism, informs about religious services in Prague synagogues, about cultural events and new books, and provides classified ad services to its readers.

G. Istvánné

Életrajz

G. Istvánné apró, törékeny asszony. Kellemesen berendezett lakásában egyedül él. Az interjú során még a legrosszabb napokat is tárgyilagosan, túlzások nélkül idézi fel.

Az apai nagyszüleimet nem ismertem, mert a születésem előtt autóbaleset érte őket, és mind a ketten meghaltak [1920-ban]. A temetőben együtt vannak eltemetve. Az apai nagyapám Fk. Fülöp volt, a nagyanyám Lőwinger Karolina. A nagyapám textilkereskedő volt. Öt gyerekük volt, Mór, Dezső, Hugó, Olga és Ilona. A legfiatalabb az én apukám volt. A nagypapám Várpalotán született, de aztán Budapestre jött. Mikor az első fia, Mór hét éves lett, elhatározta, hogy a három fiának a nevét magyarosítja, Fk-ról F.-re. Tehát így lett az én édesapám F. Hugó. A két lányát nem magyarosította, mert azok, ha férjhez mennek, majd úgyis a férjük nevét viselik.

Az anyai nagyszüleimről többet tudok. A nagypapám, P. Ignác balassagyarmati volt, 1867-ben született. Tízen voltak testvérek. Az volt a szokás, hogy ha a gyerekek a négy elemit elvégezték, odaadták őket tanulóknak, akár külföldre is. A nagypapám ezüstlencse-készítést tanult. Akkoriban a fülbevalót nevezték így [A Magyar Néprajz IV. kötetében (Életmód) a következő olvasható a fülbevalóról: „Jelentőségének növekedése szinte párhuzamos a polgárosodással, vagyonosodással, ennek megfelelően presztízsjelző is. Ahol aztán divatja elterjedt, a szegényebbek réz-, a vagyonosabbak ezüst-, majd a szegényebbek ezüst-, a módosabbak aranyfülbevalót vásároltak. Legkedveltebbek a sima, karika alakú vagy préselt, félgömb, lencse alakú fülbevalók voltak.” – A szerk.]. Prágában volt egy híres ezüstlencse-készítő cég, így került a cseh fővárosba fiatalon. Ott volt inas, és beleszeretett a nagymamámba, Kohn Erzsébetbe. A nagymamám Prágában született, 1875-ben. A legnagyobb gyerekük, anyukám is Prágában született, aztán Pestre jöttek. Szegényen kezdték itt, és akkor ment már egy kicsit jobban, mikor a gyerekek elmentek dolgozni. A gyerekeik kijárták a négy polgárit [lásd: polgári iskola], elmentek dolgozni. Akkor már jött a fizetés, és a nagypapám nyitott a Jókai utcában egy kis lencsekészítő üzletet, azaz ékszerészboltot, és alkalmazott egy órást is. A nagypapa ékszerész volt, aranyláncokat is csinált, az órás meg órákat javított. A nagymamám – még én is emlékszem – mindig siratta a szüleit, a hozzátartozóit, de sosem volt annyi pénzük, hogy visszamenjenek látogatóba, Prágába. Leveleztek, de soha nem látták egymást többé. Azok is szegények voltak. Szinte hihetetlen, a mai szegénység más szegénység, mint az; az valahogy szegényebb szegénység volt. A nagyszüleim nem voltak vallásosak, így ugyanolyan ruhában jártak, mint akkor mindenki más az utcán.

A nagyszüleimet nagyon szerettem. Kezdetben náluk gyűltünk össze, ott volt minden családtag, ezekre az ebédekre szívesen emlékszem vissza. Az anyai nagymamám minden unokának, vagyis az öcsémnek és egyetlen unokatestvéremnek mindig adott húsz fillért zsebpénznek. A konyhában tartotta a pénztárcáját, onnan vette ki az érméket. Nagy pénz volt az még akkor!

A nagymamám megtanult magyarul, de elég rosszul, így inkább németül beszélt a gyerekekkel. Volt három unoka, velünk is németül beszélt, és érdekes módon megértettük, de magyarul válaszoltunk. A nagymamámék a Horn Ede utcában laktak. Körfolyosós ház volt, egy bérelt lakás. Két szobájuk volt, az egyik az étkező-nappali, a másik pedig a nagyszülők hálószobája. Igazi fa bútorok voltak még akkor, nehéz, sötét, tömör szerkezetűek. Mindig tisztaság volt náluk. De akkor, amire ma is úgy gondolok vissza, nagyon szép volt az, hogy a hat testvér – közben elég fiatalon meghalt egy, tehát a megmaradt öt testvér – a családdal évtizedekig minden vasárnap a nagymamáékhoz, aztán már csak a nagypapához ment. Az egyik nagynéném, Aranka imádta a gyerekeket, de sehogy sem sikerült nekik létrehozni utódot, úgyhogy az unokaöccsét és unokahúgait imádta. Nem voltak jómódúak, de a lekváros kenyér teával vagy a zsíros kenyér finomabb volt náluk a legjobb falatnál. A nagymamám 1931-ben halt meg, a nagypapám 1943-ban. Még jókor, a holokausztot nem érték meg.

Édesanyámék hatan voltak testvérek, anyám, Kamilla, Róbert, Frida, Aranka, Lajos és Hugó. Mind a három lány úgy ment férjhez, hogy a Horn Ede utcában az udvar be volt rendezve, hüpe is volt, rabbi is, szép esküvők voltak ezek. Szép lehetett, mivel a lakók is ott voltak és örültek velük együtt. Később Aranka elvált. Fridának volt egy lánya, Magda, aki fiatalon halt meg, negyvenkét éves korában a veséjével. A fiúknak nem volt gyereke.

Édesapám Budapesten született, 1895-ben. Őt sajnos elvitték Bergen-Belsenbe, nem is jött vissza a haláltáborból. Apukám normál testalkatú volt, mindig borotválkozott. Polgári ruhákban járt. Az édesapám kötött-szövöttáru eladónak tanult. Ilyenben szabadult föl annak idején. Eladó, kereskedelmi alkalmazott volt. Egyszer nyitott egy kis üzletet is, de mivel nem volt jó üzletember, tönkre is ment. Rövidárut, méterárut kínált a vevőknek. Mivel sosem volt elég pénze, egyedül csinált ott mindent. Később az unokatestvére hívta el magához dolgozni a saját méteráruboltjába.

Anyukám 1896-ban született, Prágában, P. Kamillának hívták. Édesanyám nyolcvanegy éves korában, 1977-ben halt meg, sokáig velünk maradt. Anyám szépasszony volt, szőke hajú. Lány korában a Károly körút sarkán lévő nagy óra- és ékszerbolt irodájában volt alkalmazott, de amikor férjhez ment, otthon maradt. Nem mentek nászútra a pénzhiány miatt. Én 1922-ben születtem, az öcsém, Zoli 1927-ben, Budapesten. Az édesapám édesanyja volt ilyen pici, mint én. Ahogy mások mesélték, az alakját örököltem, de még a szokásait is.

Miután tönkrement az üzlet, itt maradtak a szüleim állás nélkül, kenyér nélkül, minden nélkül. A Huszár utca 6-ban laktunk egy kétszoba-konyhás lakásban, se komfort, se semmi. A vécé a folyosón. Az egyik szobában laktak a szülők, a másikban mi ketten, gyerekek. Szerény berendezés volt, csak akkor lett szép szobabútorom, amikor először mentem férjhez, és nászajándékba a nagyapámtól és a nagynénéimtől-nagybátyáimtól kaptam azt a szekrénysort, amely máig megvan. Egy sparhelttel fűtöttünk a konyhában. Ott volt meleg, így ott írtuk a leckét, ott fürödtünk is. Három részben mosakodtunk, lavórban – először derékig, aztán a lábat és harmadszor az alsótestet. Én ott laktam huszonöt évig. Anyukám nyolcvanegy éves korában halt meg, de az utolsó éve volt rossz, és egyik héten az öcsém költözött vissza, másik héten én. Akkor már mind a ketten komfortos lakásban laktunk, és mégis jól éreztük magunkat a régi lakásban.

Zsidók és keresztények vegyesen laktak a házban, egyszerű családok. A háziúr nagyon megnézte, kit fogad be bérlőnek. Kezdetben nem is akart gyerekes családokat a házba engedni, de a mi szüleinknek végül kiadta a lakást. Az volt a feltétel, hogy nem zajonghatunk, így a gangon sosem játszottunk. Később, amikor látta, hogy nincs baj velünk, még egy család beköltözhetett egy nagyobb, háromszobás, utcafrontos lakásba. Ott volt három gyerek, velük játszottunk az ő lakásukban. Ők zsidók voltak. Ma is gyakran eszembe jut, hogy a házbéli gyerekekből már csak én és az öcsém vagyunk életben. Volt, akit talán a háború sodort el.

Anyukám tudott aztán először elhelyezkedni a Párizsi Nagyáruházban [Az óbudai textilgyáros Goldberger testvérek által 1889-ban alapított Párizsi Nagyáruház a Rákóczi úton állt, az épület azonban 1903-ban egy rövidzárlat következtében leégett. A Goldberger család megrendelésére 1911-ben készült el az áruház új, szecessziós épülete az Andrássy úton. Ez volt Budapest első modern áruházépülete. Az Andrássy úti telken eredetileg az 1882-ben épült Terézvárosi Kaszinó állt. A Kaszinó báltermének mennyezeti freskóját Lotz Károly, más freskóit pedig Feszty Árpád festette. A Nagyáruház tervét Sziklai Zsigmond készítette, a kivitelezést az eredeti Kaszinó tervezőépítészére, Petschacher Gusztávra bízták. A Párizsi Áruház építésekor a bálterem Paulay Ede utcára néző traktusát megtartották. A tetőn körben kilátósétány épült, amelyet télen korcsolyapályának használtak. Az épület homlokzata az Andrássy út felé szecessziós, a Paulay utca felé neoreneszánsz. – A szerk.]. Anyám azt várta, hogy legyek már tíz éves, hogy el tudjon menni dolgozni, mert már olyan nagylány vagyok, hogy el tudom az öcsémet látni. Az ötödik emeleten volt a fűszerosztály, ő oda került. Jellemző volt, hogy hatvan pengő volt a fizetése, ahhoz volt nem százalék, hanem ezrelék az eladások után. A házbér egy kétszoba-konyhás komfort nélküli lakásnál ötven pengő volt. Apukám meg kijárt a Teleki-térre, és ott a gazdagok csomagjait cipelte, ezért pénzt kapott. 1935 táján, Újpesten egy unokatestvérének volt egy nagy textilüzlete az István téren, és apám odament eladónak. Aztán ott dolgozott 1944-ig, anyukám pedig a Párizsi Áruházban. Tavaly vagy tavalyelőtt kimentem Újpestre, elmentem az István térre. Megtaláltam az üzletet, két nagyon nagy kirakattal, most Vas- és Edénybolt, de az üzletet megismertem. Bementem, odajött az egyik eladó, mert látta, hogy ott állok és nézdegélek, hogy mit segíthet. Mondtam, köszönöm nem kell, én az emlékeimet nézem.

Az öcsém és én közöttem öt év a differencia, de én vittem az iskolába, én mentem érte. Együtt jöttünk haza, megmelegítettem az ebédet. A mama este főzött, másnap nekünk kellett megmelegíteni az ebédet. Egész korán meg kellett tanulnom, hogy a testvéremnek és magamnak megmelegítsem az ételt. A szomszédok is mondták meg a rokonok, hogy engem azért sajnáltak, mert anyukám szigorú volt. Megkívánta a rendet. Ha hazajött, akkor a leckéknek meg kellett lenni, ki kellett tenni, hogy megnézi. Rendnek kellett lenni a lakásban, mert akkor nagyon kikaptunk. Nem kérdezte, ki csinálta, ki törte össze, mit tudom én, a tányért, hanem mind a kettőnket összeszidott. Talán azért jó volt, mert vigyáztunk, hogy ne csináljunk valami kárt, jók legyünk. Apukámtól soha egy szidást nem kaptunk, ő nem tudott ránk verni vagy összeszidni.

Villamossal sosem jártunk, nem is volt pénzünk rá. Iskola után gyakran elsétáltunk anyukámért az Andrássy útra, ott megvártuk, és együtt mentünk haza. Ebéd után kellett megírnunk a leckét, majd testmozgásképpen mindig édesanyám elé sétáltunk. Sokszor irigykedtünk, hogy milyen jó azoknak a gyerekeknek, akik hazamennek, otthon várja őket az anyukájuk. Nekem meg mindig melegíteni kellett az ebédet. A vasárnapi ebéd évtizedekig volt valamilyen leves, kirántott hús burgonyával. És anyukám mindig csinált, nagyon szerettük a kuglófot. Csokoládés kuglóf volt, meg pite, általában almáspite, az volt a legolcsóbb. Akkor könnyebben lehetett vásárolni. A Huszár utca és a Munkás utca sarkán volt egy Spiegel nevű fűszeres. Akkor az volt a szokás, hogy az ember reggel leadta a kosarat, betette a jegyzéket, hogy mi kell, és este érte ment. Szombatonként fizettünk. A húsárut a Dohány utcában vásároltuk. Volt egy hentes, annak is reggel elég volt egy cédulát beadni, hogy mondjuk, egy kiló karajt kérünk. Az ember délután, mondjuk, hazajött a munkából, érte ment, és fizetett. Csak akkor még úgy volt, hogy tényleg nem csapták be, a karaj az karaj volt, szóval, szép árut adtak. Ennyivel könnyebb volt a vásárlás egy dolgozó asszonynak. Persze ez nem mindenhol, csak egyes helyeken volt így.

Édesanyám nagyon ügyes asszony volt, bár nem tanult varrni, de mindent el tudott készíteni. Azelőtt a textilüzletekben végben álltak az ilyen-olyan anyagok. De ha már csak pár méter maradt az anyagból, azt olcsón adták. Nálunk mindig szép függöny volt, anyukám varrta; vagy például gyönyörűen kézimunkázott, gyönyörűen kötött. Ő csinálta nekünk a kombinéket, a hálóingeket, ruhákat varrt nekem. Az én időmben még divat volt a kötény a kislányoknak. Kötényt is csinált, de még az én kislányomnak is ő varrt.

Anyukám nagyon szépen járatott, mert jól tudott varrni. Az volt a vágyam, hogy legyen egyszer egy olyan ruhám, amit szabónő varrt. Azt hallottam, hogy járnak varrónőhöz próbálni. Azt mondta, ha tizenhat éves leszek, akkor elvisz varrónőhöz. Akkor lett az első olyan ruhám, amit szabónő varrt.

Anyám munkahelyén, a Párizsi Nagyáruházban a Goldbergerék voltak a főnökök, ott például megkívánták az alkalmazottaktól, hogy mindig jól öltözzenek, a köpeny alatt is. Munkaidejükben lemehettek a fodrászhoz – ott valahol a Párizsi közelében volt egy fodrász, oda jártak le az alkalmazottak. A saját pénzükért, de munkaidőben, mert meg volt kívánva, hogy csak rendes frizurával lehet menni. Egyébként a Párizsi Nagyáruháznak volt üdülője Balatonon. A családot nem vitte le, csak az alkalmazottakat. Minden nyáron az alkalmazottakat saját pénzén, nem kellett fizetni, két hétig üdültette. Neki térült vissza, hogy pihentette őket egy kicsit. A mama elment nyaralni, de egyedül.

Én tizennyolc éves koromig reggel kakaót ittam. Anyukám mindig azt csinálta, mielőtt reggel iskolába mentünk. Még feküdtünk, felébresztett minket, de a zoknit vagy harisnyát, a cipőt feladta. Én nagy babás voltam. Anyukám varrta a ruhákat. Tizenhat baba volt, de a babákat úgy kell érteni, hogy volt benne kiscica, mackó, kicsi, nagy, imádtam ezt kapni. Az öcsémmel mi egymással játszottunk. Ő is babázott velem, én is gomboztam vele. Annyira komolyan vettük ezt a babázást az öcsémmel együtt, hogy volt egy gyerekkocsi, a tizenhat babát mi minden este lefektettük. Minden reggel fölöltöztettük, és fölültettük körben. Ezt olyan természetesnek vettük, ő is. Tizenhat éves koromban még mindig babáztam. Akkor egy nagynénim mondta, hogy meg fogja mondani az udvarlómnak, hogy még játszom. Csak akkor engedtem fölvinni a padlásra a babakocsit a babákkal. Nagyobb gombokkal is játszottunk, az volt a futballcsapat. Divat volt egy olyan játék is, amihez – akkor még lovak mentek az utcán – a lópatkónak a szögei kellettek. És szedegettük fel az ilyen szögeket, mert evvel is tudtunk játszani. Öt ilyen „lószög” volt, annak is megvolt a játéka. Földobni, elkapni, a végén az ötöt kellett elkapni. Azt mondtam az unokáimnak, ha meghalok, és szétszedik a lakást meg a vitrint, akkor az öcsém legyen itt, mert csak ő tudja, hogy az miért van a vitrinben.

Minden áldott vasárnap a nagypapánál voltunk, mikor ő meghalt akkor a testvéreknél találkoztunk egymással – az elvált nagynéném, Aranka fogta aztán össze a családot. Beszélgettünk, jó volt, hogy hetente egyszer összejött az egész család. Volt, mikor vasárnap a Széchenyi strandra mentünk el, akkor már én is dolgoztam. Mindig családostul. Nyáron jó időben majdnem minden vasárnap. Így volt ez 1944-ig, a zsidótörvényig.

Apukám nagy meccslátogató volt. Imádta a futballt. Sose felejtem el, mindig mérgelődött anyukám – akkor még nem volt tévé meg ilyesmi, de az volt a divat, hogy akkor az Erzsébet körúton volt, azt hiszem, két újságnak a székháza, és minden vasárnap este ott a férfiaknak gyülekezete volt, ott megtárgyalták a meccseket. Akkor is különböző csapatok voltak, FTC, MTK stb. Apukám MTK-drukker volt, mindig MTK-s. [MTK, azaz Magyar Testgyakorlók Köre. 1888-ban alakították a Nemzeti Torna Egyletből kivált tornászok. „Létrejöttében jelentős szerepet játszott, hogy a magyarországi sportegyesületek a MAC alapszabályának hatására nem foglalkoztattak zsidó sportolókat, így fokozatosan a budapesti zsidó középpolgárság egyesülete lett” (Magyar Nagylexikon). – A szerk.] Ott mindig megtárgyalták a politikát, a meccseket. Ha a Ferencváros győzött, vagy az MTK győzött, nem veszekedéssel beszélték meg. Csak megbeszélték, hogy miért kapott ki a csapat. Ez ügyetlenül rúgott, vagy ügyesebb volt, így ment ez. Ahogy visszaemlékszem, ő eljött előbb a nagypapámtól, és mi mentünk haza arra, és akkor velünk jött már.

Nyáron többször vitt engem kirándulni az egyik nagybácsi, Lajos, aki nem jött vissza 1944-ben. Én jó kislány voltam, velem lehetett kirándulni, így mindig szívesen vitt magával. Az öcsémet, nem is tudom, miért, sosem hozta el velem együtt. Ő mindig kirándulni járt, volt egy kis kiránduló társasága, ahová engem mindig elvitt. Én nyáron mindig vele tartottam kirándulni, szerettem menni. Télen pedig anyukám másik testvére, Hugó minden vasárnap elvitt korcsolyázni a Műjégre. A Tisza Kálmán téri polgárinak volt egy udvara, ami télen korcsolyapálya volt, de csak az iskoláé, ahova a tanulók ingyen járhattak. Alkalmaztak egy fiatalembert, aki tanította a diákokat korcsolyázni, engem is ő tanított.

Sosem jártam kizárólag zsidó iskolába. Amikor még az apámnak méteráru-kereskedése volt Újpesten, ott jártam iskolába. Aztán a negyedik évben, amikor visszaköltöztünk a belvárosba, a Dohány utcai elemiben tanultam. Az elemi iskolában a jó tanulókat a tanító néni meghívta magához minden hónapban egyszer. Nem sokan, talán nyolcan-tizen voltunk ott. Neki is volt egy kislánya, emlékszem, finom kávét kaptunk meg kuglófot. Akkor nagy szám volt, és nagyon finom volt a kávé kuglóffal. Én minden egyes meghíváskor ott voltam, és ez büszkeség volt nekem, fényképem is van róla. Eszerint én jó tanuló voltam, és ez is szerintem egy jó ösztönző módszer volt. Rendesen gondolkodó tanító néni volt, talán volt is annyi pénze, hogy meg tudott minket vendégelni egy hónapban egyszer.

A négy polgárit az akkori Tisza Kálmán téri, ma Köztársaság téri iskolában jártam ki. Ott fegyelem volt, én akkor is, de ma is szeretem a fegyelmet. Jó tanárok voltak, például volt olyan tanár, akit úgy kellett szólítani „Ilona tanár úrnő”, mert grófnő volt különben [Az interjúalany feltehetően gróf Andrássy Ilonára gondol, akiről más, a Tisza Kálmán téri polgáriba járt interjúalany is megemlékezik. – A szerk.]. Egy másiknak azt mondhattuk, hogy „Vera néni”. A polgáriban németet is tanultunk. Az igazgató nagyon szigorú volt. Attól mindenki nagyon félt. Végeredményben helyes volt a szigorúsága. Komolyan kellett az egészet végigcsinálni.

Akkor még az volt a divat, hogy minden reggel az osztály imádsággal kezdte a napot: „Hiszek egy Istenben, hiszek egy hazában – az volt a reggeli imádság –, hiszek Magyarország feltámadásában” [lásd: „Magyar Hiszekegy”]. Mindenki ezzel kezdte. Hittanóra volt, persze én zsidó hittanórára jártam. Az osztályban, azt hiszem, harminc főből tíz zsidó volt. Minden pénteken mentünk a templomba. A hittantanár vitte a gyerekeket. Mi a Dohány utcai templomba mentünk. Ott minden iskolának megvolt a helye, kijelölt helyek voltak már, nem ültünk össze-vissza. Volt kis imakönyvünk. Én nagyon szerettem énekelni. Itt, a polgáriban volt egy ifjúsági énekkar, és annak a tagja voltam.

Volt egyenruhánk is, fekete, kicsit fényes anyag, úgy hívták lüszter. A polgáriban kötelező volt ezt hordani. Volt egy fekete klott köpenyünk hétköznapra. Kis fehér gallérral viseltük, ami szintén kötelező volt. Amikor még meleg idő volt, sötétkék alapú fehér pettyes köpenyt hordtunk, könnyebb, fehér gallérral. Ünnepeken mindenkinek kötelező volt a sötétkék szoknya, fehér színű matrózblúzzal vagy csíkossal.

Mindenkinek volt egy kis szekrényrésze, nem kellett ennyit cipekedni, mint a mai gyerekeknek. Nagyon megkönnyítették minden szeptemberben a bevásárlást, mert például a Tisza Kálmán téren, az iskola mellett volt egy kis írószerüzlet. Emlékszem, a tulajdonos a Hamvas néni volt. Neki le volt adva, hogy melyik osztályban szeptembertől milyen tanszerek kellenek. Ideadta a csomagot, össze volt állítva pontosan, nem kellett rohangálni ide vagy oda. Nem volt ugyan olcsó, de meg kellett venni.

A polgáriban sem éreztük soha, hogy különbséget tettek volna közöttünk. Nagyon jó pajtások voltunk a keresztény tanárokkal és diákokkal is. Mindenki mindenkivel barátkozott, a tanárok nem is engedték volna az ellenségeskedést. Szép idők voltak ezek, szívesen gondolok vissza a polgári iskolára. A legjobb barátnőmet, Silbermann Adriennt itt ismertem meg

A kósert [lásd: kóser háztartás] sosem tartották a szüleim. Azt mondtuk, az kóser, ami finom. Szóval nem voltunk vallásosak. Emlékszem, gyerekkorban megkérdeztem apukámat – a házban is lakott egy zsidó család, templomba mentek, nagyon vallásosak voltak –, hogy mi miért nem megyünk templomba a nagyünnepen. És akkor apukám mindig azt válaszolta – mert akkor is fizetni kellett a nagyünnepen a templomba járásért –, hogy nekünk nincs pénzünk ilyenekre, nekünk dolgozni kell. Anyukám is dolgozott. És az úgy bennem van, úgyhogy sose voltam én sem vallásos. A fiúk azért körül lettek metélve [lásd: körülmetélés], ez olyan természetes volt. Aki nem volt vallásos, annál is voltak hagyományos dolgok. Mindegyikünk a hitközségbe be volt jelentve. Volt is zsidó nevünk. Az öcsémnek még bár micvója is volt, a Bethlen Gábor téri templomban. Az öcsémet is felkészítette a bár micvójára a hittantanító bácsija. Úgy volt, hogy aki nem is volt vallásos, bizonyos dolgokat betartott, nem vallásból, hanem szokásból.

Általában a zsidó újévkor, a Ros Hásánákor a vacsora ünnepélyesebb volt, előszedtek damaszt fehér abroszt, meg az ünnepi ebéd, azt tartották meg. Megtartották a hosszúnapot, és előtte a vacsorát. Mondjuk, ez a két fő ünnep, amit megtartottak. Imádkozás nem igazán volt, inkább csak beszélgetés, öröm, egyszerre van mindenki együtt. Jom Kipurkor nem ettünk, azt [mármint a böjtöt] betartottuk, nem vallásosságból, csak szokásból.

Sose felejtem el még ma sem, nagyon szerettem, ha csirkét ettünk vagy kakast. A fiúknak volt keresztapjuk; az öcsémnek is volt keresztapja, apukám egyik testvére volt, fiútestvér [Az interjúalanyok gyakran „keresztapaként” említik a komát (szándák / kvatter), azt a személyt, aki az újszülöttet tartja a körülmetélésnél. A koma ugyanis feladatot vállal a gyermek további sorsának irányításában, segítésében. – A szerk.]. Ők hoztak mindig fehér színű kakast. Az volt a szokás, hogy a keresztpapa hozta a fehér színű kakast. Ilyenkor volt becsinált leves, meg volt sütve a csirke [A család a kápóresz szertartásból annyit tartott meg, hogy fehér kakast vettek. – A szerk.]. És anyukám minden zsidó újévkor flódnit csinált [Hagyományosan Purimra készített süteményféle, szilvalekvárral, diós, mákos, valamint almából készült  töltelékkel. – A szerk.].

Akik nem voltak vallásosak, ezt tartották vagy a böjtölést. A Jom Kipurt minden évben megtartottuk úgy, hogy mindig a Ligetbe mentünk. Volt egy rokonom, apukám unokatestvére, és a családjukkal együtt mentünk. Ott leültek a padra, összejöttek, volt idejük egész nap beszélgetni. Az is egy ilyen szép emlék maradt. A zsidóknak nem kellett akkor dolgozni, se újévkor, se Jom Kipurkor. Ezt az ünnepet a munkaadók ismerték, és akkor nem kellett bemenni.

Hanukát nem tartottunk, gyertyákat nem gyújtottunk. A hittanon tanultuk, de otthon nem gyújtottunk gyertyát. De például – mint már mondtam, inkább szokásból – tartottuk az újévet [Ros Hásáná]. Nem mentünk templomba, otthon ünnepeltünk. Sose felejtem el, az újév előtti vacsora ünnepi vacsora volt, azért, mert a szobában és fehér abroszon ettünk – ez a Huszár utcában volt –, mert hétköznap mi a konyhában ettünk, mert ott volt meleg. Húst ettünk, csirkét, ami hétköznapokon nem nagyon jutott. Sütemény és gyümölcs is ilyenkor került az asztalra. Akkor még sparhelt volt, abban az időben. Sparhelten főzött anyukám, ott volt meleg. Az asztalnál mindenkinek megvolt a helye, mindenkinek megvolt a saját evőeszköze. Mert a nagypapámnak az volt az ajándéka, ha egy unoka született, ő adta az evőeszközt, de úgy, hogy be volt vésve a neve. Az öcsémnek maradt egy darab az ő nevével. A többi eltűnt.

Karácsonykor azért ajándékot kaptunk, azt mindig vártuk. Otthon az is nagy szám volt, mert mondtam, nem ment olyan jól. Narancs, csokoládé. Nagy szám volt karácsonykor az önálló tábla csoki. Anyukám hozott néha hétvégén is csokoládét, de egy táblát négyfele osztott el. És mindig mondtuk, csak lehetne egy tábla csokink. A szegényebbek tényleg örültek, hogy tudtak ennivalót adni, nemhogy csokit. Karácsonykor fa nem volt nálunk, de azért kaptunk ajándékot. Ruhaneműt nem nagyon, azt nem tartottuk ajándéknak, hanem én, mondjuk, a babát vagy amire vágytam, kis játékot. Amire amúgy nem tellett, azt ilyenkor megkaptuk. Például mindenki kapott egy narancsot, amit nem kellett elosztani, én ehettem meg, ez akkor ajándéknak számított. Annyira más világ volt, ilyet nem is lehet elmesélni, nem is értik ma.

Apukám egyik lánytestvére, Ilona volt az, aki csak a nagyobb ünnepet tartotta be. Például Pészáh, az úgynevezett szédereste, arra mindig meghívta a testvéreket. Nem volt imádság, csak széderesti vacsora volt, és az összegyűjtötte ilyenkor a családot. Minden szédereste összejött a család. És valahogy érdekes, nem tudom, más átérzi-e, vagy csak bennem maradt, hogy a finom húsleves gombóccal [maceszgombóccal], azt ma is látom, és mintha érezném az ízét.

Mi nem tudtunk elmenni nyaralni. Tizenhat éves koromban láttam meg először a Balatont [Balaton]Földváron. A MABI-nak [Magánalkalmazottak Biztosító Intézete, ma a Péterfy utcai kórház. – A szerk.] volt üdülője Balatonvilágoson, ide vittek el engem is két hétre üdülni ingyen. Addig nem jártam sehol. A MABI a tizenhat év alatti fiatalokat vitte el üdülni, Balatonvilágosra. Előtte egyszer voltam kirándulni Balatonföldváron, de ott nem nyaraltam.

A négy polgárit elvégeztem 1937-ben. Mivel akkor mi a szegényebb sorsú emberekhez tartoztunk, mindig gond volt a házbér. Ezért anyukám beíratott egy három–hat hónapos gyors- és gépíróiskolába, akkor magániskolák voltak – azzal, hogy egy lánynak arra mindig szüksége van, ha elmegy irodába, hogy gyors- és gépírjon. Aztán, hogy mi lesz belőlem, az úgyis tőlem függ. Azt elvégeztem úgy, hogy még abban az évben egy leíróirodában elhelyezkedtem. Ügyvédek, mérnökök, akiknek nem telt gépíróra, bejöttek diktálni, és az éppen ráérő gépíró legépelte a hivatalos iratokat. Így spóroltak, nem kellett alkalmazottnak fizetni egy teljes fizetést. A kezdő fizetésem húsz pengő volt. Ha összehasonlítjuk, akkor volt az a sláger, hogy „Kétszáz pengő fixszel…”. Ahhoz képest semmi sem volt a húsz pengő, de otthon azért segítség volt a házbérhez. Mert a legfőbb gondja akkor az embereknek a házbér volt, amiért tőlünk a komfort nélküli lakásban is havi ötven pengőt kértek el. Bejelentett alkalmazott voltam, tizenöt és fél évesen. A munkahelyemen soha nem lehetett hallani azt a szót, hogy zsidó. Mi, kolléganők összefogtunk, szerettük egymást, segítettünk egymásnak.

Amikor a csillagosház-rendelet jött, akkor nagy megszorítás volt. Be kellett költözni a csillagos házba [1944. június 18–24. között, lásd: csillagos házak], ott meg volt határozva, hogy mikor lehet kimenni az utcára [lásd: kijárási tilalom Budapesten]. Nekünk nem volt külön pénzünk, akkor már 1944. május harmincegyedikén volt az utolsó nap, mikor még zsidó dolgozhatott. Sokakat már előbb is elküldtek, de ez az utolsó nap volt. Nekem az utolsó nap kellett eljönnöm. Egy irodában voltam, és emellett jártam dolgozni, akkor divat volt az, hogy gépelést lehetett vállalni cégeknél, kisegíteni. Órabérben fizettek. Mindig kellett a pénz.

Volt egy nagy cég, neves építészek a Sziget utca 38-ban, egy nagy irodában. Húsz építészmérnök dolgozott ott. Volt, amikor a gépírónőjük nem győzte a munkát, és én odamehettem órabérért dolgozni. 1944-ben felkerestek, nagyon rendesek voltak. Azt mondták, ha el tudom intézni, jöhetek hozzájuk dolgozni. Majd én hetenként kapok fizetést, ha el tudom intézni, hogy bejárjak. Az is egy nagyon rendes cég volt. Húsz építészmérnök volt, házakat terveztek, építettek, egy könyvelő, egy pénztáros, keresztény emberek. Mikor oda bementem a főnökhöz, hogy sikerült elintéznem, azt mondta, akkor most összehívom az alkalmazottakat. Összehívta, és mondta, hogy odamegyek dolgozni, zsidó vagyok. Már ismertek, én nem idegen voltam. Volt egy kérése, hogy erről senkinek ne beszéljenek, otthon se, a családtagoknak se, mert akármilyen rendes a feleség vagy férj vagy akárki, elég, ha elszólja magát. És az az életembe kerülhet. Olyan szépen beszélt az alkalmazottakhoz. Ettől is függött, hogy mindenki hallgasson, és mindenki hallgatott. A sárga csillagot nem viseltem, mikor dolgozni mentem.

Amikor bejöttek a zsidótörvények [lásd: zsidótörvények Magyarországon], engem ennyiben nem érintett, mert a zsidótörvényeknél, ugye, nagyon sok zsidót el is bocsátott a főnöke, de én az utolsó percig dolgoztam. Akkor a tisztviselők havi fizetést kaptak. Én nem voltam már bejelentkezve, mert zsidót már nem lehetett bejelenteni. Hanem úgy egyeztünk meg, hogy minden héten szombaton adja oda a fizetésem.

1944 júniusában már csillagos házba kellett költözni. Mi a Dembinszky utca 33-ba költöztünk, az volt a csillagos ház. Az biztos, hogy a – úgy mondom, keresztény – szomszédaink széthurcolták a lakást. Amit tudtunk, elvittük, de mindent nem lehetett. Ott maradt egy egész ebédlőberendezés, azt még a nagymamámtól örököltük, abból semmi nem maradt. Széthurcolták, ami ott maradt, ellopták. A házmester ott, a Dembinszky utcában a körzeti nyilas szervezetnek a vezetője volt. Hát próba szerencse, mondtam, hogy szeretnék vele beszélni. Elmondtam neki, hogy nekünk nincs pénzünk, hogy valahogy élni tudjunk, nekem dolgozni kellene, és ehhez az ő segítsége kell. Azért, hogy engem reggel kiengedjen a házból, és este beengedjen. Rizikós kérdés volt. Jól állt hozzá, megengedte a nyilas vezető.

A nyilasok akkorra már a felszínre kerültek. A házmester júniustól novemberig segített. Egy fillér nélkül, ezért nem kapott semmit. Kijártam dolgozni. Én nem is hordtam akkor csillagot [lásd: sárga csillag]. Reggel elmentem, délután hazajöttem, és akkor még járt a villamos, a mai Dózsa György úton. Akkor még megvolt az a keresztény templom, amit leromboltak [Az interjúalany a Regnum Marianum templomra gondol, amelyet a Tanácsköztársaság leverésének emlékére emeltek az 1920-as években, s amelyet a felvonulási tér kialakítása miatt a Rákosi-rendszerben lebontottak. A templom helyén ma egy fakereszt áll. – A szerk.]. Az nekem jól jött, mert ha leszálltam, és valaki gyanús közelített, beültem a templomba. Ott se történt semmi bajom. Voltak rendes emberek is. Végig tudtam dolgozni.

Az apukám nem volt munkaszolgálatos, de elvitték a Drasche Téglagyárba [Drasche Henriknek egykor több téglagyára volt Budapesten és környékén: itt valószínűleg az óbudai téglagyárról van szó. – A szerk.]. Őt is én tudtam meglátogatni. Kimentem a téglagyárba. November tizedikén vittek engem el. November kilencedikén kilátogattam a téglagyárba. Ott katonai parancsnokok voltak. A katonai parancsnok mondta – ő már tudta –, hogy holnap elviszik a zsidókat a házból, maradjak ott, majd ő gondoskodik rólam. Tényleg rendes volt. Mondtam, nem tudok itt maradni, mert otthon várnak, nem tudják, mi van velem. Történjen, ami történik, én hazamegyek. És apukám még kikísért, megengedte, hogy kijöjjön a villamosmegállóig. Az volt az utolsó pillanatunk apukámmal. Elbúcsúztunk egymástól, nem is gondoltuk azt, hogy többé nem látjuk egymást. Szóval ez egy nagy emlék. Az apukám nem jött vissza. Őt [1944.] november végén vagonírozták be a téglagyárból. November végén nagyon sok zsidót vittek el. Bergen-Belsenből már nem jött vissza.

Én mindig kicsi, vékony lány voltam. Nekem egyszer azt mondták, neked is lesz udvarlód, majd keresünk egy kicsi fiút, amilyen te vagy. De nekem nem a kicsik tetszettek, hanem a nagyok. Egy barátnőm volt, ő is zsidó, a Silbermann Adrienn. A polgáriba is együtt jártunk, egy padban ültünk. Utána végig nagyon jó barátnők voltunk. Utolsó találkozásunk 1944. október huszonharmadikán a KISOK-pályán volt, ahová kötelező volt bevonulni a negyven év alatti nőknek. A kislányom anyukámmal maradt. Falragaszokon hirdették, hogy be kell vonulni. Ott találkoztunk utoljára, azért utoljára, mert ő sem jött vissza a deportálásból. Én egy agilis, Dembinszky utcai szomszédasszony segítségével kisurrantam a pályáról, így történhetett, hogy akkor nem vittek el. Nem is tudom, mi lett volna, ha az az idősebb nő nem vonszol magával. Sosem tudtam meg, pontosan mi lett vele [a barátnőjével]. Nagyon jó barátnők voltunk, az ő unokabátyja lett az én első férjem.

A barátnőmnek akkor már volt egy udvarlója, akivel együtt jártak kirándulni. Nem kettesben, hanem a baráti társaságunkkal. Egy ilyen alkalommal ugyanabba a kocsiba szállt föl a barátnőm és az egész társaság. Ott bemutatta a két unokatestvérét, a következő vasárnap már velük mentem kirándulni. A két unokabátyja két testvér volt, S. Lali és Sanyi. Mind a ketten úgy udvarolgattak, és az egyik vasárnap, mikor kirándultunk, mondták, hogy válasszam ki, melyik a társam, melyiket fogadom el udvarlónak. Én akkor azt mondtam, a Lalit választom.

Sanyival megmaradt a barátság, és még megvannak a levelei. Disszidált [lásd: disszidálás] Kanadába. Aztán nagyon jó barátságba kerültünk, mindig írt, ha jött Pestre, mindig beszélgettünk. A két utolsó levelét őrzöm.

Még csak tizenhat éves voltam, Lali nálam négy évvel idősebb. Amikor megismerkedtünk. Lali csinos, magas fiú volt. Putnokon született, az anyósomék győriek voltak, az apósomék voltak putnokiak [Putnok – nagyközség volt Gömör és Kishont, ill. Trianon után Borsod, Gömör és Kishont egyesített vm.-ben (egykor Gömör vármegye székhelye is volt); járásbíróság, adóhivatal, ipartestület, iparostanonc- és nőipariskola működött Putnokon, és volt pótkávégyár, nagy gőzmalom és téglagyár, valamint nagy forgalmú gabonapiac. Lakosainak száma 1891-ben 3100, 1910-ben 3900, 1920-ban 4200 fő körül volt. – A szerk.]. Onnan származtak, aztán Pestre költöztek, úgyhogy pestiek lettek. A férjem textilkereskedésben dolgozott, ott volt inas, fel is szabadult. Rövid ideig volt segéd, kevés volt a munkaideje, mert aztán behívták.

1941-ben megkezdődtek a behívások. Már éreztük az előszelét, úgyhogy 1940-ben vett feleségül. Bár mondták a szülők, hogy minek megházasodni, majd vége lesz a háborúnak, béke lesz! Gondolták, ráérünk. Mi jó gyerekek voltunk, szófogadóak, csak mégse fogadtunk szót a szülőknek. És így lett jó. Azóta mondom, hogy valami mindig valamiért történik. Nálam ez bevált.

Mindkettőnknek kellett a házassághoz szülői engedély. Lajos is zsidó családból származott, de ők sem voltak vallásosak. Nekünk nem volt templomi esküvőnk, csak a hetedik kerületi elöljáróságnál házasodtunk. Egy kiskosztüm volt rajtam, azt már szabónő varrta. Az esküvő után ebédeltünk otthon. A szokásosnál csak annyiban volt díszesebb, hogy benn a szobában, fehér abrosszal. Mivel fizetni kellett a templomban az esküvőért, azt mondtuk, kár a pénzért. Azt a pénzt ne esküvőre, templomra meg ruhára meg ilyesmire költsük, mikor más okosabbra kell. Inkább vettünk ágyneműt, szervizt, ilyenekre költöttünk. Meg is volt monogramozva. Mindez elveszett a háború alatt.

Az esküvő után önálló életet nem tudtunk kezdeni, mert megint utunkat állta a pénzhiány. Hol anyukámnál, hol anyósomnál aludtunk. Abban az időben a fiatalemberek mind vagy katonák voltak, vagy munkaszolgálatosok. Aki meg is nősült, meg gyerek is lett, ezek már olyan gyerekek voltak, akik alig ismerték az apjukat és viszont. Jól indult a közös életünk, de ezek az akkori házaséletek nem olyanok voltak, mint most, nem voltak itthon ezek a fiúk. Akkor jött közbe az antiszemitizmus meg az egész holokauszt. Ott kezdődött, hogy őt még katonának hívták be. És aztán levetkőztették, és munkaszolgálatos lett. [A munkaszolgálatos férfiak nem kaptak egyenruhát, a saját ruháikban kellett bevonulniuk. – A szerk.] Itt kezdődött, hogy most megkülönböztették őt.

1941-ben született a kislányom, Veronika. Lajos először katonaként, aztán munkaszolgálatosként a frontra került ki, és onnan nem jött haza. A kislányom egyedül volt otthon, mert akkor még hat hét volt csak a gyes [azaz a szülési szabadság]. Egyedül maradt otthon, de anyukám járt haza ebédet adni neki, mert az Andrássy út közelebb volt, én meg a Margit hídnál dolgoztam. Pénzünk nem volt villamosra. Kettőnk közül ő tudott ebédidőben hazamenni. A kislányom természetesnek vette, úgy szokta meg, hogy egyedül van. A szobára vigyáztunk. Télen például nem volt befűtve, nehogy nekimenjen a kályhának. Egyik sarokba tettünk kis bilit, megtanítottuk, hogy az mire van. A másik sarokban kis sámli volt ennivalóval. Aztán anyukám otthon maradt végre vele, csak az akkori kisgyerekek nem is ismerték a papájukat. Mert az, hogy hazajött a hétvégére vagy pár napra, ahhoz kicsik voltak. Meg sok apa is alig láthatta a gyerekét.

Az apósom 1944. március tizenkilencedikén – akkor jöttek be a németek [lásd: Magyarország német megszállása] – elment hazulról, mert egy kollégája házát akarta megnézni. Azt mondta, lehet, hogy nem érkezik meg ebédre, ebédeljen meg nélküle a család. Soha nem jött vissza többé. Leszedték a villamosról valahol. Leszedték, és vagy valahol agyon lőtték, vagy Auschwitzba került. Azt soha többé nem lehetett megtudni.

A többiekre is hatással voltak a zsidótörvények. Egyrészt mindenkinek az állását ott kellett hagyni [A zsidótörvények bizonyos foglalkozások, így például az ügyvédek, az újságírók, a szerkesztők stb. körében határoztak meg kvótákat, nem mindenkinek kellett ezek hatására rögtön otthagyni az állását. – A szerk.]. Apukámnak volt az ügyvéd bátyja, nem folytathatta. Legelőször azt csinálták, hogy az ügyvédi kamarából kizárták az ügyvédet. Igaz, itthon se voltak. Mindegyik olyan korban volt, hogy munkaszolgálatosnak hívták be.

Engem úgy külön nem bántott senki. Én is mindig igyekeztem csöndben maradni, nem csináltam olyat, hogy bántani kellett. Otthon a szomszédoknak se volt egy rossz szavuk.

Engem a csillagos házból vittek el. 1944. november tizedikén megjelentek a házban fiatal nyilasok, és mondták, hogy minden lakásból a tizenhat és negyven év közötti nők jöjjenek le az udvarra. Én akkor még nem jöttem ki az udvarra, és gondoltam, hátha el tudok bújni, vagy nem vesznek észre, vagy valami ilyesmi. Nem mentem ki. Amikor már mindenki kinn állt az udvaron, a házmester felesége inkább butaságból csinálta vagy félelemből, de amikor a nyilas kérdezte, hogy minden lakásból mindenki itt van-e, akkor mondta, nem, a földszint 1-ből hiányzok én. Bejött a nyilas mérgesen, hogy nem hallottam, hogy ki kell jönni. A kislányom rögtön odajött, megfogta a kezem, és nem akart elengedni. Őt nem zavarták ki, megfogta a kezemet, és az istennek nem engedte el. Nem tudtam egyszerűen lerázni, mert nem engedett el. Ezért voltam megijedve. Már az utcára mentünk, még mindig nem engedte el a kezem, kapaszkodott bele. Ekkor ijedtem meg, mert a nyilasok könnyen lelőttek valakit, akit akartak. Hirtelen szerencsére jött az a gondolatom, hogy odaadtam az órámat, hogy vigyázzon rá, amíg visszajövök. Három éves volt. Visszaszaladt a nagymamához, aki a kapuban állt, ez kellett, hogy tőlem elmenjen.

Minket gyalogosan a Lánchídon áthajtottak az óbudai téglagyárba. Akkor többen meg én is úgy halkan, hogy ne hallják, mondtuk, ott az a híd, csak robbanna föl. Később fölrobbant [1944. január 17-én a németek fokozatos visszavonulás után elhagyták a Duna keleti partját, és az utolsó épen maradt hidakat – a Lánchidat és az Erzsébet hidat is – a Dunába robbantották. – A szerk.]. A gyárba értünk, az éjjelt ott töltöttük. Másnap reggel elindult a menet gyalog. Az első éjszakát Pilisvörösváron töltöttük [lásd: halálmenetek Hegyeshalomba]. Ott olyan barakk volt, nem nekünk készítették, hanem katonáknak, oda be tudtunk menni. Sőt, ott még egy meleg levest is kaptunk.

Ebben a menetben csak nők voltak, illetve még volt nagyon kevés férfi, akiket valahogy az utcán elfogtak. Addigra már a legtöbb zsidó férfi munkaszolgálatos volt. Reggel és azután még hét reggel indultunk tovább. Akkor egy következő este valamelyik vásártéren aludtunk, persze a földön. Aki nem bírt menni, azt lelőtték, vagy magától esett össze. Ezt gyakran láttuk. Sok százan mentünk, hiába mondjuk, hogy a negyvenévesek fiatalok, de van, akinek sok volt a menetelés. A menet közben néha láttuk, hogy valaki sajnál, sajnálkozó tekintet, az már egy kicsit erősített, jól esett. Nem jöhettek a közelünkbe.

A nyilasok is gyalogoltak velünk, de őket szakaszonként váltották. Hideg november volt, néha esett az eső, ilyenkor bőrig áztunk. Dorogon volt úgy, éppen odaérkeztünk, a futballpályára voltunk beterelve, és szakadt az eső. Reggel aztán így mentünk tovább átázott ruhában, és az ember bírta. Volt, aki nem bírta, nehéz megmondani, hogy ebbe hányan haltak bele.

Muszáj volt visszatartani a pisilést, és este, ahol letelepedtünk, akkor ott lehetett csak elvégezni. Néha akadt olyan nyilas, ha valaki már nem bírta, és jelezte, muszáj, engedte, hogy az árokba menjen. Ott megvárta, aztán hajtotta tovább. Amikor megérkeztünk egy ilyen állomásra, katonai üstben főztek ilyen löttyöt, egy levest, mondjuk. De az is nagyon finom volt, mert meleg volt. Nem lehetett tudni, hogy éppen mi lehet. Nem volt benne só meg ilyesmi, de ki voltunk rá éhezve. Mindenki siratta, hogy a gyerekét otthon hagyta. Nekem mindig este, mikor kicsit letelepedtünk, az volt a gondolatom, hogy végigcsinálom, remélem, meg tudom az itthoniakat váltani azzal, hogy ők legalább a saját ágyukban maradjanak. Én inkább vállalom, csak ők maradjanak a saját ágyukban!

Fogalmunk se volt, hová visznek, nem tudtuk, hogy most mi lesz velünk. A jobb arcú nyilasokat meg mertük kérdezni, hogy nem tudja-e, most hová visznek. Már az arcáról lehetett látni, hogy megszólíthatjuk, megkérdezhetjük. Mondta, ők Hegyeshalomig visznek, ott átadnak a németeknek. Nekem se pénzem, semmim nem volt. Mikor elvittek, anyukámnak mondtam, hogy egy fillért se adjon, maradjon meg neki a pénz. De volt, amikor egy-egy rendesebb nyilastól – mondom, az arcáról meg az egész hozzáállásáról lehetett látni – megkértem, hogy tudna-e nekem adni vagy venni egy levelezőlapot. Az egész úton nyolc levelezőlapot sikerült szerezni. Volt, aki adott vagy vett, vagy nála is volt, igaz, bélyeg nélkül. Amikor falun mentünk át, ledobtam ezeket a földre, vagy bedobtam az árokba. Mind a nyolc megérkezett, valakik feladták. Mindig fölemelték, bélyeget kellett rátenni, tehát pénzbe is került, és mégis megjöttek a lapjaim.

Nagyon szomorúak voltunk, mert akárhogy utáltuk ezt a nyilas társaságot, mégis itthon voltunk. Átmentünk Hegyeshalmon, ott is ilyen fiatal kísérők voltak, mint a nyilasok, de azok már SS-katonák voltak. Gyalogoltunk Zündorfig, ahol vonatra szálltunk, nem vagonba. Sokan, több százan voltunk még akkor. A vonat zárt hely volt, még a padlója is jobb volt, mint a föld. Mikor valaki éjjel fölébredt, csodálkozott, és elkezdett kiabálni: ki volt írva, hogy fa és szén kapható! Már hajnalodott, és el lehetett olvasni, hogy fűszerüzlet. Senki nem tudta és nem értette, hogy ha egyszer átvittek Ausztriába, hogy kerültünk vissza Magyarországra. Kiderült utólag, hogy egy csoportot nem tudtak hova helyezni, valahogy nem sikerült nekik, visszahoztak részben Kópházára, részben Harkára.

Kópházán pajtákban helyeztek el minket. Kaptunk enni valamit mindig este. Általában mindig káposztaleves volt. Előfordult, hogy reggel is hoztak valami meleg folyadékot. Mikor már este volt, ránk zárták a pajtaajtót, nem lehetett kijönni. A pajta mellett volt a latrina, ott mindenki elvégezhette a dolgát, aztán mindenki visszament a pajtába, és rázárták az ajtót. Ahol voltam, a huszonötös pajtában, Klemencsics volt a gazda, egy horvát származású ember. Igazi kulák volt [Föltehetően úgy érti, hogy „gazdagparaszt” vagy „nagygazda”. A korabeli nyelvhasználatban csak nagyon ritkán fordult elő a „kulák” szó. Majd csak később, az ötvenes évek elején terjedt el használata a gazdagparasztokra, akkor már negatív színezettel. – A szerk.], de végeredményben rendesen viselkedett velünk. Este mindig nagyon nagy hangon ordibált, hogy be akar menni a pajtájába. Az őr mondta, hogy nem lehet, már ő sem mehet be. Akkor Klemencsics elkezdett ordítani, hogy miért, a büdös zsidók miatt! Megszabják nekem az időt!? Engedjen be, mert a teheneim ott éheznek! Bejött, hangosan szidta a zsidókat. Tényleg kivitt szalmát vagy valamit, de mindig adott vagy almát, vagy tejet, vagy kenyeret. Mindig egy sarokba egyvalamit letett, ezért csinálta az egész jelenetet. Ez sokat számított, hiszen ha mindenkire jutott két alma, az már egy életmentés is volt. Vagy huszonnyolc-harmincan lehettünk egy pajtában. Több gazda pajtájába is zsúfoltak nőket, mások azonban nem jártak ennyire jól, mint mi, akik egy rendes emberhez kerültünk, Klemencsicshez.

Sáncot ástunk kinn, a határnál. Ez arra kellett, hogyha jönnek a szovjet csapatok, ne tudjanak bejönni. Én mindenkinél kisebb voltam. Kicsi voltam, sovány voltam, mindig az volt a baj, hogy a sáncásásnál ha földobtam a földet, mindig több jött vissza. De ezért halál járt, golyó a mellettem lévőknek is. Előttem meg a hátam mögött álltak, szegények, nekik duplán kellett dolgozni, hogy ne lássák, hogy a föld visszajön. Kérték, hogy csináljak valamit, ne jöjjek ki, mert nem tudnak duplán dolgozni, igazuk volt. Mondtam a Klemencsicsnek, hogy tudna-e valamit segíteni, hogy ne kelljen kimennem, mert vagy agyonlőnek, vagy a társaim nem tudnak helyettem dolgozni. Akkor bement a nála lakó tisztekhez azzal, hogy neki kéne segítség, nagyon sok tehene van az istállóban. Megengedték, hogy válasszon magának egy zsidót. Kiválasztott engem, a Wehrmacht-tisztek megengedték, hogy takarítsam az istállót. Ez nagyon jó volt, mert így azok a zsidók is megmenekültek, akiknek dolgozni kellett helyettem.

Kópházán voltak Wehrmacht-tisztek is, azok viszonylag rendesek voltak. Nemigen beszéltek velünk, csöndben voltak, de sohase nyúltak hozzánk, sosem vertek. De az SS-ek igen! Fekete ruhás, csinos legények voltak, mindegyik kezében hasonló bottal. Azok folyton ütöttek, ahol tudtak, ahol találtak, a fejünket, a vállunkat. Ott is sok halott volt már. Verték őket, abba is bele lehetett halni. Vagy ott is ha valaki valakinek nem tetszett, ment a golyó. Érdekes, ebben is szerencsém volt. Meneteltem, és mellettem elsüvített egy golyó, valahonnan hátulról. Mindig valakit eltaláltak. De az érdekes dolog, hogy mellettem elsüvített, de soha nem ment a fejembe. Nem tudom, hányszor, csak néztem a golyó után… szörnyű, ha az a testbe ér.

Kópháza nekem nagyon jó volt, megmentett ez a Klemencsics, nagyon rendes volt. Megtanultam, hogy kell a tehenekkel bánni. Három hét után, egy vasárnap volt, mindenkinek sorakozó, bevagoníroztak. Klemencsics közben beszélgetett velem, mondta, hogy nagyon szeretne tudni a további sorsomról. Ha megérkezek, akkor írjak neki. Akkor kivittek a soproni állomásra, ott vagonba szálltunk. Ausztriában szálltunk le, Obereggendorfban. Lichtenwörthig gyalogoltattak bennünket. Ott már kiürítettek egy gyárat, így lett az koncentrációs tábor. Hármas csoportba állítottak, ki kellett menni a határba, hogy szedjük ki a gyomokat. De melyik a gyom, és melyik a növény? Pesti lányok voltunk; biztos ártottunk is annak a földnek, miután nem tudtuk, melyik a gyom, és melyik a hasznos növény. Rendesek voltak azok a lichtenwörthi parasztok. Sosem árultak be, pedig biztos, egy csomó kárt is csináltunk, miután nem ismertük a földet.

December tizedike körül értünk a táborba. Amikor hó esett, a templom környékét megtisztítottuk a sok hótól. Hideg volt, de jó levegő is. Láttuk Semmeringet meg a környező hegyeket, szépek voltak. De egyre kevesebb embert vittek ki, mert sokan meghaltak. Pár napig szalma volt alattunk, ami megtetvesedett. A földön aludtunk. A tetvesedés után kihordták a szalmát, úgyhogy maradt a beton. Először kemény volt, aztán már nem is éreztük annak, megszoktuk. Nekem nem is volt takaróm. Amikor elvittek, anyukám hirtelen lerántotta az asztalról a plüss asztalterítőt, azt vittem magammal. Volt egy nagy piros kendője, azt ő horgolta, azt is gyorsan rám tette. Hárman összefogtunk. A másik kettőnek volt jó pokróca, egy pokrócot letettünk, az egyik lány az egyik szélére, a másik lány a másik szélére, akkor én a másik pokróccal meg ezzel a plüssel letakartam, és én középre bemásztam, ott feküdtem. Mégis hárman tudtuk melegíteni egymást. Csak az volt, hogyha valaki egyszer éjjel meg akart fordulni, akkor a másik kettőnek is kellett, mert szűk volt a hely. De úgy jól megszoktuk, egymáshoz tudtunk igazodni. Nem tudtunk tisztálkodni. Egyetlen fürdőhelyiség volt, ahol csak cseppekben jött a víz. Mi a hónak örültünk, mert abban egy kicsit meg tudtunk mosakodni. Ott nem nagyon volt váltóruha. Mert aki hozott magával több ruhát, az úton, ha tehette, odaadta a ruháját, és adtak érte egy kiló almát vagy egy kis kenyeret.

1945. április másodikáig voltunk Lichtenwörthben. Közben állandóan haltak meg az emberek. December tizedikén kábé kétezer-négyszázan értünk oda, és kábé nyolcszázan szabadultunk fel. Talán száz férfi is volt ott velünk, de legfeljebb tíz maradt életben a végére. Mindennap meghaltak emberek. Nagy volt az éhezés, ott már nem nagyon kaptunk enni. Eleinte adtak egy hétre harminchárom deka kenyeret, és az mindig csökkent. Januártól már csak nyolc deka jutott. Nagy gondunk volt: nyolc deka az kábé egy szelet. Osszuk be egy hétre, vagy együnk meg inkább egy szeletet, és lakjunk jól? Márciusban előfordult olyan hét is, amikor se enni, se inni nem kaptunk. Akkor rengeteg halott volt. Egy kis kamrába kellett kivinni a halottakat. Mindennap jött egy szekér, fölrakták a szekérre a halottakat, az elvitte őket. Ezer halottat később meg se találtunk. A felszabadulás után már itthonról kerestük a halottakat, és nem voltak meg. Szóval nem lehet tudni, mit csináltak velük. Márciusban az ottani temetőbe vitték a halottakat. És az a temetőőr szerencsére látta, nézte, hová teszik, a temető végére a kerítéshez tették, ezért meg is lehetett találni őket. 1946-ban azokat a halottakat, akiket meg lehetett találni, haza tudtuk hozni a Kozma utcai temetőbe. Ott van egy nagy tömegsír. Körülbelül háromszázötvenen fekszenek benne.

SS-katonák vigyáztak ránk. Azt tudtuk, hogy tőlünk pár vállalkozó nő van. Abban az esetben másképpen kell gondolkozni, biztos jól tették. Vállalkoztak arra, hogy a barátnőjük legyenek. A tisztek bevitték, ott volt az irodájuk is meg a hálóhelyük is. Az javított a helyzetükön, mert először is, akik lefeküdtek nekik, oda bementek, és mindig szépek, tiszták voltak. Tiszta volt a ruhájuk, megfürödhettek, ezeket nem ítéltük el. Ha ezt meg tudják tenni, jól teszik. Miért ne? Legalább másokkal nem erőszakoskodtak.

A sok meneteléstől, éhezéstől többé nem volt meg a menstruációm. Nemcsak nekem, másnak sem, más is mesélte. Miután hazajöttünk, anyukám elvitt orvoshoz, és az ő véleménye az volt, hogyha itthon leszek, meg fogok erősödni, magától meg fog jönni. És tényleg: áprilisban szabadultunk, szeptemberben jött meg először, magától. Van, akinek egy-két évvel utána gyereke lett, és többnek is szellemileg kicsit beteg babája született. Úgyhogy azért valamit befolyásolhatott a tábori lét.

Volt egy nagy vaskapu, amit nem szabadott közelíteni. És ott az egyik sarkán az őr. Nem tudtuk elképzelni, hogy fogunk kikerülni. Azt a szót, hogy felszabadulás, nem ismertük. Nem tudtuk, hogy onnan hogy fogunk kijönni. Mi ott benn mindig arra vártunk, hogy az a nagykapu egyszer kinyílik. A felszabadulást nem lehet elfelejteni! Április másodikán húsvét hétfő volt éppen. Nagy csend volt a lágerban is. Emlékszem, fáztunk is, mert a felettünk lévő üvegtető a harcoktól betört, a darabjai még ránk is estek. Éreztük, hogy itt már valami lesz. Az orosz katonák tankokkal jöttek. Ők nyitották ki a kaput, amire annyit vártunk. Azt mondták, kinyitjuk a kaput, most már szabadok vagytok. Néhányan kizúdultak, és megrohamozták a község élelmiszerraktárát. Ilyenkor az ember megszűnik embernek lenni. Sokan ezért is haltak bele, mert a raktárba bejutottak, mindent ettek, de már a szervezetük nem bírta, hogy egyszerre sokat ettek, belehaltak. Körülbelül nyolcszázan szabadultunk fel, de Pestre csak négyszázan kerültünk, útközben hazafelé is haltak meg.

Én elindultam hazafelé. Ahogy a társnőim mondták, alig mentem pár lépést, összeestem. Azt hitték, meghalok, végem lesz. Egy fiatal szovjet tiszt látta, mi történt. Odajött, és felemelt, bevitt kocsival a kórházba. Átadott az ottani apácáknak, a kórházban hagyott. Amikor búcsúzott tőlem, mondtam neki, én tudom, hogy nem kerülök haza, nagyon rosszul voltam. Ő mondta, egy hónap múlva Berlin kaput, Hitler kaput, és mire Budapesten az orgona virágzik, én is hazakerülök. Ezt németül mondta, és nem felejtem el neki. És az arcát sem felejtem el! Olyan rendes volt, folyt a harc, mennyi mindenen mentek ők is keresztül, és akkor egy ilyen huszonöt kilós valakit fölemel a porból. Volt rá gondja, hogy bevigyen a kórházba!

Kórházban voltam három hétig Ausztriában, körülbelül egy hétig nem is voltam magamnál a tífusztól. Már nagyon haza akartam menni, kivittek az állomásra, és feltettek egy olyan vonatra, amelyik Celldömölkig ment, ott átszálltam a budapesti vonatra. Vonatjegyem nem volt, és jött a kalauz, kérte volna a jegyet. Le akart szállítani, hogy végezzek közmunkát, és kapok azért jegyet. A vonaton csupa rendes utas ült, akik már tudtak utazni. Nagyon rendesek voltak, nem engedték, hogy a kalauz engem leszállítson. Megszidták, hogy ilyet ne csináljon. Hajnalban érkeztem meg a Keleti pályaudvarra. Gondolkodtam, hogy most hol kezdjem, hová menjek. Úgy variáltam, hogy először elmegyek a csillagos házba, ott meglátom, mi van. A csillagos házban megtaláltam anyukám, a kislányom, Verát és az öcsém. Az öcsém akkor már dolgozott. Verát, aki akkor három éves volt, a varrónőnk, egy nagyon rendes keresztény asszony elvitte magához. Megtanította őt, hogy egy Erdélyből menekült gyerek, egy rokon. De vissza kellett adnia, mert hozzá mindig jöttek próbálni a nők. És Vera egész nap a nyilasokat szidta, mert az ő anyukáját elvitték, muszáj volt visszaadni. Nem tudta magánál tartani. Anyukám úgy határozott, hogy nem adja oda másnak, bemennek a gettóba. És jól határozott, mert így legalább megmaradtak.

1944-ben az öcsém tizenhét éves volt. Év végén már az ilyen fiatalokat is elvitték, volt, akit sose láttak többet. Vagy agyonlőtték őket, vagy ki tudja, mit csináltak velük. A kispesti erdőbe vagy hova jártak dolgozni. Egy alkalommal, nagyon ronda nyilas banda lehetett, mert jó pár zsidó férfit összefogtak, kivitték a kispesti erdőbe, sírt ásattak velük, és belelőtték őket. Az öcsém is ott volt. Mellette állt egy hasonló korú nyilas fiatal. Véletleneken múlott az élet. A fiatal kérdezte, hogy hány éves, mikor született. Kiderült, hogy egy napon születtek, 1927. október tizennegyedikén. Erre az a fiatal nyilas azt mondta neki, hogy figyelj ide, most rohanj be az erdőbe, de úgy, hogy ne lássalak. Mert ha látlak, akkor agyonlőlek. Beszaladt az erdőbe, így került haza. Ő villanyszerelő, bronzműves és csillárkészítő szakmát tanult. Ott voltak a kollégái, fiatal fiúk, három-négy fiú, katolikusok. Azt mondták neki, hogy ha kell valami segítség – mikor jöttek ezek a zsidó dolgok –, szóljon, segítenek. Na, visszament, és bement a fiúkhoz, hogy most van bajban. Mind a három adott neki keresztény iratot. Most odaadta a Holokauszt Múzeumnak a keresztény iratokat.

Amikor ezek a fiúk hallották, hogy gettóba viszik a zsidókat [lásd: budapesti gettó], bújtatták, egyiknél aludt, aztán a másiknál aludt. Szóval, rendesek voltak. Kitalálták, hogy meg kell tudni, hová viszik anyukámat és a Verát, hogy tudjanak segíteni. Szereztek nyilas egyenruhát, nyilas karszalagot, és ők lettek a bősz nyilasok. Öcsémet is beöltöztették, és elmentek a Dembinszky utca 33-ba. Az öcsém távol volt, mert félt, hogy a kislányom felismeri, és kiabálni fog neki. A három kolléga végigkísérte a lakásig anyukámat, hogy lássák, hová viszik. Anyukám nem tudott magával vinni ágyneműt, ilyesmit, annyi mindent nem bírt el. Ők vitték el az ágyneműt anyukám után. Az nem a mi lakásunk volt, mi csak beköltöztünk egy másik zsidó családhoz. De mondták a házmesternek, hogy ebbe a lakásba senkit ne engedjen be, mert ezt ők lefoglalják maguknak. Még a lakást is megőrizték, hogy nem tudtak beköltözni oda, ezeknek köszönhető. Na így, amíg lehetett, be-bejárt az öcsém is a gettóbeli házba ennivalót vinni vagy segíteni. De aztán a nyilasokat is letiltották később.

Mikor a gettó fölszabadult [1945. január] tizennyolcadikán, mesélte anyukám, a zsidók kezdtek szedelőzködni. Mondták, „Mi van, itt akar maradni?”. Mondta igen, mert ő érzi, hogy a fia érte jön. És tényleg érte ment a Zoli. És így vissza tudtak menni a csillagos házi lakásba. A Mátyás téren volt a művégtaggyár. Oda vették fel az öcsémet lakatos munkára. Akkor még ilyen millpengő volt, de mégis fizetés volt, és azért már tudott vásárolni. Rögtön el kellett azt költeni, mert napról napra ment föl az értéke [lásd: millpengős korszak]. Úgyhogy ő megmenekült, anyukámmal és a kislányommal. Április harmincadikán én is hazajöttem, és megtaláltam őket.

Az öcsém később elment a rádióba dolgozni. Volt ilyen, hogy a rádiósok bementek a gyárakba, és kerestek fiatal munkásokat. A Bródy Sándor utcai rádióból kerestek, így jutottak el a művégtaggyárba, azzal, hogy ők majd kitanítják. A rádiónak saját technikuma volt, és ott rádiótechnikus lett. De aztán beiratkozott a műszaki egyetemre, esti tagozatra, ahol mérnök lett, villamosmérnök. A későbbi feleségét is a műszaki egyetemen ismerte meg, Tomi, a fia is mérnök, ő erősáramú mérnök lett. Az öcsém a tévében a műszaki osztályra került, vezető-helyettes volt. Azóta sem engedik el a fiatalok. Neki van egy fia és négy unokája.

Amikor hazajöttem, első este, ahogy mesélték, rám jött egy olyan, hogy elkezdtem félni, hogy engem elvisznek a nyilasok. Nyugtattak, hogy nem jönnek a nyilasok már. De én féltem. És akkor az öcsém megnyugtatott, hogyha jönnek is, nem engedünk elvinni téged, én nem engedlek! Annyira féltem, hogy az öcsém kénytelen volt egy ágyban aludni velem. Akkor lefeküdtünk egy ágyba, fogta a kezem, és mondta, hogy aludjál, nem engedlek elvinni. De szerencsére csak egy éjjel volt. Úgy aludtam, hogy fogta a kezem. Én egy kicsit megerősödtem, mert huszonöt kilósan, kopaszon jöttem haza. A kórházban, ahol szőr volt, haj volt, mindent levágtak, mert aki tífuszos volt, annak úgyis kihullt mindene. Az orvos mondta anyukának, hogy mindent, amit főz, egyek meg, mert aztán csak bennem marad, lassan, de bennem marad. Az első hetekben külön ettem. Úgy ettem, ahogy az orvos ajánlotta, és amit ettem, az rögtön kijött. Úgy ettem, hogy vödör volt alattam. Az orvos mondta, nem baj, ha kijön, egyek, valami mindig bennem marad. És tényleg így volt.

A csillagos házi lakás tulajdonos házaspárját a Dunába lőtték [lásd: zsidók Dunába lövése]. Volt két lányuk, akik visszajöttek. A lakás nekik járt, nekünk el kellett mennünk. Én akkor elmentem az elöljáróságra, hogy most jöttem vissza, szeretnék a lakásunkba visszamenni. Egy vagy két nap múlva én is megkaptam a kiutalást. Fölmentem, és egy házaspárt találtam ott. Mondtam nekik, ne vegyék rossz néven, mi innen indultunk el, nekem ide kell visszajönni. A legédesebb az volt, hogy később többször jöttek látogatóba, és egész jó barátságba kerültünk. Akkor maradt még a lakás másik szobájában egy asszony a lányával. Az magától ment el egy idő múlva azzal – mondta anyukámnak –, hogy vele olyan jól kijön, csak a lányával nem tud kijönni. Úgy is akartam, hogy ne tudjon velem kijönni. Ő is visszajött látogatóba, és mondtam neki, hogy azért voltam ilyen, hogy menjen el. Megértette. A berendezésből viszont semmi sem maradt meg, a felszabadulás után mindent széthurcoltak a volt lakótársaink.

Ahogy mondtam, mielőtt deportáltak, dolgoztam feketén az építészeti irodában, ahol húsz alkalmazott volt, házakat épített, ott dolgozott, nem tudom, talán tizenöt mérnök. Jelentkezett közülük az egyik mérnök, hogy ő is maszek lett, nyitott egy építészeti irodát, és érdeklődött utánam, hogy mi van velem, szeretné, ha hozzá mennék dolgozni adminisztratív munkát. Tehát hazajöttem, és már mondta anyukám, hogy van munkám. Eljött az az építészmérnök – saját irodája volt az Izabella utca sarkán –, eljött látogatóba, mert hallotta, hogy itthon vagyok. Mondta, hogy ahogy tudok, jöjjek dolgozni. Mondtam neki, hogy megyek, csak még nem tudok teljes erővel. Nem baj, mondta, ahogy vagyok, úgy jöjjek. Nem kell a nyolc órát, nem veszi szigorúan, ha fáradt vagyok, majd hazajövök.

Akkor még vártam a férjem, mindenki várta a társát. Kaptam egy olyan értesítést, hogy 1943 januárjában eltűnt. Ezt a Vöröskereszt írta, ma is megvan. És ez volt az első szörnyű értesítés, de ettől én még mindig reménykedtem, hogy hátha rosszul tudják. De csak jól tudták. De a továbbiakban nem is kaptam értesítést, végül holttá nyilváníttattam. Azt hiszem, 1949-ig lehetett várni vagy reménykedni. Apukám sem jött vissza, anyukám így megint elment dolgozni, megint dolgozó nő lett.

Egy alkalommal hazajött az öcsém azzal, hogy elmehetne Izraelbe [Izrael Állam 1948-ban alakult meg, 1920–1948 között Palesztina brit mandátumról van szó. – A szerk.], csak nem tudja, mit csináljon. Akkor már a fiatalokat is fölkeresték baráti társaságban, ifjúsági klubokban a cionista ifjak [lásd: cionizmus], sokan ki is mentek. Másnap kellett válaszolni. Hazajött, hogy nagyon sokat gondolkodott, de a családot választotta, bennünket nem tud itt hagyni.

Emlékszem, a nagypapám üzletében dolgozott egy munkás, aki a kommunista párt [lásd: Magyar Kommunista Párt] tagja volt. És nagyon hálás volt a nagypapámnak, hogy a bár nagypapám sosem volt sem kommunista, se párt-, se szakszervezeti tag, de azt megtette, hogy a háború előtt, amikor börtönbe tették, segítette őt azzal, hogy kikerült a börtönből, és nyugodtan jöhetett vissza, és dolgozott tovább. Nagyon rendes fiú volt, becsületes volt. Csak tőle tudtuk, hogy léteznek kommunisták. Zsidó is volt, kommunista is volt, Dachauból jött haza. Hallotta, hogy hazajöttem, ő is meglátogatott minket. Bennem az volt, hogy mikor 1945 előtt én dolgoztam, elég sokat dolgoztam, különmunkát is vállaltam. Ahogy láttam, ilyen maszek építészek feleségei szépen felöltözve, mentek eszpresszóba. Mindenkinél volt cselédlány, és mindig eszembe jutott, anyukám meg rohan, dolgozik, este vacsorát főz. Nem is tudom, hogy kezdődött, de beléptem a pártba 1945-ben. Én is elfogadtam azt, ne legyen gazdag meg szegény, elegem volt abból, hogy így telt el a gyerekkorom, a szegénységben, fürdőszoba és vécé nélkül. Én is beléptem. Igenis, párttag voltam végig, egyszerű párttag. Ez késztetett rá. Az öcsém pedig MADISZ, majd KISZ-tag volt [A KISZ 1957-ben alakult meg, elődje 1950–56 között DISZ volt. – A szerk.], az ifjúsági szervezethez csatlakozott.

Titkárnő lettem, egy osztályvezetőnek a titkárnője. A főnökömet kinevezték egy országos hatáskörű hivatal elnökének, miniszteri beosztásba. Én is vele mentem, hét évig dolgoztam vele. A Pártközpontban rossz volt a fizetés, azon a címen, hogy a párttag legyen öntudatos dolgozó. Hét év múlva a főnökömet visszavitték a Pártközpontba, oda is követtem, végül onnan mentem nyugdíjba. 1980-ban, majdnem hatvanéves koromban mentem csak nyugdíjba. Az Állami Fejlesztési Bankba hívtak dolgozni. Mindent megbeszéltünk már, amikor megint jött a Pártközpont. Volt egy utaztatási csoportjuk, amelyik a párt alkalmazottait utaztatta hivatalosan. Ők kezelték a szolgálati útleveleket, a diplomata útleveleket, a vezetői útlevelet. Oda kerestek valakit, aki ezeket az útleveleket kezeli, kérték, hogy jöjjek. Megint a párt! Engedtem az unszolásnak, még tíz évig foglalkoztam az útlevelekkel. Én őriztem a Kádártól kezdve, mindenkinek az útlevelét. Szerettem ezt csinálni, igazi bizalmi állás volt.

Ellenben követtem is el dolgokat. Mindig megbocsátottak. Az ötödik kerületi pártbizottsághoz tartoztam. Feljelentettek, hogy kulákokat [lásd: kulákok Magyarországon] mentettem. Sose volt bajom, mert megmagyaráztam, és megértették az indokaimat. A holokauszt alatt először Kópházán voltam. Klemencsics is és ott nagyon sokan kulákok voltak, és volt az a rendelkezés, hogy a kulákoktól mindent el kell venni. De az is volt a törvényben, hogy valamit fizetni kell érte, csekély összeget, de valamit fizetni kell, nem ingyen, hanem valamit. Mondta [annak idején] a Klemencsics, hogyha megérkeztem, írjak neki. Tényleg írtam neki. Azóta is tartjuk a kapcsolatot, ma már csak a lányával, mert ő már meghalt. Azt írta a Klemencsics, hogy a faluban a kulákoktól mindent elvettek, tőle is mindent, de egy fillért sem kaptak. Az volt a szerencsém, hogy a vezetők ismertek a Pártközpontból, úgyhogy föl mertem menni akkor a földművelésügyi miniszterhez, egy keresztény emberhez. Elmondtam, hogy Kópházán voltam, és ott ez és ez történt. Szeretnék neki segíteni, nem protekciót kérek, hanem van egy törvény, hogy valamit fizetni kell, ők pedig a minimumot sem kapták meg. Csak igazságot kérek, hogyha megtenné. Megértette, rendes volt. Kópházán teljesen odavoltak, ahogy írták, mert kiszállt a megyei tanács mezőgazdasági osztályának a vezetője meg a pártbizottság. Vizsgálatot csináltak, utána mindenkinek kifizették, ami neki járt. Nem győzték nekem megköszönni. Ez egy nagy dolog volt, nem mindenki tudta volna elintézni. Úgyhogy egyszer ez volt, hogy a kulákoknak igazságot teremtettem.

Én egészen véletlenül egy szakszervezeti taggyűlésen voltam. Sokan elmentek, nem jutott szék mindenkinek. Mindenki összehúzódzkodott, mellém került a mi körzetünkből már ismerős L. elvtárs. 1946-ot írtunk, és mi elkezdtünk beszélgetni. Szombat délután elmentünk együtt sétálni, aztán már mentünk moziba is. Elkövetkezett a tél, és anyukám is mondta, hogy hívjam meg, és itthon beszélgessünk, ne kint az esőben, az utcán. Tényleg meghívtam. Végül ebből is házasság lett, belőlem meg L. Józsefné. Először, mikor el akart venni, kérték S. Lajos halotti bizonyítványát. Akkor már tudtam, hogy nem jön vissza. Az értesítést még nem hittem el, mert hátha mégis túlélte a háborút. De már nagyon sokan jöttek haza, akkor már tudtam, hogy nem jön haza. A halotti bizonyítvány nélkül nem adtak össze. Bírósághoz kellett fordulnunk. Évekbe telt, mire sikerült az esküvőhöz az iratot megszerezni, 1952-ben házasodtunk össze, addigra lettek meg a papírok. A Lenin [ma Erzsébet] körúti házasságkötőben kötöttünk házasságot. Csak mi voltunk ott, a kislányom és anyukám meg a két tanúnk. Aztán bementünk dolgozni. Ez a férjem is zsidó volt, igaz, nem vallásos. Csak polgári esküvőnk volt vele is.

Legényemberként, a nővérével élt előtte. Nálam jóval idősebb volt, anyukámék sokallták is. Miért nem választok fiatalabbat? L. József nagyon szerette a kislányomat, és Vera is rajongott érte. Volt egy fiatal udvarlóm is, én utáltam, csak a család akarta. Mert én már Józsefet szerettem. Jött egyszer a fiatal, hogy menjünk sétálni. Szóltam Verának, hogy „Öltözz hamar, indulunk”. Erre a fiatal mondja, „Miért, a gyerek is jön?” Maradjunk itthon, ő nem fog gyerekestül sétálni. Én voltam a legboldogabb, hogy ezt mondta. Anyukámra néztem, később mondtam neki, hogyha emez elvesz, ő fogja megmondani, hogy mit csinálhatok a saját gyerekemmel. Vissza a L.-hoz! Nagyon szerettem, nagyon rendes ember volt. Végeredményben a Vera kérte meg az ő kezét. Egy szombaton, mikor ott volt, azt mondta, van egy ötlete. Vegyél el engem feleségül, de csak akkor megyek hozzád, ha az anyát is visszük! A férjem azt mondta, nem is rossz ötlet.

Ő a háztartásibolt-hálózat ellenőre volt, és az ottani pártbizottságnak a szervezőtitkára. Akkor már anyagilag egy kicsit rendeződött a helyzet, már két fizetés volt – hogy mekkora fizetések voltak akkoriban, arra egyáltalán nem emlékszem. Kaptunk lakást a Szinyei Merse utca 3-ban, így aztán külön tudtunk költözni. Szép helyen volt, a Köröndnél. És minden este lefekvés előtt kisétáltunk a Hősök teréig és vissza. Bútorunk csak az volt, amit még nászajándékul kaptam az első férjemmel. A szekrénysoron kívül más nem volt. Gyorsan csináltattunk egy rekamiét, és hihetetlenül boldogok voltunk. Egy kellemes otthonhoz jutottunk. A házban gyorsan összebarátkoztunk a szomszédainkkal. Volt, aki két felesleges széket adott nekünk, más a függönyét ajánlotta fel.

Sokat kirándultunk. Szerettünk kirándulni a Budai hegyekbe. Nyáron pedig strandolni a Széchenyi fürdőbe jártunk. Annak dacára, hogy ennyivel volt idősebb, bizonyos mértékig ő volt a fiatalabb. Én egy kicsit régimódi voltam, ő pedig tudott haladni az új dolgokkal. Az öcsémnek volt először tévéje, hiszen ő ott is dolgozott. Minden este átsétáltunk anyukámékhoz, a férjem annyira szeretett televíziózni. Akkor ötezer forint volt a televízió, az nagy pénz volt. Annyi pénzem azért nem volt, és mindig mondta, hogy majd összegyűjtjük, ráérünk venni, összegyűjtjük. Én kölcsönkértem, összejátszottam az öcsémmel. Ők vették meg a tévénket, az öcsém beszerelte, mire József este hazajött. Nagyon megörült persze. És én ha kölcsönkértem, mindig megvolt, hogy adom vissza, és aztán vissza is adtam. Akkor egy kicsit behúztuk a nadrágszíjat.

Vele úgy volt, hogy nem kellett nekünk társaság, vele barátok, haverok is voltunk, szóval mi ketten nagyon jól éreztük magunkat egymással. Hát ugye ott volt a Vera is. Mikor már a Verának udvaroltak, a vejemmel is jóban voltunk, és négyesben jártunk mindenfelé.

Otthon a születésnapokat tartottuk meg és szokásból a nagyobb zsidó ünnepeket. Anyukám ilyenkor finom ételeket csinált, vagy náluk, vagy nálunk gyűltünk össze az öcsémékkel együtt. A felszabadulás után sosem böjtöltem, hiszen úgy éreztem, a lágerben én egy életre kiböjtöltem magam!

A lányom iskolájában sem foglalkozott senki a vallással. Mi a párttagság ellenére nem bonyolódtunk nagy vitákba. A Rajk-per viszont nagy meglepetés volt számunkra. Nehéz volt elhinni Rajkékról, amit hivatalosan mondtak. Csak arra tudtunk gondolni, hogy nagyon félreismerhettük őket, ha tényleg ezt tették, amivel vádolták őket. Egyszer fekete zászló volt kint az iskolán, és a tanárok arról beszélgettek a gyerekekkel, hogy miért van kint a gyászlobogó. Vera akkor, a maga néhány évével azt mondta, hogy biztosan azért, mert sajnáljuk Rajkékat. Behívattak az iskolába, ahol tisztáznom kellett a félreértést.

Vera kislány korában nagyon jó volt az élet. Végre időnként elutazhattunk pihenni. A vállalati és pártüdülőkben nyaraltunk. A férjem is kapott beutalókat és én is, így szinte körbejártuk az országot. Sok rossz volt abban a rendszerben, de a jóról nem beszélnek. Senki sem zsidózott, nem volt téma a vallás, igaz, tagadni sem kellett a származást.

A lányom a Tisza Kálmán térre járt általánosba, ahol én polgáriba jártam, majd a Hernád utcai iskolába. De utána a Varga Katalin gimnáziumba járt az Andrássy úton. Onnan egy külkereskedelmi vállalathoz került ügyintézőnek. Később különböző cégekhez telepítettek ki külkereskedőket, akik helyben végezték az adott cég, például a Taurus külkereskedelmi tárgyalásait.

Hatvannégy éves volt a második férjem, amikor meghalt. Egy hét alatt lement rólam tíz kiló, nagyon hiányzott. Tényleg nagyon összenőttünk. Amikor meghalt, akkor a zsidó temetőbe akartuk eltemetni, a Kozma utcába. A temetésnél kicsit bajban voltunk. Bejelentette a párttitkár, hogy ő akar beszélni, és a kerületi pártbizottságból is akart valaki beszélni. Most mit csináljunk? Mert ott meg kötelező volt a kántor meg a rabbi még, és ez nem megy össze. Akkor el lett intézve, meg lett kérve, hogy kifizetjük a kántor meg a rabbi költségeit, ami nekik jár, csak arra kérjük, miután párttitkárok akarnak jönni meg búcsúztatni meg minden, hogy ők ne imádkozzanak. Erősködtek, hogy nekik kell imádkozniuk. Legfeljebb kint fog imádkozni a folyosón, ott imádkozhat. Na, így megoldottuk. Pénzért mindent meg lehetett oldani. A második férjem hamvasztották. Utólag kiderült, hogy így nem fogadja be a Kozma utcai temető. Mást nem tudtam csinálni, mint végül Farkasréten eltemettetni. Anyukám nézte ki a második férjem temetkezési helyét Farkasréten. Tetszett neki az a hely, és az volt a kívánsága, hogy ő is odakerüljön a halála után, ami így is lett.

Amikor a Vera férjhez ment, és megszületett az első unokám, néztünk nagyobb lakást. Elköltöztünk a Bródy Sándor utcába, a Rádióval szembe, egy háromszobás lakásba. Akkor még tanácsi bérlakások voltak. Mikor a férjem meghalt, Ági unokám volt három éves, de Vera már állapotos volt a Gyurival. A gyerekeknek külön szobájuk volt már. És akkor beköltöztették az Ágit hozzám, hogy vigyázzon rám. Egy ideig egy szobában aludtunk. Jól megvoltunk.

A temetőben ismertem meg G. Istvánt, a harmadik férjemet 1964-ben. Az ő első felesége is ott nyugszik. A sírt ápoltuk, közben egyre többet beszélgettünk. Négy-öt évig voltam özvegy, utána udvarolt nekem. Komollyá vált a dolog, ötven körül voltam akkor. Összeházasodtunk vele is, pedig én megfogadtam, hogy az előző férjem gyűrűjét nem veszem le. A Bródy Sándor utcába költözött hozzánk ő is. A család azonnal megszerette, kellemes modorú, rendes ember volt G. is. Az egyik fővárosi pályaudvarnál lévő postát vezette, így a háborúban sosem szolgált. Később vele kettesben költöztünk ebbe a panellakásba, ahol most is élek. Ő nem volt zsidó, de vele is nagyszerűen éltünk, vele is boldog voltam. Sajnos ő is meghalt, azóta egyedül élek. Az öcsém, a lányom és az unokáim szeretnek, és foglalkoznak velem. A lányom szerette volna, ha hozzá költözöm, de én független akartam maradni, így most is egyedül élek. A lányom és az unokáim is sokat látogatnak, az öcsémmel is naponta beszélünk, hetente többször találkozunk.

A lányom hatvanhárom éves. Ma már nyugdíjas. Középkorúak már az unokáim is. Ági 1961-ben született, tehát negyvenhárom éves. A Gyuri 1964-ben született, ő most negyven. Áginak volt utazási irodája, mikor úgy divat lett. Először valahol dolgozott, de ő mindig szeretett ügyeskedni, akkor utazási irodát csinált. Gyuri pedig autóközlekedési technikumot végzett, aztán a vejem is és ő is az utazási irodában dolgoztak. Én is segítettem egészen az utóbbi időkig, mert könyvelőként én dolgoztam, meg az adminisztrációban segítettem, de én megszoktam egész életemben alkalmazott lenni. Egy tizenhat éves dédunokám is van.

Nagyon becsülöm és tisztelem azokat, akik kimennek Izraelbe, és tényleg építik az országot. Örültem, amikor létrejött Izrael, de nekem itt a lakásom, a rokonaim és a hozzátartozóim, ezeket én már nem tudom itt hagyni. Nem tudnék kimenni, nem csak oda, sehová. Szép dolog, hogy visszatér sok ember megint a zsidósághoz. Új klubok nyílnak, meg most a Holokauszt Emlékmúzeum. Én is járok a Bálint Házba, a jótékonysági klubba [Bálint Zsidó Közösségi Ház, 1994-ben alapították. Működését az Amerikai Joint és a MAZSIHISZ támogatja. – A szerk.]. Egyszer egy évben mindenki kap címeket, ahová ellátogatunk. Öregekhez, családokhoz viszünk valami kis ajándékot. Csak az a baj most már, hogy én is öregszem. Már nem tudom azt csinálni, amit azelőtt. Szóval, nekem is fogy az erőm.

Mint ottani volt deportált, én vezetem a lichtenwörthi csoportot. Tavasszal és ősszel találkozunk, még ötvenen vagyunk. Minden évben van emléktúránk április másodikán, a felszabadulásunk napján. Talán lecsillapodik itt ez az antiszemita hangulat, és megmarad a zsidóság. Hát reméljük, hogy még egy 1944 nem jön vissza! Az ember szidja a Rákosit [lásd: Rákosi-korszak] meg Kádárt [lásd: Kádár-korszak]. De akkor nem lehetett zsidózni, nem volt ilyen, nem volt szokás a vallásról beszélni. Egyrészt ez nagyon jó volt, nem volt zsidó vagy keresztény, nem is lehetett hallani, hogy antiszemitizmus.

Ruth Goetzova

Ruth Goetzova
Prague
Czech Republic
Interviewer: Pavla Neuner
Date of interview: October 2004

Mrs. Goetzova lives in one of Prague's housing estates in a smaller apartment that she likes very much. Our interview took place in a comfortable living room. Mrs. Goetzova's life history is very interesting and her telling of it was very engaging. Mrs. Goetzova comes across as a fragile, but very energetic and cheerful person.

My family background
Growing up
My school years
During the war
Terezin
Auschwitz
Liberation
Post-war
Married life
Glossary

My family background

My grandfather on my mother's side was named Jindrich Krauskopf and was born in the year 1872 in Otice, near Klatovy. I don't know what level of education he achieved, but I know for certain that he didn't go to university. He lived with my grandmother in Prague, in the beginning on Vodickova Street. In those days they began from zero, they sewed caps and jackets and other things for newborns and gradually worked their way up, until my grandfather opened a cap and hat factory in Vysehrad in Prague. [Editor's note: Vysehrad is a historical quarter of Prague, part of the Prague 2 municipality. Vysehrad lies on a marked area of heights on the right bank of the Vltava River.] The company had an English name, ERKA CAP. ERKA was a trademark that came from the initials of grandfather's son Rudolf Krauskopf. The factory sewed on a large scale; we had many sales representatives that traveled throughout the whole country. The factory itself had around 200 employees.

I remember that we even had the honor to sew caps for President Masaryk 1. In March, for his birthday, we sent three so-called Masaryk caps in white, dark blue and black to the Castle. The caps were sent in a special box covered in gold paper with three drawers, one for each cap. [Editor's note: The Prague Castle was from the end of the 9th century the center of Czech statehood, the seat of Czech princes and kings, twice the seat of Germano-Roman emperors, the seat of presidents of the CSR, CSSR, CSFR and CR. The Castle was founded as the fortress of the Premyslids, probably in the 80s of the 9th century by Prince Borivoj.].

The shipping department was in the factory courtyard, while production was on the first and second floors, which were large, long halls, with two rows of machines. In the center were troughs where the seamstresses put their finished products. I remember that while they were working, the seamstresses had their feet on pedals that looked like footrests. The women lived mostly outside of Prague and commuted to work. The workshops had huge iron stoves, which had to be stoked on winter mornings. I recall how my grandfather insisted that when the women arrived at work, each of them had two hot bricks wrapped in cloth on their pedal. More than twenty years ago it happened to me that some woman stopped me on the street and said, 'You're a Krauskopf? You know, I'll never forget your grandfather, because he was the best boss that I ever had in my life.'

I think that my grandfather tended towards the Social Democrats, but I don't know if he was a member of some political party. He had a big hobby, which was his car, a Skoda Tatra 2. I recall that he had some special hood put on it. He would get up at seven in the morning and go to work. At eight thirty he would eat a soft-boiled egg and a biscuit with butter for breakfast. It was exactly on the half hour, and particularly soft-boiled as he liked to have it. At twelve he ate lunch and returned to the factory. He spent the whole day there, dressed in a work cloak and hat. At six was supper, for which he always changed into a suit, even though the two of us ate alone. In the evening he then read the papers or some book, listened to the radio and rested. My grandfather was a man with whom I knew that every Thursday this would be for dinner, and every Saturday that. Everything simply had to be exact and on time, otherwise it would annoy him terribly.

Grandpa had two brothers, Simon and Ludvik. In the spring my grandfather and I would always go visit them in Klatovy. They had their own families, but I don't know any more about them, just that they didn't survive the war [World War II].

My grandmother on my mother's side was named Anna, née Glucksmannova. I think that she was born sometime in the 1870s, in Horni Litvinov. I don't know anything about her family or possible siblings. I don't think that she had any sort of higher education. She was a Czech Jew; at home they made a point of speaking Czech.

Grandma ran the household. Although she used to go shopping at the market, she had a driver in livery for it. I don't know what sort of family she came from, but she was probably used to that. Once a week one of the seamstresses from the factory would come over and organize her wardrobe, do the laundry, ironing and sewing. Everyone in the factory liked my grandmother, as the kindly boss's wife. On her name day, St. Anna, the workers had a day off, a band was hired and there was a dance in the factory courtyard. My grandmother met with her friends, who were all of Jewish origin, in a coffee-house, which I recollect with horror, as my nanny used to take me there sometimes, and I then had to curtsy to each of the ladies and kiss their hand. Then I got something sweet and the nanny took me home again.

My grandmother was unfortunately ill; she had problems with her thyroid gland, which I've inherited from her. She died in Prague in 1932, when I was a little girl. She's buried in the Jewish cemetery.

My father was a German Jew named Georg Goetz. He lived in Chemnitz, Germany. He used to raise racehorses and also did harness racing. I don't know much about him. His parents were both Jews, but I didn't know them at all. I don't know what sort of education my father had, or if he was religious. I have the impression that my parents met at some spa, where my mother used to accompany her mother.

After their wedding my mother moved to Chemnitz, where I was born and lived during my first four years. I remember being told that we had lived in some sort of villa, which was near a farmstead where my father raised his horses. Supposedly I was constantly under the supervision of a nanny and teacher, but once it happened that I found myself alone in the farm courtyard. They told me how I started running and fell into a cesspool of liquid horse manure. They pulled me out and put me in the tub, where they first rinsed me still dressed.

My parents' marriage didn't last long, and they divorced after four years. After that my mother returned with me to Prague, but my father didn't want to let my mother keep me. In the end they had to go to court, which decided that I would live with my grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side.

My father then remarried, but had no other children, so I remained his little girl. I liked him. Though Dad didn't come to Prague to visit me, my grandfather used to take me to the German border, where I saw my father several times. He died in 1934 in Chemnitz.

My mother was named Hilda, born Krauskopfova, in the year 1900 in Prague. She was a housewife. I don't know what sort of education she had. About a year after we returned to Prague from Germany, she married for a second time, a Czech Jew named Ota Las, who came from Serlovice near Tabor. He was born in 1898. They were married at the Old Town Hall in Prague, and didn't have a Jewish wedding. My stepfather and I got along very well; he treated me wonderfully. In 1930 my mother had a daughter, Vera, whom she loved very much.

Although my mother and I lived in the same building, we didn't see much of each other. I was with my grandfather, and my mother had started a new family. Our relationship was very unusual, and was far from a warm and cozy mother-daughter relationship. Later I always took care of her when it was necessary, because in the end she was my mother, but I don't remember her ever giving me a hug or kiss.

My stepfather had a brother, Robert, who had a Jewish wife. Both died [in the Holocaust].

My mother had a sister, Erna, and a brother, Rudolf. Erna was two years younger, was childless but married, her husband was named Oskar Kolb. Oskar was a Jew and worked as the director of a distillery. Aunt Erna was a housewife. Each Sunday my grandfather and I would pick up my Uncle Oskar and go to the cemetery to visit my grandmother, and on the way back we would have a mid-morning snack at my aunt's and would then continue on home for dinner. I remember that Aunt Erna had a dog. I don't think that Erna and Oskar were particularly religious, but for sure they at least went to synagogue for the high holidays. Oskar died before the transports; Erna was transported to Terezin 3 in the fall of 1942, and that same year further on, to the concentration camp Maly Trostinec 4, where she was shot.

Aunt Erna also used to have my grandfather's former cook, Baruska, who I liked very much. After the war Baruska used to visit me and each time she would bring me some family item of my aunt's. It was humorous that she would bring it to me as a gift, but even so I was ever so grateful for it, because in this way I got to my things. I worked a lot, and Baruska always said that my grandmother must be turning over in her grave, when she sees how I slave away, and offered to come and help me out. After the war, Uncle Rudolf took her in, he was alone, so she took care of him, and he then made sure she was taken care of in her old age.

Uncle Rudolf was born in 1898 in Prague. His wife was Jewish, Aunt Lilly, born Rubinova in 1905. They had two sons, Pavel and Jiri. Jiri was born in 1926 and Pavel nine years later. Jiri and Pavel were like brothers to me, and my aunt meant more to me than my own mother. I loved her very much. They were my main family. Uncle Rudolf used to say: 'Every normal person marries a woman and has as many children with her as he himself wants. Instead of two children I have three, and instead of one woman two.' And then he would explain it: 'When we buy something for my children, Ruth has to get the same. And when my wife is having something sewn for her, the same has to be sewn for Ruth as well.'

I remember how my aunt and I once came to our tailor, and my aunt saw this beige 'koverkot,' a suit fabric. And she said: 'Mr. Beran, what beautiful fabric you have here.' And the tailor Beran answered: 'But madam, that's your husband's, he's having a suit made from it.' My aunt asked him to make suits for the two of us from it. And Mr. Beran answered: 'But that's for a suit and your husband is supposed to come in a week for a fitting.' To this my aunt said: 'Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it. And would it be enough for two suits?' And he says: 'Well, two suits could be made from it, yes.' - 'So make us two suits, and old Rudolf will just buy himself something else.'

Rudolf and his family lived in Prague. At first they lived with us in our house, but then they moved into a beautiful, large apartment, which was also in Vysehrad. They belonged to the wealthier part of society. Later Rudolf took over the factory from my grandfather, and proved to be very good at it. Rudolf would tell how Grandpa first sent him to some associate, who also owned a factory, so he could get himself some work experience. When Rudolf arrived for his first day of work, he was wearing a fancy suit and a hat. He came, introduced himself, and asked what it was that he was supposed to do. And the person told him: 'Well, in the first place, take those clothes off, put on some coveralls, and then you're going to go sweep the courtyard.'

Aunt Lilly came from a very rich family. Her father, Max Rubin, had a large carpet and linoleum store. They owned a corner building with an arcade on today's I.P. Pavlova Square in Prague. My aunt had a brother, Franta, who was born in 1898. When my aunt was getting married, she got a million crowns as her dowry from her father. Apparently both fathers were arguing about it, my grandfather was telling Lilly's father that he doesn't need his money, that he has his own and doesn't have to wait for some dowry, that Rudolf was marrying Lilly for love, and not for money. Lilly's father, on the other hand, was threatening that he won't allow the wedding if they don't take the dowry. There simply wasn't any sort of financial need [in those families].

I remember us going shopping, because Lilly wanted to buy a belt to go with her dress. A different one caught her eye, one which, however, didn't go with anything she already had, so she simply just ordered shoes and a handbag.

My aunt loved dogs and had Borzois. When they still lived in Vysehrad, all of a sudden, counting puppies, she had nine or ten. Of course she also employed a person to take care of the dogs. When she and Rudolf moved into their own place only one dog was left.

Aunt Lilly was unfortunately not healthy; she had cancer of the esophagus. As time progressed she wasn't able to eat any more, and I used to care for her and feed her. Unfortunately she also had skin cancer, which itched terribly. From 1941 we couldn't even have a nurse for her any more, who would have wanted to go work for Jews? She couldn't swallow anything any more, and in this state they transported her away to Terezin.

Growing up

My childhood was beautiful and carefree. I lived with my grandfather, who took excellent care of me. We lived in the Vysehrad neighborhood of Prague; it's a beautiful place that I like to visit to this day. When you walk around Vysehrad, you can see out over all of Prague.

We lived right by the factory. It was a three-story residential apartment house with a garden. My grandfather had a five-room house on the first floor, and my mother and her family lived on the second floor. When Uncle Rudolf moved away with his family, my grandfather and I moved to the second floor into a smaller, three-room apartment, where the two of us each had his own room. I lived alone with my grandfather, because my grandmother died at the beginning of the 1930s.

The apartment also had a common dining room, and of course a hall and bathroom. We had electricity and running water, which was heated by a 'karma' [gas flow-heater]. I also recall there being a beautiful cast-iron 'American Heating' stove with mica windows. We had parquet floors, and some of the rooms were wallpapered. The original five-room apartment had an entrance from one of the rooms into the garden, which ended above the factory courtyard. The garden fence was covered with wild grapevine; there were flowerbeds, and at the end of the garden stood a beautiful gazebo.

On Friday everyone would meet at our place for supper. The whole family would be there, my mother, her husband, Lilly and Rudolf, and Erna with her husband. I don't think that we cooked kosher. I recall that we often had shoulet [chulent], but I didn't like it. We celebrated Jewish holidays, Chanukkah not very often, but Passover regularly. We had Passover supper; I recall hard-boiled eggs, matzot and vegetables. Grandfather was an expert at the Passover ritual. I fasted for the New Year, but as I was a child, for only a half day. And then I was once leaving the synagogue and saw my stepfather and my Uncle Rudolf, leaving a local butcher's with their mouths full.

My grandfather was likely a quite religious person. I remember that once at Christmas I wanted a tree, and he told me that he wouldn't have that in the apartment. But later I had that tree in the room that was used in the summer to enter to the garden, but wasn't used in the winter, and my grandfather made like he didn't know about it. With my grandfather, Christmas simply wasn't celebrated. But it was at Aunt Lilly's place. I've never since seen so many presents as at her place during Christmas. The room would be so full that there was no place to stand. There were presents for everyone, including the staff.

My grandfather was as precise as a Swiss watch, and he lived his life with the same precision. Every Sunday we would go visit my grandmother's grave with Uncle Oskar, and would return before noon. On the way back we would stop at the 'U Mysaka' pastry shop on Vodickova Street. Grandpa would wait for me in the car while I went inside and politely greeted Mrs. Mysakova, who sat behind the till. She would turn to the sales clerk, and tell her to wrap me a slice of cake, then a cream puff with whipped cream and caramel, which was what I liked most, and then something for the cook. Every Sunday it was the same piece of cake.

At twelve noon I had to be sitting down at lunch, and at one o'clock we would be leaving on the train to Lounovice by Jevany, which is a smaller village about 20 kilometers from Prague. It's a place that I love to this day. From the time I was in first grade I used to spend my summer vacation there, and spent my beautiful childhood and youth there.

In Lounovice we had a floor permanently rented out in a villa from the Hora family, a little ways away from a fishpond. Beside us was a farmstead belonging to the Zverina family, who baked bread for our entire family. Today I like it, but in those days I couldn't stand it. It was black and hard even when it was fresh. Winter or summer, we would leave Lounovice at four thirty. Grandpa would honk the horn, and I had to be at the car within five minutes. No exceptions were possible, even if I would have liked to stay by the pond or somewhere else.

At six o'clock I was home for supper. When I was at Sokol 5 sometime during the week, I wasn't able to make it home for six for supper. This was permitted, because Sokol was an important thing for my grandfather. He wanted to be left in peace to listen to the radio, so I didn't bother him and had my supper in the kitchen with the cook, which were my favorite days. I always asked for and got some soft white bread or soft buns, and some store-bought mayonnaise salad. I loved it immensely, because otherwise I wasn't allowed to eat it.

I was born in Germany, so I had German nationality, but in those days no one worried about that. Grandfather always said: 'In the end she'll get married anyways, so why should we do anything about it?' My mother tongue was Czech, because my mother was Czech. My nanny and governess were as well, but I was able to speak both languages. My mother sometimes spoke German with me, when my stepfather wasn't around, because he didn't know any German.

My school years

I began attending a normal Czech public school in Vysehrad. I was the only Jewess there, because there were only two Jewish families in Vysehrad. We were one, and then there was some family by the name of Reich, who had a textile shop on the corner down on Vratislavova Street. They had two sons. None of them survived the Holocaust.

I attended Sokol from when I was little. As a child I attended ballet for some time, but mainly because I was very fond of those ballet slippers. Otherwise I'm a completely non-athletic type, but I did and still do like swimming. At first my nanny took me on walks, even when I was already in public school. I was around ten when I went out by myself for the first time. I was outside with some older girlfriend, and in Vysehrad, at the rotunda of St. Jiri [George], I broke my leg. My friend had to then drag me home.

Some sort of clerical dignitary lived in Vysehrad, and in the evening he telephoned my grandfather, asking what had happened to me, that he saw me in the afternoon being carried on the back of some girl. And my grandfather started yelling into the phone at him, like at a little boy: 'Aren't you ashamed of yourself, you saw it and you allowed some girl to carry her, couldn't you have called me so that I could have driven her home, she's got her leg in a cast.' He yelled at him and was completely red in the face.

Nevertheless, my grandfather decided that you could still go to school with your leg in a cast. So in the morning the chauffeur would drive me to school, carry me up into the classroom and sit me down at my desk. In those days there were no walking casts. When school was finished, he would carry me down to the car again and drive me home. Everyone thought that I was spoiled, but on the other hand, when the other children had broken legs, they didn't have to go to school and stayed at home. I couldn't walk, but I had to go to school. That's simply the way my grandfather was, he couldn't stand any sort of slacking off.

Before I started attending school, my governess would take me for French lessons to this one old French woman. We also studied French in high school; our teacher was this incredibly sweet lady. I spoke fluently, but my grammar wasn't very good. And my teacher insisted that I had to learn it, while I insisted that I spoke French the best out of the whole class, so we had a conflict. And she said that if I didn't learn that grammar, she'd fail me. And I contradicted her, that she couldn't do that. And so we argued back and forth, until in 'sekunda' [the 2nd of 8 years], in a quarter where there wasn't a report card given, but an evaluation, she gave me a 4 [5 being the lowest]. And so at home they almost lynched me; I had to do extra studies to make up for it. Today I unfortunately can't speak it at all.

I attended a high school on Slezska Street. Because of the anti-Jewish laws 6 I had to leave in 'kvarta' [4th year]. Through some people we knew I got into a private commerce school, where I spent one year. With this my studies ended, because upon my return from prison camp I had other worries, and so I simply never graduated. My life's goal had been to study medicine, and devote myself to children's medicine, but due to wartime and post-war circumstances this never happened.

During the war

Before the Germans came, I never felt any anti-Semitism. We never had any problems in our Vysehrad neighborhood. Our whole family was well liked there. For long years we had shopped at the corner grocer's, and when shopping was limited for Jews by restrictive rules 7, the grocer's wife herself used to bring food to our home. People were nice to us.

Of course, memories of anti-Jewish measures are unpleasant. It's as if a person all at once stopped being a person. I wasn't allowed to go to school, to Sokol, I was forbidden from seeing my friends in public, and there were people who really were afraid to talk to you, but I never experienced someone calling me names in the street.

I personally had a lot of friends that tried to help me. Across the street from us in a rented apartment lived some boys that were attending the UMPRUM [Academy of Arts, Architecture and Design in Prague]. They became my friends. Once I met them on the riverfront in front of the UMPRUM building, I was wearing a suit and a raincoat with a Star of David sewed onto it. They had some sort of gallery exhibition, and invited me to come have a look at it. I refused, because I didn't want them to get into trouble.

Suddenly a well-known painter, Professor Zrzavy 8 walked up to us, and said: 'Hey kids, what's going on?' And my friends said to him: 'Mr. Professor, this is our girlfriend, and we'd really like for her to come and see our exhibition.' And he said - So why doesn't she go? Then he looked at me and said: 'Young lady, permit me to take your cloak' - and offered me his arm.

He then led me off to the exhibition. I went there with him, and I'll never forget it, it was one of the nicest experiences in my life. It would have never occurred to me that a person of his name and stature would put himself at risk for some Jewish girl that he'd never met before. After the war my friends even tried to contact me through the radio, and when we did meet, it was a joyful reunion.

At home we talked about emigration, but only talked, because my grandfather said: 'Why should I leave here, after all I haven't done anything to anybody, I was born here and I'll die here. Uncle Rudolf said: 'You can't expect that I'll leave Brezany behind... For he and Lilly had a beautiful villa in Brezany near Prague that they had bought in a devastated state and had entirely renovated it. We used to go there mainly in the summer, and it was a beautiful place.

They had added a balcony, and a shelter in the smaller front yard. There was a terrace where they used to dine and a wine cellar. From a magnificent dining room you exited to a large back yard. In Brezany they had electricity as well as running water. The villa had two very valuable rooms. The first was the so-called Golden Ludwig salon, decorated with hand- embroidered Gobelin tapestry, but it was more just for show. Then there was a gorgeous dark dining room, which did get used. The table, chair and desk legs were these carved columns, each with a lion's head that had a bronze ring in its moth. There was also a beautiful golden bedroom with shiny furniture with mother-of-pearl ornamental inlays.

When the Germans confiscated the factory soon after the occupation, we had to move out of our building. My stepfather and mother then lived in a tiny apartment in Prague's Kacerov neighborhood. It was just a room and a kitchen. My mother was always in bed; she was a hypochondriac, and when something didn't feel right, she would right away go and lie in bed. I used to help them out. When we weren't allowed to ride the streetcars any more, it was a long way to have to walk, from Vysehrad to Kacerov. So I sometimes slept there, and sometimes at home. My grandfather stayed in Vysehrad in a small apartment.

Terezin

In August of 1942 I was transported, together with my mother and sister, to Terezin. My grandfather wasn't transported until a half-year later, but I didn't know about it at all, and never met up with him there. When I found out from the Terezin memorial book in the 1990s that he had also been in Terezin, it was a cruel blow to me. [Editor's note: Terezin memorial book, Miroslav Karny and coll., published by the Terezin Initiative - Melantrich, Prague, 1995. This memorial book contains the names of those that became victims of the deportation transports, in which the German occupiers dragged away from the Czech lands men, women and children that fell under the so-called Nuremberg Laws.]

My stepfather, Uncle Rudolf and Aunt Lilly's brother stayed in Prague for the time being. Mr. Beran, who was a Czech and had a fur factory, employed them as workers, by which he protected them from the transports. They were recognized as 'wirtschaftlich wichtig' - economically important. Mr. Beran cooperated with the Germans, for the sake of appearances, and began producing fur boot insoles for the soldiers at the front.

In Terezin I lived in barracks block L-200 with my mother and sister Vera. There were about ten of us to a room. We slept on straw mattresses that were laid next to each other in rows. Because of a lack of space, as one of the youngest I had to put my mattress in the middle at night, so I had feet on both sides, which was a pretty horrible way to sleep. In the morning we had to hunt for fleas and bedbugs. In the summer, when I really wanted to have a decent sleep, I carried my mattress outside into the courtyard, where there was some sort of shed, crawled up on the roof and made my bed there. Later I found out that the shed served as storage for corpses before they were taken away and disposed of.

At first I worked in the Hamburg barracks. I did office work, with a card catalogue for tickets for bread. I was lucky to have that work, and to have the person who led it. He took it matter-of-factly, that one simply had to work. One day though, he told me that I had been transferred to boot insole manufacture. None other than Mr. Beran had started this up in Terezin, as I soon found out. In a wooden building, fur remainders were sewed together and glued to boot insoles. Then they were sent to the Russian front.

One day two SS soldiers arrived with one civilian, who was none other than Mr. Beran. He had ostensibly come to have a look at how people were working, he was looking about discreetly, and then he picked me out, as if by chance, that I was going to be responsible for it for him. He had brought a large container with him, which the SS soldiers were carrying, and said to me that it was glue and that I was to take care of it. He stressed that it was valuable, and that I had to be sparing with it and guard it, that I was responsible for it. I was petrified with fear, because I suspected that it was some sort of scam. Then he said that I should put it away somewhere so it wouldn't be out in the open for everyone to see. When we were then leaving work later that day, I peeked into it and it was full of food, which in fact the SS soldiers had brought me. There was a lot of it, and my mother, who also worked there with me, and I had to inconspicuously carry it off bit by bit. It was utterly fantastic.

Then Mr. Beran perhaps got a bit of a swelled head; I'm not sure what exactly happened, but once the sent the 'Winterhilfe' [winter relief] to the Italian front instead of the Eastern front. The Germans started to investigate, and not only did they put Mr. Beran in prison, but also those three Jews of ours. All of them went to Terezin, but didn't go to the ghetto, but to the Small Fortress 9. Our Jews were then sent directly to Auschwitz, but didn't get into the family camp 10 like us, but to a normal prison camp, which helped them and in the end all three survived.

In the confusion that ensued during the occupation of Auschwitz, my uncle Rudolf somehow got away and went over to Svoboda's army 11, with which he then returned home. After the war we found out that Mr. Beran's wife had tried to save her husband. They were very rich, and she didn't want him to stay in jail. So she bribed one SS soldier, whom she gave a million crowns, to get her husband out of the Fortress. That SS soldier took the money, led Mr. Beran out of the prison, and on the way to Prague shot him.

In the meantime, my much-loved aunt Lilly and Pavel came to Terezin. Some sort of mistake had happened at that time, because their older son Jiri got a transport summons much earlier, and went to Terezin completely alone. Jiri was included with some other Krauskopfs from Prague, and from his departure to the transport no one ever saw him again. Aunt Lilly had already suffered from cancer before the transport, and died of her illness in the Terezin hospital. Her younger son Pavel was then put on an orphan transport, and went from Terezin directly to the Auschwitz gas chambers. No one was ever able to find out what happened to Jiri. Uncle Rudolf searched for him even after the war, but didn't find anyone who knew him or had met him, who could confirm or refute that he had been killed in Auschwitz.

In Terezin I met Ota Himmelreich, who was quite a bit older than I. Ota was a smart young man from Prerov. We fell in love, and for sure would have gotten married after the war. He had a job outside of the ghetto walls, and therefore could stay in Terezin and so also save his family, that is either his parents or wife. His parents wished us well and liked me a lot. They said, 'We're not important any more, simply have the rabbi marry you, and you'll stay here together.' It was a horrible decision to make, whom to sentence. In the end he voluntarily put his own name in for our transport to Auschwitz, and left his parents in Terezin. Neither he nor his parents survived, which is something I'll never be able to get over.

Once, this was already some time after the war, I ran into a friend of his, who told me that Ota had died in Bergen-Belsen right before they liberated us. I was in absolute shock, that he had been so close and I hadn't known it. His friend told me that Ota had thought of me continuously, and if he had known that I was close by, he maybe would have survived those few last days.

Auschwitz

My mother, sister and I were transported to Auschwitz in December of 1943, and were put into the family camp. Each one of us was put into a different block, though. At first I carried rocks, it was typical work, so that people would be hungry. One day we carried a rock off somewhere, and the next day we carried it back. Then we worked directly in the block, where we sat on stools and manufactured rifle slings out of some coarse plastic. Although we had to work there all day, we had the advantage that we sat under a roof. I don't think that my mother worked anywhere. My sister lived in a little girls' block.

I had an unusual experience in Auschwitz, connected to a German prisoner named Willy, a former sailor, who was in jail for murder. He delivered bread to the camps, and somehow he found out that we were in the family camp. And one day this Willy called us over, and when we came we found that he had brought my stepfather, who was with the others in the main camp, and left us to talk to him for about a quarter of an hour. That was something unexpected, and from that time onwards my mother absolutely believed that we would survive. While still in Terezin she had had her cards read by a fortune teller, who had predicted that she would leave Terezin in the winter, that it would be snowing, that she'd go to a different country, to a different camp, where she would meet her husband and that we would all return home.

For me the hardest times began when the September transport went to the gas chambers, in March 1944. Then some transports arrived, from Hungary I think. The crematoriums couldn't keep up, so they burned people in piles soaked with gasoline. I'll always be able to see those horrible, huge greasy ashes that sometimes flew all the way to our camp. It was the most horrible feeling that I can remember. And throughout it all, my mother kept repeating: 'I'll return, I'll survive, I'll return.'

My mother was young, a bit over forty, but of course looked horrible. I didn't believe in survival, and now I was terrified that after the September transport, we were next. Which at that time we all thought. And then the selection came. I belonged in it both by age and appearance, because in Auschwitz I had more or less sat and made straps, so I wasn't so ruined. While working, we talked about food all day, so maybe I even got some sustenance from that. It's interesting that the time we passed along the most recipes to each other was in Auschwitz.

Only I was selected, neither my mother nor sister was of the right age. And at that moment another extraordinary thing happened. In the girls' block, where my sister lived, who at that time was a skinny thirteen-year-old little girl, also lived one girl, who was older and incredibly beautiful, and her surname was very similar to my sister's. The block leader at the time was some Polish woman, who had taken a great liking to my sister. And when the SS soldier came to do the selection, he was looking the girls over; he put the pretty one's card separately and then kept on picking out other girls. The block leader tried something, and took my sister's card and also put it on that pile. When the SS soldier was leaving, he said - what's this card? And she said: 'Mr. Hauptsturmführer [equivalent of captain], that's the girl that you picked' - and he took it. And so my sister got onto the transport.

Then we found out from a girl who was also with her mother in the family camp, that from the people that had been selected, two or three women had in the meantime died. We got up the courage to go to the camp typist, that we had heard about the deaths of the selected women, and whether he wouldn't put our mothers' names in their place. He was an older man, neither a Czech nor a German, and he did it. When we were leaving the camp, they were reading out numbers, and one of them belonged to my mother.

But that wasn't the end of it. Before departure they gathered us in another prison camp, the women's camp, where the selection continued anew. I passed through normally, and as if it were yesterday, I can see my sister and mother, as they are going naked to the selection. A skinny child and my mother with skin hanging loose, because before Terezin she had weighed about 80 kg, and had lost a lot of weight. They stood there along with Hanka Heitlerova, who was a friend of my sister's, a year or two older than her. She was from the September transport, and was saved by the fact that during that March of 1944, she had been sick. Then she came to my sister's block and they became friends.

When I saw them there like that, I said to myself that this couldn't end well. I don't know who was making the selection, if it was Mengele himself, but when their turn came, the SS soldier was at that moment lighting a cigarette. And so that Hanka began to run around him, to the front of the line, and my mother and sister ran after her. He was lighting a cigarette, and some three Jewesses weren't worth his while to interrupt that. So a complete coincidence gave them the chance to get out of Auschwitz and save their lives.

Then we left via the transport to a suburb of Hamburg named Dessauer Ufer, where we lived in this silo. It was practically right by the sea. There were metal stairs leading up to the room that we were in, and the SS soldiers would remove them so that we couldn't get out. The first night we were there, an air raid came, and we were in complete shock from it. We began to pound on the door and make all sorts of noise, and when we broke open the door, we couldn't go any further.

The SS soldiers would wake us up every day by walking around with a cane, and shouted at us and pounded the bunks and us. Early in the morning they would take us to work on a steamboat. At first we worked in some sort of factory where they made asphalt. It was all bombed out, and there were layers of asphalt everywhere. We had to work early in the morning, because later it was too warm and the asphalt got runny. We had to throw the asphalt into these steel drums. It was endless work, because it would run out again and again.

Then they drove us off to Neugraben or Neuengamme. We were there during the winter, at first we would walk to the town to cart away debris, clean bricks, basically cleanup detail. It was terribly cold; we had wooden shoes on our feet and worked without gloves. It was horrible, the SS had a basket of coal over which they warmed themselves, and we toiled. Then we worked in a sand pit, digging and loading sand. Then we went to another prison camp, and there we worked in a brick factory. The brick factory stood under a bridge that was bombed, but luckily no one was seriously injured.

When this camp was destroyed, they took us by train to Bergen-Belsen 12. You can't imagine anything worse. We were in barracks without bunks. As we arrived, we had to sit down and draw our knees up to our chins. Then another row arrived, and another, and in the end we were all sitting there, squeezed up against one another. We were locked in, sitting there, and about two or three times a day they would lead us out by stages to the latrine. It was horrible. Outside there were corpses lying around, people would walk and never get there. It was in the spring of 1945. I don't know how long we were there, the days seemed endless.

We got food once a day, soup, to be precise. It was in this steel trashcan, which was carried on iron poles. Five of us could go, four would carry the trashcan, and the fifth was there in case one fell. And we could take as much of the soup as we could carry. It was for the entire building. Every morning the dead would be carried out, so then we didn't sit any more, after a time we could even lie down.

The Germans already knew that the front was approaching, so they gradually disappeared. Then Hungarians were guarding us, and if someone left the building, they would start shooting. We didn't even know that the Germans were gone, we were completely decimated. But people that had a little more strength left in them, they went and looted the supply stores, and it cost almost all of them their lives, because they ate a can of pork or something, and their bodies couldn't handle it.

Liberation

The English liberated us on 15th April 1945. Their behavior toward us was excellent; they worked miracles. They brought in running water, so we could finally bathe, began to distribute biscuits and food that we could eat. It was a horrible experience for them; they had come to a prison camp that was littered with corpses. Germans that hadn't managed to escape, or had been captured somewhere, had to clean it up. In a short time, before the war had ended yet, they emptied a small town named Celle, and moved us there. There also the captured Germans had to clean up.

I lived to see the end of the war there, but in bad shape, because around the 9th of May I got spotted fever [typhus]. My mother and Vera got it, too. Again, it was nevertheless luck that we didn't get it until after the war's end, when they were able to take care of us. Spotted fever is accompanied by high fever and terrible headaches. I recall having the feeling that there were two buses driving around in my head, having frequent collisions. When I regained consciousness, I saw a member of the SS standing above me, but he was a prisoner. The English health workers were taking care of us, but in addition captured Germans were also helping out. But I simply saw an SS soldier standing above me, and fainted again. My mother and sister also had spotted fever, my mother lost her hearing for a time, but luckily they took excellent care of us and spoiled us, and in July we were among the last to return home.

The English took us all the way to Pilsen, but that was as far as they were allowed to go. When we were crossing the Czechoslovak border, the train stopped, we got off, knelt on the ground and sang the national anthem, and they stood at attention and saluted. In Pilsen we got off the train, received some clothing and food parcels and said goodbye to them.

We were handed over to some young men from the Revolutionary Guard, who greeted us with soup. We declined it, because we wanted to get to Prague as quickly as possible. Then an open freight train used for transporting cement arrived. And those boys told us to get on it, that they would take us to Prague. We answered - yes, but we've only got the clothes on our backs, we can't get into that dirty wagon, what if it rains during the night. And they said - so clean it up. We had been spoiled by the English, so we asked them - don't you have some Germans around to clean it up? And they looked at us as if we were crazy. In the end we swept it out and got some paper and cardboard. And during the night they transported us in those open rail cars to Prague.

We arrived at the Smichov train station, and after three years we were experiencing this kind of reverential feeling. I was sitting at the back, leaning up against the wagon, and on the way I had fallen asleep, and after we arrived in Prague I cried for about a half hour, because a man from the Revolutionary Guard had boarded the wagon, tapped me on the shoulder and said: 'Hey you, you're comin' over from the Yanks, you got cigarettes?' It was a horrible feeling. It was four months after most people had returned, the greetings had already taken place, and we were only interesting as a potential source of American cigarettes.

I knew from one fellow prisoner, who was from Pilsen and had returned earlier, because she hadn't gotten typhus, that my stepfather had survived and that he had an apartment in Prague on Plavecka Street, a short distance from Vysehrad. When we arrived in Prague, they told us that we had to wait in quarantine. I refused, and remembered that we had some acquaintances in Smichov. We walked to their place, and luckily they were at home. I left my mother and sister with them, got some money for the streetcar from them, and went to Plavecka Street. I found my stepfather there, and he returned for my mother and sister. Then they went to the doctor, because my mother was in a bad way. The doctor asked my mother: 'Granny, how old are you?' And she answered that she was 45. And he said: 'Granny, you're confused.' She looked horrible. When she and my sister returned, I had already had a bath, it was the first thing I had done. We undressed our mother and put her in the tub, and then we stood there and wept, because we were afraid to even lift her, we thought that she would fall apart on us.

When they heard of our return, some friends came to see us and brought us food and clothing. But I also experienced ugly situations, when people with whom we had hidden some things before the war suddenly didn't know anything about it. Once I went to see some friends with whom we had left some feather duvets and suchlike, and they told me: 'Well, you know, times were hard and we were hungry, and we had to sell it all.' To this I said: 'Well, you know, I don't know what hunger is, we had an abundance of everything.'

The apartment that my father had been issued had initially been completely furnished. Just like we had had to leave our apartments and leave everything behind, so the Germans had had to leave this apartment. But when our father moved in two days later, there wasn't anything left except for bare furniture and a mangled stamp collection. Someone had in the meantime stolen everything. I don't know how my father came by money in the beginning, but gradually we got food stamps and clothing vouchers. Before the war I actually hadn't lived with my mother's family, but I had no one else left. In prison camp I had taken care of my mother and sister, and so I took this responsibility upon myself again as a matter of course.

Post-war

Soon I began to have problems related to my citizenship. Although I had attended Czech schools, I had no documents to prove it, I had no report cards. I made the rounds to my public school, high school and Sokol and everywhere asked for confirmation that I had always been a Czech. I didn't even have a birth certificate, and couldn't get a duplicate because I was born in Germany.

I recall being at the police station on Krakovska Street, there was this pleasant older man sitting there, who said: 'What am I supposed to do with you? I don't have your birth records.' I showed him copies of my school report cards and said: 'Here's my report card, so I must have been born.' In the end it was necessary to make a solemn declaration, which made me laugh, because I had to declare that I had been born. Then I got a birth certificate. But I still had German citizenship. It took quite a long time, I had to run around to all possible and impossible government offices, and I even had to hire a lawyer.

Citizenship was given out at a government office on Parizska Street in Prague. I was dealing with some young man there, who over and over wanted additional documents. When I brought yet another document, he always said: 'That's good, but in addition I need this from you.' I had been going there for perhaps three months, and still he wanted something new. I was desperate and disgusted by it all. I said to myself that that person must mortally hate me, that he must be some sort of anti-Semite. Then I came there once again, and he said: 'All right, that's finally all, but please, if you don't take care of this, then you won't get your citizenship' - and stuck a piece of paper into my hands. I left, and when I was out on the street looked at the paper. There it said: 'Tonight at 8pm in front of the Vysehrad high school.

I had serious misgivings, so I asked my cousin Viktor to secretly watch and to intervene if something happened. Victor's father Zikmund was my stepfather's brother. In the evening I arrived in front of the school, that civil servant was standing there with a gorgeous bouquet in his hand and said: 'Don't be angry with me.' To this I said that he must have lost his mind. And he said: 'I know that I've lost my mind, I'm a nut, but do you remember me? I attended the Vysehrad high school.' I told him that I had attended a different school, and he answered that but at that time I had been going out with this one young man from the Vysehrad high school and that I had been with him at some party. Then he said that I had been dancing with my boyfriend, but that I had refused to dance with him, so he had wanted to get back at me. That I had had that citizenship issued for two months already, and then he didn't know how to delay it any longer, that they were upset with him at work and that they had almost fired him, and that he had told them that he would force me to go out on a date with him. So that's how I got my Czechoslovak citizenship then.

My stepfather was ill, my sister was a feeble fifteen-year-old girl, and my mother was also quite badly off. We had nothing. I had to take care of the household and didn't have the possibility of continuing my studies. In 1946 our father opened a small clothing workshop. It was in the name of one tailor who worked for us, and on his business permit. It did fairly well. I helped with the paperwork, and at home I cooked and cleaned and took care of the household. We had a couple of seamstresses and one cutter and that tailor man, and that was how we made a living.

My sister didn't want to stay here after the war. She was seeing a young man, who had relatives in Israel, was a fervent Zionist and wanted to move there. My sister married him and they left in 1948. She worked as a stewardess on some international steamship. There she met her second husband, and together they decided to stay in America. She lives there, in Los Angeles, and has four children. For some time we wrote each other, but I have to admit that we don't have a lot in common and don't keep in touch. I never even considered emigrating. For one I had my mother and stepfather here to take care of, but even so I wouldn't have left. I love Prague and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

In 1948 13 our business was nationalized and became a Clothing Cooperative. I started working there as a secretary, and eventually became an accountant. My stepfather also worked there, as well as my Uncle Rudolf, who even eventually became the director. They then threw him out because of his bourgeois roots. Uncle Rudolf returned to Czechoslovakia at the end of the war with Svoboda's army, and thanks to this got his villa in Brezany back. On the weekends he would invite people over and I would help him and be the lady of the house. Rudolf remarried soon after the war, but the marriage didn't last long. At the beginning of the war the Germans had confiscated the villa in Brezany, but they didn't let it become dilapidated, they even installed central heating. But otherwise they carried off what they could. Right after the war my uncle was given an apartment on Jungmannova Street in Prague and after a few years even got back into his former apartment building in Vysehrad, when a free apartment came up there.

My father had diabetes and then also got tuberculosis, and in 1951 he died. He's buried in the Jewish cemetery in Prague. My mother had a very small pension, so I got her work in a document warehouse, where the manager was this one decent older man. But then the cadre officer called me in and said that it wasn't possible for both of us to work there, that my mother had to leave. To this I told him that my mother wouldn't leave, because she had never worked before, while I could manage to find another job. He told me that he wanted me to be the one to stay. Then he said: 'Don't tell me that you don't have anything to live from.' I answered him: 'Look here, we returned from the prison camp, so you certainly know that we didn't have any time to make money. If you think that all we need in life is a bare bed, a table and chairs, then we would have something to sell after all. But you have to promise me that on the first of every month you'll buy something from me. We can't live on my mother's pension.' In the end my mother stayed there, and I found another job.

I lived on Plavecka Street with my mother and one girlfriend of mine, who had returned from the concentration camp alone and had no one. It was a double bachelor apartment with a large terrace. Once, in the 1950s, someone rang at the door. I peeked out and there was some lady standing there. I said good day to her and asked her what she would like. 'I'm here to look at the apartment,' she said. And I said: 'And what do you want to see in our apartment? She said: 'Well, you see, I'm moving in here; I'm going to be exchanging apartments with you.'

She had likely taken a liking to our apartment, and at the housing office they had approved the exchange. No one was interested in the fact that we had come from a prison camp and that we were three single women living there. It had never occurred to me that I would be leaving that apartment; it was close to my much-loved Vysehrad. At that time I blurted out without thinking that there was going to be no moving, because we already had it exchanged. Which wasn't true, but I managed to organize it within a couple of days, and we moved to I.P. Pavlova Square, to Sokolska Street. It was a nice building, almost in the city center. My mother died in 1963 in Prague, where she's buried in the Jewish cemetery.

For a while during the 1950s I worked in one textile cooperative where I didn't like it very much. But I was lucky, that at the time I was considering changing jobs, I met my former cadre officer of that cooperative. When he found out that I was looking for work, he asked me whether I wouldn't want to work for the Igra cooperative. Igra manufactured toys and later musical instruments as well. I told him that I had the stigma of a merchant, and he told me that they had thrown him out of his previous position because they had qualified him as a merchant as well. He said that he had used to stand in a passageway, put a plank on two sawhorses, put fruit and vegetables on them, which he then sold. That he was now a cadre official at Igra, and that I should come by the next day, that they were looking for an accountant.

So I went there the next day and they hired me. I worked there at first as an accountant, and later as the manager of the accounting department. The first few days no one talked to me, because it had gotten around that I had been recommended by the cadre official. Once we all got to know each other, work became my second home. This cooperative was also interesting in that if someone was a good worker, he could do well there even despite having blemishes on his cadre assessment. I remember that for some time I sat in our office together with Mrs. Hejdankova, who was a former professor and the wife of Dr. Hejdanek, the spokesman of Charta 77 14.

I wasn't a member of the Communist Party 15, despite the fact that I was in a management position. Of course, they tried to convince me to join the Party, but I always managed to wriggle out of it somehow. One of our cadre officers lived outside of Prague, and once there was some sort of fair there, and he invited a few people out. When we got there, I got out and he came over to me and said: 'I kiss your hand.' I was completely flabbergasted, but from that time on we got along well. For all those years Igra was ruled by a spirit of collective friendship. When I started there, there were about 120 employees, and when I left many years later, it was one of the largest cooperatives in Prague, which had about 1500 employees.

As far as society was concerned, the 1950s were not a nice time. I was quite frightened by the Slansky trial 16. When I returned from the prison camp, I said to myself, now everything's going to be all right. But there were three good years, and then it all went to pot again. And then to top it all off, those trials came, and I said to myself, what's still waiting for me, hadn't that concentration camp been enough? I had an unpleasant feeling, because in those days anyone could have decided that he didn't for some reason like me, and denounced me. But luckily nothing happened. I didn't even have any property, for me to be in someone's way.

I've always loved children, as a girl I had wanted to become a children's doctor. When I returned from the prison camp, doctors told me that I shouldn't count on being able to get pregnant. I was very disappointed by this and so I was in no hurry to get married. Then I met one divorced man, who was taking care of a six-year-old girl named Miluska. So I said to myself, that if I couldn't have my own child, why couldn't I at least raise someone else's. I got married in 1955, and the following year I got pregnant and had a son, Rene.

Married life

My husband at that time was born in 1918 in Prague, was a Czech and was named Jiri Setina. We met through our work. He worked for a company named Lab Instruments, where they had begun manufacturing a gas chromatograph. He and one of his colleagues learned to use it, and then when their company began to sell it, they would travel around to teach people how to use it. His business card said: 'Expert in gas chromatography.' So he traveled all over the world and was almost never at home. We divorced in 1972; he had found a younger woman of Russian origin. He died fifteen years ago.

In 1968 17 Miluska immigrated to Vienna and then to America, where she lives to this day. I have two grandsons there. I've visited Miluska several times, but now she mostly comes here to visit me. We have a beautiful relationship. I went to visit her for the first time in the 1970s, but in those days it wasn't that simple. I remember that the police summoned my husband and questioned him as to why I wanted to go to America if I wasn't her mother.

After high school, Rene wanted to go study classical guitar at the conservatory. But he had a bourgeois origin plus an emigrant sister, which was a big problem in those days, so they didn't accept him at the conservatory. A few months later we were supposed to go to Russia, where my husband was supposed to be working. He arranged studies at a music school for Rene. We were to leave during summer vacation in August, but at the beginning of the month we went to see the director of Laboratory Instruments, who told us that we couldn't all leave. My husband was needed there, and could go home every half year, but they wouldn't let him take his family there due to the daughter in America. I said: 'But Mr. Director, I don't have only a daughter, but a son as well. He's just finished his primary education, vacation is ending, and he's been accepted at the conservatory in Moscow.' And he said: 'Yes, well, Mrs. Goetzova, I've been thinking about it, don't worry about it, we'll take care of him, I promise.

He then called me at the end of the month, my husband was already in Russia, and said: 'Well, I haven't been able to arrange anything yet, so for now he'll start as an apprentice electrician. Nothing can be done, he's got to be somewhere, and so far I haven't found anything else.' And so instead of the conservatory Rene started as an apprentice; he had no other choice and he also stayed there and completed his apprenticeship.

Once his master called me and told me that Rene was working without any interest. I asked him if Rene comes to work late, or works poorly, and he answered that in this respect he has no problem with him, but it's just that he can see his absolute lack of interest. So I explained it to him, and said that I respected my son for going there at all, but that one can't expect interest from him, because if there was one thing he hadn't wanted from life, it was to learn to be an electrician.

He didn't get to his guitar until the army, where he had it fairly good, because as a soldier he toured as a soloist and played concerts. There were lots of army ensembles, but they didn't have a solo guitarist. He was trained and served with the Signal Corps, which was unusual, when he had been labeled as [politically] unreliable. Before his service had definitively ended, he went to one firm to apply for a job. They welcomed him, that they're anxious to get trained experts from the army. They gave him a questionnaire to fill out, but when they found out that he had a sister in America, they refused to take him on. He had a friend who in the end helped him, and Rene went to work as a communications worker for the fire department.

Thanks to this he then studied at a technical college in Frydek-Mistek, the only one in the entire republic specializing in fire safety. Until the revolution in 1989 18 he worked as a technician at Orion and other factories, after the revolution he worked as the head fire safety technician at Motol Hospital, which is fairly responsible work. After our entry into the European Union he got a call from the school in Frydek- Mistek, with an offer to be a fire safety and security auditor. That he's apparently one of a very few experts who has the proper education and experience. Today he's this public auditor, he's got more work than he can handle, but it interests him and he enjoys it.

Rene is happily married and has a daughter. His wife is an economist. When Rene was born, his father wanted to have him registered with the Jewish Community. But I refused. I said to myself, that if he will at some time feel himself to be Jewish, let him register himself, and that I don't want to decide for him. I didn't bring him up in a Jewish way very much. In our family my grandfather was the last person that observed Jewish traditions in at least some fashion. Although my son is interested in my past, he himself doesn't feel Jewish. We celebrate a normal Czech Christmas, during this time we get together at my son's along with his wife's parents.

After the war I was used to going to synagogue for the high holidays and mainly for prayers for the dead. I was also a member of the Jewish Community in Prague. Through my marriage I came by a six-year-old child that hadn't the faintest clue that there are Jews and that they celebrate some Jewish holidays. Miluska knew Christmas and Easter. My husband didn't know much about Judaism either. No one forced me into or away from anything, but we celebrated traditional Czech holidays. I had Jewish and non-Jewish friends, but I never really distinguished between the two. I valued the extent of this or that friendship, but not the person's origin.

We didn't have a cottage or house in the country. After the war I was on vacation with my husband in one of my favorite places, Lounovice, a couple of times, but he didn't like it there. When I worked for the Igra cooperative, I became fond of Slapy. The coop bought a company house there, in an isolated place near Zivohost. You go towards the water down a hill, and behind you there is a forest. We used to go on vacations there. On the weekends we would take the children on trips or for a walk. The weekends were completely devoted to the children. After the company fell apart I was disconsolate that I wouldn't have the opportunity to go to Slapy any more, but it was bought by an individual who told me that I could come and stay whenever and for however long I wanted, that I was an honored guest. And so my vacations consist of first going to a spa, and then straight to Slapy. My son and the owner became friends, and so he has the task of watching over me.

My husband and I lived in a large apartment in Prague's neighborhood of Karlin. I had four rooms, a hall and kitchen. After our divorce my ex- husband remarried and brought his new wife into our place, at that time I was leaving to go see Miluska in America. I told him to exchange that large apartment for two small ones, that I'd be fine with anything small that would have a washroom and a kitchenette; the important thing would be that I'd be there by myself. We argued back and forth across the ocean, because he on the other hand was saying that he put tons of work into renovating that apartment, and that the only way he'd leave it would be on his back, feet first. We didn't come to any agreement, so we all stayed in the original apartment, including our son.

Our son got married and moved out, my ex-husband soon died, and I stayed there with his second wife. She was very polite and courteous towards me, but we certainly didn't become friends. My son then found an apartment for me through his father-in-law, and I live in it to this day. It isn't large, but is mine and I like it here very much.

I've never had some sort of relationship with Israel. I've never been there and didn't even want to. The fact that it's next to Palestine never gave me a good feeling and I've always had the impression that it's not going to end well. I've never had that desire to move there, like for example my sister's first husband. I never understood Zionism or Orthodox Jews. I can't say that I'm not interested in what's going on over there, but I've always felt sorry for people that left for Israel so that they could finally have peace.

I stayed past retirement age in the Igra cooperative, I didn't want to retire, but I finally left in 1990. Then I worked in the audit commission of the Terezin Initiative 19. I welcomed the year 1989 with great joy. I was never a member of any political party, and never will be. My political sympathies lie on the right. After the revolution life changed for us all, and I think that for the better. My financial situation also improved after the revolution, as in addition to my pension I started getting money from the Claims Conference. It's not some sort of riches, but they're regular payments that almost pay for my apartment.

Glossary

1 Masaryk, Tomas Garrigue (1850-1937)

Czechoslovak political leader and philosopher and chief founder of the First Czechoslovak Republic. He founded the Czech People's Party in 1900, which strove for Czech independence within the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, for the protection of minorities and the unity of Czechs and Slovaks. After the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy in 1918, Masaryk became the first president of Czechoslovakia. He was reelected in 1920, 1927, and 1934. Among the first acts of his government was an extensive land reform. He steered a moderate course on such sensitive issues as the status of minorities, especially the Slovaks and Germans, and the relations between the church and the state. Masaryk resigned in 1935 and Edvard Benes, his former foreign minister, succeeded him.

2 Skoda Company

Car factory, the foundations of which were laid in 1895 by the mechanics V. Laurin and V. Klement with the production of Slavia bicycles. Just before the end of the 19th century they began manufacturing motor cycles and, in 1905, they started manufacturing automobiles. The name Skoda was introduced in 1925. Having survived economic difficulties, the company made a name for itself on the international market even within the constraints of the Socialist economy. In 1991 Skoda became a joint stock company in association with Volkswagen.

3 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. The Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement,' used it to camouflage the extermination of European Jews. Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities. At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a café, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

4 Maly Trostinets

Village in eastern Belarus located near Minsk, camp and site of mass murder of Jews. About 200,000 people were murdered in the Trostinets area. During 1942, Jews from Germany, the Netherlands, Poland, Austria, and the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia were brought by train to be killed in Maly Trostinets. Most of the victims were lined up in front of large pits and shot. The prisoners in the camp were forced to sort through the victims' possessions and maintain the camp. They occasionally underwent selections. This happened more frequently during 1943. In the fall of 1943 the Nazis began to destroy all evidence of mass murder by burning bodies. As the Soviet army approached in June 1944, the Germans killed most of the remaining prisoners. On 30th June the Germans completely destroyed the camp. When the Soviets arrived on 3rd July, they found a few Jews who had escaped.

5 Sokol

One of the best-known Czech sports organizations. It was founded in 1862 as the first physical educational organization in the Austro- Hungarian Monarchy. Besides regular training of all age groups, units organized sports competitions, colorful gymnastics rallies, cultural events including drama, literature and music, excursions and youth camps. Although its main goal had always been the promotion of national health and sports, Sokol also played a key role in the national resistance to the Austro- Hungarian Empire, the Nazi occupation and the communist regime. Sokol flourished between the two World Wars; its membership grew to over a million. Important statesmen, including the first two presidents of interwar Czechoslovakia, Tomas Garrigue Masaryk and Edvard Benes, were members of Sokol. Sokol was banned three times: during World War I, during the Nazi occupation and finally by the communists after 1948, but branches of the organization continued to exist abroad. Sokol was restored in 1990.

6 Exclusion of Jews from schools in the Protectorate

The Ministry of Education of the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia sent round a ministerial decree in 1940, which stated that from school year 1940/41 Jewish pupils were not allowed to visit Czech public and private schools and those who were already in school should be excluded. After 1942 Jews were not allowed to visit Jewish schools or courses organized by the Jewish communities either.

7 Anti-Jewish laws in the Protectorate of Bohemia-Moravia

In March 1939, there lived in the Protectorate 92,199 inhabitants classified according to the so-called Nuremberg Laws as Jews. On 21st June 1939, Konstantin von Neurath, the Reich Protector, passed the so-called Edict Regarding Jewish Property, which put restrictions on Jewish property. On 24th April 1940, a government edict was passed which eliminated Jews from economic activity. Similarly like previous legal changes it was based on the Nuremburg Law definitions and limited the legal standing of Jews. According to the law, Jews couldn't perform any functions (honorary or paid) in the courts or public service and couldn't participate at all in politics, be members of Jewish organizations and other organizations of social, cultural and economic nature. They were completely barred from performing any independent occupation, couldn't work as lawyers, doctors, veterinarians, notaries, defense attorneys and so on. Jewish residents could participate in public life only in the realm of religious Jewish organizations. Jews were forbidden to enter certain streets, squares, parks and other public places. From September 1939 they were forbidden from being outside their home after 8pm. Beginning in November 1939 they couldn't leave, even temporarily, their place of residence without special permission. Residents of Jewish extraction were barred from visiting theaters and cinemas, restaurants and cafés, swimming pools, libraries and other entertainment and sports centers. On public transport they were limited to standing room in the last car, in trains they weren't allowed to use dining or sleeping cars and could ride only in the lowest class, again only in the last car. They weren't allowed entry into waiting rooms and other station facilities. The Nazis limited shopping hours for Jews to twice two hours and later only two hours per day. They confiscated radio equipment and limited their choice of groceries. Jews weren't allowed to keep animals at home. Jewish children were prevented from visiting German, and, from August 1940, also Czech public and private schools. In March 1941 even so-called re-education courses organized by the Jewish Religious Community were forbidden, and from June 1942 also education in Jewish schools. To eliminate Jews from society it was important that they be easily identifiable. Beginning in March 1940, citizenship cards of Jews were marked by the letter 'J' (for Jude - Jew). From 1st September 1941 Jews older than six could only go out in public if they wore a yellow six-pointed star with 'Jude' written on it on their clothing.

8 Zrzavy, Jan (1890 - 1977)

Czech painter, graphic artist, illustrator and stage designer; important member of the Czech artistic avant-garde beginning at the start of the 20th century. Studied at the Academy of Arts, Architecture and Design in Prague. Founding member of the Sursum group, member of the Manes Artists' Association, Tvrdosijne (Hardheads), Artistic Discussion, Hollar Union of Czech Graphic Artists. In the 1920s he traveled to Italy, Belgium, and lived in France. His first creative period (Valley of Tears, Nokturno, Still-life with Lilies of the Valley, Suffering) is characterized by the connection of Czech Art Nouveau symbolism and Expressionism with Cubistic elements. Influenced by B. Kubista, J. Vachal, inspired by the Italian Renaissance, especially Raphael and Leonardo. After World War I, his works led to the formal harmonization of images and a typically vague lyrical and softly dreamlike shape (Melancholy, Girlfriend). In his second creative period (from the 1920s onward) he devoted himself mainly to landscapes (Camaret, San Marco at Night, San Marco in the Day, Ostrava Slag Heaps), in which he created a painterly metaphor of melding with natural forces of harmony, peace and timelessness. From the middle of the 1930s onwards he left behind the poetic palette of pastels for more vibrant colors. During World War II fate and lyricism appear in his landscapes (Via Appia), alongside themes of death but also hope (Venetian Still-life). His entire oeuvre is typified by adherence to one motive (especially the motive of Cleopatra). Zrzavy was also an important illustrator (K. H. Macha, May, K. J. Erben, Bouquet) and stage designer (A. Dvorak, Armida).

9 Small Fortress (Mala pevnost) in Theresienstadt

An infamous prison, used by two totalitarian regimes: Nazi Germany and communist Czechoslovakia. It was built in the 18th century as a part of a fortification system and almost from the beginning it was used as a prison. In 1940 the Gestapo took it over and kept mostly political prisoners there: members of various resistance movements. Approximately 32,000 detainees were kept in Small Fortress during the Nazi occupation. Communist Czechoslovakia continued using it as a political prison; after 1945 German civilians were confined there before they were expelled from the country.

10 Family camp in Auschwitz

The Auschwitz complex consisted of three main camps, of which Auschwitz II, or Birkenau, comprised a camp for families. On 8th September 1943, 5,000 Jews were transported to Birkenau from the Terezin (Theresienstadt) ghetto and put up in a special section. Women, men and children lived in separate barracks but were allowed to move freely on this site. The family camp for the Czech Jews was part of the Nazi propaganda for the outside world. Prisoners were not organized into work-commandos; they were allowed to receive packages and were encouraged to write letters. Despite this special treatment more than 1,000 people died in the family camp during its six months of existence. On 9th March 1944, all those still alive in the camp were gassed.

11 Army of General Svoboda

During World War II General Ludvik Svoboda (1895-1979) commanded Czechoslovak troops under Soviet military leadership, which took part in liberating Eastern Slovakia. After the war Svoboda became minister of defense (1945-1950) and then President of Czechoslovakia (1968-1975).

12 Bergen-Belsen

Concentration camp located in northern Germany. Bergen- Belsen was established in April 1943 as a detention camp for prisoners who were to be exchanged with Germans imprisoned in Allied countries. Bergen- Belsen was liberated by the British army on 15th April, 1945. The soldiers were shocked at what they found, including 60,000 prisoners in the camp, many on the brink of death, and thousands of unburied bodies lying about. (Source: Rozett R. - Spector S.: Encyclopedia of the Holocaust, Facts on File, G.G. The Jerusalem Publishing House Ltd. 2000, pg. 139 -141)

13 February 1948

Communist take-over in Czechoslovakia. The 'people's democracy' became one of the Soviet satellites in Eastern Europe. The state apparatus was centralized under the leadership of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). In the economy private ownership was banned and submitted to central planning. The state took control of the educational system, too. Political opposition and dissident elements were persecuted.

14 Charter 77

A manifesto published under the title Charter 77 in January 1977 demanded the Czechoslovak government to live up to its own laws in regard to human, political, civic and cultural rights in Czechoslovakia. The document first appeared as a manifesto in a West German newspaper and was signed by more than 200 Czechoslovak citizens representing various occupations, political viewpoints, and religions. By the mid-1980s it had been signed by 1,200 people. Within Czechoslovakia it was circulated in samizdat form. The government's retaliation against the signers included dismissal from work, denial of educational opportunities for their children, forced exile, loss of citizenship, detention, and imprisonment. The repression of the Charter 77 continued in the 1980s, but the dissidents refused to capitulate and continued to issue reports on the government's violations of human rights.

15 Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC)

, Founded in 1921 following a split from the Social Democratic Party, it was banned under the Nazi occupation. It was only after Soviet Russia entered World War II that the Party developed resistance activity in the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia; because of this, it gained a certain degree of popularity with the general public after 1945. After the communist coup in 1948, the Party had sole power in Czechoslovakia for over 40 years. The 1950s were marked by party purges and a war against the 'enemy within'. A rift in the Party led to a relaxing of control during the Prague Spring starting in 1967, which came to an end with the occupation of Czechoslovakia by Soviet and allied troops in 1968 and was followed by a period of normalization. The communist rule came to an end after the Velvet Revolution of November 1989.

16 Slansky Trial

In the years 1948-1949 the Czechoslovak government together with the Soviet Union strongly supported the idea of the founding of a new state, Israel. Despite all efforts, Stalin's politics never found fertile ground in Israel; therefore the Arab states became objects of his interest. In the first place the Communists had to allay suspicions that they had supplied the Jewish state with arms. The Soviet leadership announced that arms shipments to Israel had been arranged by Zionists in Czechoslovakia. The times required that every Jew in Czechoslovakia be automatically considered a Zionist and cosmopolitan. In 1951 on the basis of a show trial, 14 defendants (eleven of them were Jews) with Rudolf Slansky, First Secretary of the Communist Party at the head were convicted. Eleven of the accused got the death penalty; three were sentenced to life imprisonment. The executions were carried out on 3rd December 1952. The Communist Party later finally admitted its mistakes in carrying out the trial and all those sentenced were socially and legally rehabilitated in 1963.

17 Prague Spring

A period of democratic reforms in Czechoslovakia, from January to August 1968. Reformatory politicians were secretly elected to leading functions of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC). Josef Smrkovsky became president of the National Assembly, and Oldrich Cernik became the Prime Minister. Connected with the reformist efforts was also an important figure on the Czechoslovak political scene, Alexander Dubcek, General Secretary of the KSC Central Committee (UV KSC). In April 1968 the UV KSC adopted the party's Action Program, which was meant to show the new path to socialism. It promised fundamental economic and political reforms. On 21st March 1968, at a meeting of representatives of the USSR, Hungary, Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany and Czechoslovakia in Dresden, Germany, the Czechoslovaks were notified that the course of events in their country was not to the liking of the remaining conference participants, and that they should implement appropriate measures. In July 1968 a meeting in Warsaw took place, where the reformist efforts in Czechoslovakia were designated as "counter-revolutionary." The invasion of the USSR and Warsaw Pact armed forces on the night of 20th August 1968, and the signing of the so-called Moscow Protocol ended the process of democratization, and the Normalization period began.

18 Velvet Revolution

Also known as November Events, this term is used for the period between 17th November and 29th December 1989, which resulted in the downfall of the Czechoslovak communist regime. A non-violent political revolution in Czechoslovakia that meant the transition from Communist dictatorship to democracy. The Velvet Revolution began with a police attack against Prague students on 17th November 1989. That same month the citizen's democratic movement Civic Forum (OF) in Czech and Public Against Violence (VPN) in Slovakia were formed. On 10th December a government of National Reconciliation was established, which started to realize democratic reforms. On 29th December Vaclav Havel was elected president. In June 1990 the first democratic elections since 1948 took place.

19 Terezin Initiative Foundation (Nadace Terezinska iniciativa)

Founded in 1993 by the International Association of Former Prisoners of the Terezin/Theresienstadt Ghetto, it is a special institute devoted to the scientific research on the history of Terezin and of the 'Final Solution of the Jewish Question' in the Czech lands. At the end of 1998 it was renamed to Terezin Initiative Institute (Institut Terezinske iniciativy).

Ruth Goetzová

Ruth Goetzova
Praha
Česká Republika
Rozhovor pořídila: Pavla Neuner
Období vzniku rozhovoru: říjen 2004

Paní Goetzová žije na jednom z pražských sídlišť v menším bytě, který má velmi ráda. Náš rozhovor probíhal v pohodlném obývacím pokoji. Životní historie paní Goetzové je velice zajímavá a její vyprávění bylo velmi poutavé. Paní Goetzová působí jako křehká, avšak hodně energická a veselá  osoba.  

Rodina
Dětství
Za války
Po válce
Glosář

Rodina

Můj dědeček z matčiny strany  se jmenoval  Jindřich Krauskopf a narodil se v roce 1872 v Oticích u Klatova. Nevím jakého vzdělání dosáhl, ale určitě nestudoval univerzitu. Bydleli s babičkou v Praze, nejdříve ve Vodičkově ulici. Tehdy začali od píky, šili čepičky a kabátky a  další věci pro novorozeňata a postupně se vypracovávali, až si děda otevřel na Vyšehradě 1 v Praze továrnu na výrobu pokrývek hlavy. Firma se jmenovala anglicky ERKA CAP. ERKA byla značka pocházející z iniciál dědova syna Rudolfa Krauskopfa. V továrně se šilo ve velkém, měli jsme mnoho obchodních zástupců, kteří se pohybovali po celé republice. V samotné továrně pracovalo okolo 200 zaměstnanců. Pamatuju si, že jsme dokonce měli tu čest a šili jsme čepice pro prezidenta Masaryka. V březnu, na jeho narozeniny, jsme posílali tři tzv. masaryčky v barvě bílé, tmavomodré a černé  na Hrad 2. Čepice se posílaly ve speciální krabici polepené zlatým papírem se třemi šuplíky na každou zvlášť. 

U dvora továrny byla expedice, v prvním a druhém patře dílny, což byly dlouhé velké sály, kde v dvojřadech stály stroje. Uprostřed byly žlaby, kam šičky dávaly vytvořené výrobky. Pamatuju si, že šičky měly při práci nohy na šlapadlech, které vypadaly jako trnože. Ženy většinou bydleli mimo Prahu a do práce dojížděli. V dílnách byla obrovská železná kamna, ve kterých se v zimě muselo ráno zatopit. Vzpomínám si, jak dědeček trval na tom, že když ty ženy přijdou do práce, aby měla každá na svém šlapadle dvě horké cihly zabalené do látky. Stalo se mi před více jak dvaceti lety, že mě na ulici zastavila nějaká paní a říká - vy jste od Krauskopfů? Víte na Vašeho dědečka nikdy nezapomenu, poněvadž to byl ten nejlepší šéf, kterého jsem kdy v životě měla.

Myslím si, že děda tíhnul k sociální demokracii, ale nevím, zda byl členem nějaké politické strany. Měl velkého koníčka, kterým bylo jeho auto Škoda Tatra 3.  Pamatuju si, že si na ní nechal dát nějakou speciální kapotu. Ráno vstával v sedm hodin a šel do továrny. V půl deváté snídal vajíčko na měkko a jeden suchar s máslem. Bylo to přesně v půl a speciálně tak naměkko, jak on to jedl. Ve dvanáct se naobědval a vrátil se do továrny. Strávil tam celý den oblečený do pracovního pláště a čepice. V šest byla večeře, na kterou se vždy převlékl do obleku, ačkoli jsme spolu večeřeli sami.  Večer si pak četl noviny nebo  nějakou knihu, poslouchal rádio a odpočíval. Můj dědeček byl pán, u kterého jsem věděla, že každý čtvrtek bude k obědu tohle a každou sobotu támhleto. Prostě všechno muselo být přesně a načas, jinak ho to strašně rozčilovalo.

Dědeček měl dva bratry,  Šimona a Ludvíka.  Na jaře jsme vždycky s dědou za nimi jezdívali do Klatov. Měli své vlastní rodiny, ale víc o nich nevím, jen to, že válku nepřežili.

Babička z matčiny strany se jmenovala Anna, dívčím jménem Glücksmannová. Myslím, že se narodila někdy v sedmdesátých letech 19. století v Horním Litvínově. O jejích případných sourozencích nebo rodině nic nevím. Myslím, že žádné vyšší vzdělání neměla. Byla česká Židovka, doma se mluvilo zásadně česky.

Babička organizovala domácnost. Jezdila sice nakupovat do tržnice, ale měla na to šoféra v livreji. Nevím, z jaké rodiny pocházela, ale asi na to byla zvyklá. Jedna švadlena z továrny za ní vždycky jednou týdně chodila a dávala do pořádku její garderobu, prala, žehlila a zašívala. V továrně byla babička velmi oblíbená jako hodná paní šéfová. Když měla svátek, tak se na sv. Annu nepracovalo, najala se hudba a na dvoře továrny se tancovalo. Se svými kamarádkami, které byly všechny židovského původu, se babička scházela v kavárně, na což vzpomínám s hrůzou, jelikož mě tam vychovatelka někdy vodila a já jsem pak musela každé té paní říct rukulíbám a políbit jí ruku. Potom jsem dostala kousek něčeho sladkého a vychovatelka mě zase odvedla domů. 

Babička byla bohužel nemocná, měla problémy se štítnou žlázou, které jsem po ní podědila. Zemřela v Praze v  roce 1932, když jsem byla malá holka. Je pochovaná na židovském hřbitově.

Můj tatínek byl německý Žid jménem Georg Goetz. Žil v Chemnitz v Německu. Věnoval se chovu závodních koní a sám závodil na sulkách, což jsou dvoukolové vozíky.  Moc toho o něm nevím.  Jeho rodiče byli oba Židi, ale já jsem je vůbec neznala. Nevím, jaké měl tatínek vzdělání či zda byl pobožný. Mám dojem, že se rodiče poznali v nějakých lázních, kam doprovázela moje maminka svoji maminku. Po svatbě se maminka přestěhovala do Chemnitz, kde jsem se narodila a žila první čtyři roky. Pamatuji si z vyprávění, že jsme bydleli  v jakési vile, která se nacházela poblíž statku, kde otec choval své koně. Byla jsem prý pořád pod dohledem chůvy a vychovatelky, ale stalo se, že jsem se sama ocitla na dvoře statku. Vyprávěli mi, že jsem se rozběhla a spadla do žumpy s koňskou močůvkou. Pak mě prý vytáhli a šoupli do vany, kde mě nejdřív oplachovali i s tím ošacením. Manželství mých rodičů netrvalo dlouho, po čtyřech letech se rozvedli. Poté mne maminka vzala zpět do Prahy, ale můj otec mě nechtěl matce nechat. Nakonec muselo dojít k soudu a ten rozhodl, že budu žít  u babičky a dědy z matčiny strany.

Táta se pak  podruhé oženil, ale další děti neměl, takže jsem zůstala jeho holčička. Měla jsem ho ráda. Táta za mnou do Prahy sice nejezdil, ale děda mě bral na německé hranice, kde jsem tatínka několikrát viděla. Zemřel v roce 1934 v Chemnitz.

Maminka se jmenovala Hilda, rozená Krauskopfová v roce 1900 v Praze. Byla ženou v domácnosti. Jaké měla vzdělání, nevím. Asi rok poté, co jsme se vrátili do Prahy z Německa se maminka podruhé provdala za českého Žida Otu Laše, který pocházel z Šerlovic u Tábora. Byl ročník 1898. Brali se na Staroměstské radnici v Praze, židovskou svatbu neměli. S nevlastním otcem jsme si dobře rozuměli, choval se ke mně skvěle. Mamince se v roce 1930 narodila dcera Věra, kterou velmi milovala. Ačkoli jsme s maminkou bydleli v jednom domě, moc jsme se neviděly. Já jsem byla u dědečka a maminka si založila novou rodinu. Náš vztah byl velmi zvláštní a do hřejivého vztahu matky s dcerou měl daleko. Vždycky jsem se o ní později postarala, když bylo třeba, protože nakonec to byla moje maminka, ale  nepamatuji se, že by mě třeba někdy objala nebo políbila.

Můj nevlastní otec měl bratra Roberta, který měl za manželku Židovku. Oba zahynuli.
  
Maminka měla sestru Ernu a bratra Rudolfa. Erna byla o dva roky mladší, byla bezdětná, ale vdaná, její manžel se jmenoval Oskar Kolb. Oskar byl Žid a pracoval jako ředitel podniku na výrobu lihovin. Teta Erna byla v domácnosti. Každou neděli jsme s dědou vyzvedli strýčka Oskara a jeli na hřbitov za babičkou a cestou zpátky jsme si u tety dali svačinu a pak jsme pokračovali domů na oběd. Pamatuju si, že teta Erna měla psa. Nemyslím, že byla Erna s Oskarem nějak pobožní, ale určitě chodili do synagogy alespoň na velké svátky. Oskar zemřel ještě před transporty, Erna byla transportována do Terezína na podzim roku 1942 a v ten samý rok pak dále do koncentračního tábora Malý Trostinec v Polsku, kde byla zastřelena.

U tety Erny byla také původně dědova kuchařka Baruška, kterou jsem měla moc ráda. Po válce mě Baruška chodila navštěvovat a pokaždé mi přinesla nějakou rodinnou věc od tety. Legrační bylo, že mi to dávala jako dárek, ale i tak jsem za to byla strašně vděčná, protože jsem se touhle cestou dostala ke svým věcem. Hodně jsem  pracovala a Baruška vždycky říkala, že se moje babička musí v hrobě obracet, když vidí, jak se dřu, a nabízela se mi, že mi bude chodit pomáhat. Po válce si vzal Barušku k sobě strýc Rudolf, byl sám, tak se o něj starala a on jí potom zajistil stáří.

Strýc Rudolf se narodil v roce 1898 v Praze. Jeho žena byla Židovka, teta Lilly, rozená Rubínová v roce 1905. Měli spolu dva syny, Pavla a Jiřího. Jiří byl rozený v roce 1926 a Pavel o devět let později. Jiří s Pavlem byli jako moji bratři a teta pro mne znamenala víc než moje vlastní máma. Moc jsem ji milovala. Oni byli moje hlavní rodina. Strýc Rudolf říkal – Každý normální člověk si vezme ženu a má s ní dětí, kolik sám chce. Já mám místo dvou dětí tři a místo jedné ženy dvě. A pak to vysvětloval – Když se něco kupuje mým dětem, tak to samé musí dostat i Ruth. A když si něco nechá šít moje žena, tak to samé se musí nechat ušít i pro Ruth. Pamatuju si, jak jsme s tetou přišly k našemu krejčímu a teta tam viděla béžový koverkot, látku na kostýmy. A ona říkala – pane Beran, vy tu máte krásnou látku. A krejčí Beran povídá – ale milostpaní, to je vašeho manžela, to tady má na oblek. Teta ho požádala, aby z toho pro nás dvě udělal kostým. A pan Beran odpověděl – ale to je na oblek a váš manžel má přijít za týden na zkoušku. Na to mu teta řekla - o to se nestarejte, to já zařídím. A bylo by to na dvě saka? A on povídá - no, dvě saka by z toho byly, no. - Tak nám udělejte dvě saka, on si koupí Rudolf něco jiného.

Rudolf s rodinou žil v Praze. Nejdříve bydleli s námi v domě, avšak pak se přestěhovali do krásného velkého bytu, který byl ale také na Vyšehradě. Patřili k majetné vrstvě. Rudolf později po  dědečkovi vedl továrnu a byl moc šikovný. Rudolf vyprávěl, jak ho dědeček nejdříve poslal k jakémusi známému, který také vlastnil továrnu, aby si tam odbyl takové pracovní kolečko. Když Rudolf dorazil první den, měl na sobě fajnové oblečení i s kloboukem. Přišel, pozdravil a představil se a ptal se, co má tedy dělat. A ten člověk mu říká – no, v první řadě se z tohohle svlíkni, oblíkni si nějaký montérky a půjdeš zametat dvůr.

Teta Lilly pocházela z velice bohaté rodiny. Její otec, Max Rubín, měl velký obchod s koberci a linoleem. Patřil jim rohový dům s podloubím na dnešním náměstí I.P.Pavlova v Praze. Teta  měla bratra Frantu, který byl rozený v roce 1898. Když se teta vdávala, dostala od otce věnem milion korun. Oba otcové se prý kvůli tomu dohadovali, můj dědeček říkal otci Lilly, že jeho peníze nepotřebuje, že má svoje peníze a nemusí čekat na nějaké věno, že si Rudolf bere Lilly z lásky a ne kvůli penězům. Lillyn otec zase vyhrožoval, že svatbu nedovolí, když si nevezmou věno.  Prostě po stránce finanční neexistovala jakákoliv nouze. Vzpomínám si, jak jsme šli do obchodu, protože Lilly si chtěla koupit pásek k šatům. Zalíbil se jí tam ale jiný, který se jí však k ničemu nehodil, tak si k němu rovnou objednala boty i kabelku. Teta milovala psy a chovala i barzoje. Když ještě bydleli na Vyšehradě, měla jich najednou i se štěňaty devět nebo deset. K nim samozřejmě zaměstnávala člověka, který se o psy staral. Když se s Rudolfem přestěhovali do vlastního, měla už jen jednoho.

Teta Lilly byla bohužel nemocná, měla rakovinu jícnu. Později už vůbec nemohla jíst a já jsem jí ošetřovala a krmila. Měla bohužel i rakovinu kůže, strašně ji to svědilo. Od roku 1941 už jsme si ani nemohli vzít ošetřovatelku, kdo by chtěl jít sloužit k Židům. Nemohla už vůbec nic pozřít a takhle nemocnou ji v roce 1942 odtransportovali do Terezína.

Dětství

Moje dětství bylo krásné a bezstarostné. Žila jsem s dědečkem, který o mě skvěle pečoval. Bydleli jsme v Praze na Vyšehradě, je to krásné místo, kam chodím ráda ještě dnes. Když člověk obchází Vyšehrad, vidí na celou Prahu.

Bydleli jsme v domě přímo u továrny. Byl to tří patrový činžovní dům se zahradou. My s dědou jsme měli v prvním poschodí pětipokojový byt a máma se svojí rodinou bydleli v druhém patře. Když se odstěhoval Rudolf s rodinou, přesunuli jsme se s dědou do druhého patra do menšího třípokojového bytu, kde jsem měla samostatný pokoj já i děda. Žila jsem už jen s dědečkem, protože babička na začátku 30.let zemřela. V bytě jsme měli dále  společnou jídelnu a samozřejmě předsíň a koupelnu. Měli jsme elektřinu i tekoucí vodu, která se ohřívala karmou. Pamatuju si také na krásná lesklá americká kamna s okýnky ze slídy. Na zemi byly parkety. V některých pokojích byly na stěnách tapety. V tom původním pětipokojovém bytě vedl z jednoho pokoje vchod na zahradu, která končila nad dvorem od továrny. Tam se na plotě pnulo divoké víno, v záhoncích rostly květiny a na konci stál krásný altánek.

V pátek se pravidelně všichni scházeli u nás na večeři. Byli jsme tam celá rodina, přišla máma, její manžel, Lilly s Rudolfem a Erna s manželem. Myslím, že košer se nevařilo. Pamatuju se, že se u nás často vařil šoulet, ale já jsem ho neměla ráda. Židovské svátky jsme slavili, Chanuku sice tolik ne, ale pesach pravidelně. Měli jsme pesachovou večeři, pamatuju si na vajíčka natvrdo, macesy a zeleninu. Dědeček pesachový rituál skvěle ovládal. Na Nový rok jsem se postila, ale jako dítě jenom půl dne. A pak jsem jednou odcházela ze synagogy a viděla svého nevlastního otce a strýce Rudolfa, jak kráčejí s plnou pusou od blízkého řezníka.

Dědeček byl asi docela pobožný člověk. Vzpomínám si, že jsem jednou o Vánocích chtěla stromeček a on řekl, že to mu do bytu nepůjde. Jenže já jsem ten stromeček pak měla v pokoji, kterým se v létě chodilo na zahrádku, ale v zimě se nepoužíval, a dědeček dělal, že o tom neví. Vánoce se prostě u dědy neslavily. Zato se slavily u tety Lilly. Tam bylo vždycky tolik dárků, že jsem to od té doby už neviděla. Byl toho plný pokoj, že se až nedalo kam šlápnout. Našly se tam dárky pro každého včetně personálu.

Dědeček byl přesný jako hodinky a stejně přesně dodržoval svoje zvyky. Každou neděli jsme šli se strýcem Oskarem na hrob babičky a vraceli jsme se před polednem. Cestou jsme se stavěli ve Vodičkově ulici v cukrárně u Myšáka. Dědeček na mě čekal v autě, já jsem tam vešla a řekla rukulíbám paní Myšákové, která seděla v pokladně. A ona se obrátila na prodavačku, aby mi zabalila nějaký řez s něčím, pak nějaký krém se šlehačkou a karamelem, který jsem měla moc ráda já, a pak něco pro kuchařku. Každou neděli to byl stejný moučník. Ve dvanáct hodin jsem musela sedět u oběda a v jednu hodinu jsme odjížděli do Louňovic u Jevan, což je menší obec asi 20 kilometrů od Prahy. Je to dodnes moje zamilované místo. Jezdila jsem tam od první třídy na letní prázdniny a strávila tam svoje krásné dětství a mládí. 

Měli jsme v Louňovicích ve vile u  Horů trvale pronajaté jedno patro, kousek od rybníka. Vedle měli statek Zvěřinovi, kteří pekli pro celou naši rodinu chleba. Dnes ho mám ráda, ale tehdy jsem ho nesnášela. Byl černý a tvrdý už i jako čerstvý. Ať zima nebo léto, v půl páté se z Louňovic odjíždělo. Dědeček zatroubil a já jsem musela být u auta do pěti minut. Neexistovaly výjimky, i když bych bývala ráda zůstala ještě v rybníce nebo jinde. V šest hodin jsme byli doma na večeři. Když jsem byla v průběhu týdne zrovna v Sokole 4, nestíhala jsem to na šestou domů na večeři. To jsem měla povolené, protože Sokol byl pro dědečka důležitý. Dědeček chtěl mít klid a poslouchat rádio, tak jsem ho nerušila a večeřela v kuchyni s kuchařkou, to byly moje oblíbené dny. Vždycky jsem si vyžádala nějaký bílý měkký chléb nebo měkké žemle a nějaký koupený majonézový salát. To jsem strašně milovala, protože jsem to jinak nesměla jíst.

Narodila jsem se v Německu, takže jsem měla národnost německou, ale tehdy z toho nikdo neměl těžkou hlavu. Dědeček vždycky říkal – stejně se ta holka vdá, tak co bychom s tím dělali. Jako rodný jazyk jsem měla češtinu, protože máma byla Češka. Moje chůva a vychovatelka rovněž, ale zvládala jsem mluvit oběma jazyky. Matka na mě někdy mluvila německy, když u toho nebyl nevlastní otec, protože ten německy neuměl. Začal jsem chodit do normální obecné české školy na Vyšehradě. Židovka jsem tam byla jediná, protože na Vyšehradě jsme byli jen dvě židovské rodiny. My a ještě nějací Reichovi. Ti provozovali ve Vratislavově ulici dole na rohu obchod s textilem. Měli dva syny. Nikdo z nich holocaust nepřežil.

Do Sokola jsem chodila odmalička. Jeden čas jsem jako dítě  chodila do baletu, ale spíš kvůli tomu, že se mi moc líbily ty baletní střevíce. Jinak jsem úplně nesportovní typ, ale měla jsem a mám ráda plavání. Na procházky mě nejdříve vodila vychovatelka, a to ještě i v obecné škole. Když jsem šla poprvé ven sama, bylo mi kolem deseti let. Byla jsem venku s nějakou starší kamarádkou a na Vyšehradě, na schodech u rotundy sv. Jiří jsem si zlomila nohu. Kamarádka mě pak vláčela domů. Na Vyšehradě bydlel jakýsi církevní hodnostář a večer telefonoval dědečkovi, co se mi jako stalo, že mě odpoledne viděl, jak mě nesla nějaká dívka.  A dědeček na něj začal do telefonu řvát jako na malého kluka - to se nestydíte, vy jste to viděl, a vy jste dopustil, aby ji nesla nějaká holka, to jste nemohl zavolat, abych pro ni poslal auto, abych to dítě dovezl domů, ona má nohu v sádře. Řval na něj a byl úplně rudý v obličeji. Nicméně dědeček usoudil, že s nohou v sádře se člověk klidně může zúčastnit vyučování. Tudíž mě ráno šofér odvezl do školy a odnesl mě nahoru do třídy a posadil mě do lavice. Tehdy chodící sádra nebyla. A když byl konec vyučování, tak mě zase snesl dolů do auta a odvezl domů. Všichni si o mě mysleli, že jsem byla rozmazlená, ale na druhou stranu, když měli ostatní děti zlomené nohy, do školy nemusely a ležely doma. Já jsem sice chodit nemohla, ale do školy jsem musela. To byl prostě můj dědeček, který nesnesl žádné ulejvání. 

Než jsem začala chodit do školy, vodila mě vychovatelka na hodiny francouzštiny k jedné staré Francouzce. Francouzštinu jsme měli i na gymnáziu, učila nás strašně milá paní profesorka. Jenže já jsem sice uměla mluvit plynně, ale gramatiku jsem moc neovládala. A profesorka trvala na tom, že se jí musím naučit. Já jsem zase trvala na tom, že francouzsky umím nejlíp z celé třídy, tak jsme se dostaly do sporu. A ona říkala, že když se nenaučím tu gramatiku, nechá mě propadnout. A já jsem oponovala, že tohle nemůže. A tak jsme se handrkovaly nějakou dobu, až mi v sekundě v kvartálu, kdy se nedávalo vysvědčení, ale psalo se ohodnocení, napsala čtyřku. A doma mě pak málem lynčovali, takže jsem se to musela doučit. Dnes už ale bohužel nic neumím. 

Navštěvovala jsem gymnázium ve Slezské ulici. Kvůli protižidovským zákonům 5 jsem musela odejít v kvartě. Dostala jsem se přes nějaké známé do soukromé obchodní školy, kde jsem strávila jeden rok. Tím pro mne studia skončily, protože po návratu z lágru jsem měla jiné starosti a maturitu jsem si prostě nedodělala. Mým životním cílem bylo studovat medicínu a věnovat se dětskému lékařství, z toho ale vzhledem k válečným a poválečným okolnostem sešlo.

Před příchodem Němců jsem nikdy žádný antisemitismus necítila. Neměli jsme na Vyšehradě žádné problémy. Celá naše rodina tam byla oblíbená. Dlouhá léta jsme nakupovali u hokyně na roku ulice a v době, kdy už nákupy Židů byly omezovány restriktivními pravidly 6, tak nám ta hokyně sama nosila jídlo až domů. Lidi se k nám chovali hezky. Vzpomínky na protižidovská opatření jsou samozřejmě nepříjemné. Člověk jakoby najednou přestal být člověkem. Nesměla jsem chodit do školy, do Sokola, nesměla jsem se veřejně stýkat se svými přáteli a našli se lidé, kteří se skutečně báli s člověkem promluvit, ale nikdy jsem nezažila, že by mi na ulici někdo nadával. Já osobně jsem měla dost přátel, kteří se mi snažili pomáhat. Naproti našemu domu bydleli v podnájmu kluci, kteří chodili na Vysokou školu umělecko-průmyslovou, tedy na UMPRUM. Stali se z nich moji přátelé. Jednou jsem se nimi potkala na nábřeží Vltavy před budovou UMPRUM, měla jsem na sobě kostým a baloňák s přišitou Davidovou hvězdou. Oni měli nějakou výstavu a zvali mě, abych se šla podívat. Já jsem odmítala, protože jsem je nechtěla dostat do maléru. Pak najednou přišel známý malíř, profesor Zrzavý 7 a říkal - Mládeži, co se tady dohadujete? A kamarádi mu odpověděli – Pane profesore, to je naše kamarádka a my bychom strašně chtěli, aby se šla podívat na naši výstavu. A on říkal – Tak proč nejde? Pak se na mě podíval a povídá – Mladá dámo, dovolíte, já bych Vám vzal ten pláštík – a nabídl mi rámě. Vzal mě pod paží a odvedl mě na výstavu. A já jsem s ním šla a nikdy na to nezapomenu, je to jeden z mých nejhezčích životních zážitků. Nikdy by mě nenapadlo, že člověk jeho jména bude riskovat pro nějakou Židovku, kterou viděl poprvé v životě. Moji kamarádi mě pak dokonce po válce hledali přes rozhlas, tak to pak bylo radostné setkání.

O emigraci se doma hovořilo, ale jenom hovořilo, protože dědeček říkal - proč já bych odtud chodil, já jsem nikomu nic neudělal, já jsem se tady narodil a já tady umřu. Strýc Rudolf zase říkal - já přece tady nenechám ty Břežany... Měli totiž s Lilly v Břežanech u Prahy krásnou vilu, kterou koupily ve zdevastovaném stavu a celou ji zrekonstruovali. Jezdilo se tam hlavně v létě a bylo tam nádherně. Nechali přistavit balkon a přístřešek na menší přední zahradě. Tam byla terasa, kde se jedlo a vinný sklípek. Z honosné jídelny v domě se vcházelo na velkou zadní zahradu. V Břežanech byla zavedená elektrika i tekoucí voda. Byly tam dva velmi cenné pokoje. Jednak tzv. ludvíkovský zlatý salonek, vyzdobený ručně vyšívanými gobelíny, ale to byl pokoj spíš na parádu. Pak tam byla nádherná tmavá jídelna, která se ale používala. Nohy od stolu, židlí a sekretáře byly takové vyřezávané sloupy zakončené pokaždé lví hlavou, která měla v tlamě bronzový kruh. Pak tam také byla krásná zlatá ložnice s leštěným nábytkem, na němž byly perletí vykládané ornamenty.

Když Němci brzy po okupaci zabrali továrnu, museli jsme se vystěhovat z domu. Můj nevlastní otec s mámou pak bydleli v malinkém bytě v Praze na Kačerově. Byl to jen pokoj a kuchyň. Máma pořád ležela, ona byla hypochondr a když se jí něco nezdálo, tak hned ulehla. Já jsem jim pak pomáhala. Když už jsme nesměli jezdit tramvajemi, tak to bylo z Vyšehradu na Kačerov pěšky hrozně daleko. Tak jsem někdy spala tam a někdy doma. Dědeček zůstal na Vyšehradě v malém bytě.

Za války

V srpnu 1942 jsem byla spolu s matkou a sestrou odtransportována do Terezína 8. Dědeček byl transportovaný až půl roku po nás, ale já jsem o tom vůbec nevěděla ani jsem se tam s ním nesetkala. Když jsem v devadesátých letech z Terezínské pamětní knihy zjistila, že byl rovněž v Terezíně, bylo to pro mne hrozně kruté. [Terezínská pamětní kniha, Miroslav Kárný a kol., vydala  Terezínská iniciativa - Melantrich, Praha 1995. V této pamětní knize jsou zaznamenána jména těch, kteří se stali oběťmi deportačních transportů, jimiž německá okupační moc z českých zemí odvlekla muže, ženy a děti spadající pod tzv. norimberské zákony.] Můj nevlastní otec, strýc Rudolf a bratr tety Lilly zatím zůstali v Praze. Pan Beran, který byl Čech a měl výrobnu kožešin je zaměstnal jako dělníky, čímž je chránil před deportací. Byli uznáni jako Wirtschaftlich wichtig – hospodářsky důležití. Pan Beran naoko spolupracoval s Němci a začal pro německé vojáky na frontě vyrábět kožešinové vložky do bot.

V Terezíně jsem bydlela v kasárnách na bloku L-200 se svou matkou a sestrou Věrou. Bylo nás asi deset na pokoji. Spali jsme na matracích ze slámy naskládaných v řadách vedle sebe. Kvůli nedostatku místa jsem si jako jedna z nejmladších  musela na noc dávat slamník doprostřed, takže jsem měla z obou stran nohy, což bylo dost hrozné spaní. Ráno jsme museli chytat blechy a štěnice. Když jsem se chtěla skutečně vyspat, nosila jsem si v létě slamník na dvůr, kde byla jakási kůlna, na jejíž střechu jsem vylezla a ustlala si tam. Později jsem zjistila, že kůlna sloužila jako úložiště mrtvol před jejich odvozem a likvidací.

Pracovala jsem nejdříve v Hamburských kasárnách. Dělala jsem tam kancelářskou práci v kartotéce, jednalo se o lístky na chleba. Měla jsem štěstí na práci i na člověka, který to tam vedl. Bral to tak, že prostě pracovat se musí. Jednoho dne mi ale řekl, že jsem byla přeřazena do výroby vložek do bot. Tu v Terezíně otevřel právě pan Beran, jak jsem brzy zjistila. V dřevěném baráku se sešívaly zbytky kožešin a nalepovaly se na vložky do bot. Pak se to posílalo na ruskou frontu.

Jednoho dne tam přišli dva esesáci a jeden civil, což byl právě pan Beran. Údajně se přijel podívat, jak tady lidi pracují, nenápadně se rozhlížel a pak si jako náhodou vybral mě s tím, že mu za to budu zodpovídat. Přivezl s sebou velkou nádobu, kterou nesli ti esesáci a říkal mi, že je to lepidlo, o které se teď budu starat. Zdůrazňoval, že je vzácné a že s ním musím šetřit a hlídat ho, že mu za něj ručím. Byla jsem úplně hrůzou bez sebe, tušila jsem, že je to nějaká levárna. Potom řekl, abych to někam uložila, aby to tam nestálo tak na očích. Když jsme potom odcházeli z práce, tak jsem se do toho kouknula a ono to bylo plné proviantu, který mi vlastně přinesli esesáci. Bylo toho hodně a museli jsme to s matkou, která tam rovněž pracovala po částech nenápadně odnosit. Bylo to úplně fantastické.

Pak tomu panu Beranovi asi nějak narostl hřebínek, nevím, co se vlastně stalo, ale jednou poslali tu winterhilfe [pomoc v zimě] místo na východní na frontu italskou. Němci to začali vyšetřovat a nejenže zavřeli pana Berana, ale s ním i ty naše tři Židy. Všichni šli do Terezína, ale nedostali se do ghetta, nýbrž na  Malou pevnost 9. Naši Židé byli potom posláni přímo do Osvětimi, ale nedostali se do rodinného tábora 10 jako my, ale do tábora, kde byli zavření normální vězni, což jim pomohlo a všichni tři nakonec přežili. Ve zmatku při obsazování Osvětimi se strýc Rudolf dostal nějak pryč a přešel ke Svobodově armádě, se kterou se pak vrátil domů. Po válce jsme zjistili, že manželka pana Berana, se snažila svého muže zachránit. Oni byli velmi bohatí a ona ho nechtěla nechat ve vězení. Tak podplatila jednoho esesáka, kterému dala milion korun, aby jejího muže z Pevnosti dostal. Ten esesák si peníze vzal, pana Berana z lágru vyvedl a cestou do Prahy ho zastřelil.

Mezitím se do Terezína dostala moje milovaná teta Lilly spolu s  Pavlem. Tenkrát se stal nějaký omyl, protože starší syn Jiří dostal povolávací rozkaz do transportu daleko dříve a do Terezína tak šel úplně sám. Jiří byl přiřazen k nějakým jiným pražským Krauskopfům a od jeho odchodu do transportu ho už nikdy nikdo neviděl. Teta Lilly trpěla rakovinou ještě před transportem a zemřela v terezínské nemocnici na následky své nemoci. Její mladší syn Pavel byl potom zařazen do transportu sirotků a šel z Terezína rovnou do osvětimských plynových komor. Osud Jiřího se nikdy nepodařilo zjistit. Strýc Rudolf po něm pátral i po válce, ale nenašel nikoho, kdo ho znal nebo se s ním potkal, kdo by mohl potvrdit nebo vyvrátit, že byl zabit v Osvětimi.

V Terezíně jsem se seznámila s Otou Himmelreichem, který byl o dost starší než já. Ota byl chytrý mladý muž původem z Přerova. Byla to veliká láska a bývali bychom se určitě po válce vzali. Měl práci mimo zdi ghetta a tudíž mohl zůstat v Terezíně a zachránit tak i svoji rodinu, tedy buď rodiče nebo ženu. Jeho rodiče nám přáli a mě měli moc rádi. Říkali – na nás už nezáleží, prostě se necháte oddat rabínem a zůstanete tady. Bylo to strašné uvažování o tom, koho odsoudit. Nakonec to dopadlo tak, že se do našeho transportu do Osvětimi přihlásil sám dobrovolně a rodiče nechal v Terezíně. On ani jeho rodiče nepřežili, s čímž se nebudu nikdy schopná vyrovnat. Jednou, to už od války utekl nějaký ten čas, jsem se potkala s jeho kamarádem, od něhož jsem se dozvěděla, že Ota zemřel v Bergen-Belsenu těsně předtím, než nás osvobodili. Byla jsem v naprostém šoku, že byl tak blízko a já jsem to nevěděla. Jeho kamarád říkal, že na mě Ota nepřetržitě myslel a že kdyby býval věděl, že jsem nablízku, tak by snad ještě těch pár dnů vydržel.

Matka, sestra a já jsme byly transportovány do Osvětimi v prosinci 1943 a přišli jsme do rodinného tábora. Umístěny jsme ale byly každá na jiném bloku. Nejdřív jsem nosila kameny, to byla taková běžná práce, aby lidi dostali hlad. Jeden den jsme kámen odnesli někam a druhý den jsme ho vraceli zpátky. Potom jsme pracovaly přímo v bloku, kde jsme seděly na židličkách a z nějaké drsné umělé hmoty jsme vyráběly řemeny na pušky. Pracovaly jsme tam sice celý den, ale měly jsme výhodu, že se sedělo pod střechou. Máma, myslím, nikde nepracovala. Sestra bydlela v bloku mladých děvčat. Neobvyklý zážitek z Osvětimi se mi pojí k německému vězni jménem Willy, byl to bývalý námořník, vězněný za vraždu. Rozvážel po táborech chleba a nějak se dozvěděl, že jsme v rodinném táboře. A jednoho dne si nás tenhle Willy zavolal a když jsme přišly, zjistily jsme, že přivedl mého nevlastního otce, který byl s ostatními v hlavním táboře, a nechal nás s ním asi čtvrt hodiny mluvit. To bylo něco nečekaného a moje matka od té doby absolutně věřila tomu, že přežijeme. Ještě v Terezíně totiž byla u kartářky, která jí předpověděla, že odjede z Terezína v zimě, bude padat sníh, odjede do jiné země, do jiného tábora, kde se setká se svým manželem a všichni se vrátíme domů.

Pro mě nastalo nejtěžší období, když šel zářijový transport v březnu 1944 do plynu. Potom přijely nějaké transporty, myslím, že z Maďarska. Krematoria nestačila, tak se tam pálily lidi na hromadách politých benzínem. Už vždycky budu vidět ty strašně velké mastné saze, které někdy dolétly až k nám do tábora. Byl to ten nejstrašnější pocit, na který se pamatuju. A do toho všeho moje matka opakovala – já se vrátím, já to přežiju, já se vrátím. Moje matka byla mladá, bylo jí něco přes čtyřicet let, ovšem vypadala příšerně. Já jsem přežití nevěřila a teď jsem měla tu hrůzu, že po zářijovém transportu jsme na řadě my. To jsme si ostatně tou dobou mysleli všichni. A pak přišla selekce. Já jsem tam věkem i vzhledem patřila, protože jsem v Osvětimi víceméně seděla a dělala popruhy, tak jsem nebyla tak zničená. My jsme si u té práce celý den povídaly o jídle, tak možná, že jsem se z toho i zasytila. Je zajímavé, že nejvíc receptů jsme si napovídaly v Osvětimi.

Do selekce jsem se vešla jen já, matka ani sestra věkem neodpovídaly. A v tu chvíli se stala další mimořádná věc. V dívčím bloku, kde žila moje sestra, což tehdy byla třináctiletá hubená holčička, bydlela i jedna dívka, která byla starší a nesmírně krásná a jejíž příjmení bylo velmi podobné příjmení mé sestry. Bloková tam tehdy byla jedna Polka, která si mou sestru velmi oblíbila. A když přišel esesák na selekci, prohlížel si dívky a kartičku té hezké dal stranou a pak ještě vybral další děvčata. Ta bloková zkusila jednu věc a sice vzala kartičku mé sestry a položila ji taky na tu hromádku. A když ten esesák odcházel, tak říkal – Co je tohle za kartu? A ona odpověděla – Pane hauptsturmführere, to je ta dívka, jak jste ji vybral – a on ji sebral. A tím pádem se moje sestra dostala do transportu.

Potom jsme se od dívky, která byla také se svojí maminkou v rodinném táboře, dozvěděly, že z lidí, kteří byli vybráni selekcí, dvě nebo tři ženy mezitím zemřely. Sebraly jsme odvahu a šly za lágrovým písařem, že jsme slyšely o úmrtí žen vybraných při selekci a jestli by tam nenapsal naše maminky. Byl to starší pán, nebyl ani Čech ani Němec, a udělal to. Když jsme odcházely z lágru, četli čísla a jedno z nich patřilo mámě.

To ale ještě neznamenalo konec. Před odjezdem jsme byly shromážděné v dalším lágru, v ženském táboře, a tam pokračovala selekce znovu. Já jsem prošla normálně a jako by to bylo dnes, vidím sestru a matku, jak jdou nahé k selekci. Hubené dítě a moje matka s visací kůží, protože před Terezínem měla asi 80 kg a strašně zhubla. Stály tam s Hankou Heitlerovou, která byla o rok či dva starší sestřina kamarádka. Byla ze zářijového transportu a zachránila se tím, že byla v tom březnu 1944 zrovna na marodce. Pak přišla do bloku k sestře a tam se spřátelily. Když jsem je tam tak viděla, říkala jsem si, že tohle nemůže dobře dopadnout. Nevím, kdo tu selekci dělal, jestli to byl sám Mengele, ale když ony byly na řadě, zapaloval si ten esesák zrovna cigaretu. A ta Hanka začala kolem něj utíkat dopředu a matka se sestrou běžely za ní. On si zapaloval cigaretu a nějaké tři Židovky mu nestály za to, aby to zapalování přerušil. Taková absolutní náhoda jim dala šanci dostat se z Osvětimi a zachránit si život.

Potom jsme odjely transportem do předměstí Hamburku jménem Dessauer Ufer, kde jsme bydleli v takovém silu. Bylo to prakticky na moři. K místnosti, kde jsme byly umístěny, vedly kovové schody, které esesáci dávali pryč a my jsme pak nemohly ven. Hned tu první noc přišel nálet a my jsme z toho byly v naprostém šoku. Začaly jsme mlátit do dveří a dělat strašný rámus a když jsme ty dveře vyrazily, nemohly jsme dál. Esesáci nás každý den budili tak, že chodili s holí a řvali a mlátili do kavalce a do nás. Do práce nás vozili časně zrána parníkem. Nejdřív jsme pracovaly v nějaké továrně, kde se vyráběl asfalt. Bylo to všechno vybombardované a ležely tam vrstvy asfaltu. Musely jsme pracovat brzo ráno, protože pak už bylo teplo a ten asfalt tekl. Byly tam kovové sudy, do kterých jsme ten asfalt musely házet. Práce to byla nekonečná, protože se to pořád znovu a znovu rozlévalo. Pak nás odvezly do Neugraben nebo Neuengamme. Tam jsme byly v zimě, nejdřív jsme chodily do města odklízet trosky, oklepávat cihly, prostě uklízet. Byla strašlivá zima, měly jsme na nohou dřeváky a pracovaly jsme bez rukavic. Bylo to strašné, esesáci měli koš s uhlím, nad kterým se hřáli a my jsme makaly. Pak jsme pracovaly v pískovém lomu, kopaly jsme a nakládaly písek. Potom jsme šly do dalšího lágru a tam jsme pracovaly v cihelně. Cihelna stála pod mostem, který byl bombardován, ale nikomu se naštěstí nic vážného nestalo.

Když byl tenhle lágr rozbitý, odvezli nás vlakem do Bergen-Belsenu. Nic horšího si nelze představit. Byly jsme v baráku bez kavalců. Jak jsme tam přišly za sebou, tak jsme si musely sednout a dát kolena k bradě. Pak šla další řada a další a nakonec jsme tam všichni takhle namačkaní seděli. Byly jsme tam zamčené, seděly jsme a asi dvakrát nebo třikrát denně nás vyvedly po částech na latrínu. Bylo to hrozné. Venku ležely mrtvoly, někdo šel a už nedošel. To bylo na jaře 1945. Nevím, jak dlouho jsme tam byly, den se zdál nekonečný. Jídlo jsme dostávaly jednou denně, a sice polívku. Byla to taková kovová popelnice, která se nesla na kovových tyčích. Smělo nás jít pět, čtyři nesly popelnici a pátá tam byla asi proto, kdyby jedna padla. A vzít jsme si mohly tolik, kolik jsme té polévky unesly. Bylo to pro celý barák. Každý den ráno se vynášeli mrtví, takže pak už jsme neseděli, po čase jsme mohli i ležet. Němci už věděli, že se fronta blíží, tak postupně mizeli. Potom nás hlídali Maďaři a když někdo vylezl z baráku ven, tak stříleli. My jsme ani nevěděly, že už jsou Němci pryč, byly jsme úplně zničené. Ale lidi, kteří byli víc při síle, tak tam šly rabovat sklady a to je téměř všechny stálo život, protože třeba snědli vepřovou konzervu a jejich tělo to nevydrželo.

Osvobodili nás Angličané 15.dubna 1945. Chovali se úplně fantasticky, dělali zázraky. Zavedly tam vodu, takže jsme se mohly konečně umýt, začali rozvážet suchary a jídlo, které jsme mohli jíst. Pro ně to byl strašný zážitek, přišli do lágru, který byl posetý mrtvolami. Němci, kteří nestačili utéct, nebo které pochytali, to museli odklízet. Za krátký čas, ještě před koncem války, vyklidili městečko Celle a tam nás nastěhovali. A i tam museli zajatí Němci uklízet. Tam jsem se dožila konce války, nicméně ve špatném stavu, protože jsem asi 9. května dostala skvrnitý tyfus. Dostala ho i matka a Věra. Zase to bylo štěstí v neštěstí, že jsme ho dostali až po konci války, kdy už se o nás postarali. Skvrnitý tyfus provází vysoké horečky a strašné bolesti hlavy. Pamatuju si, že jsem měla pocit, že mi v hlavě jezdí dva autobusy, které se každou chvíli srazí. Když jsem se probrala z bezvědomí, tak jsem nad sebou viděla stát esesáka, byl v uniformě, ale byl to zajatec. Staral se o nás sice anglický zdravotnický personál, ale zajatí Němci ještě vypomáhali. Já jsem ale prostě nad sebou viděla esesáka a omdlela jsem. Skvrnitý tyfus dostala i matka a sestra, matka na chvíli přestala slyšet a sestra vidět, ale naštěstí se o nás skvěle postarali a rozmazlovali nás a v červenci jsme se jako jedny z posledních vracely domů. Angličani nás odvezli až do Plzně, ale dál nesměli. Když jsme přejížděli československé hranice, tak vlak zastavil, my jsme vystoupily, klečely jsme na zemi a zpívaly hymnu a oni stáli v pozoru a salutovali. V Plzni jsme vystoupily z vlaku, dostaly jsme nějaké oblečení a potravinové balíčky a rozloučili jsme se.

Po válce

Převzali nás nějací hoši z revoluční gardy a na přivítanou nám nabídli polévku. Polívku jsme odmítly, protože jsme se chtěly co nejdříve dostat do Prahy. Pak přijel otevřený nákladní vlak, ve kterém se vozil cement. A ti hoši nám říkali, ať si do něj vlezeme, že nás odvezou do Prahy. My jsme odpověděly – no jo, ale my máme jen to, co máme na sobě, nemůžeme vlézt do toho špinavého vagónu, co když bude v noci pršet. A oni řekli – tak si to ukliďte. My jsme byly zhýčkané od Angličanů, tak jsme se jich ptaly – to tu nemáte nějaké Němce, aby nám to uklidili? A oni na nás koukali jak na blázny. Nakonec jsme si to vymetly a vyprosily si nějaké papíry a kartony. A v noci nás v těch otevřených vagonech vezli do Prahy.

Přijely jsme na Smíchovské nádraží a po třech letech jsme zažívaly takový posvátný pocit. Já jsem seděla vzadu opřená o vagon a cestou jsem usnula a po příjezdu do Prahy jsem brečela asi půl hodiny, protože do toho vagonu vlezl na nádraží muž z Revoluční gardy, poklepal mi na rameno a říkal – hele, ty jedeš od Amerikánů, máš cigára? To byl strašný pocit. Bylo to čtyři měsíce poté, co se většina lidí vrátila, vítání už proběhlo a my jsme byly zajímavé jenom možností získat americké cigarety. Věděla jsem od jedné spoluvězenkyně, která pocházela z Plzně a vrátila se dřív, protože nechytila tyfus, že se můj nevlastní otec zachránil a že má byt v Praze v Plavecké ulici, kousek od Vyšehradu. Když jsme přijely do Prahy, řekli nám, že musíme počkat a jít do karantény. Já jsem to odmítla a vzpomněla jsem si, že jsme měli nějaké známé na Smíchově. Došly jsme k nim pěšky a oni naštěstí byli doma. Nechala jsem u nich matku a sestru, dostala jsem od nich peníze na tramvaj a jela do Plavecké ulice. Našla jsem tam otce a on se pak vrátil pro matku se sestrou. Potom šly k lékaři, protože matka na tom nebyla moc dobře. Matky se doktor ptal – babičko, kolik je vám let? A ona odpověděla, že pětačtyřicet. A on říkal – ale babičko, to se pletete. Vypadala strašně. Když se se sestrou vrátily, tak už jsem byla vykoupaná, byla to první věc, kterou jsem udělala. Svlékly jsme matku a daly ji do vany a pak jsme nad ní brečely, protože jsme se jí bály i zvednout, myslely jsme, že se nám rozpadne.

Někteří známí za námi přišli, když se doslechli o našem návratu a donesli nám jídlo a oblečení. Zažila jsem ale i ošklivé situace, kdy lidi, ke kterým jsme před válkou dali něco schovat, tak o tom najednou nevěděli. Jednou jsem šla k jedněm známým, u kterých byly schované peřiny a takové ty věci do výbavy a ti mi řekli – to víte, byla to těžká doba, taky jsme měli hlad a museli jsme to všechno prodat. Na tom jsem říkala – to víte, já neznám co je hlad, my jsme měli nadbytek všeho. Byt, který dostal otec přidělený, byl původně úplně zařízený. Tak, jak jsme my museli opustit naše byty a zanechat tam všechno, tak tenhle byt opustili Němci. Když se tam ale otec asi za dva dny stěhoval, tak tam nezbylo nic než holý nábytek a rozšlapaná sbírka známek. Mezitím byt někdo vykradl. Nevím, jak otec ze začátku sháněl peníze, postupně jsme dostali potravinové lístky a šatenky. S rodinou mé matky jsem vlastně před válkou nežila, ale nikoho jiného jsem už neměla. V lágru jsem se o matku a sestru starala a tak jsem tu odpovědnost za ně vzala i teď se samozřejmostí na sebe.

Brzy mi nastaly problémy s občanstvím. Ačkoli jsem chodila do českých škol, neměla jsem na to doklady, neměla jsem vysvědčení. Obíhala jsem obecnou školu, gymnázium i Sokol a všude jsem žádala, aby mi dali potvrzení, že jsem byla vždycky Češka. Neměla jsem ani rodný list a nemohla jsem získat duplikát, protože jsem rozená v Německu. Vzpomínám si, jak jsem byla na policii v Krakovské ulici, seděl tam takový starší příjemný pan a říkal – Co s vámi jen dělat? Nemám na vaše narození doklady. Já jsem mu ukazovala opisy vysvědčení ze školy a říkala – tady máte vysvědčení ze školy, takže jsem se musela narodit. Nakonec bylo potřeba udělat místopřísežné prohlášení, čemuž jsem se moc smála, protože jsem musela prohlásit, že jsem se narodila. Pak jsem dostala rodný list. Ale pořád jsem měla německé občanství. Trvalo to dost dlouho, lítala jsem po všech možných i nemožných úřadech, musela jsem najmout i právníka.

Občanství se vydávalo na úřadě, který sídlil v Praze v Pařížské ulici. Tam se mnou jednal jakýsi mladý muž a pořád ode mne chtěl nové a nové doklady. Když jsem donesla další doklad, tak vždycky říkal – to je dobře, ale ještě od vás potřebuju tohle. Chodila jsem tam snad tři měsíce a on pořád chtěl něco nového. Už jsem z toho byla zoufalá a znechucená. Říkala jsem si, že mne ten člověk musí k smrti nenávidět, že je to snad nějaký antisemita. Pak jsem tam zase jednou přišla a on říkal – dobře, tak to je už všechno, ale prosím vás, když neseženete ještě tohle, tak to občanství nebude – a strčil mi do ruky papír. Já jsem odešla a na ulici jsem se na ten papír podívala. Stálo tam – dnes večer v 8 hodin před Vyšehradskou reálkou. Já jsem z toho měla dost obavy, tak jsem požádala svého bratrance Viktora, aby nás sledoval a zasáhnul, kdyby se mělo něco dít. Viktorův otec Zikmund byl bratr mého nevlastního otce. Přišla jsem večer před školu, stál tam ten úředník s překrásnou kytkou v ruce a říkal – nezlobte se na mě. Já na to, že se snad zbláznil. A on povídá – já vím, že jsem se zbláznil, jsem cvok, ale pamatujete si na mě? Já jsem chodil do Vyšehradské reálky. Já jsem mu řekla, že jsem navštěvovala jinou školu a on odpověděl, že jsem ale v té době chodila s jedním mládencem z Vyšehradské reálky a byla jsem s ním na nějakém jejich večírku. Pak říkal, že jsem s tím svým mládencem tancovala, ale jeho samotného jsem odmítla, tak mi to chtěl vrátit. Prý mám to občanství vyřízené už dva měsíce a že už nevěděl, jak to víc protahovat, že už se na něj v úřadě zlobí a málem ho vyhodili a že tam řekl, že mě donutí jít s ním na rande. Tak jsem tedy získala československé státní občanství.

Můj nevlastní otec byl nemocný, sestra byla zesláblá patnáctiletá holka a matka na tom byla taky dost bídně. Nic jsme neměli. Musela jsem se starat o domácnost a neměla jsem možnost pokračovat dál ve studiích. Otec si v roce 1946 otevřel malou výrobnu konfekce. Bylo to na jméno jednoho krejčího, který pro nás pracoval a na jeho živnostenský list. Šlo to docela dobře. Já jsem mu pomáhala s administrativou a doma jsem vařila a uklízela a starala se o domácnost. Měli jsme pár švadlen a jednu střihačku a toho pana krejčího a tím jsme si vydělávali na živobytí.

Sestra tady po válce nechtěla zůstat. Chodila s mládencem, který měl v Izraeli příbuzné, byl zapálený sionista a chtěl tam odjet. Sestra si ho vzala a odjeli v roce 1948. V Izraeli pracovala jako stevardka na nějakém mezinárodním parníku. Tam se seznámila se svým druhým manželem, s kterým se rozhodli zůstat v Americe. Žije tam v Los Angeles a má čtyři děti. Nějakou dobu jsme si psali, ale jinak musím přiznat, že spolu nemáme příliš společného a nestýkáme se. Já jsem na emigraci ani nepomýšlela. Jednak jsem tu měla na starosti matku a nevlastního otce, ale i tak bych nikam neodešla. Miluju Prahu a nechtěla bych žít jinde.

V roce 1948 11 nám byl podnik znárodněn a stal se z něj Družstevní oděvní dům. Nastoupila jsem tam jako sekretářka a po čase jsem se stala účetní. Pracoval tam i můj nevlastní otec a i můj strýc Rudolf, který se dokonce po nějakém čase stal ředitelem. Pak ho pro buržoazní původ vyhodili. Strýc  Rudolf se vrátil na konci války zpět do Československa se Svobodovou armádou a díky tomu dostal zpět svou vilu v Břežanech. O víkendech tam zval společnost a já jsem mu pak pomáhala a dělala paní domu. Rudolf se sice brzy po válce znovu oženil, ale manželství dlouho nevydrželo. Vilu v Břežanech Němci na začátku války zkonfiskovali, ale nenechali ji zchátrat, dokonce tam bylo zavedené ústřední topení. Avšak jinak odnesli co mohli. Hned po válce dostal strýc přidělený byt v Jungmannově ulici v Praze a dokonce se po několika letech dostal do svého bývalého domu na Vyšehradě, když se tam uvolnil byt.

Můj otec trpěl cukrovkou a pak se přidala i tuberkulóza a v roce 1951 zemřel. Je pohřben na židovském hřbitově v Praze. Matka měla velmi malý důchod, tak jsem jí obstarala práci ve skladu tiskopisů, kde byl vedoucím jeden starší slušný pán. Jenže si mě potom zavolal kádrovák a říkal, že není možné, abychom tam pracovaly obě dvě, že matka musí odejít. Já jsem mu na to řekla, že moje matka neodejde, protože ona nikdy předtím nepracovala a já si dokážu najít jinou práci. On mi řekl, že by chtěl abych tam zůstala já. Pak povídal – neříkejte mi, že nemáte z čeho žít. Na to jsem mu odpověděla – podívejte se, my jsme se vrátily z lágru, jak jistě dobře víte, a neměly jsme čas vydělat si nějaké peníze. Jestli myslíte, že nám stačí k životu jenom ta holá postel, stůl a židle, tak bychom přeci jenom měly co k prodeji. Ale musíte mi slíbit, že každého prvního si ode mne něco koupíte. Z důchodu mé matky být živy nemůžeme. Nakonec tam matka zůstala a já jsem si našla jiné zaměstnání. 

Bydlela jsem v Plavecké ulici s matkou a jednou svou kamarádkou, která se vrátila z koncentráku sama a nikoho neměla. Byla to dvougarsoniéra s velkou terasou. Jednou, v padesátých let, zvonil někdo u dveří. Vykoukla jsem a stála tam jakási paní. Pozdravila jsem jí a zeptala se, co potřebuje. Jdu si prohlédnout byt – řekla. A já jsem říkala - a co chcete vidět na našem bytě? Ona povídá - no já se sem totiž stěhuju, budu to s vámi měnit. Nás byt se jí asi zalíbil a na byťáku jí tu výměnu odsouhlasili. Nikoho nezajímalo, že jsme přišli z lágru a žijeme tam tři samotné ženské. Mně v životě nenapadlo, že z toho bytu půjdu někdy pryč, byl kousek od mého zamilovaného Vyšehradu. V tu chvíli jsem ze sebe bez přemýšlení vyhrkla, že stěhování nebude, protože mi už to máme vyměněné. Což nebyla pravda, ale do pár dnů se mi to podařilo skutečně zorganizovat a přestěhovali jsme se na náměstí I.P.Pavlova do Sokolské ulice. Byl to hezký dům, téměř v centru města. Matka zemřela v roce 1963 v Praze, kde je pohřbená na židovském hřbitově.

V padesátých letech jsem chvíli pracovala v jednom textilním družstvu, kde se mi moc nelíbilo. Měla jsem ale štěstí, že ve chvíli, kdy už jsem pomýšlela na změnu zaměstnání, potkala jsem bývalého kádrováka tohoto družstva. Když se dozvěděl, že hledám práci, ptal se mě, jestli nechci nastoupit do družstva Igra. V Igře se vyráběly hračky a potom také hudební nástroje. Já jsem mu říkala, že mám škraloup živnostníka a on mi vyprávěl, že ho z předchozího působiště vyhodili, protože ho kvalifikovali taky jako živnostníka. Říkal, že kdysi stával v průjezdu, na dvě kozy postavil prkna a na ně vystavil ovoce a zeleninu, které prodával. Prý teď dělá kádrováka v Igře a že mám druhý den přijít, že shánějí účetní. Tak jsem druhý den dorazila a oni mě přijali. Pracovala jsem tam pak nejdřív jako účetní a později jako šéfová účtárny. První dny tam se mnou nikdo nepromluvil, protože se okamžitě rozkřiklo, že mě tam doporučil kádrovák. Když jsme se poznali, stal se z práce můj druhý domov. Tohle družstvo bylo rovněž zajímavé tím, že když byl někdo pracovně na úrovni, tak se tam mohl uplatnit i přes kádrový škraloup. Pamatuju se, že jsem v kanceláři nějakou dobu seděla s paní Hejdánkovou, která byla bývalá profesorka a žena doktora Hejdánka, mluvčího Charty 77 12.

Já jsem nebyla členkou Komunistické strany 13 i přes to, že jsem zastávala vedoucí funkci. Samozřejmě, že mě přemlouvali, abych do Strany vstoupila, ale já jsem se z toho vždy nějak vyvlékla. Jeden z našich kádrováků bydlel za Prahou a jednou se tam pořádala jakási pouť a on pár lidí pozval. Když jsme tam přijeli, vystoupila jsem a on ke mně přišel a řekl mi – rukulíbám. Byla jsem z toho úplně vedle, ale od té doby jsme spolu vycházeli dobře. V Igře celé ty roky panoval kolektivní přátelský duch. Když jsem tam nastoupila, pracovalo tam asi sto dvacet zaměstnanců a když jsem odtamtud po mnoha letech odcházela, bylo to jedno z největších pražských družstev, které mělo asi patnáct set zaměstnanců.

Padesátá léta nebyly co se týče společnosti hezká doba. Ze Slánského 14 procesů jsem byla dost vyděšená. Když jsem se vrátila z lágru, říkala jsem si,že teď už bude všechno dobré.  Ale ono to bylo dobré tři roky a pak to šlo znova do háje. A do toho ještě přišly ty procesy a já jsem si tak říkala, co mě ještě čeká, copak ten koncentrák nestačí. Měla jsem nepříjemný pocit, protože v té době si mohl kdokoliv vzpomenout, že mu vadím a udat mě. Ale nic se naštěstí nestalo. Ani jsem neměla žádný majetek, abych mohla někomu překážet.

Odjakživa jsem milovala děti, jako mladá dívka jsem se chtěla stát dětskou lékařkou. Když jsem se vrátila z lágru, doktoři mi řekli, abych nepočítala s tím, že bych mohla otěhotnět. Byla jsem z toho velice špatná a ani jsem se nehrnula do vdávání. Pak jsem poznala jednoho rozvedeného pána, který měl ve své péči šestiletou holčičku jménem Miluška. Tak jsem si říkala, že když nebudu mít vlastní dítě, proč bych nemohla alespoň vychovat jiné. Vdávala jsem se v roce 1955 a hned rok nato jsem otěhotněla a narodil se mi syn René.

Můj tehdejší manžel se narodil v roce 1918 v Praze, byl Čech a jmenoval se Jiří Šetina. Poznali jsme se přes zaměstnání. Pracoval v podniku s názvem Laboratorní přístroje, kde se začal vyrábět plynový chromatograf. On a ještě jeden jeho kolega se s tím přístrojem naučili pracovat a když to pak jejich podnik prodával, jezdili učit lidi, jak s tím pracovat. Na vizitce měl napsáno expert na plynovou chromatografii. Takže jezdil po světě a skoro pořád nebyl doma. V roce 1972 jsme se rozváděli, našel si mladší ženu původem z Ruska. Zemřel před patnácti lety.

Miluška v roce 1968 15 emigrovala do Vídně a pak do Ameriky, kde dodnes žije. Mám tam dva vnuky. Milušku jsem několikrát navštívila, ale teď už ona jezdí spíš sem za mnou. Máme spolu krásný vztah. Poprvé jsem za ní byla někdy v sedmdesátých letech, tenkrát to ale nebylo tak jednoduché. Pamatuju si, že si mého tehdejšího manžela volali na policii a ptali se ho, proč chci jet do Ameriky já, když nejsem její matka.

René chtěl jít  po střední škole na konzervatoř studovat klasickou kytaru. Měl ale buržoazní původ a rovněž sestru emigrantku, což tenkrát byl velký problém, a na konzervatoř ho tak nevzali. O pár měsíců později jsme se měli stěhovat do Ruska, kde měl můj muž pracovat. Renému tam vyjednal studia na hudební škole. Měli jsme odjíždět o prázdninách v srpnu, ale začátkem měsíce jsme se dostavili k řediteli Laboratorních přístrojů, který nám sdělil, že všichni odjet nemůžeme. Manžel je tam prý nutně potřeba a může jezdit každého půl roku domů, ale rodinu tam nakonec kvůli dceři v Americe vzít nemůže. Já jsem říkala – ale pane řediteli, já nemám jenom dceru, ale i syna. Ten teď skončil základní školu, končí mu prázdniny a je zapsaný na konzervatoři v Moskvě. A on říkal – no jo, paní Goetzová, já jsem o tom uvažoval, no nebojte se, my se vám o něj postaráme, slibuju.

Volal mi pak na konci měsíce, muž už byl v Rusku, a říkal – no, tak ono mi zatím nic nevyšlo, tak prozatímně nastoupí jako učeň elektromechaniky. Nedá se nic dělat, někde být musí a já jsem zatím nic jiného nesehnal. A tak René nastoupil místo na konzervatoř jako učeň, žádnou jinou možnost neměl a tak tam i zůstal a vyučil se elektromechanikem. Jednou si mě zavolal jeho mistr a povídal mi, že René pracuje nějak tak bez zájmu. Já jsem se ho ptala, jestli René chodí pozdě nebo fláká práci a on odpověděl, že v tomhle ohledu s ním nemá problém, jen že je na něm vidět absolutní nezájem. Tak jsem mu to vysvětlila a řekla jsem, že si svého syna vážím za to, že tam vůbec chodí, ale že zájem se od něj nedá očekávat, protože chtěl v životě všechno možné, jenom ne učit se elektromechanikem.

Ke své kytaře se dostal až na vojně, kde se měl docela dobře, protože jako voják jezdil jako sólista a koncertoval. Armádních souborů bylo dost, ale neměli sólového kytaristu. Byl vyškolen a sloužil u spojařů, což bylo zvláštní, když měl nálepku nespolehlivý. Než mu vojna definitivně skončila, šel se ucházet do jednoho podniku o zaměstnání. A oni ho vítali s tím, že se těší až dostanou z vojny vyškolené odborníky. Dali mu vyplnit dotazník, ale když zjistili, že má sestru v Americe, odmítli ho přijmout. Měl známého, který mu nakonec pomohl, a René šel pracovat jako spojař k hasičům. Potom díky tomu vystudoval odbornou školu ve Frýdku-Místku, jedinou v celé republice zaměřenou na požární problematiku. Do revoluce v roce 1989 16 dělal technika v Orionce a dalších továrnách, po revoluci pracoval jako vedoucí požární technik v Motolské nemocnici, což je poměrně zodpovědná práce. Po našem vstupu do Evropské unie mu volali ze školy ve Frýdku-Místku a nabízeli mu, zda by měl zájem dělat auditora na požární a bezpečnostní ochranu. Že je prý jeden z mála odborníků, který k tomu má příslušné vzdělání a praxi. Dnes je tedy tímto veřejným auditorem, práce má nad hlavu, ale zajímá ho to a baví. 

René žije ve spokojeném manželství a má dceru. Jeho manželka je ekonomka. Když se René narodil, jeho otec ho chtěl nechat  zapsat do židovské obce. Já jsem to ale odmítla. Říkala jsem si, že jestliže se jednou bude cítit Židem, nechá se tam zapsat sám a že to za něj nechci rozhodovat. Já jsem ho moc židovsky nevychovávala. U nás v rodině byl můj dědeček poslední člověk, který alespoň nějakým způsobem židovské tradice dodržoval. Můj syn se sice o mou minulost zajímá, ale sám se jako Žid necítí. Slavíme normálně české Vánoce, to se scházíme u syna i s rodiči jeho manželky.

Po válce jsem byla zvyklá chodit do synagogy na velké svátky a hlavně na modlitbu za mrtvé. Byla jsem i členkou Židovské obce v Praze. Při svatbě jsem vyvdala šestileté dítě, které nemělo nejmenší šajn o tom, že existují nějací Židé a že se slaví nějaké židovské svátky. Miluška znala Vánoce a Velikonoce. Můj muž o židovství také mnoho nevěděl. Nikdo mi nic nezakazoval ani nepřikazoval, ale slavili jsme tradiční české svátky. Měla jsem židovské i nežidovské přátele, ale nikdy jsem to příliš nerozlišovala. Hodnotila jsem míru toho kterého přátelství, ale nikdy původ člověka.

Neměli jsme chatu ani chalupu. Po válce jsem byla s manželem ve svých oblíbených Louňovicích asi dvakrát na dovolené, ale mému manželovi se tam nelíbilo. Když jsem pracovala v družstvu Igra, oblíbila jsem si Slapy. Družstvo tam koupilo podnikovou chalupu, která stojí zcela o samotě poblíž Živohoště. K vodě se jde z kopce a za zády je les. Tam jsme jezdili na dovolenou. O víkendech jsme brali děti na výlety nebo jsme šli na procházku. Víkendy jsme plně věnovali dětem. Po rozpadu podniku jsem byla zoufalá, že už nebudu mít možnost jezdit na Slapy, ale koupil to tam jeden soukromník a řekl mi, že můžu kdykoliv přijet na jak dlouho budu potřebovat, že jsem vítaný host. A moje prázdniny vypadají tak, že nejdřív jedu do lázní a pak rovnou na Slapy. Můj syn se s majitelem spřátelil a tak má za úkol na mne dohlížet.

S manželem jsem bydlela ve velkém bytě v Praze v Karlíně. Měl čtyři pokoje, halu a kuchyň. Po našem rozvodu se můj bývalý muž znovu oženil a svou novou ženu přivedl do našeho bytu, já jsem tou dobou odjížděla za Miluškou do Ameriky. Říkala jsem mu, aby ten velký byt vyměnil za dva malé, že mi stačí cokoliv malého, kde bude koupelna a kuchyňský kout, jen abych tam byla sama. Handrkovali jsme se přes oceán, protože on zase říkal, že se v tom bytě při jeho renovaci strašně nadřel a že z toho bytu odejde pouze nohama napřed. Nijak to tenkrát nedopadlo, zůstali jsme všichni i se synem v původním bytě. Syn se oženil a odešel, můj bývalý muž brzy zemřel, a já tam zůstala s jeho druhou manželkou. Chovala se ke mně velmi zdvořile a slušně, ale žádné kamarádky se z nás rozhodně nestaly. Syn pak přes svého tchána sehnal byt, ve kterém dnes žiji. Není velký, ale je můj a mám to tu velmi ráda.

K Izraeli jsem nikdy neměla žádný vztah. Nikdy jsem tam nebyla a ani jsem tam nechtěla jet. Sousedství s Palestinou na mne nepůsobilo dobře a měla jsem vždycky dojem, že to nevezme dobrý konec. Nikdy jsem neměla takovou tu touhu tam odejít, jako třeba první manžel mé sestry. Nechápala jsem sionismus ani ortodoxní Židy. Nemůžu říci, že bych se nezajímala o tamní dění, ale já jsem spíše litovala lidi, kteří do Izraele odjeli, aby měli konečně klid.

V družstvu Igra jsem přesluhovala, nechtělo se mi do důchodu, ale definitivně jsem odešla v roce 1990. Pracovala jsem pak v revizní komisi Terezínské iniciativy. Rok 1989 jsem nadšeně uvítala. Nikdy jsem nebyla členkou žádné politické strany a už ani nebudu. Moje politické sympatie má pravice.  Po revoluci se nám všem nějak změnil život a myslím, že k lepšímu. Moje ekonomická situace se po revoluci také vylepšila, jelikož jsem k důchodu začala dostávat i peníze z Claims Conference. Není to sice žádné bohatství, ale jsou to pravidelné platby, které mi téměř zaplatí bydlení.

Glosář:

1 Vyšehrad

je historická část Prahy, součást městského obvodu Praha 2. V roce 1991 bylo na Vyšehradě hlášeno k trvalému pobytu  2 052 obyvatel. Vyšehrad leží na výrazné vyvýšenině nad pravým břehem Vltavy. Podle pověstí byl Vyšehrad sídlem kněžny Libuše a prvních přemyslovských knížat; přemyslovské hradiště ve skutečnosti doloženo až z 2. poloviny 10. stol. Po roce 972 byla na Vyšehradě založena Boleslavem II. mincovna. V roce 1003 se za polské okupace Čech na Vyšehradě udržela česká posádka. Od roku 1070 sídlo knížete (od roku 1085 krále) Vratislava II., který nechal vybudovat kamenné hradby s knížecím palácem a založil vyšehradskou kapitulu (probošt kapituly tradičně zastával místo kancléře Království českého). Vyšehrad byl hlavním knížecím sídlem až do konce vlády knížete Soběslava I. v roce 1040. Symbolický význam Vyšehradu jako prvního centra české státnosti zdůraznil Karel IV., který zároveň rozpoznal jeho strategický význam a postavil zde nový královský palác a mohutné opevnění. V letech 1419 – 20 se na Vyšehradě po prohrané bitvě na Vítkově udržela posádka císaře Zikmunda Lucemburského, která byla poražena až 1. 11. 1420 v bitvě pod Vyšehradem při druhém Zikmundově tažení proti Pražanům. Po vítězné bitvě zrušili Pražané kostely i opevnění vůči Praze a Vyšehrad byl opuštěn. V druhé polovině 15. stol. zažil Vyšehrad nové osídlení, avšak po roce 1654 byl Vyšehrad v souvislosti s výstavbou nového barokního opevnění Prahy přestavěn na největší pražskou pevnost. V letech 1741 – 42 byla pevnost okupována Francouzi a v roce 1744 Prusy, v roce 1866 byla zrušena. Od 19. stol. se Vyšehrad stal symbolem slavné české minulosti, inspirujícím české umělce (K. H. Mácha, M. Aleš, B. Smetana aj.). V roce 1860 bylo na bývalém farním hřbitově založeno pohřebiště významných osobností českého národa; dominantou hřbitova je hrobka Slavín z roku 1889. V areálu Vyšehradu jsou zachovány základy baziliky sv. Vavřince z 2. poloviny 11. stol., rotunda sv. Martina z téže doby, kapitulní chrám sv. Petra a Pavla (založen v 2. polovině 11. stol., přestavěn goticky v 13. stol., barokně v 18. stol., regotizován J. Mockerem koncem 19. stol.). Areál je obehnán barokními hradbami s pozůstatky gotického opevnění. Vyšehrad se stal Národní kulturní památkou.

2 Pražský hrad

byl od konce 9. stol. centrum české státnosti, sídlo českých knížat a králů, dvakrát sídlo římskoněmeckých císařů, sídlo prezidentů ČSR, ČSSR, ČSFR a ČR. Hrad byl založen jako přemyslovské hradiště asi v 80. letech 9. stol. knížetem Bořivojem, který sem přesídlil z Levého Hradce a v roce 885 zde založil druhý křesťanský chrám v Čechách, zasvěcený Panně Marii. V roce 920 založil kníže Vratislav další pražský kostel, baziliku sv. Jiří (otonský sloh, přestavěna a rozšířena v románském slohu, gotické a barokní úpravy), při níž byl asi v roce 973 založen první klášter v Čechách, obsazený členkami benediktinského řádu. Před rokem 929 založena knížetem Václavem románská rotunda sv. Víta; sv. Václav byl v rotundě pohřben a kostel se stal kultovním centrem celé země. V roce 973 založeno při kostele sv. Víta biskupství a sv. Vít se stal biskupským chrámem. Po roce 1041 (za Břetislava I.) byl Pražský hrad obehnán zčásti již zděnou hradbou. V letech 1070 – 1140 sídlila některá knížata na Vyšehradě, avšak Pražský hrad nepřestal být hlavním centrem státu. Po roce 1135 za knížete Soběslava I. proběhla rozsáhlá přestavba, při které byl vystavěn kamenný palác. V roce 1085 za krále Vratislava II. dokončena románská přestavba rotundy sv. Víta na baziliku. V druhé polovině 13. stol. za Přemysla II. Otakara byl Pražský hrad rozšířen o západní a východní předpolí a obehnán novými hradbami, které navázaly na opevnění právě založené Malé Strany. Proběhlo rozšíření královského paláce. V letech 1306 – 44 zaznamenáváme úpadek. V roce 1344, zejména z iniciativy tehdy ještě kralevice Karla (Karel IV.), byly položeny v souvislosti s povýšením pražského biskupství na arcibiskupství základy gotické katedrály sv. Víta (architekti Matyáš z Arrasu a P. Parléř) a v následujících letech byl Pražský hrad přestavěn v rozsáhlou a honosnou císařskou rezidenci. Stavební aktivitu přerušily husitské války, po nichž panovníci sídlili do roku 1484 na Starém Městě. Od roku 1484 za Vladislava a Ludvíka Jagellonského proběhla pozdně gotická přestavba hradu vedená B. Riedem (mohutné pozdně gotické opevnění s dělovými baštami Daliborkou a Prašnou věží, nové palácové, tzv. Ludvíkovo křídlo, mohutný trůnní Vladislavský sál, jezdecké schody aj.). V roce 1541 byl Pražský hrad poškozen mohutným požárem, poté za Ferdinanda I. Habsburského proběhla renesanční přestavba obytných prostor, ale i okolí Pražského hradu (založení renesanční zahrady s Královským letohrádkem). Za Rudolfa II. zaznamenal Hrad velký rozkvět; Pražský hrad se podruhé stal centrem císařství. Založena obrazárna, postaven nový palác se Španělským sálem, nové konírny a další budovy. Po roce 1620 další úpadek Pražského hradu; jeho význam vzrostl až za Marie Terezie v druhé polovině 18. stol., kdy architekt N. Pacassi přestavěl hrad ve střídmém pozdně barokním stylu zhruba do současné podoby. Od 17. stol. v areálu Pražského hradu tzv. parazitní zástavba provizorních přístřeší, jejímž pozůstatkem je dnešní Zlatá ulička. V druhé polovině 19. stol. dostavba chrámu sv. Víta (slavnostně otevřen 1929). Po roce 1918 proběhla úprava Pražského hradu na sídlo prezidenta republiky (architekt J. Plečnik). Pražský hrad je Národní kulturní památkou.

3 Škoda (podnik)

podnik vyrábějící auta. Koncem 19. století zahájil výrobu motocyklů, 1905 začaly vyrábět auta. Od roku 1925 je používáno jméno Škoda. I přes omezení socialistického státu Škoda pronikla na mezinárodní trhy.  

4 Sokol

jedna z nejznámějších českých organizací, která byla založen v roce 1862 jako první tělovýchovná organizace v rakousko-uherské monarchii. Největší rozkvět zažila mezi světovými válkami, kdy počet jejích členů přesáhl 1 milion. Sokol sehrál klíčovou roli při národním odporu vůči Rakousko-Uhersku, nacistické okupaci a komunistickému režimu, i když byl právě během první světové války, za nacistické okupace a komunisty po roce 1948 zakázán. Obnoven byl v roce 1990.

5 Vyloučení Židů z protektorátních škol

ministerstvo školství v Protektorátu Čechy a Morava vydalo v roce 1940 dekret, který zakazoval židovským dětem od školního roku 1940/41 nastoupit do českých veřejných či soukromých škol a ti, kteří již chodili do školy, byli z ní vyloučeni. Po roce 1942 bylo židovským dětem zakázáno navštěvovat i židovské školy a kurzy organizované židovskou komunitou.

6 Protižidovské zákony v Protektorátu Čechy a Morava

po německé okupace Čech a Moravy byla postupně zaváděna protižidovská legislativa. Židé nesměli chodit na veřejná místa, tj. parky, divadla, kina, koupaliště atd. Byli vyloučeni ze všech profesních asociací a nemohli být veřejnosti sloužící osoby. Nesměli navštěvovat německé a české školy, později jim byly zakázány i soukromé hodiny. Židé nesměli opouštět svá obydlí po 20. hodině. Mohli nakupovat jen mezi 15. - 17. hodinou. Mohli cestovat jen v oddělených částech prostředků veřejné dopravy. Byly jim zkonfiskovány telefony a rádia. Bez povolení se nesměli přestěhovat. Od roku 1941 museli nosit žlutou hvězdu. 

7   Zrzavý Jan

  český malíř, grafik, ilustrátor a scénograf; významný představitel české výtvarné avantgardy nastupující začátkem 20. stol. Studoval na Uměleckoprůmyslové škole v Praze. Zakládající člen skupiny Sursum, člen Spolku výtvarných umělců Mánes, Tvrdošíjných, Umělecké besedy, Sdružení českých umělců grafiků Hollar. Ve 20. letech podnikal cesty do Itálie, Belgie, pobýval ve Francii. První etapa tvorby (Údolí smutku, Nokturno, Zátiší s konvalinkami, Utrpení) je charakteristická spojením českého secesního symbolismu a expresionismu s prvky kubismu. Ovlivněn B. Kubištou, J. Váchalem, inspirován italskou renesancí, zejména Raffaelem a Leonardem. Po 1. světové válce jeho tvorba vyústila ve formální harmonizaci obrazu a typický abstrahující lyrický a snově měkký tvar (Melancholie, Přítelkyně). V druhé etapě tvorby (od 20. let 20. stol.) se věnoval převážně krajinomalbě (Camaret, San Marco v noci, San Marco ve dne, Ostravské haldy), v níž vytvořil malířskou metaforu pocitu splynutí s přírodními silami harmonie, klidu, trvání. Od poloviny 30. let opouštěl pastelově poetický kolorit ve prospěch sytější barvy. Za 2. světové války se v jeho krajinách objevovala osudovost a baladičnost (Via Appia), vedle motivu smrti však i naděje (Benátské zátiší). Pro celou tvorbu bylo příznačné setrvávání u jednoho motivu (zejména motiv Kleopatry). zrzavý byl rovněž významným ilustrátorem (K. H. Mácha Máj, K. J. Erben Kytice) a scénografem (A. Dvořák Armida).

8 Terezín

malé pevnostní město, které bylo v době existence Protektorátu Čechy a Morava přeměněno v ghetto, řízené SS (Schutzstaffel, Ochranný oddíl). Židé byli z Terezína transportováni do různých vyhlazovacích táborů. Čeští četníci byli využíváni k hlídání ghetta. Židé však s jejich pomocí mohli udržovat kontakty s okolním světem. Navzdory zákazu vzdělávání se v ghettu konala pravidelná výuka. V roce 1943 se rozšířily zprávy o tom, co se děje v nacistických koncentračních táborech, a proto se Němci rozhodli Terezín přetvořit na vzorové židovské osídlení s fiktivními obchody, školou, bankou atd. Do Terezína pozvali na kontrolu komisi Mezinárodního červeného kříže.

10 V září 1943 bylo z terezínského ghetta do Osvětimi-Birkenau ve dvou transportech deportováno 5 tisíc vězňů, kterým se narozdíl od dřívějších transportů dostalo nebývalých "privilegií"

při příjezdu neprocházeli obvyklou selekcí a nedošlo také k rozdělení rodin do různých sekcí tábora - proto "rodinný" tábor. K "privilegiím" patřilo i to, že terezínští vězňové nebyli při příjezdu podrobeni ponižujícímu rituálu vyholení hlavy a že děti směly přes den pobývat na dětském bloku. V prosinci 1943 a v květnu 1944 pak v několika velkých transportech z Terezína přijelo dalších 12 500 vězňů, kteří byli umístěni v rodinném táboře. Zatímco první transporty byly výhradně složeny z vězňů, kteří do Terezína  přišli z českých zemí, v pozdějších transportech pocházela zhruba polovina deportovaných z Německa, Rakouska či Nizozemí. V rodinném táboře, označovaném v Birkenau jako sekce BIIb, vězňové živořili na úzkém zabláceném pruhu obklopeném plotem nabitým elektřinou, trpěli hladem, zimou, vyčerpáním, nemocemi a špatnými hygienickými podmínkami. Úmrtnost zde ostatně nebyla o nic menší než jinde v Osvětimi. Děti směly přes den pobývat na dětském bloku, kde se s vychovateli vedenými charismatickým Fredy Hirschem věnovaly improvizované výuce a hrám. Nebývalá "privilegia", jichž se vězňům rodinného tábora dostalo, byla pro členy osvětimského odbojového hnutí naprostou záhadou. Po nějaké době se jim však podařilo odhalit, že na osobních dokumentech vězňů stojí zkratka "SB" a doba 6 měsíců. "SB" - "Sonderbehandlung", česky "zvláštní zacházení" - znamenalo v nacistickém žargonu krycí označení pro popravu bez rozsudku, v Osvětimi zpravidla smrt v plynových komorách. Přesně po šesti měsících pobytu bylo všem dosud žijícím vězňům, kteří byli do Osvětimi deportováni v září 1943, oznámeno, že budou přemístěni do "pracovního tábora Heydebreck". Místo do tohoto fiktivního lágru však náklaďáky s vězni zamířily směrem k osvětimským plynovým komorám, kde byli v noci z 8. na 9. března 1944 bez selekce zavražděni. Podle několika svědectví zpívali před smrtí v osvětimských plynových komorách jako znak vzdoru československou hymnu, hatikvu (židovskou hymnu) a internacionálu. Členové osvětimské odbojové organizace varovali Fredyho Hirsche a další vězně rodinného tábora před jejich hrozícím zavražděním a vyzývali je k povstání - na přípravu a organizaci ozbrojeného odporu však nezbývalo dost času. Fredy Hirsch, od něhož se očekávalo vedení povstání, pak zemřel na předávkování prášky na uklidnění - pravděpodobně spáchal sebevraždu. Zbylí vězňové rodinného tábora žili od této chvíle ve stálých obavách, že je po šesti měsících čeká stejný osud. Počátkem července 1944 se tyto obavy potvrdily: narozdíl od března však vězňové procházeli selekcí a část z nich byla předtím poslána na práci do jiných koncentračních táborů. Šťastnou náhodou se podařilo přesvědčit Mengeleho, aby provedl selekci chlapců z dětského bloku - části z nich se nakonec podařilo dožít osvobození. V rodinném táboře zbylo zhruba 6-7 tisíc vězňů, kteří byli mezi 10. a 12. červencem 1944 během dvou nocí zavražděni. Ze 17 500 vězňů rodinného tábora přežilo pouhých 1294. Dodnes není zcela zřejmé, proč organizátoři "konečného řešení" rodinný tábor i s jeho na osvětimské poměry neobvyklými "privilegii" vytvořili - jen aby jej po několika měsících zase zlikvidovali. Zřejmé je pouze to, že tato podivuhodná akce souvisela s nacistickými snahami maskovat genocidu Židů před vnějším světem a s návštěvou komise Mezinárodního výboru Červeného kříže v Terezíně, pro niž terezínské velitelství SS nařídilo ghetto speciálně zkrášlit. Delegátovi Červeného kříže pak terezínská komandantura SS předváděla "Potěmkinovu vesnici", která měla jen málo společného s krutou terezínskou realitou. Vězňům rodinného tábora bylo několik dní před jejich zavražděním nařízeno napsat svým terezínským příbuzným postdatované korespondenční lístky z "pracovního tábora" Birkenau. Terezínští vězňové tak měli před návštěvou komisaře Červeného kříže získat falešnou představu, že jejich rodiče, děti či sourozenci v Birkenau jsou v pořádku a především naživu. Někteří historici se též domnívají, že rodinný tábor měl sloužit pro podobnou zmanipulovanou návštěvu Mezinárodního výboru Červeného kříže - tentokrát v Osvětimi. Likvidace rodinného tábora 8. března a 10.-12. července 1944 představuje největší hromadné vraždy československých občanů v době druhé světové války.

11 Únor 1948

komunistické převzetí moci v Československu, které se pak stalo jedním ze sovětských satelitů ve východní Evropě. Státní aparát byl centralizovaný pod vedením Komunistické strany Československa (KSČ). Soukromé vlastnictví v hospodářství bylo zakázáno a vše bylo podřízeno centrálnímu plánování. Politická opozice a disent byli pronásledováni.

12 Charta 77

manifest vydaný v lednu 1977 pod názvem Charta 77, který požadoval po československé vládě naplňování jejích zákonů v oblasti lidských, politických, občanských a kulturních práv v Československu. Tento dokument se poprvé objevil v západoněmeckých novinách a byl podepsaný 200 Čechoslováky reprezentující různá zaměstnání, politickorientaci a náboženství. Do poloviny 80. let byla podepsána přibližně 1 200 lidmi. Vládní postihy proti těmto lidem zahrnovaly propuštění ze zaměstnání, znemožnění jejich dětem studovat, nucený exil, ztráta občanství, zatčení.    

13 Komunistické strana Československa

byla založena roku 1921 v důsledku roztržky v sociálně demokratické straně. Po vstupu Sovětského svazu do druhé světové války komunistická strana zahájila v protektorátu odbojové akce a díky tomu získala u veřejnosti jistou popularitu po roce 1945. Po komunistickém převratu v roce 1948 vládla komunistická strana v Československu čtyřicet let. V 50. letech ve straně probíhaly čistky a boj proti “nepříteli uvnitř”. Neshody uvnitř strany vedly k dočasnému uvolnění v podobě tzv. Pražského jara v roce 1967, které však bylo ukončeno okupací Československa sovětskými a spřátelenými vojsky Varšavské smlouvy. Poté následovalo období normalizace. Vláda komunistického režimu byla ukončena Sametovou revolucí v listopadu 1989.

14 Slánského proces

V letech 1948-49 československá vláda spolu se Sovětským svazem podporovala myšlenku založení státu Izrael. Později se však Stalinův zájem obrátil na arabské státy a komunisté museli vyvrátit podezření, že podporovali Izrael dodávkami zbraní. Sovětské vedení oznámilo, že dodávky zbraní do Izraele byly akcí sionistů v Československu. Každý Žid v Československu byl automaticky považován za sionistu. Roku 1952 na základě vykonstruovaného procesu bylo 14 obžalovaných (z toho 11 byli Židé) spolu s Rudolfem Slánským, prvním tajemníkem komunistické strany, bylo uznáno vinnými. Poprava se konala 3. prosince 1952. Později komunistická strana připustila chyby při procesu a odsouzení byli rehabilitováni společensky i legálně v roce 1963.

15 Pražské jaro

období demokratických reforem v Československu, od ledna do srpna 1968. Reformní politici byli tajně zvoleni do vedoucích funkcí KSČ: Josef Smrkovský se stal předsedou národního shromáždění a Oldřich Černík předsedou vlády. Významnou osobou reforem byl Alexandr Dubček, generální tajemník ústředního výboru komunistické strany Československa (ÚV KSČ). V květnu 1968 ÚV KSČ přijal akční program, který vymezil novou cestu k socialismu a sliboval ekonomické a politické reformy. 21. března 1968 na setkání zástupců SSSR, Maďarska, Polska, Bulharska, NDR a Československa v Drážďanech bylo Československo upozorněno, že jeho směřování je nežádoucí. V noci 20. srpna 1968 sovětská vojska spolu s vojsky Varšavské smlouvy podnikly invazi do Československa. Následně byl podepsán Moskevský protokol, který ukončil demokratizační proces a byl zahájen normalizační proces.

16 Sametová revoluce

známá též pod pojmem  “listopadové události” označující období mezi 17. listopadem a 29. prosincem 1989, které vyvrcholily v pád komunistického režimu. V listopadu vznikla hnutí Občanské fórum a Veřejnost proti násilí. 10. prosince byla vytvořena vláda Národního usmíření, která zahájila demokratické reformy. 29. prosince byl zvolen prezidentem Václav Havel. V červnu 1990 se konaly první demokratické volby od roku 1948.

Raina Blumenfeld

Raina Blumenfeld
Sofia
Bulgaria
Interviewer: Dimitar Bozhilov
Date of interview: March 2002

My family background

Growing up
During the war
Post-war
Glossary

My family background

My ancestors came to Bulgaria from Spain in the 15th century when they were expelled by Queen Isabella – and were accepted by the Ottoman Empire. All Jews who originate from Spain are called Sephardi. The language we speak is Old Spanish – Ladino, which is very precious, because it is spoken almost nowhere else. As far as I know, this language is maintained only in Toledo and fewer and fewer people speak it now – mainly people of my generation. The young ones don’t know Ladino, because we couldn’t pass it on to them, and therefore it is becoming extinct. Until 1944 [9th September 1944] 1 we used to speak that language, and I also spoke it as a child. It has been passed on from generation to generation, but after 1944, an assimilation of the Jewish population began in Bulgaria and that language ‘declined’. I myself feel guilty for not having taught that language to my children. They don’t understand it, and on some occasions, when my husband and I wanted to communicate something confidential to each other, we spoke Ladino.

I remember my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather from the time I was about 5 years old. At the beginning of the 20th century, my paternal grandparents, Israel and Reina Sabitai, had had twelve children, but four of them died from diseases when they were still infants. My father’s family used to live in a yard in the Jewish quarter, known as Iuchbunar 2, and more precisely, Konyovitsa, on the corner of Positano Street and Pernik Street. This is the house where my father’s family used to live and where I was born on 15th January 1929.

My father had a brother who was killed in the Balkan War [the First Balkan War] 3. One of his sisters went to the city of Plovdiv to work as a maid for a wealthy family, but the son of the landlord raped her and she, incapable of bearing the disgrace, drowned herself in the Maritsa River. Thus, four brothers and two sisters remained in Sofia, where they lived together in the same yard. Their small houses were positioned close to each other in a common yard. My father’s brothers’ names were Avram, Sabath and Yakov. My father’s name was Yosif, although he was the firstborn son – and according to the Bible, he was supposed to be called Avram. My father was an Anglophile and I have heard that he often argued with his brother Avram, who was a Russophile. My father’s sisters were called Buka, the elder one, and Esther, whom we used to call Sterina. Being the eldest of the family, my father was the most respected.

My father’s elder sister, Buka, had four girls and one boy. One of the girls went to Palestine illegally in 1932-33. She was followed by my aunt’s son. At that time they were forced to go to Palestine illegally, using different routes. In 1939 my aunt Buka, her husband Buko and their children Reni and Mati decided to emigrate to Palestine, too. They took their chance with a small Turkish sailing vessel, which wasn’t quite stable and somewhere close to the Turkish coast it sank. The whole family drowned. Only a few people survived this disaster.

Since my paternal grandmother’s name was Reina, the girls in all the families of her children were named after her. My birth name was also Reina and I graduated from high school under that name. But when I was appointed to work for the Ministry of Interior, I received documents where my name was written Raina. Due to that printing error, my name is Raina now. Despite that fact all my relatives and friends know me as Reina.

My mother’s parents, Shabat and Rebecca, came from the town of Berkovtsa. My mother became orphan at a very early age - her mother died when she was 5 or 6. I don’t even know my grandparents’ family name. Her father remarried, but his second wife was a nasty woman who treated my mother very badly. From her father’s second marriage she had five stepbrothers and stepsisters. Being a child herself – she helped to look after them and took on too much – she became a hunchback as a result of the heavy work.

Growing up

My father, Josif Sabitai, was born in Sofia in 1900. He was a tinsmith and plumber. In 1928, a year before I was born, the winter was severely cold. Many water pipes and taps had cracked. That created plenty of work for my father and, putting a lot of efforts into it, he managed to make his fortune. And in the place of the one-roomed house, he built a house with two rooms, kitchen and a toilet inside, which was a great rarity at that time. We had hot water from a coal-heated boiler, too, which my father, being a very skilled craftsman, had connected to the stove. Four children were born in that house – one boy and three girls (including me). All the children used to sleep in the same room: my sisters and I on the bed and my brother on the divan. My parents occupied the smaller room. We grew up in such conditions and lived this way until 1946, when my brother went to France and the divan was vacated.

In 1928 my father established a Jewish society called Mitzvah Zion. This society engaged in charity and helped poor citizens of Jewish origin in Sofia. My father took part in the public life of Jews in Sofia. Together with the other well-off citizens of Jewish origin, he helped with the allocation of financial funds and different articles to his poorer compatriots through the Mitzvah Zion society.   

The houses in the Jewish quarter were densely positioned – yard next to yard. Only Jewish families lived around us. There were some Bulgarian families living in the next street, and I had a very good personal friend, whose name was Kristinka. Later on, being teenagers, we used to go out together, too. Our relations [with the non-Jewish neighbors] were always very good. There were, however, such times, when Bulgarian boys teased us with the words: ‘Come on, Moshe, go to Palestine!’ My mother had taught me to answer: ‘O.K., but you don’t let us go!’ I didn’t like those moments, but otherwise people treated us very well. Apart from that, my mother was a very compassionate woman and she would constantly ask me to take leftovers from our food to people who were poorer than us.

Our family was comparatively well off because my father had succeeded in changing his fortune through his work as a tinsmith and plumber, and had even managed to open a scrap warehouse. The house he had built was at the corner of Pernik and Positano and for that time, it was one of the best in the quarter.

During the winters we used coal for heating and we had a shed full of coal. My mother used to give a bucket of coal to everybody who would ask her for some – she never refused anyone and always showed compassion for those poorer than us. There were many poor people at that time. The poorest Jewish families lived in our quarter. Wealthier Jews lived in the more central part of Sofia. When the Law for the Protection of the Nation 4 was introduced, the wealthier Jews had to move out of the city center, because they were denied the right to inhabit the area beyond Hristo Botev Boulevard, and they moved to our quarter.

There was a Jewish school at Osogovo Street in our quarter and one downtown – where Hotel Rila is now. Currently, a great dispute for the hotel land is under way, because the Jewish community started a lawsuit to get its property back. The building of the central Jewish school was destroyed during the bombings of Sofia during World War II.

My elder sister studied at the Jewish school until 4th grade. When my time to go to school came, my parents sent me to a Bulgarian school for reasons I never knew; therefore, I didn’t study Hebrew. I went to a nursery school before going to the Vassil Levski school at Dimitar Petkov Street where I studied until 4th grade. Then I went to an elementary school at Pirotska Street. My most favorite subject was chemistry. Later on, I was interested in astronomy and read a number of books on astronomy, which I borrowed from libraries. I was greatly impressed by the fact that the most luminous star on the horizon was not Venus, but Sirius – the constellation Canis Major.

My brother Israel was born in 1923 and he is now an architect. He completed his primary education at a Jewish school. In 1946 he went to Paris as a delegate to a Jewish conference and remained there. When he was a small boy everybody addressed him with the diminutive Israeltiko. This name Tiko stuck with him and that is why we all called him by that name. The documents he was issued in France were in the name of Tiko Josiford –Yosif turned into Josiford. He has been living there for many years.

He is married and has three daughters, who are still not married even though they are of age. He has two specialties – architecture and urbanism. In order to be able to teach, he had to specialize in Algeria where he lived for ten years, and then devoted himself to his professorship. My brother managed to come to Bulgaria no sooner than 19 years after his departure, because then he was on the records as a non-returnee, who had emigrated without the authorities’ official permission. He managed to come only due to the fact that his name was now Tiko Josiford, and not Israel Yosif Israilov. This is why the Bulgarian authorities could not establish his real identity. He arrived by car via Yugoslavia, with his wife and one of his children.

My elder sister Rebecca was born in 1929. She worked as a dressmaker. She got married and had two children, Mariana and Mario, who are also married and have one child each. In 1986, unfortunately, Rebecca was run over by a police car and died.

My other sister’s name is Ziumbiula [Ziumbiul means hyacinth], whom we all called Zelma. She was born in 1931 and graduated from the Medical University as a doctor. For a long time she worked as a doctor in Bulgaria, then went to Algeria where, at the same time, my brother was doing his specialization. He took both my mother and my sister to live with him. My sister lived there for some time; then she married a Belgian. Naturally she moved to Belgium where she spent ten years and gave birth to a girl. She separated from the Belgian and returned to Bulgaria. Now she is a pensioner. Her daughter had a good relationship with a young Belgian, whom she married, and now they live in Vienna. Currently [in 2002] my sister is staying with them, helping to look after their baby.

Until 1944 we used to celebrate all the Jewish holidays, as we were supposed to. We celebrated Rosh Hashanah, Pesach, during the eight days of which we could eat only unleavened bread – matzah and boyo. [In the past poorer Jews used to make bread only with water and flour, without any salt and years , this was called boyo.] No bread was brought to the house [during Pesach]. For Pesach all kitchen utensils had to be replaced. Special utensils were brought out for the holiday and taken back to the basement for the rest of the year. My mother used to do the whole preparation for the holiday. She used to make pastry from matzah and she made the famous burmoelos, sweet or salty ones, from the saturated and squeezed matzah with eggs added to it, which we had for breakfast every day [during Pesach]. My mother would go out in the yard and cook burmoelos for us on a brazier. She also used to cook leek hamburgers, which we called leek-made friticas. Everything on the table was kosher. When a chicken had to be cooked, I was sent to the synagogue where the chicken had to be killed by the shochet according to a special ritual. There was a special butcher shop in the quarter where kosher meat was sold –beef because no pork was allowed into the house.

Especially for Pesach, our house, being the largest one, was stripped of all its furniture – beds, wardrobes and so on – and all other families, living in our yard, would put a table in the empty room and gather there to prepare the meals necessary for the holiday. My father, who was the eldest, used to read the Haggadah in Ladino. We always had matzah, boyo and a special mixture, made of walnuts, some marmalade, dates and sultanas on the table. All these were mixed together and placed on a lettuce leaf. It was done for the welfare of the country, which was then Palestine. This meal was called acharosa [charoset]. When my father was reading the Haggadah a piece of matzah and boyo were wrapped in serviettes and given to us, the children, and we had to throw them over our backs in order to be ready to go to Palestine. Everybody had to eat from the meal mentioned in the Haggadah. On the following day my parents used to put their best clothes on and go to the synagogue. My mother would always put a hat on and my father, a long tallit, made of Shantung silk with the traditional black ribbons and fringes at the edges, and a kippah.

My family used to celebrate Sabbath. My mother did the shopping and cooking on Fridays. On Friday nights the whole family gathered. The traditional meals like chicken, ritually killed in the synagogue, pastry with minced beef bought from the kosher butchery, and chicken soup or meatball soup from that minced meat were served. I remember that there was even one pear on the table, my father would cut it into four pieces and would give a piece to each of us, his children. On Friday night before Sabbath and on Saturday morning we used to go the synagogue. The atmosphere on Sabbath was always more special and more solemn than on other days. The table was always rich and full of kosher food. On Sabbath my father also used to read the Torah people’s history in Ladino.

We celebrated Purim, too. We used to walk the streets masked, and the children gave performances, for which we were given money. We celebrated Fruitas 5. The first day of this holiday is when almonds in Palestine begin to blossom. I was born on this holiday. The date of the Purim holiday changes with respect to the official calendar, therefore my birthday does not always coincide with the holiday. I always celebrate my birthday on 15th January.  For Purim mothers used to tie up 40 different fruits, put them in a pouch and in the morning, when we awakened, we would all find such a pouch next to our beds. Positano was the main Jewish street at that time and there were many shops there, from which one could buy such fruits. Every family would buy fruit according to their possibilities, so that Fruitas could be celebrated.

The other big holiday is the Festival of Light or, as we call it, Chanukkah. According to the history of this festival when the Roman Empire devastated the Temple and placed their idols there, five thousand warriors calling themselves Maccabees, liberated the temple. They wanted to light a candle in the Temple, but couldn’t find that special oil which had to burn. Finally they found a mug with a tiny quantity of that oil, which had to be treated in advance in order to make it burn. It happened so that that small quantity of oil kept burning for eight days and this is why there are special candelabras for this holiday and every day of it one candle more is lit to commemorate it.

On Yom Kippur nothing is eaten until sundown. The last meal before the fast is at six o’clock the previous night. I remember that we, children, did not eat in memory of all who had died for Palestine (then). We, children, used to carry only a quince in our hand, which we were supposed to only smell and we had to show our tongues to prove that we hadn’t eaten anything – when the tongue was white, it proved that you hadn’t eaten and that you had endured the hours you were not allowed to eat.

When I was a child I knew a lot of games, which are not played nowadays. Boys and girls used to play The King-Gateman. This game wasn’t only known by the Jewish population in Sofia. Two boys hold each other’s hands above their heads to make a gate. All the others line up in a queue and pass between them, singing: ‘King-and-Gateman! Open the gates and let the King’s army pass through! Open, close, leave only one man!’ When the last word is sung, the two boys, through whose ‘gate’ the others pass, suddenly drop their hands and catch somebody. The last one to remain takes the place of one of ‘gate-boys’ and so everything is repeated on and on. We also used to play a men’s game, ‘jelick’, we would dig a hole, put a piece of wood on top of it and with another piece of wood had to throw it out as far as possible.

When I was a child we went on holidays very often. We had to do it because my father suffered from sciatica, and every summer we used to go to the hot mineral spas in Gorna Banya [a village close to Sofia, which is now a district of Sofia]. We used to load a horse cart with our luggage, rent a room in the village and spend a month there. We went to Gorna Banya for three years, then to Ovcha Kupel for three years. At that time my mother took good care of all her four children and used to make ‘chateau’ for us every morning. It is made of well-beaten egg white, and then the yoke and sugar are added, all this is stirred well and is eaten with bread. I will not forget an incident, when our whole family of six persons had gathered in an alcove in Ovcha Kupel to have our meal and a woman who was a tenant in the same house, asked mother whether all the children were hers. My mother answered with a saying in Ladino: ‘Your eye – in a basket!’ This meant to protect oneself from bad thoughts of other persons.

During the war

In 1939 the Law for the Protection of the Nation was adopted and all Jews had to wear yellow badges. I was already 10 and had to wear one. I remember that there was another girl of Jewish origin in the School of Economics where I studied. We both wore badges, but that was not a big problem because the other girls didn’t pay attention to it.

Before we were interned, we started selling our belongings. Villagers bought our furniture dirt-cheap. We sold absolutely everything. A lot of goods remained in the house. For example, my mother had prepared a suitcase full of dowry for us, the three girls. She gave it to some acquaintances of hers for safekeeping, but we never saw it again. In 1943 we were interned to the town of Ferdinand [today Montana]. We were isolated there in a Jewish quarter and were permitted to go out for only two hours a day. Something funny happened there. My father had an employee from Ferdinand in his tinsmith workshop in Sofia – he was called Peno. This man Peno had a tinsmith workshop in Ferdinand. My father got in touch with him and he became Peno’s worker. We were not allowed to work then, but my father used to sneak into his workshop to help him.

Ferdinand was a small town with a population of about 5,000. We lived in terrible conditions. Initially we were accommodated in a school with another ten families. We, children, however, couldn’t feel the impact of the situation as it was felt by our parents, who strived for our bare existence. On the other hand we, the youths, led an exceptionally organized life – perhaps our Jewish gene was such – and that helped us cope with the adversities. The authorities allowed us to go out only between 5 and 7pm. We were banned from going out at any other time. We always used to get together during those two hours of freedom, organizing countless literary evenings with lots of poetry reading and songs. We didn’t feel bored then – we read a lot and exchanged books amongst ourselves. I remember that there were times when I read 50 pages an hour. We had a very intensive and rich cultural life because we had nothing else to do. We were not allowed to work or to go out, and this enabled us to occupy ourselves with arts.

After some time, we were allowed to rent a house and, we rented a three-roomed village house with a family that hade been our neighbors in Sofia. The owners went to live in the barn; two rooms were occupied by our parents and in the third room our fathers knocked up two rows of wooden plank-beds, where the lot of us – six children – slept. We lived like that till 9th September 1944. Then we received a notice that our house had been sold. That notice stated the amount for which it had been sold and the taxes charged, calling on my father to receive the money from the sale. My father said that he had no house for sale and that he didn’t want to receive any money.  Thus the sale of the house didn’t materialize.

When we went back to Sofia around 9th September 1944, we found strangers living in our house. We filed a lawsuit straight away in order to recover possession of it. During that period we lived with one of my father’s brothers, who occupied a room and a kitchen. He moved to the kitchen and let us have the room. After a while we managed to regain possession of our house, which still exists at Pernik Street. Currently this house is unoccupied. For a long time my niece lived there, but she bought an apartment and moved away. We tried to lease it, but things didn’t work out, and we now prefer to keep it empty.

During the internment, Jewish men endured an incredible stress and it was their shoulders, which were overburdened with worries to provide for their families. Many young men died due to the huge torment they were subjected to. These include my father, too, who died at the age of 47. The fathers of a number of my relatives and friends passed away young as a result of what they had lived through.

I remember that after 9th September 1944, we received aid from the Joint 6 – not financial aid, but mainly foodstuffs and clothes. We were entitled to six pieces of clothing per person and, being six in the family, we got a lot of clothes. Since my elder sister had learnt to sew, my father instructed us to take large sizes of clothes, which my sister altered to make them fit. I remember tasting margarine for the first time in my life then and we were also given chocolates and blankets. This aid started in the first years after the war and continued till 1948/49, when a large part of the Jews immigrated to Israel. During the big economic crisis in Bulgaria in the 1990s we also received considerable aid in foodstuffs.

After 9th September 1944, I became a member of the Uniform Youth Students Union and I had leftist convictions. Afterwards, I also became a member of the Revolutionary Youth Union 7. This club of this organization was at Strandja Street in our district. It was there that I met my husband. He was a member of the Communist Party, but I wasn’t.

Post-war

I met my husband in 1946. We went out for three years before we got married. I was 19 when I got married in 1948 and moved to Bratya Miladinovi Street, where my two daughters were born. Thus, my mother and one of my sisters remained in our house at Pernik Street. In the 1980s we were given an apartment, and then my mother and my sister moved to the house at Bratya Miladinovi Street.

My husband was a young Ashkenazi Jew – a German Jew. At that time it was very prestigious to interbreed, because German Jews were one step more eminent than us, the Spanish Jews, the Sephardi. My husband’s name is Haim Blumenfeld. His father, who came from Romania, deserted the Romanian army during the Balkan War and found himself in the town of Haskovo, where he met my husband’s mother. After they got married, their first baby was a girl who was four years older than Haim. When he was barely six months old his family went to Palestine. His mother was a machine knitter, his father, a tinsmith. They took all the equipment they needed for practicing their trades to Palestine. They lived there for six years, but couldn’t adapt to life there. So, they sold all their equipment and returned to Bulgaria via Turkey.

My husband studied at a Jewish school until 5th grade. After about 40 years, when the relations between Israel and Bulgaria were re-established, somehow suddenly all his knowledge of Hebrew came back to him. Our three visits to Israel and the numerous guests that started coming here, completely restored his Hebrew and he started speaking the language quite fluently. Everybody was surprised, but Hebrew was obviously very well taught in Sofia at that time.

Before we were interned, I had studied at a vocational school for one year. Later we were denied right of education, but when we returned to Sofia, I passed the 6th grade exams [which corresponds to the 10th grade at high school in the present educational system] and a year later I graduated with a diploma. I started working as a commercial worker in shops and warehouses. Wherever I worked I have never experienced any problems due to my Jewish origin. But I felt a covert assimilation of the Jews, which manifested itself in the fact that we could not openly speak Ladino and also in the uneasiness caused by our different-sounding names.

My husband didn’t allow us to speak Ladino at home and when we had to say our names, he would always ask me do give my name first, which sounded more Bulgarian – particularly after the mistake of my name-change from Reina to Raina. His family name Blumenfeld was unintelligible for Bulgarians. We had an incident when even a medical nurse found it difficult to write his name. Despite all this I am very proud of my family name. Even when my second daughter was born and I was told I had a baby girl, I felt sorry that there was no one to inherit my family name.

When our first daughter was born in 1949 we had to name her after someone from my husband’s clan. Chaldeans, however, have a tradition not to give a child the name of a living grandfather. This is why my first daughter was named after her great-grandfather on my husband’s side, whose name was Hertzel. So we gave her the name of Hertzelina Blumenfeld. My second daughter’s name is Zoya. She was born in 1953. I wondered for six days after she was born what name I should give her. Then I asked my elder daughter, who at that time attended a nursery school, and she said she wanted her younger sister to be called Zoya.

All my relatives immigrated to Israel in 1948/49. During the years that followed, my ties with them were very limited. My husband worked for the Ministry of Interior and for that reason his sister couldn’t go to Israel. In the 1960s and the 1970s relations between Bulgaria and Israel were not very good. We had certain problems with the authorities and were summoned to give explanations. When my husband was sent to the Soviet Union to study in 1964, his sister took advantage of that and left for Israel. We were also summoned to give explanations about my brother who had emigrated to France in 1946 and was declared a non-returnee.

My husband and I went to Hungary on holidays soon after the events of 1956 8. I was against the provoked military actions even more so because I had seen very young men there whose hair had turned completely white from the horrors they had seen. Now I positively evaluate Eastern Europe’s opening to the West. This terminated the division and confrontation between different societies. This change facilitated world politics.

My elder daughter Hertzelina graduated as pharmacist and now owns two chemist shops. She is well off, but is preoccupied with the problems that small businesses are currently experiencing in Bulgaria. She has to spend whole days [working] to solve bureaucratic things. Her husband is a textile engineer, but it is very difficult for him to find a job. My younger daughter is an economist. Her husband is also economist, and it was not until a few months ago that he found a job with a company for trademark alcohol. Both of my daughters have mixed marriages – they married Bulgarians. They have two children each – Zoya’s sons are called Martina and Andrey, and Hertzelina has a son, Victor, and a daughter Irena. Zoya’s sons observe Jewish traditions and they emigrated to Israel two years ago [in 2000]. With the assistance of our relatives who emigrated there in 1948/49, they succeeded in settling very well. They adapted themselves very quickly and learned the language. They even managed to come back to Bulgaria twice.

I retired in 1984. A woman of 55 is capable of working longer, but my husband broke his leg and I had to stay home to look after him. Before the political change in Bulgaria in 1989 our life was better. My husband had a good salary and a pension then. We had a better life, traveled a lot, and had good friends. We used to go to the movies, to theater, and to restaurants all the time. I am used to this way of life and now I miss cultural life very much. Before 1989, my husband and I used to go on holiday very often, and when he was offered a plot of land at the seacoast, he refused to take it, because whenever we wanted to go on holiday we could go anywhere. Our elder daughter, however, got very enthusiastic about the idea of having a villa and she takes great pleasure in going to Lakatnik, where she has a piece of land and a house.

I have been a widow for two years now. My husband died in 2000. I had a very good life with him and I miss him terribly now. I live alone. Now, together with members of the Golden Age Club of our Shalom organization in Sofia, I often go to concerts and to the theater whenever I have a chance. The problem is that I have to come home quite late and with the current rate of crime this is a bit frightening. I have a friend who lives in the same block of flats as me and although she is much younger than me, we go out and come back together. I always take two invitations to concerts or theater performances – one for my friend – and thus, I satisfy my passion for cultural life. My daughter even finds that I lead a much more diversified life than her. I participate in the management of the Section ‘Disabled Persons’, because I am myself a disabled person. There we also have organized life. We meet once a month, deliver communications and try to go to some theatrical or musical performance. The community pays for the tickets.
I went to visit my brother in France the year that my husband passed away. My brother invited me to cheer me up because I was crushed with grief. We went to the Rossini Festival in Italy, then I visited my niece in Vienna. She took us to the synagogue twice. The Vienna synagogue is very nice, but ours in Sofia is more beautiful. The community there, however, is better. The singers in the synagogue in Vienna were very good tenors and sang magnificently. I liked it so much that when we went out, my sister, my niece and I started singing a Jewish song in Hebrew. Then a woman came to us and hugged us because we had made an impression on her – being Jews and knowing that song.

I have been to Israel three times – in 1966, 1987 and 1992. Within half a century only, Israel has turned the desert into a garden. Despite all efforts of the Jewish state, the situation continues to be depressing due to the conflicts with the Arabs. People in Israel live from day to day and do everything as best as they can, because they aren’t sure if they’ll live to see the next day. I think that America must direct its efforts towards terrorism in Israel, too, where terror against the population has increased lately.

My children have their own commitments. They have set up their lives well and have no time for me. The Jewish community helps me diversify my life. On Mondays and Wednesdays I attend the Health Club, where I was the bursar for a few years. I participate in the Ladino Club where I hope to regain my knowledge of that language. Next summer a meeting of Ladino speaking Jews called Esperanza will be held and I will take part in it. I also attend the Golden Age Club and participate in all events organized by it.

Glossary

1 9th September 1944

The day of the communist takeover in Bulgaria. In September 1944 the Soviet Union unexpectedly declared war on Bulgaria. On 9th September 1944 the Fatherland Front, a broad left-wing coalition, deposed the government. Although the communists were in the minority in the Fatherland Front, they were the driving force in forming the coalition, and their position was strengthened by the presence of the Red Army in Bulgaria.

2 Iuchbunar

The poorest residential district in Sofia; the word is of Turkish origin and means ‘the three wells’.

3 The First Balkan War (1912-1913)

Started by an alliance made up of Bulgaria, Greece, Serbia, and Montenegro against the Ottoman Empire. It was a response to the Turkish nationalist policy maintained by the Young Turks in Istanbul. The Balkan League aimed at the liberation of the rest of the Balkans still under Ottoman rule. In October, 1912 the allies declared war on the Ottoman Empire and were soon successful: the Ottomans retreated to defend Istanbul and Albania, Epirus, Macedonia and Thrace fell into the hands of the allies. The war ended in 30th May 1913 with the Treaty of London, that gave most of European Turkey to the allies and also created the Albanian state. 

4 Law for the Protection of the Nation

A comprehensive anti-Jewish legislation in Bulgaria was introduced after the outbreak of World War II. The ‘Law for the Protection of the Nation’ was officially promulgated in January 1941. According to this law, Jews did not have the right to own shops and factories. Jews had to wear the yellow star; Jewish houses had to display a special sign identifying it as being Jewish; Jews were dismissed from all posts in schools and universities. The internment of Jews in certain designated towns was legalized and all Jews were expulsed from Sofia in 1943. Jews were only allowed to go out into the streets for one or two hours a day. They were prohibited from using the main streets, from entering certain business establishments, and from attending places of entertainment. Their radios, automobiles, bicycles and other valuables were confiscated. From 1941 on Jewish males were sent to forced labor battalions and ordered to do extremely hard work in mountains, forests and road construction. In occupied Macedonia and Thrace the Bulgarians treated the Jews with exceptional cruelty. The Jews from these areas were deported to concentration camps, while the plans for the deportation of Jews from Bulgaria was halted by a protest movement launched by the vice-chairman of the Bulgarian Parliament.

5 Fruitas

The popular name of the Tu bi-Shevat festival among the Bulgarian Jews.

6 Joint (American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee)

The Joint was formed in 1914 with the fusion of three American Jewish committees of assistance, which were alarmed by the suffering of Jews during WWI. In late 1944, the Joint entered Europe’s liberated areas and organized a massive relief operation. It provided food for Jewish survivors all over Europe, it supplied clothing, books and school supplies for children. It supported cultural amenities and brought religious supplies for the Jewish communities. The Joint also operated DP camps, in which it organized retraining programs to help people learn trades that would enable them to earn a living, while its cultural and religious activities helped re-establish Jewish life. The Joint was also closely involved in helping Jews to emigrate from Europe and from Muslim countries. The Joint was expelled from East Central Europe for decades during the Cold War and it has only come back to many of these countries after the fall of communism. Today the Joint provides social welfare programs for elderly Holocaust survivors and encourages Jewish renewal and communal development.

7 Revolutionary Youth Union (also called the Union of Young Workers)

A communist youth organization, which was legally established in 1928 as a sub-organization of the Bulgarian Communist Youth Union. After the coup d’etat in 1934, when the parties in Bulgaria were banned, it went underground and became the strongest wing of the BCYU. Some 70% of the partisans in Bulgaria were members of it. In 1947 it was renamed Dimitrov’s Communist Youth Union, after Georgi Dimitrov, the leader of the Bulgarian Communist Party at the time.

8 1956

It designates the Revolution, which started on 23rd October 1956 against Soviet rule and the communists in Hungary. It was started by student and worker demonstrations in Budapest started in which Stalin’s gigantic statue was destroyed. Moderate communist leader Imre Nagy was appointed as prime minister and he promised reform and democratization. The Soviet Union withdrew its troops which had been stationing in Hungary since the end of World War II, but they returned after Nagy’s announcement that Hungary would pull out of the Warsaw Pact to pursue a policy of neutrality. The Soviet army put an end to the rising on 4th November and mass repression and arrests started. About 200,000 Hungarians fled from the country. Nagy, and a number of his supporters were executed. Until 1989, the fall of the communist regime, the Revolution of 1956 was officially considered a counter-revolution.
 

Raina Blumenfeld

Райна Блуменфелд

Моите прадеди са дошли от Испания през 15 век, след като са били изгонени от кралица Изабела и са били приети от Османската империя. Всички евреи, които са дошли от Испания, се наричат сефарди. Езикът, който говорим, е старият испански - ладино, който е много ценен, защото почти никъде не се говори. Доколкото ми е известно, този език се поддържа само в Толедо и все по-малко хора го знаят – предимно от моето поколение. Младите не знаят ладино, защото ние не успяхме да им го предадем и затова се превърна в изчезващ език. До 1944 г. [9 септември 1944 г. е датата на комунистическия преврат в България] ние сме говорили този език, като дете аз също съм го говорила. Предавал се е от поколение на поколение, но след 1944 г. започна асимилация на еврейското население в България и този език “замря”. Самата аз чувствам голяма вина в себе си, че не съм научила децата си на този език. Те не го разбират и дори когато със съпруга ми сме искали да скрием нещо от децата си, сме разговаряли на ладино.

Спомням си баба ми по бащина линия и дядо ми по майчина линия от времето, когато съм била на около 5 години. В началото на 20-ти век дядо ми и баба ми по бащина линия са имали дванадесет деца, но четири са починали още когато са били много малки от болести. Семейството на баща ми живееше заедно в един двор в еврейската махала, известна като “Ючбунар” - по точно в  “Коньовица” на ъгъла на улиците “Позитано” и “Перник”. Това е къщата, в която е живяло семейството на баща ми и в която съм се родила на 15 януари 1929 г.  Къщата съществува и в момента.

Баща ми е имал брат, който е загинал в Балканската война, а една негова сестра е отишла в град Пловдив като слугиня в богато еврейско семейство, но там се случило така, че синът на собствениците на къщата, в която е роботила, я е  изнасилил и тя не е понесла позора - хвърлила се е в река Марица, където се е  удавила. Така в София са останали четирима братя и две сестри, които са живели заедно в един двор. Малките им къщи бяха разположени на близко разстояние една от друга в общ двор. Братята на баща ми се казват Аврам, Сабат и Яков. Баща ми се казва Йосеф, въпреки че е първороден син и според Библията той трябва да се казва Аврам. Баща ми беше англофил и съм чувала, че често е спорил с брат си Аврам, който е бил русофил. Сестрите на баща ми се казват Бука, която е по-голяма и Естер, която наричахме Стерина. Майка ми и баща ми са били най-много уважавани като най-големи в семейството.

По-голямата сестра на баща ми Бука е имала четири момичета и едно момче. Едното от момичетата нелегално заминава като девойка за Палестина през 1932-1933 г. След нея е заминал и синът на леля ми. По това време се е налагало да заминават нелегално и по различни пътища. През 1939 г. са решили да заминат и останалите в България леля Бука, съпругът й Буко и децата им Рени и Мати. Решили да пътуват с турска гемия, която не е била много стабилна и близо до турския бряг гемията е потънала и цялото семейство се е удавило. Много малко хора са успели да се спасят при потъването на тази гемия.

Тъй като баба ми по бащина линия се е казвала Рейна, във всички семейства на нейните деца се е слагало името на бабата. По рождение и моето име е Рейна, под същото име съм завършила гимназия и не зная по какви причини, когато постъпих на работа в министерството на вътрешните работи, получих документи с името Райна. Заради тази печатна грешка съм с името Райна. Въпреки това всички мои познати и роднини ме знаят като Рейна.

Родителите от страна на майка ми са от град Берковица. Майка ми е останала още съвсем малка сираче - когато е била на 5-6 годинки майка й умира. Баща й се е оженил повторно, но за много лоша жена, която се е отнасяла много зле с майка ми. От втория брак на баща си, майка ми има природени пет братя и сестричета. Още като дете тя е помагала в отглеждането им, натоварвала се  е много и като резултат е получила гърбица от много работа.

Баща ми Йосeф Израел Сабитай беше тенекиджия и водопроводчик. През 1928 г., една година преди да се родя, е имало много големи студове. Тогава са се спукали много водопроводни тръби и чешми. Това е отворило много работа за баща ми и той с много усилия е успял малко да се замогне и на мястото на едностайната къща е успял да построи къща с две стаи и кухня и с вътрешна тоалетна, което по това време е било много голяма рядкост. Имахме и топла вода от бойлер на въглища, който баща ми като голям майстор беше свързал с печката. В тази къща сме се родили четири деца – едно момче и три момичета. Всички деца спяхме в една стая - аз и сестрите ми на едно легло, а брат ми на диван. В по-малката стая живееха майка ми и баща ми. В такива условия израстнахме и живяхме така до 1946 г., когато брат ми замина за Франция и освободи канапето. Баща ми е основал еврейското дружество “Мицва Цион” през 1928 г. Това дружество се е занимавало с благотворителна дейност и е подпомагало по-бедните граждани от еврейски произход в София. Баща ми взимаше участие в обществения живот на евреите в София като заедно с другите по-заможни граждани на София от еврейски произход участваше в разпределението на парични средства и предмети към най-бедните си сънародници чрез дружеството “Мицва Цион”.

Къщите в еврейската махала бяха разположени нагъсто двор до двор. До нас живееха само еврейски семейства. На съседната улица имаше и български семейства и аз лично имах много добра приятелка, която се казваше Кристинка. По-късно като девойки сме излизали пак заедно. Отношенията ни бяха винаги много добри. Но имаше и такива моменти, когато български момчета ни закачаха с израза: “хайде, Моше, на(към) Палестина!”. Майка ми ме учеше да им отговарям: “е хайде, ама не ни пускате!”. Тези моменти не ми бяха много приятни, но иначе хората се отнасяха към нас много добре. Освен това майка ми беше много милостива жена и винаги, когато останеше в повече храна, ме караше да я занеса на по-бедните хора.

Семейството ни живееше сравнително добре, защото баща ми се беше позамогнал от работата си като водопроводчик и тенекиджия и даже беше открил склад за старо желязо. Къщата, която беше построил на ъгъла на улиците “Перник” и “Позитано”, за онези години беше една от най-хубавите в махалата. През зимата се отоплявахме с въглища и имахме една барака, която беше пълна с въглища. Майка ми даваше по една кофа въглища на всеки, който й поиска – на никого не е отказвала и винаги се е смилявала над по-бедните. По онова време имаше много бедни хора. В нашата махала живееха по-бедните еврейски семейства. По-богатите евреи живееха в по-централната част на София. След излизането през 1939 г. на “Закона за защита на нацията”, по-богатите евреи трябваше да напуснат центъра като нямаха право да обитават района отвъд булевард “Христо Ботев”и те се пренесоха към нашата махала.

Моят брат Израел е учил в еврейско училище, където е изкарал и прогимназия. Еврейско училище имаше на улица “Осогово” в нашата махала и в центъра - на мястото на хотел “Рила”. В момента тече голям спор за земята под хотела, защото еврейската общност е завела дело да си върне този имот. Сградата на централното еврейско училище е била разрушена по време на бомбардировките на София през Втората световна война. Голямата ми сестра е учила в еврейското училище до четвърто отделение. Когато дойде време и аз да започна училище, родителите ми ме изпратиха в българско училище по неизвестни за мен причини и не съм учила иврит. Ходила съм на забавачница в предучилищна възраст преди да започна в ходя в училище “Васил Левски” на улица “Димитър Петков”, където бях до четвърто отделение. След това завърших Тринадесета прогимназия на улица “Пиротска”. Любимият ми предмет беше химия. По-късно започнах много да харесвам астрономията и съм прочела много книги в библиотеките по астрономия. Силно впечатление ми направи фактът, че най-светлата звезда в небосвода не е Венера, а Сириус – съзвездието-куче.

Брат ми Израел е роден през 1923 г. и е архитект. През 1946 г. замина за Париж като делегат на една еврейска конференция и остана там. Когато е бил малък всички са се обръщали към него с умалителното Израелтико. Затова после му остава името Тико и всички го наричахме така. Документите, които си е извадил във Франция, вече са на Тико Жозифорд – от Йосеф става Жозифорд. Той живее от много години там. Има семейство и три дъщери, които са вече доста големи, но не са омъжени. Има две специалности – архитектура и урбанизъм. За да може да преподава, трябваше да специализира в Алжир, където живя десет години и след това се отдаде на професурата си. Брат ми успя да дойде в България едва след 19 години от заминаването си, тъй като по това време се е водил невъзвръщенец, който е емигрирал без официално позволение от властите. Успял е да дойде благодарение на това, че не се е казвал Израел Йосиф Израилов, а Тико Жозифорд. Затова не са могли да установят кой е всъщност. Пристигна през Югославия с автомобил със съпругата си и едното си дете.

Голямата ми сестра Ребека е родена през 1925 г. и работеше като шивачка. Омъжи се и има две деца – Мариана и Марио, които също си имат семейства с по едно дете. През 1986 г. за нещастие я блъсна полицейска кола и почина. Другата ми сестра се казва Зюмбюла, която наричахме Зелма. Тя е родена през 1931 г. и е завършила медицина. Има една дъщеря – Стела. Дълго време рабоги в България като лекар и след това замина за Алжир, където брат ми беше на специализация. Той взе при себе си и майка ми и сестра ми. Там сестра ми работи известно време и се омъжи за един белгиец. Съответно отиде да живее в Белгия, където прекара десет години и се сдоби с едно момиченце. Раздели се с белгиеца и се върна в България. Сега е пенсионерка. Нейната дъщеря завърза добри отношения с едно момче в Белгия и сега живее с него във Виена. В момента моята сестра е там и помага в отглеждането на тяхното бебе.

Аз се омъжих за разлика от другите и навярно за мой късмет за младеж, който е “ешкенази”- немски евреин. По онова време беше голяма гордост ако можехме да се кръстосаме, защото немските евреи бяха едно стъпало по-високо от нас, испанските евреи - сефардите. Съпругът ми се казва Хаим Барух Блуменфелд. Произходът на неговия баща идва от Румъния.  Неговият баща е избягал от румънската армия през Балканската война [1912], озовал се е в град Хасково, където е срещнал  майката на моя съпруг. След като се оженили, първо им се родила дъщеря, която е с четири години по-голяма от Хаим. Когато той е едва на шест месеца, заминават за Палестина. Майка му е била плетачка на машина, баща му - тенекиджия като и двамата са заминали с оборудване, което им е било необходимо, за да упражняват занаята си. Живели са в Палестина шест години, но там не са  успели да се адаптират. Продали са всичките машини и през Турция са се върнали в България. Запознах се със съпруга ми в София през 1946 г. Имахме три години любов преди да се омъжим. Аз се омъжих когато бях на 19 години - през 1948 г. и се преместих да живея на улица “Братя Миладинови”, където ми се родиха двете дъщери. Така в нашата къща на улица “Перник” останаха да живеят майка ми и едната ми сестра. През 80-те години получихме апартамент и тогава майка ми и сестра ми отидоха да живеят на “Братя Миладинови”.

Моят съпруг Хаим Блуменфелд е учил в еврейско училище до пети клас, който представлява първи гимназиален клас. След около четиридесет години, когато се възобновиха връзките на България с Израел, изведнъж всичките му знания се възстановиха. Трикратните ни посещения в Израел и многото гости, които започнаха да идват, възстановиха напълно неговия иврит и той започна да говори много свободно и много хубаво езика. Всички много му се чудеха, но изглежда ивритът се е учил много добре навремето в София.

Имам две дъщери, които вече са големи, омъжени са и имат по две деца. Малката ми дъщеря, която се казва Зоя, има две момчета, които преди две години се изселиха в Израел. Там успяха бързо да се устроят много добре с помощта на нашите роднини, които успяха да се изселят през 1948-1949 г. Много бързо се адаптираха и  научиха езика; дори вече успяха два пъти да си дойдат в България. Аз съм ходила три пъти до Израел – през 1966 г., 1987 г. и 1992 г.

До 1944 г. празнувахме всички еврейски празници така, както трябва. Празнувахме си еврейската нова година, Песах - в продължение на осем дни, през които вкъщи ядяхме само безквасен хляб – маца и бойо [В по-стари времена по-бедните евреи са замесвали питки само със вода и брашно без сол и квас – това е т. нар. “бойо “] Спомням си, че имахме домашна помощничка, която изпращахме при съседите ни да яде хляб, защото вкъщи хляб не се внасяше. За Великден всички домакински съдове трябваше да се подменят, за да са чисти и пасхални. Тези съдове се изнасяха само за празника и се прибираха в мазето през останалата част от годината. Цялото приготовление за празника се правеше от майка ми. От тази маца тя правеше баница, а от накисната и изстискана маца заедно с яйца се пържеха прословутите “бурмоелос”- сладки или соленки, които се превръщаха във всекидневна закуска. Майка ми излизаше на двора и на един котлон с въглища всяка сутрин ни приготвяше “бурмоелос”. Майка ми правеше и кюфтета от праз, които наричаме “фритикас” от праз. На масата имаше и всичко, което можеше да се приеме като кашерна храна. Когато трябваше да се готви пиле, мен ме пращаха в синагогата, където пилето трябваше да се заколи по ритуален начин от шохета. В квартала имаше специална месарница, където ни продаваха кашерно месо – предимно телешко, а свинско месо не влизаше вкъщи.

Специално за Песах нашата къща, тъй като беше най-голяма, се изпразваше от мебели – от легла, гардероби и други и всичките семейства, които живееха в двора, слагаха по една маса в празната стая и там се събираха да приготвят ястията, които са необходими за празника. Баща ми като най-възрастен четеше “агада-та” [ Ладино е езикът на сефардските евреи и пълното заглавие на историята на евреите на този език е “La agada des moestros padres” ] или еврейската история на ладино. На масата винаги имаше маца, бойо и една специална смес, която се приготвяше от орехи, някакъв мармалад, фурми и стафиди. Всичко това се смесваше и се поставяше в лист от маруля. Това се правеше за благоденствието на страната, където тогава беше Палестина. Това ястие се нарича “ахароса”. Когато баща ми четеше историята, на децата се връзваше в една салфетка по едно парче от бойо и маца и ни даваха да си го метнем на гърба, за да сме готови за Палестина. Всеки трябваше да си вземе и да хапне от ястието, което се споменаваше в историята.  На другия ден майка ми и баща ми се обличаха хубаво и отиваха на синагога. Майка ми задължително слагаше шапка, а баща ми дълъг талет, изработен от копринен шантун с традиционните черни ленти и с ресни накрая, и кипа.

Семейството ни празнуваше Шабат. Майка ми пазаруваше и готвеше още в петък. В събота вечер се събирахме цялото семейство. Сервираха се традиционните ястия – например пилето, което е заклано в синагогата, баница “пастел” с телешка кайма, купена от кашерната месарница, пилешка супа или супа топчета от тази кайма и си спомням, че дори да има една круша на масата, баща ми я режеше на четири и даваше по едно парче на всяко дете. На синагога се ходеше в петък вечерта преди Шабат, както и в събота сутрин на самия празник. Обстановката на Шабат винаги беше по-специална и по-тържествена от другите дни. Трапезата беше винаги богата и пълна с кашерна храна. На Шабат баща ми четеше също историята на еврейския народ на ладино.

Празнувахме и Пурим. Тогава ходехме маскирани по улиците и децата изнасяха програми, за които им даваха пари. Празнувахме Фрутас – деня на плодовете. Първият ден на този празник е когато в Палестина цъфтят бадемите. Самата аз съм родена на този празник. Датата на празника Пурим се мени спрямо официалния календар и затова рожденият ми ден не винаги съвпада с празника. Винаги празнувам рождения си ден на 15 януари. Тогава майките ни навързваха 40 вида плодове в една торбичка  и на сутринта, когато се събуждахме, намирахме по една такава торбичка до леглото. Тогава главната еврейска улица беше “Позитано” и там имаше много магазини, от които можеше да се купят такива плодове. Всяко семейство купуваше според възможностите си плодове, за да може да отнразнува Деня на плодовете.

Другият голям празник е празникът на светлината или както го наричаме – Ханука. Историята на този празник гласи, че след като римляните са опустошили храма и са поставили там своите идоли, пет хиляди бойци, които са се нарекли макабейци, освобождават храма и искат да запалят свещта да гори в храма, но не могат да намерят онова специално олио, което трябва да гори. Накрая намират в едно канче съвсем малко от това олио, което трябва предварително да се обработи, за да гори. Става така, че това малко количество олио е горяло в продължение на осем дни и затова за този празник има специални свещници с осем свещи и всеки ден в чест на този празник на светлината се пали по една от тези свещи.

На големия празник Кипур не се яде цял ден докато не залезе слънцето. Последнното приемане на храна е от предишната вечер в шест часа. Спомням си, че и децата не ядяхме в памет на всички загинали за Палестина (тогава). Ние, децата, държахме само по една дюла в ръката, която да миришем и си показвахме езиците, за да докажем, че не сме яли – езикът като е бял доказва, че не си ял и си издържал през тези часове, през които не трябва да се яде.

Като малка знаех много игри, които вече не се играят. Момчета и момичета играехме на “Кралю-Порталю”. Тази игра се знаеше не само от еврейското население в София.  Две момчета се хващат за ръце и ги вдигат високо. Всички останали се нареждат един зад друг и преминават между тях. През това време пеем песнта “Кралю-порталю, отвори порти, че ще замине царската войска. Отворете, затворете, само един оставете!” При последната дума двамата, между които преминаваме, свалят рязко ръцете си и хващат някого. Последният, който остане, застава да държи високо ръце и така всичко се повтаря. Играехме и на мъжката игра”джелик”- изкопавахме дупка, слагахме парче дърво върху нея и с друго дърво трябваше да го изхвърлим колкото се може по надалече.

Когато бях малка много често ходехме на почивка. Това се налагаше, защото баща ми страдаше от ишиас и всяко лято отивахме на топли бани в Горна баня [село до София, което сега е квартал на София]. Тогава натоварвахме една каруца с домашен багаж, наемахме една стая в селото и изкарвахме по един месец. Три години ходихме в Горна баня и три години - в Овча купел. Майка ми тогава се грижеше много добре за четирите си деца и всяка сутрин ни приготвяше “шато”. Приготвя се от хубаво разбит белтък, след това се слага жълтък, разбърква се и се добавя захар и това се яде с хляб. Няма да забравя един случай, когато цялото ни шестчленно семейство се бяхме събрали в една беседка в Овча купел да се храним. Тогава една жена, която също беше квартирантка в къщата като нас, попита майка ми дали всичките  деца са нейни. Майка ми отговори с една поговорка на ладино “Окото ти – в кошница!”. Това означава нещо като предпазване от чужди лоши мисли.

През 1939 г. излезе закона за защита на нацията и на евреите бяха сложени жълти значки. Вече бях навършила 10 години и затова сложиха и на мен. Спомням си, че в стопанското училище, където съм учила, освен мен имаше и още едно момиче от еврейски произход - и двете носихме значки. Това не беше особено голям проблем, защото другите момичета не обръщаха внимание на това.

Преди да ни изселят започнахме да разпродаваме покъщнината си. Идваха хора от селата, които купуваха на безценица мебелите ни. Не продадохме абсолютно всичко. Много вещи останаха в къщата. Например майка ми беше приготвила един куфар чеиз за нас, трите момичета. Беше го дала на свои познати да го съхраняват, но така и не го видяхме повече. През 1943 г. ни изселиха в град Фердинанд [днес Монтана]. Там ни изолираха в един еврейски квартал [населено от местни евреи място в града] с два часа право на излизане. Получи се нещо много куриозно. В София баща ми имаше един работник в тенекиджийската работилница,  който се казваше Пено. Този Пено пък имаше работилница във Фердинанд. Баща ми влезе във връзка с него и този път баща ми стана негов работник. Тогава нямахме право на работа, но баща ми отиваше там нелегално и му помагаше в работилницата.

Фердинанд беше малък град с население около 5000 души. Живеехме в много лоши условия. Първоначално бяхме настанени в едно училище заедно с още десет семейства. Все пак ние, децата, не сме почувствали нещата така, както нашите родители, които се бореха за насъщния ни хляб. От друга страна, вече като младежи, може би еврейският ген е такъв, живеехме изключително организирано и това ни помагаше да се справяме с несгодите. Имахме разрешение от властите да излизаме само между 17 и 19 часа. През останалото време това ни беше забранено. През тези два часа свобода неизменно се събирахме и си правихме литературни вечери с много поезия и песни. Тогава не скучаехме, четяхме много, разменяхме си много литература. Спомням си, че съм прочитала по над 50 страници за един час. Имахме един богат и интензивен културен живот, защото нямахме друго занимание. Не ни позволяваха да работим и да излизаме и затова имахме възможност за такива занимания.

След известно време ни позволиха да си наемем квартира и ние заедно с едно близко семейство, които ни бяха съседи в София, наехме една тристайна селска къща. Собствениците отидоха да живеят в плевнята, а в едната стая на къщата се настаниха моите родители, във втората стая се настаниха мъжът и жената от другото семейство, а на нас, децата, ни сковаха два реда дървени нарове в третата стая, където спяхме общо шест деца. Така прекарахме времето до 9 септември 1944 г.[ Датата на комунистическия преврат в България]. През това време дойде известие, че къщата ни е продадена. В съобщението беше обявена сумата, за която е продадена къщата и данъците, които са били начислени. Подканваха баща ми да си вземе парите от продажбата. Тогава баща ми заяви, че няма къща за продаване и че не желае да вземе никакви пари. Така продажбата на къщата не се осъществи.

Когато се върнахме около 9 септември 1944 г. , заварихме в нашата къща да живеят чужди хора. Заведохме веднага дело, за да си я възвърнем. През това време живеехме при един от братята на баща ми, който разполагаше със стая и кухня като на нас ни отстъпи стаята, а той живееше в кухнята. След време успяхме да си върнем къщата, която още съществува на улица “Перник”. В момента тази къща стои празна. Дълго време там живя моята племенница, но тя си построи апартамент, в който се премести. Опитахме да я дадем под наем, но нещата не потръгнаха и предпочитаме да я държим празна.

Спомням си, че след 1944 г. получавахме помощи от еврейската фондация “Джойнт”. Специално парични помощи не сме получавали, а предимно храни и дрехи. Можехме да получим по шест дрехи на човек и ние като шестчленно семейство получихме доста дрехи. Голямята ми сестра се беше научила да шие и взимахме големи дрехи по заръка на баща ми, които сестра ми преправяше. Спомням си, че тогава за първи път опитах маргарин, даваха ни и шоколади, одеяла. Тези помощи започнаха от първите години след войната и продължиха до 1948-1949 г., когато по-голямата част от евреите се изселиха в Израел. По време на голямата криза в България в началото на 90-те г. също получихме голяма помощ с храни.

След 9 септември 1944 г. като ученичка бях член на Единния младежки ученически съюз и имах леви убеждения. След това станах член и на Революционния младежки съюз. Клубът на тази организация се намираше в квартала ни на улица “Странджа”. Там се запознах с моя бъдещ съпруг. Той беше член на комунистическата партия, а аз – не.

Преди да ни изселят бях изкарала една година в професионално училище. След това нямахме право на образование, но като се върнахме издържах изпит за шести клас и след една година се дипломирах. Започнах работа като търговски работник в магазини и складове. На работното си място никога не съм имала проблеми заради еврейския си произход. По-скоро усещах една скрита асимилация на евреите, която се изразяваше в невъзможността да говорим открито ладино и в притеснението от по-различните ни имена. Моят съпруг не разрешаваше вкъщи и по улиците да се говори на ладино и когато трябваше да съобщаваме имената си за издаване на някакъв документ, или да се удостовери самоличността ни, съпругът ми винаги ме караше да съобщавам първо моето име, което звучи като по-българско - особено след грешката, според която от Рейна станах Райна. Неговата фамилия Блуменфелд беше неразбираема за българите. Имахме случай, когато дори една медицинска сестра се затрудни да изпише фамилията му. Въпреки това аз много се гордея с фамилното си име. Дори когато се роди втората ни дъщеря, когато разбрах, че е момиче съжалих, че няма кой да наследи това име [Жените в България по традиция приемат фамилното име на съпрузите си].

Искам да подчертая, че мъжете евреи изтърпяха огромно натоварване по време на изселването и на техните плещи падна цялата грижа за изхранването на семействата им. Много млади мъже починаха заради огромния тормоз, на който са били подложени. В това число влиза и баща ми, който ни напусна едва на 47 години. Бащите на много мои приятелки и роднини също си отидоха млади вследствие на това, което са преживели.

Когато се роди първата ни дъщеря трябваше да я кръстим с име от рода на съпруга ми. Халдейците [немските евреи] обаче имат обичай да не кръщават дете с име на жив дядо. Затова първата ми дъщеря беше кръстена на името на прадядо си от страна на съпруга ми, който се е казвал Херцел. Затова я кръстихме Херцелина Блуменфелд. Преведено това означава “сърдечна”, “цветнополска”. Втората ми дъщеря се казва Зоя. До шестия ден след раждането още се чудех какво име да й дам. Тогава попитах по-голямата ми дъщеря, която вече ходеше на детска градина и тя пожела малката й сестра да се казва Зоя. И двете ми дъщери имат смесени бракове – женени са за българи. Имат по две деца – синовете на Зоя се казват Мартин и Андрей, а Херцелина има син Виктор и дъщеря Ирена. Синовете на Зоя зачитат еврейските традиции и имат намерение трайно да се установят в Израел.

Голямата ми дъщеря Херцелина е фармацевтка и се занимава с две аптеки. Добре се е устроила, но сега е изключително заета с проблемите, които в момента има дребният бизнес в България. Отделя цели дни за бюрократични неща. Съпругът й е текстилен инженер и му е много трудно да си намери работа. Малката ми дъщеря е икономистка. Нейният съпруг също е икономист и едва преди няколко месеца успя да си намери работа във фирма за марков алкохол.

През 1948-1949 г. всичките ми роднини заминаха за Израел. През следващите години връзките ми с роднините в Израел бяха ограничени. Моят съпруг работеше в системата на министерството на вътрешните работи и заради това неговата сестра не успя да замине за Израел. През 60-те и 70-те години отношенията между България и Израел не бяха много добри. Имахме известни проблеми с властите, били сме викани за обяснения. Едва когато съпругът ми беше изпратен в Съветския съюз на обучение, неговата сестра се възползва и през 1964 г.замина. Викали са ни и заради това, че брат ми емигрира във Франция през 1946г. и беше обявен за невъзвръщенец.

Със съпруга ми бяхме на почивка в Унгария след събитията от 1956 г. Бях против така предизвиканите военни действия още повече, че там видях съвсем млади мъже с побелели коси от ужаса, който са преживели. Сега оценявам положително отварянето на Източна Европа към Запада. Така се преустанови делението и конфронтацията между световните общества. С тази промяна се получи едно облекчение в световната политика.

Пенсионирах се през 1984 г. Една жена на 55 г. може още много да работи, но съпругът ми си беше счупил крака и аз бях принудена да остана вкъщи да го гледам. Преди политическата промяна в България от 1989 г.[падането на Тодор Живков от власт] животът ни беше по-добър. Съпругът ми имаше много добра заплата, след това и пенсия. Имахме много добър живот, пътувахме много, имахме добри приятели. Непрекъснато посещавахме кина, театри, ресторанти. Аз съм свикнала с този начин на живот и сега културният живот много ми липсва. Преди 1989 г. със съпруга ми ходихме често на курорт и дори когато ни предложиха място край морето, съпругът ми го отказа, защото можехме да отидем на почивка където пожелаем. Голямата ми дъщеря обаче се запали от идеята да има вила за почивка и с голямо желание ходи на Лъкатник, където има място с къща.

Сега с клуба “Златна възраст” към софийската ни организация “Шалом” посещаваме концерти и театри винаги щом има такава възможност. Малко е трудно това, че трябва да се прибирам късно вечер, защото сега има голяма престъпност. Имам една приятелка от блока, в който живея и въпреки, че тя е много по-млада от мен, излизаме и се прибираме заедно. Винаги взимам по две покани за театър или концерт – едната е за моята приятелка - и така задоволявам страстта си към културните мероприятия.

Дъщеря ми намира, че се разнообразявам много добре и повече от нея. Тъй като имам инвалидност втора група, участвам в ръководството на секция “Инвалиди”. Там също имаме организационен живот. Събираме се един път в месеца, правим си съобщения и се опитваме веднъж в месеца да посетим някое театрално или музикално представление. Билетите се плащат от общността. Този месец ще посетим представлението на музикалната рок опера “Исус Христос Суперзвезда” в Държавния музикален театър “Стефан Македонски”. Там съм гледала великолепни мюзикъли, но за тази рок-опера чух негативни коментари. Все пак Андрю Лойд Уебър е голямо име като композитор и ще отидем на представлението.

Бях на гости на брат ми във Франция в годината, когато почина съпругът ми. Брат ми ме покани, за да ме разведри, тъй като бях много съсипана. Ходихме и в Италия на фестивал на Росини. След това бях на гости на племенницата ми във Виена. Тя ни заведе два пъти на синагога, която беше много хубава, но нашата в София е още по-хубава. Организацията там обаче е по-добра. Канторите в синагогата във Виена бяха много добри тенори и пееха великолепно. Толкова много ми хареса, че когато излязохме, аз, сестра ми и племенницата ми запяхме една еврейска песен на иврит. Тогава една жена дойде и ни прегърна, защото й бяхме направили впечатление, че сме еврейки и знаем тази песен.

Пътувала съм три пъти до Израел – през 1966, 1987 и 1992 г. За половин век Израел се превърна от пустиня в градина. Въпреки всички усилия на еврейската държава, положението на хората продължава да е тягостно заради конфликта с арабите. Хората в Израел живеят ден за ден и правят всичко максимално добре, защото живеят в несигурност за утрешния ден. Синовете на дъщеря ми Зоя живеят и работят там от две години и благодарение на еврейската солидарност на роднините ми успяха да се устроят добре. Смятам, че Америка трябва да насочи усилията си в борбата срещу тероризма и в Израел, където в последно време терорът върху населението се увеличи.

В момента аз съм вдовица от близо две години. Моят съпруг почина през 2000-та година от много тежко заболяване. С него съм живяла много добре и сега много ми липсва. Живея сама вкъщи. Децата ми си имат своите ангажименти. Добре са устроили живота си и нямат време за мен. Еврейската общност ми помага да си разнообразя живота. Посещавам в понеделник и сряда клуб “Здраве”, където няколко години бях касиер. Участвам в клуб “Ладино”, където се надявам да възстановя познанията си по този език. През лятото ще се проведе събиране на евреите, които говорят ладино - “Есперанса”, където и аз ще взема участие. Посещавам клуб “Златна възраст”  и всички мероприятия, които се организират.

Mikhail Plotkin

I was born in 1915, still in the Tsarist times. I was born in Chashniki settlement, in Vitebsk province [today Belarus]. I lived there until I was 14 years old. My maternal grandfather’s name was Bera Dvorkin. He had a nickname, ‘Kharakovers,’ after the village of Kharakovichi, where he had come from. Grandfather owned an inn in the middle of the settlement, near the marketplace. 

He had a lot of authority and was very often asked to witness conclusion of deals. Wealthy people gathered in his house, such as Jewish businessmen, Polish pans [Polish nobility] and Russian officials. They discussed difficult issues to find mutually acceptable solutions. I remember how Grandfather took me to the synagogue, where we sat in the front row. We were considered kohanim; we were blessed separately from the others.

 

My family background

Growing up

During the war

After the war

Marriage life and children

Glossary 

My family background

Grandfather Bera was married twice. He loved his first wife very much, but she appeared to be infertile. According to the Jewish law he gave her a divorce letter after three years of marriage and got married for the second time. His second wife gave birth to two sons, Mulia and Folia, and eight daughters including Dynia, Sarah, Dvoira and Musia; all the rest died in childhood. All children were born and grew up in Chashniki. They were members of the local Jewish community and their families were engaged in crafts and trade. In the 1920s one by one they moved to Leningrad [today St. Petersburg]. The big city with its opportunities attracted them and they wanted to provide their children with a good education. At the end of the 1920s after the NEP 1 was abolished, the local authorities imposed exorbitant taxes on traders and craftsmen and threatened them with repressions in case of non-payment. After that no relatives of ours remained in Chashniki. They all escaped persecutions. Grandmother died early. I don’t remember her at all. Grandfather died in 1918.

My mother’s name was Dynia Bera Dvorkina. Mother was born in 1879, the year Stalin was born. She was very beautiful. Besides, she was a smart, strong-willed, practical and very thrifty woman. She was considered an enviable bride in the village but didn’t get married for a long time. She turned all the young men down, as she didn’t like anyone. She was around 30 years old when she met my father. They married shortly after.

Abram Plotkin, my father, came from Parichi settlement near Bobruisk [today Belarus]. There was a village nearby, all inhabitants of which were Plotkins. Some families of our relatives lived in this village. Father was educated in his own way, though he never got any certificates. He served as a manager for local landlords and worked at several places.

My parents had three children. My elder brother – I don’t remember his name – was notable for his intractable temper. He studied at cheder and constantly clashed with the teacher. The latter began picking on him. One day my brother hid a stone in his bosom and brought it to cheder and dropped it on the teacher’s foot. The teacher became furious and beat him mercilessly. After that my brother was ill for a long time and died soon after. Back then teachers had the right to use forms of corporal punishment, but not cruel ones. Such cases were left without any investigation in a small borough, as the inhabitants were afraid to make complaints to the authorities.

My sister Sonya [Sofia] was four years older than me, she was born in 1911. She was my elder sister. She had an inborn flaw – a curved face, no one knew why. She was treated but to no avail. When she was 16, she moved to Leningrad in order to continue her studies and lived there independently, under the supervision of our relatives, who had left before.

Father fell ill with tuberculosis when he was 40 years old and died soon afterwards. In 1916, during World War I, he was summoned to Orsha for the Army draft. He left for Orsha with open tuberculosis. The medical commission found him fit for army service, though his consumption was in its final stage. Mother brought him home. He could barely walk, came home, lay on the bed and died. I was six months old, when he died.

After Father’s death in 1916, my mother didn’t get married and remained a widow for 14 years with two children on her hands; she raised me and Sonya. I was a naughty and sickly child. At first I fell sick with tuberculosis. The local medical attendant, an experienced and intelligent person, advised my mother to treat me with badger fat. I was given it as a drink and recovered. In 1919 I fell seriously ill, I ate too many sour cherries and poisoned myself with cherry stones. It happened to me often: as soon as sour cherries ripened, I climbed onto the tree and ate far too many of them. But this time I was near death. Mother was running around like crazy, she didn’t know what to do. She ran to the synagogue to see the rabbi. The rabbi told her, ‘He should be given another name at the synagogue.’ According to the rabbi’s advice I was named Itzhak, in honor of a Hassidic tzaddik. My new name was solemnly proclaimed at the synagogue. After that literally on the second day I recovered: either the name helped or it was over by itself. Three days later I was as good as new. But no one called me Itzhak. As a child I was called Meishke. My name according to my passport is Moisey Abramovich. 

Growing up

One of the most striking impressions from my childhood was connected with Polish anti-Semitism during the Civil War 2. When in 1920 the Soviet-Polish War 3 broke out, the Polish troops at first quickly moved across the territory of Belarus. Mother sent me to the village and arranged for me to stay with an old Jewish acquaintance. She thought it would be quieter there, but the Polish soldiers entered the village. I hid on the stove 4. A Polish officer in beautiful uniform and konfederatka [black or colored square Polish hat] tore out a tuft of hair from a man’s beard, brought his fist to the man’s nose and said, ‘Well, kike! As many zlotys as you have hairs! Or I’ll knife you.’ Ever since then I distrusted Poles, though Stas Fialkovsky, a Pole, was my best friend since my student years.

Our Chashniki settlement was located on the bank of the river Ulla, approximately 80 kilometers from Vitebsk, the province capital. Lepel borough was even closer; it was the center of the district. Orsha was also near. Later, at the end of the 1920s, a railroad was constructed between Lepel and Orsha. This railroad passed not far from Chashniki. It was three kilometers on foot to the nearest railroad station. Chashniki is not a historically famous place. Perhaps Shlomo Ansky should be mentioned, he was the founder of the Jewish ethnography in Russia. [Ansky, Shlomo (1863-1920): born Shlomo Zanvl Rappoport; Russian-Jewish writer and playwright, author of the famous play ‘The Dibbuk.’] He came from our borough, from a family of timber traders, the Rappoports, who grew rich during the times of Tsar Nikolai I. Only Jews lived in Chashniki. It was a pure Jewish borough, Belarusians lived in villages around. Everybody spoke Yiddish in the borough. Even Belarusians, who came to the marketplace, spoke Yiddish. We had a very solid national system there. No bilingualism. Jewish mono-lingualism. Mother spoke only Yiddish to me.

The small borough looked ordinary, like all boroughs, and looked more like a village than a town. Dirty streets, it was impossible to walk along them in spring and fall, no boots lasted long enough. It was better to go outside in winter, when the ground was covered with snow; or in summer when the soil dried out and dust stood rooted to the ground.

My mother inherited three houses from Father, who died in 1916. The biggest house served as an inn. Peasants from villages arrived with horse carts to the fairs and on market days. They entered the yard, left their horses there and went to trade. During the day, at lunchtime they came in for tea. Mother put on a huge samovar for them, first one and then another. Dozens of men and women sat at the table and drank tea with baranki [type of bagels]. Those who were wealthier bought home-brew from my mother. The marketplace was in the middle of the settlement. Food was there in abundance, one can only dream of it nowadays. All Jews had vegetable gardens. They had enough potatoes and beetroot. If someone bought something, it was usually meat, though Jews had their own goats, ducks and chickens. For every winter Mother fed 15-20 geese and a couple of dozens of hens, which grazed at the backyard. No one counted them. Two or three barrels of pickled cucumbers and sauerkraut were procured for the winter as well. We were able to live without buying food at the market.

A small paper factory was constructed in the borough in the late 1920s. One of the Jews took a contract and started a mechanical mill with a kerosene engine. There were a lot of shoemakers in our shtetl. They didn’t only patch up, but also made boots, shoes and ladies’ shoes. There were also specialists who felted valenki [Russian felt boots]. Nobody makes such valenki now. There was one medical assistant for the whole borough.

I remember Zusia Vasserman, our neighbor. This very quiet, modest Jew had a very warm attitude towards me and my mother. He sold apples. He drove around villages on his cart, bought apples from peasants, stored them in his cellar and sold them at the marketplace in winter. He paid a lot of attention to us and took me with him on his commercial trips. One day, early in the morning he invited me to go on a trip with him. I snatched a slice of bread and got onto the cart. When we left the borough, a big Gypsy band drove out of the forest: horses, carts, wagons; Gypsy women in flower-patterned skirts; swarthy children. [Editor’s note: Russian Gypsies can be divided into two big groups, the Roma and Luli. Historically, the Roma first appeared in Russia in the 16th century but it was only at the beginning of the 19th century that they came to Moscow and St. Petersburg. They tended to live in separate communities and often faced prejudice. During World War II they suffered from Nazi persecution along with the Jews.] They all made noise, danced and their jewelry jingled. I still have the picture in front of my eyes. Zusia’s wife was my mother’s friend. Later on she fell seriously ill and became jealous. So Mother stopped communicating with Zusia and told me to stay away from him. At the end of the 1920s when the authorities began pressing the traders, Mother many times advised Zusia to wrap up his business and leave. But he clung to his house, his small business he was accustomed to. He was afraid to break away and start from scratch. As a result, he was dispossessed, exiled and vanished without a trace.

All borough boys were busy with games. Every summer battles started, street against street. We all prepared clay ‘shells,’ ran and threw them at each other on command. After that we ran to bathe in the river. Timber was procured upstream and floated down the Ulla. We got onto these rafts and dived into the water. The current was very strong. Once I was drawn under a log by the stream. There was no air to breathe. I choked and lost consciousness. Fortunately, a man passing by noticed me and dragged me out with his boat-hook. In winter we went ice-skating. When Mother gave me real skates, I became so keen on it that I stopped going to school: in the morning I just went to the ice-rink instead of going to school. I had to repeat a year, the third grade. Mother refused to buy me a bicycle as a punishment. I asked her very much, but she was inexorable. It was the most ‘acute pain’ of my childhood and I still remember it.

Besides playing with my pals I liked music. My teacher taught me to play the violin when I was five years old. I played in his family orchestra. There were eight musicians: two sons and a daughter of his, a local blacksmith, a drummer and a trumpeter. He played very well and loved music. We played at weddings and formal events. We marched at the head of the column during holiday demonstrations, playing the ‘Budenny March’ or ‘Slavianka’s Farewell’ [Russian military marches]. We played freilakhs and other Jewish melodies at weddings. When theater performances took place at the House of Culture, we played any music, which came to our minds, in the foyer.

I went to cheder when I was five, in 1920. We studied the Torah there. I studied the Hummash for two years. We didn’t come to studying the Talmud. All studies at cheder were in Yiddish. We learnt prayers in Hebrew by heart, without understanding the meaning of the words. I didn’t have time to learn Hebrew. We weren’t taught to read and write in Russian. I revolted in 1922 and flatly refused to go to cheder, as it ‘was not in fashion anymore.’ All my friends quit. ‘Mother, I will not go to cheder anymore.’ ‘What?’ She began to beat me, but I remained inexorable. The melamed, the cheder teacher, came and complained about me, ‘Your son doesn’t visit me anymore.’ She told him, ‘What can I do? The time is gone, not only he quit.’ The synagogue also was empty, only the old people gathered there. I was seven years old at that time. I didn’t go to school yet.

In 1922 I went to school. The school was considered a good one. The building and the basic team of teachers remained from the pre-revolutionary times 5. All the studies were in Russian. In primary grades our teacher was a Pole, ill with consumption. He taught us arithmetic, reading and writing in Russian, other subjects and kept a strict order. I was even left in the third grade for another year because of truancy. They didn’t want to transfer me to the 5th grade of high school because of my social origin [between 1918 and 1936 the ‘exploiters’ were disabled, deprived of their rights, including the right for free education.] Mother managed to arrange it. I remember only the teacher of geography, a very intelligent Russian woman. Everything I know about geography, I remember from her lessons. I didn’t manage to finish the 5th grade. In February or March 1929 my mother had to suddenly escape from Chashniki. She was threatened with arrest and trial. I was left alone and quit going to school.

At the end of the NEP in 1928-1929 all my relatives were out. Some were evicted, some were bereaved of their property. Their property was taken away like this: all of a sudden the financial inspector, the tax service inspector, sent a subpoena ordering to come for tax charging. And the amount of tax exceeded the cost of the house, all household and income ten years in advance. Even if one had sold oneself to slavery, it still wouldn’t have been possible to pay the tax. So people left everything and fled, in order to avoid prison because of failure to pay.

Mother was dispossessed at the beginning of 1929. The financial inspector sent her a paper, which said that she had to pay a tax amounting to 5,700,000 rubles. It wasn’t possible to earn such an amount of money in a lifetime. The paper was just written at random. If one didn’t pay the tax, one was prosecuted. So smart people left their houses and escaped. Those who didn’t manage to escape, were prosecuted, exiled to Solovki or Kazakhstan 6. Mother was warned by friends that in the evening she would be taken away and arrested. My mother was a very smart woman. As soon as she heard it, she didn’t wait for any miracle to happen, she fled. She got onto a passing cart and went to the railroad station. She went to the neighboring station, not the closest one, in order not to be tracked down. She took a train from there to Leningrad where our relatives, who had left before, lived. Mother couldn’t take me with her. If we had been caught, we would have both been exiled.

I was left alone with three houses. And above all, I had stocks of jam for five years maybe. I also had a dog as ‘dowry.’ It happened in February or March 1929, two or three months after my birthday. I was 13 years old. That’s why I had no bar mitzvah. I was left all alone and there were no relatives around; no one to take care of me.

My music teacher promised my mother that he would put me on a train as soon as possible and send her a telegram to meet me in Leningrad. And so he did. Three or four months after my mother had left he tapped on the window and told me, ‘Meishke, we shall leave at 3 at night.’ He was a wonderful man, a person with a pure soul. He had a big family. He knew it was a risk to assist the dispossessed, but he did everything honestly. A cart approached at 3am. The teacher came with his sons. He told me, ‘Give me your sack and get in.’ They loaded my belongings onto the cart and secretly at night took me to the station. Secretly, so that no one would know where I was going. The dispossessed were watched. If they found out where I was going they would start looking for my mother there. She was already condemned, deprived. All her property was taken away, because she didn’t pay the tax and fled. We had to go three kilometers to the station along a forest road. We came to the station. He bought a train ticket and accompanied me to Orsha, where he put me on a train to Leningrad. He sent a telegram to my sister Sonya in order to organize our meeting. The mail service worked better in those times. It cost one kopek or half a kopek to send a telegram. I had some luggage with me on the train – a sack full of holes, two times bigger than me. I traveled on the train for 15 hours and ate bread with jam. I put as much jam as I could carry into the sack: two whole pots. It was my first distant trip, and on my own. I was 13.

I arrived in Leningrad in the afternoon, at Vitebsky Station. My sister Sonya met me there. My sister brought me to a house opposite Vitebsky Station. The apartment was on the eighth floor. There was no elevator. She rented a corner of a room. The corner was separated with a screen and she wasn’t allowed to use the rest of the room. I was totally out of my mind and didn’t understand anything because of fear and uncertainty. I didn’t stay with my sister long. She had a very strict landlady. She allowed me to stay one or two days with my sister, not longer. My sister went to school at that time; she was in the final grade. It was a famous and very good school located near the Art-and-Industry College.

Later Aunt Sarah showed mercy and said, ‘Bring him to me, to 2 Chaikovskogo Street.’ So I lived with her in summer and fall 1929. Aunt Sarah had three children. She was a housewife and her husband was a goldsmith. He had a workshop of his own. He did everything himself: met the clients, took orders and made golden articles. His income was rather good. The family was quite Jewish, but the husband drank and every day came back from work a little tipsy. Sarah had an unusual two-storied apartment with a nursery upstairs and a parents’ room downstairs. When she left for the summerhouse 7 I stayed as a guard in the apartment. I wandered about the yard for two weeks and then signed up for a pioneer club 8 for children.

Mother couldn’t take me in right away. After my mother arrived in Leningrad she lived incognito with one of her sisters on Grazhdansky Prospekt. Then her sisters found her a Jewish fiancé. They got her acquainted with a representative of the working class with the help of some well-wishers. Iosif Borisovich Barvish worked as a glue-maker at a factory manufacturing musical instruments. He came from Kazan [today the capital of Tatarstan region, Russia], arrived in Petrograd [today St. Petersburg] at the beginning of the Revolution. His wife died and he had four grown-up sons. He was an unsophisticated man, a nice one, hard-working, without interest in lofty matters and politics. After his wife had died it became difficult for him to cope with his sons. They were serious grown up people but none could cook and keep the house. Three days after Mother was introduced to this man they decided to get married. She was satisfied with his social origin; she would become the wife of a worker and wash off her past sins as a dispossessed person. He thought it convenient that he would have a wife who would feed him and his sons.

When Mother got married, Barvish had five rooms in a separate apartment on Znamenskaya Street. Such conditions were perfect at that time. Since Mother married Barvish and they registered the marriage, she became the wife of a proletarian, a worker. She didn’t tell anyone that she had been repressed, she held her tongue. She kept the house, fed her new husband’s sons. As soon as Mother found out about Barvish’s job she started to ask him to bring home some glue. He began to bring back a small bar of joining glue every day. Mother, being a born entrepreneur, sold these bars secretly at the marketplace. In those times there was a shortage of all goods. The well-being of the family grew significantly owing to my mother’s underground activity. As a result everything developed rather well.

Later when she pegged her place substantially, she told her husband, ‘I also have children.’ He didn’t know anything either about the boy or the girl. First Sonya appeared, as if by chance arrived in Leningrad, without a place to live. She fitted in well, though she was with a ‘flaw,’ a warped face. Barvish had four sons and no daughters. He accepted her and decided to adopt her. She was Plotkina and became Barvish.

Since 1929 Sonya lived with our mother. She finished school and graduated from the Timber-Processing Academy in Leningrad. All her life she worked as an economist in the field of wood processing at the A. V. Lunacharsky musical instruments factory. She was considered a good expert. Her work was very hard; she was the head of the Labor and Salary Department of the whole factory. A lot of people in their team hated her. Bonuses and other payments depended on her. There were always those who wished to get a bigger bonus and other perks. But she did everything according to the rules. It was impossible to compel her, she didn’t take bribes, she didn’t indulge anyone and thus everyone considered her bad. My sister loved me very much. She didn’t have any private life; she lived with our mother all her life and died several months after her, in 1971.

Later, at the end of fall 1929 Mother took me by the hand and brought me to her husband. Here was a son, who appeared ‘accidentally.’ As if she didn’t know that I was brought here. ‘There’s nowhere to place him.’ Barvish was a very nice man. Besides, he was very much pleased with the new housewife. I was allowed to stay. Thus, I began to live in my family again. I lived like his legitimate son. Barvish accepted me. But he adopted my sister legally, she became Barvish, and I remained Plotkin. All his four sons lived with us.

Barvish’s elder son, Chaim, took the Party courses. He was a member of the [Communist] Party, a very ideological and committed person. He worked as a secretary of the Party organization at the ‘Bolshevik’ 9 plant shop. In 1933 Chaim was summoned to the Central Committee of the All-Union Communist Party and was present at Stalin’s reception. He was appointed Manager of the MTS – machine-and-tractor station on the Kuban [river]. He had a hard time there. We began to get information that it was restless there. He married a Cossack 10 woman. It cost him a lot. His wife’s relatives began to dislike Chaim because of his Jewish nationality. The Cossack woman herself never came to see us. We were informed before the war that he was killed by the Cossacks.

The second son, David, worked at the SOMP [State Optical-and-Mechanical Plant] as the head of the Planning Department. He had a good salary and he had a nice wife. Lusia was a very nice and sociable woman, she managed a perfumery store, she also sang well. They had a son, Vladimir. He became a very good design engineer and participated in designing submarines. When the war broke out 11, the SOMP, a modern plant, producing strategically important goods, was promptly evacuated to Kazan. David left for Kazan with the plant. He left Lusia and started a new family. After the war he stayed in Kazan and died there.

The third son, Mikhail [Matos], was the manager of a restaurant on Nevsky Prospekt. He couldn’t trade or steal. He always ended up losing. His only merit in the face of the Soviet Power was that he had served in the cavalry as a young man and was a brave Red cavalryman and joined the Bolshevik Party. That is why the authorities entrusted a restaurant to him. My mother proposed her niece Lyuba to him as a wife. They got married and lived in harmony. Right before the war the restaurant went broke under his management. Either some criminals robbed it, or the employees embezzled it. Matos returned to the army, served all the way up to the rank of a captain and was in command of a battalion. Unfortunately, marriages weren’t stable during the war. Matos found himself a very beautiful Russian wife. They served in one unit. They had a son. After the war Matos returned to Leningrad with his new wife and soon died from stomach cancer because of an unsuccessful operation.

The youngest son, Victor, sold kerosene in a store before the war. He was the most unfortunate one, an unprepossessing and slowwitted person. My mother married him off to Tsylia, a very rich and practical woman from Chashniki. Tsylia was a real bourgeois there. She had a big brick house in Chashniki. She wasn’t a beauty, nothing to look at really, but she fitted the role of a housewife. So Victor married Tsylia. Under her skillful control he became manager of the kerosene store and the wealthiest of all brothers. They had a son, Aron. Everybody considered him a booby, though he graduated successfully from the Electrical and Technical Institute, became an engineer, a radio electronics specialist. He married a very practical girl, who took him to America as soon as Jews were allowed to emigrate from the USSR. They live in the suburbs of Chicago now and prosper. Victor and Tsylia stayed in Russia and died in Leningrad. Such were my new relatives.

By 1929 I had finished only five grades: four grades of elementary school and one grade of high school. I had to continue my studies or find a job. There was unemployment at that time. Nobody waited for such a ‘responsible employee’ as me, nobody kept a place for me. In August I went to the labor registry office. It was located on Maxim Gorky Prospekt. I came there and told them that I was 14. They replied, ‘Grow up.’ I came back in two days and said, ‘I am 15.’ ‘Well, a 15-year-old is fine. We are taking on apprentices for the FWS [i. e. factory and works school] located in Malaya Okhta [industrial district north-east of Leningrad]. There is a cooperative of the reinforcement trust. They train metal workers, lathe operators. Do you want to go for this training?’ I said, ‘If you accept me, I will go.’ So they put me on the list. I went to the FWS with an assignment and became an apprentice. 

When I came to the FWS with an assignment from the labor registry office, I found out that it wasn’t just a high school. Working personnel was being trained there for industry; they were dealing with sanitary engineering and taps. I was considered a worker and had to study at the FWS for three years in order to acquire the qualification of a metal worker and a lathe operator.

Besides learning the future profession at the FWS we had lessons based on the high school program. The school was to provide us with education at the level of a seven-year school, i.e. education level of the 5th, 6th and 7th grades. We studied mathematics, technical drawing and other secondary school subjects. We also had one lesson of Russian per week. There were also political literacy lessons – about the October Revolution, about the Winter Palace being taken by storm, though in reality there was no storm, and so on and so forth. All studies were conducted rather primitively. In fact my knowledge remained at the level of the 5th grade from the school in Chashniki.

A lot of attention was devoted to public activity, the Komsomol 12, participation in various events. In summer we were taken to kolkhozes 13 to help the agricultural workers to weed the fields and harvest. There were also girls at school, no less than half of all students. There weren’t many Jews but there were some, especially in the Komsomol organization. There were no special relations between Jews there. I decided to join the Komsomol. My social origin was an appropriate one now; I came from a worker’s family. I became a Komsomol member and was accepted at the general meeting.

Soon Mother insisted that I enter a part-time music school and continue to learn to play the violin. I loved music, entered the school gladly and passed the exams successfully. I told one boy at the FWS about my success. He appeared to be either very ideological or simply mean. He spoke at one of the Komsomol meetings, having changed the issue in such a way, ‘Some of our workers want to become musicians and give up our working class job. We should not tolerate such people in the Komsomol.’ The Komsomol meeting resolved that I should quit the music school, otherwise I would be expelled from the Komsomol. I decided to quit the music school.

In 1932 I finished the FWS. I was assigned 14 to work as a turning-lathe operator at the Lepse foundry, where I did my practical work. My salary per month was 30 rubles. It was almost nothing, however, for those days it was enough to buy bread. It was as if I made my contribution to the family budget and justified my existence.

I was to make railroad joints at the plant. I could not succeed in it. My stepfather gave me some practical advice, ‘Take a look at your neighbor’s tools.’ So I peeped at my neighbor’s tools in the shop when he turned away for a moment. He had a chasing tool, the same as ours, but produced in Germany. I told Mother about it and she found a tool seller and bought me German chasing tools, and moreover, nitrated ones. They practically don’t wear out, because their surface is treated with nitrogen. She bought three pieces for me.

On the sly I put the German chasing tool on my machine and cut 600 joints during my shift, all of them perfectly done. I completed my monthly work at once. When I successfully handed in my joints the next day, our supervisor came.

The foreman was a born anti-Semite, though there were few Jews at the plant. He was envious: this ‘kike’ was able to master something that he himself wasn’t able to do. He began to watch me, looking under my hand, spying on my work. So I took a sick-leave at the polyclinic and didn’t come to work for three or four days. I warned everybody that I was sick and couldn’t come to work. He forgot about me. When I came to work again I made 500 joints without any rejects. The standard daily work was 25 to 30 parts per shift at most. My picture was placed on the Board of Honor with the inscription ‘udarnik’ [shock worker] Plotkin. I was 17 years old.

After that the anti-Semitic foreman conceived a dislike for me and began to torment me with night shifts. He put me on night shifts every other week. It was very hard for me. I couldn’t stand night work. I couldn’t stay conscious after one or two sleepless nights and fell asleep upright. I was afraid to fall asleep and fall into the machine. I complained to my mother, saying that I couldn’t go to work at the plant. I asked her to take me away from it, though I liked the lathe operator job.

Mother found OBLONO [National Education regional department] courses, which trained teachers of polytechnic labor. Young workers were taken for these courses and trained to be teachers in six months. Graduates were assigned to work at schools as teachers of polytechnic labor, bench work and timbering. I left the foundry in 1934 and signed up for these courses.

There was a special science named pedology – a theory developed by the pedagogue L. S. Vygotsky [1896-1936], studying young people’s personalities during the awkward age. This science was very much in fashion. It was based on the fact that at the age of 15-17 the teenagers’ psyche has its certain peculiarities, both boys’ and girls’. This science was very important for a teacher, as one should know a child’s psyche. We had a pedologist at our courses. He told us about the teenager’s soul and what his interests were. The teenagers were interested not in the work itself, but in relations that were generated from the common cause. Boys are mostly interested in girls and vice versa. Later a decree was introduced, stating that pedology was a pseudo-science. It was subject to damning criticism and banned. Now the ideas of that science are used by pedagogues all over the world. Only in this country, at the end of the 1930s, it was banned and declared a pseudo-science.

In summer 1934, after finishing the OBLONO courses, I was assigned to work as a teacher of labor and drawing in Chagodoschensky district of Leningrad region. Now Chagodoscha is part of Novgorod region, but at that time Novgorod, Pskov, Petrozavodsk and Murmansk were part of the big Leningrad region. I was accepted as a teacher to a high school in the village of Pervomayskoye. It was a beautiful location with a lot of forests. Pervomayskoye was a traditional center of glass-production. There were several small glass-works around.

I was accommodated in the former manor-house, a wooden house with a stove. I lived there all alone. In winter it was sometimes terrifying, when the wolves howled. I taught village children labor according to CLI method, as I had been taught at the FWS. I showed them elements of the working movement for the purpose of developing automatism and labor skills. In any case there were no real tools at school, except for a carver’s mallet, wooden hammer, and an axe, which they knew how to use better than I did. I couldn’t draw, so I contented myself with talks about how to draw. There were more experienced teachers at school, mostly middle-aged women, who forgave me all my mistakes because of my young age. I was 19. There was a wonderful teacher of physics, exiled from Leningrad for his inappropriate social origin; and an experienced teacher of chemistry. They got married later.

The most difficult trial was conversations related to foreign and internal policy with the collective farmers, kolkhozniks, from neighboring villages on the instructions of the local village Soviet [local authority]. It was a very hard time. I didn’t have any understanding of politics and didn’t know what to say. However, everything turned out fine. Apparently my listeners knew even less than I did.

The following year polytechnic labor was abolished at schools. There weren’t enough resources to support the good idea of polytechnic education. The country wasn’t able to furnish schools with necessary equipment and tools. I had to return back home to my mother.

I had to find another job. I went to work as a lather operator at the plant named after the Second Five-year Plan, located on Ligovsky Prospekt. The plant manufactured paper-producing machines. It was a complicated and modern production for those times. I handled my job well and worked there until September 1935.

Working youth entered technical schools and institutes at that time. I also wanted to obtain real education. Mother went to LITMO [Leningrad Institute of Fine Mechanics and Optics] and found out that there was a rabfak 15 there. The rabfak ensured high school education for young workers, who didn’t have a chance to finish school, but wanted to get higher education. Four years at rabfak were equal to nine grades of high school. I submitted an application to the rabfak and said that I had finished FWS. I was taken in to the 4th year right away. FWS was considered equal to seven grades. Besides I was a worker who came straight ‘from the machine.’

We were taught mathematics, physics, literature, the Russian language, technical drawing and several other subjects. We also had social science. We had a wonderful teacher of literature. I still remember him. He didn’t give us lectures, but arranged discussions about literature. Our whole group listened to him with their mouths open. I can’t remember if he was Russian or not. There were no differences between Russians and Jews at that time. Only the social origin mattered: if one was a bourgeois, one wouldn’t be accepted anywhere, but if one was from a workers’ family, one would have clear passage everywhere. The selection was social, not based on intelligence or nationality.

I graduated from the 4th year of rabfak in 1936 and entered the LITMO. I took two exams; mathematics and physics. I got two poor marks for both. But since my social origin in my papers was stated as proletarian by my stepfather and I myself was considered a worker, I was accepted and taken in to the 1st year of studies. Other boys and girls had excellent marks but they didn’t pass the entrance exams. Social origin was the most important issue at that time.

I wasn’t the most successful student and had no big achievements in my studies. I strived after knowledge, but my school education gaps and my shyness were an obstacle. The educational level in LITMO was very high. Our teachers were leading specialists in the field of optics and mechanics. They set up their own scientific and pedagogical schools. Their students held the highest positions in the optical industry, fine mechanical engineering, computing equipment manufacturing. The intellectual and professional level of the environment in which I spent five years as a student of the institute, was very high. I was not distinguished by capabilities and success against such a background, but the knowledge and skills I obtained, proved useful to me in my practical work.

My public activity was more successful. I made friends with Max Mikhailovich Rosenberg, a Communist, Chairman of the trade-union committee at the Institute of Fine Mechanics and Optics. He got me engaged in trade-union work. I was entrusted with the social sector. I was mostly busy with distribution of tickets to health centers and rest homes.

Irina Nagibina studied together with me at the institute: when I was a 5th-year student, she was a 2nd-year student. She was a tall and beautiful girl with fair hair. I liked her very much. We were friends. We didn’t even think about the fact that she was Russian and I was a Jew. It wasn’t significant at that time. Her father worked in Gostiny Dvor and being a salesman, had a lot of important contacts. He didn’t like the fact that his daughter had a Jew as a friend; however, he died in 1940. 

During the war

At the beginning of June 1941 I ate too many plums at the market and found myself in the Botkinsky barracks, the municipal infectious diseases hospital, in a couple of days with typhoid fever. Right before the war there was a rumor in our ward that all walking patients, those who could walk, should be discharged. Space was to be made for a military hospital. I was discharged on 18th June. No one knew that I was discharged and no one came to meet me. I went outside, got into the rain and hardly made it home. I dropped on the bed at home and stayed in bed. At night I had high temperature and we called for a doctor. The doctor was very much surprised, ‘How could he be discharged in such a condition?’ I stayed in bed on 22nd June, when Molotov announced on the radio that Germany had attacked us and war had broken out.

We didn’t know the truth at that time, we knew nothing. We didn’t know, how strong and predatory that enemy was, which wanted to eliminate Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, to exterminate all Jews and resettle all Russians and others beyond the Urals. We didn’t know that our leaders hadn’t expected the German invasion and were taken aback; we didn’t know that Stalin sank into depression and hid himself during the first days of the war. When the first confusion was over, we began to receive reasonable instructions from above and we started to work. The Germans advanced quickly to the East, so most important enterprises of Leningrad, its defense industry, which was always the support of the Russian state, were prepared to be evacuated. The required number of cargo cars was allocated for evacuation of the most important defense enterprises. Special trains marked with a letter carried everything away to the East, both the equipment and the employees.

I was subject to the military draft, but all LITMO students had a draft deferment. The institute was considered a military one, as it trained engineers for the defense industry. However, the situation at the front was very difficult. Volunteers were enlisted to the People’s Volunteer Corps. At the end of June a friend of mine came from the institute, ‘Look, we all got signed up for the People’s Volunteer Corps, what about you?’ ‘I am ill, I can hardly walk.’ ‘It doesn’t matter, write an application, we will take it there.’ I wrote an application. The medical commission for the People’s Volunteer Corps was set for 3rd July. I received a call-up paper. I was sick, but I got up and went there. I didn’t want to be a deserter during wartime. Mother went to see me off.

The commission was located in the Palace of Culture named after the First Five-year Plan, behind the Mariinsky Theater. Mother brought me there. There were crowds of people, hundreds, thousands of draftees. We were waiting for two or three hours. I was so weak after having typhoid that I can’t even remember how I stood there. The examination was quick. ‘What do you have?’ ‘A call-up paper.’ ‘Go to the medical commission.’ I came to the commission, the doctors checked my sight, my hearing, my legs and my arms. ‘Suitable.’ Then one doctor, an old 60-year-old woman, asked me, ‘Why do you have such a heart beat? Are you scared or something?’ I explained that I had been in Botkinsky barracks with typhoid. ‘Move away from the others.’ After that I was handed over to a different commission. They started to touch me all over again and told me I had heart complications after typhoid. They gave me an army deferment for two months. I was issued a note about deferment and I dragged myself home, understanding nothing. That piece of paper saved my life.

All our students from the 5th year, except for three people, who got deferment, were sent to the People’s Volunteer Corps Division. Several days later, the 50 boys, who didn’t have any military training, were sent to Luzhsky Line, to defend the far approaches to Leningrad. They were bombed on their way and incurred their first losses. In the middle of August the German tanks broke through our defenses and all our boys perished. No one survived. There was a rumor that in the last battle the secretary of the Party organization of our year and his assistants gave themselves up and went over to the German side.

Two days after the medical commission the same friend of mine visited me, ‘Why are you sitting here? The Dean’s office is looking for you, they want you to come immediately.’ I had already finished five years at the institute. Only the diploma remained. I went to the institute. The Scientific Work pro-rector jumped on me, ‘Where have you been?’ ‘I came as soon as I heard you were looking for me.’ ‘Go to this room, there is a commission. The Defense Ministry has assignments for all those who graduated from this institute, without defending a diploma. Go there and they will tell you what to do.’ I went to the commission and told my name. ‘We have been looking for you. Here is an assignment from the Ministry. Where would you like to go? Pick a place. There is Novosibirsk, Tomsk, Sverdlovsk, Izhevsk and another dozen of cities. Pick any plant you want – a firearms plant or an artillery plant…’ All graduates were already drafted to the People’s Volunteer Corps, so there were a lot of free assignments. I started to think, ‘What plant would be farther from the frontline?’ These ministry assignments were for the whole Soviet Union: central regions, Siberia, the Far East, the Urals. I read, ‘Kaluga, Ryazan, Voronezh… that’s bad, the Germans are close there… Izhevsk.’ I counted quickly that it was 1,500 kilometers to Izhevsk. ‘I choose Izhevsk.’ ‘Fine. You will go to Izhevsk and work at an arms plant. Sign here, take the ticket and go.’ I was assigned to the Izhevsk arms plant as an engineer-researcher to work with CME – control and measurement equipment.

Everything was happening so fast, no one understood anything. I had to say good-bye to my relatives. All my friends and relatives got together in our apartment on Vosstaniya Street. We had a real feast, because the assignment papers were accompanied with a trip advance payment, a tremendous amount of money for that time. We drank champagne.

Then Irina Nagibina, my first girlfriend, came running: ‘Oh, you’re leaving, what about me?’ ‘Stay with your parents.’ She told me when we said good-bye, ‘Don’t forget me.’

In the morning of my departure day I packed my things, took my ragged light coat, shoes, my cap and left for the Moscow railroad station. Everybody who could, came to see me off. I left together with my friend and institute-mate Stas Fialkovsky. Our train was one of the last ones, which left Leningrad. In the middle of August the Germans broke through near Kingisepp and Luga, later near Gatchina and at the beginning of September barred all the ways to and from the city. We didn’t have any misgivings about the future Leningrad siege terrors 16

Our train departed successfully. There was real pandemonium at Bologoye station. There were troop trains with refugees from the Baltic Republics and Belarus; crowds of evacuated people. Then we continued our trip. The next station was in panic. Deserters from the frontline and refugees cried that the Germans were killing everybody. Those who could, have to save their souls. We continued the trip. Soon we arrived in Kazan. We had to change trains there. So we went to look for that train, but the way to Izhevsk appeared to be barred. Some nice people told us, ‘Instead of waiting for the train, go to the dock three kilometers from here, take a boat and get to your place.’ So we did. It took us four days to get to Izhevsk, the capital of the Udmurtsk Autonomous Republic.

We immediately went to the plant in Izhevsk. We had no place to stay – no apartment, no hotel. We came to the personnel department and showed our papers. ‘We have been waiting for you. I will give you an assignment to the chief engineer.’ The chief engineer, a real Jew called Moisey, told me, ‘Moisey Abramovich Plotkin – this is very good. We have a lot of such people. I will issue an assignment for you to this department and you will have to register there.’ I was taken on the staff and the personnel department allocated me and my friend a separate apartment in the center of the city.

120,000 people worked at that time at the Izhevsk Arms Plant. That was a large-scope production. The plant produced machine-guns, rifles, antitank guns, TT pistol, later it began to produce Tula revolvers. We didn’t make anything new. These were tested shooting weapons tried in battles. They were produced in different times and in various quantities.

I got to the CML, equipped with the most modern American equipment. I was the only Jew among Russians, Tartars and Udmurts, mostly women. Almost half of all employees, including the manager of the Laboratory, were sick with open tuberculosis.

Everybody at the plant waited for a big specialist to arrive. I was yesterday’s student and didn’t even know the nuts and bolts. I couldn’t understand why I was assigned as an engineer, if any experienced worker or lab assistant knew and was able to do more than me. The lab manager, an old plant employee, saw that I didn’t understand anything. He gave me certain educational tasks and followed me like a nanny during the first three months. Soon I began to grasp the basics.

Meanwhile the Germans approached Moscow. In December 1941 L. P. Beriya 17, the almighty and formidable People’s Commissar of Internal Affairs visited our plant. All plant managers and specialists were gathered. Beriya said several very common words: ‘The army requires rifle armament. Everybody knows about our tremendous losses. The Army is lacking arms. You have to save the country. You now produce this amount, but by 1st February, i.e. in two months, you have to produce daily two sets of rifle arms for a division.’ We fulfilled the task.

At the beginning of 1942 a new plant, specialized in production of revolvers, was constructed on the basis of our big plant. Militia and partisans were equipped with such revolvers. There was a refugee camp with people from West Belarus and Ukraine arranged at the plant. It wasn’t possible to enlist them for the army, as they didn’t have Soviet citizenship. There were a lot of Jews and Poles among them. There was a construction base. They were told to build big wooden barracks at that base. They built those barracks. There was a lot of timber. Later revolver-making machines, brought from the Tula plants, were placed in those barracks. After a while they started to produce parts, but it was difficult to assemble revolvers. When a lot of these parts were produced and first samples were assembled, the military representatives rejected them. The assembled samples didn’t shoot. Military representatives refused to accept them.

At that time I fell sick with tuberculosis because of defective food and got covered with eczema. But I came to the plant every day. I was appointed head of the CML. We were looking for the reason which would explain the production of rejects. It appeared that the drawings and the produced articles had little in common. Each Tula expert contributed his own share of knowledge and experience to each produced part. Tula experts had magical hands, they didn’t work according to the drawings. The ‘Tsar-template’ that was used to assemble the article, the main pattern, was lost in evacuation. Without it nothing worked. So we took away a reliable and tried revolver from our old security guard, disassembled it into the smallest parts and used it as a model. Revolvers assembled with the use of these new patterns began to shoot. Our team gave me a nickname, the ‘King of Calibers.’

In 1942 Irina arrived. After evacuation from Leningrad she managed to obtain an assignment to the Izhevsk Arms Plant in order to be closer to me. She fell sick with typhoid, she was covered with lice and got into the hospital upon arrival. I visited her and took care of her. We got married soon after. Our daughter Genrietta was born in August 1943. It was a compromise solution: a sonorous foreign name, neither Jewish, nor Russian. Our relations were very good at that time. The problems came later.

In 1944 our forces thrust the Germans back from Leningrad. But the evacuated weren’t allowed to freely return home, it had to be organized. Irina dreamt of going back home and decided to abandon everything. She left for Leningrad together with the Artillery School, which was returning from evacuation. She left me and our six-month-old daughter. I couldn’t forgive her for such betrayal. Besides, the role of a ‘nursing father’ was a hard one for me. I was very busy at the plant. So I had to send Genrietta to a 24-hour kindergarten. Those were hard times.

After the war

I stayed in Izhevsk up to the beginning of 1946. I had a good reputation at the plant, but I lived alone among strangers. My wife, with whom my relations were not broken off completely, had already returned to Leningrad, as well as all my relatives. I took my daughter Genrietta to Leningrad in 1945 and left her with my mother and sister Sonya. She lived there alone without her parents’ care. My wife sent me an invitation after she successfully managed to find a job at LITMO. They asked me to stay at the plant and promised to recommend me for a government decoration, but I decided to leave. I came back to Leningrad on 1st February 1946.

My relatives had stayed in Leningrad, besieged by the Germans. They stayed there all through the winter of 1941-1942, the hardest starvation time of the blockade. Such is the fate of the Jewish nation!

Uncle Folia, Mother’s younger brother, was a very important and businesslike person, a watchmaker and a jeweler. We thought he was very rich. Just like Mother, he managed to escape from Chashniki to Leningrad right on time and lived in Pavlovsk. He had a house of his own, kept a cow, which produced 50 liters of milk daily. This cow provided milk to all summer residents, who lived in Pavlovsk. He had a family, a wife and a daughter. This was all before the war. When in September 1941 the German troops suddenly approached Pavlovsk, he managed to escape to Leningrad with his wife to his sisters. He took only several gold pieces with him, which he kept for a rainy day. In the morning he went outside and tried to sell them in order to buy some food. But he was arrested by a military patrol and tried for jobbery during wartime. This saved his life. The thing was that all prisoners were taken out of Leningrad at the beginning of the siege. Their life at the camp on the Big Land was hard, but not as desperate as in the besieged city. After the war Folia was released. He returned home and lived the rest of his days quietly.

My stepfather, Iosif Barvish, was about 70 in 1941, but he still worked. He continued to make joiner’s glue. That glue was organic, produced out of bones and gristles. He brought some glue home from work. Mother cooked galantine out of it. She added something to it, some water and divided it into equal parts. Thus they maintained their strength a little bit.

Later my stepfather poisoned himself with this glue and died. It happened in February 1942, at the peak of the blockade. He brought a half-bar of glue and Mother cooked a large plate of galantine. She cut it into small pieces, distributed it, wrote down the sizes of portions and hid it. There were no fridges at that time and all food products were kept outside the window. Mother kept watch over it, so that no one would filch their last food. The neighbors could find out about it and filch it. Soon everybody went to bed. Stepfather woke up and felt hungry. He knew where the plate with galantine was and ate not only his portion but another piece, and went back to bed. Suddenly he felt an attack of diarrhea and then dysentery started. He died soon after that. One shouldn’t eat a lot of that galantine, as the human body can’t digest it.

Mother and Sonya stayed in besieged Leningrad until summer 1942. Later they were evacuated, barged across Ladoga Lake 18 and put on a train to Novosibirsk [large industrial center in Western Siberia]. The troop train traveled across Siberia and on the way local managers chose specialists they required among the evacuated. Mother and Sonya settled in the village of Cherepanovo near Novosibirsk. Sonya was taken on as an accountant at the local kolkhoz, she was received very well. Mother also found a good job for herself. They helped her dig up a big vegetable garden and plant potatoes and millet. When the first crop was gathered, Mother started to cook pasties with potatoes and millet and sell them at the station. She was a real entrepreneur. She could make money out of nothing in order to feed the family. When I came to visit them she gave me a whole sack of millet. However, on my way back the sack was stolen in the train, while I was asleep.

Our compatriots, Jews from Chashniki borough, had a tragic fate. I never visited the place after 1929, though I had some information from our relatives. There were about 2,000 Jews in Chashniki when the German occupation began. The Belarusian policeman brought them together, took them to the swamp nearby and shot them. All of them. Old people and children. There were no Jews left after the liberation. Only Belarusians.

Having returned from evacuation, my mother and sister Sonya discovered that their apartment, located on the corner of Vosstania Street and Ryleyeva Street, was occupied by somebody else. So they were moved to a room in a communal apartment 19 one storey higher, where another eight families lived. There was one toilet for everyone, it was horrible! There was a bath in the bathroom but it never worked. There was only a tap. I had to stay with them.

The situation with work appeared to be better. I met my institute-mate Gelman, who worked as a chief technologist at ‘Radiopribor,’ a new plant set up on Koli Tonmchaka Street in the Moscow district. He invited me to work with him as the head of the CML. I worked for 40 years in this position, having started the metrological service for an important military plant.

However, my personal life was not that successful. Relations with my wife didn’t improve, in spite of reconciliation efforts. There was nothing in common between us. Her relatives disgusted me. We became strangers and soon got divorced. Our daughter Genrietta stayed with me. She only hindered Irina in her career.

My cousin Vera, the daughter of my mother’s sister Musia, was married to Abram Meyerovich. She got me acquainted with her husband’s Jewish relative, Marianna Abramovna Meyerovich. We got married soon. It happened on 28th August 1948.

The Meyerovich family came from Pochep, located on the border of Russia and Ukraine. Pochep was not a town, but a sort of borough before the Revolution, a small town in Chernigov province. Now it is a district center in Bryansk region. Their ancestors owned a private printing-house in Pochep. They printed books and magazines. All their sons and their whole family worked in that printing-house. They were considered a wealthy and prosperous family, middle-class for those times. They were someone who is called ‘ikes’ in boroughs, which means cultured respectable people with a developed dignity.

Kusiel Meyerovich moved to Petersburg before the Revolution. He settled in Petrogradskaya Storona and, being a craftsman, obtained a residential permit 20. His wife Nishama gave birth to 14 children. They all grew up and obtained an education. Kusiel died in 1913. His grave can still be seen at the Jewish cemetery. By 1929 all Meyeroviches moved to Leningrad from Pochep to be closer to their relatives. Their whole family clan gathered in Leningrad. Their relations were very warm. They visited each other often and gathered at the table on Jewish and Soviet holidays, eating gefilte fish, chicken galantine, beetroot with garlic and other Jewish meals.

My father-in-law, Abram Semyonovich Meyerovich, was the elder son of Simcha, Kusiel’s elder son. In 1923 he married his distant relative, Miriam Yudovna [Maria Yuryevna] 21 Medvedeva. In 1924 their only daughter Marianna, my wife-to-be, was born.

Before the Revolution, Abram Meyerovich finished a vocational school, obtained engineering education in the 1920s and worked at a bread-baking plant. He was arrested in 1932 in connection with a slanderous denunciation, accused of participation in a Zionist organization; they tried to get a testimony from him against the bread-baking plant general manager, a Jew. He was a courageous and physically strong man, so he passed the ordeal. He didn’t slander anyone and didn’t sign anything. Meanwhile his relatives found some acquaintances who managed to get a release for him. 

During the war, Abram Meyerovich was in technical units of the Baltic Navy aviation, took part in the defense of Leningrad, liberation of the Baltic countries and the seizure of Koenigsberg 22. His wife and daughter were in evacuation in Omsk at that time and worked at an aircraft plant. A lot of their relatives starved to death in besieged Leningrad. In 1947 Abram Meyerovich was demobilized and the family was re-united in Leningrad. After the war he worked at the ‘Krasnaya Zaria’ plant, specialized in production of communication means, until he retired. Maria Yuryevna graduated from the Library Institute and worked in a library at the Kulakov plant. They lived at Petrogradskaya Storona in two rooms in an apartment, which they inherited from their parents. This four-room apartment completely belonged to the Meyeroviches before, but after the war a lot of locals had to make room for others. There was not enough space for everyone to live.

Marriage life and children

When Marianna and I got married, we didn’t know each other well enough. We liked each other when we met. She promised to be a faithful and devoted wife, but there was no time for the mutual feeling to grow stronger. I wanted to put my personal life in order as quickly as possible and to bring up my daughter in a normal family environment. Marianna was a 5th-year student of the Medical Institute at that time and her marriage allowed her to stay in Leningrad when it came to getting an assignment. Otherwise she should have been sent to work in some far-away countryside district of the country with hard conditions.

Nevertheless, our marriage became a really happy one. We matched each other very well and got closer and closer every year. Marianna appeared to be a real Jewish wife, totally living in the interests of the family. She brought up Genrietta as if she were her own daughter. She supported me in all my life struggles. 

In 1949 our son was born. Jews have a tradition to name their children with traditional family names, in honor of their grandfathers. But in 1949 it would have been cruel to give the name of Abram or Simcha to a child. Anti-Semitism increased in the country. So the children were given Russian names, but at least the first letter matched. We gave our son the name of Konstantin in honor of his great-great-grandfather Kusiel.

We lived with my wife’s parents, the six of us in two rooms. I always appreciated the kind and benevolent atmosphere in our home. Even some tiffs with my mother-in-law, inevitable in every married man’s life, didn’t prevent me from feeling our family and our home as a reliable and strong rear.

The beginning of our family life clashed with the campaign aimed against cosmopolitans 23 in the USSR. We found ourselves in a difficult atmosphere of anti-Semitism, both state and domestic. Eighty Jews were fired at our ‘Radiopribor’ plant, mostly qualified engineers, who held average managing positions. Only four Jews remained, including me. The fact was that my position wasn’t needed. The salary was low, only 92 rubles. There were no promotion prospects. Besides, the job of the head of the CML is very responsible and requires highly specialized knowledge in the field of metrology. Only this saved me from being fired.

My wife graduated from the Medical Institute and couldn’t find a job for a long time. Finally she was taken on in a microbiologic laboratory at the Children’s Infections’ Hospital in Leninsky district. The laboratory was headed by a famous microbiologist, Doctor of Medicine, Moisey Solomonovich. He himself was mercilessly expelled from the Medical Institute because of his Jewish origin. This prominent scientist had to work in a district children’s hospital for many years. Marina worked under his supervision during the first two years without a salary. She had to wait until one of the employees retired and the position with a salary became vacant. After that she worked in that hospital for 40 years.

The most dramatic story happened to my wife’s uncle Boris Girshbert. He was a wonderful specialist in chill casting and worked at the Kozitsky plant as a leading mold designer. In the heat of the ‘struggle against cosmopolitans’ he was suddenly fired. He couldn’t bear the shock and died of a heart attack in 1953. His wife Raisa and little daughter Marianna were left without any means for living. We helped them as much as we could until Marianna grew up. Now she has adult children and she is a very successful businesswoman.

A lot of Jews had a hard time in those years. The most heavy blows fell on the most talented and bright people, those with leadership capabilities. On the whole, our family lived like all Soviet people in the post-war decades. We worked a lot in good faith, getting modest salaries. I made more than 50 inventions and innovations in the field of metrologic equipment. I was awarded the ‘Best Rationalizer in Leningrad’ memorable insignia for the sample heating muffle furnace that I designed.

In summer all our family left for the summer-house, which we rented in the country-side. Most of all we liked to spend our time in Zelenogorsk, though we have been to several places. Sometimes I went to the South or traveled along the Volga River with my wife. I still remember these rare trips like real holidays.

During the war and after it I was several times offered to join the Communist Party. The positions I held weren’t very important, but rather responsible, that is why a 100 percent controllable and manageable person should have held them. I quite shared the Communist ideals at that time, but refused to join the CPSU. I pretended that I wasn’t ready to take such a responsible step. But in fact I was simply afraid. I feared that in case of a serious check-up of my papers they would find out that I was a fake proletarian and that my mother had been ‘dispossessed.’ While Stalin was alive one could be seriously punished for false information in the questionnaire. Later this danger was not real anymore, but the fear was still there. I even told my children the true story of their grandmother only in 1989, on the eve of the USSR’s break-up [as the Berlin Wall fell in 1989, irreversible changes took place in the Soviet block]. This was the way the Soviet power brought us up.

This fear sat deep inside us and was transferred to our children. When my daughter was 16 years old, she had to obtain a passport. She said she was Russian. At her school all Jewish boys and girls wrote ‘Russian’ 24 when asked about their nationality.

My children’s youth fortunately fell into Khrushchev’s 25 thaw period, when all anti-Jewish restrictions were relaxed. They managed to obtain university education and make a lot of Russian friends. My daughter graduated from the Faculty of Mathematics–Mechanics at [Leningrad State] University, and our son graduated from the Faculty of History. However, I was always against his humanitarian interests. My daughter happily worked all her life as a teacher at the sub-faculty of Mathematics at the [Leningrad] Polytechnic Institute and our son was constantly driven from place to place. After five-seven years of work at most modest positions he had to leave because of insults and persecution, in order to vacate the place for another ‘original Slavic talent.’ He stayed in Pskov for 20 years, between 1980 and 1999. He was not able to find a job in his native city.

After the Six-Day-War 26 in 1967, at the beginning of the 1970s we were given the possibility to immigrate to Israel. Talks about leaving became an obsession among my relatives and friends. We listened to the programs of the ‘Voice of America’ 27 and BBC about Jewish life. Our friends stealthily shared with us news received from their relatives 28, who had left for Israel and the USA. I remember how we gathered at Victor and Tsylia Barvish’s place to see their son Aron off to the USA. We sat at the table and during several hours spoke only about the departure problems, perspectives to find a job ‘there,’ and so on. Later Tsylia retold me in detail and with pride the rare letters from her son.

However, I had to avoid these plans and even these conversations, as I had absolutely no possibility to leave the USSR. I have worked in the military industry all my life and had access to secret information, including documentation marked ‘OV’ [short for ‘very important’ in Russian]. Systems, the components of which we produced, are still the basis of Russia’s defense potential. The perspective to join the army of unemployed Jews, who received a refusal, didn’t attract me at all. That is why the problem of departure was not really considered in our family.

My children were brought up in the Russian cultural environment. Their life is quite successful. They had some problems with their ethnic origin, especially our son. But they didn’t dare to lose contact with their ‘pre-historic motherland’ and start life all over. They began to take an interest in the life of their nation and the Jewish community in Petersburg during the last several years. They participate in the ‘Hesed Avraham’ 29 charity center programs: my daughter conducts one of the ‘warm homes,’ two dozens of old Jews come to see her every week to talk and spend time; my son collects materials for the Jewish museum.

My grandchildren have a different fate. My daughter has two children: son Ilya and daughter Julia. In 1989 they were 20 and 17 years old correspondingly. They both announced that they are tired of ‘changing color,’ that they want to be real Jews, so they left for Israel. Ilya became an Orthodox Jew, he wears traditional clothes, is keen on Jewish mystics; he married a charming Jewess from a family of Orthodox Jews from Belgium. His wife gave birth to three wonderful children, my great-grandchildren. Julia turned out to be a very talented girl with a strong personality. She entered the Hebrew University in Jerusalem and defended a Master’s thesis in sociology. Her dissertation was considered the best graduate’s work of 2000 in the field of sociology and anthropology in Israel. Now she is working for a Doctor’s degree. I see the future of our family in our grandchildren and I like this future.

My daughter has been to Israel four times to visit her children. My son also has been to Israel at the Yad Vashem 30 seminar. They brought back brilliant, unforgettable impressions. 

Many of my friends and relatives have died already. Mother died in 1971 at the age of 92. Sonya died right after her, six months later. My father-in-law died untimely, in 1965, he was only 65 years old. My mother-in-law was ill for a long time after that, she couldn’t get over his death. She lived with us until 1983. Almost all relatives of mine, my wife’s relatives and my friends also died, and their children left for Israel, the USA or Germany. Only some remain in Leningrad.

In 1994 not long before my 70th birthday my wife Marianna died. I was sick for a long time after such a blow of fate and couldn’t come to my senses. Fortunately, my children supported me. My daughter has been taking care of me for several years. I also receive great support from the Jewish Charitable ‘Hesed Avraham’ Center. In 1999 my son finally decided to come back home from Pskov. He lives with me now and I don’t feel lonely anymore.

Glossary:

1 NEP

The so-called New Economic Policy of the Soviet authorities was launched by Lenin in 1921. It meant that private business was allowed on a small scale in order to save the country ruined by the Revolution of 1917 and the Russian Civil War. They allowed priority development of private capital and entrepreneurship. The NEP was gradually abandoned in the 1920s with the introduction of the planned economy.

2 Civil War (1918-1920)

The Civil War between the Reds (the Bolsheviks) and the Whites (the anti-Bolsheviks), which broke out in early 1918, ravaged Russia until 1920. The Whites represented all shades of anti-communist groups – Russian army units from World War I, led by anti-Bolshevik officers, by anti-Bolshevik volunteers and some Mensheviks and Social Revolutionaries. Several of their leaders favored setting up a military dictatorship, but few were outspoken tsarists. Atrocities were committed throughout the Civil War by both sides. The Civil War ended with Bolshevik military victory, thanks to the lack of cooperation among the various White commanders and to the reorganization of the Red forces after Trotsky became commissar for war. It was won, however, only at the price of immense sacrifice; by 1920 Russia was ruined and devastated. In 1920 industrial production was reduced to 14% and agriculture to 50% as compared to 1913.

3 Polish-Soviet War (1919-21)

between Poland and Soviet Russia. It began with the Red Army marching on Belarus and Lithuania; in December 1918 it took Minsk, and on 5th January 1919 it drove divisions of the Lithuanian and Belarusian defense armies out of Vilnius. The Soviets’ aim was to install revolutionary governments in these lands, while the Polish side had two territorial programs for them: incorporative (the annexation of Belarus and part of Ukraine to Poland) and federating (the creation of a system of nation states sympathetic to Poland). The war was waged on the territory of what is today Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine and Poland (west to the Vistula). Armed combat ceased on 18th October 1920 and the peace treaty was signed on 18th March 1921 in Riga. The outcome of the 1919-1920 war was the incorporation into Poland of Lithuania’s Vilnius region, Belarus’ Grodno region, and Western Ukraine.

4 Russian stove

Big stone stove stoked with wood. They were usually built in a corner of the kitchen and served to heat the house and cook food. It had a bench that made a comfortable bed for children and adults in wintertime.

5 Russian Revolution of 1917

Revolution in which the tsarist regime was overthrown in the Russian Empire and, under Lenin, was replaced by the Bolshevik rule. The two phases of the Revolution were: February Revolution, which came about due to food and fuel shortages during World War I, and during which the tsar abdicated and a provisional government took over. The second phase took place in the form of a coup led by Lenin in October/November (October Revolution) and saw the seizure of power by the Bolsheviks.

6 Gulag

The Soviet system of forced labor camps in the remote regions of Siberia and the Far North, which was first established in 1919. However, it was not until the early 1930s that there was a significant number of inmates in the camps. By 1934 the Gulag, or the Main Directorate for Corrective Labor Camps, then under the Cheka's successor organization the NKVD, had several million inmates. The prisoners included murderers, thieves, and other common criminals, along with political and religious dissenters. The Gulag camps made significant contributions to the Soviet economy during the rule of Stalin. Conditions in the camps were extremely harsh. After Stalin died in 1953, the population of the camps was reduced significantly, and conditions for the inmates improved somewhat.

7 Dacha

country house, consisting of small huts and little plots of lands. The Soviet authorities came to the decision to allow this activity to the Soviet people to support themselves. The majority of urban citizens grow vegetables and fruit in their small gardens to make preserves for winter.

8 All-Union pioneer organization

a communist organization for teenagers between 10 and 15 years old (cf: boy-/ girlscouts in the US). The organization aimed at educating the young generation in accordance with the communist ideals, preparing pioneers to become members of the Komsomol and later the Communist Party. In the Soviet Union, all teenagers were pioneers.

9 Bolsheviks

Members of the movement led by Lenin. The name ‘Bolshevik’ was coined in 1903 and denoted the group that emerged in elections to the key bodies in the Social Democratic Party (SDPRR) considering itself in the majority (Rus. bolshynstvo) within the party. It dubbed its opponents the minority (Rus. menshynstvo, the Mensheviks). Until 1906 the two groups formed one party. The Bolsheviks first gained popularity and support in society during the 1905-07 Revolution. During the February Revolution in 1917 the Bolsheviks were initially in the opposition to the Menshevik and SR (‘Sotsialrevolyutsionyery’, Socialist Revolutionaries) delegates who controlled the Soviets (councils). When Lenin returned from emigration (16 April) they proclaimed his program of action (the April theses) and under the slogan ‘All power to the Soviets’ began to Bolshevize the Soviets and prepare for a proletariat revolution. Agitation proceeded on a vast scale, especially in the army. The Bolsheviks set about creating their own armed forces, the Red Guard. Having overthrown the Provisional Government, they created a government with the support of the II Congress of Soviets (the October Revolution), to which they admitted some left-wing SRs in order to gain the support of the peasantry. In 1952 the Bolshevik party was renamed the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.

10 Cossacks

an ethnic group that constituted something of a free estate in the 15th-17th centuries in the Polish Republic and in the 16th-18th centuries in the Muscovite state (and then Russia). The Cossacks in the Polish Republic consisted of peasants, townspeople and nobles settled along the banks of the Lower Dnieper, where they organized armed detachments initially to defend themselves against the Tatar invasions and later themselves making forays against the Tatars and the Turks. As part of the armed forces, the Cossacks played an important role in Russia’s imperial wars in the 17th-20th centuries. From the 19th century onwards, Cossack troops were also used to suppress uprisings and independence movements. During the February and October Revolutions in 1917 and the Russian Civil War, some of the Cossacks (under Kaledin, Dutov and Semyonov) supported the Provisional Government, and as the core of the Volunteer Army bore the brunt of the fighting with the Red Army, while others went over to the Bolshevik side (Budenny). In 1920 the Soviet authorities disbanded all Cossack formations, and from 1925 onwards set about liquidating the Cossack identity. In 1936 Cossacks were permitted to join the Red Army, and some Cossack divisions fought under its banner in World War II. Some Cossacks served in formations collaborating with the Germans and in 1945 were handed over to the authorities of the USSR by the Western Allies.

11 Great Patriotic War

On 22nd June 1941 at 5 o’clock in the morning Nazi Germany attacked the Soviet Union without declaring war. This was the beginning of the so-called Great Patriotic War. The German blitzkrieg, known as Operation Barbarossa, nearly succeeded in breaking the Soviet Union in the months that followed. Caught unprepared, the Soviet forces lost whole armies and vast quantities of equipment to the German onslaught in the first weeks of the war. By November 1941 the German army had seized the Ukrainian Republic, besieged Leningrad, the Soviet Union's second largest city, and threatened Moscow itself. The war ended for the Soviet Union on 9th May 1945.

12 Komsomol

Communist youth political organization created in 1918. The task of the Komsomol was to spread of the ideas of communism and involve the worker and peasant youth in building the Soviet Union. The Komsomol also aimed at giving a communist upbringing by involving the worker youth in the political struggle, supplemented by theoretical education. The Komsomol was more popular than the Communist Party because with its aim of education people could accept uninitiated young proletarians, whereas party members had to have at least a minimal political qualification.

13 Kolkhoz

In the Soviet Union the policy of gradual and voluntary collectivization of agriculture was adopted in 1927 to encourage food production while freeing labor and capital for industrial development. In 1929, with only 4% of farms in kolkhozes, Stalin ordered the confiscation of peasants' land, tools, and animals; the kolkhoz replaced the family farm.

14 Mandatory job assignment in the USSR

Graduates of higher educational institutions had to complete a mandatory 2-year job assignment issued by the institution from which they graduated. After finishing this assignment young people were allowed to get employment at their discretion in any town or organization.

15 Rabfak (Rabochiy Fakultet – Workers’ Faculty in Russian)

Established by the Soviet power usually at colleges or universities, these were educational institutions for young people without secondary education. Many of them worked beside studying. Graduates of Rabfaks had an opportunity to enter university without exams.

16 Blockade of Leningrad

On 8th September 1941 the Germans fully encircled Leningrad and its siege began. It lasted until 27th January 1944. The blockade meant incredible hardships and privations for the population of the town. Hundreds of thousands died from hunger, cold and diseases during the almost 900 days of the blockade.

17 Beriya, L

P. (1899-1953): Communist politician, one of the main organizers of the mass arrests and political persecution between the 1930s and the early 1950s. Minister of Internal Affairs, 1938-1953. In 1953 he was expelled from the Communist Party and sentenced to death by the Supreme Court of the USSR.

18 Road of Life

It was a passage across Lake Ladoga in winter during the Blockade of Leningrad. It was due to the Road of Life that Leningrad survived in the terrible winter of 1941-42.

19 Communal apartment

The Soviet power wanted to improve housing conditions by requisitioning ‘excess’ living space of wealthy families after the Revolution of 1917. Apartments were shared by several families with each family occupying one room and sharing the kitchen, toilet and bathroom with other tenants. Because of the chronic shortage of dwelling space in towns communal or shared apartments continued to exist for decades. Despite state programs for the construction of more houses and the liquidation of communal apartments, which began in the 1960s, shared apartments still exist today.

20 Residence permit

The Soviet authorities restricted freedom of travel within the USSR through the residence permit and kept everybody’s whereabouts under control. Every individual in the USSR needed residential registration; this was a stamp in the passport giving the permanent address of the individual. It was impossible to find a job, or even to travel within the country, without such a stamp. In order to register at somebody else’s apartment one had to be a close relative and if each resident of the apartment had at least 8 square meters to themselves.

21 Common name

Russified or Russian first names used by Jews in everyday life and adopted in official documents. The Russification of first names was one of the manifestations of the assimilation of Russian Jews at the turn of the 19th and 20th century. In some cases only the spelling and pronunciation of Jewish names was russified (e.g. Isaac instead of Yitskhak; Boris instead of Borukh), while in other cases traditional Jewish names were replaced by similarly sounding Russian names (e.g. Eugenia instead of Ghita; Yury instead of Yuda). When state anti-Semitism intensified in the USSR at the end of the 1940s, most Jewish parents stopped giving their children traditional Jewish names to avoid discrimination.

22 Konigsberg offensive

It started on 6th April 1945 and involved the 2nd and the 3rd Belarusian and some forces of the 1st Baltic front. It was conducted as part of the decisive Eastern Prussian operation, the purpose of which was the crushing defeat of the largest grouping of German forces in Eastern Prussia and the northern part of Poland. The battles were crucial and desperate. On 9th April 1945 the forces of the 3rd Belarusian front stormed and seized the town and the fortress of Konigsberg. The battle for Eastern Prussia was the most blood-shedding campaign in 1945. The losses of the Soviet Army exceeded 580,000 people (127,000 of them were casualties). The Germans lost about 500,000 people (about 300,000 of them were casualties). After WWII, based on the decision of the Potsdam Conference (1945) the northern part of Eastern Prussia including Konigsberg was annexed to the USSR and the city was renamed as Kaliningrad.

23 Campaign against ‘cosmopolitans’

The campaign against ‘cosmopolitans’, i.e. Jews, was initiated in articles in the central organs of the Communist Party in 1949. The campaign was directed primarily at the Jewish intelligentsia and it was the first public attack on Soviet Jews as Jews. ‘Cosmopolitans’ writers were accused of hating the Russian people, of supporting Zionism, etc. Many Yiddish writers as well as the leaders of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee were arrested in November 1948 on charges that they maintained ties with Zionism and with American ‘imperialism’. They were executed secretly in 1952. The anti-Semitic Doctors’ Plot was launched in January 1953. A wave of anti-Semitism spread through the USSR. Jews were removed from their positions, and rumors of an imminent mass deportation of Jews to the eastern part of the USSR began to spread. Stalin’s death in March 1953 put an end to the campaign against ‘cosmopolitans’.

24 Item 5

This was the ethnicity/nationality factor, which was included on all official documents and job application forms. Thus, the Jews, who were considered a separate nationality in the Soviet Union, were more easily discriminated against from the end of World War II until the late 1980s.

25 Khrushchev, Nikita (1894-1971)

Soviet communist leader. After Stalin’s death in 1953, he became first secretary of the Central Committee, in effect the head of the Communist Party of the USSR. In 1956, during the 20th Party Congress, Khrushchev took an unprecedented step and denounced Stalin and his methods. He was deposed as premier and party head in October 1964. In 1966 he was dropped from the Party's Central Committee.

26 Six-Day-War

The first strikes of the Six-Day-War happened on 5th June 1967 by the Israeli Air Force. The entire war only lasted 132 hours and 30 minutes. The fighting on the Egyptian side only lasted four days, while fighting on the Jordanian side lasted three. Despite the short length of the war, this was one of the most dramatic and devastating wars ever fought between Israel and all of the Arab nations. This war resulted in a depression that lasted for many years after it ended. The Six-Day-War increased tension between the Arab nations and the Western World because of the change in mentalities and political orientations of the Arab nations.

27 Voice of America

International broadcasting service funded by the U.S. government through the Broadcasting Board of Governors. Voice of America has been broadcasting since 1942, initially to Europe in various European languages from the US on short wave. During the cold war it grew increasingly popular in Soviet-controlled Eastern Europe as an information source.

28 Keep in touch with relatives abroad

The authorities could arrest an individual corresponding with his/her relatives abroad and charge him/her with espionage, send them to concentration camp or even sentence them to death.

29 Hesed

Meaning care and mercy in Hebrew, Hesed stands for the charity organization founded by Amos Avgar in the early 20th century. Supported by Claims Conference and Joint Hesed helps for Jews in need to have a decent life despite hard economic conditions and encourages development of their self-identity. Hesed provides a number of services aimed at supporting the needs of all, and particularly elderly members of the society. The major social services include: work in the center facilities (information, advertisement of the center activities, foreign ties and free lease of medical equipment); services at homes (care and help at home, food products delivery, delivery of hot meals, minor repairs); work in the community (clubs, meals together, day-time polyclinic, medical and legal consultations); service for volunteers (training programs). The Hesed centers have inspired a real revolution in the Jewish life in the former Soviet Union countries. People have seen and sensed the rebirth of the Jewish traditions of humanism. Currently over eighty Hesed centers exist in the FSU countries. Their activities cover the Jewish population of over eight hundred settlements.

30 Yad Vashem

This museum, founded in 1953 in Jerusalem, honors both Holocaust martyrs and ‘the Righteous Among the Nations’, non-Jewish rescuers who have been recognized for their ‘compassion, courage and morality’.

Gavril Marcuson

Gavril Marcuson
Bucureşti
România
Reporter: Anca Ciuciu
Data interviului: Noiembrie 2004

Domnul Marcuson este un bărbat înalt, în vârstă de 91 de ani. Este scriitor (a scris „Potemkiniştii în România”, „Răscola ţăranilor din 1907”) şi un traducător specializat în literatura franceză (a tradus din Chateaubriand, Louis Hemon, Honoré de Balzac, Villiers de l’Isle-Adam, Alfred de Musset). Trăieşte pentru pasiunea de a citi, de a şti. Citeşte foarte mult, de la literatură până la ziare,  pe care şi le cumpără în fiecare zi, de la chioşcul apropiat de casa lui. Locuieşte în centrul Bucureştiului, într-o zonă de case care aminteşte de Bucureştiul interbelic, prin arhitectură şi grădini. Urcând la etajul întâi, îl găseşti înconjurat de cărţi şi amintiri, într-o cameră foarte caldă. Soţia, de care a fost şi este îndrăgostit, a murit în anul 2000, dar din orice colţ al camerei priveşte din fotografii, mereu surâzătoare.

Amintiri din copilărie
Familia mea
Copilâria mea
La școală
Al Doilea Război Mondial
După Război
Glosar

Amintiri din copilărie

Pe bunicii din partea tatălui, Aizic şi Ernestina Marcussohn, i-am cunoscut prea puţin din spusele lui tata. Au trăit şi au murit la Iaşi. Nu ştiu ce profesiune avea bunicul patern, bunica paternă de asemenea vag îmi aduc aminte de ea. I-am cunoscut pe aceştia la Iaşi cu ocazia primului război mondial, când familia mea, ca atâţia bucureşteni, s-a refugiat la Iaşi, Bucureştiul fiind ocupat de trupele germane [între noiembrie 1916 - noiembrie 1918]. Ţin minte că o dată când mama lipsea de acasă, bunicul mi-a dat să beau ţuică şi m-am îmbătat, am căzut sub masă. Mama a venit din oraş, m-a găsit dormind sub masă şi i-a făcut un scandal nemaipomenit lui bunicul, de ce mi-a dat să beau. Eram aşa de mic încât cu capul mă lovisem de masă. Eram înalt cât masa.

Tata avea doi fraţi şi o soră pe care nu i-am cunoscut, nu i-am văzut niciodată. Au trăit toată viaţa la Iaşi. Pe fraţii lui îi chema unul Heinrich şi pe celălalt Lazăr Marcussohn. Nici nu ştiu dacă avea o soră, cred că avea o soră.

Tata s-a născut la Iaşi în 1888. A făcut studii la Viena, Liceul comercial. Era un bărbat înalt, chipeş. Era un om foarte blând şi eu sunt bucuros că semăn cu el, am moştenit fenotipul lui, statura şi firea lui. Se ocupa de noi, şi ne iubea într-un mod mai inteligent decât ne iubea mama, fiindcă era mai inteligent, mai cultivat. Nu mă certa niciodată, de bătaie nici vorbă nu poate fi. Era iubitor de literatură, citea nemţeşte, avea o bibliotecă germană. Era abonat la „Der Kampf” [Lupta], o revistă social-democrată, care apărea la Viena. Era abonat şi la presa românească şi la presa evreiască. Citea în fiecare zi două cotidiene: „Dimineaţa” [Notă: cotidian românesc de informaţii. Apare la Bucureşti între 1904 şi 1938, cu întreruperi.] şi „Adevărul” [Notă: ziar românesc de opinii democratice. Apare la Iaşi, săptămânal în 1871-1872, şi, cu întreruperi, la Bucureşti, zilnic între 1888 şi 1951.], care apărea după-masă. Dimineaţa citea „Dimineaţa” şi după masa citea „Adevărul”.

Iată o întâmplare pe care mi-o amintesc.Tata îmi cumpărase un miel, un miel negru cu care mă jucam eu. Şi într-o zi plimbându-mă eu cu tata prin curtea  cea mare, nu văd mielul. „Tată, unde-i mielul?” Tata, care cum vă spun, era un om blând, dar uneori era lipsit de tact, zice: „Unde e mielul? Hai cu mine să îţi arăt eu!” Şi mă duce în fundul curţii şi acolo rezemat de perete era o tăblie de lemn şi pe ea bătută în cuie o blană neagră. „Uite mielul!” Când am văzut, cât eram de mic am priceput şi am început să urlu, să dau din picioare, mi-am dat seama că îl tăiase, dar tata îmi zice, mi-amintesc şi astăzi după atâtea decenii: „Ce urli aşa mă, că ai şi mâncat din el!” Când am auzit că am mâncat din prietenul meu am început să urlu şi mai tare.

Tata era contabil, comerciant în Bucureşti. Nu era religios. Avea afacerea lui, vindea aparate de sudură, carbid, dar nu avea firmă, nu avea un nume. A lucrat un timp cu Filip Weisselberg, cumnatul lui şi după ce părinţii mei au divorţat [înainte de al doilea război mondial, în anii 1930], şi-a cumpărat casă în alt cartier şi acolo a continuat să se ocupe cu comerţul de aparate de sudură. Tata a murit la Bucureşti în anii 1960.

Bunicul din partea mamei, Isac Weisselberg, cred că s-a născut in 1855 în Târgu Neamţ, dar nu sunt sigur. A trăit în localităţile unde şi-a făcut copiii, la Huşi, apoi cei mai mici s-au născut la Bucureşti. A fost negustor, engrosist de vinuri. Bunicii erau deişti, erau credincioşi. Deişti erau şi părinţii mei dar nu erau credincioşi. Despre bunica din partea mamei, Frederica Weisselberg mi-a aduc aminte că la adânci bătrâneţi avea părul negru, nu încărunţise. Ne iubea şi pe mine şi pe fratele meu, Octav, stătea de vorbă cu noi. Nu ieşea din casă, nu mergea în oraş şi se îmbrăca modest.

Am crescut în casa bunicilor materni, acolo am copilărit. Primele amintiri sunt din timpul primului război mondial, când aveam trei-patru ani. Îmi amintesc că armata germană se încartiruise printre altele şi în casa noastră. Intraseră soldaţi germani de care îmi amintesc foarte bine, cu căştile lor, şi strigau: „Ruhe, ruhe!”. Şi am întrebat-o pe mama ce însemna „ruhe”. Şi mama, care ştia puţin nemţeşte, mi-a spus că înseamnă linişte. L-au lovit pe bunicul cu patul armei în cap, eu nu am văzut scena asta, dar îmi aduc aminte pe urmă că l-am văzut pe bunicul cu capul însângerat, cu sângele şiroindu-i pe chelie şi [apoi] venea zilnic o soră medicală şi îi pansa rana. Tata nu era acasă, era plecat, nu ştiu unde, poate la Iaşi. Acasă eram eu cu mama, cu o soră a mamei şi cu bunicul meu. Ne-am împăcat bine cu ostaşii germani, care ne ocupaseră locuinţa. Mi-aduc aminte şi astăzi cum stăteau rezemaţi de perete cu căştile lor în cap şi cântau cât îi ţinea gura. Îmi amintesc cântecele lor, cântece populare germane, naive, copilăreşti, pe care le cântau pe vremea aceea. De la ei am învăţat primele cuvinte germane. Pe mine mă porecliseră soldaţii „Zigeunerkind”, adică copil de ţigan, pentru că eram mic şi negru. Îmi amintesc apoi când a intrat armata noastră în oraş şi bunicul mi-a spus: „Ieşi în poartă şi strigă: Trăiască Armata Română!” şi ieşeam la portiţă şi strigam cât puteam. Şi îmi amintesc trupele române cum măşăluiau pe Şoseaua Viilor spre centrul oraşului. Bunicul şi bunica dinspre mama sunt înmormântaţi la [cimitirul evreiesc] Filantropia, nu ştiu când au murit [cândva după al doilea război mondial].

Familia mea

Bunicul matern a avut 16 copii, dintre care au trăit până la vârsta adultă numai 7, trei băieţi şi patru fete: Sabina, Filip, Raşela, Evelina (mama), Victor, Neuman şi Lucia. I-am cunoscut mai bine, erau la Bucureşti, afară de Raşela, pe care am cunoscut-o şi care a locuit la Botoşani.

Cea mare, Sabina Michell [născută Weisselberg], a locuit în Bucureşti. Era casnică. Soţul ei se numea Iosef Michell. Au avut  o fată care a murit la 16 ani, Laureta [diminutiv de la Laura]. Filip Weisselberg era negustor, om de afaceri, iar soţia, Rebeca Weisselberg era farmacistă. Nu au avut copii. Avea o firmă, vindea pluguri, se numea „Plugul”. Vindeau şi aparate de sudură, carbid, care folosea la sudura autogenă ş.a.m.d. Raşela Goldschläger [născută Weisselberg] a fost casnică şi a locuit la Botoşani. Nu a avut copii. Victor Weisselberg era avocat, iar soţia lui, Adela Weisselberg, era dactilografă la o firmă. N-au avut copii. Neuman Weisselberg era inginer chimist la Universitatea din Zurich iar soţia lui, Stephanie Weisselberg, trăieşte. În luna aprilie [2005] face 100 de ani. Au doi băieţi, verii mei: Mircea Weisselberg, inginer şi Isac Weisselberg, inginer. Ambii locuiesc la Haifa. Mama lor locuieşte în Tel Aviv, la un cămin de bătrâni. Ultima fată, este Lucia Issersohn [născută Weisselberg]. Soţul ei, Herman Isersohn, era de profesiune medic. Au avut o fată, Lauretta, după cea care a murit. Lauretta este medic în Canada.

Mama, Eveline Marcussohn [născută Weisselberg], s-a născut la Huşi în 1892. Avea câteva clase de liceu. Nu era o persoană religioasă. Era o femeie destul de simplă, ştia puţină franceză. Bunicul i-a dat numai pe băieţi la şcoală [la facultate]. Pe unul din băieţi l-a făcut chimist, pe alt băiat l-a făcut avocat, pe altul l-a făcut contabil, dar pe fete nu le-a dat la şcoală. Fetele erau dispreţuite. Bărbaţii conduc, iar femeile şi în sinagogă stau despărţite. Mama a fost casnică. Ne iubea în felul ei, avea grijă de noi, ne hrănea şi noi nu eram pretenţioşi la mâncare. Era blândă, uneori se mai şi supăra, dar nu ne bătea. Nici eu nici fratele meu n-am suferit bătaie.

Fratele meu, Octav Marcussohn, este mai mic decât mine cu 9 ani. E născut în 1922, la Bucureşti. Eu îl învăţam, glumeam cu el, îl duceam la plimbări pe străzi. Din Dealul Spirii, unde locuiam, îi ziceam: „Octăvică, astăzi te duc pe nişte străzi, pe unde n-ai mai fost niciodată! Să vezi că o să-ţi placă!” Şi-l duceam şi îl plimbam pe străzile care mergeau la vale, spre mânăstirea Antim. Şi-i plăcea şi lui şi îi arătam casele, treceam pe lângă simigerie, îi cumpăram un  covrig cu susan, ca un frate mai mare, sigur. Îmi amintesc de strada Cazărmii, unde iarna era derdeluş şi mă duceam cu săniuţa.

Aveam relaţii apropiate, deşi gândeam diferit. Eu eram de stânga şi el era de dreapta, dar nu ne luam de păr. El gândea altfel, era antisovietic, sionist. A făcut Facultatea de Matematici din Bucureşti. A fost un student foarte bun. El împreună cu alt coleg al lui, Halanai, un evreu spaniol [sefard], au fost şefi de promoţie şi Ministerul Învăţământului a vrut să-l trimită la Moscova pentru doctorat. El s-a speriat atât de tare, încât a fugit în Israel, prin anii 1950. Acum este pensionar la Tel Aviv. În România n-a avut serviciu, iar în Israel a fost profesor de matematică la o şcoală. E de multă vreme pensionar. Nu are copii, nu a fost niciodată căsătorit. Îmi trimite scrisori admirabile, dar nu mă iartă că am fost de stânga, nici până astăzi. Dar mă iubeşte. Am scrisorile lui, scrisori foarte inteligente. E atât de cultivat, mai ştie şi altceva decât matematică! N-am făcut un secret din faptul că am un frate în Israel. Au fost înţelegători oamenii cu care am lucrat.

Copilâria mea

Mă numesc Gavril Marcuson [simplificat din Marcussohn în 1968]. M-am născut în Bucureşti, la 28 octombrie 1913, în casa bunicului matern, o casă veche de pe Şoseaua Viilor din Bucureşti, care pe atunci era la marginea oraşului, dar astăzi este într-un cartier semi-central, pentru că s-a construit foarte mult.

Ne-am schimbat locuinţa pentru o casă mai arătoasă din strada Uranus, fosta casă a celui mai bogat om din mahalaua Dealul Spirii, Niţă Stere. Era o casă foarte frumoasă, cu sobe de cărămidă, cu gaz aerian. Casa în interior era făcută din camere mari şi înalte. Acolo locuiau bunicii mei materni cu cei mai mulţi dintre copiii lor. Bunicul meu matern a avut nu mai puţin de 16 copii, dintre aceştia au trăit până la vârsta adultă numai 7. Iar dintre aceşti 7, o bună parte locuiau împreună cu noi, împreună cu mine şi cu părinţii mei [în aceeaşi casă, dar] în alte apartamente. Bunicul  a adus zidari italieni, pe vremea aceea, zidarii din Bucureşti erau cei mai mulţi de origine italiană, şi au mai construit un etaj. Acolo a stat familia unui frate al mamei, Filip [Weisselberg], familia unui frate al mamei, Victor [Weisselberg], o soră a mamei, Sabina [Michell], părinţii mei şi cu mine. Filip, care era afacerist, locuia la etaj  cu soţia şi avea la parter un apartament cu birourile lui.

Erau multe camere. Camera mea era făcută din împărţirea în două printr-un perete a unei camere mai mari. Această împărţire s-a făcut pentru ca eu şi fratele meu să avem camere personale. Şi o cameră  o ocupam eu şi cealaltă jumătate era ocupată de Octăvică. Am avut unul din primele telefoane din Bucureşti, telefon neautomatizat, cu patru cifre şi foarte curios lucru că îmi amintesc şi numărul telefonului: 3851. Când vroiam să vorbim cu cineva, băteam în furcă, răspundea o domnişoară telefonistă: „Alo!” Şi noi ziceam: „Daţi-mi vă rog numărul cutare!” Şi aşteptam... Nu era automatizat. Lămpile [erau] cu gaz aerian, încălzirea era cu lemne, cu cărbuni, cu lignit sau cu huilă. Aveam o curte mare cu o grădină frumoasă, cu straturi de căpşune şi de flori, cu un chioşc de metal, care avea un mic drapel de metal, pe care scria anul în care fusese construit: 1886. Acolo am trăit în casa părinţilor, jucându-mă în curte cu prietenii mei din fundătura de vis-a-vis.

Părinţii mei nu erau religioşi, deşi nu erau nici atei, erau indiferenţi în materie religioasă. Tata ţinea unele sărbători, de exemplu, la masă nu mânca carne şi brânză. Şi respectam şi eu, mă deprinsesem şi eu aşa, până şi astăzi îmi vine greu după ce am mâncat o friptură, să mănânc o felie de brânză. De Paşte cumpăra tata azimă şi mâncam azimă, dar mai păcătuiam, mai mâncam şi pâine. Nu aveam viaţa tradiţională.

La sinagogă am fost în copilăria mea la ocazii, de Anul Nou [Ros Hasanah], poate de Purim, nu îmi amintesc de vineri seara. Mergeam la o sinagogă pe strada Antim, stradă care era în apropierea câtorva sute de metri de locuinţa nostră. [Notă: probabil sinagoga Reşit Daath, din strada Antim, nr. 13, datând din 1897. Sinagoga a fost demolată în 1987 în procesul de sistematizare a Bucureştiului.] Sinagoga era modestă, era instalată într-o casă, spre cartierul Antim, dar nu departe era şi o şcoală primară evreiască, am uitat cum se chema.

Am copilărit într-un cartier tipic bucureştean, Dealul Spirii. Aveam vecini o familie, Dragoş, al cărui fiu devenise în timpul război [al doilea război mondial] subsecretar de stat. Mai încolo era familia unui francez, Legat, care era de profesie fotograf şi avea un atelier fotografic, Atelierul Legat. Vis-á-vis era un zidar italian, îl chema Perisotti. Era şi un cizmar român, Vasile Anagnoste, vechi militant social-democrat, foarte inteligent şi cultivat, cu care îmi plăcea să stau de vorbă. În Fundătura Uranus avea un bordei [Notă: casă foarte modestă, de regulă din pământ], despre care când vorbea el zicea „casele mele”. Lucra la fabrica de încălţăminte Schull. Tot în Fundătura Uranus locuia un şofer francez. Cu băiatul lui eram coleg de şcoală. Obişnuia să-l bată pentru nimica toată cu manivela de la maşină. Pe vremea aceea automobilele nu erau automatizate, ca să pornească maşina şoferul  îi băga în bot o manivelă şi învârtea, învârtea până pornea motorul. Ei bine, cu manivela îl croia şi îmi aduc aminte după mai bine de 80 de ani şi ceva de ani cum într-o zi mi-a spus băiatul o vorbă pe care nu o pot uita. Mi-a spus: „Mă, ce tată bun ai tu!” „De ce spui aşa?” „Că nu te bate niciodată şi te poartă încălţat!” Se minuna că tata nu mă bătea şi că eram mereu încălţat. Tot în Fundătură aveam un coleg de şcoală, se numea Condrea Marius. Îmi amintesc de vecinii noştri, de simigiul din colţ, de băcănia din alt colţ. Fetele băcanului erau cunoscute balerine la teatrul de revistă. Mă duceam când eram mai mare din când în când să mănânc nişte mici la restaurantul Florescu de pe Calea 13 septembrie. Îmi amintesc de farmacista din alt colţ şi de farmacistul care i-a succedat.

Veneau la noi în curte oltenii. Erau adevăraţi olteni din [judeţul] Gorj [Notă: oameni veniţi de la peste 100 de kilometri de Bucureşti care se stabiliseră la marginea oraşului unde practicau grădinăritul şi creşterea animalelor care asigurau aprovizionarea bucureştenilor], care cărau două coşuri mari cu fructe, legume, flori şi vase mari cu iaurt, pe care îl scoteau cu lingura. Şi cumpăram de toate, fructe, legume, ouă, brânză. Dar exista desigur şi piaţă. La piaţa se ducea mama cu o bucătăreasă, pe care o aveam angajată şi care vedea de casă, dar nu prea mergeau la piaţă. Venea piaţa în curtea noastră. Şi cărbune se vindea tot aşa, cu cobiliţa. Aşa m-am rătăcit o dată,  pe la patru, cinci ani. Locuiam lângă Şoseaua Viilor şi m-am luat după un vânzător de cărbune. Mi s-a părut foarte interesant, ei umblau cu cobiliţele şi strigau: „Chiop, chiop, chiop, chiop, cărbunele!” Eu nu mai auzisem aşa ceva şi m-am luat după el şi am mers până am ajuns în alt cartier şi a venit bunicul şi m-a luat de mână. Bieţii olteni umblau desculţi, trăiau într-o mizerie. Acuma nu mai există desculţi în Bucureşti, atunci era lucru obişnuit. Vara se umbla desculţ. Şi vecinul meu cu care mă jucam, se minuna că mă vede încălţat. El umbla desculţ, prietenii mei umblau desculţi. Azi nu mai exista asta, meritul regimului comunist. Până la regimul lui Gheorghiu-Dej, veneau bărbaţi, femei desculţe, era un lucru obişnuit. Vara să porţi ghete era lux. Îmi amintesc că unii oameni mergeau desculţi şi ţineau în mână ghetele, să nu îşi uzeze tălpile. Probabil că se duceau într-un loc unde trebuia să fie încălţaţi.

Bucureştiul pe vremea aceea avea farmec, avea poezie, avea pitoresc. Luminarea străzilor şi luminarea locuinţelor se făcea cu gaz aerian. Erau felinare şi când se întuneca, spre seară, venea un lampagiu, care avea un aprinzător, dădea la o parte uşiţa, închizătoarea felinarului, aprindea gazul aerian şi spre ziua [dimineaţă] venea tot acesta şi îl stingea. [Notă: Luminarea străzilor cu gaz aerian a fost înlocuită de luminarea prin curent electric după primul război mondial.]

Transportul se făcea cu tramvaiul cu cai în anii 1920. Tramvaiele erau trase de doi cai. Când tramvaiul ajungea la vale, la Izvor, şi trebuia să urce dealul Arsenalului, era un băieţaş, care mai agăţa încă doi cai şi vizitiul mâna patru cai cu care urca dealul. Aveam şi eu abonament la tramvaiul cu cai. Tramvaiul cu cai venea pe Calea 13 septembrie, mergea pe Uranus, la vale, pe la Arsenal, pe Calea Victoriei, pe unde este acum biserica Zlătari şi o lua pe strada Carol, acuma se cheamă strada Franceză, pe Şerban Vodă şi ajungea la cimitirul Bellu. Ăsta era un traseu [notă: aproximativ 3 kilometri, pe direcţia vest-sud]. Tramvaiul electric mergea de la Cotroceni la Obor. [Notă: Tramvaiele cu cai au existat o perioadă în paralel cu primul tramvai electric.] Bucureştenii îi spuneau „Electricul”, că era singurul tramvai electric din Bucureşti. Tramvaiele erau mici, existau şi tramvaie de vară, care erau deschise, cu bănci. Era un taxator, care vindea bilete şi vizitiul. Erau folosite în mod curent, ca şi tramvaiele din ziua de astăzi, însă Bucureştiul avea o populaţie mult mai mică decât astăzi. Cănd m-am născut eu, cred că avea vreo 300.000 de locuitori, 200.000 şi ceva către 300.000 şi astăzi are 2.000.000. Existau foarte puţine maşini în Bucureşti. Existau mai ales Forduri, şi când mergeau, răsunau tinichelele din care era făcută maşina. Astea erau maşinile cele mai ieftine, existau şi maşini luxoase, maşini Buick, Chevrolet. Pe urmă s-a răspândit tramvaiul electric. Şi târziu de tot, după război, au apărut troleibuzele, eram deja bătrân.

Ne fotografiam când şi când, era un eveniment. Tehnica era alta, se aprindea o lumină, trebuia să stai nemişcat şi te fotografia. Era la modă un fotograf, „Julietta”, unde este astăzi un bloc, pe Calea Victoriei, colţ cu bulevardul, un bloc din acelea geometrice, numai din unghiuri drepte şi linii drepte. Acolo [era studioul] „Julietta” ţinut de un evreu. Nu îmi amintesc numele lui. Pe strada Câmpineanu, era un al doilea fotograf la modă, numit Mandy, tot evreu. Cei doi fotografi îşi ziceau amândoi furnizori ai curţii regale şi aveau dreptul să fotografieze pe membrii familiei regale. Din fotografii ei au făcut artă. Am şi eu câteva fotografii făcute la „Julietta”. Lângă Mandy era o croitorie celebră, fraţii Cohen, furnizori ai Curţii regale. Erau tot evrei bineînţeles, după război au emigrat în Israel. Era o croitorie bărbătească. Nu ştiu dacă făceau şi croitorie feminină, cred că nu. Fraţii Cohen te făceau cum voiau, mai slab, mai gras, erau artişti ai acului de cusut.

Pe Calea Victoriei erau nişte magazine nemaipomenite.  Era magazinul de covoare Giaburov, ţinut de nişte armeni. Era băcănia lui Dragomir Niculescu, unde acum este Romarta. Veneau bogătaşii zilei, parlamentari, bancheri şi luau cu polonicul icre negre. Îi spunea patronului: „Dragomire, pune-mi un kilogram, două kilograme!” Îmi amintesc de terasa Oteteleşanu, unde este astăzi Palatul Telefoanelor. Aici veneau scriitorii.  Am fost şi eu, am auzit-o cântând pe Florica Florescu [Notă: artistă lirică cunoscută în epocă]. Am fost la terasa Gambrinus. La vechiul Teatru Naţional mă duceam la galerie. Plăteam pe un bilet 10 lei. Erau actori, care spuneau că ei pentru galerie joacă, că numai galeria consacră pe marii actori. Teatrul Naţional avea o acustică deosebită, era foarte plăcut, avea o cortină foarte frumoasă pictată de pictorul Traian Cornescu şi în spatele ei era cortina de catifea. Îmi amintesc Teatrul Liric, cum se numea pe atunci Opera, care a fost bombardat de nemţi [în timpul al doilea război mondial], s-a demolat. Era în Piaţa Valter Mărăcineanu, lângă [parcul] Cişmigiu. Acolo am văzut primele spectacole de operă şi primele spectacole de balet. Îmi amintesc de fresca de la Ateneu, a lui Traian Petrescu, dacă nu mă înşeală memoria aşa îl chema. Admirabil! Toată istoria românilor de jur împrejurul sălii Ateneului.

Lumea ieşea la plimbare în toate zilele pe Calea Victoriei, mai ales duminica dimineaţa. Locul de plimbare era între Cercul Militar şi Piaţa Palatului Regal, vis-a-vis de Biblioteca Universitară. Acolo se plimba lumea încolo şi încoace şi era atâta lume că nu avea loc pe trotoar şi se plimba şi pe carosabil. Carosabilul era împărţit în trei, pe cele două margini, stânga şi dreapta, pentru automobile, spre Palat şi dinspre Palat, iar partea din mijloc era pentru trăsuri,  care atunci erau numeroase în Bucureşti, poate erau mai numeroase decât maşinile. Un prefect al Bucureştiului, Gavrilă Marinescu,  a pus în lanţuri trotoarele şi lumea nu mai putea să se plimbe pe carosabil [aproximativ în anii 1920]. Nu ieşea nici un bărbat fără pălărie, asta nu exista. Îmi amintesc că eu o dată am ieşit pe stradă fără pălărie şi în urma mea a alergat mama cu o pălărie în mână şi mi-a spus: „Cum pleci tu în oraş? O să creadă lumea că eşti nebun! Ia pălăria!”

Pe 10 mai  ieşeam la parada militară, eram nelipsit. Cânta fanfara şi apoi urma armata, diferitele arme, artileria, cavaleria, infanteria, trupele de geniu şi la urmă apărea şi familia regală. La înmormântarea regelui Carol [I], eu aveam un an sau doi şi am participat împreună cu dădaca mea. Îmi amintesc de regele Ferdinand, de Carol al II lea, care era cel mai inteligent dintre regi. Îmi amintesc de Voievodul Mihai [Mihai I]. Nu îi iubeam pe membrii familiei regale, dar se găseau fotografii, presa era plină. Ajungea să deschizi un ziar şi vedeai fotografia regelui, fotografiile prinţilor. Îmi amintesc de prinţul Nicolae [Notă: (1903-1977), principe; fiul regelui Ferdinand I şi al reginei Maria, fratele mai mic al regelui Carol al II lea], care conducea o maşină cu viteză pe atunci neobişnuită în Bucureşti.

Regele inaugura în fiecare an târgul Moşilor. Târgul Moşilor se deschidea în mai, de Joia Moşilor. [Notă: Târgul ţinea timp de o lună de zile, după sărbătorirea Paştelui creştin.] Mă duceam în fiecare an. Acolo erau oameni care îşi câştigau existenţa cu tot felul de loterii şi circuri, femeia cu barbă, femeia cu coadă de peşte, cel mai tare om care rupe lanţuri, şmecherii din astea. Era o distracţie destul de vulgară. Era un restaurant unde se putea bea bragă, se mâncau mici. Mergeam cu părinţii. Când m-am făcut mare mergeam şi singur şi căscam gura şi eu la diferite panorame. Puteai să tragi la ţintă şi dacă nimereai la ţintă câştigai ceva. Premiile erau diferite obiecte de artizanat, erau păpuşi, fleacuri.

La școală

Învăţam la Şcoala Golescu, şcoala de băieţi numărul 3. Şcolile de pe atunci nu erau mixte, erau şcoli de băieţi şi şcoli de fete, licee de băieţi şi licee de fete. Să vă spun o întâmplare în legătură cu prima zi de şcoală [în 1919]. M-a îmbrăcat mama frumos, mi-a pus ghiozdanul, nou cumpărat, în spate, cu cartea de citire, cu cartea de aritmetică (că noi toţi copiii îi spuneam artimetică) şi m-a trimes la şcoală. Eu mai fusesem o dată la şcoală, cu mult timp înainte, cu bunicul ca să mă înscrie, dar nu-mi aduceam aminte acum unde era şcoala. [Şcoala era aproape de casă]. Pornesc la şcoală pe strada Cazărmii, nu nimeresc şcoala şi timpul trecea şi trebuia la 8 dimineaţa să fiu acolo. Dau pe o stradă, pe o altă stradă, şcoala nu apărea nicăierea. Eram foarte sfios, timid, nu îndrăzneam să opresc pe un trecător, să-l întreb unde este Şcoala primară numărul 3 Golescu. Stăteam prostit la marginea trotuarului şi îmi venea să plâng că nu ştiam unde este şcoala. Cum stăteam eu aşa şi nu ştiam ce să fac, văd venind spre mine un domn aşa cam între două vârste, elegant îmbrăcat, care mi-a inspirat încredere. Ceilalţi trecători mi se păruseră grăbiţi, nu îndrăzneam să îi opresc. Mă apropii de el şi timid îl întreb dacă nu ştie unde este şcoala Golescu.-„Vino cu mine că îţi arăt eu!” Şi mă ia cu el, pe drum mă întreabă cum mă cheamă, ce fac părinţii mei, în ce clasă sunt. El întreba, eu răspundeam şi tot mergând aşa, el întrebând, eu răspunzând, apare în faţa mea şcoala. Eu de bucurie că am găsit şcoala am dat buzna să intru pe poartă, dar el mă opreşte şi zice: „Stai să intru eu mai întâi, că sunt mai bătrân, şi pe urmă intri şi tu!” Intră el pe poarta şcolii, curtea era plină de elevi care se jucau. Toţi mă împresoară şi îmi pun aceeaşi întrebare: „Mă, tu eşti băiatul lui domnul Movilă?”  „Nu!– zic eu – Nu sunt băiatul lui domnul Movilă!” Între aceştia vine un pedagog şi ne bagă în clasă şi ne aranjează în bănci. Cine intră în clasă? Domnul pe care îl întrebasem eu. El era învăţatorul, domnul Movilă. Parcă îl văd şi astăzi, după 80 de ani şi ceva, cu catalogul la subţioară, intră, se urcă la catedră şi ne spune nouă: „Copii, eu pe rând am să citesc numele vostru, voi când vă auziţi numele vă ridicaţi în picioare şi ziceţi: Prezent! Aţi înţeles?” „Da!” Strigă el catalogul, fiecare copil se ridică în picioare, zice prezent şi la un moment dat îl aud că zice Marcuson Gavril. Mă ridic şi eu în picioare: „Prezent! Da, ştiţi că pe mine nu mă cheamă Gavril!” „Dar cum te cheamă?” "Pe mine mă cheamă Guţu [diminutiv de la Gavril], aşa îmi spune acasă!” Zice învăţătorul: „Guţu îţi zice acasă, dar în acte eşti trecut Gavril. Noi îţi zicem Marcuson Gavril! Stai jos!” Şi pe urmă se adresează clasei: „Copii, voi ştiţi ce a făcut Marcuson? Trebuia să vină la şcoală şi de prost ce este n-a nimerit şcoala!” A fost un râs nemaipomenit. Râdeau de mine, eu nu ştiam ce să fac. Şi le povesteşte învăţătorul întâmplarea cu mine cum stăteam pe marginea trotuarului, disperat că nu găseam şcoala. De atuncea camarazii mei m-au poreclit „Prostul clasei”, ajunsesem în clasa a IVa şi tot îmi spuneau „ăsta care n-a nimerit şcoala de prost ce este”.

Domnul Movilă, învăţătorul, era un compozitor cunoscut pe vremea aceea. Acum câtva timp am auzit la radio nişte cântece compuse de el. Îl chema Juarez Movilă, avea un prenume spaniol, numele unui revoluţionar. Scotea o revistă, care se numea „Curierul Artelor” şi la care părinţii elevilor, cel puţin cei cu dare de mână, trebuia să se aboneze. Au apărut vreo 3 numere de revistă, noi eram abonaţi.  Cum decurgeau orele? Învăţătorul intra în clasă şi noi elevii ne ridicam în picioare şi rămâneam în picioare. În perete era o icoană. Noi ne întorceam cu faţa la icoană şi unul dintre băieţi spunea Tatăl Nostru şi pe urmă toţi se închinau, ne aşezam în bănci şi începea lecţia. Azi aşa, mâine aşa, văzând pe colegii mei toţi că se închină, din spirit de imitaţie, ştiţi că copiii mici sunt ca nişte maimuţici, mă închinam şi eu fără să îmi dau seama ce semnificaţie are acest gest. Până când într-o zi, în timpul rugăciunii, învăţătorul a venit la mine, mi-a pus mâna pe umăr şi mi-a spus cu blândeţe în glas: „Tu să nu te închini!” N-am înţeles, nu cunoşteam. Încă nu împlinisem 6 ani, părinţii mă dăduseră la şcoală după sistemul german. Eram cel mai mic din clasă. Nu ştiam şi nu am zis nimic. Întorcându-mă acasă pentru masa de prânz, tata avea un obicei, în fiecare zi mă întreba: „Ei, te-a scos la lecţie?” Dacă ziceam da, îmi punea alte două întrebări: „Ai ştiut să răspunzi? Ce notă ţi-a pus?” M-a întrebat şi atunci. „Nu m-a scos, dar să vezi, a venit domnul învăţător la mine în timpul rugăciunii şi mi-a pus mâna pe umăr şi mi-a spus: Tu să nu te închini!” Tata a rămas uimit, fără grai. După un timp a întrebat: „Şi a mai spus asta şi la alţi băieţi?” Zic: „Numai mie!” Tata mi-a pus întrebarea asta ştiind că în clasă mai sunt încă 2 elevi evrei, dar ăia, probabil mai instruiţi ca mine, nu se închinau. N-a mai zis nimic tata. Am mâncat şi după masă, m-a tras deoparte şi a început, cum s-a spus mai târziu, să mă prelucreze. Mi-a vorbit despre Dumnezeu, mi-a vorbit despre religii, mi-a spus că sunt mai multe religii şi că noi, familia noastră, avem altă religie decât ceilalţi coşcolari ai mei şi că noi nu obişnuim să ne închinăm, numai ceilalţi şi aşa mai departe. Atunci am auzit pentru prima oară vorbindu-se de Dumnezeu şi despre religie.

Cursul inferior [gimnaziul], l-am făcut la [Liceul] Mihai Viteazul şi cursul superior [liceul] l-am făcut la [Liceul] Spiru Haret. Profesor de limba română era Petre V. Haneş, doctor în Litere, autor de manuale şcolare, a numeroase cărţi de istorie literară, cel care a înfiinţat societatea „Prietenii Istoriei Literare”, care scotea revista „Prietenii Istoriei Literare”. El este cel care a făcut o importantă descoperire de ordin istoric literar, a descoperit că poemul „Cântarea României”, aparţine nu lui Bălcescu, aşa cum se credea până la el, ci lui Alecu Russo. [Notă: „Cântarea României”: cea mai cunoscută operă a poetului şi prozatorului Alecu Russo; poem în proză, scris în limba franceză, publicat în 1850, în traducerea lui Nicolae Bălcescu.] Un alt profesor de limba română a fost Scarlat Struţeanu, doctor în Filologie română, autorul unei cunoscute teze de doctorat despre umorul lui Caragiale. La Limba Franceză [era] Benedict Kanner, doctor în Litere la Sorbona. Alt profesor de franceză, Alexandru Claudian, mai târziu a devenit profesor universitar de filozofie antică la Facultatea de Filozofie din Iaşi. Profesori de germană [erau]: Bruno Colbert, doctor în Litere la Viena, ulterior devenit conferenţiar de limbă şi literatură germană la Facultatea de Litere din Bucureşti şi Ştefan Motaş Zeletin, doctor în Filozofie de la Universitatea din Erlangen, Germania, autorul celebrei lucrări pe atunci „Burghezia română” şi devenit ulterior, ca şi Claudian, profesor la Universitatea de Filozofie din Iaşi. La Limba engleză [aveam profesor pe] Ioan Olimp Ştefanovici-Svensk, doctor în Litere de la Londra, fost student al vestitului lingvist englez, Daniel Jones, cel care a creat sistemul de transliterare numit Jones. Este cel care a introdus în ţara nostră sistemul de transliterare a limbii engleze, primul traducător al lui Eminescu în engleză, în colaborare cu poeta engleză Sylvia Pankhurst.

Îmi aduc aminte cu plăcere în special de Ştefanovici, care m-a învăţat nu numai engleză, care m-a învăţat ce este fonetica. Vorbesc mai bine, nu numai engleza, orice limbă, vorbesc mai bine şi româneşte. El mi-a făcut educaţia auzului. Foarte mare profesor, Ştefanovici, uitat astăzi, cine îl mai ştie? Îmi amintesc prima lui lecţie. A venit în clasă fără să spună o vorbă, a pus mâna pe cretă şi ne-a făcut pe tablă patrulaterul vocalismului englez. Mai târziu, devenit eu profesor de fonetică a limbii franceze, am făcut studenţilor mei patrulaterul pe care îl învăţasem în clasa a Va. Cum aş putea să-l uit pe Benedict Kanner, care m-a învăţat franceza şi de la care am luat prima palmă. Eram clasa I de liceu, corespunzătoare cu anul întâi de gimnaziu de azi, de clasa a Va, şi m-a pus să citesc din carte. În carte scria „Leve toi!” (Ridică-te!) Şi eu am citit [cum se scrie] „LEVE TOI!” Şi mi-a tras o palmă. Nu ştia că trage o palmă unui viitor coleg, profesor de franceză. Cum aş putea să uit lecţiile de germană ale lui Colbert, lecţiile de română ale lui Petre Haneş, atât de apropiat de elevi, lecţiile de filozofie ale lui Ioaniţescu, care fusese studentul lui Maiorescu. [Titu Maiorescu (1840-1917): estetician, critic literar, profesor; este unul dintre fondatorii societăţii literare „Junimea” din Iaşi unde s-au format cei mai importanţi scriitori români ai vremii precum M.Eminescu, I.L.Caragiale, I.Slavici etc. Elaborează teoria „formelor fără fond”, prin care promovează introducerea valorilor autohtone faţă de preluarea unor şabloane literare occidentale.] Ioaniţescu nu voia să predea Logica decât după manualul lui Maiorescu, care nu se mai găsea de zeci de ani. Tata, ca să mă ajute, a scris unui frate de al lui din Iaşi, care a căutat la anticari manualul şi mi l-a trimis. Eram unul dintre puţinii elevi din clasă care aveam acel manual.

Până şi profesorii de aşa numitele dexterităţi erau oameni chemaţi. Era sculptorul Aristide Iliescu, compozitorul Ioan Croitoru, care ne preda muzica. Cântăreţul de operă, Grigore Magiari, care şi el ne preda muzica, venea cu gramofonul în clasă, ne punea discuri şi ne făcea educaţie muzicală. Profesorul de Cultură fizică avea studiile făcute în Suedia. Directorul liceului îl trimisese în Suedia ca să cumpere de acolo aparate pentru sală ceea ce s-a făcut. Aşa erau liceele pe atunci. Profesorul de istorie, Iuliu Moisil, ulterior, a devenit academician, întemeietorul numismaticii româneşti. Asemenea profesori am avut. Pe vremea aceea a fi profesor de liceu  era mare lucru. Când un profesor de liceu se înscria într-un partid toată presa anunţa că domnul profesor cutare s-a înscris în cutare partid şi erau unii şefi de organizaţie de partid judeţene, ceea ce era mare lucru.

Am avut prieteni de liceu, dar şi prieteni de facultate. Din facultate am avut un prieten, care a murit, Mircea Stoe. A devenit întâi ataşat, pe urmă secretar de legaţie la Londra şi când a abdicat regele Mihai şi-a dat şi el demisia. Se stabilise la Sutton, un orăşel de lângă Londra. Soţia mea a avut un congres la Paris şi eu am trecut mâneca [Canalul Mânecii] în Anglia, am stat în gazdă la el câteva zile cât a durat congresul. Mircea a murit de cancer pulmonar, din cauza tutunului. Soţia lui trăieşte şi sunt în corespondenţă cu ea. Am avut prieten foarte bun, Alfred Reiner, evreu, care a murit la cutremur [în 1977] cu toată familia lui. Reiner era directorul unei tipografii situate aproape de Piaţa Sf.Gheorghe. Într-o vreme, în anii 1950, înainte de a mă căsători, am locuit la el, pe strada Poenaru Bordea, lângă Tribunal. N-am locuit mult, dar mai mult de un an. La cutremur, toţi cei care erau în bloc au murit. Era un bloc şubred [vechi], simţeam când trecea un camion pe stradă, vibrau ferestrele. S-a construit acolo un alt bloc. L-am avut prieten pe Idel Segal [evreu], care a murit asasinat. Era redactor la Editura Ştiinţifică şi Enciclopedică, umbla cu sacoşele cu manuscrise şi nişte bandiţi au crezut că cine ştie ce are el acolo. El n-a vrut să cedeze, a fost încăpăţânat şi l-au omorât pe stradă. Asta s-a întâmplat prin anii 1970. A apărut un articol foarte frumos despre el în „România liberă” [notă: ziar românesc de informaţie care apare în timpul perioadei comuniste şi continuă în serie nouă după 1989]: „Moartea unui cărturar”. Nu am ziarul, nu ştiu cum l-am rătăcit, regret. Am făcut fotocopii şi le-am dat la toată lumea. Morţi toţi! De ani de zile nu m-am mai văzut cu colegii mei. Ăştia care mai sunt nu ies din casă.

Am avut o iniţiativă, prin anii 1950, ca absolvenţii liceului Spiru Haret din promoţia 1931, să ne întâlnim măcar o dată pe lună ca să ştim unii de alţii. Am făcut rost de telefoanele tuturor, le-am telefonat şi de atunci în fiecare lună, în ultima joi a fiecărei luni ne întâlneam la restaurantul Casei Universitarilor. Când s-au împlinit 50 de ani de la terminarea liceului eram încă destui. Ne-am întâlnit atunci la [restaurantul] Cina şi am pus câteva mese cap la cap. Am făcut un chef monstru. La 60 de ani încă mai eram câţiva, la 70 de ani nu mai eram. Trebuie să ştiţi că eram două clase de elevi, fiecare cu câte 40 de elevi, deci în total 80 de elevi. Astăzi mai sunt în viaţă 4, dintre care 2 evrei. Atunci erau vreo 3 evrei într-o clasă şi alţi 3 în altă clasă. Elevii evrei s-au bucurat cu toţii de longevitate, chiar aceia care au murit, au murit octogenari. Şi astăzi mai sunt în viaţă, eu şi un coleg al meu. Şi românii care erau 74 sunt tot 2. Vedeţi cât de longevivi sunt evreii!

Am avut profesori de ebraică şi am învăţat ebraica acasă până la bar miţva. Bar miţva a avut loc [aproximativ în 1926] în casa părinţilor, în prezenţa profesorului de ebraică, foarte cunoscut pe vremea aceea, îl chema Schreiber. Era şi poet, avea un volum de versuri, „Rândunelele Palestinei”. Îmi aduc aminte că au asistat membrii familiei, părinţii mei, unchii mei, fraţii mamei mele, nu toţi. Am ţinut o mică alocuţiune, foarte scurtă, în limba ebraică şi pe urmă mi-au dat nişte cadouri. Pe urmă, neavând cărţi, am uitat ebraica. Îmi amintesc vag cuvintele şi literele astăzi.

Eu eram ocupat cu lecturile, cu sportul, cu bicicleta, făceam parte dintr-un club de ciclişti. Pe strada Uranus, era o tipografie, care se numea „Marvan”, cunoscută pe atunci, o tipografie de lux, şi lucrătorii acelei tipografii erau ciclişti pasionaţi toţi, întemeiaseră „Clubul ciclist Marvan”, din care făceam şi eu parte şi care avea un rival, clubul ciclist „Principele Nicolae”. La sfârşitul săptămânii obişnuiam să mă duc cu bicicleta la şosea, unde mă întâlneam cu alţi ciclişti din clubul „Marvan”, sau din clubul „Principele Nicolae” şi mă plimbam cu ei cu bicicleta până la Ploieşti, mergeam spre Olteniţa, spre Giurgiu, mergeam câteva zeci de kilometri pe şosea.

De obicei, în vacanţele copilăriei nu părăseam Bucureştiul. Îmi amintesc că am fost pentru o săptămână la Sinaia, unde mi-a plăcut foarte mult. Am fost o dată cu tata la mare [Marea Neagră], pentru câteva zile, pe vremea când Mamaia era o localitate cu totul primitivă şi pe plajă erau cabine de lemn. Altă dată am fost în vizită la o soră a mamei care locuia la Botoşani şi am petrecut toată vacanţa la Botoşani. În Bucureşti, mergeam pe stadionul ANEF [Academia Naţională de Educaţie Fizică], care nu era departe de locuinţa noastră, unde alergam sau săream, dar mai mult priveam la antrenamentele atleţilor. Eram foarte introvertit ca temperament. Vacanţa era un fel de combinaţie între ciclism sau încercări de atletism şi lecturi foarte intense, bogate pentru vârsta mea. Eram interesat de problemele limbii, nu numai de literatură. Ştiam bine franceza, dacă mi-ar fi permis să mă laud, foarte bine. Cunoşteam şi germana şi engleza. Vorbeam o franceză aleasă, nu numai că citeam. Citeam mai mult literatură franceză, dar citeam şi literatură română. În ultimi ani citesc aproape numai scriitori români şi numai clasici. Citesc începând cu cronicarii, începând cu Văcăreştii, poeţii şi prozatorii dinaintea lui Eminescu, rareori îmi mai arunc ochii pe o carte franţuzească. Am, bineînţeles, preferinţele mele şi dintre poeţii francezi.

Mergeam la cinematograful mut. Filmele erau împărţite în acte, unul avea opt acte, altul nouă acte, altul zece. Cele mai mari aveau 12 acte şi după fiecare act se făcea pauză. Dacă operatorul era grăbit rula două acte, unul după altul. Protesta publicul şi zicea că este obositor, dar acuma vede două ore neîntrerupt. Era un pianist cânta la pian când rula filmul. Îmi amintesc de actorii de atunci, mai ales de actorii comici, îmi amintesc de Zigotto, care era comicul cel mai popular, evreu american, mai târziu de Stan şi Bran, Harold Lloyd, comicul cu ochelari. Îmi amintesc de Francesca Bettini, de Douglas Fairbanks, tatăl Douglas Fairbanks, că a existat şi Fairbanks junior. Îmi plăcea Douglas Fairbanks fiindcă era aventurier, era voinic, era isteţ, îi bătea pe toţi. Îmi amintesc de Fatty, numit aşa pentru că era obez. Dacă Fatty zicea ceva apărea scris pe ecran. Simpatici comici, toţi muţi. Îmi aduc aminte primul film sonor prin 1930 şi ceva.

Înainte de război, prin anii 1930, mergeam la Librăria Hasefer [notă: în traducere ’Cartea’; astăzi există Editura Hasefer], unde se vindeau cărţi scrise de evrei sau despre evrei, care nu se găseau în celelalte librării. Se organizau şi expoziţii de pictură, de plastică, de sculptură şi aşa mai departe. Am petrecut clipe plăcute în librărie. Nu cumpăram decât rar, nu aveam bani, dar intram şi frunzăream cărţile, era o atmosferă intimă de cărturărie. Pe directorul librăriei mi se pare că îl chema Steinberg, era un om de cultură. Librăria era la intrarea în pasajul Villacrosse [notă: în centrul istoric al capitalei], acum s-a construit un bloc acolo.

Tata era abonat la toată presa evreiască, pe care o primea prin poştă. Iar ziarele evreieşti, toate, le citeam din scoarţă în scoarţă. Era abonat la „Curierul israelit” [notă: „organ săptămânal pentru apărarea intereselor evreieşti”, apare la Bucureşti în 1906-1916, 1920-1941, 1944-1945. Cuprinde editoriale, anchete, polemici, informaţii, cronica externă, cronica internă, reclame.], ziar mare, cel mai bun, cel mai important, scos de Horia Carp. Era abonat la „Egalitatea” [notă: revistă evreiască care  apare în 1890-1940, întreruptă în timpul primului război mondial şi suprimată în 1940. În paginile revistei s-au reflectat: lupta pentru emancipare şi progres cultural, lupta politică dusă pentru recunoşterea drepturilor cetăţeneşti, ideologia sionistă, dar erau consemnate şi evenimentele familiale: baluri, logodne, nunţi, sărbători şi necrologuri.], scoasă de [Moses] Schwartzfeld, era abonat la „Mântuirea” [notă: cotidian evreiesc, apare la Bucureşti în perioada 1919-1922, bisăptămânal între 1944 şi 1948. Ziar sionist, promovează cultura iudaică. Cuprinde editoriale, traduceri literare, comentarea unor legi şi decrete legi.]. Era abonat, îmi aducea acasă o revistă, care apăruse mai demult, „Copilul evreu” [notă: revistă bilunară pentru copii şi tineret, apare la Bucureşti în perioada 1922-1940. Tematica: istorie biblică, jocuri, proză, scrisori idiş, ivrit.]. Copil fiind, îmi amintesc că citeam „Dimineaţa” şi „Adevărul”. „Adevărul” avea o rubrică care îmi plăcea foarte mult, se chema „Năzbâtii”. Şi „Egalitatea” lui Schwartzfeld avea o rubrică care îmi plăcea foarte mult, se chema „Huliganii în acţiune”. Îmi amintesc toţi colaboratorii „Dimineţii” de pe vremea aceea: Blumenfeld, Teodorescu Branişte, Ion Teodorescu, Constantin Graur, D. Faur, Liviu P. Nasta, care făcea cronicile externe. Îmi amintesc caricaturiştii, graficienii „Adevărului”. Aş reciti şi astăzi cu plăcere „Adevărul” şi „Dimineaţa” din anii aceia, 1920-1930.

Un singur coleg de clasă cu mine la B [la liceul Spiru Haret],Vasilescu, a devenit legionar 1. După terminarea liceului îmi amintesc că a venit pe stradă îmbrăcat în cămaşă verde şi n-am îndrăznit să mă apropii de el. Trebuie să ştiţi că legionarii nu numai că nu vorbeau cu evreii dar nici nu îi priveau. Eu dacă mergeam pe stradă şi venea din sens opus un coleg de al meu, legionar, nu numai că nu mă saluta sau nu îmi răspundea la salut, sau nu se oprea, dar nici nu mă privea, se uita în partea cealaltă. Aveau poruncă nici să nu ne privească. Acest Vasilescu era legionar, însă după un timp a devenit foarte prietenos cu mine. Se schimbase în convingeri, îşi dăduse seama de absurditatea şi caracterul criminal al Legiunii. El era un naiv care se lăsase atras de demagogia foarte abilă, foarte inteligentă. Eu nu i-am amintit niciodată nimic, nu i-am reproşat niciodată nimic. El a fost singurul care a fost legionar. În colo, nu a existat, nu s-a făcut deosebire, eram tratat ca toţi ceilalţi de profesori, deşi unul dintre profesori era legionar, profesorul de franceză, Frolo. Le vorbea despre mine şi le spunea că eu sunt simpatia lui. El era catolic, italian de origine. A fost candidat al Gărzii de Fier în judeţul Roman, unde există populaţie catolică, dar n-a fost ales. A fost singurul profesor legionar, dar cu mine era de o imparţialitate şi mai mult decât imparţialitate, mă iubea că vedea că îmi place franceza. O dată l-am şi contrazis, mi s-a părut că a greşit ceva. Ne ţinea lecţii de franceză mai bine ca la Universitate, fiindcă la Universitate lecţiile de literatură se ţineau în limba română, el ne ţinea lecţiile de literatură în cea mai bună limbă franceză, ce n-am avut parte la Universitate. Am absolvit Facultatea de Litere şi Filozofie din Bucureşti în 1935.

Îmi amintesc când a fost împuşcată prima victimă a Gărzii de Fier. Prima victimă a Gărzii de Fier nu a fost aşa cum se crede prefectul [Constantin] Manciu [notă: prefect de Poliţie la Iaşi asasinat de legionari la 25 octombrie 1925, în faţa Tribunalului din Iaşi.], împuşcat de Corneliu [Zelea] Codreanu 2. Manciu a fost a doua victimă. Prima victimă, a fost studentul evreu David Falic. A fost împuşcat chiar pe treptele Universităţii din Cernăuţi, de un legionar, Nicolae Totu. Despre Nicolae Totu vorbeşte doctorul Brătescu, cunoscutul nostru istoric al medicinei, în ultima lui carte, dar în mod greşit îi zice Tăutu. Nu ştiu din ce pricină Totu l-a împuşcat cum spuneam pe treptele universităţii pe studentul Falic. Nu ştiu ce a păţit Totu, cred că nu a păţit nimic, pentru că ajunsese să colaboreze la reviste, vedeam numele lui. Auzi, să împuşti, să omori un om şi să nu păţeşti nimic. Cum era justiţia pe vremea aia!

Îmi amintesc de situaţia politică din Germania, dinainte de ianuarie 1933, când eu aveam 20 de ani, nu mai eram copil, când Hitler a triumfat în alegeri. Nenorocirea a fost că social-democraţii nu s-au înţeles cu comuniştii, ei puteau să aibă majoritatea, dacă făceau frontul unic muncitoresc. Hitler cu demagogia lui a triumfat, el a promis arme în loc de unt, asta era lozinca lui. Eu aveam o cunoştinţă, Abeles îl chema, un evreu care locuia în Germania. A venit la Bucureşti şi am stat de vorbă cu el. „Ce credeţi voi despre Hitler?” „Hitler nu e serios! Nu o să stea mult la putere! Iar în ce priveşte antisemitismul lui nu trebuie luat în serios! O s-o lase el mai moale, o să toarne el multă apă în vin! Nu ne e nouă frică de Hitler!” S-au iluzionat, nu numai omul cu care am stat de vorbă, toată minoritatea evreiască din Germania, toţi gândeau aşa. Au subestimat pericolul, nu şi-au dat seama cât de colosal de periculos este, iar Hitler a fost om de cuvânt, şi-a ţinut toate promisiunile, a făcut tot ce omeneşte i-a stat în putere ca să creeze o Germanie lipsită de evrei. Unii au plecat în America, în Anglia, în Franţa, dar cei mai mulţi au rămas. Eu eram la curent. Când aveam bani mai cumpăram presa germană, se vindea în Bucureşti la chioşcurile din centru. Citeam cotidianul lui Hitler şi citeam cea mai scârboasă revistă de când Gutenberg a inventat tiparul, se chema „Der Stürmer” [’Cel ce provoacă furtuna’], o revistă scoasă de unul dintre fraţii Strasser. Avea în partea de jos o lozincă, care apărea în fiecare număr, lozinca „evreii sunt nenorocirea nostră”. Cea mai ruşinoasă revistă din câte mi-a fost dat să cunosc. Am cumpărat vreo două numere, dar nu se putea citi. Mai degrabă decât evreii din Germania, evreii din România au simţit pericolul pentru că pe ei îi obişnuise Garda de Fier şi Liga cuzistă.

Al Doilea Război Mondial

De rebeliunea [legionară din ianuarie 1941]  îmi aduc foarte bine aminte. Mă plimbam pe străzi fără frică şi căscam gura. Pe strada Atena, am privit de la distanţă, pentru că nu ni se permitea să ne apropiem, cum ardea sinagoga de pe acea stradă [templul Ieşua Tova], căreia legionarii îi dăduseră foc şi nu permiteau nimănui, nici pompierilor, să se apropie să stingă focul. După război sinagoga s-a refăcut mai frumoasă, s-au fixat pe faţadă Tablele Legii şi astăzi este una dintre sinagogile frumoase din Bucureşti. Am avut norocul că nu am locuit în cartierele locuite de evrei, Văcăreşti, Dudeşti, locuiam în [cartierul] Dealul Spirii şi acolo n-a fost nimic.

Când a venit războiul nemţii ne-au dat afară din casă [aproximativ în 1941] şi ne-am oploşit în alt cartier, în cartierul Ştefan cel Mare, într-o casă bătrânească, unde am locuit cu toţii, cu bunicii. Casa fusese ocupată de germani şi se instalase acolo o şcoală de ucenici. Nu aveam voie să posedăm radio. Aveam un radio mare, care a fost depus la circa de poliţie, însă eu păstram, clandestin, un mic aparat cu galenă. Sunt aparate importate din Germania, mici, cubice, la care se asculta cu galenă şi cu cască. Seara scoteam aparatul şi ascultam Radio Londra şi pe urmă îl ascundeam să nu fie descoperit, că mă băga la inchisoare. Nu pot să spun cum urmăream războiul. Mă bucuram ca un copil de fiecare oraş pe care îl eliberau ruşii în mersul lor spre vest, spre Berlin. Aveam şi atlasul în faţă şi îmi însemnam, a mai cucerit un oraş, a mai înaintat o sută de kilometri. Ascultam tot, ştirile.

În 1941, când a izbucnit războiul nostru împotriva URSS, întâi am fost dat afară din armată şi m-au trimis la Poligon, la muncă obligatorie. Tata nu a fost, fiindcă era prea bătrân, iar fratele era prea mic. Îmi amintesc că acolo am trăit primele bombardamente. Ruşii bombardau Bucureştiul, iar noi lucram sub comandă militară şi n-aveam unde să ne adăpostim.  Am lucrat cu braţele, cu lopeţile la construirea Poligonului, nu primeam nici mâncare nici bani. Muncă de sclavi, dar sclavii din antichitate cel puţin erau hrăniţi. Se lucra de dimineaţa până seara. Iarna ne scoteau în oraş să curăţăm zăpada. Îmi amintesc că eram împreună cu un camarad, care era medic de profesie şi văd că se apropie de mine un soldat german, un simplu soldat aviator şi intră în vorbă cu mine. Vorbeam germana. Şi îmi spune că este antifascist şi că în civilitate este muncitor textilist şi că este din Augsburg. Am stat de vorbă cu el, dar ajuns acasă mi s-a făcut frică. Astăzi îmi dau seama că omul era cinstit, că era un antifascist german şi îmi pare rău că am rupt legătura cu el.

Pe urmă ne-au trimis în Moldova, la Oneşti, unde construiam fortificaţii. Lucram ziua şi noaptea la betonieră. Era o muncă grea, trebuia să car în spinare saci de ciment de 50 de kilograme, pe care nici nu reuşeam să-i ridic de jos. Îi ridica un camarad al meu, mai voinic, îi punea în spinare şi aşa îi duceam unde trebuia şi îi deşertam.  Aveam un elev de şcoală militară, un tiran, care ne înjura şi ne persecuta foarte rău. Îmi trimitea tata bani de acasă şi puteam să îmi cumpăr câte ceva de mâncare. Evreii din Oneşti ne chemau uneori la miniane şi cu ocazia asta ne invitau şi la masă. M-au văzut că nu am farfurie, mi-au dat o farfurie şi o lingură şi îmi dădeau supă, mă hrăneau ei. Erau foarte cumsecade cu noi evreii din Oneşti, foarte umani. Oneşti-ul era un ştetl, un târguşor unde evreii erau destul de numeroşi, dar nu se deosebeau de ceilalţi oameni, se îmbrăcau modern.

[Despre perioada războiului şi implicarea în activitatea ilegală a partidului comunist, domnul Marcuson vorbeşte în articolul „Amintiri din ilegalitate”, publicat în „Cadran”. Caiet cultural al cenaclului „George Bacovia”, Bucureşti, august 1971, p.6-7] >>Prin anul 1942, mă pomenesc mobilizat pentru „muncă obligatorie”, la tipografia Institutului Central de Statistică din Bucureşti; fericit prilej să îl reîntâlnesc acolo pe poetul Ştefan Popescu, pe atunci şeful acelei tipografii, pe care-l cunoscusem, cu un deceniu înainte, pe băncile Facultăţii de Litere. Şi fericit prilej pentru amândoi ca, sub acoperirea unei activităţi oficiale să ne lărgim împreună activitatea neoficială... în serviciul Partidului Comunist Român; prilej de a transforma tipograma într-un centru de rezistenţă antifascistă. Acolo, într-o odăiţă dosnică, am pus la cale planul acţiunilor noastre: multiplicarea, în sute de exemplare (deocamdată cu ajutorul unei maşini de scris) a unor broşuri de propagandă – unele, cu caracter literar – care s-au răspândit, uneori, şi în alte oraşe (un funcţionar al „Statisticii”, care se întorsese de la Galaţi, ne-a adus în dar, din acel oraş, una din propriiile noastre broşuri); alcătuirea unui fond de cărţi literare şi ştiinţifice pe care le trimiteam deţinuţilor politici din lagăre, prin familiile lor; colectarea regulată, lunară – de la un grup de simpatizanţi cu dare de mână – a unor destul de mari sume de bani pentru Ajutorul Roşu. Tovarăşul Ştefan – şeful meu ierarhic! – mă scutise de orice obligaţii profesionale, încât mă puteam ocupa în exclusivitate cu aceste acţiuni; iar în ceasurile de răgaz îmi foloseam vremea traducând cartea prozatorului sovietic M. Ilin, „Se preface lumea”, care de asemenea a circulat într-un tiraj de  zece exemplare dactilografiate şi legate în pânză – îndată după 23 august 1944, datorită  sprijinului lui Lucreţiu Pătrăşcanu 3, a fost tipărită la editura „Forum”, care tocmai se înfiinţase.

Chip să scoatem ceva la tipografia unde lucram nu era. Faptul că unul dintre salariaţii tipografiei locuia, dimpreună cu familia chiar în clădirea înteprinderii, reprezenta pentru noi o piedică de netrecut. Priveam cu necaz la maşinile de cules şi de imprimat şi fluieram a pagubă gândindu-mă cu cât mai repede, mai bine şi mai cu spor decât maşina mea de scris ar lucra maşinile tipografiei. Iată, de ce, atunci când în primăvara lui 1944, tovarăşul meu mi-a împărtăşit, emoţionat dar şi preocupat, că a primit din parte Comitetului Central al partidului sarcina de a realiza un plan de tipărituri-broşuri, manifeste către populaţie şi armată - şi m-a întrebat dacă, pentru început, nu i-aş putea tipări pe undeva o broşură, a trebuit să mă gândesc la altă tipografie. Mi-am adus îndată aminte că-l cunoscusem – cu vreo trei ani înainte, într-o tabără de muncă obligatorie – pe unul dintre coproprietarii tipografiei „Ţăranul” din Bucureşti, pe Alfred Rainer, unul din principalii mei cotizanţi, datorită căruia o bună parte din veniturile tipografiei ajungeau, prin intermediul său, în visteria Ajutorului Roşu. I-am făcut o vizită şi i-am spus, fără ocol, ce vreau de la dânsul. Rainer a acceptat bucuros: ne punea la dispoziţie atelierele sale şi hârtia necesară, ca să tipărim ce vom dori. Mai aveam nevoie de un „culegător” şi de o „puitoare” [Notă: persoană care punea foaia albă la maşina de imprimat]. I-am găsit în persoana zeţarului Sigol şi a puitoarei Ştefania Bărbulescu. Astfel a început, în atelierul tipografiei „Ţăranul” – aflată în inima capitalei – nu departe de piaţa Sfântul Gheorghe - realizarea planului nostru de tipărituri.

Primul manuscris pe care mi l-a încredinţat Ştefan Popescu avea douăzeci de pagini şi se intitula „Armata Roşie vine”. Purta pe copertă menţiunea „Editura Comitetului Central al Partidului Comunist Român” (şi mi s-a atras atenţia că este prima tipăritură care apare în ţara noastră cu această indicaţie), iar tirajul avea să fie de două mii de exemplare. La etajul întâi al atelierelor – unde se afla zeţăria – am amenajat una dintre încăperi, unde zeţarul avea să lucreze noaptea, când tipografia era pustie. Paznicul tipografiei a fost îndepărtat aprobându-i-se un concediu de câteva zile. Seara, Sigol intra în atelier, camufla atent ferestrele şi, după ce totul era în ordine, se punea pe lucru. Îmi amintesc şi astăzi ce mi-a răspuns când l-am întrebat, dacă îi place textul: „Fiecare cuvânt e un glonte!”

Culesul manuscrisului, care s-a făcut manual, cu literă măruntă şi în rânduri înghesuite, ca să economisim hârtia, a durat  trei sau patru nopţi; apoi am trecut la operaţia imprimării. Aceasta s-a făcut ziua, într-o duminică, la o maşină „plană” şi ca să împiedicăm zgomotul – care ar fi putut răzbate până în stradă – nu am folosit motorul electric, ci am învârtit manual roata maşinii. Tirajul l-am înghesuit într-o valiză mare, pe care am aşezat-o într-un loc dinainte stabilit, de unde, seara, avea s-o ridice Ştefan. Am părăsit atelierul cu toţii, pe rând, atenţi, să nu fim urmăriţi, după ce am ars în sobă colile rebutate, după ce am dereticat şi am îndepărtat cu grijă toate urmele acţiunii noastre. Am lăsat uşile deschise ca Ştefan să poată intra în atelier să ia valiza cu broşuri şi să încuie uşa, lăsând cheia în cutia de scrisori. Pentru ca tipografia să nu poată fi identificată după corpul de literă pe care îl folosisem, i-am cerut lui Rainer să sacrifice întreaga cantitate de literă cu acel caracter: plumbul a fost încărcat într-un săculeţ şi aruncat în Dâmboviţa.

A doua zi, prin grija aceluiaşi Ştefan, care făcuse "împrăştierea”, sute de cetăţeni au găsit în cutiile lor de scrisori, prima lucrare scoasă de Editura Comitetului Central al P.C.R. „Partidul Comunist Român – puteau ei citi – se simte dator să lumineze opinia publică în acest greu ceas în care naţiunea se află la răscruce, între viaţă şi moarte... Partidul Comunist ştie că lucrul nu e uşor. Cuvântul său străbate greu până la voi. El trebuie să îşi facă loc printre sârmele ghimpate ale unui regim de teroare şi- ceea ce e mai grav – trebuie să lupte cu o întreagă mentalitate de neîncredere, de bănuială, de frică... Dar oricâte piedici i-ar sta în cale, glasul Partidului Comunist va fi auzit şi înţeles, pentru că este glasul instinctului naţional de conservare”. Dar abia în ziua eliberării [23 august 1944] aveam să aflu numele celui care scrisese aceste pagini inspirate: Mihail Sebastian 4. Acum, pe noi, cei de la tipografie, altfel de sarcini ne aşteptau: trebuia să scoatem, în chiar acea zi, primul număr legal al ziarului „România Liberă”.<<

Am fost membru de partid încă înainte de 1944, din ilegalitate, pentru că partidul comunist era singurul care nu era antisemit. Preluarea puterii de către comunişti m-a bucurat, pentru că scăpasem de Hitler. Alternativa noastră era Hitler sau Stalin, o a treia posibilitate nu exista, de aceea nu este doar permisă, cred că este inevitabilă gândirea maniheistă. Vedeam în Uniunea Sovietică, nu un bine, dar un rău mai mic decât Germania lui Hitler. Multe lucruri le-am aflat după 23 august 1944, şi încă nu se ştie tot. Nu vezi că se neagă Holocaustul? Nu m-aş mira ca mâine poimâine să apară un istoric care să spună al doilea război mondial este o invenţie a jidanilor! Aşa cum spun că Holocaustul este o invenţie a nostră. Cum au murit 6 milioane de evrei, s-au evaporat? Majoritatea nu ştiu că evreii de astăzi sunt singurul popor din lume care astăzi este mai puţin numeros decât înainte de război. N-au reuşit să recupereze prin spor natural cele şase milioane de victime. Cum au dispărut cele 3 milioane de evrei polonezi, că astăzi în Polonia sunt mai puţini evrei decât în România? Cum au dispărut? Cea mai mare crimă a istoriei! Istoria tuturor popoarelor şi a tuturor secolelor n-a cunoscut o asemenea industrie a asasinatelor!

După Război

După război ni s-a dat înapoi casa din strada Uranus şi ne-am mutat din nou în vechea nostră casă.

Aveam sentimente sioniste, mi-a plăcut ideea sionistă, citisem pe Herzl, dar nu credeam că este realizabil. Credeam că este o utopie, pentru că ştiam că pe planeta nostră nu există nici o insuliţă, nici o bucată de pământ, care să nu aparţină cuiva. Şi cum puteam eu să prevăd, că cineva va da evreilor 20.000 de kilometri pătraţi. Cum am aflat eu despre întemeierea statului Israel? La Biblioteca Centrală de Stat, la Sala de periodice. Citeam ziarul „L’Humanite”, cotidianul partidului comunist francez, singurul ziar francez care se putea citi în România [în 1948]. Citeam ziarul şi am văzut la un moment dat harta Israelului. Am rămas uluit. Am stat ore întregi şi m-am uitat la harta noului Israel şi nu îmi vedea să îmi cred ochilor că avem şi noi o ţară a noastră. Am simţit că s-a realizat o minune, că s-a realizat ceva ce nu credeam niciodată. Gândeşte-te că din anul 70 după Hristos până în 1948, evreii din lumea întreagă au tânjit, au năzuit, au suspinat, au visat noaptea după Ierusalim. Când doi evrei se despărţeau, nu spuneau „La revedere!”, spuneau „La anul la Ierusalim!”

Mama a făcut alia în anii 1960 în Israel, unde erau fratele meu şi alte rude. A locuit într-un azil de bătrâni în Tel Aviv. Am vizitat-o în Israel şi când m-am întors acasă, am primit vestea că a murit. A murit după ce o vizitasem eu. Avea 89 de ani când a murit [în 1981].

M-am gândit să plec în Israel, dar nu ştiam limba. Mi-ar fi venit greu să trăiesc în Israel. Închipuiţi-vă că cineva ar locui în România şi n-ar şti româneşte, cum i-ar veni? N-aş fi putut să practic nici o meserie intelectuală. N-aş fi putut, ceea ce eram în România, redactor de editură. M-am gândit să plec la Paris din timpul liceului. Dacă plecam după ce terminam liceul, n-ar fi fost bine. În 1940 au intrat germanii, mă prindeau ca pe un pui de găină şi mă gazau. Aşa de bine, de rău, trăiesc. După 23 august 1944, trebuia să plec, am greşit că n-am plecat.

Am fost prin 1949, atât în Polonia cât şi în Germania [RDG]. Am fost trimişi patru români [Notă: de către statul român într-un schimb oficial cu Polonia şi RDG] ca să ne petrecem concediile, şi în schimb polonezi şi germani au venit în România să-şi petreacă concediul. Cu ocazia asta am călătorit în toată Polonia, de la un cap la altul, am văzut o sumedenie de oraşe şi sate şi în Germania la fel.  La Varşovia cât priveai cu ochii, în zare de la un capăt la altul numai ruine, nu se ştia pe unde au fost străzi. Nu s-a găsit pentru noi o casă întreagă unde să fim găzduiţi. Ştiţi unde am fost găzduiţi? Prin Varşovia trece fluviul Vistula. La mal era ancorat un vaporaş, probabil pentru plimbări, pentru excursii. Ei bine, în cabinele acelui vaporaş am fost găzduiţi. Nu s-a găsit o cameră în toată Varşovia.  Ca să îţi dai seama ce însemnă ruină, era ici şi colo câte un perete în picioare. Acelaşi lucru şi la Berlin. Am fost găzduiţi într-o comună suburbană, la vreo zece-doisprezece kilometri de Berlin, unde erau câteva case întregi şi aveam o maşină. Nu am văzut nici în Germania, nici în Polonia, un bărbat de vârsta mea, aveam vreo treizeci şi ceva de ani. Erau numai femei, copii şi bătrâni. Nu existau bărbaţi. Hitler i-a curăţat pe germanii de vârsta mea mai rău decât pe evrei. În Polonia n-am văzut bărbat de vărsta mea deşi am stat o lună întreagă. În Germania am văzut un singur bărbat, care  n-avea picioare, pierduse picioarele pe front. Să-ţi povestesc atitudinea femeilor faţă de noi bărbaţii. Din ochi ne implorau să le dăm puţină atenţie şi polonezele şi germanele. Erau decente, nu erau agresive. Puţine erau agresive şi ne săreau de gât, excepţii. Erau fericite dacă le priveam şi dacă le adresam cuvântul.

Am fost salariat numai după 23 august 1944. Înainte am trăit din lecţii de engleză şi franceză. Nu dădeam prea multe lecţii, deşi puteam să am mai mulţi elevi, ca să îmi rămână timp să citesc, să mă plimb. Consideram şi consider  şi astăzi că cea mai mare bogăţie a omului este ceea ce romanii numeau „otium”, adică timp liber inteligent folosit. După război am fost salariat, întâi am lucrat la Partidul Comunist, ne numeam instructori, dar eu lucram la documentarea secţiei de propagandă. Eram documentarist. Am lucrat mulţi ani. Am lucrat din 1945 până prin anii 1950, când m-au dat afară, din cauza unui proces în familie [Domnul Marcuson avea probleme acum cu dosarul de membru de partid]. Apoi am lucrat la o editura Univers, tot prin anii 1950. Am fost şi profesor la Institutul de Limbi străine, unde am predat franceza, dar scurt timp, numai câţiva ani. Nu-mi mai amintesc acum, 1950-1960, până s-a desfiinţat Institutul. Am fost cercetător la Institutul de Istorie al Partidului. Am publicat nişte cărţi, nişte articole. M-am pensionat de la Editura Ştiinţifică şi Enciclopedică în 1973, unde a fost foarte bine.

Soţia mea, Cornelia Păunescu, este fiica unor vechi militanţi social-democraţi şi eu am vrut să stau de vorbă cu părinţii ei să îmi povestească amintiri, aşa cum povestesc eu acuma, din vechea mişcare social-democrată, dinaintea primului război mondial. Părinţii ei erau cunoscuţi, fotografiile lor au apărut în „Istoria socialismului” a lui Atanasiu, şi fotografia mamei ei şi fotografia tatălui ei. Tatăl ei, Păunescu Paltin,  murise. Este o stradă în Bucureşti care-i poartă numele socrului meu. O stradă mică, frumoasă, în cartierul unde locuiam noi. Strada unde locuiam noi trebuia să se numească Păunescu Paltin, dar s-au apucat şi au schimbat numele şi atunci au dat numele altei străzi, paralele, numele. Şi mama ei, era militantă a femeilor socialiste şi am stat de vorbă cu ea şi cu ocazia asta am cunoscut-o şi pe fiica ei, care mi-a povestit şi ea amintiri din mişcarea social-democrată. A fost „love at first sight” [dragoste la prima vedere]. Şi ne-am căsătorit. Eram în vârstă amândoi, trecusem de 40 de ani.

Soţia mea, Cornelia Păunescu s-a născut în 1911, în Bucureşti. Nu este evreică. Soţia mea avea două surori, Blanche Nicolau [născută Păunescu] şi Agatha Păunescu, care trăieşte şi este pensionară. Toată viaţa au trăit în Bucureşti. Ne-am căsătorit în 1957, la Bucureşti. A fost numai o căsătorie civilă la primăria sectorului 3, fiindcă nu eram credincioşi, nici eu, nici ea. Atât familia mea cât şi familia soţiei au fost de acord cu acestă căsătorie. Nu mai eram un copil, aveau încredere în mine că ştiu să aleg şi am ales cât se poate de bine. Cornelia făcut Facultatea de Medicină din Bucureşti. Era un om de ştiinţă, a participat la peste treizeci de congrese internaţionale, cu comunicări. Era în România singurul doctor docent în medicină în specialitatea ei, autoarea primului tratat de pediatrie ORL. A participat ca medic la războiul din Coreea [notă: 25 iunie 1950 – 27 iulie 1953] împotriva americanilor şi a fost medicul personal al lui Kim Ir Sen [notă: (1912-1994), preşedinte al Republicii Populare Democrate Coreene din 1948.]. Erau acolo medici din toate ţările socialiste, din Republica Federală Germană, din Ungaria, din Cehoslovacia, din Polonia, din Yugoslavia, din China. Într-o zi Kim Ir Sen s-a îmbolnăvit şi a întrebat care este cel mai bun medic. Ea l-a tratat şi Kim Ir Sen ne-a invitat de două ori în Coreea. Am stat câte o lună de fiecare dată, unde stătuse înaintea noastră Ceauşescu. Coreea este o ţară foarte frumoasă. Phenianul fusese bombardat de americani şi de sud-coreeni, aşa că tot oraşul era nou. Au construit teatre, săli de conferinţe. Din tot oraşul vechi rămăsese numai o poartă de intrare. Ne-am plimbat prin Phenian, dar bineînţeles cu translatorul după noi. Am bătut drumul din Bucureşti şi până în Coreea cu Transiberianul [tren special]. Am văzut toată Siberia şi toate oraşele Coreei şi ale Chinei. Siberia este o imensitate, ascunde bogăţii fabuloase, care nu se cunosc încă. E o splendoare, [sunt] numai păduri de mesteceni de la Moscova până la frontiera chineză. Prima oară ne-am dus şi ne-am întors cu Transiberianul. [Notă: călătoria cu trenul, dus, dura aproximativ opt zile] A doua oară ne-am dus cu Transiberianul, dar ne-am întors cu avionul de la Beijing. China de astăzi este altceva decât am văzut noi, pentru că a început să se construiască. Am fost în multe ţări [împreună], în Anglia, Franţa, Germania, Italia, Uniunea Sovietică, China şi Coreea, Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, Turcia.

Cornelia era un om care nu a minţit niciodată în viaţa ei, de o mare blândeţe şi de o mare generozitate, un om care avea un singur cusur, avea prea mare încredere în oameni. Nu avea noţiunea răului. Ştia foarte bine franceza, engleza şi italiana. Avea o cultură umanistă frumoasă, [domnul Marcuson arată în diferite directii ale camerei, fiecare bibliotecă este un corp separat] aceea este biblioteca ei engleză şi americană, asta este biblioteca franceză, asta este biblioteca latină, asta este biblioteca română, dincolo avem biblioteca germană. Ea se ducea la spital sau la facultate, să ţină cursuri, eu mă duceam la editură, la institut. Ne-am pensionat în aceeaşi zi, în 1973. Viaţa cotidiană era proastă din punct de vedere politic, iar din punct de vedere economic erau greutăţile de atuncea, stăteam la cozi, nu găseam de toate. Magazinele nu arătau ca cele de acuma, erau sărăcăciose, vânzătorii erau needucaţi, nu era uşor să faci aprovizionare. Timpul liber ni-l petreceam citind, plimbându-ne, mergând la spectacole. Nu am ţinut tradiţii evreieşti. Într-o dimineaţă, [din anul 2000], luasem dejunul în bucătărie, cum ziceam noi, „mai aproape de locul de producţie”. Respira cam greu, dar n-am prevăzut nimic. Am luat-o de braţ şi am adus-o ca să se aşeze pe fotoliu, ca să continue să-şi citească romanul. A căzut. Am crezut că s-a împiedicat de covor. Era moartă. Nu ştiam că un om poate muri aşa de uşor.

Trăim într-o ţară unde există libertatea opiniei, libertatea opiniei există şi pentru mine. S-a făcut cel mai mare palat [Palatul Parlamentului] din Europa şi al doilea din lume. [Notă: Palatul Parlamentului sau ’Casa Poporului’, a doua clădire ca mărime din lume după Pentagon, proiect executat la ordinul lui Ceauşescu. Actualmente adăposteşte Parlamentul României şi numeroase muzee.] Actualul regim nu este în stare să construiască aşa ceva şi nici să mobileze un palat unic în Europa. Este lucrul emblematic pentru Bucureşti aşa cum şi pentru Paris este turnul Eiffel, cum pentru Moscova este Kremlinul, cum pentru Roma este Colosseum. S-a construit enorm, ceea ce astăzi nu se mai face, astăzi nu mai sunt în stare să termine ceea ce s-a început şi ceea ce este aproape gata. Dacă mai trăia un an Ceauşescu aveam Biblioteca Naţională şi sute de blocuri de locuit, blocuri frumose, cu balcoane, cu rotunjimi, bine gândite. Merg kilometri cu  autobuzul 104 şi văd ce s-a construit pe vremea lui Ceauşescu şi astăzi stau cu macaralele la Biblioteca Naţională, vor să facă nu ştiu ce, ăstora nu le trebuie bibliotecă, nu le trebuie carte. Pot fi cu moderaţie, optimist, suntem, fără indoială, pe calea cea bună. Dacă aflându-ne noi pe calea cea bună ne mai şi poticnim, asta e altceva, dar ne poticnim totuşi pe calea cea bună. Voi vota cu social democraţii [PSD], şi bineînţeles pentru Parlament voi vota cu Menora [semnul deputatului comunităţii evreieşti]!

Ascultam foarte regulat [posturile de radio străine] BBC şi „Vocea Americii”. După ce m-am pensionat ascultam chiar de două ori aceeaşi emisiune, o dată seara şi a doua zi dimineaţa, când se repeta. Nu puteam să nu ascult, eram curios, aveam nevoie ca de aer să ascult aceste posturi. Îmi aduc aminte de Noel Bernard şi de soţia lui, ştiam numele altora, dar le-am uitat.

Revoluţia din 1989 am privit-o cu simpatie, mă săturasem de Ceauşescu. Eram în Bucureşti. Mă plimbam pe stradă, dar n-am fost în mulţimea aceea, căreia i-a vorbit Ceauşescu, mă feream de mulţimi. Era inevitabil, pentru că trebuia neapărat să intrăm în Europa. Mi-am dat seama mai târziu, cu Ceauşescu nu intram în Europa. Pentru noi este o chestiune de viaţă şi de moarte a face parte din Europa, însemnă pace şi prosperitate. Mă necăjeşte faptul că suntem aşa de întârziaţi şi e posibil să fim amânaţi, sper să intrăm [în 2007]. Viaţa mea a devenit mai bună după 1989, am putut să citesc presă straină, am putut să citesc o serie de autori, pe care înainte nu-i puteam procura, am putut să călătoresc în străinătate, aproape în fiecare an şi în Răsărit şi în Apus.

Nu ştiu în ce an, înainte de 1989, s-a prezentat cineva la mine din partea comunităţii [evreieşti] şi m-a întrebat dacă vreau să fiu membru al comunităţii. Am acceptat pe loc, am plătit prima cotizaţie, pot să spun că sunt un vechi membru. Acum, într-o duminică dimineaţa, aflându-mă la centrul cultural din strada Popa Soare, la o conferinţă, ni s-au împărţit nişte formulare cu rugămintea să le completăm. Am  devenit membri ai Asociaţiei Sioniştilor din România, care s-a reînfiinţat după câteva decenii cât a fost interzis. Cu ocazia sărbătorilor de iarnă, am primit o felicitare de la sionişti, care au sediu aici, pe bulevardul Kogălniceanu, unde este şi Sohnut-ul. În ciuda faptului că am rămas aşa de puţini, comunitatea are o viaţă activă. Revista „Realitatea evreiască” este foarte bună. [Notă: Revistă a minorităţii evreieşti din România care apare între 1956 şi 1995 sub denumirea de ’Revista Cultului Mozaic’, iar din 1995 îşi schimbă numele în ’Realitatea evreiască’. Cuprinde articole legate de viaţa cultuală şi culturală a comunităţii şi are o pagină în limba engleză şi una în limba ivrit.] Are articole nemaipomenite, admirabile, în special ale lui Eveline Fonea, ale Iuliei Deleanu, Lucianei Friedmann. Frecventez regulat duminica [centrul de conferinţe comunitar] din strada Popa Soare. Uneori iau masa la cantina de acolo.

Religia m-a interesat întotdeauna, deşi n-am fost credincios. Putem să negăm existenţa divinităţii, dar nu putem să negăm existenţa religiei. Sunt un cititor al Bibliei, un cititor de literatură religioasă. Sinagoga o frecventez numai la ocazii. Din păcate slujbele religioase la sinagogă sunt toate după apusul soarelui, când apare prima stea, atunci începe şabatul. Ei, când apare prima stea, eu sunt în casă, nu umblu pe drumuri. Nu ies noaptea, decât la sărbători, când pot să mă duc şi ziua. Am fost la Sucot, am fost de sărbătorile de toamnă, la acele adunări care au loc dimineaţa sau după-amiaza devreme. Sinagoga nu este biserică, la biserică de obicei se duc numai credincioşii, iar la sinagogă se duc şi necredincioşi. Sinagoga este Beit Ha Knesset, Casa Adunării, acolo se adună evreii. Înainte de război se făceau concerte. Venea o cântăreaţă, Silvia Feller. Şi astăzi la sinagogă se ţin adunări electorale, se ţin conferinţe. Acum mă duc la Templul Coral, de puţine ori am fost la sinagoga din strada Atena [Notă: Sinagoga Iosua Tova, construită în 1827, încă în funcţiune; actualmente strada se numeşte Tache Ionescu]. Cele mai multe sinagogi s-au desfiinţat. Mă duceam înainte la Sinagoga Malbim [notă: construită în 1864, demolată în 1985; actualmente şantierul Bibliotecii Naţionale, lângă Bulevardul Unirii], îmi plăcea foarte mult. Mă duceam şi la Sinagoga Mare [Notă: construită în 1846, din 1991 muzeul ’Memorialul Martirilor Evrei din România’], din strada Vasile Adamache, unde mă duc şi acum să văd expoziţia Holocaustului.

Identitatea mea nu am negat-o niciodată, dovadă că deşi am fost sfătuit, nu mi-am schimbat numele, nu m-am botezat. Este şi inutil să îţi negi identitatea. Dacă un evreu neagă că este evreu, totdeauna se găseşte cineva care să-i aducă aminte! Am ajuns la convingerea că evreii nu sunt numai o religie, dar sunt o etnie. Pe lângă religia mozaică există o etnie evreiască, aşa cum există o etnie maghiară sau germană, bulgară şi aşa mai departe. Copilul evreu este o fiinţă bogată în clipa când se naşte din pântecele mamei sale. E un noroc să fii evreu. Evreii sunt un neam incomparabil. Despre orice naţiune s-ar putea spune că este incomparabilă cu alta, dar istoria evreilor este unică. Istoria evreilor care începe cu paisprezece secole înainte de Hristos, este nemaipomenită. Evreii au trăit datorită rabinilor lor şi datorită religiei lor, religia i-a impiedicat să dispară. Ebraica este singura limbă clasică care a putut fi renăscută. S-au făcut mari încercări în Europa să se renască latina, s-a înfiinţat în Franţa societatea „Le latin vivant”(„Latina vie”), au scos reviste, dar n-au reuşit. Au încercat grecii să învie vechea limbă atică, dar n-au reuşit. Grecii de astăzi vorbesc tot demotica, limba populară grecească. Singura limbă veche care a reuşit şi este vorbită astăzi de milioane de evrei din Israel, este ebraica. Orice şcolar astăzi în Israel poate citi Vechiul Testament în original, în ebraică. E ceva nemaipomenit!

Glosar:

1 Legionar

 Membru al Legiunii Arhanghelului Mihail ( Mișcarea Legionară), mișcare înființată în anul 1927 de C. Z. Codreanu ca o organizație paramilitară teroristă de orientare naționalistă-fascistă, creată după modelul organizațiilor naziste SA și SS, cu un caracter mistic-religios, violent anticomunist, antisemit și antimasonic. După asasinarea lui Codreanu în aprilie 1938 conducerea Legiunii a fost preluată de Horia Sima. 

2 Codreanu, Corneliu Zelea (1899-1938)

 a fost liderul al extremei-drepte naționalist creștine din România interbelică, al partidului Garda de Fier (Legiunii Arhanghelului Mihail). În 1938 a fost împușcat la un ordin direct al regului Carol al II-lea.

3  Pătrăşcanu, Lucreţiu (1900-1954)

 om politic român, membru al conducerii Partidului Comunist Român, ministru, avocat, sociolog și economist. 

4 Sebastian, Mihail (Hechter, I

) (1907-1945) (new): romancier, critic literar, dramaturg, eseist. Are studii de doctorat în ştiinţe economice şi drept public la Paris. În anii 1930 îşi publică cele mai importante opere, cu tentă autobiografică, care suscită vii polemici literare şi doctrinare. Este redactor la Revista Fundaţiilor Regale între 1936 şi până 1940, când este dat afară din cauză că era evreu. Din 1941 este profesor la liceul evreiesc Cultura B, iar la Colegiul Onescu, o universitate evreiască improvizată, unde ţine un curs de literatură comparată. Moare în urma unui accident.

Magdalena Seborova

Magdaléna Šeborová
roz. Kleinová
Brno
Česká republika
Rozhovor pořídily: Zuzana Pastorková a Barbora Pokreis
Období vzniku rozhovoru: květen 2005

Magdaléna Šeborová žije sama v útulnom a vkusne zariadenom jednoizbovom byte v Brne. Pani Magdaléna pochádza zo Slovenska. Narodila sa v Močenku (okres Šaľa) v roku 1940, teda počas druhej svetovej vojny a v útlom veku sa dostala do pracovnéhoho tábora v Seredi a neskôr do Terezína. Väčšina jej rodiny zahynula počas holokaustu. Svoju mamičku, ktorá sa po vojne sedem rokov liečila na tuberkulózu v sanatóriu vo Vysokých Tatrách, takmer nepoznala. Pani Magdaléna sa dvakrát vydala a rozviedla. Za svojím druhým manželom sa v roku 1972 presťahovala do Brna, kde žije dodnes. V roku 1984 nastúpila do invalidného dôchodku. Napriek svojim zdravotným problémom je veľmi vitálna a zhovorčivá. Rada sa s nami podelila o svoje spomienky a skúsenosti, veď podľa jej slov: „Nemôžem si vziať všetko do hrobu.“ Pani Magdaléna dnes žije sama, no na novom mieste je veľmi spokojná. Po strastiplnom živote si praje aspoň v dôchodku trochu pokoja. Venuje sa svojim záľubám, ako napríklad šitiu a drhanej krajke, okrem toho rada cestuje. Nie je jej ľahostajný ani osud Židovskej obce v Brne, do ktorej vstúpila v roku 2000.  

Rodina
Za války
Po válce - dětství
Dospělost
Glosář

Rodina

Na starých rodičov z otcovej strany si nepamätám. Neviem, ako sa volali starí rodičia, lebo nemám o nich žiadne doklady. Ich priezvisko bolo Klein. Deduško zomrel tesne po vypuknutí vojny, keď som mala dva roky [v roku 1942]. Pochovaný je v Šúrovciach [Trnavský kraj] samozrejme v židovskom cintoríne. Možnože tam cintorín ešte dodnes je. Ja som tam chodievala s mojim otcom dovtedy, kým som nezačala chodiť do práce. Otec dal na jeho náhrobok symbolicky vypísať: „Tým, ktorí umreli z rodiny“, aby ostala aj spomienka na tých, ktorí umreli počas holokaustu a nemajú pomníky.

Starí rodičia sa volali Kleinovci. Neviem, kedy a kde sa narodili. Žili v Šúrovciach. Deduško mal štrnásť detí a dve manželky, ale nie naraz. Keď jedna zomrela, zobral si druhú. Nepamätám si ani na mená dedových manželiek vzhľadom na to, že som bola príliš malá. Predpokladám, že jeho manželky boli tiež z ortodoxných rodín. Kleinovci boli určite ortodoxní Židia, lebo na fotkách vidieť, že babička má „paruku“ [parochňu] 1 a môj otec bol tiež ortodoxný. Každý deň sa modlil s tfilinom – modlitebnými remienkami [tfilin – malé čierne kožené krabičky obsahujúce predpísané biblické pasáže, ktoré si dospelí muži navliekajú pri rannej bohoslužbe vo všedný deň – pozn. red.]. Deduško vlastnil obchod so zmiešaným tovarom, ako to bývalo na dedine pred šestdesiatimi rokmi. Otec veľmi nerozprával o starom otcovi, snažili sme sa na celú tú „anabázu koncentrácnicku“ zabudnúť.

Starí rodičia z mamičkinej strany sa volali Július a Hedviga Weisz-oví. Starého otca som poznala, lebo prežil holokaust. Vo Viedni sa oženil s babičkou, tuším sa volala Hedviga. Babička sa rodným priezviskom volala Quittner. Zomrel v roku 1954 v Bratislave, kde je aj pochovaný. Keď zomrel, mala som štrnásť rokov. Deduško bol zlatý človek, každý ho mal rád. On mi hovorieval, že bol vyučený za maliara. Veľmi ho to nebavilo a tak sa neskôr vyučil za liehovarníckeho majstra. Nikdy svoje povolanie nevykonával, pretože sa stal správcom na majeri v Kokošovej. Prarodičia z mamičkinej strany od dedka boli boli Mór Weisz a Netti Schwarz. A rodičia od babičky boli  Mór Quittner a Katalin Braun.

Starí rodičia Weiszoví sa po sobáši usadili vo Viedni. Moja mama sa tam aj narodila. Mamička mala ešte jednu sestru Hedvigu, ktorá zahynula v koncentráku. Ešte za čias Rakúska-Uhorska prišli bývať na Slovensko, nebol to problém. Usadili sa na majeri v Kokošovej. Kokošová bola pričlenená k obci Tesáre. Babička bola ako vtedy väčšina žien v domácnosti. Ja osobne som na tom majeri nikdy nebola. Starí rodičia určite patrili medzi zámožnejšiu vrstvu obyvateľstva. Za prvej republiky 2 byť správcom na majeri, bolo asi ako dnes primár nemocnice. Bola to asi taká istá úroveň. 

Môj starý otec [z matkinej strany] vedel aj cigánsky. Keď sme žili v Močenku, chodili k nám často žobrať Cigánky, no a on sa s nimi normálne dohovoril. Vedel maďarsky, nemecky a môj otec dokonca aj srbsky a chorvátsky. Za Rakúsko-Uhorska bolo treba. Neviem, ktorý jazyk považoval starý otec za svôj materinský, lebo my sme sa na úrovni Matice slovenskej [Matica slovenská vznikla na svojom ustanovujúcom Valnom zhromaždení 4. augusta 1863 v Turčianskom Sv. Martine. Poslaním MS je rozvíjať a upevňovať slovenské vlastenectvo, prehlbovať vzťah občanov k slovenskej štátnosti – pozn. red.] nebavili [tzn. nepovažovali sa za slovenslkých vlastencov – pozn. red.]. Otec s dedkom sa medzi sebou dorozumievali nemecky, aby som im nerozumela, ale jeho slovenčina bola absolútne bezchybná. Tá nemala chybu.

Na starú mamu si nespomínam. Dostala sa do koncentračného tábora a nevrátila sa. Neviem v ktorom tábore babička zahynula, nikdy sme sa o tom nerozprávali. Začala som sa na túto tému baviť až po roku 1991, lebo sa začali o holokaust zaujímať aj školy. Pani Felixová [priateľka informátorky a členka židovskej obce v Brne – pozn. red.] chodí do škôl a rozpráva o holokauste. Ja by som to nemohla robiť, pretože moje spomienky sú útržkovité. Som rada, že vám zodpoviem na otázky, ale samostatne by som o tom nevedela rozprávať.

Mamičkin otec asi nebol ortodoxný. Neviem ako bol na tom pred vojnou, ale po koncentráku rozhodne nebol ortodoxný. Už sa nemodlieval každý deň s tfilinom [tfilin – malé čierne kožené krabičky obsahujúce predpísané biblické pasáže, ktoré si dospelí muži navliekajú pri rannej bohoslužbe vo všedný deň – pozn. red.] ako môj otec. Neviem, či to robil predtým a potom to nechal, my sme sa na túto tému veľmi nebavili. Viem len to, čo som videla. Neviem, ako často chodieval deduško do modlitebne. Na predvojnové obdobie si nemôžem pamätať a po vojne v Močenku nám modlitebňu vzali. My s otcom sme chodievali do Galanty k jeho sestre [Sidónia Hertzová], lebo tam synagóga bola. Dodnes je v Galante dobrá židovská obec. Dedko s nami nechodieval. Zomrel v roku 1954 a dva roky pred smrťou bol v Bratislave v starobinci na Podjavorinskej ulici. Neviem, či starý otec tam chodieval každý deň do modlitebne, aby mali minjan - desať ľudí [minjan – modlitebné minimum, desiatich mužov nad trinásť rokov, potrebných k verejnej modlitbe – pozn. red.].

Môj otec sa volal Maximilián Klein. Narodil sa 28. februára 1900 v Šúrovciach. Zomrel v roku 1969. Mal štyridsať rokov, keď som sa narodila. Bola vojna, schovávanie, chvíľu tu, chvíľu tam. Dokonca aj v Rakúsku sme sa skrývali. Neviem, aké mal vzdelanie môj otec, vtedy sa nemohlo veľmi chodiť do školy, lebo bola prvá svetová vojna. Myslím si, že od šestnástich rokov narukoval. Za Prvej republiky ešte za slobodna zastával funkciu správcu na majeri v Močenku. Po svadbe už začali rôzne perzekúcie voči Židom a musel svôj  post opustiť 3.

Otec hovorieval, že pochádzal zo štrnástich detí. Keďže v tom čase bola vysoká kojenecká úmrtnosť a niektoré z detí pohryzol aj besný pes, niektoré zahynuli na záškrt, ktorý zúril v tej dobe, dospelosti sa ich dožilo osem. Z toho šesť zomrelo v koncentračnom tábore. Oteckovi zostala iba sestra, ktorá po vojne žila v Galante. Otcova sestry z Galanty [Sidónia Hertzová – pozn. red.] sa v roku 1964 vysťahovala do Izraela. Do pol roka v Izraeli zomrela, nevydržala tie ťažké podmienky. 

Viem, že teta z Galanty bola schovaná, nebola v koncentráku. Bola schovaná u niekoho v Plaveckom Štvrtku. Jej dcéra [Anna Diamantova (rod. Hertzová) – pozn. red.] bola inde. Mala červené vlasy a zelené oči, nemala typické židovské črty. Takže ona robila niekde predavačku cez vojnu [počas 2. svetovej vojny žila s falošnými dokladmi – pozn. red.]. Tetin manžel sa volal Ignác Hertz. Pamätám sa, že sme ho volali Náci bácsi (ujo Náci). Teta bola od môjho otca srtaršia o neviem koľko rokov. S oteckom boli nevlastní súrodenci. Mamu mali inú. Teta hovorievala, že sa vyučila ako krajčírka, ale odkedy sa ja pamätám, do práce nechodila. Po svadbe teta začala žiť v Galante. Bývali v rodinnom dome. Strýko Ignác v rokoch 1945 až 1946 obchodoval s tabakom.

V čase Slánskeho procesov 4 všetkých strýkových kamarátov zavreli, akurát jeho nie. Ale to nie je pravda, že ich zavreli oprávnene, Slánského tiež nevinne zabili. Potom do roku 1964 robil nejakú účtovnícku robotu. V 1964-om sa vysťahovali a teta do pol roka zomrela. Bola už stará a nevydržala tie zlé životné podmienky. Strýko sa zbláznil. To sa nedá v tom veku presťahovávať bez rizika. Usadili sa v blízkosti Tel Avivu. Samozrejme, že si to človek inak predstavuje, keď ide do Izraela. Ja sa pamätám, v 1958-om som mala osemnásť a nám vykladali na židovskej obci, že aká je vysoká životná úroveň v Izraeli, presne ako v Rakúsku. A keď ja som tam v roku 1988 došla, tak čo sa týka technických vecí boli tam také čo u nás nie, ale život tam bol strašne ťažký. Trebárs jedna pani z Brna, ktorá tam má syna už od roku 1999, tak on si už dva roky nevie zohnať prácu.

Hertzoví mali len jednu dcéru. Volá sa Anna. Dodnes si píšeme, ale len raz do roka.  Narodila sa v Galante. Bola staršia odo mňa o šestnásť rokov. Ona sa prišla so mnou  rozlúčiť, keď ja som mohla mať tak deväť rokov. V 1949-om odišla do Izraela. Vtedy ako sa utvoril izraelský štát, tak z Bratislavy chodili všetci. Z Bratislavy sa cestovalo na Viedeň a Janov vlakom a potom z Janova sa išlo loďami. Takže Poliaci a kde-kto, všetci išli cez Bratislavu. V Izraeli sa vydala a mala dieťa. Živila sa šitím. 

Materinská reč môjho otca je slovenčina. Doma sme sa väčšinou po slovensky rozprávali, ale otec vedel dobre nemecky, dokonca až tak – ja už som vtedy pracovala v Bratislave – že nejaká staršia spolužiačka išla za mojím otcom, aby jej pomohol so slohom v nemeckom jazyku. Tá moja macocha [otec informátorky sa po smrti manželky Edity Kleinovej opäť oženil s Alžbetou rodenou Gottreichovou – pozn. red.] vedela iba maďarsky, takže kvôli nej sme museli hovoriť po maďarsky.

Mamička sa volala Edith Kleinová rodená Weisz. Narodila sa 17. augusta 1911 vo Viedni. Mamičku som veľmi nepoznala, mala som dvanásť rokov, keď zomrela. Židovské meno mojej mamičky je Noemi. Ja sa volám Ester. Pri jom kipurovej [Jom kipur, Deň zmierenia, najslávnostnejšia udalosť v židovskom kalendári – pozn. red.] modlitbe sa vždy používalo Ester bat Noemi,  teda Ester, dcéra Noemi. Nemám to nikde napísané, ale pamätám si to. Mamička ovládala slovenčinu, maďarčinu a nemčinu. Nechodila do školy, lebo mala domácu učiteľku - Fräulein. Neviem, či bola mamička vyučená v nejakom odbore. Nepotrebovala to v rodine, kde sa žilo na úrovni. Okrem toho na hospodárstve sa priučila ako sa robí na poliach, s mliekom a podobne. Viem, že po vojne sme si ešte sami museli robiť maslo a aj chlieb sme si sami piekli.

Za války

Neviem s istotou povedať, či bola mamička pobožná Židovka. Pamätám sa na ňu len z koncentračného tábora a zo sanatória. Ale jej pohľadnice svedčia o tom že bola. Keď spomínala Boha nikdy nenapísala Boh ale len B. prípadne P.B [Boh, pán Boh. Ortodoxný judaizmus zakazuje vysloviť meno Božie kedykoľvek. Jedno z desiatich Božích prikázaní znie: „Nevezmeš meno Božie nadarmo“ – pozn. red.]. To je pre mňa dôkaz, že asi bola pobožná. Neviem ani akú mala mama povahu, lebo pri návštevách sa človek musel na ňu pozerať ako na nejaký obraz, lebo tuberkulóza bola infekčná. Takže aj keď sme prišli, mohli sme ju vidieť len na určitú vzdialenosť a aj ona sa snažila dýchať preč odo mňa, aby ma nenakazila. A aj keby bol niekto neviem aký zlý, tak keď ma raz za dva mesiace alebo ešte menej videl, tak sa to nemohlo prejaviť. Z fotografií usudzujem, že mamička sa obliekala veľmi elegantne, ale po vojne počas pobytu v sanatóriu nosievala už len nohavice alebo tepláky.

Rodičia mali svadbu 10. januára 1939. Ja som sa narodila 16. februára 1940, počas druhej svetovej vojny. Moje spomienky na toto obdobie sú útržkovité. V našej rodine sa o vojne veľmi ani nehovorilo. Neviem, ako sa zoznámili rodičia, lebo som sa nikdy nepýtala na to. Sobášili sa v synagóge, ale či to bolo v Šúrovciach, tak to neviem. Sobáš bol ortodoxný, vidieť to z fotografií. Sobáš bol so závojom a pod chüpe [svadobný baldachýn, pod ktorým sú zosobášený ženích a nevesta – pozn. red.]. Po svadbe zostali bývať v Šúrovciach. Mali tam malý domček, videla som ho párkrát a potom spadol sám od seba. Vtom čase tu už bol veľký útlak. Otec hovoril, že keď som sa narodila, v ten deň prvýkrát vyhnali Židov odhadzovať sneh na koľajnice. Dovtedy ako – tak sa dalo. Neviem, koľko snehu spadlo, aj dva metre, ževraj ho bolo na trati a lokomotíva neprešla.

Nebola som jediným dieťaťom mojich rodičov. V koncentráku  sa mi narodil brat, ale za štyri dni zomrel. Bolo to v Seredi 5 [v Seredi bol pracovný tábor, pani Šeborová používa na jeho pomenovanie slovo koncentračný tábor – pozn. red.]. Pamätám sa na to, bolo to v roku 1944. Volal sa Peter. Postavili sme mu symboliký náhrobný kameň na sereďskom cintoríne. Zo sereďského koncentračného tábora si pamätám len na apely [nástup], ale neviem s istotou povedať, či to bolo tam alebo v Terezíne 6. V Seredi, ako som už spomínala sa mi narodil brat. Dali mi ho do ruky, mal detskú žltačku. Pamätám si ten moment keď zomrel. Bolo to drastické. Také veci si človek pamätá, aj keď bol veľmi malý. Brat zomrel a mama toho mŕtveho brata mala celý deň pri sebe a myslela si, že nás tým zachráni a že nás neodsunú. Keď uvideli, že je mŕtvy, naložili nás tiež. Otec mi vždy hovoril, že Česi sú slušní ľudia, pretože nám nosili vodu a potraviny, keď tie vlaky boli odstavené na vedľajších koľajoch. Zo Serede sme odišli do Terezína. Ako som sa neskôr dozvedela, bol to posledný transport zo Slovenska, ktorý smeroval do Terezína. Terezín je asi 60 kilometrov za Prahou. Cesta rýchlikom do Prahy trvá asi šesť hodín [v súčasnom období trvá cesta vlakom zo Serede do Prahy približne sedem hodín – pozn. red.], ale takto to trvalo niekoľko dní. V tých dobytčákoch, nákladných vagónoch boli hrozné podmienky, preto niektorí zomreli už po ceste. Dali nám tam nejaké to vedro na fekálie, to bolo všetko. Ja som bola s rodičmi až do konca vojny, lebo vtedy sa už selekcie nerobili. Myslím, že otec tam nebol, ale ja s mamou som spávala na tých pričniach, to si pamätám.

Spomínam si, ako nás Rusi oslobodili a cez noc nemeckí dozorcovia zmizli. Ráno tam už neboli. Vedeli sme, že to nie sú Nemci. Mali iné šaty a viditeľnú pásku. Svietili na nás farebnými baterkami. Overovala som si to na terezínskych zrazoch od starších, že si to dobre pamätám. Oslobodili nás a odviezli do Prahy. Tam sme bývali v nejakom hotely. Pamätám si na ten pochod. Víťazná armáda v Prahe, my s otcom sme sa na to dívali z okna. Aj Beneš 7 tam bol, z auta nám kýval. Aj esesákov som videla, ako ich vynášali a mali dobre vytlčené zuby, takže k nim sa obyvatelia tiež nezachovali podľa ženevských konvencií. Po oslobodení v Terezíne 6 zomrelo veľmi veľa ľudí, hoci prišli zdravotné sestry. Vypukol tam týfus a nemali očkovanie.

Po válce - dětství

Nemali sme veľa majetku, ale vrátili nám ho. Neviem, či tam niekto počas vojny žil, lebo ja som u týchto vecí nebola. Našli sa aj slušní ľudia medzi nimi, vrátili nám aj rádio, šaty čo sme mali u nich schované. Ale hovorím, ja som tam nebola.

Neregistrovala som, kedy začala mamička chorľavieť. Viem, že už pred vojnou v Šúrovciach ležala. Tuberkulóza sa prejavuje od určitej doby a človek má stále horúčky. Ležala a ja som sedela pri nej. Došiel jeden Rus a ako decko päťročné ma vzal na ruky. Neviem kedy to bolo presne, v to leto čo nás oslobodili. Pamätám sa, že ja som sedela v nočnej košeli v dome po deduškovi. Rok sa o mňa starala aj otcova sestra v Galante. Bývala som u nej, kým som nezačala chodiť do školy. Potom ma dali do sirotinca. Otec mal tiež zdravotné problémy. Poberal aj invalidný dôchodok. Mal problémy so srdcom a vtedy sa tie choroby neliečili tak dobre ako teraz. A on musel aj pracovať. Bezprostredne po vojne sme žili z toho, čo sa nám urodilo. Mali sme aj zajace, kravu, kozy. V záhrade bolo od kukurice, slivky a krumple [zemiaky], všetka zelenina. To sa zaváralo, takže to sme jedli. A keď už nebolo, predal sa kus nábytku alebo kus záhrady. Aj pri tom nás dobre oklamali.

Po vojne sa mamička sedem rokov liečila v sanatóriu, lebo trpela  ťažkou tuberkulózou, ktorej napokon v roku 1952 podľahla. Najprv sa liečila vo Vyšných Hágoch a potom v ďalších sanatóriách. Všetky sa nachádzali vo Vysokých Tatrách. V roku 1951 bola kolektivizácia 8. Z nás sa stali žobráci, vzali nám polia. Nemali sme žiadne peniaze. Mamu sme navštevovali už len raz za neviem akú dobu, pretože to bola hrozná cesta z Močenka do Tatier. Na cestu sme potrebovali peniaze, ktoré sme ale nemali, ani auto sme nemali. Bol to celkom iný život, ako je dnes. Chytím sa a idem zajtra do Terezína a v pondelok do Luhačovíc. Mamička je pochovaná v Kežmarku. Bolo to hrozné. Otec dostal z tej správy infarkt. Mala som dvanásť rokov a vedela som, že zomrie. Vedela som to podľa toho, kam ju presťahovali, lebo tam bolí tí, ktorí už boli na umretie. Otec dostal telegram, díval sa a díval a díval, zrazu mal infarkt. Ja som otca opatrovala a dedko so strýkom z Galanty ju išli pochovať. Najbližší židovský cintorín bol v Kežmarku. Ja som sa nezúčastnila pohrebu, lebo do sanatória pod pätnásť rokov deti nepúšťali. Na hrobe svojej mamy som bola až niekedy v roku 1973 alebo 1974.

Po mamičkinej smrti mal otec jeden infarkt za druhým, mal invalidný dôchodok asi 450 korún. V roku 1952 mama zomrela a v 1954  sa otec opätovne oženil. Jeho druhá žena a moja nevlastná matka sa volala Alžbeta Gottreichová. Vzťahy medzi nami boli dosť napäté, takže, keď som odmaturovala, otec mi našiel podnájom v Bratislave, u Feldmárových. Prácu som si našla sama, takže od roku 1957 ma už nesekýrovali. Moja nevlastná matka mám dojem, že pochádzala z Lučenca, ale nie som si istá. Jeden jej brat žil v Bratislave. Otec sa s ňou zoznámil v Galante u mojej tety Sidónii Hertzovej. My sme k tete chodievali na veľké sviatky ako Pesach, Chanuka a moja neskoršia macocha tam tiež trávila sviatky.

Ako som už spomínala, deduško sa tiež vrátil z koncentráku. Zo začiatku žil s nami v Močenku, ale potom sa presťahoval do starobinca na Podhájskej ulici v Bratislave. Deduška som tam zvykla navštevovať, dokonca som u neho bola raz aj na prázdninách. Viem, že som bývala u kuchárky na Židovskej ulici. Asi týždeň som bola s deduškom,  prechádzali sme sa po Bratislave a tak. Pamätám sa, že dedo mal 175 korún starobného dôchodku, z toho sa veľmi nedalo žiť.

Deduško zomrel v 1954-tom roku. Na jeho pohreb si jasne spomínam. Pohrebná miestnosť nebola väčšia ako moja kuchyňa. Mŕtvy ležal na katafalku. Aj na pohrebe môjho otca v 1969 sa nebožtík uložil na máre. Na márach bola ešte jedna doska a až na nej ležala rituálne zabalená mŕtvola. Rituálne zabalená znamená, že mal oblečený kitl [Židia sa pochovávajú v rubáši podobnom rúchu, ktoré nosí osoba vykonávajúca obrad na veľké sviatky. Toto rúcho sa volá kitl – pozn. red.], ktorý samozrejme nie je vidieť, a nakoniec je zakrútený v plachte. Plachta je uviazaná pod hrdlom, okolo zápästí s pripaženými rukami a tesne pod lýtkom. Uviazaný je na trikrát. Pri obrade musí byť prítomných desať chlapov, ale určite ich bolo viac. My ženy sme boli úplne vonku, lebo dovnútra sme nemohli. Chlapi potom išli hore na kopec a pochovali ho [ortodoxný židovský cintorín v Bratislave sa rozprestiera na kopci – pozn. red.]. Keď už bola jama úplne zarovnaná hlinou, vtedy sme tam mohli ísť z dola [na ortodoxnom židovskom pohrebe v Bratislave ženy nie sú prítomné pri samotnom pochovávaní nebožtíka – pozn. red.].

Po vojne sme my s otcom najprv žili v Šúrovciach. Mamička nastúpila na liečbu do sanatória.  Mňa potom strčili do sirotinca - do agudy [sirotinec patril ortodoxnej židovskej organizácii Agudat Israel, pozri 9 – pozn. red.] v Bratislave. Rok som bývala aj u svojej tety v Galante. Časom sa otec vrátil do Močenka. Tam s nami žil aj môj starý otec. Ja som k nim prišla bývať až keď nám zobrali sirotinec, pretože skoro všetky deti išli do Izraela, ale nie len kvôli tomu, ale v tom čase komunisti všetko zaberali.

Na život v Šúrovciach si pamätám. Šúrovce sú strašne malá dedina. Neskôr sme tam s oteckom chodievali na deduškov hrob, kde boli napísané symbolicky mená ostatných detí [mená otcových súrodencov, ktorí zahynuli počas holokaustu a nemali vlastný hrob – pozn. red.] čo zahynuli v koncentráku.  Bývali sme v dome po deduškovi. Bol to malý domček na spadnutie, veľa tam toho nebolo. Neviem už koľko izieb bolo v dome. Okrem nás tam bývala aj rodina nejakého obuvníka. Pre vodu sme chodievali na studňu, ale to aj v Močenku, hoci tam sme mali studňu vo dvore, lenže susedia tam mali maštaľ a tým pádom voda bola závadná. Viem, že sme mali elektrinu, lebo sme počúvali rádio. Do Močenku sa vrátilo už len torzo z našej rodiny. Tam boli strašne zlí ľudia v tom Močenku.

Ja osobne som v Močenku začala žiť až od roku 1949, dovtedy som bola v sirotinci. Mali sme trojizbový dom s kuchyňou a práčovňou. K domu patrila aj špajza. Elektrinu sme mali, ale vodu nie. Mali sme rumpál na dvore, ale ten, už ako som spomínala, bol závadný od susedov. Artézka [artézska studňa – pozn. red.] nebola až tak ďaleko, vtedy som bola zdravá, doniesla som štyridsať vedrov vody a prali sme.

Od roku 1946 som žila v Bratislave v sirotinci, lebo otec sa o také malé dieťa nemohol popri práci starať a mama bola chorá. Tam som bola zaopatrená. Cítila som sa tam dobre. V agude to vyzeralo ako vo vojenských v kasárňach. Keď človek nie je rozmaznaný a prejde koncentračným táborom, na ktorý si ani veľmi nepamätá, ale predsa, keď videl tie prične v múzeu... Pamätám sa, že v koncentráku som dostala zápal príušníc, na ten opuchnutý krk. A na tie prične, na tie si spomínam. No a potom v tej agude nás bolo asi tridsať na jednej izbe. Neviem na koľko postelí bol daný jeden lavór s vodou, myslím na šesť krokov, potom je tá očista rituálna. Nalievalo sa to na ruky, pretože vraj duša opustí telo, takže sa človek ráno zas musí umyť takto [po prebudení povie Žid rannú modlitbu. Poďakuje Bohu, že jeho duša sa vrátila do tela. Židovské zákony predpisujú, že človek smie vykonať najviac štyri kroky, po tom čo opustil posteľ, k nádobe s vodou na rannú očistu. Najprv sa trikrát obleje pravá a potom ľavá ruka po zápästie. Kým sa to neurobí, nesmie sa vykonávať žiadna práca – pozn. red.]. Mali sme tam jedny presklené veľké dvere. Za nimi sa nachádzala jedáleň a tam bol taký veľký žlab, podobný som videla ešte v sedemdesiatich rokoch v Sokolovni 10. V tom žľabe sme sa umývali, nebola tam teplá voda. O poschodie nižšie sme mali aj sprchy. Boli sme tam len dievčatá. O poschodie vyššie boli pätnásťročné, podľa mňa vtedy staré. Oni sa učili šiť, no ale nebolo sa na čom učiť, pretože ani jedlo sme poriadne nemali, preto šili z novín šaty, aby sa aspoň tie strihy naučili. Väčšinou boli siroty a odišli z alija [v preklade výstup. Slovo alija sa používa v spojitosti s priaťahovalectvom Židov do Erec Jisrael, zeme Izrael – pozn. red.] do Izraelu.

Z agudy sa často deti aj adoptovali. Prišli bezdetní manželia a postavili nás vedľa seba a vybrali si. Dve dievčatá dokonca išli aj na Island. Väčšina išla do Izraelu. No a tým, že moji rodičia žili, tak mňa nakoniec nedali nikomu. Pamätám sa, ako nás už za komunizmu vysťahovali, tých pár, čo nás tam ku koncu zostalo. Väčšina detí poodchádzala a zrazu nás zostalo len pár v tej trojposchodovej budove. Budova patrila židovskej obci, ale nikto sa jej vtedy nepýtal či dáš alebo nedáš. Urobili z toho bytovky. To sa ešte pamätám, pretože keď som chodila okolo – za pár rokov som tam mala vlastný dom o ulicu ďalej, a keď som tade išla, bolo vidieť podľa záclon, či je to byt alebo kancelária. Ako nám zabavili ten dom, ktorý bol na Nešporovej ulici, presťahovali sme sa. Bývali sme na Vŕšku, už nielen dievčatá, ale aj chlapci, spoločne. Bolo nás asi osemnásť.

Raz do týždňa sme išli do divadla a do Grösslingu na krytú plaváreň. Do kina sa tiež chodilo. Bolo tam určite lepšie, než v Močenku. Tam, keď prešiel voz, nebolo vidieť z jednej strany ulice na druhú. Asfalt vtedy ešte nebol. Keby bola mama tam a nie v Tatrách, tak by sa bola len trápila v tom prašnom prostredí a do pol roka by bola zomrela.  V agude sa o nás staral kvalifikovaný personál. Mali sme aj kuchárku. Personál bol výlučne židovský. Nedávno som sa bola pozrieť v bývalom sirotinci. Predtým tam boli veľké miestnosti. Mali sme také železné postele, na ktoré sme natáčali večer mašle, čo sme nosili a boli ako vyžehlené. V súčasnosti sa v budove nachádza starobinec. Izby sú už prebudované. Z veľkých miestností sa vytvorili také bunky. Jedna kúpeľňa v strede a dve izby z boku.

Náš denný režim sa začínal rannou hygienou. Museli sme sa umyť a pomodliť. To nás strážili, aby sme neurobili chybu v hebrejčine. Po rannej očiste sme mali raňajky a potom sme išli do školy. Školu sme mali cez ulicu, tam, ako je Nešporova ulica, dole po pár schodoch a tam je už Podjavorinská ulica. Tam som chodila do školy. Po škole samozrejme sme si museli urobiť úlohy. Škola na Podjavorinskej ulici bola štátna škola, z internátu so mnou nikto nechodil do triedy. Boli sme vekovo rôzne, dokonca bývali s nami aj deti v predškolskom veku. Jeden deň v týždni nás zobrali aj do divadla. Na držanie sviatkov v agude si vôbec nepamätám, je to už päťdesiatpäť rokov.

V roku 1999 sa konal zraz detí, ktoré prežili vojnu. Boli sme rozdelení podľa národností, takže ja som bola so Slovákmi. Bola nás tam kopa, aj pán Salner [Peter Salner, súčasný predseda Židovskej náboženskej obce v Bratislave – pozn. red.]. Boli tam aj z cudziny. Každý hovoril v skratke svoj životopis. Prihlásil sa jeden pán, lenže on už slovensky nehovoril, lebo si ho adoptovali maďarskí rodičia. Hovorím, nevadí, ja viem maďarsky, takže som to ostatným prekladala. A jedna pani zo zahraničia istá pani MUDr. Januliaková, vyhlásila: „No Slovák aj doma musí mať tlmočníka.“ Ja som jej chcela povedať: „Ty si tu turista, doma som ja,“ ale bola som ticho, pretože mlčanie je zlato.

Po návrate z Bratislavy  mal dedko slúžku, volali sme ju pani kuchárka. Potom, keď ju už nebolo z čoho platiť, sme ju volali tá manželka otcova. Dedko šiel radšej do starobinca do Bratislavy. Bieda bola veľká, fakt sme nemali čo jesť, len to, čo nám v záhrade narástlo. Kým sme mali polia, mali sme doma aj múku vo vreciach. Za papriku, čo sme pestovali sme dostali nejaký deputát. Papriku sme odovzdávali vo vreciach, neviem koľko mohla mať paprika váhu. V záhrade nám rodili ovocné stromy, to sme si zavarili. Odkladali sme si aj tekvicu a lečo. Chlieb sa ešte piekol doma. Neviem od ktorého roku začali dovážať chleba do obchodu, po štvrťke  sa kupoval. Macocha už chlieb nepiekla.

Močenok v tom čase [povojnové obdobie] mal obyvaťeľov prevažne katolíckeho vierovyznania. V predvojnovom období tu bola menšia židovská komunita, ale nie som si istá, či tu bola synagóga. V detstve som si myslela, že jedna budova by to aj mohla byť. Až neskôr vysvitlo, keď som sa bavila s kamarátkou, ktorá zistila, že je tiež štvrtinová Židovka a ani o tom nevedela, že  v obci bola aj židovská škola. Aj jej otec navštevoval židovskú školu, lebo mu bolo povedané, že sa tam lepšie vyučuje. V skutočnosti ho tam dali, lebo bol z polovice Žid. Moja spolužiačka sa to dozvedela tiež len po maturite. My sme spolu chodili len do základnej školy. Rodina mojej spolužiačky sa tým pádom vyhla koncentráku. Jej otca som aj poznala. Podľa mňa v predvojnom Močenku boli Židia ortodoxní. Ja by som povedala, že voľakedy iné ani nebolo. Videla som síce v Bratislave neologický kostol, ale v tých dedinách určite boli ortodoxní. A keď už Galanta bola ortodoxná aj Nitra bola ortodoxná, prečo by bol Močenok pokrokový? Pred druhou svetovou vojnou bola v Močenku židovská základná škola, ale potom kvôli mne už nemusela byť.

V dedine nebola všade elektrina, ľudia nemali peniaze. Aj domy sa stavali tak do radu vedľa seba. Východ smeroval do jedného dvoru. Tí, ktorý nemali elektrinu, mali ako lustre také petrolejové lampy. My sme mali elektrinu, dokonca aj rádio. Kúrili sme ako bolo vtedy zvykom, kachľami. Pec sme nemali, lebo zaberala veľa miesta. Deduškov dom, čo sme mali v Močenku, bol voľakedy krčma, preto sa v ňom nachádzal aj záchod. Bol to síce len suchý záchod, ale veľmi hygienicky urobený. Nebolo to WC so srdiečkom, ako výdať v starých filmoch. Tú krčmu vlastnil niekto z rodiny, ale neviem už kto. Chovali sme skoro všetky domáce zvieratá, lebo od roku 1951 sme museli odovzdávať určité množstvo dobytka 11, trebárs osem býkov. Museli byť mladý, ešte nekastrovaný. Kastrovali sa len ťažné zvieratá. Nekastrovaný býci boli určený na mäso. Osem býkov sa muselo ročne odovzdávať, to bolo predpísané. Keď sa nám nenarodili, museli sme kúpiť telce a tie vychovať. Mali sme aj prasnice. S nimi to bolo jednoduchšie, lebo prasa môže mať malé aj štyrikrát do roka, kým krava, len  raz za deväť mesiacov. V stajni sme mali aj dvoch koňov. Zo začiatku boli potrebné, lebo autobusy ešte nepremávali a slúžili ako dopravný prostriedok. Ešte keď som chodila do Bratislavy do školy, ma po príchode domov k vlaku prišla čakať brička. Až potom sa zaviedli autobusové linky. V roku 1954, keď som začala chodiť do školy v Šali, už autobusy premávali.

V Močenku som často pociťovala protižidovské nálady. Bolo to fakt hrozné. Tí ľudia boli sto rokov za opicami. Keď som mala dlhé nohavice [ženy na dedine nosili v tom čase podľa ľudovej obyčaje výhradne sukne. Nohavice sa považovali výhradne za mužskú odev – pozn. red.], ľudia po mne začali hádzať hlinu. A potom do roka ich už mal každý. Pamätám sa, ešte keď deduško žil, sme sa išli pozerať na polia. Bolo to cez prázdniny. Jedna babička sa pristavila a začali sa spolu rozprávať. Dívala sa na mňa, mala som na sebe šortky a taký námornícky pásikavý vrch, a zrazu sa opýtala: “Pán Weisz, a prečo má váš vnuk mašľu?!“ no nešlo mi to na rozum, bolo to krásne pásikavé tričko a šortky, ako námorník. V Bratislave sa v tom normálne chodilo. A v Močenku to na mne videli prvýkrát. Prvý rok, čo som začala navštevovať školu v Močenku, pre mňa musel otec každý deň chodiť, aby ma cestou zo školy neprizabili, bolo to neuveriteľné.

Počas vojny ľudia zaberali židovské majetky a báli sa, že ich budú musieť vrátiť Židom, ktorí sa vrátili z koncentračných táborov. Mnohí Židia mi o tom rozprávali, aj moja galantská teta [Sidónia Hertzová] mi porozprávala jednu príhodu. Po vojne si išla vypýtať naspäť svôj kredenc a rozhorčene jej hovorili ľudia: „No povedali, že Vás vyvraždia v koncentrákoch! Veď sa Vás vrátilo viac, ako odišlo!“ Tí ľudia mali nečisté svedomie a my sme boli jediní Židia v Močenku. Pamätám sa, že istý čas bolo náboženstvo povinné, až do neviem ktorého roku, kedy prebehla školská reforma . Ja som mala na vysvedčení v kolónke „náboženstvo“ napísané neklasifikovaná. Istý čas som aj chodievala na katolícke náboženstvo, ale musím povedať, že ten dekan alebo kto, bol naozaj hnusný. On hovoril veľmi protižidovsky, ako sme ukrižovali Krista a tak. V tom čase, keď bola hodina náboženstva, počas vyučovania som radšej chodila po dvore aj keď bol najväčší mráz, než aby som to počúvala. Na pesach ten dotyčný vyučujúci odkázal môjmu otcovi, že má rád macesy nech mu ich pošle. Ja som vtedy vyhlásila: „Len cez moju mŕtvolu!“ Musím ale povedať, že potom prišiel aj jeden mladý kaplán. On bol slušný. Na jeho hodiny som chodila poctivo celý rok. Po zavedení školskej reformy 12 náboženstvo už nebolo povinné a vyučovalo sa už len poobede, tam som už nechodila. Pravidelne nám spoluobčania vybíjali okná na dome, bolo to na dennom poriadku.

V päťdesiatich rokoch sa k nám nasťahovala jedna rodina. Boli to veľmi slušní ľudia. Ich otec bol žandár. Nechcel podpísať voľajakú „husákovskú“ [komunistickú – pozn. red.] sviňačinu, tak ho vyhodili z četníckej stanice. Dali ho k nám bývať. Odvtedy sme mali pokoj s vybitými oknami, lebo ľudia nevedeli, ktoré sú ich okná a ktoré naše. Mali štyri deti. Volali sa Bendíkoví. Ich najmladšieho syna dodnes považujem za svojho brata, ich mama vždy hovorievala, že mňa mala najradšej. Jasné, veď som po nej nechcela nové boty. Ostatné deti boli dosť agresívne. Vedeli, ako si vydobiť to, čo chceli od rodičov. Mali veľmi malý príjem. Dodnes si z ich synom dopisujem. Neboli rodení Močenčania, tým, že ich otec bol policajt, bol sem prevelení odniekiaľ.

Otec po vojne zostal ortodoxným Židom. V každodennom živote sa to prejavovalo tak, že sa modlil s tými remienkami - tfilin. Vždy chodil v klobúku 1. V Močenku sme kóšer byť nemohli, ale keď sa presťahoval do Bratislavy, znova držal kóšer. Čas sviatkov sme trávili u tety v Galante, lebo tam bola synagóga, ktorú napokon zbúrali niekedy v sedemdesiatych rokoch. Teraz majú Galantčania už len modlitebňu. Nedávno som čítala v Delete [mesačník Delet sú jediné printové periodikum na Slovensku, zamerané na židovskú problematiku. Vychádzajú v náklade 3000 kusov. 40 percent čitateľskej obce je židovská komunita a 60 percent sú ostatní občania Slovenska – pozn. red.], že Galanta je ešte stále najlepšia kile [kile, čiže kehila, tzn. židovská obec – pozn. red.] na Slovensku. Na zariadenie synagógy si ešte spomínam. Hore boli mreže z bambusu alebo z dreva. Dole boli chlapi. Všetci chlapi z mojej mladosti nosili v Galante kitl [obradný rubáš, ktorý nosia muži na veľké sviatky – pozn. red.] a veľký táles [modlitebný plášť – pozn. red.]. Dnes už také ani v Bratislave nemajú, nosia už len malé. Mali aj modlitebné remienky, to si teda pamätám. Na Jom Kipur sa modlilo celý deň. Cez sviatky, keď sme boli u nich, obrady viedol strýko Ignác (Hertz). Chodili s otcom do synagógy. Vtedy ženy nechodili do synagógy, len na veľké sviatky. Ja som nemala žiaden sviatok rada, ani jeden. Mala som ťažký život, jediná v päťtisícovom Močenku primitívov. Mávali sme rozbité okná len tak z dlhej chvíle. Galantskú tetu sme v čase môjho detstva navštevovali pomerne často. Mali peknú vilu so záhradou. Vtedy otec pravidelne navštevoval synagógu. Teta sa napokon v 1964 vysťahovala do Izraela.

Otec na Jom Kipur držal celý deň pôst a zdržiaval sa výlučne v synagóge. Na Pesach sa jedli macesy a pripravil sa Séder. Väčšinou otec viedol obrad, ale aj macocha v tom bola zbehlá, lebo s prvým manželom tiež dodržiavala sviatky. Nebolo na nej vidieť, že by ju otec musel dirigovať. U nás sa obrad viedol len hebrejsky. Väčšina našich modlitebných knižiek boli písané po hebrejsky. Našli sa aj dvojjazyčné, ale výlučne len vo švabachu, len teraz sa to všetko novelizuje. Tu v Brne sa pán rabín Koller modlí hebrejsky, ale potom text prekladá do češtiny. Ja som sa v Bratislave učila hebrejčinu, tam sme mali povinné náboženstvo. Za tie tri roky sme už čítali, písali, ale aj hovorili medzi sebou. Veľa ľudí za prvej republiky 2 ovládalo hebrejčinu a keď prišli do Izraela už vedeli hovoriť. Zas na druhej strane som sa stretla aj s tým, že pani žila mnohé roky v Izraeli a hebrejsky sa nenaučila.

Na oslavu purimu sa pamätám len z internátu, pretože tam som v jednom divadelnom  predstavení hrala rolu Ester. Divadlo sme hrávali len tak sami pre seba. Nemali sme obecenstvo, lebo väčšina detí nemala nikoho. Ja som mala otca, ale z Močenku autobusom a vlakom cestovať, to nebolo len tak. A ostatní nemali vôbec nikoho. Spomínam si aj na Chanuku. V Močenku sme mali dedinský dom s drevenými žalúziami na oknách a dverách. Nebolo vidieť na ulicu. Svietnik sa má dávať na okno, rabín mi hovoril, že aj ku dverám, ale ja som to nikdy nevidela, len keď on dával na obci [myslí sa súčasná židovská obec v Brne – pozn. red.]. My sme mali tých svietnikov dosť, dávali sme ich na takú drevenú latu. Sviečky zapaloval otec. Šábes sa robil každý týždeň. Macocha sa vždy vyšmrncla, všetci sme boli pekne prezlečení. Mali sme varenú večeru. Inak sme večerali, to, čo raňajkovali – bielu kávu a chleba. Ale na ten sviatok sa skutočne navarilo aj z tých skromných prostriedkov. Robili sme aj havdalu [obrad zakončujúci šabat. Zahŕňa požehnanie nad pohárom vína, korením, sviecou a potom nasleduje záverečné požehnanie – pozn. red.], ale nemali sme takú peknú farebnú sviečku, len bielu. Otec nalial slivovicu na niečo, zapálil ju a ovoniavali sme ju ako tú „kořenku“. Potom sme sa išli pozrieť na tie tri hviezdy. Židovský kalendár sme nemali. U nás sa robilo všetko, ale nemôžem povedať, že by som k tomu mala nejakú lásku, pretože na druhej strane ma ponižovali moji spoluobčania. Brala som to ako trest.

Otec nemal žiadne výrazné politické názory. Aké by aj mohol mať? On bol roľník a po 1945-om roku invalidný dôchodca. Mal strašne malú penziu. Predtým bol zamestnancom – správcom na statku, takže platil aj nemocenské a rôzne odvody, tak mu niečo dali, ale strašne málo. Z toho sa nedalo žiť. Otec stále počúval rádio Slobodnú Európu a myslel, že sa to zlepší. Ani z tej 255-ky 13 nemal nič. Otec nebol členom žiadnej strany. Žiaden roľník a ešte k tomu okradnutý nebol členom strany. To boli otrasné pomery. Invalidný dôchodca nebol zaujímavý pre nikoho. Za komunizmu nám zobrali všetko. Mali sme malý sedliacky dom, ku ktorému patrila sýpka a maštaľ. Dom s maštaľou nám nechali, tam sme chovali kozy.  Do sýpky sme sa mi nemohli dostať, zato potkany hej. Celý dom sa od nich hýbal. Ja som bola tvrdá a keď sa potkany vybrali von zo sýpky, tak my sme ich išli zabíjať sami. Desiatky a desiatky sme ich zabili. 

Obyvatelia Močenku boli prevažne katolíckeho vierovyznania, my sme boli jediná židovská rodina v obci. Vedľa nášho domu stál taký dom, čo mal jedenásť komínov, čiže v ňom žilo jedenásť rodín. Z toho jedna bola aj cigánska. Nežili všetci pod jednou strechou [tzn. nebývali spolu – pozn. red.]. Dom bol rozdelený na jedenásť častí. V každej z nich sa nachádzala jedna izba, kuchyňa a maštaľ. Cigáni maštaľ nemali. Jedenásť rodín v jednom baráku. Skoro celý Močenok žil takto. Niekde boli len tri rodiny a niekde viac. My sme žili už so spomínanými Bendíkovými. S nimi sme mali výborné vzťahy, ale ani z ostatnými susedmi sme nemali konflikty. Náš dom bol situovaný na hlavnú ulicu. V blízkosti bola autobusová zastávka.

Nepamätám sa, či otec mal nejakého dobrého priateľa. Ja som chodila do školy do Šale a neviem ako skoro som musela ráno vstávať. Chodili sme so sliepkami spávať. Vtedy nebola televízia. On bol s macochou, s ktorou som sa ja neznášala. Otec chudák bol cholerický, jeden infarkt za druhým. To sú ľudia, čo sa nesmú rozčuľovať. Prečo som nemala rada macohcu? Tú nemal rád nikto. Egocentrická povaha. S kamarátkou Karolínou Bedníkovou sme vliezli do jej izby, keď bola niekde v kúpeľoch. Macocha tam mala napečené medovníky, čo tajne jedla. Zo zlosti sme jej upili aj z likéru a zjedli mandle. Nemohla žalovať. Takže takáto povaha. Mali sme ružovú poťahovú látku na vankúšoch. Angín sme tomu hovorili. Ja sa pozerám  ráno do zrkadla a som samé perie. Tak sa pozriem na vankúše a neboli naše. Boli biele. Naše boli všetky ružové. Hovorím: „Veď to neni naše.“ No a ona: „Ja tu upratujem.“ Hovorím: „Aj moju hlavu?“ Takže čo bolo dobré... a na všetko hovorila: „Ez az enyém, ez a tietek [To je moje, to je vaše].“ Nikto ju nemohol mať rád. Bola hrozná. Ona bola krajčírka a ja som nemala v čom chodiť. Dnes si šijem sama, takže to nie je veľké umenie. Bola strašne egocentrická, sebecká. Došla jej rodina, vyžrali všetko, čo sme mali, nič nám nedali. Ja som sa v záhrade nadrela a ešte „még ott van egy körte [Ešte tam je jedna hruška].“ No tak, kto by ju mal rád?! Keď som mohla, vzala som nohy na ramená a viac sme sa nekamarádili. Ani starý otec [Július Weisz] ju nemal rád. Dokonca kvôli nej išiel do domova dôchodcov, aj keď dom bol jeho. Aby sa nemusel rozčuľovať, on radšej odišiel do domova dôchodcov.

Na sviatky a cez prázdniny som chodievala ku galantskej tete [Sidónia Hertzová]. Na zimné prázdniny alebo letné som občas chodievala aj k trnavskej tete. Volala sa Jolana Fischmannová. Bola to sesternica mojej mamy. V Trnave voľakedy vlastnili obchod – železiarstvo, ale predávali tam všetko. Od klincov po chladničky. Nad vchodom visel nápis Fischmann dnes je tam predjňa s obuvou.  Ich obchod sa nachádzal na hlavnej ulici. Bola to veľká predvojnová trojposchodová budova aj s ústredným kúrením. Teta mala dve dcéry, chodievali sme spolu na kúpalisko, keď som tam bola cez leto. Ja som bola od nich staršia, takže mňa vzali aj do nejakej tanečnej reštaurácie a strýko so mnou tančil. To bolo pekné. Mladšia sesternica sa volala Viera, dnes má veľmi veľkú rodinu. Staršia je Marta. Celá trnavská rodina emigrovala v roku 1964. Celá rodina odišla. Vtedy mala mladšia sesternica asi pol roka do maturity, ale vyhodili ju. Nie kvôli štúdiu, ale mali strašných susedov, ktorí ich pravdepodobne udávali. Robili im domové prehliadky a pýtali sa, kde vzali peniaze na vysávač a podobne. Chceli ich vysťahovať do českého pohraničia. Nepríjemnosti im robili čiastočne aj kvôli židovskému pôvodu, ale aj že boli kapitalisti, pretože trojposchodový dom... To bolo celé ich a strčili im tam dve rodiny a chceli ich dať do toho českého pohraničia. Podali si žiadosť do Izraela a hneď im to vybavili. Vpase mali napísané len do Izraela ale naspäť už nie.

Teta v Izraeli začala šiť. Doba sa zmenila, už to nikto nepotrebuje. Už tam majú second handy, za jeden šekel šaty, a krásne. Tetin manžel sa volal Fishmann Janko. V tom 1964 roku, keď tam došiel, jeho bývalí zamestnanec tam na neho už čakal aj so zamestnaním vo vlastnom podniku. Robil nejaké účtovnictvo. Postupne sa im podarilo nejako sa postaviť na vlastné nohy. V tom čase už aj Nemci začali vyplácať odškodné, aj to im pomohlo. Teta aj s mladšou sesternicou [Viera] bývajú v Haife. Staršia sesternica [Marta] sa napokon odsťahovala do Nemecka. Mladšia sesternica má veľa detí a staršia je sama.

Prvé tri roky som chodila v Bratislave do školy na Podjavorinskú ulicu. Nepamätám si učiteľov z Bratislavy.V tom období som nemala nejakú dôvernú kamarátku. 1. septembra 1949 som začala navštevovať školu v Močenku. Nastúpila som do štvrtej triedy. Od 1954 som začala navštevovať gymnázium v Šali. Bola som celých jedenásť rokov jedinou Židovkou v triede. Teda nie celých jedenásť, lebo v Bratislave so mnou chodili Schönhauserovci. Jeden z bratov odišiel v roku 1968 do Švajčiarska a druhý dodnes žije v Bratislave. Nemala som to tam rada [v Šali na gymnáziu – pozn. red.]. Nemali sme ani peniaze. Otec dostával 450 korún invalidného dôchodku. Musela som maturovať v šatách mojej mamy, ktoré nosila ešte za čias prvej republiky 2. Lenže moja mama bola menšia odo mňa, ako keď ja som mala dvanásť rokov. Viete si to predstaviť. Na banketoch so mnou tancovali len profesori, lebo spolužiaci mnou opovrhovali. V roku 1958 sa začala družstevná výstavba a vyľudnilo sa celé Slovensko. Väčšina predala domy a kúpili si v Bratislave byt, aby ich tá mestská anonymita trochu chránila. Ach, tí chrapúni slovenskí!

V čase môjho detstva sme neodoberali žiadne noviny, lebo ani na chlieb sme nemali. Akurát v škole som si musela kupovať Kultúrny život [týždenník Kultúrny život vychádzal v rokoch 1948 až 1968. Bol orgánom Zväzu slovenských spisovateľov – pozn. red.], alebo čo. Naša slovenčinárka, ktorá už chudera dávno umrela, hovorila, že kto neodoberá, nebude mať lepšiu známku ako trojku. To bolo na gymnáziu. Na základnej takýto trpáci neboli. Bolo  mi ťažko pýtať od otca peniaze, keď ich nemal. Keď sa išlo na výlet, doma som radšej povedala, že v škole sa maľuje a neide sa do školy. Mala som inú zodpovednosť, ako ostatní v tom samom veku. Doma sme mali rôzne knihy, väčšinou historického charakteru. Boli písané v švabachu. Otec mi z nich aj niečo vysvetľoval o antisemitizme, ale už si veľmi nepamätám. Citoval mi z tých kníh, lebo ja som ich nevedal čítať. Keď som prišla z Močenku do Bratislavy, tak tých kníh sme mali dosť. Neviem, ako to s nimi skončilo.

V škole som nehovorila o našej finančnej situácii. Najlepšie bolo to, že som tú slovenčinárku mala rada. Až do jej smrti som jej raz týždenne volávala a pomáhala ako som vedela. Práve preto bolo pre mňa hrozné zistenie, že učitelia z predaja tých časopisov mali pätnásť percentné provízie. Vtedy mi to vôbec nenapadlo. Moja kamarátka, ktorá dodnes  žije v Šali mi hovorila, že koľkokrát došli knihy do školskej knižnice a niektoré z titulov sa tam nikdy nedostali [učitelia si ich zobrali domov – pozn. red.]. Ona to vedela, lebo ju poznala a pomáhala jej vtedy. Bolo to hrozné sklamanie.

Dovolím si tvrdiť, že učitelia ma na gymnáziu mali radi, ale aj ja ich. Bolo to vzájomné. Obzvlášť som mala rada profesora Valkoviča. Veľmi dobre prednášal, on bol vtedy aj riaditeľom. Inak ako človek bol špina. Prednášal psychológiu a logiku. Tieto predmety sme mali raz do týždňa. Ja som sa na ne vôbec nemusela pripravovať, ani knižku otvoriť, lebo som si pamätala z hodiny každé slovo. Bola som jediná, ktorú nebuzeroval. Zo školskej chodby bolo vidieť na kostol. Administratívnu silu v škole angažoval, aby sledovala, kto ide k Panenke Márii [tzn. kto ide do kostola – pozn. red.]. Aj jedna moja kamarátka sa kvôli nemu nedostala na vysokú a to len z týchto dôvodov [komunisti potláčali všetky náboženstvá a vierovyznania. Veriaci všetkých cirkví boli diskriminovaní. Pozri 12 – pozn. red.]. O pár rokov neskôr som sa dozvedela, že ho chytili matky študentov a zbili. Večer mu cez hlavu navliekli deku a dobre ho zmlátili, pretože vyslovene robil kádrovo zle deťom, prekazil školu a tak. Ku mne sa choval veľmi dobre. Ja som excelovala v jeho predmete. Mal ma rád aj matematikár, ale matika mi veľmi nešla. Náš matikár sa volal Melichar a slovenčinárka Slobodová. Bývala tam ako je dnes v Šali hudobná škola. To bol jej dom. Keď išla do penzie, predala ho a odsťahovala sa niekam do bytovky v Trnave.

V škole som zo strany učiteľov nepociťovala antisemitizmus, len od spolužiakov. Vedeli o mne, že som Židovka, lebo človek, ktorý sa na Slovensku volal Kleinová musel byť jedine Žid, inak to byť nemôže. Moji spolužiaci neskôr svoje správanie oľutovali hneď na prvej stretávke absolventov. Povykrúcali ma tam. Teraz poslednýkrát už nie, ale predtým sme celú noc tancovali. Ja som tam dvadsať rokov nebola. Nikdy som sa s nimi o školských časoch otvorene nerozprávala, tušila som, prečo ma ignorovali. Nemusela som sa pýtať.

Na základnej škole sa  so mnou dievčatá kamarátili. Na vyššej už na to nebolo času, lebo sme cestovali. Hodinu ráno a poobede zas naspäť. V Močenku som sa s dievčatami kamarátila. Zo začiatku, keď sme ešte mali hospodárstvo – kone, a v zime bol sneh, sme ich zapriahli do saní a tých chudobných sme povozili. Ale po roku nám ich vzali, mohlo to byť v 1950, 1951, vtedy bola kolektivizácia 8. Mali sme pekný upravený dvor, nie ako druhí, že tam mali doslova chliev. Všade boli nasadené kvetiny a za laťkovým plotom sme chovali sliepky. Na dvore boli vysadené aj ovocné stromy, takže tam sa dalo aj hrať. V lete sme mali kopu ovocia, bol to pre deti raj.

Mala som jednu dvôvernú priateľku počas školských rokov. Za slobodna sa volala Eva Lahitová a po svadbe Dikanová. Teraz, ako som ju po dvadsiatych rokoch videla, som si myslela, že sa pozerám na jej mamu. Ona asi tiež, ale ja sa vidím každý deň v zrkadle, mne to až tak nepríde. Dodnes si píšeme, ale to, čo mi píše, ma už veľmi nezaujíma. Raz som k nej prišla a myslela som si, že mi vylezú oči z jamiek. Tam obrázok Panenka Mária, Ježiško s takým tým krvácajúcim srdcom. Hovorím: „Eva, veď si bola komunistka! Mala som ťa radšej, keď si bola ateista.“ Keď mi píše, tak mi nepíše o tom, čo robí, ale píše mi nejaké state z Biblie, takže ja to ledva čítam. Za mlada sme spolu strávili veľa času. Kúpila som lístky do divadla a chodili sme. Počas školských rokov sme spolu chodievali aj stanovať. Eva bola počas komunizmu členkou strany. Musela, bola riaditeľkou materskej školy. Nikdy sme sa spolu nerozprávali o židovstve, ani o vojnových udalostiach. Nikdy.

Aktívne som v čase mladosti nešportovala. Skôr by som to nazvala rekreačnou telovýchovou, ale športom sotva. V Bratislave na Hlbokej ulici som navštevovala Sokolovňu 10, ale to len vtedy, keď som bývala na tej Kozej ulici. Potom, ako sme dostali byt v Rači [časť Bratislavy – pozn. red.], som to musela nechať, lebo o hodinu dlhšie som cestovala do práce a aj domov som sa dostala až po polnoci. Aj spartakiádu 14 som cvičila. Rekreačná telovýchova vyzerala asi nasledovne. Cvičiť sme začali okolo ôsmej asi do desiatej. Buď sme cvičili s náradím alebo sa robili nejaké cviky v telocvični. Ženy aj muži cvičili zvlášť. Keď som išla na spartakiádu do Prahy, tak mi pošta [v tom čase bola zamestnaná na pošte v Bratislave – pozn. red.] kúpila tepláky. Teraz nedávno som ich zahadzovala, bolo mi ich ľúto. Aspoň zips som si z nich odložila. Boli to skupinové cvičenia a medzi nami boli aj vysokoškoláčky, ktoré museli cvičiť, aby dostali zápočet. Vždy sa čudovali a hovorili: „Vy to nemusíte a vy to robíte dobrovoľne?! No vy ste ale sprosté.“ Ale my sme to robili s radosťou. Prvýkrát som bola na krajskej spartakiáde v Nitre v roku 1956. A v 1960 som sa zúčastnila aj na celoštátnej v Prahe. Nevyberali nás, išiel každý, kto sa prihlásil. Bývali sme v nejakej škole. Spávali sme na skladacích lehátkach. Po svadbe som pomaličky prestala cvičiť, nemala som čas.

Dospělost

Po skončení gymnázia som sa presťahovala do Bratislavy. Bývala som u jednej ortodoxnej pani. Volala sa Feldmárová. Jej syn dnes vodí záujemcov do hrobky Chatama Sofera 15. V podnájme som bývala na Kozej ulici. Najprv som sa zamestnala ako predavačka v elektropredajni. Bola to veľmi namáhavá práca, lebo vtedy sa všetko vyrábalo zo železa, nie ako dnes z umelej hmoty. K ďalšej práci som sa dostala zaujímavým spôsobom. Mala som jednu spolužiačku, ona bola odo mňa o rok staršia. Chodila za mojím otcom kvôli slohu z nemeckého jazyka, aby jej pomáhal. Práve ona pracovala na pošte. Chcela ísť na vysokú školu. Zo zamestnania ju pustili iba vtedy, keď si za seba našla náhradu. No a doviedla mňa. Mne to aj vyhovovalo, lebo som potrebovala sedavé zamestnanie. Pracovala som tam ako telefonistka, telegrafistka. Vtedy sa to nejako rozmohlo, že trebárs k prvému máju [1. máj, sviatok práce – pozn. red.] jeden podnik blahoželal druhému. Cez bratislavské ústredie normálne denne prechádzalo asi deväťtisíc telegramov. Dneska už je všetko zautomatizované. No a na toho prvého mája ich mohlo byť asi tridsaťtisíc. Telefónne slúchatko mohlo vážiť asi pol kila. Navyše v tých dňoch, keď mali meniny Jozef a Mária, nám museli pomáhať všetci z administratívy. Nebola to sranda.

V rámci pošty som pracovala aj v Poštovej a novinovej spoločnosti. Aby som tu mohla pracovať, musela som absolvovať polročný kurz v Myjave. Po absolvovaní kurzu sa mojou prácou stala evidencia novín, časopisov a samozrejme aj vyúčtovanie. Pod moju osobu spadalo mnoho doručovateliek. Toto bola lepšia práca, ako telefonistka. Nikto ju dlho nevydržal vykonávať. Na nervy to bol silný nápor, až sme sa triasli. Obrovská buzerácia tu fungovala, ani kašlať sa nemohlo. Keď sme niekomu volali, nesmelo sa povedať, „Haló“ alebo „prosím“, lebo sa hovor predlžoval a tým pádom sa okrádala pošta. Kontrolovali nás. V budove sa nachádzala jedna miestnosť a tam mohli odpočúvať bársktorú operátorku. Keď ju nahrali na pásku, že urobila chybu, hneď išli dole percentá z platu. „Haló“ sa mohlo hovoriť len v miestnom hovore, čiže keď bol hovor do Bratislavy.

Ako telefonistka, telegrafistka som najprv pracovala v budove hlavnej pošty v Bratislave. Poštová novinová služba v tom čase sídlila v bratislavskom starom meste. Pred niekoľkými rokmi sa presťahovala, ako je dnes železničná stanica Bratislava - Nové mesto. Ešte kým spoločnosť sídlila v Starom meste, som chodievala svojich kolegov navštevovať. Vždy, keď som sem prišla z Brna, som spala v hoteli Palace. Ten hotel už dnes nefunguje, na jeho mieste sídli banka. Ráno, ako ma „vyhodili“, som si zobrala tašku a išla k nim. Vždy som im doniesla kávu, alebo zmrzlinu, porozprávali sme sa a potom som sa išla poprechádzať po meste. No a pri jednej z mojich návštev som tiež zamierila k môjmu bývalému pracovisku, ale už tam neboli. Vrátnik mi aj povedal, kam sa presťahovali, ale tam som za nimi už neišla, ani neviem, kde to je. 

V práci som pociťovala antisemitické prejavy, hlavne v telegrafnom oddelení, aj predseda ROH 16 bol bývalým kapitánom Hlinkovej gardy 17. Mohla som mať vtedy devätnásť rokov, ale „hubu“ podrezanú a aspoň so štyridsiatimi mladými som zorganizovala petíciu, aby ho vyškrtli. I napriek našej snahe bol vždy jednoznačne zvolený. Oni sa na hlasovacie lístky ani nepozerali. Musela to byť sviňa, keď bol kapitán, nie rádový člen. Ako predseda ROH 16 mal na starosti aj podnikové sporenie. To znamenalo, že nám z platu strhávali niečo a ukladali to na vkladnú knižku. Keď som sa v roku 1961 vydávala, chcela som tú vkladnú knižku. Mohla som tam mať asi 800 korún. On mal pri sebe tie vkladné knižky a niekoľko dní veru trvalo, kým mi ju vydal. Prémie mi strhávali len za to, že sa volám Magdaléna Kleinová. Mne strhli a niekomu ju pridali. Výkon som mala vždy najväčší, pretože som sa musela za peniaze veľmi oháňať. Bola som sama a iní bývali u rodičov. Nebol to pekný život. Vôbec nie. Mne sa dobre žije až teraz, pretože som finančne nezávislá vďaka rôznym fondom [tzn. vďaka odškodneniam za deportácie a väznenie počas 2. svetovej vojny – pozn. red.], čo máme.

Po roku 1969 sa otvorili zahraničné obchody, štyri roky som robila v Koospole fakturantku. Po druhom sobáši sme sa presťahovali do Brna a tu som pracovala dvanásť rokov v Lacheme a odtiaľ som išla aj do invalidného dôchodku. Lachema je závod na výrobu laboratórnych a čistých chemikálií. Ja som nepracovala v laboratóriu, ale v kancelárii na poste arbitrovej referentky. Bol to vyšší post ako fakturantka v Bratislave, ale zas platovo to bolo nižšie.

V Koospole som mala dobré pracovisko. Keby som sa nevydala, tak som tam do penzie. Pripadalo mi to tam ako v módnom salóne, lebo tam chodili aj zahraniční klienti, teda za mnou osobne nie, ale celá úroveň bola vyššia. Pracovisko som mala na jedenástom poschodí na Gottwaldovom námestí, všetko ostatné sa vykonávalo na prízemí. Niekoľko krát denne som musela zísť dole a pozbierať po ostatných zamestnancoch, čo mali pripravené na fakturáciu, čo predali. V Koospole som nepociťovala prejavy antisemitizmu, bolo nás len pár. Ani v Lacheme. Práca arbitrovej referentky spočívala v tom, že keď si nemocnice alebo školy niečo objednali a výrobňa to vyrobila, tak som to podľa objednávok rozoslala. Na tomto  mieste som bola menej spokojná. Pracovala som v nemožnej budove, ani záchod tam nebol. Musela som si obliecť kabát a prejsť do druhej. Aj myši sme tam mali. No ale vydržala som tam dvanásť rokov. Čo som mala robiť? Zas som to nemala ďaleko od bydliska, dve-tri zastávky električkou.

Najlepšie sa mi pracovalo v Koospole. Dodnes udržiavam kontakt aj s niektorými zamestnancami Lachemy. Ako platiteľa ROH 16 nás raz do roka pozvú, ideme sa najesť, alebo nás pozvali na zájazd. Je to veľmi dobré, tieto akcie  sú dotované ROH 16. Predseda, ktorý tam je, už strašné roky je veľmi vzdelaný človek a vždy niečo zorganizuje. V okolí Brna sú zámky od Luxemburgov, tam sme tiež podnikali výlety. Vnútri síce nič nie je, ale tá budova je pekná.

V Lacheme pracovalo asi tisícdvesto zamestnancov, z čoho drvivá väčšina boli ženy. Na MDŽ [Medzinárodný deň žien – pozn. red.]  sa požičala nejaká telocvičňa, kde boli stoly. Tých pár chlapov, ktorí tam boli, pre nás urobili všetko. Všetky sme dostali darček. Neviem, čo za to zaplatili, ale raz nám dali niečo, čo by ani v Afrike nenosili. Darček bol v takých malých krabičkách, asi ako zápalky. Niekto nám ich doniesol k stolu. Tá, ktorá ho otvorila, ako prvá skríkla: „Hrôza, ružové korálky.“

V roku 1984 som išla do invalidného dôchodku. Mohla som ísť aj skôr, ale nechcela som, lebo som chcela mať dvadsaťšesť rokov odpracovaných. Trpela som na vrodenú vadu bedrových kĺbov. Obdiva horné kĺby mám železné, jeden mám už aj reoperovaný. Môj stav sa zhoršoval zo dňa na deň, tak mi museli jeden vymeniť. Na druhý som čakala. Tak som chodila s jednou nohou o barlách. Môj terajší byt je pre mňa ideálny, má len päť schodov. Prvýkrát ma operovali v roku 1985, ale to už som bola na invalidnom dôchodku. Bolo pre mňa už ťažké vystúpiť na električku, ani spať som nemohla. Bolelo ma to aj v noci. Po odchode do penzie som svoj voľný čas vyplňala ručnými prácami. Ešte predtým som sa naučila robiť drhanú krajku. Metóda drhanej krajky je veľmi stará, siaha až do čias Rudolfa II. [Rudolf II. z rodu Habsburgovcov (1552 – 1612). V roku 1572 ho v Bratislave v Dóme svätého Martina korunovali za uhorského kráľa. V roku 1575 sa stal rímskym i českým kráľom, o rok neskôr cisárom svätej ríše rímskej – pozn. red.] Naučila som sa to v jednom ženskom spolku. Dostavila som sa tam so špagátom a všetkými potrebnými ingredienciami. Naučila som sa robiť aj porcelánové panenky a tašky šijem. Celý deň som pri šití.

V Bratislave som sviatky nedodržiavala. Bola som rada, že mám pokoj. Vtedy sme nemali voľné soboty a okrem toho sme mali len dva týždne dovolenky. Ja som si voľno hrozne chránila a nechcela som si vybrať dovolenku a ísť si sadnúť do synagógy na Jom Kipur. S otcom sme sa v tomto smere názorovo rozchádzali. Ani predtým sme sa veľmi nezhodovali, ale on ma živil a musela som poslúchať. Otec nesúhlasil ani s tým, aby som v sobotu pracovala [na šabat nesmú Židia vykonávať prácu – pozn. red.].

Po maturite, ako som začala pracovať v Bratislave, som sa tam aj presťahovala. Neskôr sa aj otec prisťahoval zo mnou. Najprv som bývala na Kozej 18. v podnájme. Potom sa predal dom v Močenku a kúpili sme jeden v Bratislave. Tiež bol situovaný na Kozej ulici. Najprv som tam bývala sama, pretože ten dom v Močenku sa nepredal tak naraz. Len po častiach. Medzitým som sa vydala a potom došiel otec. Vtedy už bolo málo miesta, v dome nebola ani kúpeľňa, tak sme sa rozhodli presťahovať. Podarilo sa nám vymeniť tú jednu izbu za byt na Zrínskej ulici. Otec sa stal členom bratislavskej židovskej obce. Keď v roku 1969 zomrel, tak som mu tam vybavovala pohreb. Bola som pri ňom, lebo zomieral v nejakom zámočku v Ružinove. Od rána som bola pri ňom, len v noci som chodievala domov spať. Raz som prišla ráno o piatej a hovorili, že o siedmej večer zomrel. Mŕtvych prevážali na Kramáre do nemocnice. No a tak som šla na Kramáre. Bola tam taká malá miestnosť, kde boli medici a jeden doktor, na ktorom bolo vidieť, že je Žid. Opýtala som sa ho, či by som s ním nemohla hovoriť vonku. Súhlasil. „Prosím vás, zomrel môj otec“ a išla som šahať na kabelku, že mu dám stovku. On mi chytil ruku a nedovolil mi to otvoriť. Povedal, že židovská obec to už vybavila.

Macocha zomrela asi rok po otcovi, ale to už som bola v Brne. Pochovali ju v Bratislave. Ja som sa toho nezúčastňila, lebo tam boli veľké ťahanice o zlato medzi jej príbuznými - neterami a synovcami. Ja som sa tam nechcela miešať. Vlasy sa mi postavili, keď som ich počúvala. S jednou jej neterou som bola celkom za dobre. Ja som pracovala v tom Koospole a ona tiež v nejakom podniku v blízkosti. Chodili sme sa navštevovať. Tam na okolí bolo veľmi veľa podnikov. Boli sme za dobre, kým som neodišla do Brna. Odvtedy ju nevidím. Už ani neviem, kde býva.

Vydávala som sa dvakrát. Prvý manžel bol Žid, ale ten druhý už nie. Prvý sa volal Pavol Fúska. Ja som ho poznala od mala. Bol rodákom z Bratislavy. Býval neďaleko mňa. Prvý muž si zmenil meno, neviem, či to bolo z jeho hlavy, ale vzali si na seba meno, ktoré používal ako krycie meno partizánske niekto z rodiny. Myslím, že jeho strýko sa tak volal. On si to meno vzal asi v pätnástich. Ja som po vydaji automatocky bola Fúsková. Pôvodne sa myslím, že sa volal Feldmár. Na tej pošte, kde som pracovala, akoby schválne stejne napísali Fuchsová [nemeckecky znejúce priezviská mali na Slovensku väčšinou Židia – pozn. red.].

Rodina môjho prvého manžela nebola pobožná. Oni boli sekulárni. Sekulárna bola jeho matka, aj jeho druhý otec. Ten bol sympatický človek. To vdova si vzala vdovca. Šábes sa u nás doma nedržal. Ja som zašla aj do synagógy, ale nie kvôli náboženstvu, ale vedela som, že tam určite bude moja bývalá domáca, pani Feldmárová, tak ju som zašla pozdraviť. Ináč k nim domov som nezašla, natoľko sme až tak zadobre zas neboli.

Prvý manžel bol Slovák, ale doma sa rozprávali výlučne po nemecky. Manžel mal jedného nevlastného brata, lebo ako som spomínala, vdova si vzala vdovca. Vlastného nemal, jeho otec tiež zahynul v koncentráku. Manžel sa narodil v 1938–om roku, bol o dva a pol roka starší než ja. Po svadbe sme žili v dome na Kozej ulici. Bola to len jedna manzarda. Záchod sme mali spoločný s ostatnými nájomníkmi. Vlastné záchody neboli. 

Prvý manžel najprv pracoval ako telefónny mechanik a potom ako majster na učňovskej škole spojov. Popri zamestnaní ukončil priemyslovku. Potom ho ich majster nechcel, lebo on mal jediný priemyslovku. Keď sa otvorila Chemická škola v Krasňanoch, strčili ho tam. Na tomto mieste mu chýbala kvalifikácia a musel ukončiť pedagogický inštitút. Trvalo to štyry roky. Prebiehalo to vo forme dvojtýždenných sústredení v Trnave. No a keď ho ukončil, sa nejako kriticky vyjadroval na moju adresu: „Ty blbec.“ [tzn. mal ukončené školy a svoju manželku podceňoval – pozn. red.]. Vtedy mi bolo tak nepekne vyčítané, že som podala žiadosť o rozvod. Bolo to v roku 1970. V tom čase som pracovala v Koospole, ktorý mal aj slobodáreň, a tam som sa odsťahovala. 

Čo čítaval môj manžel? Blbosti. Detektívky. Neodoberali sme žiadne noviny, lebo ja som ich mala plné zuby, keď som robila v tej poštovej novinovej službe. Tam som si mohla všetko prečítať zadarmo. V 1968 roku 18 už bola nejaká tlačová sloboda, mne sa to všetko tak zhnusilo, pretože jeden deň sa napísalo to a druhý deň sa to dementovalo. Nečítam ani televízny program, ktorý kupujem. Mňa aj to väčšinou nudí. Takto rozhlas a televíziu, to počúvam a pozerám, ale noviny ma vôbec nezaujímajú. Aj keď si niečo kúpim, vždy viem, že to bolo zveličené a je to celkom ináč. Je to zavádzajúce.

Po rozvode som sa presťahovala na slobodáreň. Neskôr som sa zoznámila s mojím druhým manželom Pavolom Šeborom. Vzali sme sa, ešte sme nemali ani kde bývať. Každý býval inde, on v Brne, ja v Bratislave. Potom postavili družstevnú garzónku, tak som sa odsťahovala do Brna. Garzónku sa nám časom podarilo vymeniť za väčší byt. Šebor začal piť, furt viacej. No a mňa to prestalo baviť a napísala som tej tete do Haify [Jolana Fischmann]. Ona ma pozvala k nim do Izraela a ja som tam prišla. Tak sa skončilo moje druhé manželstvo. No ale dnes som už jedenásť rokov štastne rozvedená. Žijem sama vo vlastnom byte. Už ma neotravuje ani jeden ani druhý [manžel]. Ten druhý bol horší, ale aj som s ním bola dlhšie. On podal žiadosť o rozvod, nie ja. Našiel si mladšiu.

Druhý manžel bol doktor prírodných vied, anorganický chemik. Ovládal päť jazykov. Mali sme občiansky sobáš. On nebol Žid. Bola to slušná rodina. Oni vôbec nevedeli, že ako ja som Židovka. Jeho rodičia bývali až pri Plzni, takže sme sa videli málokedy. Dohodla som sa s tým Šeborom, že o tom nebudeme nikomu ani hovoriť. Raz sme sa dívali na niečo v televízii, už ani neviem načo, ale hovorilo sa tam niečo proti Židom. Starý [tzn. otec jej manžela – pozn. red.] sa začal rozčulovať proti tej relácii, že robia zo Židov blbcov, veď sú to inteligentní ľudia. Fakt, no.

Manželova rodina bola ateistická. Svokor mal 1918-om štrnásť. Po páde monarchie [Rakúsko – Uhorská monarchia], ako zazvonili zvony, sa polovica Čiech nechala vypísať z katolíckej cirkve, a tí ktorí vlastenecky cítili sa stali ateistami z presvedčenia. Druhý manžel bol odo mňa o päť rokov starší. Neviem, kde sa narodil, lebo jeho otec bol vysoký vojenský dôstojník a často sa sťahovali. Jeho materinským jazykom bola čeština. S jeho rodinou som po rozvode už nemohla udržiavať kontakty. Dávno sme ich pochovali [dávno pretrhli kontakty – pozn. red.]. 

Po prisťahovaní do Brna sme bývali v tej družstevnej manzardke na Kráľovom Poli [časť Brna]. Ako sme nazbierali peňiažky, presťahovali sme sa do štátneho bytu. Vymenili sme našu garzónku s jedným starším pánom. Nový byt bol dvojizbový, ale nebol o nič väčší ako je môj súčasný jednoizbový byt. Kuchyňa bola polovičná ako mám teraz, ani predsieň nebola taká veľká. Keď som sa vydala, všetci sme mali malé platy a preto sme nemohli bohviako skákať. Chodievali sme len na Balaton [jazero Balaton v Maďarsku – pozn. red.], pretože to tam bolo lacné. Dnes hovoria Maďari, že to vyjde draho a chodia radšej do zahraničia. V Brne som začala navštevovať ženský zväz. Ja som nebola členka, len som tam chodievala. Tu som sa naučila robiť drhanú krajku.

Po rozpade môjho druhého manželstva som v septembri v roku 1988 emigrovala do Izraela. V  apríli roku 1990 som sa aj vrátila. V Izraeli bolo všetko pekné, ale nemala som vyhliadky, že to prežijem. Bývala som na štvrtom poschodí bez výťahu. Bolo tam len pár domov a v blízkosti mesto Nahariyya. V každej chvíli prišlo nejaké auto a vyhodilo psa. Neskôr prišiel niekto a tých psov otrávil. Medzitým sme sa ich ja a ešte jedna Ukrajinka snažili kŕmiť. Samy sme nemali veľa jedla, ale snažili sme sa. Takže to je Ázia. Keď tam niekto nie je odmalička, tak si tam veľmi ťažko zvyká. Tam nemôže začať žiť človek, ktorý má už štyridsaťosem rokov. Zo začiatku som sa dorozumievala po maďarsky, rusky, no a kurzy hebrejčiny boli vtedy povinné. V Izraeli bolo veľa bytov prázdnych. Ale skutočne prázdne, bolo to videť podľa rolety. Ako som bývala na sídlisku, tam sa rolety nepohli vyše roka.

Po druhej svetovej vojne som nepomyslela na to, že by som išla do zahraničia. Tí, ktorí si podali žiadosť na vysťahovanie, boli kladne vybavení. Ja som nemala dôvod odísť. Boli to hlavne ľudia, ktorí mali nejaké zamestnanie, alebo vedomosti a mysleli si, že sa v zahraničí uplatnia. Aj teta z Trnavy [Jolana Fischmanová] odišla, s ktorou som sa najviac poznala, pretože som k nim chodievala na prázdniny. Bolo to v r. 1964.

Nepredpokladala som, že v Izraeli bude taká situácia, ktorú ja nevydržím. Teta mi napísala, že príď, ale ani za svet mi nenapísala, aká je tam situácia. Ja som tam robila šestnásť hodín upratovačku na stavbách. Tí, ktorí tam žili dlho asi nedostali byty, my ako repatrianti sme ich dostali hneď. Bolo tam veľké napätie medzi jednotlivými vrstvami obyvateľstva. Samozrejme, že sa im to neľúbilo. Mne by sa to tiež neľúbilo.

Bola som strašne unavená, strašne. Rozhodla som sa vrátiť domov. Pomáhali mi pri tom, sama by som to nezvládla. Niekto hovoril, že ide do Tel Avivu, išla som s ním, vybaviť si pas. Zahrala som sa na hlúpu, že mi pri odchode do Izraela vzali pohraničiari pas. Tak ako to robili Rusom. Napokon mi vydali pas platný jeden rok. Povedala som im, že idem do Budapešti opravovať si zuby. Všetci Izraelci, ktorí mohli, to robili, pretože aj cesta lietadlom, hotel aj maďarský zubár stáli spolu menej ako zubár v Izraeli. To som vedela a využila. A tak som sa vrátila späť. 

Keď som bola dva roky v Izraeli, zastavili mi v Československu invalidný dôchodok. Po návrate mi ho znova pustili. Nebolo zložité získať ho naspäť. Obvodný lekár ma poslal na komisiu, tam som vypovedala. Dostala som razítko a o dva mesiace mi prišiel šek. Nevedeli, že som bola v Izraeli, len to, že som bola v cudzine, keby vedeli, že som bola v Izraeli, nedostanem nič. Po návrate domov som najprv bývala so svojim druhým manželom. Neskôr podal žiadosť o rozvod. Kúpila som si môj terajší byt, ešte som nebola rozvedená, keď som sa odsťahovala. Dostala som naspäť z matkinej strany dva domy v Seredi. Jeden z nich sa mi podarilo predať.  

Ku komunizmu som mala ten najhorší vzťah, ale žila som s dobou: „Drž hubu a krok.“ Pamätám si aj proces so Slánskym 19, vtedy som mohla mať jedenásť-dvanásť rokov. Otec tomu aj veril, ale ja som neverila nikdy ničomu. On si furt myslel, že sa to tu zlepší a ja som myslela, že nie. Ešte keď som išla v 1988-om do Izraelu, tak mi bratranec hovoril, že komunizmus padne. On bol potomok jedného otcovho bratra, ktorý neprežil. Jeho mama a oni prežili a hneď emigrovali do Izraela. On tvrdieval - „Komunizmus padne.“ V roku 1988 som prišla do Izraelu a hneď v prvý deň nás zoznámili. Keď povedal tú vetu, pomyslela som si: „Aha, padne tristo rokov po mojej smrti.“ A do roka  skutočne padol.

V roku 1980 sme boli s manželom na výlete vo Francúzsku, v Cannes. Ale nie tak normálne, že sme si sadli do trabanta a šli sme. Manžel robil tlmočníka futbalovému mužstvu dorastencov tej továrne, kde vtedy robil. On sa zoznámil s Francúzmi, s ktorými si dopisoval. Ja som sa s nimi nepoznala, až rok nato. Najprv sme ich pozvali my. Dva týždne tu boli. Vtedy sme bývali ešte v garzónke. Museli sme prenajať jednoizbový byt a tam oni spali, inak sme sa flákali celý deň. Jeden týždeň sme boli aj v Lípe v manželovej vile po rodičoch, pretože vtedy už jeho rodičia zomreli. Vila sa nachádzala asi tridsaťosem kilometrov od Prahy. Aj do Karlových Varov, Mariánských Lázních a na Karlštejn bolo blízko. Poťahali sme ich po Čechách a potom sme zasa my šli k nim.

Vo Francúzsku nebol problém s dorozumievaním. Manžel vedel dobre po francúzsky a ja som mala dobrú pantomímu. Oni nás celý čas ťahali so sebou, lenže na také miesta, ktoré ma vôbec nezaujímali. Chvíľu sme boli aj pri mori, ale oni prehlásili: „Ideme na obed.“ A poobede sme tam už neišli. Tam boli také vzdialenosti a toľko áut, že bolo treba štyrikrát čakať na križovatke, dokedy sa vymenia. To bolo príšerné, tri hodiny, štyri hodiny v aute a len v meste. Oni sedeli a bavili sa a ja som im nerozumela. Prišli pre nás a vzali nás na ryby, no mňa tie ryby nezaujímali. Čo som mala na tej lodi robiť? Bola som šťastná, že sedím v trabante a idem do Brna.

Pražskú jar 18 som vnímala tak, že som si myslela, že bude lepšie. No a keď prišli Rusi, moja osobná situácia sa veľmi nezmenila. Akurát, že som v tých rokoch dostala lepšie zamestnanie ako na tej pošte. Sledovala som izraelské vojny v správach, ale vtedy bol komunizmus. V tých správach to bolo tak trapné. Vtedy som už pracovala v poštovej a novinovej službe, takže tie noviny som mala zadarmo a myslela som si, že je to hrozné. Všetku rodinu som tam mala.

Do židovskej obce v Brne som sa dostala veľmi ľahko, ale nechcela som tam dlho vstúpiť, pretože mi nesedili ľudia, ktorí ju tvorili. A nesedia mi dodnes. Až v roku 2000 som tam vstúpila. V roku 1991 sa založila Terezínska iniciatíva 20 a potom tam začali chodiť aj Slováci. V Terezínskej iniciatíve nezastávam žiadnu funkciu. Ja som tam len radový člen, nič viac. Na zjazdy iniciatívy chodia aj ľudia zo Židovskej obce z Brna, Pani Felixová ma síce párkrát zavolala, ale mňa to celé nudilo.

Hlavne na sviatky chodievam na židovskú obec. Chodievala som tam, dokedy som mohla. Bola som aj na otvorení synagógy v Liberci. Nikto sa neprihlásil, ale ja ano, takže ja som tam išla s vedením. Bola som aj na oslavách keď zapisovali Třebíč do nejakého kultúrneho fondu [UNESCO – pozn. red.]. Doma žiadne židovské tradície nedodržujem. Trebárs teraz som bola na séderi, čo sme si zaplatili a tam to bolo celkom dobré, boli tam fajn ľudia. Ale predtým sme mali Purim a ešte predtým Chanuku, tiež som si tam zaplatila a vydržala som tam chvíľu a išla domov. Jeden a pol roka je tam rabín Koller [Moše Chaim Koller, súčasný brniansky rabín – pozn. red.] a robí cirkusy.

No, čo si myslím o rozdelení republiky [rozdelenie Československej federatívnej republiky v roku 1993 – pozn. red.]?! Vždy bolo viac svíň ako korýt. Nie som ani minister, ani veľvyslanec, ale tí, ktorí to chceli, tak oni rozdelili republiku. Normálni ľudia to nechceli, pretože my sme za tých sedemdesiat rokov tak pomiešaní, že každý má deti tu a rodičov tam. Určite som pochodila lepšie, že som zostala v Brne, lebo nemocenská je tu lepšia. Ja som chorý človek, som invalidná, pre mňa to je dôležité. Nemôžem povedať, kto je mi bližší, či Češi alebo Slováci. My Židia máme radšej väčší dav, aby sme sa tam stratili a netrčali.

Odškodnenie mi zariadila Terezínska iniciatíva 20. Odškodnenie mi pridelil Česko-nemecký fond budúcnosti 21, ale aj Claims Conference a niečo dostávam aj od českej vlády.

Glosář:

1 Ortodoxní židovské oblečení

Hlavní charakteristiky zevnějšku a oblečení židovských věřících – muži nosí klobouk, zatímco ženy nosí šátek (ten je povinný pouze pro vdané ženy, dříve i paruku). Specifická židovská pokrývka hlavy pro muže se nazývá kipa nebo jarmulka (kapedli v jidiš). Tu nosí muži, když opouštějí dům. Má jim připomínat přítomnost Boha a zajistit spirituální ochranu. Muži nosí tallit (hebrejský výraz) (talles v jidiš) [modlitební šál] celý den pod oblečením, ale ne přímo na těle. Nošení pejzů (jidiš výraz) (payot v hebrejštině) [dlouhé licousy] je spojeno se zákazem v Tóře [holení či přistřižení vousů stejně tak vlasů bylo zakázáno]. Výše zmíněné zvyky mají původ v Tóře a Šulchan Aruchu. Další části oděvu, např. Kaftan (ruské, později polské oblečení) jsou považovány za typické pro ortodoxní Židy, nicméně tento druh oblečení je převzatý.

2 První československá republika (1918-1938)

byla založena po rozpadu rakousko-uherské monarchie po první světové válce. Spojení českých zemí a Slovenska bylo oficiálně vyhlášeno v Praze roku 1918 a formálně uznáno smlouvou ze St. Germain roku 1919. Podkarpatská Rus byla připojena smlouvou z Trianonu roku 1920. Ústava z roku 1920 ustanovila poměrně centralizovaný stát a příliš neřešila problém národnostních menšin. To se však promítlo do vnitřního politického života, kterému naopak dominoval neustálý odpor národnostních menšin proti československé vládě.    

3 Židovský kodex

nařízení č. 198 slovenské vlády, vydané v září 1941, týkající se právního statutu Židů, které je známé pod názvem Židovský kodex. Vycházel z Norimberských zákonů a chápal židovský problém na rasovém základě, náboženské kritérium bylo potlačeno. Tento kodex definoval tyto kategorie: Žid, poloviční Žid, židovský míšenec. Většina z 270 paragrafů se věnovala přesunu židovského majetku (tzv. arizace – nahrazení Žida nežidem) a vyjmutí Židů z ekonomického, politického a veřejného života.

4 Slánského proces

V letech 1948-49 československá vláda spolu se Sovětským svazem podporovala myšlenku založení státu Izrael. Později se však Stalinův zájem obrátil na arabské státy a komunisté museli vyvrátit podezření, že podporovali Izrael dodávkami zbraní. Sovětské vedení oznámilo, že dodávky zbraní do Izraele byly akcí sionistů v Československu. Každý Žid v Československu byl automaticky považován za sionistu. Roku 1952 na základě vykonstruovaného procesu bylo 14 obžalovaných (z toho 11 byli Židé) spolu s Rudolfem Slánským, prvním tajemníkem komunistické strany, bylo uznáno vinnými. Poprava se konala 3. prosince 1952. Později komunistická strana připustila chyby při procesu a odsouzení byli rehabilitováni společensky i legálně v roce 1963.

5 Sereď

založen roku 1941 jako židovský pracovní tábor. Tábor fungoval až do vypuknutí slovenského povstání, kdy byl rozpuštěn. Na začátku září 1944 však byly jeho aktivity obnoveny a byly zahájeny deportace. Z důvodu deportací byl koncem září SS-Hauptsturmfuhrer Alois Brunner jmenován velitelem tábora. Brunner byl po dlouhou dobu kolega Adolfa Eichmanna a v roce 1943 organizoval deportace francouzských Židů. Podle svědků od září 1944 do března 1945 bylo vysláno 11 transportů zahrnujících 11 532 osob. Nejprve byly transporty posílány do koncentračního tábora v Osvětimi, později i do jiných táborů v Říši. Koncentrační tábor byl zlikvidován koncem 31. března 1945, kdy byl odeslán poslední evakuační transport do terezínského ghetta.

6 Terezín

malé pevnostní město, které bylo v době existence Protektorátu Čechy a Morava přeměněno v ghetto, řízené SS (Schutzstaffel, Ochranný oddíl). Židé byli z Terezína transportováni do různých vyhlazovacích táborů. Čeští četníci byli využíváni k hlídání ghetta. Židé však s jejich pomocí mohli udržovat kontakty s okolním světem. Navzdory zákazu vzdělávání se v ghettu konala pravidelná výuka. V roce 1943 se rozšířily zprávy o tom, co se děje v nacistických koncentračních táborech, a proto se Němci rozhodli Terezín přetvořit na vzorové židovské osídlení s fiktivními obchody, školou, bankou atd. Do Terezína pozvali na kontrolu komisi Mezinárodního červeného kříže.

7 Beneš, Edvard (1884-1948)

československý politik a prezident v letech 1935-38 a 1946-48. Byl stoupencem T. G. Masaryka, prvního československého prezidenta, myšlenky čechoslovakismu a Masarykovou pravou rukou. Po první světové válce zastupoval Československo na Pařížské mírové konferenci. Edvard Beneš působil ve funkci ministra zahraničních věcí (1918-1935) a ministerského předsedy (1921-1922) nového československého státu a stal se i prezidentem po odstoupení T. G. Masaryka z prezidentského úřadu v roce 1935. 

8 Znárodnění v Československu

cílem znárodnění bylo převést soukromé prostředky výroby a soukromý majetek pod veřejnou kontrolu, tj. do rukou socialistického státu. Již v květnu 1945 vedení státu převzalo majetek kolaborantů (Maďaři a Němci). V červenci 1945 členové komunistické strany otevřeně požadovali znárodnění bank, finančních institucí, pojišťoven, průmyslových podniků. První znárodňovací dekret byl podepsán prezidentem republiky 11. srpna 1945. Tento dekret ovlivnil zemědělskou výrobu, filmový průmysl a zahraniční obchod. 24. října prezident podepsal další čtyři znárodňovací dekrety, které se dotýkaly hutního průmyslu a továren, potravinového průmyslu, stejně tak akciových společností, bank a pojišťoven. Proces znárodnění skončil v květnu 1948.

9 Agudat Jisrael

židovská strana založená v roce 1912 v Katovicích v Polsku, která byla v opozici k sionismu a ke Světové sionistické organizaci. Odmítla spolupracovat s neortodoxními židovskými skupinami a sionismus považovala za sekulární proud. Geografická a lingvistická orientace z Agudat Jisrael učinila čistě aškenázské hnutí. Pobočky Agudat Jisrael byly založeny po celém aškenázském světě.

10 Sokol

jedna z nejznámějších českých organizací, která byla založen v roce 1862 jako první tělovýchovná organizace v rakousko-uherské monarchii. Největší rozkvět zažila mezi světovými válkami, kdy počet jejích členů přesáhl 1 milion. Sokol sehrál klíčovou roli při národním odporu vůči Rakousko-Uhersku, nacistické okupaci a komunistickému režimu, i když byl právě během první světové války, za nacistické okupace a komunisty po roce 1948 zakázán. Obnoven byl v roce 1990.

11 Kontingent

na základě dohody stanovený objem dovozu či vývozu určitého druhu zboží vůči jinému sátu. Např. ve válečných letech či poválečném období byly nařízeny dodávky vybraných zemědělských produktů do určitých států.

12 Náboženské vzdělání po roce 1945

po roce 1945 se začaly projevovat tendence o vytlačení náboženství ze škol a přiblížit se tak sovětskému modelu školství. V 50. letech bylo zavedeno již čistě ateistické vzdělání a učitelé museli hlásit, kteří studenti pravidelně navštěvují mše. Po roce 1968 pokud rodiče trvali na požadavku, aby jejich dítě navštěvovalo hodiny náboženství, museli podat žádost. Tyto hodiny vedl místní farář za přítomnosti ředitele. Po roce 1989 bylo náboženské vzdělání začleněno do školského systému.

13 Zákon slovenského národního shromáždění o kompenzaci

podle tohoto zákona měly být finančně odškodněny osoby deportované do nacistických koncentračních a zajateckých táborů a vězněny v nich mezi roky 1939 až 1945. Odškodnění se vztahovalo na osoby vězněné či zabité v těchto táborech, popř. na osoby, jejichž zdraví bylo podlomeno v důsledku úmyslných násilných kriminálních činů.

14 Spartakiáda

masová sportovní událost pojmenovaná po Spartě. Autorem názvu je J. F. Chalupecký. První Spartakiáda se konala v roce 1921 v Praze na Maninách. První celonárodní Spartakiáda byla uspořádána 23. června 1955 v Praze na Strahově, kde se jí účastnilo 557 000 lidí. Tato událost byla vyvrcholením oslav 10. výročí osvobození Československa sovětskou armádou. Na Spartakiádě vystupovaly nejrůznější skupiny obyvatelstva – děti, studenti, ženy, muži, rodiče s dětmi, vojáci, členové Svazarmu (Svaz pro spolupráci s armádou). Další Spartakiády byly zorganizovány v letech 1960, 1965, 1975, 1980 a 1985. Po rozdělení Československa se již žádné podobně rozsáhlé gymnastické předcvičování nekonalo.

15 Sofer, Chatam (1762-1839)

ortodoxní rabín narozený ve Frankfurtu v Německu jako Moše Schreiber se stal široce známou a čelní osobností tradicionalismu. Chatam Sofer byl velice talentovaný a už ve třech letech začal studovat. Od roku 1771 byl jeho učitelem rabín Nathan Adler. Dalším významným učitelem, který ho ovlivnil, byl Pinchas Horowitz, vrchní rabín Frankfurtu. Sofer byl přijat na ješivu Mainz ve věku 13 let a běhen jednoho roku získal titul “Meshuchrar” (osvobozený). Roku 1807 byl židovskou komunitou v Pozsony zvolen rabínem. Díky jeho úsilí se z Pozsony stalo významných duchovním centrem židovstva.

16 ROH (revoluční odborové hnutí)

vzniklo v roce 1945. Reprezentovalo zájmy pracující třídy a pracující inteligence v kontaktu se zaměstnavateli v bývalé ČSSR. K úkolům ROH patřilo podepisování kolektivních smluv se zaměstnavateli a zajištění rekreace dospělých a dětí. V letech 1968-69 se vedoucí členové organizace pokusili podpořit myšlenku “odbory bez komunistů” a ROH přetvořit v opozici KSČ. Po nástupu nového komunistického vedení v roce 1969 byli reformisté sesazeni ze svých funkcí. Po Sametové revoluci ROH bylo transformováno do Konfederace odborových svazů na Slovensku a české části.

17 Hlinkovy gardy

polovojenská organizace pod vedením radikálního křídla Hlinkovy slovenské lidové strany. Jejich požadavkem byla nezávislost Slovenska a zfašizovaný politický a veřejný život slovenské společnosti. Hlinkovy gardy se podílely i na transportech Židů, které proběhly v období mezi březnem a říjnem 1942, kdy bylo bez německé pomoci deportováno 58,000 (podle jiných zdrojů 68,000) slovenských Židů.

18 Pražské jaro

období demokratických reforem v Československu, od ledna do srpna 1968. Reformní politici byli tajně zvoleni do vedoucích funkcí KSČ: Josef Smrkovský se stal předsedou národního shromáždění a Oldřich Černík předsedou vlády. Významnou osobou reforem byl Alexandr Dubček, generální tajemník ústředního výboru komunistické strany Československa (ÚV KSČ). V květnu 1968 ÚV KSČ přijal akční program, který vymezil novou cestu k socialismu a sliboval ekonomické a politické reformy. 21. března 1968 na setkání zástupců SSSR, Maďarska, Polska, Bulharska, NDR a Československa v Drážďanech bylo Československo upozorněno, že jeho směřování je nežádoucí. V noci 20. srpna 1968 sovětská vojska spolu s vojsky Varšavské smlouvy podnikly invazi do Československa. Následně byl podepsán Moskevský protokol, který ukončil demokratizační proces a byl zahájen normalizační proces.

19 Slánského proces

V letech 1948-49 československá vláda spolu se Sovětským svazem podporovala myšlenku založení státu Izrael. Později se však Stalinův zájem obrátil na arabské státy a komunisté museli vyvrátit podezření, že podporovali Izrael dodávkami zbraní. Sovětské vedení oznámilo, že dodávky zbraní do Izraele byly akcí sionistů v Československu. Každý Žid v Československu byl automaticky považován za sionistu. Roku 1952 na základě vykonstruovaného procesu bylo 14 obžalovaných (z toho 11 byli Židé) spolu s Rudolfem Slánským, prvním tajemníkem komunistické strany, bylo uznáno vinnými. Poprava se konala 3. prosince 1952. Později komunistická strana připustila chyby při procesu a odsouzení byli rehabilitováni společensky i legálně v roce 1963.

20 Nadace Terezínská iniciativa

založena v roce 1993 Mezinárodní asociací bývalých vězňů terezínského ghetta. Je to institut věnující se vědeckému výzkumu historie Terezína a “konečného řešení” židovské otázky v českých zemích. Koncem roku 1998 byl přejmenován na Institut Terezínské iniciativy.

21 Česko-německý fond budoucnosti

mnohonárodní instituce, jejíž existence byla ukotvena v česko-německé deklaraci z 21. ledna 1997. Fond byl založen 29. prosince 1997 českou a německou vládou. Sídlí v Praze.

Magdalena Seborova

Magdalena Seborova
Brno
Czech Republic
Interviewers: Zuzana Pastorkova and Barbora Pokreis
Date of interview: May 2005

Magdalena Seborova lives alone in a cozy and tastefully furnished one-room apartment in Brno. Mrs. Magdalena is originally from Slovakia. She was born in Mocenok (Sala region) in 1940, therefore during World War II, and at a very young age ended up in the labor camp in Sered 1, and later in Terezin 2. Most of her family died during the Holocaust. She had very little contact with her mother, who for seven years after the war was being treated for tuberculosis in a sanatorium in the High Tatras. Mrs. Magdalena was twice married and divorced. In 1972 she moved to Brno to be with her second husband, where she lives to this day. In 1984 she went on a disability pension. Despite her health problems, she is very full of life and talkative. She gladly shared her memories and experiences with us, because according to her words: "I can't take everything to the grave." Today Mrs. Magdalena lives alone, yet she is very content with her new situation. After a distressful life she'd like to have a bit of peace at least in her retirement. She devotes herself to her hobbies, such as for example sewing and making macramé lace, besides this she also likes to travel. Neither is she indifferent to the fate of the Jewish community in Brno, which she joined in the year 2000.

 

Family background">Family background

I don't remember my grandparents from my father's side. I don't know my grandparents' first names, as I don't have any documents about them. Their surname was Klein. Grandpa died right after the war broke out, when I was two [in 1942]. He's buried in Surovce [Trnava region], in a Jewish cemetery of course. Maybe the cemetery is still there to this day. I used to go there with my father up to the time I started going to work. My father had 'For those of the family who died' put on his tombstone, symbolically, so that there would be a reminder of those that died during the Holocaust and don't have gravestones.

My grandparents were named the Kleins. I don't know when and where they were born. They lived in Surovce. Grandpa had fourteen children and two wives, but not at the same time. When one died, he married the second. I don't remember the names of Grandpa's wives either, due to the fact that I was too small. I'm assuming that his wives were also from Orthodox families. The Kleins were definitely Orthodox Jews, as in photos you can see that Grandma has a wig 3, and my father was also Orthodox. Every day he prayed with tefillin - prayer straps. Grandpa owned a general store, as it used to be in villages 60 years ago. My father didn't talk much about Grandpa; we tried to forget about that whole 'concentration camp journey.'

My grandparents on my mother's side were named Julius and Hedviga Weisz. I knew my grandfather, as he survived the Holocaust. He married my grandmother in Vienna; I think she was named Hedviga. My grandmother's maiden name was Quittner. He died in Bratislava in 1954, where he's also buried. I was 14 years old when he died. Grandpa was a great person, everyone liked him. He used to tell me that he had been a painter by trade. He didn't like it at all, and so he later studied to be a master distiller. He never actually worked at his trades, because he became the superintendent of a farm in Kokosova. My mother's grandparents on my grandfather's side were Mor Weisz and Netti Schwarz. And my grandmother's parents were Mor Quittner and Katalina Braun.

After their wedding, Grandpa and Grandma Weisz settled down in Vienna. My mother was also born there. My mother had one sister, Hedviga, who died in a concentration camp. Still during the time of Austro-Hungary they moved to Slovakia, that wasn't a problem. They settled on a farm in Kokosova. Kokosova was part of the municipality of Tesare. Like most women back then, my grandmother was a housewife. I've personally never been on that farm. My grandparents certainly belonged among the more well to do class of the population. During the First Republic 4, being a farm superintendent was like being a head doctor at a hospital. It was something at about the same level.

My grandfather [on my mother's side] also knew how to speak Gypsy [Roma]. When we lived in Mocenok, Gypsy women would often come begging at our door, and he'd normally be able to talk to them. He knew Hungarian and German, and my father even spoke Serbian and Croatian. During the time of Austro- Hungary it was necessary. I don't know which language my grandfather considered to be his native one, as we didn't discuss things at the level of the Slovak Matica [Editor's note: the Slovak Matica was created at its founding plenary assembly on 4th August 1863, in Turciansky Svaty Martin. The mission of the SM was to develop and strengthen Slovak patriotism and deepen the relationship between the Slovak state and its citizens. This sentence means that they didn't consider themselves to be Slovak patriots.] My father and grandfather spoke German with each other so that I wouldn't understand them, but his Slovak was absolutely without fault. It was perfect.

I don't remember my grandmother. She went to a concentration camp and didn't return. I don't know which camp Grandma died in, we never talked about it. I didn't start discussing this subject until after 1991, as at that time schools began to also be interested in the Holocaust. Mrs. Felixova [a friend of the interviewee and a member of the Brno Jewish community] goes around to schools and talks about the Holocaust. I wouldn't be able to do this, as my memories are sketchy. I'm glad to answer your questions, but I wouldn't be able to do talk about it on my own.

My mother's father probably wasn't Orthodox. I don't know about before the war, but after the concentration camp he definitely wasn't Orthodox. He didn't pray every day with a tefillin anymore, like my father. I don't know whether he'd done it before and then stopped, we didn't discuss this subject matter very much. I only know what I saw. I don't know how often Grandpa used to go to the prayer hall. It's impossible for me to remember prewar times, and after the war in Mocenok, they took the prayer hall away from us. My father and I used to go to Galanta to his sister's [Sidonia Hertzova], as there was a synagogue there. There's a good Jewish community in Galanta to this day. Grandpa never used to go with us. He died in 1954, and for two years before his death he was in an old-age home on Podjavorinska Street in Bratislava. I don't know whether there my grandfather used to go to the prayer hall so they'd have a minyan - ten people.

My father was named Maximilian Klein. He was born on 28th February 1900 in Surovce. He died in 1969. He was 40 when I was born. It was wartime, in hiding, a while here, a while there. We even hid in Austria. I don't know what sort of education my father had, back then one couldn't go to school much, as it was during World War I. I think that he joined the army at the age of 16. During the First Republic, while he was still single, he worked as a superintendent of a farm in Mocenok. After the wedding various persecutions of Jews started, and he had to leave his job 5.

My father used to say that he came from a family of fourteen children. As infant mortality was high in those days, and some of the children were bitten by a rabid dog, some died of croup, which was on the rampage in those days; eight of them lived to adulthood. Of those, six died in a concentration camp. Father's sister from Galanta moved to Israel in 1964. Within a half year she died in Israel, she couldn't handle the tough conditions.

I know that my aunt from Galanta was in hiding, she wasn't in a concentration camp. She was in hiding with someone in Plavecky Stvrtok. Her daughter [Anna Diamantova (nee Hertzova)] was somewhere else. She had red hair and green eyes; she didn't have typical Jewish features. So she worked somewhere as a salesgirl during the war. [Editor's note: during World War II she lived using false papers.] My aunt's husband was named Ignac Hertz. I remember we used to call him Naci Bacsi [Uncle Naci]. My aunt was older than my father by I don't know how many years. She and my father were half- brother and sister. They had different mothers. My aunt used to say that she'd studied to be a seamstress, but as far back as I remember she never went to work. After her wedding my aunt lived in Galanta. They lived in a bungalow. Uncle Ignac was in the tobacco business in 1945 and 1946.

During the time of the Slansky trials 6 they threw all my uncle's friends in jail, except for him. But it's not true that they were jailed for just cause. Slansky was also killed as an innocent man. Then he did some sort of accounting work until 1964. In 1964 they moved away and my aunt died within a half year. She was already old and couldn't take the harsh living conditions. My uncle went crazy. You can't move away at that age without it being risky. They had settled near Tel Aviv. Of course, a person imagines it differently when he goes to Israel. I remember, in 1958 I was 18, and at the Jewish community they were telling us how high the standard of living in Israel was, exactly the same as in Austria. And when I arrived there in 1988, as far as technology goes they had things that we didn't, but life was terribly hard there. For example one lady from Brno has a son there since 1999, and he hasn't been able to find work for two years now.

The Hertzes had only one daughter. She was named Anna. We write each other to this day, but only once a year. She was born in Galanta. She was 16 years older than I. She came to say goodbye to me when I might have been about 9. In 1949 she left for Israel. Back then, when the Israeli state was created, everyone from Bratislava went there. From Bratislava you went to Vienna and Genoa by train, and then from Genoa by boat. So the Polish and all whatnot, they all went through Bratislava. In Israel she got married and had a child. She made a living sewing.

My father's mother tongue is Slovak. At home we spoke mostly Slovak, but my father knew how to speak German well, in fact so well that - at that time I was already working in Bratislava - some older classmate of mine went to see my father so he'd help her with an essay in German. My stepmother [after the death of his wife Edita Klein, the interviewee's father got married again, to Alzbeta, nee Gottreichova] spoke only Hungarian, so because of her we had to speak Hungarian.

My mother was named Edith Kleinova, nee Weisz. She was born on 17th August 1911 in Vienna. I didn't get to know my mother very much; I was 12 years old when she died. My mother's Jewish name is Noemi. I'm named Ester. During the Yom Kippur prayer, we always used Ester bat Noemi, so Ester daughter of Noemi. I don't have it written down anywhere, but I remember it. My mother spoke Slovak, Hungarian and German. She didn't attend school, as she had a home tutor - Fräulein [German for 'governess']. I don't know if my mother had some sort of a trade. She didn't need it in a well-off family. Besides this, on the farm she learned how to work in the fields, with milk and so on. I know that after the war we had to make our own butter and also baked our own bread.

I can't say for certain whether my mother was a devout Jewess. I only remember her from the concentration camp and the sanatorium. But her postcards are evidence that she was. When she mentioned God, she never wrote God, but only G. [Editor's note: Orthodox Judaism forbids the utterance of the name of God in any fashion. One of God's Ten Commandments is: 'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.']. For me that's evidence that she was probably devout. I don't even know what my mother's character was like, as during visits a person had to look at her like at a picture, because tuberculosis was infectious. So when we came, we could only see her from a certain distance, and she also tried to not breathe in my direction, so as not to infect me. And even if someone was I don't know how wicked, if they only saw me once every two months or even less, it couldn't show itself. From photographs I'd say that my mother dressed very elegantly, but after the war during her stay at the sanatorium, she wore only flannel pyjamas or sweatpants.

Growing up during the war">Growing up during the war

My parents were married on 10th January 1939. I was born on 16th February 1940, during World War II. My memories of this time period are sporadic. No one really talked about the war much in our family. I don't know how my parents met, as I never asked about it. They were married in a synagogue, but whether it was in Surovce, that I don't know. The wedding was Orthodox; you can see it from photographs. The wedding was with a veil and under a chuppah. After the wedding they stayed and lived in Surovce. They had a little house there, I saw it a few times and then it fell down on its own. At that time there was already great repression here. My father said that when I was born, that day was the first time they drove Jews out to clear snow from the railroad tracks. Up to then it was more or less all right. I don't know how much snow had fallen, maybe even two meters; apparently there was so much on the tracks that the locomotive couldn't get through it.

I wasn't my parents' only child. My brother was born in the concentration camp, but died in four days. It was in Sered. [Editor's note: there was a labor camp in Sered; Mrs. Seborova uses the term concentration camp to refer to it.] I remember it, it was in 1944. His name was Peter. We erected a symbolic tombstone in the Sered graveyard. All I remember from the Sered concentration camp are the roll calls, but I can't say for sure whether it was there or in Terezin. As I've already mentioned, my brother was born in Sered. They put him in my arms, he had infant jaundice. I remember that moment when he died. It was drastic. A person remembers such things, even when he was very small. My brother died, and my mother had that dead brother of mine with her all day and thought that because of that she'd save us, and that they wouldn't deport us. When they saw that he was dead, they loaded us on as well.

My father always told me that Czechs are decent people, because they brought us food and water when those trains were sidelined. We left Sered for Terezin. As I later found out, it was the last transport from Slovakia that aimed for Terezin. Terezin is about sixty kilometers from Prague. The trip to Prague takes about 6 hours by express train [currently a train trip from Sered to Prague takes about seven hours], but for us it took several days. The conditions in those cattle cars, freight wagons, were horrible, so some already died during the trip. They gave us some pail for feces, and that was it. I was with my parents until the end of the war, because at that time the selections weren't going on anymore. I don't think that my father was there, but I used to sleep with my mother on those plank-beds, that I remember.

Post-war growing up">Post-war growing up

I remember how the Russians liberated us, and the German guards disappeared overnight. In the morning they weren't there any longer. We knew that they weren't Germans. They had different clothing and a visible armband. They shone colored flashlights at us. I've verified it with older people on Terezin reunions, that I remember it properly. They liberated us and took us to Prague. There we lived in some hotel. I remember the procession. The victorious army in Prague, my father and I looked out a window on it. Benes 7 was there, too, waving at us from a car. I saw members of the SS, too, how they were carrying them out, and they had nicely smashed-in teeth, so the residents didn't treat them according to the Geneva Convention either. After the liberation in Terezin a whole lot of people died, even though nurses arrived. Typhus broke out there, and they weren't vaccinated.

We didn't have a lot of property, but they returned it to us. I don't know if someone was living there during the war, because I didn't have anything to do with these things. There were decent people to be found among them as well, they returned our radio and clothing that we had hidden away with them. But as I say, I wasn't there.

I didn't notice when Mother began to be ill. I know that already before the war she was ill, in Surovce. Tuberculosis shows after a certain time, and a person has constant fevers. She lay in bed and I sat by her bedside. One Russian came by, and took me, a five year old child, into his arms. I don't know when exactly it was during that summer that they liberated us. I remember that I was sitting in a nightshirt in our grandfather's house. My father's sister in Galanta also took care of me for a year. I lived with her until I started attending school. Then they put me in an orphanage. My father also had health problems. He also collected a disability pension. He had problems with his heart, and back then these diseases weren't as easily treated as now. And he also had to work. Right after the war we lived on whatever we could grow. We had rabbits, a cow, goats. In the garden we had corn, plums and potatoes, all kinds of vegetables. We could make preserves out of it, so that's what we ate. And when it ran out, we'd sell a piece of furniture or part of the garden. And were nicely cheated in the process.

After the war my mother was treated for seven years in a sanatorium, as she had a serious case of tuberculosis, of which she finally died in 1952. First she was being treated in Vysne Hagy, and then in other sanatoria. They were all located in the High Tatras. In 1951 collectivization 8 took place. We became beggars, they took our fields. We had no money. Now we visited Mom only once in I don't know how long a while, as the trip from Mocenok to the High Tatras was terrible. We needed money for the trip, which we however didn't have; neither did we have a car. It was a completely different life from how it is these days. I pick up and tomorrow I go to Terezin and on Monday to Luhacovice. My mother is buried in Kezmarok. It was terrible. The news gave my father a heart attack. I was 12 years old, and knew that she'd die. I knew it from where they had moved her, because the only people there were those who were ready to die. My father got a telegram, and looked and looked at it, suddenly he got a heart attack. I took care of my father, and my grandpa and uncle from Galanta went to bury her. The closest Jewish cemetery was in Kezmarok. I didn't take part in the funeral, because then children under the age of 15 weren't allowed in the sanatorium. I didn't go to my mother's grave until sometime in 1973 or 1974.

After my mother's death my father had one heart attack after another, he had a disability pension of about 450 crowns. In 1952 my mother died, and in 1954 my father remarried. His second wife and my stepmother was named Alzbeta Gottreichova. There was a lot of tension between us, so when I graduated from high school, my father found me a sublet in Bratislava, with the Feldmars. I found work on my own, so from 1957 they didn't hassle me any more. I have this feeling that my stepmother came from Lucenec, but I'm not sure. One of her brothers lived in Bratislava. My father met her in Galanta, at my aunt Sidonia Hertzova's place. We used to go to my aunt's place for the high holidays, like Passover and Chanukkah, and my later stepmother used to also spend the holidays there.

As I've already mentioned, Grandpa also returned from the concentration camp. In the beginning he lived with us in Mocenok, but then moved to an old-age home on Podhajska Street in Bratislava. I used to visit Grandpa there, I was even there once during holidays. I know that I used to live with a cook in Zidovska [Jewish] Street. I was with Grandpa for about a week, we walked around Bratislava and so on. I remember that my grandpa had an old-age pension of 175 crowns, you couldn't live much on that.

Grandpa died in 1954. I remember his funeral well. The funeral room wasn't any bigger than my kitchen. The deceased lay on a catafalque. At my father's funeral in 1969, the deceased was laid on a bier. There was a plank on the bier, and on top of it was the ritually wrapped corpse. Ritually wrapped means that he was wearing a kitel, which of course isn't visible, and finally was wrapped in a sheet. The sheet is tied under the chin, around the wrists on crossed arms, and right below the calf. It's tied three times. During the service there have to be ten men present, but there were definitely more. We women were completely outside, because we weren't allowed inside. The men then went up on a hill and buried him [the Orthodox cemetery in Bratislava is situated on a hill.]. When the pit was completely filled with dirt, then we could come up from below. [Editor's note: at an Orthodox Jewish funeral in Bratislava, women aren't present during the actual burial of the deceased.]

After the war, my father and I at first lived in Surovce. My mother entered a sanatorium for treatment. Me they then stuck in an orphanage - into an aguda [the orphanage belonged to the Orthodox Jewish organization Agudat Israel, see 9] in Bratislava. I also lived with my aunt in Galanta for a year. In time my father returned to Mocenok. My grandfather also lived with us there. I didn't go to live with them until they confiscated the orphanage, because almost all the children went to Israel, but not because of that, but at that time the Communists were confiscating everything.

I remember life in Surovce. Surovce is a very tiny village. Later my father and I used to go visit Grandpa's grave, where there were symbolically written the names of other children who died in the Holocaust. [Editor's note; The interviewee is referring to the names of her father's siblings, who died during the Holocaust and didn't have their own graves.] We lived in my grandpa's old house. It was a little house that was ready to fall down, there wasn't much there. I don't know anymore how many rooms it had. Besides us, there was also the family of some shoemaker living there. We used to go for water to a well, but we did this in Mocenok, too, despite the fact that we had a well in our courtyard, but the neighbors had a stable there, and so the water was impure. I know that we had electricity, because we listened to the radio. Only a remnant of our family returned to Mocenok. There were some terribly wicked people in Mocenok.

I myself didn't begin living in Mocenok until 1949, up to then I was in the orphanage. We had a three-room house with a kitchen and workshop. The house also had a larder. We had electricity, but not water. We had a well in the courtyard, but as I've mentioned, it was bad because of the neighbors. There was an artesian well not that far away, back then I was healthy, I carried forty pails of water and we'd do the laundry.

From 1946 I lived in an orphanage in Bratislava, as my father couldn't take care of such a small child on top of work, and my mother was ill. There I was taken care of. I felt good there. In the aguda it looked like in military barracks. When a person isn't spoiled and goes through a concentration camp, which he doesn't remember much, but despite that, when he saw those plank-beds in a museum... I remember getting a case of the mumps in the concentration camp, that swollen neck. And those plank-beds, those I remember. Well, and then in that aguda there were about thirty of us in one room. I don't know how many beds a given water basin was for, I think six steps away, for ritual washing. You'd pour it over your hands, because they say that the soul leaves the body, so a person has to wash like this in the morning. [Editor's note: upon waking a Jews says morning prayers, and thanks God that his soul has returned to his body. Jewish laws state that a person can make at most four steps after leaving his bed to a container with water for the morning cleansing. Water is poured first on the right and then on the left hand, three times, up to the wrist. If this is not done, no work is allowed to be performed.]

There was a large set of glass doors. Behind them was a dining hall where there was this big trough, I saw similar ones as late as the 1970s in a Sokol lodge 10. We washed in that trough, there was no hot water. On the floor below we also had showers. It was all only girls. One floor above were 15-year-old ones, back then they seemed old to me. They were learning to sew, but there wasn't anything to learn on, because we didn't even have proper food, so they made dresses from newspaper, to at least learn the patterns. Most of them were orphans and left in the aliyah to Israel.

Often children were also adopted from the aguda. A childless married couple would come and they'd line us up in a row and pick. Two girls even went to Iceland. Most of them went to Israel. Well, and because my parents were alive, in the end they didn't give me to anyone. I remember how they moved us out, already during Communist times, the few of us that were left at the end. Most of the children left, and suddenly there were only a few of us left in that three-story building. The building belonged to the Jewish community, but back then no one asked them whether or not they'd give it up or not. They made it into an apartment building. I remember that, because when I'd walk by - a few years later I had my own place one street over, and when I walked by, you could tell by the curtains whether it was an apartment or an office. When they confiscated that building, which was on Nesporova Street, we moved. We lived at Na Vrsku, not just girls any more, but also boys, all together. There were about eighteen of us.

Once a week we'd go to the theater and to Grossling to the covered swimming pool. We also used to go to the movies. It was definitely better there than in Mocenok. When a car drove by, you couldn't see from one side of the street to the other. Back then there wasn't pavement everywhere. If my mother would have been there, and not in the Tatras, she would only have suffered in that dusty environment and would have died within a half year. In the aguda we were cared for by qualified staff. We also had a cook. The staff was exclusively Jewish. Recently I went to have a look at the former orphanage. Originally there had been large rooms there. We had steel beds, on which in the evening we'd wind ribbons that we wore, and in the morning they were as if they'd been ironed. Currently there's an old-age home in the building. The rooms have been reconstructed. Out of those large rooms they made these cubicles. One washroom in the middle and two rooms, one on each side.

Our daily routine began with morning hygiene. We had to wash and pray. They watched over us, so that we wouldn't make a mistake in Hebrew. After the morning cleansing we had breakfast and then went to school. The school was across the street, there where Nesporova Street is, down a few steps and then there's Podjavorinska Street. That's where I went to school. After school we of course had to do homework. The school in Podjavorinska Street was a state school, and no one from the residence was in the same class with me. We were of various ages, we even had children of preschool age. One day a week they also took us to the theater. I don't remember how we observed holidays in the aguda, it's already 55 years ago.

In 1999 there was a reunion of children that survived the war. We were divided up according to nationality, so I was with the Slovaks. There was a bunch of us there, Mr. Salner, too. [Editor's note: Peter Salner is the current president of the Jewish religious community in Bratislava.] They had come from abroad as well. Everyone told a brief summary of his life. One man put up his hand, but he didn't speak Slovak any more, because he'd been adopted by Hungarian parents. That doesn't matter, I said, I can speak Hungarian, so I translated it for the others. And one lady from abroad, a certain Dr. Januliakova, proclaimed, 'Well, a Slovak even has to have a translator at home.' I wanted to say to her, 'You're the tourist here, this is my home.' But I kept quiet, because silence is golden.

After returning from Bratislava, Grandpa had a servant, we called her the cook. Then, when there was no longer any money to pay her, we called her that wife of Father's. Grandpa preferred to go to the old-age home in Bratislava. It was true poverty, we had nothing to eat, only what grew in the garden. Before we'd had fields, we also had flour in sacks at home. We got a commission on the peppers we raised. We handed in the peppers in sacks; I don't know how much the peppers could have weighed. We had fruit growing in the garden, which we made preserves from. We also put up with gourds and leczo [a dish made from peppers, tomatoes and onions]. We still baked bread at home. I don't know what year they started delivering bread to stores, it was available after Thursday. My stepmother didn't bake bread anymore.

In those days [the postwar period] Mocenok had mainly a Catholic population. In prewar times there had been a smaller Jewish community there, but I'm not sure if there had been a synagogue. In childhood I thought one building could have been it. It wasn't later that it dawned, when I was talking with a friend, who found out that she's one quarter Jewish and didn't even know it, that the town also had a Jewish school. Her father also attended the Jewish school, because he was told that they had better teachers there. In reality they put him there because he was half Jewish. My classmate also didn't find out about it until after graduating from high school. We only attended elementary school together. My classmate's family thus avoided the concentration camp. I even knew her father.

In my view, Jews in prewar Mocenok were Orthodox. I'd say that once upon a time there was no other kind. In Bratislava I'd seen a Neolog 11 synagogue, but in these villages they were definitely Orthodox. And when Galanta as Orthodox, and even Nitra was Orthodox, why would Mocenok be progressive? Before World War II there was a Jewish elementary school in Mocenok, but afterwards it didn't have to exist just for my benefit.

There wasn't electricity everywhere in the village, people didn't have the money. The houses were also built in a row, beside each other. Their doors faced a common courtyard. Those that didn't have electricity had petroleum lamps. We had electricity, even a radio. We heated, as was the custom then, with a tile stove. We didn't have an oven, because it took up too much room. Grandpa's house, which we had in Mocenok, had once been a pub, which is why it also had a toilet. It was only a privy, but very hygienically constructed. It wasn't an outhouse with a heart-shaped cutout like you see in old films. [The Slovak equivalent of the classic crescent moon cutout as a symbol of an outhouse in the West.] Someone in the family had owned the pub, but I don't know who anymore.

We had almost all kinds of household animals, because from 1951 onwards we had to hand in a certain amount of livestock 12, for example eight bulls. They had to be young, still uncastrated. Only draft animals were castrated. Uncastrated bulls were intended for meat. You had to hand over eight bulls a year, that was the law. When not enough were born, we had to buy calves and raise them. We also had pigs. With them it was easier, because pigs can give birth four times a year, while a cow only once every nine months. We also had two horses in the stable. In the beginning they were necessary, because buses weren't running yet, and they served as transportation. While I was still attending school in Bratislava, when I returned home a cart would be waiting for me at the train station. It wasn't until later that bus routes were established. In 1954, when I began going to school in Sala, buses were already running.

I often felt an anti-Jewish mood in Mocenok. It was really horrible. Those people were Neanderthals. When I wore pants, people would start throwing dirt at me. [In those days women in villages usually wore only skirts. Pants were considered to be exclusively men's clothing.] And then within a year everyone had them. I remember, back when my grandfather was still alive, we went to have a look at the fields. It was during summer vacation. One old granny came by and they started talking. She was looking at me, I was wearing shorts and this striped sailor top, and suddenly she asked, 'Mr. Weisz, why is your grandson wearing a ribbon?!' Well, I didn't understand it, it was a beautiful striped shirt and shorts, like a sailor. In Bratislava it was normal. And in Mocenok they saw it on me for the first time. The first year I started attending school in Mocenok, my father had to come for me each day, so that they wouldn't nearly kill me on the way home from school, it was unbelievable.

During the war people had taken Jewish property, and were afraid that they'd have to return it to Jews that had returned from the concentration camps. Many Jews told me about it, my aunt from Galanta [Sidonia Hertzova] also told me about one incident. After the war she went to ask for her cupboard back, and people said to her, indignantly, 'But they said that they'd murder you all in concentration camps! Why, more of you have returned than left!' These people had a guilty conscience, and we were the only Jews in Mocenok.

I remember that at one time religion was compulsory, up to I don't know which year, when school reforms took place. On my report card in the 'religion' column I had 'unclassified.' At one time I also attended Catholic religion classes, but I've got to say that the deacon, or whatever he was, was really disgusting. He spoke in a very anti-Jewish way, how we'd crucified Christ and so on. During that time, when religion class was being held, I walked around the courtyard even on the coldest days, rather than listen to that. During Passover that teacher sent a message to my father that he liked matzot, and for him to send some. At that time I proclaimed, 'Only over my dead body!' But I've got to say, after that came this one young chaplain. He was decent. I faithfully attended his classes during the entire year. After the school reforms 13 religion was no longer compulsory, and was taught only after lunch, so I didn't attend it. Our fellow citizens regularly broke the windows of our house, that was routine.

In the 1950s this one family moved in with us. They were very decent people. Their father was a policeman. He didn't want to sign some piece of crap of Husak's 14, so they threw him out of the police station. They put him up with us. From then on we didn't have any more broken windows, because people didn't know which windows were theirs and which were ours. They had four children. They were named the Bendiks. To this day I consider their youngest son to be my brother; their mother always said that she liked me the best. Of course, after all, I didn't want new shoes from her. The other children were quite aggressive. They knew how to wring what they wanted from their parents. They had a very small income. Their son and I write each other letters to this day. They weren't natives of Mocenok, because their father was a policeman, they'd been transferred there from someplace else.

After the war my father remained an Orthodox Jew. In everyday life it manifested itself in that he prayed with those straps - tefillin. He always wore a hat. In Mocenok we couldn't be kosher, but when he moved to Bratislava, he again kept kosher. We spent holidays at my aunt's in Galanta, as there was a synagogue there, which they eventually tore down sometime in the 1970s. Now Galanta residents have only a prayer hall. Recently I read in Delet that Galanta is still the best kehila [Jewish community] in Slovakia. [Editor's note: the monthly magazine Delet is the only print periodical in Slovakia devoted to Jewish issues. It is published with a print run of 3000, 40% of its readers are members of the Jewish community, and 60% are other Slovak citizens.] I still remember the furniture in the synagogue. Up above was a grating made of bamboo or wood. The men were down below.

During my youth all the men in Galanta wore a kitel and a large tallit. Today they don't have ones like that even in Bratislava, they only wear small ones now. During the holidays, when we'd be at their place, Uncle Ignac [Hertz] led the services. I went to the synagogue with my father. Back then women didn't attend synagogue, only during the high holidays. I didn't like any of the holidays, not even one. I had a hard life, the only one among five thousand primitives in Mocenok. We had broken windows just because they were bored. During my childhood we visited my aunt in Galanta fairly often. She had a nice villa with a garden. Back then my father attended the synagogue regularly. My aunt eventually moved to Israel, in 1964.

During Yom Kippur my father fasted all day, and was only in the synagogue. During Passover we ate matzot and prepared seder. My father usually led the service, but my stepmother also knew how to do it, because she had observed holidays with her first husband as well. It didn't look like my father had to guide her. At our place the service was done only in Hebrew. Most of our prayer books were written in Hebrew. There were also some dual-language ones, but only in black-letter script, it's only now that it's all being modernized. Here in Brno, Rabbi Koller prays in Hebrew, but then translates the text into Czech. I attended religion in Bratislava, there we had compulsory religion classes. By the end of those three years we were already reading, writing but also speaking with each other. During the First Republic many people knew Hebrew, and when they arrived in Israel they already knew how to speak. On the other hand, I've also come across a case where a lady lived in Israel for many years, and didn't learn Hebrew.

I only remember celebrating Purim from the residence, because I played Ester in one play we put on there. We put on plays for ourselves, just for fun. We had no audience, as most of the children didn't have anyone. I had my father, but traveling from Mocenok by bus and train, that wasn't all that simple. And the others didn't have anyone at all. I also remember Chanukkah. In Mocenok we had a village house with wooden blinds on the windows and doors. You couldn't see out into the street. The candelabra is supposed to be put on a windowsill, the rabbi told me that by the door as well, but I've never seen that, only when he set it out at the community. [The interviewee is referring to the current Jewish community in Brno.] We had quite a few of those candelabras, we used to put them on this wooden lath. My father lit the candles.

Sabbath was observed every week. My stepmother always dressed up, everyone was nicely dressed. We had a cooked supper. Otherwise at suppertime we had the same thing as for breakfast - coffee with milk, and bread. But for this holiday we really did cook, even with those modest means. We also performed the Havdalah, but we didn't have one of those nice colored candles, only a white one. My father poured some slivovitz [plum brandy] over something, lit it on fire, and we enjoyed the aroma of that 'spice box.' Then we went to have a look at those three stars. We didn't have a Jewish calendar. At our house we did everything, but I can't say that I had some sort of love for it, because on the other hand my fellow citizens humiliated me. I took it as some sort of punishment.

My father didn't have any strong political opinions. And what kind could he have had? He was a farmer, and after 1945 on a disability pension. He had a frightfully small pension. Before that he'd been an employee - a superintendent on a farm, so he paid health insurance and various deductions, so they gave him something, but very little. You couldn't live on it. My father still listened to Radio Free Europe 15 and thought that things would improve. He didn't get anything from that 255 16 either. My father wasn't a member of any political party. No farmer, what's more one that had had everything stolen, was a party member. Those were terrible conditions. Someone on a disability pension wasn't of interest to anyone. During Communism they took everything away from us. We had a small farmhouse to which belonged a granary and stable. They let us keep the house and stable, we kept goats in it. We couldn't get into the granary, but lots of rats could. The whole house was swarming with them. I was tough, and when the rats were leaving the granary, we went to kill them ourselves. We killed dozens and dozens of them.

The residents of Mocenok were mainly of the Catholic faith, we were the only Jewish family in town. Beside our house there was this house with eleven chimneys, meaning that eleven families lived there. One of them was a Gypsy family. They didn't all live under one roof [meaning they didn't live all together]. The house was divided into eleven sections. Each one had one room, a kitchen and a stable. The Gypsies didn't have a stable. Eleven families in one house. Almost all of Mocenok lived like this. In some places there were only three families and in some, more. We lived with the aforementioned Bendiks. We had excellent relations with them, but we didn't have conflicts with the other neighbors either. Our house was located on the main street. There was a bus stop close by.

I don't remember whether my father had some sort of close friend. I was attending school in Sala, and I don't know how early in the morning I had to get up. We used to go to sleep with the chickens [as soon as it got dark]. There was no television back then. He was with my stepmother, whom I didn't get along with. My poor father was a choleric, one heart attack after another. Those are people who mustn't get upset. Why didn't I like my stepmother? No one liked her. An egocentric personality. When she was off at some spa, my friend Karolina Bednikova and I snuck into her room. My stepmother had honey cakes that she'd baked there, which she used to eat on the sly. Out of spite we also drank some of her liqueur and ate some almonds. She couldn't tell on us. So that sort of person.

We had pink covers on our pillows. We used to call it angin. In the morning I looked in the mirror and I was all covered in feathers. So I looked at the pillows, and they weren't ours. They were white. Ours were all pink. I said, 'But that's not ours.' Well, and she says, 'I'm cleaning here.' I said, 'My head as well?' So whatever was good... and she always said, 'Ez az enyem, ez a tietek.' [That's mine, that's yours.'] No one could like her. She was horrible. She was a seamstress and I didn't have anything to wear. Today I sew for myself, so it's not a great art. She was terribly self-centered, selfish. Her family would come over, wolf down everything we had, and didn't give us anything. I worked myself to the bone out in the garden, and she'd say, 'Meg ott van egy korte.' ['There's still one more pear there.'] So, who could like her?! As soon as I could, I got out of there, and we didn't have anything to do with each other any more. My grandfather [Julius Weisz] didn't like her either. He even went to an old- age home because of her, even though the house was his. He chose to go to an old-age home rather than put up with constant aggravation.

During holidays and summer vacation I used to go stay with my aunt in Galanta [Sidonia Hertzova]. During winter or summer vacation I occasionally also went to be with my aunt in Trnava. She was named Jolana Fischmannova. She was my mother's cousin. At one time they had owned a store in Trnava - a hardware store, but they sold everything there. From nails to fridges. Above the entrance there was a sign that said Fischmann; today there's a shoe store there. Their store was on the main street. It was a large prewar three-story building, it even had central heating. My aunt had two daughters, we used to go to the swimming pool together when I was there during the summer. I was older than they were, so they also took me to some restaurant with a dance floor, and my uncle would dance with me. That was nice. My younger cousin was named Viera, today she's got a large family. The older one is Marta.

The entire family from Trnava emigrated in 1964. The whole family left. Back then my younger cousin had about a half hear left before high school graduation, but they expelled her. Not because of her studies, but they had horrible neighbors, who were most likely informing on them. They used to come search their house and asked where they had gotten the money for their vacuum cleaner and so on. They wanted to move them out to the Czech border region. They also often made life unpleasant for them because of their Jewish origin, but also because they were capitalists, because a three- story house... The whole thing was theirs, and they stuck two families in there, and wanted to move them to that Czech border region. They applied for permission to go to Israel, and it was issued right away. In their passports they had written, only to Israel, but not back.

In Israel my aunt began sewing. The times have changed, no one needs that any more. Now they've got secondhand stores there, a dress for one shekel, and a beautiful one at that. My aunt's husband was named Janko Fischmann. In that year, 1964, when he arrived there, his former employees were already waiting for him, with a job in their own company. The did some sort of accounting. Gradually they somehow managed to get to the point where they were standing on their own two feet. At that time the Germans had also already begun to pay out compensation, which helped them as well. My aunt and my younger cousin [Viera] live in Haifa. My older cousin [Marta] eventually moved to Germany. My younger cousin has many children, and the older one is by herself.

For the first three years I attended school in Bratislava on Podjavorinska Street. I don't remember my teachers from Bratislava. During that time I didn't have any sort of close girlfriend. On 1st September 1949 I began attending school in Mocenok. I started in Grade 4. In 1954 I began attending high school in Sala. The entire eleven years I was the only Jewish girl in class. Actually, not the entire eleven, because in Bratislava the Schönhausers attended with me. One of the brothers left for Switzerland in 1968, and the second lives in Bratislava to this day. I didn't like it there [at high school in Sala]. We didn't have any money. My father used to get 450 crowns disability pension. I had to graduate in a dress of my mother, which she had worn still back in the time of the First Republic. But my mother was smaller than I was, even when I was 12. You can imagine it. At banquets only the teachers danced with me, because my classmates snubbed me. In 1958 the building of cooperatives began, and all of Slovakia was emptied out. Most people sold their houses and bought an apartment in Bratislava, so that the anonymity of the city would protect them a bit. Oh, those Slovak cads!

During my childhood we didn't subscribe to any newspapers, as we didn't even have money for bread. Only in school did I have to buy Kulturny zivot or something. [Editor's note: The weekly magazine Kulturny zivot was published from 1948 to 1968. It was an organ of the Slovak Writers' Union.] Our Slovak teacher, who's long since died, poor thing, said that whoever doesn't buy it, won't get a better grade than a C. That was in high school. There weren't any knuckleheads like that in elementary school. I was hard for me to ask my father for money, when he didn't have any. When there was a [school] trip, I'd rather tell them at home that the school was being painted and that we didn't have to go to school. I had different responsibilities from others of my age. At home we had various books, mostly of a historical nature. They were written in black letter [also known as Gothic script]. Once my father was also explaining something about anti-Semitism from them, but I don't remember very well any more. He read me passages from those books, as I didn't know how to read them. When I came to Bratislava from Mocenok, we had a lot of those books. I don't know where they ended up.

I didn't talk about our financial situation at school. The best thing was that I liked that Slovak teacher. Up until she died I used to call her once a week and helped her as much as I could. Which is why it was terrible for me to find out that teachers had a 15 percent commission from the sale of those magazines. Back then it didn't at all occur to me. My girlfriend, who lives in Sala to this day, told me that many times the books arrived at the school library, and some of them never made it there [i.e. the teachers took them home]. She knew about it, because she got to know her and helped her back then. It was a terrible disappointment.

I dare say that the teachers at high school liked me, but I them as well. It was mutual. I especially liked Professor Valkovic. He was very good at lecturing, back then he was also the principal. Otherwise, as a person he was a swine. He taught psychology and logic. We had these subjects once a week. I didn't have to prepare for them at all, not even crack a book, as I remembered every word from class. I was the only one that he didn't harass. From the school hallway you could see out onto a church. He got the school administration to watch who was going to the Virgin Mary [meaning who was going to church]. One of my girlfriends didn't get into university because of him, and only for those reasons [Editor's note: The Communists suppressed all religions and faiths. Members of all churches were discriminated against. ]. A few years later I found out that the mothers of some students had caught him and given him a beating. At night they threw a blanket over his head, and gave him a good thrashing, because he went out of his way to make trouble for children in terms of their political profile, prevented them from going to school and so on. Towards me he behaved very well. I excelled in his subject. The math teacher liked me as well, but I wasn't very good at math. Our math teacher was named Melichar, and our Slovak teacher Slobodova. There was, as there is today, a music school in Sala. That was her building. When she retired, she sold it and moved away to some apartment in Trnava.

At school I didn't feel any anti-Semitism from the teachers, only from my classmates. They knew that I was Jewish, as in Slovakia a person who's named Kleinova can only be Jewish, nothing else. My classmates later regretted their behavior, right at our first reunion. They danced with me. Not this last time anymore, but the time before we danced all night. I hadn't been there for 20 years. I never spoke openly about our school days with them, I suspected why they'd ignored me. I didn't have to ask.

In elementary school girls were friends with me. In high school there wasn't time any more, as we traveled. An hour in the morning, and back again after lunch. In Mocenok I hung out with the girls. In the beginning, when we still had a farm - horses, and there was snow in the winter, we'd hitch them onto a sleigh and take the poor ones for a ride. But a year later they took them from us, it could have been in 1950, 1951, at that time collectivization was going on. We had a nicely fixed up courtyard, not like other people, who had a literal pigsty. There were flowers planted everywhere, and we kept chickens behind a picket fence. We also had fruit trees planted in the courtyard, so you could play there as well. In the summer we had heaps of fruit, for children it was paradise.

I had one very close friend during my school years. As a single girl she was named Eva Lahitova, and after marriage Dikanova. Now, when I saw her after 20 years, I thought that I was looking at her mother. She probably did, too, but I see myself in the mirror each day, so I don't notice it. We write each other to this day, but what she writes me doesn't interest me that much any more. Once I came to see her, and I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. There, there was a picture of the Virgin Mary and Jesus, with one of those bleeding hearts. I said, 'But Eva, you were a Communist! I liked you better when you were an atheist.' When she writes me, she doesn't write me about what she's doing, but writes me some passages from the Bible, so I hardly read it. When we were young we spent a lot of time together. I'd buy tickets to the theater and we'd go. During school years we also used to go camping together. During Communist times Eva was a Party member. She had to be, she was the principal of a nursery school. We never talked about Judaism together, nor about things that happened during the war. Never.

When I was young I didn't do sports actively. I'd call it more recreational physical education, but hardly sports. In Bratislava, on Hlboka Street, I visited a Sokol clubhouse, but only when I lived in that Kozej Street. Then, when we got an apartment in Raci [a part of Bratislava], I had to stop, as I had it an hour further to work, and I didn't get home until after midnight. I also participated in a Spartakiada 17. Recreational physical education looked something like this. We'd begin exercising around 8, until 10. We either exercised with some equipment, or did some exercises in the gym. Women and men exercised separately. When I went to the Spartakiada in Prague, the post office bought me sweatpants. [Editor's note: at that time the interviewee worked at the post office in Bratislava.] Now, recently, I was throwing them away, it seemed a shame to do it to me. I at least saved the zipper from them. It was group exercise, and there were also university students among us, who had to exercise to get credits. They were always amazed, and would say, 'You don't have to, and you're doing it voluntarily?! Boy, are you ever stupid.' But we loved doing it. The first time, I was at a regional Spartakiada in Nitra in 1956. And in 1960 I also participated in a national one in Prague. They didn't choose from among us, everyone who applied went. We stayed in some school. We slept on folding cots. After my wedding I slowly stopped exercising, I didn't have the time.

Adulthood in Czechoslovakia">Adulthood in Czechoslovakia

After I finished high school, I moved to Bratislava. I lived with one Orthodox lady. She was named Feldmarova. Today her son gives people tours of Chatam Sofer's 18 tomb. When I rented, I lived on Kozej Street. At first I worked as a sales clerk in an electrical appliance store. It was very hard work, as back then everything was made out of iron, not out of plastic like today. I found my next job in an interesting way. I had one classmate who was a year older than me. She used to visit my father because of German compositions that he used to help her with. She worked at the post office. She wanted to go to university. They would only let her go from her work when she would have found a replacement for herself. Well, so she brought me in. I suited me as well, as I needed a sedentary job. I worked there as a phone and telegraph operator. Back then it was growing, for example for May Day [1st May, Labor Day] one company would congratulate another. The Bratislava exchange normally handled about 9,000 telegrams a day. Today it's all automated. Well, and during May Day, there might have been about 30,000 of them. The phone handset weighed about a half kilo. What's more, on the days when Jozef and Maria had name days, everyone from management had to help us. It was no joke.

Within the scope of the post office, I also worked for the Post and Press Association. To be able to work there, I had to take a half-year course in Myjava. After finishing the course my work was accounting related to newspaper and magazine subscriptions, and of course also billing. There were many delivery women under me. This was better work than being a phone operator. No one lasted very long in that job. It was hard on the nerves, to the point that sometimes we even trembled. There was a huge amount of bossing about, you weren't even allowed to cough. When we were calling someone, we weren't allowed to say 'Hello,' as it lengthened the conversation, and thus the post office was losing money. They monitored us. There was this one room in the building where they could listen in on any operator. When they recorded a mistake of hers on tape, she was immediately docked a percentage of her salary. You could only say 'Hello' in a local call, so when the call was to somewhere in Bratislava.

As a phone and telegraph operator, I initially worked in the main post office building in Bratislava. In those days the post press service was located in Bratislava's Old Town. Several years ago it moved, to where the Bratislava train station is today - the New Town. When the company was still located in the Old Town, I used to go visit my colleagues. When I came from Brno, I always slept in the Palace Hotel. Today this hotel is no longer there, in its place there's a bank. In the morning, when they dropped me off, I took my bag and went to see them. I'd always bring them coffee or ice cream, we'd talk, and then I'd go for a walk around the city. Well, and during one of my visits, I once again set out for my former workplace, but they were no longer there. The gatekeeper told me where they'd moved, but I didn't go there to see them, I don't even know where it is.

At work I came across expressions of anti-Semitism, mainly in the telegraph department, and even the president of the ROH 19 was a former captain of the Hlinka Guard 20. I might have been about 19 years old then, but I was outspoken and with at least forty young people I organized a petition to have him removed. Even despite our efforts, he was always unequivocally elected. They didn't even look at the ballots. He must have been a swine, if he was a captain, and not a rank-and-file member. As president of the ROH he was also responsible for the company savings plan. This meant that they deducted some amount from our salary and put it in our savings account. In 1961, when I was getting married, I wanted them to give me my savings book. There could have been about 800 crowns there. He had the savings books in his possession, and it took several days until he gave it to me. They didn't give me bonuses just because I was named Magdalena Kleinova. They'd take them from me and give them to someone else. I was always the best worker, because I had to work hard to make enough money. I was alone, while the others lived with their parents. It wasn't a nice life. Not at all. Only now do I have a good life, because I'm financially independent thanks to the various funds that we have. [Editor's note: The interviewee is referring to compensation for deportation and imprisonment during World War II.]

After my second marriage we moved to Brno, where I worked for twelve years in Lachema, and from there I went on a disability pension. Lachema is a factory that makes pure and laboratory chemicals. I didn't work in a lab, but in an office, as a department head. It was a higher position than that of the invoice clerk in Bratislava, but it paid less.

I had a good workplace in Koospol. If I wouldn't have gotten married, I'd have stayed there until retirement. It seemed like in a store with high fashion to me, because foreign clients would show up there as well, that is, not directly to see me, but overall the standard was higher. I worked on the 11th floor on Gottwaldovo Namesti [Gottwald Square], everything else took place on the ground floor. Several times a day I had to go down and collect from the other employees what they had prepared for invoicing, what they'd sold. I didn't experience anti-Semitism in Koospol, there were only a few of us. Not in Lachema either. My work consisted of me sending out orders that hospitals or schools had placed and our factory had manufactured. I wasn't as content in this position. I worked in an impossible building, there wasn't even a toilet there. I had to put on my coat and cross over to a different one. We even had mice there. Well, but I lasted twelve years there. What could I have done? On the other hand, I didn't have it far from home, two or three tram stops.

I liked working in Koospol best. To this day I keep in touch with some Lachema employees as well. As a ROH payee, they invite us once a year, we go for dinner, or they invited us on a vacation. It's very good, these things are subsidized by the ROH. [Editor's note: after the 1989 revolution, the Communist ROH organization was disbanded, and its function was taken over by regular trade unions. Some people, however, still use the old term ROH] Their president, who's been there for a terribly long time now, is a very cultivated person, and always organizes something. There are chateaus that used to belong to the Luxembourgs in the Brno region, we also went on trips there. There isn't anything inside them, but the buildings are nice.

Lachema had about 1,200 employees, the vast majority of which were women. On International Women's Day some gymnasium was rented out, where there were tables. The few men that were there organized it all for us. We all got a gift. I don't know what they paid for it, but once they gave us something that they wouldn't even wear in Africa. The gifts were in these little boxes, about the size of matchboxes. Someone brought them to our table. The woman that opened hers first exclaimed, 'Yuck, pink beads!'

In 1984 I went on a disability pension. I could have gone even earlier, but I didn't want to, as I wanted to have worked 26 years. I suffered from a congenital hip joint defect. Both of my hip joints are steel, one of them has even been operated twice. My condition grew worse from day to day, so they had to replace one of them. The second I waited for. So I walked around on a crutch. My apartment at the time was ideal for me, it had only five steps. They operated me for the first time in 1985, but by then I was already on disability. It was already hard for me to get onto a streetcar, neither could I sleep. It hurt at night, too. After retiring I spent my free time doing handiwork. Even before that I'd learned to make macramé lace. The macramé lace method is very old, it goes back to the days of Rudolph II [Rudolph II, of the Habsburg line (1552 - 1612): in 1572 he was crowned King of Hungary in Bratislava, in St. Martin's Cathedral. In 1575 he became the Roman and Czech king, a year later the Holy Roman Emperor]. I learned it in one women's group. I arrived there with string and all necessary ingredients. I also learned to make porcelain dolls, and I sew bags. I spend all day sewing.

I didn't observe holidays in Bratislava. I was glad to not have to. Back then we didn't have Saturdays off, and besides that we had only two weeks of vacation. I was very careful with my days off, and didn't want to take time off and go sit in a synagogue for Yom Kippur. My father's and my opinion differed in this. Even before we didn't agree much, but he was supporting me and I had to listen. My father didn't agree with me working on Saturday either.

After graduating from high school, when I started working in Bratislava, I also moved there. Later my father also moved to be with me. Initially I lived at Kozej 18, in a sublet. Then the house in Mocenok was sold, and we bought one in Bratislava. It was also located on Kozej Street. At first I lived there alone, because the house in Mocenok wasn't sold all at once, but bit by bit. In the meantime I got married, and then my father arrived. By then there was already not enough room, the house didn't even have a washroom, so we decided to move. We managed to exchange that one room for an apartment on Zrinskeho Street. My father became a member of the Bratislava Jewish community. When he died in 1969, I arranged his funeral there. I was with him, because he was dying in some little chateau in Ruzinov. I was with him from morning, just at night I'd go home to sleep. Once I came at 5am, and they told me that he's died at 7 in the evening. They used to take the dead to the hospital at Na Kramare. Well, and so I went to Na Kramare. There was this little room there, where there were medics and one doctor who you could tell was a Jew. I asked him if I could speak with him outside. He agreed. 'Excuse me, my father died' and I went to reach for my purse, to give him a hundred crowns. He caught my hand and didn't let me open it. He said that the Jewish community had already taken care of it.

My mother-in-law died about a year after my father, but by then I was in Brno. They buried her in Bratislava. I didn't take part, as there were major feuds regarding gold amongst her relatives - nieces and grandchildren. I didn't want to get mixed up in it. My hair stood on end when I listened to them. I got on relatively well with one of her nieces. I was working in Koospol, and she in some company nearby. We used to visit each other. There were a lot of companies in the neighborhood. We got along well until I left for Brno. Since then I haven't seen her. I don't even know where she lives anymore.

Married life">Married life

I was married twice. My first husband was a Jew, but not the second one. The first was named Pavol Fuska. I'd known him since I was small. He was a native of Bratislava. He lived near me. My first husband changed his name, I don't know if it was his idea, but he took a name that someone in the family had used as a partisan cover name. I think it was from his uncle. He took the name at the age of 15. After getting married I was automatically Fuskova. I think he was originally named Feldmar. At the post office, where I worked, as if on purpose they wrote Fuchsova anyways. [Editor's note: in Slovakia most Jews had German-sounding names.]

My first husband's family wasn't religious. They were secular. His mother was secular, as well as his second father. He was a sympathetic person. It was a case of a widow marrying a widower. We didn't observe Sabbath at home. I'd go to the synagogue, but not because of religion, but because I knew that my former landlady, Mrs. Feldmarova, would be there, so I'd go say hello to her. Otherwise I didn't go to visit them at home, we weren't again as close as all that.

My first husband was a Slovak, but at home they spoke only German. My husband had one half-brother, because as I've mentioned, a widow married a widower. He didn't have a full brother, his father had also died in a concentration camp. My husband was born in 1938, he was two and a half years older than I. After getting married we lived in the house on Kozej Street. It was only one little garret. We shared a toilet with the other tenants. There weren't individual bathrooms.

My first husband worked at first as a telephone repairman and then as a master at a telephone exchange trade school. Besides working he also finished technical college. Then their master didn't want him, because he was the only one that had a college degree. When the School of Chemistry in Krasnany opened, they stuck him there. He was missing some qualifications for that position, and so he had to finish teachers' college. It took four years. It took place in two-week stretches in Trnava. Well, when he finished it, he began criticizing me, 'You idiot' [meaning he had college degrees and looked down on his wife]. He reproached me in such an unpleasant fashion that I asked for a divorce. This was in 1970. At that time I was working in Koospol, which had a dormitory for singles, so I moved there.

What did my husband read? Trash. Detective stories. We didn't subscribe to any newspapers, as I'd had enough of them when I'd worked in that post press service. There I was able to read everything for free. In 1968 21 there was already some sort of freedom of the press, I grew disgusted with it all because one day they'd write something and the next they'd take it back. I don't even read the TV program we buy. Even this bores me most of the time. Now, radio and TV, that I listen to and watch, but newspapers don't interest me at all. Even now, when I buy some, I always know that it was exaggerated and that it's actually different. It's misleading.

After the divorce I moved to a singles' dormitory. Later I met my second husband, Pavol Sebor. We got married, and didn't even have anyplace to live yet. We lived apart, he in Brno, I in Bratislava. They then built a co-op bachelor apartment, so I moved to Brno. Eventually we managed to exchange the bachelor apartment for a larger apartment. Sebor began drinking, more and more. Well, it was no fun anymore, and I wrote my aunt in Haifa [Jolana Fischmann]. She invited me to come visit them in Israel, and so I went there. That's how my second marriage ended. And today I'm already happily divorced for eleven years. I live alone in my own apartment. Neither the first nor the second [husband] annoys me any more. The second was worse, but I was with him longer as well. He asked for the divorce, not me. He found someone younger.

My second husband had a PhD in natural sciences, in inorganic chemistry. He spoke five languages. We had a civil wedding. He wasn't a Jew. They were a decent family. They didn't know at all that I was Jewish. His parents lived all the way over by Pilsen, so we rarely saw them. Sebor and I agreed that we won't even tell anyone about it. Once we were watching something on TV, I don't even remember what anymore, but they were saying something against Jews. The old man [the interviewee is referring to her husband's father] began getting upset at the program, that they're making Jews out to be idiots, why after all, they're intelligent people. Really.

My husband's family were atheists. My father-in-law was 14 years old in 1918. After the fall of the monarchy [Austro-Hungarian Monarchy], when the bells rang, half of Bohemia left the Catholic Church, and those that felt patriotic became atheists by conviction. My second husband was five years older than I. I don't know where he was born, as his father was a high- ranking army officer, and they had moved frequently. His mother tongue was Czech. I couldn't keep in touch with his family after the divorce. We buried it long ago [i.e. broke off contact long ago].

After moving to Brno we lived in that co-op garret in Kralove Pole [a part of Brno]. When we saved up some money, we moved to a state-owned apartment. We exchanged our bachelor apartment with one older man. The new apartment had two rooms, but wasn't any bigger than my current one-room apartment. The kitchen was half the size of the one I have now, the front hall wasn't as big either. When I was married, we all had low salaries, and so we couldn't live high on the hog. We used to only go to Balaton [Lake Balaton in Hungary], because it was cheap there. Today Hungarians say that it's expensive, and prefer to go abroad. In Brno I began attending a women's association. I wasn't a member, I just used to go there. That's where I learned to make macramé lace.

Moving to Israel">Moving to Israel

After my second marriage fell apart, I immigrated to Israel in September of 1988. In April 1990 I returned. In Israel everything was nice, but I didn't have prospects of surviving it. I lived on the fourth floor, without an elevator. There were only a few buildings there, and nearby the town of Nahariyya. Every little while some car would come by and kick out some dog. Later someone came and poisoned the dogs. In the meantime one Ukrainian woman and I tried to feed them. We didn't have much food ourselves, but we tried. So that's Asia. If you're not there from childhood, it's hard to get used to it. A person can't start living there at the age of 48. In the beginning I got along in Hungarian and Russian, and Hebrew courses were mandatory at the time. There were many empty apartments in Israel. But truly empty, you could see it by the blinds. When I lived in the housing development, the blinds didn't move all year.

After World War II I didn't think I'd ever move abroad. Those that applied for emigration were well equipped. I didn't have a reason to go. They were mainly people that had some sort of employment, or skills, and though they'd be successful abroad. My aunt from Trnava [Jolana Fischmannova], whom I knew the best because I used to visit them during vacation, left as well. That was in 1964.

I didn't expect that the situation in Israel would be such that I wouldn't last there. My aunt wrote me to come, but never wrote me what it was like there. I worked 16 hours a day as a janitor at construction sites. Those that had been living there a long time didn't even get apartments, while we as repatriates got them right away. There was a great deal of tension between the various groups of the population. They didn't like it, of course. I wouldn't have liked it either.

I was terribly tired, terribly. I decided to return home. They helped me with it, I wouldn't have managed it alone. Someone said they were going to Tel Aviv, so I went with him, to get a passport. I played dumb, that the border police had taken my passport when I was leaving for Israel. The way they did it in Russia. Finally they issued me a passport good for one year. I told them that I was going to Budapest to get my teeth fixed. All Israelis who could did it, because even a plane trip, hotel and a Hungarian dentist all together were cheaper than a dentist in Israel. I knew this and made use of it. And so I came back.

When I'd been in Israel for two years, they stopped my disability pension in Czechoslovakia. After I returned they resumed it. It wasn't complicated to get it back. The district doctor sent me to a commission, where I answered some questions. I got a stamp and in two months a check came. They didn't know that I'd been in Israel, only that I'd been abroad, if they'd known that I'd been in Israel, I wouldn't have gotten anything. After I returned home, I at first lived with my second husband. Later he asked for a divorce. I bought my current apartment, I wasn't divorced yet when I moved out. I had two houses in Sered from my mother's side returned to me. I managed to sell one of them.

Reflections">Reflections

I had the worst opinion of Communism, but I lived according to the times: 'Hold your tongue and keep in line.' I also remember the Slansky trial 22, back then I was about eleven or twelve years old. My father even believed it, but I never believed anything or anyone. He always thought that things here would improve, and I didn't. When I was leaving for Israel in 1988, my cousin told me that Communism would fall. He was the son of one of my father's brothers who hadn't survived. He and his mother had survived, and immediately immigrated to Israel. He used to claim - 'Communism will fall.' In 1988 I arrived in Israel, and the very first day they introduced us. When he said that sentence, I thought to myself: 'Sure, it'll fall 300 years after I die.' And within a year it really did fall.

In 1980 my husband and I were on vacation in France, in Cannes. But not in a normal way, that we just got into our Trabant and went. My husband was working as an interpreter for a youth soccer team from that factory he worked in at the time. He got to know some Frenchmen that he was corresponding with. I didn't get to know them until a year later. First we invited them. They were here for two weeks. Back then we still lived in the bachelor apartment. We had to rent a one-room apartment where they slept, otherwise we hung about all day. One week we were in Lipa in my husband's villa after his parents, because at that time his parents were already dead. The villa was about 38 kilometers from Prague. It was also close to Karlovy Vary 23, Marianske Lazne 24 and Karlstein. We took them all over Czech, and then we went to visit them.

In France there was no problem with communication. My husband spoke French well, and I was good at making gestures. They dragged us around everywhere with them, but to places that I wasn't at all interested in. For a while we were also at the seaside, but then they announced, 'We're going for lunch.' And after lunch we didn't return there. There were such distances there, and so many cars, that you had to wait for the lights to change four times at an intersection. It was horrible, three hours, four hours in a car, and only in the city. They sat and talked and I didn't understand them. They came for us and took us fishing, well, fish don't interest me much. What was I supposed to do on that boat? I was glad when we were sitting in the Trabant and driving to Brno.

My impression of the Prague Spring was that I thought that things were going to be better. Well, and when the Russians came, my personal situation didn't change much. Just that in those years I got a better job than at that post office. I followed the wars in Israel on the news, but back then there was Communism. What was in the news was so embarrassing. At the time I was already working in the post press service, so I had newspapers for free, and I thought that it was terrible. My whole family was there.

I got into the Jewish community in Brno very easily, but for a long time I didn't want to join, because I didn't like the people there. And I don't like them to this day. It wasn't until the year 2000 that I joined. In 1991 the Terezin Initiative 25 was founded, and then Slovaks began going there as well. I don't hold any position in the Terezin Initiative. I'm only a regular member, nothing more. People from the Jewish community in Brno also go on Terezin Initiative trips, Mrs. Felixova has called me a few times, but on the whole it bored me.

I go to the Jewish community mainly during holidays. I used to go there while I was able. I was also at the opening of the synagogue in Liberec. No one applied, except for me, so I went there with the leadership. I was also at the celebration when they were registering Trebic in some cultural fund [UNESCO]. I don't observe any Jewish traditions at home. For example just now I was at seder, which we paid for and it was pretty good there, there were great people there. But before that we had Purim and even before that Chanukkah, which I paid for there, and I stayed only a while and went home. Rabbi Koller [Moishe Chaim Koller, current Brno rabbi] has been there for a year and a half, and makes a big to-do of it all.

What do I think about the division of the republic [the division of the Czechoslovak Federal Republic in 1993]?! There's always been more swine than troughs. I'm not a minister, or an ambassador, but those that wanted it, they're the ones that divided the republic. Normal people didn't want it, because after these 70 years we're so mixed around that everyone's got children here and parents there. I definitely did better to stay in Brno, as health insurance is better here. I'm a sick person, I'm an invalid, for me it's important. I can't say who I feel closer to, Czechs or Slovaks. We Jews prefer a larger crowd, so we can get lost in it and not stick out.

My compensation was arranged by the Terezin Initiative. I was granted compensation by the Czech-German Future Fund 26, but also the Claims Conference, and I also get something from the Czech government.

Glossary">Glossary

1 Sered labor camp

created in 1941 as a Jewish labor camp. The camp functioned until the beginning of the Slovak National Uprising, when it was dissolved. At the beginning of September 1944 its activities were renewed and deportations began. Due to the deportations, SS-Hauptsturmführer Alois Brunner was named camp commander at the end of September. Brunner was a long-time colleague of Adolf Eichmann and had already organized the deportation of French Jews in 1943. Because the camp registers were destroyed, the most trustworthy information regarding the number of deportees has been provided by witnesses who worked with prisoner records. According to this information, from September 1944 until the end of March 1945, 11 transports containing 11,532 persons were dispatched from the Sered camp. Up until the end of November 1944 the transports were destined for the Auschwitz concentration camp, later prisoners were transported to other camps in the Reich. The Sered camp was liquidated on 31st March 1945, when the last evacuation transport, destined for the Terezin ghetto, was dispatched. On this transport also departed the commander of the Sered camp, Alois Brunner.

2 Terezin/Theresienstadt

A ghetto in the Czech Republic, run by the SS. Jews were transferred from there to various extermination camps. The Nazis, who presented Theresienstadt as a 'model Jewish settlement,' used it to camouflage the extermination of European Jews. Czech gendarmes served as ghetto guards, and with their help the Jews were able to maintain contact with the outside world. Although education was prohibited, regular classes were held, clandestinely. Thanks to the large number of artists, writers, and scholars in the ghetto, there was an intensive program of cultural activities. At the end of 1943, when word spread of what was happening in the Nazi camps, the Germans decided to allow an International Red Cross investigation committee to visit Theresienstadt. In preparation, more prisoners were deported to Auschwitz, in order to reduce congestion in the ghetto. Dummy stores, a café, a bank, kindergartens, a school, and flower gardens were put up to deceive the committee.

3 Orthodox Jewish dress

Main characteristics of observant Jewish appearance and dresses: men wear a cap or hat while women wear a shawl (the latter is obligatory in case of married women only). The most peculiar skull-cap is called kippah (other name: yarmulkah; kapedli in Yiddish), worn by men when they leave the house, reminding them of the presence of God and thus providing spiritual protection and safety. Orthodox Jewish women had their hair shaved and wore a wig. In addition, Orthodox Jewish men wear a tallit (Hebrew term; talles in Yiddish) [prayer shawl] and its accessories all day long under their clothes but not directly on their body. Wearing payes (Yiddish term; payot in Hebrew) [long sideburns] is linked with the relevant prohibition in the Torah [shaving or trimming the beard as well as the hair around the head was forbidden]. The above habits originate from the Torah and the Shulchan Arukh. Other pieces of dresses, the kaftan [Russian, later Polish wear] among others, thought to be typical, are an imitation. According to non-Jews these characterize the Jews while they are not compulsory for the Jews.

4 First Czechoslovak Republic (1918-1938)

The First Czechoslovak Republic was created after the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy following World War I. The union of the Czech lands and Slovakia was officially proclaimed in Prague in 1918, and formally recognized by the Treaty of St. Germain in 1919. Ruthenia was added by the Treaty of Trianon in 1920. Czechoslovakia inherited the greater part of the industries of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy and the new government carried out an extensive land reform, as a result of which the living conditions of the peasantry increasingly improved. However, the constitution of 1920 set up a highly centralized state and failed to take into account the issue of national minorities, and thus internal political life was dominated by the struggle of national minorities (especially the Hungarians and the Germans) against Czech rule. In foreign policy Czechoslovakia kept close contacts with France and initiated the foundation of the Little Entente in 1921.

5 Jewish Codex

Order no. 198 of the Slovakian government, issued in September 1941, on the legal status of the Jews, went down in history as Jewish Codex. Based on the Nuremberg Laws, it was one of the most stringent and inhuman anti-Jewish laws all over Europe. It paraphrased the Jewish issue on a racial basis, religious considerations were fading into the background; categories of Jew, Half Jew, moreover 'Mixture' were specified by it. The majority of the 270 paragraphs dealt with the transfer of Jewish property (so-called Aryanizing; replacing Jews by non-Jews) and the exclusion of Jews from economic, political and public life.

6 Slansky Trial

In the years 1948-1949 the Czechoslovak government together with the Soviet Union strongly supported the idea of the founding of a new state, Israel. Despite all efforts, Stalin's politics never found fertile ground in Israel; therefore the Arab states became objects of his interest. In the first place the Communists had to allay suspicions that they had supplied the Jewish state with arms. The Soviet leadership announced that arms shipments to Israel had been arranged by Zionists in Czechoslovakia. The times required that every Jew in Czechoslovakia be automatically considered a Zionist and cosmopolitan. In 1951 on the basis of a show trial, 14 defendants (eleven of them were Jews) with Rudolf Slansky, First Secretary of the Communist Party at the head were convicted. Eleven of the accused got the death penalty; three were sentenced to life imprisonment. The executions were carried out on 3rd December 1952. The Communist Party later finally admitted its mistakes in carrying out the trial and all those sentenced were socially and legally rehabilitated in 1963.

7 Benes, Edvard (1884-1948)

Czechoslovak politician and president from 1935-38 and 1946-48. He was a follower of T. G. Masaryk, the first president of Czechoslovakia, and the idea of Czechoslovakism, and later Masaryk's right-hand man. After World War I he represented Czechoslovakia at the Paris Peace Conference. He was Foreign Minister (1918-1935) and Prime Minister (1921-1922) of the new Czechoslovak state and became president after Masaryk retired in 1935. The Czechoslovak alliance with France and the creation of the Little Entente (Czechoslovak, Romanian and Yugoslav alliance against Hungarian revisionism and the restoration of the Habsburgs) were essentially his work. After the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia by the Munich Pact (1938) he resigned and went into exile. Returning to Prague in 1945, he was confirmed in office and was reelected president in 1946. After the communist coup in February 1948 he resigned in June on the grounds of illness, refusing to sign the new constitution. 8 Nationalization in Czechoslovakia: The goal of nationalization was to put privately-owned means of production and private property into public control and into the hands of the Socialist state. The attempts to change property relations after WWI (1918-1921) were unsuccessful. Directly after WWII, already by May 1945, the heads of state took over possession of the collaborators' (that is, Hungarian and German) property. In July 1945, members of the Communist Party before the National Front openly called for the nationalization of banks, financial institutions, insurance companies and industrial enterprises, the execution of which fell to the Nationalization Central Committee. The first decree for nationalization was signed 11th August 1945 by the Republic President. This decree affected agricultural production, the film industry and foreign trade. Members of the Communist Party fought representatives of the National Socialist Party and the Democratic Party for further expansion of the process of nationalization, which resulted in the president signing four new decrees on 24th October, barely two months after taking office. These called for nationalization of the mining industry companies and industrial plants, the food industry plants, as well as joint-stock companies, banks and life insurance companies. The nationalization established Czechoslovakia's financial development, and shaped the 'Socialist financial sphere.' Despite this, significantly valuable property disappeared from companies in public ownership into the private and foreign trade network. Because of this, the activist committee of the trade unions called for further nationalizations on 22nd February 1948. This process was stopped in Czechoslovakia by new laws of the National Assembly in April 1948, which were passed that December. 9 Agudat Israel: Jewish party founded in 1912 in Katowice, Poland, which opposed both the ideology of Zionism and its political expression, the World Zionist Organization. It rejected any cooperation with non-Orthodox Jewish groups and considered Zionism profane in that it forced the hand of the Almighty in bringing about the redemption of the Jewish people. Its geographical and linguistic orientation made it automatically a purely Ashkenazi movement. Branches of Agudat Israel were established throughout the Ashkenazi world. A theocratic and clericalist party, Agudat Israel has exhibited intense factionalism and religious extremism. 10 Sokol: One of the best-known Czech sports organizations. It was founded in 1862 as the first physical educational organization in the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. Besides regular training of all age groups, units organized sports competitions, colorful gymnastics rallies, cultural events including drama, literature and music, excursions and youth camps. Although its main goal had always been the promotion of national health and sports, Sokol also played a key role in the national resistance to the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the Nazi occupation and the communist regime. Sokol flourished between the two World Wars; its membership grew to over a million. Important statesmen, including the first two presidents of interwar Czechoslovakia, Tomas Garrigue Masaryk and Edvard Benes, were members of Sokol. Sokol was banned three times: during World War I, during the Nazi occupation and finally by the communists after 1948, but branches of the organization continued to exist abroad. Sokol was restored in 1990.

11 Neolog Jewry

Following a Congress in 1868/69 in Budapest, where the Jewish community was supposed to discuss several issues on which the opinion of the traditionalists and the modernizers differed and which aimed at uniting Hungarian Jews, Hungarian Jewry was officially split into two (later three) communities, which all built up their own national community network. The Neologs were the modernizers, who opposed the Orthodox on various questions. The third group, the sop-called Status Quo Ante advocated that the Jewish community was maintained the same as before the 1868/69 Congress.

12 Contingent

A set amount of mandatory contributions in kind to the state at prices determined beforehand. During the era of capitalism, contingents of mandatory agricultural products were decreed only during certain, mostly wartime and post-war periods. Up to the year 1939 in the Czechoslovak Republic, interventions by the state into the buying and selling of agricultural products were only partial, and pertained only to certain types of products (wheat monopoly, contractual sugar beet regulation, etc.). In Slovakia, contingents were put in place by government Act No. 99/1942 Coll. on the regulation of wheat and grain products. In the contingent system, a farmer had to hand over to the state his entire production, with the exception of by-products (seed grain, seedlings, feed grain) and the bare minimum, determined by law, subsistence rations. In Slovakia grain could be threshed by a thresher whose owner had the permission of the Agricultural Office. On the basis of threshing results, the notary office determined the delivery of grain contingents by assessment. During wartime, the purchase of contingents in places changed to confiscation and the pillaging of farmsteads. The contingent system continued with certain changes after 1945 as well, in the interests of ensuring food supplies and to overcome the consequences of war. During 1945 - 1948, contingent purchase of agricultural products was organized in accordance with a decree of the Food and Supply Commission, which also determined the size of subsistence rations for agricultural producers. In 1948 a per-hectare delivery of contingents was put in place for beef, pork and eggs (for example 24-59 kg of beef cattle, 16-45 kg of pigs, etc.). The subsistence ration was in the neighborhood of 170-260 kg per person per year, and for milk a maximum of 0.75 liter per person per day. On the basis of a resolution of the IX Congress of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia, the contingent system was canceled, and during 1949-1952 it was replaced by a contractual system.

13 Religious education after 1945

According to the model of the Soviet school system, and in accordance with the dominant ideology, religious education in schools after the liberation in 1945 just lingered on. Propaganda aimed against religion found fertile ground in schools, whose goal was to propagate it onto the families as well. During the 1950s a clearly atheist form of education was instituted, with teachers being obliged to note which students regularly attended mass. These students were then called in by the CSZM (the Czechoslovak Youth Union, later the SZM, or Slovak Youth Union) for an interview. An alternative to the CSZM were the Pioneer organizations. In 1953 a unified school system and a mandatory 8 year attendance was put in place. Parents whose children had lost a year due to the war were promised that they could make up the material within the scope of a one-year course, if they sign a statement that their children won't attend religion classes. As a result of differing, double upbringing of children (one type in school and another in the family) a certain schism in the family itself took place. After 1968, if parents insisted on religious education for their children, they had to request it in writing, with the signature of both parents. These requests were gathered in class by the home room teacher, who handed them in to the principal. The principal would send them to the regional school board. Principals had to be present during religion classes. These classes were taught by the local priest. Instead of established phrases - greetings according to the time of day - a unified greeting format was instituted: "Cest praci" (Honor to Labor). The result was that older children stopped greeting grownups. Religious education was fully instituted in the school system after the year 1989.

14 Husak, Gustav (1913-1991)

Entered into politics already in the 1930s as a member of the Communist Party. Drew attention to himself in 1944, during preparations for and course of the Slovak National Uprising. After the war he filled numerous party positions, but of special importance was his chairmanship of the Executive Committee during the years 1946 to 1950. His activities in this area were aimed against the Democratic Party, the most influential force in Slovakia. In 1951 he was arrested, convicted of bourgeois nationalism and in April 1954 sentenced to life imprisonment. Long years of imprisonment, during which he acted courageously and which didn't end until 1960, neither broke Husak's belief in Communism, nor his desire to excel. He used the relaxing of conditions at the beginning of 1968 for a vigorous return to political life. Because he had gained great confidence and support in Slovakia, on the wishes of Moscow he replaced Alexander Dubcek in the function of First Secretary of the Czechoslovak Communist Party. More and more he gave way to Soviet pressure and approved mass purges in the Communist Party. When he was elected president on 29th May 1975, the situation in the country was seemingly calm. The Communist Party leaders were under the impression that given material sufficiency, people will reconcile themselves with a lack of political and intellectual freedom and a worsening environment. In the second half of the 1980s social crises deepened, multiplied by developments in the Soviet Union. Husak had likely imagined the end of his political career differently. In December 1987 he resigned from his position as General Secretary of the Communist Party, and on 10th December 1989 as a result of the revolutionary events also abdicated from the presidency. Symbolically, this happened on Human Rights Day, and immediately after he was forced to appoint a government of 'national reconciliation.' The foundering of his political career quickened his physical end. Right before his death he reconciled himself with the Catholic Church. He died on 18th February 1991 in Bratislava.In 1893, the associations both in Prague and outside of it merged into a culturally oriented fellowship, the National Czech-Jewish Association, which published the Czech-Jewish Papers. At the end of the 19th century Czech Jews were also successful in having many German - originally Jewish - schools closed, which Czechs considered to be advance bastions of Germanism.

15 Radio station launched in 1949 at the instigation of the US government with headquarters in West Germany

The radio broadcast uncensored news and features, produced by Central and Eastern European émigrés, from Munich to countries of the Soviet block. The radio station was jammed behind the Iron Curtain, team members were constantly harassed and several people were killed in terrorist attacks by the KGB. Radio Free Europe played a role in supporting dissident groups, inner resistance and will of freedom in the Eastern and Central European communist countries and thus it contributed to the downfall of the totalitarian regimes of the Soviet block. The headquarters of the radio have been in Prague since 1994.

16 Act of the Slovak National Assembly on compensation

In connection with the realization of Act of the Slovak National Assembly No. 305/1999 Coll., as amended by Act of the Slovak National Assembly No. 126/2002 Coll., on the alleviation of some injustices to persons deported to Nazi concentration camps and prison camps. The compensation applies for deportation to Nazi concentration and prison camps and jailing in them during the years 1939 to 1945, and for death during deportation and jailing in a concentration camp or prison camp. According to the stated Act, it was necessary to submit a claim for compensation at the ministry in a written request, which had to be delivered to the ministry no later than 2nd December 2002, otherwise the right to compensation in accordance with the Act was forfeited. In connection with the realization of compensation in accordance with Act of the Slovak National Assembly No. 255/1998 Coll. as amended by Act of the Slovak National Assembly No. 422/2002 Coll. on compensation for persons stricken by violent criminal acts, the act governs financial compensation of persons whose heath was damaged as a consequence of intentional violent criminal acts. Compensation may be requested by a claimant who is a citizen of the Slovak Republic, or a person without citizenship who has valid permanent residency in the territory of the Slovak Republic, if the damage occurred within the territory of the Slovak Republic.

17 Spartakiada (Sparta Games)

A mass sports event, named after the gladiator Spartacus, who led a slave revolt in ancient Rome. The author of the event's name is J. F. Chalupecky. The first Spartakiada took place in 1921 in Prague at Na Maninach. The first national Spartakiada took place on 23rd June 1955 in Prague at the Strahov stadium, in which 557,000 people participated. The event was the culmination of celebrations of the 10th anniversary of the liberation of Czechoslovakia by the Soviet army. All strata of the population were involved in the exercising of Spartakiada compositions, from younger and older students, adolescents, youth in apprenticeship programs, members of Zvazarm (Union for Cooperation With the Army), university students, men, women, parents with children to soldiers. Each category had its own composition, choreography and exercise uniforms. Further national Spartakiadas took place in 1960, 1965, 1975 and 1980. After the separation of the Czechoslovak Republic on 1st January 1993, mass gymnastic exercises on a scale of the Spartakiadas were no longer organized.

18 Chatam Sofer (1762-1839)

Orthodox rabbi, born in Frankfurt, Germany, as Moshe Schreiber, who became widely known as the leading personality of traditionalism. He was a born talent and began to study at the age of three. From 1711 he continued studying with Rabbi Nathan Adler. The other teacher, who had a great influence on him, was Pinchas Horowitz, chief rabbi of Frankfurt. Sofer matriculated in the Yeshivah of Mainz at the age of 13 and within a year he got the 'Meshuchrar' - liberated - title. The Jewish community of Pozsony elected him as rabbi by drawing lots in 1807. His knowledge and personal magnetism soon convinced all his former opponents and doubters. As a result of his activity, Pozsony became a stimulating spiritual center of the Jewry. 19 ROH (The Revolutionary Unionist Movement): Established in 1945, it represented the interests of the working class and working intelligentsia before employers in the former Czechoslovak Socialist Republic. Among the tasks of the ROH were the signing of collective agreements with employers and arranging recreation for adults and children. In the years 1968-69 some leading members of the organization attempted to promote the idea of "unions without communists" and of the ROH as an opponent of the Czechoslovak Communist Party (KSC). With the coming to power of the new communist leadership in 1969 the reformers were purged from their positions, both in the ROH and in their job functions. After the Velvet Revolution the ROH was transformed into the Federation of Trade Unions in Slovakia (KOZ) and similarly on the Czech side (KOS). 20 Hlinka-Guards: Military group under the leadership of the radical wing of the Slovakian Popular Party. The radicals claimed an independent Slovakia and a fascist political and public life. The Hlinka-Guards deported brutally, and without German help, 58,000 (according to other sources 68,000) Slovak Jews between March and October 1942.

21 Prague Spring

A period of democratic reforms in Czechoslovakia, from January to August 1968. Reformatory politicians were secretly elected to leading functions of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia (KSC). Josef Smrkovsky became president of the National Assembly, and Oldrich Cernik became the Prime Minister. Connected with the reformist efforts was also an important figure on the Czechoslovak political scene, Alexander Dubcek, General Secretary of the KSC Central Committee (UV KSC). In April 1968 the UV KSC adopted the party's Action Program, which was meant to show the new path to socialism. It promised fundamental economic and political reforms. On 21st March 1968, at a meeting of representatives of the USSR, Hungary, Poland, Bulgaria, East Germany and Czechoslovakia in Dresden, Germany, the Czechoslovaks were notified that the course of events in their country was not to the liking of the remaining conference participants, and that they should implement appropriate measures. In July 1968 a meeting in Warsaw took place, where the reformist efforts in Czechoslovakia were designated as "counter-revolutionary." The invasion of the USSR and Warsaw Pact armed forces on the night of 20th August 1968, and the signing of the so-called Moscow Protocol ended the process of democratization, and the Normalization period began.

22 Slansky Trial

In the years 1948-1949 the Czechoslovak government together with the Soviet Union strongly supported the idea of the founding of a new state, Israel. Despite all efforts, Stalin's politics never found fertile ground in Israel; therefore the Arab states became objects of his interest. In the first place the Communists had to allay suspicions that they had supplied the Jewish state with arms. The Soviet leadership announced that arms shipments to Israel had been arranged by Zionists in Czechoslovakia. The times required that every Jew in Czechoslovakia be automatically considered a Zionist and cosmopolitan. In 1951 on the basis of a show trial, 14 defendants (eleven of them were Jews) with Rudolf Slansky, First Secretary of the Communist Party at the head were convicted. Eleven of the accused got the death penalty; three were sentenced to life imprisonment. The executions were carried out on 3rd December 1952. The Communist Party later finally admitted its mistakes in carrying out the trial and all those sentenced were socially and legally rehabilitated in 1963.

23 Karlovy Vary (German name

Karlsbad): The most famous Bohemian spa, named after Bohemian King Charles (Karel) IV, who allegedly found the springs during a hunting expedition in 1358. It was one of the most popular resorts among the royalty and aristocracy in Europe for centuries.

24 Marianske Lazne/Marienbad

A world-famous spa in the Czech Republic, founded in the early 19th century, with many curative mineral springs and baths, and situated on the grounds of a 12th century abbey. Once the playground for the Habsburgs and King Edward VII, as well as famous personalities including Goethe, Strauss, Ibsen and Kipling, Marianske Lazne has been the site of numerous international congresses in recent years.

25 Terezin Initiative Foundation (Nadace Terezinska iniciativa)

Founded in 1993 by the International Association of Former Prisoners of the Terezin/Theresienstadt Ghetto, it is a special institute devoted to the scientific research on the history of Terezin and of the 'Final Solution of the Jewish Question' in the Czech lands. At the end of 1998 it was renamed to Terezin Initiative Institute (Institut Terezinske iniciativy).

26 Czech-German Future Fund

A multi-state institution resulting directly from the Czech-German Declaration of 21st January 1997. By laws passed by the Czech and German governments it was founded on 29th December 1997 as an endowment fund according to Czech statutes, headquartered in Prague.
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